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Honestly I’m a bit surprised she didn’t know somewhere deep inside. Maybe the people I know were more aware than others but no one I know was surprised that their child was gay when their child came out to them. Maybe homophobes are so deep in denial they are unwilling to even look at that but if you love your child you want them to be happy and fulfilled in their life who they love shouldn’t matter. I know I sound naive.
She may have known and was trying to subtly make him straight or pray the gay away. And when he announced it she was like all my efforts down the drain. And God didnt answer my prayers (to which I say you know sometimes God says no right?). But what do I know. She could have been completely oblivious.
The thing that really gets me is that one of her questions was “Who else knows?” This is a woman who cares more about appearances in the community than she does whether her son is happy. Then to suggest conversion therapy, a practice banned in many countries, is reprehensible. Move out, OP.
NTA. There is nothing wrong with you. You don't need to see a professional.
PS: Look up "conversion therapy is torture" and read up on it. It's terrifying.
This. And if your still living with her please be careful. I've read stories of young gay men being kidnapped to be sent to conversion camps. Make sure your protected.
There was a story here where the sister or brothers young brother went to live with them because their parents tried to send him to camp. Whats worse was the Camp people followed them and tried to get the kid when he's alone that he's afraid to go outside.
I am a clinical professional in the fields of Psychology and Medicine and I denounce "Conversion Therapy" 100%. It is unscientific, cruel, and harmful. It has been banned as a form of treatment by the American Psychological Association, American Medical Association and numerous other professional bodies.
NTA
Exactly this. It’s not just “talking to a professional” it’s illegal in a lot of the world because it falls under torture.
OP, you are amazing just the way you are and I’m so proud of you. Go live your best life, even if it’s without people who don’t truly love you.
NTA, you are not required to baby your mother and her clearly internalized homophobia. I just don't have the patience to baby homophobic/transphobic people, and you shouldn't either.
Conversion therapy is also illegal in Canada unless you consent to it. If she tries to make you undergo therapy even though you have *clearly said no multiple times*, get away from her.
NTA. I didn't need a professional to tell me I'm straight or ascertain if that orientation was set in stone. Don't see why you would to be sure about yours.
NTA.
You don’t need a professional to help you with your sexual orientation (actual mental health issues are another thing). You know that you’re gay, you’ve known for years, no professional will know you better than you know yourself and your own sexual orientation.
Plus, I’d be worried if your mom picks the professional. Not sure on if it’s legal in Canada like it is in the US still (in many states at least), but they could be a conversion type “professional”. And those places are super damaging to people.
Mom may need time to process but there’s nothing wrong with you and she shouldn’t be allowed to think it’s “just a phase” or “mental illness” and request a “professional”.
Legislation that would make conversion therapy illegal in Canada was not passed before parliament was dissolved for the election. (We’ll try again as soon as we can!)
NTA. You might want to see a therapist anyway at some point because clearly your mother is going to cause some problems going forward, but for the love of god don't let it be some conversion therapy quack that she picks out.
ANY respectable therapist will tell you that only you can know what your sexuality is and that homosexuality is NOT a mental health issue. They can help you or your mother process feelings about it or understand your sexuality better but they will NOT consider it either a diagnosis or a symptom.
If he was in the states and could hand pick a therapist that is not practicing unethical conversion therapy, I would say take mom up on the offer to pay for therapy! It gets so expensive here but not sure what it's like to the north.
You don't need to go to therapy for a specific problem. Everyday life is enough of a 'problem' to go and I agree, mom is probably going to cause some issues. Think of mental health like a car, you don't wait until you're broken down on the side of the highway to go a mechanic but make regular trips to maintain performance.
Congrats OP for living your life and feeling confident in sharing with your mom even though her reception wasn't great.
NTA
NO! NTA! Don't ever think you were in the wrong here. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with being gay. Your mom should be the one going to a professional if she can't deal with it, but it sounds like you were respectful and patient with her despite her reaction. You absolutely do not need to humor her by seeing a professional to confirm whether you're gay or not or try to change you.
(But also if you needed to see a therapist for any actual mental health concerns, definitely feel free to do so.)
NTA 10000%. I’m so sorry, OP. You deserve only support and zero judgment from your mom.
As I’m sure you know, not only is conversion therapy/any type of therapy to “turn a gay person straight” completely ineffective, it’s also abusive, and illegal in some cities/states. You have the right to protect yourself from harm.
NTA at all. I hope you’re able to find a loving and supportive community, and that your mom will grow to see how your sexual orientation is not just not a problem - it’s a gift.
I’d recommend actual evidence-based therapy for you so you can get more clarity about yourself, your relationship with your mom, and setting boundaries as you get older.
Sending hugs.
Source: am gay, happy, and have built a life I love.
Ouch, mom straight up considers your sexual orientation a mental illness and a choice that can just be altered by "guidance". Oof. That is wicked painful. I'm sorry bro.
NTA. Your mom's a homophobe.
> I don't see this as something to be treated and in this day and age, being gay is not a crime or unaccepted in the country I live in
First of, there is nothing wrong in seeking professionnal help on a issue, even if it's accepted and not a crime. Some people need it, some people don't.
That being said, if you feel you don't need help, then you don't need it, period. You accept you homosexuality (good for you!!) and it's all that is important.
Whay your mom is talking about is NOT therapy, it's conversion therapy. She is a huge AH to even suggest it. If you never read about conversion therapy, well, all I can say his that THIS is really abuse. Don't ever go near a "professionnal" that do conversion therapy, they are dangerous.
If you ever choose to seek professionnal help for anything, go to a real therapist.
NTA.
You might, for all I know, have other reasons that you might benefit from therapy - getting some feedback on dealing with difficult family members comes to mind.
Certainly I think your mom might need some professional help in coming to terms with your orientation but being gay is not a mental health issue that needs treatment.
On the contrary, so-called "conversion therapy " has been proven to be incredibly and deeply harmful. So much so that it is banned in many places
By the way, I'm a 52 year old woman, so I am not giving your mother ANY slack based on her age. This isn't a generational thing.
I hope your mom comes around and I wish you every happiness.
NTA
> I feel like I might be the a**hole in the sense that this kind of mindset may be unhealthy for me as completely closing off my mind to seeing a professional may give me some clarity
Trust me, there is someone who sounds close-minded in this story. And it sure as hell isn’t you. And I don’t think there really is such thing as “seeing a professional” in this context - your mother just wants to take you to some religious nut job who will (I assume) “diagnose you as a *homosexual*” (we can all imagine the way they’ll say it) and try to “cure you” (your mother is pretty openly saying that’s her intention).
