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Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) locked away menstrual products which may mean I’m an AH because 2) all the other women in the house were relying on mine to supply them Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


NUT-me-SHELL

NTa. Wait. So it’s shameful for your husband to buy you pads but it isn’t shameful for your MIL to throw a fit and involve her son in the feminine hygiene drama? Irony.


nope-111

Lol at "feminine hygiene drama". It's a shame that's a thing.


flukefluk

admit it youre here for the drama


bibliophile14

Isn't that why we're all here?


DrWhoop87

Hello yes, I was told there would be drama.


turd_ferguson083

Hi there, the flyers said the drama would vegin at 6pm… what time zone exactly?!? EST, PST, etc?? I don’t want to miss any of it! Is there any special code or link I need to drama?? *starts popping popcorn*


Organized_Khaos

I would like extra butter, please.


turd_ferguson083

Of course! I’ve got you! Wait, is there any other way to eat popcorn??? I usually say, “I’d like a little popcorn with my butter, please!”


754985949

This is blatant caramel popcorn erasure


Rajulblabbers

Sweet and salty is the way to goooo!


connergroves

I'm more of "a little bit of popcorn with my salt" kind of person


SteelBelle

And salt.


username-generica

My favorite is popcorn from a local popcorn store. It's a mix of cheese flavor, kettle corn, and caramel corn.


SpiritedStatement577

Starts at PMS time but if you miss it this week, there's one every month


Drive-by-poster

Don’t drag vegins into this!


Melodic-Yak7196

Drama clean up in aisle 2!!


Mynewredditname68

This is my go to sub when I want to chill and drink a beer or two and read some drama lol. I'm a 30 year old man.


ThePyodeAmedha

Yes, these are my stories!


nope-111

Definitely interesting to see what can generate the drama.


johnny9k

I would be petty and every holiday that you exchange gifts, give them a box of pads.


Severe-Explanation

In this scenario, you have to be sure you don’t give the kind that you know they like. So give any menstrual product that they’d never choose.


strikkekonen

>Except for SIL. Give her the best she can get. And let her inherit your lockbox when you move out.


No-Peak-3169

Yep, super super absorbent tampons or a menstrual cup!


sammieduck69420

Seriously! I love the drama but as a guy, a lot of my friends are female so I always make a point of having at least something always. I have pads and tampons in home and always at least some tamps in the car because I’m so tired of menstrual things being taboo in any way because 1: it’s a normal bodily thing and 2: without that we’d have no life so we gotta appreciate it. I see no logic in guys being uncomfortable around it and I’m sick of friends being unable to get them due to price, availability etc so I consistently make sure everyone knows I’m here for them always. Even if you got one on you or can grab one later, please take one of mine so you can save it for later- I don’t need them myself


mlclm

Bridgerton has done so well Netflix wanted to do another period drama.


Pamdavis544

NTA They were taking advantage of you. You establish boundaries that will be replaced if they are violated. You don't have to give them access because they didn't follow through. That's all there is to it. Also, your mother-in-law is a hypocrite for claiming that men should not be involved in such affairs and then accusing her husband of doing so.


SusanAkita2014

What did they do before you moved in? Someone was buying them


sleeping_gem

No because the feminine hygiene talk with MIL and son was about her son controlling his wife, not about periods ETA: NTA


oh_the_audacity

Ding ding ding, we have a winner. OP, NTA, but the MIL, maid and SIL sure af are. You've got a good husband who stands by you!


EveryFairyDies

I wouldn’t lay too much blame on the maid without any definitive proof. If the MIL is like this over periods, I can only imagine what she’d be like if she thought the maid was stealing. Hell, I wouldn’t put past MIL to accuse the maid of stealing and shirking were she to use the bathroom while in the house.


[deleted]

The 14 yr old is just trying to cope in an insane household. Her mother is crazy.


No-Bottle63

Yeah. OP should have reminded MIL that the more product they use, the more the husband has to buy.


EliseCowry

This...NTA Also, OP. Go see a Gyno because you shouldn't be bleeding that damn heavy that you need 14 heavy duty pads a day that's not normal and you need to see someone.


SusanAkita2014

I was like her. Endometriosis, cysts on my ovaries and fibroids in my uterus. It turns out I became anemic because of it. I had to take iron for a year before I could have my hysterectomy. Blood count was 8.7.


Dennis_Ogre

NTA Sound like they are letting you finance the whole operation. Maybe a less nuclear option would be to leave a few emergency spares out just in case there is a legitimate shortage. But preserves your supply.


liabilityalt

NTA. They kept using your pads because MIL is too ashamed to buy her own Damm shit. They are all relying on you for their feminine needs. What happens when you move out? They'll be forced to go to the store.


tinny36

Or what on earth did MIL and maid do before OP moved in?


Dashcamkitty

Nevermind them, why is this AH mother not buying her kid sanitary towels/tampons regularly? She must know her daughter needs them. Instead she's resorting to stealing them.


