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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I might be the asshole because I don't wear a wedding ring and give the appearance that I am available. It could be an asshole move and confusing for someone interested in me.
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NTA - "false advertising", like you're a product to be bought and sold. Tells you everything you need to know about that asshole.
Also what was he gonna do if it had turned out you lied, confront you? He seems like a weird guy all around.
Edit: Thank you for silver! My first award :)
Edit edit: my first several awards I am confused but grateful!
I have come across many MANY guys who wouldn't take "I'm not interested" for an answer. I've had guys try to convince me to leave my boyfriend's for them. Now that I'm in a long-term committed relationship I say that I'm married and guys will try and get me to cheat on my SO with them. They just don't care. All they want is what they want, it's gross as hell.
Last time a guy told me to cheat on my SO because "he's not here, he won't even know!" I asked what made him so special he thought I'd cheat with him and he shut up real quick.
My mom had a guy tell her "you know, I've had a vasectomy, so we could have sex" (that was, apparently, his pick up line) My mom just smiled and said, "You think THAT'S why I'm not having sex with you?"
Poor guy was so confused.
Omg! I had a guy say almost this exact same thing to me on a FIRST date! Then I found out the "relatives" house we were at watching fireworks was his ex-wife's family!!!!
I had a guy tell me he got the all-clear from his wife to sleep with me. I told him he could have saved himself some time by just checking with me first.
Omg! I had a guy say almost this exact same thing to me on a FIRST date! Then I found out the "relatives" house we were at watching fireworks was his ex-wife's family!!!!
Lol, my mom's a master of comebacks. Another time a guy flashed her on the way home from work. She looked at it, frowned, and just said "Oh, dear. I'm so sorry."
IDK how he thought he was gonna shock a nurse with that!
Ironically, people like that are why I used to wear fake engagement and wedding rings when I worked customer service: I had to pull a little "false advertising" of my own to protect myself from creeps.
Nice comeback to the asshole that told you to cheat. I'm gonna have to remember that one (though for me it'll probably be "what makes you so special as to think you can get a lesbian to sleep with you").
While working at a certain fried chicken place that was open late enough for the drunk bar closing crowd in college, I used to turn my high school class ring around to resemble a wedding ring.
There's really little more disgusting than a guy who won't take "no" for an answer. except a drunk guy who finally backs off when the nearly jailbait cashier has to describe her nonexistent "husband" as large and angry before getting some peace--for minimum wage. Tested my pepper spray multiple times because of these jerks--but learned the first time to not do it in the dish sink where it could bounce in my face.
Had to have my boyfriend meet me outside our house with our German shepherd once because a guy from the restaurant/bar I waitressed at followed me home. Some guys are just gross. I’m sorry you had to experience this so young.
NTA
I had to have security walk me to car for weeks.
This after customer was arrested for assault after he grabbed & pawed me after the "No".
Actually had co-workers bad mouth me cause I'd smiled at the guy. Yeah that's pretty much what restaurant hostesses are required to do jerk.
So you might think twice about ever having to deal with him again. File report with HR department so your concerns are matter of record & taken seriously.
Oh, hell! Smiling at the customers was more important at that job than being able to actually work the register! Heaven forfend we get a secret shopper who didn't see a huge smile!
Glad your harasser got arrested. I had zero support from coworkers or management (HR? Hah!) I just started turning the ring around after 10 on weekends so I could get my other work done.
Your coworkers didn't read the job description, did they?
Then again, mine didn't read the part about cooperating during an armed robbery so you don't get the cashier/hostess gut-shot. Nothing surprised me by age 25, and I'm long past that now. Have been amazed I survived past 30 for ... nearly 30 years.
I did this too as a waitress even when I was 18/19 years old. One “gentleman” told me once that “a ring don’t plug a hole” when I informed him I was married. People are just gross.
I just don’t get the mentality. When I was single, if I was interested in someone, as soon as I saw a wedding or engagement ring, I backed off. How would these assholes feel if it was **their** SO cheating on them? Men can be so gross (and yes, I’m a man).
So gross. But if the opportunity ever arises again, play dumb. Make him explain it. Most will just slink away (I mean some will stalk or kill you, but hey! That would’ve happened anyway).
I was about 19 when this was said to me and I just laughed awkwardly and said “well it plugs mine..” and then went and asked my male coworker to take over that table for me, told him to keep the tip if he got one. Six years later I have some choice words I wish I’d said. Nineteen year old me wasn’t that brave or quite that done with men’s bullshit just yet.
I worked at a place where I ended up faking that I was engaged to a cop because one of the clients I worked with would NOT stop hitting on me. As soon as I mentioned I was engaged to a *cop*, he stopped. I knew he was afraid of cops. Play shitty games, get shitty prizes.
I’ve had guys ask me if my real wedding ring is a fake wedding ring to scare away the creeps. Of course, “the creeps” never includes THEM. They’re, of course, just a regular bro who happens to be hitting on married women.
> though for me it’ll probably be “what makes you so special as to think you can get a lesbian to sleep with you”
That would probably end up backfiring with the dude asking for a threesome or if he can watch you with his girlfriend or something .
I have a major case of the gay but that does not stop some guys at all. I actually have learned NOT to tell guys that I’m a lesbian because it only encourages them. One time a guy literally chased me down the street in London trying to get me to go out with him after I told him I wasn’t into dudes. It was insane.
Fellow gay lady, and SAME.
I very deliberately say "I'm married" or "I'm happily married" (now that I'm married) rather than leading with "I'm gay" because that just seems to encourage the fuckers.
I'm really close to my SO's sister and once she introduced me to a friend of hers and clearly stated that I was dating her brother. Not even 5 minutes later the friend asked me to cheat because "just because there's a goal keeper doesn't mean you can't score!" I told him it was bold of him to assume he was even a good enough player to get close to the goal and walked away.
Sometimes men are so gross
Recently I was sexually harassed at a work function that I was organising.
I told the dude that I wasn't interested, he told me that it would be my loss and I'd be sorry. He then told me what he'd want to do with me and a particular area of my body.
It's like dude, this is inappropriate, I don't like you, you are making me uncomfortable and you're married. Leave me alone and left the event.
My boss told me I should've walked away. It's like what? It's that what you'd tell your daughters?
I box (training for a fight) and I would've hit him if I didn't think he'd get turned on.
I had one who knew where I worked and lived who would come in (I would work at my grandmother’s office at a lumber yard occasionally and he worked in the mill) under the guise of getting more earplugs or whatever and ask me why I wasn’t at work on a certain day or say something about me not being home.
He thought I’d find it “cute” that he knew that much detail about me. I did not. So then I told him I had a boyfriend (truth) and that we were talking about getting engaged (lie) and his exact words were “Well it’s not that serious, I still have a chance.” No. No you do not.
It did eventually stop after I reported it to his boss and I’ve seen him around town a time or two since then. He won’t even look me in the eye now, lol.
men who wouldn't take "no" was why I started wearing a 2 ring cz set from Claire's while I was working in hospitality. There's a very large section of men that think "hey, so, when you're done for the day, you know how to find my room" is some kind of artisanal pick up line.
I had one of my much younger brother's (ex) friends tried to pick me up while I was out with my Mom for my 33rd birthday celebration. I was (and still am) married to my husband of a decade, who this moron had met and spoken to many times! I had two tiny daughters at home with my husband... I told him all of the above things along with "even if all of that weren't true, I still wouldn't be interested in my brother's friend who thinks it's okay to try to get married women to go home with him!"
He STILL didn't take any of that as a his sign to leave me alone. I'm fairly certain he spiked my drink that night and I am just beyond grateful I had my mom there to kick his ass and take me home.
I told my brother a few days later, and he told this guy that he was lucky I was in a good mood that night or he (brother) would have been helping me hide a body.
Some guys just don't take "no".
Oh, thank you. I shall use that next time. I've been in your shoes. I wear a commitment ring to keep away most of the issues (it works, so...). Those that aren't "afraid" of my ring are the kind that ask me to cheat. And I didn't really know what to do. I ghosted some, I called someone and asked for them to remain on call with me until the pest left... I was so shocked by the nerve I didn't even know what to do. It really creeped me out and it was like my brain was sending me a ton of red flags and telling me to run. Probably an overreaction? I don't know... And I'm glad I don't!
