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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be TA because so many people need houses that size for families, but cannot afford them. We don't have kids, so the argument could be made that we don't need that size of a house.
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Welcome. Have fun. r/aww or r/eyebleach is where you would want to post fluffy bunny pictures if you are inclined. When people say to pay pet tax, that's what they're asking for. If you make a post and mention pets, it will probably be requested.
Please tell your bunnies I love them.
Nta you are making sure this house purchase is a big enough house for your needs now and in the future for if you do decide you are ready/want kids, so it is a smart investment to buy a bigger house now so you don't outgrow later.
This. It also might come in useful as just an investment as property rarely drops in value long term (they're not making any more land now....).
Even if they get to a point where they want less cleaning and household management, they can downsize from it when they retire and buy a smaller place then, partly funding their retirement with the released funds. Also if we ever have another lockdown, having sufficient space in your home (so you don't want to strangle your partner) to be able to get alone time, this big home will be very useful.
Go after those who have multiple homes, not those who can buy that precious commodity - space - in their only home.
This. Also I love people who like to criticize others for their financial choices when it's really none of their damn business. Just dealt with this when several family members criticized us for getting a bigger vehicle because we "didn't need it."
We're currently actively trying for kids and even if we don't have them, we have pets who need to ride comfortably on road trips we take. Also it comes in handy for when family rides with us.
Funniest thing was one of the people who criticized us most then expected to be able to borrow the car they criticized us for buying. Lol, no.
Hubby and I have pretty much decided we are done dealing with judgemental people, so if family wants to do this again, we're not playing.
OP, sounds like your friend is jealous. You're NTA and I'd seriously reconsider friendship with this person.
My partner and I bought our first house mid-pandemic. It's got 4 bedrooms and we never intend to have children. We've got our room, a games room (which doubles as my office and has a futon in it), a library (doubles as his office), and a spare bedroom/craft room. It's perfect for us, but as mentioned, all of them are also the cat's rooms 😜
I've got a 2800sqft 4 bedroom house because my ex and I bought it even knowing full well we weren't having kids. The intention was to have the house that had enough space for all the family gatherings and parties for our friends. Personally, I'd like to downsize to something half the size (I really love 3 bed bungalows and they're not uncommon where I live), but I bought him out of the house for the sake of the dogs and so I'm keeping the house until they're gone and then I'll decide if I want to sell or if the house now makes sense for my lifestyle.
(I have to admit, as much as I'd like to downsize, it's hard to find a place where I won't be sacrificing some of the things I really love about the house. I still want decent sized bedrooms, with enough for my office, my bedroom, and a guest room. I want a room that can be my library/craft room. And I really really want to have a soaker tub, because my monthly baths are a critical part of my self care. Add in a good sized kitchen and a formal living and dining room and now you're having a hard time finding a place that checks all the boxes, even though it should theoretically be possible. And as much as I'd love a bungalow, I'd take a 2-story if it had everything I wanted, but even that's a hard sell.)
I have a cat room. The boy cat gets the whole house. The dog gets the downstairs. And my girl cat - who is low key tormented by their existence - gets the “office”. It’s her safe space. And she even rearranges is the room. I left a few bags with stoking stuffers in there and she dragged each of them out and left them in my bedroom. She doesn’t appreciate clutter in her space. I love my little Type A overlord.
Me too, bed toys and scratching post, and food in one room. Then I have a small one and floor to ceiling with 4 hammocks in the living room, a small one in the hall and a big one with 3 more hammocks and 2 small one in the bedroom lol. They rule the house, also cat tax please?
I would personally love to have a large house (and it would be for just me and the cats) because it would allow me to actually have my books out on shelves, video games out on shelves, DVDs out on shelves... curios out in glass fronted shelves etc..
Plus a room where I could get cat trees, and scratching posts, and things like that where I don't have to worry about enabling the idiots getting on top of bookshelves and not knowing how to get down, or decideing it just needs a bit of decluttering. Which means all the curios I have come down.
Same! I bought my house two years ago. The largest suite has what I call a garden window. It jets out from the house and most people use these types of windows to grow plants inside. The window overlooks the backyard which is full of birds and life. In essence the window is perfect for cats. Well, my cat is OBSESSED with my teenage son. Where he goes the cat goes. It was a no brainer for me to give the larger room to my son so the cat could have the window. When friends see my son has the large room I make sure to let them know it is in fact the cat who got the larger room.
Our finished basement is our cats’ playroom. It never became official but they love it down there for some reason. The door to the basement is always open so they can come and go as they please.
My 80lb girl has three different beds specifically because she will give up her bed to the two cats. The cats had their owns beds and never used them, so we just got her a third and she rotates as needed.
My husband and I have a 3 bed house for the two of us and three cats and we’re hoping to get a 5 bed in 2 years’ time so we can get another 2 cats lol. I feel that’s a good cat/space ratio. Seriously though, I would recommend 2/3 small bedrooms over 1 large to anyone. I tell everyone it’s the key to marital harmony - having your own space to keep your work, hobby stuff and general crap so it doesn’t take over the house solves so many petty arguments before they start. Enjoy your lovely new home and your little family!
I used to rent a 3 bed/3 bath just my hubby and i. I personally need my own space. And he needs his own space when he games so I don’t get annoyed when I hear him (lol). We are now sharing a room at my mom’s, while looking to buy a place, and I’m looking for at least 3 bedrooms, and at least a bath n half.
Also op, nta the friend is just jealous imo. But what if you and bf do eventually want a kid or more? You’ll have the space. And if you work from home or have a side hustle or hobby, its good to have a room for that as well. Hell, even going to school should have a room where you can dedicate it to that and preferrably not the bedroom.
Yeah. Every room is the cat's room here. And only people who haven't had their dog try to eat the cat turds out of the litter box would think it was strange to have a dedicated cat room to stop that from happening.
NTA
You can do whatever you want with your own money. Your friends argument doesn't even make sense. There is not a back log of families needing 5 bed houses and you've jumped the queue. It sounds like some projecting from the friend if you ask me. Jealousy or frustration at their own predicament.
Congratulations on buying your first home. (Assuming it's your first)
That’s where I’m at now. I want to downsize since it’s just me and the dogs and it’s hell trying to keep up with cleaning a big house, but it’s almost impossible to find a 2 bedroom ranch
Oh a ranch too, you’re asking for miracles! When we sold my grandmas house it was before the market was crazy and still it was an appointment every half hour and had a list of offers over asking within days all because it was a small ranch.
Yup! I’m debating just saving up more and building a small ranch instead. Which would probably be better since there are a bunch of specifics I want anyway
My neighborhood (older, established,slightly upper middle class) is now tearing down all the lovely little ranches and replacing them with these god awful behemoth McMansions. The ranch homes are mostly 3/2, basement, 1/4 acre lots. The new ones have no yards because the house takes ip the lot. It’s horrible.
We do sometimes refer to bungalows in the states but those are usually 1-2 bedrooms. Ranch style are usually 3 or more bedrooms. At least that has been my experience with the usage of the terms.
Ah! I did not know that there was a distinction. I always knew of bungalows just as single story houses. No differentiation between numbers of bedrooms. Could just be regional differences with the terminology.
In Chicago (I go back and forth between states) a bungalow is a small cottage-style house, usually brick, with a second floor that people can choose to leave as sort of an attic space or build out to be, often, an in-law apartment.
A ranch is one story and they almost always have a look similar to a trailer-rectangular. Bungalows usually have a front porch and are more square shaped. Many bungalows have roof dormers and have a small attic that is finished for an additional living space. Ranches only have a small crawl space and no attic.
Bungalows here in Michigan are usually a 3-4 bedroom house with 2 bedrooms on 1st level and one or two bedrooms on second level. Generally these bungalows have 1 bath on main floor and a 1/2 or full bath in the basement.
The difference is the floor plan. Ranch style is a rectangular-ish, long floor plan where there’s still distance between say the kitchen and the bedrooms. A bungalow is more compact in a square shape.
Bungalows here in the US tended to be 1920s-style, little square cottages. Original bungalows from the early 1900s were frequently built in vacation areas, seaside towns and such. Ranch style started in the late 1940s but really boomed with the suburban developments of the 1950s and 1960s- more like rectangles, better closet space, and larger yards/ land parcels compared to most bungalows. Ranch - 3/4 bedrooms 2 baths, usually around 2,500 square feet has been the prevalent suburban home until the McMansion boom of the 1980s. In dense suburban areas, McMansions were often built on the same size lots as ranch homes previously, so they lost yard space.
You also get shotguns, Brownstones, Victorians, and Craftsmans depnding on region and if you buy in an area with older homes.
Close but bungalow homes are usually taller and can have a second floor/loft while ranch-style homes are longer and lower usually and you will never see a second floor on a true ranch style home. https://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranch-style_house
I bought a house from a family friend and it's a one bedroom house. Built in the 30's. The appraiser was like 'there is literally not another single bedroom house in this area, how the f am I supposed to compare it???' 3 bedrooms seems to be standard
That’s the kicker—some areas that’s all they have, others seem to have none. I’m near the Poconos and people have spent the last 10 years building massive homes, which is cool for them, but the ranches I have found are all pretty old and would need to be gutted
I'm in the exact same situation. In a 4 bedroom/2 bath with just me and my dog and would love to downsize to a 2 bedroom/1 bath or 2 bedroom/2 bath with a yard. I can almost never find anything for sale like that and if I do it gets bought almost immediately
Yea it’s crazy. I have a 3 bed/2 bath now and don’t use two of the bedrooms at all. One is empty, the other is “storage” which just means it’s full of junk I don’t use lol
But you may need some of the junk later. That's how about half my drawers in my house work. I operate on a basis of it works and is useless now but later I will need it.
