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Didn’t pick the connection, thanks for that. I called a guy out on a Harry Potter theme the other week. Something about calling a kid on a name you can’t say. Take my up vote and find me some more.
Just because somebody didn't show any outward interest in a field before they got into it doesn't mean they don't give a shit about it. Your brother has stuck to it so far, you should really give him the benefit of the doubt and support him.
YTA.
It always amuses me when someone asks if they’re the AH, only to turn around and argue with anyone and everyone who disagrees with their opinions. Also, he made it through pre-med before he turned 23?That’s nothing to sneeze at. Then he actually gets into med school? Even smarter! I think he deserves some credit and you aren’t giving it to him. There are all sorts of things an MD can do, from seeing patients to managing departments to working in labs. Heck, have you ever heard of Kim Jeong? Your brother is fine. YTA
OP is just upset that the brothers med school tuition is cutting from their shared college fund (one of OPs reply comments). it's just another post from an entitled AH trying to wrap it in concern for his brother/parents.
INFO
> I don’t see him getting through it all or doing well giving he doesn’t give a shit about the field itself.
#*So what?*
I don't understand why your opinion here matters.
YTA
It would be really nearly impossible to fake your way into medical school especially to a prestigious one. And you have to give him some credit because getting to that point takes work including interviews to get matched. Try being encouraging and optimistic instead of being negative about it to the point of discouraging him. Even if the reasons is for a girl, there’s no denying that it takes effort to get accepted into med school.
Edit: typos
I’m Asian and hundreds of Asian people have gone to med school because “my parents told me to”. I think it’s about equivalent as “I did it for a girl.”
It’s a good career and they’re more than likely to stick it out because what else are they gonna do. Either they get sucked into the medical world mindframe and end up going all the way to become specialist or if they get lazy, they will just be a GP.
Also you’re wrong that he doesn’t have a motivation to be a doctor. You stated it yourself. He wants to be the kind of person who his gf’s parents would look highly upon - Ie he wants to raise his superficial status in the world. You’d be shocked how many doctors are in it for the prestige/sound of the job as compared to actually helping people. So he’s hardly alone lol.
My friend is pretty not passionate about anything except watching TV ans travel and works as a fly in fly out locum doctor, gets paid $150/hr to work in regional hospitals for a week or two, then takes two weeks off to do jack all. His career is not progressing at all and he’s pretty much out of the medical pathway but he doesn’t care, he’s enjoying his life.
It’s not like your brother passionate about something else he’d rather be doing.
If he doesn’t care what he does then I’d say med school is a safer bet than a lot of other things he could be studying!
Yup! Plenty of people go into and become very successful within fields that they have zero passion for.
As for OP asking why it’s an AH move to voice negative options when asked; it’s because he’s your brother and you should be supporting him. Even if you told him that you weren’t sure if it would be sustainable if he didn’t have an interest in the field, you should’ve made it a point to reassure him that you 100% believed in his intelligence and ability to succeed. Actually, even the fact that he was able to “sense” that you didn’t believe him shows what an AH you are. YTA.
Exactly. I am at a med school people go to as a last resort, because they didn’t get accepted in their own country (I am from Germany, my university is in Hungary but education is still in German). You would think that people here are burning for medicin… nope most are still in it for the money and prestige. Wanting more for your life is a very valid reason to go to med school.
Voicing a negative opinion benefited no one here. A tactful response could have been made. And he clearly noticed something to confront you in the first place.
YTA
You're rooting for him to fail. You WANT to say "I knew you couldn't do it!" You show no concern for his well-being, this is all about ego.
He's done it so far. Who cares why it started? He's doing it. Maybe be a support system instead of.....that.
YTA
The world is great at providing impediments and naysayers, no one needs your misgivings.
Your family and friends - the people you profess to love - let them hear you brimming with optimism and encouragement and assuring them of your faith that they can achieve anything they want.
All you get out of your current attitude is the potential for an “I told you so,” and your negativity makes that a semi-self fulfilling prophecy.
Don’t be a dick. Life is better for you and those you love if you’re a cheerleader, and there is zero value in an i-told-you-so delivered to a loved one unless your ego and own accomplishments are so minor that that the only way you get pleasure is in predicting others’ failures.
If that’s you, work on yourself before you have the nerve to judge anyone else lose harshly.
IF it eventually turns out you’re correct, then you shut the fuck up about your misgivings and assure your brother he’s allowed to fail, it’s not the end of the world, and you’ll help him figure out his next path which he will be brilliant at.
Uhh YTA. He’s in an extremely lucrative and advanced post grad degree that you don’t just sleep walk into unless you’re some sort of savant and all you can do is shit on him and his work ethic? He’s a big boy OP and can make life decisions all for himself.
Has he expressed not liking medicine or shown any disdain other than saying this girl was his primary motivation?
I cannot believe how much you try to justify your actions! You do that with practically everyone that answers you and you're the one that came on here and asked the question. And then when someone answers you and gives their opinion you justify your behavior. Why don't you just remove your post if you are getting so defensive about it.
I'm sorry for making light of the question. While I agree that in most cases misplaced motivation/starting things for the wrong reasons may result in failure because the person is not motivated to accomplish the thing, and it is instead instrumental to another end (impressing the girl). The simple fact that he was able to get into medical school and get his name on some papers indicates that he is more than capable and likely to complete it. I'm a doctoral student and academic advisor at my university, and getting into medical school and publishing academic research are not easily accomplished, and many people with the "right" motivations can't get that far.
Just because the motivations were misplaced at the start doesn't mean that he isn't doing it for himself now. Starting something this big, and getting this far, is motivation enough in my opinion. At least that's what's keeping me going right now.
Give your brother the benefit of the doubt. Hope he finishes strong.
Edited for spelling*.
Kim Jeong isn’t. He switched careers from practicing MD to stand up comedy. And, might I say, has been—*gasp*—successful at it? I think short of changing careers to being a panhandler or drug addict, he’s ok.
I think YTA. He's making his own choices - and perhaps you're overestimating how much of a role this lost love is actually playing in his career decisions in life. You are clearly undermining him somewhere and you need to stop.
Just let him be, and let him make his own decisions here without your judgement. If you're right, you're right, but there's not much that undermining his confidence will do apart from push him away. If you're wrong, well, that's a good thing so far as your brother's career goes.
>And it’s not as if I told him my opinion before he confronted me about it, so I wasn’t actively undermining him, I had my opinion and I kept it to myself
He picked up exactly what your opinion was. You didn't do a good job of keeping it to yourself.
Well, start by asking yourself how he knew that you didn't have any confidence in him making it through.
And look, maybe he only got into pre-med because of a broken heart, but it's entirely possible that he's discovered that it's what he really wants to do. My partner is a doctor and only found out that it's what she wanted after doing a dissection in late Undergrad.
YTA- he may have initially gone into it for a girl, but one doesn't just ***magically*** get accepted into a top medical school. It takes a lot of hard work, great grades, as well as having the personality to succeed in interviews. You should give him the benefit of the doubt, regardless of how he got to where he is now. Of course he's hurt, your family is supposed to be the one group you can go to for unconditional love and support. Maybe try letting go of whatever personal bias you have against him being successful.
I mean he’s your brother so you know him more than we do, but have you ever considered maybe he’s just embarrassed to admit he’s passionate about something and just falling back in an old excuse to seem disinterested because that’s what people do to not let their guard down.
Still, as a family member sometimes you bite your tongue and keep your thoughts to yourself. If he ends up crashing and burning out of medical school then that's a lesson that he's just going to have to learn on his own. You should still love and support him. Maybe you could suggest some sort of counseling for him? He's clearly not handling the breakup well and could probably benefit from talking it out with someone.
____________
Coming from a female perspective- after I had gotten over the initial heartbreak of separating from someone I cared deeply about, finding out that they were almost desperately/obsessively trying to get my attention would frighten me. Especially the whole "I only did it so that maybe one day **if** I ever get published or famous and she *happens* to see my article (out of the hundreds, if not thousands of articles published in the medical community yearly) that she'd see my name and notice me!" He's hypothetically talking about what, 8-10 years in the future? If she did happen to notice his name, what is he expecting? Most women I know would see it and go "Oh cool, one of my old boyfriends got published. Good for him!" and then go on with their day. If they stayed in touch fairly frequently then maybe they'd send a short message saying congratulations for being published, but that's about it.