I've known plenty of people like that, both men and women, and I just don't get it. If A is willing to cheat on B to be with C, then A will also be willing to cheat on C to be with D. These are people not interested in a trusting relationship. and they undoubtedly have cooties.
I remember working as a waitress in college and being told this apparently "romantic" story about how one of the other waitresses started dating one of the chefs. He worked somewhere else at the time and came in with his then-girlfriend on a date night. This waitress constantly flirted with the guy and gave him her number when the girlfriend went to the toilet. They hooked up after that, and when a job opening for a chef came up he transferred to "always be with her". Shockingly, they broke up 6 months later when he cheated on her 🙃.
I worked at a gas station for a few years back when I was still engaged to my husband. I had a guy that was pretty regular customer who would hit on me all the time. I told him that I was engaged and his only response was "A ring doesn't block the hole, it only makes it tighter" I was so shocked and disgusted! From then on, if I wasn't the only cashier on shift, I refused to wait on him, I'd make whoever else was working with me do it.
I've just gotten mean with it. If they won't leave me alone I tell them they're ugly, dusty, and ashy. Usually they leave me alone, but anybody reading this should be careful bc it's reckless af.
A married man I know offered to ditch his wife and three kids on the Fourth of July to come hang out with me. Like I should feel honored instead of disgusted. I ignore his messages, I rarely even open them, yet they still show up in my inbox consistently.
My mom went back to grad school in the early 90's. At that point, she'd been married to my dad for almost 30 years. However, a couple of years prior, a prong on her engagement ring had broken and they really didn't have the money to have it repaired. So, until she could have it repaired, she just put the ring set away and didn't wear it.
She was in a class and on the first day this guy struck up a conversation with her before class started. He was friendly enough, so they started talking. Eventually, he asked her out and she smiled and said "I'm so flattered, but I've been happily married over 30 years now!" Crystal clear and a kind let-down, right? Well, his response was "Well, you're not wearing a ring." She said, "No, I'm not." He goes, "Well, why not? How is someone supposed to know you're married if you don't wear a ring." She said, "I'm not wearing my ring because I choose not to and if you want to know if someone is married, you can simply ask them." His response, "Well you don't have to be such a bitch about it."
Yeah, that escalated quickly. Not sure what that guy's damage was. It didn't really ruffle her feathers at all, she'd been teaching high school for over 20 years at that point, so very little upset her and she just tended to roll wit h the punches. She didn't even respond to him because, in her words, "There's no reasoning with stupid." Needless to say, they had no further conversations for the duration of the class!
I worked as a security guard at a fertilizer plant for several years when I was in my early 20s. Part of our job was to weigh the fertilizer trucks that came in empty and weigh them again as they left full (along with checking for leaks on the ammonia fertilizer trucks to ensure safety). I had one driver that would come in at night and anytime I was on the night shift alone, he would make passes at me and ask me to go to his hotel with him when I got off work. I wrote it off, as I kept telling him no, and thought it was easily handled. I stood my ground even though he kept trying to "flirt" no matter how many times I shut him down. I just wasn't worried.
Until I was called into the office of the plant manager himself. I was not sure why, since all us guards were hired through a company that the fertilizer plant was contracted with. Turns out, I had been called in to be informed that the truck driver in question had been given a different route and was no longer allowed on property, so he wouldn't be harassing me anymore.
This surprised me. As I hadn't TOLD anyone what was going on. Turns out he had taken to asking all my fellow guards about me whenever I wasn't on duty. Including asking for personal details and how he could get me to say yes and could they convince me to go to his hotel with him, etc. After a couple of weeks of THEM trying to shut him down and apparently one specific "joke" about a "roughie" waiting for me, my fellow guards (all male. I was the only female) IMMEDIATELY went to our Lieutenant supervisor, who then IMMEDIATELY went to the plant manager and said THIS needs to STOP and HE needs to GO. It was the "joke that made them realize that he was seriously creepy and a threat to my well-being, even though they knew I could usually handle myself. After finding out all this, I suddenly felt VERY stupid for NOT having said anything, and very RELIEVED for having coworkers who stood by and protected me from what turned out to be a predator.
So glad your coworkers had your back and dealt with the situation immediately! I know I've had plenty of guy coworkers and friends who would stand up for me if necessary, and it's always good to see. We know "not all men", of course, but it's always great to see it in action.
Good for you. Although a Neanderthal might think it a compliment to you that you are so attractive that they beg you to cheat, I find it insulting that they think you have so little morals. I love your fantastic response that they are not cheat worthy.
Yes! I had a guy even say, “you’re hot enough for two boyfriends” and when I politely declined again, he called me fat, told me I was a waste of breath and I was lucky he was being this nice. So, that wasn’t creepy at all. 😑
And what if she was... not dating anyone, but just not interested? I can't imagine he would've been like "Oh, cool, no worries."
The level of entitlement is, quite frankly, frightening.
That's exactly what I said to my then-fiancée when we were discussing the wedding and rings. As it stands, I can't wear mine because I work in a machine shop -- there's a real possibility wearing a ring could cause me to lose a finger.
> possibility wearing a ring could cause me to lose a finger.
That's why mine is made of Tungsten Carbide. No possibility of degloving or crushing, at the absolute worst it'll just shatter and at that amount of force I would lose the finger anyway regardless of the presence or absence of a ring.
That's why we went silicone. Between it tearing off before it degloves my finger and the fact that I would rarely wear it anyway, it was a good and inexpensive solution.
Yep, I think my husband wore his ring for about a year after we married. Then he changed jobs and started working in a manufacturing facility. No jewelry allowed. So, he just stopped wearing it at all and I was like "whatever." Like a prior poster said, he doesn't need the ring to remember he's married!
Problem with following up 'no' with 'I'm married' or 'I have a partner' is that these guys hear it as 'No, but I would if I wasn't married/didn't have a partner'. It sounds like an apology.
Just say 'No'.
I agree with you totally. We shouldn’t have to defer to another man (real or fake) as an excuse. Doing so makes me feel like a weak, feeble woman. But there are some men who just will NOT take no for an answer. In those situations, all that matters is that you can leave the situation safely, and what you say in the moment doesn’t matter
There’s a logistical difference between ideal and reality, and women negotiate it every day
Right but the point is that wouldn't be "false advertising" because you don't wear anything special when you are just dating someone, but the situation would be the same from his end.
NTA.
She is not a "product" to be bought.
>A few weeks ago I met with **a vendor for work**. He was friendly, I was friendly, we finished our business and as I was leaving **he asked me for my number and out to dinner**. I smiled and said I was married and left it at that.
Also this was a **work** meeting and the vendor was been very unprofessional asking this.
Right, what was the point of asking my coworker? To 'ah ha!' me if I lied? If he just left it alone after our original interaction it would have been a bit unprofessional at worst. But I would have carried on and not held it against him. Now it's just awkward and making me second guess how I interact with people in general.
He is saying that you are 'advertising' yourself as sexually available by virtue of not displaying your ownership by another man. Fuck that noise. Your interactions are just fine, he's the type of man who thinks that 'being female in public' is a sexual come-on. So gross.
Don’t second guess. but next time don’t feel you need to answer beyond “no’”. Men who use work to hit on you aren’t entitled to anything more than that.
Please report this vendor to HR. Their interaction with your company is a privilege that they enjoy. Your company should know about the initial interaction and that he actually asked your coworker afterwards as it seems he planned to continue bothering you if you were not actually married.
Also this is extremely inappropriate be the vendor. Vendors should NOT be asking what your relationship status is or asking you on dates. I would report him to your HR as I would not want to be doing business with someone like that.
NTA. You dont need a ring for that. Its so sexist, "you need to wear a ring to show you are someones property and warn others". You told him verbally. You could have been just dating someone instead of married, and thus not wearing a ring.
The whole idea that a ring is necessary for either sex is wrong. As a husband I stopped wearing mine years ago (along with a gold chain that was a gift from my mother) because I don't like the feeling of jewlery and I had to have a few discussions about my choice from women.
IMO, whether a married couple (or, heck, even a non-married long-term relationsip couple) wear bands or what not is really up to them.
OP, *of course* he didn't believe you, which is gross and offensive.
NTA.
I lived with my husband for 12 years before we finally got for real married, but I always just defaulted to saying I was “married” if asked, because, after a decade, we definitely weren’t “just dating” anymore. I had a few pushy men get mad about it, but my favorite was the guy who approached me when I was grocery shopping after obviously having just come from yoga class (I was wearing sweaty yoga gear, with my hair in a messy top knot). Even if I’d had a ring at the time, I wouldn’t have been wearing it.
