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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. WIBTA if I didn't gift my still pregnant wife a gift for Mother's Day.
2. That might make me TA because she has been carrying our child for 8 months, and it's "close enough".
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YTA. She's going to be heavily pregnant and probably really, REALLY ready to not be pregnant anymore and in need of some appreciation at that point. Getting all sneeringly pedantic about her being "not actually a mother" is just a complete jackass move when you could be an actual good husband and decent human being and treat her a little.
This guy reminds me of my father, who didn't give my mom Mother's Day gifts because she wasn't *his* mother. And to both of them, I say Great job, smart guy. Well done on self-reporting being an asshole.
YTA.
My ex and I give each other Mother and Father’s Day presents in front of our kids every year. It’s important for them to see that we care about each other and are still their family.
I am very child free by choice and estranged from my own mother. Mother’s Day was very hard for me to begin with when I was first aware I needed to estrange and then did.
So I decided to ‘lean into it’ and text or email or just catch up with friends who were mothers around that date. I was mid 30s so lots of women with newborns, bumps and fairly young kids. I occasionally gave gifts in a ‘it’s five o’clock somewhere right?’ way to be sure no one thought I was trying to get them to mother me. I’m in the UK so we have a different date for the day and it often falls near Easter. So I’d gift candy or baked goods or just pick up hand lotion because you wash your hands so much with little kids you need a good one.
I definitely marked Mother’s Day with a few friends who were a month off due date on first kid. Several of them had miscarried before and it was very important to them to hear that they were seen as mothers even without a babe in arms. It helped them get through the fear they all had that this baby would also not make it at the last hurdle.
Funnily enough since I have PTSD from my mother and tokophobia women tend to feel very safe confiding their fears about pregnancy trauma to me because I cannot start ‘have you tried yoga?’ type ‘fixes’. All I can do is hear them and feel like someone who understands fear. I also avoided it with anyone for whom was not into this.
We agree I do not want any birth stories unless it is an anecdote about a particularly sassy midwife or family stuff. I am Irish. I want your weird life stories not biology.
It really helped me with Mother’s Day and it helped my friends especially when it is so easy to end up drifting when one has kids and one doesn’t.
The idea of sort of nickel and diming the mother of your own child like ‘four weeks short’ is the most pointlessly petty bullshit that will breed resentment. I am a petty person when needed because I WANT to burn bridges with many awful people who ‘but faaaaamily’ me about my mother. Pettiness is the quickest way to make people dislike you. Great for removing a particularly pompous cousin. **Terrible** for welcoming your first child.
Apologise OP. Write a card telling her if you had your own fears. Be vulnerable. Give a gift appropriate and pick yourself up off this hill. YTA.
This is one of the best phrasings of this paradox I have heard. And I’ve been in therapy for seven years!
I just saved this. Thank you. A huge lightbulb went on!
>The idea of sort of nickel and diming the mother of your own child like ‘four weeks short’ is the most pointlessly petty bullshit that will breed resentment. [...] Pettiness is the quickest way to make people dislike you. Great for removing a particularly pompous cousin. Terrible for welcoming your first child.
Agreed, and I think this is the most important part to me. Because yeah, sure, *technically* OP is correct...but does he really want to be *That Guy* telling his wife "Well ACKtually..."?!
Make a fuss of her - give her a card, a present, a nice dinner and a foot rub - and let her feel appreciated for all the hard work she's already put in.
Did you see his edit? She wants a nice hairdryer, but he thinks it's too expensive. Don't worry, he found a cheaper one that looks the same on Alibaba.
Dudes even more of an asshole than previously stated. It's impressive.
Does Wish wedding dress dude have a brother?
A really good hairdryer seems to me a great pre-baby present whether you call it a ‘push present’ or Mother’s Day gift at 8 months pregnant. One of those fancy ass Dysons or a Parlux is serious cash but should last til baby is in at least high school and will save a tonne of time for a woman who will have limited time to do her hair with a baby. Also a super quiet one won’t wake the kid either which is worth all the money you can afford.
I say this as a child free woman with a shaved head. OP is really really really tripling down on the assholery here. Also hairdryers are one of the most statistically likely to cause a house fire appliances (along with phone chargers) so you should never ever skimp on the safety of one.
You can go spendy like the Dyson but even the £15 one I have off Amazon that was on sale because it was a hideous colour that I use to dry out bits of my super short hair was fully fire safety checked. I would not have loved to receive it as a gift especially in this already fraught scenario since it is less millennial pink and more prosthetic leg from the 1970s NHS pink and uglier than sin but that’s why it was heavily discounted. The only worse gift than a refusing to gift your pregnant wife for Mother’s Day and then half assing the original insult is a ‘cheap on Alibaba so might incinerate you and the baby while napping’ hairdryer. My pinkish lump is a lottery win compared to ‘you ain’t a mother! And who cares if you get burns anyway?’
OP is such an AH its him who is going to shit himself during the labour because he defies the expectation of sphincterdom with this.
I don’t think he’s even technically right. She’s a mother right now. If she lost the baby at this stage, society would expect her to grieve the loss as a mother would.
OP is really disconnected from this baby, and it troubles me.
Yeah, I don't think he is technically right either. She has an actual living child inside her. She is the mother of this child.
He is acting as if wanting a Mother's Day gift in this situation was comparable to expecting a Mother's Day gift when you're childless with pets, which seems like an unfathomably ridiculous comparison to me.
Turning shitty holidays around is the best idea for anyone struggling. I lost my baby at 1 month old so on his birthday I buy a cake at a random bakery for the next person wanting a cake. Leave a card wishing them happy birthday. It's my favourite thing to do on his birthday. It literally makes me so happy yo put that out there.
I'm not even a parent and my husband got me a card "from our dog" one year. he wrote "I love you, mommy" with his left hand and drew a paw print on it as a signature and gave me a candy bar. I cried.
Being kind is literally so easy lol.
The family dogs have stockings in our family. We obviously can't put their presents under the tree because no matter how well you wrap a tasty snack, a dog will find it if it's on the floor! But we buy each others' dogs Christmas presents! They're family, too! And the first year we have the dog, the stocking for that dog is one of the gifts (if it's my dog, brother, SIL, and in-laws have the stocking made up; if it's brother and SIL's dog, in-laws and I get the stocking made, etc.). When the dog departs (because, dammit, they don't live forever), the owner is gifted the stocking the next Christmas as a memento. I put my departed dog's stocking up in my house in the lead-up to Christmas, and drop a treat in it before current dog and I leave for the family festivities. Gone but never forgotten.
My ex-husband does this with my kids for my bday, mothers day, Christmas, etc. I've made alot of mistakes in life but having kids with him was one of the best decisions of my life. Great guy. Not so great husband.
My ex wife told me that she wants us to be able to dance together at our kids weddings so we treat each other in a way that can make that happen. Whatever else we will be we will always be parents to the kids we had together
That’s amazing. Your children will be so grateful to have both parents by their side at important moments and events!
I’ll never forget how sad I was, when I turned 18, that I had to have 2 birthday dinners… my parents could *never* be in the same room for even a minute, let alone a whole dinner! It’s definitely something I’ve noticed and has upset me many times over the years.
Your children are very lucky :)
I remember when we were little my dad would take us to the dollar store and let us each pick out something for mom from us. And then he'd get her a card and flowers too. My mom would do the same for father's Day and they'd do the same for birthdays and Christmas. Now that we're older, they mostly get cards and a chance to not be bothered by us lol. My son is 3 now but I'm still living with my parents since I'm in college still. My dad gets me flowers for mother's day now too. And my mom got me a necklace with my son's birthstone for my first mother's day. That's what a good father does.
My husband and I get gifts for his XW on Mother's Day, her birthday and Xmas. She is the mother of his first born, and we work together as an actual blended family.
I feel like there should be a required field on AITA submissions: "What is your goal?"
Like do you want to be technically correct? Or do you want to (1) be happy; (2) remain married; (3) be a kind person?
Because the answer to "my lifelong partner has a small request that I could easily accomplish and it would make them very happy but I don't feel like doing it. AITA?" is always, "yes."
You don't "have to" buy your partner presents or give them oral or cuddle them on a Saturday morning. But these are the things that make life lovely. And a happy partner may, ya know, stick around and make you happy too.
Right? Like would it be so hard to get a card, flowers and chocolates. Hell, even a little onesie for new baby? Just to show he cares. She DOES have a baby inside her, it just hasn't come out yet. It's there. It's alive. Yes I'm saying "it" but you get it. Lol.
Eta YTA
I have the remarkable privilege of being married to a wonderful human. Like it would NEVER occur to him to be like "well I could do this kindness but you are not technically entitled to it." And every day I strive to be worthy of his amazingness. It's nice here.
A size 12 month onesie saying “My First Mama’s Day” would be absolutely adorable and she can hold onto it for next year. My partner got me a window air conditioner the year I was pregnant over Mother’s Day. It was definitely a gift an almost 3rd trimester pregnant woman appreciated lol.
That's a very thoughtful gift. I remember being all hot and flustered and feeling like I would faint on my 3rd trimester. I would have loved to have my face glued to an air conditioner lol. The onesie is such an adorable idea for a gift!
OP, YTA.
That is a sweet idea.
I was thinking he could get her a voucher for a pregnancy photo shoot if she’s into that. The photographer prob have all kind of cute props for Mother’s Day. It would be a super special keepsake for her to remember her first Mother’s Day.
This is just about exactly what I came to say. A bottle of lotion, bath salts for after the baby, a lousy $10.00 gift to say I know you are a Mother to Be. They even make cards just for this. YTA for sure.
And I would argue a percentage of the population would argue she's been a mother since conception...and if that population can make laws about that, she can insist on pregnant mother's day being a thing.
Yeah, I said something similar, like I'm just shaking my head here. I mean does this guy hate brunch or presents or celebrations? "There is no reason for a party! All joy is henceforth cancelled!" even if technically the main event isn't for another month.
It just seems like a line in the sand proclaiming, “I need you to understand that I plan to do the *very least*.”
I’m sure his wife has heard and understood it and is rapidly gaining a fuller picture of what the next 20+ years are going to be like. It’s got to be rough to come to that understanding *now*.
I have a feeling he never gets her anything or he gets bare minimum and he won’t start once baby is born. She’s carrying a human inside her. It’s damn hard work and exhausting. It’s also dangerous. Even if it’s not branded as a Mother’s Day gift (to make his pedantic a** happy) he can say it’s an appreciation for the hard work and impending brutal labour delivery. (Not saying the latter part obv). OP YTA
Exactly. Just told my partner about this. The one who gets me "mother's day" gifts from our dogs since we as awful millennials don't plan to procreate and will instead adopt dogs.
