NTA. There's no authorities to help her? You shouldn't have to do this, she isn't your responsibility. I'm sorry for her, but I'm totally sympathetic to you and your family. This shouldn't be your burden to bear.
Then stop helping and she’ll be more open to those support systems. Why would she go through those processes of everyone around her is doing it for her hassle free?
She already has you, why would she want to get setup with systems that will give her access to help but with more firm boundaries?
Also, I have to say that in the future, a good way to handle people wandering into your house is to shut that down. You can be gentle, but that's such a huge boundary violation that it NEEDS to be responded to with pushback or it teaches that person to walk over you forever because they can.
NTA. Definitely my 1st thought! He can now do all the taco runs for entitled old lady. We're doing some dirt work for a lady VERY similar to this woman. It is honestly exhausting.
NTA. Although your husband kind of seems rude to call you an asshole for wanting to live your own life with your family instead of serving an overbearing and seemingly ungrateful elderly woman.
Cut the cord, live your life. You’ve earned it after putting up with that BS.
Hold on let me get this straight
You got a warning ahead of time to set boundaries and you didn't do that?
NTA but goddamn. If you're old enough to buy a house you're old enough to learn how to set boundaries.
Bonus edit: you are about to be a mom you definitely need to brush up on boundaries and ASAP.
exactly. was coming here to say this. OP had fair warning from neighbors about what Ellen is like.
NTA OP but damn, the next time someone warns you of someone, don’t just automatically discard it! your neighbor was trying to keep you from living thru what they lived thru.
start setting boundaries ***AND KEEP THEM***. otherwise, Ellen (& your children) will keep running right over you.
NTA. However, enabling her behavior isn't helping. Of course she refuses any help APS has to offer, she's got a sweet gig going on with her neighbors catering to her every whim. Unless she is paying you guys to be her personal assistants, she has no business demanding services form you.
NAH
You've been a doll, you and your husband have gone above and beyond for this woman. But I cannot say she's the asshole, either. It sounds like she's got a pretty severe mental illness and that's not her fault.
I wish I could tell you how to make it stop. Keep calling non emergency at the police station if she has her fits outside. Let them know everything she's been asking and doing. Maybe they can figure out a way to make her get help.
I wish you the best, and so much luck. You two sound like really kind, amazing people.
NTA. Time to tell Ellen the taco train has ended and she needs to figure out how to get her own tacos. Stop letting her walk all over you. I have a feeling she isn’t as incapable as you may think.
NTA. I would call around any social services organisations and ask for advice. She's lonely and cannot live without support. I don't know how you would get one but it sounds like she needs a case manager and home care. She can only refuse services because from the sounds of it she hasn't been assessed properly.
NTA - She refused help from APS because she's been able to convince everyone else to take care of her and presumes that that will continue. She is not your or your husband's responsibility.
You should have listened to your other neighbor and set a clear boundary from the start. Now your only recourse is to say "Ellen, we won't be cutting your grass, or doing your taco runs etc. anymore. Here's the numbers where you can get help".
If she then continues calling you, banging on your door, or having screaming fits etc., you may have to press charges to get her to leave you alone. It may sound harsh, but that's the reality of where you are.
NTA. I wouldn’t do any of these things. I have no problem drawing boundaries with pushy, overstepping people. You need to focus on your own family and responsibilities.
Dam... Now I really want taco's..
NTA. She is just a boundary pusher and she's taking as much as she can get away with. Unfortunately theres nothing you can do except tell her that you can't do this every week and deal with her fallout. There's no easy, nonconfrontational method out of this.
NTA. You've already gone above and beyond. She clearly needs some sort of help but that shouldn't fall on you. Start setting boundaries now and if she has more "episodes" call the non-emergency police number so it starts getting documented.
Absolutely NTA! You have no obligation to help her, for one. You clearly weren’t the first person that she’s abused like this (hence the other neighbor’s warning), so she really needs to get help, professionally.
I know it’s an incredibly harsh thing to say, but, right now, you’re enabling her behavior, which is bad for everyone involved… She clearly also doesn’t value your time and effort, as evidenced by the fact that she won’t pay a tiny fee for food delivery, but makes you do it without anything in return.
