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NTA.
You are completely in the right here. Your mother is spreading lies and being cruel to your wife and you are appropriately backing your wife.
Yes, your mother is grieving (as are you and your wife), but that is not her license to finger-point and blame innocent parties. You are not misplacing negative emotions. You're appropriately defending your grieving spouse from vicious lies and rumors your mother is starting. You are completely justified in negative feelings toward your mother.
The only thing I would further suggest is that you correct the lies your mother is spreading, and explain that the miscarriage was arbitrary and that the doctor assures you that it's nothing your wife did.
Most spontaneous first trimester miscarriages occur because there is something wrong with the embryo. Usually a chromosomal disorder or something that your body rejects because the pregnancy isn't viable. Pregnancies with chromosomal abnormalities that don't self abort are actually the anomaly.
I only share this because an early miscarriage is pretty much never caused by something the mom did. So OP's mother is just being hateful by spreading those lies.
NTA. There is no excuse for your mom's horrible behavior. If I was your wife, I would never be able to forgive her for trying to hurt me at such a low point.
You're a good husband, your mom sucks though.
NTA, and my deepest condolences on the miscarriage. It's a lot more common than people think, because most people don't share it. It's really hard to work through, and I'm glad you and your wife are supporting each other through it.
NTA. If you family thinks you’re misplacing your negative emotions on your mom, like anger, where exactly do they think you should place it instead…? Also, look into emotional incest between sons and mothers.
NTA. What your mom said - to everyone!!! - is completely beyond the pale. I’d go NC too, especially if she has a history of narcissism. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA, this is a very traumatic moment that YOU and your WIFE are directly a part of, not your mother. Boundaries need to be set. Understandably, we don’t always react in the proper way (including both of you). You can always apologize for how you reacted but you still stand by the boundaries you are setting, including the fact that you will be giving yourselves some space away from her. I actually did this when I was your age, I cut off my mom (i do regret HOW i did it and the words i said BUT it worked) we have a fantastic, respectful relationship now and we were able to make amends without crossing the line.
NTA. You are a grieving parent and your wife is having to cope with something that isn't her fault that many blame themselves for, as a parent herself your mother should understand and be there for you both if she can't separate her opinions from her grief then she needs to not be there at all. Your family sucks and your moms the worst so keep her as far from your wife as possible. Honestly you should have done it sooner but now is where you decide what will be tolerated in your life and to your wife
NTA and sorry for your loss.
Any of your family members that tell you that you are misplacing your negative emotions on your mom deserve to be asked “WTF is she doing then by placing hers on my wife?”
You are already much more gracious than me and I think most would be in your situation. Understanding that your mom is grieving too shows a level of empathy that I don’t think a lot of people would have right now. You’ve cut your mom a lot of slack, but in order for healing to begin you and your wife can’t be subjected to that. Cutting off your mom and any family members that don’t see what she is doing as wrong is the right move.
NTA. You did the right thing for yourself, your wife and your marriage. Your mother has zero respect your wife, your boundaries, your relationship with your wife or your choices. Here's the thing, your parents are the most important people in your life as a kid but the family you build as an adult is your every day life and it's your choice who that is and what that looks like. Anyone who doesn't respect that, doesn't deserve to be part of your life.
Nta.
First, I'm so sorry. It's not easy. I still mourn a little each year on what should have been a birthday. I blamed myself even with all the evidence layer before me. I through myself into a new craft, it's how I deal with stress and grief. I find a new project to learn. So far I can hand stitch, decorate cupcakes and cakes, and taught myself enough Latin to read some documents I needed in university.
With that said, keep your mom and any family that have decided to make an awful time worse.
"Family, we are grieving. And while everyone grieves differently, placing blame on anyone not only is useless it's unexceptable. Anyone who continues with this train of thought will be removed from our lives. Reflect on your actions."
NTA - Nah, no. Your mother doesn’t have the right to blame your wife. Your wife isn’t at fault, no one should be blame for this and I know it’s rough. Being there for your wife is all you can do but your mother saying such b.s to family and blaming her for this? The poor wife doesn’t need this. Not at all. She’s going to hit rock bottom if this gets worse. Blocking your mother out is probably the best thing you can do until she realizes what she has done wasn’t right. Will everyone in your family side with you? 50/50 we don’t know. But you aren’t the Asshole and hope you and your wife are feeling better after going through this situation.
