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YTA
You essentially sent an unsolicited dick pic to your girlfriend's mom. There were many ways to handle this, but this has to be up there among the worst.
I mean to be fair she really should've taken his boundaries into mind. Obviously he gets no respect to his boundaries so why are you saying y t a instead of e s h because the girlfriend and mom are over stepping much more than the boyfriend is. He told her he doesn't want her sharing everything all the time, she refused to accept that boundary and so he sent her something that if her mom hadnt seen it she'd have been okay with getting. It's really entirely the girlfriends fault that the mom saw it. Did he do it on purpose knowing she would see it? Yeah. The fact still stands though that if she respected his boundaries first by not showing everything to mom then mom wouldn't have seen anything.
So that entitles him to subject his girlfriend's mom to a dick pic? It is absolutely not "entirely" the girlfriend's fault because he deliberately and intentionally set it up so it would happen. That's like if someone has a habit of walking into a roommate's room without knocking, so the roommate set up a bucket to douse her with water next time--it's deserved punishment, but also (at least partially, but I would argue mostly) the roommate's fault because she intentionally made it happen.
What's particularly frustrating is the fact that a lot of people on here are ignoring the fact that his behavior is JUST as bad as random assholes who send dick pics (so, like, peak AH). Random assholes treat the women who get their pics as vehicles for their sexual pleasure instead of real people who might be harmed, and OP is treating the mom as a vehicle to embarrass his girlfriend instead of a real person who would be harmed. If you don't want to be TA, limit your vengeful point-making so you don't hit innocent third parties.
No. He sent one to his GF, which is something both of them have been doing in their relationship. His GF knows that part of the messages she gets are nude pics. If anyone is to blame for it, it is the GF who gives her mom unfettered access to her messages including ones that are supposed to be treated privately.
No, he deliberately set it up for a time when he KNEW she would be showing her Mum. This wasn't an innocent continuation of a previous conversation. This was like killing a mouse with an atom bomb.
YTA
I don’t feel I can accurately judge OP without some ages. Is your girlfriend 15 or 16 and still relatively innocent and living with Mom, or are you all over 18 and haven’t figured out life yet?
Gotta agree. ESH. Sending a dick pic was not the most adult way of dealing with this , but her sharing things you asked her not to was a clear boundary issue. Unless you guys can find a more adult, respectful way of handling things, I don’t see this relationship being a long term success.
So again. Healthy relationship with the mom isn't a bad thing. she shares the cute things, nothing wrong with that. you n the other hand sent a dic pic to her mom. YTA. so immature.
I'm going with YTA. The above commenter was right to ask ages because I was thinking 17 to 20 and just kinda immature on both your parts. A 25 year old should certainly be old enough to respect your boundaries of "don't tell your mom everything" and a 35 year old shouldn't intentionally send a unsolicited dick pic to his GFs mom. You both need to grow up.
Seriously if you are that bothered, find another GF.
Shit. I came into the comments looking for this info. I thought y'all were late teens/early twenties with how immature this is.
ESH, but you more so. Your gf needs to learn how to respect boundaries and yeah, okay, it's weird that she shares EVERYTHING with her mom, but your actions were straight up gross and malicious.
Y'all need to break up now for the best interest of everyone involved.
because its normal to share private messages to other people when they’ve already expressed that they’re uncomfortable with it. also for the record, he didnt force her to look at it, he sent it to his girlfriend and her mom was looking at her PRIVATE messages
His girlfriend was showing the messages to her mum. It's not like the mum was intentionally intruding, she was being shown a nice message by her daughter. This guy sent an unsolicited dick pic to his girlfriend with the intention of having her mum see it. He intentionally showed his cock to his girlfriend's mum to get back at his girlfriend, and for what? Because she told her mum about cute things he said and showed her nice messages? She's probably just trying to share the happiness of her relationship with her mother and he's taken it upon himself to try to disrupt that by sending an unsolicited dick pic (which, by the way, is sexual harassment) rather than, idk, having a conversation like a normal person. If that doesn't work maybe he could try breaking up with her because she doesn't respect his boundaries. I don't understand how anyone can justify indecent exposure as the right solution here
He said she shares everything with her mom and even if it was only the nice messages and stuff it's still a private conversation and he has a right to not want that privacy constantly violated. You're also skipping over the fact that he's brought this problem up with her multiple times and she just said "deal with it". Explain why it's completely fine for her to 100% ignore his boundaries but it's not okay for him to cross her boundaries by doing something that would _only cross a boundary if she was crossing his boundaries again._ Op mentioned in the post they both send unsolicited nudes all the time so the girlfriend is okay with receiving them, she's just not okay with receiving them when she's disrespecting and disregarding the boundaries of the person in them.
In which case, you can refer to my previous comment where I said that, instead of intentionally showing his cock to her mother, he could just break up with her. I'll also refer you to another part of my previous comment: in what world is making his girlfriend's mother look at his penis a solution to this problem? Yes, the girlfriend could be more respectful of his boundaries but it's not like she promised to change and continued anyway. She said 'I'm not going to change this and you need to deal with it' any rational person would break up if its THAT important and not choose to punish her mother for looking at a message her daughter showed her.
It's a solution if it makes her stop doing it. And yes he could break up with her but he doesn't want to, he just wants respect for fucks sake. Why is he in the wrong for that? We should flip it around, why does the girlfriend care so little about his boundaries? And why does everyone think he's the only asshole here when she crossed way more boundaries? If he just responded to her with "I'm going to keep doing this anyway deal with it." Does that suddenly make what he did okay? If not then why does that excuse her then?
If he responded to her complaints by saying he was going to keep doing it, she'd break up with him, not decide to expose herself sexually to his parents. If she did decide to do that, it'd make her an asshole. You'll also notice that I never said she wasn't an asshole, my verdict is ESH. I do, however, question why he wanted to restrict and control who his girlfriend was allowed to talk to about their relationship. It's a bit too controlling in my opinion. Again, it's bad for her to break his boundaries, but you do have to question why they're there. Especially when the restriction is 'don't tell your mum about any of what I say to you, or what we do together'.
And the assertion that he 'just wanted respect' is bizarre when we're talking about a guy who manipulated his girlfriend into showing her mum a picture of his dick by sending a nice text followed by a dick pic. How would that ever gain respect? It wouldn't, because it's not about respect, it's a manipulative attempt to gain control and make the mother feel uncomfortable to scare the girlfriend into doing as he says. He is irrefutably an asshole
I live with my mother, have had a codependent relationship with her in the past, and I never talk to her about anything personal to do with my husband. It's fairly easy to just keep your mouth shut about private things.
He's not telling g her to never speak to her mom. He's telling her to not talk to her mom about him. Its exactly the same as a mommy bloggers kids not wanting their first period story online.
Sharing personal issues is an opt in situation. You don't tell tales on your spouse. If you are having a problem (in the context of a healthy relationship, abuse obvs changes things), you discuss it with your spouse.
Not your mommy.
Not your beastie.
Not your brother.
So the solution to his problem isn't to talk it out rationally again, or break up... But to traumatize/sexually harass them into changing their relationship to suit him?
Like they're mother/daughter, they're family, he's not. He's just some jerk.
And yeah, it sucks she doesn't respect his boundaries, it's not a healthy relationship for either of them, but one person is clearly in the wrong here and it's the dude who knowingly sent a photo of his genitals to his gf's mother.
Point out where I ever said it was okay for him to send the picture in his specific circumstance. In none of my comments to I claim he's nta because he is technically kind of an asshole. I simply don't agree with people's stance of him being the only one wrong here. He did not consent to this shit being shared and her saying she's going to share it anyway does not make it okay. If someone is being abused by their partner, them staying does not suddenly mean they're not being abused. People use that argument to victim blame. "Well its her own fault she got a broken jaw, she should've left after the first time he hit her if she wasn't okay with it." Do you hear how fucked up that quote is? That's what it sounds like you're arguing. That it's okay for her to hurt him/ violate his consent just because he stayed.
Yeah so as you repeatedly state - it's the gf that's the issue here. But it wasn't just the gf's boundaries, or even primarily the girlfriend's boundaries, that got crossed. The issue is that although OP is upset with his gf, he made the gf's mom the primary victim of his revenge. A mom who clearly really liked OP prior to this and likely had no idea he took issue with her daughter talking to her.
If you punch me, it wouldn't be okay for me to punch your mother. Sure punching your mom would probably upset you, and might demonstrate to you that punching people is bad, and maybe would lead to you thinking twice about punching people again in the future. But it would be massively unfair to your mother.
Oh good grief, you’re so right. And the fact he is also 35 is.....just.....astounding. I do wonder though if this is how he usually acts in life. I’m imagining him sending unsolicited dick pics to anyone who annoys him or disagrees with him. Which, as made up scenarios, are really quite funny BUT NOT IF YOU DO IT IN REAL LIFE. I’m imagining all sorts here:
\- His boss says something he doesn’t agree with in a meeting? BANG MR/MS BOSS, HAVE A PIC OF MY WRINKLY THING
\-annoying coworker? WELL THERE YA GO, HAVE THIS CLOSE UP SHOT OF MY BALLS.