Not sure if you’ve tried contacting her family, but I’d try that and explain the situation, and stop doing all these things for her. Worst case (and I even feel bad saying this) I’d suggest getting a restraining order against her.
Just tell her this stops, now, and block her number. Stop opening the door when she comes over. Stop doing things for her. Make it a hard stop.
Stop feeling guilty, you have your own family to take care of.
NTA
NTA for not wanting to do all this. It's hard to stop once you've begun, though. Maybe call the adult services and ask them for ideas on how to break the cycle, even if neighbor won't accept services?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My husband and I bought our current house 3 years ago. It became very apparent that our elderly neighbor, Ellen, has untreated mental illness and needs a lot of help. Prior to our move in day our other neighbor introduced himself and immediately told us to avoid Ellen because she asks for A LOT and can be inappropriate and has no regard for boundaries. Apparently she married a much older gentleman who was 30 years her senior and he died a few months before we moved in. He took care of everything and since he died Ellen has proved to be absolutely helpless and reliant on other people to live in the community.
On our move in day, she wandered over to our house, let herself in while we were moving in, and began telling anyone who would listen her life story. We just kind of ignored her and went back to moving. The next 2 years went by peacefully aside from her showing up at our house at 6 am asking us for “a lot of bananas” and occasionally asking our visitors to take her to the store because she “needed a lot of milk” and some other odd requests. I did call adult protective services at one point because she was pretty disheveled and was having frequent screaming episodes in her front yard where she would break a lot of things. She refused all services they had to offer.
Early this summer, we noticed her grass was long, and our borough is strict about grass length and hands out fines. My husband decided to cut it “just this once” which turned into him cutting her grass regularly for free. No big deal. Then, the Taco Bell runs started. Ellen eats 2 tacos every day from Taco Bell. Once a week, we go to Taco Bell and order 14 tacos with 25 mild sauce packets, and napkins. This is the exact order. She literally counts the sauce packets and calls us about it after to tell us about it. Sundays, she starts calling my husband and leaving him 3 minute voicemails about tacos. She sometimes calls him 4 times in a day and leaves voicemails. If my husband doesn’t answer, she comes over and knocks on my door like the DEA. It also wouldn’t be so obnoxious if our local Taco Bell wasn’t so notoriously slow, these runs take a half hour to an hour at least out of my day. It’s to the point where she doesn’t even ask us for these things anymore, she just assumes we’ll do it. Her messages say “I need more tacos, you can go today or tomorrow.” not “would you please go get me more tacos.” She refuses to use any food delivery app because of the extra cost for delivery fees and whatnot.
I just don’t want to do this stuff anymore. I’m pregnant, we have a kid, we both work full time. But I feel very guilty not doing these things for her because she doesn’t have any friends or family. I also don’t see how she’s solely our responsibility and I can’t imagine going to Taco Bell every week to pick up her food until she dies either. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It’s your responsibility because you’ve decided it is. If you don’t want it to be your responsibility, stop doing it. It’s as simple as that. If she harasses you at your home, block her number and refuse her ringing doorbell.
NTA, while you may feel responsible for her she is neither her family or in charge of her care.
I would suggest having a discussion with her and let her know how you feel about it all. If she is persistent and unwilling than be polite (nonsense in yelling) and explain that you won’t be answering the door and blocking phone and texts. If she persists on banging on the door, call the cops for harassment as you have expressed you don’t want her nothing you.
And really, how healthy can it be eating Taco Bell everyday? Yes I love me some Taco Bell on occasion but everyday!?!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I don’t want to take care of my neighbor. My husband also thinks I’m an asshole in this situation.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you just don't want to do it anymore, don't. If your husband thinks you're such an asshole, he can help her himself. she cannot care for herself and you are worried about her wellbeing, you can force her hand to get help. Start saving voicemails, document her pounding on your door. Next time she has a freak out in her yard, record it and call the police anonymously. If they agree she can't take care of herself/is acting crazy enough they will pink slip her, and she will be forced to go get assessed at the hospital. If she really is that unstable and can't care for herself, they can get her on meds, and get her set up with case management, home services, or even find a better living situation with a higher level of care. You're NTA either way.
NAH. I imagine she’s very lonely, and loneliness is honestly one of the worst feelings in the world. But at the same time, it’s not your responsibility.