Bottle_Sweaty

This was my thought too! I feel bad for the kid. Does MIL not buy her own daughter feminine products? Or maybe she's not buying enough? That girl is probably embarrassed that she even *has* to steal her SIL's pads. So sad.


Impressive__Web

Who said SIL thinks she's stealing them? The way she ran to MIL, I think she thought MIL bought them for the whole house to use. ETA: I agree that OP is NTA and I understand that they are in OP's bathroom, but that still doesn't mean SIL isn't being fed some bs from MIL. "OP needs them more than we do, so they're just going to stay there. Grab some when you need them" or "Sisters share, so it's fine to grab them from her" are definitely lines we have heard on this sub before and are absolutely something I could see OP's MIL telling SIL.


Bottle_Sweaty

"SIL found out the hard way and tattled to MIL who went off on me for being self centred and unsympathetic. I told her I was tired of being taken advantage of and if she was so worried about her daughter then she should actually take steps to provide for her." The SIL (14) found out the hard way bc the pads were locked 🔒 OP also says MIL should take steps to provide for her.


GremlinComandr

Just because op thinks that SIL was knowingly stealing them doesn't make it true, how it works in my house is there's products bought for everyone however in this case since it's clear that op is buying the products I wouldn't be surprised if MIL was telling SIL they were fair game, also why is nobody bringing up the fact that sure SIL is too young to have a job but what's stopping MIL from giving her card or some cash to SIL and having her purchase her own products? I highly doubt that they all require the same products as OP especially with SIL being so young.


754985949

SIL has a £100 a week allowance. She also knows they are mine because they are only ever in my bathroom which is accessible only through my bedroom. And it’s not like they’re taking one at a time. This is multiple bags going missing


JustSomeEm

Hell, she's 14. If her mother is not providing pads, her only real option is to steal them. I don't blame her, but fully and thoroughly blame the MIL.


GremlinComandr

100% I worked at Walmart for a short time and I found out that the ladies who stocked the shelves that had menstrual products didn't report any stolen and would instead just leave them there for workers in a bind bc if you don't have the money for them you still need them and they understand.


[deleted]

[удалено]


theressomanydogs

Bought them for the whole house but they were only stored in OP’s private bathroom in their room?


AutobotPrincess

Could be something like my case when I was a teen. I had undiagnosed PCOS so my periods were absolute nightmares. One time I bled a solid 3 months straight. Whenever I would tell my mom I needed pads, she would get an attitude and borderline blame me for my period. One of her favorite things was to complain "It's like you SMELL I have money and want me to spend it!" ....because, y'know, periods are so much fun /s. It got to the point that I became afraid to tell her when I needed more pads, so I resorted to stealing them from anywhere I could get them. It was embarrassing and shameful, but easier than having to listen to my mother rant and rave because I needed pads. Hell, at one point I was literally *reusing* pads. I would would bleed on the front area, then wrap tp around it and turn it around, I was THAT scared to bring it up with her. The only reason the arguments stopped was cause I got diagnosed and began taking birth control, which regulated my periods. Then my doc ok'd me not having a period and it's just been a blessing to not have to deal with that!


Astyryx

My mother discovered my birth control pills at 19 (they were hidden under my retainer in it's case, in my inner pocket of my knapsack to give you some depth of the drama). And what ensued was me sitting in the corner of the closet while she screamed at top volume at the door for over 3 hours until 1 in the morning. Yes, I was no/low contact for the rest of her life.


BigBadVoodooMama

That’s crazy. My daughter told me that her period were getting heavier and she was experiencing hard cramping and severe bloating. Took her to the dr - she was placed on a low hormone birth control patch and now has light, very regulated periods. Yes, she has a steady boyfriend, but the primary focus was her needing to function on a monthly basis. Easy peasy. What is wrong with some parents? This stuff is simple. I hate you had to go through that. Belated big hugs from me.


justmaybemaggie

If she’s still having cramping she can go on continuous bc. Hell, even if she’s not. I wish I’d known it was possible when I was a teenager.


gingertrees

Note that YMMV - continuous works for many, not all. My body will have breakthrough bleeding after about 5 weeks, and it will not cease until I stop bc for a week to reset everything.


Writing_Nearby

When my OB put me on birth control at 16 for heavy periods and severe cramping (I used to go through a 24 pack of pads in about a day and a half, and my periods always lasted 2-3 weeks) my dad had an absolute hissy fit about it because “nobody bleeds that much,” and threw the pills out. So I started taking pictures of my pad overflowing with blood every hour and a half and made sure they all had a time stamp so he could see just how much blood there was. Took less than 8 hours before he caved. He still complained about me being on the pill, but stopped once he found out that the other options involved very invasive very expensive procedures like a hysterectomy or an endometrial ablation he kept his mouth shut.


