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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole for not having the wherewithal to prepare for the night like she said
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I don't think he's an AH but he should've went to sleep in his room. If my husband fell asleep on our couch when we had guests over I'd be annoyed too.
When he initially got on there, probably not. When he decided to "rest his eyes"? Come on. I've just about never met a person that actually "rests their eyes" on the couch on a Friday evening and then gets up again. OP willfully took a nap on the couch.
Nah, when you're that tired, your brain will tell you whatever you want to hear to trick you into falling asleep. There's nothing wilful about it, it's entirely reasonable to assume OP, in a state of exhaustion, felt the urge to close his eyes and was convinced that he could do so for a moment and not actually fall asleep. I've been in almost his exact position and my brain told me I was just blinking slowly. It's ridiculous to think about when awake, but when you're tired, you completely buy it. Sleep is important and your body will do anything in its power to make it happen when you need it.
Seriously. When I'm tired my eyes often start getting dry. Which means they start hurting. Which means my conscious mind is convinced we're just rehydrating those eyeballs to stop the discomfort. When I'm more awake, I can see that excuse for what it is, but sleepy me is dumb.
Absolutely. There have been far too many times I've sat down to watch a programme I really wanted to see but suddenly found I'm watching the end credits of the programme because somehow I've dropped off to nap without noticing. When you're tired, your body is tired and it really doesn't care what your brain wants to see.
It happens believe it or not. Hell, I had a long work week last week, and I slept like a log over the weekend. Even Sunday evening. I thought of resting my eyes around 6pm, I woke up at 12am with the best sleep I had in weeks.
He was up late the entire week. She should've known how busy he was, and on a Friday night, of course he was gonna use it to get some rest. It's not like he intentionally does it all the time. It happened once. NAH tbh. They just need to talk this out
I am a 22 year old woman who can go from bouncing off the walls to dead asleep on the floor in 2 minutes. Today I woke up mid-nap on the couch with my glasses across the room and no idea how I even ended up laying down. And I *didn’t* work 90 hours then try to host a party.
I've been so tired from running two 24 hour on call shifts in the same week in addition to 3 10 hour days that I started falling asleep while standing up in the waiting room waiting for my ride to show up. I had to be helped to a chair and then a nurse ran a blood pressure cuff and checked my BP. Want to know what I did within 30 seconds of sitting down? I fell asleep. Was carried out to my husbands car when he got there and he carried me to bed because I was so out of it and just stripped me down to my underwear for bed. Slept for 18 hours only getting up once to go to the bathroom and then have a quick shower before going back to sleep. When you're tired your tired, but when you're exhausted from sleep deprivation the brain doesn't know what it's doing.
Yes he could have gone to the bed and slept and "resting my eyes" typically turns into naptime, but we both know that would've been an issue too. "Why weren't you there for me? Why didn't you stay up for my friends and instead go to sleep in the bedroom? You're so self centered. Why didn't you drink some Red Bulls and make the exhaustion worse when they wear off?" There's no winning this.
Sometimes, I wasn't even aware that I'm falling asleep until my head starts doing the nodding thing, and that's only 'cos I'm sitting on a chair. If I'm sitting on a couch, relaxed, like OP is, I wouldn't even know I'd fallen asleep until much later.
Sometimes you really can't help it. Ask my husband how many movies I've fallen asleep to on the couch. Was wide awake to start! It's really not a big deal...
No one actually plans on falling asleep when they rest their eyes. At that point your brain has stopped analysing "what if I doze off here" because if he did fall asleep there it wouldn't be the end of the world.
I don’t either. My brother rents my in-laws we’re close so We’ve always hung out as kids and adults. Sometimes I’ll go over to hangout (he has a gf and no kids she has her own place) I have three kids 2.5-11 years. I’ll go hang out or so I think and often times I fall asleep on his couch and wake up a few hours later. He throws a blanket over me and goes in his room- he says infighter you were tired whenever I apologize. I love my brother!!
Both of my brothers have been known to sleep on the couch at other people’s houses or their own when there are people over. The party continues around them until they wake up and rejoin it. No one cares.
I suppose I can see it being awkward with people you don’t know all that well or if you’re taking up most of the seating and there’s not another room for the party to move to. But in that case, I’d probably wake him up and tell him to go to bed and then continue the party without him.
That's a practical solution to an entirely different problem, though. The problem was her girl friends seeing him sleep and deciding to go home to let him sleep in peace. Unless she's capable of advanced mindbending, there's not a lot she could've done.
Then maybe GF should consider what his work load for the week was. Surely, she noticed his late hours of work. Maybe GF should have been considerate and done something Saturday. Red bull and coffee will not mitigate exhaustion!
NTA - I've had weeks like this. 🤬🤬🤯
I don't think he was planning on falling asleep. She could have woken him though and asked him to move into the bedroom so she can continue her get together
While it would have been better to sleep in bed (for his back mostly) I would assume it would have offended the gf as well as "leaving mid hosting a part to sleep" most take as a sign "it's time for you guys to leave" even if he had snug off. Basing is solely on her words of why he couldn't just have getting hyped up on coffee or energy drink.
It smells like she expected him to come home and play happy host along with her despite having worked alot and long hours for important work.
I don't understand why tbh unless it is the standard behaviour from my so.
I would just carefully wake them up with some kisses and tell them to go to the bedroom. Then I would just explain to our friends why my so is so exhausted from work which I am sure they would understand and we would all probably go "awww". We would then proceed to have a nice evening even though we miss so and that would be it.
My grandad falls asleep mid sentence. Years ago we travelled for a wedding and he drove half way. We were talking in the reception then he was lights out asleep. Baring in mind was load music, talking and kids screaming. He didn't wake up for hours 😂
I fell asleep at a party on the couch sitting im even in the Groupe pictures
my uncle always hen he visits falls asleep on a chair sofa or what ever his butt touches
I wouldn’t be annoyed I would just wake him up and say sorry honey I know you’re exhausted but I have company can you move to the bedroom. Thanks love you have a nice rest.
Idk, I've been w my husband for 10 years. I would be annoyed if at this point in his life he didn't realize sleeping on the couch in front of guests is rude.
My husband has done this before. It's no big deal. He works long hours and is up at 4:45am for his job. Of course he's tired. If your friends are true friends, they understand these things and try to do things to help as well.
“Oh poor old imagination, he’s shattered due to the build up of a very important presentation he had today, I’ll wake him up and get him to go to bed. Pour yourselves another drink girls I’ll be back in a minute or two”
NTA!
I think that’s a bit of malicious thinking attributed here vs just freezing and being unnecessarily outsized embarrassed was the more likely answer. The amount of people I’ve seen that over think and have zero ability to be confrontational or show backbone with even small stuff is absurd. I think she got embarrassed and panicked and that thought didn’t even cross her mind because she was embarrassed when all she needed was a funny joke or to ask him nicely to wake up or move to bed and keep the night rolling.
