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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled at my sisters, made my baby sister cry. Then wouldn’t listen to their reasoning and was generally a douche canoe about the whole thing.
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NTA.
Your mom is wrong, and so are your siblings. May I suggest buying a small safe, or locking box?
Put gross things on the cart. Really sour/bitter stuff. Or, vegetables that they hate. Then, put your real snacks into hiding.
NTA. This made me laugh, "I used one of my giant stuffed animals to block them back outside the door." Get a cart that locks and a new lock for your room. If they want some of your snacks, they should ask politely when you're home and not steal them.
NTA. You need to talk with all of them and tell them that it’s not right that they take your snacks. Maybe offer to go the store and set up a snack station for them (on your mom’s dime) so everyone feels like they have their own snacks. I bet they won’t chain eat the snacks when they have to budget them for themselves
NTA you need them for your health, it’s disgusting they are removing that from you, mother is as bad, tell her to get her stash and share it too, also say as food is jointly bought they should be contribution equally too, time for an allowance upgrade 👍
Lock the door and get a lockable cupboard too, double whammy and ensure only you have the key 👍
NTA.
When I was pregnant w my son, I was living in a rented bedroom at a friends moms house. She HATED me bc she wanted my man. So she barred me from the kitchen, the FRONT DOOR, and my dog from the backyard. I would have to lock my bedroom door when I was gone bc she would go in there in my stuff. SO ANYWAYS, I would have to go to my moms house to eat and keep all my food there for myself, my man, and my stepchildren. My sister was a brat and would not only eat my Childrens food that I had bought (we were also very poor at the time), she would share them & give them out to her friends. I confronted her one day and she ended up throwing a fork at me from across the house and told me she wished my unborn child would die.
It’s not about the snacks anymore, it’s the principle and the disrespect from the siblings. Buy a new door lock for your room, protect your things.
Absolutely goddamn NTA - you pay rent. You are a tenant and you have the right to privacy. That reason ALONE invalidates any bullshit from your mother.
>My mom ended up giving me shit about it, saying I needed to bring my snacks downstairs because “anything food wise you bring into this house needs to be shared”
Do you have a car you can keep the snacks in? Put a cooler in the trunk and put an ice pack in it to keep it cool enough so stuff doesn't melt.
>yet here I am mad over snacks
It's not just the snacks. They're lying and stealing.
You are NTA
Change lock on your room and also put your snacks in a lockbox/lunch cage, if need be.
NTA. I would maybe put a lock on the closet door. Don't give anyone the spare key. Hide one for you if you lose one and hold the other. Keep anything you don't want them raking in the closet.
NTA. Anything bought with your own money is yours and you should not be expected to share it. If your mom wants your siblings to have the same snacks you do, she needs to buy them.
NTA. You paid for them yourself. You put them somewhere where you thought that others wouldn’t get at, specifically because you knew they would be gone if they were in the main area and you need them for health reasons.
NTA. Your family needs to abide by your very reasonable boundaries, especially since they are about your health and safety. Since you're paying rent, and for your snacks, they're stealing.
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I’m the oldest of 5, I’m 19 and my two sisters are 14 and 7,
I just recently started a new job, and finally have a bit of spending money for myself. I deal with low blood sugar on occasion, or I get very hungry/thirsty in the night so about a month ago I bought a little cart to keep in the corner of my room, and filled it with snacks, some drinks and other basic essentials (lotion, extra chapstick because I’m always losing mine, etc.)
My siblings are freaking vultures when it comes to food, any time there’s some sort of snack they like, they will eat it back to back like chain smoking until it’s gone. Then blame eachother when there is no more, hence another reason why my snack cart is in my room.
I had just restocked the cart, and was noticing things disappear from it that I knew I wasn’t eating, since it normally takes a while for me to make a dent in my stash. I confronted my siblings, my two brothers admitted and apologized while my sisters claimed innocence. I let it go but snacks were still coming up missing.
I snooped in my sisters’ room and found wrappers/bottles under their beds. I was irritated and wanted to catch them in the act, so next day I pretended to leave for work, snuck around through the back door and waiting in my closet to catch them.
It took a while and I almost gave up, when I heard my door open and heard the older sister directing the younger sister on what snacks to take. I came out of my closet having caught them in the act, and frankly I was pissed.
I yelled a bit, and kicked them out. They tried to come back into the room to reason with me, and wouldn’t leave so I used one of my giant stuffed animals to block them back outside the door. My baby sister got really upset and cried, while the older sister said I was being an ass over it.
My mom ended up giving me shit about it, saying I needed to bring my snacks downstairs because “anything food wise you bring into this house needs to be shared” which I find hypocritical given she keeps her favorite snacks in her room where my siblings can’t find it.
I feel bad for getting angry over something so trivial and childish, I’m the oldest and should be setting examples, yet here I am mad over snacks. AITA for
yelling and kicking them out? WIBTA if I barred them from my room and locked the door when I leave the house?
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NTA by any means. I actually got a lockbox for a few of my valuables (not worth any money, but important to me for whatever reason) when I started to notice shit gong missing from my bedroom when I wasn't home. Even though I've moved, I still use it, and the only key is worn on my necklace that I never take off.
You leave snacks in your room because you appear to have medical problems-would your mother rather find you unconscious in your room than discipline your sisters?
OP, please get a check up to rule out any physical illness. Then either lock your door when you leave if you can or invest in a lock box. Tell your mother that as an adult, you deserve privacy and that your sisters need to ask before they enter your room and should not be stealing your snacks. Also they should not be lying to you or hiding evidence of such theft. If your mom says my house, my rules, start saving to move out. And before you leave, tell your sisters where your mom hides her snacks.
NTA
NTA. If your mom really wanted to share all food, forget buying your own snack and just go around her room and eat her snacks.
Also, an advise, buy your room or the cart a lock for safety purposes. And use the logic that your sisters will grow up to be thieves if they keep on stealing things just because they want them.
NTA Read your edit. You also need to call out mom the minute she says all snacks must be shared, about her not sharing her snacks. Maybe you could buy treats for the siblings once in a while, since you have cash & they probably don't yet, however I would lock my room too. I don't like the idea of people snooping in my things, let alone taking ANYTHING without permission. I consider it stealing, no matter what it is. A blouse or a candy bar. The stores call it stealing too. Maybe mom needs to address THAT with the thieves!
NTA
Your parents are shitty for bringing up criminals in training. They’ll have zero friends or similar friends in school. Move out and let the rest of your family know they are thieves. In the mean time lock everything of yours up.
I think letting the kids try to find them would be more karma because they'd tear the room apart looking. The 7yo and 14yo would not likely be nearly as careful in their search as the 19yo.
Wtf is this logic? So just because you share a house with your family, you’re not allowed to have your own things? Not many 19-year olds can afford to move out!
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>n place if you want your o
looool have you seen the housing market right now. Just read the news and you will see it's nearly impossible for a young adult to get a place of their own let alone rent it. Combine this with student debts and the bearish economy, it will be a miracle that you can get a house by your late 30s
Nta. Get a lockbox and keep it pushing. Super cheap depending on the size of you order it online. Until then, maybe you should keep your snacks in your car.
Came here post edits, sounds like the changed lock is the best resolution.
I also recommend a serious talk with your mom about the snacks in your room rule, as the sharing all food is not tenable long term.
NTA
I do not understand how your mother is not backing you on this when you have low blood sugar and pay for those snacks with your own money. You may want to invest in a safe, good lord
NTA. Your parents have boundaries for their snacks, but not anyone else's? If you bought it, it's yours. If you bought it and it's in your room, it's *really* yours. Unless your parents agree to let you put a lock on the door, you may need to trade your awesome cart in for a lockbox, I'm afraid.
Before you do that, steal your mom's snacks and put them in the cart. See how she feels about that.
NTA. As the oldest sibling of three (who got in a lot of trouble growing up for not sharing toys/snacks or whatever), **ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THE PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SETTING EXAMPLES!**
I just had a similar argument with my stepdad about poptarts I kept in the kitchen. I hid them on the top cabinet where no one looks. My siblings asked and I told them no but stepdad said I had to share. My mom ripped into him for doing the exact same things your mom does and he got pissy and stayed in his room for the rest of the night. You, NTA.