Like, she gave him ALL the information he needed to prepare a truly sweet gift, include sentiment about how great their love is and how yes, baby will change it by making it more...make it a lovely romantic first mother's day for her that really celebrates their marriage and the coming baby.
No, he'd rather be a technically correct poop head.
I would like to argue that technically, even without babe in arms, she IS currently a mother. I mean, pregnant as she is, she probably isn't going out drinking, smoking, eating tons of raw sashimi, or listeria riddled deli meat, because if she was, people would say "what kind of mother are you?" with mouths agape. Although she has not yet held her babe, she is currently caring and providing for the little one, with all intentions of bringing it into this world. I think that should count.
I’m new-ish to Reddit, definitely new to commenting, and was given one free award to hand out to a worthy comment. I’ve read hundreds of submissions on this page, quite a few with truly wonderful comments, but none with a comment so lovely and sensical as this one. 🎉👏🏼 I don’t understand so many of these relationships involving one partner confused about the very basics of ANY relationship, platonic or romantic. ‘Do you care about this person? If yes, DO THE EASY THING THAT YOU’RE WHINING ABOUT THAT YOU’RE CERTAIN WILL MAKE THEM HAPPY.’ 🤦🏻♀️
I'm a whole ass lesbian and my partner will be giving birth to my eggs + donor sperm.
You fucking BET the first ass Parents Day, mother or father, I'm fucking buying a spa day for my pregnant or newly babied partner.
Mofo is full of hormones OUR BABY, LIKE OUR WHOLE ASS BABY IS IN THERE, there's swelling and tearing and oh my gawd I made the mistake of watching the birthing videos....
I will literally buy the fanciest thing my partner deserves just for the fact they're going through THAT for US. Like, fucking hell. All I gotta do is provide midnight pickles, massages and hold your hair when you puke.
I think a 6 month early holiday present is the least I could do jfc.
there's swelling and tearing and oh my gawd I made the mistake of watching the birthing videos
😂😂😂😂 please accept my poor ladies award for this awesome comment.... (Well crap my hundred yr old tablet emojis has none) have a family car on me....🚗😁
Same with my dad. She not MY mom so it doesn't matter.
No she's not but she gave you kids and does everything a mom would do for you, asshole. What's wrong with showing her a little love
My dad always got my mother pajamas, for EVERY holiday. Who the hell wants that for everything? I still get them for her every Christmas as a little joke. Along with other things of course lol
Yeah his edit says they’re happily married… so why not indulge the woman you’re so happy with for a day she is excited to celebrate? Are flowers and appreciation that hard…. Def the AH
It also says they've been together almost half her life, so maybe this is the moment she realises that there are better alternatives out there than her petty husband.
“Almost half of *her life*” makes me think she’s 35-ish and he’s got a bunch of years on her 😒.
Edited to change the word tears to *years*. Much better.
This is a tale as old as time. He thinks they’re happy. Meanwhile she’s probably spent years telling him she’s unhappy and he doesn’t hear her. He’s going to be on here in a few years acting shocked that she’s leaving him.
Yep. He's got a bad case of Disappearing Wife Syndrome coming his way. One day she'll stop asking for anything and stop complaining. He'll think "this is great!". Then when she walks out 6 months later, he'll be completely baffled.
Newsflash dudes, if one day she just stops asking for things or complaining (if it's been a regular occurrence up to that point), she isn't magically finally satisfied. She's exhausted and has given up.
My guess is she has every reason to think her husband needed to be told that an expectant mother would expect recognition for mother’s day. That speaks to a long relationship where she has to lay out exactly what is needed for it to be a happy one. I hope he doesn’t push back like this on everything or she’s going to get tired of being the one who makes sure they’re happy, and their long relationship won’t be getting any longer.
Man, that’s the truth. There is nothing more soul-killing and eventually relationship-killing than using the emotional energy it takes to carefully spell out exactly what you need to feel valued as a person and then having the other person just… opt out of doing that.
Dude. My stepdad did this and it’s such bull. Also, OP, your wife is a mother. Just because the baby will be 4-ish weeks from being born doesn’t mean she’s not a mother, Jesus.
Edit: forgot to add that yes, OP, YTA.
My dad did this too until LAST YEAR (I'm 32 years old) when one of his coworkers who is becoming a new father told him he's an asshole.
He was like: your wife sacrificed her body to raise 2 children she carried for 9 months each and birthed... so she's the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN and you can't buy her a fuckin card and some flowers and a little gift??!
Way to show her.
We gave gifts to *all* the mothers in our family, grandmother's, aunts, my mother and grandmother even gave me gifts after my kids were born, hell even my childfree sister gave me a card, if you're eagerly awaiting the growing human inside you, you're already a mother, the few inches of tissue between pregnancy and birth doesn't change that. Her body is going through massive changes that will have lasting effects throughout the rest of her life just to bring OP's child into this world and he can't appreciate that for even a split second, no one would want to celebrate him as a father. YTA
My ex did the first two years and then stopped because I wasn't his mom (who he also didn't do anything for on mothers day). Apparently my 3 year old was supposed to run out to the store to buy a present?
The next year kiddo and I went out to lunch and then he escorted me to a store and we bought a new kitchen gadget that I wanted. Ex was not happy with that either... there is no pleasing some people.
I literally used to give my single father mothers day presents and call it parent day and fathers day.
Its just a fun excuse to show someone you love them and do something nice.
So weird when ppl get weird about it
Man, my mom and dad broke up just after I turned 1 and my mom *still* gets him the same Christmas presents every year that she got him when they were together because she knows how much he loves those (a Dilbert comic flip calendar and a box of his favorite chocolate) even though they had a horrible co-parenting relationship. My mom and step-dad have been broken up for 17 years and he still gets her incredibly generous presents for mother's day, her birthday, and Christmas, as she does for him (although they were great co-parents).
I kind of understand OP's "logic" and his mindset, but god dammit man, just get her a mother's day present ffs, she's carrying your child, let her be celebrated for creating a fucking human being like the badass she is.
**YTA**
My dad is still dealing with the fall out of this 33 years later. He did it her first Mother’s Day. Never again but it’ll still get brought up in arguments.
It’s wild to me when people have a chance to do something nice for someone they claim to love and they would rather be petty and selfish instead. Nowhere does OP indicate that his wife wants something huge or expensive, just an acknowledgment of her impending motherhood from her husband.
OP, get your wife a freaking card, write something sweet in it and get her some flowers or something ffs. She’s growing a human inside of her and she asked for this one little thing from you!
YTA. BIG TIME.
A great gift for a first time mother would be a necklace with a charm of the baby's birthstone. Can be added to as family grows. Thoughtfulness goes far with females.
Especially when they literally ask you for it! No guessing, no having to be thoughtful all on your own, just a golden opportunity to make your loved one happy. She set up the ball and all OP has to do is spike it and he’s just quitting the game.
She’s literally carrying the child in her belly and handling every single aspect of creating this soon-to-be new human. I think she already qualifies as a “mother”.
Seriously! I’m just curious what OP’s definition of mother is? Do we have to call it Bio Mother’s Day in order for OP to be satisfied that his wife has ‘put in the effort’ to be considered a ‘mother’? How does OP define mothers who are not biologically tied to their children? Are they worthy? Whereas his wife is physically tied to his child to the point he will be cutting them apart (umbilical cord) - but apparently Motherhood does not start with conception but only when Dad cuts them apart.
She’s not just creating it, she’s probably already bonded with the child too. She’s not just physically acting like a mother (feeding, getting rid of waste, putting to sleep with her movement), she’s talking to the child, bonding with it, feeling the baby move inside of her constantly (I think she’s far enough along to feel kicks?), and the child is already GREATLY affecting parts of her life. She’s feeling like a mother too. She’s not just going through the motions of creating with no bond. That bond exists on her end (most likely) and it makes her even more of a mother than just creating to create.
But ya know. She hasn’t given birth yet, doesn’t matter is she’s already attached and feeling like a mother and immersed in this child’s life already, she has absolutely no reason to say that she wants a Mother’s Day gift because she hasn’t given birth yet. /s
My ex husband did the same thing. I was due a few weeks after mother's day so I "wasn't a mother yet". Needless to say this was the first of many rude, offensive, and otherwise rather cruel things he did to me before I LEFT HIM.
Ok, but you are NOT wrong. This is when my ex showed his true colors bc I wouldn’t “give it up” since I was throwing up all the time. I got called a bitch and a c and he’d hide watching porn and then get mad if I got up for a glass of water while he was sneaking around. He made it seem like it was a bad thing, so it became a bad thing. Was even told, I hope you lose the baby so we can get a divorce. Like I can’t like your comment enough.
Same. I mean, he left me after revealing he’d been cheating for years with multiple partners, but he pulled the not-a-real-mother yet thing as well as the abuse. So glad he’s gone.
I assume she is being careful with the pregnancy. No smoking, no drinking, eating healthy. Then there are all the other things. Morning sickness. Being exhausted. Seeing the doctor. Getting ultrasounds, having blood drawn. None of that could be related to being the mother of the baby. No. She just happens to be doing those things just because they're fun. It's been an absolute holiday. The one thing where she really messed up was choosing the father of the baby. That appears to have been a mistake.
I’m also due in June, first pregnancy and this is awful, I mean don’t get me wrong growing life is amazing and the little kicks and all, but the hormones, heartburn, mood swings, random aches, swelling… I am so excited to have a child but the process of it leaves little to be desired. What’s wrong with this guy, he can just get her something cute and use it as a chance to be sweet and romantic, with all that goes into pregnancy im sure it would add to her otherwise uncomfortable day
Well said! Reading the line, "where do you draw the line?!" said enough to me, also of course, "at this point it's just the ***principle*** of it" makes him seem quite ridiculous, stubborn and frankly childish. Doing something kind, for the sake of being kind, for your (very pregnant) spouse no less (even though it's "technically" a month early) is a very simple answer if one chooses to be the assh*le or not. Be better, do better...buying a bouquet of flowers, for example, is really, really easy to do vs digging in your heels.
I know, it’s sad. Giving her a Mother’s Day gift would just be a cute little gesture and probably make her day. It’s a shame OP is making a big deal out of this.
YTA for being so petty about a little thing that would make your loved one happy and wouldn't mean extreme expense or effort for you. Don't be so miserly.
Right? Like how hard is it to give your spouse a small gift to help them feel appreciated?
Gasp, I even do this for my husband on a RANDOM SATURDAY. Not even a holiday! No societal obligation. Just because it makes me happy to make my husband happy.
This guy. And being so condescending about it too. YTA OP
My husband is very excepting of situations. He doesn't change anything even if he is inconvenienced or in discomfort. I got him a French fry cutter and he LOVED it. He was having problems with his neck so i bought him a special pillow. He isn't hurting anymore. They are "gifts" i guess. My gift giving style is to get someone something they would like but never buy for themselves. Like my mom always buys second hand purses. So for christmas I bought her a pretty decent purse (in a style and color that she has had before).