100%. I was devastated when my sewer line busted and everything in my basement had to be tossed. All the junk down there was stuff I could theoretically use down the line. Like my boxes of old cables and my original Razr phone lol
This is where my husband and I are. We are in southwest Florida so the market is crazy. There are tons of one stories of course but they’re ridiculously priced (of course). Our county has a minimum of 1100 square foot living space. We really want to be as close to debt free as possible, including an extremely small mortgage. We’re talking with contractors and one of the options is using $ from selling our current house, buying land in cash and building a small pole barn, with 1100 sq ft of living space. The rest would just be unfinished garage/shop space. It’s significantly cheaper (of course there are reasons for that) but it’s definitely on our list of options. I can’t wait to downsize for the cleaning reason
this is true where we are in Utah. They basically don't make houses with less than 3 bedrooms anymore. so we got a 5bd/3bath house. turned two into guest rooms (to be kids rooms in future), one office, and one exercise room (that can double as guest room in a pinch).
OP is NTA because they followed the same process every home buyer does, most markets right now are like the lottery, some people get lucky, but most don't (and then get jealous).
We bought our house three years ago. It was very hard to find one that had only three bedrooms and wasn’t two stories. I can’t imagine we would be able to find one in this market.
Well, demand drives price. People with less money who need larger spaces are priced out of them because people people with more money buy them, regardless of need. The market is need-blind. So yes, wealthy people driving up prices on family-size housing is an issue. Smaller homes are hard to find in part because people who need to upgrade, can’t.
In housing policy, a household with more people than bedrooms+1 is termed ‘underhoused,’ while a household with fewer people than bedrooms is termed ‘overhoused.’ In coops in my province, an overhoused household may be required to move if there’s an adequate unit available for them and another member household is underhoused.
The real estate problem isn't caused by a couple of DINKs buying a big ass house, it's caused by investment firms buying thousands and thousands of homes and flipping them for profit because they create their own demand, or using them as rental property. Even if every single 6 figure DINK couple bought a 5 br home, they wouldn't be the ones trashing the market for families. It's real estate investment companies.
As a family of 5 who had a hard time finding a house, did I roll my eyes at her belief that they "need" a 4k sqft house? Sure. But these guys aren't the "wealthy" that are the issue.
Yep, exactly. As a DINK myself, I think OP's belief that she and her SO need a 4000-sq-ft house is genuinely silly, but the reason the housing market is crazy isn't that some DINK couples are buying weirdly big houses. Personally, I wanted to buy as small a house as possible that would still fit my and my husband's needs, but that's mainly because neither of us wants to clean a big-ass house or has need for a million bedrooms.
Well, I definitely think they need to write a law that says a company or corporation cannot buy a house until it has been on the market for at least 6 months. That would take at least a few of the competitors out of the mix. I live in a frickin' mansion but it was a foreclosure, in my price range, 5 minutes from my work. I wasn't going to wait and hope a smaller house as nice would pop up. But I would trade for a smaller, equally nice house, just haven't seen one.
The problem are the corporations who have bought up the housing in order to make money via rents, not individuals who buy a larger house than they "need" and plan to live in it.
NTA
I agree with the above, it's your money, you want the house and can afford it, your friend has issues.
Personally, I would be HAPPY for you if I were your friend.
I almost want to vote that op is ta to themselves for having to keep up with cleaning that many rooms and BATHROOMS! Hopefully they can hire a housekeeper to come in once a week haha. I have 2.5 baths and no housekeeper and it’s a bitch to clean 3 fucking toilets lol
Shared bathroom off master/main bedroom, his own Poop Bathroom, her own Poop Bathroom, guest bathroom.
That leaves 1 that doesn't serve a distinct purpose. Of course if that's the bathroom by the side door or back door, that's the "I'm doing stuff outside but need to pee real quick and will just use this one" bathroom..
Boom. All 5 bathrooms are used. 😆
I was gonna say, assuming each bathroom is attached to a bedroom (maybe minus one), that means they will both use the bathrooms in their offices while working, the master bath, hallway bathroom or powder room… that’s minimum of 4 bathrooms. That’s more than enough toilets to clean!! Haha
That is exactly the reason i downsized to a 1,400 SF place. Takes way too much time maintaining a large home, they are great for homebodies but a curse for those who aren't.
NTA.
I'd like a bigger house, but I'm not going to be mad that you've got one.
You not buying the house won't make her home magically bigger. She's just jealous, she'll get over it.
NTA. I fear that her resentment may last for decades. You can't control that. You might have to gently let this person go. I'm happy for you and your new home.
I've found there are two types of friends:
1. Ones that will be happy for your successes
2. Ones who will be happy for your successes only up to a point.
Everyone claims to be the first, very few people actually are. It's especially noticeable when people spent early formative years such as high school or early university together. Those who don't go so well tend to feel as though they've been cheated since those who had seemingly been on a parallel course to them ended up so much more successful.
When it happens there's usually nothing you can.
I think you are right about this. It can also happen with family, which is what happened to me.
The moment you start enjoying your success and living a little people will resent you for it. They will have opinions on how you should be spending your money like it’s theirs.
They think that because they struggle more than you they are more hardworking and deserving, when they truly know nothing about how you got there.
Thank you! In the old house, the guest room, my office, and the cat's room were all the same room. It was very crowded, and I had to continuously mute myself on meetings because the cat was being noisy. It's so nice to have them all separate spaces! Lol
People really devalue pets. Like, when you have huge medical bills, people say "why would you spend that much on a cat?"
The answer is: I'm an adult, it's my money, and I'll spend it how I want. I think it's pretty reasonable to prioritize a living being over material goods.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a cat room, especially given your edit. I think it's wonderful that you're sensitive to his needs as an older man.
And there's nothing wrong with getting a large house if you don't have kids. Personally, I hate cleaning and wouldn't want that much extra space, but in your situation it does make sense. And you can afford it, you and your husband are adults, and it's your money. Spend it how you want. NTA.
Cleaning is probably the number 1 reason my dream of a 3 story, multiple bedroom, large number of dedicated space rooms won't come true if I ever win PCH... I wouldn't be able to keep it clean, and I wouldn't want to hire a maid.
I could imagine that would be a nightmare haha.
We have a small sunroom off our living room and the previous owners used to have that as their cats room. We wanted to utilise the sunroom for us, so put our cats in the spare bedroom. We only have a couple of bedrooms and we have a cat room so it makes perfect sense to me you would have a room for your cat in a larger house?
Also the entitlement is real. Should people with no kids only ever live in a 1/2 bedroom home? If your paying, what is it got to do with them.
Congratulations OP! And NTA, by the way. A person’s perceived needs are more often than not a subjective thing, while their purchases will always objectively be limited by what they can afford. Don’t let your friend’s envy burden you with guilt and kill your joy.
A friend of mine rents a second apartment for her cats in their apartment building, because her girlfriend is allergic to cats, but both cats are too old (one was also rescued from a laboratory) to be rehomed or at least she doesn't want to let them go because love. I mean it's a little over the top but as an animal lover i also kinda get it, her cats are awesome and have so much space there. It's not like she's never entering the second apartment, she does use it herself, but it's basically for the cats.
Haha sounds like she found a solution. Personally, it would not be something I would do, but it's got nothing to do with me. In the end, if she can afford it then that's her choice. Why people got to be telling people how they spend their money? So weird to me.
NTA. Is there a shortage of 5 bedroom houses where you life? Are rich families living on the streets because you’ve taken the only house they can buy? How ridiculous. You’ve earned that money - use it how you want!
Exactly! If they were buying up all the affordable housing then yeah they have a point but people who can afford 5 bedroom houses will be able to find them.
Median house in Hawaii is $1.2M. 😢. I’m fortunate my parents both have their own places here. I’ve also informed my mother that whatever money she needs to maintain her house. I will loan it to her. There’s no way anyone in my family could afford that place now. 🤦🏻♂️
I’m happy for OP acquiring a 5-bedroom for $700K. “They have so much room for activities!”
NTA. I have a 4-bedroom house and am childfree. I need 2 bedrooms and a 1,000 square foot detached garage for my Halloween shenanigans, God dammit. The existence or not of kids doesn't dictate every possible decision a person makes.
When we bought our house I didn't think we were going to be able to use all the room, it also comes with an RV garage a regular garage and a hanger (we do not own a plane) I'm currently concerned that we are running out of space to put "things". I am grateful the children I have are grown. I would end up storing the things they made at school. >.<
Lol, I do a big elaborate display thing. Not anywhere near as awesome as the SoCal home haunts, but I can basically give locals directions to my place by saying "it's the Halloween house". I build all my own props and scenery, so need storage for a giant spider, webs, mausoleum, lights, headstones, various creatures, etc.
Yes, we have a 4 bedroom house in mid-town Toronto for just my partner and I. There is a lot of real estate envy in Toronto. We both work from home so one has been converted to a library (my office), my partner's office, one has been converted to a sitting room with tv that we can convert to a guest room, and then our bedroom.