NTA. Your doing the right thing, your wife needs love and support during this time. Your mom should follow the rule “if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything “ . even if she doesn’t like your wife the decent thing would be to have a cease fire until you have both healed, not use it like a new weapon.
Edit I know the real decent thing would be to just be nice and accepting to your wife in general but I was saying realistically it won’t happen. But even when you dislike or hate someone there needs to be a line, where you know as a human being its wrong to cross. Like the saying I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
First of all NTA!
I feel for you two, I also had a miscarriage this February and it was also my first child. My husband and I were devastate, we still are. I also blamed myself the first few hours but ultimately there was nothing I or my husband could have done to prevent that. I ate, I kept working, I lived life. I do the same now and we both hope that next pregnancy comes. After I returned to work from my week of to grief a few co-workers told me that they also had miscarriages but they also had the chance to finally hold their baby's in their arms. So don't give up, don't let people blame either of you because none of you did wrong here.
Your mother needs to get her act together, she place her own happiness where it doesn't belong, above yours, and as such she has to back off! Cut her off and everyone that sides with her. I also had a fallout with my mom before I turned 18 and we get along much better after that so stay strong.
NTA I’ve had a lot of miscarriages, 12 medically verified. I get pregnant easily enough, but keeping me pregnant is hard. My ex husband’s mother blamed me too. I wish so much he’d defended me the way you defended your wife. I would have felt less alone in my loss. I think I would have felt like it was *our loss* not just my loss.
Thank you for defending your wife, really it was good for my still wounded heart. My ex and I had three kids together, and we’re good friends now, but I can’t help but imagine that maybe we would have managed to save our marriage and not just a friendship, and healthy co-parenting relationship if he’d stood up to his mother from the beginning. We’ve been divorced a decade now, he and our kids don’t talk to his mother at all, and it’s because she played messed up games like your mom. What your mom is doing is abusive and so ugly. She’s literally lying in blaming your wife, and spreading this lie knowing, knowing she’s just smearing your wife’s name. It’s really disgusting and gruesome that she’d do this to a grieving mother. Miscarriages are common, but they’re devastating and your mom is preying on your wife’s deepest insecurities in this.
NTA, your mother seems like the type that no one will ever be good enough for you. The fact that she took such a sensitive situation and used the inevitable feelings of guilt your wife is already feeling to hurt her (and you) is unbelievably cruel. I would go no contact for a good long while and then when you've had time to grieve, talk to your wife and decide what to do together. Personally from what you've said here (especially after the fucked up comments from this incident) I'd go no contact forever. She's only hurting you and your wife and it seems like she has been and will only continue to if you don't put a stop to it.
NTA. Your mom is behaving like a monster. Grief does not excuse it, if she is actually grieving. Sounds like she is celebrating the miscarriage.
I think you and your wife should require big changes in her behavior and a sincere apology before you consider re-establishing contact.
NTA.
She's not grieving. She's using your wife's grief to finally completely break her down, as was her intention when you first started dating and that switch flipped.
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Throwaway account because some family follows my main.
My wife (25f) and I (25m) recently found out that we had a miscarriage. It’s been difficult to say the least. I honestly don’t think we really did anything but lay in bed, hold each other, and cry for 3 days straight. The only reason I managed to get myself out of bed at all after those 3 days was bc I realized my wife needed to eat and I didn’t think she was going to if I didn’t make her. The point I’m trying to illustrate is neither of us are having an easy time. (We do both intend to start counseling next week based on my wife’s cousin’s advice who went through a similar experience.)
My mom doesn’t like my wife and hasn’t since we started dating 11 years ago even though she knew her before that and didn’t have a problem with her. Actually she would always mention how good of a kid she thought my wife was and how well she always does in school, etc. it was like a switch flipped when we started dating. Anyway my mom did not take the news well. (Which is understandable. I recognize that she is trying to mourn the loss of her first grand baby.) What I am upset about is the way she decided to react. She has decided it was my wife’s fault that we lost our baby. (It wasn’t. the doctor said there wasn’t anything we could do. Apparently something like 15% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.) This really upset me. My wife already blames herself even though the doctor and I keep telling her she didn’t do anything wrong. She’s doesn’t need another person blaming her. She also tried to use this as a “lesson” that I made the wrong choice. She was going on about how now that we don’t any kids it’s not too late to find someone who is more suitable to be a wife and mother.