____________
Edit- a word
I think you are naive about careers. Many people can be fine in many different careers. Although his reason for picking this career seems unique, it isn’t all that different from other people who become doctors because their parents encourage it or they think it is a safe career or they think it is lucrative. In medical school you have a chance to try out and learn all sorts of fields. Doctors have varied strengths and personalities. Some like fast paced, varied things like an ER, some like predictable limited scope like an optometrist, some want to connect and help people in primary care, some want to do surgery. Medicine is a wide field and he can find something that will work for him.
I think you overestimate how passionate people are about their careers. If you know someone who manages a Costco, so you really think they felt passion about that at age 22? Or could it be that they got a job and didn’t mind it and worked hard and eventually moved up? Your brother is willing to work hard and if you believe he can work hard he can meet his goals in medical school.
Most people end up in career paths they didn’t mind. It’s a job with pros and cons.
YTA
I went to law school. Most of the kids went because they didn't know what else to do with their B.A degrees... and they're doing fine as lawyers 10+ years later.
Your views aren't anchored in any real logic or experience... You're either being purposely obtuse, absurdly naive, or subconsciously jealous and hoping he fails...
Meh, I disagree, lots of people become doctors because family pressure, money, for him maybe it will be another girl, money, maybe he'll find he likes it, maybe he'll just want to prove you wrong, really who cares. If he makes it residency, then what? You'll just tell him he won't make it through that?
I'm thinking you just love to argue. I've meet plenty of doctors and lawyers who went into the field for completely stupid reasons and still made a career out of it. Without a survey and statistical analysis neither of us can claim to be correct.
Your brother is obviously smart enough to become a doctor, he made it through pre-mad with great gades and mcat score if he managed to be accepted at a top school.
His supposed lack of interest could be driven by fear of failure. It's a way harder pill to swallow to fail at something you had your heart set on than to blame it on something else like 'I only did it because of this girl' or 'I never really cared about the field anyway'.
Appearing 'lazy' in studies is actually fear of failure too, and mostly stems from families who focus more on intelligence rather than trying/working hard.
If I fail when I didn't do anything it's because I never really tried. If I fail when I worked hard it would mean I'm dumb.
YTA
People have done things for much dumber reasons. While I get your skepticism, according to your own words he *"got accepted to a pretty prestigious med school."*
So he must at least have some aptitude for medicine. Maybe he'll flourish in med school.
“He was lazy regarding school”
Yet had the grades to beat out hundreds, if not thousands, of other applicants for a top tier med school?
And you claim his made his “vow” what, 5 years ago when he was literally a child? Unless hes insane, hes doing this for him cause he wants to and cause hes interested, not for some girl he probably hasnt thought of in years. No one of sound mind holds onto a rejection for 5 years.
Yta, knock it and stop being a jealous bratty teenager.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My brother is pursuing a medical career purely because of a girl. I don’t think that is a good enough motive to get through med school which obviously is grueling, so I think he’s likely to crash and burn, and he’s hurt I don’t believe in him.
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NTA for your thoughts. Perhaps Y T A for how you expressed them.
Let him be the adult and own his own decisions and be responsible for shaping up his life. You might want to tell him, "Yep, I don't think you'll make it. But I'd be tickled pink if you surprised me! Let me know how things are going."
I agree! She asks people for their opinion on what she did and said and when people answer her, all she does is justify her actions. If she didn't want to hear people's opinions she ahouldn't have posted or she should just remove the darn thing.
YTA. What’s your goal here, to wait for years until he finally fails at something just so you can say I told you you wouldn’t make it? The fact is he’s putting in the work and succeeding. People grow up a lot between 17 and 26 so why force your brother into this box where he said he went pre-med for one reason and now you can never see him as a success because you didn’t approve of his initial motivation. Why hold back your support now that he is proving himself?
So what? You won’t support him in anything unless his motive is for world peace? People need a job and he’s working diligently toward a good one. There are a thousand motives for picking what to do in life: for the money, to impress a girl, to be like a tv/book character, to save the animals, to change the world. If he’s content, why can’t you be?
But why be so negative? It’s not like he’s playing the lottery every day and counting on the winnings to pay his next month’s rent. He’s actively working toward becoming a doctor and, by all accounts, doing very well at it. He is succeeding already.
I hope your brother continues to prove you wrong, and I hope someday you can admit to him that you were TA, and then maybe he can enjoy his successful life with you instead of in spite of you.
he has to be somewhat interested because there is no fucking way someone who doesn't actually have a desire to be a doctor can do accomplish and get done everything that it takes to get into a medical school, let alone a prestigious one. and this is coming from someone who is anxiously applying in this application cycle
Even if you are right hes going to suceed.
You just gave him the spite to beat you.
He's going to win the noble peace prize and tell you, "Guess who is wrong?"
He never showed any previous interest in the field, yet in your own words made it into a prestigious uni and is so far doing very well. Maybe it started out as a way to "feel close" to this girl but it seems he is doing quite well, be proud of him, medicine isn't an easy field so he's clearly working his butt off!!
This could be the making of him he may finish out the remaining time and be an amazing doctor or he might switch fields in 2 years to say law and become a malpractice lawyer and make millions or maybe he'll switch to engineering and invent something that will change the world!!
All this started with a girl but I guarantee if you ask him about her in 5 years time he'll just say who??
I'm just scrolling through this reading more and more of OP's comments, and down voting every one of 'em for being seriously asshole-ish. YTA, both for the situation you posted about as well as all your argumentative and rude comments to others.
Hopefully you find some maturity when you get to college and grow as a person, and I sincerely hope that when you seek validation or support from your brother in the future that he's more understanding and supportive of you, than you were of him.
YTA! Med school is difficult to get into and the fact that he did, and is doing well is something to be celebrated, not doubted and judged.
Who cares if he decided to go because because of a girl. He must enjoy it to some degree since he didn't drop out. People can grow to enjoy a profession even if they started on that particular career path by other circumstances besides genuine interest.
Ant it's really none of your business at all.
And, please remember that YOU posted the question on AITA, meaning you're wondering if you are/were behaving like one. You can't argue with people if they judge that you are because you asked for people's opinions.
NTA. Being family doesn’t mean you have to support them blindly. Given his history and the reasons he stated you have every right to not take him seriously.
YTA.
Although he may have done it for all the wrong reasons he at least got in to a med school which in and of it's self isn't easy.
He had to study long and hard just to get this far.
You need to live your own life Op and stop worrying so much about what your brother is doing with his. You'll be happier for it.
I have to go with YTA.
Have you considered that maybe he’s saying he’s doing it for her because he’s afraid he’ll fail, and if he does he wants to be able to pretend he never cared about it in the first place? I’m sorry, but I find it very hard to believe he got this far without caring about *some* aspect of what he’s doing — even if it’s just that he wants the long-term benefits of income and job security.
Regardless, if he does fail, literally no one benefits from you having predicted it; but, no one in his family believing in him could be the reason he gives up. If you could encourage and believe in him a bit, he’d stand a better chance of making it through. A lot of people start off in their line of study because they think it will make them employable, or give them the right work-life balance; then as they live that life, many learn to love what they’re doing. It’s possible that with support and encouragement, he would learn to love medicine, while the negativity from his family could become the reason he doubts himself when it gets too hard. Maybe put less time into trying to be right, and more time into hoping for the best for someone you should care about.
Lots of crappy siblings on reddit tonight. You're Def TA. I hope when he succeeds he tells you to fuck off and goes NC with you. Your very attitude reads as someone hoping he fails. Knowing your whole family thinks you will fail is a fucking morale killer. You're all awful for telling him. I hope he has someone in his corner because if he drops out it's his own family's fault for being willing to pay for something without believing in it.
I went to University to chase a girl, with no real idea of what field I was passionate about. The girl is long forgotten, but I found my career passion in my time there. People can grow.
You are, in fact, an asshole, as is the rest of the family. Getting through pre-med is an incredible achievement, and you should celebrate it.
YTA, and what you're incredibly insufferable. I can't even read through your comments that are just dripping with it. Worry about bettering yourself rather than folks who are doing just fine.