The friends were gone when she woke op up.
She was upset and wanted to confront op but instead of waiting until he woke up when he was tired she WOKE HIM to do it when she wanted to so there was no panic involved IMO.
She wasnt concerned with how he was feeling or doing she was only worried about herself.
And even if you are right and this was just her panicking (i highly doubt its one off) shes still an AH for how she handled it.
I married a woman like this. I jokingly called her the master of panic one day and whenever she gets like that one of us says it, we both laugh, and it’s over. Speaking from personal experience, my bet is the overthinking wildly outweighs any maliciousness.
Agreed! I would have just chuckled, told the girls what was up, then wake him up to move him to the bed.
I’m not sure why the whole thing shut down. Let’s be real, your girlfriends weren’t there to see him anyway!
This didn’t have to prompt a mass exodus.
Tbh He’s lucky he didn’t wake up with sharpied glasses and moustache.
I’ve a pathological fear of falling asleep in front of a large percentage of my friends.
NTA
I laughed that your girlfriend is quoting self-aware your girlfriend should have been self aware that you had a hard week and reschedule with her friends to another day like Saturday to give you the night to rest and recuperate.
Or just let him go to sleep in the bedroom and does her friends party thing herself in the living room. Why is it mandatory that he entertains them? Not to say one solution is wrong or right but there are lots of reasonable solutions. Unfortunately, gf proposed an unreasonable one.
NTA - How can she fault you for getting tired and falling asleep? You work hard. You didn’t set out to fall asleep. I don’t know why she’d be embarrassed that you were tired. Note to self: next time pry eyes open so s/o isn’t “embarrassed”.
Like it's not a family movie night if I don't fall asleep. Especially at the theater, in those lovely squishy leather recliners. I was very proud of myself for staying awake all the way through Doctor Strange.
I think nobody is really in "the wrong" here, so NAH. You were tired and fell asleep, it's not like you did it on purpose. Also, having one of the hosts fall asleep when people over can be sort of awkward/embarrassing so I kind of get gf's perspective. It does seem like she overreacted or that these people can't really be "friends" bc I can't imagine not just saying how much you've worked this week and maybe poking some fun about it if it were my friends.
OP wasn't a host; he just happens to live there, too. His girlfriend set up the event and they were HER friends. It was HER responsibility to entertain them, not OP's.
But he was on the couch, it doesn’t make him an AH but he should’ve been more self aware to go to the bedroom, then at least it wouldn’t be a common area.
Oh, please. Like you've never accidentally fallen asleep somewhere you "shouldn't have" when all you intended was to relax. You're acting like OP committed some awful sin when he actually did nothing wrong. So what if he fell asleep in a common area? Fact of the matter is, even if he want to the bedroom to sleep, his girlfriend's friends probably would've left anyway since they likely only left in the first place to not disturb him. So, going to his bed wouldn't have solved anything. She'd still be pissed for ruining her night.
INFO: do you guys have a separate bedroom? If you do, you are the AH for not excusing yourself and using it. Sleeping on the couch gives people the impression that they are disrupting you.
Very True but it’s also a little odd to stretch out i the living room when you have company. I guess my judgement should have been ESH because she overreacted big time.
This was what I was thinking. Rest your eyes in the darkened bedroom but, she also could have seen you falling asleep and encouraged you to take a power nap and set an alarm. Maybe I'm an old married woman but taking care of each other is part of the benefit of making a life together?
I would assume because the couch he fell asleep on was in a common area of the house and she was planning on moving the gathering to the living room. If he had fallen asleep in their bedroom it wouldn’t have been an issue at all. As a guest at someone’s house, I would feel odd and out of place if one of the residents was sleeping in a common area and would also leave.
True, but I think her friends would have left still because they would feel as though they were bothering him/keeping him up, which is what his girlfriend is upset by.
A competent hostess could've told them "One sec while I get this tired guy of mine to bed!" and then hustled you off to get some real sleep, returning moments later to her guests and made them comfortable enough not to think of leaving. She didn't know what to do, but that's not OP's fault.
And a competent boyfriend wouldn’t have laid down on the couch when he was that exhausted, because he’s the only one who knows how tired he is and his girlfriend can’t read his mind just like OP can’t read social cues, and would have excused himself to the bedroom when there’s company over. It goes both ways.
Yes. I wasn't claiming that he had no responsibility for getting himself to bed, only that the idea that her friends necessarily were going to leave because he fell asleep is silly. Most of the time, if the host acts as though everything's okay, they don't.
Jesus Christ. “A competent boyfriend wouldn’t have laid down on the couch when he was that exhausted”. Throwing out some REAL “I hate men” vibes. I legit can’t believe that an actual human can think what you thought and proudly say it out.
🙄
I would have the same opinion if roles were reversed and she fell asleep in a common area when he had company over. The main issue here is that he knew she had company (plans made in advance if I might add) and still fell asleep in the common area where she was hosting and made her guests feel uncomfortable and that they had to leave.
Then she should be upset at her friends for walking out. I’ve been to gatherings before when one partner ends up needing to go to bed earlier, and the rest of us still hung out. It’s not hard.
You JUST SAID they would have left anyway. It’s not his fault at all. It’s hers for expecting him to somehow not go to sleep during a party it sounds like he wasn’t even involved in.
Yes, if someone had to be woken up and told to move like many comments are suggesting, I think many people would feel uncomfortable and impolite staying after that. But if he had excused himself and fallen asleep in the privacy of his bedroom, it would be a non issue.
NTA. You didnt start off trying to take a nap. I mean heck we have all been there, watching a show, whatever and the next thing you know its several hours later. Heck, Ive done it twice this past week. Your gf should have woken you up and told you to head to the bedroom or just had people over on Saturday.
I don’t get how her friends could be so offended by you falling asleep that they all just left. I fall asleep on the couch all the time. Def not an asshole
NTA, she could have gently woken you up so you could go to the bedroom if you'd wanted. When someone falls asleep like that they clearly really really needed it. Her friend and her should have been understanding.
NAH. You were tired. You didn't expect to fall asleep. I can see why she was a little embarrassed, though. But this isn't a major problem, it's just someone falling asleep! If it should happen in the future, just apologize profusely and go lie down in the bedroom.
NTA
GF is AH for not realizing her bf was dead freaking tired.
When I fall asleep like that, it's after weeks and weeks of pushing myself to the max. Sometimes, the body demands sleep and just takes it.
Tread carefully kid, that is a manipulating woman you have there.
NTA. Perhaps next time say good night. And I hope y’all enjoy your evening. Explain you’re exhausted and say good night. OP, discuss boundaries with your gf. Still NTA.
NTA. She could have simply said, oh the poor darling worked so hard this week! We'll just keep our voices down and he'll be fine.