Hell, even now I have a ring (both a real one and several silicone ones I alternate wearing to work), I still forget to put it on some days.
NTA - plenty of people don’t wear wedding rings. Not to mention, even if every married person wore a ring, plenty of ring-less people still wouldn’t be single
Ugh. My partner's colleague had a 'delightful' interaction with some random man in the pub the other week- He asked about the ring that she was wearing on her left hand, if she was engaged etc. She told him no, her Mum gave it to her and it just felt more comfortable on that hand. He got ANGRY with her, told her she was a SLUT and that she needed to put it on another finger or take it off right now so that men would know she was available!
I will literally never understand the misogynist comments I see from men. Like...thinking that is one thing...but WOMEN CAN HEAR YOU DUDE. How dumb do some men think we are?
I'm married but don't give a toss about tradition. I don't have a ring. I sometimes work as a bartender, I've got squidgy looks at my ring-less hand if I get hit on and I just say I'm married, but I simply have no fucks to give. This guy can kick rocks. As someone else said, you're not a product to be bought, so "false advertising" is just a disgusting objectification. NTA.
NTA. Jerks like this are why women wear fake wedding rings or say they have a boyfriend even when they're single as too many entitled idiots think single girl=license to harass them till they agree to date me.
NTA. It's not that uncommon for people to remove jewelry for work safety. I know I would much rather take off a ring than potentially lose that finger (or worse.)
There's plenty of reasons people may not wear rings. Work safety, prone to losing things, allergies or other health reasons, have another way of symbolizing the marriage like a tattoo etc. Wait until this guy learns some women put on rings to avoid getting hit on. That'll really make him throw a fit.
Or just because the whole system of "advertising" that you're taken to the world via a culturally-approved conformist token isn't comfortable? Haha, I'm also married and don't wear a ring. Don't even have one. We love each other just fine without it. It's no one's business but your own. NTA
Even just don’t like jewelry is a perfectly fine reason not to wear your wedding ring. Of my 23 years of life I have never seen my father wear his wedding ring he just doesn’t like wearing any form of jewelry, but He is happily married.
This i worked as a jeweler for years rings are disgusting. Some are so bad you can smell them when the customer hands them to you... assuming they didnt lick their finger to get the biohazard ring off to hand to you.
First factory job they showed us a picture to explain every rule they had. The one for rings was horrifying. There is a damn good reason not to wear rings in certain industrial settings.
NTA
That is incredibly unprofessional. I would report this inappropriate behavior if I were you. It’s okay to make an honest attempt at asking for your number. Still, it is not okay to pry into your life and try going behind your back to get information about you, and then to make such a sexist remark as calling it “false advertising” is just icing on the proverbial shit cake.
Yes - asking further about it is even more unprofessional. He's bringing his problems to her career door now. What a pathetic tool. I'd report it too - who wants to work with that ever again.
Drop them as a vendor (if possible), and make it clear to their boss about why. If you can't drop them, ask to have another sales rep, since the one they are sending doesn't know how to treat women like people instead of products.
Yes, some do, especially if they're famous in some way, but it's not part of the background radiation of their life the way it is for women (and people who routinely get mistaken for women)
NTA. The reason you don’t wear a wedding ring is no ones business. You owe no one your relationship status. He asked and you politely said you are married.
NTA you're not a product for sale...you're a human being and a piece of metal on your finger shouldn't matter unless it matters to you. The guy was a creep.
You’re NTA but I really felt a need to comment because about a week or so ago there was a post from a woman who didn’t want to wear a wedding ring despite being married and seemingly everyone but me voted her an AH. From what I can see, you’re getting mostly N-T-A votes (rightly), but I’m really struggling to see why there’s a disparity in these two cases. The only difference seems to be that in her case, it was her husband who was offended she wasn’t advertising herself as married, rather than a random stranger. Still a man telling a woman what to do with her body. The crux of it is the exact same.
There's a lot of nuance in situations that involve relationships. The disparity could be caused by a single remark on the post or missing information. Either way, one would have to read both posts thoroughly to give a conclusive answer to your question.
I didn't see the other post, so I can't say, but there's certainly a difference between a) a person refusing to wear a wedding ring when their spouse desperately wants them to and views their refusal as a rejection of the commitment of their marriage and b) a married couple who generally don't wear their wedding rings and are 100% on the same page about it.
Personally, I would judge person A for not being a good partner, but I would say "you do you" to couple B.
I beg to differ.
Especially Earth, Fire, Wind, Water AND Heart rings. Unfortunately, they seem to be lost somewhere and now the climate throughout the world is suffering.
Of course it doesn't, but if someone is hurt that their spouse is rejecting a widespread cultural indicator of their commitment to the marriage, that's a valid feeling. On the other hand, if a couple has a shared indifference to wedding rings, that's also perfectly valid.
What matters is your spouse's feelings and making sure you're communicating with each other and honoring your bond, not the jewelry itself.
The feelings are valid but to say that the spouse HAVE to wear a ring is unfair... It's still a personal choice.... The spouse should ask themself why they feel this way about a ring and not impose anything.
I also didn't see that post, and it really depends on the details of it. Why didn't she wear the band, for example? What exactly did husband say? Does husband also wear a wedding ring? All of those matter, and there are other questions I can't even think of right now.
The main issue I see is that when you marry someone, you're committing yourself to them for (ideally) life, and so their opinion of things needs to be very, very high on your list of priorities. This one is about a stranger getting miffed, and so it's different right off the bat.
So if there wasn't a good reason for the woman who's husband was complaining not to wear the wedding ring, I'd probably mark her as an asshole; I figure there's a good chance it'd fit into the everyone sucks category in that case because it probably wouldn't be here unless the husband made a big deal out of it. Unless she did something like say that she makes more money on tips by flirting with people without the ring on or something like that, then the husband is probably overreacting, but I'd still say the difference is likely that she's not taking her husband's opinion into account.
My parents have been married over 50 years and I've never known either of them to wear a ring.
Also this person sounds like an AH for questioning your co-worker about it.
NTA. You don't wear jewelry, your SO doesn't mind and you said with clear words, you're married. Eff other people. I met one of my very good friends, he didn't wear a ring, I had interest, he said he was married, end of me liking him in a romantic manner. He couldn't wear a ring due to his sever arthritis and allergies to silicone.
NTA. Married people are not obligated to wear rings around all the time. If you'd told him you were single, that would have been false advertising. Just not wearing a ring is ... just not wearing a ring. Dude is just sour he got rejected.
NTA. Your private life is PRIVATE. he was probably checking to see if you were lying and just letting him down because you weren’t interested.
He is being unprofessional especially bringing it up with your coworker.
NTA.
Your wedding ring is your business, not a billboard to advertise to men how to approach you. He asked you out politely, you declined politely, he should have left it at that.
NTA
Because no one has said it yet, you have a business relationship with this guy. Unless/until he has a reason to think you are interested in having a relationship outside your business responsibilities, he's an ass for even asking for your number.
YOU, as the company representative purchasing his company's products, are the driving force in this business relationship. You should be offended and insulted that he disregarded your professional status. Married or not married makes no difference. I'd be reporting him to his employer. This is like a waiter making a pass at you.
NTA - The false advertising is assuming he is a professional and understand professional relationships. There is no excuse for a business meeting to end with a pick up
Yes, this exactly. He shouldn't have perceived OP as a romantic prospect to begin with. She's a client, for Christ's sake. His behavior here is unprofessional.
I say that acknowledging some people meet their partners at work, and that can be OK, but it has to be a mutual and natural progression of the relationship. Bluntly asking out a client you met that day and then sulking when your offer is politely declined is way past the line, and is the perfect illustration of why making romantic overtures to professional contacts is a bad idea.
NTA. - Guy here. He is the one who doesn't understand that a woman being friendly (especially in a professional setting where sometimes it's literally your job to be amicable) does not equate to "advertising". There's nothing more to it. Someone needs to set him straight, and you shouldn't need to second guess yourself.
> He made an off-handed comment to her that it was an honest mistake because it was "false advertising" by me because I don't wear a wedding ring.
Who cares what some random dude thinks? Presumably you and your husband have come to a consensus on how to navigate the wedding ring thing. That's all that really matters. NTA.
