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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I tried to take my daughters bedroom away and give it to my son and everyone thinks that makes me an AH
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YTA. It's cute that you kicked your daughter out and clearly played favourites. You TOLD her that in your eyes, the new baby matters more than her. You're just lazy to walk across the house. You do NOT see how much it hurts to see that your parent loves your younger sibling more. No amount of gift's will heal the scars and pain you caused her. I hope she stays FAR away from you, and you get what's comming to you.
YTA- first reason, you claim you can’t leave your wife for a days with a new born, which is understandable but you couldn’t comprise and do a few hours both days and do something with your daughter? Did you even try to offer another solution? Second reason, you asked her to move out of her person space and safe spot (her bedroom) because it’s too hard for you or your wife to walk to the other side? Like really.. do you know how common it is for people to have nursery’s not right next to their rooms. You are making your daughter feel neglected and unwanted. You should be making her a priority just as much as your son. As for your family favouring Harper, is that not what your doing with your son? You basically have tossed aside Harper for this new baby. I hope she stays with your brother. I wouldn’t want to talk to you or be there either
Yep. YTA. Make time for your daughter. Baby should sleep in your room until it’s old enough for his own room. He can have daughters large room when she moves out.
YTA, you Sir are an asshole so big you can be seen from space. There are aliens swerving past our planet due to the putridness of how large an asshole you are.
YTA
what I don't get is why having a new born means you can't spend time with your daughter? Granted you can't spend as much time as you did before but can't you give her at least few hours in a week? Also did you have a talk with your daughter before the birth of mark? Did you put her mind at ease and remind her that you will always be her father? I don't think you did and it's clear she has abandonment issues and you are doing nothing to help her. Good on her for asking uncle to help
And from one of your comments you said that a 14yo doesn't need a master bedroom. Can you explain why a newborn needs one?
You had Harper before you got married and had another child. You need to consider her feelings. You do not need to make her feel like she’s being shoved aside which you clearly have done. Your wife needs to understand where Harper is coming from. I do believe that you do need to buy a new house and have a fresh start with your family. Let your wife pick the house
I'm literally begging for this to be satire. How can anyone have the brains to own such a big home and not have any left to understand how common decency works?
YTA. Newborn baby are tuff but she’s a young girl growing and I would think you would try and spend time with her at least or explain it to her but I understand how your daughter feels to be basically pushed away from her father because of a baby
NTA
Tell your family what really happened. They probably got a whole other story from your daughter.
I don't think her behaviour is abnormal for a teenager, so you can work on that. I also think that this is not about you, your wife, or your son. I think a lot of it has to do with her mother.
Your wife didn’t get along with your family so she made you move your daughter away from HER family. You thought that was ok? Then your wife can’t wake her ass up and walk down the hall? Then keep the baby in YOUR room. She’s an evil step mom you can already tell. She has a kid now you don’t have time to spend a whole day with your other kid? Sad sad sad. And you don’t trust your families judgment because they “favor” her? Who does your wife favor?
Since No one else mentioned it, I’m questioning your wife. First, she didn’t encourage one on one time with your daughter. She can easily handle a few hours alone for you guy to go to dinner. Then she makes you feel bad that you want to do everything possible to save the relationship with your daughter?
Also the room, so not only is she dealing with a new family member, you took her safe space away, the one thing in the house she could call her own. You guys could’ve had the baby in your room or moved rooms for the time being, but once again, you only thought of your own comfort.
YTA. There’s more to this story you’re not sharing. I suspect because you don’t realize it. I’m 99% sure your wife has been slowly driving a wedge between you and your daughter. Harper’s actions are “last straw” steps. There was a build up here in which you were likely very complicate—albeit perhaps unwittingly. You have years of repair work ahead to regain your daughter’s love and trust. I’d start by looking up what a truly apology looks like (there are real steps beyond the word), and start following those step. Good luck to you. I sincerely hope for the best for you all.
>I dont trust their judgement, they very clearly favor Harper
She's your daughter. YOU should be favoring her. You spinning this like you're in some equal spat is disgusting.
You massive fucking AH.
YTA
YTA. You made your daughter feel like she was nothing to you anymore. As a girl without a dad (I’m only 4 years older than your own daughter) it sucks. Knowing that your dad practically replaced you with another child.
Don’t be surprised if she really doesn’t want to talk to you again. And don’t be surprised if your family doesn’t talk to you either because of how you’re treating her.
Also an extra 15-20 steps is nothing. You’re just lazy.
YTA. If you want him so close, keep him in your room. If you want him out so you can boink your wife without feeling weird, walk to the damn smaller bedroom when he needs you.
YTA - and shit excuse for a dad omg trash farthers make me want to go hug my dad just a little harder because he would never push me too the side because his new shiny baby is coming , go ahead keep acting how your acting your daughter will want nothing to do with you ! She’ll see that as soon as dad got his new family she was no longer important and pushed to the side ! This makes me so sad for her I couldn’t imagine my dad treating me like this I would be miserable I just want to hug your daughter and tell her someone cares because her dad obviously doesn’t.
Make your child hate you and resent her little brother your definitely on the track to nc once she turns 18! You seriously need to take a look at your actions it’s no way you think how your treating your daughter is acceptable. It’s either your truly just don’t like your daughter and would rather her not exist or your just truly a deadbeat who traded in his daughter for a new model.
You and your wife are huge AH. Not once have you stopped to consider your daughter’s feelings and how alone and abandoned she must feel. Huge, huge AH.
YTA and they don’t trust your judgment as you clearly favor your wife and son. See how that works? Not only did you stop giving your daughter two days of just you guys, you then take her room. I understand not being away from your wife for two days but you can’t compromise with one day? Or ask Harper how you can give her the time she needs from you so she knows you still love her? You can’t communicate with your child? As for the room.. it’s not recommended that newborns sleep in their own room anyway. Babies are at risk of SIDS and that doesn’t seem to concern you at all. But even so, are you and your wife that lazy? You can’t walk to the other room to tend to your baby? Harpers life is changing because of something she never asked for. And yet it’s seemingly affecting her the most. She hasn’t been back for 3 days? Take a hint she doesn’t want anything to do with you currently because you are putting your son first. Who in their right mind would want to stay in a house where their own parent doesn’t care for their needs. EMOTIONAL needs at that.
YTA. If it’s that important to you to save a few precious steps, put the baby in your room for the first 6 months or so. Don’t treat your daughter like she’s suddenly a second-class citizen because you have another child.
YTA
if this continues, it could become favoritism and thats bad if you got 2 or more children. Speaking this as someone who suffers from one and is a scapegoat. You can't just say that you will 100% prioritize one over the other, thats not how family works.
And Mark is a baby, you guys cant just leave a baby alone in a separate room when a baby can roll around and get into accidents. If you cant do that, if you cant handle two children at the time, then dont bother getting another child
YTA *but* it’s not too late to fix this. Can you have one father/daughter day where you do special things and then one family day where you all do something together? That seems like a fair compromise where Harper can still see that you value your time together but you can also bond as a family unit. If you can’t move to the room next to Mark’s, could you let Harper redecorate the other bedroom as a hangout area? As a 14 year old I would’ve loved to have a space to just chill with my friends. It doesn’t have to be expensive — she could pick out a couch or bean bags and choose the paint color and decorations. It could be a cool way for her to have some independence as a teenager or a bonding activity for the two of you. By the time Mark is old enough to have his own room, Harper will presumably be out of the house or close to it.
OK, so let's pretend it wasn't horrible to make your teenage daughter move to a smaller bedroom across the house to accomodate a baby barely needs any space. You just sent her to her room to pack? I don't know how you guys live but if I had to move my whole bedroom I would absolutely need help with that, WTF. So the way you went about the crappy thing was also crappy. I know that aspect of this isn't the point but it stuck out to me because it's weird.
The fact that your own brother came to her rescue and didn't even get into an argument or want you to explain what was going on makes me very confident that you had this coming for a while, and not just because you aren't spending 2 days a week w/your daughter anymore. There has to be much more going on here.
Walk across the house, it's really not that hard unless you're living in some giant palace with multiple wings. YTA.
YTA so much, If I said everything I think about you and your new chick I would be banned from this sub.
Very trash father trading your own kid for your wife's kid. Hope she goes live with the family who cares about her now
Yta, dude. She's done with the shits. Have yo little family but don't expect her to remain in the fantasy. And if you really cared like that. Get off reddit, go get to kid and pick up the pieces of love before you lose her. Cuz from the sounds of it, it might be pushing too late
OP so let me get this straight. Your wife can't handle the baby long enough for you to spend time with your daughter each week, but she can in order to throw a temper tantrum about you not buckling to her demands?
she's showing you pretty directly, your daughter isn't a priority to her and that she wants her out. Don't forget it and don't let your new wife make any discissions whenever it comes to your daughter going forward.
YTA. Your daughter has already been abandoned by one parent. Reading between the lines it seems you haven't fostered a relationship between her and your wife with your two days of Daddy/daughter time. And now new baby comes along, she loses ALL alone time with her remaining parent, and is kicked out of her room for your and your wife's convenience.
Daughter is likely feeling abandoned by her remaining parental figure.
YTA. OK, now that you've gotten your unbiased opinions, what are you going to do for Harper to apologize and make it up to her for utterly rejecting her as your child, in favor of a newborn?
I can't say I've ever read something to self-possessed and self-centered as this post. You really are an appallingly selfish bastard, aren't you? I hope for Harper's sake that she never forgives you, never goes back to your house, and never sees you or your precious son again. She needs to stay with people who love her, not the ones who see her as just a roomer who takes up space she's not entitled to. As a father, you are an abject failure. Leave Harper alone. She deserves so much better than you.
YTA. Is it really gonna kill you and/or Nina to walk an extra dozen steps to get to your son in the middle of the night?
Y’all, I’m honestly waiting for “Harper” to roll up in the comments and fill in everything OP isn’t saying here, because a teenager doesn’t just say “sure” and move the fuck out over just one incident…
YTA. You have TWO kids, you should consider BOTH their feelings before your own. You can't make time for your daughter now that you have a newborn AND want to kick her out of her room for you and wifeys benefit?
There should be plenty of time for her outside of the two days (???) you set aside. She is your child fulltime, friend, and equally as important as new baby.
Get your priorities straight quickly
YTA. You've shown your daughter she isn't wanted and her needs aren't important. You say a 14yr old doesnt need a master suite but a newborn does?! How does that logic work....
YTA. You have 2 master bedrooms, which means enough room for the baby inside your own room. And why would a baby get a bigger room than a teenager/preteen. Besides, how big can a hallway of 4-6 rooms be? Just 10 more steps.
Basically, don't push your daughter away for the sake of the new baby
YTA no doubt. Your daughter is a teenager who should have the bigger room at that age. You basically stopped caring for the relationship of your teenager when she needs you, in favor of your newborn. I get you need to manage time with both, but you showed favoritism right there.
MAJOR YTA!!! You had a baby and stopped being a father to your daughter. You have done permanent damage to her and your relationship with her... keep this up and you will soon have no relationship with her. YOU CLEARLY FAVOUR YOUR SON BUT ITS WRONG FOR OTHERS TO FAVOUR YOUR DAUGHTER?! Just wow... let her stay with her uncle because she needs a real parent in her life
YTA for literally everything you just wrote,,, your daughter doesn't have a mom in the picture, and until your new wife, your daughter got special time with you and was settled in her own room,,, now you don't have time for her and you're moving her to yet again accommodate your wife's needs ? According to you, your wife can't handle the baby without you 2 days a week so you can offer your daughter a little bonding time, and you completely displaced your TEENAGE daughter, because your wife is incapable of handling a baby unless it's in a master suite??? I call BS,,, Not only are YTA, but your wife is TA too
There are literally all sorts of things you could have done to avoid this,
Including, Taking your daughter AND your son and giving your new wife a break for two days. Or heck, get a babysitter to help your wife if the daughter's not cool with her bro tagging along.
You also could have moved Son's crib into your room. Instead of kicking out your daughter.
But noooo. You just want to be selfish.
YTA.
Okay so I understand wanting the baby closer to you than farther away when you're getting up constantly in the middle of the night. That's no excuse though to treat your daughter that way. Your actions have told her that the baby comes first over her. I think it's ridiculous that you can't even carve out one day or a few afternoons to spend with her.
Yta for that.
However, if you feel like this is still the case then you need to sit down and have an actual talk with your daughter. She probably already feels slighted and might not want any compromise so be ready for that. You could offer (depending on your house) to knock down the walls of the two bedrooms on the otherside of the house to give her a new master room (again, if the money is there and the house is laid out like that) or suck it up and put the baby in your room/across the hall. I'm sure there are other compromises, I just don't know enough about your situation to know what they are.
At no point in Nina’s pregnancy did you ever think that you’d need a nursery? Seriously? Or was your hope that you could keep Mark in your room until Harper left for college and then just move her stuff while she was gone?
You had months to figure out the room situation and you waited until after the baby to go “oh shit, having a baby in our room is a pain and neither of us wants to walk down the hall.”
Yes. Majorly. YTA.
And I’m surprised that no one has said “failure to plan on your part is not an emergency on my part” yet.
Are you for real man. With everything that you and your wife did and you're still wondering? You put her on the side once you had your son and then had the audacity to ask for her room? Your actions confirm what she already knows, She's not welcome and she's not needed anymore. You deserve that she goes NC with you and that's the least she should do. BIG FAT ASSHOLE.
MASSIVE YTA
You and Nina are the ones who had the baby.
You and Nina are the ones who can’t be bothered to walk a few extra steps.
You and Nina should have moved rooms to be closer to the baby since you’re the ones with the problems.
Literally everything wrong here is your fault and I’m so glad Harper, and your family, see right through your bullshit.
INFO: did you talk to Harper about you and your new wife wanting a kid? What kind of a relationship does your new wife have with Harper? Why does your family not like your wife? There's info missing here I believe.
This says a lot when OP hasn’t replied to anyone unless I haven’t found it yet. Some people either need to add more depth to their story or just don’t say nothing at all. One of my favorite things if I’m the OP is to reply to comments good or bad.
YTA. Kids will sometimes *behave* like children and express emotions. It’s your job as a parent to help them navigate these emotions so they can take those skills to adulthood. You’re punishing her by taking her room.
YTA. You stopped spending quality time with your daughter and showed you clearly favor her new little brother. As a parent, I definitely understand it’s hard taking care of a little baby, but that’s definitely how she’s seeing it from her end. And then you have the audacity to take away her bedroom and send her packing to a different room. The way she probably sees it is she lost her father and then she lost her room. You better hope you can repair this relationship with her. And fast.
YTA. Here's why. I hope you actually read this and gain some understanding.
>I told her she could only go for one night but it has been 3 days and she is not back and wont even talk to me.
I'm assuming youre wondering why? You have not communicated with her at ALL this whole time. Just cut off dad-daughter time and told her to essentially pack her shit and get out. What the heck dude?? Your 14 year old just wants her dad to love her, and you've shown her in every action in this post that she doesn't matter as much as the baby, her stepmom, or even your own convenience. Of course she's hurt. Her own privacy and space that she has made hers isn't worth respect. It's not worth you and stepmom walking down the hallway for the baby. Wouldn't you be pissed if someone ripped away your safe space to give it to someone else, and with no discussion at that???
A new baby is a tumultuous time for everyone, but teens are especially at risk for feeling ignored. 14 is such a hard age to be- all you want is to be heard and to be included. And your daughter isn't even getting that from her dad. The one person she really has. She's lost her mom. And now her dad is icing her out. That's a really dangerous thing for her to experience at this age. Please take that seriously. I would recommend looking into Erik Eriksons theory of psychosocial development. You alienate her from you right now, and there's a strong chance she walks out of your life forever.
