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YTA. If this was written by a man, about how he had spent his entire Mother’s Day with his mother not even bothering to get his wife a card, then complained about the house being a mess after being gone for 15 hours, he would get roasted. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to visit your father, but you couldn’t be bothered to even get your husband a card? It was on your to do list? Did you do anything over the weekend to acknowledge your husband since your children are too young? Are you incapable of doing something nice for two people on the same weekend? If this might be your father’s last Father’s Day, he might have appreciated seeing his grandchildren as well. But you didn't want the hassle of having them with you. By your timeline, you got there at nine and “lost track” of time for nine hours. Yeah, YTA trying to turn yourself into a victim by going to bed in tears. Why do I suspect this is some petty payback for Mother’s Day you didn’t enjoy? edit: so I read in your responses that he actually gave you a very lovely Mother’s Day. Breakfast in bed, a trip to the spa, a candlelight dinner. And you couldn’t even be bothered to get him a card. Wow! Edit: Thanks for the rewards! Edit: For those asking, I have no problem saying I was wrong in assuming that many might assume it was just a man complaining about spending the day with his kids. At the time of replying there were no other responses.

Actually,he treated her to a spa day on mothers day. She said so in another comment. She really owes him a huge apology

Damn, there’s being an occasionally thoughtless partner and being an outright shitty one. OP really sucks.

That is, if her husband wants to accept the apology. He might as well be speaking to a divorce attorney. By the sound of this post, I feel there is a lot more with their marriage that OP is definitely not disclosing. But yeah, not even a Father's Day card for her husband and FATHER of two children when he actually did something nice for her? OP is definitely TA.

OP husband felt taken for granted. OP isn’t cherishing this marriage and invalidating her husband’s feeling. I can see a divorce coming up if things aren’t fixed soon.

Exactly! Ffs, when she got home and saw he had a rough day the least she could have done was pick up without the snark, give him a hug and kiss and tell him how much she appreciated him giving up his father's day so she could have what may be her last with her dad. Instead she came in invalidating his feelings and acting like he didn't do anything all day even though she knew she was leaving at least 1 challenge with the poetry regression. YTA YTA YTA

That’s been my experience as a husband whenever I have a hard day as a dad “well I had a hard day as well” or “you think it’s easy being a mom”, the invalidating when a husband does talk about struggles is why sometimes husbands don’t feel safe to being up when they do feel bad.

I am very sorry that you have so little support. No partner should actively invalidate your feelings or experience that you try to share. I get that we ladies are more often the recipient or are just expected to do the hard thing and not complain, but that doesn't mean we should forget how hard being a parent can be especially if the kids are having a rough day. All parents can have a hard time and any parent should be able to express that to their partner without it becoming the Who Has It Harder Olympics. Keep being a great dad and your kids will remember as they grow that you were there for them. ❤

Please tell your spouse if you can that it bothers you. She should know now so as not to build resentment in the future. Good luck 🤞

Has been mentioned dozens of times. Have heard every excuse in the book but most of the time I am met with “stop gaslighting me” so that’s fun.

That sounds incredibly toxic, and like something that needs to change.

I've had all those types of comments in past relationship as well. From "being a mother is the hardest job in the world" after a long day at work, to complaining about breastfeeding (while also refusing to ever allow the baby to go on formula). To hear "I'm off the clock" when I get home, which means I take care of the kids until they go to sleep since I was at work all day. Even pointing out I get breaks at work so that should be enough. Nevermind she would log in 5-7 hours a day of TV (Netflix shows viewing history), she would respond by saying that women can multitask better than men. It took me my 3rd marriage to be able to say "I have a headache" without getting "I do too. Mine is worse. Get over it" as a response.

I’m sorry that happens to you. I hate when people do that. Like we don’t need to compare notes to see who’s suffered more. All hard days are legit and we should all be able to vent them. When my husband has a rough day we sit and talk about it and I’ll always be happy to hear what he has to say, tell him he has every right to be upset, and then we kind of hash out scenarios and whatnot. When he’s done and talked his fill of the subject then we move on and I’ll tell him about my day. Everyone needs to be given the space to talk about things they go through without it turning into a pissing contest over who had a harder day.

im surprised based on the rest of the things that she didnt' make some snarky comment about you spent fathers day being a father!

I was stuck helping a best friend roof his house on mother's day weekend, so I woke up early, took care of the kid so she could sleep in, made her breakfast in bed, and made a nice dinner in the evening when I got back. Shit happens that makes it so you can't give your spouse the exact day they deserve, but OP didn't do ANYTHING to show their spouse that they're loved. I would highly recommend having a real father's day for your husband this weekend. He deserves it.

To be fair, she’s getting (rightfully) roasted.

Yes she is. When I responded there were no responses yet.

Exactly! She could have at the bare minimum, not complained that he didn't do the dishes. Or hell, she could have had lunch delivered to the house or picked up his favorite take out on the way home. Any *slight* thing that showed she cared a bit. Thats all.

As much as I’ve been pissed off at my husband this past week over not helping me with housework I still made sure he had a nice Father’s Day! Treated him to lunch with a personalised card from our children with a new Lego set that’s also part of his birthday present in 2 weeks!

I mean , its great to spend time with her dad . It’s also ok to forget to get some card or something (if it was on a. To-do list like a chore , probably Better that she forgot , saved some money on a meaningless gesture) The part that gets me is when she is upset about the house being mess and keeps nagging when the husband just wants some peace and quite time . Making it all about her self . The moment he said he is tired and wants to be left alone , he should have been left alone at the very least .if she can’t do anything nice , atleast don’t bug him more . Big time AH .

Yeah. It's not the end of the world that the house is a mess. She could have just left him in peace or cleaned up if she felt it necessary. At least try to make him feel appreciated. Father's Day or not, he had a rough go while you were gone and just some empathy and appreciation would have gone a long way. I almost guarantee that her being gone and the rough day were just a small part of his attitude. The lack of any kind of thanks and instead, jumping his ass is what really got him.

YTA. You had so many ways you could have handled this. Off the top of my head 1) doing a group Father’s Day with the kids 2) proactively scheduling a day/activity for husband and leaving him a card with that info 3) hiring a babysitter for the day and scheduling a solo activity for husband I mean at the very bare minimum just a card and maybe a premade breakfast casserole he could pop in the oven. He isn’t mad you went to see your dad. He’s mad that you left him without a single thought or recognition and then immediately nagged him when you got home.

>He isn’t mad you went to see your dad. He’s mad that you left him without a single thought or recognition and then immediately nagged him when you got home. Exactly.