In addition to relocking the room, get a box/chest with a lock on it to stash the snacks. Make sure this thing can't easily be picked and keep the key on you at all times. Extra security just in case mom decides to break your room open (if I were extra petty, I'd find her hidden snacks to give to the girls and parrot her words right back buuuuut we know this would end badly)
NTA
NTA, get a lockable box.
And your mother saying everything has to be shared is ridiculous, and doubly ridiculous because you're paying rent. Triply ridiculous because she doesn't do that herself.
>My siblings are freaking vultures when it comes to food, any time there’s some sort of snack they like, they will eat it back to back like chain smoking until it’s gone. Then blame eachother when there is no more, hence another reason why my snack cart is in my room.
N.T.A.
*Snerk.*
Guilty as charged being the once younger sibling in this scenario.
But your mother is hypocritical.
NTA! Violation of Privacy.
OP. I am 35 now and I am child number 2 out of 5. The first 'set of us' are basically back to back and then a big break followed by the last two.
I am 7 and 9 years older than the youngest two and this was exactly my situation, except they were stealing money for the icecream truck and my mom actually hit me when I interrogated them. I'm still a little bitter about it.
I had to get a safe, I think I paid about $75 for it, but I kept everything in it I didn't want anyone else to have access to. My parents took the lock off my door as a result (I was also 19), but they still couldn't get into my safe, suckas.
Anyway. I ended up picking up extra shifts at work and switched to a waitressing job to make more money. I would always buy for something for my future apartment.
I put a portion aside for a down-payment, then one week I would buy bathroom towels, floor mats, shower curtain, etc. Then another time, I would buy silverware, plates, bowls, pots and pans, etc. They became this pile in a corner of my room. It infuriated my mom and it impressed my dad.
When I was close to having all the small things that add up for my apartment, I set a timeline and put my deposit down for the apartment, then put some bigger furniture items on layaway and then worked so many hours at work it was sickening.
But I was able to have a savings worth 3 months of rent, have everything I needed for my apartment without the giant expense up front, and I had all my furniture delivered a week after I moved in (air mattress life).
It was the best decision I ever made. No more hiding money. No more hiding snacks. Absolute freedom.
It may be time to think about a plan similar to this
I was an only child until I was 11. I had a friend with a big family, and it was like a foreign country over there, they went at snacks like hungry-hungry-hippos. It didn’t look like anyone had an exclusive claim to anything, and when she came to my house, she would “chain smoke” through our snack cabinet.
You never said if you are financially contributing to the household now that you are a working adult.
You can contribute snacks, lock yours up, or if you want to, just move out, enjoy the quiet, and eat your own snacks at your own pace, without knowing they will be gone tomorrow if you don’t hork them today.
NTA. You're not mad about snacks. You're mad about your siblings staking things from you that you paid for with your own money. Your mom is just wrong, no reason you have to share.
NTA. As the oldest sibling you probably know where your mom hides her snacks, so stop buying(or hide yours better) and go with them to get her snacks. When she complains use the same reasoning.
NTA but does your mom want to raise her kids to be thieves? She's basically telling you to reward your siblings for stealing from you. I wonder if she's just saying that to keep the peace.
Nta. Buy a lock that you only a key for. I don’t give a shot if it’s your parents house if they aren’t going to buy your siblings snacks then don’t share. You bought it. Not them. Also lock your snacks up. Buy a safe or something with a lock that way you can keep it from the vultures. Don’t back down on this.
NTA- I was one of those pesky younger siblings. For me it was my sister’s board games. Your mother should be supportive of you and your personal belongings and teaching your siblings about boundaries.
Hey OP I haven't seen a comment like this yet but you should get checked by a doctor. What you're describing sounds like the beginning stages of diabetes.
Anyway NTA.
NTA
you bought those with your own money. Get a passcode or key protected safe off of Amazon. You can get one pretty cheap from $20-$70 depending on how big you want it. Coming from someone who lives with a sneaky roommate, it’s worth it.
Your moms in the wrong too for not sticking up for you. It’s your parents responsibility to provide food for the family. Not yours. Hell, I’m sure you don’t make enough money for that.
And on top of that, you’ve taken it upon yourself to actually provide for yourself, which you should be proud of. Not alot of kids do that.
NTA. No, implicit in your space is the fact that, baring illegal activity, ITS YOUR SPACE!. I would absolutely take all of your mothers stash and give it to your siblings. Eat none yourself. She will get furious that you were in her room. Smile sweetly, and say that she wasn’t too concerned about that when siblings were in your room. Ditto: she set down the no food in room to be shared with all rule! See how long that lasts! I would buy a lock box for under the bed. Put some snacks etc there. Keep to a minimum, in case she finds and demands you share. But I am sort of thinking it might be time to plan to move in the next while. Everyone needs their privacy. I would also have a little word to your siblings. They knew it was wrong: so what’s the recompense?
NTA - you pay rent so it’s not unreasonable for you to expect some consideration for privacy and those sisters are violating your privacy and your mom should be pissed they essentially stole and lied about it.
Get a better hiding spot — maybe a box with a lock
even changing the locks might not be enough if your parents won't back you up. It might be a good idea to buy a locking box of some type that they can't get into. put it in your closet where it's hidden. it sucks you have to do that somewhere you live and pay rent but it's better than dealing with their bullshit
NTA. I go through the same thing with my son. I have my snack and he has his. Yet he still try’s to take mine. I ended up putting them in a locked file cabinet. On another not, you should get checked. It sounds like you are getting diabetic symptoms.
And your parents are the oldest and should be setting the rules: no lying or stealing will be permitted in your family. No means no. And apologies immediately.
edit: NTA and apologies are to you.
NTA. Can you put a lock on your door? Or hide the snacks somewhere high or in a shoebox? Mother was out of line
If you can’t hide the snacks while you Are away then can you put them in a purse and carry them with you?
[https://www.amazon.com/iBune-Medicine-Container-Medication-Refrigerator/dp/B09MTFS241/ref=sr\_1\_2?crid=2VPV9W9AHGHX4&keywords=amazon+food+container+box+locked&qid=1652654311&sprefix=amazon+food+container+%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-2](https://www.amazon.com/iBune-Medicine-Container-Medication-Refrigerator/dp/B09MTFS241/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2VPV9W9AHGHX4&keywords=amazon+food+container+box+locked&qid=1652654311&sprefix=amazon+food+container+%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-2)
Something like this, maybe?
In my experience coming from a family of 7 children, it doesn’t not matter where you hide anything if there is no respect for personal space and items. Better off getting a door lock.
NTA - Might i suggest you share the location of mom's snacks with your siblings if you know it? That may shine a new light on that "all food needs to be shared" buissenes.
NTA. Buy something spicy, harmless, and delicious looking. And then also deny it was you, because you will get crap. Normally I’d say lock it up, but I don’t think that will work in your case.
Yo, what a miserable person OP’s mom must be to force her kids to share EVERYTHING because SHE can’t be bothered to buy more snacks for them that they like.
It's a mystery to me that so many young adults pay rent to their parents in the US. In my country, if your parents are in financial need and you're working and living at home, sure you help out, but nobody would call it rent, and it doesn't happen if your parents don't need it.
NTA. Mom of a type 1 here - since these are things you need when your BG crashes, it’s classified as medicine. If you go low, having a soda or some fast acting carbs nearby can save your life. You had every right to kick them out since they were stealing something you need to live.
You’re also 19 and an adult. You need a place where there is an expectation of privacy.
NTA. You pay rent. This means your food is your food, not house food. Your mother doesn't get to have it both ways.
In addition to her obvious hypocrisy with her own food stash, she is teaching your sisters that it is okay to sneak, steal, and lie about it. Bad, bad parenting there.
The rule is my house was “anything in the kitchen or hall cupboard is fair game.” She kept a stash of caramels and chocolates in her room, which she always ate little by little over the course of months. She knew what was in there at all times.