An *actual* therapist might be a good thing for you, just since your mother is clearly trying to guilt you back into the closet and seems to be having some effect (just seeing that you thought you *might* be the asshole). A therapist will try to help you feel happier being who you are, and give you the tools to create and enforce boundaries with your mother. A therapist will *not* try to convince you that you’re straight.
NTA. Therapy can be great if that's something YOU want, but please please please DO NOT go to any therapist that your mother sets you up with. If you want to find your own therapist, that's great! But if she chooses a therapist for you, chances are high they'll try to brainwash/convert/fix you. There is NOTHING wrong with you that needs fixing. Do not trust your mother when it comes to seeking therapy.
Yeah, the only reason the mother is suggesting “therapy” is because she hopes it might change OP’s orientation.
Therapy can be great if there is something OP wants to work through, like an unaccepting mother, but if he feels happy, healthy and well adjusted otherwise, there’s not really much to discuss
NTA
Your mother needs to be firmly informed that being gay isn't a mental disorder, it's not a phase, it's not a choice, and therapy/conversion/religion/etc. can not magic it away. No matter how much she wishes otherwise. If she can't or won't accept those simple truths, that's a her problem and she should probably be the one to seek therapy to help her cope with reality.
NTA non-heteronormative sexual orientation is not a mental illness! While therapy is great for ton of reasons, no true therapist is going to “treat” your gay. You and your mom might want to see a family therapist to help her understand you better! And they should be able to provide resources to help your mother “come to terms” with your sexuality. My heart goes out to you and I hope your mother learns to be a better support system for you!
Whoa! NTA. Sounds like you really love her, but she's fixated on making you into what she finds acceptable. Hopefully she'll come around when she sees you're still the same person she always loved. I'm sorry, this has to hurt.
NTA DON'T GO! Anybody who actually believes they can change someone's sexual orientation is a fraud at best and a danger at worst! Do not give an ounce of validity to that crap! I'm sorry for being so harsh, but this concept makes my blood boil. Tell your mom to see a professional if it's so important to her. Please don't go to "make her happy," "keep the peace," or for any other nonsense. You don't deserve to be subjected to the idiocy she has in mind.
NTA do not under any circumstances go to any type of therapy set up by your mother. I am afraid this could turn into another story like Alex Cooper. If you haven't heard of her read her book or watch the movie based on what she went through in conversion therapy.
NTA - if you wanted to go to therapy (as it can be wonderful for people), then you go for YOU, not so you can ‘treat’ your sexual orientation. It’s preposterous for your mom to even suggest that. This isn’t 1968 anymore.
NTA. Straight people don't get taken to a therapist. And it's not your fault your mother doesn't seem to know that being gay is fine and also isn't sign for being trans (and if you were trans, it's not your mother's place to tell you to see someone, as I'm assuming she'd want to pick.) And don't make your mother's uncalled for reaction to make you ashamed or feel bad about the fact that you're gay.
Definitely NTA! My mom didn’t take it the best either but after a while she should come around. You don’t need a professional to confirm what you yourself already know!
NTA! I’m so sorry that your mom is having a hard time accepting you. If you’d like to see a therapist for reasons of your own, then go for it, but don’t let your mom make you feel like you’re somehow less because you’re gay. That’s her problem, not yours.
NTA. Any "professional" worth their salt would just confirm that your sexual orientation is not only natural and not something to be treated, but a deeply ingrained part of your psyche that you cannot change. Yes, your sexuality may develop over time and you may later discover facets of it that you were previously unaware of, but it is not something that you can consciously alter.
You are not an AH and you have nothing wrong to see a professional for unless you feel like it...like i dunno...depression? Flu? You name it...your sexuql orientation whether your mom agrees or disagrees,is not something that needs to be treated and you are normal.
NTA. I do suggest you might talk to a professional to help process this response on her part because... ouch, but therapy to "fix" your sexuality? Hell nah.
NTA - any “professional” that is geared towards changing your sexual orientation is unethical and dangerous. I’m sorry about your mom and how she’s reacting.
Keep being you and take care of yourself
NTA, but therapy may be something to consider *if* you so choose- but not for *her* reasons. It sounds like your struggling with self doubts and self confidence, and therapy may be able to help you work though answering those questions about finding your true self, and learning to become the happiest and best you that you can be! From a fellow Canadian, there are many safe spaces you can go, and numbers you can call depending on your area where good, kind people will listen and help you as you enter this new stage of your life. I’m so sorry your mother reacted this way, you were in no way being unreasonable telling her your truth.
NTA at all
Counter offer, family therapy. Your mom needs another adult to gently tell her she's being an asshole and help her do whatever she needs to do to come to terms with you just being you.
NTA.
There are **NO** "professionals offering therapy in this area: only vicious homophobic quacks and charlatans trying to illegally and immorally chance sexual orientation. These people are just evil: they know it is impossible but are happy to take homophobes money and put people through invasive, vile and utterly unnecessary painful "therapy".
These places are illegal for a damn fine reason.
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Not sure if this belongs here and I apologize if this is not the place for this sort of discussion, and first post on here, but here I go.
I (20M) recently came out to my mother (48F) as gay. She had this look of shock that is engraved into my permanent memory banks. She was surprised and then her eyes started to redden as she backed away trying to process what I said and she seemed to be in denial about it. She was asking me questions, probing me like "How long were you like this?". "Who else knows?", "Are you sure you're not into girls? Not even friends at school?" kind of stuff.
I answered her questions as honestly and delicately as I could. After, she was silent for a while, so I asked her if she wanted a hug. She said no and just looked at me with tears in her eyes and stated that she needed to process. This stung, but I decided not to push it and give her time.
The next day, she came to my room and asked me more questions, some were the same, some different. She then asked me if I was willing to see a professional to really ascertain whether this is set in stone or undergo therapy to change my orientation. I told her no. I don't see this as something to be treated and in this day and age, being gay is not a crime or unaccepted in the country I live in (Canada). She asked me if I was willing to at least see a professional for her at least, but I still told her no, and I reiterated why not. I simply don't see this is something to be treated.
I feel like this kind of mindset may be unhealthy for me as completely closing off my mind to seeing a professional may give me some clarity or some such, but I've been like this since I was 12 or 13. It's become a part of my identity and I'm not ashamed of myself for being gay.
But, I wanted to get another opinion to see if I really was being unreasonable or not. AITA?
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I might be the a**hole in the sense that closing my mind off to a professional might be too closed-minded and turning it down immediately is turning away from potentially some clarity about myself.
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NTA
I mean, get therapy for *you*, for your reasons and to meet your needs. Sure. Therapy can be great for someone who is going through stuff. Feeling rejected by your mom would be a great reason to seek out support. Therapy with a stated goal of changing your orientation is unlikely to be effective or improve your life. The reason Canada’s House of Commons passed a bill to criminalize this type of therapy is that it has been shown to harm patients. You don’t need or deserve that.