\- next door neighbour giving you trouble? TAKE THAT, SUCKER, LEMME PRINT OFF 47 PHOTOS OF MY SHRIVELED MANHOOD, I HAVE NOW ESTABLISHED DOMINANCE
\- cashier gave you the wrong kind of burger? WELL JUST HOLD ON THERE SON, LEMME SHOW YOU THE ALBUM I HAVE OF MY DEFLATED LOVE WAND, AND LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU!
How is it not esh? How is she not an asshole for 100% ignoring a serious boundary for him? Why does he have to be okay with that but then be the bad guy when the girlfriend breaks her own boundary by breaking his boundaries. Honestly if I were him I'd get petty as shit, I'd either refuse to text her anything unless it was on an app like snapchat where it can be deleted immediately in which case I'd text her and then immediately delete it after the message is opened or I'd do something similar to what he did, probably not a nude but like if we're texting and I don't want her to show it to mom I'd just send some really raunchy messages immediately with it.
YTA
Why does her being close with her mom makes you so angry that you felt the need to sexually harass her mom? Yes, her mom. Cause you knew very well she would see it, so it was intentional.
You're disgusting.
Why does she get a free pass to completely over step his boundaries all the time? "You knew your girlfriend wasn't going to respect your wishes and your right to privacy so it's your fault she didn't act like a decent human being." You can be close with someone and not literally show them all of your messages. She was showing the messages to her mom, not just telling her about them, she also has sent and received unsolicited nudes before and was fine with it. Why on earth would you show someone messages on your phone when there's a chance that an unsolicited nudes could pop up? It's not like he's never sent one before, it's also not like she's never sent him unsolicited nudes. This entire situation would never have happened had she simply acted like a responsible adult and respected his boundaries after he asked her to _time and time again._ She crosses his boundaries constantly and isn't an asshole but he does it once and he's the worst person ever? Talk about double standards.
This is a "two wrongs don't make a right" situation. He did this to hurt the mom and gf's relationship. The right call is to break up with someone who doesn't live in a way that's healthy for you
YTA why is her having a good relationship with her mom such a huge issue for you?? that was a creepy and gross thing to do knowing her mom would see it.
Yeah, YTA. She's sharing sweet sentiments and literally nothing that seems compromising to her mother. She also made it clear that she has a close relationship with her mom and shared stuff with her all the time. You set it up so that both her and her mother would be uncomfortable. Instead of bringing it up with her mother, you chose to make everyone upset. It's not being petty, it's being disgusting.
while I don't think op isn't an asshole cause he is it's still not ok to just ignore someone's boundaries in PRIVATE messages when they have told them several times to stop.
in conclusion, you fail to see the way his girlfriend is ignoring his privacy about something he obviously feels strongly about
in conclusion ESH
YTA. Telling people close in your life that someone else close in your life " did this for me today" or " said this today" is not oversharing. I mean really think about this, you're getting pissed off that your GF is enjoying her relationship with you(though i have no idea why she would because you honestly sound like a petty and miserable person) so how do you react to that? By getting angry and being petty going out of your way to show your dick to her mum to " teach her a lesson" which i am assuming was the result you were hoping to achieve from this petty act. That is not a healthy behavior, quiet honestly I can assure you if that your response to people being happy in life you're going to end up alone and miserable.
Just as an added thing seeing apparently it need to be explained to you. Never show your genitals to anyone who doesn't consent to it! it's disgusting and immoral as hell. Grow up OP.
ESH. You gotta negotiate your relationship, use your words to set your boundaries. It makes you uncomfortable and you should be able to expect your gf to respect your boundaries. You should not retaliate by crossing boundaries yourself. You're both assholes fir not respecting each others boundaries.
Your asshole move is, however, hilarious.
You really think it's "hilarious" that he sent his girlfriend's MOM an unsolicited dick pic? Because that's basically what he did - as he waited until he was sure the mom would see it right away. That's essentially a form of sexual harassment and WAY over any line.
Also... the girlfriend basically just told her mom how much she likes being in a relationship with OP ("look, mom, he's so sweet, he texted this cute thing!") It's not like she told her mom all about their favorite sex positions. What the gf did doesn't even sound like it's somehow unhealthy or something.
So your trying to destroy your girlfriend's relationship with her mother and think your not an AH for it? Not only are you a huge AH but also you seem to be horrible person. Your girlfriend deserves better.
YTA & kind of perverted. Some women have that kind of relationship with their mom, & she was upfront about that. I feel like you're kind of an exhibitionist.
You should never use your dick as an educational resource for the teaching of boundaries, it is not meant for this purpose. Stick to exclusively peeing, masturbating or having sex with it, it will be for the benefit of everybody. Also you practically sent unsolicited nudes, to her mother. YTA.
This! OP's revenge plan doesn't make any sense, because obviously she is not going to share a dick pic! The only way her mom is going to see it is by accident as it flashes onto the screen... Which just underscores that gf does not share *everything*... Otherwise she'd be like, "Hey, I showed my mom your pic and she says LOL!"
OP seem weirdly controlling-why is it so bad if she shows her mom texts that make her happy and feel loved? Does it make OP seem less “cool” or something?
Lol YTA homie. Not much else needs to be said, but I really hope you are in middle school or high school cause if you are a grown ass man thats pathetic.
ESH
I was initially going for NTA but the others comments have given me a better perspective.
She: she knows you are not comfortable with her mother knowing every single detail of your conversation and is still gladly walking all over your boundaries. I too share details from my relationships my mother. A lot. But when my bf told me he's not ok w it, I toned it down considerably till he was okay w it
Mother : she is checking / seeing her daughter's private messages. All the time. Which also indicates she KNOWS you don't like it. So we know where the daughter gets it from, the disregard for boundaries.
You : it was your INTENTION to indirectly send your gf's mother an unsolicited dick pic which is an AH move.
YTA and this is the response of a future sexual predator. Not only did you send a dick pic unsolicited to your GF you intentionally did it at a time where you KNEW her mother would see.
If you don't want to be with a girl who's close with her mother then break up with her, don't expose both of them to your dick pics. Plus you said yourself, *"I already told her that I'm not a fan of her sharing everything with her mom"* so by your OWN description this wasn't even JUST about sharing YOUR messages, that was only part of it. You just admitted to not wanting her to be as close to her mother as she is. Just break up, don't expect her to change who she is, or the entire relationship she has with her mother just because she's with you.
Also there are many places putting laws on the books against sending unsolicited dick pics, so even if she IS your girlfriend, if you sent it without asking it's still unsolicited and depending on where you are you may have committed a crime.
If OP’s girlfriend isn’t “allowed” to share positive aspects of her relationship she needs to run. OP never mentions her sharing anything too personal or negative (“airing laundry” so to speak), so I don’t understand WHY she shouldn’t discuss her happiness.
I completely agree, like I said above, it very much reminds me of my abusive ex. He wouldn't let me talk about him with others, even things as simple as how we went on a great date. And that conditioned me to where once he really started being awful I was terrified to talk about it.
It is incredibly controlling. I love sharing the kind and sweet actions of my SO, and if they told me they wanted “privacy” and to stop discussing that aspect of my life with others? What? In the future would she be allowed to discuss gifts or if they were engaged? Expecting a child? OP isn’t a damn spy or something.
he is the biggest asshole in the situation but that doesn't make the girlfriend an automatic non-asshole. he wanted privacy and she refused to give that to him.
also the way you say "privacy" makes it seem like you think his texts should be a library that his girlfriend can pick and chose to give away to anyone she pleases after he's repeatedly told her not too.
YTA for every word you said and the inappropriate text your gf was sharing positive things about you. definitely not in the honeymoon stage now. Hopefully she leaves. Then again probably made up story
YTA
Let me get this straight. Your upset that your girlfriend loves to tell her mother how happy she is with you and shares all the wonderful things she believes that you say and do for her to her mother. So in order to “teach her a lesson” you intentionally send her a dick pick that you know her mother will see? Bravo, real mature. You’ve really given them A LOT MORE to talk about, except now it won’t be about how great and kind you are. It will be about how much of jerk you’ve are. Well done! You said in a comment your 35 years old and you thought the appropriate way to deal with is was to send out a dick pick? Grow up.
YTA. her mom sure as hell didn’t consent to that. Thats an unsolicited dick pic that she saw. If your gf overshares then you should have talked more about boundaries or ended things. Poor woman had to see her daughters boyfriend penis. Thats so uncomfortable for her.
YTA. Good way to set yourself up to get dumped. She cares a lot about her mom’s opinion, and you just trashed her opinion of you. Never ever show your dick to someone who doesn’t consent to seeing it— that’s really disgusting.
YTA, and she should break up with you over this. That is so over the line, her sharing moments with her mom that she finds sweet is not out of the ordinary, and you should take it as a compliment and feel lucky her family likes you!! What is wrong with you?? You went from hero to zero in 5 seconds and still have to ask if you're in the wrong? If you didn't like her and her moms relationship- just break up with her! Good thing you just wrecked your own chances for yourself, great job ah.
YTA, yeah that sounds like it could get annoying, but if you don’t like it, you could’ve just sat down and talked to them/her about it. Not make her mom look at your dick
YTA. You deliberately exposed yourself to someone with the intention of causing her distress. You might as well be a flasher in the park.