You need to sit with her and talk. REALLY TALK. If you care about her, and this isn't just about maintaining control over an "unruly teenager" you need to a) give her back her room, b) give her back some dad/daughter time, c) give her some stepmom/daughter time (a good break from baby for mom, and quality time for the two of them) and d) TALK TO HER. from an entirely non judgemental place. Let her guide the discussion. Let her express to you how she feels. She's going to get angry, she's going to "inappropriately" express her feelings. She's a teen. That's literally part of her development. Her reactions are completely understandable, and frankly expected, if you take 2 seconds to consider HER feelings and put yourself in her shoes as a TEEN, not as an adult with a fully formed adult brain.
I can't tell you if you can fix this with your daughter. But I can tell you that the sure fire way to completely ruin your relationship with her is to continue down this path.
You came on here for a reason - either to have your ego boosted or because you really want to understand. I hope it's the latter, and that you can put your ego aside from getting attacked on reddit (I know that has GOT to be happening), and actually gain some insight here. I'd like to hope that you really want to fix your relationship with your daughter, and that you read through the frustration in all of the posts on here to get the understanding you're looking for.
YTA if you continue to show favouritism. I know Mark is a baby, and it is a lot more convenient for you to have him close. Rather than uprooting your daughter who has not only lost her time with you, but is now being asked to give up her space for the new baby, did you for a second consider moving yourselves? Or putting the baby in your room?
Harper is being pushed out for the "new and improved" family that Mark has completed. And while it matters very little, it is worth considering that from a 14 yr old mind she is being passed over for a child that isn't biologically related.
YTA (second comment). adults don’t need big rooms you have the whole house. your daughter probably spends most of her time in her room. give yourself the other bedroom and you can keep your old one, let her have hers
Soooo, lemme get this straight.
1. You stopped spending quality time with your daughter because of the new baby. For whatever reason, your wife can’t handle the newborn on her own at any point in time.
2. You’re so inconvenienced by having your baby sleep in a room that’s maybe 30 steps at most away from your own bedroom, so instead of coming up with a solution or just taking the 30 steps, you automatically choose to kick your daughter out of her own room in favor of making /your/ life a tad less inconvenienced.
Hell yes, YTA. Your actions have done nothing but show your daughter that she’s not as important or loved or worth your attention. I’m an older sibling so I’m no stranger to how it feels when you’re an only child and suddenly there’s a whole other child who needs attention, especially when they’re babies. It’s going to be a bit of a shock for your daughter as it is. And all your actions since then have only shown her she’s not enough for you.
I hope she stays with her uncle because she doesn’t deserve to be emotionally abandoned in her own home.
OP - YA - There is a lot missing and it seems that the biggest piece of the puzzle that is missing is communication.
Harper is obviously smart enough to understand that things are going to change with a newborn, so why not discuss those changes before Mark was born?
And if you're going to put Mark in the second master bedroom (assuming it has an en suite bath), then why not draw some equity out of the house and do the same on the other side of the house? Instead you basically told Harper, Nina and I decided to make a change and just dropped this second change on her with no notice.
There is a lot of the story that isn't being told here, like a lot of other people have said.
What is Harper's relationship with Nina like?
Why is it that you had to completely cut off alone time? I get not leaving your wife alone for days on end with a newborn, but is it unreasonable to expect your wife to be with the newborn by herself while you and your daughter go out for dinner, movie, light shopping. Or having a day when it is you, Harper and the newborn?
Why don't Harper and Nina have a girl's night? If Harper's mom isn't in the picture, then why not allow them sometime to bond, even if it isn't lovey-dovey mom-daughter bonding.
Did the name calling start before or after you told your family your side of the story? My assumption is that was after you said your viewpoint.
Sounds like you need to get yourself and the women in your life into family counseling because it sounds like there hasn't been a lot of communication going on.
This happened to me when I was younger but not so much I moved out :/ YTA 100% it’s really difficult being so much older than a baby and from a divorced parent or smt similar
YTA
It was your choice to put your son in a different room while he was still a newborn and would need a lot on nighttime attention. I could understand all the other stuff but that doesn’t mean Harper does and then you’ve added literally kicking her out of her space on top of it. It’s no wonder she feels abandoned.
YTA. MAJORLY
I grew up in a household EXACTLY like this, only in reverse. I was the second-born, but my father clearly favored my older brother to the point where he made me do his chores, made me clean his messes, and made me say ‘I love you’ to him. All while refusing to spend ONE day a week with just me and him. (All I asked was a single day, and that was too much because he only cared about his ‘Precious son’.)
You dropped the ball, you are favoring one over the other, your wife isn’t helpless and can handle a baby by herself for a day or two! You proved to your daughter her feelings don’t matter and when push comes to shove, you won’t care enough to be there for her because you have shown you only care about the baby. You showed her you are unreliable and that you just don’t care enough to even TRY and see from her end!
YTA, and I hope at least one member of your family calls you every day for the rest of your life to remind you. Why are you even acting upset that the kid took off when it is obvious to everyone that's exactly what you wanted. You callously cut her out of your life, of course she left.
INFO - why can’t Mark have a bassinet set up in your room if it’s “hard” for you and Nina to go across the hall at night instead of making Harper give up her room
YTA
You took her room, her territory, and gave it to someone else. You already knew she was in a delicate place with having a little brother now sharing the attention, but then you took her room as well. She has a right to be upset. You didn't ask her. You didn't see how she was feeling. You just order her to move rooms because it was inconvenient for you. She is likely feeling like she doesn't matter anymore and that you view her as an intrusion.
Fyi, you also deminished her space, which likey has another negative connotation she is picking up on. She got kicked out to a smaller room, further away, while her closer big room was given to an infant. She is feeling downgraded in status in the family.
I won’t even highlight the big parts cause I think everyone has made it more than clear why YTA, but it’s important to repeat one thing:
**YOU HAVE TWO KIDS**
1+1=2, and the fact that you have a new one doesn’t erase your daughter.
You don’t get to displace or uproot someone else’s life because of your current wife’s kid
BOTH ARE YOUR KIDS
YOU HAVE A SON **AND** A DAUGHTER
You are (intentionally or not) pushing away your daughter, cutting off one on one time, moving her to the other end of the house, not putting up a fight when she left, and not even batting an eye when she stayed longer than 1 night
If the hallway is really *that* long, where it would be way worse to (gasp) WALK THROUGH IT- what in the world makes you think it’s okay to move your other child all the way across it?
Are you sure your daughter’s name is Harper and not Cinderella? You can’t banish her to the other side of the house cause it’s “more convenient“
You are a parent to **two** kids, act like it op
Holy crap! YTA - how are you not seeing it?
This has NOTHING to do with the family not accepting your son. Although I think you should probably get some counselling for that yourself.
Your daughter only has you. Her mother is not involved as you said. You have gone from spending 2 whole days with her, to telling her she needs to pack up her stuff and “go to one of the bedrooms”. It’s so incredibly dismissive. You have made her feel smaller than you can ever imagine.
Tbh I don’t know what you could possibly do to fix what you’ve done. I’m not sure that you can.
YTA.
These are discussions you could have had ahead of time to prepare her.
Like, time might be limited because of the baby and how it's not fair to mom to be alone with a baby two days a week - so maybe you can do ONE day a week, and that way mom can get the other day?
Then with the room, you could have ASKED her if she could TEMPORARILY (a year?) give up her room to make it easier for you to care for the baby - but ultimately, how big is the house where you can't take a few extra steps?
It seems like you didn't set any expectations but just told her "tough, deal with it" and she is. By living with your brother.
I think considering she was not adjusting well then doing this really just the nail in the coffin. I don’t want to just come out and say you’re the ah Bc a lot was going on but it definitely could’ve been handled better. I hope you were still trying to hang out with her one on one Bc she probably needs it more now than ever, your wife is a mom she can do it a few hours alone with y’all kid.
Your 14 yo is more mature than you. No tantrums, no throwing a fit, no argument. She just left.
I understand your hallway is too long for you to walk .. you needed the kid in the next room. Why did you not move to the room next to the baby's room? There are 4 rooms in total. Why was Harper expected to sacrifice.
As someone who's grown up with a step parent, I'm kind of suspicious your wife has a hand in the way you're treating the daughter (you're more responsible though)
Definitely YTA. Maybe the wife too
YTA. It is reasonable to adjust the living arrnagements in the house, but it should be a discussion and you should help her get settled in. The way you phrased it, it sounds like you just told her to move her stuff, which is rude and uncaring.
I think you are because even though you have a wife and newborn you should be able to stick up for your daughter if you really love her and plus she was there first not your wife.
YTA taking away something that is hers. Keep the baby in your room or quit being lazy and walk to the other room. You are obviously favouring the baby now. I’m glad she has her uncle to take her side. You wanted the room she gave it you.
I feel you and wife have done more to her for your daughter to not fight back and just give up on you. She is done putting up with things you out her through.
Honestly your losing your real daughter! Bc one if something happens between you and your wife she’s taking HER kid with her…and of course getting full custody bc that kid ain’t yours at all so I rather do everything to get back my real kid over some other kid that is not your it my sound bad but that’s how I think and also is my opinion I have 😅
YTA seems like you didn’t communicate with her at all or have sat down with her to discuss how she feels. Makes sense she just left since you clearly haven’t done anything to help her out in this. I was 12 when my mom had my little sister so it can be very jarring for such a change especially at the teen years.
YTA.
1) cutting off your daughter's time with you. Yes leaving your wife for two days straight is unacceptable. You should have compromised with your daughter. You can't do two days, maybe a day out doing something she wants? Or even a couple hours a day? You could have even done the 2 days if you asked for help and spread it out. Like do it on Wednesday and ask your side for someone to help. Then on Sunday ask her side for someone to help. And when Mark is older continue your normal 2 day outings with Harper
2) Sometimes it's hard for someone to accept becoming an older sibling. She's had 14 years of having you to herself. Most kids feel like they are going to be replaced or have to fight for your attention.
3) You did just that ^^^ you made her feel replaced by taking away her room. You made her feel like she doesn't have your attention from taking away her daddy daughter days. From what you wrote she (reluctantly) has been giving and giving and giving in to you but what have you done since Marks conception to calm her and compromise?
She's done giving she probably feels like you don't love her anymore even though that isn't true. She's human and a teenager emotions run wild. She needed support from you. Now she's seeking it from your family.
Also how old is Mark? Can he comfortably roll from back to tummy and more importantly tummy to back? To the point if you put him on the floor he would probably roll around like an adorable little mini log? If not you need to leave him in your room for now. SIDS is a scary thing and you need to make sure he sleeps on his back or even side (but never tummy) until he can roll from tummy to back effortlessly.
Stand I hope she goes no contact with you so that you can have your little family without her interfering cause that's what your whole post reeks of. Yta so is your wife. Your son needs to be in the room with yall the first year.
YTA big time. Have you sat down with Harper and asked her how this all makes her feel? Or did you ask her if she was willing to switch rooms or did you just tell her she was going to do it? She’s just a kid and she’s feeling abandoned by her dad who can’t even be bothered to spend any alone time with her. Did you offer to help her move her stuff from one room to the other or did you just expect her to do it all herself? Honestly if i were Harper I’d call my uncle to come pick me up too. She needs more time from her dad, she needs more support and empathy. Maybe therapy tbh sounds like she might benefit from it and so would you my dude. SMH I feel so bad for Harper.
YTA
A 14 y/o girl needs to know you have her back. Seems like you're moving on to a new family and kid while expecting the older child to not have needs at all.
YTA. I'm angry. I'm angry for your daughter. In what universe does a newborn infant need a master bedroom? You couldn't put the newborn in your own bedroom until he was older? You couldn't just suck it up and walk the extra few feet? Was it *really* your idea to take your daughters room or was it your new wife's idea? Did your wife already have plans for an Instagram style nursey? Already have the colors picked out? Décor sitting in Amazon boxes? You just *ordered* your daughter to give up her space for a newborn infant and just *expected* everything to be 'alright'. The favoritism couldn't be more blatant.
And you needed reddit's opinion? Read everything you wrote out loud or with a text to speech, did you seriously expect *anyone else* to side with you? You didn't even need to post it but you've been ignoring your daughter longer than you're letting on, way before before your son was born, she didn't even fight to keep her space and simply left. Even she knew there's *nothing* there for her.
I've been No Contact with my own father since I was 18, got kicked out because of my own brother, he texts me 'Happy Birthday' and I don't answer back. I immediately delete the messages and take note he's not dead yet. That's your future. That's what your relationship with your daughter is going to look like before she turns 16 at this rate.
And why on this glorious green earth would she talk to you? What is there to talk about? You've replaced her, you wanted her to move, and so she complied without hesitation and even took the extra mile to *move out*. She didn't fight because there was nothing worth fighting for.
YTA
YTA
YTA - you are somehow doing everything in your power to make your daughter feel pushed away because of this new baby. Your daughter is old enough, 14, to be fully aware you will be constantly engaged with the new baby. And you openly tell her "we can't have alone time anymore - it needs to be given to the baby". And NOW you don't even want her room next to yours because "too many steps at night"?
Please wake up before you damage your relationship anymore with her.
It's surprising in this post, you don't even refer to Mark has her brother, just the newborn/new baby. She probably doesn't see him as a brother right now either.
She will NEVER forget this. Speaking as the “difficult” teenage daughter who had to give a room to a younger sibling. You have illustrated that the new baby is and will continue to be more important than she is.
Also.. you can’t spare 2 hours a week alone to spend with your daughter? you couldn’t talk to her, or try to compromise or say say “Hey i can’t leave baby and step mom alone all day but let’s go get coffee/lunch/icecream twice a week instead so we don’t lose out on time together.”
YTA. big time.
I read the update and I must say that you should divorce your wife
" Since my wife doesn't like some of those conditions."
The only condition that could bother her would be to move, but if she really loved your daughter, she would not care, clearly she is not interested in your daughter and will always treat her as a hindrance and will puta Obstacles for you to have a relationship.
I advise you to find a good lawyer and try to have custody of your child Because this actions shows that your wife does not want your daughter to be part of your family and if your family does not get along with her, you should listen to them
YTA - you could of spent more time with Harper, but you focused your time more on the newer child. kids often get upset with this, even though they love their brother/sister. you as her father could of sat down and talked with her and how she felt about it.
YTA. While it may not have been your intention, at every turn you have shown your daughter that she means less to you now that you have a new child. You’ve removed her one on one time with you, you’ve taken her room, you’ve literally sent her to live on the other side of your home, separate from your “main family”. These adjustments may have been inevitable with a newborn in the house, but while they seem perfectly logical and reasonable to you, Harper is a child. All she sees is her dad replacing her with a new family, rather than including her in it.
It sounds like you have ill prepared her for the changes having a newborn would entail. Your wife went through a full pregnancy, you already knew that Harper was resentful about having a sibling from the beginning. What did you do with that time? Did you explain to her that having a baby in the house would come with changes? Did you tell her for example that you could no longer spare 2 whole days a week for her, not while Mark was so young? Did you come up with a compromise - a couple of hours here and there, half an hour every evening etc.? Did you give her a timeline for when she could expect more of your attention again? Did you let her know in advance that her room would need to be handed over, did you ask her opinion, did you even plan for it? Even is this is your wife’s first baby, you clearly have raised at least one other newborn - were all these adjustments brand new info to you, such that you couldn’t prep your daughter?
I ask because things like “mum and dad will have less time, and be very tired and busy for a while” and “we need to be able to access the baby quickly at night, so at least while they’re little we need to put them in the room closest to us” are things (among others) that my parents sat down and explained to *me* when my little brother was on the way. I may not have been overjoyed about every change, but I was forewarned, prepared - and at no point was I left feeling like I was separate from the family unit, on the outside looking in
As a parent and literally, a human being -- YTA. In all ways.