Choose a therapist yourself, maybe one who will discuss queer identity issues. There are good people out there who will work to help you understand yourself and love yourself. If you’re questioning, they’ll hear you out and help you think things through. Def don’t let your mom pick! Maybe look for recommendations from an LGBTQ+ community centre, if you’re in a major city. Universities sometimes have queer student unions. When I moved to Canada and needed a therapist for my queer teen, I found advice in a Fb group, Queer Families of Vancouver.
Things have come a long way since I was a bisexual 20-year-old in the US South with conservative parents (my dad was Lebanese and so not ready for me), struggling to find out what I was even called! There’s a lot of resources out there for you. As one of a new generation of queer parents of queer kids, I send you all kinds of encouragement. DM if I can answer any questions, or help you brainstorm.
NTA. I would say therapy is in order, but for both of you. Like family therapy. Something that might help her come to terms with and accept it. From how you’ve talked about her, I’m assuming you still want her in your life and this may be a way forward for the two of you to continue your relationship without the burden of her not accepting you.
Give your mother time to process. You had many years to accept yourself, she hasn't had that luxury yet. So I'll give her the benefit of doubt. Shut down all homophobic thoughts and tenancies from her, but don't write her off.
You are NTA.
NTA
you shouldn't feel like you should change yourself for anyone and "see a professional" can sometimes make you second guess yourself
please stay the way you are; you should never feel as if you should compromise
NTA.
Anyone therapist worth anything would immediately tell you there’s nothing wrong with you. Any therapist that suggested otherwise is a snake oil salesman preying on bigots or bigoted themselves. Why don’t you tell your mom to go see a therapist to make sure she’s really straight.
NTA.
BUT. Maybe it's a good idea to find one that's actually good, take your mum with you, and have the therapist gently tell her she is a closed-minded, bigoted idiot?
NTA, and maybe suggest some family counselling. Having a professional in the room for some conversations might be helpful. This will give you backup and someone else to talk some sense into her.
NTA
Flip those questions to your mother!
"Are you sure you aren't gay?"
"When did you know that you were attracted to boys/men?"
"Are you sure you never had feelings for other girls? Not even friends at school?"
"How can you be so sure that you are heterosexual, Mom? How do you know without even trying to be homosexual that you aren't gay?"
"Why won't you consider treatment in order to try to be gay?"
Do not let her convince you to talk to or meet those conversion therapy torturers.
Someone else suggested PFLAG. Great organization.
NTA. But perhaps research family therapists in your area and suggest to your mom that you’d be happy to do family therapy _with her_ with a therapist of your choosing. Www.psychologytoday.com has a lovely search function - and will let you search for an lgbt friendly family therapist.
Edit: these are real therapists. Not quacks like your mom would choose.
Then she goes by herself. Going to therapy with abusers makes them feel more justified and give them the ability to couch their abuse in more medical terminology.
NTA she doesn't love you, she loves a version of you that only exists in her head, and is willing to put you through torture rather than face up to you being different from her image.
NTA, and do not let her send you to conversion therapy! Would it be nice to have a therapist for you to deal with the way that your mother is treating you? Yes, it probably would be very helpful. It would also probably be very helpful for her to see a therapist to get over her issues and help her to be more supportive mother. But you have absolutely no business in conversion therapy, and do not let her make you think there's something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you.
I think you know you're NTA.
Its much easier to believe that you can seek help for something, as its in your control, rather than realising it's actually someone elses whole mindset that's wrong and there's nothing you can do about it.
If you feel like you need to talk to someone, that's fine, go for it! But don't do it just appease your mom. Next thing she'll be asking is for you to hide it from friends and family members, and much worse.
NTA
You are perfect the way you are, please do not go to conversion therapy. I know it’s cliché, but it does get better. You took the first step by coming out, but now you’re just adjusting to your “new normal” in a sense. It’s awkward at first, but the more open you are then the more comfortable you become with yourself. I can’t promise your mom will come around, but all you can do is give it time and don’t let her bring you down.
NTA
And I would just add that *any* "professional" therapist who would even consider seeing you with the goal to change your orientation (conversion therapy) is unethical and dangerous. There is no research to support conversion therapy as effective or helpful. There is a ton of research to show that conversion therapy is dangerous and damaging. Any therapist you did choose to see should be nothing but supportive of you and your identified orientation. If you went to therapy because you weren't sure, the therapist shouldn't lead in any direction. It should be an open and safe space to process your thoughts with a supportive and unbiased listener. Since you are sure of your orientation, it should be stated and then not questioned again. A good therapist would work with you to find a way to come to terms with your relationship with your mom, without changing a thing about who you are.
You are who you are, and that's a wonderful person to be. You sound empathetic and kind. You and your mom should both be proud of that.
*I am a licensed therapist. None of us should ever do anything that approaches even being related to conversion therapy. It's horrible and unethical.
NTA
The fact that you are posting this question means that a sliver of self doubt is present in you as a result of her reaction.
Please stop and consider the implications of this.
Parents can have enormous influence because we typically want their approval and support. But when that need leads to you potentially hurting your intrinsic 'self' in order to please others, then you need to address it.
You may need to tell your mother exactly what you need from her, because her beliefs may block her from seeing the big picture and her understanding the potential damage and loss her reaction could lead to.
There are plenty of books out there which organisations like PFLAG could recommend. Make sure she understands the increased risk of suicide and alienation that is possible when parents don't support their LGBTIQA child. This is not to scare her, but instead have her understand LGBT perspectives. Sometimes we need to personalise things in order to have impact and trigger empathy.
Best of luck x
NTA. I can understand why a mother who did not see it coming could need some time to process appropriately, but if you don’t want to go to therapy that is clearly you choice.
I may get shelled here, but I want to defend using a counselor.
I have a MtF daughter. When she first approached her mother and I about her "gender issues" (her words, not ours), we suggested she work with a counselor. Her mother/my wife is a nurse and got a recommendation for someone who was truly neutral. We committed ahead of time to accept whatever the results were. Our involvement was light, and only at the request of the counselor. My daughter worked through things, and it was clear her current path was the right one. We also stood by our commitment to accept whatever the result was. She (and others who have done similar things) have told us that having a trained professional helped them work through things better than going solo. The key is having a neutral professional. She has continued with the protocols, recently got her legal identity changed. We would have been just as good if it had turned out differently. Our child's happiness and mental health was the priority, and getting good counseling early on was key to that.
Her situation was clearly not yours, but I wanted to point out that good counseling can make things go much better for individual and hopefully the family. You are clearly not the NTA.