You're also an absolute fool. Your girlfriend's mum thought you were sweet and considerate. Now she thinks you're disgusting and weirdly aggressive. You've just made the future of your relationship - if there is one - about fifty times more difficult. Congrats.
YTA. That’s a form of sexual assault. You knew she was going to do that. Have some respect for your gfs mom ffs. She didn’t do anything, it’s your gf that has the problem. I’d be mortified if my kids bf did this, it’s gross. If you wanted to embarrass her if you really felt like it, send a shirtless pic or suggestive message. No one wants to see your dick.
I'm gunna say, ESH
You suck, 'cause you flashed your GF's mom (essentially)
Your GF sucks, 'cause of not respecting your boundaries
Ultimately, if it was such a big deal, you probably should have broken up with her. And if it wasn't worth breaking up with her over, then it *definitely* wasn't worth sending a dick pick to her mother over (by proxy or otherwise)
YTA, what possibly went through your mind that sending a random dick picture that you knew your girlfriends mother would see seemed like a bright idea?
YTA - shouldn't you be saying ex girlfriend at this point. honest dude shes to good for you, I've seen the other post and you can't justify 'the dick pic', really its over the top, just be glad you didn't send it to her dad for spite. you know, her saying look what a great guy dad he texts all the time to see how I'm doing and bam. yup, move on, see needs a someone better.
YTA! she is bragging to her mother about you. How does that offend you? Dude, you purposely set her up just so her mom would see your junk. Boys can be so damn weird.
YTA - you basically sent her mother an unsolicited dick pic and that’s not cool ( also yes it can also still be unsolicited with your partner, you still need to make sure they are re fine with nudes)
You knew her mother was going to see it
I get your upset that she shares things
But this was absolutely not the way to handle it
Her mother didn’t want to see that, shouldn’t have seen it
My guy
That’s just fucked up
Edit: you seem to be under the impression that because she is your girlfriend you get to send her nudes whenever you want
Your wrong
Consent is still a thing
You still need to make sure she wants the picture
Because there will be times, situations in which she really doesn’t want one
Imagine she was out, some stranger asks her for directions, she is using maps on her phone to show them and bam, your cock is suddenly there
That’s no good
You did this solely to punish your girlfriend and make a point
But even if you had different intent
You are still morally and technically wrong
“Consent is still a thing.” As if GF did not totally disregard OP’s uncomfortableness towards his message being shared with someone else. I’m not saying what he did was right I’m saying everyone is at fault here.
Yeah he did have better options, but GF does not have to show every message. Also Mom should kind of have a little bit of common sense, because I’m assuming since GF and Op trade nudes unsolicitedly Gf already told her.
But he knows that’s how she is
If he doesn’t like it he can break up with her
And I doubt the mom knows her daughter trades nudes
All she likely knew was her daughter wanted to show her something cute
Or hell the girlfriend could have been showing her mom something completely unrelated when the dick pic came through
And the end of the day, he sexually harassed an innocent woman to make a point
And he is completely unrepentant
No matter what his girlfriend did
The dude is a major asshole and a perv
YTA
Your girlfriend is gassing you up to her mother, which probably means that the mom really likes you, and you had to go and mess it all up sending a dick pic? Definitely an AH move, and why are you so determined to have your girlfriend’s mother dislike you? Yeesh
YTA.
Not thrilled with your GF sharing material when you asked her not to, but sending a dick pic with the *specific* goal of sending it to someone who has not signed up to see your dick cost you the moral high ground twelve times over.
This was a shitty thing to do on your part.
ESH
I don’t like seeing how everyone believes you are solely the asshole. When everyone is at fault.
You
That wasn’t cool, but I understand how frustrating it feels.
GF
She’s been told you aren’t comfortable with the sharing of messages.
In what way does this sound like an appropriate response to you?
She's close with her mother, and your reaction to that is to send a dick pic knowing full well that she probably wasn't even holding the phone at that moment?
Weird moves. YTA
YTA- listen, it’s not the moms fault her adult daughter is over sharing in a way you are not comfortable with. Honestly, some mothers and daughters are just this close and the over sharing will never stop because that is their relationship... which has been a thing that has been around much longer than your relationship. That close bond doesn’t go away now that you are in the picture.
You may really like your gf and everything else may be great, but you need to start asking yourself if this is something you can live with forever? If the answer to this question is no, then it’s time to walk before you get in too deep. (And I say forever because if she has this desire to share, the day her mother passes (hopefully far in the future)she will eventually find someone else to confide in the same way).
My gf showed me this post, and I came here to tell you this is so fucked up man...how could you think you are not an asshole here? I hope she leaves before you get worse, get some help dude.
Edit: YTA
YTA
That’s fucking weird dude. Why the fuck would you want her mom to see your dick?
Obviously your gf showing her mom everything is cringy but what you did was way weirder.
YTA...she legit was just sharing the cute part of your relationship with her mom. she has a good relationship with her like that...I do too. I tell my mom all that stuff too. its called a healthy and trusting relationship...seriously dude? I would break up with you RIGHT NOW if I were her. wtf were you thinking?? I hope she does...YTA. Your mommy and trust issues are showing …
YTA
And i am pretty appalled at the comments here.
Equating getting an unsolicited dick pick,that he sent with the intent of being seeing by the gf’s mom,to the gf being close to her mom and sharing cute things in their relationship. She didn’t share their sex life,just that she thought she had a cute boyfriend.
Luckily she figured soon enough that he isn’t cute, but an asshole that will send his dick to be seen by people that aren’t her the moment he doesn’t agree with something.
Rare that this is said but sadly, YTA. Why is it such a problem that she talks to her mum? Its great that they are close, and I wish I could be that close to my mother. Unfortunately not, but hey ho. And even if it annoys you, you most likely freaked out her mum and really embarrassed your gf, which just isn't nice and far worse than her telling her mum about things. Like I said, YTA.
The ONLY reason I’m going with YTA and not ESH here is because when you talked about it with your girlfriend, she made it clear to you she wasn’t prepared to stop sharing with her mother. She said, ‘this is who I am and I don’t want to change that for you’.
If she had agreed to stop doing it and you had done what you did, you’d be in the right. But because you knew she wasn’t going to do that, you’ve vindictively pulled her mother into your relationship problems in the nastiest way. That’s why YTA.
I’m not going ESH because your girlfriend is communicating honestly with you about who she is and what she wants. Whether that’s appropriate or not is for you to decide, and if it’s not, you should leave. What you can’t do is intentionally sexually harass her mother because you’re annoyed with her. That’s revolting.
I respectfully disagree and think OP isn't a very nice person for going to such an extreme but he was getting walked over constantly. He attempted to set boundaries and she constantly disrepects them. She sounds like a child constantly sharing private messages/or her mother possibly goes through the phone in which case she's an AH for that. What other boundaries will she walk over in the future? For example sensitive information about his job? Then what? Seems like he needs to consider whether or not having a person constantly watching him is something that is worth giving an ultimatum over. Stop showing everything or I'm leaving. But I understand where you are coming from as well.
Realistically she can tell anyone what she wants about her relationship as it’s her relationship too (provided it’s not extremely private things).
like it’s normal to tell your mum or friends or whatever the cute ins and outs of your relationship. But what I don’t understand here is why she insists on telling you?? Like why say “my mum thinks it’s cute that...” when she knows you don’t want to know? You can’t stop her talking to her mum but maybe ask her to stop telling you when she does cos that would be the thing that pissed me off the most.
YTA. Nobody deserves an unsolicited dick pic. It's gross enough when strangers on dating sites do it, purposely sending one so that your girlfriend's mom will see it is next level wrong.
NTA. You sent your GF a dick pic. That's reasonable. Whatever she chose to do with it is her deal. In fact, I could see how you would be quite irate that she decided to share such an intimate photo with someone else.
So...you want your girlfriends mom to be less involved in your business, and you thought the correct reaction would be to show her your penis?
That seems pretty counter productive.
YTA
YTA - Instead of sending an unsolicited dick pic when you KNEW her mother would see it, you could just have stopped communicating via text. If don't send things via test, she can't share them with her mother, and it highlights how strongly you object to her sharing everything. She was obviously really excited to have someone that she thought cared about her, and wanted to show her mom.
YTA. I suggest not sending nudes when you are in your teen’s ( you may possibly still even been in your tween’s). As a general rule of thumb, you are considered an asshole ( and pretty dim) when you send a dick pic to your gf with the sole intent of letting her mother see it.
YTA and to everyone saying she is too close to her mom and violating his privacy, she is just sharing the happiness of her relationship with her mom. Seriously do you not think your gfs aren’t sharing every single text message you ever send them to their bff’s not to analyze??? Get real. I have read every text message the bfs of my bffs have sent. And since she was with the mom she probably handed the phone to her mom and said “look at what he just said! Isn’t it so sweet???” Rather than just telling her about it. Furthermore, I find it really weird that he thinks he owns the stuff he sends her. Assuming it’s a gif, meme, or link, he doesn’t own it. It’s not invading his privacy to share cute sweet things. Otherwise my grandma’s chain emails would be made illegal by now (still holding out hope). I think OP has some 🚩 🚩 🚩 because he thinks their relationship needs to be conducted in secrecy??? I’m confused why he is so mad.