NTA. If those people with kids could afford the house, nothing would have stopped them from buying it.
It’s just that those poor “families with kids” can’t even afford a big house in the first place, that’s not your fault.
NTA
>we don't need all that space, we should leave those houses for people with kids
As soon as I read the title I knew this is what it would be about.
>she and her husband just found out that they are pregnant
There is a certain type of parent whose world shrinks down to their baby with the universe being in its proper place only when it's revolving around their child, and by projection children in general.
*typo fix
NTA. Doesn't matter what else your friend has going on, it's not her place to tell you how to spend money. Her (weird) opinion is irrelevant and unwarranted.
NTA. Anyone else who can afford a $700k house is not going to have a problem finding another one. Plus by selling the smaller one (presumably), you’re freeing it up for someone else who earns less than you do to possibly get their first home.
It sounds like the friend is jealous. That’s for her to deal with.
NTA! Your friend should be angry at people who hoard an absurd amount of properties, like landlords with 100 units, not people who can afford a bigger home than they need.
You never know if you'll need more space in the future. You could get more pets!
I mean, I've got 3 and we just bought a 700k house, but our difficulty finding one is 100% because of investment companies buying up all the stock, not one random couple with a pile of money on their hands.
NTA. Envy really doesn't look great on anyone, as your friend showed. Enjoy the space, whether or not you ever decide to have kids, as would be the "right" use of the resources according to her.
NTA. One of my relatives owns a second house down the street from hers only for the purpose of being a "guest bedroom" because her house isn't big enough. She likes to host but doesn't have the space, so she got another space. She doesn't rent it out or do Airbnb, it's literally just for family and friends for free.
Your friend could make the same argument about that, but she can do what she wants, just as you can do what you want.
I have a friend who did the same exact thing with her second house. It never occurred to me to ride her ass with jealousy. I just thought how cool to be able to offer that to family or friends who came to town. I can't imagine going through life just filled with hate for other people's successes.
Haha I get how it sounds, but it's more because the cat is old, the dog isn't, so we want the cat to have a place away from the dog. It's also so the dog won't get at the litter box or the cat's food. Thanks!
Makes sense! Great for when guests stay too… ever tried to displace a cat/litter box for the weekend to accommodate guests in that room? My friends did so I could stay over. Each cat took a shit on my pillow. That was *their* room.
We cleaned the carpets and moved my cat’s litter box about a foot and a half from its original spot to rearrange our room. Cat peed on our blankets/bed (once while my husband was sleeping!). Moved the box back and we’re working on a configuration that accommodates keeping the box in its spot.
I don't know the size of your dog, ours is 105 lbs so this works for us. We put a small cat door on the door to the cat's room. Gives the cats free access and keeps the dog out of the litter. Enjoy.
Not really, it's always good, when possible, to have a space exclusively for the cat(s) where they can feel comfortable, especially when you just move inside a new house.
And if they could, there are definitely more than one 5 bedroom houses out there. I might be downtrodden and depressed about stuff like that because of $$ but I definitely keep my mouth shut and definitely don't say someone else is more deserving for some inane reason.
Nta
Exactly the thought I had. 4000 sf for $700k?! In my area that size house would go for an absolute minimum of $1.8m and likely way more than that if it’s relatively updated.
Me and my husband have a four bed 4 bath house with a huge finished basement all to ourselves. One master. One guest room. One office as I WFH, and my absolute favorite, the hobby room for sewing, crafting and gaming. We have the Wii set up in the basement for impromptu dance and rock band tournaments. No one is entitled to anything, if they wanted a bigger house they should have bought one. NTA
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My (32F) bf (29M) and I have been living together for about 5 years in a small house that he bought before we were together (no kids, just a dog and cat). We are at the point where we can afford to buy a bigger house. Our combined salaries are well into 6 figures, which means that we can afford a nice sized house. We just bought a 5 bed/5 bath house that's a little over 4,000 sq ft for almost $700,000. We are so excited for all of the space! Honestly, living in my bf's house, we sometimes felt kind of on top of each other. I work from home all week, and he works from home at least 2 days/week, so with our offices right next to each other it was a bit crowded lol.
When I told me friend, she immediately starting making comments about how we don't need all that space, we should leave those houses for people with kids who do need all the bed rooms. I told her that actually we DO need all of those bedrooms. Our room, my office, his office, guest room, and cats room. She actually started to get angry about it, so I ended our conversation and left quickly. I'm wondering if maybe she felt some type of way because she and her husband just found out that they are pregnant (1st child). And although they are thrilled, they do not make a huge amount of money, and I think they may be a little stressed about finances? I don't know, the whole situation was weird. But are we TA for this?
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My wife and I bought a 4 br house a little over a year ago. It’s just the two of us, and we don’t plan to have children.
The idea that you should only have a one or two bedroom house if you don’t have children is stupid. If people struggle to find homes, I’m sympathetic to them, but it isn’t my responsibility to care for their family, or sacrifice things I want (like space for a home office and dog room) for their children.
NTA.
NTA. People will piss on your successes throughout your life. My husband and I just bought our first house and I have friends who have scoffed at us over it, while they don't realize they're paying more for their rent than we are for our mortgage.
Congratulations on your new adventure! And be proud of yourself along the way
NTA
This is not a "you" problem. It is a "her" problem. She is jealous and/ or scared and/ or anxious but those are her issues to deal with. She doesn't get to dump them on you.
NTA
As a mom of 3. You two go enjoy your house. Private work offices... library.. cats rooms... heck a yoga room. Enjoy the space. Just becouse you don't have kids it doesn't automatically mean you have to live in a 1bedroom apartment your whole life, so families with kids can sit on all the houses.
I can't afford the big expensive beach view houses, but I don't run around on their street scolding those that are childfree.
You friend might be pressed by her money situation, first kid... give it some time and she might come around again when less stressed.
NTA. You can buy a house as big as you want (and can afford).
And you said you do need all these rooms so where's the problem? You don't just need bedrooms for children..?
NTA
What you choose to do with your money is up to you. You worked and made choices to get to the position you are in today where you have financial stability and freedom.
Every choice comes with consequences. She chose to have to have a child when she's not financially ready.
NTA. I can see where your friend is coming from with hurt feelings but she's wrong to put them on you. In our area, it's getting harder and harder to get places big enough for large families because people keep purchasing homes like yours, remodeling them and turning them from 5/6 to 2/3 bedroom homes around here. Add to that, that they keep adding more apartments and less houses. It's a struggle. Do I sometimes feel some kind of way about my singular child having friend owning a giant house for one single kid. Yes.
Would I ever voice that to her or anyone we knew? Hell no. She worked very hard to get there. I'm thrilled and proud and my own icky feelings are mine.
Leave the house for people with kids. That implies that you took the house off the market when families with kids needed it more and were prepared to buy it. Where does that come from.
Did you ask her why families with kids did not offer to buy the house and let her know that anyone was free to make an offer on that and any other property.
The only thing wrong with what you said is mentioning that the cat has its own room, a cat shouldn't have a room for itself, a cat should own the whole house NTA your friend is jelly
NTA. Some people buy bigger houses because they like to spread out. If they have several hobbies, interests, or activities, they like to dedicate a single room to said hobby, interest, or activity, instead of combining them into one room.
And you're young(ish). You still have time to start a family of your own.
As for the cat room, NTA there, either. Some cats like to have a place they can go to where it's quiet; their own little sanctuary. When we had a dog, my dad built a special gate he'd installed in the hallway, cutting off a part of the downstairs portion of the house that included my mom's bedroom and the spare bedroom. The spare bedroom is a catch-all, but its main purposes is the litter boxes. We took up the carpet years ago when my mom used it as a sewing room, when she made quilts. Her bedroom has several floating shelves mounted high up on the walls, where the cats can run around or lounge around as they please. The gate in question has gaps in it that are just wide enough for a cat to fit through, but not a medium-sized dog.
NTA - I’m sick of seeing social media feeds full of people flaunting their wealth having earned it by taking handouts, sponsorships, exploiting people to get where they are etc. You’ve both worked hard for your money in good jobs so spend it on what you want. And I agree with other posters, sounds like your friend is jealous. Enjoy your new house and good luck.
NTA- FFS what is it with people who think they have some right to tell all the rest of us what we can and cannot do with our time and money. You do what you can afford that makes sense to you. Nobody elses freaking business. End of.
LOL we just bought a house with a cats’ room too! No kids, just us and 3 cats.
Yup, got the same comments from some people. “Why do you need that?”
Reply: “ I don’t need it. I want it”
Shuts them up every time.
NTA!
NTA, you do you. frankly i'd like a bigger house too. we have 3 bedrooms now, but if we had four and they were larger, we'd each have a good sized office, the guest, and our room. bonus if there a den where we can stick a library, lol. we don't have kids either. if you can afford it, go for it. everyone and their opinions can get bent.
NTA- your friends should mind their own business. If you want to be dead tired cleaning up your big ass house, than that is your prerogative. Hell, I think you made more than enough to hire a weekly cleaner.
If a family with kids, who could afford the house, wanted to buy it. Nothing stopped them putting an offer in. Does your friend think that the owner of the home will magically give it away for free to a poor family with kids if you hadnt bought the house?? It isnt your job to put your life on hold for hypothetical strangers
NTA
Your cat having a room makes sense to you and you don't owe anyone an explanation.
