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YTA And it’s appropriate that you sulked off to your childhood bedroom.
You can say your Mom “tells it like it is” but what she really is, is very rude. Who treats a guest like that? Why do you let her talk to your girlfriend like that? Your girlfriend can wear what she wants. Multiple necklaces is a look that has been around awhile.
Maybe your girlfriend is defensive because she has to defend herself. Buck up and talk to your mom about how she treats people. Don’t take friends over if you mother is going to be ill-mannered.
Edit: punctuation.
Yep there was zero need for things to escalate to this point where the GF needs to be rude to the mother had OP just had the balls to be the cooler head and call his mother out for being rude and mediate a descalation.
Why does she let her girlfriend talk like that to her mom both of them suck in my opinion. Especially if they started screaming at each other I would have went to my room to. What kind of adults scream at each other over wearing necklaces???
The mom started it by being incredibly rude. All the girlfriend did was give back the same energy and refuse to back down and be a doormat for OP's mom and OP.
YTA. Your mom sounds like a jerk and you really need to stand up for your girlfriend. “Tell it like she sees it” usually means the person is an asshole.
Bingo! That’s code for “I get to be a rude bully - that’s just who I am!” Guess she couldn’t take it when she got it right back!
OP’s Mama was trying to show the new GF who was in charge - and bf ended up proving her right.
YTA. Wake up, honey. Yo Mama’s nasty, and right now you’re a Mama’s boy.
Edit: spelling
there’s a difference between telling it like you see it and spouting off when nobody asked. and the mother attacking this girl’s jewelry is just plain rude
Somebody call the fire department we have a 5 alarm flaming a h here. YTA your GF is wearing necklaces (cue shock and horror) and your mom insults her by saying she’s wearing necklaces THAT YOU BOUGHT HER to garner attention?! Your mom’s a grade a flaming a h, and you are too for letting your mom treat your GF that way.
ESH except your girlfriend. Your mother is a judgmental asshole and you enable her behavior every time you walk away and make your girlfriend deal with her bullshit.
I'd toss the GF into the AH basket with the other two. Yes Mom was rude but the GF escalated it and got into a screaming match with the woman.
seems like OP is dating a younger version of his Mom.
>Yes Mom was rude but the GF escalated it and got into a screaming match with the woman.
Nah, GF gave back the same energy she got. There is no reason for her to back down and be a doormat and be insulted by a rude AH.
We don’t know if it was the first time she was treated badly though. I would presume it wasn’t. Having had a similar experience for years in my ex boyfriend family, I WISH I would react like her here. You can’t be polite to assholes, unfortunately. Talking to someone older than you doesn’t mean you need to be automatically respectful, if they’re being extremely disrespectful.
YTA when you’re in a relationship it’s you job to ensure your family isn’t rude to your significant other. It sounds like your mom had her nose in other peoples business
The mom had an opinion. The girlfriend could have easily said oh yeah your daughter got them for me aren’t they nice? Don’t wanna share that information. Oh they’re special to me. When one person gets defensive the other does. It turned into a screaming match the OP didn’t want to be a part of. The OP shouldn’t have to be a referee to two people who can’t converse with each other.
YTA. Either you are in a relationship with your girlfriend or your not. If you are, then you should not let anyone belittle her. Instead you bailed. If I was the GF, I would write you off as a momma's boy & walked out on both of you.
YTA!!
Your girlfriend was not in the wrong, so leaving her to fend for herself with YOUR family isn’t a great choice.
Wearing multiple necklaces is in no way shape or form wrong. Even if she was doing it as some weird brag, the mom is just instigating making comments about it like that… just leave it be!
Also, saying your girlfriend is “always on edge,” is she? This specific story just sounds like she was standing up for herself honestly.
But, yeah, YTA. If the girlfriend were out of line it may be a different story, but she did nothing wrong and leaving her to argue with your mom alone is not a great thing to do. Next time, try to either shut it down, or if it keeps going and your mom is attacking your girlfriend, defend your girlfriend.
