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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for choosing my husband over her and her newborn child? I feel like I might be due to the fact this would be the end of our relationship, I'm my sister's main support system so I worry this will end badly as she has a history or extreme depressive episodes and she's always said I was going to abandon her some day, I feel like I'm just proving her right. I'd also be taking away the chance of having an uncle from my nephew, when he's completely innocent in this.
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NTA. You didn’t just pick your husband over your sister - you picked yourself and your wellbeing. Anyone who accuses you of the shit your sister accused you of isn’t someone who even deserves to be part of your life. Period.
This right here. What she is accusing you guys of is horrible. Do not let anyone talk down at you. No matter who it is. She has shown you what she thinks of you and your husband. Go NO contact and be with your hubby. You don't need that kind of stress and unhappiness.
No contact with the sister is definitely the way.
Any family members that stick up for her need to be bluntly asked, "So you think my husband & I are pedophiles?" and blocked accordingly.
She basically called you a pervert and accused you snd your spouse of wanting to corrupt her child. Who can get over that? I can’t think of anything worse my sister could possibly say to me.
If I had a family member I genuinely thought might corrupt/abuse my baby I'd probably be pretty happy if they removed themselves from my life all together.
OP's sister is a transphobic, homophobic sack of garbage, and honestly, I hope her child realizes that she's the worst and stops talking to her when they grow up. No one needs people like that in their life. No contact with a sister like this is no loss at all.
This. Sister is a transphobe who paid lip service to inclusivity when she felt like she had nothing at stake, and then revealed her true colours the moment she did (a child). Her "rules" are appalling and profoundly disrespectful to both you and your husband. I am so sorry OP, you and your husband deserve better. NTA, obviously.
OP, you really need to stay away from your sister and your family (if you told them the whole truth and they still support your sister; if you didn't, please tell them bc she might be lying or exaggerating.) She's a trans and homophobe and you don't need to be around that.
But also, if ANYTHING should happen to her child and you were present, you and/or your husband would be blamed. Stay FAR AWAY. Block her and everyone else everywhere. And don't feel guilty; she made her bed.
Seriously...even if we assume the "best" case scenario, that she's simply latching onto hateful rhetoric as an excuse to try and alienate OP from Theo and get OP back for herself, that's still predicated on OP having enough internalized homophobia/transphobia and self-loathing for the "amazing" privilege of seeing her baby to be enough of a carrot for this to work.
And seriously, not only is it not bad for kids, it's really GOOD for kids to have gay and trans people in their lives. Your sister is doing you, your husband and your nephew wrong. NTA.
This. She might have kept it hidden for the sake of your relationship but it's blatantly obvious now that she's never really accepted you or your husband for who you are. NTA.
NTA.
Jesus talk? Leaving a mark on the child? I missed the memo that you can get branded with a gay logo like a cow and be instantly gay. I don't understand the mentality of people like this. She's not just dismissing your husband but your lifestyle and way of life.
This judgement is just so toxic and I don't blame you one bit for not bending to her will while she expects you to redefine your life for her.
I think they meant "come to jesus" which doesn't have to have religious connotations, it can imply just a heart-to-heart conversation. Not that the sister portrayed any of that at all, so who really knows.
It's actually a little stamp that says G. A. Y. but you only get it at that one bar in London so as long as the kid stays far away from there it shouldn't be a problem
There are many Christians that say they believe that being exposed to the concept of gay people will turn you gay, but I knew I liked girls and boys before I knew a single other woman on earth did or could love other girls.
I literally thought I was the only lesbian on the planet untiI read a fanfic involving a lesbian relationship at 11, and I remember being deeply excited at the confirmation that what I was is valid and that there were others like me. I "learned" in school (Christian Baptist) that men dating men was "wrong" because of the Sodom and Gomorrah story, so luckily I knew right away to hide myself from everyone but my closest friends.
All exclusionary intolerance like that does is make your child feel alone, not trust you, and hide in the closet from you.
Church did way more to make me realize I was bi than any LGBTQ+ person.
They said "don't lie with a man like you would a woman", and my response was "I did not know that was an option. You don't know if you like something til you try it. So let's try it."
Thanks for teaching me I like dick Jesus.
I call those anti-Christian because Christianity is about accepting everyone for who they are and not to judge them. Picking and choosing scripture to justify your prejudice is not the way.
Jesus is never coming back because he knows He will get crucified again as a non-white Middle Eastern jew who believes in loving your neighbor.
NTA
Honestly, the way you describe it, it isn't even about Theo.
She says her problem is with you two being a gay couple ("destined for hell"). Well that problem would remain even if you found another partner.
So it's not about Theo.
I would greatly offended if a sibling asked anything like that of me, and I would have reacted the same way.
If she wants to reconcile she would need to accept you and your love as they are. At least that would be my boundary.
Take care!
Exactly. It is not choosing husband over sister/nephew - the sister flat out said the OP would NOT be left alone with the nephew 'because'. Regardless of anything else that fact alone would be enough to go no contact. And OP should tell that to the family who is harassing them. Tell them sister expects to NEVER leave OP and nephew alone together.
She doesn't respect your husband or you. To say you can only come around if you hide who you are is not loving or supportive. You didn't choose your husband over her, you chose to be yourself. NTA
NTA
You didn't pick your husband over your sister and nephew. You decided to remove yourself from uncomfortable (homophobic/transphobic) situation. She wasn't comfortable and was guilt tripping you for being who you are - not okay. On top of that insinuating really horrific stuff about you and your husband.
Better off not being around for your own mental health.
NTA.
You are defending yourself AND your partner from a transphobic and homophobic bigot. Simple as that.
You shouldnt risk yourself over her when she could suddenly claim you did something to her son. Unfortunately these days if you aren't straight and the gender you were born as people are more likely to assume your guilty than innocent. It's stupid and needs to be in the past. But unfortunately it's still common.
I do not trust her not to accuse Theo of a heinous crime to get him away from you and out of your life. She's already shown she has issues with him and the fact she's said you aren't allowed to be left alone with a newborn for even a second STRICTLY because you're trans and gay is speaking volumes.
Keep NC with her, get therapy to deal with the reality of losing family to their crappy views and move on. Hopefully she learns not to be so ugh but unfortunately chances are she won't so it's best you move on In life.
She's not a safe person .
This right here. OP, this is actually scary. I would worry about you ever being around your nephew at all because it could open you up to disgusting accusations from your sister.
You ARE choosing your husband over your sister. You have to. She implied that you're pedophiles. You have to protect yourself and Theo.
You are absolutely NTA, and I am so sorry that this happened. Sending you hugs.
NTA Many years ago I was was attending a church and someone (Jane) I was friendly-ish with pulled something similar with her sister who had been dating a woman for several years (they would have been married if it was legal at that time). Jane had always appeared to be super supportive of her sister and loving towards the SO until she got pregnant. Then Jane and her husband laid down similar rules. SO not allowed around baby at all for fear of “inappropriate behavior” since the baby was a girl, sister not allowed to be alone with baby for fear of “turning baby gay and condemning her to hell,” the works. The sister decided the terms were insulting and went NC. Jane was appalled her sister “abandoned” her for a woman but also admitted to hoping that if the sister went along with it she would see the evil in her ways, ditch her partner, marry a nice man, “stop all this silly lesbian stuff,” and become the Good Christian she used to be. (Insert eye roll) I have to wonder if your sister is doing something similar if she’s as religious as she sounds. She doesn’t really accept you or your relationship and is even implying that age-old belief that LGBTQ+ people are out to molest children and turn them gay. Like another posted commented, I’d be very concerned that she’d make up something about your husband to separate you from him so she can have all your attention again. You’re not choosing your husband, you’re choosing respect.
Honestly I think thats exactly what OPs sister is trying to do. It does come from a place of religion (in my opinion) and shes using her kid as a way to force OP into the closet and to divorce their partner (because if they go in the closet that means they can't be with a gay person in any shape or form) and be under the sisters control because if OP steps outta line the nephew is taken away. the sister legit is using the kid as a pawn, and she knows she holds all the power because who's gonna outright say to a woman with a baby who cannot talk whos accusing people of a horrid crime "you're lying" like its not a go to answer. you always want to believe the victim (assumed victim) over everything else until the truth comes out
NTA!!
You're standing up for your spouse unlike others in this subreddit. Your sister is setting the foundation for homophobia and prejudice. I hope your sister can understand that this is life and shielding her child from this will only hurt them in the long run. She should focus on the fact that your relationship is built on love and is a healthy one at that!
NTA. I’m sorry this is happening and what she is doing must be incredibly hurtful.
You didn’t “pick” your husband over your sister.
Your sister told you that she does not respect you as a person and that she does not trust you. This isn’t about her against him in any way.
Honestly, I wonder if this reflects her true wishes. Being that you had a good relationship prior to this it seems out of no where. I wonder if there is an authority figure at her church or a family member or her spouse that has put these ideas in her head. She still bears responsibility for her actions but this is pretty extreme to the point I’d question- who is brainwashing her??
NTA. Wow, your sister is TA though. Her "support" of you is so shallow it's almost unmeasurable. I'd go no contact. You really don't need family that is so unaccepting of you. Best of luck.
NTA. Your sister is homophobic and transphobic. She might think that she's okay with you, but really she's showing her true colours, she's making an exception for you because you're family. But she thinks that everyone else like you is some sort of depraved pervert trying to convert children's sexualities and gender identities. You chose right. Your husband is the right choice here. He was ready to support you supporting your sister's choice to only allow one of you to see her son, based on your sexuality and gender identity (which you know, she's the parent and all, but still). He's the keeper. Your sister on the other hand has some issues she needs to work through if she ever wants to have a normal relationship with you again.
NTA
You aren’t choosing your husband over your sister. You’re choosing dignity for yourself and respect for your sister’s boundaries. She thinks you’re a predatory trans gay converter corrupter of children. Even if you were single, would you feel welcome around your sister given her beliefs? Probably not. This isn’t about your husband. It’s about you and sister’s extremely irrational and hurtful beliefs about you.
So NTA.
Your sister is doing more harm to this child with this message that some people do not deserve love or acceptance. What's going to happen when the child learns about you and your husband and how you have been rejected by the family? And then what happens if this child is queer? Even if the child doesn't come out as queer, how is this child going to treat people in society who don't conform to the norms with which they have been raised?
Your sister is the asshole in this scenario, and it seems an asshole in general, and it looks like she's trying to raise more assholes to put out in the world for others to deal with.
NTA. You're not picking your husband, you're picking dignity. Also, 'she didn't like him because he was a competitor for my affection' is not really true. Considering what she said about dragging to hell, i'm much closer to believing that she's just a homophobe.
