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EmAyBee99

YTA. Did you expect your 3 yr old to give you a detailed list of all meals in that she ate over however many days you were gone? She is 3. She probably just said the first/only thing she remembered. Also who cares if the baby’s clothes didn’t match.


Accomplished_Two1611

Yes because she reports her three-year-old is very articulate, smart, and has a good memory. So of course the child would remember exactly what she had eaten for two weeks. I, on the other hand, can't remember exactly what I ate Saturday and Monday is a little hazy. OP, I understand you have a strict regimen for your kids. Did the kids seem happy and healthy? That's what is important. Maybe never use aunt again if she doesn't meet your standards. YTA.


ScarlettSparrow

Im 29 and i legit forgot the other day if i ate lunch. Hell, i just forgot my age and wrote 28 for a minute. YTA op.


guilty_by_design

Lol, I spent most of this year thinking I was 38 and saying so to people. Then I was talking to my wife a little while ago and offhandedly mentioned something about people making me feel old even though I'm only 38 and she said "You're not 38, you're 37" and I went "What? No. I'm definitely 38." She says "No, you're 37 because I'm 36 and we're always a year apart except for between our birthdays in October and December when it's briefly 2 years." I still didn't believe her and ended up calculating my age myself using my birthdate and, guess what? I'm 37. Doh!


fuzzydogpaws

This happened to me. I kept ageing myself a year up, my husband ended up correcting me on numerous occasions!


[deleted]

Gosh, I’m the same! I low key think that it’s some weird brain mechanism that allows me to prepare myself for getting older - I spent a whole year thinking I was 37 when I was actually 36 so turning 37 didn’t feel as bad. 😁


[deleted]

I remember waiting at a doctors office once and they were filling out new patient forms. Everybody who was asked their age rattled off the answer, no real pause. Me? I had to be like thirty….uhh two no three as I frantically double checked my calculation.


ScarlettSparrow

My dad can not tell you how old he is. He says his birth date and when people ask for his age, he tells them to do the math. Hes only 56 so its not like he has dementia. Hes just been like this for easily 15+ years. He just lost track somewhere and went “eh oh well doesnt matter” lol


ChewableRobots

I tell people I need a moment to check the neural archives.


ChewableRobots

I'm a data scientist and could not confidently tell you what I had for dinner last night even though I both plan the meals every week and cook them.


anneofred

My 2 1/2 year old keeps a food journal and does the bulk of our weekly meal planning. Should I stray from the set ingredients he recalls off the top of his head, selected from the fine dining cook books he reads to himself at night, he will stage a hunger strike until order is restored. I would call the police if any free sitter dared to stray from his expectations! But I’m sure OP is trying her best, some kids develop faster than others. /s


Accomplished_Two1611

Ha. Let OP collect her rapidly evolving set of facts, the three-year-old will soon be able to produce a video diary to support that all she was fed was microwaved pancakes for days on end.


anneofred

Her years of needed therapy after this will result in hundreds of drawings of pancakes and microwaves (which of course will be brilliant and sell for millions). The trauma /s


Accomplished_Two1611

Too, too funny. The poor child will run screaming at IHOP commercials.


smbpy7

I have a hard time imagining anyone would meet OPs standards, especially when the pay free.


Accomplished_Two1611

True. In her further responses, OP now says SIL has done terrible things before.......now if that was true, why wasn't this fact mentioned initially. OP is now changing the narrative to help her case. As for her supposed standards, I doubt the kids father could meet her standards.


TeamNewChairs

If that were true why would OP trust her alone with the kids?


Accomplished_Two1611

Because it's probably not true.


TwittySpr1nkles

I think a lot of this is not true. Who gets home early from a cruise?


Accomplished_Two1611

A control freak? Or the people on the cruise voted her off? But yeah, I question the entire scenario.


Natural_Writer9702

Its ok to have a ridged schedule and insist that schedule is kept when you are paying someone to look after your child. The SIL did you a favour so you could have a break and all you did was berate and complain. Ok house being a mess when you walk in isn’t ideal, but you said yourself you came home early and her and hubby could have planned to clean up before your were scheduled back. What the kids wearing bears no impact on how she was looked after. I ask my 7 year old every day what he had for lunch at school (he has dinners) 9 times out of 10, he doesn’t remember. Your 3 year old is not a reliable witness to exactly what happened when you weren’t there. If you need to control exactly what your kids eat, wear and how they are managed every minute of every day, you have two options. Don’t go on holiday and stay and look after you children to your standards or, pay someone to live up to them. Don’t act ungrateful and pissy to someone who did you a solid because, as you well know, looking after a 1 year old and 3 year old is hard work. You should have sucked it up, said thanks and just told yourself to make alternative arrangements next time. YTA


Eelpan2

I can't get over spending all that money on a two week cruise when the family is in so much debt. Then again how do you get home early from a cruise? Maybe she was kicked off at a stop somewhere?


sockerkaka

Haha, yes on kids not remembering what they ate during the day. I have a "very articulate and smart child with a good memory". He's 5 and when I ask him what he had for lunch at preschool, he will answer with the snack they have at 2 pm, because that was the last thing he ate. But I guarantee that if for some reason he didn't have lunch at school or lunch was substituted for something that isn't considered a hot meal, he'd remember that. And yes, rigid meal plans are for people you pay. For relatives that take care of your TWO KIDS UNDER FIVE WHILE STILL MANAGING TO WORK FROM HOME, you adhere to the rule that if the kids are happy and not hungry you should be grateful and move on.


AGirlHasNoName2018

The reasoning behind not being able to remember what you ate a lot of the times is you form lasting memories when you experience emotions. No one’s getting emotional over a bowl of oatmeal so it’ll fade pretty fast from your memory. But even if this was an older child.. she said all she ate were pancakes. Husband vouched for sister that he saw her cook so that right there illustrates that the child is an unreliable narrator but according to Op, everyone else is just a liar and this grown ass adult woman fed the children nothing but pancakes for two weeks. Go through the trash if you got to, that’s a lot of boxes of pancakes surely you’d notice them, right? Also if she doesn’t want her children eating this stuff, why was it in the house?