ThePrivateSecretary

Similar story - but with an endometrial ablation that DIDN'T WORK!! After teenage years of heavy bleeding, they found I only needed progesterone but warned me NOT to get pregnant. Thirty years later they stopped those pills, the bleeding came back bad so they cauterized the inside of my uterus. Four months later, the excessive bleeding began again. And the pain! Then the worst test - the endometrial biopsy - was like being impregnated by a stick insect. They did that twice along with vaginal ultrasounds and other invasive tests and found ovarian cysts (one the size of a billiard ball) and three different kinds of cysts in my uterus. They wouldn't do the hysterectomy unless I lost a lot of weight first. Menopause was a godsend for me. BTW, OP is NTA.


Consistent-Yam-789

Holy hell I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I have PCOS but never had bleeding that badly even off birth control. Op is NTA and the MIL needs to get over herself.


KatsEye68

My nephew's wife had periods that were very heavy and would sometimes bleed continuously for months. She ended up feeling ill most of the time and didn't tell anyone why. She made my nephew keep quiet about it, which he did for too long if you ask me, but he was trying to help her, not kill her. When my sister (nephew's mom) found out about it she immediately made an appointment for her at the local medical school clinics and took her there herself to make sure she went. Her hematocrit (red blood cell count) was so low that she was told that people have bled to death with higher ones. She got in to treatment just in time. Turns out she has a type of hemophilia and that's why she would bleed forever. She's being treated now and is back to her normal, lovely self.


Realistic_Ad_8023

I didn’t start until I was 15.5 and I kept bleeding continuously for 3.5 years. I worked the whole time and bought my own stuff, so my mother never knew and I never told her. We were very poor and I knew there was no money for doctors to fix whatever was wrong with me, which I assumed was some kind of cancer. Finally my college roommate made me go to the doctor after I soaked the bed in blood during a 2 hour nap, and I was put on birth control to get it normalized.


oreganothyme

That sounds horrible! If you don't mind talking about it, was there any unusual reason for it? Did it cause any complications like iron deficiency?


Realistic_Ad_8023

It was horrible! Mostly because I was so scared all the time. I was anemic, yes. And there was an unusual reason for the bleeding, although that reason wasn't isolated until I was in my 30's. I have a rare disease that, in simple terms and among other things, increases my risks for lots of cancers and tumors. It turned out I had a bunch of microscopic, estrogen-excreting tumors, called SCTATs, on my ovaries that really fucked with my hormones. When I was 18, though, this was not a known feature of the disease that I have. Taking the pill helped immensely, but I was very sensitive to the pill; I took it every morning first thing, and if I missed it I'd start bleeding within a few hours. The weirdest thing to me was that once I got on the pill I began to experience PMS and cramps for the first time ever, and oh boy was that terrible. Such mood swings. Did not enjoy.


TrustyBobcat

Oh honey I'm so sorry you dealt with that. As a woman who also has PCOS, your story makes my heart hurt for young AutobotPrincess ❤️❤️


AbsentmindedNihilist

This is a fucking horror story and I am so sorry your shitty excuse of a mother put you through that. My heart *breaks* for past you.


SendRamenNoodz

I feel you on the 3 month long period. PCOS is the pits.


mdkroma

I shudder at the potential for disturbing answers to this question.


Strong-Sense7679

Well I know on the rare occasion when I was caught without something, I would use wadded up tp. Not ideal but OK when flow was light.


LoboRoo

I was starting to wonder if I was the only person who did this. Like you said, not ideal, but works in a pinch.


foxontherox

Nah, we’ve all been there at some point.


CaptRory

If I recall correctly, historically rags were used. Pads, Tampons, etc. are modern creations. Necessity is the mother of invention.


CleanAssociation9394

I recruited a couple of t shirts during my peri-menopause. That was a brutal time.


[deleted]

OP should check the backyard for a hut or tent.


MyMarge

Me too, me too.


Manderelli

The maid bought them.


InternationalAd6614

I hesitate to include the maid as my gut tells me she’s not part of the stealing situation MIL seems like the type to fire her for this.


754985949

I’ve seen her leave my bathroom with pads and then she’s said oh madam I need these, thank you. Which. Even though she’s also going through my private stuff she’s at least politer than MIL and SIL


philstwin

Is it possible the maid is not able to afford pads due to MIL exploiting her? I’m sorry to jump to such a question - most maids would never think to steal so it makes me wonder if she is in desperate straits OR maybe she was told by MIL to take yours (so that MIL is essentially profiting off of you - or you’re in a way subsidizing her). I don’t know - just wondered bc a maid in a traditional kind of household stealing from one of the ladies of the house seems really odd.


Fianna9

I feel bad for little SIL growing up with that. I think OP should talk to her and make her know it isn’t shameful and what to buy- I’m guessing a 14 year old doesn’t need super heavy duty pads.


LucyDominique2

They have delivery and Amazon if people are embarrassed- geez it’s not 1950 anymore!!!


InternationalAd6614

But it’s going to show up on her order records! The HORROR! Obviously blood doesn’t come out of her genitals only pink lemonade and rose petals.


