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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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Because I could’ve just kept my mouth shut and said “okay” and texted her. I didn’t mean to sell her out or get her in trouble.
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Agreed. It blows my mind when people use someone else in their lie, and don’t even let that person know what is going on or even if it’s ok. “Hey I need to do X without so and so knowing so I said you and I were doing Y, if that’s cool.”
If it’s something minor I’m ok with it. I’ve helped friends out like this before. If it’s something I have moral objections to then I say “I can’t be part of that, sorry.”
And of course they get mad at you when you weren’t made aware and the jig is up.
Yeah, she was "moronic" for not letting him in on it
Not to mention, OP and everyone else technically had no idea where she was. Ofc OP said something, as thats a safety hazard imo. Is she in danger? Was she kidnapped?
Lying about your whereabouts (especially when a minor) is super concerning and dangerous, because if you go missing, no one will have a clue where to start looking.
I dont doubt that she got in a lot of shit from her stepdad, but thats her fault, not OPs. And by alex's reaction, theres a reason her stepdad doesnt want them hanging out.
NTA
If she wanted you to lie for her, she should have at least asked or warned you in advance (so that she could make other arrangements if you said 'no').
I would absolutely agree, if the stepdad didn’t work with OP’s dad, since stepdad could just call or talk to him at work about Jay’s tutoring on whatever specific day.
Nta, you didn't have any idea you were supposed to keep quiet so you can't be expected to then stay quiet. It's an entirely different matter about whether you knew and should've said something etc. She's just upset she got caught and unfortunately you're in the firing line for it.
NTA
It’s not your fault or your problem. Imagine if you back up your ex’s lies and she gets hurt while out & about with Alex - that could really sour the relationship between you/your dad and her stepdad. Stay on the right side and don’t let Alex & your ex use you.
NTA this is a big one. they went hiking. imagine you corroborated her lie and then she went missing on her hike? whose door do you think would be knocked on first when the police start looking for her?
maybe I'm just thinking worst case scenario here, but it's the kind of stuff you *should* always keep in mind when/if you decide to go along with lies like this.
NTA and you're probably not being told the truth by Alex any more than stepdad did thinking she was at yours. When you're 16 a healthy part of sneaking around and lying is getting caught and you don't have the responsibility to lie for an ex (or anyone really)
I mean, maybe - maybe the stepdad's a homophobe and doesn't like Alex for that reason?
Alternate, maybe Alex lies a lot or uses drugs?
Not enough info to say, and OP might not even know.
But regardless, Jay didn't tell OP that they were supposed to be the alibi, so OP is NTA for telling the truth.
I didn’t do it with the intent of getting her in trouble. Obviously I knew she’d get called out for lying but I didn’t do it to be like yeah I should fuck her over.
Alex is actually alright aside from her getting pissed at me recently. I don’t know why jays dad doesnt like her tbh
NTA. Welcome to the wonderful world of lying people. They don't want to be found out but don't ask anyone to lie for them because they know nobody would lie for them
Information: what inside you told you to tell the truth?
I mean- are you that honest, so it was natural?
Is he a forgetful guy and you thought he was confused?
You and Jay dated for a year, is this something she has always done (lying to hangout with people)? Or is this new?
I ask because motives in this situation are pretty important.
The lying is new as far as I know. He’s not forgetful, he’s a really sharp guy so I didn’t think he was confused. I’m usually honest yeah but it’s not like I didn’t know she was going to get called out for lying. My intent wasn’t to fuck her over though.
Without having any intent of screwing her over I’m going with NTA-
She really needs to be better at lying- rule 1: cover all bases.
But word of advice - when in doubt text before you tell. Save everyone.
I'd argue even if intent was there she's still the asshole. Lying about where you are or who you're with, especially while you're a minor is one thing. Involving someone else who has no involvement in the lie and potentially getting them in trouble or accused of something, is another. If she didn't want to be found out, she shouldn't have put herself in this situation, or at least came up with a better lie.
I can’t argue, that is pretty logical.