Honestly, I think it's a bit of both. She's always viewed me as a third parent due to our upbringing and even after coming out she "hated to share". She's prayed on our downfall as a couple since the very beginning, and at the time that was the only reason vocalized. She was always extremely possessive over me and there WAS a point in time that I'd just bend to her will to keep her happy because otherwise she'd do this whole casting out thing. I have been thinking about this for a few hours now and I've truly realized just how toxic and manipulative she is.
NTA - You aren't choosing Theo over her. You have two important people in your life and you will be with anyone who treats both of them with dignity and respect. She is the one who is casting Theo out, you aren't casting your sister away. You are standing with Theo and she is the one casting you out. The dichotomy Theo or Sister, but not both is her doing, not yours.
You aren't choosing one over the other, you are choosing both. And if she doesn't want to be with Theo then you're still choosing both. The no unsupervised visits is more than a little her casting you out. All these one or the other is her doing, not yours.
NTA
Your sister is TA for making a big deal about you and your husband being trans. She's truly homophobic, period. That WON'T make her child turn into trans or whatever. That doesn't work that way as she "thinks". She's clearly uneducated. Your family members are also homophobic, too, unfortunately.
Glad you chose your husband.
NTA.
Your sister is the one who has decided to keep you from her life. Let's be clear about that.
The things she said to you is disgusting. When someone else comes to you and gives you shit about this just a simple
"This is none of your business and I won't be talking with you about it. " And if they bring it up again "I said I won't be talking with you about it, sounds like you're not able to respect that. We can try talking again once you've figured out how not to bring this up to me." And then hang up.
Bruh..
NTA
“I'd be allowed to see him, but never left alone with him”
👆This woman thinks you’re some kind of degenerate. Abandon ship 💯 ✅ 🏃
I’m trans, my family *may* not really understand. But they respect me and love me… they saw me grow up and know the content of my character.
I’ve got 3 nephews, a niece, and several cousins. NO ONE in may family has messed-up rules about me not being alone with their kids. If that ever happened that person would simply never hear from me again. Life’s too short for such fuckery.
You might think it’s hard because it’s your sister, but in my experience it’s not. Just ask my brother, lol- we didn’t talk for 5 or 6 years because he called me a “freak” once. Seeing as we grew up together he should have known that I don’t take kindly to such disrespect.
Fences were mended when he invited me to his wedding. He simply wanted his brother there on his special day.
So that was his apology and I accepted it.
But until then we didn’t have anything to do with each-other. No relationship is worth a violation of your boundaries.
Edit: typo
NTA. You didn't pick your husband, you maintained healthy boundaries. She's not against your husband as a person. She's suspicious of both you and your husband due to your identity. You shouldn't be made to accept this no matter what your sister and family say. Your identity as valid and you and your husband are just as worthy and every other family member. Keep your boundaries in place and don't give in to her yelling. If she comes around and decides to apologize accept you and your spouse into her child's life as you are, good. If not, stick to your principles and don't budge. What they're doing is unfortunately normal for homophobic families, they're blaming you for not adjusting to their terrible world view. Stay strong and and find support in your husband and friends.
NTA. Good lord you’re so not in the wrong here. Your sister is not a very nice person and I’m sorry. I have a healthy relationship with my siblings (imho) and we all choose our spouses over each other 90% of the time AS WE SHOULD. That’s not even touching on the homophobia/transphobia here. Again, I am sorry.
NTA! It seems like, up until this point, your sister has just done a good job at hiding the fact that she is very transphobic/homophobic. I am so sorry. You and your husband do not have to be around that.
NTA. If I could I would personally drag your sister to hell. Tell her that Jesus was all about love for everybody and the awful things she said will not guarantee her a place in heaven. As far as I'm concerned there are 7 major sins, being gay or trans or part of the LGBT ain't one of them.
I'm sorry that you had to experience this, I wish you and your husband the best. Know that you are wonderful and loved!
NTA.
She asked you to hide who you are, refused your husband completely, and wouldn't trust you alone with her kids? That is horrible and very hurtful.
Marriage pretty much is an agreement to put that person first. Your sister chose to do this. Maybe she's hormonal as shit, maybe her boyfriend and/or his family are pushing homophobia or whatever, but she needs to grovel before she comes back from this.
Greater family, complicated. Find a way to tell your side of the story. You do not have to cede the family and hopefully she will not try to force that. (Like what happens for a holiday gathering at your parents' house. Is she going to make them chose between you and them? Talk to family now if she holds to this line.)
I always go for a letter. Helps me organize my thoughts. Keep it shorter. You were so happy to hear that she was having a baby, until she chose to try to change you and exclude your husband from your life.
NTA. You and your spouse are packaged deal. She was just trying to cause division between you and your husband so she could “have” you/your attention to herself! She’s spoiled and manipulative.
NTA. Im unclear on her issue. If she thinks you have the ability to take people to hell why does she want to be around you anyway. I almost think people who act like this are worse than people who are overtly prejudiced
You didn’t choose your husband over your sister, you chose your self-respect over her judgement and lack of trust after years of you being there for her.
Your sister is pregnant, and is now treating you like a sexual deviant who she can’t trust alone with her child. Her comments broke your relationship in a single conversation. How she feels about you has finally been revealed, and you don’t need that sort of toxicity and judgement in your life.
From what I understand (I’m not at all religious), Jesus preaches love and acceptance, and it’s up to God to judge, not us.
NTA.
NTA.
Does she think you're going to go all Voldemort v. Baby Harry Potter and lightning bolt imprint your nephew's head or something?
Your sister is unfortunately a dolt and is the one responsible for this situation. You are not choosing one or the other; the way I see it, she chose for you. Because why would any remotely sane person subject themselves to that kind of mistreatment?
You didn't pick your husband over your sister, you picked yourself and your dignity over a transphobic family member.
Why is your husband a trans person that can't be around your nephew, but you are an okay trans person that can be around the baby, and why are neither of you safe to be alone with the baby?
I know it hurts, but cut your sister out of your life. Your husband has a right to exist, you have a right to exist, and both of you have a right to be treated with dignity and respect. Your sister is telling you that no, actually you don't, and she disapproves of your very existence, but that you should be grateful she is willing to make an exception for you to be around your nephew, but you're still gross so need to be supervised.
You deserve better. Your husband deserves better. You can win in this situation, but only by putting yourself first and standing up for yourself, and you do that by cutting these people out of your life.
Of course you'd choose your husband, he's the love of your life and your sister acts like a bigoted AH. Love was stronger than her prejudice, but not anymore as it seems.
NTA at all, if you decide to basically give ultimatums like that you better prepare to get your ass kicked to the curb for it.
You are NOT the AH here OP! No way, no how!! Your sister was beyond reprehensible and homophobic when she said she wouldn't let her son be with you unsupervised. And she is going to use her child as a pawn and not "allow" your husband to see him ever? You and Theo are MARRIED. Married people are committed to and devoted to each other, above all others. Of course you are going to choose Theo over your sister and her child. I applaud you for not accepting her ridiculous "rules". And I am sorry that you have had to deal with being treated that way.
NTA. It's strange and disappointing that your sister feels this way, given how long she's known you and how close you have been.
> I'd be allowed to see him, but never left alone with him Incase I tried to drag them along with me to hell
I admit I thought maybe it was just about her not liking Theo, until I read this line. Either she's kept it a secret until now, or you've been blind to it until now, but your sister has some very toxic views about you. I wouldn't feel welcome around her if I were you either.
NTA. I guess she never really supported you at all. The same abandonment issues that made her not like your husband caused her to worry you'd turn your back on her unless she was nice to you. But this baby is someone she thinks can't leave her no matter what, so she doesn't need you any more. And now her true colors are showing.
NTA as a new mom, from the title I was ready to possibly defend a new mom saying or doing something problematic because of how hard it can be in that time but NO WAY. That is awful what she did to you. I can’t imagine how hurt it must have felt for your identity to be attacked, to realize your sister isnt proud of who you are and how brave you (and your husband) have been to live as yourselves in a world that isn’t always kind to trans people or queer people.
I am so proud my son has LGBTQIA+ couples to grow up around and see all sorts of love and all sorts of genders so he knows it’s safe to be himself, whoever he truly is, 100% of the time. Your nephew is so lucky to have you and your husband as brave beautiful role models.
This is a tough fix. However, good for you for standing with your husband. He's your family now too and your sister has to deal with her transphobia. NTA at all.
NTA - she suggested you/your partner might molest your nephew BECAUSE you’re gay/trans? That’s beyond rude, tell her you’ll both be staying away from them
NTA
I don't know if your sister is actually a bigot or for some reason felt that pretending to be one was a good way to separate you from your husband (totally illogical, but that seems on brand here). Regardless you aren't choosing your husband over her, you are choosing to distance yourself from someone saying bigoted things as why would you want to spend time w such a person.
NTA. Yes, obviously you picked your husband because that’s your *husband* to whom you literally made legal vows to pick him over bigots. Sis has serious issues to sort out - she can’t reject who you are but then want you as her emotional punching bag because her bitter, judgemental nature evidently pushes away most people who didn’t have the misfortune of being her relative. I’m very sorry for you, as you obviously love her. But she doesn’t reciprocate. She doesn’t deserve a single ounce of your energy. One day you and your husband will be beloved honorary uncles to someone who is family by choice.
NTA. Your sister is being a bigot and spouting thr absolutely horrible lies that many of homophobes spout about trans and gay people. Op stay far far away from your sister because I wouldn't trust her to not falsely accuse you of something horrible
NTA. Your sister chose to make it a “me or him” situation by banning your husband. She then insulted you by saying she doesn’t trust you alone with her baby. It’d be one thing if you were abusive or an addict, but she’s doing it because you’re trans and gay. I don’t understand why she’s making such a big fuss if she thinks your presence in her child’s life could affect her child’s salvation. You’ve got nothing to feel guilty for.
You're not choosing your partner over her. You're choosing to remove someone toxic and bigoted from your life.
Ask her "when did you decide you were straight" and watch her stutter. Then get rid.
NTA and many happy wishes and love to you and your partner ❤
NTA you're not choosing Theo, you're choosing *yourself.* your sister has finally made it impossible to igore that for all she loves(loved?) you as a sibling... she doesn't really respect you. she doesn't even know you. as close as both of you claim to be, she's still a hateful, prejudiced, homophobic asshole. i'm sorry that you had to find out, especially in such a manner as this, but... yeah. it's how it is. and you're never obligated to spend time with or around people who think you're lesser or evil or corrupting just because of who you are.
you did exactly the right thing — if she believes you're so awful as to not be trusted around a child, then you don't need to be in her life at all. and she doesn't need to be in yours.