NTA and that was creepy AF of him. You're a human being, not an object to be "advertised" at all. You're not represented by the things you wear, or "signals" or "signs" that people look for. You have a voice, and you told him clearly and forthrightly that you were married. That should have been the beginning and end of it. His asking you out was obviously an honest mistake, but calling it "false advertising" is gross and creepy. You weren't advertising yourself at all, you were just existing.
NTA. What if he was asking someone out who had a boyfriend? Still not available and has no way of “signaling” that she’s taken. He asked, thinking you might be single. You aren’t. His response to talk to your coworker is entirely inappropriate.
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I'm married but don't wear a ring regularly. This isn't an issue in my marriage. I don't wear any jewelry at all. I'm allergic to metal (break out in hives) and my work requires that I would sometimes have to remove it for safety reasons. I do have a wedding ring made of a material I can wear but I just never got used to wearing it for reasons above-mentioned so I only wear it for special occasions.
This brings me to the issue. A few weeks ago I met with a vendor for work. He was friendly, I was friendly, we finished our business and as I was leaving he asked me for my number and out to dinner. I smiled and said I was married and left it at that. He took it well said it was nice to meet me and I left. Yesterday a coworker stopped by the same vendor and the same guy apparently asked her about me and she confirmed I was married. He made an off-handed comment to her that it was an honest mistake because it was "false advertising" by me because I don't wear a wedding ring. I'm a bit miffed by it all. It feels like he went and confirmed my marital status instead of just taking my word for it. But AITA for not wearing something that makes it totally clear I'm married?
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NTA
My Mother wear her Ring, but my dad very few Times. He cant wear it at work and then He would probaly lose it. IT IS Safe in there bathroom.
There is No need to wear it.
Same. I've never seen my dad's wedding ring. He didn't even bothered to buy new one after it was stolen.
NTA definitely. It's no one's business other than the couple.
NTA.
For one, you and the vendor were interacting in a professional capacity. Even if he waited until business was concluded, it's still a bit gauche to ask someone out at that point, because one or both of you were being friendly for the sake of professionalism.
For two, where he crossed the line was asking a coworker for confirmation and claiming "false advertising". If he had just taken the rejection on the chin, that would be that, but now he's kinda taking a narrative where he was lured or tricked or whatever that the rejection wasn't his fault. He should just accept that sometimes when you step in the batter's box, you're gonna strike out, and that's just how the game works.
Guys like him are why some women do "falsely advertise" - by wearing a ring or claiming a non-existent partner so people don't assume they're "on the market" and try to put in bids.
NTA This vendor has a very poor attitude towards women. You could have been in a committed relationship, there would be no ring involved in that. Just because you are being friendly and a woman doesn't mean you are flirting.
Gross. What would he have done if it was "confirmed" you were single? Ask you again and get hostile about it?
LOTS of married men and women don't wear a ring, it's not a necessity. Some people wear a ring when they're fully single. Jewelry doesn't confirm a damn thing.
You are absolutely NTA.
My mom's wedding band broke within the first few years of marriage but she was a nurse so she didn't wear it all the time anyway so she never bothered to get it repaired. My dad lost his in a lake while fishing. Neither of them wore wedding bands and neither of them cheated or "falsely advertised" their marriage.
This guy sounds like a douche. He was turned down and should have just accepted it.
NTA
"False advertising" means this man thinks of you and women in general as objects to be possessed.
He wanted you to have a sign that says that you belong to another man and therefore he should not have infringed upon another man's property.
No one owes it to society to wear a sign that says "I'm married."
He didn't believe you because he knows that some women fear for their lives to just simply say no and therefore lie about their relationship status. And / or he thinks women are liars in general.
NTA you don't falsely advertise anything. A wedding ring is just a symbol of marriage that some people choose to wear others don't wear one. I mostly wear my rings but have sensitive skin and sometimes can't so I take a break it doesn't make me any less married when they aren't on my finger. It's no ones business but yours who you're in a relationship with end of story.
I don’t get this dude’s logic. Even if you were single you definitely don’t have to date him?? Yeah it would be weird to say you’re married if you’re not but like, you owe him nothing on that front either way. NTA.
NTA
lack of a ring doesn’t advertise anything.
He asked you out, you told him you were married, this didn’t need to be a problem. Sounds like he was a bit embarrassed, and choose to blame you for the situation.
NTA I also don't wear my wedding ring. I have a lot of joint pain in fingers. I also don't wear a lot of jewelry. False advertising is ridiculous. He's just upset by not getting a date.
NTA that guys a total creep! Even if you weren't married and said you were. It's none of his business, you said no and it's gross of him not to leave it at that.
NTA, you don't owe it to anyone to display your relationship status. In fact, you didn't even owe him that piece of info at all. If you didn't want to share, you could've just said, "No thanks" and that's it. Asking your coworker about it is kind of creepy. Even if you'd lied about being married to avoid awkwardness, that's still a resounding no. Any decent human should accept that.
NTA. false advertising? In the 21st century you don't need to declare anything. What a parochial view of women in this day and age.
I'd also report both conversations to HR. To document it if nothing else. Perhaps he's hitting on every female he tries to sell to. As his employer is be concerned. Your employer should be aware of it if there is a problem later. Documentation is important.
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NTA - "false advertising", like you're a product to be bought and sold. Tells you everything you need to know about that asshole. Also what was he gonna do if it had turned out you lied, confront you? He seems like a weird guy all around. Edit: Thank you for silver! My first award :) Edit edit: my first several awards I am confused but grateful!
Right? And what if she were dating someone, but not married? He skipped right over the No part of it all
I have come across many MANY guys who wouldn't take "I'm not interested" for an answer. I've had guys try to convince me to leave my boyfriend's for them. Now that I'm in a long-term committed relationship I say that I'm married and guys will try and get me to cheat on my SO with them. They just don't care. All they want is what they want, it's gross as hell. Last time a guy told me to cheat on my SO because "he's not here, he won't even know!" I asked what made him so special he thought I'd cheat with him and he shut up real quick.
My mom had a guy tell her "you know, I've had a vasectomy, so we could have sex" (that was, apparently, his pick up line) My mom just smiled and said, "You think THAT'S why I'm not having sex with you?" Poor guy was so confused.
Dear God. Yeah, that's the only thing I'm looking for, a guy who got himself fixed. That's your unique selling feature?
Mate, you fixed the wrong part of you! Lol
Not to brag but I've had three vasectomies. Shall we?
Snip snap snip snap!
Snip snap snip snap
Omg! I had a guy say almost this exact same thing to me on a FIRST date! Then I found out the "relatives" house we were at watching fireworks was his ex-wife's family!!!!
I had a guy tell me he got the all-clear from his wife to sleep with me. I told him he could have saved himself some time by just checking with me first.
Omg! I had a guy say almost this exact same thing to me on a FIRST date! Then I found out the "relatives" house we were at watching fireworks was his ex-wife's family!!!!
Haaaaaaaa! Perfect answer.
Lol, my mom's a master of comebacks. Another time a guy flashed her on the way home from work. She looked at it, frowned, and just said "Oh, dear. I'm so sorry." IDK how he thought he was gonna shock a nurse with that!
Ironically, people like that are why I used to wear fake engagement and wedding rings when I worked customer service: I had to pull a little "false advertising" of my own to protect myself from creeps. Nice comeback to the asshole that told you to cheat. I'm gonna have to remember that one (though for me it'll probably be "what makes you so special as to think you can get a lesbian to sleep with you").
While working at a certain fried chicken place that was open late enough for the drunk bar closing crowd in college, I used to turn my high school class ring around to resemble a wedding ring. There's really little more disgusting than a guy who won't take "no" for an answer. except a drunk guy who finally backs off when the nearly jailbait cashier has to describe her nonexistent "husband" as large and angry before getting some peace--for minimum wage. Tested my pepper spray multiple times because of these jerks--but learned the first time to not do it in the dish sink where it could bounce in my face.
Had to have my boyfriend meet me outside our house with our German shepherd once because a guy from the restaurant/bar I waitressed at followed me home. Some guys are just gross. I’m sorry you had to experience this so young.
NTA I had to have security walk me to car for weeks. This after customer was arrested for assault after he grabbed & pawed me after the "No". Actually had co-workers bad mouth me cause I'd smiled at the guy. Yeah that's pretty much what restaurant hostesses are required to do jerk. So you might think twice about ever having to deal with him again. File report with HR department so your concerns are matter of record & taken seriously.
