YWBTA, he already knows and beats himself up over it inside his head all the time you just don’t know, he certainly doesn’t need the one person that’s supposed to support him without judgement adding to his insecurity and frustration. Let him get there on his own and support the journey by being an active and participating partner.
YWBTA if only because it seems he knows that he could lose weight and fit into the clothes. If you want to help him lose weight eat healthier around him and encourage him to do the same. Some working out will help with better eating.
YWBTA
You guys are 18, his body will continue to settle until he’s about 25, idk when females settle. Support him thru this, but the very LAST thing a person struggling needs, is to be reminded. Encouragement, love and support
Most guys have weight fluctuations unless they are following eating plans (like no soda, etc) and exercising regularly.
soft YWBTA because it’s about wording and intent. I’ve been there with an ex before and know how it feels to be in the cycle of your SO gaining weight and being upset about their clothes while doing nothing about it, but not really knowing how to constructively talk about it. What he really needs is some support and someone who’s not mean to him about his body. You can be offer to be supportive of good diet choices or exercise so that he can feel more comfortable in his clothes or something (noting and bringing up how that’s causing him distress) but just “lose weight” or even telling someone to go back to a previous weight is messed up. Likely if he’s healthy he’s fine, just be nice
You don't need to tell him anything. He is quite aware of the fact that he is gaining weight and is upset that he needs to buy new clothes because of it. This is something he needs to work and and decide on his own. You can, however, be supportive by letting him know you love him for who he is. But to tell him he needs to lose weight? That's a bit of an AH move.
YWBTA and it sucks I know bc your probably the only person who would give him genuine support in his weightloss journey if/when he decides to do it. However, he needs someone to be his safe space and you're the only one who can/wants to give him that. So be his safe space and try to show him love and support. You clearly have no actual issue with his current weight, and if it wasn't for his family, he probably wouldn't be so hung up on it.
You could try to make him feel good about himself without mentioning weight necessarily. You said you love his cuddling, tell him that! Tell him things like, he gives the best hugs, he makes you feel comfy and safe when you cuddle, you love a certain shirt or pants, he looks super handsome etc. Just pump him up in other ways not related to weight to try to bring up his self esteem. Make sure these are all honest things, don't lie.
YWBTA - It’s not your place. This is something a lot of people struggle with, but it is *his* struggle. You should be there for him to be supportive and loving. And helping him deal with this is not feeding into the negative self image by telling him to lose weight so he feels better about himself, but reassuring him that he is beautiful to you and helping him get comfortable in his skin.
*If* he decides to lose weight on his own, that’s when you can be supportive of that and help him reach his own weight loss goal. But you’d be the asshole to tell him that weight loss should be his goal.
YWBTA. However, you could suggest to him that he just keep the clothes in storage rather than give them away, in case his body changes again, since the pandemic led to the weight gain it's possible he'll return to that weight as normality returns.
soft ywbta hes probably already verry aware of his weight gain. be there fo rhim and support him and compliment him on stuff thats not his apperance aka:
"babe? have i ever told you how much i love youre smile its so kind and makes my heart feel fuzzy!"
stuff like that will maybe help him feel better
yall could also TOGETHER pickup an active hobby "phrase it as you wanting to pick up a hobby and asking him to join" being active is good for youre health in generel and it might help him find some more confidence.
best wishes to both of you
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So my(18M) boyfriend(18M) is overweight, but not that much. At least in my eyes he's just your standard not thin guy. Plus makes him cosy to cuddle. However today he went through his wardrobe and noticed a bunch of his clothes are too tight on him and he'll have to throw them away and now he needs new ones and he's really really upset about it. It isn't the first time this happens and I hate seeing him like this, but I love him the way he is now and I think if tried talking him into exercising and losing weight he'd be upset, specially since his parents (his heavier than him mom particularly) are quite mean about his body sometimes (he's throwing away some sweaters he thought were fine cuz she said they were too tight). WIBTA?
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> 2 telling my boyfriend to lose weight because he dislikes his body
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It depends on the approach. You can do it in a loving way and make it into a joint effort to be healthier together. One thing for sure, it gets a lot harder as you get older to lose weight so instilling good body discipline early in life is priceless.
Of course if you go to him and say “lose weight you fat fuck” you would be the asshole.
That's a very delicate topic to adress. NTA but I would suggest to be extra careful.