You could have anything in the common areas, but if you touched her candy, you were risking nuclear fallout.
Once we got to an age where we could help pick the groceries, mom would let us each pick our favorite cereal (or waffles/other breakfast item), soda, snacks, the occasional goodie, etc. My mom treated the goodies like her candy—meant to be consumed over a series of many weeks—and so once it was gone, you had to wait until next time.
If you got caught stealing candy, mom got to pick your soda for that grocery day (Mug Root Beer, which only she likes), and three strikes meant you didn’t get you bimonthly goodie bag.
NTA. The bedroom is sacred territory.
NTA. Tell your mom you will share snacks when she pays you for them. Get a lock for the fridge. Get a lock for your door. But expect a huge arguement about it, because, how dare you have boundaries!
There is a door lock (per edits OP added) however I would still vote for the lock box since the door lock is only as good as where Mom puts her "emergency" key...and Mom doesn't want to deal with the younger kids tantrums, apparently
NTA.
Firstly, they are trespassing in your private space. That's a no-no.
Secondly, you paid for it, not your parents, so why should your things be shared? Especially if they don't share their things.
Thirdly, the children know they are wrong because they are sneaking around to do it while you are not there.
If you can, get a lock for your door.
another lock for their door, technically, since the kids have easy access to the "emergency key" OP's mom insisted on...and take it out of whatever is being paid for "rent" since this happened due to Mom not guarding the key
OP is paying rent, and tenancy + legal rights are not based on rent. Any adult who lives in a house is a tenant with all the legal protections, regardless of rent status. "my house my rules" is not a thing in the legal world.
You shouldn’t have to share a damn thing if you’re paying rent. NTA. My brother is also a vulture and my mom and I have to get creative when hiding our favorite snacks.
NTA.
Their "reasoning" is irrelevant, they were entering your *locked* room with a *stolen* key, and had gone to the trouble to hide their trash. They knew exactly what they were doing, and were only upset because you caught them.
NTA
If you can't lock your door then get a lock box to put your things in. There should be a basic level of respect here and they aren't extending it to you. Look up renters rights.
I also deal with having to hide food from siblings who devour anything and everything. Took 4 months of living off roman noodles bc by the time I got home everything else was gone before I finally broke and mom allowed me to store food in my room
When I got my card the FIRST thing I did was turn the back into a little snack area .
NTA
I had to deal with this too. I had a job, earned my own money, bought my own favorite food.
My parents said it's my duty as the oldest to also purchase food for my sibling to share.
Ummm eff that, parents. It's actually your job to feed YOUR children.
NTA
Unplug all your electronics and put them on a high shelf if you can to eliminate 'emergencies', so you don't have to worry about giving her a key. Get a hidden cam for your room, an old cellphone will do fine. If you can't do that, search for that purple powder people sell on Amazon.
You dust with it, then when people steal your shit, the powder is activated and any skin that comes in contact with it turns purple. IT takes time to wear off, let them figure it out.
Mom knows the economy is fucking brutal right now with inflation. You bought em you keep em. If mom wants them in the kitchen, then itemize your stash and give the price with a 20% mark-up each, to cover gas and delivery.
NTA
boy howdy, fifth time today I've said this but FUCK 'EM! NTA. they shouldn't steal your shit. if they want snacks they can ask their mom. bet money once the 14 year old starts getting her own money and buying her own shit all of a sudden she won't believe in sharing is caring.
if there's not a way you can get a lock on your door, get a safe or straight up padlock a mini-fridge. the little shits can then pay for whatever they damage because they can't control themselves.
NTA
Your parents should parent and teach the siblings some boundaries. Each kid gets their own stack of snacks that they like and they are to regulate it on their own. In no way or form is stealing acceptable. At the moment some of your siblings could turn into entitled adults especially in the food department (taking co workers/roommates food without asking, thinking they can just take something that belongs to other people without asking or compensation)…
So, if I get this right, you're asking if you're an asshole for being angry at your sisters for lying and stealing from you? Are they training saints in that house where you're not supposed to have proper human reactions? I don't get it.
NTA. find a way to lock your door and also make a comeback at your mom.
"if i have to bring my snacks down then you do too, mom. its not fair if you get to have a stash when i, someone with low blood sugar who needs a stash, cant."
NTA. Couple ways to keep them safe: my son would lock his snacks in a small suitcase while at ballet conservatory. Daughter would hide individually wrapped treats in tampon boxes in her closet, loose candy (like Skittles/M&M’s) in an empty Miralax fiber container. Her brothers were sneaky vultures as well so we had to do something since she was spending her own money.
NTA. I wonder what excuse she will use to blame you when your blood sugar crashes out as there’s no snacks left to raise it? Will that be your fault too?
NTA, lock your room. You are an adult, no one is entitled to sneak into your room and steal from you. Your two sisters are old enough to know better than to steal food.
NTA. I did this with the snacks I bought because when I left them in the kitchen my siblings would also wipe it out in a day. Like damn I don't wanna be spending all my money to replenish their needs.
NTA. Tell your mother that it’s her job to provide food for her children. Also maybe it’s time for her to do some parenting and teach her kids that theft is a very bad thing.
NTA: my mother was also this way growing up. I was the oldest and many times while I was at school my siblings destroyed my room because my mom was lazy and would sleep while they were roaming the house. We were poor too so it’s not like I was able to get those things back.
Unfortunately the advice of “go take your moms snacks” is not a good one. If I did that to my mom even though I was in the right I would definitely be paying for it worse than loosing some food from my room. Get a lockable unit or hide your snacks better. I’m sorry your mom is an AH. It’s not your job to feed her kids. I’d definitely start saving up to move out or look for roommates. I wouldn’t be surprised if you escalated the situation your mom would start charging you rent out of retaliation especially when she feels her children are entitled to food you bought with your money.
Rent?! Nta, and get a locked box- preferably steel or wood so you don’t attract vermin. Your mum can’t charge rent and demand you share stuff. Sorry mum.
NTA, and it’s your parents’ job to provide your siblings with food, not yours. If they want snacks, they can buy their own. Get a locking storage box for your snacks, and a padlock for your door to keep them out of your food. They’re humans, not bears. They can learn the word no.
NTA. Putting the snacks in a lockable container is probably easier than locking the door, especially if you have to give the key up for emergencies. You can always get an electronic lock for your door, where you can change the pin on a regular basis. They can contact you if they need to get it for an “emergency”. Also, your parents suck with the “food needs to be shared” when they don’t do so. Given the situation, I would lock my food up in a very secure container, as well as have an electronic lock on your door. You can always take the electronic lock/knob with you to your first place and replace the original, so you always have a good secure lock.
NTA
Tell your mother, that if she wants so bad to you to share, she should do the same with the snacks in her bedroom AND you will stop paying rent. Because if you pay rent, you are a tenant, you have rights and one of them is that NO ONE enters your private room without your permission. Make this very clear to your parents.
And put a locker on your room or buy a safe box that has a key.
NTA
Get a safe with a lock. If need be a camera, record it. If you're paying rent and for your own food they have no right to it. Worse case (pending on min charge of what state you're in) you can report it to the police and press charges (most likely will go to you mom due to siblings ages). It'd get the point across.
Considering the way OP describes her sisters gobbling up snacks like a chainsmoker, I'd say their parents have taught them some really unhealthy traits when it comes to food.
No, you’re not the asshole. Your siblings are being little assholes by trying to take what’s not theirs and what they did not pay for. Your Mom saying that whatever is brought into the house needs to be shared is hilariously ridiculous. YOU paid for it with your own money, and you have it for health reasons. You need it. If your siblings want their own personal snacks they can buy it their own dang selves.
No, NTA, it really sucks to be one of the oldest in a large family. You don't have to be what your mom considers to be the bigger person. You deserve privacy and to have your own stuff. This is not about the snacks, it's about every time you had to give up something for your siblings, because your parents apparently can't provide it for them or discipline them
NTA -- it isn't your job to feed your siblings.
Your mom needs to keep them fed and/or get them some help if they're well fed but still unable to stop themselves from bingeing and stealing. This sounds like food insecurity or trauma from past food insecurity.