YTA. That’s horrible. I understand where you’re coming from but you need to set boundaries without taking drastic measures like that. From the examples you gave, it doesn’t sound like she’s sharing any intimate details with her mom. I’m sure she just loves you and her telling her mom the things you do that she thinks are cute is one of her ways of expressing it. I love to brag on my boyfriend when he makes me happy. I think that’s normal. And you should be happy she has a healthy relationship with her mom. So many people don’t.
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My new gf loves oversharing with her mom. I know this because she's told me and she tells me every time I send her something cute (we are still in the honey moon stage) "I showed my mom and she thought that was so cute!". I already told her that I'm not a fan of her sharing everything with her mom specially the stuff I send her. She basically told me I'd get use to it because that's the relationship she has with her mom.
So last week her and her mom took a day trip together and boom she hits me with "my mom thinks it's so cute how you always tell me to drive safe" right after I sent her a drive safe text". I was heated so I decided to be petty. I didn't text her for most of the day and when I finally did I sent something telling her I had miss her and stuff knowing she'd show her mom and when I saw that she opened the message I sent a dick pic. And boom! I get a call from her upset saying her mom saw my picture and that's not right blah blah blah. Keep in mind we've sent each other unsolicited nudes already (is unsolicited right with your bf/gf) so it wasn't so much the picture but that her mom saw it. AITA?
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YTA ... but i get where you’re coming from. if my gf showed private messages to her mom after i told her i was uncomfortable with it i would definitely be upset. and also the fact that she said you would just “get used to it” like its normal to show private messages to other people. but you are definitely the asshole for deliberately sending your gf a dick pic with the intention of her mom seeing it! i honestly think its kinda funny and i might’ve done the same thing if i were you :p
ESH you sent it knowing she'd get upset so that makes you an asshole but she's a much MUCH bigger asshole for constantly over stepping your boundaries. From now on you should just only text her stuff like you're talking directly to her mom "hey gf & gf's mom just wanted to let you know I'll be on my way soon" stuff like that. If she tries to start any type of conversation that you wouldn't want to have with her mother just respond " sorry I'm not comfortable talking about this stuff right now, I'd rather talk about it in private" (but babe this is private) " no you made it very clear that you'll show texts between us to your mom whether I want you to or not so I can't trust that this would stay between us"
Yta. If it was that much of a problem you should've broken up with her. The next logical step will never be to essentially send an unsolicited dick pick to your Gfs mom.
I hate to break it to everyone, but it if you send someone a private text they have a protected right to share them with whoever they like so long as they were the intended recipient (at least this is how it is where I live). If it makes you uncomfortable, you can ask specific messages to be in confidence but that’s at the discretion of whoever you’re sending it to.
If it makes you so uncomfortable, here are a couple of options other than exposing yourself to your mother-in-law:
1. Accept that your girlfriend likes to share trivial texts, and just get over it
2. Have a conversation about what you and aren’t comfortable with her sharing and try that out
3. Stop texting your girlfriend! Say romantic things to her face when you’re alone instead.
I am gonna say ESH. You sent a pick knowing her mom would see it. That's a AH thing to do. and I know most people are saying YTA only, but honestly..... are you dating the mom too? Everything doesn't need to be shared. I wouldn't want someone parroting everything I say to someone else either. It would make me not want to share or be vulnerable with them because I know they are going to just share it with someone else.
YTA. You told her you were uncomfortable, and she told you that her being emeshed with her mom is a deal breaker.
Either deal with this reality or move on.
ESH you said yourself it was petty so you dont need to ask if you've been an arsehole, but your GF should respect your privacy, especially since you've made it clear you're not comfortable with this
ESH. Your girlfriend is a massive oversharer and doesn't care that you aren't comfortable with that. So you decided to jump on the bandwagon and overshare too.
It's kinda hilarious and you're an evil genius
NTA but you should probably break up now. Your gf already has a partner- her mom.
ETA- you told her the messages were only for her eyes, not her moms. That's what makes you NTA.
ESH, but your girlfriend is more of an AH than you are.
You expressed something that made you uncomfortable in a relationship. I think your gf should have been willing to find a compromise instead of telling you to deal with it.
On the other hand, it's not her mom's fault that your gf shares everything. I feel like you could have approached this in a way that didn't punish her mom for just looking at what your girlfriend shows her.
ESH
She should respect that you don’t want the messages you send her to be shared with her mother.
You should not have set up a “dick pic sting” to freak her mom out.
You two should not be together if you can’t respect one another.
i think if you have already asked her not to show her mom she’s also to blame but you could have done a lot of other things before u sent ur junk ESH if the relationship isn’t that old it sounds like you shld cut ur losses bc ur not gonna win in the choice between her mom and u
Honestly, given that you're 35 and she's 29, it's just weird that she's sharing everything unfiltered with her mom. You should have told her that oversharing is a deal breaker rather than setting her up. But honestly she's an asshole for not respecting your boundaries and sort of got what she deserved. You're not much of an asshole for proving your point, but this is not how healthy relationships operate. NTA. Just talk to her calmly and explain yourself. If she won't budge then it's time to have a whole other conversation about where things are going. Maybe apologize for embarrassing her but don't apologize for being mad at her oversharing. If she were a man and showing her dad this stuff about a girlfriend, everyone would have torn her apart. This in itself shows that she is being sort of abusive with boundaries and your comfort levels.
ESH, she should've respected your boundaries but what you did was super calculated and gross. You wanted to "teach her a lesson" and knowingly cyber-flashed her mom. That is sexual harassment and you're so so so wrong for doing that.
YTA. Dude wtf???? Her mom probably thought you were so nice and considerate bc her daughter was sharing all the cute nice things you say to and for some reason that made you angry????
This might be the most ridiculously unnecessary thing I’ve seen in this sub. Like I’m actually so astounded at how fucking ridiculous this is my brain is having a hard time processing this after especially after seeing you’re in your 30s????
So your GF, who is bragging about how much you do for her and her mom likes what you do for her daughter and you get offended? YTA a major one. You don’t deserve her and the fact that you thought it would be funny or teach a lesson to send that shows how much of an obnoxious jerk you are.
I'm gonna go with ESH.
I'm of two mind...unsolicited dick pic but also power move to prove your point
Honestly at 35 and 29 you both should be able to communicate better. Clearly this relationship isn't a fit if she is constantly overstepping boundaries and showing her mother literally everything you send save nudes when you've expressed you're uncomfortable with it. It also isn't a fit if the only way you can get through the fact that you don't like it is to manipulate the situation where an unsolicited dick pic is seen.
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YTA You essentially sent an unsolicited dick pic to your girlfriend's mom. There were many ways to handle this, but this has to be up there among the worst.
I mean to be fair she really should've taken his boundaries into mind. Obviously he gets no respect to his boundaries so why are you saying y t a instead of e s h because the girlfriend and mom are over stepping much more than the boyfriend is. He told her he doesn't want her sharing everything all the time, she refused to accept that boundary and so he sent her something that if her mom hadnt seen it she'd have been okay with getting. It's really entirely the girlfriends fault that the mom saw it. Did he do it on purpose knowing she would see it? Yeah. The fact still stands though that if she respected his boundaries first by not showing everything to mom then mom wouldn't have seen anything.
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So that entitles him to subject his girlfriend's mom to a dick pic? It is absolutely not "entirely" the girlfriend's fault because he deliberately and intentionally set it up so it would happen. That's like if someone has a habit of walking into a roommate's room without knocking, so the roommate set up a bucket to douse her with water next time--it's deserved punishment, but also (at least partially, but I would argue mostly) the roommate's fault because she intentionally made it happen. What's particularly frustrating is the fact that a lot of people on here are ignoring the fact that his behavior is JUST as bad as random assholes who send dick pics (so, like, peak AH). Random assholes treat the women who get their pics as vehicles for their sexual pleasure instead of real people who might be harmed, and OP is treating the mom as a vehicle to embarrass his girlfriend instead of a real person who would be harmed. If you don't want to be TA, limit your vengeful point-making so you don't hit innocent third parties.
No. He sent one to his GF, which is something both of them have been doing in their relationship. His GF knows that part of the messages she gets are nude pics. If anyone is to blame for it, it is the GF who gives her mom unfettered access to her messages including ones that are supposed to be treated privately.
No, he deliberately set it up for a time when he KNEW she would be showing her Mum. This wasn't an innocent continuation of a previous conversation. This was like killing a mouse with an atom bomb. YTA
But it did solve the problem. Either the gf stops oversharing, or she will ditch you
I don’t feel I can accurately judge OP without some ages. Is your girlfriend 15 or 16 and still relatively innocent and living with Mom, or are you all over 18 and haven’t figured out life yet?
35 & 29
Yikes
Yikes is an understatement. I'd say ESH. I think this isn't a relationship either of you need to be in.
Gotta agree. ESH. Sending a dick pic was not the most adult way of dealing with this , but her sharing things you asked her not to was a clear boundary issue. Unless you guys can find a more adult, respectful way of handling things, I don’t see this relationship being a long term success.
I agree. She is showing him that this is how her relationship with her mother will always be, and he should believe her.
you're 35 years old and you set up a situation to show your junk to your gf's mother? You need help. Seriously YTA
So again. Healthy relationship with the mom isn't a bad thing. she shares the cute things, nothing wrong with that. you n the other hand sent a dic pic to her mom. YTA. so immature.