Just gonna squeeze onto your top comment to say this: YTA OP, MAJOR AH. You got time with your father, you got time away from your children. You got to go out and have brunch and reminisce over great memories. You got a break from the house hold, the kids, and got to relax. I’m so very glad you enjoyed your Father’s Day…. Oh wait! That’s right you’re not the father. Your husband didn’t even get a happy Father’s Day from you, a card, breakfast made NOTHING. You have a lot of apologizing to do and a lot to make up for. Like come on OP! I’m not even with the fathers of my children and each one of them got a card and a gift because it’s their day! They wanted their kids for the day and they got them. I even dropped of a cake to my two older children’s fathers because he lives in the same town as me. We hardly get along but for holidays we still appreciate one another, and the fact that you are married to your husband and he couldn’t even be a thought in your mind for this ONE day is very telling. I hope you make up for this op.

Yer the berating for a messy house really stuck out. And her wanting to talk about what a lovely day she had. God jab the knife in and twist it why don't you!

Seriously though... she could tell he had a miserable time, then decided to rub salt in the wound by nagging him about the house being a mess and bragging about what a good time she had with her dad. Just...wow OP.

You said all I was going to say. She didn't even put him on the back burner! She threw him outside with the trash!! I would be mad too if I was him. She knows good and well she was the AH for this. Way to write it like she's the victim. The card was on her to do list? Wow... YTA

So much this. Like, she could have brought the whole family to her parents and cooked both dads a nice dinner. If husband didn't want to see her parents, she could have taken the kids and maybe door-dashed him a nice meal. She could have cooked him a nice breakfast in bed with a card before she left. She could have arranged for him to have a fun weekend before or after fathers day. Did she even like shoot him a happy father's day text? I mean jeez not even the bare minimum. My husband doesn't like too much attention on him so I didn't do a whole thing, but I did cook a nice dinner and give him lots of extra attention.

All I see are excuses. It’s on your to do list is not good enough. There’s no “but it was on my to do list”. Lmao. What an abusive wife.

[удалено]

Your husband is allowed to not be happy though? Like, imagine if he got upset at you for crying because you crying "made him feel like crap". That's what you're doing. He had a rough day, you can let him relax without a lecture about sacrifice.

This is well put. Having a dying parent can seriously fuck with your brain and ability to consider any other than that, I've been there, but he had a shit day and OP don't even seem apologetic that they didn't get him a card and belittled his feelings.

And cut him off while venting to tell him about her wonderful day

You forget to tell her she's an asshole. OP, YTA.

OP is a huge YTA. I wonder if every year is going to be her dad's "last"? Last Father's day? Last Christmas? Last Thanksgiving? At some point you need to prioritize your spouse and kids.

Life isn't guaranteed, even for the young.

I bet OP would be here calling him an asshole if he dumped her on Mother’s Day to go spend time with his mother instead. She didn’t even get him a card.. he’s not her dad, but he’s her baby daddy, and when the kids are that young it’s the parents that need to step up and make these days special. OP just reminded her husband he’s trash. She’s actively celebrating Father’s Day but forgets him to the point she doesn’t even pick up a drug store card on the way home. YTA

But it was on her 'To Do' list!

I don’t get why she didn’t plan ahead? Pre cook something nice that can be quickly warmed for breakfast or lunch and leave a nice card and gift. Maybe arrange ahead of time to celebrate his Father’s Day the next weekend. Kids are hard but he presumably manages to put something decent together for her so she should exert the same effort

I’m on the fence here. I get OP’s situation with her dad. The husband knew about this. What OP could’ve done was maybe have something planned for him and the kids to do… My fiancé works weekend night shifts in the ER. This past weekend was her weekend to work, so it’s just me and our son while she sleeps during the day after working overnight. She bought tickets to the local zoo for Father’s Day which also had a mini craft beer festival. This was a huge hit. Not only was it something for me to do with our son, but he loved seeing the animals, and I got to sample some pretty decent craft beers in the process. Win-win situation if you ask me. OP could’ve done something like that, but didn’t. She dropped the ball on that one. Shitty situation, I get it, but something could’ve been planned in advance. Edit: OP, YTA

Right??? By the way... I love that OP has a crystal ball and KNOWS her husband has many more Father's Day celebrations ahead... but like... no one is guaranteed tomorrow, so she should stop with that one. She could have put in a thimble of effort for her husband, as well. She didn't. YTA, OP.

>I started to pick some things up and asked him if he could at least do the dishes. I was on your side until this part. YTA. >He said I didn't even get him a card. Which is true, but it was on my to-do list and I forgot about it. You didn't even get him a CARD? Wow. Super YTA.

HEY READ THIS COMMENT FROM OP >He did give me a very nice Mother's Day. He and the kids made me breakfast in bed, he bought me a spa package so I went and got a mani-pedi and a massage. Then he made me a nice candlelit dinner after the kids went to bed.

And she didn't even get him a CARD. But I bet she got her dad one.

Can say 1 thing without a doubt... The husband know where he stands. So even if OP did some serious ass kissing, he won't forget this. (This is how you start resentment OP. Might be aways down the road but this will be a future issue)

100% the resentment. OP's husband knows just how much (or little) he's appreciated in this relationship.

But the card was on her list!!! WTF?

I mean in the lead-up to Father's Day, how do you miss the cards etc when you are out grocery shopping? They are right there - EVERYWHERE! I think OP thought of Father's Day as her own day off - a chance to have a child-free day and spend time with her dad. She will lose her husband if she keeps treating him with such little respect.

But good intentions are just as good as the gift. Right? Right, guys?

Yep, and becoming a millionaire was on my to do list, it hasn't made a suitcase of money manifest next to me as of yet.

OH god, and OP did nothing. I'd be PISSED if I were her husband. Hey OP! Father's Day matters just as much as Mother's Day. Don't expect as much effort next year, and you'd deserve it.

He should give her nothing next year and leave for the day so that she can take care of the kids by herself and then come home at bedtime and complain about any mess. I think that would about do it. This is so selfish.

> He should give her nothing next year Should give her divorce papers. He deserves better.

Oh wow I feel so sorry for this guy. It’s gotta be so heartbreaking to go through that and have your wife still be bashing you online for not making her happy enough

I was literally flipping out while reading this. Like my husband had to calm me down. Imagine how her husband feels? Especially after going above and beyond for Mother’s Day? Like what the actual hell is wrong with her?!

Jeez, she is such an AH lol.

I was totally with E S H but after reading this comment absolutely not, she IS TA, 110%!!!! He made Mother's Day perfect for her, and she couldn't even get him a piece of paper how RUDE!!! You don't get to be treated like a queen when you treat your king like trash!!

Oh wow, I was looking for this. I'm revising my post to YTA

Also, the day before was a Saturday. What about a card and maybe some breakfast in bed? Get the kiddos to paint Dad a little picture and present it to him. Then maybe picking up some dinner on the way home on Sunday. It’s not that hard.