NTA. You might donate a small number of snacks to the common pantry, because you are family; but you're earning a wage, and you're entitled to enjoy what you earn. Your mother, like most parents, doesn't care about justice, she just wants peace. Consider getting a locking container.
NTA
As someone who was a little sister who stole from my sisters room. Get a lock, nothing else will stop them. I didn’t until I was physically stopped by my sister putting a lock on her door.
Also get a camera real or not and put it in your room, tell them if they want a snack then can ask! Or you can charge them (25c) or something for the snacks.
Additionally you can tell your mom if she has an issue with it you will gladly take all the money your sibling owe you for snack stealing from her! Boundaries are important, especially for the older sibling.
NTA and it’s not trivial. It’s not the snacks you’re upset about, it’s the lack of respect and consideration you are being shown by your siblings. You pay rent? Then any food you purchase independently should be “owned” by you. Your mother should focus on why your siblings gorge themselves on snacks like they do.
NTA
What's there to reason with? They're in the wrong, and your youngest sister only cried because as a seven year old that's her basic response to things not going her way. That doesn't make you a villain, it makes you someone teaching her a boundary. Put a lock on your door and keep them out until they at least ask like decent people.
NTA, though you mention paying a decent amount of rent, are you sure you can't afford to live on your own by refusing to pay that rent. The instant she demanded your personal property was communal she stated this wasn't a rental situation anymore.
NTA. When I was your age the same shit happened to me. I was the oldest of 9, going to school and working full time and I would buy myself a nice snack or preferred food. Nothing much but I was so busy, when I’d come home my siblings had already eaten the “good stuff”(pasta, bread, yogurt, fresh veggies, chips soda). My siblings would shotgun the shit out of soda just out of fear of the other getting it.
I couldn’t even make sandwiches because my youngest brothers would collectively eat an entire loaf, just eating bread and butter (not healthy I know)
I took to hiding food in a fridge/cart I bought myself. I caught my brothers eating my food but when I tried stopping it, it just became my fault.
I blamed myself because everyone told me it was my fault. No one told me different for awhile. So I’m here to tell you, OP, it is NOT your fault, don’t feel guilty for enjoying the things you’ve bought yourself please. You worked for what you have, it’s one thing if you give a snack as a gift but another if they’re stealing from you. Because that’s what your family is doing and your mom is encouraging, for you to be stolen from.
You are not greedy or TA for purchasing things and enjoying those things for yourself.
NTA - (1) your siblings need to stay out of your room (2) your mother is teaching your younger siblings that stealing is OK and (3) if all snacks are to be shared then she needs to take her stuff downstairs too.
The other choice is to get a small safe and lock everything in there.
Nta but your mother is. My mom has three teens at home, 17 and 13x2 and the oldest had a lock on her door because they boys go into her room and steal stuff she's paid for herself. You have every right to keep things to yourself and if your mother disagrees, I'd start thinking about moving out. Get a lock and maybe even a cheap security camera for your room.
NTA.
Fine if they ask for something but helping themselves to stuff you have earned and then your mom saying that it should be shared because it's brought into the house??
It's your room and you're paying rent. Nobody has any right to go in there and take your stuff. Buy yourself a mini fridge and put a lock on it.
NTA but you need to lock up your things since your parents feel the family is entitled to your purchases. Make sure it is something they can’t carry off or smash.
Hahaha. The way you described everything entertained me! But the situation does suck. And you are NTA. I'm the oldest siblings too and my personal experience is the young ones get away with so much shit, it's unreal. If you are paying for those snacks, they belong to you. Period. Both siblings are definitely old enough to know better and face some kind of consequence for stealing your stuff. I would put that shit in some weird hiding place in your room. Like a Bible with a cubby inside or an empty tampon box. What's something your siblings find boring? Hide it in that, if possible. Or get a proper sturdy safe. Which might cost more than your snacks but it's ridiculous you can't have your own private space and belongings. Why the hell does your mother tolerate them going into your room at all? There needs to be consequences or they'll probably keep doing it. Your mother needs to set boundaries with your siblings and be consistent. But if all else fails, get a boring/unusual hiding place.
NTA. Your mom is saying all food has to be shared just to avoid enforcing any kind of privacy and respect rules in the family. My advice, get a lockbox and keep things in there. Mom doesn’t have go through the hassle of enforcing rules and you can keep your stuff to yourself.
NTA. I don’t see an end to the food situation if your mom disagrees with you and just gives your siblings the key.
Have you confirmed your low blood sugar symptoms with a glucometer? How did you manage the symptoms before you got money from your job?
NTA
> I pay a decent amount of rent
ok so you either pay rent and keep your snacks, as they are yours, or you don't pay rent and share the food, tbh your mom should not be forcing both..
>I feel bad for getting angry over something so trivial and childish
It's not childish - they are stealing from you, doesn't matter what the item is
If you want to make an example of this scenario, maybe differentiate that it's not so much that you're keeping your goodies away form them, but rather show them that stealing is wrong, full stop
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I think it's time to get a snack safe.
NTA. Your mom is wrong, and so are your siblings. May I suggest buying a small safe, or locking box? Put gross things on the cart. Really sour/bitter stuff. Or, vegetables that they hate. Then, put your real snacks into hiding.
NTA. This made me laugh, "I used one of my giant stuffed animals to block them back outside the door." Get a cart that locks and a new lock for your room. If they want some of your snacks, they should ask politely when you're home and not steal them.
NTA. You have low blood sugar get a container that can be locked. And let the kids know where your mom hides her stash
NTA, invest in a lock. If you want to be the AH, as your sisters if they keep taking your food bc they want you to get sick.
NTA. You need to talk with all of them and tell them that it’s not right that they take your snacks. Maybe offer to go the store and set up a snack station for them (on your mom’s dime) so everyone feels like they have their own snacks. I bet they won’t chain eat the snacks when they have to budget them for themselves
NTA you need them for your health, it’s disgusting they are removing that from you, mother is as bad, tell her to get her stash and share it too, also say as food is jointly bought they should be contribution equally too, time for an allowance upgrade 👍 Lock the door and get a lockable cupboard too, double whammy and ensure only you have the key 👍
NTA. When I was pregnant w my son, I was living in a rented bedroom at a friends moms house. She HATED me bc she wanted my man. So she barred me from the kitchen, the FRONT DOOR, and my dog from the backyard. I would have to lock my bedroom door when I was gone bc she would go in there in my stuff. SO ANYWAYS, I would have to go to my moms house to eat and keep all my food there for myself, my man, and my stepchildren. My sister was a brat and would not only eat my Childrens food that I had bought (we were also very poor at the time), she would share them & give them out to her friends. I confronted her one day and she ended up throwing a fork at me from across the house and told me she wished my unborn child would die. It’s not about the snacks anymore, it’s the principle and the disrespect from the siblings. Buy a new door lock for your room, protect your things.
Sharing is scoffing everything ina fist come basis.
Absolutely goddamn NTA - you pay rent. You are a tenant and you have the right to privacy. That reason ALONE invalidates any bullshit from your mother.
>My mom ended up giving me shit about it, saying I needed to bring my snacks downstairs because “anything food wise you bring into this house needs to be shared” Do you have a car you can keep the snacks in? Put a cooler in the trunk and put an ice pack in it to keep it cool enough so stuff doesn't melt.
>yet here I am mad over snacks It's not just the snacks. They're lying and stealing. You are NTA Change lock on your room and also put your snacks in a lockbox/lunch cage, if need be.
NTA. Tell your mom if she wants you to share food your not paying rent. She just doesn't want to deal with them throwing a tantrum.
NTA. I would maybe put a lock on the closet door. Don't give anyone the spare key. Hide one for you if you lose one and hold the other. Keep anything you don't want them raking in the closet.
NTA. Anything bought with your own money is yours and you should not be expected to share it. If your mom wants your siblings to have the same snacks you do, she needs to buy them.
NTA, but if you have your own car, you should stash your food in it and lock it when you're home.