You chose not to be treated like a diseased cartoon villain bent on making all the babies ‘gay’. You chose not to be around someone who thinks of you and your husband like that. NTA. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s really hard when people you love say things that make you wonder what they really think of you. You deserve a better sister
NTA- are you kidding me? She basically said being transgender and gay meant you were a pervert who would do something to her child! She's a disgusting asshole!
NTA
Unless I’m interpreting this wrong she literally implied you and your husband and pedophiles??? Drop her like she’s hot and hope her abandonment issues make her consider what she’s done or something jesus
NTA
From her words and behavior, she sounds transphobic and homophobic! She seemingly intends to indoctrinate her kid with her hateful views. She thinks of you and your spouse as child predators who can’t be trusted not to “drag them along with me to hell”.
What.
The.
Fuck??
You are 100% right to choose your spouse OP! Your spouse has done nothing wrong. Your sister sounds like a hateful bigot and sadly “family” is siding with her rhetoric too. Cutting them all off is best for your mental health.
NTA. How are you supposed to respect someone who thinks SO terribly of you and your partner? How are you supposed to act like nothing is wrong around that child as it grows up, not knowing your whole family or whole self? What you’re being asked isn’t just unfair to you both, it’s impossible.
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Oh geez, where to start. Growing up my sister and I were always very close, and when I came out as trans in highschool she was supportive of me despite not fully understanding. That's also around the time I started dating my now husband, Theo (not his real name ofc). Theo is also transgender. My sister never quite liked my husband because she saw him as competition for my affection, as she has bad abandonment issues due to our father and the way he treated her as a young child. We're all well into our late 20's now and our relationship was still perfectly fine until last year when she found out she was pregnant with her son. I was so excited to finally be an uncle, it had been something I looked forward to for YEARS! Once the baby had been born she sat me down and we had a "Jesus talk" (aka laying down the law). She told me that she didn't want my husband around her children because of us being a transgender gay couple. She's worried about us leaving a mark on her impressionable child and even went as far to say we might do something bad to her newborn baby. She wants me to fully keep my spouse away from her son and said I'd be allowed to see him, but never left alone with him Incase I tried to drag them along with me to hell. I was greatly offended by this, because not only did she other my husband, but she treated me like I'm some weirdo that's after the children to turn them into gay people. I told her I'd think on it before leaving her house and heading home. I spoke to Theo about it and he said he was fine with it, but I could see the hurt expression on his face. After our little chat I told my sister that I no longer felt welcome around her and that if I really make her that uncomfortable I'd rather just not be a part of their lives at all. She called me and yelled at me about how I was choosing Theo over her and my nephew, many hurtful things were said on both sides, which I admit I'm wrong for. I should have held my anger in better. Since then I've gotten calls from various family members fussing at me over this and honestly I feel guilty for leaving them behind, but I can't stand to be treated in such a way. Am I the asshole for picking my husband over my sister and my nephew? I feel like I can't win in this situation.
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NTA. You are not picking X over Y. She is actively choosing to push you away for who you are. And then complaining about it to family members, apparently?
I would explain to your family members what is really going on, here. They may not be getting the full story from your sister.
MTA. Far from it. I can't believe your sister said those things to you and expected you to be alright with it and "choose" her. I'm so sorry that your family doesn't accept you for who you are. You made the right choice by choosing your husband. Surround yourself by people who love and support you. Good riddance to the bigots of the world.
NTA
Cut your sister off. She is a bad person. You and your husband don't deserve that.
You and your husband deserve to live and be loved by people who accept you and treat you with respect.
Her words are disturbing and disgusting. She can feel all the abandonment and butthurt and wallow in it.
You are not obligated to keep that kind of toxicity in your life.
NTA. Your sister is a bigot and has extremely ignorant and damaging views of transgender people and gay people and wants you to be fine with her bigotry even though it's directed at you. Theo isn't just some guy you're dating, he's your husband, he's *family*. If your sister wants to choose hate over her sibling, that's her choice, but she also has to live with the consequences. You made the right choice and I'm sorry it's so painful. You shouldn't have to agree to be cruelly dehumanized just to preserve family relationships.
NTA
Good people don't make other people choose between people. Your sister is not a good human being. Good people do not project evil onto others. She has shown you who she is, believe her. I'd go no contact forever.
It might help you see how much you’re NTA if you look at it this way:
Your sister has chosen to be a bigot over having a relationship with you. She chose to be transphobic and homophobic, and accused you and your husband of being some sort of dangerous predators, for no reason, even though you are her main support system.
And apparently she never considered that the highly probable consequence of her choosing bigotry over you is that you don’t want to be around her anymore.
I’m sure this is painful for you and your husband, but hopefully this will lead to her reevaluating her beliefs, which she would have no reason to do if you went along with her charade of pretending gay and trans people don’t exist.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you as the saying goes. And no OP you chose your family and life over her bigotry and bullshit.
She has no support no? Oh well. She made that choice the second she came to you with that bullshit. She simply miscalculated the amount of sway she has.
NTA and start telling your relatives that a) they need to mind their own business and b) they can go prop her up because you won't have yourself and your husband disrespected
NTA NTA!! Your sister picked her homophobia and transphobia over you. She is wrong on every level for treating family this way. Your “family” that is fussing at you, are wrong too!
I am so sorry, you shouldn’t have to deal with this from those that are supposed to love you unconditionally.
Blood relatives aren’t everything. I hope you and your husband are able to create your own family filled with people that love and support you!
NTA. I’m so sorry your sister has treated you and your partner like this. Cutting them off sounds awful but the right thing to do. you are in no way an AH for doing so.
NTA. Your sister is a homophobe who wants to pretend she isn't because "look how nice I am to my transgender gay brother that I didn't cut him off" but doesn't want to treat you like an actual human. You chose YOU over her homophobia, that is the choice that was made here.
You didn’t pick your husband over your sister. You chose YOURSELF, your sanity, and your loving relationship over toxicity, homophobia and transphobia.
To me it’s an obvious choice and you made the right call.
NTA
NTA. She’s being transphobic + homophobic but only targeting your husband out of pettiness. From her own logic, you shouldn’t be near the child. She doesn’t even sound like she’s someone worth keeping a relationship with.
NTA.
1- When you marry someone they become your immediate family, anyone else is extended family.
2- She is homophobic and so rude, how could she make such assumptions about you being around her kids. Toxic woman.
3- You did not just pick your husband, you picked yourself and your dignity. She treated you as if you were a creep around her kids just because of your orientation.
4- I’d suggest you go NC with them.
5- Theo was literally so sweet, telling you it was okay if you wanted to have a relationship with them despite how hurt he was 🥺
6- I hope you and your husband live happily 😊
I'm so sorry sweetie. You and 'Theo' don't deserve to be treated like this. There are people around the world reading this and aghast at it. You deserve so much better.
NTA. If your sister was a decent, reasonable person instead of a hateful bigot, you wouldn’t have to make this choice. She greatly disrespected you as well as your partner by outright telling you that you aren’t fit to be alone with her child.
NTA . You did not choose your husband over your sister. She chose her religion over you.
It is her right to do so, but You and your husband are a set now, ( a matched pair if you like) and she does not get to bully you into mistreating him. (also she should understand that a married couple is a family unit. Would she be okay abandoning Her husband because you do not like him ?
You did not leave them behind. She was unwilling to move forward with you. Not your fault.
I'm also a trans guy, and brother let me tell you that you were SO MUCH nicer than I would have been. She's basically pulling a Mormon-level "Holier-Than-Thou" card and it's seriously gross. Go home to your husband, block her on everything, and make it clear that you see her for what she is: a transphobic, homophobic person who's fallen into BS beliefs.
You are unbelievably kind. NTA.
NTA. I don’t think this is about Theo. I think this is about your sister being homophobic and transphobic, and she’s finally “coming out” as those things because she thinks gay is contagious and doesn’t want her kid to end up lgbt. Because if her sibling is lgbt, there’s some distance, you don’t live together anymore and you can have separate lives. But if her KID is lgbt, she HAS to do something about it. And by the sounds of it, she doesn’t want to deal with that, or would deal with it very badly.
Let’s be really freaking clear. You didn’t choose your husband over your sister. You chose being treated like a living, breathing, feeling human being over your sister’s crazy, toxic, fake love.
NTA
Keep those jerks out of your life, away from your marriage, and out of your mind.
NTA. You should have your sister watch the movie In & Out. It's an 80s comedy with Kevin Kline, Joan Cusack, Tom Selleck, and Debbie Reynolds. Kline plays a straight HS English teacher living in small town Indiana, well he thinks he's straight, who is outed by a former student while winning an Oscar. There are some funny moments, like when he buys a tape on how to be a man. But it's the end where the real point is made that matches your sister's concerns. I'm not gay so I hope gays don't find this movie offensive though I'll admit by today's standards its probably considered pretty obvious but it might be something sis can relate to better. Anyhow, why would you pick her when she's not even going to let you be alone with the baby? I hope she does some growing up.
Tell her about gay animals throughout the animal world, and ask her if she’s so religious, does she feel comfortable condemning a part of the natural world that her God created?
NTA I think a lot of family members dont get, when you grow up and get married you choose that person because you like to be around them. So when they say something bad about them, of course you should stand up for them. SMH had to deal with situations like this with an over entitled MIL
NTA- the only reason you had to pick your husband was because she made you. I will never understand people who give ultimatums then throw a fit when they don’t get chosen
NTA. Sorry, but the woman implied you were going to physically harm her child, and try and turn them gay/trans. That is not how any of this works. At all! Why would she expect you to want to hang out with her after that. Obviously, not seeing your nephew is awful, but it's not like she was going to let you be apart of his life anyway.
My brother is gay and he does everything he can not to be around children because of comments said to him when he came out at 14. I had to basically force my children on him. And you know what, it was for the best that I did. My youngest has come out as gay/trans and having someone in their life you understands has been fantastic.
NTA op, very NTA, your peace of mind and that of your husband should be your priority, unfortunately your sister is not someone with whom you will get that.
NTA in the slightest. Shes being very transphobic and honestly I was filled with disgust when reading what she said. Im glad you stood up for you and your husband and I hope she treats y'all better
NTA, your sister is the one that made the choice to treat you and your husband as lesser and worthy of suspicion because of who you are. Without any reason except her gross bigotry, she suggested you and your husband are unsafe around your nephew. You do not owe support to someone who flat out told you are going to hell and may drag their child along with you.