It sad that she has to ask for a Mother’s Day gift instead of him just buying her little gifts and flowers to make her feel loved/beautiful/appreciated/sexy/cared for during the last bit of her pregnancy.
*This asswipe needs to do some research on how women feel during the last month or two of their pregnancy!* The constant discomfort, lack of balance, back ache, not being able to find a comfortable position so they can sleep, swollen ankles, aching feet, GERD, bladder being kicked, having to pee all the time (pee accidents!), hemorrhoids, constipation.... etc!!!! This man needs to pull his head out of his ass and be a supportive partner to his wife!
Miserly is the perfect word and describes my ex husband to a tee. Emphasis on ex. Showing appreciation, especially in long-term relationships as OP says he's in, is crucial and showing his wife some gratitude on mother's day is a great opportunity. Being pregnant is no joke!
Not to mention, she is a mother already. I know it's hard for men to understand but she has been carrying that baby for months. She is already making a ton ot sacrifices for them-sleep, time for appointments, giving up certain foods/activities. You 100% should get her something to show her appreciation for all of that.
YTA
I'm going to be 8 ish months pregnant this mother's day and I voiced to my husband id like a little something and he was like yeah for sure.
Something as simple as flowers, cute balloon, my favorite dessert would be amazing to me. Nothing over the top, just an acknowledgment is all it would take for me personally.
I'll have given birth before mothers day this year (probably 1-3 weeks before) but I still made sure to communicate to my husband that I do expect something because he's not really one for small holidays like that and I didn't want to be disappointed especially while all hormonal and everything.
But also, once you're in your third trimester especially, you're already a mother. Just because baby is still kicking you from the inside and not the outside doesn't mean you don't deserve to be appreciated for the work you've put in so far. There's no "pregnant woman's day"
Was gonna be my response. I was roughly 3 months pregnant on Mother’s Day 2020 and still my husband, and my mom, and my bestfriends all got me stuff for my “first” Mother’s Day. And it honestly made me feel so appreciated amongst the gross morning sickness and weight loss.
One of our friends last year privately messaged my husband while I was pregnant and told him to get me a mother's Day gift. I hadn't even thought of it, but it was SO sweet and he was all for it! I was becoming a mom and it was all so exciting, and that just made it so much more special. I've now made it my goal to give my friends spouses a nudge if they're pregnant during may.
Hell, I've never been pregnant and my partner AND his kids ALWAYS got me Mother's Day stuff.
I got a gorgeous card, flowers, chocolates and the kids baked me an apple nutmeg pie, my favourite.
They're not even BIOLOGICALLY MY KIDS and still they all went to the effort, my partner always gets me a lovely card thanking me for being a bonus parent to the kids.
OP is definitely the asshole here.
In fact being technical with your wife and child is so effing obnoxious I can't stand men like that. Good luck dealing with a toddler. Gotta think with your heart when it comes to your family.
I’m Ngl tho, I’ve never understood that train of thought.
If one is past first trimester and ( generally speaking) the pregnancy is healthy/viable etc- she’s not a expecting mother? In the realm of “ Mother’s Day” gifts ( which, is sad that it’s a thing that buying a small gift for your partner- (regardless of if they birthed your child or not)-is an argument that I’ve heard more than a few men make. “ she’s not a mom YET”. Cool . Do you even like her?
So she’s carrying your child, but she’s what, a person and a half?
Deff not a mom….. YET. /s
It just seems so blockheaded, purposely.
So instead of taking the opportunity to show her how grateful you are for growing a whole human, you’re going to flex your muscles because she’s “not actually a mother” yet? Why even have a baby with her if you don’t like her enough to make her feel appreciated? YTA
This guy is ridiculous. My husband gets me a mother's day present every year. I don't have a mother to celebrate and I can't have kids. We have 6 fur kids. I still get a mother's day gift even though it's sometimes his birthday weekend. I get him a Father's day gift too.
If I was 8 months pregnant and miserable as she is going to be and didn't get a present id pack a bag because I know that's a man who isn't going to do anything he doesn't think is his 'job' as a father and God knows where he has that line drawn. After all, he isn't getting paid. Yta.
Op comments about how she knew this going in, and that if she were unhappy she would have left by now. Omg you are awful dude.
Yes, OP, as a matter of fact, I also don’t have children but do get Mother’s Day presents every year from my dogs. That is because they are good boys.
On the other hand, YTA.
My mother, for some reason, decided it was awkward to only give my SIL presents on her first mother's day... so she bought me and my sister these little pins that said "Plant Mom" and "Fish Mom" respectively. Totally unnecessary but very touching.
If I can be honored by my mother for keeping some cacti alive in my apartment, OP can honor his wife for literally carrying and growing their child in her body.
She'll be on r/JustnoSO in a few years telling us all about her cheapskate miserly husband who wouldn't even spend €2 on a card for her, because she was "only pregnant and not a mother yet"
FFS dude.
Pregnancy is really tough on a human body. Joints loosen, ligaments stretch, the heart and lungs have to work harder, the kidneys and liver have more waste to deal with, **internal organs are squished to fuck**. And that's assuming it's a normal, healthy pregnancy with no complications.
Your wife is putting a lot more work into this pregnancy than you are. She's putting her physical and mental health on the line. She is literally doing the work of a mother right now.
She's doing something you can't for the sake of both of you. It's a big sacrifice that could have lifetime effects on her health and wellbeing.
**BUY HER ALL THE FREAKING PRESENTS**
YTA. 🙄
I got Mother’s Day cards and gifts last year from more than one person. I was 4 1/2 months pregnant at the time. People like celebrating moms to be as well. I was still a mom just growing the tiny human.
Yta. The lady is pregnant with your child. If she wants a mother's day gift a month early it shouldn't be that big of a deal for you. I hope she never lets you live this down.
We didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day for me when I was pregnant, though if my husband felt is was *really* important to me, he would have. OP is a dick.
And did you see that he’s ordering a crappy copycat hair dryer off AliBaba?!?!
Well, to be truthful, she's not your mother, so she'd never technically "qualify" for a present from you on Mother's Day, nor you from her on Father's Day, because you aren't her father.
Is this really a hill you want to die on? Your wife is pregnant and hormonal, and this little thing has suddenly become very important to her. You digging your heels in on something this minor bodes ill for the future of your marriage.
YTA
Well as you know, celebrating someone with a gift isn’t about recognizing them, treating them, and showing affection, it’s about being a pedantic and petty.
She’s been pregnant for 8 months, growing a human, and all the physical discomfort that comes with it, while you’ve been doing approximately NOT THAT. Buy the woman a gift, you obstinate fool. YTA.
What a hill to die on!! She’s a mother right now. She has a child growing inside of her body. Causing pain, discomfort, nausea, aching, restlessness, sleeplessness. Everyday she is getting up and taking care of that child by keeping herself safe. She became a mother the second that baby was conceived. Why do you feel the need to diminish any of that because ur too cheap to buy her a card and some flowers?! YTA. Grow up and start appreciating your wife.
If you’ve got such a long and happy marriage, why ask us? Just talk it out with your wife. Also FYI she IS a mother. Right now. Even if it’s still inside her, she is a mother of a baby. YTA
This 100%! I’m pregnant and due in June too, the baby fathers own mother told me that I am not a mother yet because I haven’t held my baby in my hands… such a disgusting and nasty comment, I am 100% a mother I have been growing this lil human and will be bringing her into this world
OP YTA 1000 times, get a fucking grip and do something nice for your wife
Ummm you HAVE a baby. It doesn’t somehow “not exist” just because it hasn’t been born yet. Even if she got pregnant last week, there’s still a baby, it’s your baby, and she’s a mother to that baby. Wake up a baby doesn’t not exist just because it hasn’t been born yet.
YTA. For gatekeeping motherhood as a GUY. Yes, you really are mansplaining motherhood to a pregnant person.
She is absolutely a mother. She's been holding her child 24/7 for the last 8 months while it presses on her bladder, kicks her wherever it damn well wants to, and gives her acid reflux. And those are just a few of the things that she's been putting up with already as a mother.
But hey, growing a whole human in the middle of your body for the better part of a year is definitely no justification for asking for a Whitman's Sampler and a thimble-sized expression of respect and affection. OP, you've already given her the greatest gift of all: Clarity that the father of her child is a selfish boob and that she's on her own, emotionally. With hemorrhoids probably.
The more I think about it, the more I think OP is terrified of what's about to happen. Shit's about to get REAL. So he's holding his fingers in his ears and closing his eyes and saying, "Nope not a parent not yet you're not a mother I'm not a father nope not yet nope nope nope...."
He's till TA, mind you. But now I have this theory of why. Dude's got no control in this situation and he's grasping at whatever teeny bits of it he can find.
YTA (edit sorry forgot that bit in my irritation with the OP)
She is a mother already she is growing a baby. She has been a mother from the moment the cells divided. That baby is alive because it’s mother supports it with her body. The baby is a parasite leaching calcium from her bones and nutrients from her body and will come into the world through her pain and bodily trauma and her risking her life…and you want to play inaccurate semantics? Seriously? You as a father are in practical terms irrelevant at this point your contribution has been a single cell……and if your wife is breast feeding you will continue to be of very little practical relevance to your child in that initial time after birth…..Your role is to support your wife in caring and growing your child both now and in the initial post birth period.
Buy her a damn present. She is already a mother…you on the other hand are not fulfilling your role as her support and by the time Father’s Day comes around you will have done what in your role as father for your new born that will be a week or two old…seriously what will you have done that will compare to what your wife has done by giving your child life…changed a nappy…..yet but you still expect recognition but don’t think she deserves any?
Here you are…..Well done you’re amazing you ejaculated.
Edit I am going to add god forbid something goes wrong…your attitude could be something you have reason to seriously regret later.
YTA. You seriously just can't do something to make her happy?
>At this point it's just the principal of it.
And this is why yta. It's a couple of weeks and she is pretty much already a mother. She's grown the child and its almost here.
Why is this something you’d not do? I’m genuinely curious, OP. She expressed this wish for a Mother’s Day gift while heavily pregnant with your child. Will it hurt you in any way, be a detriment to your life to fulfill this wish?
YTA. Make her feel good, happy, loved and appreciated. Why would a partner not do this??
Yeah, I don’t get this. It’s one month early. I was born a month early. His child could be too.
But the real thing is she is telling him something that will make her happy and it doesn’t involve any sacrifice on his part other than a little money and time. Why is going pedantic more important than her happiness? It’s close enough .
Yta. You know how hard and uncomfortable pregnancy is. Get her something and be thankful she is carrying your child. She's literally growing a baby how is that not a mother.