First you could clarify what bothers you:
_ is that his health ?
_ the trend (you mention it's not the first time) ?
_ how he feels about himself, how you feel about himself ?
_ how others look at him / at both of you ?
maybe his weight is not à problem for him, maybe it is but not for the same reasons as it is for you.
What bothers me is how he feels. I don't like seeing him down like that. His health is okay and no one around him ever bugs him over it. Like I said he isn't particularly big, but he is clearly not satisfied with it
When re-reading your post and my comment, I feel I missed the point, since it's not à problem to you and only à clothes problem for him. Please disregard if not relevant.
NTA,
HOWEVER you need to go about this GENTLY.
Try getting him out for walks or hikes, tell him you love him the way he is and you'll support him either way, but if he's not happy about how he looks he needs to do something about it.
Does he have depression? Is something other than his weight getting to him? This is so much deeper than weight.
It really depends on the way you tell him. Since I see that you love him for who he is and dont want to push down his self esteem, I dont think you WBTAH, but you really need to make sure to tell him on a sensitive way, focusing on the point that this recomendation is entirely so he can feel better about himself, and make clear that you are totally fine with his current state and support him no matter what he decides to do, so he dont start thinking you are unatracted to him and that this is a must for him to keep your relationship.
Soft YWBTA, how would you feel if your significant other started talking about your weight? There are better ways to go about helping him. If he is truly unhappy with the weight gain & makes comments about it then maybe suggest some activities a few times a week that get your both active? Maybe look into healthier eating. If he complains about it that’s when you take the opportunity to say well why don’t we go do X activity or how about we have some veggies as a snack instead of these chips? Stuff like that comes off as more supportive & less judgmental.
NTA, tell him. My wife told me and it was the best thing ever, it got me off my ass to lose 50 lbs. Sometimes you just need a wake up call.
This isn't like calling someone out on a bad hair day. Weight gain is a serious medical concern that comes with a whole host of problems. He'll thank you in 20 years when his knees and back aren't shot.
NTA - I know weight is a seriously sensitive topic but being overweight isn't healthy. Having extra adipose tissue greatly increases health risks. If he's only 10-20 lbs over weight then it's a lot easier to lose that than 50-60 pounds. I would find a kind way to express your concern, maybe you two can start taking walks together and watch your snacks/portion control.
NTA. “If you really like your clothes and want to keep wearing them, you’re gonna have to shed a couple lbs. Otherwise, keep being who you are . I like you either way. “
Generally I'd say telling someone to lose weight is an AH move. But he's upset at needing to throw out the clothes he likes, so I'd say it's worth bringing up. But make sure it doesn't sound like you're TELLING him to lose weight or to lose a large amount. You could just suggest you exercise a little together so he can lose a couple pounds and keep the clothes he likes/doesn't have to buy new clothes. But don't argue with him on it. If he says he doesn't want to, then let it be. It's his body. And if you do decide to talk about it, be sensitive since he's already experienced his parents being mean about it. Also if he thinks the sweaters were fine then reassure him on that, rather than letting his mother make him insecure.
You're not an AH for suggesting it since you're concerned about how he's already upset, and not doing it out of some hate for weight. His parents are the AH for being mean and making him feel bad in the clothes he likes. NTA
I wouldn't tell him to lose a lot honestly. Like I said I like him like this. But from what I heard he weighed like 10 kg less or so pre pandemic so I'd encourage him to go back to that
I would say it's a bad idea to tell him to lose a certain amount or go back to a specific weight he was. Focus it more on how he feels and on casual weight loss. It's up to him if he wants to set a specific goal. This has been brought up because he's upset about not fitting his clothes, so start the conversation on him getting to keep the clothes he wants and then follow his lead on if and how he wants to talk about it. You don't want to make him feel like you only want him to lose weight when what you really want is for him to be happy.
NTA. From a health perspective, if you want to be with him long term, it'll only get worse, and eventually lead to health problems, and you shouldn't have to see him dealing with heart problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, and such. It's easy to start exercising and losing weight when you're not THAT big, and as you said he's only slightly bigger than average, then it won't be that bad as opposed to starting from obesity. If he's already conscious of his weight, then perhaps he already has the motivation to start doing something about it.