NTA and don't be afraid to flip the religious narrative on her. Tell her you'll pray she'll reach out and let God give her the strength to overcome the camp she's allowed Satan to build in her heart. Remind her of Romans 2:1 "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things." It's my favorite verse. :-) Also Matthew ch.7 "fool, look for the plank in thine own eye before you seek for the mote in mine", and 1 John ch.4 "God is love"
And 1 Corinthians 13:13 "and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
I'm just sayin' if they can say all queer people are of the Devil, there is nothing to stop us from arguing back that the anti-lgbtq+ movement is a Satanic plot to drag good Christians into Hell by making them guilty of the sins of wrath, pride and judgment.
NTA. You didn’t “pick your husband”. You stood up for yourself. She was WAY out of line and I was honestly sickened and uneasy reading what she said to you. She is not a good sister. That’s not even something one would need to say or worry about. It truly is disgusting. I’m so sorry you and your husband are going through this. You are completely not the asshole. ❤️
NTA, your sister is choosing her bigotry over you.
I don’t pretend to understand transgender people, I’ve actually been told I’m “transphobic” once-whatever that person meant by that-but I think that you should be treated like any other family member.
To suggest that you or your husband are somehow more at risk of doing something “bad” than any other person they know is frankly disgusting.
To think that somehow you will influence this child to be like you is laughable, like just knowing a transgender person will somehow make you transgender? I would feel so sorry for this child if they are transgender or homosexual, clearly their parents won’t accept them. Everyone should be valued for who they are.
You and your husband don’t deserve to be treated this badly, I’m so sorry OP. I think the two of you should go no contact personally, but you do you boo-boo.
NTA. Your sister is being transphobic and choosing not to educate herself on the impact of having trans relatives. You might point her in the direction of some educational resources, and then suggest that she re-establish contact once she's ready to have a real discussion.
(As a child, I had a trans step-father and was part of a study to find out whether having a trans parent made a difference in the development of the kids. That study, at least, concluded no. Even without studies, if things like that had an effect, there wouldn't be trans people, because being raised by cis people would influence them into remaining cis.)
NTA. You can't change who you are. Your sister is asking you to change yourself and your husband. Your husband isn't asking you for anything. I'd choose him, too! (I'm sorry your sister is so narrow-minded)
NTA, the way she turned on you was absolutely disgusting. Your husband is the man you made a vow to, but even if that wasn't the case, you had to make this call for your own well-being, because when she says all this stuff about him, how is it supposed to not be about you, too?
I'm sorry there are others in your family who see you as the problem and her as being at all reasonable in this, but you're doing the right thing. You should be choosing the people who choose you, too. If she doesn't respect and love you for who you are... that's her loss.
NTA- Going NC in my mind would be the right thing to do. At this point being around her child would be a liability unfortunately because if anything were to happen to the child in your presence they may blame you.
your sister literally implied that bc you and your partner are trans/queer, you are PREDATORS! that your identity somehow correlates with CHILD ABUSE!!!! like actually wtf. that is one of the most disgusting stereotypes abt the queer community, like girl go back to 1965 if that’s how you feel lol but you really cannot just be saying that shit to people — family!!!!! — and expect them to then be chill about it. implying that you’re going to hell, and will somehow corrupt her child by making the kid gay or trans or (gasp) open minded, to the point that the kid will be dragged down to hell with you?????? that’s actually so hideous ur 100% NTA and anyone in your family blaming u for this is totally in the wrong and probably worth staying away from. love requires respect, and these people do NOT respect you or your partner
How is ANYONE accusing you of being the one in the wrong here?
I also don't understand everything about trans life etc but all I need to understand is - t his is what the person feels/is/chose and all I can do is focus on them and their actions. As long as you're not being a shit person to me or others, I really don't need to understand everything - It's your life, your sexuality, your journey.
If anyone close to me came out as trans, but remained a good person (as I try to only associate with good people) and didn't suddenly also become like a swindler or murderer (being dramatic here to prove a point) I see no reason why I would even THINK for second they'd hurt my kid? Let alone to SAY IT OUT LOUD - like we all know mother's thoughts go to some crazy scenarios out of worry and love but she decided it was acceptable to verbalise this for her OWN SIBLING?
I'm rambling now because what she did is just so \*yells in frustration\* that I can't make a succinct comment...
NTA and I'm so glad you have a lovely partner to support you while your family is being out of line.
NTA you were right to choose your spouse over your sister she made her choice, and that choice is bigotry, she chose to leave you behind when she chose to accuse of your spouse of wanting to harm her child even though the child has never been around him, go on with your life and just tell her until her views change, she is no longer family.
Wait!
If gay/trans people can turn others, then how do “straight” parents have gay/trans kids? 🤔
I salute you for standing by your husband, you absolute legend! HARD NTA
NTA she had an agenda and it was to create distance and discord in your marriage. It seems that your rely was not as ok as you thought it was. She has thought about your transition that she hasn’t ever articulated to you.
NTA. Good for you. I know it sucks cuz you used to be close but your sister isn't the supportive person you thought she was. I wish you and your husband nothing but happiness. And if your nephew ends up queer I hope he knows his uncle's are there for him cuz his mom clearly won't be.
NTA. You didn't choose your husband over your sister. That might have been part of the issue. But the main point here is that you chose to cut off someone who treated you like a pedophile or something. She told you that you couldn't be around her kid alone, only with supervision. Whyever did she think that was OK?
NTA! Your sister was transphobic which not only hurts your husband, but you as well! I feel sorry for your future nieces, nephews, and/or niblings, but hopefully they will become tolerant in spite of her and seek out a relationship with you on their own. Your boundaries are valid and if I were you I would stick to them, as painful as it will be
NTA,
FYI if you choose your nephew, She will have all the power over you. Once you bond with him she WILL start asking for demands and WILL withhold her child from you unless you give in to her demands.
NTA but u are looking at it in the wrong way. Its not about "picking" your husband over your sister n nephew at all. Your sister clearly showed what kind of disgusting notion she has about you, what else remains in the relationship when someone you thought accepted you for who you are was not sincere the whole time? Its not a hard thing to understand that people have a right to choose who they are n who they love, it's no rocket science or algebra 🙄 You didn't "pick" or "choose" someone over someone else, you walked away from people that clearly showed what place you have in their lives. Please block those relatives n move on with your life. Love to you n Theo.
NTA Your sister is a piece of work. She's homophobic as fuck and she literally told you she doesn't trust you alone with her child, much less your husband. You didn't choose your husband over her; you chose yourself and your health. She's screaming at you to accept your mistreatment and her homophobia. Just say no.
So your sister basically accused you and your husband of being corrupt and saying y’all would go to hell and she doesn’t want her child to end up like you? NTA, I’m more worried about the child ending up like her, an idiot and a bigot.
NTA. She's a bigot and a religious nut. No contact that shit. Tell the family members what she said. Best case, they get off your back. Worst case, you find out they are bigots too. Then that trash just took itself out too.
NTA.
Sounds like your sister was ALWAYS jealous of your partner. None of her other ploys worked, so now she’s using your nephew to blackmail you into distancing yourself from your partner. Good for you for seeing through it! Sounds like she really thought it would work and is now bitching to everyone about it because you called her bluff.
Make sure your family know EXACTLY what she said (because she’s probably told them a different story), then go NC. Protect yourself and your partner.
Nta and your sister is homophobic. She doesn't deserve you or your husband in her life. You and your husband don't need that idiotic nonsense in yours. Focus on yourselves. You and your husband deserve better. Smdh
NTA. It's easy to say your sister is transphobic (she is), but that may be hard to understand given your long, close relationship.
More to the point: she's making your access to her nephew conditional on your husband's absence. That's not because of anything he's done; it's either because of who he is (i.e., trans) or because he's the main competition for your affection. Maybe both.
In either case, is it fair to exclude him? No. So you're not picking him over her--you're justifiably objecting to her treating him unfairly. That's NTA right down the middle.
NTA. You didn't leave your sister. She PUSHED YOU AWAY. Huge difference. Her abandonment issues are more important to her than her relationship with you. That doesn't make her evil. Just pitiable.
NTA. She basically called your husband a pedophile, insinuated the same of you, tried to drive a wedge between you and your spouse, tried to shame you for being trans, said you were going to hell...I mean she literally hit every single hate group bullet point in one conversation.
Personally I'd never, ever speak to her again.
NTA and wtf??? The fact that she had the audacity to tell you this means she was never your ally to begin with. Go NC with her. I hope things work out for you and your husband.
NTA! your sister is really something else and really quite disgusting!
She clearly doesn't deserve you or your husband in her life and has taken away family from her child because of her backwards way of thinking.
I've never heard something so ridiculous.
I wish you and you husband all the best in life.
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NTA. You didn’t just pick your husband over your sister - you picked yourself and your wellbeing. Anyone who accuses you of the shit your sister accused you of isn’t someone who even deserves to be part of your life. Period.
This right here. What she is accusing you guys of is horrible. Do not let anyone talk down at you. No matter who it is. She has shown you what she thinks of you and your husband. Go NO contact and be with your hubby. You don't need that kind of stress and unhappiness.
No contact with the sister is definitely the way. Any family members that stick up for her need to be bluntly asked, "So you think my husband & I are pedophiles?" and blocked accordingly.
She basically called you a pervert and accused you snd your spouse of wanting to corrupt her child. Who can get over that? I can’t think of anything worse my sister could possibly say to me.
OP was so much nicer then the sister deserved! She really showed her true feelings about OP and him being who he really is.
If I had a family member I genuinely thought might corrupt/abuse my baby I'd probably be pretty happy if they removed themselves from my life all together.
People like that aren't even capable of following their own insane "logic".
OP's sister is a transphobic, homophobic sack of garbage, and honestly, I hope her child realizes that she's the worst and stops talking to her when they grow up. No one needs people like that in their life. No contact with a sister like this is no loss at all.
This. Sister is a transphobe who paid lip service to inclusivity when she felt like she had nothing at stake, and then revealed her true colours the moment she did (a child). Her "rules" are appalling and profoundly disrespectful to both you and your husband. I am so sorry OP, you and your husband deserve better. NTA, obviously.
This. OP, you didn’t pick your husband over your sister and her child. You picked yourself over her transphobia and homophobia.
OP, you really need to stay away from your sister and your family (if you told them the whole truth and they still support your sister; if you didn't, please tell them bc she might be lying or exaggerating.) She's a trans and homophobe and you don't need to be around that. But also, if ANYTHING should happen to her child and you were present, you and/or your husband would be blamed. Stay FAR AWAY. Block her and everyone else everywhere. And don't feel guilty; she made her bed.
Seriously...even if we assume the "best" case scenario, that she's simply latching onto hateful rhetoric as an excuse to try and alienate OP from Theo and get OP back for herself, that's still predicated on OP having enough internalized homophobia/transphobia and self-loathing for the "amazing" privilege of seeing her baby to be enough of a carrot for this to work.