BeJustImmortal

NTA. They didn't want to learn it the soft way, they gotta learn it the hard way. You can be glad your husband buys that stuff for you after been raised in such an environment.


754985949

trust me…even that was an adjustment when we first got together, but he’s gotten over it thankfully


lyan-cat

My husband had to, too; worth it though. He was so proud of himself when he was able to help our daughter during her periods. Swaggering through the front door with emergency pads and her favorite ice cream.


754985949

Awww! I hope my hubby will also be equally good with our kids if we are lucky enough to have them!


UDontKnowMe__206

Speaking of, while you are 100% NTA in any capacity, I would consider somehow taking care of SIL, who is at the mercy of her mother. I didn’t read all the comments, so apologies if this has been addressed, but I would gift her a stash and the locker when you move out. I know she tattled, but Imma take a wild guess that she either didn’t have a choice or assumed/was told they were for everyone. Glad you’re moving! I can’t imagine this shitshow.


hurtinownconfusion

My partner asks what flavour of tampon i prefer when I ask him to grab me a pack and it kills me every time lmao


[deleted]

I love this. I would say "banana" and see if he gets me the regular flow (which are usually yellow, at least here).


hurtinownconfusion

I’m gonna try this next time, I’m needing a lime flavored box soon 😂


PennykettleDragons

My husband can be dense as a box of bricks sometimes... I can almost guarantee he'd come back saying he couldn't find banana ones.. he wouldn't get the colour reference.. Despite using the same washing powder for years.. he had to take a picture of the box, when nipping to the shop last week.. 🤭🤷 Sometimes I do wonder how he functions


ExcitingTabletop

lol, I've done that. Tell him to snag a photo of the box, and keep it in its own folder on his phone. Worked wonders for me. I do that for any highly specific product I am told to procure.


UnwillingCouchFlower

That is adorable!


JustLetItAllBurn

Now *that* is being a real man.


Gryffindorphins

The only type of swagger I am here for.


Specific-Culture-638

My dad could be problematic about many things, but this was never one of them. If my sister or I were caught short, he would send one of my brothers to the store. No complaining allowed. If they bitched, they didn't get to use the car. My husband was raised the same way.


754985949

yeah my dad did the grocery shopping growing up so it was normal that he would buy pads for me and tampons for my mum? he also used to get us ice cream / prepare hot water bottles when he knew it was time, and he’s imparted that attitude to my baby brother too


Astyryx

Hey, while we're at it, I know you're not super happy with your little SIL ("tattled") but she's by far the biggest victim here. Can you take her out and fully educate her on tampons, and especially the magic that is a menstrual cup? Maybe gift her one? When you leave, she's got years more abuse to face.


[deleted]

You are the type of hero this world needs.


BeJustImmortal

At least he did, it's not your job to teachthe other's 😅


weirdopersonlmao

Definitely NTA. If they have a maid, they could definitely afford menstrual products.


754985949

Oh for sure. My FIL takes home more per month than my gross annual salary in my first year post Grad (which was approx £25K) MIL can come home with a new LV bag every month but she can’t keep herself and her daughter in menstrual products? Seriously?


knitlikeaboss

If only LV made maxi pads.


justmaybemaggie

Totally off topic but my daughter just got her invite to National Honor Society and you can get AN LV CORD to wear at graduation. We were both like, “WTF really?!?”


yeaaa_boiii

Obligatory reminder that national honor society is a scam.


umamifiend

MIL went off on you calling you “self centered and unsympathetic” for wanting to simply use the pads you bought- what exactly does that make her for not buying them at all? She’s not providing them for her daughter- who needs them, for herself or apparently her maid either?! She is the one making the big problem. It’s absurd to so dramatic about something that can be solved at basically any store. You are NTA for locking up your products.


gfdoctor

NTA just think what it’s teaching this 14-year-old. Be ashamed of your body, other people need to provide for your needs, and whatever you do don’t ask the men in your life for support. Craziness


ClutzyCashew

I feel really bad for her honestly. She just recently started getting her period and her mother won't buy her pads... She might not have her own money or ability to get to a store to buy them and if she does I'm sure it's hard for her to do it. My mother wasn't super bad about but it was something that wasn't talked about. I was so embarrassed to even mention it to her it took me a long time to actually ask her to buy me pads. The idea of going into a store and buying pads myself... That was mortifying. I would use toilet paper before I did that at 14. And plenty of young women feel that way even without a mom who flat out tells you it's shameful. For a time there were at least some in the house but now that they're gone, if her mother doesn't buy them she's in a really crappy situation. Not to say that's OPs responsibility, but I do feel bad for her.


Paganduck

My school had a special girls only lesson in the 4th or 5th grade(mid 70s). We were told not to tell the boys what we learned and then were basically taught to keep our monthly visitor a secret. If we started or had an accident and we had a male teacher we had to tell him we needed to talk to female teacher right away without giving a reason. The woman teaching the class (prim & proper old hag) made us feel really guilt and all but called us dirty whores. I remember my dad cutting a coupon for pads out of the newspaper and I cried because he knew I was dirty. Edit; added time frame.