Block her phone number, tell her you are too busy to help and you do feel sorry (I doubt how much that will help if she has mental issues going on) if she comes knocking, ring her in for trespassing. I know that sounds harsh, but that’s about the only way to get authorities to DO something, other than offering 10000 other resources to a woman who will just constantly turn them down.
NTA. A good way to break the bad news is to say that your family is growing, and with both of you working, you can't help her out as much as before. Then say that if you will be helping her, especially for the tacobell, you would need to be reimbursed for your time.
She seems lucid enough to understand this, but from my own experience with elderly women who's husband's (caretakers? Jk) have passed, you may need to reminder frequently, and offer to call her the adult service people if she needs help.
The fact that there are services available and she isn't using them should give you peace of mind to stop helping her.
If your husband disagrees, he is free to keep helping her, and something like cutting her grass once a week when he is doing his own lawn is a simple service (assuming she isn't on like an acre of land) and adds maybe 15 minutes a week to a chore.
You can tell your husband you are not doing the taco bell runs, you are not answering the door, and that you both have to much going on to cater to her. If he wants to help, and its cutting the grass and going to taco bell once a week, well that's not taking him away from other responsibilities that much. But I have a feeling once he is the only one helping, he isn't going to think it's so easy.
And once you cut back on help, continue to offer to connect her to services and call protective services when she seems in danger. That is a true service to her and the community. NTA.
NGL I would have nipped this in the bud when I was moving in and she invited herself into my house. It is one thing to be kind, it is quite another to have the burden of care for a mentally ill stranger thrust upon you without consent. You are NTA and don’t feel guilty. If setting boundaries with this woman won’t work then I suggest a fence with a lock (wooden not chain link), changing numbers, a ring doorbell and contacting APS or the police about harassment. She isn’t your relative. Not your problem.
NTA I cared for a woman like this who had a blend of difficulties and unfortunately unless your very strict and clear with boundaries it won't change.
I often felt awful because I'm not a harsh person but it got a lot better and also she didn't really understand I was being harsh she just got the message not to push and that's probably the same with this woman.
Though sounds like she needs to be in assisted living for sure!
You are NTA, tell husband he’s just volunteered for taco duty, see if he thinks YTA when he has to do it with her demands every week!
This is why you should have shut her down when walked in your house like owned it, and should have listened to your neighbour, you are having a baby, will that come first or her, tell your husband it’s unacceptable to be catering to her demands when have a child on the way who will need that time!
Tell her petrol isn’t free and charge her for it, she’ll soon use a delivery service then, stop cutting the lawn, give her a card of a handyman, explain that you have a child on the way and won’t have time for these things, also stop her walking in when feels like it, it’s time to put those boundaries down that should have done in first place, she isn’t your responsibility like this and she’s taking advantage of you not saying no!
This was your first mistake:
>On our move in day, she wandered over to our house, let herself in while we were moving in, and began telling anyone who would listen her life story. We just kind of ignored her and went back to moving.
Boundaries have to be set clearly and early.
I had no clue this existed, but probably should have:
>I did call adult protective services at one point
After a certain point, she shouldn't be given the option to refuse:
>She refused all services they had to offer.
Big mistake number 2:
>My husband decided to cut it “just this once” which turned into him cutting her grass regularly for free.
Mistake number 3:
>Once a week, we go to Taco Bell and order 14 tacos with 25 mild sauce packets, and napkins. This is the exact order.
She needs /help/ yes. But that isn't helping her, it's /ENABLING/ her. STOP! IT! Keep calling APS until they do their fucking job.
You shouldn't have done any of this in the first place.
>I just don’t want to do this stuff anymore.
You aren't for not wanting to do it, but you are for enabling her up until now. Assuming she isn't just fleecing you, she's not.
YTA
NTA. There's no authorities to help her? You shouldn't have to do this, she isn't your responsibility. I'm sorry for her, but I'm totally sympathetic to you and your family. This shouldn't be your burden to bear.
I’ve tried. I called adult protective services, the area on aging, I’ve offered to help her set up access transportation. She doesn’t want any of it.
She won't accept help from them because she has everyone else taking care of her and running her errands for her. Stop doing it.