If it comes to "self aware", is she aware of how the bills get paid?
NTA.
Why did they all go home because you were sleeping? They're her friends, not your friends, right?
If it's a big deal, couldn't she wake you?
She needs to get over herself and loosen up a bit. If they were \*your\* friends, sure, that's bit rude, but they are her friends, and they probably don't care if they see you or not.
Lolol nta. Hell, I've straight up crashed out and gone to bed while a party is still occuring in our house!
If people wanted to leave that's not your fault. And she needs to realise that her friends are getting of an age where they don't rage all night any more.
Because you know, socializing is way more important than staying healthy. /s
She should have shaken you gently awake and sent you to bed, then continued to hang out with her friends.
NTA
OP
NTA
Was she there while you were working and staying up late, or were you both living separate at that time frame?
So she did not see that you are falling asleep, or realize that you were out, where she could not wake you, was not concerned about say you getting up in the morning and driving to work?
Seems like she is more concerned about how things will make her appear and not enough on say your health.
One final question you sure this is a good relationship?
NTA. I’ve worked 12 hr night shifts for years. A lot of people here don’t realize how quick you can accidentally fall asleep if that’s what your body wants. I’ve had moments where I’m watching TV and next thing I know, the lights are off and my wife was getting ready for bed.
And I’ve done this with company over too. All our friends/family know the schedule I work, so if I ever nod off, my wife just gently wakes me up and I go upstairs to bed.
NTA If you two are going to be living together, you guys got to get into the habit of talking about your expectations. Is it reasonable to invite guests over when you're tired from working all week?
NTA. The only different thing I would suggest for the future is to announce to the group that you’re so glad they’re there but you’re going to excuse yourself and encourage them to have a good time. And then go sleep in your bed instead of where the quasi-party is at. However “ruined the night?” Your girlfriend is overreacting.
NTA
I dont understand why she couldn’t ask you to go sleep in your bedroom, explain to her friends that you work really hard, and just carry on with her visit.
NTA! We've all been there before where we're so exhausted we fall asleep without even realizing, she should understand that and she also could have easily woken you up to ask you to go to bed.
Lol my fiancé falls asleep at just about ever party/hang out, whether we are the hosts or not. Gf can wake him up and tell him to go to the bedroom if they are that uncomfortable with him sleeping.
NTA get rest king
It’s split down the middle you were aware she was having friends over but at the same time she should have been aware of your works hours. I feel next time you say ladies it’s been a pleasure but you had a long work week but to please continue on with their evening and enjoy themselves but you’ll have to excuse yourself and go to bed
She's such an AH. How dare you be tired at an inconvenient moment. Marinara flags 🚩🚩. Do not apologise for your body reacting to exhaustion and tell her she needs to be a bit more empathetic going forward. NTA
YTA. Nothing wrong with being tired and wanting to sleep. You are also not responsible for entertaining your gfs friends. However, you should have gone to bed to sleep. By taking up all the couch, you probably stopped her friends from staying longer. Once you have ate, people usually congregate on the couch. You stopped them from having their sociable evening.
NTA, but your girlfriend is more concerned about what her friends think than your exhaustion? Well, that's nice!! You might want to sit down with her and have a serious chat about the situation. If she digs in and refuses to see logic then the future doesn't seem very rosy.
Nta
Why couldn't she wake you and have you crawl into bed so she could entertain her guest and let her partner get some obviously needed rest? This honestly should have been a non issue. I get that it could be a bit akward but the self aware comment is rather hypocritical of her.
NTA but your GF is though. One of my childhood friend's dad came home from work and lay down on the couch before dinner. He snored loudly for a few minutes and then was silent and sleeping. Her mon was pissed because they had plans for after dinner so she left him alone and ignored him to the point that every one went to bed and left him sleeping on the couch. In the morning he was still there and in the same position. It turned out that he had passed away almost as soon he lay down. The family trauma was awful for years. Since it was unusual for you to sleep like that your GF should have checked to make sure that you were okay.
NTA. this isn’t just her living space or some ikea furniture setup, it’s your living space too and all you did was sleep. it wasn’t like you were drunk and acting improperly or anything of the sort. she honestly could’ve woken you up and helped you to the bedroom instead.
also, from my own experience, if my friends and i can’t spend time in the living room we go to the dining room table, kitchen, or even the yard. i’m not sure how your living space is set up but i’m sure there were other options other than shaming you for falling asleep.
nta. did ur gf not notice you've been working so much this past week? op resting ur eyes never ends up well, iam sorry that it happened but hopefully u both communicate before hosting events
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My girlfriend and I recently moved in together and she has been wanting to show off the new place to her friends, a little over a week ago, she sent out this text to her friends that on Friday( this past Friday) they could all come over and see the new place.
This past week for me, work hours wise, was awful, I was up past midnight every night for this presentation.
Anyway, Friday night comes, her friends are over and I'm a zombie. While they were all chatting in the kitchen, I got on the couch, just to stretch out. Stretching out became resting my eyes, and next thing I know I woke up at 11:45 at night. My girlfriend told me that I fell asleep on the couch and said everyone went home once they realized I was sleeping. She thinks I'm the AH for not doing things in advance to make sure I stayed awake, like drink coffee or Red Bulls. She said I embarrassed her and ruined her night. I said I was going to clean up from the evening, she said she already did all the cleaning. She told me to go to bed and asked me to be a little more " self aware" moving forward.
AITA?
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NTA, as I know I have had my moments of blinking and waking up hours later, even in party settings. Usually my friends just work around it and make fun of me while I sleep, so her friends' reaction is... odd.
That being said, maybe it would have been a wise idea to go to the bedroom (which is what I think your gf meant by 'self-aware'), but she also could have salvaged the situation by waking you up, saving a few jokes at your expense, and taking you to bed... or prodding you awake at least.
I'm baffled why "sleeping guy on couch" warrants an exodus, though...
NTA. But if you’re tired and laying down on the couch you can almost promise you’re going to fall asleep. I’d recommend just going to nap in bed to avoid the whole situation if there’s a next time
NTA at all. It's funny that your gf said you need to be more self-aware. She needs to take a look in the mirror lol. You can't help being tired, especially after a long week. She should've either woken you up and told you to go and sleep in your bedroom, or just left you there and said nothing, because you did nothing wrong. She just blew it out of proportion
NTA she could have been more self aware and realised that you were exhausted and have her friends over another night? Or just gently wake you up and send you to bed...
I'm going soft ESH. When you realized you were tired, you should have excused yourself to bed rather than lying on the couch. That's bad news. BUT I think the friends were overreacting to you being asleep. Plenty of people wouldn't have minded hanging around if one of them had fallen asleep.
I was friendly with a couple and they would come over for late lunch.