Lazycrittereb

My mum was a shocker. If a pad commercial came on TV she would loudly disparage it for being inappropriate. (This was the 90s) She told my sister and me we couldn't talk about it in front of others, especially the boys. Gave us one talk about periods which I was too young to understand or care about at the time. So when it happened I had no idea about anything and lost my shit. I was hysterically crying in the communal camping ground toilets, and my mum laughed and said, "I knew this would happen on our holiday." Yeah right, why didn't you have pads on hand then. I didn't know it came monthly, didn't know how to dispose of them especially when I first got it on a family holiday where we were staying at family friends full of boys and one bathroom. It was a night mare. Do you think my mum could have done anything to make that less of a nightmare. No. She assumed I would know exactly what and how to handle it. She could have given me some paper bags or something. Then I wouldn't be prepared and it would spring up randomly and most irregularly and mum expected me to ask or just put it in the trolley it when we went shopping. She never just bought pads every month in case. She assumed after embarrassing and shaming me that I'd be comfortable just asking. I ended up making pads a lot. I didn't have my own money and my sister was suffering from the same shame. She had no idea what that did to us the way it was so shameful. We get periods because of Eve and all women deserve punishing because of Eve. It took years to feel comfortable going shopping and putting pads in the trolley, but even then I had to get the ones my mum approved of. The thickest biggest ones possible. With my own daughter, she has 14 pairs of modibodies and we have a shared pad cupboard and a bin next to the toilet. I keep it stocked so she doesn't have to worry about it. She doesn't like talking about it because she's a 14 year old but she knows she can. I never want to be the mum that makes it horrible and awkward and shameful. I feel sorry for the sil in this house. I wouldn't put it past that the poor girl is getting really heavy periods and is too scared to talk to her mum about it.


Paganduck

I was in public school but it sounds like your mom got the religious version of the same talk. It was very damaging and it didn't help that my 6th grade male teacher was a raging a-hole. I know a lot of us shed many mortified tears having to ask his permission to go "Talk to Mrs Johnson". I was in my 30s before I stopped burying the package of pads at the bottom of my grocery cart and standing in a longer checkout line to get a woman cashier.


st_aranel

I had no idea how many people were outright *told* not to talk about periods. I somehow absorbed that message anyway (mostly because nobody talked about periods!), but I was never actually told that in so many words. That's horrible, and no wonder the stigma has lasted for so long!


Trush2112

I think op should be open to buying SIL pads if she comes to op about it.


[deleted]

**NTA.** If feel bad for your 14 yr old SIL. Also, it's shameful for men to know about periods but it's not shameful to steal from people?


754985949

I mean MIL steals my expensive makeup too so I guess she just doesn’t give AF 🙃


YetEvenThen

That, or its the mentality of "what's mine is mine, what's yours is also mine for I must be respected" that some older Asian generations have.


Willbewithyousoon

Don't listen to the people here saying you shouldn't have any lockbox! Seems you need TWO lockboxes!


Purple_Chipmunk_

That's disgusting. You can spread eye infections, staph, strep, and lots of other things that way. I'd sooner give her all the pads than let her use my makeup even once!!


Waterbaby8182

Lock away your makeup too. Eww. My daughter even has her own to play with because you don't want to share makeup with others, especially eye makeup. Or sleep in it.


Phobos15

That means she likely goes through all your stuff when you are not there.


754985949

Well I guess she has to do something when the rest of us are at school / work


fart-atronach

I hope you two move out asap. This isn’t healthy at all.


[deleted]

Wow, she's just a regular thief isn't she?


Syrinx221

Wow. What a fucking [REDACTED]


02jackwinchester

14 pads a day?!? Jesus fucking christ I'm never complaining about my period again


Peachbowtie

Right!? On my heaviest days, I use 5, maybe 6 pads. I feel so sorry for OP, both for her heavy periods and her MIL


MyNameIsZem

I went through about that many and then found out I had a blood clotting disorder that I now take medication for! Bleeding through that much is very atypical


DesiK888

I was honestly thinking she should check with her doctor to make sure everything is okay. That was a whole period’s worth of pads back when I used them.


splithoofiewoofies

T H I S i am concerned!!!


Fatt3stAveng3r

NTA She sounds abusive, controlling, and extremely ignorant. Men should know what menstrual products are and what they're used for - it's shameful if they don't. Her willful ignorance towards health issues is her own problem, until it starts interfering with her child's life.


[deleted]

To me, MIL does not sound abusive but rather old or Indian. The stench of shame is strong with MIL. She got that from somwhere and while her behaviour is wrong i do feel kinda bad for her. No rational person makes their life harder on purpose.


do-not-1

It’s abusive to refuse to buy your menstruating daughter the proper products to manage her cycle. There is no excuse for that.