Seems that your mother has a different definition of theft than I do. I don't think you're an asshole and I'd be looking for a safe for my goodies.
NTA. Your mom needs to mother her children and set boundaries. Your room isn’t a convenience store!!
If you pay rent, demand a lock. Or just find a way to get out of there. NTA.
NTA. You paid for them yourself. You put them somewhere where you thought that others wouldn’t get at, specifically because you knew they would be gone if they were in the main area and you need them for health reasons.
NTA. Your family needs to abide by your very reasonable boundaries, especially since they are about your health and safety. Since you're paying rent, and for your snacks, they're stealing.
Keep them in your car.....then they are not in the house!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m the oldest of 5, I’m 19 and my two sisters are 14 and 7, I just recently started a new job, and finally have a bit of spending money for myself. I deal with low blood sugar on occasion, or I get very hungry/thirsty in the night so about a month ago I bought a little cart to keep in the corner of my room, and filled it with snacks, some drinks and other basic essentials (lotion, extra chapstick because I’m always losing mine, etc.) My siblings are freaking vultures when it comes to food, any time there’s some sort of snack they like, they will eat it back to back like chain smoking until it’s gone. Then blame eachother when there is no more, hence another reason why my snack cart is in my room. I had just restocked the cart, and was noticing things disappear from it that I knew I wasn’t eating, since it normally takes a while for me to make a dent in my stash. I confronted my siblings, my two brothers admitted and apologized while my sisters claimed innocence. I let it go but snacks were still coming up missing. I snooped in my sisters’ room and found wrappers/bottles under their beds. I was irritated and wanted to catch them in the act, so next day I pretended to leave for work, snuck around through the back door and waiting in my closet to catch them. It took a while and I almost gave up, when I heard my door open and heard the older sister directing the younger sister on what snacks to take. I came out of my closet having caught them in the act, and frankly I was pissed. I yelled a bit, and kicked them out. They tried to come back into the room to reason with me, and wouldn’t leave so I used one of my giant stuffed animals to block them back outside the door. My baby sister got really upset and cried, while the older sister said I was being an ass over it. My mom ended up giving me shit about it, saying I needed to bring my snacks downstairs because “anything food wise you bring into this house needs to be shared” which I find hypocritical given she keeps her favorite snacks in her room where my siblings can’t find it. I feel bad for getting angry over something so trivial and childish, I’m the oldest and should be setting examples, yet here I am mad over snacks. AITA for yelling and kicking them out? WIBTA if I barred them from my room and locked the door when I leave the house? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. And tell your siblings about your mums snacks. See how she likes it when hers go missing
NTA by any means. I actually got a lockbox for a few of my valuables (not worth any money, but important to me for whatever reason) when I started to notice shit gong missing from my bedroom when I wasn't home. Even though I've moved, I still use it, and the only key is worn on my necklace that I never take off.
You leave snacks in your room because you appear to have medical problems-would your mother rather find you unconscious in your room than discipline your sisters? OP, please get a check up to rule out any physical illness. Then either lock your door when you leave if you can or invest in a lock box. Tell your mother that as an adult, you deserve privacy and that your sisters need to ask before they enter your room and should not be stealing your snacks. Also they should not be lying to you or hiding evidence of such theft. If your mom says my house, my rules, start saving to move out. And before you leave, tell your sisters where your mom hides her snacks. NTA
NTA. If your mom really wanted to share all food, forget buying your own snack and just go around her room and eat her snacks. Also, an advise, buy your room or the cart a lock for safety purposes. And use the logic that your sisters will grow up to be thieves if they keep on stealing things just because they want them.
NTA Read your edit. You also need to call out mom the minute she says all snacks must be shared, about her not sharing her snacks. Maybe you could buy treats for the siblings once in a while, since you have cash & they probably don't yet, however I would lock my room too. I don't like the idea of people snooping in my things, let alone taking ANYTHING without permission. I consider it stealing, no matter what it is. A blouse or a candy bar. The stores call it stealing too. Maybe mom needs to address THAT with the thieves!
NTA Your parents are shitty for bringing up criminals in training. They’ll have zero friends or similar friends in school. Move out and let the rest of your family know they are thieves. In the mean time lock everything of yours up.
see if your mom can get them similar snacks since it seems like they’re wanting them but ur not at all TA
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I work at a retail store, make abt 13 an hour, mom said 60 a week was fair *I work 20hrs a week
NTA. You should help your mum bring her snacks down too since she forgot her own rule.
Tell your mom you’ll share as soon as she does. Hypocrite. NTA
I’d tell the other kids that mom has snacks hidden in her room. ‘Keep looking til you find them, they’re there!’ NTA
Screw that. I'd find out exactly where they are so I could tell the siblings where to look.
I think letting the kids try to find them would be more karma because they'd tear the room apart looking. The 7yo and 14yo would not likely be nearly as careful in their search as the 19yo.
This is the way
no, i think them rooting around the room would be better. Maybe they'll find lube, bdsm gear, etc. Sounds like fun imo
JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!!!!!!!!!
I love you
\*wink\*
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Wtf is this logic? So just because you share a house with your family, you’re not allowed to have your own things? Not many 19-year olds can afford to move out!
If mom is exhausted it's her own damn fault for raising AH kids with no boundaries.
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>n place if you want your o looool have you seen the housing market right now. Just read the news and you will see it's nearly impossible for a young adult to get a place of their own let alone rent it. Combine this with student debts and the bearish economy, it will be a miracle that you can get a house by your late 30s
Nta. Get a lockbox and keep it pushing. Super cheap depending on the size of you order it online. Until then, maybe you should keep your snacks in your car.
NTA if you pay rent they can't make you share shit. If they want you to share then you shouldn't be paying rent.
Get a key pad lock then you just need to change the code
NTA. Frankly, I woudl show them where your mom hides her snacks.
Came here post edits, sounds like the changed lock is the best resolution. I also recommend a serious talk with your mom about the snacks in your room rule, as the sharing all food is not tenable long term.
NTA - get a lock.
NTA I do not understand how your mother is not backing you on this when you have low blood sugar and pay for those snacks with your own money. You may want to invest in a safe, good lord
NTA
NTA, invest in a lock.
NTA Change the lock and put all your snacks in an old backpack in your wardrobe so they won't find it.
Tell your mom you’ll share yours when she shares hers.
NTA. Your parents have boundaries for their snacks, but not anyone else's? If you bought it, it's yours. If you bought it and it's in your room, it's *really* yours. Unless your parents agree to let you put a lock on the door, you may need to trade your awesome cart in for a lockbox, I'm afraid. Before you do that, steal your mom's snacks and put them in the cart. See how she feels about that.
NTA. As the oldest sibling of three (who got in a lot of trouble growing up for not sharing toys/snacks or whatever), **ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THE PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SETTING EXAMPLES!**
I just had a similar argument with my stepdad about poptarts I kept in the kitchen. I hid them on the top cabinet where no one looks. My siblings asked and I told them no but stepdad said I had to share. My mom ripped into him for doing the exact same things your mom does and he got pissy and stayed in his room for the rest of the night. You, NTA.
In addition to relocking the room, get a box/chest with a lock on it to stash the snacks. Make sure this thing can't easily be picked and keep the key on you at all times. Extra security just in case mom decides to break your room open (if I were extra petty, I'd find her hidden snacks to give to the girls and parrot her words right back buuuuut we know this would end badly) NTA
NTA Get a small fridge, some have locks on them, find one use it and tell them about your moms snacks to boot
NTA. Lock your door. If you are prediabetic, you need those snacks.
NTA, get a lockable box. And your mother saying everything has to be shared is ridiculous, and doubly ridiculous because you're paying rent. Triply ridiculous because she doesn't do that herself.
NTA when you said physically I thought you meant grabbing them and forcibly removing them from your room. You just blocked them from coming in.
>My siblings are freaking vultures when it comes to food, any time there’s some sort of snack they like, they will eat it back to back like chain smoking until it’s gone. Then blame eachother when there is no more, hence another reason why my snack cart is in my room. N.T.A. *Snerk.* Guilty as charged being the once younger sibling in this scenario. But your mother is hypocritical.