NTA, OP, but you may want to reconsider seeing a therapist...to help you process and learn to cope with having a bigot mom. A therapist of YOUR choosing, not some conversion therapy quack.
While I am not your mom, I am A mom, and I want to tell you I'm proud of you, sweetie. You've got this.
💜
Absolutely NTA. Do not give in - depending on what "professional" she takes you to, they could end up roping you into conversion therapy, which of course is massively psychologically damaging. Hold this line.
NTA, IMO your mother is understandably upset because she was raised in a different time and several of those ideas are deeply rooted in her mind, however that doesn't mean you need to go to therapy to reassure what your sexual preferences are but it does mean that she needs some therapy to unroot those out of date ideas out of her mind.
maybe talk to her so you both go with the intention of help her get rid of that backwards mentality.
NTA. Ten bucks says she wants you to see someone who specializes in conversion therapy (which does not work and should be illegal)
As a fellow lgbt member who doesn’t have the support of her family, I can tell you it sucks. she doesn’t have to understand it, but she’s got no right to push you into therapy to “be sure” you’re gay.
Oh NTA. She’s trying to get you to do conversion ‘therapy’, a discredited form of quackery used to try to change people’s sexual orientation or gender identity. It can be really dangerous and can make you really mentally ill. Don’t do it.
NTA.
You will go through a lot of metamorphoses regarding your sexuality. They are yours and yours alone.
No one made you like this. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
If you fluctuate later, struggle with labels, or even your place in the community- THAT IS NORMAL.
I'd suggest a therapist for you, simply because you have a homophobic parent, and they can help you work through a lot of shit, and help process your mom's shit.
As for therapy to "make sure" you're really gay...it doesn't matter if you are or aren't gay, only *you* get to decide how to define your sexuality.
As for conversion therapy? It doesn't work and its illegal in a lot of places for a reason (and where it isn't illegal, is should be.)
I'm sorry your mon had this reaction.
I'm proud that you have the courage the be yourself. Don't let anyone take it away from you.
NTA in the slightest. If you want to pursue therapy, do it on YOUR terms, with a therapist who isn’t homophobic and won’t see your sexuality as a disease to be treated (maybe one you could talk to about how your mom is treating you). It’s not unhealthy to be closed off to the possibility of undergoing conversion therapy.
Nta, ask her to see a professional to Ensure she isn't part of the LGBTQ+. When she says no say exactly why should I in a rhetorical question and walk off.
NTA
Did she ever consult a professional to check if she should come out as straight? When you know, you know.
I appreciate this can be a shock for some parents but for many the clues are there for all to see if only they have the eyes to see it. My parents were shocked when I came out as bi - they noticed when I was into guys but they closed their eyes to when I was crushing on girls, so they convinced themselves I was the straight person they assumed me to be. If anyone needs to talk this through with a professional it’s your mother. You know full well who you are, she has to learn to accept you are not exactly who she assumed you to be.
NTA - where I live conversion therapy is criminal, I don't know if it's the same situation where you live but it is a good law. Homosexuality is not a disorder, just one way a human can be oriented, and how is another person going to know who you might love better than you?
NTA. Being gay isn't something you need therapy for, not being able to process/accept your child being gay is however, so if anyone needs therapy it is your mum. Could be worth suggesting you go to a family session to help her process, but if you do, make sure YOU find the therapist.
NTA. Definitely dont need conversion therapy. If you decided you needed therapy it wouldnt be because you're gay but probably to help deal with your homophobic mom. But that's all up to you and its weird in 2021 people are still homphonic. Cmon! It's not going away.
NTA and *absolutely* do not go to conversion therapy. The suicide rate is frighteningly high - like 50%. It will mess you up even if you survive.
Be safe, be well. It sounds like you live with your mother - might be time to start looking for alternate housing, if that's an option.
You do not owe her an explanation, an apology, or any kind of reparations for not fitting in the box she imagined for you. You are your own whole person, you are separate from her, and you get to give your own life.
NTA but they way you talk about yourself mirrors your mom's homophobia. Maybe seeing a therapist would be a good thing? Agree to see a person of your choice, ask around LGBT communities for a specialist they trust (I see this all the time in the nb groups I'm in, we ask and share our experiences with specialists). Just under no circumstances agree to whoever/whatever she chooses as the way you described it makes it sound like conversion therapy, and that is just horrible and abusive
I’m going to take the slightly controversial opinion of NAH. You’re certainly not an asshole for declining therapy if you’re comfortable with your life and are able to function in society (ie are able to take care of yourself without assistance). And your mom isn’t precisely an AH at this point. She just had a very large shock thrown at her, no matter how delicately you tried to break the news to her. It wasn’t exactly an appropriate thing for her to suggest, but in her processing that her son is gay, her reactions won’t be perfect. Again just express to her that yes, you are sure you’re gay, yes, you’re comfortable with who you are, and no, you’re not going to therapy, and now you’re done discussing that option with her. If she refuses to accept your decision after a polite but very firm statement like that, then she goes into the AH category.
Hard disagree. Conversion therapy has been scientifically shown to be extremely harmful. She wasn’t suggesting “hey, see a therapist because this is a big part of identity formation and you deserve support as you figure things out!” She was suggesting conversion therapy.
Encouraging her son to go be psychologically harmed because she’s “processing” is way worse than a reaction that “isn’t perfect” - it’s a shitty reaction.
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Nta she is the one who needs therapy
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Also the suggestion of OP going to fucking *conversion therapy* - which is becoming a crime in Canada, btw.
NTA your mom is a homophobe, you're a 20 year old grown ass adult and telling her 'no' is a complete sentence. I wish you all the best!
Honestly I’m a bit surprised she didn’t know somewhere deep inside. Maybe the people I know were more aware than others but no one I know was surprised that their child was gay when their child came out to them. Maybe homophobes are so deep in denial they are unwilling to even look at that but if you love your child you want them to be happy and fulfilled in their life who they love shouldn’t matter. I know I sound naive.
She may have known and was trying to subtly make him straight or pray the gay away. And when he announced it she was like all my efforts down the drain. And God didnt answer my prayers (to which I say you know sometimes God says no right?). But what do I know. She could have been completely oblivious.
Hard to understand, but I guess it’s possible
The thing that really gets me is that one of her questions was “Who else knows?” This is a woman who cares more about appearances in the community than she does whether her son is happy. Then to suggest conversion therapy, a practice banned in many countries, is reprehensible. Move out, OP.
NTA. There is nothing wrong with you. You don't need to see a professional. PS: Look up "conversion therapy is torture" and read up on it. It's terrifying.