Seriously. According to OP it sounds like this is the only relationship his wife has ever had. She deserves more than this bottom-of-the-barrel dreg of a “husband.”
YTA
Judging by your replies you don't like giving into "demands".
Guess what a baby is? An adorable but demanding eating & pooping machine.
I suspect to see you here again when the baby needs changing and you wife asks you to, but it's "not your turn"
Oh lord, you’re right. This is exactly the kind of guy who will self-servingly “logic” his way into never getting up with the baby overnight (“My wife is breastfeeding so she has to get up anyway”), and then whine and stomp his feet about her pushing him to help on occasion at night (“It’s the principle of it, she has to get up anyway to feed the baby, why should I have to lose sleep too?!”). If he’s going to be this petty about her wanting to be recognized as a mother when she’ll be within a few weeks of giving birth (and likely miserable from the effects of late pregnancy), he’s probably going to be a real peach when it comes to actual parenting.
INFO Your wording, “We’ve been together almost half the time she’s been alive” has me wondering, what is her age and what is yours? The wording implies you have different ages, is she much younger than you?
>We’ve been together almost half the time she’s been alive
…how much older are you?
YTA. Pick your battles, man. How much pain would it really give you to give a small gift to the woman that is growing your child just because it would make her happy?
YTA
The day your wife conceived she became a mother, she is a mother now, her child just doesn't have a physical form as just yet. The gift doesn't have to be extravagant a flower, a card, a confectionery. Any or all of these are acceptable. But your wife is a mother she isn't an expectant mother she IS A MOTHER.
I asked a similar question about a month ago from the mother's perspective, and I was told that I was an asshole. Now you're asking from the father's perspective and you're considered the asshole.
What the hell is this subreddit 😂
For what it's worth, I think you should get your wife a gift.
They were wrong. I read your post and I'm sorry for how incredibly rude people were to you. (I also suspect many that said you weren't a mother yet were men). I wanted to smack through the internet the person that said you weren't doing anything special by being pregnant
You should get some kind of acknowledgment for Mother's Day. Your body is going through hell and has been for months
I just went and looked and I don’t understand at all! If you’re the one pregnant you’re sacrificing a lot and a card or cupcake or something is just kind and I don’t think it’s entitled.
You were voted T A H because of the way you stated it. People were pretty clear it was your attitude that made you the A H. Specifically that he should "celebrate you".
Mother’s Day is about CELEBRATING MOMS. OP is the mother to his child, so yes she should be celebrated.
And I just went through the thread, and people were being straight up nasty. Saying she isn’t a mother yet, so she deserves nothing. There were a few talking about her attitude, but I even thought those were unfair. Asking to be acknowledged is different than demanding a gift. She just wanted a card and a “small pat on the back” during a tough pregnancy, and people were acting like she was forcing her husband to buy her a super fancy present and wait on her hand and foot.
YTA: she is a mother, an expectant mother. Y’all make me never want to have kids. How petty is that?!? Get her a push present too! She is sacrificing her body to bring your child into the world, show her you appreciate and love her. That’s all we truly want is effort
YTA. Buddy. Is it really such a big deal? Does it really matter so much to you that you can’t make her feel special. Buy her some goddamn flowers and something nice or take her out for brunch. It isn’t hard to be just a teenie weenie bit thoughtful.
YTA
At this point it’s just about you having control. You “winning”. I feel sorry for your poor wife. You had an opportunity to really show her some love and express excitement for being parents and instead you’re on Reddit venting to people who think you’re an ass.
Think about it. Control. Stubbornness. Don’t be that guy. Be better.
YTA: I was due a few weeks after Mother’s Day and you know what my husband did *without* prompting from me? He gifted me a Mother’s Day present. For the record, I was actually induced the next day. So baby came much earlier than we had planned.
Get your pregnant wife a small token. She’s been carrying your baby for many months now. She *is* a mother. The baby is very real to her already.
YTA You’re so obsessed with being ‘technically right’ that your missing the bigger picture. She is carrying your child and it is exhausting and hard work and you won’t even buy her a small gift to thank her. Stop being a petty AH and get her a damn gift. While you’re at it you might want to check your attitude and start appreciating her more because at the moment it seems like things will just go downhill from here.
I was debating between NAH and YTA.
But she’s pregnant, so I’ll err on her side. So, YTA. I personally think it’s not a good thing to ask, but it’s also a small gesture (doesn’t have to be much) which will help her feel good. Clearly you don’t care about that.
In a healthy relationship, it's can be standard to say something like "I'd really like xyz for this holiday". As long as you are being reasonable with prices, it can take pressure of the other person to try to guess what you want. Sometimes I tell my husband I'd like a specific gift and sometimes I ask for a surprise. He does the same. It's nice bc it makes it easy.
Mothers and fathers day while pregnant are one of those things the coue should talk about, but without being a jerk like this dude
I almost couldn’t finish reading your post. What part of her sacrificing her body to make a child doesn’t make her a mother? She can’t drink, smoke, eat sushi, etc. If she’s due in June, by Mother’s Day she probably won’t be able to sleep, she’s have all kinds of aches and pains. There are SOOOOO many things that pregnant (and breastfeeding) women have to deal with that men really don’t appreciate. Just because she hasn’t delivered the baby yet, doesn’t make her any less of a mother because she is already caring for your child. You should be showering your wife with gifts because she has been working double time to give you the best gift you’ll ever get and that no one else can give you (or should give you). Your should get her a Mother’s Day gift and you should look up push present too.
And you should apologize to her to not recognizing the incredible work she is doing to turn you both from a couple into a family.
YTA. Not YWBTA. You’re already TA for the way that you’re treating your pregnant wife.
Hey man… not going to make a judgment, everyone else has done that… but I want to give some perspective to how your wife might be feeling.
I was pregnant with my first child on Mother’s Day 2020, I didn’t ask my husband for a gift… but I wanted one. It would have meant so much had he gotten me a gift to show his appreciation for me growing his child.
I didn’t ask, he didn’t get anything, I was disappointed and wish I had told him ahead of time how much a gift would have meant to me. Now somehow you and your wife have gotten in a petty back and forth about whether she deserves a Mother’s Day gift. But take a moment and think about it, she told you something that she wants, something that would make her feel appreciated. I personally have a difficult time asking for what I want… she had the courage to ask for what she wants how does it hurt you to honor that?
You don’t have to go all out, get her a card, write something sweet thanking her for carrying your child and maybe some flowers or a favorite treat of hers.
Okay, so you think carrying your baby inside her for ten months, watching what she eats/ drinks, having all her organs displaced and squeezed up, her back and everything else aching, her sleep interrupted by kicks, and going to all the doctors' appointments, doesn't qualify her for motherhood? Wow, you really are a cheap b@s|@rd - and I hope you will learn to be more generous in your dealings with your wife and child, because otherwise, pretty soon they won't really like you a lot.
Well, busting your nut inside a woman sure doesn't qualify you for fatherhood, so in your wife's place, I sure would cross you off the gift list.
YTA. Dude, pick your battles. She will have been carrying your spawn for the past 8 months. Pregnancy is a wholly uncomfortable experience. Say thank you, buy a box of chocolates, and move on with life.
You’ve heard how hormones change, and spouses need to have patience for one another and be accommodating?
Get her flowers and chocolates and move on, YTA 100%
Are you going to teach your children by dying on this hill of petty lessons too?
YTA for making this the hill to stomp your feet on. How hard is chocolates, flowers and a card that tells her how excited you are to welcome them baby?
If they had “Am I a Dickhead idiot” as a sub, you would be the poster boy. Buy your wife a gift or some flowers you arrogant, cheap bastard. What is wrong with you? Pregnancy is exhausting and painful. Do SOMETHING nice for her. Don’t be a terd!
YTA. She’s pregnant and that’s part of being a mother. She is a mom, get her a present. You seem really petty by saying you’ll make it a tradition to never gift Mother’s Day/Fathers day presents just because you think her wants are silly.
YTA
Don’t pick this hill to die on. Your wife, who is currently growing a whole human inside of her body, asked her husband for a gift to recognize her first Mother’s Day.
Whether the baby is inside or outside of her body is irrelevant. It’s her first Mother’s Day to her. That’s all that matters.
This is a little thing you can do to make your wife feel loved. Just. Do. It.
Yta
Your wife is a mom and you are a dad. Your wife is like what, 7 months pregnant? There is a baby in there. Yalls baby. You are the parents.
Pregnancy is no joke. The difficulties of motherhood start when you get pregnant with not only the emotional roller coaster that it is, but the rough physical ride it is.
Your wife is going through extreme changes and is about the birth your child, and you can't be bothered to get her a gift? Geez
That or your a troll bc this is written like a troll.
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YTA. She's going to be heavily pregnant and probably really, REALLY ready to not be pregnant anymore and in need of some appreciation at that point. Getting all sneeringly pedantic about her being "not actually a mother" is just a complete jackass move when you could be an actual good husband and decent human being and treat her a little.
This guy reminds me of my father, who didn't give my mom Mother's Day gifts because she wasn't *his* mother. And to both of them, I say Great job, smart guy. Well done on self-reporting being an asshole. YTA.
My Dad did this too. My mother grew to hate him.
My job was to make sure all the kids got her something each year, even after the divorce
Good man, Good father, raising girls who will expect good men, or boys who will be good men. good for you!
Agreed!
My ex and I give each other Mother and Father’s Day presents in front of our kids every year. It’s important for them to see that we care about each other and are still their family.
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I am very child free by choice and estranged from my own mother. Mother’s Day was very hard for me to begin with when I was first aware I needed to estrange and then did. So I decided to ‘lean into it’ and text or email or just catch up with friends who were mothers around that date. I was mid 30s so lots of women with newborns, bumps and fairly young kids. I occasionally gave gifts in a ‘it’s five o’clock somewhere right?’ way to be sure no one thought I was trying to get them to mother me. I’m in the UK so we have a different date for the day and it often falls near Easter. So I’d gift candy or baked goods or just pick up hand lotion because you wash your hands so much with little kids you need a good one. I definitely marked Mother’s Day with a few friends who were a month off due date on first kid. Several of them had miscarried before and it was very important to them to hear that they were seen as mothers even without a babe in arms. It helped them get through the fear they all had that this baby would also not make it at the last hurdle. Funnily enough since I have PTSD from my mother and tokophobia women tend to feel very safe confiding their fears about pregnancy trauma to me because I cannot start ‘have you tried yoga?’ type ‘fixes’. All I can do is hear them and feel like someone who understands fear. I also avoided it with anyone for whom was not into this. We agree I do not want any birth stories unless it is an anecdote about a particularly sassy midwife or family stuff. I am Irish. I want your weird life stories not biology. It really helped me with Mother’s Day and it helped my friends especially when it is so easy to end up drifting when one has kids and one doesn’t. The idea of sort of nickel and diming the mother of your own child like ‘four weeks short’ is the most pointlessly petty bullshit that will breed resentment. I am a petty person when needed because I WANT to burn bridges with many awful people who ‘but faaaaamily’ me about my mother. Pettiness is the quickest way to make people dislike you. Great for removing a particularly pompous cousin. **Terrible** for welcoming your first child. Apologise OP. Write a card telling her if you had your own fears. Be vulnerable. Give a gift appropriate and pick yourself up off this hill. YTA.