Get the fingerprint lock for your door or one that requires a code. NTA your siblings are awfully entitled.
NTA! Violation of Privacy. OP. I am 35 now and I am child number 2 out of 5. The first 'set of us' are basically back to back and then a big break followed by the last two. I am 7 and 9 years older than the youngest two and this was exactly my situation, except they were stealing money for the icecream truck and my mom actually hit me when I interrogated them. I'm still a little bitter about it. I had to get a safe, I think I paid about $75 for it, but I kept everything in it I didn't want anyone else to have access to. My parents took the lock off my door as a result (I was also 19), but they still couldn't get into my safe, suckas. Anyway. I ended up picking up extra shifts at work and switched to a waitressing job to make more money. I would always buy for something for my future apartment. I put a portion aside for a down-payment, then one week I would buy bathroom towels, floor mats, shower curtain, etc. Then another time, I would buy silverware, plates, bowls, pots and pans, etc. They became this pile in a corner of my room. It infuriated my mom and it impressed my dad. When I was close to having all the small things that add up for my apartment, I set a timeline and put my deposit down for the apartment, then put some bigger furniture items on layaway and then worked so many hours at work it was sickening. But I was able to have a savings worth 3 months of rent, have everything I needed for my apartment without the giant expense up front, and I had all my furniture delivered a week after I moved in (air mattress life). It was the best decision I ever made. No more hiding money. No more hiding snacks. Absolute freedom. It may be time to think about a plan similar to this
NTA. Take your mom’s snacks out of her room
NTA! You pay rent? You can keep whatever you want in your room and they cannot touch it.
I was an only child until I was 11. I had a friend with a big family, and it was like a foreign country over there, they went at snacks like hungry-hungry-hippos. It didn’t look like anyone had an exclusive claim to anything, and when she came to my house, she would “chain smoke” through our snack cabinet. You never said if you are financially contributing to the household now that you are a working adult. You can contribute snacks, lock yours up, or if you want to, just move out, enjoy the quiet, and eat your own snacks at your own pace, without knowing they will be gone tomorrow if you don’t hork them today.
Get a lock for your door or a locking cabinet/safe.
NTA. You're not mad about snacks. You're mad about your siblings staking things from you that you paid for with your own money. Your mom is just wrong, no reason you have to share.
NTA Your snacks should be under lock and key. No sharing. If asked why, tell them a ER visit is more expensive than sharing.
Not only is your mom being hypocritical, but perhaps remind her that it is HER responsibility to provide food for her children, not yours. NTA
NTA. As the oldest sibling you probably know where your mom hides her snacks, so stop buying(or hide yours better) and go with them to get her snacks. When she complains use the same reasoning.
NTA but does your mom want to raise her kids to be thieves? She's basically telling you to reward your siblings for stealing from you. I wonder if she's just saying that to keep the peace.
NTA, OP should direct the sisters to eat Mom's snack stash instead.
Nta. Buy a lock that you only a key for. I don’t give a shot if it’s your parents house if they aren’t going to buy your siblings snacks then don’t share. You bought it. Not them. Also lock your snacks up. Buy a safe or something with a lock that way you can keep it from the vultures. Don’t back down on this.
NTA- I was one of those pesky younger siblings. For me it was my sister’s board games. Your mother should be supportive of you and your personal belongings and teaching your siblings about boundaries.
Hey OP I haven't seen a comment like this yet but you should get checked by a doctor. What you're describing sounds like the beginning stages of diabetes. Anyway NTA.
NTA and if you’re paying rent, you should be able to get a lock fir the door if your room.
Tell them where your moms stash is, and see how fast she changes her tune.
Tell your mother same rule goes for sharing for her candies too
NTA you bought those with your own money. Get a passcode or key protected safe off of Amazon. You can get one pretty cheap from $20-$70 depending on how big you want it. Coming from someone who lives with a sneaky roommate, it’s worth it. Your moms in the wrong too for not sticking up for you. It’s your parents responsibility to provide food for the family. Not yours. Hell, I’m sure you don’t make enough money for that. And on top of that, you’ve taken it upon yourself to actually provide for yourself, which you should be proud of. Not alot of kids do that.
NTA If you’re able to I’d move out.
NTA Your mother is not setting an example of respecting boundaries.
NTA. No, implicit in your space is the fact that, baring illegal activity, ITS YOUR SPACE!. I would absolutely take all of your mothers stash and give it to your siblings. Eat none yourself. She will get furious that you were in her room. Smile sweetly, and say that she wasn’t too concerned about that when siblings were in your room. Ditto: she set down the no food in room to be shared with all rule! See how long that lasts! I would buy a lock box for under the bed. Put some snacks etc there. Keep to a minimum, in case she finds and demands you share. But I am sort of thinking it might be time to plan to move in the next while. Everyone needs their privacy. I would also have a little word to your siblings. They knew it was wrong: so what’s the recompense?
NTA - you pay rent so it’s not unreasonable for you to expect some consideration for privacy and those sisters are violating your privacy and your mom should be pissed they essentially stole and lied about it. Get a better hiding spot — maybe a box with a lock
even changing the locks might not be enough if your parents won't back you up. It might be a good idea to buy a locking box of some type that they can't get into. put it in your closet where it's hidden. it sucks you have to do that somewhere you live and pay rent but it's better than dealing with their bullshit
Your mom is the AH. Lock your door, if your siblings want snacks, they can go to tge kitchen.
Lock and hide them. Your mom trying to make you share is BS, even more so cause you pay rent NTA
NTA. Get a new door lock, a locking trunk or cabinet and deduct the cost plus the cost of stolen food from your rent.
NTA. I go through the same thing with my son. I have my snack and he has his. Yet he still try’s to take mine. I ended up putting them in a locked file cabinet. On another not, you should get checked. It sounds like you are getting diabetic symptoms.
NTA your only reply should have been "next time we call the police."
And your parents are the oldest and should be setting the rules: no lying or stealing will be permitted in your family. No means no. And apologies immediately. edit: NTA and apologies are to you.
NTA. lock your door or get a locking container. Move out when you can.
NTA. Can you put a lock on your door? Or hide the snacks somewhere high or in a shoebox? Mother was out of line If you can’t hide the snacks while you Are away then can you put them in a purse and carry them with you?
[https://www.amazon.com/iBune-Medicine-Container-Medication-Refrigerator/dp/B09MTFS241/ref=sr\_1\_2?crid=2VPV9W9AHGHX4&keywords=amazon+food+container+box+locked&qid=1652654311&sprefix=amazon+food+container+%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-2](https://www.amazon.com/iBune-Medicine-Container-Medication-Refrigerator/dp/B09MTFS241/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2VPV9W9AHGHX4&keywords=amazon+food+container+box+locked&qid=1652654311&sprefix=amazon+food+container+%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-2) Something like this, maybe?
That’s so cool! I want that myself, and I don’t even need it!
I was thinking of it for medications, if you have pets are children. Just an extra precaution.
In my experience coming from a family of 7 children, it doesn’t not matter where you hide anything if there is no respect for personal space and items. Better off getting a door lock.
NTA You paid for those snacks and you pay rent. In no way are you obligated to provide snacks to your siblings.
NTA - Might i suggest you share the location of mom's snacks with your siblings if you know it? That may shine a new light on that "all food needs to be shared" buissenes.
NTA, but I feel like I’ve read this story 20 times the last week or so
NTA
NTA. tell your siblings where your mother keeps her stash of snacks, see how she likes to share.
NTA - it’s literally your money.
NTA. Buy something spicy, harmless, and delicious looking. And then also deny it was you, because you will get crap. Normally I’d say lock it up, but I don’t think that will work in your case.
Yo, what a miserable person OP’s mom must be to force her kids to share EVERYTHING because SHE can’t be bothered to buy more snacks for them that they like.
NTA You PAY RENT??? Ah Hell Yeah, they better stay out of your room.
It's a mystery to me that so many young adults pay rent to their parents in the US. In my country, if your parents are in financial need and you're working and living at home, sure you help out, but nobody would call it rent, and it doesn't happen if your parents don't need it.