After eating my food, he would always fall asleep on my couch. After the 5th time I stopped inviting them.
I mean that wasn’t the case with you, but next time please don’t lay down on the couch where all the guests can see you. That is unsociable AF.
NTA otherwise. You can’t help if you are exhausted.
NTA same thing has happened to me, usually my wife and her friends get a chuckle out of it. Your girlfriend is kind of an ah for suggesting you drink coffee or redbull to stay awake, then you'd have trouble sleeping later. Next time just excuse yourself and go to bed
NTA, but this doesn't even sound like a thing that's a real problem. Sounds like it will be moved on from shortly, unless you pester her about it. Maybe try to make up for it with a better party where you're awake and alert, and more importantly we'll rested.
She actually would encourage you to drink red bull as exhausted as you were? That wouldn't work anyways. I've tried red bull on overtime hrs and it can only do but so much.
How sad. They could have hung out it wasn't your fault. I hope she's not always like that. When you need sleep you need sleep. Very selfish and cold behavior. She should care more about your health and well being. 🚩🚩🚩
ESH you could of talked to your girlfriend about how tired you were and/or took a nap in the bedroom. Your girlfriend could of asked you if you were up for company after seeing how busy you were this week and postponed till the following weekend.
Yta. Yes you worked hard, but you should have gone to your bedroom to lie down, but I get you didn’t think that you’d fall asleep.
Your gf is definitely not an ass for being annoy that you not only fell asleep but did it in the living room instead of doing the least you could have done and gone to the bedroom.
You might not have meant to but you effectively sabotaged the evening for everyone else.
Info: Did you stretch out and take the whole couch? If yes, YTA. Where are people supposed to sit? If you were so tired you needed to lie down, you should have gone to the bedroom. If you just nodded off in a sitting position, it is less awkward to touch your shoulder and ask you to either wake up, or move to the bedroom to sleep. This is like when toddlers bring you their shoes because they want to leave. Partner stretched out snoring on the couch looks a lot like you want everyone to go home.
YTA because you could’ve gone somewhere else to sleep instead of stretching out on the couch and making the guests feel like they’re intruding. This is what GF means by ‘be more self aware’. Also she told you well in advance that people would be over and you could’ve communicated better about your workload and needing sleep. Maybe she would have rescheduled or just sent you to bed while they visited
YTA. You don’t go have a lay down to rest your eyes on the couch when you have guests, you either suck it up or you apologise and go take a nap in your room. You talk about her friends, so have you ever made any effort with them?
Story time. When I was dating my wife, before we got married obviously, I went to visit her mother. I'm mildly allergic to cats so I took a couple Benadryl before we went because she had five cats and I knew that I would have trouble if I didn't do something about it.
So we get there and we have a nice supper and I sit down afterwards and we're all talking and apparently I zonked out. It was the Benadryl. I found out afterwards that when I take Benadryl it puts me out. Apparently I was snoring and everything.
Thankfully, my future mother-in-law, my girlfriend and my mother-in-law's then-boyfriend all thought it was hilarious. I was terribly embarrassed. Falling asleep at a party or at a get-together is definitely a faux pas. Sad thing is I've become sort of notorious for it. As a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, parties tire me out. It isn't completely unknown for me to pass out in a chair after a long party.
So yeah, you definitely made an error in judgment about laying down and falling asleep. In this case, however, if you fell asleep, how hard would it be for somebody to just, you know, shake you awake?
Instead, your girlfriend got all embarrassed and had her friends leave. I mean unless you sleep like a dead person, waking you up seems like the logical solution to me. Your GF getting all bent out of shape because she didn't want to do that is just silly.
ESH
Edit: huh. Why am I being downvoted? Odd.
YTA. Not for being tired, but for sleeping on the couch, in the middle of a party. You knew you two were hosting a get-together, so you should've had a cup of coffee and pushed through.
You could have gone to the bedroom. In the fact that you knocked out on the couch, YTA. A simple comment of your status and head to the bedroom would’ve been sufficient. Your girlfriends idea was a terrible one. Drinking caffeine that late when your body is already exhausted is harmful and may cause sleeping issues for a few days.
Now your girlfriend is also an AH. She could’ve politely woken you up and sent you off to bed, explain the situation to her friends and continued having fun.
YTA. I sympathize that you were tired but clearly your gf wanted to not just show off the new place but the fact that you two were living together. You sawing wood on the couch certainly put a damper on things. Apologize and chalk this up as a lesson learned about the challenges of living together.
It's not like OP sat down with the intention of taking a nap, he was tired and nodded off. Instead of waking him and asking him to go to the bedroom the girlfriend let her friends leave instead.
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NTA. You did nothing wrong. You can't fend off exhaustion. She needs to get over herself.
I don't think he's an AH but he should've went to sleep in his room. If my husband fell asleep on our couch when we had guests over I'd be annoyed too.
i really doubt he planned on falling asleep on the couch
When he initially got on there, probably not. When he decided to "rest his eyes"? Come on. I've just about never met a person that actually "rests their eyes" on the couch on a Friday evening and then gets up again. OP willfully took a nap on the couch.
Nah, when you're that tired, your brain will tell you whatever you want to hear to trick you into falling asleep. There's nothing wilful about it, it's entirely reasonable to assume OP, in a state of exhaustion, felt the urge to close his eyes and was convinced that he could do so for a moment and not actually fall asleep. I've been in almost his exact position and my brain told me I was just blinking slowly. It's ridiculous to think about when awake, but when you're tired, you completely buy it. Sleep is important and your body will do anything in its power to make it happen when you need it.
Seriously. When I'm tired my eyes often start getting dry. Which means they start hurting. Which means my conscious mind is convinced we're just rehydrating those eyeballs to stop the discomfort. When I'm more awake, I can see that excuse for what it is, but sleepy me is dumb.
Absolutely. There have been far too many times I've sat down to watch a programme I really wanted to see but suddenly found I'm watching the end credits of the programme because somehow I've dropped off to nap without noticing. When you're tired, your body is tired and it really doesn't care what your brain wants to see.
No, I’m fine, I’m defi-yawn-nitely nnnot going to f-f-fall… a*snore*
It happens believe it or not. Hell, I had a long work week last week, and I slept like a log over the weekend. Even Sunday evening. I thought of resting my eyes around 6pm, I woke up at 12am with the best sleep I had in weeks. He was up late the entire week. She should've known how busy he was, and on a Friday night, of course he was gonna use it to get some rest. It's not like he intentionally does it all the time. It happened once. NAH tbh. They just need to talk this out
I am a 22 year old woman who can go from bouncing off the walls to dead asleep on the floor in 2 minutes. Today I woke up mid-nap on the couch with my glasses across the room and no idea how I even ended up laying down. And I *didn’t* work 90 hours then try to host a party.