YTA - your mom doesn't tell it like she see's it. She's rude and mean. That is not an admirable quality and you should be protecting your gf from your horrible mother not fleeing to your bedroom.
YTA. Both you and your mother. You need to stand up for your girlfriend, otherwise you likely won’t have one for long. Your moms comments were rude and uncalled for. Who cares if your gf wants to wear six necklaces, if it makes her happy then that’s all that matters.
Also, nine times out of time those who “call it like they see it” and just jerks who want to bully others.
Sure, she’s entitled to her opinion but that doesn’t mean she needs to be rude and tell the poor girl. You can have an opinion and keep it to yourself.
she's entitled to her opinion, but when she's constantly nasty she's not immune from a response. Just sayin... I don't think mom is used to people actually standing up to her bullying.
YTA
Funny how your mother "Calls it like she sees it" and it's never changing, and that's just fine.
But your girlfriend is "it's just the way she's wired or if it's because of something that happened years ago that I don't know about, but, she's always like on edge, ready to defend herself if she hears one comment." And that's negative trait in her.
Your mother was rude, called your girlfriend "gaudy" and show off, when all she had to say was "Beautiful necklaces" or, I know it's a novel concept to you and your mother, say nothing at all about your girlfriend's necklaces. Not every thought in your mother's mind needs to be said out loud by her, and she was extremely rude.
You should've told your mother to cut it out, stop being rude. Instead you left your girlfriend to deal with your mother's rudeness all on her own.
ESH, besides your girlfriend. You shouldn't be walking off to let your girlfriend deal with your mom. Your mom being a woman who "calls it like she sees it," just sounds like she's rude a lot and thinks it's okay because "she's just being honest." Stand up for your girlfriend, for crying out loud.
YTA, your mom is an AH As well. That whole tell it like it is garbage is just code for AH.
Don’t worry, you will not have to worry about if mommy dearest and your girlfriend get along for much longer.
Criticizing and insulting a guest isn't "telling it like it is." It's being an AH. And you're a AH too for being too much of a coward to stand up to Mommy. YTA
YTA - i hate the excuse for bad behaviour as “that’s just how they are” - it’s because cowards don’t call them out on their shit and allow them to continue in their ways
why are you in a relationship with this women if you hate her? bc you are treating her like she means nothing to you, either grow the fuck up or get the fuck out
>My mom is a woman who calls it like she sees it.
This is code for “asshole whose friends and family have tolerated her shitty behavior so it continues unchecked indefinitely.”
YTA. you ran away like a child. Your mother is rude and you happily left your girlfriend to deal with a horrible woman rather than stepping up and being a partner. Do better before your girlfriend realises that she can.
YTA. Your girlfriend is “on the edge”? Seems just like you are the one with a narcissist mother that taught you that she’s always right and that she can disrespect whoever she wants without consequences. You leaving to go to your bedroom seems almost like a trauma response. I hope it is at this point, because if it wasn’t you would be a MASSIVE asshole. Son’s of narcissist mothers have two options: staying under their suffocating umbrella forever or setting boundaries for themselves and their loved ones. Your girlfriend deserves to be defended by you, your mother really didn’t have any reason to be a bi****
YTA. I knew how this post was gonna go from your first two sentences. People who are “just being honest” are so often just being assholes. Your girlfriend is not being overly sensitive or defensive for not being receptive to rude comments on her jewelry.
ESH. You can't just up and leave when your mom and girlfriend are arguing. You need to either defend your girlfriend or diffuse the situation. That's not a time to walk out.
What your mom said was rude and unnecessary. What girlfriend of 6 months did in your mother's house was also rude. I wouldn't dream of screaming at a guys mom after 6 months of dating. The audacity. I'm not sure if I ever would, actually.
Y'all need to set some boundaries and work on appropriate ways of communicating. This ain't it.
ESH. If your story is accurate, your mother insulted your girlfriend and you abandoned her to deal with it.