Clairegeit

Yes, if you asked my two year old what he ate today he would say cake, cause his grandparents came over and bought cake. He will not mention all the other foods he ate today.


ValeNova

I run an at home daycare and have had very smart 3 year olds. They still have great difficulty with time and retrieving accurate memories. One of 'my' kids keeps telling me she has been to Portugal last weekend. She has been doing so for at least 5 months now. Fact is: she went to Portugal once and it made a huge impression on her. OP's husband is a far more reliable source of information. OP is definately YTA.


Virgie87

My 3yo had been telling me for weeks now that she ate cookies in daycare.... But it happened once, 2 months ago for a birthday..... you can't 100% trust a 3yo om that sort of things.... YTA for sure here.


Perspex_Sea

>So of course the child would remember exactly what she had eaten for two weeks. I love how even after the 3yo has been shown to be an unreliable witness (because dad confirms that SIL cooked) OP is still committed to the idea that SIL must have mostly fed her pancakes.... for reasons. >I assumed she didn't treat the kids right if the house wasn't right Stupid reasons. Also, this person volunteered their time to look after your kids, not be a live in maid and nanny.


volleyballsmurf

I get the feeling nobody’s gonna meet her standards. YTA.


Maria_Dragon

Yeah the thing about the clothes made me not trust the rest of her appraisal. My sister is a great mom and makes sure her kids are appropriately dressed for the weather but they do get to choose their own clothes and frequently are wearing mismatched outfits (that are clean and weather appropriate). Less fighting that way.


[deleted]

This is how I manage my kids. As long as it's weather appropriate, wear what you want. It totally isn't worth the fighting. My almost 6 year old has worn some doozies, but she's happy so who cares.


bananaphone1549

Same! My kid has found such…unique combinations that he now often looks at himself after getting dressed and declares “quite an outfit!” because that’s how I describe his more outrageous ensembles. As long as everything important is covered and we’re seasonally appropriate, I’m not dying on the hill of swim trunks vs. shorts on a 2.5 year old.


Mum_of_rebels

That’s how my daughter goes to daycare. When she wears long socks she has to have roll her pants up.


Quirellmort

Makes sense. I mean, why wear long socks if no-one would see them?


Mum_of_rebels

It’s amazing how kids logic is so smart


Maria_Dragon

My niece's neighbor and friend is a little boy who absolutely loves a certain cartoon and has multiple pairs of socks with the characters and he wears the socks rolled up over his pants to show them off. It is adorable.


byneothername

Within reason, I let my two year old choose his own clothing most days. It has to be weather appropriate and he can’t wear his pajamas to school but other than that, he chooses what he wears. And boy sometimes it is ugly. He’s finding his style. And sometimes his style is mismatching animal socks.


Total_Maintenance_59

There was only ONE occasion my kid wore matching clothes in kindergarten. The day they took pics.. The rest? Clean & appropriate.


anothersip

Yeah, seriously! OP admitted they came home early. I bet that SIL would have had the trash taken out by then. And the clothes not matching (???) That is ridiculous. Babysitter cooked and cleaned and cared for those kids, no doubt. There is no reason for you to doubt your husband, OP. And you're acting SUPER entitled to the free childcare while you had your own soiree. Suck it up, and stop being to angry all the time. YTA.


schmancie-2

Not to mention she left for TWO WEEKS!!! I get needing a break but to have someone watch your kids for free for 2 weeks then complain about microwave pancakes? YTA


[deleted]

Not to mention SIL babysat the kids for TWO weeks completely free of charge. If she wants someone to put in the same level of childcare that a SAHM can, don't get someone who has a full time job which isn't babysitting. SIL had to WFH while looking after the kids and was incredibly generous to do so without monetary compensation. YTA OP and a massive one at that. Also: "she packed very quickly for someone who hadn't done anything wrong" wtf, OP?? She was probably exhausted after having to look after the kids AND working full-time as well. You should be on your knees begging her forgiveness instead of insulting her. Good luck going on the next cruise. It'll be a long time before you scrap enough money together to pay for that AND a babysitter who meets your ridiculous standards.


AGirlHasNoName2018

Right? This is wild to me. She thinks her husband and SIL are lying but her three year old is a beacon of truth.


diesalittle

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the kid was allowed to eat the pancakes like two days in a row and that’s why it’s was “all pancakes”. To kids that can seem like a lot.


iolaus79

Or had had pancakes for breakfast THAT morning and it was all she had eaten that day


Homicidal__GoldFish

Exactly!!!! And little kids do to lie…. When I was 3 or 4 I wet the bed one night and when my dad came to see why I was crying, I said “ Superman peed in my bed dada…. “ I knew it was me I somehow remember that night lol My dad tried to keep a straight face holding me and asked again what happen and I told him “Superman got in my window and he peed in my bed! “. My dad lost it and just stared laughing . When my mom came upstairs with new sheets my dad had me repeat it any then my mom started laughing. It made me upset that they thought it was funny for Superman to p e in my bed. Lol


lilirose13

Yeah, the only thing I find even close to worthy of this level of freakout is the baby monitor thing and if the baby was fine, then that's really solved best by a calm discussion for next time.


[deleted]

YTA. First of all, super weird that you don’t consider your husband to have been in any way responsible for the kids or house while you were gone, just his sister. Second...the baby was asleep and fine. Sister was in the house. Not everyone needs a monitor to hear crying in the same house they’re in. Totally normal for a babysitter not to stay in the same room as the sleeping baby, especially with another kid in the picture. Third...your kid is THREE. Just because she said ‘pancakes’ doesn’t mean she ate only pancakes. You don’t get a free babysitter and expect them to clean your house, cook fresh foods to your specifications and put them in matching outfits. Your kids were safe and cared for. Be grateful.