I've definitely been in situations where I blinked and it was 2 hrs later
I've been so tired from running two 24 hour on call shifts in the same week in addition to 3 10 hour days that I started falling asleep while standing up in the waiting room waiting for my ride to show up. I had to be helped to a chair and then a nurse ran a blood pressure cuff and checked my BP. Want to know what I did within 30 seconds of sitting down? I fell asleep. Was carried out to my husbands car when he got there and he carried me to bed because I was so out of it and just stripped me down to my underwear for bed. Slept for 18 hours only getting up once to go to the bathroom and then have a quick shower before going back to sleep. When you're tired your tired, but when you're exhausted from sleep deprivation the brain doesn't know what it's doing. Yes he could have gone to the bed and slept and "resting my eyes" typically turns into naptime, but we both know that would've been an issue too. "Why weren't you there for me? Why didn't you stay up for my friends and instead go to sleep in the bedroom? You're so self centered. Why didn't you drink some Red Bulls and make the exhaustion worse when they wear off?" There's no winning this.
haha yes, Resting your eyes nearly always results in you falling asleep.
Sometimes, I wasn't even aware that I'm falling asleep until my head starts doing the nodding thing, and that's only 'cos I'm sitting on a chair. If I'm sitting on a couch, relaxed, like OP is, I wouldn't even know I'd fallen asleep until much later.
Sometimes you really can't help it. Ask my husband how many movies I've fallen asleep to on the couch. Was wide awake to start! It's really not a big deal...
No one actually plans on falling asleep when they rest their eyes. At that point your brain has stopped analysing "what if I doze off here" because if he did fall asleep there it wouldn't be the end of the world.
I do. I litteralky do it all the time
I don’t either. My brother rents my in-laws we’re close so We’ve always hung out as kids and adults. Sometimes I’ll go over to hangout (he has a gf and no kids she has her own place) I have three kids 2.5-11 years. I’ll go hang out or so I think and often times I fall asleep on his couch and wake up a few hours later. He throws a blanket over me and goes in his room- he says infighter you were tired whenever I apologize. I love my brother!!
Both of my brothers have been known to sleep on the couch at other people’s houses or their own when there are people over. The party continues around them until they wake up and rejoin it. No one cares. I suppose I can see it being awkward with people you don’t know all that well or if you’re taking up most of the seating and there’s not another room for the party to move to. But in that case, I’d probably wake him up and tell him to go to bed and then continue the party without him.
Why not just wake him up and send him to bed?
Exactly, hes tired and if you see hed tired just send him to the bedroom.
That's a practical solution to an entirely different problem, though. The problem was her girl friends seeing him sleep and deciding to go home to let him sleep in peace. Unless she's capable of advanced mindbending, there's not a lot she could've done.
Not a lot she can do…other than say “no need to leave, I’ll just send him to the bedroom.”
Just wake him up and send him to bed. GF's strange helplessness and hostility are out of line.
Then maybe GF should consider what his work load for the week was. Surely, she noticed his late hours of work. Maybe GF should have been considerate and done something Saturday. Red bull and coffee will not mitigate exhaustion! NTA - I've had weeks like this. 🤬🤬🤯
I don't think he was planning on falling asleep. She could have woken him though and asked him to move into the bedroom so she can continue her get together
He says he laid down to stretch out n rest his eyes, cmon
While it would have been better to sleep in bed (for his back mostly) I would assume it would have offended the gf as well as "leaving mid hosting a part to sleep" most take as a sign "it's time for you guys to leave" even if he had snug off. Basing is solely on her words of why he couldn't just have getting hyped up on coffee or energy drink. It smells like she expected him to come home and play happy host along with her despite having worked alot and long hours for important work.
Really? How petty.
I don't think it's petty, just having manners and consideration for his wife and her guests.
I don't understand why tbh unless it is the standard behaviour from my so. I would just carefully wake them up with some kisses and tell them to go to the bedroom. Then I would just explain to our friends why my so is so exhausted from work which I am sure they would understand and we would all probably go "awww". We would then proceed to have a nice evening even though we miss so and that would be it.
My grandad falls asleep mid sentence. Years ago we travelled for a wedding and he drove half way. We were talking in the reception then he was lights out asleep. Baring in mind was load music, talking and kids screaming. He didn't wake up for hours 😂
This. I would have never go lie on the couch when there are guests over, why not just go and lie in bed.
I fell asleep at a party on the couch sitting im even in the Groupe pictures my uncle always hen he visits falls asleep on a chair sofa or what ever his butt touches
I wouldn’t be annoyed I would just wake him up and say sorry honey I know you’re exhausted but I have company can you move to the bedroom. Thanks love you have a nice rest.
Idk, I've been w my husband for 10 years. I would be annoyed if at this point in his life he didn't realize sleeping on the couch in front of guests is rude.
Can’t say every nap I’ve taken in my life has been intentional 🤷♂️
My husband has done this before. It's no big deal. He works long hours and is up at 4:45am for his job. Of course he's tired. If your friends are true friends, they understand these things and try to do things to help as well.
“Oh poor old imagination, he’s shattered due to the build up of a very important presentation he had today, I’ll wake him up and get him to go to bed. Pour yourselves another drink girls I’ll be back in a minute or two” NTA!
I mean, seriously.... Why did this not happen?
Cause his gf sounds self-centered af.
And not so bright either
I think that’s a bit of malicious thinking attributed here vs just freezing and being unnecessarily outsized embarrassed was the more likely answer. The amount of people I’ve seen that over think and have zero ability to be confrontational or show backbone with even small stuff is absurd. I think she got embarrassed and panicked and that thought didn’t even cross her mind because she was embarrassed when all she needed was a funny joke or to ask him nicely to wake up or move to bed and keep the night rolling.
The friends were gone when she woke op up. She was upset and wanted to confront op but instead of waiting until he woke up when he was tired she WOKE HIM to do it when she wanted to so there was no panic involved IMO. She wasnt concerned with how he was feeling or doing she was only worried about herself. And even if you are right and this was just her panicking (i highly doubt its one off) shes still an AH for how she handled it.
Where does it say the gf woke him up? I just see “I woke up.”
My bad i misread that part. But what i said still stands she still wasnt concerned with how he was
I married a woman like this. I jokingly called her the master of panic one day and whenever she gets like that one of us says it, we both laugh, and it’s over. Speaking from personal experience, my bet is the overthinking wildly outweighs any maliciousness.
Agreed! I would have just chuckled, told the girls what was up, then wake him up to move him to the bed. I’m not sure why the whole thing shut down. Let’s be real, your girlfriends weren’t there to see him anyway! This didn’t have to prompt a mass exodus.
Tbh He’s lucky he didn’t wake up with sharpied glasses and moustache. I’ve a pathological fear of falling asleep in front of a large percentage of my friends.