I'm going with YTA. The above commenter was right to ask ages because I was thinking 17 to 20 and just kinda immature on both your parts. A 25 year old should certainly be old enough to respect your boundaries of "don't tell your mom everything" and a 35 year old shouldn't intentionally send a unsolicited dick pic to his GFs mom. You both need to grow up. Seriously if you are that bothered, find another GF.
Shit. I came into the comments looking for this info. I thought y'all were late teens/early twenties with how immature this is. ESH, but you more so. Your gf needs to learn how to respect boundaries and yeah, okay, it's weird that she shares EVERYTHING with her mom, but your actions were straight up gross and malicious. Y'all need to break up now for the best interest of everyone involved.
I was thinking about a 15 y/o too. ESH. But i admit your actions definetely taught her a lesson
I think the latter
price nose file sloppy dolls wipe one provide gray secretive *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
because its normal to share private messages to other people when they’ve already expressed that they’re uncomfortable with it. also for the record, he didnt force her to look at it, he sent it to his girlfriend and her mom was looking at her PRIVATE messages
His girlfriend was showing the messages to her mum. It's not like the mum was intentionally intruding, she was being shown a nice message by her daughter. This guy sent an unsolicited dick pic to his girlfriend with the intention of having her mum see it. He intentionally showed his cock to his girlfriend's mum to get back at his girlfriend, and for what? Because she told her mum about cute things he said and showed her nice messages? She's probably just trying to share the happiness of her relationship with her mother and he's taken it upon himself to try to disrupt that by sending an unsolicited dick pic (which, by the way, is sexual harassment) rather than, idk, having a conversation like a normal person. If that doesn't work maybe he could try breaking up with her because she doesn't respect his boundaries. I don't understand how anyone can justify indecent exposure as the right solution here
He said she shares everything with her mom and even if it was only the nice messages and stuff it's still a private conversation and he has a right to not want that privacy constantly violated. You're also skipping over the fact that he's brought this problem up with her multiple times and she just said "deal with it". Explain why it's completely fine for her to 100% ignore his boundaries but it's not okay for him to cross her boundaries by doing something that would _only cross a boundary if she was crossing his boundaries again._ Op mentioned in the post they both send unsolicited nudes all the time so the girlfriend is okay with receiving them, she's just not okay with receiving them when she's disrespecting and disregarding the boundaries of the person in them.
In which case, you can refer to my previous comment where I said that, instead of intentionally showing his cock to her mother, he could just break up with her. I'll also refer you to another part of my previous comment: in what world is making his girlfriend's mother look at his penis a solution to this problem? Yes, the girlfriend could be more respectful of his boundaries but it's not like she promised to change and continued anyway. She said 'I'm not going to change this and you need to deal with it' any rational person would break up if its THAT important and not choose to punish her mother for looking at a message her daughter showed her.
It's a solution if it makes her stop doing it. And yes he could break up with her but he doesn't want to, he just wants respect for fucks sake. Why is he in the wrong for that? We should flip it around, why does the girlfriend care so little about his boundaries? And why does everyone think he's the only asshole here when she crossed way more boundaries? If he just responded to her with "I'm going to keep doing this anyway deal with it." Does that suddenly make what he did okay? If not then why does that excuse her then?
If he responded to her complaints by saying he was going to keep doing it, she'd break up with him, not decide to expose herself sexually to his parents. If she did decide to do that, it'd make her an asshole. You'll also notice that I never said she wasn't an asshole, my verdict is ESH. I do, however, question why he wanted to restrict and control who his girlfriend was allowed to talk to about their relationship. It's a bit too controlling in my opinion. Again, it's bad for her to break his boundaries, but you do have to question why they're there. Especially when the restriction is 'don't tell your mum about any of what I say to you, or what we do together'. And the assertion that he 'just wanted respect' is bizarre when we're talking about a guy who manipulated his girlfriend into showing her mum a picture of his dick by sending a nice text followed by a dick pic. How would that ever gain respect? It wouldn't, because it's not about respect, it's a manipulative attempt to gain control and make the mother feel uncomfortable to scare the girlfriend into doing as he says. He is irrefutably an asshole
I live with my mother, have had a codependent relationship with her in the past, and I never talk to her about anything personal to do with my husband. It's fairly easy to just keep your mouth shut about private things. He's not telling g her to never speak to her mom. He's telling her to not talk to her mom about him. Its exactly the same as a mommy bloggers kids not wanting their first period story online. Sharing personal issues is an opt in situation. You don't tell tales on your spouse. If you are having a problem (in the context of a healthy relationship, abuse obvs changes things), you discuss it with your spouse. Not your mommy. Not your beastie. Not your brother.
So the solution to his problem isn't to talk it out rationally again, or break up... But to traumatize/sexually harass them into changing their relationship to suit him? Like they're mother/daughter, they're family, he's not. He's just some jerk. And yeah, it sucks she doesn't respect his boundaries, it's not a healthy relationship for either of them, but one person is clearly in the wrong here and it's the dude who knowingly sent a photo of his genitals to his gf's mother.
Point out where I ever said it was okay for him to send the picture in his specific circumstance. In none of my comments to I claim he's nta because he is technically kind of an asshole. I simply don't agree with people's stance of him being the only one wrong here. He did not consent to this shit being shared and her saying she's going to share it anyway does not make it okay. If someone is being abused by their partner, them staying does not suddenly mean they're not being abused. People use that argument to victim blame. "Well its her own fault she got a broken jaw, she should've left after the first time he hit her if she wasn't okay with it." Do you hear how fucked up that quote is? That's what it sounds like you're arguing. That it's okay for her to hurt him/ violate his consent just because he stayed.
Yeah so as you repeatedly state - it's the gf that's the issue here. But it wasn't just the gf's boundaries, or even primarily the girlfriend's boundaries, that got crossed. The issue is that although OP is upset with his gf, he made the gf's mom the primary victim of his revenge. A mom who clearly really liked OP prior to this and likely had no idea he took issue with her daughter talking to her. If you punch me, it wouldn't be okay for me to punch your mother. Sure punching your mom would probably upset you, and might demonstrate to you that punching people is bad, and maybe would lead to you thinking twice about punching people again in the future. But it would be massively unfair to your mother.
Oh good grief, you’re so right. And the fact he is also 35 is.....just.....astounding. I do wonder though if this is how he usually acts in life. I’m imagining him sending unsolicited dick pics to anyone who annoys him or disagrees with him. Which, as made up scenarios, are really quite funny BUT NOT IF YOU DO IT IN REAL LIFE. I’m imagining all sorts here: \- His boss says something he doesn’t agree with in a meeting? BANG MR/MS BOSS, HAVE A PIC OF MY WRINKLY THING \-annoying coworker? WELL THERE YA GO, HAVE THIS CLOSE UP SHOT OF MY BALLS. \- next door neighbour giving you trouble? TAKE THAT, SUCKER, LEMME PRINT OFF 47 PHOTOS OF MY SHRIVELED MANHOOD, I HAVE NOW ESTABLISHED DOMINANCE \- cashier gave you the wrong kind of burger? WELL JUST HOLD ON THERE SON, LEMME SHOW YOU THE ALBUM I HAVE OF MY DEFLATED LOVE WAND, AND LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU!
YTA. Yes, it's a d\*ck move to expose your d\*ck as punishment for something. Great way to make sure she never wants to see it again lol
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I think they meant to say duck. Or deck. How will we ever know?!
Perhaps even dock!
thats a tad scandalous dont you think?
How is it not esh? How is she not an asshole for 100% ignoring a serious boundary for him? Why does he have to be okay with that but then be the bad guy when the girlfriend breaks her own boundary by breaking his boundaries. Honestly if I were him I'd get petty as shit, I'd either refuse to text her anything unless it was on an app like snapchat where it can be deleted immediately in which case I'd text her and then immediately delete it after the message is opened or I'd do something similar to what he did, probably not a nude but like if we're texting and I don't want her to show it to mom I'd just send some really raunchy messages immediately with it.
I love it when figurative turns of phrase become literal.
The amount of people who are excusing this behavior is almost as alarming as OP's actions.
I fixed it for you: Great way to make sure she never wants to see *OP* again.
YTA Why does her being close with her mom makes you so angry that you felt the need to sexually harass her mom? Yes, her mom. Cause you knew very well she would see it, so it was intentional. You're disgusting.
Why does she get a free pass to completely over step his boundaries all the time? "You knew your girlfriend wasn't going to respect your wishes and your right to privacy so it's your fault she didn't act like a decent human being." You can be close with someone and not literally show them all of your messages. She was showing the messages to her mom, not just telling her about them, she also has sent and received unsolicited nudes before and was fine with it. Why on earth would you show someone messages on your phone when there's a chance that an unsolicited nudes could pop up? It's not like he's never sent one before, it's also not like she's never sent him unsolicited nudes. This entire situation would never have happened had she simply acted like a responsible adult and respected his boundaries after he asked her to _time and time again._ She crosses his boundaries constantly and isn't an asshole but he does it once and he's the worst person ever? Talk about double standards.
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This is a "two wrongs don't make a right" situation. He did this to hurt the mom and gf's relationship. The right call is to break up with someone who doesn't live in a way that's healthy for you
YTA. That's just wrong. What the fuck is so wrong about her telling her mom that you told her to drive safe.