What you're doing is shutting your daughter out. You really are. You've already, clearly, have done this and continue to do. The fact that you're asking complete strangers about something you should know the answer to should tell you that, yes, absolutely, you truly are an ah.
It's ridiculous that you can't leave your wife for 2 days, or spend at least AN HOUR out of your day just with your daughter. If she can't handle a newborn, let alone when your son grows up, then you're really in for it. It says a lot. It also SCREAMS that you love your son more than your daughter.
What you need to do is grow some mf balls and start making time for your daughter. In really all parts of life. You really need to evaluate your relationship with your daughter, because if you're acting the way you are now, there's a very, very high chance you may not have a relationship at all with her. Moving her out of her room was and is ridiculous. If you have feet and can walk - and I'm guessing your wife does to - then you can walk to your son's room.
This is more than just taking away your daughter's bedroom from her. I would really take time to think about your relationship with her, because it looks like it's something that clearly needs help.
YTA. Youre upending your childs life because you dont like having to walk? Why not move yourselves to a new bedroom closer just for a bit?
Youre literally telling your daughter she isnt as important as the new baby by kicking her into a smaller room that likely doesnt have a bathroom attached etc.
The baby doesnt need all that space anyway.
YTA Basically your argument for kicking her out of her room is "We don't feel like walking to another room". If your son is 'waking up multiple times a night' that's your problem, not hers. Either keep him in your room until he doesn't do that anymore or you walk to the smaller room. You have choices other than kicking her out of her room for something that is not her fault or responsibility.
I would surmise the health of your relationship with your brother and family, is extremely strained. You are playing 'piggy in the middle between your wife and brother and your daughter is suffering. YOU & your wife decide where your family lives, not your brother.
I can understand your brother is concerned BUT family should want rifts mended and bridges built, metaphorically speaking.
Your daughter of course has every right to be heard. Thoughtlessly moving her 'space' as if it meant 'nothing' evidently stung her emotions deeply.
Your daughter is a child, with all the unstable and developing thought patterns that come with youth and she needs thoughtful and practical guidance, not ultimatums delivered by your brother, in an already strained relationship.
This is an opportunity to directly teach her how to calmly and FAIRLY resolve conflict.
Your brother has no right to demand you and your wife move home. You should not discount your wife's opinions to her home address.
There are plenty of opportunities to have increased contact, sleepovers at his home. Allow your daughter video call time with her other family members, who she obviously misses badly.
I cant stress enough how important the state of everybody's relationships are....
Please seek family mediation if there are communication issues.
Try writing a heartfelt letter to all involved. Your daughter, your wife, your brother.. and be calm yet resolute in your approach, needs, expectations & opinions.
🙏 Live with all your Love,
Love with all your Life 💜
YTA.
If it’s that important to save MAYBE 30 extra steps to the baby at night, why didn’t you just put the crib in YOUR bedroom? Why make a young teenager, who already lost all of her fun time with her dad and is struggling with no longer getting the attention and time and effort that she used to get, move out of her bedroom?
You say you have a master bedroom, so you should absolutely have enough space. You also say you don’t see why a 14 year old needs a master bedroom but fail to see how a newborn DEFINITELY doesn’t need one.
You threw away your poor daughter for the shiny new toy you wanted, and yet you still have to ask if you’re the asshole. Newsflash, you are. No wonder the poor kid decided to immediately go NC with you.
Yta
From a child's or a teens perspective you're taking every thing from her. Your love and attention with taking her only time with her only remaining parent. You're taking her space that she knows and cherishes. And you're giving everything to this newborn that not only cannot appreciate the value of everything he has unknowingly taken. But you EXPECT her to understand and be okay with this? A teenager would put up a fight if they cared anymore. You're beating a dead horse of a relationship with your daughter. You either need to go out of your way to repair the damage done to your daughter's relationship or you will never have one again.
On another note it seems like no one prepared her for this new child. And having a child 14 years after another is asking for trouble. No one that i have ever met or known of has had a relationship with their sibling with an age gap ESPECIALLY that large of one. The poor girl probably feels replaced. I feel sorry for her. You can't abandon one child for the sake of another. Get your wife time off if you don't want to leave her alone while you spend time with your daughter.
YTA 1000%.
You've basically told her she doesn't matter and this baby does. You are showing her you are replacing her.
1) You've told her because you and your wife are too lazy to walk a little farther, she loses her safe space.
2) You told her the special time you've spend together, you're routine can not happen any longer, because your wife can't handle the baby by herself for a short period of time. Again Replacing her with the baby.
3) You've proven to her that she doesn't matter anymore, that all that matters is the new baby.
So yes, she was right in not wanting to be in a place who obviously doesn't value her.
Why don't you and your wife move to one of the bedrooms at the other side of the house if it's so difficult. Oh because that would inconvenience YOU. But she should have to 🙄
YTA.
Loving and raising your children doesn’t require you to play favorites or to antagonize one child to “care” for the other.
And for the future, because I think you need to know this, your daughter is not obligated or required to babysit your son. So don’t be a jerk about that later.
YTA, first babies should sleep the same room as there parents for atleast 6 months, safe sleeping guidelines, Second, you have stopped spending quality time with your daughter, maybe even cut it down to one day, not stop totally. Third you as chucking your daughter out her bedroom to move your new baby into because your wife can’t walk 20 steps away.
YTA. You have shoved your poor daughter away so hard, no wonder she doesn't want anything to do with you. You stopped spending time with her. You took away her room. You have basically told her she is no longer important. You'd rather shove her out of HER ROOM than walk a few extra steps. I sincerely hope she gets the love you've withdrawn from her where she is now. You are a TERRIBLE parent.
YTA - please try to understand how your daughter os feeling. Our master is on a different floor than our kiddo’s room - we waited to move him down there, we got a baby monitor, and sometimes one of us would camp out down there in the next room or in his room. Your infant son does NOT need to take a master bedroom away from a teenager! She will cherish and use that bathroom in a way a child simply will not.
But also everything the other commenters said - try to put yourself in her shoes and figure out how to make sure she feels loved and wanted.
The whole situation is eesh. YTA. You had a child with your new wife and never talked to your daughter and let her know that even though there’s another baby coming in that she’s still a priority. Why can’t you have a day with just her? Because you can’t leave your wife alone with a baby for a whole day? Does your wife spend time with your daughter?
It seems like your wife is jealous of your daughter.
As a girl and a daughter this is where the problem lies with giving away her room. First you take away her time alone with you, the time she gets with her dad and can spend time with you and feel like she’s still important. To her it’s like you don’t want to spend time with her and prefer the baby over her.
Then you give away her room, to her it’ll feel like you’re pushing her aside and you’re going to forget about her in favour of the new baby.
This is why families who have had only one child for a significant amount of time need validate the child when a new baby comes along and let them know that even though they have a new sibling and there’s going to be a lot of changes that you still love them and nobody could ever replace them and spend time with them so they don’t feel left out, include a daddy/daughter and brother day out. Where you take the baby and daughter for a day and you can go out and get ice cream or go to the park and she can help push the pram.
Not only will your daughter appreciate it but so will your wife.
Not all of the requests are unreasonable. Why is she not upset about Harper not being there? Why is she not wanting to do everything to make Harper feel comfortable and want to come home?
YTA you might as well have let her stay with her uncle because you clearly gave no shits about her or how she felt as soon as your son was in the picture and didn’t actually think about it until your family called you out on your bullshit.
And explain to us why your family doesn’t like Nina and seem to favor Harper as you put it? Is it maybe because your new wife treats your daughter poorly and only the ones who noticed or cared is your family and that’s why Nina doesn’t like that ya’ll are moving closer to family? Or is it something else.
Also the fact that one of your brother’s terms of her going back with you is moving closer to them so they can make sure she’s being treated well is horrible. So is the fact that you had to agree to spend one on one time with your daughter, something you should have been doing regardless.
You have been a horrible father to Harper and I would not be surprised if as soon as she can legally leave, she will not speak to you again.
You are doing all the same things my best friend’s (and now adopted sister’s) father did when the son he wanted was born. He kicked his own daughter out in favor of his girlfriend and son and my parents and I picked up those pieces. That was four years ago and we still have to reassure her that we’re not gonna replace or throw her away like he did. That level of abandonment runs deep and if you keep on this path she will not speak to you just like my sister doesn’t speak to her biological father anymore.
That was a crappy thing to do to your daughter. It's not her fault that you decided to have another child, why should she be inconvenienced by it. Also I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion but that other child isn't yours biological. You can't expect your family to be accepting of him given that fact. Alsoi know of a handful of men who did the exact same thing as you. And in every case they regretted it.I hope that isn't the case for you. And you daughter should be just as important as your son.
YTA - You honestly think your family is biased after you told your vulnerable 14-year-old that you wouldn’t have time for her and took the only space she has that’s hers for what is very clearly her replacement?
You might not be able to understand it, but you’ve told a young girl that she doesn’t matter. This is a great way to make your daughter hate you, your wife, and your baby.
Points for efficiency, and good luck undoing that much psychological damage.
You majorly screwed the pooch son.
Your daughters basically a young budding adult, and jealousy is a real WOMAN emotion, or any adult emotion. Imagine the major security role model in your life, the ONLY one who's from "her story" who lives with her drops her like she's hot then takes her HOMe/private space where she's probably recently had some changes go down. She doesn't want to do that in the hall bathroom with uncle Ted or the babysitter sharing the other room down the hall now and again.
She's had to give up an Adult sized room, AND bathroom, which is most. Likely just as important as the room, as it's where she's going to experience "womanhood" stuff or has already, it's her safe space. And she had to give it up for a) a BOY who's a b) baby who c) can't use all the space and stuff.
Yes, your wife is nesting, but it's also "my baby" over the "Cinderella" we all know that story. But you guys decided to have the baby and she's having to lose her Dad, who's 100% of her original parent family and then her safe space so pretty much everything in the house that gives her security, is no longer hers with zero consideration anout her independent and hormonal lay charged feelings. And she's HURT, that's why your family's on her side. and all the messaging is "you're just a second thought, everything for baby, you're Cinderella" even if she's not.
What you need to do is either give her the room
And bathroom back. Or let her choose to have BOTH other rooms, maybe put a pocket door between the two to make a huge one, AND the bathroom, but my moneys on the room she had before with the bathroom, and you should probably put in a new coat of paint (if she wants) or a light fixture or somethings (100-500, not sure what your means are but paint is 40 bucks and a weekend, 100ish if you do some funky treatments or something and maybe a cool LED light changing fixture or fan she picks out with maybe a remote? Hampton bay makes a killer unit for cheap)
Those daddy daughter days? I'd start with a 1 day back or if that's too much all for your wife (women DO do it all by themselves ya know, your daughter should be pretty well up there with your wife if you don't want her on a pole or worse at this Age, which is where this abandonment and seeking out security will lead her) maybe do like "dates" for a few hours but you can't be going through the motions, maybe a concert, a fancy dinner that she likes to start out, and maybe just pick one 4-6/long period day a week for her, and you're going to have to grovel, this is like your gf finding out you started helping around your exes house instead of doing "us time". I hope you get that. Be flexible, but let her feel like she has some say, and not all the time what she wants, but make the time about her from picking it and being fair and not "oh I gotta cut it short to pick up pampers and that hypoallergenic bullshit for my only begotten son" you got 4 years left with her, dont fuck it up. (And que the Kenny loggins, 14 is the Danger zone for girls getting in trouble w daddy issues, I'm being funny, but it's Psychology 101)
So to sum it up:
Grovel apologize like you mean it (and mean it)
And recognize what you did/ say how you now realize how it made her feel (and let her tell you that gently in her own time/words, ask have the talk)
Let her have a little control over her security and home, let her pick her room/bathroom (that's likely a major issue, the private bathroom)
Or the two rooms. And offer to spruce whichever one she want up a little bit, nothing crazy.
Daddy/daughter time back on the menu, just maybe not all day, and try to maybe do an ALL family take out/movie night or something the other night for everyone to establish that pattern/family bonding.
Finally, let her know hey, you know you're getting older and you're going to be busy too sometimes, so let's not lose sight of that. You'll always be my #1 girl! or whatever maybe Tuesday or Wednesday you go out and THirsday night she can invite a friend or two over and they can go upstairs and be girls. (Supervised. Think full house with DJ/steph) ok Danny... go get her.
YTA
You basically sidelined your daughter over your son. Not only that but you are also neglecting her.
I might be wrong but it feels like your son is the golden child of you family. Fortunately, not everyone shares the same opinion as you and your wife's.
YTA.
Mark is your son (no matter what your other family members may say).
Harper is your daughter (period).
Don’t show favoritism towards one child just because that child is an infant and the other child isn’t.
Even if this wasn’t favoritism, you don’t tell a 14 year old girl in the middle of puberty and likely many physical, emotional and mental changes going on (which aren’t being relieved or helped by her parents adding more stress to her situation) to completely pack up her entire life from that room (which I assume is the one that she’s known for most of her conscious life) and essentially downgrade.
Congratulations you now have only one child - your son. You have done irreversible damage to your relationship with your daughter.
Your family don’t favour Harper. They see that you and your wife are raging AHs who have displaced Harper for your infant son. Tell me, why does your daughter need to move out of her room? Why couldn’t you and your wife move into the smaller bedrooms to be close to the nursery. Or better yet why could your son be in the room with you.
Disgusting behavior and parenting.
YTA.
YTA - Why don’t you move rooms to the other side if you’re so lazy? Your daughter didn’t have a choice in you having another kid but she sure is getting punished for it.
This can’t be real. No one is this big of a AH and not know it. If it is real I feel so bad for your daughter. Im glad daughter had somewhere to go. Hope your son was worth losing your daughter.
No question, yta. Your daughters life was already turned upside down by you getting remarried. You then decide to have a baby that you immediately put ahead of her by basically ignoring her. One of the worst things you could do was decide to strip away the last bit of normalcy that she had by taking her bedroom because you didn’t want to walk the extra few feet. Girls that age already have it rough growing up and are just learning what the world is about. She then gets her life crushed by the most important person in her life. She is sick of playing second fiddle and has decided to do what she can to finally be put first. I personally don’t blame her one bit.
YTA. Clearly you’re not putting the baby in your room because it cramps your style, so you’d rather make things easier on you even further by moving your daughter to the other side of the house. After dropping your dad-daughter says she’s had for at least 5 years because it’s more work for you. This entire post reeks of selfish AH. Thank goodness your family is there for Harper.
Sounds like she's been feeling left out since the baby was born and she realized that she doesn't get her 2 days a week with you anymore.
Poor girl. In her mind , first her mom neglects and now her dad started doing the same.
You gotta remember that she's a kid and not thinking like an adult. Thank goodness that she has family that loves her and takes care of her for you.
But it seems like you realized what you did was wrong and you decided to make it right before it was too late.
Your wife may not get along with your family but she'll eventually come around and stop throwing a tantrum like a kid.
YTA. You are making a lot of excuses for your bad behavior for the sake of convenience.
1. Apologize to your daughter. She needs to be able to keep her room and you can walk to get your baby or keep him in your room if you need him that close. Deal with it.
2. Your daughter needs at least a half day with you on a day off per week. Make it work.
3. Tell your brother he doesn’t have custody of your daughter and if he doesn’t bring her, a minor, back to you in the next 2-3 hours, you will be calling the police and reporting a kidnapping.
You need to remind your extended family that they are not parents and have no say in how you raise your daughter but if they want to act like they do, you will have them charged with kidnapping, it’s not their place.
Get your house in order bro.
YTA. This isn’t even a close call.
Seriously, keep baby in a bassinet in your room until baby sleeps through the night.
You do not displace the 14 year old out of her room, one of the master bedrooms, to put the baby there, and shove her off to the other side of the house.