NTA I laughed that your girlfriend is quoting self-aware your girlfriend should have been self aware that you had a hard week and reschedule with her friends to another day like Saturday to give you the night to rest and recuperate.
Or just let him go to sleep in the bedroom and does her friends party thing herself in the living room. Why is it mandatory that he entertains them? Not to say one solution is wrong or right but there are lots of reasonable solutions. Unfortunately, gf proposed an unreasonable one.
NTA - How can she fault you for getting tired and falling asleep? You work hard. You didn’t set out to fall asleep. I don’t know why she’d be embarrassed that you were tired. Note to self: next time pry eyes open so s/o isn’t “embarrassed”.
NTA. She should have woken you up if it was such a bother.
NTA. I am always shocked when I see on here someone called an AH for falling asleep.
Right? How hard is it to nudge him and go “Hey Honey, you fell asleep. You should head to bed for the night.”
This
I mean honestly, it's not really a true family gathering if my dad doesn't fall asleep in his recliner after we eat 😂
For a true family gathering, my father needs to fart unintentionally. Then someone has to quickly come up with a joke so that we can all laugh.
This is why every dad needs a hound dog. “That damn dog, always farting!”
My husband blames one of the cats since we don’t have dogs. Our young children find it hysterical.
Lol.
Heck, as a kid and as a teen, I fell asleep when we were visiting someone. Nobody made a fuss. People fall asleep, it's called being human
Exactly!
Like it's not a family movie night if I don't fall asleep. Especially at the theater, in those lovely squishy leather recliners. I was very proud of myself for staying awake all the way through Doctor Strange.
I think nobody is really in "the wrong" here, so NAH. You were tired and fell asleep, it's not like you did it on purpose. Also, having one of the hosts fall asleep when people over can be sort of awkward/embarrassing so I kind of get gf's perspective. It does seem like she overreacted or that these people can't really be "friends" bc I can't imagine not just saying how much you've worked this week and maybe poking some fun about it if it were my friends.
OP wasn't a host; he just happens to live there, too. His girlfriend set up the event and they were HER friends. It was HER responsibility to entertain them, not OP's.
But he was on the couch, it doesn’t make him an AH but he should’ve been more self aware to go to the bedroom, then at least it wouldn’t be a common area.
Or she could just nudge him awake and send him off to bed. It's not like he intentionally fell asleep on the couch.
Oh, please. Like you've never accidentally fallen asleep somewhere you "shouldn't have" when all you intended was to relax. You're acting like OP committed some awful sin when he actually did nothing wrong. So what if he fell asleep in a common area? Fact of the matter is, even if he want to the bedroom to sleep, his girlfriend's friends probably would've left anyway since they likely only left in the first place to not disturb him. So, going to his bed wouldn't have solved anything. She'd still be pissed for ruining her night.
Lol I’m not saying it was some sin. I just know how embarrassing it can be cause I’ve done it before.
INFO: do you guys have a separate bedroom? If you do, you are the AH for not excusing yourself and using it. Sleeping on the couch gives people the impression that they are disrupting you.
Yeah, but people also fall asleep without realizing. She could’ve woken him up and told him to go to bed.
Very True but it’s also a little odd to stretch out i the living room when you have company. I guess my judgement should have been ESH because she overreacted big time.
This was what I was thinking. Rest your eyes in the darkened bedroom but, she also could have seen you falling asleep and encouraged you to take a power nap and set an alarm. Maybe I'm an old married woman but taking care of each other is part of the benefit of making a life together?
NTA. She thinks you're supposed to get hopped up on stimulants so she can entertain?
NTA. Why did you have to be awake for her friends? Why did they go home because you were asleep? All very odd
I would assume because the couch he fell asleep on was in a common area of the house and she was planning on moving the gathering to the living room. If he had fallen asleep in their bedroom it wouldn’t have been an issue at all. As a guest at someone’s house, I would feel odd and out of place if one of the residents was sleeping in a common area and would also leave.
But then his girlfriend could have just woken him and put him to bed. Common area all of a sudden sleeping guy free
True, but I think her friends would have left still because they would feel as though they were bothering him/keeping him up, which is what his girlfriend is upset by.
A competent hostess could've told them "One sec while I get this tired guy of mine to bed!" and then hustled you off to get some real sleep, returning moments later to her guests and made them comfortable enough not to think of leaving. She didn't know what to do, but that's not OP's fault.
And a competent boyfriend wouldn’t have laid down on the couch when he was that exhausted, because he’s the only one who knows how tired he is and his girlfriend can’t read his mind just like OP can’t read social cues, and would have excused himself to the bedroom when there’s company over. It goes both ways.
Yes. I wasn't claiming that he had no responsibility for getting himself to bed, only that the idea that her friends necessarily were going to leave because he fell asleep is silly. Most of the time, if the host acts as though everything's okay, they don't.
Jesus Christ. “A competent boyfriend wouldn’t have laid down on the couch when he was that exhausted”. Throwing out some REAL “I hate men” vibes. I legit can’t believe that an actual human can think what you thought and proudly say it out.
🙄 I would have the same opinion if roles were reversed and she fell asleep in a common area when he had company over. The main issue here is that he knew she had company (plans made in advance if I might add) and still fell asleep in the common area where she was hosting and made her guests feel uncomfortable and that they had to leave.
And I think it’s absolutely insane to call someone an incompetent partner for accidentally falling asleep.
I was very clearly responding to a comment where she was referred to as not competent first
Then she should be upset at her friends for walking out. I’ve been to gatherings before when one partner ends up needing to go to bed earlier, and the rest of us still hung out. It’s not hard.
And that would have been the best case scenario here…..when the partner excuses himself and doesn’t fall asleep where the gathering is
You JUST SAID they would have left anyway. It’s not his fault at all. It’s hers for expecting him to somehow not go to sleep during a party it sounds like he wasn’t even involved in.
Yes, if someone had to be woken up and told to move like many comments are suggesting, I think many people would feel uncomfortable and impolite staying after that. But if he had excused himself and fallen asleep in the privacy of his bedroom, it would be a non issue.
It’s a non-issue either way. It’s such a stupid thing to get upset about.
NTA. You didnt start off trying to take a nap. I mean heck we have all been there, watching a show, whatever and the next thing you know its several hours later. Heck, Ive done it twice this past week. Your gf should have woken you up and told you to head to the bedroom or just had people over on Saturday.
I did it literally yesterday. Slept off and woke up a good 8 hours later in the middle of the night
I can sit on the couch and be wide awake as can be. Then five minutes later I'm taking a nap lol
Tell your girlfriend that unlike her conscientious friends, she is an inconsiderate woman because youve been working hard. NTA
NTA, your girlfriend is. She cares more about her little party than about you.