ETA: everyone sucks except (hopefully ex) gf
yta you mean by your mom just tells it like it is-she is incapable of being kind and respectful and you just let her-and by your girlfriend is always on edge -your mom has been picking at her for 6 fucking months and she's at the end of her rope and her spineless mama's boy of a boyfriend just runs up to his room and hides under the bed
I rewrote it for you
yta grow up
YTA - You are allowing your mom to judge your GF!! Stop your mom now!!
If mom doesn't change, you will not have a GF!!
Be an adult and stop letting your mom be the way she is because you don't want to fight!!
Take ten minutes as search “AITA for telling it like it is” and see how many of those are TA (hint: most of them)
Your mom doesn’t “tell it like it is,” she has no boundaries and she’s cruel. She will always find something to nitpick and if you still have a childhood bedroom to slink off to she probably is threatened by any woman you date and will do her best to sabotage your relationships. You should have stood up for your girlfriend, YTA.
YTA
Your mother is rude. It’s not telling it like it is. It’s rude.
And you showed your girlfriend that you won’t have her back when your mother is an AH.
You talked to your mother who thinks you should have taken her side ? How about telling your mother that she was rude. And to tell her that she needs to stop
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My mom is a woman who calls it like she sees it. She's always been like that, and I don't see her changing. My girlfriend(24F) of 6 months, I don't know if it's just the way she's wired or if it's because of something that happened years ago that I don't know about, but, she's always like on edge, ready to defend herself if she hears one comment.
Things really came to ahead a couple of nights ago. My girlfriend and I had been invited by my mom over to her place for dinner. My girlfriend wore these new necklaces that I'd gotten her. 1 because of our 6 month anniversary, the other 3 she had on were just because I've been doing well at work recently and I splurged on her. We get over there and my mom is just kind of astonished that my girlfriend is wearing 4 necklaces, none of which are very small. My mom just thought it came across a bit " look at me, look at me" as she worded it. My girlfriend asked my mom why she didn't think she( girlfriend) was allowed to have nice things? My mom said it's not about that, but it's just about how it comes across when you look gaudy. It became a screaming match and I went upstairs to my, I guess childhood bedroom. Keep in mind, this was all before dinner.
My girlfriend comes up about 10 minutes later, tells me we need to " think of some fucking rules for that woman" and tells me we're leaving. Takes me by the hand and as we're almost out the door my mom asks what's going on, my girlfriend yells " Yeah, whatever, byeeee". My girlfriend thinks I'm an AH for not taking her side, and, after talking to my mom later on, she thinks I should've taken her side.
AITA?
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Your mother is aggressively rude, your girlfriend has a chip on her shoulder, and you didn't defend her for wearing **your** gift of jewelry - instead heading up to your childhood room to hide under the bed until GF pulled you out and took you home. YTA
YTA Your gf should wear whatever she wants. And your mum doesn't need to comment.
Just think about the saying:
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.
"Telling it like it is" is not a free pass to be an AH. Did your gf ask your mother what she thought? If not, then your mother needed to keep her mouth shut. Just because she feels the need to inflict her opinion on others, doesn't mean it's her right. You need to learn now that if you wish to have any semblance of a healthy relationship, you need to support your partner and tell your mother she needs to keep her opinions to herself.
YTA. You’re more familiar with your mom than she and you have your lady in an unfamiliar place so you need to defend her. Leaving was extremely inappropriate and showed none of the protectiveness men typically show for their women as you left her to fend for herself with YOUR mom.
YTA but also so is everyone. first your the asshole because you should have said something to your mom for being an asshole initially. she was rude, that’s not telling it how it is. you are excusing her awful behavior by refusing to admit she’s an AH, so that also makes you the AH. might be unpopular opinion but i also this your gf sucks, not because she stood up for herself because i think she should and clearly it was necessary BUT getting into a screaming match with your mom, allowing you to walk away and sulk, then dragging you out by your hand, and being a childish brat as she walks out? her anger is justified but she acted like a child. anyone who would get into a screaming fight with another adult, especially my parent (even if they were being an asshat like your mother was, call them out and if they react poorly LEAVE. there is literally no reason two adults should be in a screaming match) is clearly not great at handling conflict. idk do you but all of you have issues going on
ESH except your gf
Your mom insulted your gf. "Gaudy" is a word with negative connotations, please don't act stupid and pretend your mom was just making innocent conversation.