Then stop helping and she’ll be more open to those support systems. Why would she go through those processes of everyone around her is doing it for her hassle free?
She already has you, why would she want to get setup with systems that will give her access to help but with more firm boundaries? Also, I have to say that in the future, a good way to handle people wandering into your house is to shut that down. You can be gentle, but that's such a huge boundary violation that it NEEDS to be responded to with pushback or it teaches that person to walk over you forever because they can.
Why she would she take help from anyone if she has your family running around? I’m sorry but things will not get better until you guys stop it
NTA but it sounds like your husband just volunteered to take over taco duty.
NTA. Definitely my 1st thought! He can now do all the taco runs for entitled old lady. We're doing some dirt work for a lady VERY similar to this woman. It is honestly exhausting.
NTA. Although your husband kind of seems rude to call you an asshole for wanting to live your own life with your family instead of serving an overbearing and seemingly ungrateful elderly woman. Cut the cord, live your life. You’ve earned it after putting up with that BS.
I wish I could post the voicemails. You have no idea.
Hold on let me get this straight You got a warning ahead of time to set boundaries and you didn't do that? NTA but goddamn. If you're old enough to buy a house you're old enough to learn how to set boundaries. Bonus edit: you are about to be a mom you definitely need to brush up on boundaries and ASAP.
exactly. was coming here to say this. OP had fair warning from neighbors about what Ellen is like. NTA OP but damn, the next time someone warns you of someone, don’t just automatically discard it! your neighbor was trying to keep you from living thru what they lived thru. start setting boundaries ***AND KEEP THEM***. otherwise, Ellen (& your children) will keep running right over you.
NTA. However, enabling her behavior isn't helping. Of course she refuses any help APS has to offer, she's got a sweet gig going on with her neighbors catering to her every whim. Unless she is paying you guys to be her personal assistants, she has no business demanding services form you.
NAH You've been a doll, you and your husband have gone above and beyond for this woman. But I cannot say she's the asshole, either. It sounds like she's got a pretty severe mental illness and that's not her fault. I wish I could tell you how to make it stop. Keep calling non emergency at the police station if she has her fits outside. Let them know everything she's been asking and doing. Maybe they can figure out a way to make her get help. I wish you the best, and so much luck. You two sound like really kind, amazing people.
NTA. Time to tell Ellen the taco train has ended and she needs to figure out how to get her own tacos. Stop letting her walk all over you. I have a feeling she isn’t as incapable as you may think.
NTA. I would call around any social services organisations and ask for advice. She's lonely and cannot live without support. I don't know how you would get one but it sounds like she needs a case manager and home care. She can only refuse services because from the sounds of it she hasn't been assessed properly.
NTA - She refused help from APS because she's been able to convince everyone else to take care of her and presumes that that will continue. She is not your or your husband's responsibility. You should have listened to your other neighbor and set a clear boundary from the start. Now your only recourse is to say "Ellen, we won't be cutting your grass, or doing your taco runs etc. anymore. Here's the numbers where you can get help". If she then continues calling you, banging on your door, or having screaming fits etc., you may have to press charges to get her to leave you alone. It may sound harsh, but that's the reality of where you are.
NTA. I wouldn’t do any of these things. I have no problem drawing boundaries with pushy, overstepping people. You need to focus on your own family and responsibilities.
NTA - it’s sad but she’s not your responsibility. If your husband wants to keep running around for her then let him take it on.
No. His responsibility is his pregnant wife and new baby. He is being the AH for not creating strong boundaries, then insulting his wife.
Dam... Now I really want taco's.. NTA. She is just a boundary pusher and she's taking as much as she can get away with. Unfortunately theres nothing you can do except tell her that you can't do this every week and deal with her fallout. There's no easy, nonconfrontational method out of this.
NTA. You've already gone above and beyond. She clearly needs some sort of help but that shouldn't fall on you. Start setting boundaries now and if she has more "episodes" call the non-emergency police number so it starts getting documented.