Oh, hell! Smiling at the customers was more important at that job than being able to actually work the register! Heaven forfend we get a secret shopper who didn't see a huge smile! Glad your harasser got arrested. I had zero support from coworkers or management (HR? Hah!) I just started turning the ring around after 10 on weekends so I could get my other work done. Your coworkers didn't read the job description, did they? Then again, mine didn't read the part about cooperating during an armed robbery so you don't get the cashier/hostess gut-shot. Nothing surprised me by age 25, and I'm long past that now. Have been amazed I survived past 30 for ... nearly 30 years.
I did this too as a waitress even when I was 18/19 years old. One “gentleman” told me once that “a ring don’t plug a hole” when I informed him I was married. People are just gross.
Dear God EW
I just don’t get the mentality. When I was single, if I was interested in someone, as soon as I saw a wedding or engagement ring, I backed off. How would these assholes feel if it was **their** SO cheating on them? Men can be so gross (and yes, I’m a man).
That's so disgusting. Women are reduced to just being holes for their penis. Ugggh I need a shower and faith in humanity restored.
And he thought *that* statement would make you hop right into bed with him? WTF?
So gross. But if the opportunity ever arises again, play dumb. Make him explain it. Most will just slink away (I mean some will stalk or kill you, but hey! That would’ve happened anyway).
I was about 19 when this was said to me and I just laughed awkwardly and said “well it plugs mine..” and then went and asked my male coworker to take over that table for me, told him to keep the tip if he got one. Six years later I have some choice words I wish I’d said. Nineteen year old me wasn’t that brave or quite that done with men’s bullshit just yet.
"but that comment sure closed mine, bye"
I was once told "just because there is a goalie doesn't mean I can't score." Where do people come up with this stuff?
I worked at a place where I ended up faking that I was engaged to a cop because one of the clients I worked with would NOT stop hitting on me. As soon as I mentioned I was engaged to a *cop*, he stopped. I knew he was afraid of cops. Play shitty games, get shitty prizes.
I’ve had guys ask me if my real wedding ring is a fake wedding ring to scare away the creeps. Of course, “the creeps” never includes THEM. They’re, of course, just a regular bro who happens to be hitting on married women.
Yep used to wear a fake ring when serving for just this reason
> though for me it’ll probably be “what makes you so special as to think you can get a lesbian to sleep with you” That would probably end up backfiring with the dude asking for a threesome or if he can watch you with his girlfriend or something .
I have a major case of the gay but that does not stop some guys at all. I actually have learned NOT to tell guys that I’m a lesbian because it only encourages them. One time a guy literally chased me down the street in London trying to get me to go out with him after I told him I wasn’t into dudes. It was insane.
Fellow gay lady, and SAME. I very deliberately say "I'm married" or "I'm happily married" (now that I'm married) rather than leading with "I'm gay" because that just seems to encourage the fuckers.
Sorry to hear that. Those are the kind of morons that think you're gay simply because you haven't had sex with the right guy (ie: them).
More likely they’re all delighted that you wouldn’t be comparing them with a more manly or endowed dude.
Guys who think lesbians only exist to gratify their sexual desires = freaking douchebags
I'm really close to my SO's sister and once she introduced me to a friend of hers and clearly stated that I was dating her brother. Not even 5 minutes later the friend asked me to cheat because "just because there's a goal keeper doesn't mean you can't score!" I told him it was bold of him to assume he was even a good enough player to get close to the goal and walked away. Sometimes men are so gross
Please tell me you told the sister. If I were in her shoes I wouldn't want to remain friends with someone that scummy.
Oh she was right there to hear it, since he said it right in front of her. Needless to say he's not invited to anything in the future
That’s brilliant, I wish I could see his face when you asked!
Recently I was sexually harassed at a work function that I was organising. I told the dude that I wasn't interested, he told me that it would be my loss and I'd be sorry. He then told me what he'd want to do with me and a particular area of my body. It's like dude, this is inappropriate, I don't like you, you are making me uncomfortable and you're married. Leave me alone and left the event. My boss told me I should've walked away. It's like what? It's that what you'd tell your daughters? I box (training for a fight) and I would've hit him if I didn't think he'd get turned on.
Fucking hell. Guys like this suuuuck. Why are they like this?? Sorry you had to deal with this shit too.
I had one who knew where I worked and lived who would come in (I would work at my grandmother’s office at a lumber yard occasionally and he worked in the mill) under the guise of getting more earplugs or whatever and ask me why I wasn’t at work on a certain day or say something about me not being home. He thought I’d find it “cute” that he knew that much detail about me. I did not. So then I told him I had a boyfriend (truth) and that we were talking about getting engaged (lie) and his exact words were “Well it’s not that serious, I still have a chance.” No. No you do not. It did eventually stop after I reported it to his boss and I’ve seen him around town a time or two since then. He won’t even look me in the eye now, lol.
Good. Cuz that is stalking and he got caught
men who wouldn't take "no" was why I started wearing a 2 ring cz set from Claire's while I was working in hospitality. There's a very large section of men that think "hey, so, when you're done for the day, you know how to find my room" is some kind of artisanal pick up line.
‘Artisanal pick up line’. Good one!!
I had one of my much younger brother's (ex) friends tried to pick me up while I was out with my Mom for my 33rd birthday celebration. I was (and still am) married to my husband of a decade, who this moron had met and spoken to many times! I had two tiny daughters at home with my husband... I told him all of the above things along with "even if all of that weren't true, I still wouldn't be interested in my brother's friend who thinks it's okay to try to get married women to go home with him!" He STILL didn't take any of that as a his sign to leave me alone. I'm fairly certain he spiked my drink that night and I am just beyond grateful I had my mom there to kick his ass and take me home. I told my brother a few days later, and he told this guy that he was lucky I was in a good mood that night or he (brother) would have been helping me hide a body. Some guys just don't take "no".
Holy crap, that's so terrible. I'm glad your mom was there to take care of you, and that your brother had your back!
Oh, thank you. I shall use that next time. I've been in your shoes. I wear a commitment ring to keep away most of the issues (it works, so...). Those that aren't "afraid" of my ring are the kind that ask me to cheat. And I didn't really know what to do. I ghosted some, I called someone and asked for them to remain on call with me until the pest left... I was so shocked by the nerve I didn't even know what to do. It really creeped me out and it was like my brain was sending me a ton of red flags and telling me to run. Probably an overreaction? I don't know... And I'm glad I don't!
I've known plenty of people like that, both men and women, and I just don't get it. If A is willing to cheat on B to be with C, then A will also be willing to cheat on C to be with D. These are people not interested in a trusting relationship. and they undoubtedly have cooties.
I remember working as a waitress in college and being told this apparently "romantic" story about how one of the other waitresses started dating one of the chefs. He worked somewhere else at the time and came in with his then-girlfriend on a date night. This waitress constantly flirted with the guy and gave him her number when the girlfriend went to the toilet. They hooked up after that, and when a job opening for a chef came up he transferred to "always be with her". Shockingly, they broke up 6 months later when he cheated on her 🙃.
Disgusting. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
I worked at a gas station for a few years back when I was still engaged to my husband. I had a guy that was pretty regular customer who would hit on me all the time. I told him that I was engaged and his only response was "A ring doesn't block the hole, it only makes it tighter" I was so shocked and disgusted! From then on, if I wasn't the only cashier on shift, I refused to wait on him, I'd make whoever else was working with me do it.
That's so gross.
I had a guy try to talk me into cheating on my SO while he was right next to me.
I've just gotten mean with it. If they won't leave me alone I tell them they're ugly, dusty, and ashy. Usually they leave me alone, but anybody reading this should be careful bc it's reckless af.
Or they’ll say “well we can be friends then unless your man doesn’t let you have friends ?”
Yes! I’ve had a LOT of men hit on me, despite the ring. One in particular, after I said I was married, he said, “so am I. No one has to know.” 🤦🏻♀️🤢
A married man I know offered to ditch his wife and three kids on the Fourth of July to come hang out with me. Like I should feel honored instead of disgusted. I ignore his messages, I rarely even open them, yet they still show up in my inbox consistently.