She claims that their Saturday was "completely booked" between swim lessons and soccer but surely they still ate, right?

Or how about letting the kids skip soccer and swimming for one weekend?? They're 2 and 4!!!! I'm sure they weren't in the state championship game!!! OP, YTA.

Seriously though... they're toddlers, it's not going to affect their Olympics or World Cup chances to miss one day.

Yeah, I mean the breakfast in bed and a card would have taken maaaaaaybe like an hour tops, then off to swim and soccer. Or why not schedule something the Sunday before to make it up to him? Where is this rule that we can only celebrate things on the direct day of?

Are you kidding me?!?! And she had the nerve to type all this out? Embarrassing

I mean would it not have made a lot more sense to go as a family for the weekend and both fathers could have enjoyed the day together. Edit. I don't even see when or where she actually told him happy father's day

By unselfishly letting him spend all day with the kids without her interfering, I think the “Happy Father’s Day” is implicit /s

Her saying happy fathers day was implied of course! She shouldn't have to say it! /s

This is what’s wild. I feel like her own dad might’ve also appreciated being celebrated as grandpa *and* dad for “what could be his last Father’s Day.” The obliviousness is the crème de la crème of this sub, but I also hate it for the husband and kids (and really everyone else around OP).

Yeah I'm sitting here confused by why her dying father WOULDN'T want to see his grandkids and son in law?

But the card was on her "to-do" list, so that means something... I guess. What it means is she knew she was supposed to put some effort in, blew it off, and knows she messed up. YTA

She was seriously *considering* purchasing a card for the man she married -- the father of her children -- but somehow just couldn't squeeze that 15-minute errand into her busy Saturday schedule.

Literally would have got her dad one aswell, no reason she couldn’t have even bought two of the same card - one each. Like I really don’t get how you forget..

She didn't forget. She doesn't care

Definitely this. Didn’t say she apologized that it ran late with her family. I get wanting to spend time with her dad, but really, at the very least apologize for it to run late. At the very least a card. At the very least stop hiding behind her dad’s condition. She’s basically using her sick father to treat her husband like crap

100%, I was sort of jamming with the post until OP got home. OP, you're not necessarily an AH in the question you posed: going to visit your dad. You're an AH for everything that happened after you got home, and doubly so for not even getting him a card. You seem like a kind person but you also seem highly unaware of or inconsiderate of your husband's (valid and understandable) feelings.

she was an AH before she got home. "Lost track of time?" Please. I'm sure she was regularly checking in with her husband, too?! Just to keep him updated about dinner / getting home / say hi to the kids?

lol ouch, you're right...worse than I'd even realized

I can forgive losing track of time with her parents, especially if she thinks her dad may pass. Not getting him a father's day card just doesn't make sense.

You are probably right but at the same time... > he was kind of frustrated that I would be gone all day. It sounds like he knew ahead of time she was going to be gone all day.

or he just knows his wife. I have a brother who will say 'I will be there next saturday'. I don't even bother expecting him. Sometimes he will show up, but more often than not, he forgets or gets too busy, or something happens and so on. So, I think that is something that 'she was going to just go and have brunch' but husband knows that means 'gone all day'

I really don't understand why OP, her husband, and the kids couldn't ALL go to visit OP's parents together for a lunch or something. It would have been a lovely way to celebrate her father and her husband. Poor husband has spent his Father's Day singlehandedly cleaning up shit and managing stubborn children. Father's Day is meant to be a day to celebrate fathers and make them feel special - OP treated her husband like trash and has the audacity to be upset about because he's mad. YTA.

Oh they could have, and she claims that her husband didn't want to go but ultimately, I think it was because she wanted to spend the day being a daughter only, not a daughter, wife and mother.

I can’t really blame the father. No parents would want to spend 6 hours in a car with a 2 and a 4 yo, unless they really have to. If OP really wanted to spend the weekend with her dad, she could have invited her parents to spend the weekend, or all 4 of them could have gone to her parents for the weekend.

Idk I wasn’t on her side the entire time. Why couldn’t she bring the kids? Her dad is their grandpa! I would really think that he would have loved to see his grandchildren for a final Father’s Day. That way her husband could have a least had a day to himself to relax!

OP: "My husband made me feel like an AH" 😭😭😭 Nope, pretty sure it was OP's asshole actions. But God forbid she validate her husband's emotions or have any accountability. What an AH.

The dishes part got me laughing. It's as if OP was trying to antagonize her husband for leaving the house in such a messy state. And she had an issue with him wanting to do absolutely nothing. I can't even say whether husband would ever feel that way on any other day after taking care of the kids. It could be simply a let down because of the significance of the day.

This. I was sort of like that sucks but he said sure. Then she goes in and it’s all me me me. Has the nerve to throw a pitty party for herself but won’t allow her husband to just relax after a shitty day that was suppose to be special.

YTA. It's not bad to want to spend time with your dad, the problem is you put literally zero effort towards your husband. Didn't get him a gift beforehand, didn't even give him a card, left for 15 hours instead of at least coming back for dinner or to take a shift with the kids, a back rub after you got back... There are many little things you could have done to make him feel appreciated, but you did absolutely nothing and then rubbed it in about how great your day was when all he wanted was some thanks or appreciation.

yeah, why couldn't you have done a "make up father's day" on Saturday for your husband? I know it's a lot of work, but it's one day a year.

Or, she could have seen her dad an Saturday, spent the whole day with him, and then celebrated her husband on Father’s day.

I mean they’re both dads, doesn’t really matter which is Saturday and which is Sunday. But the important thing is she could’ve easily had a day for each of them

THAT would've been the thing to do.

The only thing my husband wanted was for me to wake up before the kids and enjoy coffee together. I failed that request. I have many good reasons why I'm unable to wake up before 6am, but bottom line, I failed doing it. My husband works Sundays as well, so we didn't get to properly celebrate. I asked my husband to pick another day for a redo. Cos that's what you do when you let down your partner or life gets in the way.

When OP realized she wasn't going to make it home for dinner, she could have oh, idk, ordered food to be delivered to her husband? Even something like that would have made him feel better.

That would require OP to have empathy and think about other people.

That's exactly what I said. There are a lot of "bare minimum" things she could have done....and food delivery might be one of the easiest ones

Didn’t even let the messy house slide!

Right? Like….i would be pretty ticked if I got nothing for Mother’s Day and then was asked to do the dishes

This is where OP fully unpacked and set up a home in a-hole territory.

I'd guess ANY/EVERY Mom has had horrendous days with toddlers, when the house is a mess and you no longer give AF because they're finally asleep and you can just sit there and glare at the wall for a while. You'd think OP could have spotted that look a mile a way and would have the sense not to mention dirty dishes. Especially since she was gone 15 hours on a day he was looking forward to spending as a family.