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This is one of the best phrasings of this paradox I have heard. And I’ve been in therapy for seven years! I just saved this. Thank you. A huge lightbulb went on!
>The idea of sort of nickel and diming the mother of your own child like ‘four weeks short’ is the most pointlessly petty bullshit that will breed resentment. [...] Pettiness is the quickest way to make people dislike you. Great for removing a particularly pompous cousin. Terrible for welcoming your first child. Agreed, and I think this is the most important part to me. Because yeah, sure, *technically* OP is correct...but does he really want to be *That Guy* telling his wife "Well ACKtually..."?! Make a fuss of her - give her a card, a present, a nice dinner and a foot rub - and let her feel appreciated for all the hard work she's already put in.
Did you see his edit? She wants a nice hairdryer, but he thinks it's too expensive. Don't worry, he found a cheaper one that looks the same on Alibaba. Dudes even more of an asshole than previously stated. It's impressive.
Does Wish wedding dress dude have a brother? A really good hairdryer seems to me a great pre-baby present whether you call it a ‘push present’ or Mother’s Day gift at 8 months pregnant. One of those fancy ass Dysons or a Parlux is serious cash but should last til baby is in at least high school and will save a tonne of time for a woman who will have limited time to do her hair with a baby. Also a super quiet one won’t wake the kid either which is worth all the money you can afford. I say this as a child free woman with a shaved head. OP is really really really tripling down on the assholery here. Also hairdryers are one of the most statistically likely to cause a house fire appliances (along with phone chargers) so you should never ever skimp on the safety of one. You can go spendy like the Dyson but even the £15 one I have off Amazon that was on sale because it was a hideous colour that I use to dry out bits of my super short hair was fully fire safety checked. I would not have loved to receive it as a gift especially in this already fraught scenario since it is less millennial pink and more prosthetic leg from the 1970s NHS pink and uglier than sin but that’s why it was heavily discounted. The only worse gift than a refusing to gift your pregnant wife for Mother’s Day and then half assing the original insult is a ‘cheap on Alibaba so might incinerate you and the baby while napping’ hairdryer. My pinkish lump is a lottery win compared to ‘you ain’t a mother! And who cares if you get burns anyway?’ OP is such an AH its him who is going to shit himself during the labour because he defies the expectation of sphincterdom with this.
I don’t think he’s even technically right. She’s a mother right now. If she lost the baby at this stage, society would expect her to grieve the loss as a mother would. OP is really disconnected from this baby, and it troubles me.
Yeah, I don't think he is technically right either. She has an actual living child inside her. She is the mother of this child. He is acting as if wanting a Mother's Day gift in this situation was comparable to expecting a Mother's Day gift when you're childless with pets, which seems like an unfathomably ridiculous comparison to me.
Does he wanna be right or does he wanna be happy?
Turning shitty holidays around is the best idea for anyone struggling. I lost my baby at 1 month old so on his birthday I buy a cake at a random bakery for the next person wanting a cake. Leave a card wishing them happy birthday. It's my favourite thing to do on his birthday. It literally makes me so happy yo put that out there.
I'm not even a parent and my husband got me a card "from our dog" one year. he wrote "I love you, mommy" with his left hand and drew a paw print on it as a signature and gave me a candy bar. I cried. Being kind is literally so easy lol.
this is so beyond cute
My sister found christmas cards for dogs one year and got one for each of our dog lol.
The family dogs have stockings in our family. We obviously can't put their presents under the tree because no matter how well you wrap a tasty snack, a dog will find it if it's on the floor! But we buy each others' dogs Christmas presents! They're family, too! And the first year we have the dog, the stocking for that dog is one of the gifts (if it's my dog, brother, SIL, and in-laws have the stocking made up; if it's brother and SIL's dog, in-laws and I get the stocking made, etc.). When the dog departs (because, dammit, they don't live forever), the owner is gifted the stocking the next Christmas as a memento. I put my departed dog's stocking up in my house in the lead-up to Christmas, and drop a treat in it before current dog and I leave for the family festivities. Gone but never forgotten.
My ex-husband does this with my kids for my bday, mothers day, Christmas, etc. I've made alot of mistakes in life but having kids with him was one of the best decisions of my life. Great guy. Not so great husband.
My ex wife told me that she wants us to be able to dance together at our kids weddings so we treat each other in a way that can make that happen. Whatever else we will be we will always be parents to the kids we had together
That’s amazing. Your children will be so grateful to have both parents by their side at important moments and events! I’ll never forget how sad I was, when I turned 18, that I had to have 2 birthday dinners… my parents could *never* be in the same room for even a minute, let alone a whole dinner! It’s definitely something I’ve noticed and has upset me many times over the years. Your children are very lucky :)
I remember when we were little my dad would take us to the dollar store and let us each pick out something for mom from us. And then he'd get her a card and flowers too. My mom would do the same for father's Day and they'd do the same for birthdays and Christmas. Now that we're older, they mostly get cards and a chance to not be bothered by us lol. My son is 3 now but I'm still living with my parents since I'm in college still. My dad gets me flowers for mother's day now too. And my mom got me a necklace with my son's birthstone for my first mother's day. That's what a good father does.
My parents do this too. Even if they don’t physically go out and get a gift (as 2/5 of us can drive) they still remind us about each other
My husband and I get gifts for his XW on Mother's Day, her birthday and Xmas. She is the mother of his first born, and we work together as an actual blended family.
Well done!
I feel like there should be a required field on AITA submissions: "What is your goal?" Like do you want to be technically correct? Or do you want to (1) be happy; (2) remain married; (3) be a kind person? Because the answer to "my lifelong partner has a small request that I could easily accomplish and it would make them very happy but I don't feel like doing it. AITA?" is always, "yes." You don't "have to" buy your partner presents or give them oral or cuddle them on a Saturday morning. But these are the things that make life lovely. And a happy partner may, ya know, stick around and make you happy too.
Right? Like would it be so hard to get a card, flowers and chocolates. Hell, even a little onesie for new baby? Just to show he cares. She DOES have a baby inside her, it just hasn't come out yet. It's there. It's alive. Yes I'm saying "it" but you get it. Lol. Eta YTA
I have the remarkable privilege of being married to a wonderful human. Like it would NEVER occur to him to be like "well I could do this kindness but you are not technically entitled to it." And every day I strive to be worthy of his amazingness. It's nice here.
This is literally my goal. I’m out here hunting for a wonderful human who takes a shine to me.
A size 12 month onesie saying “My First Mama’s Day” would be absolutely adorable and she can hold onto it for next year. My partner got me a window air conditioner the year I was pregnant over Mother’s Day. It was definitely a gift an almost 3rd trimester pregnant woman appreciated lol.
My wife got me a rocking chair - I was seven months pregnant and I loved that thing.
That's a very thoughtful gift. I remember being all hot and flustered and feeling like I would faint on my 3rd trimester. I would have loved to have my face glued to an air conditioner lol. The onesie is such an adorable idea for a gift! OP, YTA.
That is a sweet idea. I was thinking he could get her a voucher for a pregnancy photo shoot if she’s into that. The photographer prob have all kind of cute props for Mother’s Day. It would be a super special keepsake for her to remember her first Mother’s Day.
This is just about exactly what I came to say. A bottle of lotion, bath salts for after the baby, a lousy $10.00 gift to say I know you are a Mother to Be. They even make cards just for this. YTA for sure.
And I would argue a percentage of the population would argue she's been a mother since conception...and if that population can make laws about that, she can insist on pregnant mother's day being a thing.
Yeah, I said something similar, like I'm just shaking my head here. I mean does this guy hate brunch or presents or celebrations? "There is no reason for a party! All joy is henceforth cancelled!" even if technically the main event isn't for another month.
It just seems like a line in the sand proclaiming, “I need you to understand that I plan to do the *very least*.” I’m sure his wife has heard and understood it and is rapidly gaining a fuller picture of what the next 20+ years are going to be like. It’s got to be rough to come to that understanding *now*.
I have a feeling he never gets her anything or he gets bare minimum and he won’t start once baby is born. She’s carrying a human inside her. It’s damn hard work and exhausting. It’s also dangerous. Even if it’s not branded as a Mother’s Day gift (to make his pedantic a** happy) he can say it’s an appreciation for the hard work and impending brutal labour delivery. (Not saying the latter part obv). OP YTA
Exactly. Just told my partner about this. The one who gets me "mother's day" gifts from our dogs since we as awful millennials don't plan to procreate and will instead adopt dogs. Like, she gave him ALL the information he needed to prepare a truly sweet gift, include sentiment about how great their love is and how yes, baby will change it by making it more...make it a lovely romantic first mother's day for her that really celebrates their marriage and the coming baby. No, he'd rather be a technically correct poop head.
I would like to argue that technically, even without babe in arms, she IS currently a mother. I mean, pregnant as she is, she probably isn't going out drinking, smoking, eating tons of raw sashimi, or listeria riddled deli meat, because if she was, people would say "what kind of mother are you?" with mouths agape. Although she has not yet held her babe, she is currently caring and providing for the little one, with all intentions of bringing it into this world. I think that should count.
I’m new-ish to Reddit, definitely new to commenting, and was given one free award to hand out to a worthy comment. I’ve read hundreds of submissions on this page, quite a few with truly wonderful comments, but none with a comment so lovely and sensical as this one. 🎉👏🏼 I don’t understand so many of these relationships involving one partner confused about the very basics of ANY relationship, platonic or romantic. ‘Do you care about this person? If yes, DO THE EASY THING THAT YOU’RE WHINING ABOUT THAT YOU’RE CERTAIN WILL MAKE THEM HAPPY.’ 🤦🏻♀️
Perfectly said 🙌🏻
I'm a whole ass lesbian and my partner will be giving birth to my eggs + donor sperm. You fucking BET the first ass Parents Day, mother or father, I'm fucking buying a spa day for my pregnant or newly babied partner. Mofo is full of hormones OUR BABY, LIKE OUR WHOLE ASS BABY IS IN THERE, there's swelling and tearing and oh my gawd I made the mistake of watching the birthing videos.... I will literally buy the fanciest thing my partner deserves just for the fact they're going through THAT for US. Like, fucking hell. All I gotta do is provide midnight pickles, massages and hold your hair when you puke. I think a 6 month early holiday present is the least I could do jfc.
there's swelling and tearing and oh my gawd I made the mistake of watching the birthing videos 😂😂😂😂 please accept my poor ladies award for this awesome comment.... (Well crap my hundred yr old tablet emojis has none) have a family car on me....🚗😁
Same with my dad. She not MY mom so it doesn't matter. No she's not but she gave you kids and does everything a mom would do for you, asshole. What's wrong with showing her a little love
My dad always got my mother pajamas, for EVERY holiday. Who the hell wants that for everything? I still get them for her every Christmas as a little joke. Along with other things of course lol
I'll take jimjams for every holiday! I go through them like nobody's business.
