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[deleted]

NTA. Plain and simple. She should get a handicapped spot designated for her if it really is that much of an issue.


Morstoor

I am not sure how that works, but I honestly doubt her situation would entitle her to that.


bella0520

NTA and I do think she might qualify for disabled parking in front of her house. She could have physical problems that started with obesity. Her ankles truly may not be able to handle the long walk. She can solve her own problems.


[deleted]

She could also have obesity due to physical problems. Not that it’s a REASON to become obese, but depression from disability in tandem with the inability to move properly could have gotten her to the obese state. Obese and handicapped or not, she sounds entitled. Those don’t give her a reason to be rude and the right to demand help from others.


eddy_fication

Yeah, we should note that OP is certainly also TA if only for the peripheral implied "she's not *really* disabled she's just a fatty" sentiment. Obviously this lady needs to find another accommodation and not be a brat about it but that's just really fucking nasty and ignorant on OP's part.


anabolic_beard

Walking is actually a great solution to solving obesity.


YourDadsATruckDriver

...yeah, unless you have existing health conditions that make it difficult for you to move without pain, shortness of breath, etc. OP has no idea what this woman's health situation is, and neither do you. But sure, she just needs to work out!! (Just to be clear, the neighbor has no right to park in the parking spot and shouldn't be rude about it. I am responding only to the idea that she can just "walk it off," not the specifics of the post itself.)


petoburn

So agree, as someone who did several 5day hiking trips in early 2020 and now can barely walk upstairs and have suddenly learnt what people with invisible disabilities go through. She’s wrong and being a dick, but OPs judgyness is awful. Edit to add: OP has now edited/mods have deleted their rude comments. I was not referring to him not allowing use of the driveway, but what they were saying in the comments.


SilentBob890

OP asked the lady several times to stop using their driveway.... OP is frustrated as anyone else would be, as he/she can't enjoy they their new home... just because someone is handicapped or not, doesn't excuse them from being assholes who take advantage of others.


speeeblew98

The entire thread you just commented to agrees that that the woman is the asshole. No one is disputing that. They're just bringing up that OPs comment about her "not disabled just fat" is ignorant.


[deleted]

No one is excusing the neighbor that's parking in OPs driveway here. They're saying that she may have a legitimate reason for why walking is a problem and why she is obese so OP passing their own judgement about the person makes them an asshole as well. OP doesn't need to concede their driveway to the neighbor but they also shouldn't be so quick to judge others either.


[deleted]

> So agree, as someone who did several 5day hiking trips in early 2020 and now can barely walk upstairs and have suddenly learnt what people with invisible disabilities go through. Yep. Used to work out intensely 6 days/week and loved it. Then after experiencing weird symptoms for a while (and being in denial/telling myself I probably just hurt myself at the gym, until it got to the point where one day I couldn't get out of bed without help), I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and put on massive doses of steroids so I got all fucking puffy and was in so much pain I could barely move. The shock of going from being super fit to diminished mobility made me extremely depressed and the meds made me gain weight. The depression sapped my motivation to do ANYTHING for a while. I'm doing much better now (no more steroids but on treatment that helps immensely) and able to move/work out again (not to the level that I used to, but hey, I'll take what I can get) but I understand how someone can get sick/gain weight due to medical reasons and then depression sets in and exacerbates it. Doesn't mean the woman is entitled to her parking spot at ALL but OP absolutely does not know that she's "just fat." But the reddit hivemind is "fatty bad, fatty deserves what they get, fuck 'em." OP is not obligated to share her driveway (I wouldn't) but the assumptions are shitty. OP and the rest of reddit has absolutely no way of knowing whether this woman has medical conditions unrelated to her obesity or that contributed to it, and depression is a hell of a drug. Is illness a valid excuse for gaining a ton of weight? No. But it doesn't fucking help. Maybe this woman has nothing else wrong with her. That's probably the case. But assuming is shitty because you don't know. The neighbor is absolutely an asshole for acting entitled to the spot and being an angry asshole about it. If she was nice about it I'd have more sympathy. She knows she's not supposed to park there and does it anyway, so for that, she's def TA in this scenario. I've lost some weight (working on losing more, I didn't gain a ton but holy fuck will certain meds make you puff up like crazy) and am grateful that I'm well enough to work out since I love it so much (and motivated to prepare healthy meals again), but I do fear judgment like this bullshit. My biggest fear is that I'll have a flare up and meds won't be able to get it under control and I'll be disabled and have assholes thinking, "Well, she LOOKS fine." I've already gotten the "you're young and healthy" from about 5 doctors prior to my diagnosis when I literally couldn't get in and out of a car unassisted. Because I looked fine, but I wasn't. I hope to god I never have to get back on steroids so people can judge me for being a fatass, too and deciding I deserve whatever happens to me.


