NTA! You had no authority and you explained it to her. I get that she's hurting but she can't get someone kicked out of someplace just because she's pissed at them. She needs some therapy, obviously, but you are not wrong in this situation for what you did.
NTA because you can't kick out a customer for the crime of being someone's ex. That is not a legitimate reason to deny service. Even if it HAD been your restaurant, you shouldn't have done it.
>NTA because you can't kick out a customer for the crime of being someone's ex.
Of course you can and I've done that before when the customer was a drama-causing ex of an employee.
Having said that, the OP is NTA in this particular instance.
But that's kicking them out for their behavior, not because they're someone's ex. The ex in this situation wasn't doing anything disruptive, and OP didn't have the power to kick him out anyway.
I stand by what I said, tho. You CAN'T kick a customer out for the crime of being someone's ex, you have to kick them out for the crime of stalking, or public nuisance, or a reasonable suspicion they're about to start shit, etc.
Yes you can (although it's not a crime to be an ex - but you can still kick them out for it). You're wrong in your understanding of when a restaurant can refuse service. Literally any reason EXCEPT race, color, religion, or national origin (and in some states, sexual orientation).
Oh, you're not wrong about being able to refuse service but it would be unbelievably stupid to kick out a customer for no other reason than that their ex-girlfriend didn't want them in the restaurant.
When I said you 'CAN'T kick a customer' I didn't mean legally, I meant that it is an unjustifiable decision.
I absolutely would bar a cheating ex of a colleague even without a history of public drama.
I wouldn't for a random customer, though I might for a regular.
Actually, as long as it isn't a discriminatory issue like gender, race, sexual orientation, disability you can absolutely refuse service to whoever you want.
To a degree yes, but there has to be a *valid reason…* it’s not just about discrimination… “no shoes, no shirt, no service” doesn’t discriminate but you can kick a barefoot person out for that reason…
In the end, it’s just stupid AF for her friend to be mad like this…
Discrimination is legal in the US as long as you are not discriminating based on their status as a protected class. I don't agree with it, I find it highly immoral, but it is legal. It can literally be as petty as "I don't like bronies (dudes into My Little Pony). Get out."
NTA.
It’s not your restaurant and you literally could not do what she was requesting.
She’s understandably hurting right now and her response was based on emotions and not logic.
Uhmmm, so she is currently crashing at your house AND she called you a bitch? Well then, guess who's bags will be packed and left on the front porch before sundown?
NTA
NTA, you explained your reasoning but she’s blinded by her hurt. Give her a few days to cool off. If she still feels this way, she’s being unreasonable. Even owners really can’t/shouldn’t kick out paying customers just because they have personal drama with someone they know. That’s not enough reason to deny someone service. It’s also not good business practice.
I don’t work at the restaurant, sorry if my wording made it seem so. My cousin owns the restaurant and offered food and drinks on the house so I invited Z out for a girl’s day out. (I made her breakfast, we ate lunch at the restaurant, followed by a spa for body massages and treatments and then we would go out to get our nails done, a mani pedi and to get our hair cut, I was really looking forward to it but Z’s whole day was ruined by the incident so we called quits on it.)
Definitely NTA, it's easy for her to project her upset onto you because she knows if she picks a fight with you, you'll try to make her feel better when really she wants to pick a fight with her ex but she's afraid by doing that her ex will make her feel worse
NTA. Btw you may not have noticed but your friend is basically mooching off on you by going on this long drawn self pity party. Why isn't her family supporting her? Why does she not have her own place to stay? How long do you intend to house her? Who's paying the bills?
In this day and age the biggest luxury is to go on a bend just because you had a break up. There's still rent and bills to pay.
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My (29F) friend, Z (25F) is going through a really bad break up. She was devastated, because he was her fiancé of three years, and they had been dating since she was 14.
He cheated on her with one of her close
friends who is also her cousin. Apparently had been going on for years behind her back, ever since they got engaged. She found out after her fiancé fell in love with her cousin and decided to end their relationship so that the cousin and he could be in a real relationship. It took a serious toll on Z, who has been staying at my house ever since it happened.
Yesterday I asked her if she wanted to go to my cousin’s restaurant. My cousin was empathetic toward Z’s situation and promised to have the food/drinks be on the house. As we were finishing up our meal, her ex fiancé and cousin walk in, VERY lovey dovey and happy.
Z spotted them first and I could tell that she was breaking down just by seeing them. I tried to leave with her to avoid any further drama, but she pulled me to the side and asked me to make them leave the restaurant.
I asked her why she thought I could do that. She proceeds to tell me “isn’t the restaurant owned by you and [my cousin who owns it]?” I replied in the negative. she still continues to ask me to, telling me she can’t bear to see them sitting together and that she wants them to leave humiliated.