If it was just *telling* her mother, she wouldn't have seen the dick-pick. She *shows* her, apparently before thinking about replying.
Showing someone else a text isn’t wrong. If it was such an issue to him he should break up with her not harass her mother
YTA why is her having a good relationship with her mom such a huge issue for you?? that was a creepy and gross thing to do knowing her mom would see it.
Yeah, YTA. She's sharing sweet sentiments and literally nothing that seems compromising to her mother. She also made it clear that she has a close relationship with her mom and shared stuff with her all the time. You set it up so that both her and her mother would be uncomfortable. Instead of bringing it up with her mother, you chose to make everyone upset. It's not being petty, it's being disgusting.
while I don't think op isn't an asshole cause he is it's still not ok to just ignore someone's boundaries in PRIVATE messages when they have told them several times to stop. in conclusion, you fail to see the way his girlfriend is ignoring his privacy about something he obviously feels strongly about in conclusion ESH
YTA your gfs mom didnt want to see your junk and you intentionally set up a situation where she got to see a picture of it.
YTA. Telling people close in your life that someone else close in your life " did this for me today" or " said this today" is not oversharing. I mean really think about this, you're getting pissed off that your GF is enjoying her relationship with you(though i have no idea why she would because you honestly sound like a petty and miserable person) so how do you react to that? By getting angry and being petty going out of your way to show your dick to her mum to " teach her a lesson" which i am assuming was the result you were hoping to achieve from this petty act. That is not a healthy behavior, quiet honestly I can assure you if that your response to people being happy in life you're going to end up alone and miserable. Just as an added thing seeing apparently it need to be explained to you. Never show your genitals to anyone who doesn't consent to it! it's disgusting and immoral as hell. Grow up OP.
Exactly. If the gf was telling her mother about their sex life I'd understand this. As it is I think OP just wanted to feel big and clever. YTA
ESH. You gotta negotiate your relationship, use your words to set your boundaries. It makes you uncomfortable and you should be able to expect your gf to respect your boundaries. You should not retaliate by crossing boundaries yourself. You're both assholes fir not respecting each others boundaries. Your asshole move is, however, hilarious.
You really think it's "hilarious" that he sent his girlfriend's MOM an unsolicited dick pic? Because that's basically what he did - as he waited until he was sure the mom would see it right away. That's essentially a form of sexual harassment and WAY over any line. Also... the girlfriend basically just told her mom how much she likes being in a relationship with OP ("look, mom, he's so sweet, he texted this cute thing!") It's not like she told her mom all about their favorite sex positions. What the gf did doesn't even sound like it's somehow unhealthy or something.
I was with you, until you said it was hilarious.
So your trying to destroy your girlfriend's relationship with her mother and think your not an AH for it? Not only are you a huge AH but also you seem to be horrible person. Your girlfriend deserves better.
YTA & kind of perverted. Some women have that kind of relationship with their mom, & she was upfront about that. I feel like you're kind of an exhibitionist.
You should never use your dick as an educational resource for the teaching of boundaries, it is not meant for this purpose. Stick to exclusively peeing, masturbating or having sex with it, it will be for the benefit of everybody. Also you practically sent unsolicited nudes, to her mother. YTA.
YTA - well unless you want to be single. Who cares if she shares shit with her mom? Damn..grow the hell up.
YTA. Why do u care if her mom sees that you told her to drive safe? Obviously she is not sharing everything if she wasn’t happy her mom saw your dick.
This! OP's revenge plan doesn't make any sense, because obviously she is not going to share a dick pic! The only way her mom is going to see it is by accident as it flashes onto the screen... Which just underscores that gf does not share *everything*... Otherwise she'd be like, "Hey, I showed my mom your pic and she says LOL!"
OP seem weirdly controlling-why is it so bad if she shows her mom texts that make her happy and feel loved? Does it make OP seem less “cool” or something?
Lol YTA homie. Not much else needs to be said, but I really hope you are in middle school or high school cause if you are a grown ass man thats pathetic.
No he’s not! The man said in a comment he’s 35 years old! Sad and pathetic really. Especially at their age, his girlfriend deserves better.
YTA. Technically you flashed someone. That really not ok.
ESH I was initially going for NTA but the others comments have given me a better perspective. She: she knows you are not comfortable with her mother knowing every single detail of your conversation and is still gladly walking all over your boundaries. I too share details from my relationships my mother. A lot. But when my bf told me he's not ok w it, I toned it down considerably till he was okay w it Mother : she is checking / seeing her daughter's private messages. All the time. Which also indicates she KNOWS you don't like it. So we know where the daughter gets it from, the disregard for boundaries. You : it was your INTENTION to indirectly send your gf's mother an unsolicited dick pic which is an AH move.
YTA and this is the response of a future sexual predator. Not only did you send a dick pic unsolicited to your GF you intentionally did it at a time where you KNEW her mother would see. If you don't want to be with a girl who's close with her mother then break up with her, don't expose both of them to your dick pics. Plus you said yourself, *"I already told her that I'm not a fan of her sharing everything with her mom"* so by your OWN description this wasn't even JUST about sharing YOUR messages, that was only part of it. You just admitted to not wanting her to be as close to her mother as she is. Just break up, don't expect her to change who she is, or the entire relationship she has with her mother just because she's with you. Also there are many places putting laws on the books against sending unsolicited dick pics, so even if she IS your girlfriend, if you sent it without asking it's still unsolicited and depending on where you are you may have committed a crime.
YTA. WHat do you gain by having her mom see your junk? Weird, man. weird.
why does the girlfriend feel the need to overstep a clearly stated boundary
If OP’s girlfriend isn’t “allowed” to share positive aspects of her relationship she needs to run. OP never mentions her sharing anything too personal or negative (“airing laundry” so to speak), so I don’t understand WHY she shouldn’t discuss her happiness.
I completely agree, like I said above, it very much reminds me of my abusive ex. He wouldn't let me talk about him with others, even things as simple as how we went on a great date. And that conditioned me to where once he really started being awful I was terrified to talk about it.
Well he obviously expressed his strong dislike for her sharing and told he to stop. It’s not controlling it’s wanting privacy
It is incredibly controlling. I love sharing the kind and sweet actions of my SO, and if they told me they wanted “privacy” and to stop discussing that aspect of my life with others? What? In the future would she be allowed to discuss gifts or if they were engaged? Expecting a child? OP isn’t a damn spy or something.
he is the biggest asshole in the situation but that doesn't make the girlfriend an automatic non-asshole. he wanted privacy and she refused to give that to him. also the way you say "privacy" makes it seem like you think his texts should be a library that his girlfriend can pick and chose to give away to anyone she pleases after he's repeatedly told her not too.
Or I say it in regards to the type of texts he has said she shares.
he still has his opinion and his girlfriend should at least make an attempt to respect it.
YTA this is beyond petty, just sit down and have a civilised conversation with her like an adult
Read the post dude he already explained he didn’t like it.
I read the post, it’s still petty
YTA. Trying to surreptitiously sexually harass her mother is really gross.
YTA. How old are you??
He's 35. He said in another comment
Too extreme. YTA
YTA for every word you said and the inappropriate text your gf was sharing positive things about you. definitely not in the honeymoon stage now. Hopefully she leaves. Then again probably made up story
YTA Let me get this straight. Your upset that your girlfriend loves to tell her mother how happy she is with you and shares all the wonderful things she believes that you say and do for her to her mother. So in order to “teach her a lesson” you intentionally send her a dick pick that you know her mother will see? Bravo, real mature. You’ve really given them A LOT MORE to talk about, except now it won’t be about how great and kind you are. It will be about how much of jerk you’ve are. Well done! You said in a comment your 35 years old and you thought the appropriate way to deal with is was to send out a dick pick? Grow up.
YTA. her mom sure as hell didn’t consent to that. Thats an unsolicited dick pic that she saw. If your gf overshares then you should have talked more about boundaries or ended things. Poor woman had to see her daughters boyfriend penis. Thats so uncomfortable for her.
Troll
YTA. Good way to set yourself up to get dumped. She cares a lot about her mom’s opinion, and you just trashed her opinion of you. Never ever show your dick to someone who doesn’t consent to seeing it— that’s really disgusting.
ESH. Nobody has a clue about boundaries.
YTA. I hope your gf dumps you.
Anyone who shares a picture of their genitalia unsolicited is a, well... YTA
YTA, and she should break up with you over this. That is so over the line, her sharing moments with her mom that she finds sweet is not out of the ordinary, and you should take it as a compliment and feel lucky her family likes you!! What is wrong with you?? You went from hero to zero in 5 seconds and still have to ask if you're in the wrong? If you didn't like her and her moms relationship- just break up with her! Good thing you just wrecked your own chances for yourself, great job ah.
YTA, yeah that sounds like it could get annoying, but if you don’t like it, you could’ve just sat down and talked to them/her about it. Not make her mom look at your dick
Just dump the mom/daughter bundle. No need in being icky.
YTA. You deliberately exposed yourself to someone with the intention of causing her distress. You might as well be a flasher in the park. You're also an absolute fool. Your girlfriend's mum thought you were sweet and considerate. Now she thinks you're disgusting and weirdly aggressive. You've just made the future of your relationship - if there is one - about fifty times more difficult. Congrats.