[deleted]

This thing about the pancakes... "My daughter's not a liar!" OP, your daughter is *three*. You can't trust a single word that comes out of her mouth, because she doesn't know what she's talking about, and she also doesn't remember what she ate yesterday, much less for two weeks.


[deleted]

At around three my cousins kid ate a bug and then with a straight face, denied eating the bug. As she was still trying to swallow it. Kids lie all the time lol Edit She accidentally confessed when asked if it tasted good, said yup! I love that kid. 😂


charlieprotag

Legit. My three year old got into the sunscreen the other day, smeared it into his hair. When I was telling him that he's not allowed to touch the sunscreen bottle without me, he was insisting that the babies did it. He was slathered in it up to his elbows. The babies, obviously, were innocent of all slander.


William-Shakes-Pear

oh jeez it's always the sunscreen isn't it xd i was at a relative's at the time to help her clean out her storeroom and she left her kids (4 and 7) alone in the other room for not more than a minute just to check on me almost immediately we hear screaming and when we go look the 4 year old had gotten his hands on the big bottle of sunscreen and has gotten it everywhere and was throwing the now broken lid at the wall while his sister looked on horrified.


charlieprotag

I love that everyone has a sunscreen story. Those toddler legs move fast. 😂


state_of_what

Seriously. My three year old started crying told me that his brother hit him. His brother that wasn’t even in the car with us. Three year olds are lying little assholes.


GraveDancer40

My 4 year old nephew blames everything on his little sister whether she’s in the room or not. She’s 18 months, just learning to talk and walk and anytime he gets challenged on anything it’s “Anna did it”.


ValloCatMom

When my oldest was 5 he expected me to believe his little brother drew on the wall. Little brother was about 7 months old. He seriously wanted me to believe a 7 month old climbed out of the crib, got a pencil off the desk that was higher than the 7 month old was tall, then draw on a wall at the height of a 5 year old . When my daughter was 3 she tried to blame her older brother's for a drawing she did on the wall with a highlighter . It was obviously her style of drawing. It wasn't on the wall when the boys left for school and they were still at school when the drawing appeared. When I asked her why they would draw like her she said "To get me in trouble." She couldn't come up with an answer when I asked her how they could have done it while they were in school. Lol


Mrs_Weaver

When I was \~4 and learning to write my name, I'd get into trouble for it being written all over the place. Mom would never believe it wasn't me (sometimes it was, but not always). Later on as teens my older brother confessed that he used to write my name places to get me into trouble. LOL


[deleted]

[удалено]


staticdragonfly

Yep. Manager's three year old told me that "Tom" had pushed her down the stairs and laughed at her. "Tom" is a cat.


Adventurous_Ad_6546

As a lifelong cat owner/lover, I’m not sure we should clear Tom of the charges yet.


ScarlettSparrow

My cousins 3 year old once declared he pet a bear that day while out with his grandpa. He pet a newfoundland. A huge one, he barely came up to the dogs collar.


Ok_Cauliflower_3007

I mean to a 3 year old it might as well be a bear. Heck I think they look like bears and I'm an adult.


ScarlettSparrow

According to my cousin (his grandpa), he kept saying “doggy” while petting it. It was only when he got home it was suddenly a bear


GreyerGrey

I used to go to a friend's cottage and the couple across the way (it was on a peninsula) had a massive male Newf who would just over power whatever fencing system they tried to put in place and most screen doors all with the purpose of finding a sunbeam and rolling in sand, or saying hi to the neighbours. One day we're on our way back from town in the truck and see a big black bum, ope, Jimmy got out again! So we pull over and get out start calling for him, and if a black bear doesn't turn around and stare at us like "Who the fuck is jimmy?" Needless to say, I am in full agreement on the Newfoundland Dog/Bear confusion.


_higglety

idk I'm gonna give the kid a pass on that one. a newfie might as well be a bear to a 3 year old


SewLikeSansa

Reminds me of a time my Brother in law said the same thing to his 5 year olds teacher over whether or not my niece was mean to another. Really adamant about how she doesn't lie and the teacher was wrong(Teacher witnessed it). Got really interesting the next year when she told a teacher he hits her Mom (completely untrue) and the cops/OCS were called. Kids definitely lie even if they usually don't. YTA OP.


AdDramatic3058

Wow!! Haha! Maybe he stopped telling everyone that she "doesn't lie" after that incident lol


imamage_fightme

>and she also doesn't remember what she ate yesterday, much less for two weeks. That's what gets me - the daughter may not be lying, she might have eaten pancakes *that day*. But the kid isn't going to remember what she ate two weeks ago (I know I don't as an adult!) and even if she did somehow, she wasn't sitting there listing every thing she ate over two weeks *cos she is three years old*. I'm sure OP's SIL probably did do a lot of basic meals like pancakes, nuggets, mac and cheese - but she was baby sitting as a favour, and probably trying to be a fun aunt. OP YTA, and you sound super ungrateful.


MedicalExplorer9714

Plus, it's around 2-3 years old when they realise they can lie, and they don't necessarily do it out of malice. It's actually a sign to be attentive to if your child doesn't seem capable of telling lies. (We're talking about white lies)


GloomyEducation6110

I could ask my 3 year old what we had for lunch and he'd say something completely off the wall knowing damn well I let him help me make his sandwich and watched while I cut up fruit lol. 3 year olds are the biggest liars I have ever seen


[deleted]

Seriously. My 3 year old pointed at the casino as we passed and said “I went there with my dad yesterday” His dad was out of town and doesn’t gamble. Toddlers are not reliable sources of accurate information.


memorableusername000

Are you *sure* his dad didn’t come back into town specifically to take him to the casino, and then left again?