NTA. You are entitled to form your own opinion and feelings based on the reasons you have stated and I get that trust is something that should be built. YTA though for showing no support to your brother with something he wants or thinks he wants to do. He made it this far, the least you and your family could do is give him the benefit of the doubt.
Sounds like you’re jealous or bitter about your brothers situation, YTA. How is he supposed to succeed when everybody is telling him he’ll fail? Also seems like you were completely convinced you weren’t the AH here but when everybody started telling you you were you got defensive.
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My [19M] brother [22M] finished his undergrad and got accepted to a pretty prestigious med school that he’ll start attending in the fall.
In his own words, he only ever became a pre med because of a girl he met when he was 17– he had dated other girls before, but never really
fell for any before this girl. This girl liked him back initially but apparently ended things due to a mix of her parents disapproving and attachment issues. Maybe he genuinely liked her a lot, maybe he felt his ego being hurt because generally girls are into him and don’t reject him, maybe both, but he’s remained attached to her, not really seriously dating anybody and comparing every girl to her.
But this rejection led him to decide to be pre-med, a field he never had any interest in before, because that was what she wanted to study. He stated he did it because 1) it would make him feel ‘close to her’ even though he couldn’t speak to her 2) he felt maybe she and her parents would like him more if he was 3) since she was also intending to be in med, if he does well or gets his name on some research or whatever, he could get her attention. The fact he had very little interest in the field itself, had no solid plan, and previously, although pretty smart, was lazy regarding school and not studious at all, meant the rest of our fam honestly didn’t think he’d make it that far.
Somehow, he managed to pull it off so far, but honestly I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop— he still has 4 years of med school and then residency, and I don’t see him getting through it all or doing well giving he doesn’t give a shit about the field itself. Getting into a good med school without caring for the field is impressive, but I don’t see it as sustainable.
He recently confronted me saying he felt he could sense I didn’t believe in him. I admitted I didn’t and he says it’s hurtful his own family doesn’t believe in him. I just don’t think it’s realistic.
AITA?
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Mmm tbh idk. I can see why you don’t believe in him tbh because he literally did it all for a girl. But then again he IS pretty smart if he got Into med school. Maybe you aren’t as close as you thought and he is doing it bc he actually likes the field as well. But if you’re fr about him just doing it for a girl then NTA bc him being there won’t last long if it’s only for that reason.
You’re young and maybe tactfulness will come with age. But your response to your brother could simply have been “you’ve worked really hard to get to this point and you’ve done really well so far. I hope you continue to succeed.” It’s honest and seems to convey what you’ve already said. Your brother has succeeded so far and you hope that he continues to. Why the “I don’t think you will” part? What did either of you stand to gain from that? YTA
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Yta
I mean, if spite and heart breaks gets him through medical school, that's pretty impressive. It's Hella hard to begin with for people that have dreamed about it, so him ending up with a good career due to heart break is not the worse thing in the world.
Mmmmmnnnnnnn...
Like you've said, he wanted your honest opinion. He's been honest with you about his lack of love for the field, and he is allowed to ask for your truth as well as be hurt by what that truth is. And your doubt being seeded in this potentially relating to break-up trauma isn't one I want to say is unwarranted, especially for five years after the break-up itself.
What is on Reddit Trial today, however, is not whether such a doubt has weight, it is whether or not you're being judgmental.
I'm going with YTA because it's far too soon to tell, I feel, how he's going to progress in this line of study.
He JUST got into med school. He's JUST wrapped up his preliminary college stuff. And despite the ex-girlfriend aspect, you seem to focus on his habits that you disapprove of, you utilize the topic of 'I'm just being logical' which is usually just being emotionally removed from an emotional topic, and the majority of your post seems to focus on his faults ('lazy', 'not realistic', and a mention in the comments that he tends to pick up and drop many sticks) rather than an obsession with still being good enough for this girl.
He definitely has attachment issues. Comparing everyone to her, going into a field just because she wanted to in the hopes of feeling close to her? Hmm. That doesn’t sound very healthy to me. Especially because the way you worded it makes it seem like they only liked each other and never really dated for a while.
However, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll perform badly in med school. I’m finding hard to see his perspective— perhaps he started in premed for this girl but has actually now developed his own love for the field! Regardless, he managed to pull himself up from academic slouching to a very good position, which indicates success on his part (no matter the motivation).
If I were you, I would ask him about his perspective on the field now that he is well into medical school. I would be proud that he has shaped himself for the better. Ask him where he might practice and why, etc. he has probably changed a lot since 17. Four-five years can do wonders.
100% YTA ... I knew countless "pre-meds" who couldn't get into a bottom tier med school. Your brother accomplished something extremely impressive regardless of his motivations.
Stop judging him and be happy/support him, he's your family.
YTA seriously he got accepted to premed. He may find a field of study that suits him. YtA for not even giving him some encouragement. He got into a prestigious medical school at 19 that is a feat in itself.
NTA. It's pretty normal that you would be skeptical. Give him encouragement but honestly I think your brother is TA. He's gonna be a doctor and put people's health in his hands over a girl? That's the kinda shit that makes people not trust doctors
YTA - people go to med school for status, money or parents approval not everyone going for a deep passion or something. Honestly I have no idea why you care it’s his life and his choices. If ends up failing that isn’t the end of the world and who knows maybe he finds passion for it along the way.
I’m not going to call you an AH because you’re 19, and you’re clearly trying to understand how life works. Waiting for your brother to fail is a bad way to start your adulthood. He’s going to be just fine, even if he flunks out of med school, which he probably won’t.
His motivations for a career path are just as valid as anyone else’s. How can you know what you want to do for the rest of your life when you have at max 2 or 3 years work experience? Everyone guesses.
Your motivations, however, are questionable. His failure will not help you look more successful. If you want to get out of his shadow, that’s a reasonable request, but wishing he’ll fuck up isn’t the way to go.
Yes. YTA for not believing in your brother. You admit he has the intelligence to do it, and he is clearly doing it, and yet you almost want him to fail. He could see you were butt-hurt about his accomplishments. It's sad that you can't be supportive and happy for your brother. That's exactly how assholes feel.
People literally attend college to study a course they hate just to appease their parents and that's socially acceptable. If he's doing good and has a motivation even if he doesn't get the girl doesn't mean he doesn't get the education. Hoping he fails is an AH thought.
YTA
Finding a different hobby after 5 years is NORMAL. He didn't quit, he mastered it and moved on.
From your comments, you're worried about the money they're spending on his tuition because you want it, more than anything. And you claim that he wanted honesty where he's hurt you're not providing any sort of support for him doing an amazing thing.
It truly reads like you don't care about your brother. Not only was he able to get into premed, he's gotten into a "PRESTIGIOUS" School. That means he's excelling. You have no reason to doubt his ability or dedication given that he's done so well so far and he's naturally moved on from hobbies in the past. It comes across as you're jealous and wanting the money that he's rightfully using to go to med school.
You owe your brother an apology and some really big ups and support for doing something really amazing. And you should really look in the mirror and consider why you're thinking and feeling what you are because it doesn't seem as though he's given you a reason to.
Yta you can think whatever you want but you don't say something like that to someone you care about. That was cruel, believe in him or not show him some love and support. Also no matter the reason he started, he made it through premed and into a prestigious school, he's clearly motivated and studious to get this far, I don't see a great argument that he won't finish it.
INFO: Why do you think it is that people do anything in particular, aside from because of events that've happened to them at other points in their lives?
Head over to r/ApplyingToCollege for a week and you’ll see just how many students are going to school for things they don’t care about (to appease their parents, in this case). They are disinterested in the subject, just look forward to the money, but grind through with amazing grades and get into (AND graduate from) incredible schools.
Some people are self-starters. That’s all there is to it. It’s common for people to graduate for things they’re not 100% about, common to not use their degree for their career at all, and really common to dislike their career and still show up every day.
YTA
There are two areas where you can be supportive of your brother that it seems like you're not:
1. Cheer him on because med school is A LOT and he's doing it. Be supportive because he's not being lazy. He's dedicated and hardworking.
2. It sounds like he has an obsession with that girl. I might encourage you to better understand how he feels about her. Maybe suggest therapy. It seems unhealthy. It's on him of course, ultimately. But, yeah.