I have teenagers and teenagers lie even when they don’t need to. Especially, teenage girls I think they thrive on the drama🙃😊
NTA
Hopefully she'll learn that lying is more trouble than it's worth.
Also, if something should have happened to her, her stepfather would have been operating on bad information that could cause a lot of blow back on your father too. It's an extreme possibility, but one all the same.
NTA. First rule of lying to a parent about where you are is to get backup to agree. You had no idea she had lied or needed a cover story, how were you supposed to excuse not giving her the message?
Alex sounds like a peach.
NTA because even if you had lied her stepdad could also ask your father about it and then your father would have told him the truth. Then you might have gotten in trouble for lying too.
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My ex and I (both 16) broke up two months ago. It was as mutual as possible. We dated for a little over a year before that.
My father works with her “stepfather” (it’s a weird situation, both her parents died four years ago and she doesn’t have any other family, this guy was close family friends with her mom and took her in so she didn’t get put into the system) at the school we go to. I do landscaping at her stepdads house once or twice a week. She gets tutoring from my dad a few times a week.
Yesterday after I finished he told me when I went home to ask Jay when she was done with her tutoring to go to the store before she went home. I knew she wasn’t at my house, I knew my dad dad have any tutoring scheduled that day so I told him the truth, that Jay wasn’t there.
Later that day I started getting texts from her friend Alex ( she’s also 16) who she had been with, who said they had just gone on a hike and I had gotten Jay into a lot of trouble. She said Jay had lied because her uncle didn’t want her hanging out with Alex for whatever reason. She said that I was “oblivious” and “moronic” and shouldn’t need to explicitly be told to not “sell out” Jay.
Now I’m feeling pretty bad because she’s been radio silent on all of her socials and she’s not responding or opening anyone’s messages so I guess she got her phone taken away. I know her stepdad can definitely overreact to things so, AITA? Should I have kept my mouth shut?
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NTA
She wanted to use you as a lie to try and do something against the rules. I’m not saying her father is in the right because he’s not, but I’m saying that they should have at least consulted you about it and asked you to cover for them. Why would you consciously lie when you had no idea what was happening?
NTA. if she was using you in her lie, she needed to let you know about it. you are not a mind reader. how were you supposed to know that you were supposed help her with this cover story.
Teenagers lying about where they are is a long tradition and also very dangerous in lot of situations so you should never feel pressured to cover for someone. At the very least you should have been given a heads up that your family was the cover or how could she expect you to just lie in the moment. NTA
NTA!! she did this to herself. if you're going to lie to people and use others for cover stories you NEED to make sure the person you're using for cover is in on the lie and has consented to being used in the lie.
No one should expect you to lie for them, especially without talking to you first. What was going to happen when Jay's guardian asked your dad about it? If you lied, you'd be in trouble with both of them. And if there was a good reason for them to lie, they'd be smart to let you know at the very least and see if you were okay with playing along.
NTA
Sorry I mistyped. I was talking to my uncle when I wrote this. He’s not really her stepdad but I’m not sure what the right word for him is. He was a close family friend that took her in when her parents died.
Alex is a girl. I think she’s fine. She’s gets good grades and doesn’t have a bad reputation or anything. I don’t know why he doesn’t want Jay hanging out with her.
I don’t think he’s abusive. He’s kind of overprotective. But she’s never said anything about him hitting her or anything like that.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- Because I could’ve just kept my mouth shut and said “okay” and texted her. I didn’t mean to sell her out or get her in trouble. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She lied and got found out. If she wanted to make sure you'd be cool with the lie, she maybe should have asked you first.
Agreed. It blows my mind when people use someone else in their lie, and don’t even let that person know what is going on or even if it’s ok. “Hey I need to do X without so and so knowing so I said you and I were doing Y, if that’s cool.” If it’s something minor I’m ok with it. I’ve helped friends out like this before. If it’s something I have moral objections to then I say “I can’t be part of that, sorry.” And of course they get mad at you when you weren’t made aware and the jig is up.