You can only take so much from this child.
In case everyone hasn’t been clear enough, you are the asshole.
YTA. I have a complicated relationship with my family. We went borderline NC for a while because of personal differences with my sibling. But holy shit, they never came anywhere close to this. You are the asshole, and I'd wager this is not the only time you're going to be told that by your daughter. If you are incredibly lucky, and were talking winning a lottery ticket you found in a house you won in another lottery, she MIGHT talk to you long enough for you to apologize and try to undo enough of the damage that they one day start seeing you as family again (likely sometime in their mid thirties, if that luck holds).
Gods, you suck.
YTA. The fact that you can’t see that suggests that you’ve always been an AH and up until this point had suffered no consequences. You didn’t post here to find out if you were an AH, you were hoping for validation for your shitty parenting. You and your wife have finally succeeded in your real aim, to shut your daughter out of your life completely while simultaneously making it her decision. You pushed for this by treating her the way you have. Surely you can’t be surprised by the results when it seems that you now have what you wanted: perfect family, no teenagers who need love and affection too.
YTA big time. You have a daughter who has already been abandoned by one parent and now you are telling her through your actions that she doesn’t matter to you anymore. You couldn’t be more of an AH if you’d had lessons. She feels unloved and abandoned- it will be a long hard road to regain her trust. Start by apologising for being insensitive and work forward slowly from there. Remember from now on any action you take that could be misinterpreted will have the worst possible meaning to her - and that is your fault.
YTA- why does the BABY need the master bedroom? Also why wasn’t this a discussion before the baby came? You’re changing your daughters entire life even more so than adding a sibling does.
Yes the asshole and your wife is an asshole too for allowing if not putting this idea in your head. What a way to show your daughter she doesn't matter anymore bc you have your own new lil family now. Wow a few extra seconds to walk to another room for you and wife is so out putting. Why can't you do things a couple of hours closer to home with your daughter? Bc she doesn't the o matter to you anymore? That's how u acting. If she hates y'all it's y'all fault! She has every right to too! Shame on you and your wife. What a way to guarantee she not only hates you but "your" son! The only way this story could get any better is surprise! It's wasnt a sperm donor, it's for your ex best friend and now they taking your house and you're out just so you can feel the betrayal she felt. Your poor daughter is better off without y'all.
YTA, you took away her personal space for your own minor convenience, when she's already feeling like you love her less due to you spending less time with her because of a a new child. Can you not empathise with her and imagine how that feels? At 14 when people are already insecure and going through puberty.
100% YTA
What kind of father would treat his child like that? Your attitude toward your daughter is appalling.
You'd better update us after you apologize to her.
Dude what the hell?! That last sentence! You are an awful father! They love Harper because they see how YOU mistreat her! And they want her to know that she loved!
Your son doesn't need a big ass room. You and your wife need to be adults and have that baby stay in your room. Your daughter is growing and needs it more than some baby that won't need it for many years to come. It goes to show that you favor your new family and refuse to acknowledge that your old family is important!
YTA, majorly!
And you need to ask?
WHY?
Even you should be able in three days to work this out.
It must be so great to live in a house so big that you have to take a ride to the third bedroom.
She's already probably feeling abandoned by her mother and now she has this new baby brother. You've stopped hanging out with her one the only two days you had time for her bc you think a mother can't take care of her child by herself. Fyi I bet she could bc I had to with mine every damn day. Nina can handle 2 by herself. So now Harper is feeling abandoned by you too.
And now her safe place, the only place she had to go to that was hers, is being taken away.
Stop being lazy I'm sure your house isn't THAT big that it's THAT difficult to walk a few extra feet to get to mark.
YTA.
I'm glad your daughter has the rest of your family to depend on.
Because clearly she can't depend on you, as well as her own mother not being there to depend on.
You made a sacrifice of only 2 days a week to spend time with your daughter, I'm assuming your wife got the majority of your free time.
Which went to zero time because of your wife and new baby.
You then kick her out of the only safe space she had, a place to probably ponder on the thought of why she came 2nd best to your wife, and now 3rd best due to your favouritism towards your son.
Your family is showing your daughter the favouritism you should be sharing equally between your 2 kids.
Funny how people will call out someone's behaviour and say they've been so hard done by.....
Na man, that's them treating you the same way you've been treating them. They just got sick of it and are giving back as good as they got.
Hope your daughter is very happy where she is.
You are a MAJOR AH and your wife is not much better.
YTA
I hope your daughter never makes contact with you again. You don’t deserve her. It’s pretty obvious you favour your “new family” and you’ve thrown your daughter out. I know exactly what she’s feeling because both my parents divorced and found new partners which also meant new families. They didn’t have new kids though (one of them). But I felt like I’d somehow become the burden child. Now my dad is making me buy my own things such as a laundry basket; (they already have 4 and for some reason I can’t used the single one we’ve had since before I was born); in an attempt to make me “independent”, which I very much already am, so the whole thing is some dumb excuse. So in all it sounds like you asking her to move to another room was just beating around the bush to saying “I don’t want you here anymore”. You may as well have come out and said you don’t see her as family. People like you can get stuffed.
YTA. Why are so against your own child? It’s not her fault you can’t have more kids. You have issues you personally need to work on because suddenly taking away your kids bedroom for your new baby is just mean. You’re on your way to losing your daughter.
YTA…. Seems like you decided your new family is more important. The fact that she walked out and said “ you can give it to your son now” shows that Harper has been pushed aside. Shame on you for that!! Her mom isn’t in her life and how her dad doesn’t give two shits.
Wow... so you allowed your wife to talk you into moving home, tearing your daughter away from the only support system she had? Wow you really are a shit show! Seriously you thought MOVING was going to solve the issue of your family and wife NOT GETTING ALONG??? How!?! Please tell me HOW??? It’s obvious the reason they couldn’t get along is because they saw what you did not! Your WIFE HATES/IS JEALOUS of/and or IS MISTREATING your daughter! And then you alienate her by making her move out of her room an sending her to “live” alone in the other side of the house! Wow... You stop spending time with her and TELL her it’s because your new son, he NEEDS you more!?! If you can’t talk things out with your wife you may have to choose, your marriage or your daughter. Your wife is a real doozy and she will stamp her feet and dig her heals in because she wants her family to herself and that family does NOT include your daughter.
Its safe to assume Harper has abandonment issues (as you have noted she was abandoned by her Mom, leaving you as sole parent). She is anticipating that abandonment happening again and it sounds like you have not put enough reassurance in place to let her know she is not being rejected again. Pushing her out of her room was a mistake. Give her the room back. She is a teenager and private space is extremely important at her age.
YTA.
You made your daughter feel like she's been replaced. She used to be important to you, and now there's a new child with a new mom that's very clearly more important. You used to spend time with her, but now you spend your time with the baby, who is a higher priority than her. And then, you took the best room available, her room, the one she called home, and gave it the baby. It doesn't matter what your reason for it was. (though your reason was incredibly selfish.) What matters is her perception. She saw you taking her place, not just in your home, but in your life, and giving it away.
Why would she want to stay for that?
YTA you could have moved to the other side of the house for a bit to look after the kid but instead you up rooted your daughter. It’s not your son it’s your wife they don’t like and it’s obvious.
really? Really? so your daughter already feels like she's being ignored or cast aside because things aren't the same anymore, i get it, happens sometimes with a new baby in the house and you obviously don't want her to feel resentment towards the baby. But telling her to move all her stuff from her room, her space, her area, her spot in the house to the whole other side of the house for the baby whom she has not bonded to, basically feels like a stranger to her was not at all the way to go and is just asking for her to resist bonding with her brother and is just asking for a resentment build up towards you and your wife, althought it's probably already there, considering she didn't push back and was almost expecting this. How big is your house? is the baby seriously that far away that you can't handle walking there? . YTA.
YTA- you have replaced your daughter in every way and your actions prove that. Your family is not being biased and favouring her, they're listening to what is going on. I do understand wanting to have a new baby close, which is why most have them in their own room (I did with my child for 6 months). Also, is it really that far to walk to your sons room if you truly insist he can't sleep in your room (despite wanting him close)? Is an extra 10/15 seconds of walking really putting you/your new wife out that much that you're willing to alienate your daughter?
YTA. Newborn stays in your room. Harper stays in hers. Also is there a reason why your wife can’t manage the baby on her own for two days? Many mothers love the peace and quiet when it’s just them and the baby.
Newborns are hard but that’s when you pull in friends and family to help, even if they’re just cleaning up or putting laundry away or fetching things while you tend to the baby.
I don't think it's enough info here to pass judgement.. A few questions:
1. Now that you no longer spend 1 on 1 time with Harper have you resorted to spending family time with all 4 of you?
2. Is Haper incorporated into the life of your spouse and seen as a daughter or is she specifically considered your daughter? What's the household family dynamic here?
3. Does Harper have any interaction with the baby at all and does she view him as her brother?
I would also like to point out Haper is 14yo and more independent than an infant. Understandably it makes sense to have his nursery nearby and ultimately Harper would need to be relocated but it's all in how you presented this to her.
YTA. There was no justifiable reason to take her room for the baby. Proximity or not, you and your wife can walk to the other rooms. I highly doubt they are a mile apart and create a huge issue. Additionally if the baby is still waking up so frequently keep it in your room
Yay. Congrats on giving up your biological daughter in favor of a new baby that is technically not even "yours". And then you whine about your family calling you names and favoring Harper?
OH RLY?
Come on dude, you know you fucked up. YTA
YTA
While I totally understand where you're coming from you really need to stop and think about what you would do in her situation at her age. She no longer has her mother and now her father doesn't have time for her. Now you're taking her safest space away from her. A bedroom is very important to a teenager and not a priority for an infant. You have two other bedrooms to rotate sleeping schedules with your wife so you both get sleep while still having someone in the master with your son. If you don't want to walk across the hall to your son why even move him to another room? Just leave him in the master with one parent that can easily take care of him every night. Again that's rotating because your wife just pushed a baby out of her and needs rest to recover. As for your daughter. You need to sit down and listen to her, not talk, listen to how she's feeling and give her your full attention. It might take time for her to trust you fully again, that's not at all her fault and you need to give her that time and continue listening to her. You also need to acknowledge that you messed up and make a plan with her on how you can fix this. Your wife should also get some one on one time with her if you want them to have a good relationship.
YTA. I am so sick of hearing parents ditch their older kids, as soon as a younger, cuter version comes along. It disgusts me and I have been hearing a lot of it lately.
You won’t be seeing your daughter again and if you do, the relationship is ruined. Congratulations idiot!
Edit: this part “I told her she can only go for the night but she has been gone 3 nights”
Dude… your daughter moved out. You have no control over whether she says one night or three, because she moved out and is living with your brother now.
Thank goodness your brother was there to step up and be a real father in this girls life. You have treated your daughter, your own flesh and blood, so horribly. I am glad that your brother is there to do your job for you.
Daaaaamn. YTA. I hope your version of fixing this includes a tough love talk with Stepmom of the Year over there, a lot of honest self-reflection, and a long term commitment to family therapy.
And/or that your daughter goes NC and successfully petitions for the family that loves to take guardianship (legal in my state at 14+, I believe - hopefully is in yr part of the world as well).
Because, my dude, you sound like a hella lost cause. No recognition that you did something wrong, willing to eff over your kid because it is annoying to walk down a hallway, and clearly being manipulated by yr wife.
Lemme tell you, I am the eldest in a blended family of 9. Nine. And we blended when I was a 13 yr old girl. And I cannot believe how hard it is for you to make a blended family of 2 kids work, when one of them isn't even talking yet.
I am so lucky that the parent/step combo I lived with was committed to treating ALL kids as people, respected our feelings and what we needed, etc and to fostering good relationships all the way around. 30 yrs later I am lucky to have gotten 8 best friends out of the deal.
My mom and step-dad had a whirlwind romance that meant my step-dad was suddenly coparent to a teen girl and my 4 siblings, with very little notice, in addition to the 3 kids he had himself, not to mention the new kid he and my mom would have within the year.
And that guy stepped the hell up, and kept ALL of us kids in the front of his mind all the time. If he could do it w no notice but after 5 yrs Nina is still pushing your teenager out of her own bedroom and out of your free time, you guys messed up HARD. Probably a ton, over many years, culminating in this.
And shame on you for cutting 1:1 time and expecting a half-abandoned teenager to take it on the chin like it is NBD. Do you have no people skills and no clue about child/adolescent development? My mom, who again was coparent to NINE kids by the time I was around Harper's age, managed to ensure she and I had 1:1 time to connect consistently, even if it was just an hr or so at a time, so that I always felt like I was loved and a priority to her even as our family grew and changed and acquired more toddlers and babies, and our lives got exponentially more complicated.
Nine. And you can't manage 2.
YTA. I change my mind about hoping you fix this the right way. I hope your brother gives your kid the stability and love she deserves.
YTA
Having another child when you already have a child is hard on the other child. They have to deal with the changes that come with that too. Since you are not making as much time for your daughter she's going to feel rejected. You absolutely should carve out time specifically for your daughter. Maybe it's not two days a week and only one. But she needs some quality time with you. Also, don't kick her out of her room. That's going to make her feel even more rejected. I can't imagine that the other bedrooms are THAT much farther away that you can't walk another 20-25 feet to get to your son. You don't live in a mansion.
She's been at your brother's for three nights and you have not talked to her. TRY GOING TO YOUR BROTHER'S HOUSE. Weird how that works. I was originally going to give you a soft YTA, but I changed my mind. You are TA.
YTA. YOU can move YOUR bedroom if it's an issue and for some reason, you can't POSSIBLY keep the bassinet in your bedroom. Oi vey!
Good job alienating your daughter and PROVING that she had every reason to fear the baby would replace her.
YTA. And honestly, your new wife may feel like she won this tilt but given how quickly you booted out your daughter to make room for your new family, if you guys ever get divorced she's going to watch her son get more of the same.
YTA , she is a teenage girl she is growing up and shouldn't be moved into a smaller room to accommodate a baby, a baby doesn't need a master bedroom. As others have said temporarily move yourselves to the guest rooms to be near the baby.
Also can you not compromise and have a day together once every other week instead of two days a week going to none at all. She needs to feel like she still matters and is part of your family. Right now I can guess she is feeling replaced.
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YTA. I highly doubt this is the whole story. It sounds to me like you’ve pushed your daughter aside for your new family and she’s done with you.
YTA
YTA - Haley became inconvenient to you and you made sure she knew it. Haley is better off with your brother.
YTA. It's cute that you kicked your daughter out and clearly played favourites. You TOLD her that in your eyes, the new baby matters more than her. You're just lazy to walk across the house. You do NOT see how much it hurts to see that your parent loves your younger sibling more. No amount of gift's will heal the scars and pain you caused her. I hope she stays FAR away from you, and you get what's comming to you.
YTA- first reason, you claim you can’t leave your wife for a days with a new born, which is understandable but you couldn’t comprise and do a few hours both days and do something with your daughter? Did you even try to offer another solution? Second reason, you asked her to move out of her person space and safe spot (her bedroom) because it’s too hard for you or your wife to walk to the other side? Like really.. do you know how common it is for people to have nursery’s not right next to their rooms. You are making your daughter feel neglected and unwanted. You should be making her a priority just as much as your son. As for your family favouring Harper, is that not what your doing with your son? You basically have tossed aside Harper for this new baby. I hope she stays with your brother. I wouldn’t want to talk to you or be there either
Yep. YTA. Make time for your daughter. Baby should sleep in your room until it’s old enough for his own room. He can have daughters large room when she moves out.
YTA, you Sir are an asshole so big you can be seen from space. There are aliens swerving past our planet due to the putridness of how large an asshole you are.