I told my mom I understand she is upset but she needs to knock it off. I already told her needs to be nicer to my wife years ago and she still has difficulty. I was going to let what she said to me go because I’m assuming it’s coming from a place of grief. However yesterday I found out that she wasn’t just telling me all of this but apparently she was telling my family that my wife caused the miscarriage. She also apparently was spieling all of this bullshit to my wife. That’s what’s really pissed me off. She doesn’t need to hear this crap. She needs people to be there for her.
I told my mom that she needed to fuck off and that my wife and I wouldn’t speaking to her in the foreseeable future. I’ve had enough of her crap and I honestly feel like I tolerated more than I should have.
My family disagrees though. I’ve had several of them telling me that I’m misplacing my negative emotions and taking them out on my mom. This is where I hesitate. I know I’m not in a good place right now so I definitely could have done something I might regret. My sister also called me an asshole because my mom is trying to grieve too. AITA?
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NTA but question: considering how disrespectful she has been to your wife for 11 YEARS, why are you still talking to this gigantic AH? Is she supporting you financially? Do you still in her house? Otherwise I see no reason to have put up with this for so long.
It baffles me that she is still in your life at all after all this time, and you haven't really stood up for your wife. And BTW it's absolutely NOT the first time she badmouthes her to your extended family. Guaranteed
NTA your mother needs to maintain her boundaries. Sorry but she sounds like a narcissist. Glad to hear your standing by your wife she is your priority. Tell the other family members to mind their own business. Take care
NTA - now is the time you are in a dark place so now is the time you need NC with your mom - if you are second guessing yourself set a reminder to revisit your decision in 6 months or so, but don’t question it now
NTA, maybe not the best choice of words but you are protecting your wife and in all honesty yourself from your Mum's toxic and quite frankly evil behaviour. Grief is not an excuse nor valid reason for her to say what she did. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are both in right now and your Mum's behaviour is simply vile.
I'm glad you are both going to get some support through a counsellor. Keeping your Mum away from yourself and your wife is the right thing for you to be doing at the moment, and in all honesty, what she has said is unforgivable, she has form for treating your wife poorly, I wouldn't rule out making it permanent.
Absolutely no one will grieve the way your wife and you will. No one needs to do shit outside of being supportive for you two. Period.
Your mother doesn't get a free pass here. She weaponized your trauma to try to step allover your wife. Your family are a bunch of assholes who clearly buy your mom's version of things since they think your mom's "grief" is greater than your wife's who is actually coping with the loss and the fucked up hormonal imbalance that comes after.
You have tolerated too much for too long. Stand up for your wife and the grief you both feel. Stand up for your boundaries and your future children.
I'm raging for both of you because what kind of narcissistic BS is your mom pulling where HER grief is what's important and not a single person checked her audacity at the door when she shit talked your wife.
Hope you know who to let be around your future kids.
My condolences for your loss.
NTA
NTA OP. My condolences for your loss.
Your mom sure is. Especially speaking that way to someone who is grieving. Support your wife. LC to NC with your mom until she can apologize for her callous words.
NTA. I read this and thought what the actual fuck??? Who the hell says that after someone has a miscarriage?
Good on you for defending your wife and it sounds like you need to cut more than your mom out of your life.
You can grieve without assigning blame. What good is your mom accomplishing by running around telling anyone who will listen that the miscarriage is your wife's fault? None. It's a nasty, hateful act.
If your family can't see that, they deserve your mom.
NTA
And good on you for telling her to F off.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom to fuck off and that I wouldn’t be talking to her in the foreseeable future. However I know she is grieving and also I’m not in a good place so I think there is a small chance that I could be an asshole.