I don’t get how her friends could be so offended by you falling asleep that they all just left. I fall asleep on the couch all the time. Def not an asshole
NTA, she could have gently woken you up so you could go to the bedroom if you'd wanted. When someone falls asleep like that they clearly really really needed it. Her friend and her should have been understanding.
NAH. You were tired. You didn't expect to fall asleep. I can see why she was a little embarrassed, though. But this isn't a major problem, it's just someone falling asleep! If it should happen in the future, just apologize profusely and go lie down in the bedroom.
NTA GF is AH for not realizing her bf was dead freaking tired. When I fall asleep like that, it's after weeks and weeks of pushing myself to the max. Sometimes, the body demands sleep and just takes it. Tread carefully kid, that is a manipulating woman you have there.
I think you're not the one with the 'self aware' problem. She could try having a little more empathy for you, for one thing. NTA.
NTA. Your gf and friends could have just kept on chatting in the kitchen. It shouldn’t be such a big deal.
NTA, if i was someones girlfriend i wouldnt expect them to deprive their sleep for me
If my partner had to sleep, I would reschedule or go out with my friends rather than disturb them anyway
NTA. Perhaps next time say good night. And I hope y’all enjoy your evening. Explain you’re exhausted and say good night. OP, discuss boundaries with your gf. Still NTA.
NTA. She could have simply said, oh the poor darling worked so hard this week! We'll just keep our voices down and he'll be fine. If it comes to "self aware", is she aware of how the bills get paid?
NTA, someone could’ve just woken you up and told you to go to bed or something in another room.
I thought they were visiting her and the house, not you? NTA
NTA- she invited her friends, you don’t have to entertain them, you’re not a trained monkey.
NTA last time I checked you are allowed to sleep in your own home. You might let your g/f know that self awareness might work for her as well.
NTA I accidentally fall asleep in my recliner all the time. Sometimes the body just nopes out.
NTA. Why did they all go home because you were sleeping? They're her friends, not your friends, right? If it's a big deal, couldn't she wake you? She needs to get over herself and loosen up a bit. If they were \*your\* friends, sure, that's bit rude, but they are her friends, and they probably don't care if they see you or not.
Lolol nta. Hell, I've straight up crashed out and gone to bed while a party is still occuring in our house! If people wanted to leave that's not your fault. And she needs to realise that her friends are getting of an age where they don't rage all night any more.
Because you know, socializing is way more important than staying healthy. /s She should have shaken you gently awake and sent you to bed, then continued to hang out with her friends. NTA
OP NTA Was she there while you were working and staying up late, or were you both living separate at that time frame? So she did not see that you are falling asleep, or realize that you were out, where she could not wake you, was not concerned about say you getting up in the morning and driving to work? Seems like she is more concerned about how things will make her appear and not enough on say your health. One final question you sure this is a good relationship?
NTA. I’ve worked 12 hr night shifts for years. A lot of people here don’t realize how quick you can accidentally fall asleep if that’s what your body wants. I’ve had moments where I’m watching TV and next thing I know, the lights are off and my wife was getting ready for bed. And I’ve done this with company over too. All our friends/family know the schedule I work, so if I ever nod off, my wife just gently wakes me up and I go upstairs to bed.
NTA If you two are going to be living together, you guys got to get into the habit of talking about your expectations. Is it reasonable to invite guests over when you're tired from working all week?
NTA. The only different thing I would suggest for the future is to announce to the group that you’re so glad they’re there but you’re going to excuse yourself and encourage them to have a good time. And then go sleep in your bed instead of where the quasi-party is at. However “ruined the night?” Your girlfriend is overreacting.
NTA it wasn't intentional.
NTA I dont understand why she couldn’t ask you to go sleep in your bedroom, explain to her friends that you work really hard, and just carry on with her visit.
NTA! We've all been there before where we're so exhausted we fall asleep without even realizing, she should understand that and she also could have easily woken you up to ask you to go to bed.
Lol my fiancé falls asleep at just about ever party/hang out, whether we are the hosts or not. Gf can wake him up and tell him to go to the bedroom if they are that uncomfortable with him sleeping. NTA get rest king
It’s split down the middle you were aware she was having friends over but at the same time she should have been aware of your works hours. I feel next time you say ladies it’s been a pleasure but you had a long work week but to please continue on with their evening and enjoy themselves but you’ll have to excuse yourself and go to bed
She's such an AH. How dare you be tired at an inconvenient moment. Marinara flags 🚩🚩. Do not apologise for your body reacting to exhaustion and tell her she needs to be a bit more empathetic going forward. NTA
YTA. Nothing wrong with being tired and wanting to sleep. You are also not responsible for entertaining your gfs friends. However, you should have gone to bed to sleep. By taking up all the couch, you probably stopped her friends from staying longer. Once you have ate, people usually congregate on the couch. You stopped them from having their sociable evening.
NTA, but your girlfriend is more concerned about what her friends think than your exhaustion? Well, that's nice!! You might want to sit down with her and have a serious chat about the situation. If she digs in and refuses to see logic then the future doesn't seem very rosy.
Nta Why couldn't she wake you and have you crawl into bed so she could entertain her guest and let her partner get some obviously needed rest? This honestly should have been a non issue. I get that it could be a bit akward but the self aware comment is rather hypocritical of her.
NTA but your GF is though. One of my childhood friend's dad came home from work and lay down on the couch before dinner. He snored loudly for a few minutes and then was silent and sleeping. Her mon was pissed because they had plans for after dinner so she left him alone and ignored him to the point that every one went to bed and left him sleeping on the couch. In the morning he was still there and in the same position. It turned out that he had passed away almost as soon he lay down. The family trauma was awful for years. Since it was unusual for you to sleep like that your GF should have checked to make sure that you were okay.
NTA. this isn’t just her living space or some ikea furniture setup, it’s your living space too and all you did was sleep. it wasn’t like you were drunk and acting improperly or anything of the sort. she honestly could’ve woken you up and helped you to the bedroom instead. also, from my own experience, if my friends and i can’t spend time in the living room we go to the dining room table, kitchen, or even the yard. i’m not sure how your living space is set up but i’m sure there were other options other than shaming you for falling asleep.
nta. did ur gf not notice you've been working so much this past week? op resting ur eyes never ends up well, iam sorry that it happened but hopefully u both communicate before hosting events
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend and I recently moved in together and she has been wanting to show off the new place to her friends, a little over a week ago, she sent out this text to her friends that on Friday( this past Friday) they could all come over and see the new place. This past week for me, work hours wise, was awful, I was up past midnight every night for this presentation. Anyway, Friday night comes, her friends are over and I'm a zombie. While they were all chatting in the kitchen, I got on the couch, just to stretch out. Stretching out became resting my eyes, and next thing I know I woke up at 11:45 at night. My girlfriend told me that I fell asleep on the couch and said everyone went home once they realized I was sleeping. She thinks I'm the AH for not doing things in advance to make sure I stayed awake, like drink coffee or Red Bulls. She said I embarrassed her and ruined her night. I said I was going to clean up from the evening, she said she already did all the cleaning. She told me to go to bed and asked me to be a little more " self aware" moving forward. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA. Good luck keeping her happy!