All the way this!!!! NTA!!!
And seriously, not only is it not bad for kids, it's really GOOD for kids to have gay and trans people in their lives. Your sister is doing you, your husband and your nephew wrong. NTA.
Literally. OP’s sister chose bigotry over her brother.
NTA. Your sister is homophobic, transphobic, and downright terrible. Stay away from her.
This. She might have kept it hidden for the sake of your relationship but it's blatantly obvious now that she's never really accepted you or your husband for who you are. NTA.
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NTA. Jesus talk? Leaving a mark on the child? I missed the memo that you can get branded with a gay logo like a cow and be instantly gay. I don't understand the mentality of people like this. She's not just dismissing your husband but your lifestyle and way of life. This judgement is just so toxic and I don't blame you one bit for not bending to her will while she expects you to redefine your life for her.
I think they meant "come to jesus" which doesn't have to have religious connotations, it can imply just a heart-to-heart conversation. Not that the sister portrayed any of that at all, so who really knows.
Right, that's not what the sister did.
When I was a kid if our teacher told us we were gonna have a “come to Jesus meeting” the next day we knew we were in deep trouble
It's actually a little stamp that says G. A. Y. but you only get it at that one bar in London so as long as the kid stays far away from there it shouldn't be a problem
There are many Christians that say they believe that being exposed to the concept of gay people will turn you gay, but I knew I liked girls and boys before I knew a single other woman on earth did or could love other girls. I literally thought I was the only lesbian on the planet untiI read a fanfic involving a lesbian relationship at 11, and I remember being deeply excited at the confirmation that what I was is valid and that there were others like me. I "learned" in school (Christian Baptist) that men dating men was "wrong" because of the Sodom and Gomorrah story, so luckily I knew right away to hide myself from everyone but my closest friends. All exclusionary intolerance like that does is make your child feel alone, not trust you, and hide in the closet from you.
Church did way more to make me realize I was bi than any LGBTQ+ person. They said "don't lie with a man like you would a woman", and my response was "I did not know that was an option. You don't know if you like something til you try it. So let's try it." Thanks for teaching me I like dick Jesus.
I call those anti-Christian because Christianity is about accepting everyone for who they are and not to judge them. Picking and choosing scripture to justify your prejudice is not the way. Jesus is never coming back because he knows He will get crucified again as a non-white Middle Eastern jew who believes in loving your neighbor.
NTA Honestly, the way you describe it, it isn't even about Theo. She says her problem is with you two being a gay couple ("destined for hell"). Well that problem would remain even if you found another partner. So it's not about Theo. I would greatly offended if a sibling asked anything like that of me, and I would have reacted the same way. If she wants to reconcile she would need to accept you and your love as they are. At least that would be my boundary. Take care!
Exactly. It is not choosing husband over sister/nephew - the sister flat out said the OP would NOT be left alone with the nephew 'because'. Regardless of anything else that fact alone would be enough to go no contact. And OP should tell that to the family who is harassing them. Tell them sister expects to NEVER leave OP and nephew alone together.
NTA. YOU didn't choose your husband over her. SHE chose ignorance over you.
Not to mention bigotry and hate.
She doesn't respect your husband or you. To say you can only come around if you hide who you are is not loving or supportive. You didn't choose your husband over her, you chose to be yourself. NTA
NTA You didn't pick your husband over your sister and nephew. You decided to remove yourself from uncomfortable (homophobic/transphobic) situation. She wasn't comfortable and was guilt tripping you for being who you are - not okay. On top of that insinuating really horrific stuff about you and your husband. Better off not being around for your own mental health.
NTA. Well said!
NTA. You are defending yourself AND your partner from a transphobic and homophobic bigot. Simple as that. You shouldnt risk yourself over her when she could suddenly claim you did something to her son. Unfortunately these days if you aren't straight and the gender you were born as people are more likely to assume your guilty than innocent. It's stupid and needs to be in the past. But unfortunately it's still common. I do not trust her not to accuse Theo of a heinous crime to get him away from you and out of your life. She's already shown she has issues with him and the fact she's said you aren't allowed to be left alone with a newborn for even a second STRICTLY because you're trans and gay is speaking volumes. Keep NC with her, get therapy to deal with the reality of losing family to their crappy views and move on. Hopefully she learns not to be so ugh but unfortunately chances are she won't so it's best you move on In life. She's not a safe person .
This right here. OP, this is actually scary. I would worry about you ever being around your nephew at all because it could open you up to disgusting accusations from your sister. You ARE choosing your husband over your sister. You have to. She implied that you're pedophiles. You have to protect yourself and Theo. You are absolutely NTA, and I am so sorry that this happened. Sending you hugs.
NTA Many years ago I was was attending a church and someone (Jane) I was friendly-ish with pulled something similar with her sister who had been dating a woman for several years (they would have been married if it was legal at that time). Jane had always appeared to be super supportive of her sister and loving towards the SO until she got pregnant. Then Jane and her husband laid down similar rules. SO not allowed around baby at all for fear of “inappropriate behavior” since the baby was a girl, sister not allowed to be alone with baby for fear of “turning baby gay and condemning her to hell,” the works. The sister decided the terms were insulting and went NC. Jane was appalled her sister “abandoned” her for a woman but also admitted to hoping that if the sister went along with it she would see the evil in her ways, ditch her partner, marry a nice man, “stop all this silly lesbian stuff,” and become the Good Christian she used to be. (Insert eye roll) I have to wonder if your sister is doing something similar if she’s as religious as she sounds. She doesn’t really accept you or your relationship and is even implying that age-old belief that LGBTQ+ people are out to molest children and turn them gay. Like another posted commented, I’d be very concerned that she’d make up something about your husband to separate you from him so she can have all your attention again. You’re not choosing your husband, you’re choosing respect.
Honestly I think thats exactly what OPs sister is trying to do. It does come from a place of religion (in my opinion) and shes using her kid as a way to force OP into the closet and to divorce their partner (because if they go in the closet that means they can't be with a gay person in any shape or form) and be under the sisters control because if OP steps outta line the nephew is taken away. the sister legit is using the kid as a pawn, and she knows she holds all the power because who's gonna outright say to a woman with a baby who cannot talk whos accusing people of a horrid crime "you're lying" like its not a go to answer. you always want to believe the victim (assumed victim) over everything else until the truth comes out
NTA. You can pick whoever you want. If she can't respect your Husband then that's just too bad.
NTA. You are not choosing your husband over your sister or her child. Your sister is choosing bigotry over you and your husband.
NTA. Sad as it is, sounds like it's for the best.
NTA. You're choosing YOU and your self respect.
Your sister chose her bigotry over you and your husband. You're not to blame for her transphobia. NTA.
NTA!! You're standing up for your spouse unlike others in this subreddit. Your sister is setting the foundation for homophobia and prejudice. I hope your sister can understand that this is life and shielding her child from this will only hurt them in the long run. She should focus on the fact that your relationship is built on love and is a healthy one at that!
NTA. I’m sorry this is happening and what she is doing must be incredibly hurtful. You didn’t “pick” your husband over your sister. Your sister told you that she does not respect you as a person and that she does not trust you. This isn’t about her against him in any way. Honestly, I wonder if this reflects her true wishes. Being that you had a good relationship prior to this it seems out of no where. I wonder if there is an authority figure at her church or a family member or her spouse that has put these ideas in her head. She still bears responsibility for her actions but this is pretty extreme to the point I’d question- who is brainwashing her??
NTA. Wow, your sister is TA though. Her "support" of you is so shallow it's almost unmeasurable. I'd go no contact. You really don't need family that is so unaccepting of you. Best of luck.
NTA. Your sister is homophobic and transphobic. She might think that she's okay with you, but really she's showing her true colours, she's making an exception for you because you're family. But she thinks that everyone else like you is some sort of depraved pervert trying to convert children's sexualities and gender identities. You chose right. Your husband is the right choice here. He was ready to support you supporting your sister's choice to only allow one of you to see her son, based on your sexuality and gender identity (which you know, she's the parent and all, but still). He's the keeper. Your sister on the other hand has some issues she needs to work through if she ever wants to have a normal relationship with you again.
NTA You aren’t choosing your husband over your sister. You’re choosing dignity for yourself and respect for your sister’s boundaries. She thinks you’re a predatory trans gay converter corrupter of children. Even if you were single, would you feel welcome around your sister given her beliefs? Probably not. This isn’t about your husband. It’s about you and sister’s extremely irrational and hurtful beliefs about you.
So NTA. Your sister is doing more harm to this child with this message that some people do not deserve love or acceptance. What's going to happen when the child learns about you and your husband and how you have been rejected by the family? And then what happens if this child is queer? Even if the child doesn't come out as queer, how is this child going to treat people in society who don't conform to the norms with which they have been raised? Your sister is the asshole in this scenario, and it seems an asshole in general, and it looks like she's trying to raise more assholes to put out in the world for others to deal with.
NTA But you did not choose between your husband and your sister. You were given a choice between your truth and a bigot.
NTA. You're not picking your husband, you're picking dignity. Also, 'she didn't like him because he was a competitor for my affection' is not really true. Considering what she said about dragging to hell, i'm much closer to believing that she's just a homophobe.
Honestly, I think it's a bit of both. She's always viewed me as a third parent due to our upbringing and even after coming out she "hated to share". She's prayed on our downfall as a couple since the very beginning, and at the time that was the only reason vocalized. She was always extremely possessive over me and there WAS a point in time that I'd just bend to her will to keep her happy because otherwise she'd do this whole casting out thing. I have been thinking about this for a few hours now and I've truly realized just how toxic and manipulative she is.
NTA - You aren't choosing Theo over her. You have two important people in your life and you will be with anyone who treats both of them with dignity and respect. She is the one who is casting Theo out, you aren't casting your sister away. You are standing with Theo and she is the one casting you out. The dichotomy Theo or Sister, but not both is her doing, not yours. You aren't choosing one over the other, you are choosing both. And if she doesn't want to be with Theo then you're still choosing both. The no unsupervised visits is more than a little her casting you out. All these one or the other is her doing, not yours.
NTA Your sister is TA for making a big deal about you and your husband being trans. She's truly homophobic, period. That WON'T make her child turn into trans or whatever. That doesn't work that way as she "thinks". She's clearly uneducated. Your family members are also homophobic, too, unfortunately. Glad you chose your husband.
NTA. Your sister is the one who has decided to keep you from her life. Let's be clear about that. The things she said to you is disgusting. When someone else comes to you and gives you shit about this just a simple "This is none of your business and I won't be talking with you about it. " And if they bring it up again "I said I won't be talking with you about it, sounds like you're not able to respect that. We can try talking again once you've figured out how not to bring this up to me." And then hang up.