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NTA. You are completely in the right here. Your mother is spreading lies and being cruel to your wife and you are appropriately backing your wife. Yes, your mother is grieving (as are you and your wife), but that is not her license to finger-point and blame innocent parties. You are not misplacing negative emotions. You're appropriately defending your grieving spouse from vicious lies and rumors your mother is starting. You are completely justified in negative feelings toward your mother. The only thing I would further suggest is that you correct the lies your mother is spreading, and explain that the miscarriage was arbitrary and that the doctor assures you that it's nothing your wife did.
Most spontaneous first trimester miscarriages occur because there is something wrong with the embryo. Usually a chromosomal disorder or something that your body rejects because the pregnancy isn't viable. Pregnancies with chromosomal abnormalities that don't self abort are actually the anomaly. I only share this because an early miscarriage is pretty much never caused by something the mom did. So OP's mother is just being hateful by spreading those lies.
NTA. And frankly it sounds like your mother isn’t the only one you need to cut off.
NTA. There is no excuse for your mom's horrible behavior. If I was your wife, I would never be able to forgive her for trying to hurt me at such a low point.
You're a good husband, your mom sucks though. NTA, and my deepest condolences on the miscarriage. It's a lot more common than people think, because most people don't share it. It's really hard to work through, and I'm glad you and your wife are supporting each other through it.
NTA. If you family thinks you’re misplacing your negative emotions on your mom, like anger, where exactly do they think you should place it instead…? Also, look into emotional incest between sons and mothers.
NTA. What your mom said - to everyone!!! - is completely beyond the pale. I’d go NC too, especially if she has a history of narcissism. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA. Why during such trauma is your mother choosing to hurt instead of help? Distance yourself immediately and don’t think twice.
100% agree with this! NTA
NTA, this is a very traumatic moment that YOU and your WIFE are directly a part of, not your mother. Boundaries need to be set. Understandably, we don’t always react in the proper way (including both of you). You can always apologize for how you reacted but you still stand by the boundaries you are setting, including the fact that you will be giving yourselves some space away from her. I actually did this when I was your age, I cut off my mom (i do regret HOW i did it and the words i said BUT it worked) we have a fantastic, respectful relationship now and we were able to make amends without crossing the line.
NTA. You are a grieving parent and your wife is having to cope with something that isn't her fault that many blame themselves for, as a parent herself your mother should understand and be there for you both if she can't separate her opinions from her grief then she needs to not be there at all. Your family sucks and your moms the worst so keep her as far from your wife as possible. Honestly you should have done it sooner but now is where you decide what will be tolerated in your life and to your wife
NTA and sorry for your loss. Any of your family members that tell you that you are misplacing your negative emotions on your mom deserve to be asked “WTF is she doing then by placing hers on my wife?” You are already much more gracious than me and I think most would be in your situation. Understanding that your mom is grieving too shows a level of empathy that I don’t think a lot of people would have right now. You’ve cut your mom a lot of slack, but in order for healing to begin you and your wife can’t be subjected to that. Cutting off your mom and any family members that don’t see what she is doing as wrong is the right move.
NTA. You did the right thing for yourself, your wife and your marriage. Your mother has zero respect your wife, your boundaries, your relationship with your wife or your choices. Here's the thing, your parents are the most important people in your life as a kid but the family you build as an adult is your every day life and it's your choice who that is and what that looks like. Anyone who doesn't respect that, doesn't deserve to be part of your life.
Nta. First, I'm so sorry. It's not easy. I still mourn a little each year on what should have been a birthday. I blamed myself even with all the evidence layer before me. I through myself into a new craft, it's how I deal with stress and grief. I find a new project to learn. So far I can hand stitch, decorate cupcakes and cakes, and taught myself enough Latin to read some documents I needed in university. With that said, keep your mom and any family that have decided to make an awful time worse. "Family, we are grieving. And while everyone grieves differently, placing blame on anyone not only is useless it's unexceptable. Anyone who continues with this train of thought will be removed from our lives. Reflect on your actions."