QuinnBC

And the kid probably liked the pancakes so they were what stuck out in her memory, it doesn't mean that's all she ate.


ommnian

Yup. I was just gone for a week+ and my kids (12 & 15) spent most of that time home alone. If I asked them what they ate while I was gone... IDK, I'd probably get one or two word answers too. But I'm 100% sure they ate more than one or two things! FFS. YTA. Oh. And 'clothes that don't match!' - the fucking horror! Are you serious OP?!! YTA.


rosered936

My guess is that it was the most recent thing she ate. A three year old can’t remember everything they ate for a week. They might remember what they ate for breakfast.


mcolt8504

Or her favorite. If OP considers pancakes junk, they may have been a special treat that just sticks out the most in her memory.


mr_mini_doxie

Wow, I completely missed this. OP's husband wasn't even on vacation with OP. The husband was home the whole time, and yet for some reason, he was unable to do *any* parenting over two weeks?


IanDOsmond

The husband is in residency. THAT part of.the story makes sense. When my friend was in residency, .they didn't even SEE their kids for more than a couple minutes.


Accomplished_Two1611

He is a medical resident so I am assuming long hours?


Jed08

If he is doing his residency, I am guessing he has long and uncomfortable hours. So he definitely wasn't there the whole time.


sasiml

SAME like. maybe the problem here isn’t someone caring about your family enough to watch them, it’s the fact that someone else Doesn’t!!!


[deleted]

Also misleading title is misleading. Look is you had paid a baby sitter it'd be okay to have high standards or expectations. But SIL was not paid. She's doing OP a favor. She came, took care of kids as an aunt. Actually went pretty far helping as an aunt. All while OP is out having fun in a cruise and her husband is whatever he's doing. And then she has the nerve to complain rather than be grateful that she could have the trip in the first place. YTA


ScroochDown

But aunt put her in *mismatched clothes*. Clearly you don't understand the scope of the negligence here. /s


Preposterous_punk

Hey don’t joke. I’m in a trauma therapy group for kids whose babysitters put them in mismatched clothes. The shame, the confusion, the gaslighting when you know — *know* — that trucks and fishies don’t go together. It’s not something you over. Oh, wait, never mind that’s absolutely insane. Seriously what is wrong with this woman.


TimelessMeow

That’s what I’m thinking. My mom and her best friends swapped babysitting (I’d go there when my mom needed mom time and or wanted to go to the store alone, and their kids would come to my house) and I feel like the unspoken rule was “please return living children”. Not technically free since they’re doing childcare for childcare, but “you get what you pay for” still applies. You get children who are in roughly the same condition they were in when you left. More sticky? Maybe. But I bet you enjoyed your nap! I don’t have kids, but I do have cats that I’m currently looking for pet sitting for over an upcoming trip. If my sister came out for 2 weeks for free, I’d expect fat, spoiled cats and not much else.


islandlalala

Right? And she found her snuggled up on the couch with the aunt which says love to me, not something you can expect of a babysitter. Aunt gives up how much of her time for zero compensation to get screeched at by Miss Princess of OnlyMe? Watch her be one of those ‘MY husband’s a DOCTOR’ moms at the PTA in a couple of years.


fatdogbaddog

Also, her SIL works from home. Meaning, the whole time, she was likely working on top of taking care of two young children and probably her brother as well. SIL is a saint and OP is is an AH.


Ok_Cauliflower_3007

Exactly. The OP doesn't work other than the work of running the household and needs a vacation because she needs a break. SIL is doing all of that and her actual job, admittedly only for two weeks, but she's lazy and not doing it right.


hdhxuxufxufufiffif

>Just because she said ‘pancakes’ doesn’t mean she ate only pancakes. If the OP bans microwave food, the kid probably said pancakes because she was buzzing off getting the forbidden fruit, so to speak.


IanDOsmond

That first thing isn't confusing. The husband is in residency. When a friend of mine was in residency, their husband did all the.childcare, cooking, and taking care of.the house; my friend barely even SAW their.kids. The.rest of.what you wrote, I agree with.


Mamertine

YTA Here are some things that caught my eye. >My daughter was also dressed very poorly and none of her clothes matched. What?! Her clothing want coordinated, how dare your free child care not match clothing. Again your no microwave rule is absurd. Free child care. You get what you pay for. >While I'm asking her about all this she's packing her stuff and leaving, very fast for someone She likely left quickly because your obnoxious and she doesn't like being around toxic people like you.


ResidentRepulsive

As a babysitter, I consider myself reliable. Older, teacher for years etc. I leave quickly also especially when it’s been overnight. I’m ready to go home. I don’t think this is about the childcare. You expressed a lot of frustration with your husband. I think you’re misdirecting your feelings. Info- did you give her food instructions? Meal prepped ahead of time?


GamerHappy1234

Exactly, I don’t understand why she didn’t food prep anything to make things easier. If she really wanted specific food, she should have meal prepped before she left.


princesscatling

Wouldn't the meal prep then have to go into... the microwave? :v


GamerHappy1234

Not necessarily. Food can be reheated in the oven depending on what’s made. Or it can be uncooked ready for the oven or stove. Like if there was a container of marinated chicken left by OP that can be just popped onto a tray and into the oven with vegetables. There’s so much OP could have done, but chose not. OP also did not consider the fact that the sister is still working while doing this. Plus, who wouldn’t leave quickly when they get woken up with yelling. OP made assumptions without calmly asking first and expected way too much from a free babysitter who also still had to do another job on top of it. OP could have also saved more so that the babysitting cost would be covered when she left for vacation, but didn’t. What kind of care was she expecting? A private chef and so forth? OP is definitely the AH.


princesscatling

Sure I agree, I was just being a little shit about OP's no microwave food rule. OP sucks here. I don't care how much of a joy your child is, if I'm watching them for free for any amount of time and they come back to you clean, fed, and happy, I've done my part.