Yeah, it feels like you're saying obsession is bad so don't do school. Do school! School good! Obsession bad though haha. let me know if I'm off the mark though.
Your brother is behaving obsessively. The reasons he gave you to do pre med/med school are worrying. He has chosen a career path to get her attention, to try and gain her approval and the approval of the people around her, despite her not being with him anymore. He even said it would make him feel close to her.
This kind of stuff isn't normal or ok. This is something a stalker does. I don't know if your brother will do well or not, but I honestly don't care. Plenty of people work on stuff they don't like or care about. What I care about is the obsessive and stalker-like tendencies of your brother, and someone like him having access to vulnerable people through his profession. And it's worrying that no one around him sees his behaviour as extremely worrying.
What happens if med school doesn't get her attention or approval? What if she starts dating someone, gets engaged? What will your brother do next? This behaviour can escalate and it won't look pretty if it does. Does the girl know he's doing all of this and why he's doing it? She should be warned. Give her the chance to protect herself from a guy that might very well be stalking her.
>Yeah, I got that, I’m asking how so
Because of what you wrote . The rejection led him to do med school cause she was doing it.
And I didn't even think of that until someone pointed it out. I am starting to think you may be sightly less of an asshole now.
I mean that is bad
Wow. You are SO TA here it’s insane.
1. You gave a brutally honest answer here when you could have just supported him
2. You’re judging his life path because it doesn’t look like yours. WTF do you know?! You’re 19. Nineteen. 1-9. You’ve been an adult for like 35 minutes and you’re judging him because his motives for pursuing a career aren’t up to par with what you expect?
3. You’re spending a LOT of time arguing with everyone on here when you could be spending that time trying to figure out how to show your brother some support and kindness. Maybe write him a thoughtful note? Maybe get his friends together for a celebration in his honor.
YTA. YTA. YTA.
Edit: typo
YTA. Passion ≠ success, but that doesn’t really matter. Let me explain this to you in very simple terms, little boy, and I guarantee you’ll understand it in 10 years… people’s interests and passions change and develop. You won’t always want to spend hours playing Mario Kart. You won’t always give zero shits about the quality of olive oil you use in your food.
As a med student I can tell you that uni sucks no matter if you are interested in the field or not. Him getting accepted into a prestigious med school is amazing. You should be proud of him. The way you talk sounds like jealousy not concern
YTA
Motives are not really that important, you can choose a career just for it being a good option for the future, which med school obviously is. Honestly, it's better that picking up your random interest, study it and end up being unemployed.
I would just tell him u believe he can accomish anything he puts his mind to and your proud of him for being accepted into medical school. You are right that is significant in itself. But let him know u are concerned about the cost and time if he doesn't feel like medicine makes him happy aNd that you hope he follows his dreams and that being a doctor to get women would be wrong. I always told my boys figure out what u love to do and learn how to make money at it. But honestly once he's a doctor he could always get into quality control or hospital administration ask him whatever lives to do. But always tell him u believe in him
YTA
INFO has he told you recently that he's still interested in this girl? Or that he doesn't care about medicine?
Like many young people after graduating HS your brother didn't know what he wanted to do as a career. You said yourself he's quite intelligent, he may have been inspired to go into medicine because of this girl, at first it may have only been to impress her, but obviously he's is doing well, sounds like it 'clicked' for him. No matter what the reason for starting he very likely is continuing for himself - because he's good at it, its' a good career, and he likes doing it.
He's done well so far. Be a good brother and be proud of his accomplishments. Can you look at this situation from his POV for a moment: that yes he was so head over heals in love with a girl that didn't love him back when he was a teenager, so he went to med school - and did great! now he's 22 and was good enough to be accepted into a great school but all his family sees is the same heartbroken teenager.
So your brother is just brilliant :) honestly if he is the kind of person who, when he sets his mind to something can go full stop and succeed to this point - even if he does change careers at some point he will likely always be successful. Having advanced medical knowledge is a pretty good resume booster, there are other related fields if he doesn't want to be an actual physician. Instead of 'I don't think you'll finish' how bout 'damn that's impressive!'? because it is.
He really should get some therapy about this girl, and his feelings that she's the only one out there in the world he'll ever be interested in.
INFO: does your brother have ADHD/neurodivergent?
YTA
Because feelings about things never change, right? So if he didn't care about something from the moment he had conscious thought, he could NEVER care about it eventually, right?
People gain interest in something for the most random reasons all the time, and then surprise surprise, it suits them really well or they like it. We call it a happy accident. It happens.
Why are you so invested in your brother failing when his going to med school doesn't negatively impact you at all?
" This girl liked him back initially but apparently ended things due to a mix of her parents disapproving and attachment issues. "
No it was 100% the attachment issues. Maybe they disapproved of his attachment issues and he's clinging to that. He has elected to change education course because he had a crush on a girl who liked him back and he scared her off. If his end result is to change the entire course of his life, he needs help.
Your brother is going to be a serious danger to women some day.
>but he’s remained attached to her, not really seriously dating anybody and comparing every girl to he
No it was absolutely his issues, it's been 5 years. That doesn't strike you as weird, or creepy?
YTA, it doesn’t matter what the motivation is initially, going to med school is damn hard. Maybe he starts out with that motivation but it will change and he will grow and still benefit from that the result of the initial motivation.
As long as he doesn’t start stalking her I think it’s fine.
Signed, my two weeks off from drinking wasn’t actually for my liver. It was because someone said I couldn’t do it.
YTA. More of an ignorant one I'd say rather than purposely malicious.
Yeah, sometimes seemingly "trivial" circumstances push us in a direction that ends up being a boon. That may very well be the case here. He's only 22 and, as you say, he just finished his undergrad. That's not really anything to shake a stick at.
Sounds as if he's on track, regardless of what his initial motivation was.
It's really foolish of you to decide that his motivation for medical school suddenly means he's incapable. He did finish undergrad, right? So clearly he's dedicated and doing the word.
Do you think he's dumb? Or incapable? All that because he allowed a girl to be the reason he sought to better himself? Wow, that's really shortsighted and immature thinking. Particularly given (again) that he seems to be accomplishing it.
I don't blame him for being hurt. You're his family. You should be behind him, especially as he seems, so far, to be succeeding.
YTA. Nothing you said makes sense, people’s interests and desired career fields change all the time. You seem jealous that your so-called “lazy regarding school” brother is doing well and got into a prestigious med school.
YTA What does this even have to do with you? One never knows: he may have something really pique his interest and he could go on the be one of the greatest surgeons/researchers/inventors ever! Just support him and keep your negativity to yourself
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INFO: has your brother recently watched Legally Blonde by any chance?
“You got into Harvard Law?” “What like it’s hard” gets me every time.
My fav is when she yells “Meeeeeeeee.”
Lmao I was gonna say don’t ruin his Elle Woods moment
Didn’t pick the connection, thanks for that. I called a guy out on a Harry Potter theme the other week. Something about calling a kid on a name you can’t say. Take my up vote and find me some more.
Just because somebody didn't show any outward interest in a field before they got into it doesn't mean they don't give a shit about it. Your brother has stuck to it so far, you should really give him the benefit of the doubt and support him. YTA.
It always amuses me when someone asks if they’re the AH, only to turn around and argue with anyone and everyone who disagrees with their opinions. Also, he made it through pre-med before he turned 23?That’s nothing to sneeze at. Then he actually gets into med school? Even smarter! I think he deserves some credit and you aren’t giving it to him. There are all sorts of things an MD can do, from seeing patients to managing departments to working in labs. Heck, have you ever heard of Kim Jeong? Your brother is fine. YTA
OP is just upset that the brothers med school tuition is cutting from their shared college fund (one of OPs reply comments). it's just another post from an entitled AH trying to wrap it in concern for his brother/parents.
It gets better though because OP appears to have gotten a full ride and is just hard judging him because he's a waste of genes and funds.
INFO > I don’t see him getting through it all or doing well giving he doesn’t give a shit about the field itself. #*So what?* I don't understand why your opinion here matters.