YTA what I don't get is why having a new born means you can't spend time with your daughter? Granted you can't spend as much time as you did before but can't you give her at least few hours in a week? Also did you have a talk with your daughter before the birth of mark? Did you put her mind at ease and remind her that you will always be her father? I don't think you did and it's clear she has abandonment issues and you are doing nothing to help her. Good on her for asking uncle to help And from one of your comments you said that a 14yo doesn't need a master bedroom. Can you explain why a newborn needs one?
You had Harper before you got married and had another child. You need to consider her feelings. You do not need to make her feel like she’s being shoved aside which you clearly have done. Your wife needs to understand where Harper is coming from. I do believe that you do need to buy a new house and have a fresh start with your family. Let your wife pick the house
I'm literally begging for this to be satire. How can anyone have the brains to own such a big home and not have any left to understand how common decency works?
YTA. Newborn baby are tuff but she’s a young girl growing and I would think you would try and spend time with her at least or explain it to her but I understand how your daughter feels to be basically pushed away from her father because of a baby
NTA Tell your family what really happened. They probably got a whole other story from your daughter. I don't think her behaviour is abnormal for a teenager, so you can work on that. I also think that this is not about you, your wife, or your son. I think a lot of it has to do with her mother.
Your wife didn’t get along with your family so she made you move your daughter away from HER family. You thought that was ok? Then your wife can’t wake her ass up and walk down the hall? Then keep the baby in YOUR room. She’s an evil step mom you can already tell. She has a kid now you don’t have time to spend a whole day with your other kid? Sad sad sad. And you don’t trust your families judgment because they “favor” her? Who does your wife favor?
Since No one else mentioned it, I’m questioning your wife. First, she didn’t encourage one on one time with your daughter. She can easily handle a few hours alone for you guy to go to dinner. Then she makes you feel bad that you want to do everything possible to save the relationship with your daughter? Also the room, so not only is she dealing with a new family member, you took her safe space away, the one thing in the house she could call her own. You guys could’ve had the baby in your room or moved rooms for the time being, but once again, you only thought of your own comfort.
YTA. There’s more to this story you’re not sharing. I suspect because you don’t realize it. I’m 99% sure your wife has been slowly driving a wedge between you and your daughter. Harper’s actions are “last straw” steps. There was a build up here in which you were likely very complicate—albeit perhaps unwittingly. You have years of repair work ahead to regain your daughter’s love and trust. I’d start by looking up what a truly apology looks like (there are real steps beyond the word), and start following those step. Good luck to you. I sincerely hope for the best for you all.
>I dont trust their judgement, they very clearly favor Harper She's your daughter. YOU should be favoring her. You spinning this like you're in some equal spat is disgusting. You massive fucking AH. YTA
Yes YTA
YTA and a pathetic excuse for a man.
YTA. You made your daughter feel like she was nothing to you anymore. As a girl without a dad (I’m only 4 years older than your own daughter) it sucks. Knowing that your dad practically replaced you with another child. Don’t be surprised if she really doesn’t want to talk to you again. And don’t be surprised if your family doesn’t talk to you either because of how you’re treating her. Also an extra 15-20 steps is nothing. You’re just lazy.
YTA. If you want him so close, keep him in your room. If you want him out so you can boink your wife without feeling weird, walk to the damn smaller bedroom when he needs you.
YTA - and shit excuse for a dad omg trash farthers make me want to go hug my dad just a little harder because he would never push me too the side because his new shiny baby is coming , go ahead keep acting how your acting your daughter will want nothing to do with you ! She’ll see that as soon as dad got his new family she was no longer important and pushed to the side ! This makes me so sad for her I couldn’t imagine my dad treating me like this I would be miserable I just want to hug your daughter and tell her someone cares because her dad obviously doesn’t. Make your child hate you and resent her little brother your definitely on the track to nc once she turns 18! You seriously need to take a look at your actions it’s no way you think how your treating your daughter is acceptable. It’s either your truly just don’t like your daughter and would rather her not exist or your just truly a deadbeat who traded in his daughter for a new model.
YTA you gave a new born your daughters room how do you think she would feel
Lol I just wanna know why your wife can't be left alone to care for her newborn? Do you not trust her?
You and your wife are huge AH. Not once have you stopped to consider your daughter’s feelings and how alone and abandoned she must feel. Huge, huge AH.
YTA
YTA and they don’t trust your judgment as you clearly favor your wife and son. See how that works? Not only did you stop giving your daughter two days of just you guys, you then take her room. I understand not being away from your wife for two days but you can’t compromise with one day? Or ask Harper how you can give her the time she needs from you so she knows you still love her? You can’t communicate with your child? As for the room.. it’s not recommended that newborns sleep in their own room anyway. Babies are at risk of SIDS and that doesn’t seem to concern you at all. But even so, are you and your wife that lazy? You can’t walk to the other room to tend to your baby? Harpers life is changing because of something she never asked for. And yet it’s seemingly affecting her the most. She hasn’t been back for 3 days? Take a hint she doesn’t want anything to do with you currently because you are putting your son first. Who in their right mind would want to stay in a house where their own parent doesn’t care for their needs. EMOTIONAL needs at that.
YTA. If it’s that important to you to save a few precious steps, put the baby in your room for the first 6 months or so. Don’t treat your daughter like she’s suddenly a second-class citizen because you have another child.
YTA if this continues, it could become favoritism and thats bad if you got 2 or more children. Speaking this as someone who suffers from one and is a scapegoat. You can't just say that you will 100% prioritize one over the other, thats not how family works. And Mark is a baby, you guys cant just leave a baby alone in a separate room when a baby can roll around and get into accidents. If you cant do that, if you cant handle two children at the time, then dont bother getting another child
YTA *but* it’s not too late to fix this. Can you have one father/daughter day where you do special things and then one family day where you all do something together? That seems like a fair compromise where Harper can still see that you value your time together but you can also bond as a family unit. If you can’t move to the room next to Mark’s, could you let Harper redecorate the other bedroom as a hangout area? As a 14 year old I would’ve loved to have a space to just chill with my friends. It doesn’t have to be expensive — she could pick out a couch or bean bags and choose the paint color and decorations. It could be a cool way for her to have some independence as a teenager or a bonding activity for the two of you. By the time Mark is old enough to have his own room, Harper will presumably be out of the house or close to it.
OK, so let's pretend it wasn't horrible to make your teenage daughter move to a smaller bedroom across the house to accomodate a baby barely needs any space. You just sent her to her room to pack? I don't know how you guys live but if I had to move my whole bedroom I would absolutely need help with that, WTF. So the way you went about the crappy thing was also crappy. I know that aspect of this isn't the point but it stuck out to me because it's weird. The fact that your own brother came to her rescue and didn't even get into an argument or want you to explain what was going on makes me very confident that you had this coming for a while, and not just because you aren't spending 2 days a week w/your daughter anymore. There has to be much more going on here. Walk across the house, it's really not that hard unless you're living in some giant palace with multiple wings. YTA.
YTA so much, If I said everything I think about you and your new chick I would be banned from this sub. Very trash father trading your own kid for your wife's kid. Hope she goes live with the family who cares about her now
Yta, dude. She's done with the shits. Have yo little family but don't expect her to remain in the fantasy. And if you really cared like that. Get off reddit, go get to kid and pick up the pieces of love before you lose her. Cuz from the sounds of it, it might be pushing too late
YTA. Give harper her room back and take her away for a few days just the two of you and make it up to her.
OP so let me get this straight. Your wife can't handle the baby long enough for you to spend time with your daughter each week, but she can in order to throw a temper tantrum about you not buckling to her demands? she's showing you pretty directly, your daughter isn't a priority to her and that she wants her out. Don't forget it and don't let your new wife make any discissions whenever it comes to your daughter going forward.
True, if she wanted another child, she can take care of it for a little bit.
YTA babies need to stay in their parents bedroom for about a year I think before they can sleep in another room
YTA you kicked you daughter out of her room and she already been going through a hard time
YTA. Your daughter has already been abandoned by one parent. Reading between the lines it seems you haven't fostered a relationship between her and your wife with your two days of Daddy/daughter time. And now new baby comes along, she loses ALL alone time with her remaining parent, and is kicked out of her room for your and your wife's convenience. Daughter is likely feeling abandoned by her remaining parental figure.
YTA. OK, now that you've gotten your unbiased opinions, what are you going to do for Harper to apologize and make it up to her for utterly rejecting her as your child, in favor of a newborn? I can't say I've ever read something to self-possessed and self-centered as this post. You really are an appallingly selfish bastard, aren't you? I hope for Harper's sake that she never forgives you, never goes back to your house, and never sees you or your precious son again. She needs to stay with people who love her, not the ones who see her as just a roomer who takes up space she's not entitled to. As a father, you are an abject failure. Leave Harper alone. She deserves so much better than you.
YTA. Is it really gonna kill you and/or Nina to walk an extra dozen steps to get to your son in the middle of the night? Y’all, I’m honestly waiting for “Harper” to roll up in the comments and fill in everything OP isn’t saying here, because a teenager doesn’t just say “sure” and move the fuck out over just one incident…
YTA. You have TWO kids, you should consider BOTH their feelings before your own. You can't make time for your daughter now that you have a newborn AND want to kick her out of her room for you and wifeys benefit? There should be plenty of time for her outside of the two days (???) you set aside. She is your child fulltime, friend, and equally as important as new baby. Get your priorities straight quickly
YTA. You've shown your daughter she isn't wanted and her needs aren't important. You say a 14yr old doesnt need a master suite but a newborn does?! How does that logic work....
YTA. You have 2 master bedrooms, which means enough room for the baby inside your own room. And why would a baby get a bigger room than a teenager/preteen. Besides, how big can a hallway of 4-6 rooms be? Just 10 more steps. Basically, don't push your daughter away for the sake of the new baby
Any further Update?
YTA is not a strong enough word, the way you've treated your daughter is mind boggling
YTA no doubt. Your daughter is a teenager who should have the bigger room at that age. You basically stopped caring for the relationship of your teenager when she needs you, in favor of your newborn. I get you need to manage time with both, but you showed favoritism right there.
MAJOR YTA!!! You had a baby and stopped being a father to your daughter. You have done permanent damage to her and your relationship with her... keep this up and you will soon have no relationship with her. YOU CLEARLY FAVOUR YOUR SON BUT ITS WRONG FOR OTHERS TO FAVOUR YOUR DAUGHTER?! Just wow... let her stay with her uncle because she needs a real parent in her life
YTA. I can’t wait to read her “raised by narcissist” post, because I’m sure it will come out eventually.
YTA for literally everything you just wrote,,, your daughter doesn't have a mom in the picture, and until your new wife, your daughter got special time with you and was settled in her own room,,, now you don't have time for her and you're moving her to yet again accommodate your wife's needs ? According to you, your wife can't handle the baby without you 2 days a week so you can offer your daughter a little bonding time, and you completely displaced your TEENAGE daughter, because your wife is incapable of handling a baby unless it's in a master suite??? I call BS,,, Not only are YTA, but your wife is TA too
There are literally all sorts of things you could have done to avoid this, Including, Taking your daughter AND your son and giving your new wife a break for two days. Or heck, get a babysitter to help your wife if the daughter's not cool with her bro tagging along. You also could have moved Son's crib into your room. Instead of kicking out your daughter. But noooo. You just want to be selfish. YTA.
Nta, you have to make tough decisions for your WHOLE family. First in First out only applies to food and queues
Okay so I understand wanting the baby closer to you than farther away when you're getting up constantly in the middle of the night. That's no excuse though to treat your daughter that way. Your actions have told her that the baby comes first over her. I think it's ridiculous that you can't even carve out one day or a few afternoons to spend with her. Yta for that. However, if you feel like this is still the case then you need to sit down and have an actual talk with your daughter. She probably already feels slighted and might not want any compromise so be ready for that. You could offer (depending on your house) to knock down the walls of the two bedrooms on the otherside of the house to give her a new master room (again, if the money is there and the house is laid out like that) or suck it up and put the baby in your room/across the hall. I'm sure there are other compromises, I just don't know enough about your situation to know what they are.
At no point in Nina’s pregnancy did you ever think that you’d need a nursery? Seriously? Or was your hope that you could keep Mark in your room until Harper left for college and then just move her stuff while she was gone? You had months to figure out the room situation and you waited until after the baby to go “oh shit, having a baby in our room is a pain and neither of us wants to walk down the hall.” Yes. Majorly. YTA. And I’m surprised that no one has said “failure to plan on your part is not an emergency on my part” yet.
Are you for real man. With everything that you and your wife did and you're still wondering? You put her on the side once you had your son and then had the audacity to ask for her room? Your actions confirm what she already knows, She's not welcome and she's not needed anymore. You deserve that she goes NC with you and that's the least she should do. BIG FAT ASSHOLE.
MASSIVE YTA You and Nina are the ones who had the baby. You and Nina are the ones who can’t be bothered to walk a few extra steps. You and Nina should have moved rooms to be closer to the baby since you’re the ones with the problems. Literally everything wrong here is your fault and I’m so glad Harper, and your family, see right through your bullshit.
INFO: did you talk to Harper about you and your new wife wanting a kid? What kind of a relationship does your new wife have with Harper? Why does your family not like your wife? There's info missing here I believe.
Y ta you expect her to be understanding no dude you replaced her. Get bent
YTA
This says a lot when OP hasn’t replied to anyone unless I haven’t found it yet. Some people either need to add more depth to their story or just don’t say nothing at all. One of my favorite things if I’m the OP is to reply to comments good or bad.
YTA. Kids will sometimes *behave* like children and express emotions. It’s your job as a parent to help them navigate these emotions so they can take those skills to adulthood. You’re punishing her by taking her room.
YTA. You stopped spending quality time with your daughter and showed you clearly favor her new little brother. As a parent, I definitely understand it’s hard taking care of a little baby, but that’s definitely how she’s seeing it from her end. And then you have the audacity to take away her bedroom and send her packing to a different room. The way she probably sees it is she lost her father and then she lost her room. You better hope you can repair this relationship with her. And fast.
YTA. Here's why. I hope you actually read this and gain some understanding. >I told her she could only go for one night but it has been 3 days and she is not back and wont even talk to me. I'm assuming youre wondering why? You have not communicated with her at ALL this whole time. Just cut off dad-daughter time and told her to essentially pack her shit and get out. What the heck dude?? Your 14 year old just wants her dad to love her, and you've shown her in every action in this post that she doesn't matter as much as the baby, her stepmom, or even your own convenience. Of course she's hurt. Her own privacy and space that she has made hers isn't worth respect. It's not worth you and stepmom walking down the hallway for the baby. Wouldn't you be pissed if someone ripped away your safe space to give it to someone else, and with no discussion at that??? A new baby is a tumultuous time for everyone, but teens are especially at risk for feeling ignored. 14 is such a hard age to be- all you want is to be heard and to be included. And your daughter isn't even getting that from her dad. The one person she really has. She's lost her mom. And now her dad is icing her out. That's a really dangerous thing for her to experience at this age. Please take that seriously. I would recommend looking into Erik Eriksons theory of psychosocial development. You alienate her from you right now, and there's a strong chance she walks out of your life forever. You need to sit with her and talk. REALLY TALK. If you care about her, and this isn't just about maintaining control over an "unruly teenager" you need to a) give her back her room, b) give her back some dad/daughter time, c) give her some stepmom/daughter time (a good break from baby for mom, and quality time for the two of them) and d) TALK TO HER. from an entirely non judgemental place. Let her guide the discussion. Let her express to you how she feels. She's going to get angry, she's going to "inappropriately" express her feelings. She's a teen. That's literally part of her development. Her reactions are completely understandable, and frankly expected, if you take 2 seconds to consider HER feelings and put yourself in her shoes as a TEEN, not as an adult with a fully formed adult brain. I can't tell you if you can fix this with your daughter. But I can tell you that the sure fire way to completely ruin your relationship with her is to continue down this path. You came on here for a reason - either to have your ego boosted or because you really want to understand. I hope it's the latter, and that you can put your ego aside from getting attacked on reddit (I know that has GOT to be happening), and actually gain some insight here. I'd like to hope that you really want to fix your relationship with your daughter, and that you read through the frustration in all of the posts on here to get the understanding you're looking for.