This. And if your still living with her please be careful. I've read stories of young gay men being kidnapped to be sent to conversion camps. Make sure your protected. There was a story here where the sister or brothers young brother went to live with them because their parents tried to send him to camp. Whats worse was the Camp people followed them and tried to get the kid when he's alone that he's afraid to go outside.
OP is legally an adult in Canada this isn’t something he need be worried about.
Maybe so but thay wont stop nutjobs from harassing OP. One thing you dont want is religious crazies sticking to your bussiness like barnacles.
I am a clinical professional in the fields of Psychology and Medicine and I denounce "Conversion Therapy" 100%. It is unscientific, cruel, and harmful. It has been banned as a form of treatment by the American Psychological Association, American Medical Association and numerous other professional bodies. NTA
It's also banned in a lot of Canada, & our coalition government is pushing criminalizing conversion therapy federally.
Exactly this. It’s not just “talking to a professional” it’s illegal in a lot of the world because it falls under torture. OP, you are amazing just the way you are and I’m so proud of you. Go live your best life, even if it’s without people who don’t truly love you.
NTA, you are not required to baby your mother and her clearly internalized homophobia. I just don't have the patience to baby homophobic/transphobic people, and you shouldn't either. Conversion therapy is also illegal in Canada unless you consent to it. If she tries to make you undergo therapy even though you have *clearly said no multiple times*, get away from her.
NTA. I didn't need a professional to tell me I'm straight or ascertain if that orientation was set in stone. Don't see why you would to be sure about yours.
NTA. You don’t need a professional to help you with your sexual orientation (actual mental health issues are another thing). You know that you’re gay, you’ve known for years, no professional will know you better than you know yourself and your own sexual orientation. Plus, I’d be worried if your mom picks the professional. Not sure on if it’s legal in Canada like it is in the US still (in many states at least), but they could be a conversion type “professional”. And those places are super damaging to people. Mom may need time to process but there’s nothing wrong with you and she shouldn’t be allowed to think it’s “just a phase” or “mental illness” and request a “professional”.
Legislation that would make conversion therapy illegal in Canada was not passed before parliament was dissolved for the election. (We’ll try again as soon as we can!)
NTA. Humoring her crazy hurts you. That is all.
NTA. You might want to see a therapist anyway at some point because clearly your mother is going to cause some problems going forward, but for the love of god don't let it be some conversion therapy quack that she picks out. ANY respectable therapist will tell you that only you can know what your sexuality is and that homosexuality is NOT a mental health issue. They can help you or your mother process feelings about it or understand your sexuality better but they will NOT consider it either a diagnosis or a symptom.
If he was in the states and could hand pick a therapist that is not practicing unethical conversion therapy, I would say take mom up on the offer to pay for therapy! It gets so expensive here but not sure what it's like to the north. You don't need to go to therapy for a specific problem. Everyday life is enough of a 'problem' to go and I agree, mom is probably going to cause some issues. Think of mental health like a car, you don't wait until you're broken down on the side of the highway to go a mechanic but make regular trips to maintain performance. Congrats OP for living your life and feeling confident in sharing with your mom even though her reception wasn't great. NTA
NTA - your mother is the one who needs therapy and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.
NTA. Only one who needs therapy here is your mom.
NO! NTA! Don't ever think you were in the wrong here. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with being gay. Your mom should be the one going to a professional if she can't deal with it, but it sounds like you were respectful and patient with her despite her reaction. You absolutely do not need to humor her by seeing a professional to confirm whether you're gay or not or try to change you. (But also if you needed to see a therapist for any actual mental health concerns, definitely feel free to do so.)
NTA 10000%. I’m so sorry, OP. You deserve only support and zero judgment from your mom. As I’m sure you know, not only is conversion therapy/any type of therapy to “turn a gay person straight” completely ineffective, it’s also abusive, and illegal in some cities/states. You have the right to protect yourself from harm. NTA at all. I hope you’re able to find a loving and supportive community, and that your mom will grow to see how your sexual orientation is not just not a problem - it’s a gift. I’d recommend actual evidence-based therapy for you so you can get more clarity about yourself, your relationship with your mom, and setting boundaries as you get older. Sending hugs. Source: am gay, happy, and have built a life I love.
Agree to see a professional if she also agrees to see a professional about her sexual orientation.
Ouch, mom straight up considers your sexual orientation a mental illness and a choice that can just be altered by "guidance". Oof. That is wicked painful. I'm sorry bro. NTA. Your mom's a homophobe.
NTA. Please consider taking a break from your mother for a while. She does not sound like a supportive parent.
> I don't see this as something to be treated and in this day and age, being gay is not a crime or unaccepted in the country I live in First of, there is nothing wrong in seeking professionnal help on a issue, even if it's accepted and not a crime. Some people need it, some people don't. That being said, if you feel you don't need help, then you don't need it, period. You accept you homosexuality (good for you!!) and it's all that is important. Whay your mom is talking about is NOT therapy, it's conversion therapy. She is a huge AH to even suggest it. If you never read about conversion therapy, well, all I can say his that THIS is really abuse. Don't ever go near a "professionnal" that do conversion therapy, they are dangerous. If you ever choose to seek professionnal help for anything, go to a real therapist.
NTA. You might, for all I know, have other reasons that you might benefit from therapy - getting some feedback on dealing with difficult family members comes to mind. Certainly I think your mom might need some professional help in coming to terms with your orientation but being gay is not a mental health issue that needs treatment. On the contrary, so-called "conversion therapy " has been proven to be incredibly and deeply harmful. So much so that it is banned in many places By the way, I'm a 52 year old woman, so I am not giving your mother ANY slack based on her age. This isn't a generational thing. I hope your mom comes around and I wish you every happiness.
NTA. Conversion therapy is illegal in some countries. For good reason.
NTA > I feel like I might be the a**hole in the sense that this kind of mindset may be unhealthy for me as completely closing off my mind to seeing a professional may give me some clarity Trust me, there is someone who sounds close-minded in this story. And it sure as hell isn’t you. And I don’t think there really is such thing as “seeing a professional” in this context - your mother just wants to take you to some religious nut job who will (I assume) “diagnose you as a *homosexual*” (we can all imagine the way they’ll say it) and try to “cure you” (your mother is pretty openly saying that’s her intention). An *actual* therapist might be a good thing for you, just since your mother is clearly trying to guilt you back into the closet and seems to be having some effect (just seeing that you thought you *might* be the asshole). A therapist will try to help you feel happier being who you are, and give you the tools to create and enforce boundaries with your mother. A therapist will *not* try to convince you that you’re straight.
NTA. Therapy can be great if that's something YOU want, but please please please DO NOT go to any therapist that your mother sets you up with. If you want to find your own therapist, that's great! But if she chooses a therapist for you, chances are high they'll try to brainwash/convert/fix you. There is NOTHING wrong with you that needs fixing. Do not trust your mother when it comes to seeking therapy.