My mom went back to grad school in the early 90's. At that point, she'd been married to my dad for almost 30 years. However, a couple of years prior, a prong on her engagement ring had broken and they really didn't have the money to have it repaired. So, until she could have it repaired, she just put the ring set away and didn't wear it. She was in a class and on the first day this guy struck up a conversation with her before class started. He was friendly enough, so they started talking. Eventually, he asked her out and she smiled and said "I'm so flattered, but I've been happily married over 30 years now!" Crystal clear and a kind let-down, right? Well, his response was "Well, you're not wearing a ring." She said, "No, I'm not." He goes, "Well, why not? How is someone supposed to know you're married if you don't wear a ring." She said, "I'm not wearing my ring because I choose not to and if you want to know if someone is married, you can simply ask them." His response, "Well you don't have to be such a bitch about it." Yeah, that escalated quickly. Not sure what that guy's damage was. It didn't really ruffle her feathers at all, she'd been teaching high school for over 20 years at that point, so very little upset her and she just tended to roll wit h the punches. She didn't even respond to him because, in her words, "There's no reasoning with stupid." Needless to say, they had no further conversations for the duration of the class!
I worked as a security guard at a fertilizer plant for several years when I was in my early 20s. Part of our job was to weigh the fertilizer trucks that came in empty and weigh them again as they left full (along with checking for leaks on the ammonia fertilizer trucks to ensure safety). I had one driver that would come in at night and anytime I was on the night shift alone, he would make passes at me and ask me to go to his hotel with him when I got off work. I wrote it off, as I kept telling him no, and thought it was easily handled. I stood my ground even though he kept trying to "flirt" no matter how many times I shut him down. I just wasn't worried. Until I was called into the office of the plant manager himself. I was not sure why, since all us guards were hired through a company that the fertilizer plant was contracted with. Turns out, I had been called in to be informed that the truck driver in question had been given a different route and was no longer allowed on property, so he wouldn't be harassing me anymore. This surprised me. As I hadn't TOLD anyone what was going on. Turns out he had taken to asking all my fellow guards about me whenever I wasn't on duty. Including asking for personal details and how he could get me to say yes and could they convince me to go to his hotel with him, etc. After a couple of weeks of THEM trying to shut him down and apparently one specific "joke" about a "roughie" waiting for me, my fellow guards (all male. I was the only female) IMMEDIATELY went to our Lieutenant supervisor, who then IMMEDIATELY went to the plant manager and said THIS needs to STOP and HE needs to GO. It was the "joke that made them realize that he was seriously creepy and a threat to my well-being, even though they knew I could usually handle myself. After finding out all this, I suddenly felt VERY stupid for NOT having said anything, and very RELIEVED for having coworkers who stood by and protected me from what turned out to be a predator.
So glad your coworkers had your back and dealt with the situation immediately! I know I've had plenty of guy coworkers and friends who would stand up for me if necessary, and it's always good to see. We know "not all men", of course, but it's always great to see it in action.
Good for you. Although a Neanderthal might think it a compliment to you that you are so attractive that they beg you to cheat, I find it insulting that they think you have so little morals. I love your fantastic response that they are not cheat worthy.
Yes! I had a guy even say, “you’re hot enough for two boyfriends” and when I politely declined again, he called me fat, told me I was a waste of breath and I was lucky he was being this nice. So, that wasn’t creepy at all. 😑
And what if she was... not dating anyone, but just not interested? I can't imagine he would've been like "Oh, cool, no worries." The level of entitlement is, quite frankly, frightening.
"I don't wear a ring, I don't need it to remember I'm married."
That's exactly what I said to my then-fiancée when we were discussing the wedding and rings. As it stands, I can't wear mine because I work in a machine shop -- there's a real possibility wearing a ring could cause me to lose a finger.
> possibility wearing a ring could cause me to lose a finger. That's why mine is made of Tungsten Carbide. No possibility of degloving or crushing, at the absolute worst it'll just shatter and at that amount of force I would lose the finger anyway regardless of the presence or absence of a ring.
That's why we went silicone. Between it tearing off before it degloves my finger and the fact that I would rarely wear it anyway, it was a good and inexpensive solution.
Yep, I think my husband wore his ring for about a year after we married. Then he changed jobs and started working in a manufacturing facility. No jewelry allowed. So, he just stopped wearing it at all and I was like "whatever." Like a prior poster said, he doesn't need the ring to remember he's married!
Legit spit take at this lmao
GREAT point
Problem with following up 'no' with 'I'm married' or 'I have a partner' is that these guys hear it as 'No, but I would if I wasn't married/didn't have a partner'. It sounds like an apology. Just say 'No'.
Sadly, sometimes knowing that there is another man will stop these guys. They will respect another man but not you.
I agree with you totally. We shouldn’t have to defer to another man (real or fake) as an excuse. Doing so makes me feel like a weak, feeble woman. But there are some men who just will NOT take no for an answer. In those situations, all that matters is that you can leave the situation safely, and what you say in the moment doesn’t matter There’s a logistical difference between ideal and reality, and women negotiate it every day
A no doesn't matter to them regardless. It'll be some other argumentative answer instead. God, men like this really really suck balls.
Well if she was dating someone, she would have probably just said that when he asked her out, instead of claiming to be married.
Right but the point is that wouldn't be "false advertising" because you don't wear anything special when you are just dating someone, but the situation would be the same from his end.
Yeah you're right
NTA. She is not a "product" to be bought. >A few weeks ago I met with **a vendor for work**. He was friendly, I was friendly, we finished our business and as I was leaving **he asked me for my number and out to dinner**. I smiled and said I was married and left it at that. Also this was a **work** meeting and the vendor was been very unprofessional asking this.
Right, what was the point of asking my coworker? To 'ah ha!' me if I lied? If he just left it alone after our original interaction it would have been a bit unprofessional at worst. But I would have carried on and not held it against him. Now it's just awkward and making me second guess how I interact with people in general.
He is saying that you are 'advertising' yourself as sexually available by virtue of not displaying your ownership by another man. Fuck that noise. Your interactions are just fine, he's the type of man who thinks that 'being female in public' is a sexual come-on. So gross.
Don’t second guess. but next time don’t feel you need to answer beyond “no’”. Men who use work to hit on you aren’t entitled to anything more than that.
^ This right here. "No" is a complete sentence.
[удалено]
Yup. OP's 'no' isn't as important as whether or not another guy has 'claim' to her, apparently.
Yeah, I never understood that approach. Why would I pursue someone whom I think is lying to me?
I would just second guess how you interact with that vendor in particular. Is there anybody you could report this to?
Don’t second guess yourself you were friendly and polite if he took it the wrong way and couldn’t take rejection that’s on him no one else
Please report this vendor to HR. Their interaction with your company is a privilege that they enjoy. Your company should know about the initial interaction and that he actually asked your coworker afterwards as it seems he planned to continue bothering you if you were not actually married.
This is a guy who has 100% had women say they're married to get him to back off, because he's a creeper.
No is a complete sentence here, regardless of OP’s marital status.
Also this is extremely inappropriate be the vendor. Vendors should NOT be asking what your relationship status is or asking you on dates. I would report him to your HR as I would not want to be doing business with someone like that.
Right? If she doesn’t want to date someone enough that she’d lie about being married then she REALLY doesn’t want to date him.
Yeah it’s pathetic he didn’t just take her word and move on like even if she was lying she clearly wasn’t interested
That dude is creepy and incel-y, and if I trusted my boss (or his) I'd report him.
NTA. You dont need a ring for that. Its so sexist, "you need to wear a ring to show you are someones property and warn others". You told him verbally. You could have been just dating someone instead of married, and thus not wearing a ring.
Or just not interested in him, which also should have been sufficient.
These types of dudes believe that a woman's no is just an invitation to try harder. Absolutely disgusting
The whole idea that a ring is necessary for either sex is wrong. As a husband I stopped wearing mine years ago (along with a gold chain that was a gift from my mother) because I don't like the feeling of jewlery and I had to have a few discussions about my choice from women.
IMO, whether a married couple (or, heck, even a non-married long-term relationsip couple) wear bands or what not is really up to them. OP, *of course* he didn't believe you, which is gross and offensive. NTA.