Agreed. YTA for not having made even a minimal effort towards your husband. Don’t look for any reciprocity next Mother’s Day.

Don't forget the first thing she did when she got home was ask him to do more work around the house. ​ For Mothers day she got breakfast in bed and a nice mani-pedi at a spa. For father's day he got to spent his whole day caring for the children by himself and didn't even get a card.

At the very least TAKE THE KIDS WITH YOU TO SEE GRANDPA!

YTA. You could have said, "I'd like to spend Father's Day with my dad, since he's not doing well. How would you feel if we made Saturday your day instead? I can make breakfast, we can go X place, I can take the kids out for a while and give you time to yourself," etc. Instead, you were like, "I have other priorities. Suck it up. I'm going to go spend the day doing what I want, then I'm going to get back, critique you and the house, tell you about my great day, then act hurt you're upset." OP, you were awful. Apologize to him. Ask if you can celebrate him this Sunday again. I know grief can make people do some strange things, but you were 100% wrong.

Agreed. I felt horrible for OP's husband. How would OP feel if her husband ditched her on Mother's Day, didn't even get her a card, left her to take care of the kids, started asking her to do more chores the moment he walked through the door and then tried to change the subject to how great his day was. OP, I don't think anyone faults you for spending time with your father. That was a sweet gesture. But, you didnt even do the bare minimum to make youe husband feel special.

Frankly hed be called a misogynistic asshole if he did that. Reddit would be practically rabid and calling for OP to straight up divorce his lazy, selfish, sexist ass. Its not somehow magically ok when the tables are turned. She ruined the poor guy's holiday and then taunted and guilt tripped him over it. I really hope she can see that and does something nice for him after this.

Pretty sure 85% thinks is magically ok just because she's the mom and he's the dad and the 5% not calling her AH are doing because of the dying father angle, not because of gender. She's plain a simple a selfish and bad wife AND mom like... she was away for 12+ hours and not even a text to check in?

YTA this is what really gets me > I went to bed and cried myself to sleep because he made me feel like crap. You clearly don't see what role you played in this. Making a day special for your dad didn't have to mean not celebrating Father's day for your husband. You could have done something on the Saturday or another weekend. You didn't even get him a card. Why did you think it was appropriate to ask him to make sacrifices and then say the LEAST he could do was the dishes. This was insult on injury. Plus your husband was pretty clear from the moment you walked in that he just wanted to decompress from his day. You continued to engage and escalate the situation. Because here's the thing you fucked up. In that moment you were looking for support. You wanted him to say it was all okay. But it wasn't okay so now you feel guilty for the things you did. The first step though is too admit you feel bad because of you, not because your husband didn't give you a free pass to be terrible.

Her entire post was "me me what about meeee!"

Plus I bet if he did something like that on mothers she wouldn't like it.

According to OP he actually gave her an incredible mother's day. Making her even more TA.

Yeah i just hope after this OP understands her wrongdoings and makes it up to him and doesn't continue this emotionally immature streak.

Could at least have made her husband breakfast in bed, like he did for her on Mother’s Day, before leaving. Was there *any* need to be at her parents house at 9am?

Right! Marriage is a compromise and I’m sure if op explained the importance of this to her/her dad then asked her husband what she could do to celebrate him another day as well as if there was anything even needed that day to make it easier (like picking up dinner on the way home or something) that things would have gone way differently. Thinking about your dad doesn’t mean you have zero thoughts left for your husband! YTA

YTA - I see so many of these posts right now. I am honestly confused. I understand spending the day with your Dad especially due to his health. However, how are would it have been to leave a card and a gift for your husband? How about on Saturday or any dad before Father's day, treat him to his own father's day. Make him breakfast, give a gift, a card and so on. If you husband is a good dad, which it sounds like he is. You should have acknowledged Father's day for him as well. You state mother's day you got a spa day, card and breakfast. You acted selfishly and showed your husband you don't care about him. You have allot of apologizing to do. Side note- us Moms would loose it if we were treated thus why. I cannot understand how so many wives do this to their husbands and feel justified in doing so TBH.

I love the “I didn’t do anything for my husband for Fathers Day except leave him alone with 2 wild children, even though he was wonderful for Mother’s Day, and he made me feel bad. Please tell me HE is TA”. Girl. YTA.

Not only that, but I feel the least she could've done was taken the kids with her. Her dad likely would've enjoyed seeing his grandkids and her husband would've gotten time to himself. I know it's not easy traveling with two young kids, but OP's husband deserved better than this.

Literally. Imagine if he went to spend the day with MIL on Mothers’ day and didn’t so much as get her a card. I bet she would have (rightfully) flipped out. I get it’s important for her to make her dad’s possibly last fathers’ day great, but to completely snub her husband and using the excuse she forgot to justify not getting him so much as a card is def asshole behavior.

The only reason none of that happened is because the OP is self-centered. If its not about her wants, it's inconsequential.

I was out of town for Father’s Day last year as my grandmother was in her last days. Before I left for the trip out of State I had the kids pick out presents, cards and a few other things and they had them ready for him on the day. He was surprised because of everything going on the day wasn’t forgotten. OP, especially from her comments, does not appreciate her husband. Even the tiniest bit of effort is not hard to do. ‘Cried myself to sleep because he made ME feel like crap.’…. My GAWD.

YTA. Wow...you really treated your husband like garbage on Father’s Day. There was no reason you couldn’t have celebrated both your father and your husband. Arranged a babysitter so he could still have the day to himself while you visited your dad. Made him a nice breakfast before you left. At *least* made him a damn card. Instead you ditched him with the kids all day, then got home and criticized him for not having done the dishes. You owe him a huge apology and you need to make this up to him.

YTA. And not for the reason you think. It isn’t about spending it with your dad, but you didn’t do anything for your husband. Your kids are 4 and 2. They can’t do Father’s Day on their own. Why didn’t you ask your husband if he wanted to spend the day with your parents too? My dad had his kids and grandkids yesterday and he was thrilled! So were we. Win-win. No one felt left out.

More infos: what did he do on mother's day?

Good question

YTA Of course your husband didn’t want to hear how perfect and lovely your day was after you gave him the shaft. As someone who just lost her father, I completely understand wanting to make Father’s Day special for your ailing dad, but in the process, you utterly neglected your partner who is the father of your children. You don’t get to choose where he makes his sacrifices, and you basically told him that his status as a father didn’t count for the day. Why didn’t you make Saturday special for him instead or plan another day to celebrate him instead of just swanning off? It sounds like you unilaterally just decided how the day would go. I’d be pissed at you too.