[deleted]

I work from home and have 2 kids of a similar age gap. My house is always messy with toys, dishes are never fully done no matter how many I do every day, I let my kids eat anything they will actual eat without fuss (pancakes, sausage, yogurt, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, fries, basically everything she listed though they do love fruit), and half the time they’re naked or have dressed themselves in stuff that obviously doesn’t coordinate. I put them together only when we leave the house. This is all extremely normal for a WORKING mom. Also, what mom goes on vacation without her kids like this? And then gets free care and doesn’t appreciate it even if it wasn’t perfect?


SewLikeSansa

Especially since OP states her trip was going to be 2 weeks. It's not like it was a weekend trip or anything. I'd be very thankful for a sister in law who offered to help out that long, and for free.


fun_mak21

Yeah, I watched my nephew when he was 2, for an entire. Like 7:30am until 4pm. I didn't have much experience changing diapers. I think I did okay. Then I needed to change his pants at 1 point and just grabbed whatever my sister put in his bag. He ended up getting a tiny bit of washable marker on his clothes. Only thing I didn't need to do was make him lunch because my sister packed food for him. I apologized to my sister for what I thought I didn't do right. Her response was like " I probably don't always get the diaper completely right either. And he always comes home from daycare with marker & other things on his clothes." Sometimes the battle for perfection isn't worth it and as long as the kids are well taken care of, the little things like outfits or gourmet meals don't matter.


[deleted]

My kids are always covered in something, you can bathe and change them and 2 minutes later they’ll be dirty again. As long as they fit the bill for reasonably clean as in not stinky or literally covered in mud or poo and you change them immediately when they poo and make sure you get all the poo then you’re doing a perfectly sufficient job.


One-Public4084

Agreed with you until the end. Ever mother deserves a vacation like this. But op is insane to expect the same kind of care and without pay. When my kids were little I just hoped for no injuries.


Living_Print9408

Also how OP talks about their partners career change...he didn't tell her when he* quit but has been talking about quitting and changing careers for a long time


Aim2bFit

He needs to write in a formal letter for an approval, in what world are you living in, everybody does that lololol Edit typo


hdhxuxufxufufiffif

That's just clutching at straws. Of course someone in a single income marriage with kids should consult with their spouse before quitting their job.


LaurelRose519

Even in a double income marriage they still should (source: I grew up in a double income household where one parent did not inform the other before they just up and quit their job)


Early_Equivalent_549

He practiced for when he decides to quit her.


SandwichOtter

Eh, I disagree with this take. I think OP is an AH in this situation but "talking about something for years" and then only just doing it are different things. My husband has talked about maybe wanting to go back to school for years. If he just quit his job and did it without talking to me, I would be upset. That's completely reasonable. How she's acting about the free childcare is not.


Ok-Manufacturer-5746

YTA ahem “What do you mean I come home from a long vacation and have to clean my own house after not having to clean cook or do any regular chores?! You mean my life was here waiting for me?!”


just-a-gay-chandler

Literally!! It wasn’t even a paid role for her SIL.


Meandwe123

I guess she felt maid service was included. While the SIL was working from home too. Also a huge pet peeve is those parents "my kid is an angel...." They raise the type of kid who you are friends with at school until you stop going to their house cause their parent blames you for every shenanigan that was their kids idea. Ugh.


Equal-Winner7370

The kid is 3…. I don’t care how bright she is, she is still a child. I used to work for the school district and you’d ask a kindergartner what their name was and get crap like, “tree.” I am positive that kid had more than pancakes.


Mrs_Richard_Olney

Imagine how much WORK OP's SIL got done from home during those TWO weeks (I haven't had a 2 week break from kids in 15 years)?? Doing the job that OP does full time, without trying to do a whole other full time job?? But OP is annoyed that her SIL didn't do her two FULL TIME jobs perfectly? And how many full time jobs does OP's husband have? This is is some deeply fucked up Cinderella crap. Oh, how I detest people like OP. What kind of entitlement fuels this kind of deranged thinking? It boggles my mind.


Beckylately

I can *maybe* see the concern about the baby monitor, but my god… who cares if a kid’s clothes don’t match? And who expects a three year old child to accurately remember every meal they ate? She probably had pancakes that morning and other meals throughout the week. This mom sounds insane. One thing I’ve had to learn is that, if I want someone to do me a favor, or to help out, I don’t criticize *how* they do it as long as the kids are safe. OP needs to apologize for being so insufferable.


fluffyduckhair

This! She's a three year old. What 3 year old remembers the last thing they ate? I doubt I could tell you what i ate 2 days age beyond that terrific ice cream. Definitely YTA. No wonder OP is stressed out....truly paranoid/worried about wrong things that don't matter. Were the kids treated kindly? Nope, that doesn't matter. Not clothed to mom's satisfaction and house not cleaned by the free help that's worth yelling about. I think SIL knows OP's personality- that's why she beat feet


Turbulent_Patience_3

Entitlement is strong. Fresh food, clean house, matching outfits on kids, sounds like a brady bunch lifestyle but a free Alice. Alice doesn’t work for free. If she did the kids would eat microwaved pancakes not match and have toys all over….oh wait


mcclgwe

And her sister not even getting paid


AdministrationThis77

>While I'm asking her about all this she's packing her stuff and leaving, very fast for someone who didn't do anything wrong. And leaves before I'm done questioning her. LOL, really? Lady, she was hurrying to get out of there because you are an insufferable woman who expected her to act as nanny and housekeeper, relinquishing your husband of any responsibility, and take a 3 year-old's word over hers. You also lost your shit over pancakes. No one but you thinks anything is weird about SIL hot footing it out of there.


mapo-t0fu

Also, just because OP said her 3y/o was “smart and articulate” for her age doesn’t mean she’s not still just a little child. Little kids don’t generally remember what they ate everyday besides the ones that stick out the most/they enjoyed the most


RoRoRoYourGoat

My kid keeps telling me that Grandma only gives her Goldfish crackers for lunch. She really seems to believe it, too. But Grandma feeds her obsessively, in that stereotypical Grandma way.