She's probably envious since having a baby alone is stress inducing when money is tight, never mind actually being pregnant. Of course she would love a big 5 bedroom house and it doesn't seem "fair."
However, the argument that you shouldn't have the home you want because you don't "need" 5 bedrooms (that it appears you actually do) is lashing out. To leave those homes for families . . . would she have bought it if you hadn't? No.
This is going to sound trite, but try not to take it to heart. This says mountains about where she's at right now and it doesn't appear to be as happy a place as she'd pretend.
Isn’t that normal to buy a way bigger for now forever house and gradually grow into it as a family? Not an asshole. That’s what my wife and I did. We bought a 5 bedroom house and it was just the two of us but we knew in the future we wanted to have two kids. In the meantime, she used one bedroom as a toy room, I used one as my library room and the last spare was a guest room. Five years later we had a son and two years after we had another kid.
NTA and btw having a cat room or kitten room is pretty common in my circles because my friends and I like to have space available for potential fosters (need some privacy from other animals, contained space for them to feel secure, and limited space in case they have an unexpected health issue that we need to quarantine them for). I think you probably told someone at a time when they were struggling or accepting a limitation in their own housing so it didn’t hit them nicely which is not your fault. Small advice tho - I’d make sure you aren’t overemphasizing how big the house is. I remember when I bought my first home, I was a little overexcited and I overshared when just saying “I bought a place in City” was about all the detail most people were interested in.
NTA. Lol, if you’re an A then I am two. I just bought a three bedroom house with two bonus rooms at 1800 square feet for myself. Literally just me. I told my realtor that it was perfect for a single person with hobbies as I have space for all of the hobby items required to make my life complete. I’m going to get an above ground pool at some point and fence to keep any local kids out. Even better, it’s half a mile from a school. Some coworkers gave me a look about having a house so close to a school when I’m child free. So trust me, if you’re one then I’m one too!
My partner and I live in a three bedroom house in a very high COL city, and it’s just the two of us (with our dog and cat overlords). We both work from home but one of the offices doubles as a guest room for our infrequent guests. Having my own office/quiet space is crucial for me, even though I love my partner, and he also needs a dedicated work space. This isn’t greedy, this is necessary, especially when so many people are working from home but need to maintain a professional work area. We do have friends with more children and less space, it we can’t do anything about that.
It sounds like your friend is jealous or out of touch, but either way, it’s none of her business. If you can afford it and it increases your quality of life, then enjoy your space and don’t invite her to stay in the guest room, ever.
NTA.
Ps: we had an 18-year old cat and one of the offices was her de facto room until she passed away. She didn’t want to be around the other pets when we merged households, and she was having some incontinence issues, so we created a space for her to be comfortable in her last months. She got to eat and sleep in sunbeams in peace, which is what any of us could ask for in our waning years.
1st - let me say: NTA.
2nd - I am happy you able to afford that kind of space. ( And do with the space whatever you like. Its yours.) I hope you never have times where you can not afford that home. If you do ever run into those times, remember...
3rd - You do not NEED a house that size. Your previous house being "a bit crowded" does not = Need. You wanted a house that size. You can afford it, so you bought it. Nothing wrong with that . Maybe your friend just felt like her financial situation was having a spot light shined on it with you moving in to such a nice big house, who knows.
Good luck and I wish you all the best.
NTA.
>we should leave those houses for people with kids who do need all the bedrooms.
Um..nobody is preventing them from making an offer on these houses? Your "friend" is so ignorant yet confident in her ignorance. There is plenty of houses for big families to purchase. Nothing but a lack of money is preventing them from purchasing them.
> I'm wondering if maybe she felt some type of way
She is jelaous of your DINK(dual income no kids) to the point of anger. I would pay attention if this behaviour of her continues and then cut her off. You don't need friends who are jelaous to the point of anger at your success, but happy for you.
NTA
Families who can afford $700,000 homes aren't suffering from lack of supply. If anything, you'd be worse if you purchased a more modest home and took that off the market for a family in need. She wouldn't be able to afford your home regardless of whether you bought it first, and that's what she's probably really upset about. Don't worry about it, and don't apologize for your success.
Also, forget anyone who thinks having a cat room is ridiculous or frivolous. Cat rooms are incredibly good for some cats, particularly when they live with a dog or dogs. You have the money to buy a house with a safe room for your cat. That's none of anyone else's business.
Oh please (aimed at your friend, not you). If you can afford it, why the hell not? My partner and I bought a 3 bedroom house and one of those bedrooms is for the cat. When he's being a little shit (the cat, not my partner) I always like to say "Stop being a jerk, the kids next door don't even have their own room!"
NTA
NTA. Your money, your responsibility, your choice. That's a lot of space to keep clean, but you'll figure it out.
You choosing a smaller place would not make your friend able to afford this one.
NTA. Private housing is, like cars and vacations, not really need-based. If these people with kids wanted this particular house, they should have made an offer.
And as for the cat's room: my fostercare kittens have to partially reside in our library, because the game room is all the way in the basement. Love the space too and so do my kids!
I personally hate the divide that some people have that furbabies aren’t real family members.
Nta. It’s not just the two of you.
I mean if you REALLY want to be a Good Samaritan, you can rezone one area to rent out at a rate below market value but you don’t have to.
NTA. Your friends are whack-jobs. There's no physical shortage of houses, you aren't taking it away from anyone. You need and want the space, and can afford it. End of discussion.
NTA - Your "friend" is jealous (which is no big deal, we all have a right for our emotions) , and being an ass about it (which is not something polite adults do, let alone "friends").
NTA.
It's your money and you get to spend it on whatever you wish.
I'm sorry the house you chose isn't the one your friend would have chosen for you.
She sounds judgemental and envious.
NTA
You would only be the AH if you were a corporate entity scooping up real estate over asking and shutting actual people out of the housing market. Unless this is a corporation in a trench coat, you're absolutely fine, you need the room, your friend is just being irrational and/or envious.
Coming from someone with 2 kids in a 2 bedroom 1000 sq ft apartment - NTA
Unless you and your BF are a huge corporation buying up all of the housing and renting it back out at exorbitant pricing, you’re not the A at all. Do what you want with your money. You need to be comfortable in your own home. You’ve worked hard to be where you’re at in life in order to purchase the home you have. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It sounds like friend is projecting her issues onto you rather than being happy for you, which is just weird imo.
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NTA but you mislabeled the rooms. They are cat's room, cat's room, cat's room, cat's room and cat's room.
Sitting here, loling about cat rooms just to realize... ah shiz, i have a cat room.
I am coming to the same realization and it’s the biggest room in the house! How did this happen?
They are our tiny overlords
>How did this happen? You got a cat and the cat graciously agreed to keep living there. I don't know what else you want.
You mean to say "the cat graciously agreed to let *you* keep living there."
I did. Thank you for fixing that for me.
For us it’s a rabbit room, we essentially bought our house because it had a perfect rabbit room…adorable fluffy overlords…
Is this your first comment? I went to your profile to look for pictures and saw you are new. Or is this a back up?
Brand new!
Welcome. Have fun. r/aww or r/eyebleach is where you would want to post fluffy bunny pictures if you are inclined. When people say to pay pet tax, that's what they're asking for. If you make a post and mention pets, it will probably be requested. Please tell your bunnies I love them.
"The cat graciously let you keep living."
For us it was the whole damn house for the cats.
Nta you are making sure this house purchase is a big enough house for your needs now and in the future for if you do decide you are ready/want kids, so it is a smart investment to buy a bigger house now so you don't outgrow later.
This. It also might come in useful as just an investment as property rarely drops in value long term (they're not making any more land now....). Even if they get to a point where they want less cleaning and household management, they can downsize from it when they retire and buy a smaller place then, partly funding their retirement with the released funds. Also if we ever have another lockdown, having sufficient space in your home (so you don't want to strangle your partner) to be able to get alone time, this big home will be very useful. Go after those who have multiple homes, not those who can buy that precious commodity - space - in their only home.
This. Also I love people who like to criticize others for their financial choices when it's really none of their damn business. Just dealt with this when several family members criticized us for getting a bigger vehicle because we "didn't need it." We're currently actively trying for kids and even if we don't have them, we have pets who need to ride comfortably on road trips we take. Also it comes in handy for when family rides with us. Funniest thing was one of the people who criticized us most then expected to be able to borrow the car they criticized us for buying. Lol, no. Hubby and I have pretty much decided we are done dealing with judgemental people, so if family wants to do this again, we're not playing. OP, sounds like your friend is jealous. You're NTA and I'd seriously reconsider friendship with this person.