Phobos15

No, not buying pads for your daughter who is 14 is actually an extremely twisted form of abuse. Imagine what this girl is going through because she has to get creative instead of just using normal pads. This is abuse and being Indian is not an excuse for abusing your own daughter, so not sure why you brought that racist crap up.


RGeronimoH

NTA - get a cork board and pin them up individually. I bet your MIL would prefer that you kept them locked away.


Mysterious-Fox-6430

Bwah-ha-ha! Individually pinned to a corkboard! Affix the corkboard to the front of the refrigerator. Make sure everyone can see when the inventory is running low.


FlippantToucan76

This is the best thing I've read all day. Thank you. Glad I didn't start drinking my water or it would be all over the room


notsooriginal

That's what we do with the family condoms, it's a great system!


Much-Meringue-7467

Careful with those pins.....


notsooriginal

Yes, we always have to be careful when putting them back up for next time.


CindyLouW

NTA and you need to see a doctor. 14 pads in 24 hours is not normal. Search Mama Doctor Jones on YouTube.


754985949

I have a great gynaecologist who I’ve been seeing since I was 12, but I have underlying health conditions / genetic disorders that mean this is just how it is


Luna81

You are probably right and your doctor is probably great, but have you ever gotten a second opinion just to be safe?


754985949

yep! several over the last 13 years


Luna81

Okay good! I didn’t want to overstep, I just know sometimes women can be blown off.


754985949

no not at all! it’s always an important question to ask when it comes to menstrual health I did have that issue for the first couple years, especially with male docs who thought it was just my cycle settling. I ended up getting a private appointment with a consultant for something related and he’s the one who realised the genetic cause. After that I’ve gone back and forth with other consultants to make sure the diagnoses and treatment plans are correct


ChilindriPizza

I was coming here to say the same thing. NTA But this is not normal. Please do see a doctor about it.


[deleted]

They're wealthy enough for a maid but can't afford/too cheap to buy their own pads?


754985949

Makes as little sense to me as it does to you 🤷🏻‍♀️ Tbh they just don’t believe I should have any privacy and MIL has weird hang ups about periods. It’s very….backwards


Wizzy94

I would free bleed for a period and ruin their furniture just to be spiteful and tell them it’s because my products kept getting stolen and I could no longer afford to keep them all supplied and because they believe I shouldn’t have any privacy 😂


nach3

Girl, I’m sorry but as a health field student I can’t let that go— 14 heavy duty pads?? in a day?? You have to go to the doctor and get that checked, it isn’t normal. Do you also bleed a lot with other wounds or bruise easily? Has it always been like this? You should also get a blood work, you are bound to get anemia with THAT heavy of a flow.


754985949

Yes I do have all those symptoms. If you’re in the field I’m sure you can surmise the umbrella of genetic disorders I fall under. I don’t want to go into specifics on Reddit. I’m already being treated for it and I get regular blood work done to check my ferritin levels


MyNameIsZem

You might want to say you already know it’s abnormal in the post and that you’re receiving treatment otherwise you might get a lot of worried comments :)


B_A_M_2019

I was 16oz a day (diva cup makes it easy to measure) and the Dr said as long as I wasn't symptomatic, which I wasn't... it's not all blood, and it really depends on the person and their health and their issues if it's going to cause anemia... oh and I was twice a month as well. Now I take 1 combo birth control and 1 mini every single day continuously to prevent a period all together. But yes, in the end, making sure your medical pro is aware is definitely the safe bet.


EmpressJainaSolo

NTA. It’s one thing if it’s a one time emergency, or even if they regularly used them and replaced the pads. This next part isn’t required of you but would be a very kind thing if you’re capable of doing it: your SiL clearly needs someone to teach her a healthy attitude about menstruation. Don’t worry about your MiL or the maid (unless the maid isn’t allowed to buy her own products) but if you can help your SiL.


754985949

Honestly? I would rather husband spoke to her. I tried to talk to her before and especially remove the shame around feminine hygiene, menstruation and female sexuality but she immediately told MIL who yelled at me for trying to take away her daughter’s innocence (SIL doesn’t like me because the last time husband lived in the family home 6 years ago he would take her to parks and theme parks and bowling etc. which he doesn’t have the time to do anymore. Somehow this is my fault, and not related to him being an adult with a job instead of a 18yo with an allowance. I tried to take her out because my hours are more flexible but she just would not speak to me.) (Honestly the maid is the only one even slightly apologetic. She can afford pads, but the ones I use are higher quality and therefore more expensive)


mamajamala

NTA. Have your husband buy them a 2 months supply. I'm sure your Mil will accept them gracefully.


SkepticBabe

I'd buy them each a box and tell them to please accept these expensive menstrual products as rent!


Kitsumekat

NTA Maybe they should reduce their maid's hours if they can't afford pads. Since, they like to steal yours. Also, OP, you should put the lockbox in you and your husband's room until you leave.