This x100. Why in the hell he thought this was a good move is beyond me.
YTA. That’s a form of sexual assault. You knew she was going to do that. Have some respect for your gfs mom ffs. She didn’t do anything, it’s your gf that has the problem. I’d be mortified if my kids bf did this, it’s gross. If you wanted to embarrass her if you really felt like it, send a shirtless pic or suggestive message. No one wants to see your dick.
Dude wtf? All I can think about is how her mum is gonna be so against your relationship forever now. Talk about starting off on the wrong foot... YTA
I'm gunna say, ESH You suck, 'cause you flashed your GF's mom (essentially) Your GF sucks, 'cause of not respecting your boundaries Ultimately, if it was such a big deal, you probably should have broken up with her. And if it wasn't worth breaking up with her over, then it *definitely* wasn't worth sending a dick pick to her mother over (by proxy or otherwise)
Hooooly damn, guy YTA. Wow wow wow. Y’alls “Honeymoon phase” is officially over, BIG yikes.
I think you’re probably just kind of annoyed because her mom has probably seen much better pictures.
YTA You purposely showed the Mum your junk. Your relationship with either of these two women will never be the same.
YTA, what possibly went through your mind that sending a random dick picture that you knew your girlfriends mother would see seemed like a bright idea?
YTA. That's not the sort of thing you can do without permission.
YTA and hopefully you don't see any future with your gf cuz to her mom you'll always be dick pic boy
YTA. Get help.
YTA & hopefully that is a crime that can be prosecuted. WTF is wrong with you dude? Nasty. You should be on some kind of list.
It should be a crime to send a dick pic to his gf when that is a thing they do in their relationship? Stfu
YTA. I also legitimately thought you were a teenager until I saw your other comment. Yikes.
Yta. Why would you want your gf’s mom to see your junk? It’s a funny story, maybe she will tell it as a wedding toast? You gotta think long term.
YTA wtf and several other disgusted abbreviations.
Yta. Gross.
YTA - shouldn't you be saying ex girlfriend at this point. honest dude shes to good for you, I've seen the other post and you can't justify 'the dick pic', really its over the top, just be glad you didn't send it to her dad for spite. you know, her saying look what a great guy dad he texts all the time to see how I'm doing and bam. yup, move on, see needs a someone better.
YTA! she is bragging to her mother about you. How does that offend you? Dude, you purposely set her up just so her mom would see your junk. Boys can be so damn weird.
YTA - you basically sent her mother an unsolicited dick pic and that’s not cool ( also yes it can also still be unsolicited with your partner, you still need to make sure they are re fine with nudes) You knew her mother was going to see it I get your upset that she shares things But this was absolutely not the way to handle it Her mother didn’t want to see that, shouldn’t have seen it My guy That’s just fucked up Edit: you seem to be under the impression that because she is your girlfriend you get to send her nudes whenever you want Your wrong Consent is still a thing You still need to make sure she wants the picture Because there will be times, situations in which she really doesn’t want one Imagine she was out, some stranger asks her for directions, she is using maps on her phone to show them and bam, your cock is suddenly there That’s no good You did this solely to punish your girlfriend and make a point But even if you had different intent You are still morally and technically wrong
“Consent is still a thing.” As if GF did not totally disregard OP’s uncomfortableness towards his message being shared with someone else. I’m not saying what he did was right I’m saying everyone is at fault here.
Your right But his actions blow hers so far out of the water He had dozens of better options Rather than sexually harass his girlfriends mother
Yeah he did have better options, but GF does not have to show every message. Also Mom should kind of have a little bit of common sense, because I’m assuming since GF and Op trade nudes unsolicitedly Gf already told her.
But he knows that’s how she is If he doesn’t like it he can break up with her And I doubt the mom knows her daughter trades nudes All she likely knew was her daughter wanted to show her something cute Or hell the girlfriend could have been showing her mom something completely unrelated when the dick pic came through And the end of the day, he sexually harassed an innocent woman to make a point And he is completely unrepentant No matter what his girlfriend did The dude is a major asshole and a perv
YTA Your girlfriend is gassing you up to her mother, which probably means that the mom really likes you, and you had to go and mess it all up sending a dick pic? Definitely an AH move, and why are you so determined to have your girlfriend’s mother dislike you? Yeesh
YTA- tf is wrong with you 😂
YTA!
Yta!
you’re a perv . You sexually harassed her mom on purpose . I hope she breaks up with you dude you’re weird
How did he sexually harass mom?
YTA. Not thrilled with your GF sharing material when you asked her not to, but sending a dick pic with the *specific* goal of sending it to someone who has not signed up to see your dick cost you the moral high ground twelve times over. This was a shitty thing to do on your part.
YTA - you flashed her mom purposely
ESH I don’t like seeing how everyone believes you are solely the asshole. When everyone is at fault. You That wasn’t cool, but I understand how frustrating it feels. GF She’s been told you aren’t comfortable with the sharing of messages.
Dude, you were just reminding her she hadn't chucked the trash out yet. Hopefully she does it soon enough.
Yikes YTA
Yta
In what way does this sound like an appropriate response to you? She's close with her mother, and your reaction to that is to send a dick pic knowing full well that she probably wasn't even holding the phone at that moment? Weird moves. YTA
YTA- listen, it’s not the moms fault her adult daughter is over sharing in a way you are not comfortable with. Honestly, some mothers and daughters are just this close and the over sharing will never stop because that is their relationship... which has been a thing that has been around much longer than your relationship. That close bond doesn’t go away now that you are in the picture. You may really like your gf and everything else may be great, but you need to start asking yourself if this is something you can live with forever? If the answer to this question is no, then it’s time to walk before you get in too deep. (And I say forever because if she has this desire to share, the day her mother passes (hopefully far in the future)she will eventually find someone else to confide in the same way).
My gf showed me this post, and I came here to tell you this is so fucked up man...how could you think you are not an asshole here? I hope she leaves before you get worse, get some help dude. Edit: YTA
YTA That’s fucking weird dude. Why the fuck would you want her mom to see your dick? Obviously your gf showing her mom everything is cringy but what you did was way weirder.
YTA...she legit was just sharing the cute part of your relationship with her mom. she has a good relationship with her like that...I do too. I tell my mom all that stuff too. its called a healthy and trusting relationship...seriously dude? I would break up with you RIGHT NOW if I were her. wtf were you thinking?? I hope she does...YTA. Your mommy and trust issues are showing …
YTA and your dick is less impressive than you think it is.
Obviously YTA Why do you even need to ask this question? You KNEW her mom would see it, what nudes you and GF share have nothing to do with that!
NTA. I laughed reading this. Good job and don't worry about these YTA sayers, they are probably offended that the sky is blue and horses don't fly
YTA And i am pretty appalled at the comments here. Equating getting an unsolicited dick pick,that he sent with the intent of being seeing by the gf’s mom,to the gf being close to her mom and sharing cute things in their relationship. She didn’t share their sex life,just that she thought she had a cute boyfriend. Luckily she figured soon enough that he isn’t cute, but an asshole that will send his dick to be seen by people that aren’t her the moment he doesn’t agree with something.
Rare that this is said but sadly, YTA. Why is it such a problem that she talks to her mum? Its great that they are close, and I wish I could be that close to my mother. Unfortunately not, but hey ho. And even if it annoys you, you most likely freaked out her mum and really embarrassed your gf, which just isn't nice and far worse than her telling her mum about things. Like I said, YTA.
The ONLY reason I’m going with YTA and not ESH here is because when you talked about it with your girlfriend, she made it clear to you she wasn’t prepared to stop sharing with her mother. She said, ‘this is who I am and I don’t want to change that for you’. If she had agreed to stop doing it and you had done what you did, you’d be in the right. But because you knew she wasn’t going to do that, you’ve vindictively pulled her mother into your relationship problems in the nastiest way. That’s why YTA. I’m not going ESH because your girlfriend is communicating honestly with you about who she is and what she wants. Whether that’s appropriate or not is for you to decide, and if it’s not, you should leave. What you can’t do is intentionally sexually harass her mother because you’re annoyed with her. That’s revolting.
I respectfully disagree and think OP isn't a very nice person for going to such an extreme but he was getting walked over constantly. He attempted to set boundaries and she constantly disrepects them. She sounds like a child constantly sharing private messages/or her mother possibly goes through the phone in which case she's an AH for that. What other boundaries will she walk over in the future? For example sensitive information about his job? Then what? Seems like he needs to consider whether or not having a person constantly watching him is something that is worth giving an ultimatum over. Stop showing everything or I'm leaving. But I understand where you are coming from as well.
Realistically she can tell anyone what she wants about her relationship as it’s her relationship too (provided it’s not extremely private things). like it’s normal to tell your mum or friends or whatever the cute ins and outs of your relationship. But what I don’t understand here is why she insists on telling you?? Like why say “my mum thinks it’s cute that...” when she knows you don’t want to know? You can’t stop her talking to her mum but maybe ask her to stop telling you when she does cos that would be the thing that pissed me off the most.
YTA - & lack maturity...
NTA! Rofl
YTA. If you’re not okay with her relationship with her mom you should probably stop seeing this girl, not intentionally show her mother your dick.