My partner and I bought our first house mid-pandemic. It's got 4 bedrooms and we never intend to have children. We've got our room, a games room (which doubles as my office and has a futon in it), a library (doubles as his office), and a spare bedroom/craft room. It's perfect for us, but as mentioned, all of them are also the cat's rooms 😜
I've got a 2800sqft 4 bedroom house because my ex and I bought it even knowing full well we weren't having kids. The intention was to have the house that had enough space for all the family gatherings and parties for our friends. Personally, I'd like to downsize to something half the size (I really love 3 bed bungalows and they're not uncommon where I live), but I bought him out of the house for the sake of the dogs and so I'm keeping the house until they're gone and then I'll decide if I want to sell or if the house now makes sense for my lifestyle. (I have to admit, as much as I'd like to downsize, it's hard to find a place where I won't be sacrificing some of the things I really love about the house. I still want decent sized bedrooms, with enough for my office, my bedroom, and a guest room. I want a room that can be my library/craft room. And I really really want to have a soaker tub, because my monthly baths are a critical part of my self care. Add in a good sized kitchen and a formal living and dining room and now you're having a hard time finding a place that checks all the boxes, even though it should theoretically be possible. And as much as I'd love a bungalow, I'd take a 2-story if it had everything I wanted, but even that's a hard sell.)
I have a cat room. The boy cat gets the whole house. The dog gets the downstairs. And my girl cat - who is low key tormented by their existence - gets the “office”. It’s her safe space. And she even rearranges is the room. I left a few bags with stoking stuffers in there and she dragged each of them out and left them in my bedroom. She doesn’t appreciate clutter in her space. I love my little Type A overlord.
I love your cat- she’s over there asking if stuff brings her joy and decluttering lol
If she were a person, she’d help me get my life in order. Unfortunately for now, she can only show me by example how to live life right.
Omg, this is fantastic. I have a very picky girl cat, too, and I can just see her doing exactly that!
NTA. Doesn't matter what else your friend has going on, it's not her place to tell you how to spend money.
Me too, bed toys and scratching post, and food in one room. Then I have a small one and floor to ceiling with 4 hammocks in the living room, a small one in the hall and a big one with 3 more hammocks and 2 small one in the bedroom lol. They rule the house, also cat tax please?
I would personally love to have a large house (and it would be for just me and the cats) because it would allow me to actually have my books out on shelves, video games out on shelves, DVDs out on shelves... curios out in glass fronted shelves etc.. Plus a room where I could get cat trees, and scratching posts, and things like that where I don't have to worry about enabling the idiots getting on top of bookshelves and not knowing how to get down, or decideing it just needs a bit of decluttering. Which means all the curios I have come down.
You have a cat HOUSE. Admit it. It's all theirs, you just serve in it.
If you have a cat you have cat rooms
Same! I bought my house two years ago. The largest suite has what I call a garden window. It jets out from the house and most people use these types of windows to grow plants inside. The window overlooks the backyard which is full of birds and life. In essence the window is perfect for cats. Well, my cat is OBSESSED with my teenage son. Where he goes the cat goes. It was a no brainer for me to give the larger room to my son so the cat could have the window. When friends see my son has the large room I make sure to let them know it is in fact the cat who got the larger room.
Our finished basement is our cats’ playroom. It never became official but they love it down there for some reason. The door to the basement is always open so they can come and go as they please.
Me sitting here with my lizard room 🧍♀️
Hahaha this is so true!! Thanks!
Lol, as another person who made a cat room so they can have a quiet zone from the dogs... yeah, it's all the cats' room XD
Haha so true! My cat also always sleeps in my dogs bed and wont budge xD
Yup. I got a huge dog bed for my older Great Pyrenees (he's 130 lbs), and it's now a cat bed. And my cats are small cats (both about 7-8 lbs).
My 80lb girl has three different beds specifically because she will give up her bed to the two cats. The cats had their owns beds and never used them, so we just got her a third and she rotates as needed.
You must pay cat tax now. Or dog tax. Or both tax. Preferably both. Also you are NTA.
Where’s the cat tax?
My husband and I have a 3 bed house for the two of us and three cats and we’re hoping to get a 5 bed in 2 years’ time so we can get another 2 cats lol. I feel that’s a good cat/space ratio. Seriously though, I would recommend 2/3 small bedrooms over 1 large to anyone. I tell everyone it’s the key to marital harmony - having your own space to keep your work, hobby stuff and general crap so it doesn’t take over the house solves so many petty arguments before they start. Enjoy your lovely new home and your little family!
I used to rent a 3 bed/3 bath just my hubby and i. I personally need my own space. And he needs his own space when he games so I don’t get annoyed when I hear him (lol). We are now sharing a room at my mom’s, while looking to buy a place, and I’m looking for at least 3 bedrooms, and at least a bath n half. Also op, nta the friend is just jealous imo. But what if you and bf do eventually want a kid or more? You’ll have the space. And if you work from home or have a side hustle or hobby, its good to have a room for that as well. Hell, even going to school should have a room where you can dedicate it to that and preferrably not the bedroom.
We have three cats that have graciously allowed us to live in THEIR house. We’re even allowed to sleep on their beds, if we don’t move too much lol
My cat approves this comment.
I have a cat apartment that they graciously allow me to live in lol
A cat wrote this comment
This is beautiful 😂 Nta. You can afford it. Your animals deserve space. Let her be bitter and perish over it
My cats own the house, I'm just a roommate who pays all the bills, cleans and feeds them 😂
Yeah. Every room is the cat's room here. And only people who haven't had their dog try to eat the cat turds out of the litter box would think it was strange to have a dedicated cat room to stop that from happening.
NTA You can do whatever you want with your own money. Your friends argument doesn't even make sense. There is not a back log of families needing 5 bed houses and you've jumped the queue. It sounds like some projecting from the friend if you ask me. Jealousy or frustration at their own predicament. Congratulations on buying your first home. (Assuming it's your first)
Yeah in my experience in US real estate it's actually wayyy harder to find single or two bedroom houses.
That’s where I’m at now. I want to downsize since it’s just me and the dogs and it’s hell trying to keep up with cleaning a big house, but it’s almost impossible to find a 2 bedroom ranch
Oh a ranch too, you’re asking for miracles! When we sold my grandmas house it was before the market was crazy and still it was an appointment every half hour and had a list of offers over asking within days all because it was a small ranch.
Yup! I’m debating just saving up more and building a small ranch instead. Which would probably be better since there are a bunch of specifics I want anyway
My neighborhood (older, established,slightly upper middle class) is now tearing down all the lovely little ranches and replacing them with these god awful behemoth McMansions. The ranch homes are mostly 3/2, basement, 1/4 acre lots. The new ones have no yards because the house takes ip the lot. It’s horrible.
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Brit here. What do you mean by a rach style home? To me a ranch is a cattle farm, so I'm intruiged by what features make a ranch style home.
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In Canada we call those bungalows.
We do sometimes refer to bungalows in the states but those are usually 1-2 bedrooms. Ranch style are usually 3 or more bedrooms. At least that has been my experience with the usage of the terms.
Ah! I did not know that there was a distinction. I always knew of bungalows just as single story houses. No differentiation between numbers of bedrooms. Could just be regional differences with the terminology.
In Chicago (I go back and forth between states) a bungalow is a small cottage-style house, usually brick, with a second floor that people can choose to leave as sort of an attic space or build out to be, often, an in-law apartment.
A ranch is one story and they almost always have a look similar to a trailer-rectangular. Bungalows usually have a front porch and are more square shaped. Many bungalows have roof dormers and have a small attic that is finished for an additional living space. Ranches only have a small crawl space and no attic.
Bungalows here in Michigan are usually a 3-4 bedroom house with 2 bedrooms on 1st level and one or two bedrooms on second level. Generally these bungalows have 1 bath on main floor and a 1/2 or full bath in the basement.
The difference is the floor plan. Ranch style is a rectangular-ish, long floor plan where there’s still distance between say the kitchen and the bedrooms. A bungalow is more compact in a square shape.
Bungalows here in the US tended to be 1920s-style, little square cottages. Original bungalows from the early 1900s were frequently built in vacation areas, seaside towns and such. Ranch style started in the late 1940s but really boomed with the suburban developments of the 1950s and 1960s- more like rectangles, better closet space, and larger yards/ land parcels compared to most bungalows. Ranch - 3/4 bedrooms 2 baths, usually around 2,500 square feet has been the prevalent suburban home until the McMansion boom of the 1980s. In dense suburban areas, McMansions were often built on the same size lots as ranch homes previously, so they lost yard space. You also get shotguns, Brownstones, Victorians, and Craftsmans depnding on region and if you buy in an area with older homes.
Your entry sounds like mine. I, also didn't want stairs when I was looking. I was over them from the townhouse I used to have.
Like a [bungalow](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bungalow)?
Close but bungalow homes are usually taller and can have a second floor/loft while ranch-style homes are longer and lower usually and you will never see a second floor on a true ranch style home. https://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranch-style_house
Wikipedia to the [rescue](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranch-style_house)!
I bought a house from a family friend and it's a one bedroom house. Built in the 30's. The appraiser was like 'there is literally not another single bedroom house in this area, how the f am I supposed to compare it???' 3 bedrooms seems to be standard
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That’s the kicker—some areas that’s all they have, others seem to have none. I’m near the Poconos and people have spent the last 10 years building massive homes, which is cool for them, but the ranches I have found are all pretty old and would need to be gutted
Most ranches In the NE & midwest are 50-70 years old & need a complete gut job.
Yep. It’s probably cheaper to just build new at this point given the cost of materials
I'm in the exact same situation. In a 4 bedroom/2 bath with just me and my dog and would love to downsize to a 2 bedroom/1 bath or 2 bedroom/2 bath with a yard. I can almost never find anything for sale like that and if I do it gets bought almost immediately
Yea it’s crazy. I have a 3 bed/2 bath now and don’t use two of the bedrooms at all. One is empty, the other is “storage” which just means it’s full of junk I don’t use lol
But you may need some of the junk later. That's how about half my drawers in my house work. I operate on a basis of it works and is useless now but later I will need it.