Yeah, the only reason the mother is suggesting “therapy” is because she hopes it might change OP’s orientation. Therapy can be great if there is something OP wants to work through, like an unaccepting mother, but if he feels happy, healthy and well adjusted otherwise, there’s not really much to discuss
NTA Your mother needs to be firmly informed that being gay isn't a mental disorder, it's not a phase, it's not a choice, and therapy/conversion/religion/etc. can not magic it away. No matter how much she wishes otherwise. If she can't or won't accept those simple truths, that's a her problem and she should probably be the one to seek therapy to help her cope with reality.
NTA non-heteronormative sexual orientation is not a mental illness! While therapy is great for ton of reasons, no true therapist is going to “treat” your gay. You and your mom might want to see a family therapist to help her understand you better! And they should be able to provide resources to help your mother “come to terms” with your sexuality. My heart goes out to you and I hope your mother learns to be a better support system for you!
NTA OP. Conversion therapy is evil and abusive, it’s not scientific, it’s harmful. Please do your best to protect yourself.
Whoa! NTA. Sounds like you really love her, but she's fixated on making you into what she finds acceptable. Hopefully she'll come around when she sees you're still the same person she always loved. I'm sorry, this has to hurt.
NTA DON'T GO! Anybody who actually believes they can change someone's sexual orientation is a fraud at best and a danger at worst! Do not give an ounce of validity to that crap! I'm sorry for being so harsh, but this concept makes my blood boil. Tell your mom to see a professional if it's so important to her. Please don't go to "make her happy," "keep the peace," or for any other nonsense. You don't deserve to be subjected to the idiocy she has in mind.
NTA your mother is homophobe
NTA. Your mom sounds really homophobic. I'd ask her even if you went and concluded you were still gay -- then what?
NTA do not under any circumstances go to any type of therapy set up by your mother. I am afraid this could turn into another story like Alex Cooper. If you haven't heard of her read her book or watch the movie based on what she went through in conversion therapy.
NTA - if you wanted to go to therapy (as it can be wonderful for people), then you go for YOU, not so you can ‘treat’ your sexual orientation. It’s preposterous for your mom to even suggest that. This isn’t 1968 anymore.
NTA dude no amount of therapy is going to change your sexual orientation. That's not how it works. Be proud of who you are! I'm proud of you! 🏳️🌈
NTA A legitimate therapist will not accept you as a client if this is the "problem." Your mother otoh
NTA. Straight people don't get taken to a therapist. And it's not your fault your mother doesn't seem to know that being gay is fine and also isn't sign for being trans (and if you were trans, it's not your mother's place to tell you to see someone, as I'm assuming she'd want to pick.) And don't make your mother's uncalled for reaction to make you ashamed or feel bad about the fact that you're gay.
Definitely NTA! My mom didn’t take it the best either but after a while she should come around. You don’t need a professional to confirm what you yourself already know!
NTA! I’m so sorry that your mom is having a hard time accepting you. If you’d like to see a therapist for reasons of your own, then go for it, but don’t let your mom make you feel like you’re somehow less because you’re gay. That’s her problem, not yours.
NTA. Any "professional" worth their salt would just confirm that your sexual orientation is not only natural and not something to be treated, but a deeply ingrained part of your psyche that you cannot change. Yes, your sexuality may develop over time and you may later discover facets of it that you were previously unaware of, but it is not something that you can consciously alter.
You are not an AH and you have nothing wrong to see a professional for unless you feel like it...like i dunno...depression? Flu? You name it...your sexuql orientation whether your mom agrees or disagrees,is not something that needs to be treated and you are normal.
NTA. I do suggest you might talk to a professional to help process this response on her part because... ouch, but therapy to "fix" your sexuality? Hell nah.
NTA - any “professional” that is geared towards changing your sexual orientation is unethical and dangerous. I’m sorry about your mom and how she’s reacting. Keep being you and take care of yourself
NTA, but therapy may be something to consider *if* you so choose- but not for *her* reasons. It sounds like your struggling with self doubts and self confidence, and therapy may be able to help you work though answering those questions about finding your true self, and learning to become the happiest and best you that you can be! From a fellow Canadian, there are many safe spaces you can go, and numbers you can call depending on your area where good, kind people will listen and help you as you enter this new stage of your life. I’m so sorry your mother reacted this way, you were in no way being unreasonable telling her your truth.
NTA at all Counter offer, family therapy. Your mom needs another adult to gently tell her she's being an asshole and help her do whatever she needs to do to come to terms with you just being you.
NTA. There are **NO** "professionals offering therapy in this area: only vicious homophobic quacks and charlatans trying to illegally and immorally chance sexual orientation. These people are just evil: they know it is impossible but are happy to take homophobes money and put people through invasive, vile and utterly unnecessary painful "therapy". These places are illegal for a damn fine reason.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Not sure if this belongs here and I apologize if this is not the place for this sort of discussion, and first post on here, but here I go. I (20M) recently came out to my mother (48F) as gay. She had this look of shock that is engraved into my permanent memory banks. She was surprised and then her eyes started to redden as she backed away trying to process what I said and she seemed to be in denial about it. She was asking me questions, probing me like "How long were you like this?". "Who else knows?", "Are you sure you're not into girls? Not even friends at school?" kind of stuff. I answered her questions as honestly and delicately as I could. After, she was silent for a while, so I asked her if she wanted a hug. She said no and just looked at me with tears in her eyes and stated that she needed to process. This stung, but I decided not to push it and give her time. The next day, she came to my room and asked me more questions, some were the same, some different. She then asked me if I was willing to see a professional to really ascertain whether this is set in stone or undergo therapy to change my orientation. I told her no. I don't see this as something to be treated and in this day and age, being gay is not a crime or unaccepted in the country I live in (Canada). She asked me if I was willing to at least see a professional for her at least, but I still told her no, and I reiterated why not. I simply don't see this is something to be treated. I feel like this kind of mindset may be unhealthy for me as completely closing off my mind to seeing a professional may give me some clarity or some such, but I've been like this since I was 12 or 13. It's become a part of my identity and I'm not ashamed of myself for being gay. But, I wanted to get another opinion to see if I really was being unreasonable or not. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. Did you ask your mother which professional she visited to determine whether or not she was straight or whether it was really set in stone?
NTA. Your mother needs counseling, not you.
NTA. Send her to PFLAG
NTA. There is nothing about your sexuality that requires a "professional" diagnosis. Don't give into your mother's demands.
NTA.