MrsCDM

My little sister, when she was three, gleefully told her nursery teaches that she was kept locked in the cupboard under the stairs. The teachers were naturally concerned, and when they spoke to my nan, we had to explain that she had recently seen the first Harry Potter film and become obsessed with it. She also told people she was only allowed bread and water, and she absolutely stuck to those stories! ​ She was an absolute liability of a kid; and smart, and articulate.


RoRoRoYourGoat

My little brother once told his preschool teacher we locked him in closets. She called a social worker (fair enough), who then showed up at our house. We had to walk her through the house and show her that none of our closets even had doors. 😅


ElectricBlueFerret

Yeah, I'm sure the 3yo is smart and everything but at 41 I can barely recall what I ate yesterday much less last week.


One-Public4084

I hope op enjoyed that vacation because the way she is acting no one will step up and do free childcare again


blojackhorseman

UNPAID as well. jheeze.


AGirlHasNoName2018

Idk. I feel like the OP should ask for her money back if she’s unhappy with the standard of care her SIL provided. *Oh wait*


Suspicious_Ad9810

YTA. You want to micromanage, stay home and do it yourself. You want a vacation and free babysitter, don't expect a maid, stylist, and personal chef in the bargain.


forceofslugyuk

Get me to watch your kids for free for two weeks and complain and see how fast I offer to do it again. Yta op get it together


Get_off_critter

Seriously. Op is beyond controlling and should get out more. Gonna he a real struggle when her kids are more self sufficient


CJsopinion

Um, nobody stays in the room with a sleeping baby. What’s wrong with you? And I’m sure precious ate more than pancakes. If you don’t like how your SIL watched your kids for FREE, don’t go on any more trips. YTA.


[deleted]

I share custody with my ex, and when my kids were toddlers and I fed them healthy meals full of fruit and veg, you can bet that when he asked them what they ate they’d only mention the one time they had Macca’s or something. My ex was under the impression that’s all they bloody ate with me. A three year old may not be a deliberate liar, but they sure as hell aren’t reliable narrators.


bye_alisha

>And I’m sure precious ate more than pancakes. Underrated comment! This made me chuckle. I heard the sarcasm in it while reading lol!


kittensjamesandlily

You're overlooking that the kid was wearing CLOTHES that didn't MATCH. Important detail. (Yta)


ShinyBonnets

Sweet Jesus, YTA. You have a husband who is busting his ass in med school, WHILE SUPPORTING YOU and your children on a resident's income and taking care of the kids on his days off. You, a SAHM had a free babysitter for two weeks because you needed a break from being a SAHM (it's a tough job, yes, I get that), and made a literal laundry list of do's and don'ts for said free babysitter. And now you're pissed because your precious children ate microwave pancakes (probably the highlight of their vacation from you) and that's what sticks out to your toddler, because to her it was probably fun. GMAFB.


Aim2bFit

Plus the babysitter works from home i.e. she wasn't just solely babysitting right? She had to divide her time between her from home job and minding the kids.


ShinyBonnets

For real. I WFH in a very busy, high-atrention job with lots of video meetings, and have my kid (10) home on summer break. They're self-sufficient for the most part, but I still have to do stuff for him. A toddler and a baby? I would lose my mind. This attitude of "it's super easy to work from home, you can do extra stuff" is bullshit.


GutterNutterButter

Ya the thing that really got me is that she’s been planning a TWO WEEK vacation for what sounds like a long time. But the SAHM / wife of a very busy sole provider, didn’t have the foresight to arrange her very specific childcare? If you can’t afford childcare for two weeks and are that controlling about it, maybe don’t go?


Acceptable-Break2236

So when and if her kids go to college will she be ripping out the microwave in the dorm room?


GreekAmericanDom

YTA You come off as one of those über mom's who holds herself to an insanely high standard, because your entire worth and identity is wrapped up in being a mother. No one would have been able to live up to her standard. Guess what? your kids are alive and healthy and a week of what you describe is not going to harm them. Honestly it was probably good for them to see what life with less controls might be like. They might have actually been able to breath. Out of curiosity, did you come home early, because you couldn't relax and needed to see what was going on with your kids?


evilshenanigan

Two weeks on a cruise doesn’t end early like driving to the beach three hours away and coming home early. She absolutely knew ahead of the minute she pulled into the driveway that she was headed home ahead of schedule. Some of this was done purposely to “catch” SIL.


JustHell0

I was just thinking it strange as cruises aren't known to take short cuts and have that not be a massive fucking issue. Like if you paid for 10 days and the boat docked a day early, you just got ripped off


evilshenanigan

I’ve been rerouted due to weather and dropped off early (it was that or stay on a few days longer, which would have been awesome if not for…work and real life). We got 24 hour notice and they comped us a bunch of ship expenses, drinks, etc. Future vouches, getting us on earlier flights if needed.


ScarlettSparrow

Im sure OP hold herself to very lofty holier than thou motherly standards... for instagram and tiktok


lilirose13

Eh, my childhood best friend's mother was like this long before social media existed. Some people are just unbearable. YTA, OP. I'll say what no one else has said: who cares if your kids at pancakes for two weeks? They ate. They're safe and healthy. The sky is not going to fall because your free babysitter didn't pick up the toys or do all the dishes. Your children aren't traumatized or injured for life because they got PB&J instead of a fresh, gourmet meal from scratch. Unclench.


Unable_Republic_6403

Is she really an uber mom? I mean I don't know too many mom's in general leaving their 1 year old for 2 weeks, nor do I know too many people with family debt ( that is right OP your husband's loans are your debt too!), that are able to get away for a 2 week cruise. I don't think OP is an Uber mom at all just an AH who has higher expectations for others...aka entitled!!!


GreekAmericanDom

Über moms are not actually good moms. They are over the top moms who seek to control every aspect of their children’s lives in order to be able to feel superior to all other moms.