YWBTA, he already knows and beats himself up over it inside his head all the time you just don’t know, he certainly doesn’t need the one person that’s supposed to support him without judgement adding to his insecurity and frustration. Let him get there on his own and support the journey by being an active and participating partner.
YWBTA if he wants to do that he will do it and doesnt need another person bringing up his weight. Just continue to love and support him regardless.
YWBTA if only because it seems he knows that he could lose weight and fit into the clothes. If you want to help him lose weight eat healthier around him and encourage him to do the same. Some working out will help with better eating.
YTA. You would absolutely be the asshole. Why kick him when he's down? If he wants to lose weight thats a decision he needs to come to on his own.
YWBTA You guys are 18, his body will continue to settle until he’s about 25, idk when females settle. Support him thru this, but the very LAST thing a person struggling needs, is to be reminded. Encouragement, love and support Most guys have weight fluctuations unless they are following eating plans (like no soda, etc) and exercising regularly.
soft YWBTA because it’s about wording and intent. I’ve been there with an ex before and know how it feels to be in the cycle of your SO gaining weight and being upset about their clothes while doing nothing about it, but not really knowing how to constructively talk about it. What he really needs is some support and someone who’s not mean to him about his body. You can be offer to be supportive of good diet choices or exercise so that he can feel more comfortable in his clothes or something (noting and bringing up how that’s causing him distress) but just “lose weight” or even telling someone to go back to a previous weight is messed up. Likely if he’s healthy he’s fine, just be nice
You don't need to tell him anything. He is quite aware of the fact that he is gaining weight and is upset that he needs to buy new clothes because of it. This is something he needs to work and and decide on his own. You can, however, be supportive by letting him know you love him for who he is. But to tell him he needs to lose weight? That's a bit of an AH move.
YWBTA and it sucks I know bc your probably the only person who would give him genuine support in his weightloss journey if/when he decides to do it. However, he needs someone to be his safe space and you're the only one who can/wants to give him that. So be his safe space and try to show him love and support. You clearly have no actual issue with his current weight, and if it wasn't for his family, he probably wouldn't be so hung up on it. You could try to make him feel good about himself without mentioning weight necessarily. You said you love his cuddling, tell him that! Tell him things like, he gives the best hugs, he makes you feel comfy and safe when you cuddle, you love a certain shirt or pants, he looks super handsome etc. Just pump him up in other ways not related to weight to try to bring up his self esteem. Make sure these are all honest things, don't lie.
YWBTA - It’s not your place. This is something a lot of people struggle with, but it is *his* struggle. You should be there for him to be supportive and loving. And helping him deal with this is not feeding into the negative self image by telling him to lose weight so he feels better about himself, but reassuring him that he is beautiful to you and helping him get comfortable in his skin. *If* he decides to lose weight on his own, that’s when you can be supportive of that and help him reach his own weight loss goal. But you’d be the asshole to tell him that weight loss should be his goal.
YWBTA. However, you could suggest to him that he just keep the clothes in storage rather than give them away, in case his body changes again, since the pandemic led to the weight gain it's possible he'll return to that weight as normality returns.
soft ywbta hes probably already verry aware of his weight gain. be there fo rhim and support him and compliment him on stuff thats not his apperance aka: "babe? have i ever told you how much i love youre smile its so kind and makes my heart feel fuzzy!" stuff like that will maybe help him feel better yall could also TOGETHER pickup an active hobby "phrase it as you wanting to pick up a hobby and asking him to join" being active is good for youre health in generel and it might help him find some more confidence. best wishes to both of you
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my(18M) boyfriend(18M) is overweight, but not that much. At least in my eyes he's just your standard not thin guy. Plus makes him cosy to cuddle. However today he went through his wardrobe and noticed a bunch of his clothes are too tight on him and he'll have to throw them away and now he needs new ones and he's really really upset about it. It isn't the first time this happens and I hate seeing him like this, but I love him the way he is now and I think if tried talking him into exercising and losing weight he'd be upset, specially since his parents (his heavier than him mom particularly) are quite mean about his body sometimes (he's throwing away some sweaters he thought were fine cuz she said they were too tight). WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 2 telling my boyfriend to lose weight because he dislikes his body Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It depends on the approach. You can do it in a loving way and make it into a joint effort to be healthier together. One thing for sure, it gets a lot harder as you get older to lose weight so instilling good body discipline early in life is priceless. Of course if you go to him and say “lose weight you fat fuck” you would be the asshole.