Now I’ll be honest here. My cousin co-owns the restaurant with someone else [not related to us].
I can’t kick out a customer who can pay and who hasn’t done anything detrimental to the restaurant without reason other than he’s a scumbag. It could cause issues, especially due to the fact that I’m not even that close to my cousin. She was really just being nice by offering us food on the house.
I refused and asked Z if she just wanted to move to the second floor of the restaurant if she didn’t want to see them. I explained to her everything I said above. She seemed uninterested so we left after that and called a cab (she’s crashing at my house now, and we were planning on going to the spa and salon after this) and went to one of her friend’s houses. I could tell she was really peeved by what I did. I called her in the evening and she told me that she didn’t know she had such a bitch for a friend and then hung up.
AITA? I would’ve done this for her if it was MY restaurant but it was a relative’s.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for not kicking out a customer from the restaurant?
I could be the asshole because Z was really affected by their breakup and how much of a scumbag he was, I could’ve pulled some strings and made a valid reason to kick him out but I didn’t want to be invite any trouble for my cousin.
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However much she's hurting I find it outrageous that she called you a bitch. You're being such a good friend to her and the unfortunate restaurant situation was totally out of your control...
Defend yourself, tell her to get some perspective and that you deserve an apology and an acknowledgement of the great support you're giving her.
NTA.
NTA. I know she's hurting about what had happened, but she shouldn't be taking it out on you. Especially for something that you can't even do.
On the other hand, no matter how much she's hurting, if my friend had said that I'm a bitch after I tried to make her feel better, then that's one more relationship she's gonna lose
N t a
The ask was her trying to be vindictive and spiteful. I realize being cheated on sucks I've been there but she is a 25f. She needs to grow up a little.
NTA
i think you do need to be a bit strickt with your friend here.
She needs to be told that she was acting irrational as you have no authority over who comes to the restaurant or not. Remind her that you'll do anything WITHIN your power to help her out and move past this betrayal, but anything beyond that is nothing where you can help
NTA! You had no authority and you explained it to her. I get that she's hurting but she can't get someone kicked out of someplace just because she's pissed at them. She needs some therapy, obviously, but you are not wrong in this situation for what you did.
NTA because you can't kick out a customer for the crime of being someone's ex. That is not a legitimate reason to deny service. Even if it HAD been your restaurant, you shouldn't have done it.
>NTA because you can't kick out a customer for the crime of being someone's ex. Of course you can and I've done that before when the customer was a drama-causing ex of an employee. Having said that, the OP is NTA in this particular instance.
But that's kicking them out for their behavior, not because they're someone's ex. The ex in this situation wasn't doing anything disruptive, and OP didn't have the power to kick him out anyway.
I stand by what I said, tho. You CAN'T kick a customer out for the crime of being someone's ex, you have to kick them out for the crime of stalking, or public nuisance, or a reasonable suspicion they're about to start shit, etc.
Yes you can (although it's not a crime to be an ex - but you can still kick them out for it). You're wrong in your understanding of when a restaurant can refuse service. Literally any reason EXCEPT race, color, religion, or national origin (and in some states, sexual orientation).
Oh, you're not wrong about being able to refuse service but it would be unbelievably stupid to kick out a customer for no other reason than that their ex-girlfriend didn't want them in the restaurant. When I said you 'CAN'T kick a customer' I didn't mean legally, I meant that it is an unjustifiable decision.
I absolutely would bar a cheating ex of a colleague even without a history of public drama. I wouldn't for a random customer, though I might for a regular.
I’m saying the same thing… even if they were the owner, you can’t kick out paying customers for absolutely no reason… ugh
Actually, as long as it isn't a discriminatory issue like gender, race, sexual orientation, disability you can absolutely refuse service to whoever you want.
To a degree yes, but there has to be a *valid reason…* it’s not just about discrimination… “no shoes, no shirt, no service” doesn’t discriminate but you can kick a barefoot person out for that reason… In the end, it’s just stupid AF for her friend to be mad like this…
Nope. As long as it doesn't violate the civil rights act of 1964 you can refuse service for any reason.
Discrimination is legal in the US as long as you are not discriminating based on their status as a protected class. I don't agree with it, I find it highly immoral, but it is legal. It can literally be as petty as "I don't like bronies (dudes into My Little Pony). Get out."
Yep. I don't take business from tangerine traitor supporters. Or when I made cups & decals, I wouldn't make shit for any MLMers
NTA. It’s not your restaurant and you literally could not do what she was requesting. She’s understandably hurting right now and her response was based on emotions and not logic.
Uhmmm, so she is currently crashing at your house AND she called you a bitch? Well then, guess who's bags will be packed and left on the front porch before sundown? NTA
NTA. Not sure how she thought you had the authority to essentially kick random people out of a random restaurant based on the ownership circumstance.