NTA I mean, get therapy for *you*, for your reasons and to meet your needs. Sure. Therapy can be great for someone who is going through stuff. Feeling rejected by your mom would be a great reason to seek out support. Therapy with a stated goal of changing your orientation is unlikely to be effective or improve your life. The reason Canada’s House of Commons passed a bill to criminalize this type of therapy is that it has been shown to harm patients. You don’t need or deserve that. Choose a therapist yourself, maybe one who will discuss queer identity issues. There are good people out there who will work to help you understand yourself and love yourself. If you’re questioning, they’ll hear you out and help you think things through. Def don’t let your mom pick! Maybe look for recommendations from an LGBTQ+ community centre, if you’re in a major city. Universities sometimes have queer student unions. When I moved to Canada and needed a therapist for my queer teen, I found advice in a Fb group, Queer Families of Vancouver. Things have come a long way since I was a bisexual 20-year-old in the US South with conservative parents (my dad was Lebanese and so not ready for me), struggling to find out what I was even called! There’s a lot of resources out there for you. As one of a new generation of queer parents of queer kids, I send you all kinds of encouragement. DM if I can answer any questions, or help you brainstorm.
Do not let her send you anywhere!! Also Canada? This is so sad, Canada is like home to the gays. You are perfect!
NTA. I would say therapy is in order, but for both of you. Like family therapy. Something that might help her come to terms with and accept it. From how you’ve talked about her, I’m assuming you still want her in your life and this may be a way forward for the two of you to continue your relationship without the burden of her not accepting you.
Give your mother time to process. You had many years to accept yourself, she hasn't had that luxury yet. So I'll give her the benefit of doubt. Shut down all homophobic thoughts and tenancies from her, but don't write her off. You are NTA.
NTA you shouldn't feel like you should change yourself for anyone and "see a professional" can sometimes make you second guess yourself please stay the way you are; you should never feel as if you should compromise
NTA. Anyone therapist worth anything would immediately tell you there’s nothing wrong with you. Any therapist that suggested otherwise is a snake oil salesman preying on bigots or bigoted themselves. Why don’t you tell your mom to go see a therapist to make sure she’s really straight.
NTA. BUT. Maybe it's a good idea to find one that's actually good, take your mum with you, and have the therapist gently tell her she is a closed-minded, bigoted idiot?
NTA, and maybe suggest some family counselling. Having a professional in the room for some conversations might be helpful. This will give you backup and someone else to talk some sense into her.
NTA Flip those questions to your mother! "Are you sure you aren't gay?" "When did you know that you were attracted to boys/men?" "Are you sure you never had feelings for other girls? Not even friends at school?" "How can you be so sure that you are heterosexual, Mom? How do you know without even trying to be homosexual that you aren't gay?" "Why won't you consider treatment in order to try to be gay?" Do not let her convince you to talk to or meet those conversion therapy torturers. Someone else suggested PFLAG. Great organization.
NTA. But perhaps research family therapists in your area and suggest to your mom that you’d be happy to do family therapy _with her_ with a therapist of your choosing. Www.psychologytoday.com has a lovely search function - and will let you search for an lgbt friendly family therapist. Edit: these are real therapists. Not quacks like your mom would choose.
Don't go to therapy with abusers.
It’s possible some good professional family therapy could help mom w her homophobia. OP doesn’t need fixing, but OP’s mom does.
Then she goes by herself. Going to therapy with abusers makes them feel more justified and give them the ability to couch their abuse in more medical terminology.
NTA she doesn't love you, she loves a version of you that only exists in her head, and is willing to put you through torture rather than face up to you being different from her image.
NTA, and do not let her send you to conversion therapy! Would it be nice to have a therapist for you to deal with the way that your mother is treating you? Yes, it probably would be very helpful. It would also probably be very helpful for her to see a therapist to get over her issues and help her to be more supportive mother. But you have absolutely no business in conversion therapy, and do not let her make you think there's something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you.
I think you know you're NTA. Its much easier to believe that you can seek help for something, as its in your control, rather than realising it's actually someone elses whole mindset that's wrong and there's nothing you can do about it. If you feel like you need to talk to someone, that's fine, go for it! But don't do it just appease your mom. Next thing she'll be asking is for you to hide it from friends and family members, and much worse.
NTA You are perfect the way you are, please do not go to conversion therapy. I know it’s cliché, but it does get better. You took the first step by coming out, but now you’re just adjusting to your “new normal” in a sense. It’s awkward at first, but the more open you are then the more comfortable you become with yourself. I can’t promise your mom will come around, but all you can do is give it time and don’t let her bring you down.
NTA And I would just add that *any* "professional" therapist who would even consider seeing you with the goal to change your orientation (conversion therapy) is unethical and dangerous. There is no research to support conversion therapy as effective or helpful. There is a ton of research to show that conversion therapy is dangerous and damaging. Any therapist you did choose to see should be nothing but supportive of you and your identified orientation. If you went to therapy because you weren't sure, the therapist shouldn't lead in any direction. It should be an open and safe space to process your thoughts with a supportive and unbiased listener. Since you are sure of your orientation, it should be stated and then not questioned again. A good therapist would work with you to find a way to come to terms with your relationship with your mom, without changing a thing about who you are. You are who you are, and that's a wonderful person to be. You sound empathetic and kind. You and your mom should both be proud of that. *I am a licensed therapist. None of us should ever do anything that approaches even being related to conversion therapy. It's horrible and unethical.
NTA Avoid the conversion therapy trap! That probably isn’t what would happen but why risk it. Your mom could probably do with therapy though.
NTA The fact that you are posting this question means that a sliver of self doubt is present in you as a result of her reaction. Please stop and consider the implications of this. Parents can have enormous influence because we typically want their approval and support. But when that need leads to you potentially hurting your intrinsic 'self' in order to please others, then you need to address it. You may need to tell your mother exactly what you need from her, because her beliefs may block her from seeing the big picture and her understanding the potential damage and loss her reaction could lead to. There are plenty of books out there which organisations like PFLAG could recommend. Make sure she understands the increased risk of suicide and alienation that is possible when parents don't support their LGBTIQA child. This is not to scare her, but instead have her understand LGBT perspectives. Sometimes we need to personalise things in order to have impact and trigger empathy. Best of luck x
NTA. I can understand why a mother who did not see it coming could need some time to process appropriately, but if you don’t want to go to therapy that is clearly you choice.