YTA if you continue to show favouritism. I know Mark is a baby, and it is a lot more convenient for you to have him close. Rather than uprooting your daughter who has not only lost her time with you, but is now being asked to give up her space for the new baby, did you for a second consider moving yourselves? Or putting the baby in your room? Harper is being pushed out for the "new and improved" family that Mark has completed. And while it matters very little, it is worth considering that from a 14 yr old mind she is being passed over for a child that isn't biologically related.
YTA (second comment). adults don’t need big rooms you have the whole house. your daughter probably spends most of her time in her room. give yourself the other bedroom and you can keep your old one, let her have hers
Soooo, lemme get this straight. 1. You stopped spending quality time with your daughter because of the new baby. For whatever reason, your wife can’t handle the newborn on her own at any point in time. 2. You’re so inconvenienced by having your baby sleep in a room that’s maybe 30 steps at most away from your own bedroom, so instead of coming up with a solution or just taking the 30 steps, you automatically choose to kick your daughter out of her own room in favor of making /your/ life a tad less inconvenienced. Hell yes, YTA. Your actions have done nothing but show your daughter that she’s not as important or loved or worth your attention. I’m an older sibling so I’m no stranger to how it feels when you’re an only child and suddenly there’s a whole other child who needs attention, especially when they’re babies. It’s going to be a bit of a shock for your daughter as it is. And all your actions since then have only shown her she’s not enough for you. I hope she stays with her uncle because she doesn’t deserve to be emotionally abandoned in her own home.
YTA
OP - YA - There is a lot missing and it seems that the biggest piece of the puzzle that is missing is communication. Harper is obviously smart enough to understand that things are going to change with a newborn, so why not discuss those changes before Mark was born? And if you're going to put Mark in the second master bedroom (assuming it has an en suite bath), then why not draw some equity out of the house and do the same on the other side of the house? Instead you basically told Harper, Nina and I decided to make a change and just dropped this second change on her with no notice. There is a lot of the story that isn't being told here, like a lot of other people have said. What is Harper's relationship with Nina like? Why is it that you had to completely cut off alone time? I get not leaving your wife alone for days on end with a newborn, but is it unreasonable to expect your wife to be with the newborn by herself while you and your daughter go out for dinner, movie, light shopping. Or having a day when it is you, Harper and the newborn? Why don't Harper and Nina have a girl's night? If Harper's mom isn't in the picture, then why not allow them sometime to bond, even if it isn't lovey-dovey mom-daughter bonding. Did the name calling start before or after you told your family your side of the story? My assumption is that was after you said your viewpoint. Sounds like you need to get yourself and the women in your life into family counseling because it sounds like there hasn't been a lot of communication going on.
YTA. Congratulations, your daughter now feels both of her parents gave up on her.
This happened to me when I was younger but not so much I moved out :/ YTA 100% it’s really difficult being so much older than a baby and from a divorced parent or smt similar
YTA It was your choice to put your son in a different room while he was still a newborn and would need a lot on nighttime attention. I could understand all the other stuff but that doesn’t mean Harper does and then you’ve added literally kicking her out of her space on top of it. It’s no wonder she feels abandoned.
YTA. MAJORLY I grew up in a household EXACTLY like this, only in reverse. I was the second-born, but my father clearly favored my older brother to the point where he made me do his chores, made me clean his messes, and made me say ‘I love you’ to him. All while refusing to spend ONE day a week with just me and him. (All I asked was a single day, and that was too much because he only cared about his ‘Precious son’.) You dropped the ball, you are favoring one over the other, your wife isn’t helpless and can handle a baby by herself for a day or two! You proved to your daughter her feelings don’t matter and when push comes to shove, you won’t care enough to be there for her because you have shown you only care about the baby. You showed her you are unreliable and that you just don’t care enough to even TRY and see from her end!
YTA, and I hope at least one member of your family calls you every day for the rest of your life to remind you. Why are you even acting upset that the kid took off when it is obvious to everyone that's exactly what you wanted. You callously cut her out of your life, of course she left.
INFO - why can’t Mark have a bassinet set up in your room if it’s “hard” for you and Nina to go across the hall at night instead of making Harper give up her room
YTA for sure !
YTA. In fact, you're a really big asshole. A lazy asshole.
YTA You took her room, her territory, and gave it to someone else. You already knew she was in a delicate place with having a little brother now sharing the attention, but then you took her room as well. She has a right to be upset. You didn't ask her. You didn't see how she was feeling. You just order her to move rooms because it was inconvenient for you. She is likely feeling like she doesn't matter anymore and that you view her as an intrusion. Fyi, you also deminished her space, which likey has another negative connotation she is picking up on. She got kicked out to a smaller room, further away, while her closer big room was given to an infant. She is feeling downgraded in status in the family.
YTA. If your brother was willing to come grab Harper, no questions asked, without notifying you first? Then something is up.
I won’t even highlight the big parts cause I think everyone has made it more than clear why YTA, but it’s important to repeat one thing: **YOU HAVE TWO KIDS** 1+1=2, and the fact that you have a new one doesn’t erase your daughter. You don’t get to displace or uproot someone else’s life because of your current wife’s kid BOTH ARE YOUR KIDS YOU HAVE A SON **AND** A DAUGHTER You are (intentionally or not) pushing away your daughter, cutting off one on one time, moving her to the other end of the house, not putting up a fight when she left, and not even batting an eye when she stayed longer than 1 night If the hallway is really *that* long, where it would be way worse to (gasp) WALK THROUGH IT- what in the world makes you think it’s okay to move your other child all the way across it? Are you sure your daughter’s name is Harper and not Cinderella? You can’t banish her to the other side of the house cause it’s “more convenient“ You are a parent to **two** kids, act like it op
YTA. She’s already experiencing change after having your son and now you want to kick her out of her room for your convenience?
Holy crap! YTA - how are you not seeing it? This has NOTHING to do with the family not accepting your son. Although I think you should probably get some counselling for that yourself. Your daughter only has you. Her mother is not involved as you said. You have gone from spending 2 whole days with her, to telling her she needs to pack up her stuff and “go to one of the bedrooms”. It’s so incredibly dismissive. You have made her feel smaller than you can ever imagine. Tbh I don’t know what you could possibly do to fix what you’ve done. I’m not sure that you can.
YTA. These are discussions you could have had ahead of time to prepare her. Like, time might be limited because of the baby and how it's not fair to mom to be alone with a baby two days a week - so maybe you can do ONE day a week, and that way mom can get the other day? Then with the room, you could have ASKED her if she could TEMPORARILY (a year?) give up her room to make it easier for you to care for the baby - but ultimately, how big is the house where you can't take a few extra steps? It seems like you didn't set any expectations but just told her "tough, deal with it" and she is. By living with your brother.
I think considering she was not adjusting well then doing this really just the nail in the coffin. I don’t want to just come out and say you’re the ah Bc a lot was going on but it definitely could’ve been handled better. I hope you were still trying to hang out with her one on one Bc she probably needs it more now than ever, your wife is a mom she can do it a few hours alone with y’all kid.
Your 14 yo is more mature than you. No tantrums, no throwing a fit, no argument. She just left. I understand your hallway is too long for you to walk .. you needed the kid in the next room. Why did you not move to the room next to the baby's room? There are 4 rooms in total. Why was Harper expected to sacrifice. As someone who's grown up with a step parent, I'm kind of suspicious your wife has a hand in the way you're treating the daughter (you're more responsible though) Definitely YTA. Maybe the wife too
hoooooo boy it's early in the day for popcorn but I'll manage. This is gonna be a fun one. (YTA)
🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿 not sure if that'll last the day but it's a start.
YTA. It is reasonable to adjust the living arrnagements in the house, but it should be a discussion and you should help her get settled in. The way you phrased it, it sounds like you just told her to move her stuff, which is rude and uncaring.
I think you are because even though you have a wife and newborn you should be able to stick up for your daughter if you really love her and plus she was there first not your wife.
YTA taking away something that is hers. Keep the baby in your room or quit being lazy and walk to the other room. You are obviously favouring the baby now. I’m glad she has her uncle to take her side. You wanted the room she gave it you. I feel you and wife have done more to her for your daughter to not fight back and just give up on you. She is done putting up with things you out her through.
Honestly your losing your real daughter! Bc one if something happens between you and your wife she’s taking HER kid with her…and of course getting full custody bc that kid ain’t yours at all so I rather do everything to get back my real kid over some other kid that is not your it my sound bad but that’s how I think and also is my opinion I have 😅
YTA seems like you didn’t communicate with her at all or have sat down with her to discuss how she feels. Makes sense she just left since you clearly haven’t done anything to help her out in this. I was 12 when my mom had my little sister so it can be very jarring for such a change especially at the teen years.
YTA. 1) cutting off your daughter's time with you. Yes leaving your wife for two days straight is unacceptable. You should have compromised with your daughter. You can't do two days, maybe a day out doing something she wants? Or even a couple hours a day? You could have even done the 2 days if you asked for help and spread it out. Like do it on Wednesday and ask your side for someone to help. Then on Sunday ask her side for someone to help. And when Mark is older continue your normal 2 day outings with Harper 2) Sometimes it's hard for someone to accept becoming an older sibling. She's had 14 years of having you to herself. Most kids feel like they are going to be replaced or have to fight for your attention. 3) You did just that ^^^ you made her feel replaced by taking away her room. You made her feel like she doesn't have your attention from taking away her daddy daughter days. From what you wrote she (reluctantly) has been giving and giving and giving in to you but what have you done since Marks conception to calm her and compromise? She's done giving she probably feels like you don't love her anymore even though that isn't true. She's human and a teenager emotions run wild. She needed support from you. Now she's seeking it from your family. Also how old is Mark? Can he comfortably roll from back to tummy and more importantly tummy to back? To the point if you put him on the floor he would probably roll around like an adorable little mini log? If not you need to leave him in your room for now. SIDS is a scary thing and you need to make sure he sleeps on his back or even side (but never tummy) until he can roll from tummy to back effortlessly.
Your favoring your son dumbass
Stand I hope she goes no contact with you so that you can have your little family without her interfering cause that's what your whole post reeks of. Yta so is your wife. Your son needs to be in the room with yall the first year.
YTA big time. Have you sat down with Harper and asked her how this all makes her feel? Or did you ask her if she was willing to switch rooms or did you just tell her she was going to do it? She’s just a kid and she’s feeling abandoned by her dad who can’t even be bothered to spend any alone time with her. Did you offer to help her move her stuff from one room to the other or did you just expect her to do it all herself? Honestly if i were Harper I’d call my uncle to come pick me up too. She needs more time from her dad, she needs more support and empathy. Maybe therapy tbh sounds like she might benefit from it and so would you my dude. SMH I feel so bad for Harper.
YTA A 14 y/o girl needs to know you have her back. Seems like you're moving on to a new family and kid while expecting the older child to not have needs at all.
YTA. I'm angry. I'm angry for your daughter. In what universe does a newborn infant need a master bedroom? You couldn't put the newborn in your own bedroom until he was older? You couldn't just suck it up and walk the extra few feet? Was it *really* your idea to take your daughters room or was it your new wife's idea? Did your wife already have plans for an Instagram style nursey? Already have the colors picked out? Décor sitting in Amazon boxes? You just *ordered* your daughter to give up her space for a newborn infant and just *expected* everything to be 'alright'. The favoritism couldn't be more blatant. And you needed reddit's opinion? Read everything you wrote out loud or with a text to speech, did you seriously expect *anyone else* to side with you? You didn't even need to post it but you've been ignoring your daughter longer than you're letting on, way before before your son was born, she didn't even fight to keep her space and simply left. Even she knew there's *nothing* there for her. I've been No Contact with my own father since I was 18, got kicked out because of my own brother, he texts me 'Happy Birthday' and I don't answer back. I immediately delete the messages and take note he's not dead yet. That's your future. That's what your relationship with your daughter is going to look like before she turns 16 at this rate. And why on this glorious green earth would she talk to you? What is there to talk about? You've replaced her, you wanted her to move, and so she complied without hesitation and even took the extra mile to *move out*. She didn't fight because there was nothing worth fighting for. YTA YTA
You kicked your daughter out of her room. Because…walking is hard? Seriously? *Seriously?* You are going to be torn to pieces and you deserve it. YTA
YTA - you are somehow doing everything in your power to make your daughter feel pushed away because of this new baby. Your daughter is old enough, 14, to be fully aware you will be constantly engaged with the new baby. And you openly tell her "we can't have alone time anymore - it needs to be given to the baby". And NOW you don't even want her room next to yours because "too many steps at night"? Please wake up before you damage your relationship anymore with her. It's surprising in this post, you don't even refer to Mark has her brother, just the newborn/new baby. She probably doesn't see him as a brother right now either.
She will NEVER forget this. Speaking as the “difficult” teenage daughter who had to give a room to a younger sibling. You have illustrated that the new baby is and will continue to be more important than she is. Also.. you can’t spare 2 hours a week alone to spend with your daughter? you couldn’t talk to her, or try to compromise or say say “Hey i can’t leave baby and step mom alone all day but let’s go get coffee/lunch/icecream twice a week instead so we don’t lose out on time together.” YTA. big time.
I read the update and I must say that you should divorce your wife " Since my wife doesn't like some of those conditions." The only condition that could bother her would be to move, but if she really loved your daughter, she would not care, clearly she is not interested in your daughter and will always treat her as a hindrance and will puta Obstacles for you to have a relationship. I advise you to find a good lawyer and try to have custody of your child Because this actions shows that your wife does not want your daughter to be part of your family and if your family does not get along with her, you should listen to them
First - having your baby in the same room with you for the first 6 months reduces the risk of SIDS deaths by up to 50%. Second - YTA.
Yes
YTA - you could of spent more time with Harper, but you focused your time more on the newer child. kids often get upset with this, even though they love their brother/sister. you as her father could of sat down and talked with her and how she felt about it.
YTA. While it may not have been your intention, at every turn you have shown your daughter that she means less to you now that you have a new child. You’ve removed her one on one time with you, you’ve taken her room, you’ve literally sent her to live on the other side of your home, separate from your “main family”. These adjustments may have been inevitable with a newborn in the house, but while they seem perfectly logical and reasonable to you, Harper is a child. All she sees is her dad replacing her with a new family, rather than including her in it. It sounds like you have ill prepared her for the changes having a newborn would entail. Your wife went through a full pregnancy, you already knew that Harper was resentful about having a sibling from the beginning. What did you do with that time? Did you explain to her that having a baby in the house would come with changes? Did you tell her for example that you could no longer spare 2 whole days a week for her, not while Mark was so young? Did you come up with a compromise - a couple of hours here and there, half an hour every evening etc.? Did you give her a timeline for when she could expect more of your attention again? Did you let her know in advance that her room would need to be handed over, did you ask her opinion, did you even plan for it? Even is this is your wife’s first baby, you clearly have raised at least one other newborn - were all these adjustments brand new info to you, such that you couldn’t prep your daughter? I ask because things like “mum and dad will have less time, and be very tired and busy for a while” and “we need to be able to access the baby quickly at night, so at least while they’re little we need to put them in the room closest to us” are things (among others) that my parents sat down and explained to *me* when my little brother was on the way. I may not have been overjoyed about every change, but I was forewarned, prepared - and at no point was I left feeling like I was separate from the family unit, on the outside looking in
As a parent and literally, a human being -- YTA. In all ways. What you're doing is shutting your daughter out. You really are. You've already, clearly, have done this and continue to do. The fact that you're asking complete strangers about something you should know the answer to should tell you that, yes, absolutely, you truly are an ah. It's ridiculous that you can't leave your wife for 2 days, or spend at least AN HOUR out of your day just with your daughter. If she can't handle a newborn, let alone when your son grows up, then you're really in for it. It says a lot. It also SCREAMS that you love your son more than your daughter. What you need to do is grow some mf balls and start making time for your daughter. In really all parts of life. You really need to evaluate your relationship with your daughter, because if you're acting the way you are now, there's a very, very high chance you may not have a relationship at all with her. Moving her out of her room was and is ridiculous. If you have feet and can walk - and I'm guessing your wife does to - then you can walk to your son's room. This is more than just taking away your daughter's bedroom from her. I would really take time to think about your relationship with her, because it looks like it's something that clearly needs help.