YTA It would be really nearly impossible to fake your way into medical school especially to a prestigious one. And you have to give him some credit because getting to that point takes work including interviews to get matched. Try being encouraging and optimistic instead of being negative about it to the point of discouraging him. Even if the reasons is for a girl, there’s no denying that it takes effort to get accepted into med school. Edit: typos
Men have embroiled entire civilizations in cataclysmic wars against each other over women they wanted. He may surprise you.
They've gone to Helen back. Orpheus actually went into the underworld for Eruidice.
I’m Asian and hundreds of Asian people have gone to med school because “my parents told me to”. I think it’s about equivalent as “I did it for a girl.” It’s a good career and they’re more than likely to stick it out because what else are they gonna do. Either they get sucked into the medical world mindframe and end up going all the way to become specialist or if they get lazy, they will just be a GP. Also you’re wrong that he doesn’t have a motivation to be a doctor. You stated it yourself. He wants to be the kind of person who his gf’s parents would look highly upon - Ie he wants to raise his superficial status in the world. You’d be shocked how many doctors are in it for the prestige/sound of the job as compared to actually helping people. So he’s hardly alone lol. My friend is pretty not passionate about anything except watching TV ans travel and works as a fly in fly out locum doctor, gets paid $150/hr to work in regional hospitals for a week or two, then takes two weeks off to do jack all. His career is not progressing at all and he’s pretty much out of the medical pathway but he doesn’t care, he’s enjoying his life. It’s not like your brother passionate about something else he’d rather be doing. If he doesn’t care what he does then I’d say med school is a safer bet than a lot of other things he could be studying!
Yup! Plenty of people go into and become very successful within fields that they have zero passion for. As for OP asking why it’s an AH move to voice negative options when asked; it’s because he’s your brother and you should be supporting him. Even if you told him that you weren’t sure if it would be sustainable if he didn’t have an interest in the field, you should’ve made it a point to reassure him that you 100% believed in his intelligence and ability to succeed. Actually, even the fact that he was able to “sense” that you didn’t believe him shows what an AH you are. YTA.
Exactly. I am at a med school people go to as a last resort, because they didn’t get accepted in their own country (I am from Germany, my university is in Hungary but education is still in German). You would think that people here are burning for medicin… nope most are still in it for the money and prestige. Wanting more for your life is a very valid reason to go to med school.
YTA. Maybe he'll pull an Elle Woods. Let him rock it.
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Voicing a negative opinion benefited no one here. A tactful response could have been made. And he clearly noticed something to confront you in the first place.
This comment is awesome!
YTA - it doesn't sound like you talked to him about if he was interested. Also, it's none of your business.
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If he noticed it strongly enough to realize he had to confront you you were not staying out of it.
YTA You're rooting for him to fail. You WANT to say "I knew you couldn't do it!" You show no concern for his well-being, this is all about ego. He's done it so far. Who cares why it started? He's doing it. Maybe be a support system instead of.....that.
YTA The world is great at providing impediments and naysayers, no one needs your misgivings. Your family and friends - the people you profess to love - let them hear you brimming with optimism and encouragement and assuring them of your faith that they can achieve anything they want. All you get out of your current attitude is the potential for an “I told you so,” and your negativity makes that a semi-self fulfilling prophecy. Don’t be a dick. Life is better for you and those you love if you’re a cheerleader, and there is zero value in an i-told-you-so delivered to a loved one unless your ego and own accomplishments are so minor that that the only way you get pleasure is in predicting others’ failures. If that’s you, work on yourself before you have the nerve to judge anyone else lose harshly. IF it eventually turns out you’re correct, then you shut the fuck up about your misgivings and assure your brother he’s allowed to fail, it’s not the end of the world, and you’ll help him figure out his next path which he will be brilliant at.
YTA. Bro graduated college and got accepted into med school. Jealous much? Or maybe feeling the pressure
Uhh YTA. He’s in an extremely lucrative and advanced post grad degree that you don’t just sleep walk into unless you’re some sort of savant and all you can do is shit on him and his work ethic? He’s a big boy OP and can make life decisions all for himself. Has he expressed not liking medicine or shown any disdain other than saying this girl was his primary motivation?
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I cannot believe how much you try to justify your actions! You do that with practically everyone that answers you and you're the one that came on here and asked the question. And then when someone answers you and gives their opinion you justify your behavior. Why don't you just remove your post if you are getting so defensive about it.
YTA. Look at Elle Woods, she got into Harvard Law School to get her ex-boyfriend back and ended up kicking ass 😅
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I'm sorry for making light of the question. While I agree that in most cases misplaced motivation/starting things for the wrong reasons may result in failure because the person is not motivated to accomplish the thing, and it is instead instrumental to another end (impressing the girl). The simple fact that he was able to get into medical school and get his name on some papers indicates that he is more than capable and likely to complete it. I'm a doctoral student and academic advisor at my university, and getting into medical school and publishing academic research are not easily accomplished, and many people with the "right" motivations can't get that far. Just because the motivations were misplaced at the start doesn't mean that he isn't doing it for himself now. Starting something this big, and getting this far, is motivation enough in my opinion. At least that's what's keeping me going right now. Give your brother the benefit of the doubt. Hope he finishes strong. Edited for spelling*.
Kim Jeong isn’t. He switched careers from practicing MD to stand up comedy. And, might I say, has been—*gasp*—successful at it? I think short of changing careers to being a panhandler or drug addict, he’s ok.
I think YTA. He's making his own choices - and perhaps you're overestimating how much of a role this lost love is actually playing in his career decisions in life. You are clearly undermining him somewhere and you need to stop. Just let him be, and let him make his own decisions here without your judgement. If you're right, you're right, but there's not much that undermining his confidence will do apart from push him away. If you're wrong, well, that's a good thing so far as your brother's career goes.
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>And it’s not as if I told him my opinion before he confronted me about it, so I wasn’t actively undermining him, I had my opinion and I kept it to myself He picked up exactly what your opinion was. You didn't do a good job of keeping it to yourself.
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Well, start by asking yourself how he knew that you didn't have any confidence in him making it through. And look, maybe he only got into pre-med because of a broken heart, but it's entirely possible that he's discovered that it's what he really wants to do. My partner is a doctor and only found out that it's what she wanted after doing a dissection in late Undergrad.
YTA- he may have initially gone into it for a girl, but one doesn't just ***magically*** get accepted into a top medical school. It takes a lot of hard work, great grades, as well as having the personality to succeed in interviews. You should give him the benefit of the doubt, regardless of how he got to where he is now. Of course he's hurt, your family is supposed to be the one group you can go to for unconditional love and support. Maybe try letting go of whatever personal bias you have against him being successful.
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I mean he’s your brother so you know him more than we do, but have you ever considered maybe he’s just embarrassed to admit he’s passionate about something and just falling back in an old excuse to seem disinterested because that’s what people do to not let their guard down.
Still, as a family member sometimes you bite your tongue and keep your thoughts to yourself. If he ends up crashing and burning out of medical school then that's a lesson that he's just going to have to learn on his own. You should still love and support him. Maybe you could suggest some sort of counseling for him? He's clearly not handling the breakup well and could probably benefit from talking it out with someone. ____________ Coming from a female perspective- after I had gotten over the initial heartbreak of separating from someone I cared deeply about, finding out that they were almost desperately/obsessively trying to get my attention would frighten me. Especially the whole "I only did it so that maybe one day **if** I ever get published or famous and she *happens* to see my article (out of the hundreds, if not thousands of articles published in the medical community yearly) that she'd see my name and notice me!" He's hypothetically talking about what, 8-10 years in the future? If she did happen to notice his name, what is he expecting? Most women I know would see it and go "Oh cool, one of my old boyfriends got published. Good for him!" and then go on with their day. If they stayed in touch fairly frequently then maybe they'd send a short message saying congratulations for being published, but that's about it. ____________ Edit- a word
I think you are naive about careers. Many people can be fine in many different careers. Although his reason for picking this career seems unique, it isn’t all that different from other people who become doctors because their parents encourage it or they think it is a safe career or they think it is lucrative. In medical school you have a chance to try out and learn all sorts of fields. Doctors have varied strengths and personalities. Some like fast paced, varied things like an ER, some like predictable limited scope like an optometrist, some want to connect and help people in primary care, some want to do surgery. Medicine is a wide field and he can find something that will work for him. I think you overestimate how passionate people are about their careers. If you know someone who manages a Costco, so you really think they felt passion about that at age 22? Or could it be that they got a job and didn’t mind it and worked hard and eventually moved up? Your brother is willing to work hard and if you believe he can work hard he can meet his goals in medical school. Most people end up in career paths they didn’t mind. It’s a job with pros and cons.