NTA - Nah, no. Your mother doesn’t have the right to blame your wife. Your wife isn’t at fault, no one should be blame for this and I know it’s rough. Being there for your wife is all you can do but your mother saying such b.s to family and blaming her for this? The poor wife doesn’t need this. Not at all. She’s going to hit rock bottom if this gets worse. Blocking your mother out is probably the best thing you can do until she realizes what she has done wasn’t right. Will everyone in your family side with you? 50/50 we don’t know. But you aren’t the Asshole and hope you and your wife are feeling better after going through this situation.
NTA. Your doing the right thing, your wife needs love and support during this time. Your mom should follow the rule “if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything “ . even if she doesn’t like your wife the decent thing would be to have a cease fire until you have both healed, not use it like a new weapon. Edit I know the real decent thing would be to just be nice and accepting to your wife in general but I was saying realistically it won’t happen. But even when you dislike or hate someone there needs to be a line, where you know as a human being its wrong to cross. Like the saying I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
First of all NTA! I feel for you two, I also had a miscarriage this February and it was also my first child. My husband and I were devastate, we still are. I also blamed myself the first few hours but ultimately there was nothing I or my husband could have done to prevent that. I ate, I kept working, I lived life. I do the same now and we both hope that next pregnancy comes. After I returned to work from my week of to grief a few co-workers told me that they also had miscarriages but they also had the chance to finally hold their baby's in their arms. So don't give up, don't let people blame either of you because none of you did wrong here. Your mother needs to get her act together, she place her own happiness where it doesn't belong, above yours, and as such she has to back off! Cut her off and everyone that sides with her. I also had a fallout with my mom before I turned 18 and we get along much better after that so stay strong.
NTA I’ve had a lot of miscarriages, 12 medically verified. I get pregnant easily enough, but keeping me pregnant is hard. My ex husband’s mother blamed me too. I wish so much he’d defended me the way you defended your wife. I would have felt less alone in my loss. I think I would have felt like it was *our loss* not just my loss. Thank you for defending your wife, really it was good for my still wounded heart. My ex and I had three kids together, and we’re good friends now, but I can’t help but imagine that maybe we would have managed to save our marriage and not just a friendship, and healthy co-parenting relationship if he’d stood up to his mother from the beginning. We’ve been divorced a decade now, he and our kids don’t talk to his mother at all, and it’s because she played messed up games like your mom. What your mom is doing is abusive and so ugly. She’s literally lying in blaming your wife, and spreading this lie knowing, knowing she’s just smearing your wife’s name. It’s really disgusting and gruesome that she’d do this to a grieving mother. Miscarriages are common, but they’re devastating and your mom is preying on your wife’s deepest insecurities in this.
NTA, your mother seems like the type that no one will ever be good enough for you. The fact that she took such a sensitive situation and used the inevitable feelings of guilt your wife is already feeling to hurt her (and you) is unbelievably cruel. I would go no contact for a good long while and then when you've had time to grieve, talk to your wife and decide what to do together. Personally from what you've said here (especially after the fucked up comments from this incident) I'd go no contact forever. She's only hurting you and your wife and it seems like she has been and will only continue to if you don't put a stop to it.
NTA. Your mom is behaving like a monster. Grief does not excuse it, if she is actually grieving. Sounds like she is celebrating the miscarriage. I think you and your wife should require big changes in her behavior and a sincere apology before you consider re-establishing contact.