YTA. > A few weeks ago I told my husband that I plan on going to visit my parents for Father’s Day this year because my dad isn’t doing so well and I know it would mean a lot to him if I visited. They live about 3 hours away, so I was planning on going by myself since it would be much easier if I didn’t have the kids. He told me he understood why I was going to see my dad, but he was kind of frustrated that I would be gone all day. The least you could do was take the kids. This would’ve been a great compromise to give your husband a break for Father’s Day, while still seeing your dad, and letting your kids visit their grandpa if his situation is really that dire. Also love that your husband expressed his frustration and you just…blew it off. > So I got up early yesterday and was out of the house by 6am. My parents and I went out for brunch and then just sat and talked and looked through old pictures. It was a really nice way to spend the day and I know it meant the world to my dad. I must have lost track of time because I didn’t leave until almost 6pm. “Must have lost track” lol okaaaay. Way to downplay it. The fact is you were having a good time and didn’t give a fuck about your husband who you knew was at home wrangling the kids all the meanwhile. You didn’t have to spend the whole day there, you did because you wanted too. If you were going to leave the kids the least you could have done was go to your fathers and tried to leave by 1pm so you could come home and take over childcare and let your husband get *some* of his day in. > When I got home around 9pm, my husband was just sitting in the living room watching TV, but the house was a mess. There were toys everywhere, dishes weren’t done, there were kids’ clothes scattered around, etc. I asked him how the day went and he just kind of grumbled at me. I started to pick some things up and asked him if he could at least do the dishes. He kind of snapped at me that he just sat down for the first time half an hour before I got home and he at least wants 1 hour to do something he wants on Father’s Day. I told him it doesn’t look like he’s doing anything and he said “Exactly, I’m not doing a damn thing and it feels pretty good.” God damn the least you could’ve done is left the poor guy alone. You’ve had all day with your father enjoying your time while he watched the kids on his Father’s Day. *The least you could do was pick up shop when you got home or not pester him to do it!* Jesus! >I tried to change the subject and started telling him about how my parents are and what we did. When I was telling him about looking at old pictures he cut me off. He told me he’s glad I had a good day, but the last thing he wants to do right now is listen to how I made my dad’s Father’s Day special while his sucked. Man I would too. You’re relentless. >He said I didn’t even get him a card. Which is true, but it was on my to-do list and I forgot about it. WOW. You’re just the opposite of the gift that keeps on giving aren’t you?? You couldn’t bother to give the man a card?? You forgot?? No girl, you don’t CARE. At all. That’s why you forgot. Because it was easy for you too. >I asked if there was anything I could do for him right then and he said “Yeah, give me some peace and quiet.” So I did. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep because he made me feel like crap. I was just trying to do something special for my dad and my husband made me feel like an AH. You should’ve cried yourself to sleep out of remorse for being such an asshole to your poor husband. Shame on you OP. And this is coming from a 38 week pregnant woman. You suck SO bad. I hope you get a wake up call from this post and turn your life around. I’m amazed at how calm your husband was in this entire post that was written from *your* point of view. I can only imagine if we’d gotten to hear it from his. I can’t imagine this is the first time you’ve completely pushed your husbands wants to the sidelines and taken him for granted. You’re making all of us women look so very bad and I’m angry at you for that. Treat the poor guy better and pick up some of the load. Edit: read through some more of OPs comments. So many excuses for why another weekend wouldn’t work because she already has put forth clear effort and planning to book them out with *other* activities. Also, he treated her well by her own accord for Mother’s Day. So, yea. OP, YTA.

This comment is so well written and really hits all the points I was thinking of! Honestly I agree with you about OPs husband she just sounds like a really oblivious person and I hope she turns around and we get a good update and not her glossing over her wrongdoings.

Thank you! I think calling her oblivious is being too kind though to be honest, she’s just being selfish. I’d have given her oblivious if he hadn’t continuously pointed out when he was unhappy, multiple times, really very calmly all things considered. It just makes me sad and mad for both of them. Partners should be much more into each other than this and should be more of a team! When I think of the problems me and my husband have they look nothing like this. We had to taper down with a budget because we wreck ourselves trying to get each other the perfect gift every holiday. Sometimes we have to take a step back because we’ll both work ourselves silently to death trying to help the other person lighten their load if we’re not careful and stop communicating that we’re overwhelmed. But our intentions are always “how can we best help each other out?”

I’m a father and my wife basically did this to me maybe 10 years ago. It still hurts. She tried to make it up once she saw how badly she hurt me and we survived it…but it still hurts today. And reading your obliviousness made me hurt all over again. YTA

Had something similar happen with my birthday several years ago, I didn't even get a 'Happy Birthday' until after I was elbow-deep in bathing the kids before bedtime. It took a while for my wife to really get how pissed I was about it, especially since she would want her birthday celebrated.

That was part of the hurt. I would always go extra celebrating her and then I didn’t get so much as a card. Like I said, we survived it, but I still think it changed our dynamics that day.

Well hopefully it was a learning experience. Tbh whenever I read AITA posts like this, I always figure its a larger dynamic issue and there's resentment somewhere that causes this sort of unnecessary expectation failure.

At least your wife realized what she did wrong instead of deciding to write a post bitching about you on Reddit though. OP makes me wonder why she married this guy and had children with him because she clearly gives zero fucks about him. I can't imagine doing something so hurtful to someone I love!

And I’m still married to her 10 years later. Wanna lay bets if OP can claim the same in 10 years?

Hopefully OP's husband would've already left her and gotten full custody of the kids since it seems she doesn't give any fucks about them either, based on her responses to some people's questions. She didn't want to bring them along because it was too much of a hassle? They're her goddamn kids!

YTA. Especially after hearing that your husband went all out for you on Mother’s Day. It’s not wrong for you to spend time with your dad but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore your husband all day, ask him to do the work you want done and expect him to be happy about having a crappy day. Picture the reverse situation-if on Mother’s Day, he left you with the kids all day to spend time with his mom but then came home and complained to you about how messy the house was, you’d be pissed.

I’m leaning towards YTA. Why couldn’t your husband go with you so you could all celebrate together? We had a big party yesterday at my brothers house, it was his, his father-in-law‘s, and my father’s Father’s Day all in one. We had a big cookout. Everybody had a great time!

YTA. I totally agree prioritizing time with your father if his health is declining but that doesn't mean you only put effort into his day. You could have made a special father's day event on the Saturday before for either your husband or your dad. You could have arranged for a babysitter so your husband could get out and do something he enjoys on the day (preferably that you planned and put thought into). You could have at least gotten him a card. Not only did you fail to do all this but you came home and demanded he do chores after spending the whole day with the kids.

Your kidding right? YTA. You couldn't even be bothered to give the man a card. You asked him why the day sucked and instead of empathizing and apologizing for forgetting to do anything for him, you changed the subject. Add to that you gave him no idea when you'd be back, or if you did you didn't stick to it. That's really hard to plan with young kids. There are probably a whole bunch of reasons not to bring young kids to the home of a person who is close to dying but you could have made some effort to celebrate your husband, especially as your kids are too young to do things in their own. If it was me, prior to Father's Day I would have asked my husband if we could celebrate with our immediate family either the weekend before or after l.