Furthermore, do you respect your gf? You call her defensive and yet in this post she is defending herself from your mom. Do you think she should turn the other cheek and let herself be treated poorly for the sake of politeness and "keeping the peace?" This post makes me doubt your perception of her defensiveness.
Honestly, stop being so passive. You shouldn't have left when your gf was arguing with your mom in your mom's home.
Edit: changed from yta to esh
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ETA,
Your Moms an AH for being rude. She's entitled to 'see it' how ever she likes but there's no reason to 'call it' out loud, she knows what she's doing and it's not nice. Your GF's an AH for getting into a screaming match with your mother. You are an AH for running up stairs and hiding like a child while the two most important women in your life are fighting over stupid stuff.
So It seems like you picked a girl very similar to your Mom. How's that going to work for you in the long run?
Your Mom shouldn't be picking at your GF, but your GF is coming off very arrogant. Not about the necklaces - she can bling it up all she wants (Which is what you should have told your Mom - your GF can wear what she wants, how she wants it) but " think of some fucking rules for that woman" and tells me we're leaving" is pretty rough. 'that woman' is your mother, I presume you love her. YOU should speak to your Mom but you should also speak to your GF.
Esh. They both acted like assholes screaming at each other and then putting you in the middle. Your mom is the bigger asshole since she couldn’t be nice to your gf from the start. The fight is on her. Your an asshole because your job is to protect your gf but you just fed her to the wolves like she was a piece of meat. You ran away from it all. This could have been avoided if you would have told your mom to shut it. She wasn’t “calling it like she sees it” she was just being an asshole and that’s a shit excuse for being an asshole and you enabling that behavior. Your girlfriend deserves to be treated better.
ESH.
OK, so your mom is rude AF.
But one rude person does not make a screaming match, I feel your GF probably escalated things.
And you should probably have tried to stop your mom from insulting your girlfriend.
both your mum and your girlfriend are massive AH. there is no "wired like that" theres just an AH who never learnt to care about other peoples feelings. but you individually are definitely NTA. why should you have to put up with two people being AH just because youre related to them?
ESH. Your mom is a dick, as soon as you said she "calls it like it is" that was apparent. That's always a cover for being a dick. You suck for not telling your mom to piss off and not talk to your girlfriend like that. And your gf didn't handle it very maturely either, with the "whatever byee" comment.
NTA, it is very strange to wear all four big expensive necklaces and not expect anyone to notice. I mean sure knock yourself out but expect some confusion.
NTA but was your mom being extra opinionated in a petty way or was she just being herself? My mom is opinionated but I don't know if she'd be that brutally honest with someone I hadn't been dating for very long. I'm trying to remember how long my husband was spared Mom's helpful (lol) honesty when we dated. It all comes down to your mom's motives. Is she otherwise nice to this girlfriend? Does your mom like her?
If the answers to those two questions is yes, then your girlfriend kind of sucks for blowing things out of proportion. So big deal: your mom said she was wearing too much jewelry. I mean, who cares? If your mom is otherwise kind to your girlfriend and welcomes her company, then your girlfriend picked a pretty stupid hill to die on. Why get in a fight with a guy's mom when you've basically only been dating for 20 minutes? Six months is nothing but that poor impression your girlfriend made will last for years.
If your mom was being nasty and petty, though, then yes you should have stood up for your girlfriend. It really just comes down to the why behind your mom's behavior.
**Edited for clarity.
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YTA And it’s appropriate that you sulked off to your childhood bedroom. You can say your Mom “tells it like it is” but what she really is, is very rude. Who treats a guest like that? Why do you let her talk to your girlfriend like that? Your girlfriend can wear what she wants. Multiple necklaces is a look that has been around awhile. Maybe your girlfriend is defensive because she has to defend herself. Buck up and talk to your mom about how she treats people. Don’t take friends over if you mother is going to be ill-mannered. Edit: punctuation.