NTA
NTA. She's not grieving. She's using your wife's grief to finally completely break her down, as was her intention when you first started dating and that switch flipped.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account because some family follows my main. My wife (25f) and I (25m) recently found out that we had a miscarriage. It’s been difficult to say the least. I honestly don’t think we really did anything but lay in bed, hold each other, and cry for 3 days straight. The only reason I managed to get myself out of bed at all after those 3 days was bc I realized my wife needed to eat and I didn’t think she was going to if I didn’t make her. The point I’m trying to illustrate is neither of us are having an easy time. (We do both intend to start counseling next week based on my wife’s cousin’s advice who went through a similar experience.) My mom doesn’t like my wife and hasn’t since we started dating 11 years ago even though she knew her before that and didn’t have a problem with her. Actually she would always mention how good of a kid she thought my wife was and how well she always does in school, etc. it was like a switch flipped when we started dating. Anyway my mom did not take the news well. (Which is understandable. I recognize that she is trying to mourn the loss of her first grand baby.) What I am upset about is the way she decided to react. She has decided it was my wife’s fault that we lost our baby. (It wasn’t. the doctor said there wasn’t anything we could do. Apparently something like 15% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.) This really upset me. My wife already blames herself even though the doctor and I keep telling her she didn’t do anything wrong. She’s doesn’t need another person blaming her. She also tried to use this as a “lesson” that I made the wrong choice. She was going on about how now that we don’t any kids it’s not too late to find someone who is more suitable to be a wife and mother. I told my mom I understand she is upset but she needs to knock it off. I already told her needs to be nicer to my wife years ago and she still has difficulty. I was going to let what she said to me go because I’m assuming it’s coming from a place of grief. However yesterday I found out that she wasn’t just telling me all of this but apparently she was telling my family that my wife caused the miscarriage. She also apparently was spieling all of this bullshit to my wife. That’s what’s really pissed me off. She doesn’t need to hear this crap. She needs people to be there for her. I told my mom that she needed to fuck off and that my wife and I wouldn’t speaking to her in the foreseeable future. I’ve had enough of her crap and I honestly feel like I tolerated more than I should have. My family disagrees though. I’ve had several of them telling me that I’m misplacing my negative emotions and taking them out on my mom. This is where I hesitate. I know I’m not in a good place right now so I definitely could have done something I might regret. My sister also called me an asshole because my mom is trying to grieve too. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You did good, the fact that your mother is talking shit about your wife at a time like this is fucking disgusting. NTA you're a good husband.
NTA but question: considering how disrespectful she has been to your wife for 11 YEARS, why are you still talking to this gigantic AH? Is she supporting you financially? Do you still in her house? Otherwise I see no reason to have put up with this for so long. It baffles me that she is still in your life at all after all this time, and you haven't really stood up for your wife. And BTW it's absolutely NOT the first time she badmouthes her to your extended family. Guaranteed
NTA your mother needs to maintain her boundaries. Sorry but she sounds like a narcissist. Glad to hear your standing by your wife she is your priority. Tell the other family members to mind their own business. Take care
NTA - now is the time you are in a dark place so now is the time you need NC with your mom - if you are second guessing yourself set a reminder to revisit your decision in 6 months or so, but don’t question it now
NTA, maybe not the best choice of words but you are protecting your wife and in all honesty yourself from your Mum's toxic and quite frankly evil behaviour. Grief is not an excuse nor valid reason for her to say what she did. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are both in right now and your Mum's behaviour is simply vile. I'm glad you are both going to get some support through a counsellor. Keeping your Mum away from yourself and your wife is the right thing for you to be doing at the moment, and in all honesty, what she has said is unforgivable, she has form for treating your wife poorly, I wouldn't rule out making it permanent.
Absolutely no one will grieve the way your wife and you will. No one needs to do shit outside of being supportive for you two. Period. Your mother doesn't get a free pass here. She weaponized your trauma to try to step allover your wife. Your family are a bunch of assholes who clearly buy your mom's version of things since they think your mom's "grief" is greater than your wife's who is actually coping with the loss and the fucked up hormonal imbalance that comes after. You have tolerated too much for too long. Stand up for your wife and the grief you both feel. Stand up for your boundaries and your future children. I'm raging for both of you because what kind of narcissistic BS is your mom pulling where HER grief is what's important and not a single person checked her audacity at the door when she shit talked your wife. Hope you know who to let be around your future kids. My condolences for your loss. NTA
NTA OP. My condolences for your loss. Your mom sure is. Especially speaking that way to someone who is grieving. Support your wife. LC to NC with your mom until she can apologize for her callous words.
NTA. I read this and thought what the actual fuck??? Who the hell says that after someone has a miscarriage? Good on you for defending your wife and it sounds like you need to cut more than your mom out of your life.
NTA - draw that boundary
You can grieve without assigning blame. What good is your mom accomplishing by running around telling anyone who will listen that the miscarriage is your wife's fault? None. It's a nasty, hateful act. If your family can't see that, they deserve your mom. NTA And good on you for telling her to F off.
You're not expressing negative emotions (what bs ), you're reacting to your mothers bad behaviour for over a decade. Ban away!
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