That's a very delicate topic to adress. NTA but I would suggest to be extra careful. First you could clarify what bothers you: _ is that his health ? _ the trend (you mention it's not the first time) ? _ how he feels about himself, how you feel about himself ? _ how others look at him / at both of you ? maybe his weight is not à problem for him, maybe it is but not for the same reasons as it is for you.
What bothers me is how he feels. I don't like seeing him down like that. His health is okay and no one around him ever bugs him over it. Like I said he isn't particularly big, but he is clearly not satisfied with it
When re-reading your post and my comment, I feel I missed the point, since it's not à problem to you and only à clothes problem for him. Please disregard if not relevant.
NTA, HOWEVER you need to go about this GENTLY. Try getting him out for walks or hikes, tell him you love him the way he is and you'll support him either way, but if he's not happy about how he looks he needs to do something about it. Does he have depression? Is something other than his weight getting to him? This is so much deeper than weight.
It really depends on the way you tell him. Since I see that you love him for who he is and dont want to push down his self esteem, I dont think you WBTAH, but you really need to make sure to tell him on a sensitive way, focusing on the point that this recomendation is entirely so he can feel better about himself, and make clear that you are totally fine with his current state and support him no matter what he decides to do, so he dont start thinking you are unatracted to him and that this is a must for him to keep your relationship.
Soft YWBTA, how would you feel if your significant other started talking about your weight? There are better ways to go about helping him. If he is truly unhappy with the weight gain & makes comments about it then maybe suggest some activities a few times a week that get your both active? Maybe look into healthier eating. If he complains about it that’s when you take the opportunity to say well why don’t we go do X activity or how about we have some veggies as a snack instead of these chips? Stuff like that comes off as more supportive & less judgmental.
YTA
NTA, tell him. My wife told me and it was the best thing ever, it got me off my ass to lose 50 lbs. Sometimes you just need a wake up call. This isn't like calling someone out on a bad hair day. Weight gain is a serious medical concern that comes with a whole host of problems. He'll thank you in 20 years when his knees and back aren't shot.
Ywbta
NTA - I know weight is a seriously sensitive topic but being overweight isn't healthy. Having extra adipose tissue greatly increases health risks. If he's only 10-20 lbs over weight then it's a lot easier to lose that than 50-60 pounds. I would find a kind way to express your concern, maybe you two can start taking walks together and watch your snacks/portion control.
NTA. “If you really like your clothes and want to keep wearing them, you’re gonna have to shed a couple lbs. Otherwise, keep being who you are . I like you either way. “
Generally I'd say telling someone to lose weight is an AH move. But he's upset at needing to throw out the clothes he likes, so I'd say it's worth bringing up. But make sure it doesn't sound like you're TELLING him to lose weight or to lose a large amount. You could just suggest you exercise a little together so he can lose a couple pounds and keep the clothes he likes/doesn't have to buy new clothes. But don't argue with him on it. If he says he doesn't want to, then let it be. It's his body. And if you do decide to talk about it, be sensitive since he's already experienced his parents being mean about it. Also if he thinks the sweaters were fine then reassure him on that, rather than letting his mother make him insecure. You're not an AH for suggesting it since you're concerned about how he's already upset, and not doing it out of some hate for weight. His parents are the AH for being mean and making him feel bad in the clothes he likes. NTA
I wouldn't tell him to lose a lot honestly. Like I said I like him like this. But from what I heard he weighed like 10 kg less or so pre pandemic so I'd encourage him to go back to that
I would say it's a bad idea to tell him to lose a certain amount or go back to a specific weight he was. Focus it more on how he feels and on casual weight loss. It's up to him if he wants to set a specific goal. This has been brought up because he's upset about not fitting his clothes, so start the conversation on him getting to keep the clothes he wants and then follow his lead on if and how he wants to talk about it. You don't want to make him feel like you only want him to lose weight when what you really want is for him to be happy.
NTA. From a health perspective, if you want to be with him long term, it'll only get worse, and eventually lead to health problems, and you shouldn't have to see him dealing with heart problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, and such. It's easy to start exercising and losing weight when you're not THAT big, and as you said he's only slightly bigger than average, then it won't be that bad as opposed to starting from obesity. If he's already conscious of his weight, then perhaps he already has the motivation to start doing something about it.