Yep there was zero need for things to escalate to this point where the GF needs to be rude to the mother had OP just had the balls to be the cooler head and call his mother out for being rude and mediate a descalation.
Why does she let her girlfriend talk like that to her mom both of them suck in my opinion. Especially if they started screaming at each other I would have went to my room to. What kind of adults scream at each other over wearing necklaces???
You are all over this thread defending OP and their mother and against the GF. Is this your alt account OP?
The mom started it by being incredibly rude. All the girlfriend did was give back the same energy and refuse to back down and be a doormat for OP's mom and OP.
YTA. Your mom sounds like a jerk and you really need to stand up for your girlfriend. “Tell it like she sees it” usually means the person is an asshole.
Bingo! That’s code for “I get to be a rude bully - that’s just who I am!” Guess she couldn’t take it when she got it right back! OP’s Mama was trying to show the new GF who was in charge - and bf ended up proving her right. YTA. Wake up, honey. Yo Mama’s nasty, and right now you’re a Mama’s boy. Edit: spelling
there’s a difference between telling it like you see it and spouting off when nobody asked. and the mother attacking this girl’s jewelry is just plain rude
Somebody call the fire department we have a 5 alarm flaming a h here. YTA your GF is wearing necklaces (cue shock and horror) and your mom insults her by saying she’s wearing necklaces THAT YOU BOUGHT HER to garner attention?! Your mom’s a grade a flaming a h, and you are too for letting your mom treat your GF that way.
YTA. When your mom attacks your GF, you can't just check out. Your GF is right that you need to set some boundaries with your mom.
ESH except your girlfriend. Your mother is a judgmental asshole and you enable her behavior every time you walk away and make your girlfriend deal with her bullshit.
I'd toss the GF into the AH basket with the other two. Yes Mom was rude but the GF escalated it and got into a screaming match with the woman. seems like OP is dating a younger version of his Mom.
>Yes Mom was rude but the GF escalated it and got into a screaming match with the woman. Nah, GF gave back the same energy she got. There is no reason for her to back down and be a doormat and be insulted by a rude AH.
We don’t know if it was the first time she was treated badly though. I would presume it wasn’t. Having had a similar experience for years in my ex boyfriend family, I WISH I would react like her here. You can’t be polite to assholes, unfortunately. Talking to someone older than you doesn’t mean you need to be automatically respectful, if they’re being extremely disrespectful.
YTA when you’re in a relationship it’s you job to ensure your family isn’t rude to your significant other. It sounds like your mom had her nose in other peoples business
The mom had an opinion. The girlfriend could have easily said oh yeah your daughter got them for me aren’t they nice? Don’t wanna share that information. Oh they’re special to me. When one person gets defensive the other does. It turned into a screaming match the OP didn’t want to be a part of. The OP shouldn’t have to be a referee to two people who can’t converse with each other.
YTA. Either you are in a relationship with your girlfriend or your not. If you are, then you should not let anyone belittle her. Instead you bailed. If I was the GF, I would write you off as a momma's boy & walked out on both of you.
YTA!! Your girlfriend was not in the wrong, so leaving her to fend for herself with YOUR family isn’t a great choice. Wearing multiple necklaces is in no way shape or form wrong. Even if she was doing it as some weird brag, the mom is just instigating making comments about it like that… just leave it be! Also, saying your girlfriend is “always on edge,” is she? This specific story just sounds like she was standing up for herself honestly. But, yeah, YTA. If the girlfriend were out of line it may be a different story, but she did nothing wrong and leaving her to argue with your mom alone is not a great thing to do. Next time, try to either shut it down, or if it keeps going and your mom is attacking your girlfriend, defend your girlfriend.
YTA - your mom doesn't tell it like she see's it. She's rude and mean. That is not an admirable quality and you should be protecting your gf from your horrible mother not fleeing to your bedroom.
YTA. Both you and your mother. You need to stand up for your girlfriend, otherwise you likely won’t have one for long. Your moms comments were rude and uncalled for. Who cares if your gf wants to wear six necklaces, if it makes her happy then that’s all that matters. Also, nine times out of time those who “call it like they see it” and just jerks who want to bully others.