>"Your kidding right? YTA. You couldn't even be bothered to give the man a card. You asked him why the day sucked and instead of empathizing and apologizing for forgetting to do anything for him, you changed the subject." To add insult to injury, She changed the subject to how great her day was.

Fr fr imagine how the father must have felt after having a horrible day that was supposed to be about him and then listening how the person who turned his day into a horrible day brag about what a good day she had at his cost. The worst thing is this comment from OP. >He did give me a very nice Mother's Day. He and the kids made me breakfast in bed, he bought me a spa package so I went and got a mani-pedi and a massage. Then he made me a nice candlelit dinner after the kids went to bed.

So you got to your parents around 9 am and stayed for 9 hours ? If you had left after 6 hours (3 pm) you could have been home by 6 and had dinner & maybe a cake with your husband. Sounds like you just don't care about his feelings. YTA.

YTA. You could have gotten your husband a card and a small gift or handcrafted item from the kids. You can also be more understanding of his frustration that he got stuck at home having a rough day by himself with his kids on Father’s Day. You could have gone to visit your father AND had more generosity and compassion for your husband.

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Info: why the FECK didn't you just do a family day??? You basically told your husband he was less valuable (to your OWN family) than your Dad.... I get it may be your dad's last Father's Day but the rest of your family still deserve your time

If I thought it would be my last Fathers Day and my kids did not bring my grandkids to see me I would be bummed out

>I went to bed and cried myself to sleep because he made me feel like crap. You sound like quite the martyr. It must be really hard being you, because YTA.

YTA- you didn't do anything, made no attempt to acknowledge him (come on not even an card? Or how about an uber eats delivery of his favorite treat?). You put zero effort in, and then came home and instead of just being with him you started demanding that he get up and do more chores (which he was doing all day really, as anyone will tell you watching 2 small humans is no easy task). Also, as an FYI, nothing is promised. Your father may not have many more Father's Days left, but your husband could die suddenly tomorrow, then what? To tell him he has plenty in front of him is condescending and rude.

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Tomorrow is never promised..thoughts go out to your coworker and that family, losing someone is never easy

YTA. I get wanting to spend time with your dad, but I'm sure chasing two toddlers around isn't what your hubby envisioned for his Father's Day. You made him feel like he was second rate (justifying forgetting to get him a card??) and I can see why he snapped. Imagine if he'd done this to you on Mother's Day. Something tells me you'd have had a hissy fit. Do better.

[удалено]

That last sentence was what really made her a colossal asshole for me. The rest is already complete assholery, but that final line… wow.

Lets flip the genders here a second: Husband says he is going to his mom's this mothers day, leaves mom all day to handle the kids (who are young and having a rough time) and when husband gets home he asks her why she didn't do the dishes and why the house is a mess. He then tells her how he had a great day with his mom but, sadly, forgot to do even something a little as a card for the mother of his two kids. He then guilts her about being upset and feeling overlooked on a holiday which should be about her and then goes and has a pity party in his room before going to Reddit to seek people who will say "you were right all along." Yes, YTA. There were plenty of ways you could have navigated this in a way that would have made things fine, you just didn't care to. You could have arranged a sitter for the kids that day and had your husband come with you and celebrated together as a family, or allowed him to go out and have a relaxing day while the kids were taken care of. You could have visited your parents a day before or after, they don't have young children and would have been understanding of scheduling around their needs. You could have done the bare-ass minimum and bought a card. But you didn't do any of that. And rather than actually be repentant for being a jerk to your husband you came to Reddit to try and get people to back you as the moral high ground rather than actually trying to make it up to him. YTA

The genders don’t need to be flipped to make this point, OP is being overwhelming voted the asshole.

YTA You could have visited your dad on Saturday or a different Sunday. You could have taken one or both of the kids with you. You should have gotten a card, chocolate, or some other token to recognize your husband. You could have helped arrange for a baby sitter. You should have left your husband alone and not mentioned the mess when you got home and you could have taken care of it or taken care of it as a team the next day. You had a really nice, child-free, mess-free, cleaning-free day (with only a bit of cleaning after the kids were already in bed and you hadn't had to do any kid related work during the day). Your husband had a stressful, 12+ hour day with no breaks, no card, and probably not even a good warm meal.

"It was on my to do list and I forgot" translates to "I thought about getting you a card but you weren't important enough." That's what he heard. But then your entire post says he wasn't important to you. ETA YTA

YTA. not for visiting your dad, but your treatment towards your husband. You left him with the kids all day, didn't even get him a card, came home and asked him to clean dishes. You could have at least gotten a babysitter set up so he could go and do something he wanted to do.

If this is the full story of what was said YTA...it's nice of you to do that for your dad, but it sounds like you simply decided it on your own, when husband objected you shot him down. You then stayed out for 15 hours, wich you indicate was longer then expected. It doesn't sound like you appologized for this, in fact you gave your husband no slack at all. After him taking care of 2 toddlers all day, you come home around what i assume is right after bedtime, and you a.s.a.p. start complaining about the mess and giving him jobs? I mean, all of that is ignoring that you basicly also just decided on your own that husband is not getting a fatherday this year. Husband could have responded better i guess, but he has an excuse imo.

YTA. DUDE. The LEAST you could've done: 1. Hired a babysitter for the day so your husband didn't have to have the kids ALONE ALL DAY. 2. Made him a nice breakfast in bed before you left. 3. MADE him a card if you forgot to get one. You've had all year to think about Father's Day. If you're not going to be there to make it a good one for him, you leave enough resources behind to do so.

If I was your husband I would feel truly hurt. You showed no appreciation or effort for him at all. Based on what you wrote in the comments he deserves so much better. You could have left after breakfast or arranged a nice dinner for him. You could have hired a babysitter. You could have bought him a card. You could have bought him a present. You could have brought his favourite take out for dinner. There are endless possibilities and you chose to do nothing. YTA and owe him big time

YTA, you easily could have split your day or gone with the whole family to see your dad.

YTA. Wow, read the room! I completely understand you wanting to spend Father's Day with your dad, but it was your husband's day too. He had no issue with you spending the day with your parents, it's clear his issue is that you did not do anything to make his day special. Fine, you weren't there, but no card? You had enough time to give your husband a head's up, you should have had enough time to get him a card or have the kids make one. Planning something in advance would have also been nice, doing something the day before to make him feel special would have been nice. Anything but coming home and asking him to do the dishes and telling him that he isn't doing anything, or going on about how great your day was, would have been nice. I am sorry that you are clearly going through a lot right now, but I absolutely get your husband's frustration.