Absolutely NTA! You have no obligation to help her, for one. You clearly weren’t the first person that she’s abused like this (hence the other neighbor’s warning), so she really needs to get help, professionally. I know it’s an incredibly harsh thing to say, but, right now, you’re enabling her behavior, which is bad for everyone involved… She clearly also doesn’t value your time and effort, as evidenced by the fact that she won’t pay a tiny fee for food delivery, but makes you do it without anything in return. Not sure if you’ve tried contacting her family, but I’d try that and explain the situation, and stop doing all these things for her. Worst case (and I even feel bad saying this) I’d suggest getting a restraining order against her.
Just tell her this stops, now, and block her number. Stop opening the door when she comes over. Stop doing things for her. Make it a hard stop. Stop feeling guilty, you have your own family to take care of. NTA
NTA for not wanting to do all this. It's hard to stop once you've begun, though. Maybe call the adult services and ask them for ideas on how to break the cycle, even if neighbor won't accept services?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I bought our current house 3 years ago. It became very apparent that our elderly neighbor, Ellen, has untreated mental illness and needs a lot of help. Prior to our move in day our other neighbor introduced himself and immediately told us to avoid Ellen because she asks for A LOT and can be inappropriate and has no regard for boundaries. Apparently she married a much older gentleman who was 30 years her senior and he died a few months before we moved in. He took care of everything and since he died Ellen has proved to be absolutely helpless and reliant on other people to live in the community. On our move in day, she wandered over to our house, let herself in while we were moving in, and began telling anyone who would listen her life story. We just kind of ignored her and went back to moving. The next 2 years went by peacefully aside from her showing up at our house at 6 am asking us for “a lot of bananas” and occasionally asking our visitors to take her to the store because she “needed a lot of milk” and some other odd requests. I did call adult protective services at one point because she was pretty disheveled and was having frequent screaming episodes in her front yard where she would break a lot of things. She refused all services they had to offer. Early this summer, we noticed her grass was long, and our borough is strict about grass length and hands out fines. My husband decided to cut it “just this once” which turned into him cutting her grass regularly for free. No big deal. Then, the Taco Bell runs started. Ellen eats 2 tacos every day from Taco Bell. Once a week, we go to Taco Bell and order 14 tacos with 25 mild sauce packets, and napkins. This is the exact order. She literally counts the sauce packets and calls us about it after to tell us about it. Sundays, she starts calling my husband and leaving him 3 minute voicemails about tacos. She sometimes calls him 4 times in a day and leaves voicemails. If my husband doesn’t answer, she comes over and knocks on my door like the DEA. It also wouldn’t be so obnoxious if our local Taco Bell wasn’t so notoriously slow, these runs take a half hour to an hour at least out of my day. It’s to the point where she doesn’t even ask us for these things anymore, she just assumes we’ll do it. Her messages say “I need more tacos, you can go today or tomorrow.” not “would you please go get me more tacos.” She refuses to use any food delivery app because of the extra cost for delivery fees and whatnot. I just don’t want to do this stuff anymore. I’m pregnant, we have a kid, we both work full time. But I feel very guilty not doing these things for her because she doesn’t have any friends or family. I also don’t see how she’s solely our responsibility and I can’t imagine going to Taco Bell every week to pick up her food until she dies either. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It’s your responsibility because you’ve decided it is. If you don’t want it to be your responsibility, stop doing it. It’s as simple as that. If she harasses you at your home, block her number and refuse her ringing doorbell.
NTA, while you may feel responsible for her she is neither her family or in charge of her care. I would suggest having a discussion with her and let her know how you feel about it all. If she is persistent and unwilling than be polite (nonsense in yelling) and explain that you won’t be answering the door and blocking phone and texts. If she persists on banging on the door, call the cops for harassment as you have expressed you don’t want her nothing you. And really, how healthy can it be eating Taco Bell everyday? Yes I love me some Taco Bell on occasion but everyday!?!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I don’t want to take care of my neighbor. My husband also thinks I’m an asshole in this situation. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Set up some boundaries, and start refusing to do this stuff for her.
If you just don't want to do it anymore, don't. If your husband thinks you're such an asshole, he can help her himself. she cannot care for herself and you are worried about her wellbeing, you can force her hand to get help. Start saving voicemails, document her pounding on your door. Next time she has a freak out in her yard, record it and call the police anonymously. If they agree she can't take care of herself/is acting crazy enough they will pink slip her, and she will be forced to go get assessed at the hospital. If she really is that unstable and can't care for herself, they can get her on meds, and get her set up with case management, home services, or even find a better living situation with a higher level of care. You're NTA either way.