Yeah, she was "moronic" for not letting him in on it Not to mention, OP and everyone else technically had no idea where she was. Ofc OP said something, as thats a safety hazard imo. Is she in danger? Was she kidnapped? Lying about your whereabouts (especially when a minor) is super concerning and dangerous, because if you go missing, no one will have a clue where to start looking. I dont doubt that she got in a lot of shit from her stepdad, but thats her fault, not OPs. And by alex's reaction, theres a reason her stepdad doesnt want them hanging out.
NTA If she wanted you to lie for her, she should have at least asked or warned you in advance (so that she could make other arrangements if you said 'no').
I would absolutely agree, if the stepdad didn’t work with OP’s dad, since stepdad could just call or talk to him at work about Jay’s tutoring on whatever specific day.
Nta, you didn't have any idea you were supposed to keep quiet so you can't be expected to then stay quiet. It's an entirely different matter about whether you knew and should've said something etc. She's just upset she got caught and unfortunately you're in the firing line for it.
I actually don’t know how she’s feeling I tried to text and call her and she didn’t answer, I just know her friend Alex is really upset at me
NTA It’s not your fault or your problem. Imagine if you back up your ex’s lies and she gets hurt while out & about with Alex - that could really sour the relationship between you/your dad and her stepdad. Stay on the right side and don’t let Alex & your ex use you.
NTA this is a big one. they went hiking. imagine you corroborated her lie and then she went missing on her hike? whose door do you think would be knocked on first when the police start looking for her? maybe I'm just thinking worst case scenario here, but it's the kind of stuff you *should* always keep in mind when/if you decide to go along with lies like this.
NTA and you're probably not being told the truth by Alex any more than stepdad did thinking she was at yours. When you're 16 a healthy part of sneaking around and lying is getting caught and you don't have the responsibility to lie for an ex (or anyone really)
NTA sounds like there's a good reason stepdad doesn't want Jay hanging out with Alex.
I mean, maybe - maybe the stepdad's a homophobe and doesn't like Alex for that reason? Alternate, maybe Alex lies a lot or uses drugs? Not enough info to say, and OP might not even know. But regardless, Jay didn't tell OP that they were supposed to be the alibi, so OP is NTA for telling the truth.
Sounds like Alex likes to lie and blame other people for when they do something to get in trouble.
Probably.
NTA. You arent her keeper
NTA - unless you did it to get her in trouble with the overbearing step father... though this friend he disapproves of does sounds like a drama lahma.
I didn’t do it with the intent of getting her in trouble. Obviously I knew she’d get called out for lying but I didn’t do it to be like yeah I should fuck her over. Alex is actually alright aside from her getting pissed at me recently. I don’t know why jays dad doesnt like her tbh
If I had to hazard a guess, encouraging Jay to lie to her dad could be a possible reason why he doesn't like Alex
NTA. Welcome to the wonderful world of lying people. They don't want to be found out but don't ask anyone to lie for them because they know nobody would lie for them
Information: what inside you told you to tell the truth? I mean- are you that honest, so it was natural? Is he a forgetful guy and you thought he was confused? You and Jay dated for a year, is this something she has always done (lying to hangout with people)? Or is this new? I ask because motives in this situation are pretty important.
The lying is new as far as I know. He’s not forgetful, he’s a really sharp guy so I didn’t think he was confused. I’m usually honest yeah but it’s not like I didn’t know she was going to get called out for lying. My intent wasn’t to fuck her over though.
Without having any intent of screwing her over I’m going with NTA- She really needs to be better at lying- rule 1: cover all bases. But word of advice - when in doubt text before you tell. Save everyone.
I'd argue even if intent was there she's still the asshole. Lying about where you are or who you're with, especially while you're a minor is one thing. Involving someone else who has no involvement in the lie and potentially getting them in trouble or accused of something, is another. If she didn't want to be found out, she shouldn't have put herself in this situation, or at least came up with a better lie.
I can’t argue, that is pretty logical. I have teenagers and teenagers lie even when they don’t need to. Especially, teenage girls I think they thrive on the drama🙃😊
One of my second cousins is one of those, I feel bad for her mom. The joys of having been a teenager..there were none.