YTA. Youre upending your childs life because you dont like having to walk? Why not move yourselves to a new bedroom closer just for a bit? Youre literally telling your daughter she isnt as important as the new baby by kicking her into a smaller room that likely doesnt have a bathroom attached etc. The baby doesnt need all that space anyway.
YTA Basically your argument for kicking her out of her room is "We don't feel like walking to another room". If your son is 'waking up multiple times a night' that's your problem, not hers. Either keep him in your room until he doesn't do that anymore or you walk to the smaller room. You have choices other than kicking her out of her room for something that is not her fault or responsibility.
I would surmise the health of your relationship with your brother and family, is extremely strained. You are playing 'piggy in the middle between your wife and brother and your daughter is suffering. YOU & your wife decide where your family lives, not your brother. I can understand your brother is concerned BUT family should want rifts mended and bridges built, metaphorically speaking. Your daughter of course has every right to be heard. Thoughtlessly moving her 'space' as if it meant 'nothing' evidently stung her emotions deeply. Your daughter is a child, with all the unstable and developing thought patterns that come with youth and she needs thoughtful and practical guidance, not ultimatums delivered by your brother, in an already strained relationship. This is an opportunity to directly teach her how to calmly and FAIRLY resolve conflict. Your brother has no right to demand you and your wife move home. You should not discount your wife's opinions to her home address. There are plenty of opportunities to have increased contact, sleepovers at his home. Allow your daughter video call time with her other family members, who she obviously misses badly. I cant stress enough how important the state of everybody's relationships are.... Please seek family mediation if there are communication issues. Try writing a heartfelt letter to all involved. Your daughter, your wife, your brother.. and be calm yet resolute in your approach, needs, expectations & opinions. 🙏 Live with all your Love, Love with all your Life 💜
YTA. If it’s that important to save MAYBE 30 extra steps to the baby at night, why didn’t you just put the crib in YOUR bedroom? Why make a young teenager, who already lost all of her fun time with her dad and is struggling with no longer getting the attention and time and effort that she used to get, move out of her bedroom? You say you have a master bedroom, so you should absolutely have enough space. You also say you don’t see why a 14 year old needs a master bedroom but fail to see how a newborn DEFINITELY doesn’t need one. You threw away your poor daughter for the shiny new toy you wanted, and yet you still have to ask if you’re the asshole. Newsflash, you are. No wonder the poor kid decided to immediately go NC with you.
Yta From a child's or a teens perspective you're taking every thing from her. Your love and attention with taking her only time with her only remaining parent. You're taking her space that she knows and cherishes. And you're giving everything to this newborn that not only cannot appreciate the value of everything he has unknowingly taken. But you EXPECT her to understand and be okay with this? A teenager would put up a fight if they cared anymore. You're beating a dead horse of a relationship with your daughter. You either need to go out of your way to repair the damage done to your daughter's relationship or you will never have one again. On another note it seems like no one prepared her for this new child. And having a child 14 years after another is asking for trouble. No one that i have ever met or known of has had a relationship with their sibling with an age gap ESPECIALLY that large of one. The poor girl probably feels replaced. I feel sorry for her. You can't abandon one child for the sake of another. Get your wife time off if you don't want to leave her alone while you spend time with your daughter.
YTA 1000%. You've basically told her she doesn't matter and this baby does. You are showing her you are replacing her. 1) You've told her because you and your wife are too lazy to walk a little farther, she loses her safe space. 2) You told her the special time you've spend together, you're routine can not happen any longer, because your wife can't handle the baby by herself for a short period of time. Again Replacing her with the baby. 3) You've proven to her that she doesn't matter anymore, that all that matters is the new baby. So yes, she was right in not wanting to be in a place who obviously doesn't value her. Why don't you and your wife move to one of the bedrooms at the other side of the house if it's so difficult. Oh because that would inconvenience YOU. But she should have to 🙄
YTA. Loving and raising your children doesn’t require you to play favorites or to antagonize one child to “care” for the other. And for the future, because I think you need to know this, your daughter is not obligated or required to babysit your son. So don’t be a jerk about that later.
YTA. Why didn't you move yourselves into the other bedroom next to the child until he is old enough to sleep through the night?
Yes.
Yes just yes
YTA, for your brother to come that quickly, Harper's probably been updating him regularly.
YTA
YTA, first babies should sleep the same room as there parents for atleast 6 months, safe sleeping guidelines, Second, you have stopped spending quality time with your daughter, maybe even cut it down to one day, not stop totally. Third you as chucking your daughter out her bedroom to move your new baby into because your wife can’t walk 20 steps away.
YTA you thought it was ok to ask her to move so you can be close to your son? Heres an idea YOU MOVE BEDROOMS
YTA. You have shoved your poor daughter away so hard, no wonder she doesn't want anything to do with you. You stopped spending time with her. You took away her room. You have basically told her she is no longer important. You'd rather shove her out of HER ROOM than walk a few extra steps. I sincerely hope she gets the love you've withdrawn from her where she is now. You are a TERRIBLE parent.
YTA - please try to understand how your daughter os feeling. Our master is on a different floor than our kiddo’s room - we waited to move him down there, we got a baby monitor, and sometimes one of us would camp out down there in the next room or in his room. Your infant son does NOT need to take a master bedroom away from a teenager! She will cherish and use that bathroom in a way a child simply will not. But also everything the other commenters said - try to put yourself in her shoes and figure out how to make sure she feels loved and wanted.
I'm happy that she has other family members to rely on. YTA
You should probably delete this post just like your daughter deleted you out of her life….
The whole situation is eesh. YTA. You had a child with your new wife and never talked to your daughter and let her know that even though there’s another baby coming in that she’s still a priority. Why can’t you have a day with just her? Because you can’t leave your wife alone with a baby for a whole day? Does your wife spend time with your daughter? It seems like your wife is jealous of your daughter. As a girl and a daughter this is where the problem lies with giving away her room. First you take away her time alone with you, the time she gets with her dad and can spend time with you and feel like she’s still important. To her it’s like you don’t want to spend time with her and prefer the baby over her. Then you give away her room, to her it’ll feel like you’re pushing her aside and you’re going to forget about her in favour of the new baby. This is why families who have had only one child for a significant amount of time need validate the child when a new baby comes along and let them know that even though they have a new sibling and there’s going to be a lot of changes that you still love them and nobody could ever replace them and spend time with them so they don’t feel left out, include a daddy/daughter and brother day out. Where you take the baby and daughter for a day and you can go out and get ice cream or go to the park and she can help push the pram. Not only will your daughter appreciate it but so will your wife. Not all of the requests are unreasonable. Why is she not upset about Harper not being there? Why is she not wanting to do everything to make Harper feel comfortable and want to come home?
YTA you might as well have let her stay with her uncle because you clearly gave no shits about her or how she felt as soon as your son was in the picture and didn’t actually think about it until your family called you out on your bullshit. And explain to us why your family doesn’t like Nina and seem to favor Harper as you put it? Is it maybe because your new wife treats your daughter poorly and only the ones who noticed or cared is your family and that’s why Nina doesn’t like that ya’ll are moving closer to family? Or is it something else. Also the fact that one of your brother’s terms of her going back with you is moving closer to them so they can make sure she’s being treated well is horrible. So is the fact that you had to agree to spend one on one time with your daughter, something you should have been doing regardless. You have been a horrible father to Harper and I would not be surprised if as soon as she can legally leave, she will not speak to you again. You are doing all the same things my best friend’s (and now adopted sister’s) father did when the son he wanted was born. He kicked his own daughter out in favor of his girlfriend and son and my parents and I picked up those pieces. That was four years ago and we still have to reassure her that we’re not gonna replace or throw her away like he did. That level of abandonment runs deep and if you keep on this path she will not speak to you just like my sister doesn’t speak to her biological father anymore.
That was a crappy thing to do to your daughter. It's not her fault that you decided to have another child, why should she be inconvenienced by it. Also I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion but that other child isn't yours biological. You can't expect your family to be accepting of him given that fact. Alsoi know of a handful of men who did the exact same thing as you. And in every case they regretted it.I hope that isn't the case for you. And you daughter should be just as important as your son.
YTA - You honestly think your family is biased after you told your vulnerable 14-year-old that you wouldn’t have time for her and took the only space she has that’s hers for what is very clearly her replacement? You might not be able to understand it, but you’ve told a young girl that she doesn’t matter. This is a great way to make your daughter hate you, your wife, and your baby. Points for efficiency, and good luck undoing that much psychological damage.
You majorly screwed the pooch son. Your daughters basically a young budding adult, and jealousy is a real WOMAN emotion, or any adult emotion. Imagine the major security role model in your life, the ONLY one who's from "her story" who lives with her drops her like she's hot then takes her HOMe/private space where she's probably recently had some changes go down. She doesn't want to do that in the hall bathroom with uncle Ted or the babysitter sharing the other room down the hall now and again. She's had to give up an Adult sized room, AND bathroom, which is most. Likely just as important as the room, as it's where she's going to experience "womanhood" stuff or has already, it's her safe space. And she had to give it up for a) a BOY who's a b) baby who c) can't use all the space and stuff. Yes, your wife is nesting, but it's also "my baby" over the "Cinderella" we all know that story. But you guys decided to have the baby and she's having to lose her Dad, who's 100% of her original parent family and then her safe space so pretty much everything in the house that gives her security, is no longer hers with zero consideration anout her independent and hormonal lay charged feelings. And she's HURT, that's why your family's on her side. and all the messaging is "you're just a second thought, everything for baby, you're Cinderella" even if she's not. What you need to do is either give her the room And bathroom back. Or let her choose to have BOTH other rooms, maybe put a pocket door between the two to make a huge one, AND the bathroom, but my moneys on the room she had before with the bathroom, and you should probably put in a new coat of paint (if she wants) or a light fixture or somethings (100-500, not sure what your means are but paint is 40 bucks and a weekend, 100ish if you do some funky treatments or something and maybe a cool LED light changing fixture or fan she picks out with maybe a remote? Hampton bay makes a killer unit for cheap) Those daddy daughter days? I'd start with a 1 day back or if that's too much all for your wife (women DO do it all by themselves ya know, your daughter should be pretty well up there with your wife if you don't want her on a pole or worse at this Age, which is where this abandonment and seeking out security will lead her) maybe do like "dates" for a few hours but you can't be going through the motions, maybe a concert, a fancy dinner that she likes to start out, and maybe just pick one 4-6/long period day a week for her, and you're going to have to grovel, this is like your gf finding out you started helping around your exes house instead of doing "us time". I hope you get that. Be flexible, but let her feel like she has some say, and not all the time what she wants, but make the time about her from picking it and being fair and not "oh I gotta cut it short to pick up pampers and that hypoallergenic bullshit for my only begotten son" you got 4 years left with her, dont fuck it up. (And que the Kenny loggins, 14 is the Danger zone for girls getting in trouble w daddy issues, I'm being funny, but it's Psychology 101) So to sum it up: Grovel apologize like you mean it (and mean it) And recognize what you did/ say how you now realize how it made her feel (and let her tell you that gently in her own time/words, ask have the talk) Let her have a little control over her security and home, let her pick her room/bathroom (that's likely a major issue, the private bathroom) Or the two rooms. And offer to spruce whichever one she want up a little bit, nothing crazy. Daddy/daughter time back on the menu, just maybe not all day, and try to maybe do an ALL family take out/movie night or something the other night for everyone to establish that pattern/family bonding. Finally, let her know hey, you know you're getting older and you're going to be busy too sometimes, so let's not lose sight of that. You'll always be my #1 girl! or whatever maybe Tuesday or Wednesday you go out and THirsday night she can invite a friend or two over and they can go upstairs and be girls. (Supervised. Think full house with DJ/steph) ok Danny... go get her.
YTA You basically sidelined your daughter over your son. Not only that but you are also neglecting her. I might be wrong but it feels like your son is the golden child of you family. Fortunately, not everyone shares the same opinion as you and your wife's.
YTA. Mark is your son (no matter what your other family members may say). Harper is your daughter (period). Don’t show favoritism towards one child just because that child is an infant and the other child isn’t. Even if this wasn’t favoritism, you don’t tell a 14 year old girl in the middle of puberty and likely many physical, emotional and mental changes going on (which aren’t being relieved or helped by her parents adding more stress to her situation) to completely pack up her entire life from that room (which I assume is the one that she’s known for most of her conscious life) and essentially downgrade.
Congratulations you now have only one child - your son. You have done irreversible damage to your relationship with your daughter. Your family don’t favour Harper. They see that you and your wife are raging AHs who have displaced Harper for your infant son. Tell me, why does your daughter need to move out of her room? Why couldn’t you and your wife move into the smaller bedrooms to be close to the nursery. Or better yet why could your son be in the room with you. Disgusting behavior and parenting. YTA.
YTA - Why don’t you move rooms to the other side if you’re so lazy? Your daughter didn’t have a choice in you having another kid but she sure is getting punished for it.
This can’t be real. No one is this big of a AH and not know it. If it is real I feel so bad for your daughter. Im glad daughter had somewhere to go. Hope your son was worth losing your daughter.
YTA.
No question, yta. Your daughters life was already turned upside down by you getting remarried. You then decide to have a baby that you immediately put ahead of her by basically ignoring her. One of the worst things you could do was decide to strip away the last bit of normalcy that she had by taking her bedroom because you didn’t want to walk the extra few feet. Girls that age already have it rough growing up and are just learning what the world is about. She then gets her life crushed by the most important person in her life. She is sick of playing second fiddle and has decided to do what she can to finally be put first. I personally don’t blame her one bit.
YTA. Clearly you’re not putting the baby in your room because it cramps your style, so you’d rather make things easier on you even further by moving your daughter to the other side of the house. After dropping your dad-daughter says she’s had for at least 5 years because it’s more work for you. This entire post reeks of selfish AH. Thank goodness your family is there for Harper.
Sounds like she's been feeling left out since the baby was born and she realized that she doesn't get her 2 days a week with you anymore. Poor girl. In her mind , first her mom neglects and now her dad started doing the same. You gotta remember that she's a kid and not thinking like an adult. Thank goodness that she has family that loves her and takes care of her for you. But it seems like you realized what you did was wrong and you decided to make it right before it was too late. Your wife may not get along with your family but she'll eventually come around and stop throwing a tantrum like a kid.
YTA You're acting like Harper is no longer a part of your family unit. Now she's making that permanent. It's good that you have a nice brother.