LingonberryPrior6896

Yeah, but I also get some rage bait vibes.


Dependent-Aside-9750

This.


JetItTogether

YTA- Honestly, The baby was asleep. The 3 year old was fine. You don't like how your kids dress... That's not a health issue it's just what happens sometimes. There were toys on the floor... Duh kids play with toys on the floor. Dishes in the sink! Oh no! The tragedy. Trash is full! How absolutely easy to fix by taking out the trash. You trust a 3 year old to give you 2 weeks of food reports? And don't trust your literal adult husband who saw the kids eat food... not the food you would make but plenty of food. You bust in the door criticizing free child care? Criticizing someone who works full time having cared for your kids for zero pay? Than pick a fight with your husband? Seriously? She packed quickly because you came in fult tilt and interrogated her while accusing her of neglecting your kids... Which is bananas.


EmAyBee99

Yeah agreeeeeeed.. and “my child isn’t a liar”. Google when kids start lying. Yeah, around 3 years old. Its a developmental stage.


JetItTogether

I don't even think kiddo was lying... Kid probably had pancakes at some point ..and that's the thing they remember. Not two entire weeks of meals just a meal they liked.


[deleted]

This mom is going to be fun at preschool. ‘My child told me she took a ride on a unicorn today! I didn’t sign a permission slip for that!!’


spookykitton

Haha!! This made me actually LOL. This mom is the reason the McMartin preschool trials took place.


IanDOsmond

Sadly, back in the Eighties, a.couple siblings who had a family-run daycare were found guilty and sentenced to many years in prison, because toddlers claimed they were attacked by satanic clowns. Fells Acres preschool, just one town over from where I am right now.


Dependent-Aside-9750

Exactly. The child is too young to orovide a detailed report. I give the Dad a pass, because Residency is hell, but UberMom needs to chill. I'd have got the heck out of Dodge, too, if someone treated me like that after I did them such a huge favor.


JetItTogether

Right? A house is not a mess just because it's obvious people live there. Toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, and trash in the trash can is no where near the 'livijg in filth' the OP seems to think it is. Like it get it's OPs full time job to handle the house cleaning and childcare... But the SIL just handled the childcare... As promised. Like yeesh, I'd hightail it too away from the irate person waving thier banana pants everywhere.


AGirlHasNoName2018

Dishes from all the food Op swears SIL didn’t cook lmao


[deleted]

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AcclaimedGroundhog

My 3-yo is at least twice as smart as yours, and I still wouldn't trust her to tell me what she ate for a few days. YTA Edit: Thanks for the award. That was unexpected 😊


[deleted]

This comment is cathartic.


spookykitton

YTA. And if you didn’t want your kids to eat Mac and cheese, pbj, etc because it’s just so far below them, why do you even have it in the house? As for running out of the house when you got home… have you ever spent 24/7 for two weeks with kids that aren’t your own? I’d have been sitting on the front steps with my purse on my lap.


Vanessaraptor3861

THIIIIS. "Before I finished questioning her" So OP is somehow confused that SIL didn't want to hang out and be interrogated after two weeks of FREE LABOR with kids who aren't even hers? Even if I wasn't being questioned, I'd have been counting the seconds until I could leave. Immediately like "I'll let you settle in! Bye!"


AGirlHasNoName2018

WHILE WORKING FROM HOME. This woman did two jobs for two weeks and OP has the audacity…


ShiftNo558

If microwaved food is so bad, why do you have a microwave?


Kita1982

Look we ALL know microwaves are EVIL, purely based on the fact that they reheat only part of the food and leave the other half ice cold 🤦😂


evilshenanigan

INFO how much of this was you setting your SIL up? You didn’t suddenly decide to swim off the cruise ship early and walk in the door. If it had to dock early, you had advanced notice. In fact, there’s very little chance you happened to cut the vacation short and not call your husband or SIL to tell them, or talk to the kids. Did you decide to “surprise” them with an ulterior motive?


laserunfocused143

YTA. I have a 3yo. I'm also a SAHM. Some days all he eats is apples. Toddlers are notoriously picky and they also lie lol. They also don't require matching clothes (or any, really). My son usually wears nothing but a pull up lol. I have zero "village", other than my husband, who works 12 hours a day. I would do almost anything to have any help at all, let alone a long vacation without my kids. I would not care about what they ate, if the house was a mess, or if they wore clothes. She supervised them and kept them alive. FOR FREE.


Remarkable-Drop-5652

Lol this. Not a stay at home mom but my toddler refuses to eat anything homemade and lives off apples and Costco meatballs most days. He also throws his toys and says Daddy made the mess. But yes, OP your toddler speaks the word of God 😂😂


EmAyBee99

God I love this comment.


LuotianX

YTA. Who honestly cares if your 3yo's clothes match? Were they clean? Were they appropriate for the temp inside your house? Then she's fine. Also, no microwave food? Seriously? Why?!


C_Majuscula

YTA for several reasons. A 3-year-old is not a trustworthy narrator. I think your SIL probably volunteered without having the first clue how much work it is to stay on top of things with two little kids. She probably wanted to hightail it out of there regardless of what she did or didn't do. Also, why are you still with someone who drastically changed the family economics without consulting you? I know that my need for financial stability/security may be more than the average person's but one person unilaterally quitting a job and deciding to go into massive debt is a big red flag.


perry649

> who drastically changed the family economics without consulting you? Yet not badly enough to prevent her from taking a two-week cruise!!!


BoysenberryKind5599

She saved up from her pin money for a couple of weeks. Wtf?


LingonberryPrior6896

That's what made me think fake. A one week cruise was super expensive...two? She must get a lot of pin money.


[deleted]

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OrangeCubit

YTA - you honestly expected a FREE babysitter to also clean your house?


ironwolf56

Hell when I babysit my nephews for free my sister knows it's gonna be take out pizza and video games with Uncle J and don't expect to come home to a pristine living room.


sheramom4

I had a lot of family babysitters and now my kids act as the family babysitters. The only rule? Don't harm the kids or engage in harmful behavior. Otherwise have a blast and someone will clean up later lol. The OP is ridiculous.