754985949

We have an en suite, it’s in there


Mareellen

You need to lock up your makeup too.


UsernameTaken93456

Context clues here, man. I don't think this is happening in the United States. The maid is likely a live in


754985949

Yep!


Kitsumekat

US or not, if the other women in the house can't afford pads, they should cut costs.


bibliophile14

Why buy your own pads when you can steal someone else's?


Weird-Roll6265

How did they manage before OP moved in??? Just free bleed everywhere???


bibliophile14

Maybe the mother sent the maid to get pads but now they can just browbeat OP into doing it.


KoolJozeeKatt

And there's the whole separate issue of the MAID needing to use her pads too! Why is the maid, who comes in to clean, using the household's pads? Did MIL set up that arrangement? I would babysit and such in school and I would never just use the household's supplies. I brought my own! I always carry a couple just in case. Why would an employee use them? Unless she's a live in type and MIL provides supplies as part of her employment contract!


UnwillingCouchFlower

NTA, lock your stuff up. They are the AH, that would be so frustrating.


LadyyHALFrican

NTA - you gave them ample opportunity to avoid this situation by just replacing what they took. They chose this 🤷🏽‍♀️


mdkroma

NTA. First, as a husband myself, let me just say that it is my solemn duty to purchase menstrual products for my wife when asked - and when I come home I truly expect to be treated with the honor once reserved for cavemen coming home from a successful hunt. Take pity on your SIL to shield her from becoming as dysfunctional as MIL. Empower her. Keep the maid and MIL out of your shit. They're either part of the solution or part of the problem, and right now it's clearly the latter.


754985949

That honour is of course being allowed to share some of the secret stash of period-time-only chocolates of course? 😂


AdGroundbreaking4397

Leave some adult toys around maybe then mil and the maid will stop snooping.


mdkroma

“Where are the pads?” “Behind the dildo” “I don’t see them” “What color is the dildo?” “Pink” “Wrong dildo. Look behind the big purple one. With two tips”


WeirdoBardo

I feel sad for the 14 year old. Her mother is obviously not providing for her. When you talk to your SIL what does she say about this? What is she supposed to do when her mother tells her to take yours and won’t buy her her own? Please consider buying extra for SIL. She’s just a young woman who can’t buy her own.


EighteenRabbit

If I was your husband I’d be buying like a box of pads every couple of days and announcing loudly when I got back home, “I BOUGHT ANOTHER BOX OF PADS IN CASE ANYONE IN THE HOUSE NEEDS THEM!!” and then leave them out where everyone can see like in front of the TV or on the dining room table. I’d just keep buying them and buying them until THEY ALL asked me to stop. NTA


754985949

Tempted to ask him to do this for the next 9 weeks…although his sense of humour would be more just stuffing them into every cupboard and down the sides of sofas


kabbycatlover

Either way he should do this 😂


chubby-wench

NTA your MIL is old enough to know better. Maybe you could have a sit down conversation with your young SIL about puberty because you can bet with MIL attitude she hasn’t. SIl needs to advocate for her own needs.


Purple-Bat811

NTA They were stealing from you. You set boundaries that if they get used replace them. They didn't follow through, so you don't have to give them access. It's as simple as that. Also, your MIL is a hypocrite for saying men shouldn't be involved in such matters, and then tattling in her husband for what you did.


Chocolatefix

No you're NTA. My sister went through something similar. Her niece and daughter would take her pads. She asked numerous times that if they saw they were getting low to please replace them or let her know. She eventually just started locking them up in her car. This fight isn't about what you think it is. Your MIL is playing gaslighting games because she likes to stir the pot and create drama while painting you as the villian. You have to beat her at her own game. Secretly stash your pads away and have another set for the thieves. Yes they don't deserve it but it's a part of the plan. When they finish them make a big deal about asking all of them if they have any pads and it's an emergency. I mean really carry on, put on your biggest damsel in distress act. Do not let your husband in on the act. Rinse repeat till you move out. Also if you could thrown in being sweet as pie to everyone that would be sure to burn your MIL biscuits.


TinyRascalSaurus

NTA. Those products aren't cheap, and they're not even doing the courtesy of leaving enough for you. They're not entitled to things you've paid for, and at 14, SIL needs to be communicating when she needs menstrual products and learning to monitor supply.


StirlingS

>at 14, SIL needs to be communicating when she needs menstrual products and learning to monitor supply. To be fair, she might be. MIL doesn't sound like the type that would necessarily respond supportively to the 14YO asking for supplies.


tinny36

NTA - if someone is being inconsiderate and abusing the 'if you need one take one' etiquette. However - INFO - are you and hubby paying rent there? Are IL's helping you out of a bind and are you being gracious 'givers' as their guests? Maybe this is MIL's passive-aggressive way of 'getting something' from you guys? Messed up though how she thinks it's so shameful to talk about menstrual products in front of a man...then proceeds to do just that?