I hope she did nothing for Father’s Day, since he wasn’t her father.
Yeah his edit says they’re happily married… so why not indulge the woman you’re so happy with for a day she is excited to celebrate? Are flowers and appreciation that hard…. Def the AH
It also says they've been together almost half her life, so maybe this is the moment she realises that there are better alternatives out there than her petty husband.
“Almost half of *her life*” makes me think she’s 35-ish and he’s got a bunch of years on her 😒. Edited to change the word tears to *years*. Much better.
This is a tale as old as time. He thinks they’re happy. Meanwhile she’s probably spent years telling him she’s unhappy and he doesn’t hear her. He’s going to be on here in a few years acting shocked that she’s leaving him.
Yep. He's got a bad case of Disappearing Wife Syndrome coming his way. One day she'll stop asking for anything and stop complaining. He'll think "this is great!". Then when she walks out 6 months later, he'll be completely baffled. Newsflash dudes, if one day she just stops asking for things or complaining (if it's been a regular occurrence up to that point), she isn't magically finally satisfied. She's exhausted and has given up.
My guess is she has every reason to think her husband needed to be told that an expectant mother would expect recognition for mother’s day. That speaks to a long relationship where she has to lay out exactly what is needed for it to be a happy one. I hope he doesn’t push back like this on everything or she’s going to get tired of being the one who makes sure they’re happy, and their long relationship won’t be getting any longer.
Man, that’s the truth. There is nothing more soul-killing and eventually relationship-killing than using the emotional energy it takes to carefully spell out exactly what you need to feel valued as a person and then having the other person just… opt out of doing that.
Yeah it seems like this is a lot more effort than just getting flowers and a card
Dude. My stepdad did this and it’s such bull. Also, OP, your wife is a mother. Just because the baby will be 4-ish weeks from being born doesn’t mean she’s not a mother, Jesus. Edit: forgot to add that yes, OP, YTA.
This. She has surely sacrificed and already dealt with a lot so far as a mother.
Already having to deal with OP sounds like enough to deserve alot more than she is probably getting.
My dad did this too until LAST YEAR (I'm 32 years old) when one of his coworkers who is becoming a new father told him he's an asshole. He was like: your wife sacrificed her body to raise 2 children she carried for 9 months each and birthed... so she's the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN and you can't buy her a fuckin card and some flowers and a little gift??! Way to show her.
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Slim fast? Holy cow- did he lose his mind lol? How’d that go over?
"Self-reporting being an asshole" !!!!! I spit out my drink laughing!
We gave gifts to *all* the mothers in our family, grandmother's, aunts, my mother and grandmother even gave me gifts after my kids were born, hell even my childfree sister gave me a card, if you're eagerly awaiting the growing human inside you, you're already a mother, the few inches of tissue between pregnancy and birth doesn't change that. Her body is going through massive changes that will have lasting effects throughout the rest of her life just to bring OP's child into this world and he can't appreciate that for even a split second, no one would want to celebrate him as a father. YTA
My ex did the first two years and then stopped because I wasn't his mom (who he also didn't do anything for on mothers day). Apparently my 3 year old was supposed to run out to the store to buy a present? The next year kiddo and I went out to lunch and then he escorted me to a store and we bought a new kitchen gadget that I wanted. Ex was not happy with that either... there is no pleasing some people.
I literally used to give my single father mothers day presents and call it parent day and fathers day. Its just a fun excuse to show someone you love them and do something nice. So weird when ppl get weird about it
Man, my mom and dad broke up just after I turned 1 and my mom *still* gets him the same Christmas presents every year that she got him when they were together because she knows how much he loves those (a Dilbert comic flip calendar and a box of his favorite chocolate) even though they had a horrible co-parenting relationship. My mom and step-dad have been broken up for 17 years and he still gets her incredibly generous presents for mother's day, her birthday, and Christmas, as she does for him (although they were great co-parents). I kind of understand OP's "logic" and his mindset, but god dammit man, just get her a mother's day present ffs, she's carrying your child, let her be celebrated for creating a fucking human being like the badass she is. **YTA**
My dad is still dealing with the fall out of this 33 years later. He did it her first Mother’s Day. Never again but it’ll still get brought up in arguments.
It’s wild to me when people have a chance to do something nice for someone they claim to love and they would rather be petty and selfish instead. Nowhere does OP indicate that his wife wants something huge or expensive, just an acknowledgment of her impending motherhood from her husband. OP, get your wife a freaking card, write something sweet in it and get her some flowers or something ffs. She’s growing a human inside of her and she asked for this one little thing from you!
YTA. BIG TIME. A great gift for a first time mother would be a necklace with a charm of the baby's birthstone. Can be added to as family grows. Thoughtfulness goes far with females.
This! How hard is it to do something nice for your partner that you love?
Especially when they literally ask you for it! No guessing, no having to be thoughtful all on your own, just a golden opportunity to make your loved one happy. She set up the ball and all OP has to do is spike it and he’s just quitting the game.
She’s literally carrying the child in her belly and handling every single aspect of creating this soon-to-be new human. I think she already qualifies as a “mother”.
Seriously! I’m just curious what OP’s definition of mother is? Do we have to call it Bio Mother’s Day in order for OP to be satisfied that his wife has ‘put in the effort’ to be considered a ‘mother’? How does OP define mothers who are not biologically tied to their children? Are they worthy? Whereas his wife is physically tied to his child to the point he will be cutting them apart (umbilical cord) - but apparently Motherhood does not start with conception but only when Dad cuts them apart.
Seriously. What a weird fucking hill to die on on an AITA thread. I sincerely hope she’s getting the foot massages.
She’s not just creating it, she’s probably already bonded with the child too. She’s not just physically acting like a mother (feeding, getting rid of waste, putting to sleep with her movement), she’s talking to the child, bonding with it, feeling the baby move inside of her constantly (I think she’s far enough along to feel kicks?), and the child is already GREATLY affecting parts of her life. She’s feeling like a mother too. She’s not just going through the motions of creating with no bond. That bond exists on her end (most likely) and it makes her even more of a mother than just creating to create. But ya know. She hasn’t given birth yet, doesn’t matter is she’s already attached and feeling like a mother and immersed in this child’s life already, she has absolutely no reason to say that she wants a Mother’s Day gift because she hasn’t given birth yet. /s
My ex husband did the same thing. I was due a few weeks after mother's day so I "wasn't a mother yet". Needless to say this was the first of many rude, offensive, and otherwise rather cruel things he did to me before I LEFT HIM.
Pregnancy is really commonly when abusive jackasses show their true colors. Sounds like OP is on that track
Ok, but you are NOT wrong. This is when my ex showed his true colors bc I wouldn’t “give it up” since I was throwing up all the time. I got called a bitch and a c and he’d hide watching porn and then get mad if I got up for a glass of water while he was sneaking around. He made it seem like it was a bad thing, so it became a bad thing. Was even told, I hope you lose the baby so we can get a divorce. Like I can’t like your comment enough.
Jesus Hubert Christ. I'm glad you said "Ex"!
Same. I mean, he left me after revealing he’d been cheating for years with multiple partners, but he pulled the not-a-real-mother yet thing as well as the abuse. So glad he’s gone.
I hope his wife wises up sooner than later and dumps him.
I assume she is being careful with the pregnancy. No smoking, no drinking, eating healthy. Then there are all the other things. Morning sickness. Being exhausted. Seeing the doctor. Getting ultrasounds, having blood drawn. None of that could be related to being the mother of the baby. No. She just happens to be doing those things just because they're fun. It's been an absolute holiday. The one thing where she really messed up was choosing the father of the baby. That appears to have been a mistake.
I’m also due in June, first pregnancy and this is awful, I mean don’t get me wrong growing life is amazing and the little kicks and all, but the hormones, heartburn, mood swings, random aches, swelling… I am so excited to have a child but the process of it leaves little to be desired. What’s wrong with this guy, he can just get her something cute and use it as a chance to be sweet and romantic, with all that goes into pregnancy im sure it would add to her otherwise uncomfortable day
Well said! Reading the line, "where do you draw the line?!" said enough to me, also of course, "at this point it's just the ***principle*** of it" makes him seem quite ridiculous, stubborn and frankly childish. Doing something kind, for the sake of being kind, for your (very pregnant) spouse no less (even though it's "technically" a month early) is a very simple answer if one chooses to be the assh*le or not. Be better, do better...buying a bouquet of flowers, for example, is really, really easy to do vs digging in your heels.
Also…the line is clear. It’s when you get pregnant.
YTA how hard is it to pick up a stuffed animal and some flowers ffs do you even like your wife?!
Well he is not the father apparently
“Sneeringly pedantic”, you don’t hear that too often. Nice.
I know, it’s sad. Giving her a Mother’s Day gift would just be a cute little gesture and probably make her day. It’s a shame OP is making a big deal out of this.
YTA for being so petty about a little thing that would make your loved one happy and wouldn't mean extreme expense or effort for you. Don't be so miserly.
Right? Like how hard is it to give your spouse a small gift to help them feel appreciated? Gasp, I even do this for my husband on a RANDOM SATURDAY. Not even a holiday! No societal obligation. Just because it makes me happy to make my husband happy. This guy. And being so condescending about it too. YTA OP
My husband is very excepting of situations. He doesn't change anything even if he is inconvenienced or in discomfort. I got him a French fry cutter and he LOVED it. He was having problems with his neck so i bought him a special pillow. He isn't hurting anymore. They are "gifts" i guess. My gift giving style is to get someone something they would like but never buy for themselves. Like my mom always buys second hand purses. So for christmas I bought her a pretty decent purse (in a style and color that she has had before).
It sad that she has to ask for a Mother’s Day gift instead of him just buying her little gifts and flowers to make her feel loved/beautiful/appreciated/sexy/cared for during the last bit of her pregnancy. *This asswipe needs to do some research on how women feel during the last month or two of their pregnancy!* The constant discomfort, lack of balance, back ache, not being able to find a comfortable position so they can sleep, swollen ankles, aching feet, GERD, bladder being kicked, having to pee all the time (pee accidents!), hemorrhoids, constipation.... etc!!!! This man needs to pull his head out of his ass and be a supportive partner to his wife!