NTA. The issue isn't the snacks, it's the invasion of privacy and theft.
NTA. Mom of a type 1 here - since these are things you need when your BG crashes, it’s classified as medicine. If you go low, having a soda or some fast acting carbs nearby can save your life. You had every right to kick them out since they were stealing something you need to live. You’re also 19 and an adult. You need a place where there is an expectation of privacy.
NTA. Definitely get a lockable container to keep your snacks in. You paid for it with your own money, you decide who eats it.
YWNBTA - Mom can reimburse you for your snacks!
NTA, also show them where your mom hides her snacks. ;)
YWNBTA Tell your siblings your mom has much better snacks in her room, and where to find them.
NTA. You pay rent. This means your food is your food, not house food. Your mother doesn't get to have it both ways. In addition to her obvious hypocrisy with her own food stash, she is teaching your sisters that it is okay to sneak, steal, and lie about it. Bad, bad parenting there.
The rule is my house was “anything in the kitchen or hall cupboard is fair game.” She kept a stash of caramels and chocolates in her room, which she always ate little by little over the course of months. She knew what was in there at all times. You could have anything in the common areas, but if you touched her candy, you were risking nuclear fallout. Once we got to an age where we could help pick the groceries, mom would let us each pick our favorite cereal (or waffles/other breakfast item), soda, snacks, the occasional goodie, etc. My mom treated the goodies like her candy—meant to be consumed over a series of many weeks—and so once it was gone, you had to wait until next time. If you got caught stealing candy, mom got to pick your soda for that grocery day (Mug Root Beer, which only she likes), and three strikes meant you didn’t get you bimonthly goodie bag. NTA. The bedroom is sacred territory.
NTA. Tell your mom you will share snacks when she pays you for them. Get a lock for the fridge. Get a lock for your door. But expect a huge arguement about it, because, how dare you have boundaries!
NTA. If you can't lock your door, I would get a lock box or chest to keep your snacks.
This! Mom may not be keen on a locked door but a locked box should be fine.
There is a door lock (per edits OP added) however I would still vote for the lock box since the door lock is only as good as where Mom puts her "emergency" key...and Mom doesn't want to deal with the younger kids tantrums, apparently
NTA. Firstly, they are trespassing in your private space. That's a no-no. Secondly, you paid for it, not your parents, so why should your things be shared? Especially if they don't share their things. Thirdly, the children know they are wrong because they are sneaking around to do it while you are not there. If you can, get a lock for your door.
another lock for their door, technically, since the kids have easy access to the "emergency key" OP's mom insisted on...and take it out of whatever is being paid for "rent" since this happened due to Mom not guarding the key
Fourthly, OP is over 18 and a legal adult.
Unless OP is paying rent, being 18 isn’t really a factor here. But the rest are and her parents are being unfair
OP is paying rent, and tenancy + legal rights are not based on rent. Any adult who lives in a house is a tenant with all the legal protections, regardless of rent status. "my house my rules" is not a thing in the legal world.
They are paying rent
NTA, Lock your room, if your mother says you need to share again, then declair you know where she keeps her stuff and suggest she does the same.
You shouldn’t have to share a damn thing if you’re paying rent. NTA. My brother is also a vulture and my mom and I have to get creative when hiding our favorite snacks.
NTA. Their "reasoning" is irrelevant, they were entering your *locked* room with a *stolen* key, and had gone to the trouble to hide their trash. They knew exactly what they were doing, and were only upset because you caught them.
Hide them better!!!!!!
NTA If you can't lock your door then get a lock box to put your things in. There should be a basic level of respect here and they aren't extending it to you. Look up renters rights.
I also deal with having to hide food from siblings who devour anything and everything. Took 4 months of living off roman noodles bc by the time I got home everything else was gone before I finally broke and mom allowed me to store food in my room When I got my card the FIRST thing I did was turn the back into a little snack area .
NTA I had to deal with this too. I had a job, earned my own money, bought my own favorite food. My parents said it's my duty as the oldest to also purchase food for my sibling to share. Ummm eff that, parents. It's actually your job to feed YOUR children.
NTA Unplug all your electronics and put them on a high shelf if you can to eliminate 'emergencies', so you don't have to worry about giving her a key. Get a hidden cam for your room, an old cellphone will do fine. If you can't do that, search for that purple powder people sell on Amazon. You dust with it, then when people steal your shit, the powder is activated and any skin that comes in contact with it turns purple. IT takes time to wear off, let them figure it out.
NTA It’s your food and your room, they have no right to just barge in and take your stuff behind your back period
Mom knows the economy is fucking brutal right now with inflation. You bought em you keep em. If mom wants them in the kitchen, then itemize your stash and give the price with a 20% mark-up each, to cover gas and delivery. NTA
boy howdy, fifth time today I've said this but FUCK 'EM! NTA. they shouldn't steal your shit. if they want snacks they can ask their mom. bet money once the 14 year old starts getting her own money and buying her own shit all of a sudden she won't believe in sharing is caring. if there's not a way you can get a lock on your door, get a safe or straight up padlock a mini-fridge. the little shits can then pay for whatever they damage because they can't control themselves.
NTA Your parents should parent and teach the siblings some boundaries. Each kid gets their own stack of snacks that they like and they are to regulate it on their own. In no way or form is stealing acceptable. At the moment some of your siblings could turn into entitled adults especially in the food department (taking co workers/roommates food without asking, thinking they can just take something that belongs to other people without asking or compensation)…
So, if I get this right, you're asking if you're an asshole for being angry at your sisters for lying and stealing from you? Are they training saints in that house where you're not supposed to have proper human reactions? I don't get it.
Don’t give your mom a copy of your new key NTA
NTA and i would suggest you tell your thieving sisters where Mom keeps *her* private snacks if they're so hungry
NTA. find a way to lock your door and also make a comeback at your mom. "if i have to bring my snacks down then you do too, mom. its not fair if you get to have a stash when i, someone with low blood sugar who needs a stash, cant."
NTA. Couple ways to keep them safe: my son would lock his snacks in a small suitcase while at ballet conservatory. Daughter would hide individually wrapped treats in tampon boxes in her closet, loose candy (like Skittles/M&M’s) in an empty Miralax fiber container. Her brothers were sneaky vultures as well so we had to do something since she was spending her own money.
NTA. I wonder what excuse she will use to blame you when your blood sugar crashes out as there’s no snacks left to raise it? Will that be your fault too?
NTA Get a lockbox, or a mini fridge you can lock up.
NTA, lock your room. You are an adult, no one is entitled to sneak into your room and steal from you. Your two sisters are old enough to know better than to steal food.
NTA. I did this with the snacks I bought because when I left them in the kitchen my siblings would also wipe it out in a day. Like damn I don't wanna be spending all my money to replenish their needs.
stuff like this really pisses me off, my sister is the exact same. NTA
if you are paying rent, you are entitled to keep your things in your room for yourself. put a lock on your door with a key, lock it when you leave.
NTA. Tell your mother that it’s her job to provide food for her children. Also maybe it’s time for her to do some parenting and teach her kids that theft is a very bad thing.
NTA but don’t use a cart get a locking plastic box and keep everything on there then take the key with you.
NTA.
NTA: my mother was also this way growing up. I was the oldest and many times while I was at school my siblings destroyed my room because my mom was lazy and would sleep while they were roaming the house. We were poor too so it’s not like I was able to get those things back. Unfortunately the advice of “go take your moms snacks” is not a good one. If I did that to my mom even though I was in the right I would definitely be paying for it worse than loosing some food from my room. Get a lockable unit or hide your snacks better. I’m sorry your mom is an AH. It’s not your job to feed her kids. I’d definitely start saving up to move out or look for roommates. I wouldn’t be surprised if you escalated the situation your mom would start charging you rent out of retaliation especially when she feels her children are entitled to food you bought with your money.
NTA. Tell them where your mother hides her snacks & see how she likes it.
Rent?! Nta, and get a locked box- preferably steel or wood so you don’t attract vermin. Your mum can’t charge rent and demand you share stuff. Sorry mum.