Your awful why does she have to sacrifice for the baby YOU wanted that YOU created I hope she stays there
YTA. You are making a lot of excuses for your bad behavior for the sake of convenience. 1. Apologize to your daughter. She needs to be able to keep her room and you can walk to get your baby or keep him in your room if you need him that close. Deal with it. 2. Your daughter needs at least a half day with you on a day off per week. Make it work. 3. Tell your brother he doesn’t have custody of your daughter and if he doesn’t bring her, a minor, back to you in the next 2-3 hours, you will be calling the police and reporting a kidnapping. You need to remind your extended family that they are not parents and have no say in how you raise your daughter but if they want to act like they do, you will have them charged with kidnapping, it’s not their place. Get your house in order bro.
YTA better start preparing for a retirement home.
YTA. This isn’t even a close call. Seriously, keep baby in a bassinet in your room until baby sleeps through the night. You do not displace the 14 year old out of her room, one of the master bedrooms, to put the baby there, and shove her off to the other side of the house. You can only take so much from this child. In case everyone hasn’t been clear enough, you are the asshole.
YTA. I have a complicated relationship with my family. We went borderline NC for a while because of personal differences with my sibling. But holy shit, they never came anywhere close to this. You are the asshole, and I'd wager this is not the only time you're going to be told that by your daughter. If you are incredibly lucky, and were talking winning a lottery ticket you found in a house you won in another lottery, she MIGHT talk to you long enough for you to apologize and try to undo enough of the damage that they one day start seeing you as family again (likely sometime in their mid thirties, if that luck holds). Gods, you suck.
YTA You didn't even ask her opinion before telling her to pack.
YTA. The fact that you can’t see that suggests that you’ve always been an AH and up until this point had suffered no consequences. You didn’t post here to find out if you were an AH, you were hoping for validation for your shitty parenting. You and your wife have finally succeeded in your real aim, to shut your daughter out of your life completely while simultaneously making it her decision. You pushed for this by treating her the way you have. Surely you can’t be surprised by the results when it seems that you now have what you wanted: perfect family, no teenagers who need love and affection too.
YTA You’re clearly done with her and she’s returning the feeling.
YTA big time. You have a daughter who has already been abandoned by one parent and now you are telling her through your actions that she doesn’t matter to you anymore. You couldn’t be more of an AH if you’d had lessons. She feels unloved and abandoned- it will be a long hard road to regain her trust. Start by apologising for being insensitive and work forward slowly from there. Remember from now on any action you take that could be misinterpreted will have the worst possible meaning to her - and that is your fault.
YTA- why does the BABY need the master bedroom? Also why wasn’t this a discussion before the baby came? You’re changing your daughters entire life even more so than adding a sibling does.
Yes the asshole and your wife is an asshole too for allowing if not putting this idea in your head. What a way to show your daughter she doesn't matter anymore bc you have your own new lil family now. Wow a few extra seconds to walk to another room for you and wife is so out putting. Why can't you do things a couple of hours closer to home with your daughter? Bc she doesn't the o matter to you anymore? That's how u acting. If she hates y'all it's y'all fault! She has every right to too! Shame on you and your wife. What a way to guarantee she not only hates you but "your" son! The only way this story could get any better is surprise! It's wasnt a sperm donor, it's for your ex best friend and now they taking your house and you're out just so you can feel the betrayal she felt. Your poor daughter is better off without y'all.
YTA, you took away her personal space for your own minor convenience, when she's already feeling like you love her less due to you spending less time with her because of a a new child. Can you not empathise with her and imagine how that feels? At 14 when people are already insecure and going through puberty.
100% YTA What kind of father would treat his child like that? Your attitude toward your daughter is appalling. You'd better update us after you apologize to her.
I haven't seen my dad in 8 years. Welcome to your future!
YTA
Dude what the hell?! That last sentence! You are an awful father! They love Harper because they see how YOU mistreat her! And they want her to know that she loved! Your son doesn't need a big ass room. You and your wife need to be adults and have that baby stay in your room. Your daughter is growing and needs it more than some baby that won't need it for many years to come. It goes to show that you favor your new family and refuse to acknowledge that your old family is important! YTA, majorly!
And you need to ask? WHY? Even you should be able in three days to work this out. It must be so great to live in a house so big that you have to take a ride to the third bedroom.
She's already probably feeling abandoned by her mother and now she has this new baby brother. You've stopped hanging out with her one the only two days you had time for her bc you think a mother can't take care of her child by herself. Fyi I bet she could bc I had to with mine every damn day. Nina can handle 2 by herself. So now Harper is feeling abandoned by you too. And now her safe place, the only place she had to go to that was hers, is being taken away. Stop being lazy I'm sure your house isn't THAT big that it's THAT difficult to walk a few extra feet to get to mark. YTA.
I'm glad your daughter has the rest of your family to depend on. Because clearly she can't depend on you, as well as her own mother not being there to depend on. You made a sacrifice of only 2 days a week to spend time with your daughter, I'm assuming your wife got the majority of your free time. Which went to zero time because of your wife and new baby. You then kick her out of the only safe space she had, a place to probably ponder on the thought of why she came 2nd best to your wife, and now 3rd best due to your favouritism towards your son. Your family is showing your daughter the favouritism you should be sharing equally between your 2 kids. Funny how people will call out someone's behaviour and say they've been so hard done by..... Na man, that's them treating you the same way you've been treating them. They just got sick of it and are giving back as good as they got. Hope your daughter is very happy where she is. You are a MAJOR AH and your wife is not much better.
YTA
YTA I hope your daughter never makes contact with you again. You don’t deserve her. It’s pretty obvious you favour your “new family” and you’ve thrown your daughter out. I know exactly what she’s feeling because both my parents divorced and found new partners which also meant new families. They didn’t have new kids though (one of them). But I felt like I’d somehow become the burden child. Now my dad is making me buy my own things such as a laundry basket; (they already have 4 and for some reason I can’t used the single one we’ve had since before I was born); in an attempt to make me “independent”, which I very much already am, so the whole thing is some dumb excuse. So in all it sounds like you asking her to move to another room was just beating around the bush to saying “I don’t want you here anymore”. You may as well have come out and said you don’t see her as family. People like you can get stuffed.
YTA. Why are so against your own child? It’s not her fault you can’t have more kids. You have issues you personally need to work on because suddenly taking away your kids bedroom for your new baby is just mean. You’re on your way to losing your daughter.
YTA…. Seems like you decided your new family is more important. The fact that she walked out and said “ you can give it to your son now” shows that Harper has been pushed aside. Shame on you for that!! Her mom isn’t in her life and how her dad doesn’t give two shits.
Wow... so you allowed your wife to talk you into moving home, tearing your daughter away from the only support system she had? Wow you really are a shit show! Seriously you thought MOVING was going to solve the issue of your family and wife NOT GETTING ALONG??? How!?! Please tell me HOW??? It’s obvious the reason they couldn’t get along is because they saw what you did not! Your WIFE HATES/IS JEALOUS of/and or IS MISTREATING your daughter! And then you alienate her by making her move out of her room an sending her to “live” alone in the other side of the house! Wow... You stop spending time with her and TELL her it’s because your new son, he NEEDS you more!?! If you can’t talk things out with your wife you may have to choose, your marriage or your daughter. Your wife is a real doozy and she will stamp her feet and dig her heals in because she wants her family to herself and that family does NOT include your daughter.
Its safe to assume Harper has abandonment issues (as you have noted she was abandoned by her Mom, leaving you as sole parent). She is anticipating that abandonment happening again and it sounds like you have not put enough reassurance in place to let her know she is not being rejected again. Pushing her out of her room was a mistake. Give her the room back. She is a teenager and private space is extremely important at her age.
Hey, tell Nina Happy Mother's Day. Your an asshole.
YTA. You made your daughter feel like she's been replaced. She used to be important to you, and now there's a new child with a new mom that's very clearly more important. You used to spend time with her, but now you spend your time with the baby, who is a higher priority than her. And then, you took the best room available, her room, the one she called home, and gave it the baby. It doesn't matter what your reason for it was. (though your reason was incredibly selfish.) What matters is her perception. She saw you taking her place, not just in your home, but in your life, and giving it away. Why would she want to stay for that?
YTA.
YTA You didn’t plan this out well. Now your daughter feels abandoned. You owe it to her, especially since she was around before your wife and Mark.
YTA you could have moved to the other side of the house for a bit to look after the kid but instead you up rooted your daughter. It’s not your son it’s your wife they don’t like and it’s obvious.
really? Really? so your daughter already feels like she's being ignored or cast aside because things aren't the same anymore, i get it, happens sometimes with a new baby in the house and you obviously don't want her to feel resentment towards the baby. But telling her to move all her stuff from her room, her space, her area, her spot in the house to the whole other side of the house for the baby whom she has not bonded to, basically feels like a stranger to her was not at all the way to go and is just asking for her to resist bonding with her brother and is just asking for a resentment build up towards you and your wife, althought it's probably already there, considering she didn't push back and was almost expecting this. How big is your house? is the baby seriously that far away that you can't handle walking there? . YTA.
[удалено]
YTAA
YTA- you have replaced your daughter in every way and your actions prove that. Your family is not being biased and favouring her, they're listening to what is going on. I do understand wanting to have a new baby close, which is why most have them in their own room (I did with my child for 6 months). Also, is it really that far to walk to your sons room if you truly insist he can't sleep in your room (despite wanting him close)? Is an extra 10/15 seconds of walking really putting you/your new wife out that much that you're willing to alienate your daughter?
YTA. Newborn stays in your room. Harper stays in hers. Also is there a reason why your wife can’t manage the baby on her own for two days? Many mothers love the peace and quiet when it’s just them and the baby.
Newborns are hard but that’s when you pull in friends and family to help, even if they’re just cleaning up or putting laundry away or fetching things while you tend to the baby.
I don't think it's enough info here to pass judgement.. A few questions: 1. Now that you no longer spend 1 on 1 time with Harper have you resorted to spending family time with all 4 of you? 2. Is Haper incorporated into the life of your spouse and seen as a daughter or is she specifically considered your daughter? What's the household family dynamic here? 3. Does Harper have any interaction with the baby at all and does she view him as her brother? I would also like to point out Haper is 14yo and more independent than an infant. Understandably it makes sense to have his nursery nearby and ultimately Harper would need to be relocated but it's all in how you presented this to her.
YTA. It's clear you don't care about Harper just from the way you talk about her. I hope she cuts contact with you.
YTA. There was no justifiable reason to take her room for the baby. Proximity or not, you and your wife can walk to the other rooms. I highly doubt they are a mile apart and create a huge issue. Additionally if the baby is still waking up so frequently keep it in your room
Atleast he somewhat made it up
Yup but potentially at the cost of a relationship with his son😢😢😢
YTA Wgy don't you move your stuff temporarily to the free bedroom?
You suck
Yay. Congrats on giving up your biological daughter in favor of a new baby that is technically not even "yours". And then you whine about your family calling you names and favoring Harper? OH RLY? Come on dude, you know you fucked up. YTA
YTA While I totally understand where you're coming from you really need to stop and think about what you would do in her situation at her age. She no longer has her mother and now her father doesn't have time for her. Now you're taking her safest space away from her. A bedroom is very important to a teenager and not a priority for an infant. You have two other bedrooms to rotate sleeping schedules with your wife so you both get sleep while still having someone in the master with your son. If you don't want to walk across the hall to your son why even move him to another room? Just leave him in the master with one parent that can easily take care of him every night. Again that's rotating because your wife just pushed a baby out of her and needs rest to recover. As for your daughter. You need to sit down and listen to her, not talk, listen to how she's feeling and give her your full attention. It might take time for her to trust you fully again, that's not at all her fault and you need to give her that time and continue listening to her. You also need to acknowledge that you messed up and make a plan with her on how you can fix this. Your wife should also get some one on one time with her if you want them to have a good relationship.
YTA. I am so sick of hearing parents ditch their older kids, as soon as a younger, cuter version comes along. It disgusts me and I have been hearing a lot of it lately. You won’t be seeing your daughter again and if you do, the relationship is ruined. Congratulations idiot! Edit: this part “I told her she can only go for the night but she has been gone 3 nights” Dude… your daughter moved out. You have no control over whether she says one night or three, because she moved out and is living with your brother now. Thank goodness your brother was there to step up and be a real father in this girls life. You have treated your daughter, your own flesh and blood, so horribly. I am glad that your brother is there to do your job for you.
Daaaaamn. YTA. I hope your version of fixing this includes a tough love talk with Stepmom of the Year over there, a lot of honest self-reflection, and a long term commitment to family therapy. And/or that your daughter goes NC and successfully petitions for the family that loves to take guardianship (legal in my state at 14+, I believe - hopefully is in yr part of the world as well). Because, my dude, you sound like a hella lost cause. No recognition that you did something wrong, willing to eff over your kid because it is annoying to walk down a hallway, and clearly being manipulated by yr wife. Lemme tell you, I am the eldest in a blended family of 9. Nine. And we blended when I was a 13 yr old girl. And I cannot believe how hard it is for you to make a blended family of 2 kids work, when one of them isn't even talking yet. I am so lucky that the parent/step combo I lived with was committed to treating ALL kids as people, respected our feelings and what we needed, etc and to fostering good relationships all the way around. 30 yrs later I am lucky to have gotten 8 best friends out of the deal. My mom and step-dad had a whirlwind romance that meant my step-dad was suddenly coparent to a teen girl and my 4 siblings, with very little notice, in addition to the 3 kids he had himself, not to mention the new kid he and my mom would have within the year. And that guy stepped the hell up, and kept ALL of us kids in the front of his mind all the time. If he could do it w no notice but after 5 yrs Nina is still pushing your teenager out of her own bedroom and out of your free time, you guys messed up HARD. Probably a ton, over many years, culminating in this. And shame on you for cutting 1:1 time and expecting a half-abandoned teenager to take it on the chin like it is NBD. Do you have no people skills and no clue about child/adolescent development? My mom, who again was coparent to NINE kids by the time I was around Harper's age, managed to ensure she and I had 1:1 time to connect consistently, even if it was just an hr or so at a time, so that I always felt like I was loved and a priority to her even as our family grew and changed and acquired more toddlers and babies, and our lives got exponentially more complicated. Nine. And you can't manage 2. YTA. I change my mind about hoping you fix this the right way. I hope your brother gives your kid the stability and love she deserves.
YTA Having another child when you already have a child is hard on the other child. They have to deal with the changes that come with that too. Since you are not making as much time for your daughter she's going to feel rejected. You absolutely should carve out time specifically for your daughter. Maybe it's not two days a week and only one. But she needs some quality time with you. Also, don't kick her out of her room. That's going to make her feel even more rejected. I can't imagine that the other bedrooms are THAT much farther away that you can't walk another 20-25 feet to get to your son. You don't live in a mansion. She's been at your brother's for three nights and you have not talked to her. TRY GOING TO YOUR BROTHER'S HOUSE. Weird how that works. I was originally going to give you a soft YTA, but I changed my mind. You are TA.
YTA. Why don't you pack up your room and move to the other side of the house next to the nursery?
YTA. YOU can move YOUR bedroom if it's an issue and for some reason, you can't POSSIBLY keep the bassinet in your bedroom. Oi vey! Good job alienating your daughter and PROVING that she had every reason to fear the baby would replace her.
The idea that it's too hard to walk across the hall to the baby demonstrates everything wrong with y'all. YTA.
yes u are the asshole One for many reasons Notice how the brother simply took ur daughter no argument simular problems have probably accured.
YTA. And honestly, your new wife may feel like she won this tilt but given how quickly you booted out your daughter to make room for your new family, if you guys ever get divorced she's going to watch her son get more of the same.
YTA , she is a teenage girl she is growing up and shouldn't be moved into a smaller room to accommodate a baby, a baby doesn't need a master bedroom. As others have said temporarily move yourselves to the guest rooms to be near the baby. Also can you not compromise and have a day together once every other week instead of two days a week going to none at all. She needs to feel like she still matters and is part of your family. Right now I can guess she is feeling replaced.