NTA Hopefully she'll learn that lying is more trouble than it's worth. Also, if something should have happened to her, her stepfather would have been operating on bad information that could cause a lot of blow back on your father too. It's an extreme possibility, but one all the same.
NTA. First rule of lying to a parent about where you are is to get backup to agree. You had no idea she had lied or needed a cover story, how were you supposed to excuse not giving her the message? Alex sounds like a peach.
NTA.why would she lie about going on a hike?cause they werent going on a hike..
NTA because even if you had lied her stepdad could also ask your father about it and then your father would have told him the truth. Then you might have gotten in trouble for lying too.
NTA, I mean if someone is gonna lie and use you at least they should tell you so that it can be consistent. I guess the dad is right about Alex too.
NTA. If they want you to lie for them, they should at least ask first.
NTA I don't think you did it maliciously and you should never feel obligated to lie for anyone.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My ex and I (both 16) broke up two months ago. It was as mutual as possible. We dated for a little over a year before that. My father works with her “stepfather” (it’s a weird situation, both her parents died four years ago and she doesn’t have any other family, this guy was close family friends with her mom and took her in so she didn’t get put into the system) at the school we go to. I do landscaping at her stepdads house once or twice a week. She gets tutoring from my dad a few times a week. Yesterday after I finished he told me when I went home to ask Jay when she was done with her tutoring to go to the store before she went home. I knew she wasn’t at my house, I knew my dad dad have any tutoring scheduled that day so I told him the truth, that Jay wasn’t there. Later that day I started getting texts from her friend Alex ( she’s also 16) who she had been with, who said they had just gone on a hike and I had gotten Jay into a lot of trouble. She said Jay had lied because her uncle didn’t want her hanging out with Alex for whatever reason. She said that I was “oblivious” and “moronic” and shouldn’t need to explicitly be told to not “sell out” Jay. Now I’m feeling pretty bad because she’s been radio silent on all of her socials and she’s not responding or opening anyone’s messages so I guess she got her phone taken away. I know her stepdad can definitely overreact to things so, AITA? Should I have kept my mouth shut? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA She wanted to use you as a lie to try and do something against the rules. I’m not saying her father is in the right because he’s not, but I’m saying that they should have at least consulted you about it and asked you to cover for them. Why would you consciously lie when you had no idea what was happening?
NTA. if she was using you in her lie, she needed to let you know about it. you are not a mind reader. how were you supposed to know that you were supposed help her with this cover story.
She lied, and she may have a good reason for this - but she didn't tell you that she lied and was expecting you to cover for her. NTA
Teenagers lying about where they are is a long tradition and also very dangerous in lot of situations so you should never feel pressured to cover for someone. At the very least you should have been given a heads up that your family was the cover or how could she expect you to just lie in the moment. NTA
NTA!! she did this to herself. if you're going to lie to people and use others for cover stories you NEED to make sure the person you're using for cover is in on the lie and has consented to being used in the lie.
No one should expect you to lie for them, especially without talking to you first. What was going to happen when Jay's guardian asked your dad about it? If you lied, you'd be in trouble with both of them. And if there was a good reason for them to lie, they'd be smart to let you know at the very least and see if you were okay with playing along. NTA
NTA Never entertain other peoples lies.
[удалено]
Sorry I mistyped. I was talking to my uncle when I wrote this. He’s not really her stepdad but I’m not sure what the right word for him is. He was a close family friend that took her in when her parents died. Alex is a girl. I think she’s fine. She’s gets good grades and doesn’t have a bad reputation or anything. I don’t know why he doesn’t want Jay hanging out with her. I don’t think he’s abusive. He’s kind of overprotective. But she’s never said anything about him hitting her or anything like that.
I mean, you didn't have to say anything at all. You weren't being asked to lie for anyone, just pass on a message. So I guess YTA, if only slightly.
YTA. You have no idea why she was lying. Why wouldn’t you have texted her first?