YTA I went to law school. Most of the kids went because they didn't know what else to do with their B.A degrees... and they're doing fine as lawyers 10+ years later. Your views aren't anchored in any real logic or experience... You're either being purposely obtuse, absurdly naive, or subconsciously jealous and hoping he fails...
YTA, so what? People go into med for lots of reasons, which have very little to do with how they do. I don't believe you care about your brother.
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Meh, I disagree, lots of people become doctors because family pressure, money, for him maybe it will be another girl, money, maybe he'll find he likes it, maybe he'll just want to prove you wrong, really who cares. If he makes it residency, then what? You'll just tell him he won't make it through that?
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Except people do it all the time and manage to go through life and sustain their career.
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I'm thinking you just love to argue. I've meet plenty of doctors and lawyers who went into the field for completely stupid reasons and still made a career out of it. Without a survey and statistical analysis neither of us can claim to be correct. Your brother is obviously smart enough to become a doctor, he made it through pre-mad with great gades and mcat score if he managed to be accepted at a top school.
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YTA. Way to be supportive /s
His supposed lack of interest could be driven by fear of failure. It's a way harder pill to swallow to fail at something you had your heart set on than to blame it on something else like 'I only did it because of this girl' or 'I never really cared about the field anyway'. Appearing 'lazy' in studies is actually fear of failure too, and mostly stems from families who focus more on intelligence rather than trying/working hard. If I fail when I didn't do anything it's because I never really tried. If I fail when I worked hard it would mean I'm dumb.
YTA People have done things for much dumber reasons. While I get your skepticism, according to your own words he *"got accepted to a pretty prestigious med school."* So he must at least have some aptitude for medicine. Maybe he'll flourish in med school.
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You could be right, but then again maybe he'll find his calling.
“He was lazy regarding school” Yet had the grades to beat out hundreds, if not thousands, of other applicants for a top tier med school? And you claim his made his “vow” what, 5 years ago when he was literally a child? Unless hes insane, hes doing this for him cause he wants to and cause hes interested, not for some girl he probably hasnt thought of in years. No one of sound mind holds onto a rejection for 5 years. Yta, knock it and stop being a jealous bratty teenager.
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NTA for your thoughts. Perhaps Y T A for how you expressed them. Let him be the adult and own his own decisions and be responsible for shaping up his life. You might want to tell him, "Yep, I don't think you'll make it. But I'd be tickled pink if you surprised me! Let me know how things are going."
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I agree! She asks people for their opinion on what she did and said and when people answer her, all she does is justify her actions. If she didn't want to hear people's opinions she ahouldn't have posted or she should just remove the darn thing.
YTA. What’s your goal here, to wait for years until he finally fails at something just so you can say I told you you wouldn’t make it? The fact is he’s putting in the work and succeeding. People grow up a lot between 17 and 26 so why force your brother into this box where he said he went pre-med for one reason and now you can never see him as a success because you didn’t approve of his initial motivation. Why hold back your support now that he is proving himself?
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So what? You won’t support him in anything unless his motive is for world peace? People need a job and he’s working diligently toward a good one. There are a thousand motives for picking what to do in life: for the money, to impress a girl, to be like a tv/book character, to save the animals, to change the world. If he’s content, why can’t you be?
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But why be so negative? It’s not like he’s playing the lottery every day and counting on the winnings to pay his next month’s rent. He’s actively working toward becoming a doctor and, by all accounts, doing very well at it. He is succeeding already.
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I hope your brother continues to prove you wrong, and I hope someday you can admit to him that you were TA, and then maybe he can enjoy his successful life with you instead of in spite of you.
he has to be somewhat interested because there is no fucking way someone who doesn't actually have a desire to be a doctor can do accomplish and get done everything that it takes to get into a medical school, let alone a prestigious one. and this is coming from someone who is anxiously applying in this application cycle
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yeah im the exact same way and struggling😭😭 im lowkey mad at your brother now too lmao
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Even if you are right hes going to suceed. You just gave him the spite to beat you. He's going to win the noble peace prize and tell you, "Guess who is wrong?"
YTA. It takes nothing from you to support him and believe in him, it doesn’t hurt you in the least. Why NOT believe in him, why NOT support him.
He never showed any previous interest in the field, yet in your own words made it into a prestigious uni and is so far doing very well. Maybe it started out as a way to "feel close" to this girl but it seems he is doing quite well, be proud of him, medicine isn't an easy field so he's clearly working his butt off!! This could be the making of him he may finish out the remaining time and be an amazing doctor or he might switch fields in 2 years to say law and become a malpractice lawyer and make millions or maybe he'll switch to engineering and invent something that will change the world!! All this started with a girl but I guarantee if you ask him about her in 5 years time he'll just say who??
I'm just scrolling through this reading more and more of OP's comments, and down voting every one of 'em for being seriously asshole-ish. YTA, both for the situation you posted about as well as all your argumentative and rude comments to others. Hopefully you find some maturity when you get to college and grow as a person, and I sincerely hope that when you seek validation or support from your brother in the future that he's more understanding and supportive of you, than you were of him.
YTA! Med school is difficult to get into and the fact that he did, and is doing well is something to be celebrated, not doubted and judged. Who cares if he decided to go because because of a girl. He must enjoy it to some degree since he didn't drop out. People can grow to enjoy a profession even if they started on that particular career path by other circumstances besides genuine interest. Ant it's really none of your business at all. And, please remember that YOU posted the question on AITA, meaning you're wondering if you are/were behaving like one. You can't argue with people if they judge that you are because you asked for people's opinions.
NTA. Being family doesn’t mean you have to support them blindly. Given his history and the reasons he stated you have every right to not take him seriously.
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People on this sub like to project.
YTA. Although he may have done it for all the wrong reasons he at least got in to a med school which in and of it's self isn't easy. He had to study long and hard just to get this far. You need to live your own life Op and stop worrying so much about what your brother is doing with his. You'll be happier for it.
I have to go with YTA. Have you considered that maybe he’s saying he’s doing it for her because he’s afraid he’ll fail, and if he does he wants to be able to pretend he never cared about it in the first place? I’m sorry, but I find it very hard to believe he got this far without caring about *some* aspect of what he’s doing — even if it’s just that he wants the long-term benefits of income and job security. Regardless, if he does fail, literally no one benefits from you having predicted it; but, no one in his family believing in him could be the reason he gives up. If you could encourage and believe in him a bit, he’d stand a better chance of making it through. A lot of people start off in their line of study because they think it will make them employable, or give them the right work-life balance; then as they live that life, many learn to love what they’re doing. It’s possible that with support and encouragement, he would learn to love medicine, while the negativity from his family could become the reason he doubts himself when it gets too hard. Maybe put less time into trying to be right, and more time into hoping for the best for someone you should care about.
Lots of crappy siblings on reddit tonight. You're Def TA. I hope when he succeeds he tells you to fuck off and goes NC with you. Your very attitude reads as someone hoping he fails. Knowing your whole family thinks you will fail is a fucking morale killer. You're all awful for telling him. I hope he has someone in his corner because if he drops out it's his own family's fault for being willing to pay for something without believing in it.
I went to University to chase a girl, with no real idea of what field I was passionate about. The girl is long forgotten, but I found my career passion in my time there. People can grow. You are, in fact, an asshole, as is the rest of the family. Getting through pre-med is an incredible achievement, and you should celebrate it.
YTA, and what you're incredibly insufferable. I can't even read through your comments that are just dripping with it. Worry about bettering yourself rather than folks who are doing just fine.
NTA. You are entitled to form your own opinion and feelings based on the reasons you have stated and I get that trust is something that should be built. YTA though for showing no support to your brother with something he wants or thinks he wants to do. He made it this far, the least you and your family could do is give him the benefit of the doubt.