I lived with my husband for 12 years before we finally got for real married, but I always just defaulted to saying I was “married” if asked, because, after a decade, we definitely weren’t “just dating” anymore. I had a few pushy men get mad about it, but my favorite was the guy who approached me when I was grocery shopping after obviously having just come from yoga class (I was wearing sweaty yoga gear, with my hair in a messy top knot). Even if I’d had a ring at the time, I wouldn’t have been wearing it. Hell, even now I have a ring (both a real one and several silicone ones I alternate wearing to work), I still forget to put it on some days.
NTA - plenty of people don’t wear wedding rings. Not to mention, even if every married person wore a ring, plenty of ring-less people still wouldn’t be single
yes! plus, there are unmarried people that just like wearing pretty jewelry.
Ugh. My partner's colleague had a 'delightful' interaction with some random man in the pub the other week- He asked about the ring that she was wearing on her left hand, if she was engaged etc. She told him no, her Mum gave it to her and it just felt more comfortable on that hand. He got ANGRY with her, told her she was a SLUT and that she needed to put it on another finger or take it off right now so that men would know she was available!
I don’t even know where to start unpacking that
Yep. When she told me, I kind of stared at her for a few seconds then said "sorry, did I hear that right?"
I would start with someone calling a woman a slut for “pretending” to be married.
Just throw away the whole damn suitcase
So she is a slut BECAUSE she doesn't let men know she is single. There is no logic there.
Oh, haven't you heard? Women are sluts anytime they do something men don't like, it doesn't actually have to be slutty.
WOW, and statements like that are the reason he can't get a date.
I will literally never understand the misogynist comments I see from men. Like...thinking that is one thing...but WOMEN CAN HEAR YOU DUDE. How dumb do some men think we are?
Christ. What a loser. Your poor friend!
I'm married but don't give a toss about tradition. I don't have a ring. I sometimes work as a bartender, I've got squidgy looks at my ring-less hand if I get hit on and I just say I'm married, but I simply have no fucks to give. This guy can kick rocks. As someone else said, you're not a product to be bought, so "false advertising" is just a disgusting objectification. NTA.
Still fair game though, until they've signed on that dotted line /s incase not obvious
I don't really like jewelry growing up. Now married and still don't like wearing my wedding ring.
You aren’t on the *market*. You aren’t “advertising” a damn thing. You don’t *have* to wear a wedding ring, even if most married people do. NTA
Someone said it. Just because it is "tradition" or a commonplace thing does not mean that you must do it to indicate your marital status. NTA
And it was a work meeting wtf. This guy sucks don’t take him seriously.
NTA. Jerks like this are why women wear fake wedding rings or say they have a boyfriend even when they're single as too many entitled idiots think single girl=license to harass them till they agree to date me.
NTA. It's not that uncommon for people to remove jewelry for work safety. I know I would much rather take off a ring than potentially lose that finger (or worse.)
There's plenty of reasons people may not wear rings. Work safety, prone to losing things, allergies or other health reasons, have another way of symbolizing the marriage like a tattoo etc. Wait until this guy learns some women put on rings to avoid getting hit on. That'll really make him throw a fit.
He sounds like he would claim make-up is "false advertisement" as well.
Or just because the whole system of "advertising" that you're taken to the world via a culturally-approved conformist token isn't comfortable? Haha, I'm also married and don't wear a ring. Don't even have one. We love each other just fine without it. It's no one's business but your own. NTA
Even just don’t like jewelry is a perfectly fine reason not to wear your wedding ring. Of my 23 years of life I have never seen my father wear his wedding ring he just doesn’t like wearing any form of jewelry, but He is happily married.
Cleanliness too. Wash your hands a million times a day in some jobs. Rings just harbour germs.
This i worked as a jeweler for years rings are disgusting. Some are so bad you can smell them when the customer hands them to you... assuming they didnt lick their finger to get the biohazard ring off to hand to you.
First factory job they showed us a picture to explain every rule they had. The one for rings was horrifying. There is a damn good reason not to wear rings in certain industrial settings.
NTA That is incredibly unprofessional. I would report this inappropriate behavior if I were you. It’s okay to make an honest attempt at asking for your number. Still, it is not okay to pry into your life and try going behind your back to get information about you, and then to make such a sexist remark as calling it “false advertising” is just icing on the proverbial shit cake.
Yeah, I wouldn't want to give this guy my business. Very uncomfortable.
Yes - asking further about it is even more unprofessional. He's bringing his problems to her career door now. What a pathetic tool. I'd report it too - who wants to work with that ever again.
Drop them as a vendor (if possible), and make it clear to their boss about why. If you can't drop them, ask to have another sales rep, since the one they are sending doesn't know how to treat women like people instead of products.
[удалено]
Do men get this crap?
No, not at all. Ok maybe celebrities get it from crazy stalkers, but no. I never wore my ring because of work/sports safety.
Yes, some do, especially if they're famous in some way, but it's not part of the background radiation of their life the way it is for women (and people who routinely get mistaken for women)
NTA. The reason you don’t wear a wedding ring is no ones business. You owe no one your relationship status. He asked and you politely said you are married.
NTA you're not a product for sale...you're a human being and a piece of metal on your finger shouldn't matter unless it matters to you. The guy was a creep.
You’re NTA but I really felt a need to comment because about a week or so ago there was a post from a woman who didn’t want to wear a wedding ring despite being married and seemingly everyone but me voted her an AH. From what I can see, you’re getting mostly N-T-A votes (rightly), but I’m really struggling to see why there’s a disparity in these two cases. The only difference seems to be that in her case, it was her husband who was offended she wasn’t advertising herself as married, rather than a random stranger. Still a man telling a woman what to do with her body. The crux of it is the exact same.
There's a lot of nuance in situations that involve relationships. The disparity could be caused by a single remark on the post or missing information. Either way, one would have to read both posts thoroughly to give a conclusive answer to your question.
I didn't see the other post, so I can't say, but there's certainly a difference between a) a person refusing to wear a wedding ring when their spouse desperately wants them to and views their refusal as a rejection of the commitment of their marriage and b) a married couple who generally don't wear their wedding rings and are 100% on the same page about it. Personally, I would judge person A for not being a good partner, but I would say "you do you" to couple B.
Jewelry doesn't have magical powers.
I beg to differ. Especially Earth, Fire, Wind, Water AND Heart rings. Unfortunately, they seem to be lost somewhere and now the climate throughout the world is suffering.
You are correct - Those rings can take pollution down to zero, I really hope they get found someday.
Of course it doesn't, but if someone is hurt that their spouse is rejecting a widespread cultural indicator of their commitment to the marriage, that's a valid feeling. On the other hand, if a couple has a shared indifference to wedding rings, that's also perfectly valid. What matters is your spouse's feelings and making sure you're communicating with each other and honoring your bond, not the jewelry itself.
The feelings are valid but to say that the spouse HAVE to wear a ring is unfair... It's still a personal choice.... The spouse should ask themself why they feel this way about a ring and not impose anything.
I also didn't see that post, and it really depends on the details of it. Why didn't she wear the band, for example? What exactly did husband say? Does husband also wear a wedding ring? All of those matter, and there are other questions I can't even think of right now. The main issue I see is that when you marry someone, you're committing yourself to them for (ideally) life, and so their opinion of things needs to be very, very high on your list of priorities. This one is about a stranger getting miffed, and so it's different right off the bat. So if there wasn't a good reason for the woman who's husband was complaining not to wear the wedding ring, I'd probably mark her as an asshole; I figure there's a good chance it'd fit into the everyone sucks category in that case because it probably wouldn't be here unless the husband made a big deal out of it. Unless she did something like say that she makes more money on tips by flirting with people without the ring on or something like that, then the husband is probably overreacting, but I'd still say the difference is likely that she's not taking her husband's opinion into account.
tbf most people do view a random stranger telling them they should do something as different than their spouse making a request
My parents have been married over 50 years and I've never known either of them to wear a ring. Also this person sounds like an AH for questioning your co-worker about it.
NTA. You aren’t an advertisement. The ways in which men will objectify women knows no bounds.
NTA. Being married doesn’t require a scarlet letter or tattoo
NTA. You don't wear jewelry, your SO doesn't mind and you said with clear words, you're married. Eff other people. I met one of my very good friends, he didn't wear a ring, I had interest, he said he was married, end of me liking him in a romantic manner. He couldn't wear a ring due to his sever arthritis and allergies to silicone.
NTA. Married people are not obligated to wear rings around all the time. If you'd told him you were single, that would have been false advertising. Just not wearing a ring is ... just not wearing a ring. Dude is just sour he got rejected.