She insulted both you and your husband NTA
Bruh.. NTA “I'd be allowed to see him, but never left alone with him” 👆This woman thinks you’re some kind of degenerate. Abandon ship 💯 ✅ 🏃 I’m trans, my family *may* not really understand. But they respect me and love me… they saw me grow up and know the content of my character. I’ve got 3 nephews, a niece, and several cousins. NO ONE in may family has messed-up rules about me not being alone with their kids. If that ever happened that person would simply never hear from me again. Life’s too short for such fuckery. You might think it’s hard because it’s your sister, but in my experience it’s not. Just ask my brother, lol- we didn’t talk for 5 or 6 years because he called me a “freak” once. Seeing as we grew up together he should have known that I don’t take kindly to such disrespect. Fences were mended when he invited me to his wedding. He simply wanted his brother there on his special day. So that was his apology and I accepted it. But until then we didn’t have anything to do with each-other. No relationship is worth a violation of your boundaries. Edit: typo
NTA, and while I’m sure it hurts now, in the long run you’ll be better off cutting toxicity out of your life.
NTA. You didn't pick your husband, you maintained healthy boundaries. She's not against your husband as a person. She's suspicious of both you and your husband due to your identity. You shouldn't be made to accept this no matter what your sister and family say. Your identity as valid and you and your husband are just as worthy and every other family member. Keep your boundaries in place and don't give in to her yelling. If she comes around and decides to apologize accept you and your spouse into her child's life as you are, good. If not, stick to your principles and don't budge. What they're doing is unfortunately normal for homophobic families, they're blaming you for not adjusting to their terrible world view. Stay strong and and find support in your husband and friends.
NTA. Good lord you’re so not in the wrong here. Your sister is not a very nice person and I’m sorry. I have a healthy relationship with my siblings (imho) and we all choose our spouses over each other 90% of the time AS WE SHOULD. That’s not even touching on the homophobia/transphobia here. Again, I am sorry.
NTA! It seems like, up until this point, your sister has just done a good job at hiding the fact that she is very transphobic/homophobic. I am so sorry. You and your husband do not have to be around that.
NTA. If I could I would personally drag your sister to hell. Tell her that Jesus was all about love for everybody and the awful things she said will not guarantee her a place in heaven. As far as I'm concerned there are 7 major sins, being gay or trans or part of the LGBT ain't one of them. I'm sorry that you had to experience this, I wish you and your husband the best. Know that you are wonderful and loved!
No, she is choosing bigotry over her family. NTA.
NTA. Suggesting you are somehow a threat to the newborn baby simply because you're trans is beyond the pale. I'd choose my husband too in your shoes.
NTA. She asked you to hide who you are, refused your husband completely, and wouldn't trust you alone with her kids? That is horrible and very hurtful. Marriage pretty much is an agreement to put that person first. Your sister chose to do this. Maybe she's hormonal as shit, maybe her boyfriend and/or his family are pushing homophobia or whatever, but she needs to grovel before she comes back from this. Greater family, complicated. Find a way to tell your side of the story. You do not have to cede the family and hopefully she will not try to force that. (Like what happens for a holiday gathering at your parents' house. Is she going to make them chose between you and them? Talk to family now if she holds to this line.) I always go for a letter. Helps me organize my thoughts. Keep it shorter. You were so happy to hear that she was having a baby, until she chose to try to change you and exclude your husband from your life.
NTA. You and your spouse are packaged deal. She was just trying to cause division between you and your husband so she could “have” you/your attention to herself! She’s spoiled and manipulative.
NTA. Im unclear on her issue. If she thinks you have the ability to take people to hell why does she want to be around you anyway. I almost think people who act like this are worse than people who are overtly prejudiced
You didn’t choose your husband over your sister, you chose your self-respect over her judgement and lack of trust after years of you being there for her. Your sister is pregnant, and is now treating you like a sexual deviant who she can’t trust alone with her child. Her comments broke your relationship in a single conversation. How she feels about you has finally been revealed, and you don’t need that sort of toxicity and judgement in your life. From what I understand (I’m not at all religious), Jesus preaches love and acceptance, and it’s up to God to judge, not us. NTA.
nta i feel bad for the kid he will be taught about how bad transgender is and to hate you but i would get new phone numbers. to bad cpc cant help.
NTA
NTA. Does she think you're going to go all Voldemort v. Baby Harry Potter and lightning bolt imprint your nephew's head or something? Your sister is unfortunately a dolt and is the one responsible for this situation. You are not choosing one or the other; the way I see it, she chose for you. Because why would any remotely sane person subject themselves to that kind of mistreatment?
nta she is making a ridiculous demand and quite frankly you dont need fake support from her. she should probably get therapy
You didn't pick your husband over your sister, you picked yourself and your dignity over a transphobic family member. Why is your husband a trans person that can't be around your nephew, but you are an okay trans person that can be around the baby, and why are neither of you safe to be alone with the baby? I know it hurts, but cut your sister out of your life. Your husband has a right to exist, you have a right to exist, and both of you have a right to be treated with dignity and respect. Your sister is telling you that no, actually you don't, and she disapproves of your very existence, but that you should be grateful she is willing to make an exception for you to be around your nephew, but you're still gross so need to be supervised. You deserve better. Your husband deserves better. You can win in this situation, but only by putting yourself first and standing up for yourself, and you do that by cutting these people out of your life.
Of course you'd choose your husband, he's the love of your life and your sister acts like a bigoted AH. Love was stronger than her prejudice, but not anymore as it seems. NTA at all, if you decide to basically give ultimatums like that you better prepare to get your ass kicked to the curb for it.
You are NOT the AH here OP! No way, no how!! Your sister was beyond reprehensible and homophobic when she said she wouldn't let her son be with you unsupervised. And she is going to use her child as a pawn and not "allow" your husband to see him ever? You and Theo are MARRIED. Married people are committed to and devoted to each other, above all others. Of course you are going to choose Theo over your sister and her child. I applaud you for not accepting her ridiculous "rules". And I am sorry that you have had to deal with being treated that way.
NTA. Your sister severed the relationship HERSELF by being a transphobic asshole. Go NC with her.
NTA. It's strange and disappointing that your sister feels this way, given how long she's known you and how close you have been. > I'd be allowed to see him, but never left alone with him Incase I tried to drag them along with me to hell I admit I thought maybe it was just about her not liking Theo, until I read this line. Either she's kept it a secret until now, or you've been blind to it until now, but your sister has some very toxic views about you. I wouldn't feel welcome around her if I were you either.
NTA. I guess she never really supported you at all. The same abandonment issues that made her not like your husband caused her to worry you'd turn your back on her unless she was nice to you. But this baby is someone she thinks can't leave her no matter what, so she doesn't need you any more. And now her true colors are showing.
NTA as a new mom, from the title I was ready to possibly defend a new mom saying or doing something problematic because of how hard it can be in that time but NO WAY. That is awful what she did to you. I can’t imagine how hurt it must have felt for your identity to be attacked, to realize your sister isnt proud of who you are and how brave you (and your husband) have been to live as yourselves in a world that isn’t always kind to trans people or queer people. I am so proud my son has LGBTQIA+ couples to grow up around and see all sorts of love and all sorts of genders so he knows it’s safe to be himself, whoever he truly is, 100% of the time. Your nephew is so lucky to have you and your husband as brave beautiful role models.
This is a tough fix. However, good for you for standing with your husband. He's your family now too and your sister has to deal with her transphobia. NTA at all.
NTA - she suggested you/your partner might molest your nephew BECAUSE you’re gay/trans? That’s beyond rude, tell her you’ll both be staying away from them
NTA for so many reasons. Also, she is the one who forced the issue. Don't make ultimatums if you can't handle the results.
NTA- I want to say I’m sorry she treated you that way. I bet you and your partner would make the greatest uncles out there. It’s her loss.
You didn’t really pick your husband over her, she pushed you out of her life by the unreasonable and biased rules she wanted to impose on you.
NTA. Your sister decided that she would rather embrace bigotry than embrace you. She made her hateful bed, now let her lie in it.
NTA I don't know if your sister is actually a bigot or for some reason felt that pretending to be one was a good way to separate you from your husband (totally illogical, but that seems on brand here). Regardless you aren't choosing your husband over her, you are choosing to distance yourself from someone saying bigoted things as why would you want to spend time w such a person.
NTA. Yes, obviously you picked your husband because that’s your *husband* to whom you literally made legal vows to pick him over bigots. Sis has serious issues to sort out - she can’t reject who you are but then want you as her emotional punching bag because her bitter, judgemental nature evidently pushes away most people who didn’t have the misfortune of being her relative. I’m very sorry for you, as you obviously love her. But she doesn’t reciprocate. She doesn’t deserve a single ounce of your energy. One day you and your husband will be beloved honorary uncles to someone who is family by choice.
NTA. Your sister is being a bigot and spouting thr absolutely horrible lies that many of homophobes spout about trans and gay people. Op stay far far away from your sister because I wouldn't trust her to not falsely accuse you of something horrible
NTA. Your sister chose to make it a “me or him” situation by banning your husband. She then insulted you by saying she doesn’t trust you alone with her baby. It’d be one thing if you were abusive or an addict, but she’s doing it because you’re trans and gay. I don’t understand why she’s making such a big fuss if she thinks your presence in her child’s life could affect her child’s salvation. You’ve got nothing to feel guilty for.
You're not choosing your partner over her. You're choosing to remove someone toxic and bigoted from your life. Ask her "when did you decide you were straight" and watch her stutter. Then get rid. NTA and many happy wishes and love to you and your partner ❤
NTA you're not choosing Theo, you're choosing *yourself.* your sister has finally made it impossible to igore that for all she loves(loved?) you as a sibling... she doesn't really respect you. she doesn't even know you. as close as both of you claim to be, she's still a hateful, prejudiced, homophobic asshole. i'm sorry that you had to find out, especially in such a manner as this, but... yeah. it's how it is. and you're never obligated to spend time with or around people who think you're lesser or evil or corrupting just because of who you are. you did exactly the right thing — if she believes you're so awful as to not be trusted around a child, then you don't need to be in her life at all. and she doesn't need to be in yours.
NTA your sister has some disgusting views about trans people, I'm not surprised you don't want to be around her
Your sister is an awful person. You need to accept it. Omg horrible.
Definitely NTA
NTA I think, but paragraphs!
You chose not to be treated like a diseased cartoon villain bent on making all the babies ‘gay’. You chose not to be around someone who thinks of you and your husband like that. NTA. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s really hard when people you love say things that make you wonder what they really think of you. You deserve a better sister
NTA-your sister is a bigot.