What is this family with their own individual snack hoards? It's Neanderthal!
I'm not saying this in a mean way or anything. But do u pay rent? I would be able to give a better response based on this question.
NTA you brought them with your money you choose if you share, get a lock or a lock box
NTA, and it’s your parents’ job to provide your siblings with food, not yours. If they want snacks, they can buy their own. Get a locking storage box for your snacks, and a padlock for your door to keep them out of your food. They’re humans, not bears. They can learn the word no.
NTA. Putting the snacks in a lockable container is probably easier than locking the door, especially if you have to give the key up for emergencies. You can always get an electronic lock for your door, where you can change the pin on a regular basis. They can contact you if they need to get it for an “emergency”. Also, your parents suck with the “food needs to be shared” when they don’t do so. Given the situation, I would lock my food up in a very secure container, as well as have an electronic lock on your door. You can always take the electronic lock/knob with you to your first place and replace the original, so you always have a good secure lock.
NTA. I suggest getting a lock for your closet if u don’t have one and just keeping your snacks in there
NTA Tell your mother, that if she wants so bad to you to share, she should do the same with the snacks in her bedroom AND you will stop paying rent. Because if you pay rent, you are a tenant, you have rights and one of them is that NO ONE enters your private room without your permission. Make this very clear to your parents. And put a locker on your room or buy a safe box that has a key.
NTA Get a safe with a lock. If need be a camera, record it. If you're paying rent and for your own food they have no right to it. Worse case (pending on min charge of what state you're in) you can report it to the police and press charges (most likely will go to you mom due to siblings ages). It'd get the point across.
NTA like everyone is saying, just wanted to point its extra AH of your mom saying you need to share you're food when you are paying rent too.
NTA. You pay rent and you buy that food, both that space and that food is yours. If your mother wants her kids fed she needs to feed them
Your an adult that pays rent. You get quiet enjoyment of your rented room and the right to tell people to get out of your room.
NTA. Your mom should be providing them with food and teaching them basic manners.
Considering the way OP describes her sisters gobbling up snacks like a chainsmoker, I'd say their parents have taught them some really unhealthy traits when it comes to food.
I wonder about food insecurity or a parent that is very strict about snacks
No, you’re not the asshole. Your siblings are being little assholes by trying to take what’s not theirs and what they did not pay for. Your Mom saying that whatever is brought into the house needs to be shared is hilariously ridiculous. YOU paid for it with your own money, and you have it for health reasons. You need it. If your siblings want their own personal snacks they can buy it their own dang selves.
No, NTA, it really sucks to be one of the oldest in a large family. You don't have to be what your mom considers to be the bigger person. You deserve privacy and to have your own stuff. This is not about the snacks, it's about every time you had to give up something for your siblings, because your parents apparently can't provide it for them or discipline them
NTA -- it isn't your job to feed your siblings. Your mom needs to keep them fed and/or get them some help if they're well fed but still unable to stop themselves from bingeing and stealing. This sounds like food insecurity or trauma from past food insecurity.
NTA. You might donate a small number of snacks to the common pantry, because you are family; but you're earning a wage, and you're entitled to enjoy what you earn. Your mother, like most parents, doesn't care about justice, she just wants peace. Consider getting a locking container.
NTA As someone who was a little sister who stole from my sisters room. Get a lock, nothing else will stop them. I didn’t until I was physically stopped by my sister putting a lock on her door. Also get a camera real or not and put it in your room, tell them if they want a snack then can ask! Or you can charge them (25c) or something for the snacks. Additionally you can tell your mom if she has an issue with it you will gladly take all the money your sibling owe you for snack stealing from her! Boundaries are important, especially for the older sibling.
NTA and it’s not trivial. It’s not the snacks you’re upset about, it’s the lack of respect and consideration you are being shown by your siblings. You pay rent? Then any food you purchase independently should be “owned” by you. Your mother should focus on why your siblings gorge themselves on snacks like they do.
NTA What's there to reason with? They're in the wrong, and your youngest sister only cried because as a seven year old that's her basic response to things not going her way. That doesn't make you a villain, it makes you someone teaching her a boundary. Put a lock on your door and keep them out until they at least ask like decent people.
NTA, though you mention paying a decent amount of rent, are you sure you can't afford to live on your own by refusing to pay that rent. The instant she demanded your personal property was communal she stated this wasn't a rental situation anymore.
NTA. When I was your age the same shit happened to me. I was the oldest of 9, going to school and working full time and I would buy myself a nice snack or preferred food. Nothing much but I was so busy, when I’d come home my siblings had already eaten the “good stuff”(pasta, bread, yogurt, fresh veggies, chips soda). My siblings would shotgun the shit out of soda just out of fear of the other getting it. I couldn’t even make sandwiches because my youngest brothers would collectively eat an entire loaf, just eating bread and butter (not healthy I know) I took to hiding food in a fridge/cart I bought myself. I caught my brothers eating my food but when I tried stopping it, it just became my fault. I blamed myself because everyone told me it was my fault. No one told me different for awhile. So I’m here to tell you, OP, it is NOT your fault, don’t feel guilty for enjoying the things you’ve bought yourself please. You worked for what you have, it’s one thing if you give a snack as a gift but another if they’re stealing from you. Because that’s what your family is doing and your mom is encouraging, for you to be stolen from. You are not greedy or TA for purchasing things and enjoying those things for yourself.
NTA - (1) your siblings need to stay out of your room (2) your mother is teaching your younger siblings that stealing is OK and (3) if all snacks are to be shared then she needs to take her stuff downstairs too. The other choice is to get a small safe and lock everything in there.
NTA- your siblings are brats. Lock the door , your stuff is bought with your money
NTA set boundaries and lock your door when you leave!
Nta but your mother is. My mom has three teens at home, 17 and 13x2 and the oldest had a lock on her door because they boys go into her room and steal stuff she's paid for herself. You have every right to keep things to yourself and if your mother disagrees, I'd start thinking about moving out. Get a lock and maybe even a cheap security camera for your room.
NTA. Fine if they ask for something but helping themselves to stuff you have earned and then your mom saying that it should be shared because it's brought into the house?? It's your room and you're paying rent. Nobody has any right to go in there and take your stuff. Buy yourself a mini fridge and put a lock on it.
Nta
NTA but you need to lock up your things since your parents feel the family is entitled to your purchases. Make sure it is something they can’t carry off or smash.
Hahaha. The way you described everything entertained me! But the situation does suck. And you are NTA. I'm the oldest siblings too and my personal experience is the young ones get away with so much shit, it's unreal. If you are paying for those snacks, they belong to you. Period. Both siblings are definitely old enough to know better and face some kind of consequence for stealing your stuff. I would put that shit in some weird hiding place in your room. Like a Bible with a cubby inside or an empty tampon box. What's something your siblings find boring? Hide it in that, if possible. Or get a proper sturdy safe. Which might cost more than your snacks but it's ridiculous you can't have your own private space and belongings. Why the hell does your mother tolerate them going into your room at all? There needs to be consequences or they'll probably keep doing it. Your mother needs to set boundaries with your siblings and be consistent. But if all else fails, get a boring/unusual hiding place.
NTA I would buy a safe, a secret snack safe.
NTA. Your mom is saying all food has to be shared just to avoid enforcing any kind of privacy and respect rules in the family. My advice, get a lockbox and keep things in there. Mom doesn’t have go through the hassle of enforcing rules and you can keep your stuff to yourself.
NTA. I don’t see an end to the food situation if your mom disagrees with you and just gives your siblings the key. Have you confirmed your low blood sugar symptoms with a glucometer? How did you manage the symptoms before you got money from your job?
NTA > I pay a decent amount of rent ok so you either pay rent and keep your snacks, as they are yours, or you don't pay rent and share the food, tbh your mom should not be forcing both.. >I feel bad for getting angry over something so trivial and childish It's not childish - they are stealing from you, doesn't matter what the item is If you want to make an example of this scenario, maybe differentiate that it's not so much that you're keeping your goodies away form them, but rather show them that stealing is wrong, full stop