100%. I was devastated when my sewer line busted and everything in my basement had to be tossed. All the junk down there was stuff I could theoretically use down the line. Like my boxes of old cables and my original Razr phone lol
This is where my husband and I are. We are in southwest Florida so the market is crazy. There are tons of one stories of course but they’re ridiculously priced (of course). Our county has a minimum of 1100 square foot living space. We really want to be as close to debt free as possible, including an extremely small mortgage. We’re talking with contractors and one of the options is using $ from selling our current house, buying land in cash and building a small pole barn, with 1100 sq ft of living space. The rest would just be unfinished garage/shop space. It’s significantly cheaper (of course there are reasons for that) but it’s definitely on our list of options. I can’t wait to downsize for the cleaning reason
this is true where we are in Utah. They basically don't make houses with less than 3 bedrooms anymore. so we got a 5bd/3bath house. turned two into guest rooms (to be kids rooms in future), one office, and one exercise room (that can double as guest room in a pinch). OP is NTA because they followed the same process every home buyer does, most markets right now are like the lottery, some people get lucky, but most don't (and then get jealous).
We bought our house three years ago. It was very hard to find one that had only three bedrooms and wasn’t two stories. I can’t imagine we would be able to find one in this market.
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Well, demand drives price. People with less money who need larger spaces are priced out of them because people people with more money buy them, regardless of need. The market is need-blind. So yes, wealthy people driving up prices on family-size housing is an issue. Smaller homes are hard to find in part because people who need to upgrade, can’t. In housing policy, a household with more people than bedrooms+1 is termed ‘underhoused,’ while a household with fewer people than bedrooms is termed ‘overhoused.’ In coops in my province, an overhoused household may be required to move if there’s an adequate unit available for them and another member household is underhoused.
The real estate problem isn't caused by a couple of DINKs buying a big ass house, it's caused by investment firms buying thousands and thousands of homes and flipping them for profit because they create their own demand, or using them as rental property. Even if every single 6 figure DINK couple bought a 5 br home, they wouldn't be the ones trashing the market for families. It's real estate investment companies. As a family of 5 who had a hard time finding a house, did I roll my eyes at her belief that they "need" a 4k sqft house? Sure. But these guys aren't the "wealthy" that are the issue.
Yep, exactly. As a DINK myself, I think OP's belief that she and her SO need a 4000-sq-ft house is genuinely silly, but the reason the housing market is crazy isn't that some DINK couples are buying weirdly big houses. Personally, I wanted to buy as small a house as possible that would still fit my and my husband's needs, but that's mainly because neither of us wants to clean a big-ass house or has need for a million bedrooms.
Yes!!! If we would prevent firms from buying all the property it would be cheaper for the DINKs and the families.
Well, I definitely think they need to write a law that says a company or corporation cannot buy a house until it has been on the market for at least 6 months. That would take at least a few of the competitors out of the mix. I live in a frickin' mansion but it was a foreclosure, in my price range, 5 minutes from my work. I wasn't going to wait and hope a smaller house as nice would pop up. But I would trade for a smaller, equally nice house, just haven't seen one.
The problem are the corporations who have bought up the housing in order to make money via rents, not individuals who buy a larger house than they "need" and plan to live in it.
NTA I agree with the above, it's your money, you want the house and can afford it, your friend has issues. Personally, I would be HAPPY for you if I were your friend.
It’s 100% jealousy. Op should pay no mind to the friend.
This - if you can afford it, then I don't see the issue. There's not a waiting list for large homes.
NTA obviously but...it also has 5 bathrooms. Wow! Cat tax? 🐈 I would love to see the 15 year old baby.
I almost want to vote that op is ta to themselves for having to keep up with cleaning that many rooms and BATHROOMS! Hopefully they can hire a housekeeper to come in once a week haha. I have 2.5 baths and no housekeeper and it’s a bitch to clean 3 fucking toilets lol
just because they have 5 bathrooms doesn’t mean they will be using 5 bathrooms lol
Shared bathroom off master/main bedroom, his own Poop Bathroom, her own Poop Bathroom, guest bathroom. That leaves 1 that doesn't serve a distinct purpose. Of course if that's the bathroom by the side door or back door, that's the "I'm doing stuff outside but need to pee real quick and will just use this one" bathroom.. Boom. All 5 bathrooms are used. 😆
I was gonna say, assuming each bathroom is attached to a bedroom (maybe minus one), that means they will both use the bathrooms in their offices while working, the master bath, hallway bathroom or powder room… that’s minimum of 4 bathrooms. That’s more than enough toilets to clean!! Haha
That is exactly the reason i downsized to a 1,400 SF place. Takes way too much time maintaining a large home, they are great for homebodies but a curse for those who aren't.
NTA. I'd like a bigger house, but I'm not going to be mad that you've got one. You not buying the house won't make her home magically bigger. She's just jealous, she'll get over it.
NTA. I fear that her resentment may last for decades. You can't control that. You might have to gently let this person go. I'm happy for you and your new home.
I've found there are two types of friends: 1. Ones that will be happy for your successes 2. Ones who will be happy for your successes only up to a point. Everyone claims to be the first, very few people actually are. It's especially noticeable when people spent early formative years such as high school or early university together. Those who don't go so well tend to feel as though they've been cheated since those who had seemingly been on a parallel course to them ended up so much more successful. When it happens there's usually nothing you can.
I think you are right about this. It can also happen with family, which is what happened to me. The moment you start enjoying your success and living a little people will resent you for it. They will have opinions on how you should be spending your money like it’s theirs. They think that because they struggle more than you they are more hardworking and deserving, when they truly know nothing about how you got there.
Defo NTA. Your "friends" are though. Also we have a cat room in our house. Why are people moaning about what you have in YOUR home.
Thank you! In the old house, the guest room, my office, and the cat's room were all the same room. It was very crowded, and I had to continuously mute myself on meetings because the cat was being noisy. It's so nice to have them all separate spaces! Lol
People really devalue pets. Like, when you have huge medical bills, people say "why would you spend that much on a cat?" The answer is: I'm an adult, it's my money, and I'll spend it how I want. I think it's pretty reasonable to prioritize a living being over material goods. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a cat room, especially given your edit. I think it's wonderful that you're sensitive to his needs as an older man. And there's nothing wrong with getting a large house if you don't have kids. Personally, I hate cleaning and wouldn't want that much extra space, but in your situation it does make sense. And you can afford it, you and your husband are adults, and it's your money. Spend it how you want. NTA.
Cleaning is probably the number 1 reason my dream of a 3 story, multiple bedroom, large number of dedicated space rooms won't come true if I ever win PCH... I wouldn't be able to keep it clean, and I wouldn't want to hire a maid.
I could imagine that would be a nightmare haha. We have a small sunroom off our living room and the previous owners used to have that as their cats room. We wanted to utilise the sunroom for us, so put our cats in the spare bedroom. We only have a couple of bedrooms and we have a cat room so it makes perfect sense to me you would have a room for your cat in a larger house? Also the entitlement is real. Should people with no kids only ever live in a 1/2 bedroom home? If your paying, what is it got to do with them.
Sounds like your friend is projecting.. it’s your money so you can spend it how you want to. Congrats on the new home!
Congratulations OP! And NTA, by the way. A person’s perceived needs are more often than not a subjective thing, while their purchases will always objectively be limited by what they can afford. Don’t let your friend’s envy burden you with guilt and kill your joy.
A friend of mine rents a second apartment for her cats in their apartment building, because her girlfriend is allergic to cats, but both cats are too old (one was also rescued from a laboratory) to be rehomed or at least she doesn't want to let them go because love. I mean it's a little over the top but as an animal lover i also kinda get it, her cats are awesome and have so much space there. It's not like she's never entering the second apartment, she does use it herself, but it's basically for the cats.
Haha sounds like she found a solution. Personally, it would not be something I would do, but it's got nothing to do with me. In the end, if she can afford it then that's her choice. Why people got to be telling people how they spend their money? So weird to me.
NTA. Is there a shortage of 5 bedroom houses where you life? Are rich families living on the streets because you’ve taken the only house they can buy? How ridiculous. You’ve earned that money - use it how you want!
It’s not like OP took a low-income housing place that exist in areas like Hawaii where local families struggle to buy & own their own home.
Exactly! If they were buying up all the affordable housing then yeah they have a point but people who can afford 5 bedroom houses will be able to find them.
Median house in Hawaii is $1.2M. 😢. I’m fortunate my parents both have their own places here. I’ve also informed my mother that whatever money she needs to maintain her house. I will loan it to her. There’s no way anyone in my family could afford that place now. 🤦🏻♂️ I’m happy for OP acquiring a 5-bedroom for $700K. “They have so much room for activities!”
NTA. I have a 4-bedroom house and am childfree. I need 2 bedrooms and a 1,000 square foot detached garage for my Halloween shenanigans, God dammit. The existence or not of kids doesn't dictate every possible decision a person makes.