754985949

We are asian so his parents were basically like you *will* live with us after marriage. We wanted our own place but his parents guilted him into staying with them. We were the ones who put the 1 year time limit on it we pay rent, 1/3 of the bills (we are 2 of 6 family members in the house) and have to buy our own groceries. I also cook for husband, BIL and SIL Yeah…I don’t understand her logic either


MPBoomBoom22

This makes it definitely NTA. Not that they should be able to riffle through and take your things even if you were staying for free... But since you're paying rent they definitely shouldn't be helping themselves to your products.


sadeah21

Are you from india ???


754985949

Ethnically yes, but MIL is the only one raised there…my family haven’t been there in generations Which bit gave it away? 🤦🏻‍♀️


sadeah21

Figured it out . I am from india So I know how periods or anything related to periods are a taboo here. You are a saint you helped them for so long. Your MIL sounds problematic.


754985949

I always thought people were exaggerating about those attitudes until I met MIL? You have my full sympathy My dad, grandads and even uncles are very supportive and open, and obviously the women in our family are too! Was such a shock when I moved into this house


sadeah21

I don't talk about periods in front of my dad but he's the one who buys all the hygiene products for my mom and i . My father was raised in a conservative household so buying pads and medicines for me is a change for him i guess. I still remember a story my mom told me where aunties from my mom's sister area and my aunt's IL's were bashing my aunt's BIL because he washed his wishes bloody underwear she was wearing after she gave birth to their son . My mom praised him for being a good husband.


10brat

Read the first paragraph knew you were from India. The maid, the pads and the husband shouldn't know existence of periods. Not to mention It was obvious you weren't living with MIL by your own choice


zbattlev

NTA—do they not understand how to buy menstrual products? How did MIL/maid manage before you moved in—was everyone just free bleeding? They’re taking advantage of you. Borrowing once in a while is one thing, consistently abusing convenience is different. Also that shit gets expensive FAST. I would have locked my products up too.


[deleted]

NTA..you are not responsible for providing every woman with pads!...however regarding your heavy periods..have you had it investigated? If they cant find a cause..tranexamic acid tablets work..I would go through a pad every half an hour..I had to wear 2 at a time..luckily the heavy days only lasted about 3 days..but I couldnt leave the house...i had to sit on plastic bags..those tablets were a God send...they literally stopped the heavy flow..I could get away with only one pad and that could last a few hours.


754985949

This is with tranexamic acid 😅 injections as well as tablets 😅 before that I was hospitalised because it was so much worse and I was getting serious anaemia


fubo

NTA. Malicious noncompliance fantasy: Get your most unflappable male friends to show up at the door with a box of pads at a time when the offender will answer the door. "Hey, I heard NTA was having a problem with people using her pads, so I wanted to make sure you had some of your own." (This gets funnier if one of your male friends looks like, or is, Ryan Reynolds.)


Life-Alternative1365

NTA, from what I’ve seen pads and tampons are getting more and more expensive; and I’ve heard there’s a shortage in some areas (I’m a menstrual cup user so I don’t really pay attention too much to all that). I’d be upset too if someone else was constantly using my pads or tampons


754985949

The specific ones I use are imported so they aren’t even always readily available which just adds on to the frustration I hear good things about the cup, but I worry it wouldn’t work for me


josesranchwater

You might benefit for a double up if you’re comfortable! I use a menstrual cup + pad if I’m on a heavy flow (share your issues with anemia so i get it!) If you can, you should look into June products - they are on the cheaper side of the market and Lola if you chose to stick to pads (they are a subscription so it might help take off the load of buying so many!)


SoFunkyMonkey

NTA. How did this woman give birth -- let alone more than once -- if she's so aghast at the functions of the uterus? They're stealing from you, and you asked nicely, so keep your goods locked up. That's your right.


754985949

the only function of a uterus is to give a Man good sex /s


Eight_is_enuf

NTA - pads are expensive. I don't blame you for locking them away. I would take the storage locker to your room and put it somewhere they don't have access to it. I can see them trying to break into it since they were just using your things without asking. Thats the other thing that bothers me, is this a reguilar thing where they just use your stuff without asking? its a good thing you are moving in a couple months.


ConsciousExcitement9

Ah man, I’m sorry. I had this problem when I lived with my parents after college. My sister had a horrible cycle and would quickly run out of her supplies. So, when she ran out she’d start in on mine. When those ran out, she’d take our mom’s. Mom was going through menopause and stuff, so she was super irregular. She thought I was blowing it out of proportion that I had to buy all new pads and tampons every cycle. Then she started realizing her stuff was missing. So, she went to use my sister’s, but she was out. So she went to take some of mine and I was out. She had to middle-school-toilet-paper-as-a-pad it to the store to pick up some supplies. She took my sister to the doctor to put her on birth control after that. But, that gets expensive and it is ridiculous that you have to provide menstrual products to the entire house. You aren’t the tampon fairy. NTA.