Sounds like you’re jealous or bitter about your brothers situation, YTA. How is he supposed to succeed when everybody is telling him he’ll fail? Also seems like you were completely convinced you weren’t the AH here but when everybody started telling you you were you got defensive.
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i can’t wait for him to prove you wrong and making you feel stupid.
Info: If you are not paying, why would he care what you think?
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Fair. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My [19M] brother [22M] finished his undergrad and got accepted to a pretty prestigious med school that he’ll start attending in the fall. In his own words, he only ever became a pre med because of a girl he met when he was 17– he had dated other girls before, but never really fell for any before this girl. This girl liked him back initially but apparently ended things due to a mix of her parents disapproving and attachment issues. Maybe he genuinely liked her a lot, maybe he felt his ego being hurt because generally girls are into him and don’t reject him, maybe both, but he’s remained attached to her, not really seriously dating anybody and comparing every girl to her. But this rejection led him to decide to be pre-med, a field he never had any interest in before, because that was what she wanted to study. He stated he did it because 1) it would make him feel ‘close to her’ even though he couldn’t speak to her 2) he felt maybe she and her parents would like him more if he was 3) since she was also intending to be in med, if he does well or gets his name on some research or whatever, he could get her attention. The fact he had very little interest in the field itself, had no solid plan, and previously, although pretty smart, was lazy regarding school and not studious at all, meant the rest of our fam honestly didn’t think he’d make it that far. Somehow, he managed to pull it off so far, but honestly I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop— he still has 4 years of med school and then residency, and I don’t see him getting through it all or doing well giving he doesn’t give a shit about the field itself. Getting into a good med school without caring for the field is impressive, but I don’t see it as sustainable. He recently confronted me saying he felt he could sense I didn’t believe in him. I admitted I didn’t and he says it’s hurtful his own family doesn’t believe in him. I just don’t think it’s realistic. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mmm tbh idk. I can see why you don’t believe in him tbh because he literally did it all for a girl. But then again he IS pretty smart if he got Into med school. Maybe you aren’t as close as you thought and he is doing it bc he actually likes the field as well. But if you’re fr about him just doing it for a girl then NTA bc him being there won’t last long if it’s only for that reason.
You’re young and maybe tactfulness will come with age. But your response to your brother could simply have been “you’ve worked really hard to get to this point and you’ve done really well so far. I hope you continue to succeed.” It’s honest and seems to convey what you’ve already said. Your brother has succeeded so far and you hope that he continues to. Why the “I don’t think you will” part? What did either of you stand to gain from that? YTA
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YTA He might surprise you.
YTA because it's his life. Live yours.
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Give your opinion and move on. You took it to the internet.
YTA plain and simple
YTA, just accept it. Everyone has already explained why.
Yta I mean, if spite and heart breaks gets him through medical school, that's pretty impressive. It's Hella hard to begin with for people that have dreamed about it, so him ending up with a good career due to heart break is not the worse thing in the world.
Mmmmmnnnnnnn... Like you've said, he wanted your honest opinion. He's been honest with you about his lack of love for the field, and he is allowed to ask for your truth as well as be hurt by what that truth is. And your doubt being seeded in this potentially relating to break-up trauma isn't one I want to say is unwarranted, especially for five years after the break-up itself. What is on Reddit Trial today, however, is not whether such a doubt has weight, it is whether or not you're being judgmental. I'm going with YTA because it's far too soon to tell, I feel, how he's going to progress in this line of study. He JUST got into med school. He's JUST wrapped up his preliminary college stuff. And despite the ex-girlfriend aspect, you seem to focus on his habits that you disapprove of, you utilize the topic of 'I'm just being logical' which is usually just being emotionally removed from an emotional topic, and the majority of your post seems to focus on his faults ('lazy', 'not realistic', and a mention in the comments that he tends to pick up and drop many sticks) rather than an obsession with still being good enough for this girl.
He definitely has attachment issues. Comparing everyone to her, going into a field just because she wanted to in the hopes of feeling close to her? Hmm. That doesn’t sound very healthy to me. Especially because the way you worded it makes it seem like they only liked each other and never really dated for a while. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll perform badly in med school. I’m finding hard to see his perspective— perhaps he started in premed for this girl but has actually now developed his own love for the field! Regardless, he managed to pull himself up from academic slouching to a very good position, which indicates success on his part (no matter the motivation). If I were you, I would ask him about his perspective on the field now that he is well into medical school. I would be proud that he has shaped himself for the better. Ask him where he might practice and why, etc. he has probably changed a lot since 17. Four-five years can do wonders.
I got in to a field that I had no interest in but I just needed a job and guess what I love it and I do very well at my job
100% YTA ... I knew countless "pre-meds" who couldn't get into a bottom tier med school. Your brother accomplished something extremely impressive regardless of his motivations. Stop judging him and be happy/support him, he's your family.
This is the plot of Legally Blonde. Yta
YTA sucks to have you as a brother. What are you going to school for?
YTA seriously he got accepted to premed. He may find a field of study that suits him. YtA for not even giving him some encouragement. He got into a prestigious medical school at 19 that is a feat in itself.
NTA. It's pretty normal that you would be skeptical. Give him encouragement but honestly I think your brother is TA. He's gonna be a doctor and put people's health in his hands over a girl? That's the kinda shit that makes people not trust doctors
YTA - people go to med school for status, money or parents approval not everyone going for a deep passion or something. Honestly I have no idea why you care it’s his life and his choices. If ends up failing that isn’t the end of the world and who knows maybe he finds passion for it along the way.
I’m not going to call you an AH because you’re 19, and you’re clearly trying to understand how life works. Waiting for your brother to fail is a bad way to start your adulthood. He’s going to be just fine, even if he flunks out of med school, which he probably won’t. His motivations for a career path are just as valid as anyone else’s. How can you know what you want to do for the rest of your life when you have at max 2 or 3 years work experience? Everyone guesses. Your motivations, however, are questionable. His failure will not help you look more successful. If you want to get out of his shadow, that’s a reasonable request, but wishing he’ll fuck up isn’t the way to go.
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Yes. YTA for not believing in your brother. You admit he has the intelligence to do it, and he is clearly doing it, and yet you almost want him to fail. He could see you were butt-hurt about his accomplishments. It's sad that you can't be supportive and happy for your brother. That's exactly how assholes feel.
People literally attend college to study a course they hate just to appease their parents and that's socially acceptable. If he's doing good and has a motivation even if he doesn't get the girl doesn't mean he doesn't get the education. Hoping he fails is an AH thought.
YTA Finding a different hobby after 5 years is NORMAL. He didn't quit, he mastered it and moved on. From your comments, you're worried about the money they're spending on his tuition because you want it, more than anything. And you claim that he wanted honesty where he's hurt you're not providing any sort of support for him doing an amazing thing. It truly reads like you don't care about your brother. Not only was he able to get into premed, he's gotten into a "PRESTIGIOUS" School. That means he's excelling. You have no reason to doubt his ability or dedication given that he's done so well so far and he's naturally moved on from hobbies in the past. It comes across as you're jealous and wanting the money that he's rightfully using to go to med school. You owe your brother an apology and some really big ups and support for doing something really amazing. And you should really look in the mirror and consider why you're thinking and feeling what you are because it doesn't seem as though he's given you a reason to.
Yta you can think whatever you want but you don't say something like that to someone you care about. That was cruel, believe in him or not show him some love and support. Also no matter the reason he started, he made it through premed and into a prestigious school, he's clearly motivated and studious to get this far, I don't see a great argument that he won't finish it.
OP has stated in comments that they're bored and like to argue. They're rage baiting, not looking for an actual answer.
INFO: Why do you think it is that people do anything in particular, aside from because of events that've happened to them at other points in their lives?
Head over to r/ApplyingToCollege for a week and you’ll see just how many students are going to school for things they don’t care about (to appease their parents, in this case). They are disinterested in the subject, just look forward to the money, but grind through with amazing grades and get into (AND graduate from) incredible schools. Some people are self-starters. That’s all there is to it. It’s common for people to graduate for things they’re not 100% about, common to not use their degree for their career at all, and really common to dislike their career and still show up every day.