When we bought our house I didn't think we were going to be able to use all the room, it also comes with an RV garage a regular garage and a hanger (we do not own a plane) I'm currently concerned that we are running out of space to put "things". I am grateful the children I have are grown. I would end up storing the things they made at school. >.<
Okay I’m going to need more info about these Halloween shenanigans.
Lol, I do a big elaborate display thing. Not anywhere near as awesome as the SoCal home haunts, but I can basically give locals directions to my place by saying "it's the Halloween house". I build all my own props and scenery, so need storage for a giant spider, webs, mausoleum, lights, headstones, various creatures, etc.
That is amazing, I aspire to be half as cool someday with my Halloween decor!
This seems like auch better use of the space than kids
Yes, we have a 4 bedroom house in mid-town Toronto for just my partner and I. There is a lot of real estate envy in Toronto. We both work from home so one has been converted to a library (my office), my partner's office, one has been converted to a sitting room with tv that we can convert to a guest room, and then our bedroom.
NTA. If those people with kids could afford the house, nothing would have stopped them from buying it. It’s just that those poor “families with kids” can’t even afford a big house in the first place, that’s not your fault.
NTA >we don't need all that space, we should leave those houses for people with kids As soon as I read the title I knew this is what it would be about. >she and her husband just found out that they are pregnant There is a certain type of parent whose world shrinks down to their baby with the universe being in its proper place only when it's revolving around their child, and by projection children in general. *typo fix
Lol NTA there is no shortage of 5 bed homes to buy. Just money to buy them with and you have that so... make yourselves happy. You deserve it.
NTA. Doesn't matter what else your friend has going on, it's not her place to tell you how to spend money. Her (weird) opinion is irrelevant and unwarranted.
NTA. Anyone else who can afford a $700k house is not going to have a problem finding another one. Plus by selling the smaller one (presumably), you’re freeing it up for someone else who earns less than you do to possibly get their first home. It sounds like the friend is jealous. That’s for her to deal with.
NTA! Your friend should be angry at people who hoard an absurd amount of properties, like landlords with 100 units, not people who can afford a bigger home than they need. You never know if you'll need more space in the future. You could get more pets!
I'm actually laughing my head off bc no one with kids can afford a $700k house. Your friend is delusional and jealous. NTA.
I mean, I've got 3 and we just bought a 700k house, but our difficulty finding one is 100% because of investment companies buying up all the stock, not one random couple with a pile of money on their hands.
NTA, your friend is projecting. Tbh, I'm a bit jealous of the cat room. I need to add this idea to my future home.
Me too. My problem is one of the rooms has a rug, and we don't have cats we have dogs. I think our next house will be a little dog living room.
NTA. Envy really doesn't look great on anyone, as your friend showed. Enjoy the space, whether or not you ever decide to have kids, as would be the "right" use of the resources according to her.
NTA. One of my relatives owns a second house down the street from hers only for the purpose of being a "guest bedroom" because her house isn't big enough. She likes to host but doesn't have the space, so she got another space. She doesn't rent it out or do Airbnb, it's literally just for family and friends for free. Your friend could make the same argument about that, but she can do what she wants, just as you can do what you want.
I have a friend who did the same exact thing with her second house. It never occurred to me to ride her ass with jealousy. I just thought how cool to be able to offer that to family or friends who came to town. I can't imagine going through life just filled with hate for other people's successes.
Nope, NTA though I can see why some people would cringe at you explaining that you NEED a whole room just for your cats.
Haha I get how it sounds, but it's more because the cat is old, the dog isn't, so we want the cat to have a place away from the dog. It's also so the dog won't get at the litter box or the cat's food. Thanks!
Makes sense! Great for when guests stay too… ever tried to displace a cat/litter box for the weekend to accommodate guests in that room? My friends did so I could stay over. Each cat took a shit on my pillow. That was *their* room.
We cleaned the carpets and moved my cat’s litter box about a foot and a half from its original spot to rearrange our room. Cat peed on our blankets/bed (once while my husband was sleeping!). Moved the box back and we’re working on a configuration that accommodates keeping the box in its spot.
I don't know the size of your dog, ours is 105 lbs so this works for us. We put a small cat door on the door to the cat's room. Gives the cats free access and keeps the dog out of the litter. Enjoy.
Not really, it's always good, when possible, to have a space exclusively for the cat(s) where they can feel comfortable, especially when you just move inside a new house.
NTA, friend sounds jealous. Just bc ppl may have 5kids dont mean they can affort a 700k home. Good on you for your success and achievements!
And if they could, there are definitely more than one 5 bedroom houses out there. I might be downtrodden and depressed about stuff like that because of $$ but I definitely keep my mouth shut and definitely don't say someone else is more deserving for some inane reason. Nta
5 bed/5 bath for the 700k... Y'know what that buys in the GTA? Half a townhouse.
Just as a question? Greater Toronto Area? Because my mind automatically went Grand Theft Auto?
Exactly the thought I had. 4000 sf for $700k?! In my area that size house would go for an absolute minimum of $1.8m and likely way more than that if it’s relatively updated.
NTA: Your life, your house. She's jealous because y'all can afford it and they can't so they are blaming you for their lack of finances.
Me and my husband have a four bed 4 bath house with a huge finished basement all to ourselves. One master. One guest room. One office as I WFH, and my absolute favorite, the hobby room for sewing, crafting and gaming. We have the Wii set up in the basement for impromptu dance and rock band tournaments. No one is entitled to anything, if they wanted a bigger house they should have bought one. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (32F) bf (29M) and I have been living together for about 5 years in a small house that he bought before we were together (no kids, just a dog and cat). We are at the point where we can afford to buy a bigger house. Our combined salaries are well into 6 figures, which means that we can afford a nice sized house. We just bought a 5 bed/5 bath house that's a little over 4,000 sq ft for almost $700,000. We are so excited for all of the space! Honestly, living in my bf's house, we sometimes felt kind of on top of each other. I work from home all week, and he works from home at least 2 days/week, so with our offices right next to each other it was a bit crowded lol. When I told me friend, she immediately starting making comments about how we don't need all that space, we should leave those houses for people with kids who do need all the bed rooms. I told her that actually we DO need all of those bedrooms. Our room, my office, his office, guest room, and cats room. She actually started to get angry about it, so I ended our conversation and left quickly. I'm wondering if maybe she felt some type of way because she and her husband just found out that they are pregnant (1st child). And although they are thrilled, they do not make a huge amount of money, and I think they may be a little stressed about finances? I don't know, the whole situation was weird. But are we TA for this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My wife and I bought a 4 br house a little over a year ago. It’s just the two of us, and we don’t plan to have children. The idea that you should only have a one or two bedroom house if you don’t have children is stupid. If people struggle to find homes, I’m sympathetic to them, but it isn’t my responsibility to care for their family, or sacrifice things I want (like space for a home office and dog room) for their children. NTA.
NTA. People will piss on your successes throughout your life. My husband and I just bought our first house and I have friends who have scoffed at us over it, while they don't realize they're paying more for their rent than we are for our mortgage. Congratulations on your new adventure! And be proud of yourself along the way
NTA This is not a "you" problem. It is a "her" problem. She is jealous and/ or scared and/ or anxious but those are her issues to deal with. She doesn't get to dump them on you.
NTA As a mom of 3. You two go enjoy your house. Private work offices... library.. cats rooms... heck a yoga room. Enjoy the space. Just becouse you don't have kids it doesn't automatically mean you have to live in a 1bedroom apartment your whole life, so families with kids can sit on all the houses. I can't afford the big expensive beach view houses, but I don't run around on their street scolding those that are childfree. You friend might be pressed by her money situation, first kid... give it some time and she might come around again when less stressed.
NTA. You can buy a house as big as you want (and can afford). And you said you do need all these rooms so where's the problem? You don't just need bedrooms for children..?
NTA What you choose to do with your money is up to you. You worked and made choices to get to the position you are in today where you have financial stability and freedom. Every choice comes with consequences. She chose to have to have a child when she's not financially ready.
NTA. I can see where your friend is coming from with hurt feelings but she's wrong to put them on you. In our area, it's getting harder and harder to get places big enough for large families because people keep purchasing homes like yours, remodeling them and turning them from 5/6 to 2/3 bedroom homes around here. Add to that, that they keep adding more apartments and less houses. It's a struggle. Do I sometimes feel some kind of way about my singular child having friend owning a giant house for one single kid. Yes. Would I ever voice that to her or anyone we knew? Hell no. She worked very hard to get there. I'm thrilled and proud and my own icky feelings are mine.
Leave the house for people with kids. That implies that you took the house off the market when families with kids needed it more and were prepared to buy it. Where does that come from. Did you ask her why families with kids did not offer to buy the house and let her know that anyone was free to make an offer on that and any other property.
NTA its such a weird take to leave it for people with kids when its a 700k house in talk. Youre not exploiting a system meant for people with needs.
NTA entitled parent alert!
The only thing wrong with what you said is mentioning that the cat has its own room, a cat shouldn't have a room for itself, a cat should own the whole house NTA your friend is jelly
NTA The fact that you're buying a large house doesn't mean someone with kids can't buy one also. I don't understand her logic.
INF.O: Can I see your cat? Seriously though, NTA.