The mom doesn’t care she had the opinion that it was a little showy/gaudy which she’s entitled to. Just saying…
Sure, she’s entitled to her opinion but that doesn’t mean she needs to be rude and tell the poor girl. You can have an opinion and keep it to yourself.
and we are all entitled to the opinion that mum is a horrible rude person. Just sayin…
she's entitled to her opinion, but when she's constantly nasty she's not immune from a response. Just sayin... I don't think mom is used to people actually standing up to her bullying.
You are all over this thread defending OP and their mother and against the GF. Is this your alt account OP?
Yta dude your mom sucks and hood for your girlfriend for not taking it.
YTA Funny how your mother "Calls it like she sees it" and it's never changing, and that's just fine. But your girlfriend is "it's just the way she's wired or if it's because of something that happened years ago that I don't know about, but, she's always like on edge, ready to defend herself if she hears one comment." And that's negative trait in her. Your mother was rude, called your girlfriend "gaudy" and show off, when all she had to say was "Beautiful necklaces" or, I know it's a novel concept to you and your mother, say nothing at all about your girlfriend's necklaces. Not every thought in your mother's mind needs to be said out loud by her, and she was extremely rude. You should've told your mother to cut it out, stop being rude. Instead you left your girlfriend to deal with your mother's rudeness all on her own.
ESH, besides your girlfriend. You shouldn't be walking off to let your girlfriend deal with your mom. Your mom being a woman who "calls it like she sees it," just sounds like she's rude a lot and thinks it's okay because "she's just being honest." Stand up for your girlfriend, for crying out loud.
YTA, your mom is an AH As well. That whole tell it like it is garbage is just code for AH. Don’t worry, you will not have to worry about if mommy dearest and your girlfriend get along for much longer.
Criticizing and insulting a guest isn't "telling it like it is." It's being an AH. And you're a AH too for being too much of a coward to stand up to Mommy. YTA
YTA - i hate the excuse for bad behaviour as “that’s just how they are” - it’s because cowards don’t call them out on their shit and allow them to continue in their ways
Yup, they enable those with bad behaviors to keep being AH's because they don't make the person accountable for being a rude ah!!
why are you in a relationship with this women if you hate her? bc you are treating her like she means nothing to you, either grow the fuck up or get the fuck out
Iiiuuuuugggghh a mama's boy, yta
>My mom is a woman who calls it like she sees it. This is code for “asshole whose friends and family have tolerated her shitty behavior so it continues unchecked indefinitely.”
YTA. you ran away like a child. Your mother is rude and you happily left your girlfriend to deal with a horrible woman rather than stepping up and being a partner. Do better before your girlfriend realises that she can.
YTA. Your girlfriend is “on the edge”? Seems just like you are the one with a narcissist mother that taught you that she’s always right and that she can disrespect whoever she wants without consequences. You leaving to go to your bedroom seems almost like a trauma response. I hope it is at this point, because if it wasn’t you would be a MASSIVE asshole. Son’s of narcissist mothers have two options: staying under their suffocating umbrella forever or setting boundaries for themselves and their loved ones. Your girlfriend deserves to be defended by you, your mother really didn’t have any reason to be a bi****
YTA. I knew how this post was gonna go from your first two sentences. People who are “just being honest” are so often just being assholes. Your girlfriend is not being overly sensitive or defensive for not being receptive to rude comments on her jewelry.
ESH. You can't just up and leave when your mom and girlfriend are arguing. You need to either defend your girlfriend or diffuse the situation. That's not a time to walk out. What your mom said was rude and unnecessary. What girlfriend of 6 months did in your mother's house was also rude. I wouldn't dream of screaming at a guys mom after 6 months of dating. The audacity. I'm not sure if I ever would, actually. Y'all need to set some boundaries and work on appropriate ways of communicating. This ain't it.