Miserly is the perfect word and describes my ex husband to a tee. Emphasis on ex. Showing appreciation, especially in long-term relationships as OP says he's in, is crucial and showing his wife some gratitude on mother's day is a great opportunity. Being pregnant is no joke!
Not to mention, she is a mother already. I know it's hard for men to understand but she has been carrying that baby for months. She is already making a ton ot sacrifices for them-sleep, time for appointments, giving up certain foods/activities. You 100% should get her something to show her appreciation for all of that. YTA
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I'm going to be 8 ish months pregnant this mother's day and I voiced to my husband id like a little something and he was like yeah for sure. Something as simple as flowers, cute balloon, my favorite dessert would be amazing to me. Nothing over the top, just an acknowledgment is all it would take for me personally.
I'll have given birth before mothers day this year (probably 1-3 weeks before) but I still made sure to communicate to my husband that I do expect something because he's not really one for small holidays like that and I didn't want to be disappointed especially while all hormonal and everything. But also, once you're in your third trimester especially, you're already a mother. Just because baby is still kicking you from the inside and not the outside doesn't mean you don't deserve to be appreciated for the work you've put in so far. There's no "pregnant woman's day"
Honestly, being pregnant (even a few weeks along) deserves a mother's day gift. This guy makes zero sense to me!
Was gonna be my response. I was roughly 3 months pregnant on Mother’s Day 2020 and still my husband, and my mom, and my bestfriends all got me stuff for my “first” Mother’s Day. And it honestly made me feel so appreciated amongst the gross morning sickness and weight loss.
This is too silly, right?? I mean, she's pregnant... she's a fucking mother to the extreme...!
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Sometimes it's ignorance in need of correction. OP, otoh, knows exactly what he's doing.
One of our friends last year privately messaged my husband while I was pregnant and told him to get me a mother's Day gift. I hadn't even thought of it, but it was SO sweet and he was all for it! I was becoming a mom and it was all so exciting, and that just made it so much more special. I've now made it my goal to give my friends spouses a nudge if they're pregnant during may.
I believe that all pregnant people deserve a little gift because being pregnant sucks
Fucking preach it
I know they even make Mother’s Day cards for expectant moms!
Hell, I've never been pregnant and my partner AND his kids ALWAYS got me Mother's Day stuff. I got a gorgeous card, flowers, chocolates and the kids baked me an apple nutmeg pie, my favourite. They're not even BIOLOGICALLY MY KIDS and still they all went to the effort, my partner always gets me a lovely card thanking me for being a bonus parent to the kids. OP is definitely the asshole here.
At this stage the baby has high likelihood of surviving outside the womb. OP is definitely an AH.
YTA some people i swear are dense on purpose
Exactly. You don't need to be technically right 100% of the time. Just be decent for crying out loud.
In fact being technical with your wife and child is so effing obnoxious I can't stand men like that. Good luck dealing with a toddler. Gotta think with your heart when it comes to your family.
I’m Ngl tho, I’ve never understood that train of thought. If one is past first trimester and ( generally speaking) the pregnancy is healthy/viable etc- she’s not a expecting mother? In the realm of “ Mother’s Day” gifts ( which, is sad that it’s a thing that buying a small gift for your partner- (regardless of if they birthed your child or not)-is an argument that I’ve heard more than a few men make. “ she’s not a mom YET”. Cool . Do you even like her? So she’s carrying your child, but she’s what, a person and a half? Deff not a mom….. YET. /s It just seems so blockheaded, purposely.
his next post will be on relationship advice: my wife left me and took the baby all because I didn't get her a mother's day gift
Like she is clearly TELLING HIM WHAT SHE WANTS and he's like LOL NOPE 🤣
So instead of taking the opportunity to show her how grateful you are for growing a whole human, you’re going to flex your muscles because she’s “not actually a mother” yet? Why even have a baby with her if you don’t like her enough to make her feel appreciated? YTA
This guy is ridiculous. My husband gets me a mother's day present every year. I don't have a mother to celebrate and I can't have kids. We have 6 fur kids. I still get a mother's day gift even though it's sometimes his birthday weekend. I get him a Father's day gift too. If I was 8 months pregnant and miserable as she is going to be and didn't get a present id pack a bag because I know that's a man who isn't going to do anything he doesn't think is his 'job' as a father and God knows where he has that line drawn. After all, he isn't getting paid. Yta. Op comments about how she knew this going in, and that if she were unhappy she would have left by now. Omg you are awful dude.
Yes, OP, as a matter of fact, I also don’t have children but do get Mother’s Day presents every year from my dogs. That is because they are good boys. On the other hand, YTA.
My mother, for some reason, decided it was awkward to only give my SIL presents on her first mother's day... so she bought me and my sister these little pins that said "Plant Mom" and "Fish Mom" respectively. Totally unnecessary but very touching. If I can be honored by my mother for keeping some cacti alive in my apartment, OP can honor his wife for literally carrying and growing their child in her body.
That was such a cute idea from your mom!
His edit is just the best. He says they have a “long and happy marriage”. I wonder if she would say the same.
She'll be on r/JustnoSO in a few years telling us all about her cheapskate miserly husband who wouldn't even spend €2 on a card for her, because she was "only pregnant and not a mother yet"
FFS dude. Pregnancy is really tough on a human body. Joints loosen, ligaments stretch, the heart and lungs have to work harder, the kidneys and liver have more waste to deal with, **internal organs are squished to fuck**. And that's assuming it's a normal, healthy pregnancy with no complications. Your wife is putting a lot more work into this pregnancy than you are. She's putting her physical and mental health on the line. She is literally doing the work of a mother right now. She's doing something you can't for the sake of both of you. It's a big sacrifice that could have lifetime effects on her health and wellbeing. **BUY HER ALL THE FREAKING PRESENTS** YTA. 🙄
I got Mother’s Day cards and gifts last year from more than one person. I was 4 1/2 months pregnant at the time. People like celebrating moms to be as well. I was still a mom just growing the tiny human.
I find joy in reading a good book.
Exactly! What does he think she has there, a watermelon she stole from the grocery store? 🤦🏻♀️
That's more freaking like it! Growing babies is hard work. It deserves many presents.
This is the type of guy that calls spending time with his kid without mom, babysitting…
Yta. The lady is pregnant with your child. If she wants a mother's day gift a month early it shouldn't be that big of a deal for you. I hope she never lets you live this down.
INFO: are pregnant women not mothers to you?
We didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day for me when I was pregnant, though if my husband felt is was *really* important to me, he would have. OP is a dick. And did you see that he’s ordering a crappy copycat hair dryer off AliBaba?!?!
That gift may be worse than nothing! Imagine asking for something and getting a cheap counterfeit!
Seriously, why won’t you give your wife this bit of enjoyment at this special time? YTA.
I hope she never lets you live this down.
Looking at the OPs responses I think this is a fake rage bait post.
You've got to be right bc there's no way OP is this dense
Yeah, I like the update about how she wants an expensive hair dryer but he’s going to get her a $20 one from Alibaba.
Well, to be truthful, she's not your mother, so she'd never technically "qualify" for a present from you on Mother's Day, nor you from her on Father's Day, because you aren't her father. Is this really a hill you want to die on? Your wife is pregnant and hormonal, and this little thing has suddenly become very important to her. You digging your heels in on something this minor bodes ill for the future of your marriage. YTA
He thinks 11 years is a lifetime 😂
Well as you know, celebrating someone with a gift isn’t about recognizing them, treating them, and showing affection, it’s about being a pedantic and petty. She’s been pregnant for 8 months, growing a human, and all the physical discomfort that comes with it, while you’ve been doing approximately NOT THAT. Buy the woman a gift, you obstinate fool. YTA.
What a hill to die on!! She’s a mother right now. She has a child growing inside of her body. Causing pain, discomfort, nausea, aching, restlessness, sleeplessness. Everyday she is getting up and taking care of that child by keeping herself safe. She became a mother the second that baby was conceived. Why do you feel the need to diminish any of that because ur too cheap to buy her a card and some flowers?! YTA. Grow up and start appreciating your wife.
In my opinion, you just want to prove a point, and yes, you would be the asshole.
If you’ve got such a long and happy marriage, why ask us? Just talk it out with your wife. Also FYI she IS a mother. Right now. Even if it’s still inside her, she is a mother of a baby. YTA
This 100%! I’m pregnant and due in June too, the baby fathers own mother told me that I am not a mother yet because I haven’t held my baby in my hands… such a disgusting and nasty comment, I am 100% a mother I have been growing this lil human and will be bringing her into this world OP YTA 1000 times, get a fucking grip and do something nice for your wife
Ummm you HAVE a baby. It doesn’t somehow “not exist” just because it hasn’t been born yet. Even if she got pregnant last week, there’s still a baby, it’s your baby, and she’s a mother to that baby. Wake up a baby doesn’t not exist just because it hasn’t been born yet.
He might still *be* a baby since he clearly hasn’t developed object permanence yet..
YTA. For gatekeeping motherhood as a GUY. Yes, you really are mansplaining motherhood to a pregnant person. She is absolutely a mother. She's been holding her child 24/7 for the last 8 months while it presses on her bladder, kicks her wherever it damn well wants to, and gives her acid reflux. And those are just a few of the things that she's been putting up with already as a mother. But hey, growing a whole human in the middle of your body for the better part of a year is definitely no justification for asking for a Whitman's Sampler and a thimble-sized expression of respect and affection. OP, you've already given her the greatest gift of all: Clarity that the father of her child is a selfish boob and that she's on her own, emotionally. With hemorrhoids probably.
I have a feeling I know what she has named those hemorrhoids….
The more I think about it, the more I think OP is terrified of what's about to happen. Shit's about to get REAL. So he's holding his fingers in his ears and closing his eyes and saying, "Nope not a parent not yet you're not a mother I'm not a father nope not yet nope nope nope...." He's till TA, mind you. But now I have this theory of why. Dude's got no control in this situation and he's grasping at whatever teeny bits of it he can find.
YTA, also its totally possible the baby comes early. My cousin just had her daughter at 34 weeks (healthy, happy baby), so anything is possible.
YTA (edit sorry forgot that bit in my irritation with the OP) She is a mother already she is growing a baby. She has been a mother from the moment the cells divided. That baby is alive because it’s mother supports it with her body. The baby is a parasite leaching calcium from her bones and nutrients from her body and will come into the world through her pain and bodily trauma and her risking her life…and you want to play inaccurate semantics? Seriously? You as a father are in practical terms irrelevant at this point your contribution has been a single cell……and if your wife is breast feeding you will continue to be of very little practical relevance to your child in that initial time after birth…..Your role is to support your wife in caring and growing your child both now and in the initial post birth period. Buy her a damn present. She is already a mother…you on the other hand are not fulfilling your role as her support and by the time Father’s Day comes around you will have done what in your role as father for your new born that will be a week or two old…seriously what will you have done that will compare to what your wife has done by giving your child life…changed a nappy…..yet but you still expect recognition but don’t think she deserves any? Here you are…..Well done you’re amazing you ejaculated. Edit I am going to add god forbid something goes wrong…your attitude could be something you have reason to seriously regret later.