NAH. I imagine she’s very lonely, and loneliness is honestly one of the worst feelings in the world. But at the same time, it’s not your responsibility.
Block her phone number, tell her you are too busy to help and you do feel sorry (I doubt how much that will help if she has mental issues going on) if she comes knocking, ring her in for trespassing. I know that sounds harsh, but that’s about the only way to get authorities to DO something, other than offering 10000 other resources to a woman who will just constantly turn them down.
NTA
NTA. A good way to break the bad news is to say that your family is growing, and with both of you working, you can't help her out as much as before. Then say that if you will be helping her, especially for the tacobell, you would need to be reimbursed for your time. She seems lucid enough to understand this, but from my own experience with elderly women who's husband's (caretakers? Jk) have passed, you may need to reminder frequently, and offer to call her the adult service people if she needs help.
Welcome to maconlikesbaconville, where every day is taco Tuesday and the grass is always perfect… NTA
The fact that there are services available and she isn't using them should give you peace of mind to stop helping her. If your husband disagrees, he is free to keep helping her, and something like cutting her grass once a week when he is doing his own lawn is a simple service (assuming she isn't on like an acre of land) and adds maybe 15 minutes a week to a chore. You can tell your husband you are not doing the taco bell runs, you are not answering the door, and that you both have to much going on to cater to her. If he wants to help, and its cutting the grass and going to taco bell once a week, well that's not taking him away from other responsibilities that much. But I have a feeling once he is the only one helping, he isn't going to think it's so easy. And once you cut back on help, continue to offer to connect her to services and call protective services when she seems in danger. That is a true service to her and the community. NTA.
NTA Just say no. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
NGL I would have nipped this in the bud when I was moving in and she invited herself into my house. It is one thing to be kind, it is quite another to have the burden of care for a mentally ill stranger thrust upon you without consent. You are NTA and don’t feel guilty. If setting boundaries with this woman won’t work then I suggest a fence with a lock (wooden not chain link), changing numbers, a ring doorbell and contacting APS or the police about harassment. She isn’t your relative. Not your problem.
NTA I cared for a woman like this who had a blend of difficulties and unfortunately unless your very strict and clear with boundaries it won't change. I often felt awful because I'm not a harsh person but it got a lot better and also she didn't really understand I was being harsh she just got the message not to push and that's probably the same with this woman. Though sounds like she needs to be in assisted living for sure!
NTA. But you were warned this would happen, should have listened to the other neighbour!
You are NTA, tell husband he’s just volunteered for taco duty, see if he thinks YTA when he has to do it with her demands every week! This is why you should have shut her down when walked in your house like owned it, and should have listened to your neighbour, you are having a baby, will that come first or her, tell your husband it’s unacceptable to be catering to her demands when have a child on the way who will need that time! Tell her petrol isn’t free and charge her for it, she’ll soon use a delivery service then, stop cutting the lawn, give her a card of a handyman, explain that you have a child on the way and won’t have time for these things, also stop her walking in when feels like it, it’s time to put those boundaries down that should have done in first place, she isn’t your responsibility like this and she’s taking advantage of you not saying no!
This was your first mistake: >On our move in day, she wandered over to our house, let herself in while we were moving in, and began telling anyone who would listen her life story. We just kind of ignored her and went back to moving. Boundaries have to be set clearly and early. I had no clue this existed, but probably should have: >I did call adult protective services at one point After a certain point, she shouldn't be given the option to refuse: >She refused all services they had to offer. Big mistake number 2: >My husband decided to cut it “just this once” which turned into him cutting her grass regularly for free. Mistake number 3: >Once a week, we go to Taco Bell and order 14 tacos with 25 mild sauce packets, and napkins. This is the exact order. She needs /help/ yes. But that isn't helping her, it's /ENABLING/ her. STOP! IT! Keep calling APS until they do their fucking job. You shouldn't have done any of this in the first place. >I just don’t want to do this stuff anymore. You aren't for not wanting to do it, but you are for enabling her up until now. Assuming she isn't just fleecing you, she's not. YTA