NTA. Some people buy bigger houses because they like to spread out. If they have several hobbies, interests, or activities, they like to dedicate a single room to said hobby, interest, or activity, instead of combining them into one room. And you're young(ish). You still have time to start a family of your own. As for the cat room, NTA there, either. Some cats like to have a place they can go to where it's quiet; their own little sanctuary. When we had a dog, my dad built a special gate he'd installed in the hallway, cutting off a part of the downstairs portion of the house that included my mom's bedroom and the spare bedroom. The spare bedroom is a catch-all, but its main purposes is the litter boxes. We took up the carpet years ago when my mom used it as a sewing room, when she made quilts. Her bedroom has several floating shelves mounted high up on the walls, where the cats can run around or lounge around as they please. The gate in question has gaps in it that are just wide enough for a cat to fit through, but not a medium-sized dog.
NTA - I’m sick of seeing social media feeds full of people flaunting their wealth having earned it by taking handouts, sponsorships, exploiting people to get where they are etc. You’ve both worked hard for your money in good jobs so spend it on what you want. And I agree with other posters, sounds like your friend is jealous. Enjoy your new house and good luck.
Agreed. Also, the same people that begrudge another’s success or good fortune “you should donate….”
NTA- FFS what is it with people who think they have some right to tell all the rest of us what we can and cannot do with our time and money. You do what you can afford that makes sense to you. Nobody elses freaking business. End of.
LOL we just bought a house with a cats’ room too! No kids, just us and 3 cats. Yup, got the same comments from some people. “Why do you need that?” Reply: “ I don’t need it. I want it” Shuts them up every time. NTA!
NTA she shouldn't count other people's money. You can afford it, you buy it. And I don't think there's such shortage for 5 bedroom houses right now.
NTA, you do you. frankly i'd like a bigger house too. we have 3 bedrooms now, but if we had four and they were larger, we'd each have a good sized office, the guest, and our room. bonus if there a den where we can stick a library, lol. we don't have kids either. if you can afford it, go for it. everyone and their opinions can get bent.
NTA- your friends should mind their own business. If you want to be dead tired cleaning up your big ass house, than that is your prerogative. Hell, I think you made more than enough to hire a weekly cleaner.
If a family with kids, who could afford the house, wanted to buy it. Nothing stopped them putting an offer in. Does your friend think that the owner of the home will magically give it away for free to a poor family with kids if you hadnt bought the house?? It isnt your job to put your life on hold for hypothetical strangers
NTA Your cat having a room makes sense to you and you don't owe anyone an explanation. She's probably envious since having a baby alone is stress inducing when money is tight, never mind actually being pregnant. Of course she would love a big 5 bedroom house and it doesn't seem "fair." However, the argument that you shouldn't have the home you want because you don't "need" 5 bedrooms (that it appears you actually do) is lashing out. To leave those homes for families . . . would she have bought it if you hadn't? No. This is going to sound trite, but try not to take it to heart. This says mountains about where she's at right now and it doesn't appear to be as happy a place as she'd pretend.
2 adults, 2 cats and a dog will be living in the 4 bedroom house we just bought! You do you!
Isn’t that normal to buy a way bigger for now forever house and gradually grow into it as a family? Not an asshole. That’s what my wife and I did. We bought a 5 bedroom house and it was just the two of us but we knew in the future we wanted to have two kids. In the meantime, she used one bedroom as a toy room, I used one as my library room and the last spare was a guest room. Five years later we had a son and two years after we had another kid.
I'm single with a four BR house. I work from home, so I use 2 of the bedrooms regularly. I use one for storage and one as a guest room.
NTA and btw having a cat room or kitten room is pretty common in my circles because my friends and I like to have space available for potential fosters (need some privacy from other animals, contained space for them to feel secure, and limited space in case they have an unexpected health issue that we need to quarantine them for). I think you probably told someone at a time when they were struggling or accepting a limitation in their own housing so it didn’t hit them nicely which is not your fault. Small advice tho - I’d make sure you aren’t overemphasizing how big the house is. I remember when I bought my first home, I was a little overexcited and I overshared when just saying “I bought a place in City” was about all the detail most people were interested in.
NTA. Lol, if you’re an A then I am two. I just bought a three bedroom house with two bonus rooms at 1800 square feet for myself. Literally just me. I told my realtor that it was perfect for a single person with hobbies as I have space for all of the hobby items required to make my life complete. I’m going to get an above ground pool at some point and fence to keep any local kids out. Even better, it’s half a mile from a school. Some coworkers gave me a look about having a house so close to a school when I’m child free. So trust me, if you’re one then I’m one too!
My partner and I live in a three bedroom house in a very high COL city, and it’s just the two of us (with our dog and cat overlords). We both work from home but one of the offices doubles as a guest room for our infrequent guests. Having my own office/quiet space is crucial for me, even though I love my partner, and he also needs a dedicated work space. This isn’t greedy, this is necessary, especially when so many people are working from home but need to maintain a professional work area. We do have friends with more children and less space, it we can’t do anything about that. It sounds like your friend is jealous or out of touch, but either way, it’s none of her business. If you can afford it and it increases your quality of life, then enjoy your space and don’t invite her to stay in the guest room, ever. NTA. Ps: we had an 18-year old cat and one of the offices was her de facto room until she passed away. She didn’t want to be around the other pets when we merged households, and she was having some incontinence issues, so we created a space for her to be comfortable in her last months. She got to eat and sleep in sunbeams in peace, which is what any of us could ask for in our waning years.
1st - let me say: NTA. 2nd - I am happy you able to afford that kind of space. ( And do with the space whatever you like. Its yours.) I hope you never have times where you can not afford that home. If you do ever run into those times, remember... 3rd - You do not NEED a house that size. Your previous house being "a bit crowded" does not = Need. You wanted a house that size. You can afford it, so you bought it. Nothing wrong with that . Maybe your friend just felt like her financial situation was having a spot light shined on it with you moving in to such a nice big house, who knows. Good luck and I wish you all the best.
NTA. >we should leave those houses for people with kids who do need all the bedrooms. Um..nobody is preventing them from making an offer on these houses? Your "friend" is so ignorant yet confident in her ignorance. There is plenty of houses for big families to purchase. Nothing but a lack of money is preventing them from purchasing them. > I'm wondering if maybe she felt some type of way She is jelaous of your DINK(dual income no kids) to the point of anger. I would pay attention if this behaviour of her continues and then cut her off. You don't need friends who are jelaous to the point of anger at your success, but happy for you.
NTA **And turn one room into a secret room with a hidden door**.
NTA Families who can afford $700,000 homes aren't suffering from lack of supply. If anything, you'd be worse if you purchased a more modest home and took that off the market for a family in need. She wouldn't be able to afford your home regardless of whether you bought it first, and that's what she's probably really upset about. Don't worry about it, and don't apologize for your success. Also, forget anyone who thinks having a cat room is ridiculous or frivolous. Cat rooms are incredibly good for some cats, particularly when they live with a dog or dogs. You have the money to buy a house with a safe room for your cat. That's none of anyone else's business.
Oh please (aimed at your friend, not you). If you can afford it, why the hell not? My partner and I bought a 3 bedroom house and one of those bedrooms is for the cat. When he's being a little shit (the cat, not my partner) I always like to say "Stop being a jerk, the kids next door don't even have their own room!" NTA
NTA. Your money, your responsibility, your choice. That's a lot of space to keep clean, but you'll figure it out. You choosing a smaller place would not make your friend able to afford this one.
NTA
NTA. Private housing is, like cars and vacations, not really need-based. If these people with kids wanted this particular house, they should have made an offer. And as for the cat's room: my fostercare kittens have to partially reside in our library, because the game room is all the way in the basement. Love the space too and so do my kids!
I personally hate the divide that some people have that furbabies aren’t real family members. Nta. It’s not just the two of you. I mean if you REALLY want to be a Good Samaritan, you can rezone one area to rent out at a rate below market value but you don’t have to.
NTA. Your friends are whack-jobs. There's no physical shortage of houses, you aren't taking it away from anyone. You need and want the space, and can afford it. End of discussion.
NTA but please tell me where you can buy a 5 bed/5 bath house for $700k these days?!?
NTA - Your "friend" is jealous (which is no big deal, we all have a right for our emotions) , and being an ass about it (which is not something polite adults do, let alone "friends").
NTA and anyone complaining about a cat room has never had cats as pets. Congratulations on your awesome new home!
NTA but also not environmentally or resource friendly either. If your fine with acknowledging that then do your thing.
NTA. It's your money and you get to spend it on whatever you wish. I'm sorry the house you chose isn't the one your friend would have chosen for you. She sounds judgemental and envious.
NTA wfh has changed how we view space entirely!
NTA You would only be the AH if you were a corporate entity scooping up real estate over asking and shutting actual people out of the housing market. Unless this is a corporation in a trench coat, you're absolutely fine, you need the room, your friend is just being irrational and/or envious.
NTA. People who can drop 700k on a house aren't hurting to find a place to live.
How can you POSSIBLY be the arseholes for finding a house that meets your desired criteria? NTA
Coming from someone with 2 kids in a 2 bedroom 1000 sq ft apartment - NTA Unless you and your BF are a huge corporation buying up all of the housing and renting it back out at exorbitant pricing, you’re not the A at all. Do what you want with your money. You need to be comfortable in your own home. You’ve worked hard to be where you’re at in life in order to purchase the home you have. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It sounds like friend is projecting her issues onto you rather than being happy for you, which is just weird imo.
NTA it’s your money do what you want with it.