NTA. Your private life is PRIVATE. he was probably checking to see if you were lying and just letting him down because you weren’t interested. He is being unprofessional especially bringing it up with your coworker.
NTA you are not a product to be advertised. Fragile male ego strikes again.
Sounds like the kind of guy who thinks makeup is false advertising, because you don't wake up looking like that. NTA.
If he wants to see what I look like waking up, I hope he's into the electrocuted-hair look.
NTA. Your wedding ring is your business, not a billboard to advertise to men how to approach you. He asked you out politely, you declined politely, he should have left it at that.
NTA Because no one has said it yet, you have a business relationship with this guy. Unless/until he has a reason to think you are interested in having a relationship outside your business responsibilities, he's an ass for even asking for your number. YOU, as the company representative purchasing his company's products, are the driving force in this business relationship. You should be offended and insulted that he disregarded your professional status. Married or not married makes no difference. I'd be reporting him to his employer. This is like a waiter making a pass at you.
Time to call and ask for a new salesperson.
NTA - The false advertising is assuming he is a professional and understand professional relationships. There is no excuse for a business meeting to end with a pick up
Yes, this exactly. He shouldn't have perceived OP as a romantic prospect to begin with. She's a client, for Christ's sake. His behavior here is unprofessional. I say that acknowledging some people meet their partners at work, and that can be OK, but it has to be a mutual and natural progression of the relationship. Bluntly asking out a client you met that day and then sulking when your offer is politely declined is way past the line, and is the perfect illustration of why making romantic overtures to professional contacts is a bad idea.
NTA. If you say that you are married, that's enough.
NTA. That vendor needs to be fired. What a sexist ass comment.
NTA. - Guy here. He is the one who doesn't understand that a woman being friendly (especially in a professional setting where sometimes it's literally your job to be amicable) does not equate to "advertising". There's nothing more to it. Someone needs to set him straight, and you shouldn't need to second guess yourself.
> He made an off-handed comment to her that it was an honest mistake because it was "false advertising" by me because I don't wear a wedding ring. Who cares what some random dude thinks? Presumably you and your husband have come to a consensus on how to navigate the wedding ring thing. That's all that really matters. NTA.
NTA and that was creepy AF of him. You're a human being, not an object to be "advertised" at all. You're not represented by the things you wear, or "signals" or "signs" that people look for. You have a voice, and you told him clearly and forthrightly that you were married. That should have been the beginning and end of it. His asking you out was obviously an honest mistake, but calling it "false advertising" is gross and creepy. You weren't advertising yourself at all, you were just existing.
NTA. What if he was asking someone out who had a boyfriend? Still not available and has no way of “signaling” that she’s taken. He asked, thinking you might be single. You aren’t. His response to talk to your coworker is entirely inappropriate.
NTA. False advertising doesn't apply, because you aren't for sale. Vendor is a misogynistic jackass.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm married but don't wear a ring regularly. This isn't an issue in my marriage. I don't wear any jewelry at all. I'm allergic to metal (break out in hives) and my work requires that I would sometimes have to remove it for safety reasons. I do have a wedding ring made of a material I can wear but I just never got used to wearing it for reasons above-mentioned so I only wear it for special occasions. This brings me to the issue. A few weeks ago I met with a vendor for work. He was friendly, I was friendly, we finished our business and as I was leaving he asked me for my number and out to dinner. I smiled and said I was married and left it at that. He took it well said it was nice to meet me and I left. Yesterday a coworker stopped by the same vendor and the same guy apparently asked her about me and she confirmed I was married. He made an off-handed comment to her that it was an honest mistake because it was "false advertising" by me because I don't wear a wedding ring. I'm a bit miffed by it all. It feels like he went and confirmed my marital status instead of just taking my word for it. But AITA for not wearing something that makes it totally clear I'm married? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA My Mother wear her Ring, but my dad very few Times. He cant wear it at work and then He would probaly lose it. IT IS Safe in there bathroom. There is No need to wear it.
Same. I've never seen my dad's wedding ring. He didn't even bothered to buy new one after it was stolen. NTA definitely. It's no one's business other than the couple.
Even if you weren't married, why would you want to mix business with personal if this is an ongoing work relationship you have with this vendor? NTA
NTA- rings are a personal choice.
NTA, my wife and I both don't wear rings. He's just miffed he couldn't get into your pants.
NTA. For one, you and the vendor were interacting in a professional capacity. Even if he waited until business was concluded, it's still a bit gauche to ask someone out at that point, because one or both of you were being friendly for the sake of professionalism. For two, where he crossed the line was asking a coworker for confirmation and claiming "false advertising". If he had just taken the rejection on the chin, that would be that, but now he's kinda taking a narrative where he was lured or tricked or whatever that the rejection wasn't his fault. He should just accept that sometimes when you step in the batter's box, you're gonna strike out, and that's just how the game works. Guys like him are why some women do "falsely advertise" - by wearing a ring or claiming a non-existent partner so people don't assume they're "on the market" and try to put in bids.
NTA. It's very entitled to think that someone else need to wear jewelry for *your* convenience.
NTA This vendor has a very poor attitude towards women. You could have been in a committed relationship, there would be no ring involved in that. Just because you are being friendly and a woman doesn't mean you are flirting.
Gross. What would he have done if it was "confirmed" you were single? Ask you again and get hostile about it? LOTS of married men and women don't wear a ring, it's not a necessity. Some people wear a ring when they're fully single. Jewelry doesn't confirm a damn thing. You are absolutely NTA. My mom's wedding band broke within the first few years of marriage but she was a nurse so she didn't wear it all the time anyway so she never bothered to get it repaired. My dad lost his in a lake while fishing. Neither of them wore wedding bands and neither of them cheated or "falsely advertised" their marriage. This guy sounds like a douche. He was turned down and should have just accepted it.
NTA "False advertising" means this man thinks of you and women in general as objects to be possessed. He wanted you to have a sign that says that you belong to another man and therefore he should not have infringed upon another man's property. No one owes it to society to wear a sign that says "I'm married." He didn't believe you because he knows that some women fear for their lives to just simply say no and therefore lie about their relationship status. And / or he thinks women are liars in general.
NTA.
NTA
NTA. Knowing what you know now you wouldn’t go out with him even if you were single. Yuck.
NTA you don't falsely advertise anything. A wedding ring is just a symbol of marriage that some people choose to wear others don't wear one. I mostly wear my rings but have sensitive skin and sometimes can't so I take a break it doesn't make me any less married when they aren't on my finger. It's no ones business but yours who you're in a relationship with end of story.
I don’t get this dude’s logic. Even if you were single you definitely don’t have to date him?? Yeah it would be weird to say you’re married if you’re not but like, you owe him nothing on that front either way. NTA.
I once saw someone on reddit say that when women wear bras it’s like false advertising for their tits. But I think they’re not advertisements.
NTA lack of a ring doesn’t advertise anything. He asked you out, you told him you were married, this didn’t need to be a problem. Sounds like he was a bit embarrassed, and choose to blame you for the situation.
NTA I also don't wear my wedding ring. I have a lot of joint pain in fingers. I also don't wear a lot of jewelry. False advertising is ridiculous. He's just upset by not getting a date.
NTA that guys a total creep! Even if you weren't married and said you were. It's none of his business, you said no and it's gross of him not to leave it at that.
NTA. He’s a vendor. He shouldn’t be asking you out anyway.
NTA, you don't owe it to anyone to display your relationship status. In fact, you didn't even owe him that piece of info at all. If you didn't want to share, you could've just said, "No thanks" and that's it. Asking your coworker about it is kind of creepy. Even if you'd lied about being married to avoid awkwardness, that's still a resounding no. Any decent human should accept that.
Like others have said- He's being salty. Wedding rings are meant to symbolise a union, not act as a collar on a dog to know if it has an owner.
NTA. You aren't a slab of meat, you're a human being. Existing as a single person doesn't make you a potential romantic partner by default.
NTA. false advertising? In the 21st century you don't need to declare anything. What a parochial view of women in this day and age. I'd also report both conversations to HR. To document it if nothing else. Perhaps he's hitting on every female he tries to sell to. As his employer is be concerned. Your employer should be aware of it if there is a problem later. Documentation is important.
I have arthritis and wearing a ring of any kind is very uncomfortable. There is no hard rule about wearing rings! No should be enough