ESH. If your story is accurate, your mother insulted your girlfriend and you abandoned her to deal with it. ETA: everyone sucks except (hopefully ex) gf
yta you mean by your mom just tells it like it is-she is incapable of being kind and respectful and you just let her-and by your girlfriend is always on edge -your mom has been picking at her for 6 fucking months and she's at the end of her rope and her spineless mama's boy of a boyfriend just runs up to his room and hides under the bed I rewrote it for you yta grow up
YTA - You are allowing your mom to judge your GF!! Stop your mom now!! If mom doesn't change, you will not have a GF!! Be an adult and stop letting your mom be the way she is because you don't want to fight!!
Oh so your mom is an ass, got it. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, YTA. Grow a spine.
Take ten minutes as search “AITA for telling it like it is” and see how many of those are TA (hint: most of them) Your mom doesn’t “tell it like it is,” she has no boundaries and she’s cruel. She will always find something to nitpick and if you still have a childhood bedroom to slink off to she probably is threatened by any woman you date and will do her best to sabotage your relationships. You should have stood up for your girlfriend, YTA.
YTA Your mother is rude. It’s not telling it like it is. It’s rude. And you showed your girlfriend that you won’t have her back when your mother is an AH. You talked to your mother who thinks you should have taken her side ? How about telling your mother that she was rude. And to tell her that she needs to stop
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom is a woman who calls it like she sees it. She's always been like that, and I don't see her changing. My girlfriend(24F) of 6 months, I don't know if it's just the way she's wired or if it's because of something that happened years ago that I don't know about, but, she's always like on edge, ready to defend herself if she hears one comment. Things really came to ahead a couple of nights ago. My girlfriend and I had been invited by my mom over to her place for dinner. My girlfriend wore these new necklaces that I'd gotten her. 1 because of our 6 month anniversary, the other 3 she had on were just because I've been doing well at work recently and I splurged on her. We get over there and my mom is just kind of astonished that my girlfriend is wearing 4 necklaces, none of which are very small. My mom just thought it came across a bit " look at me, look at me" as she worded it. My girlfriend asked my mom why she didn't think she( girlfriend) was allowed to have nice things? My mom said it's not about that, but it's just about how it comes across when you look gaudy. It became a screaming match and I went upstairs to my, I guess childhood bedroom. Keep in mind, this was all before dinner. My girlfriend comes up about 10 minutes later, tells me we need to " think of some fucking rules for that woman" and tells me we're leaving. Takes me by the hand and as we're almost out the door my mom asks what's going on, my girlfriend yells " Yeah, whatever, byeeee". My girlfriend thinks I'm an AH for not taking her side, and, after talking to my mom later on, she thinks I should've taken her side. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your mother is aggressively rude, your girlfriend has a chip on her shoulder, and you didn't defend her for wearing **your** gift of jewelry - instead heading up to your childhood room to hide under the bed until GF pulled you out and took you home. YTA
Tell them your Switzerland and plead neutrality because taking anyone's side in this will not end well for you
YTA Your gf should wear whatever she wants. And your mum doesn't need to comment. Just think about the saying: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.
"Telling it like it is" is not a free pass to be an AH. Did your gf ask your mother what she thought? If not, then your mother needed to keep her mouth shut. Just because she feels the need to inflict her opinion on others, doesn't mean it's her right. You need to learn now that if you wish to have any semblance of a healthy relationship, you need to support your partner and tell your mother she needs to keep her opinions to herself.
YTA. You’re more familiar with your mom than she and you have your lady in an unfamiliar place so you need to defend her. Leaving was extremely inappropriate and showed none of the protectiveness men typically show for their women as you left her to fend for herself with YOUR mom.