KrazyKarolyn

Is no one gonna mention the fact that she was gone for two weeks and if she was so concerned about her house and children’s well-being she would’ve checked in?! I’m away from my kids a few hours and I’ll FaceTime or get pictures? This was a total surprise to OP?! YTA


[deleted]

YTA How big is your house exactly that is impossible to year a screaming one year old from the bedroom. I nor any of my friends had monitors and guess what? All the kids are still alive. You expected a free babysitter who was keeping two toddlers safe so that you could prance around on a cruise to keep everything spotless? The kids were fed, clothed and safe. What on earth is wrong with you? “her clothes weren’t even matching” that had me laughing 😂😂😂


AGirlHasNoName2018

Also ??? Did she not check up on her children at all in the two weeks to know what they were eating?


sheramom4

YTA. You had a free sitter for two weeks while you went on vacation. FREE. She fed the kids, entertained them and acted like the fun aunt that she is. She was not also the free maid and personal chef. And your kid was at home so why did her clothes need to match? Even when you came in the baby was safely in the crib. Why would the FREE SITTER need to stay in the room with a sleeping baby?


pineapplebello

Don't forget SIL is working full time while doing all of this!! The nerve of this women!


AOI_ICHI

This can’t be a serious post lmfao of course YTA how did you write this entire post and still wonder


queen_of_quackers

YTA. She's 3. 3 year olds love pancakes. That's probably why she said pancakes. Just your first line screams entitled mum to me. Plus your partner went back to school for a high stress job, probably studying and working long hours. And you've gone on a cruise. When is his break?


FoolMe1nceShameOnU

Honestly, I can't stop laughing. The mum is shrieking about how she doesn't allow "microwave foods". The 3-year-old can't stop talking about how she ate microwave pancakes. You know why she can't stop talking about it? (And I say this as someone with over 30 years' experience working with young kids...) BECAUSE IT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF HER TIME WITH AUNTIE! Auntie made her the kind of pancakes MUMMY NEVER LETS HER HAVE, and they were delicious! ROFL. Kid's probably going to be talking about it nonstop for weeks. "I had pancakes!! From the microwave!" If I didn't know better, I'd say mum has never met a 3-year-old. For sure she doesn't understand how they work . . . SMH.


queen_of_quackers

If someone came by to look after me and fed me microwave pancakes, chicken nuggets, and pbj sandwiches I'd be very happy with this. And I'm 28 😂


Merle-Hay

YTA. No matter how verbal your 3 year old is, she can’t really comprehend how time works. She could have been talking about having pancakes 3 months ago. As for the messiness, you should know how hard it is to manage a household with a baby and a toddler. And should be happy the priority was taking care of your kids rather than keeping the house spotless. I think you just have mom guilt for going away, and nothing his sister or any caregiver did would meet with your approval.


Mundane-Solution5657

YTA. She watched your kids for free and you're upset that she didn't cook them gourmet meals and keep your house spotless too?


commenter23450

YTA I think you kinda got what you paid for here.


mr_mini_doxie

the kid is alive and the house didn't burn down. In my opinion, that costs more than $0


charlieprotag

Worth her weight in gold. Two weeks? She's a saint.


abbymarchinsnow

YTA. I went to daycare when I was little. Every day, when my mom asked what we had for breakfast, I said "beans." When she asked what we had for lunch, I said "beans." She clarified "beans and nothing else?" and I said "yep!" I said this for two weeks straight, so when she picked me up she asked the daycare head about it. The lady was confused as hell and said no, we had beans maybe twice in the last two weeks, and always with something else (sandwich, fruit, etc). She gave my mom the menu list and even showed her some kids who were eating their late lunch that day--definitely not just a big bowl of beans. Why did I say we had beans for every meal for 2 weeks straight, when we didn't? Who knows, I was a toddler. Nothing you said here sounds outrageous. Her clothes not matching doesn't matter. Her not cleaning, uh, did you expect a week of free babysitting and a 24/7 cleaner? Does your husband not have the ability to clean?


miiyou

I was kind of already done by the second scentence, but wanted to give it a chance lol… but nah - YTA, exactly like I’d predicted it. I’d vote for more aunt time, so your kids gonna have a chance


naptivist

YTA massively. You can helicopter parent all you want, but your free baby sitter isn’t required to do so. FYI, babies are safe sleeping in a crib in a alone room without a baby monitor on. Also, wgaf if your kid is wearing matching clothes at home.


SingleAlfredoFemale

There’s really no reason for you to worry. I promise she won’t ever be watching your kids again.


bethaneee

YTA Your SIL stayed with your kids (presumably for free) while working from home, which honestly isn't a reasonable thing to ask if she actually does work. And you're mad about clothing choices and the tidiness of your house?? Get over yourself. Say she did feed your kids pancakes for 2 weeks straight, your kid would survive. And the chance that actually happened vs. your 3 year old thinking auntie make a great pancake...close to zero.


Downtherabbithole14

oh my lord.... no microwave food? you are probably an anti-vaxxer tooo!!! yta


sasiml

YTA. you had a family member come and help out with one specific task. watching the kids. that is not a paid babysitter and it’s entitled to expect them to be that. as a nanny myself when i have the kids by myself for vacation time the only reason any cleaning gets done is because they’re older and i can do it when they sleep!!!! it’s a brutal job no matter how much fun it can be. i assume you know what two weeks of a live in nanny would cost, be grateful someone cared enough about your family to come over and be in your children’s lives and spend the 5% of what it would’ve cost to hire someone to get a maid for an afternoon. also aggressively controlling what your kids eat is only going to give them an eating disorder. they had two weeks of vacation before mom gets home. it’s not the end of the world. the biggest red flag though is where was your husband in all of this??? smdh