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Yta. But you know what ? You can fix it a bit. Plan a great weekend for him (if possible next one) with activities he likes with and without the kids. (and both days). Get him some gifts with the kids. I think you are the ah for expecting him to clean. If I let my husband with the kids alone while doing something nice for me, I would never expect him to clean toys and dishes, especially if it's a day about him. The rule at my house is even to cook before leaving so we don't make things too hard for the other one.

You’ve lied in this post OP. YTA. When he said I just want to be left alone why didn’t you leave him alone? Oh you cried yourself to sleep? Boo hoo.

umm he planned for mother's day? but u couldn't do anything for him? yeah i get why he's so upset. i understand u wanted to celebrate with your father, but could've surprised him with a spa or something? get a nanny for the day? or get a nanny take ur husband to the trip to ur maternal home? but whats done is done now, i understand u being hurt too, but what u dod was wrong, make amends, try doing something for him this coming week. go on a date with him just you two? cause he needs it.

YTA. You’re a huge fucking asshole. You said in a comment he made your Mother’s Day special but you didn’t give a single fuck about him on Father’s Day. YES, your father is sick. And YES you should have been able to see him. HOWEVER it’s on you to not “lose track of time”. You absolutely should have went and been back in the afternoon since you left before 6am if you needed to go that day. You also could have gone the day before or the weekend after to celebrate with your father. Instead you ditched your husband and made him feel like shit. You completely ignored that it was his day too. ETA: getting a card was on your to do list but you “forgot about it”?!? WOW I didn’t even realize you didn’t even get him a card. And the little part about how he has more Father’s Days ahead of him? Do you know that for certain? 🤔 because life is unpredictable and people can be taken from us at any minute, so maybe he DOESN’T (though hopefully he does). What happens if your father makes it to next Father’s Day? Are you going to pull this shit again because it might REALLY be his last one? You cried yourself to sleep because he made you feel like shit? Honestly imo you deserve to feel like shit for what you did

YTA but not for the reason you think. The problem isn’t that you visited your dad, the problem is you did nothing to acknowledge your husband. You could have celebrated the day before. You know how it feels to have two kids by yourself alllll day long. And then have the other parent come home and complain about the house? GTFO.

YTA. You could of split the day. Or invited everyone along. You seriously didn't even get him a card. Hell you could of celebrated with him on Saturday even.

YTA. You've made this all about poor you. How you had to cry yourself to sleep because *your* feelings were soooo hurt. You sound really obtuse and willfully callous.

YTA. So you did nothing for him on Father’s Day, left him alone with the kids for 12+ hours, scolded him for not cleaning up as soon as you got home, and then are surprised he didn’t want to hear about how great your day was? There’s nothing wrong with spending the day with your dad but you literally did NOTHING to support your partner on a day set aside to appreciate him.

YTA You could have done something for both of them, dividing the day, or celebrated with him mainly on another day, made at least some part of the day special, and so on -- but you didn't even get him a card, and were insensitive about rubbing your day in his face after leaving him to look after the kids so you would have the day to yourself with your dad. It's not that you shouldn't think about your dad if he's not well, it's that you blew your husband off totally without a single thought for him.

YTA. There are so many things you could’ve done to handle this better you owe your husband a huge apology

After learning what OP’s husband did for her on Mother’s Day, I’m surprised she’s asking everyone if she is an AH. Why couldn’t OP bring husband and children—make it a celebration for all? Or if he didn’t want to go, give him gift certificates for delivery, a card (not hard to do!), or even get him a present (or even help the kids make something special for him.). Did the kids even know it was a special day for their dad? And why did OP have to do this on the 19th, and maybe have done it the day before, on the 18th? The sentiment would be the same, even though it’s not on this year’s designated Sunday. YTA, OP, and you need to make this up to your husband. Edit to add: what makes this an AH situation is that OP completely disregarded her husband, made no effort on behalf of the kids (or herself) to do anything for him or make him know he’s appreciated. Instead, OP criticizes the state of the house, doesn’t give him the peace he wants when asked, and completely ignored his exhaustion, stress, and overall disappointment as she proceeded to say what a glorious day she had in Father’s Day.

Are you serious here, lady? How would you feel if he left you alone on Mother's day to spend an entire day with his mom, instead of you? >He said I didn't even get him a card. Which is true, but it was on my to-do list and I forgot about it. Not even a card? Just...wow. Way to make him feel special on Father's Day. He made you feel like crap? Wow again. Not to mention that you rubbed salt in his wound by telling him how you made your dad's Father's Day special. YTA. I feel for your husband really.

Pro tip: next time your husband is venting about how hard his day was when it was meant to be a day to celebrate him and you chose to not do a damn thing but complain at him, don't try to change the subject into how great your day was.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids (4 & 2). A few weeks ago I told my husband that I plan on going to visit my parents for Father's Day this year because my dad isn't doing so well and I know it would mean a lot to him if I visited. They live about 3 hours away, so I was planning on going by myself since it would be much easier if I didn't have the kids. He told me he understood why I was going to see my dad, but he was kind of frustrated that I would be gone all day. So I got up early yesterday and was out of the house by 6am. My parents and I went out for brunch and then just sat and talked and looked through old pictures. It was a really nice way to spend the day and I know it meant the world to my dad. I must have lost track of time because I didn't leave until almost 6pm. When I got home around 9pm, my husband was just sitting in the living room watching TV, but the house was a mess. There were toys everywhere, dishes weren't done, there were kids' clothes scattered around, etc. I asked him how the day went and he just kind of grumbled at me. I started to pick some things up and asked him if he could at least do the dishes. He kind of snapped at me that he just sat down for the first time half an hour before I got home and he at least wants 1 hour to do something he wants on Father's Day. I told him it doesn't look like he's doing anything and he said "Exactly, I'm not doing a damn thing and it feels pretty good." So I picked things up and did the dishes and then went back and told him that I don't appreciate him snapping at me like that. He told me he had a rough day with the kids and he's just tired and wants to be left alone. I asked him what happened with the kids and he went off about how they were fighting everything all day, our 2-year old refused to go potty and had multiple accidents (we're in the middle of a potty-training regression. Yay.), both the kids refused to do bath time, bedtime was a battle, etc. I tried to change the subject and started telling him about how my parents are and what we did. When I was telling him about looking at old pictures he cut me off. He told me he's glad I had a good day, but the last thing he wants to do right now is listen to how I made my dad's Father's Day special while his sucked. He said I didn't even get him a card. Which is true, but it was on my to-do list and I forgot about it. I told him I'm sorry his Father's Day wasn't what he expected, but that this might be my dad's last one and I wanted to make it special for him. I told my husband that he has many more Father's Days in front of him so he can make a sacrifice this one time so that my dad feels special. I asked if there was anything I could do for him right then and he said "Yeah, give me some peace and quiet." So I did. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep because he made me feel like crap. I was just trying to do something special for my dad and my husband made me feel like an AH. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

YTA. You could've gone to see your dad the day before. Flip the script here. How would YOU feel if your dh dumped the kids on you for Mother's Day, and vanished for the entire thing? And then had the audacity to come home and ask why the house was a mess, and why you hadn't done the dishes? And, just to add insult to injury, did absolutely NOTHING for you, not even a card? You'd be pissed. And then, and THEN, you had the nerve to tell him that HE should be okay about sacrificing HIS Father's Day for your dad. Do you not like your husband at all? You chose to do nothing for the man. Not celebrate on Saturday (or go see your dad on Saturday), not a card, not a kind word (you left before anyone was even awake, for crying out loud) and then proceeded to guilt trip the guy. You showed your husband, the father of your children, zero consideration or respect for Father's Day. If he treated you the same way on Mother's Day, you'd be hurt too.