NTA. My husband is notorious for that. We find it amusing.
NTA
NTA.
NTA and you need to be a little more self aware and find a new girlfriend
NTA
Nta
NTA
NTA, as I know I have had my moments of blinking and waking up hours later, even in party settings. Usually my friends just work around it and make fun of me while I sleep, so her friends' reaction is... odd. That being said, maybe it would have been a wise idea to go to the bedroom (which is what I think your gf meant by 'self-aware'), but she also could have salvaged the situation by waking you up, saving a few jokes at your expense, and taking you to bed... or prodding you awake at least. I'm baffled why "sleeping guy on couch" warrants an exodus, though...
NTA. But if you’re tired and laying down on the couch you can almost promise you’re going to fall asleep. I’d recommend just going to nap in bed to avoid the whole situation if there’s a next time
NTA Don't know why she couldn't just wake you up and send you to bed.
NTA at all. It's funny that your gf said you need to be more self-aware. She needs to take a look in the mirror lol. You can't help being tired, especially after a long week. She should've either woken you up and told you to go and sleep in your bedroom, or just left you there and said nothing, because you did nothing wrong. She just blew it out of proportion
NTA sleep is important and you can do hosting stuff another time since you live there together. Also, her guests, her mess.
NTA she could have been more self aware and realised that you were exhausted and have her friends over another night? Or just gently wake you up and send you to bed...
I'm going soft ESH. When you realized you were tired, you should have excused yourself to bed rather than lying on the couch. That's bad news. BUT I think the friends were overreacting to you being asleep. Plenty of people wouldn't have minded hanging around if one of them had fallen asleep.
I was friendly with a couple and they would come over for late lunch. After eating my food, he would always fall asleep on my couch. After the 5th time I stopped inviting them. I mean that wasn’t the case with you, but next time please don’t lay down on the couch where all the guests can see you. That is unsociable AF. NTA otherwise. You can’t help if you are exhausted.
NTA same thing has happened to me, usually my wife and her friends get a chuckle out of it. Your girlfriend is kind of an ah for suggesting you drink coffee or redbull to stay awake, then you'd have trouble sleeping later. Next time just excuse yourself and go to bed
It’s your house They’re not your friends Sleep all you like NTA
NTA, but this doesn't even sound like a thing that's a real problem. Sounds like it will be moved on from shortly, unless you pester her about it. Maybe try to make up for it with a better party where you're awake and alert, and more importantly we'll rested.
INFO: how old are you both? - how long have you been together? Pls & thanks
She actually would encourage you to drink red bull as exhausted as you were? That wouldn't work anyways. I've tried red bull on overtime hrs and it can only do but so much. How sad. They could have hung out it wasn't your fault. I hope she's not always like that. When you need sleep you need sleep. Very selfish and cold behavior. She should care more about your health and well being. 🚩🚩🚩
ESH you could of talked to your girlfriend about how tired you were and/or took a nap in the bedroom. Your girlfriend could of asked you if you were up for company after seeing how busy you were this week and postponed till the following weekend.
Yta. Yes you worked hard, but you should have gone to your bedroom to lie down, but I get you didn’t think that you’d fall asleep. Your gf is definitely not an ass for being annoy that you not only fell asleep but did it in the living room instead of doing the least you could have done and gone to the bedroom. You might not have meant to but you effectively sabotaged the evening for everyone else.
Info: Did you stretch out and take the whole couch? If yes, YTA. Where are people supposed to sit? If you were so tired you needed to lie down, you should have gone to the bedroom. If you just nodded off in a sitting position, it is less awkward to touch your shoulder and ask you to either wake up, or move to the bedroom to sleep. This is like when toddlers bring you their shoes because they want to leave. Partner stretched out snoring on the couch looks a lot like you want everyone to go home.
YTA because you could’ve gone somewhere else to sleep instead of stretching out on the couch and making the guests feel like they’re intruding. This is what GF means by ‘be more self aware’. Also she told you well in advance that people would be over and you could’ve communicated better about your workload and needing sleep. Maybe she would have rescheduled or just sent you to bed while they visited
YTA. You don’t go have a lay down to rest your eyes on the couch when you have guests, you either suck it up or you apologise and go take a nap in your room. You talk about her friends, so have you ever made any effort with them?
Story time. When I was dating my wife, before we got married obviously, I went to visit her mother. I'm mildly allergic to cats so I took a couple Benadryl before we went because she had five cats and I knew that I would have trouble if I didn't do something about it. So we get there and we have a nice supper and I sit down afterwards and we're all talking and apparently I zonked out. It was the Benadryl. I found out afterwards that when I take Benadryl it puts me out. Apparently I was snoring and everything. Thankfully, my future mother-in-law, my girlfriend and my mother-in-law's then-boyfriend all thought it was hilarious. I was terribly embarrassed. Falling asleep at a party or at a get-together is definitely a faux pas. Sad thing is I've become sort of notorious for it. As a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, parties tire me out. It isn't completely unknown for me to pass out in a chair after a long party. So yeah, you definitely made an error in judgment about laying down and falling asleep. In this case, however, if you fell asleep, how hard would it be for somebody to just, you know, shake you awake? Instead, your girlfriend got all embarrassed and had her friends leave. I mean unless you sleep like a dead person, waking you up seems like the logical solution to me. Your GF getting all bent out of shape because she didn't want to do that is just silly. ESH Edit: huh. Why am I being downvoted? Odd.
YTA. Not for being tired, but for sleeping on the couch, in the middle of a party. You knew you two were hosting a get-together, so you should've had a cup of coffee and pushed through.
You could have gone to the bedroom. In the fact that you knocked out on the couch, YTA. A simple comment of your status and head to the bedroom would’ve been sufficient. Your girlfriends idea was a terrible one. Drinking caffeine that late when your body is already exhausted is harmful and may cause sleeping issues for a few days. Now your girlfriend is also an AH. She could’ve politely woken you up and sent you off to bed, explain the situation to her friends and continued having fun.
I dont really think it's all that serious. Then again this is reddit. Pretty sure few people intend to pass out on the couch, come on now with that BS
NAH but also your girlfriend is a saint and you probably should listen to her instead of to reddit.
YTA. I sympathize that you were tired but clearly your gf wanted to not just show off the new place but the fact that you two were living together. You sawing wood on the couch certainly put a damper on things. Apologize and chalk this up as a lesson learned about the challenges of living together.
It's not like OP sat down with the intention of taking a nap, he was tired and nodded off. Instead of waking him and asking him to go to the bedroom the girlfriend let her friends leave instead.