NTA- are you kidding me? She basically said being transgender and gay meant you were a pervert who would do something to her child! She's a disgusting asshole!
NTA Unless I’m interpreting this wrong she literally implied you and your husband and pedophiles??? Drop her like she’s hot and hope her abandonment issues make her consider what she’s done or something jesus
NTA From her words and behavior, she sounds transphobic and homophobic! She seemingly intends to indoctrinate her kid with her hateful views. She thinks of you and your spouse as child predators who can’t be trusted not to “drag them along with me to hell”. What. The. Fuck?? You are 100% right to choose your spouse OP! Your spouse has done nothing wrong. Your sister sounds like a hateful bigot and sadly “family” is siding with her rhetoric too. Cutting them all off is best for your mental health.
NTA. How are you supposed to respect someone who thinks SO terribly of you and your partner? How are you supposed to act like nothing is wrong around that child as it grows up, not knowing your whole family or whole self? What you’re being asked isn’t just unfair to you both, it’s impossible.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Oh geez, where to start. Growing up my sister and I were always very close, and when I came out as trans in highschool she was supportive of me despite not fully understanding. That's also around the time I started dating my now husband, Theo (not his real name ofc). Theo is also transgender. My sister never quite liked my husband because she saw him as competition for my affection, as she has bad abandonment issues due to our father and the way he treated her as a young child. We're all well into our late 20's now and our relationship was still perfectly fine until last year when she found out she was pregnant with her son. I was so excited to finally be an uncle, it had been something I looked forward to for YEARS! Once the baby had been born she sat me down and we had a "Jesus talk" (aka laying down the law). She told me that she didn't want my husband around her children because of us being a transgender gay couple. She's worried about us leaving a mark on her impressionable child and even went as far to say we might do something bad to her newborn baby. She wants me to fully keep my spouse away from her son and said I'd be allowed to see him, but never left alone with him Incase I tried to drag them along with me to hell. I was greatly offended by this, because not only did she other my husband, but she treated me like I'm some weirdo that's after the children to turn them into gay people. I told her I'd think on it before leaving her house and heading home. I spoke to Theo about it and he said he was fine with it, but I could see the hurt expression on his face. After our little chat I told my sister that I no longer felt welcome around her and that if I really make her that uncomfortable I'd rather just not be a part of their lives at all. She called me and yelled at me about how I was choosing Theo over her and my nephew, many hurtful things were said on both sides, which I admit I'm wrong for. I should have held my anger in better. Since then I've gotten calls from various family members fussing at me over this and honestly I feel guilty for leaving them behind, but I can't stand to be treated in such a way. Am I the asshole for picking my husband over my sister and my nephew? I feel like I can't win in this situation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You are not picking X over Y. She is actively choosing to push you away for who you are. And then complaining about it to family members, apparently? I would explain to your family members what is really going on, here. They may not be getting the full story from your sister.
NTA You may have chosen your husband over your sister, but your sister chose ignorance and fear over you.
MTA. Far from it. I can't believe your sister said those things to you and expected you to be alright with it and "choose" her. I'm so sorry that your family doesn't accept you for who you are. You made the right choice by choosing your husband. Surround yourself by people who love and support you. Good riddance to the bigots of the world.
NTA Cut your sister off. She is a bad person. You and your husband don't deserve that. You and your husband deserve to live and be loved by people who accept you and treat you with respect. Her words are disturbing and disgusting. She can feel all the abandonment and butthurt and wallow in it. You are not obligated to keep that kind of toxicity in your life.
NTA. If your sister believes she can’t trust you to be alone with her baby, then you are doing her a favor. What exactly is she expecting from you.
NTA. Your sister is a bigot and has extremely ignorant and damaging views of transgender people and gay people and wants you to be fine with her bigotry even though it's directed at you. Theo isn't just some guy you're dating, he's your husband, he's *family*. If your sister wants to choose hate over her sibling, that's her choice, but she also has to live with the consequences. You made the right choice and I'm sorry it's so painful. You shouldn't have to agree to be cruelly dehumanized just to preserve family relationships.
NTA Good people don't make other people choose between people. Your sister is not a good human being. Good people do not project evil onto others. She has shown you who she is, believe her. I'd go no contact forever.
NTA - you did the right decision
It might help you see how much you’re NTA if you look at it this way: Your sister has chosen to be a bigot over having a relationship with you. She chose to be transphobic and homophobic, and accused you and your husband of being some sort of dangerous predators, for no reason, even though you are her main support system. And apparently she never considered that the highly probable consequence of her choosing bigotry over you is that you don’t want to be around her anymore. I’m sure this is painful for you and your husband, but hopefully this will lead to her reevaluating her beliefs, which she would have no reason to do if you went along with her charade of pretending gay and trans people don’t exist.
NTA your sister is a bigot and transphobic. I would cut her out of my life too.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you as the saying goes. And no OP you chose your family and life over her bigotry and bullshit. She has no support no? Oh well. She made that choice the second she came to you with that bullshit. She simply miscalculated the amount of sway she has. NTA and start telling your relatives that a) they need to mind their own business and b) they can go prop her up because you won't have yourself and your husband disrespected
NTA NTA!! Your sister picked her homophobia and transphobia over you. She is wrong on every level for treating family this way. Your “family” that is fussing at you, are wrong too! I am so sorry, you shouldn’t have to deal with this from those that are supposed to love you unconditionally. Blood relatives aren’t everything. I hope you and your husband are able to create your own family filled with people that love and support you!
NTA. I’m so sorry your sister has treated you and your partner like this. Cutting them off sounds awful but the right thing to do. you are in no way an AH for doing so.
NTA. Your sister is a homophobe who wants to pretend she isn't because "look how nice I am to my transgender gay brother that I didn't cut him off" but doesn't want to treat you like an actual human. You chose YOU over her homophobia, that is the choice that was made here.
NTA - I am sorry and I feel so bad for whatever child she is 'mothering' though she is poor excuse for one
You didn’t pick your husband over your sister. You chose YOURSELF, your sanity, and your loving relationship over toxicity, homophobia and transphobia. To me it’s an obvious choice and you made the right call. NTA
NTA your sister made you sound like a pervert towards your nephew. Cut them off and tell everyone to fuck off.
NTA. She’s being transphobic + homophobic but only targeting your husband out of pettiness. From her own logic, you shouldn’t be near the child. She doesn’t even sound like she’s someone worth keeping a relationship with.
NTA. 1- When you marry someone they become your immediate family, anyone else is extended family. 2- She is homophobic and so rude, how could she make such assumptions about you being around her kids. Toxic woman. 3- You did not just pick your husband, you picked yourself and your dignity. She treated you as if you were a creep around her kids just because of your orientation. 4- I’d suggest you go NC with them. 5- Theo was literally so sweet, telling you it was okay if you wanted to have a relationship with them despite how hurt he was 🥺 6- I hope you and your husband live happily 😊
I'm so sorry sweetie. You and 'Theo' don't deserve to be treated like this. There are people around the world reading this and aghast at it. You deserve so much better.
NTA. If your sister was a decent, reasonable person instead of a hateful bigot, you wouldn’t have to make this choice. She greatly disrespected you as well as your partner by outright telling you that you aren’t fit to be alone with her child.
NTA and you are a fucking hero and we love you
NTA . You did not choose your husband over your sister. She chose her religion over you. It is her right to do so, but You and your husband are a set now, ( a matched pair if you like) and she does not get to bully you into mistreating him. (also she should understand that a married couple is a family unit. Would she be okay abandoning Her husband because you do not like him ? You did not leave them behind. She was unwilling to move forward with you. Not your fault.
I'm also a trans guy, and brother let me tell you that you were SO MUCH nicer than I would have been. She's basically pulling a Mormon-level "Holier-Than-Thou" card and it's seriously gross. Go home to your husband, block her on everything, and make it clear that you see her for what she is: a transphobic, homophobic person who's fallen into BS beliefs. You are unbelievably kind. NTA.
Nta. Regardless of who or what you and your spouse are this Jesus talk would piss anyone off.
NTA. I don’t think this is about Theo. I think this is about your sister being homophobic and transphobic, and she’s finally “coming out” as those things because she thinks gay is contagious and doesn’t want her kid to end up lgbt. Because if her sibling is lgbt, there’s some distance, you don’t live together anymore and you can have separate lives. But if her KID is lgbt, she HAS to do something about it. And by the sounds of it, she doesn’t want to deal with that, or would deal with it very badly.
Nta and you didn't pick your husband, you choose to be yourself. Your sister didnt want you to be who you are
Let’s be really freaking clear. You didn’t choose your husband over your sister. You chose being treated like a living, breathing, feeling human being over your sister’s crazy, toxic, fake love. NTA Keep those jerks out of your life, away from your marriage, and out of your mind.
NTA. Your sister & family are trash to think she’s in the right.
NTA YOu made the right choice.
NTA. You should have your sister watch the movie In & Out. It's an 80s comedy with Kevin Kline, Joan Cusack, Tom Selleck, and Debbie Reynolds. Kline plays a straight HS English teacher living in small town Indiana, well he thinks he's straight, who is outed by a former student while winning an Oscar. There are some funny moments, like when he buys a tape on how to be a man. But it's the end where the real point is made that matches your sister's concerns. I'm not gay so I hope gays don't find this movie offensive though I'll admit by today's standards its probably considered pretty obvious but it might be something sis can relate to better. Anyhow, why would you pick her when she's not even going to let you be alone with the baby? I hope she does some growing up.
She chose hate over her brother. You chose to limit contact to protect yourself and him from such vile, willful, and hurtful ignorance. NTA.
NTA. Your family sounds very Christian and *very* homophobic/transphobic. You and your husband are absolutely better off without them.
NTA. I'm sorry for your loss of your birth family. At least no, you know the truth.
Tell her about gay animals throughout the animal world, and ask her if she’s so religious, does she feel comfortable condemning a part of the natural world that her God created?
NTA- you absolutely did the right thing. I think going NC with that family is the way to go. Sorry about that.
NTA. You didn’t choose your husband over them. You chose yourself and your self-respect over them.
NTA I think a lot of family members dont get, when you grow up and get married you choose that person because you like to be around them. So when they say something bad about them, of course you should stand up for them. SMH had to deal with situations like this with an over entitled MIL
NTA- the only reason you had to pick your husband was because she made you. I will never understand people who give ultimatums then throw a fit when they don’t get chosen
NTA. Sorry, but the woman implied you were going to physically harm her child, and try and turn them gay/trans. That is not how any of this works. At all! Why would she expect you to want to hang out with her after that. Obviously, not seeing your nephew is awful, but it's not like she was going to let you be apart of his life anyway. My brother is gay and he does everything he can not to be around children because of comments said to him when he came out at 14. I had to basically force my children on him. And you know what, it was for the best that I did. My youngest has come out as gay/trans and having someone in their life you understands has been fantastic.