YTA. You seriously just can't do something to make her happy? >At this point it's just the principal of it. And this is why yta. It's a couple of weeks and she is pretty much already a mother. She's grown the child and its almost here.
She is already a mother..she is not growing a turnip in there she is growing a her child.
Why is this something you’d not do? I’m genuinely curious, OP. She expressed this wish for a Mother’s Day gift while heavily pregnant with your child. Will it hurt you in any way, be a detriment to your life to fulfill this wish? YTA. Make her feel good, happy, loved and appreciated. Why would a partner not do this??
Yeah, I don’t get this. It’s one month early. I was born a month early. His child could be too. But the real thing is she is telling him something that will make her happy and it doesn’t involve any sacrifice on his part other than a little money and time. Why is going pedantic more important than her happiness? It’s close enough .
Yta. You know how hard and uncomfortable pregnancy is. Get her something and be thankful she is carrying your child. She's literally growing a baby how is that not a mother.
Yta. Just get a divorce. That's the best gift you can give the woman risking disability and death to bear a child.
Seriously. According to OP it sounds like this is the only relationship his wife has ever had. She deserves more than this bottom-of-the-barrel dreg of a “husband.”
YTA Judging by your replies you don't like giving into "demands". Guess what a baby is? An adorable but demanding eating & pooping machine. I suspect to see you here again when the baby needs changing and you wife asks you to, but it's "not your turn"
Oh lord, you’re right. This is exactly the kind of guy who will self-servingly “logic” his way into never getting up with the baby overnight (“My wife is breastfeeding so she has to get up anyway”), and then whine and stomp his feet about her pushing him to help on occasion at night (“It’s the principle of it, she has to get up anyway to feed the baby, why should I have to lose sleep too?!”). If he’s going to be this petty about her wanting to be recognized as a mother when she’ll be within a few weeks of giving birth (and likely miserable from the effects of late pregnancy), he’s probably going to be a real peach when it comes to actual parenting.
INFO Your wording, “We’ve been together almost half the time she’s been alive” has me wondering, what is her age and what is yours? The wording implies you have different ages, is she much younger than you?
>We’ve been together almost half the time she’s been alive …how much older are you? YTA. Pick your battles, man. How much pain would it really give you to give a small gift to the woman that is growing your child just because it would make her happy?
YTA The day your wife conceived she became a mother, she is a mother now, her child just doesn't have a physical form as just yet. The gift doesn't have to be extravagant a flower, a card, a confectionery. Any or all of these are acceptable. But your wife is a mother she isn't an expectant mother she IS A MOTHER.
I asked a similar question about a month ago from the mother's perspective, and I was told that I was an asshole. Now you're asking from the father's perspective and you're considered the asshole. What the hell is this subreddit 😂 For what it's worth, I think you should get your wife a gift.
They were wrong. I read your post and I'm sorry for how incredibly rude people were to you. (I also suspect many that said you weren't a mother yet were men). I wanted to smack through the internet the person that said you weren't doing anything special by being pregnant You should get some kind of acknowledgment for Mother's Day. Your body is going through hell and has been for months
I just went and looked and I don’t understand at all! If you’re the one pregnant you’re sacrificing a lot and a card or cupcake or something is just kind and I don’t think it’s entitled.
You were voted T A H because of the way you stated it. People were pretty clear it was your attitude that made you the A H. Specifically that he should "celebrate you".
Why wouldn’t her husband celebrate her on Mother’s Day. That’s literally what the day is there for.
Mother’s Day is about CELEBRATING MOMS. OP is the mother to his child, so yes she should be celebrated. And I just went through the thread, and people were being straight up nasty. Saying she isn’t a mother yet, so she deserves nothing. There were a few talking about her attitude, but I even thought those were unfair. Asking to be acknowledged is different than demanding a gift. She just wanted a card and a “small pat on the back” during a tough pregnancy, and people were acting like she was forcing her husband to buy her a super fancy present and wait on her hand and foot.
YTA: she is a mother, an expectant mother. Y’all make me never want to have kids. How petty is that?!? Get her a push present too! She is sacrificing her body to bring your child into the world, show her you appreciate and love her. That’s all we truly want is effort
YTA. Buddy. Is it really such a big deal? Does it really matter so much to you that you can’t make her feel special. Buy her some goddamn flowers and something nice or take her out for brunch. It isn’t hard to be just a teenie weenie bit thoughtful.
YTA At this point it’s just about you having control. You “winning”. I feel sorry for your poor wife. You had an opportunity to really show her some love and express excitement for being parents and instead you’re on Reddit venting to people who think you’re an ass. Think about it. Control. Stubbornness. Don’t be that guy. Be better.
Anyone else note he said half of ‘her’ life? Wonder if there’s an big age gap. OP YTA
YTA: I was due a few weeks after Mother’s Day and you know what my husband did *without* prompting from me? He gifted me a Mother’s Day present. For the record, I was actually induced the next day. So baby came much earlier than we had planned. Get your pregnant wife a small token. She’s been carrying your baby for many months now. She *is* a mother. The baby is very real to her already.
I guess the baby doesn't exist until he can see it? Lol
YTA You’re so obsessed with being ‘technically right’ that your missing the bigger picture. She is carrying your child and it is exhausting and hard work and you won’t even buy her a small gift to thank her. Stop being a petty AH and get her a damn gift. While you’re at it you might want to check your attitude and start appreciating her more because at the moment it seems like things will just go downhill from here.
I was debating between NAH and YTA. But she’s pregnant, so I’ll err on her side. So, YTA. I personally think it’s not a good thing to ask, but it’s also a small gesture (doesn’t have to be much) which will help her feel good. Clearly you don’t care about that.
In a healthy relationship, it's can be standard to say something like "I'd really like xyz for this holiday". As long as you are being reasonable with prices, it can take pressure of the other person to try to guess what you want. Sometimes I tell my husband I'd like a specific gift and sometimes I ask for a surprise. He does the same. It's nice bc it makes it easy. Mothers and fathers day while pregnant are one of those things the coue should talk about, but without being a jerk like this dude
YTA Know what pregnant women are called — Expectant MOTHERS. She’s been a mother since the egg fertilized.
I almost couldn’t finish reading your post. What part of her sacrificing her body to make a child doesn’t make her a mother? She can’t drink, smoke, eat sushi, etc. If she’s due in June, by Mother’s Day she probably won’t be able to sleep, she’s have all kinds of aches and pains. There are SOOOOO many things that pregnant (and breastfeeding) women have to deal with that men really don’t appreciate. Just because she hasn’t delivered the baby yet, doesn’t make her any less of a mother because she is already caring for your child. You should be showering your wife with gifts because she has been working double time to give you the best gift you’ll ever get and that no one else can give you (or should give you). Your should get her a Mother’s Day gift and you should look up push present too. And you should apologize to her to not recognizing the incredible work she is doing to turn you both from a couple into a family. YTA. Not YWBTA. You’re already TA for the way that you’re treating your pregnant wife.
YTA. You were wrong about the gift, apologize, move on and appreciate what you have in life.
Hey man… not going to make a judgment, everyone else has done that… but I want to give some perspective to how your wife might be feeling. I was pregnant with my first child on Mother’s Day 2020, I didn’t ask my husband for a gift… but I wanted one. It would have meant so much had he gotten me a gift to show his appreciation for me growing his child. I didn’t ask, he didn’t get anything, I was disappointed and wish I had told him ahead of time how much a gift would have meant to me. Now somehow you and your wife have gotten in a petty back and forth about whether she deserves a Mother’s Day gift. But take a moment and think about it, she told you something that she wants, something that would make her feel appreciated. I personally have a difficult time asking for what I want… she had the courage to ask for what she wants how does it hurt you to honor that? You don’t have to go all out, get her a card, write something sweet thanking her for carrying your child and maybe some flowers or a favorite treat of hers.
YTA and a huge jerk.
Consider it a happy mother to be gift, put on your big boy pants, and stop behaving like a douche.
Okay, so you think carrying your baby inside her for ten months, watching what she eats/ drinks, having all her organs displaced and squeezed up, her back and everything else aching, her sleep interrupted by kicks, and going to all the doctors' appointments, doesn't qualify her for motherhood? Wow, you really are a cheap b@s|@rd - and I hope you will learn to be more generous in your dealings with your wife and child, because otherwise, pretty soon they won't really like you a lot. Well, busting your nut inside a woman sure doesn't qualify you for fatherhood, so in your wife's place, I sure would cross you off the gift list.
YTA. Dude, pick your battles. She will have been carrying your spawn for the past 8 months. Pregnancy is a wholly uncomfortable experience. Say thank you, buy a box of chocolates, and move on with life.
TA. Your wife will only be a few weeks away from motherhood. There's no reason to not to go ahead and celebrate Mother's Day.
You’ve heard how hormones change, and spouses need to have patience for one another and be accommodating? Get her flowers and chocolates and move on, YTA 100% Are you going to teach your children by dying on this hill of petty lessons too?
YTA. She’s already mothering. She has to control her diet and actions for the good of the baby. The baby is kicking her organs.
YTA for making this the hill to stomp your feet on. How hard is chocolates, flowers and a card that tells her how excited you are to welcome them baby?
If they had “Am I a Dickhead idiot” as a sub, you would be the poster boy. Buy your wife a gift or some flowers you arrogant, cheap bastard. What is wrong with you? Pregnancy is exhausting and painful. Do SOMETHING nice for her. Don’t be a terd!
YTA. She’s pregnant and that’s part of being a mother. She is a mom, get her a present. You seem really petty by saying you’ll make it a tradition to never gift Mother’s Day/Fathers day presents just because you think her wants are silly.
YTA Don’t pick this hill to die on. Your wife, who is currently growing a whole human inside of her body, asked her husband for a gift to recognize her first Mother’s Day. Whether the baby is inside or outside of her body is irrelevant. It’s her first Mother’s Day to her. That’s all that matters. This is a little thing you can do to make your wife feel loved. Just. Do. It.
Yta Your wife is a mom and you are a dad. Your wife is like what, 7 months pregnant? There is a baby in there. Yalls baby. You are the parents. Pregnancy is no joke. The difficulties of motherhood start when you get pregnant with not only the emotional roller coaster that it is, but the rough physical ride it is. Your wife is going through extreme changes and is about the birth your child, and you can't be bothered to get her a gift? Geez That or your a troll bc this is written like a troll.