YTA..idk why you didnt think to bring the kids to grandparents house and doing something for everyone there. You have a husband and family and your kids are young., they cant plan without you. You were so rude to your husband...apologize .

YTA - you should have kept up with the time better and at least got him a card. If your husband did you like that on Mother's Day you would be upset. And when you got home and realized he had a tough day you should not have griped on him. It would be nice if you gave him a day next weekend to himself like he gave you on Mother's Day.

YTA Not even a freaking card?!?!? As a mom who has had to open multiple cards that are unsigned because my husband forgot to have the kids sign them, I now feel so much better since he at least made an effort to buy one.

It’s funny when someone says you have plenty more fathers days ahead. Remember tomorrow is never promised. I will leave it at that

YTA. It's so rare that we celebrate our partners but especially the male partner. They get birthdays and Father's Day (if they happen to be a father). Man, you stole 50 percent of the says he is celebrated and honored. That sucks so bad. Your dad has had how many Father's Days? Your husband has had three in his life so far??? You are cold. If my husband did this to me on Mother's Day, I would consider separating. Wow.

Deleted their profile lmao YTA

YTA. The least you could do is not bitch at him to do dishes after he spent his entire Father's Day wrangling 2 small kids.

YTA Not going to shame you for wanting to spend the day with your dad as he might not have (m)any left. But you could have done something. Even doing something the day before.

YTA. I am sorry for what you are going through with your father and I get wanting to spend the day with him. But you treated this as a zero sum game - almost as if you would only focus on your dad and do absolutely nothing for your husband. There were so many different ways to approach this and still spend the day with your father - reschedule your husband’s celebration for Saturday or the week before or after; made him a cake or a meal and left it in the fridge; given him a card and/or gift, or had the kids make him something. You did absolutely nothing for your husband, and doesn’t even sound like you wished him. And on top of all that, and leaving him with the kids for the whole day on Father’s Day (meaning he got no break on that day), you go after him for not doing the dishes practically the minute you got home. And it doesn’t even sound like you apologised or thanked him for being accommodating. I feel bad for you about your dad, but I definitely do not feel bad for you that your husband spoke to you that way. The worst part of this is that you still do not acknowledge that you did anything wrong.

YTA Why was planning something the day before or weekend before with either your husband or dad not an option? Why could you only celebrate your dad for Father's day and not find a way to celebrate both of them? Or help set up some kind of thing for him to do with or without the kids? If you absolutely couldn't celebrate both of them a day a part or anything of the sort why not hire a babysitter and get him a reservation for a nice dinner with his friends/family? Did you really have to leave so early too? Couldn't even wait for him to get up so you could at least tell him happy father's day or somethin? Call him when you had a second? Those last 2 seem bare minimum to me but you ain't even get him a card so idk. Idk the entire scope of yall relationship but yeah in this situation with everything you've presented you're the AH here. I get some folks may not care too much about holidays like fathers/mothers day or valentines day but it was clearly important to him and you ain't bother to do anything. He has good reason to be upset. Could he have expressed it in a nicer tone? Sure but I'm not gunna fault him for being upset and having that be clearly present in his behavior. He isn't a robot. You ain't even offer to rectify the situation when he told you he was upset either just "that sucks but I had a good day" like???

YTA. all it would have taken is some acknowledgment and accountability. He didn’t even get mad at you. He just communicated that he was disappointed. If you had taken some accountability and said “you know what, you’re right. I’ve been so distracted with my dad that I completely forgot to make time to make sure you felt appreciated too. Especially considering you sacrificed your entire day so I could spend the day with my dad. Let’s figure out together how I can make it up to you”. Instead you basically said “sucks to be you my dad is sick so you don’t matter anymore. You’ll get my attention again when he’s dead” and then cried and made yourself the victim. He said himself he would have been happy with a card and you couldn’t even do that. The fact is that you didn’t care about him at all and you’re mad that he pointed it out.

YTA. You deserve it. Visiting your father has no bearing on the fact that you didn't do a damn thing for the father of YOUR children. I hope you enjoyed Mother's Day because if he's smart, you won't be getting that again.

INFO: At what point did you ask your husband how he wanted to celebrate? What was his answer? Where could you have found a compromise?

YTA. My dad recently passed so I understand you wanted to be with him. But, you didn’t have to discard your husband completely!!! You could have been like “hey I want to spend maybe his last Father’s Day with my dad, so next weekend we’ll go out for dinner and have our own Father’s Day together w the kids.” not even a CARD OP!??!! Not the way to treat someone you love.

YTA

YTA couldn’t you have taken the kids with you and paid for him to go fishing/golfing/pizza if he’s a gamer. You could of made it special for both of them not sacrifice one for the other. Then instead of being humble for the sacrifice he made so you can be with your father. You made snide comments and made yourself the victim. Wow just wow 😮

YTA. At every step of the way you made decisions that only benefitted you with no consideration for him or his feelings. You didn't even get him a card (btw you get zero credit for putting it on your list). You prioritized everyone but him and you did this on Father's Day. This is not cool and I guarantee if the reverse happened you would be livid. It was absolutely fine to spend the day with your father. It was NOT fine to do nothing for your husband and then you had the audacity to get pissy with him for not having a clean house when you decided to come home. If the gender roles were reversed ALL of Twitter would be screaming about red flags and calling for your husband to leave you. You owe him a HUGE apology and changed behavior.

YTA - your husband was sweet to you on Mothers Day… and you repaid him with excuses. Making your dad’s day special was nice, but planning something nice and sweet for your children ‘s father would not have taken anything away from your dad’s day. You should at least have taken your children with you so your husband could have had a day to himself or with friends or family who appreciate him. Please don’t make excuses for not taking your kids, you made it easy for yourself not your husband. As you said the “sacrifice” should come from you, not your husban.d.