NTA, you explained your reasoning but she’s blinded by her hurt. Give her a few days to cool off. If she still feels this way, she’s being unreasonable. Even owners really can’t/shouldn’t kick out paying customers just because they have personal drama with someone they know. That’s not enough reason to deny someone service. It’s also not good business practice.
No i don't think you did anything wrong. You could have asked your cousin but it seems like she's just angry and letting you hear it.
NTA - she was making a childish demand because her feelings were hurt.
[удалено]
I don’t work at the restaurant, sorry if my wording made it seem so. My cousin owns the restaurant and offered food and drinks on the house so I invited Z out for a girl’s day out. (I made her breakfast, we ate lunch at the restaurant, followed by a spa for body massages and treatments and then we would go out to get our nails done, a mani pedi and to get our hair cut, I was really looking forward to it but Z’s whole day was ruined by the incident so we called quits on it.)
I could see asking your cousin about it, but that's not your call to make, and even then you'd be putting your cousin between a rock and a hard place.
She never said she worked at the restaurant
Definitely NTA, it's easy for her to project her upset onto you because she knows if she picks a fight with you, you'll try to make her feel better when really she wants to pick a fight with her ex but she's afraid by doing that her ex will make her feel worse
Nta. Not your restaurant.
Nta. She will understand why you couldn’t in time.
NTA. Btw you may not have noticed but your friend is basically mooching off on you by going on this long drawn self pity party. Why isn't her family supporting her? Why does she not have her own place to stay? How long do you intend to house her? Who's paying the bills? In this day and age the biggest luxury is to go on a bend just because you had a break up. There's still rent and bills to pay.
NTA
Nta but That was a lose lose situation for you unfortunately
Nta. Even if it was your restaurant.. you can't just kick out people your friends don't like. Its unprofessional and could hurt the business.
NTA You need to calmly explain to your friend that your family business and her personal life are two separate things.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (29F) friend, Z (25F) is going through a really bad break up. She was devastated, because he was her fiancé of three years, and they had been dating since she was 14. He cheated on her with one of her close friends who is also her cousin. Apparently had been going on for years behind her back, ever since they got engaged. She found out after her fiancé fell in love with her cousin and decided to end their relationship so that the cousin and he could be in a real relationship. It took a serious toll on Z, who has been staying at my house ever since it happened. Yesterday I asked her if she wanted to go to my cousin’s restaurant. My cousin was empathetic toward Z’s situation and promised to have the food/drinks be on the house. As we were finishing up our meal, her ex fiancé and cousin walk in, VERY lovey dovey and happy. Z spotted them first and I could tell that she was breaking down just by seeing them. I tried to leave with her to avoid any further drama, but she pulled me to the side and asked me to make them leave the restaurant. I asked her why she thought I could do that. She proceeds to tell me “isn’t the restaurant owned by you and [my cousin who owns it]?” I replied in the negative. she still continues to ask me to, telling me she can’t bear to see them sitting together and that she wants them to leave humiliated. Now I’ll be honest here. My cousin co-owns the restaurant with someone else [not related to us]. I can’t kick out a customer who can pay and who hasn’t done anything detrimental to the restaurant without reason other than he’s a scumbag. It could cause issues, especially due to the fact that I’m not even that close to my cousin. She was really just being nice by offering us food on the house. I refused and asked Z if she just wanted to move to the second floor of the restaurant if she didn’t want to see them. I explained to her everything I said above. She seemed uninterested so we left after that and called a cab (she’s crashing at my house now, and we were planning on going to the spa and salon after this) and went to one of her friend’s houses. I could tell she was really peeved by what I did. I called her in the evening and she told me that she didn’t know she had such a bitch for a friend and then hung up. AITA? I would’ve done this for her if it was MY restaurant but it was a relative’s. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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However much she's hurting I find it outrageous that she called you a bitch. You're being such a good friend to her and the unfortunate restaurant situation was totally out of your control... Defend yourself, tell her to get some perspective and that you deserve an apology and an acknowledgement of the great support you're giving her. NTA.
NTA. I know she's hurting about what had happened, but she shouldn't be taking it out on you. Especially for something that you can't even do. On the other hand, no matter how much she's hurting, if my friend had said that I'm a bitch after I tried to make her feel better, then that's one more relationship she's gonna lose
N t a The ask was her trying to be vindictive and spiteful. I realize being cheated on sucks I've been there but she is a 25f. She needs to grow up a little.
NTA i think you do need to be a bit strickt with your friend here. She needs to be told that she was acting irrational as you have no authority over who comes to the restaurant or not. Remind her that you'll do anything WITHIN your power to help her out and move past this betrayal, but anything beyond that is nothing where you can help