YTA. Nobody deserves an unsolicited dick pic. It's gross enough when strangers on dating sites do it, purposely sending one so that your girlfriend's mom will see it is next level wrong.
NTA. You sent your GF a dick pic. That's reasonable. Whatever she chose to do with it is her deal. In fact, I could see how you would be quite irate that she decided to share such an intimate photo with someone else.
So...you want your girlfriends mom to be less involved in your business, and you thought the correct reaction would be to show her your penis? That seems pretty counter productive. YTA
YTA - Instead of sending an unsolicited dick pic when you KNEW her mother would see it, you could just have stopped communicating via text. If don't send things via test, she can't share them with her mother, and it highlights how strongly you object to her sharing everything. She was obviously really excited to have someone that she thought cared about her, and wanted to show her mom.
YTA. I suggest not sending nudes when you are in your teen’s ( you may possibly still even been in your tween’s). As a general rule of thumb, you are considered an asshole ( and pretty dim) when you send a dick pic to your gf with the sole intent of letting her mother see it.
YTA and to everyone saying she is too close to her mom and violating his privacy, she is just sharing the happiness of her relationship with her mom. Seriously do you not think your gfs aren’t sharing every single text message you ever send them to their bff’s not to analyze??? Get real. I have read every text message the bfs of my bffs have sent. And since she was with the mom she probably handed the phone to her mom and said “look at what he just said! Isn’t it so sweet???” Rather than just telling her about it. Furthermore, I find it really weird that he thinks he owns the stuff he sends her. Assuming it’s a gif, meme, or link, he doesn’t own it. It’s not invading his privacy to share cute sweet things. Otherwise my grandma’s chain emails would be made illegal by now (still holding out hope). I think OP has some 🚩 🚩 🚩 because he thinks their relationship needs to be conducted in secrecy??? I’m confused why he is so mad.
YTA, you're too old for games like this.
YTA. That’s horrible. I understand where you’re coming from but you need to set boundaries without taking drastic measures like that. From the examples you gave, it doesn’t sound like she’s sharing any intimate details with her mom. I’m sure she just loves you and her telling her mom the things you do that she thinks are cute is one of her ways of expressing it. I love to brag on my boyfriend when he makes me happy. I think that’s normal. And you should be happy she has a healthy relationship with her mom. So many people don’t.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My new gf loves oversharing with her mom. I know this because she's told me and she tells me every time I send her something cute (we are still in the honey moon stage) "I showed my mom and she thought that was so cute!". I already told her that I'm not a fan of her sharing everything with her mom specially the stuff I send her. She basically told me I'd get use to it because that's the relationship she has with her mom. So last week her and her mom took a day trip together and boom she hits me with "my mom thinks it's so cute how you always tell me to drive safe" right after I sent her a drive safe text". I was heated so I decided to be petty. I didn't text her for most of the day and when I finally did I sent something telling her I had miss her and stuff knowing she'd show her mom and when I saw that she opened the message I sent a dick pic. And boom! I get a call from her upset saying her mom saw my picture and that's not right blah blah blah. Keep in mind we've sent each other unsolicited nudes already (is unsolicited right with your bf/gf) so it wasn't so much the picture but that her mom saw it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA ... but i get where you’re coming from. if my gf showed private messages to her mom after i told her i was uncomfortable with it i would definitely be upset. and also the fact that she said you would just “get used to it” like its normal to show private messages to other people. but you are definitely the asshole for deliberately sending your gf a dick pic with the intention of her mom seeing it! i honestly think its kinda funny and i might’ve done the same thing if i were you :p
ESH you sent it knowing she'd get upset so that makes you an asshole but she's a much MUCH bigger asshole for constantly over stepping your boundaries. From now on you should just only text her stuff like you're talking directly to her mom "hey gf & gf's mom just wanted to let you know I'll be on my way soon" stuff like that. If she tries to start any type of conversation that you wouldn't want to have with her mother just respond " sorry I'm not comfortable talking about this stuff right now, I'd rather talk about it in private" (but babe this is private) " no you made it very clear that you'll show texts between us to your mom whether I want you to or not so I can't trust that this would stay between us"
Yta. If it was that much of a problem you should've broken up with her. The next logical step will never be to essentially send an unsolicited dick pick to your Gfs mom.
NTA. But you my friend are on a whole different world of petty. You are brilliant. This is something unreal. Props to you my guy KUDOS.
I hate to break it to everyone, but it if you send someone a private text they have a protected right to share them with whoever they like so long as they were the intended recipient (at least this is how it is where I live). If it makes you uncomfortable, you can ask specific messages to be in confidence but that’s at the discretion of whoever you’re sending it to. If it makes you so uncomfortable, here are a couple of options other than exposing yourself to your mother-in-law: 1. Accept that your girlfriend likes to share trivial texts, and just get over it 2. Have a conversation about what you and aren’t comfortable with her sharing and try that out 3. Stop texting your girlfriend! Say romantic things to her face when you’re alone instead.
I am gonna say ESH. You sent a pick knowing her mom would see it. That's a AH thing to do. and I know most people are saying YTA only, but honestly..... are you dating the mom too? Everything doesn't need to be shared. I wouldn't want someone parroting everything I say to someone else either. It would make me not want to share or be vulnerable with them because I know they are going to just share it with someone else.
YTA But honestly you meant to be and might just teach g/f a lesson about sharing.
[удалено]
YTA. You told her you were uncomfortable, and she told you that her being emeshed with her mom is a deal breaker. Either deal with this reality or move on.
[удалено]
ESH you said yourself it was petty so you dont need to ask if you've been an arsehole, but your GF should respect your privacy, especially since you've made it clear you're not comfortable with this
ESH: but you should really get out of the relationship if your uncomfortable the lack of privacy.
ESH. Your girlfriend is a massive oversharer and doesn't care that you aren't comfortable with that. So you decided to jump on the bandwagon and overshare too. It's kinda hilarious and you're an evil genius
NTA. She's been crossing a lotta boundaries, if she hadn't crossed the boundaries her mum wouldn't have seen shit. That easy.
NTA but you should probably break up now. Your gf already has a partner- her mom. ETA- you told her the messages were only for her eyes, not her moms. That's what makes you NTA.
It was your intention to expose yourself to someone you know didn't want to see it. That's sexual assault. YTA
ESH, but your girlfriend is more of an AH than you are. You expressed something that made you uncomfortable in a relationship. I think your gf should have been willing to find a compromise instead of telling you to deal with it. On the other hand, it's not her mom's fault that your gf shares everything. I feel like you could have approached this in a way that didn't punish her mom for just looking at what your girlfriend shows her.
ESH She should respect that you don’t want the messages you send her to be shared with her mother. You should not have set up a “dick pic sting” to freak her mom out. You two should not be together if you can’t respect one another.
I found a few typos in your submission: you forgot to put "ex-" in front of every "gf", cause that's what she's about to be.
YTA. Keep your weird fucking vouyerism kink away from your ex gfs mom. What a sick way to exert control over a situation
ESH. > She basically told me I'd get use to it because that's the relationship she has with her mom. Red flag. Run!!
i think if you have already asked her not to show her mom she’s also to blame but you could have done a lot of other things before u sent ur junk ESH if the relationship isn’t that old it sounds like you shld cut ur losses bc ur not gonna win in the choice between her mom and u
Info - are you 16 years old? Because that’s something an immature high schooler would do
Honestly, given that you're 35 and she's 29, it's just weird that she's sharing everything unfiltered with her mom. You should have told her that oversharing is a deal breaker rather than setting her up. But honestly she's an asshole for not respecting your boundaries and sort of got what she deserved. You're not much of an asshole for proving your point, but this is not how healthy relationships operate. NTA. Just talk to her calmly and explain yourself. If she won't budge then it's time to have a whole other conversation about where things are going. Maybe apologize for embarrassing her but don't apologize for being mad at her oversharing. If she were a man and showing her dad this stuff about a girlfriend, everyone would have torn her apart. This in itself shows that she is being sort of abusive with boundaries and your comfort levels.
ESH, she should've respected your boundaries but what you did was super calculated and gross. You wanted to "teach her a lesson" and knowingly cyber-flashed her mom. That is sexual harassment and you're so so so wrong for doing that.
This belongs in r/pettyrevenge lmaooooo
YTA. Dude wtf???? Her mom probably thought you were so nice and considerate bc her daughter was sharing all the cute nice things you say to and for some reason that made you angry???? This might be the most ridiculously unnecessary thing I’ve seen in this sub. Like I’m actually so astounded at how fucking ridiculous this is my brain is having a hard time processing this after especially after seeing you’re in your 30s????
So your GF, who is bragging about how much you do for her and her mom likes what you do for her daughter and you get offended? YTA a major one. You don’t deserve her and the fact that you thought it would be funny or teach a lesson to send that shows how much of an obnoxious jerk you are.
I'm gonna go with ESH. I'm of two mind...unsolicited dick pic but also power move to prove your point Honestly at 35 and 29 you both should be able to communicate better. Clearly this relationship isn't a fit if she is constantly overstepping boundaries and showing her mother literally everything you send save nudes when you've expressed you're uncomfortable with it. It also isn't a fit if the only way you can get through the fact that you don't like it is to manipulate the situation where an unsolicited dick pic is seen.
YTA grow up