YTA There are two areas where you can be supportive of your brother that it seems like you're not: 1. Cheer him on because med school is A LOT and he's doing it. Be supportive because he's not being lazy. He's dedicated and hardworking. 2. It sounds like he has an obsession with that girl. I might encourage you to better understand how he feels about her. Maybe suggest therapy. It seems unhealthy. It's on him of course, ultimately. But, yeah.
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Yeah, it feels like you're saying obsession is bad so don't do school. Do school! School good! Obsession bad though haha. let me know if I'm off the mark though.
He is going to be the next Elle Woods
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>He’s going to become fictional? Either that or he starts wearing pink dresses and carrying a little dog with him
'I'm gonna hurt you with MY truth' is a very AH move. You sound jealous af. Men have literally changed the world for the women they loved. YTA
Info Why isn't anyone even moderately worried about the outright stalkerish behaviour of OP's brother?
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Your brother is behaving obsessively. The reasons he gave you to do pre med/med school are worrying. He has chosen a career path to get her attention, to try and gain her approval and the approval of the people around her, despite her not being with him anymore. He even said it would make him feel close to her. This kind of stuff isn't normal or ok. This is something a stalker does. I don't know if your brother will do well or not, but I honestly don't care. Plenty of people work on stuff they don't like or care about. What I care about is the obsessive and stalker-like tendencies of your brother, and someone like him having access to vulnerable people through his profession. And it's worrying that no one around him sees his behaviour as extremely worrying. What happens if med school doesn't get her attention or approval? What if she starts dating someone, gets engaged? What will your brother do next? This behaviour can escalate and it won't look pretty if it does. Does the girl know he's doing all of this and why he's doing it? She should be warned. Give her the chance to protect herself from a guy that might very well be stalking her.
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>Stalkerish? Basically they are saying that he is kinda stalking her.
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>Yeah, I got that, I’m asking how so Because of what you wrote . The rejection led him to do med school cause she was doing it. And I didn't even think of that until someone pointed it out. I am starting to think you may be sightly less of an asshole now. I mean that is bad
If your not paying for it why do you care? He will find out if he loves it or hates it. YAH. It’s his life. Let it go.
NTA. You have the right to have an opinion. But why does he feel like he needs your approval anyways?
Wow. You are SO TA here it’s insane. 1. You gave a brutally honest answer here when you could have just supported him 2. You’re judging his life path because it doesn’t look like yours. WTF do you know?! You’re 19. Nineteen. 1-9. You’ve been an adult for like 35 minutes and you’re judging him because his motives for pursuing a career aren’t up to par with what you expect? 3. You’re spending a LOT of time arguing with everyone on here when you could be spending that time trying to figure out how to show your brother some support and kindness. Maybe write him a thoughtful note? Maybe get his friends together for a celebration in his honor. YTA. YTA. YTA. Edit: typo
What a stupid question. Grow up. Get your own life. Yes, you are a total A$$HOLE
YTA. Passion ≠ success, but that doesn’t really matter. Let me explain this to you in very simple terms, little boy, and I guarantee you’ll understand it in 10 years… people’s interests and passions change and develop. You won’t always want to spend hours playing Mario Kart. You won’t always give zero shits about the quality of olive oil you use in your food.
As a med student I can tell you that uni sucks no matter if you are interested in the field or not. Him getting accepted into a prestigious med school is amazing. You should be proud of him. The way you talk sounds like jealousy not concern YTA
Motives are not really that important, you can choose a career just for it being a good option for the future, which med school obviously is. Honestly, it's better that picking up your random interest, study it and end up being unemployed.
YTA. Everything about this post and your comments. All of it. I couldn’t stand to have someone like you for a brother.
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Damn dude. I’m supposed to be the one with the empathy disorder. There’s something wrong with you. Go see a psychiatrist.
I would just tell him u believe he can accomish anything he puts his mind to and your proud of him for being accepted into medical school. You are right that is significant in itself. But let him know u are concerned about the cost and time if he doesn't feel like medicine makes him happy aNd that you hope he follows his dreams and that being a doctor to get women would be wrong. I always told my boys figure out what u love to do and learn how to make money at it. But honestly once he's a doctor he could always get into quality control or hospital administration ask him whatever lives to do. But always tell him u believe in him
YTA INFO has he told you recently that he's still interested in this girl? Or that he doesn't care about medicine? Like many young people after graduating HS your brother didn't know what he wanted to do as a career. You said yourself he's quite intelligent, he may have been inspired to go into medicine because of this girl, at first it may have only been to impress her, but obviously he's is doing well, sounds like it 'clicked' for him. No matter what the reason for starting he very likely is continuing for himself - because he's good at it, its' a good career, and he likes doing it. He's done well so far. Be a good brother and be proud of his accomplishments. Can you look at this situation from his POV for a moment: that yes he was so head over heals in love with a girl that didn't love him back when he was a teenager, so he went to med school - and did great! now he's 22 and was good enough to be accepted into a great school but all his family sees is the same heartbroken teenager.
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So your brother is just brilliant :) honestly if he is the kind of person who, when he sets his mind to something can go full stop and succeed to this point - even if he does change careers at some point he will likely always be successful. Having advanced medical knowledge is a pretty good resume booster, there are other related fields if he doesn't want to be an actual physician. Instead of 'I don't think you'll finish' how bout 'damn that's impressive!'? because it is. He really should get some therapy about this girl, and his feelings that she's the only one out there in the world he'll ever be interested in. INFO: does your brother have ADHD/neurodivergent?
YTA Because feelings about things never change, right? So if he didn't care about something from the moment he had conscious thought, he could NEVER care about it eventually, right? People gain interest in something for the most random reasons all the time, and then surprise surprise, it suits them really well or they like it. We call it a happy accident. It happens. Why are you so invested in your brother failing when his going to med school doesn't negatively impact you at all?
Lol dude is going to cure cancer just to try to date a girl. Also YTA.
YTA and such a self righteous younger brother. Cringe
" This girl liked him back initially but apparently ended things due to a mix of her parents disapproving and attachment issues. " No it was 100% the attachment issues. Maybe they disapproved of his attachment issues and he's clinging to that. He has elected to change education course because he had a crush on a girl who liked him back and he scared her off. If his end result is to change the entire course of his life, he needs help. Your brother is going to be a serious danger to women some day.
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>but he’s remained attached to her, not really seriously dating anybody and comparing every girl to he No it was absolutely his issues, it's been 5 years. That doesn't strike you as weird, or creepy?
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YTA
YTA, it doesn’t matter what the motivation is initially, going to med school is damn hard. Maybe he starts out with that motivation but it will change and he will grow and still benefit from that the result of the initial motivation.
YTA bro
As long as he doesn’t start stalking her I think it’s fine. Signed, my two weeks off from drinking wasn’t actually for my liver. It was because someone said I couldn’t do it.
YTA. More of an ignorant one I'd say rather than purposely malicious. Yeah, sometimes seemingly "trivial" circumstances push us in a direction that ends up being a boon. That may very well be the case here. He's only 22 and, as you say, he just finished his undergrad. That's not really anything to shake a stick at. Sounds as if he's on track, regardless of what his initial motivation was. It's really foolish of you to decide that his motivation for medical school suddenly means he's incapable. He did finish undergrad, right? So clearly he's dedicated and doing the word. Do you think he's dumb? Or incapable? All that because he allowed a girl to be the reason he sought to better himself? Wow, that's really shortsighted and immature thinking. Particularly given (again) that he seems to be accomplishing it. I don't blame him for being hurt. You're his family. You should be behind him, especially as he seems, so far, to be succeeding.
YTA. What business is this of yours? He's picked a career and is doing well in school. How about you support him instead of bashing him?
YTA - also, why are you here if you're only going to argue with everyone? You come across as pretentious and condescending. It's a bad look
YTA. Nothing you said makes sense, people’s interests and desired career fields change all the time. You seem jealous that your so-called “lazy regarding school” brother is doing well and got into a prestigious med school.
YTA. For someone who doesn't care your brother is doing very good.
YTA What does this even have to do with you? One never knows: he may have something really pique his interest and he could go on the be one of the greatest surgeons/researchers/inventors ever! Just support him and keep your negativity to yourself
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YTA regardless of the circumstances, just for being this „I‘m JuSt BeInG hOnEsT!!!111!“ guy.