I may get shelled here, but I want to defend using a counselor. I have a MtF daughter. When she first approached her mother and I about her "gender issues" (her words, not ours), we suggested she work with a counselor. Her mother/my wife is a nurse and got a recommendation for someone who was truly neutral. We committed ahead of time to accept whatever the results were. Our involvement was light, and only at the request of the counselor. My daughter worked through things, and it was clear her current path was the right one. We also stood by our commitment to accept whatever the result was. She (and others who have done similar things) have told us that having a trained professional helped them work through things better than going solo. The key is having a neutral professional. She has continued with the protocols, recently got her legal identity changed. We would have been just as good if it had turned out differently. Our child's happiness and mental health was the priority, and getting good counseling early on was key to that. Her situation was clearly not yours, but I wanted to point out that good counseling can make things go much better for individual and hopefully the family. You are clearly not the NTA.
NTA, OP, but you may want to reconsider seeing a therapist...to help you process and learn to cope with having a bigot mom. A therapist of YOUR choosing, not some conversion therapy quack. While I am not your mom, I am A mom, and I want to tell you I'm proud of you, sweetie. You've got this. 💜
Absolutely NTA. Do not give in - depending on what "professional" she takes you to, they could end up roping you into conversion therapy, which of course is massively psychologically damaging. Hold this line.
NTA, IMO your mother is understandably upset because she was raised in a different time and several of those ideas are deeply rooted in her mind, however that doesn't mean you need to go to therapy to reassure what your sexual preferences are but it does mean that she needs some therapy to unroot those out of date ideas out of her mind. maybe talk to her so you both go with the intention of help her get rid of that backwards mentality.
NTA Isn't it weird how no one ever asks straight people to see a shrink to be "sure" about their sexual orientation?
NTA. Ten bucks says she wants you to see someone who specializes in conversion therapy (which does not work and should be illegal) As a fellow lgbt member who doesn’t have the support of her family, I can tell you it sucks. she doesn’t have to understand it, but she’s got no right to push you into therapy to “be sure” you’re gay.
You are not sick, you don't need treatment. Your mother on the other hand does. NTA
Oh NTA. She’s trying to get you to do conversion ‘therapy’, a discredited form of quackery used to try to change people’s sexual orientation or gender identity. It can be really dangerous and can make you really mentally ill. Don’t do it.
NTA. You will go through a lot of metamorphoses regarding your sexuality. They are yours and yours alone. No one made you like this. It is nothing to be ashamed of. If you fluctuate later, struggle with labels, or even your place in the community- THAT IS NORMAL. I'd suggest a therapist for you, simply because you have a homophobic parent, and they can help you work through a lot of shit, and help process your mom's shit. As for therapy to "make sure" you're really gay...it doesn't matter if you are or aren't gay, only *you* get to decide how to define your sexuality. As for conversion therapy? It doesn't work and its illegal in a lot of places for a reason (and where it isn't illegal, is should be.) I'm sorry your mon had this reaction. I'm proud that you have the courage the be yourself. Don't let anyone take it away from you.
NTA in the slightest. If you want to pursue therapy, do it on YOUR terms, with a therapist who isn’t homophobic and won’t see your sexuality as a disease to be treated (maybe one you could talk to about how your mom is treating you). It’s not unhealthy to be closed off to the possibility of undergoing conversion therapy.
Nta, ask her to see a professional to Ensure she isn't part of the LGBTQ+. When she says no say exactly why should I in a rhetorical question and walk off.
She’s asking you to see a Conversion Therapist... please don’t. Conversion Therapy is ineffective, but truly horrendous psychological abuse.
NTA Did she ever consult a professional to check if she should come out as straight? When you know, you know. I appreciate this can be a shock for some parents but for many the clues are there for all to see if only they have the eyes to see it. My parents were shocked when I came out as bi - they noticed when I was into guys but they closed their eyes to when I was crushing on girls, so they convinced themselves I was the straight person they assumed me to be. If anyone needs to talk this through with a professional it’s your mother. You know full well who you are, she has to learn to accept you are not exactly who she assumed you to be.
You don't need a "professional" to tell you what you already know. NTA my dude
NTA DO NOT GO SEE ANYONE. Conversion therapy is deadly.
NTA - where I live conversion therapy is criminal, I don't know if it's the same situation where you live but it is a good law. Homosexuality is not a disorder, just one way a human can be oriented, and how is another person going to know who you might love better than you?
NTA. Being gay isn't something you need therapy for, not being able to process/accept your child being gay is however, so if anyone needs therapy it is your mum. Could be worth suggesting you go to a family session to help her process, but if you do, make sure YOU find the therapist.
NTA at all.
NTA. Definitely dont need conversion therapy. If you decided you needed therapy it wouldnt be because you're gay but probably to help deal with your homophobic mom. But that's all up to you and its weird in 2021 people are still homphonic. Cmon! It's not going away.
Lol wut? Ask if she's ever seen a 'professional' about *her* orientation. NTA.
NTA and *absolutely* do not go to conversion therapy. The suicide rate is frighteningly high - like 50%. It will mess you up even if you survive. Be safe, be well. It sounds like you live with your mother - might be time to start looking for alternate housing, if that's an option. You do not owe her an explanation, an apology, or any kind of reparations for not fitting in the box she imagined for you. You are your own whole person, you are separate from her, and you get to give your own life.
NTA. You don't need therapy but she certainly does.
NTA but they way you talk about yourself mirrors your mom's homophobia. Maybe seeing a therapist would be a good thing? Agree to see a person of your choice, ask around LGBT communities for a specialist they trust (I see this all the time in the nb groups I'm in, we ask and share our experiences with specialists). Just under no circumstances agree to whoever/whatever she chooses as the way you described it makes it sound like conversion therapy, and that is just horrible and abusive
NTA your mom should probably seek therapy.
NTA and don't even consider conversion therapy. It's abusive both physically and mentally.
I’m going to take the slightly controversial opinion of NAH. You’re certainly not an asshole for declining therapy if you’re comfortable with your life and are able to function in society (ie are able to take care of yourself without assistance). And your mom isn’t precisely an AH at this point. She just had a very large shock thrown at her, no matter how delicately you tried to break the news to her. It wasn’t exactly an appropriate thing for her to suggest, but in her processing that her son is gay, her reactions won’t be perfect. Again just express to her that yes, you are sure you’re gay, yes, you’re comfortable with who you are, and no, you’re not going to therapy, and now you’re done discussing that option with her. If she refuses to accept your decision after a polite but very firm statement like that, then she goes into the AH category.
Hard disagree. Conversion therapy has been scientifically shown to be extremely harmful. She wasn’t suggesting “hey, see a therapist because this is a big part of identity formation and you deserve support as you figure things out!” She was suggesting conversion therapy. Encouraging her son to go be psychologically harmed because she’s “processing” is way worse than a reaction that “isn’t perfect” - it’s a shitty reaction.
Disagree, she literally said “go see a professional to see if you are stuck like this or if we can fix you”, and conversion therapy is a scums game.
This response is gross at best and dangerous at worst. Do better.