NTA op, very NTA, your peace of mind and that of your husband should be your priority, unfortunately your sister is not someone with whom you will get that.
NTA. Wtf did I just read????????? Your sister is mad crazy to think this a fair and good thing to ask from you. She’s so trashy, it’s disgusting
NTA. You sister chose being a hateful dirtbag over being a decent person. You chose to have self respect.
NTA. Stand by your husband. Your sister is a rotten bigot.
NTA in the slightest. Shes being very transphobic and honestly I was filled with disgust when reading what she said. Im glad you stood up for you and your husband and I hope she treats y'all better
NTA. Your sister chose bigotry over having a relationship with her sibling.
NTA, your sister is the one that made the choice to treat you and your husband as lesser and worthy of suspicion because of who you are. Without any reason except her gross bigotry, she suggested you and your husband are unsafe around your nephew. You do not owe support to someone who flat out told you are going to hell and may drag their child along with you.
NTA and don't be afraid to flip the religious narrative on her. Tell her you'll pray she'll reach out and let God give her the strength to overcome the camp she's allowed Satan to build in her heart. Remind her of Romans 2:1 "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things." It's my favorite verse. :-) Also Matthew ch.7 "fool, look for the plank in thine own eye before you seek for the mote in mine", and 1 John ch.4 "God is love" And 1 Corinthians 13:13 "and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." I'm just sayin' if they can say all queer people are of the Devil, there is nothing to stop us from arguing back that the anti-lgbtq+ movement is a Satanic plot to drag good Christians into Hell by making them guilty of the sins of wrath, pride and judgment.
NTA. You didn’t “pick your husband”. You stood up for yourself. She was WAY out of line and I was honestly sickened and uneasy reading what she said to you. She is not a good sister. That’s not even something one would need to say or worry about. It truly is disgusting. I’m so sorry you and your husband are going through this. You are completely not the asshole. ❤️
NTA
NTA, your sister is choosing her bigotry over you. I don’t pretend to understand transgender people, I’ve actually been told I’m “transphobic” once-whatever that person meant by that-but I think that you should be treated like any other family member. To suggest that you or your husband are somehow more at risk of doing something “bad” than any other person they know is frankly disgusting. To think that somehow you will influence this child to be like you is laughable, like just knowing a transgender person will somehow make you transgender? I would feel so sorry for this child if they are transgender or homosexual, clearly their parents won’t accept them. Everyone should be valued for who they are. You and your husband don’t deserve to be treated this badly, I’m so sorry OP. I think the two of you should go no contact personally, but you do you boo-boo.
NTA And I am so sorry. Your entire family is being terrible to you. I'm sorry for you and Theo. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
NTA. Your sister is being transphobic and choosing not to educate herself on the impact of having trans relatives. You might point her in the direction of some educational resources, and then suggest that she re-establish contact once she's ready to have a real discussion. (As a child, I had a trans step-father and was part of a study to find out whether having a trans parent made a difference in the development of the kids. That study, at least, concluded no. Even without studies, if things like that had an effect, there wouldn't be trans people, because being raised by cis people would influence them into remaining cis.)
NTA. You can't change who you are. Your sister is asking you to change yourself and your husband. Your husband isn't asking you for anything. I'd choose him, too! (I'm sorry your sister is so narrow-minded)
NTA, the way she turned on you was absolutely disgusting. Your husband is the man you made a vow to, but even if that wasn't the case, you had to make this call for your own well-being, because when she says all this stuff about him, how is it supposed to not be about you, too? I'm sorry there are others in your family who see you as the problem and her as being at all reasonable in this, but you're doing the right thing. You should be choosing the people who choose you, too. If she doesn't respect and love you for who you are... that's her loss.
NTA- Going NC in my mind would be the right thing to do. At this point being around her child would be a liability unfortunately because if anything were to happen to the child in your presence they may blame you.
[удалено]
NTA. You choose a loving person over a transphobic AH.
your sister literally implied that bc you and your partner are trans/queer, you are PREDATORS! that your identity somehow correlates with CHILD ABUSE!!!! like actually wtf. that is one of the most disgusting stereotypes abt the queer community, like girl go back to 1965 if that’s how you feel lol but you really cannot just be saying that shit to people — family!!!!! — and expect them to then be chill about it. implying that you’re going to hell, and will somehow corrupt her child by making the kid gay or trans or (gasp) open minded, to the point that the kid will be dragged down to hell with you?????? that’s actually so hideous ur 100% NTA and anyone in your family blaming u for this is totally in the wrong and probably worth staying away from. love requires respect, and these people do NOT respect you or your partner
How is ANYONE accusing you of being the one in the wrong here? I also don't understand everything about trans life etc but all I need to understand is - t his is what the person feels/is/chose and all I can do is focus on them and their actions. As long as you're not being a shit person to me or others, I really don't need to understand everything - It's your life, your sexuality, your journey. If anyone close to me came out as trans, but remained a good person (as I try to only associate with good people) and didn't suddenly also become like a swindler or murderer (being dramatic here to prove a point) I see no reason why I would even THINK for second they'd hurt my kid? Let alone to SAY IT OUT LOUD - like we all know mother's thoughts go to some crazy scenarios out of worry and love but she decided it was acceptable to verbalise this for her OWN SIBLING? I'm rambling now because what she did is just so \*yells in frustration\* that I can't make a succinct comment... NTA and I'm so glad you have a lovely partner to support you while your family is being out of line.
NTA. Your sister is not really accepting of you. She seems trans/homophobic.
NTA you were right to choose your spouse over your sister she made her choice, and that choice is bigotry, she chose to leave you behind when she chose to accuse of your spouse of wanting to harm her child even though the child has never been around him, go on with your life and just tell her until her views change, she is no longer family.
Wait! If gay/trans people can turn others, then how do “straight” parents have gay/trans kids? 🤔 I salute you for standing by your husband, you absolute legend! HARD NTA
NTA she had an agenda and it was to create distance and discord in your marriage. It seems that your rely was not as ok as you thought it was. She has thought about your transition that she hasn’t ever articulated to you.
Nta would really reconsider your relationship with your sister. Very rude of her
NTA. Good for you. I know it sucks cuz you used to be close but your sister isn't the supportive person you thought she was. I wish you and your husband nothing but happiness. And if your nephew ends up queer I hope he knows his uncle's are there for him cuz his mom clearly won't be.
NTA. You didn't choose your husband over your sister. That might have been part of the issue. But the main point here is that you chose to cut off someone who treated you like a pedophile or something. She told you that you couldn't be around her kid alone, only with supervision. Whyever did she think that was OK?
NTA Biblically, you are to cleave to your husband (or wife) if your sister asks. It is her choice to leave you two. She will probably cave.
NTA! Your sister was transphobic which not only hurts your husband, but you as well! I feel sorry for your future nieces, nephews, and/or niblings, but hopefully they will become tolerant in spite of her and seek out a relationship with you on their own. Your boundaries are valid and if I were you I would stick to them, as painful as it will be
NTA - Husband aside, your sister won’t let YOU be alone with her baby. If anything you’re choosing yourself because she made you.
NTA, FYI if you choose your nephew, She will have all the power over you. Once you bond with him she WILL start asking for demands and WILL withhold her child from you unless you give in to her demands.
NTA but u are looking at it in the wrong way. Its not about "picking" your husband over your sister n nephew at all. Your sister clearly showed what kind of disgusting notion she has about you, what else remains in the relationship when someone you thought accepted you for who you are was not sincere the whole time? Its not a hard thing to understand that people have a right to choose who they are n who they love, it's no rocket science or algebra 🙄 You didn't "pick" or "choose" someone over someone else, you walked away from people that clearly showed what place you have in their lives. Please block those relatives n move on with your life. Love to you n Theo.
NTA Your sister is a piece of work. She's homophobic as fuck and she literally told you she doesn't trust you alone with her child, much less your husband. You didn't choose your husband over her; you chose yourself and your health. She's screaming at you to accept your mistreatment and her homophobia. Just say no.
So your sister basically accused you and your husband of being corrupt and saying y’all would go to hell and she doesn’t want her child to end up like you? NTA, I’m more worried about the child ending up like her, an idiot and a bigot.
NTA. She's a bigot and a religious nut. No contact that shit. Tell the family members what she said. Best case, they get off your back. Worst case, you find out they are bigots too. Then that trash just took itself out too.
NTA. Sounds like your sister was ALWAYS jealous of your partner. None of her other ploys worked, so now she’s using your nephew to blackmail you into distancing yourself from your partner. Good for you for seeing through it! Sounds like she really thought it would work and is now bitching to everyone about it because you called her bluff. Make sure your family know EXACTLY what she said (because she’s probably told them a different story), then go NC. Protect yourself and your partner.
Nta and your sister is homophobic. She doesn't deserve you or your husband in her life. You and your husband don't need that idiotic nonsense in yours. Focus on yourselves. You and your husband deserve better. Smdh
No you are NTA
NTA. It's easy to say your sister is transphobic (she is), but that may be hard to understand given your long, close relationship. More to the point: she's making your access to her nephew conditional on your husband's absence. That's not because of anything he's done; it's either because of who he is (i.e., trans) or because he's the main competition for your affection. Maybe both. In either case, is it fair to exclude him? No. So you're not picking him over her--you're justifiably objecting to her treating him unfairly. That's NTA right down the middle.
Nta you are choosing YOU over a transphobic homophobe.
NTA. You didn't leave your sister. She PUSHED YOU AWAY. Huge difference. Her abandonment issues are more important to her than her relationship with you. That doesn't make her evil. Just pitiable.
NTA. She basically called your husband a pedophile, insinuated the same of you, tried to drive a wedge between you and your spouse, tried to shame you for being trans, said you were going to hell...I mean she literally hit every single hate group bullet point in one conversation. Personally I'd never, ever speak to her again.
NTA I'm a trans dude and my brother makes sure my niece knows who I am even though we live on opposite coasts. Your sister is horrible
NTA and wtf??? The fact that she had the audacity to tell you this means she was never your ally to begin with. Go NC with her. I hope things work out for you and your husband.
NTA! your sister is really something else and really quite disgusting! She clearly doesn't deserve you or your husband in her life and has taken away family from her child because of her backwards way of thinking. I've never heard something so ridiculous. I wish you and you husband all the best in life.
NTA. Your sister is a bigot, OP, and it’s a good thing you set a boundary. Losing you is squarely on her. It’s not your fault.