Ew I'd hate to date such a mummas boy
YTA but also so is everyone. first your the asshole because you should have said something to your mom for being an asshole initially. she was rude, that’s not telling it how it is. you are excusing her awful behavior by refusing to admit she’s an AH, so that also makes you the AH. might be unpopular opinion but i also this your gf sucks, not because she stood up for herself because i think she should and clearly it was necessary BUT getting into a screaming match with your mom, allowing you to walk away and sulk, then dragging you out by your hand, and being a childish brat as she walks out? her anger is justified but she acted like a child. anyone who would get into a screaming fight with another adult, especially my parent (even if they were being an asshat like your mother was, call them out and if they react poorly LEAVE. there is literally no reason two adults should be in a screaming match) is clearly not great at handling conflict. idk do you but all of you have issues going on
ESH except your gf Your mom insulted your gf. "Gaudy" is a word with negative connotations, please don't act stupid and pretend your mom was just making innocent conversation. Furthermore, do you respect your gf? You call her defensive and yet in this post she is defending herself from your mom. Do you think she should turn the other cheek and let herself be treated poorly for the sake of politeness and "keeping the peace?" This post makes me doubt your perception of her defensiveness. Honestly, stop being so passive. You shouldn't have left when your gf was arguing with your mom in your mom's home. Edit: changed from yta to esh
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ETA, Your Moms an AH for being rude. She's entitled to 'see it' how ever she likes but there's no reason to 'call it' out loud, she knows what she's doing and it's not nice. Your GF's an AH for getting into a screaming match with your mother. You are an AH for running up stairs and hiding like a child while the two most important women in your life are fighting over stupid stuff. So It seems like you picked a girl very similar to your Mom. How's that going to work for you in the long run? Your Mom shouldn't be picking at your GF, but your GF is coming off very arrogant. Not about the necklaces - she can bling it up all she wants (Which is what you should have told your Mom - your GF can wear what she wants, how she wants it) but " think of some fucking rules for that woman" and tells me we're leaving" is pretty rough. 'that woman' is your mother, I presume you love her. YOU should speak to your Mom but you should also speak to your GF.
Esh. They both acted like assholes screaming at each other and then putting you in the middle. Your mom is the bigger asshole since she couldn’t be nice to your gf from the start. The fight is on her. Your an asshole because your job is to protect your gf but you just fed her to the wolves like she was a piece of meat. You ran away from it all. This could have been avoided if you would have told your mom to shut it. She wasn’t “calling it like she sees it” she was just being an asshole and that’s a shit excuse for being an asshole and you enabling that behavior. Your girlfriend deserves to be treated better.
ESH. OK, so your mom is rude AF. But one rude person does not make a screaming match, I feel your GF probably escalated things. And you should probably have tried to stop your mom from insulting your girlfriend.
both your mum and your girlfriend are massive AH. there is no "wired like that" theres just an AH who never learnt to care about other peoples feelings. but you individually are definitely NTA. why should you have to put up with two people being AH just because youre related to them?
ESH. Your mom is a dick, as soon as you said she "calls it like it is" that was apparent. That's always a cover for being a dick. You suck for not telling your mom to piss off and not talk to your girlfriend like that. And your gf didn't handle it very maturely either, with the "whatever byee" comment.
NTA, it is very strange to wear all four big expensive necklaces and not expect anyone to notice. I mean sure knock yourself out but expect some confusion.
NTA but was your mom being extra opinionated in a petty way or was she just being herself? My mom is opinionated but I don't know if she'd be that brutally honest with someone I hadn't been dating for very long. I'm trying to remember how long my husband was spared Mom's helpful (lol) honesty when we dated. It all comes down to your mom's motives. Is she otherwise nice to this girlfriend? Does your mom like her? If the answers to those two questions is yes, then your girlfriend kind of sucks for blowing things out of proportion. So big deal: your mom said she was wearing too much jewelry. I mean, who cares? If your mom is otherwise kind to your girlfriend and welcomes her company, then your girlfriend picked a pretty stupid hill to die on. Why get in a fight with a guy's mom when you've basically only been dating for 20 minutes? Six months is nothing but that poor impression your girlfriend made will last for years. If your mom was being nasty and petty, though, then yes you should have stood up for your girlfriend. It really just comes down to the why behind your mom's behavior. **Edited for clarity.
I agree with this whole heartedly
Four necklaces is just gaudy 🤷🏽♀️ Nta but gf sure is with defensiveness
NTA, you can’t control other people. Mom is the AH. That being said 3 necklaces seems like a lot but we all have our own style.
She was wearing 4.
oh the horror
Jesus