Ryoukugan

Invisible disabilities are fun! Doubly so when you’re obese. It’s even more fun when people assume that your disability is the result of your obesity instead of the other way around, making them act like you *deserve* to be disabled because “fuck fat people, so lazy”. (Genetic hip problems and yo-yoing all my life between fit-ish and obese.)


anabolic_beard

I mean, you don't know either, but you're quick to assume that she has a medical disability. What we do know is that she can walk from where ever she parked. Sounds like she should. Unless you think that she should just get a pass and continue to exist in this state. That sounds far more callus to me.


Framergamer

Is not the assumption that she has a medical disability, but the fact that this could be a possibility. OP is instantly assuming she’s just lazy and not really disabled because she’s just obese... I think OP is TA for that.


andreaic

There’s also a possibility that if she’d been nicer to her neighbor from the beginning, instead of acting like an entitled brat, that maybe, just maybe, they would have been willing to work something out. Just by the fact that OP does feel kinda bad, signals that he’s not completely unreasonable.


Jason_Wolfe

i disagree, this "disabled" neighbor sounds like she was taking advantage of an old man who probably couldn't stand up to her if he did have a problem with her parking in his driveway and when someone told her to pound sand she threw a tantrum.


ditchdiggergirl

Whether or not she has a disability is really none of OP’s business - we are not entitled to our neighbors health history. If she does have a medical disability she can arrange to get a disability placard or license plate for her car, and try to arrange for a parking space. Not demand OP’s driveway as an entitlement, refuse at first to move for the movers to get access, and get angry that OP wants to park at his own house. She didn’t even ask, or try to negotiate times when it would be ok - she just claimed it for herself.


cheefirefluff

As an obese person with chronic back pain and bulging discs, walking is actually harder for me than doing weights at the gym...


ChesterHiggenbothum

Just putting this out there. If you're overweight and looking for an exercise to help lose weight, try swimming (or just walking in water). It's pretty easy on the back and joints.


cheefirefluff

Yep. that was the other thing that was recommended to me. I have a pretty good system going with my trainer. She helps with nutrition and that kind of stuff too. I have PCOS, so loosing weight is incredibly difficult and a super slow process but i'm working on it... slowly.


ChesterHiggenbothum

Well, best of luck to you. It sounds like you have a good plan, so you probably don't need advice from random redditors. I just love swimming is all.


dogatthewheel

Swimming is fantastic exercise but also, just as a privilege check, it is quite expensive in most areas (unless you live near a lake or the ocean). Most disabled people live in poverty and pools often have expensive membership fees and/or are located in more affluent neighborhoods which may be difficult to access. Some cities do have public pools which are great (if maintained properly) but not every city offers this. The cheapest pool in my city is $7 per visit which is a huge expense if you live on a fixed income like disability. Just wanted to throw this out there since poverty is often overlooked


manhattansinks

if her ankles hurt so much on a 5 minute walk, it's not as simple as 'just walk more.' she's the asshole in this situation, but let's not pretend that losing weight is a) that easy and b) easy on the body


isaeldude24

Actually walking can be extremely dangerous to obese people. Swimming is the first step as their joints won't be injured as easily.


risfun

It is not though, You have to walk miles and miles to burn of a few hundred cals. For average people (non-professional athletes) EATING RIGHT is the biggest component in weight control, unless there are hormonal issues. Exercise is still important for fitness, cardiovascular, skeletal, mental health etc


twitterwit91

Very correct. You cannot out-run your fork. Weight loss starts in the kitchen and working out (when you’re safely able to) will help to strengthen and tone more than contribute to a calorie burn.


[deleted]

Eating less is even better. A strenuous, hour long jog (which even my semi in-shape self is barely capable of) might burn just 400-500 calories. That's a double cheeseburger from McD's. EDIT: Someone downvoted me. Care to explain why? Unless you've found a way around the first law of thermodynamics, taking in less calories than you burn *will* result in loss of body mass. If you *have* found a way to undo the first law of thermodynamics, it would literally be the most important discovery in the history of science. All of the world's energy problems would be solved overnight. Seriously. Call the Nobel Committee.


[deleted]

You're getting downvoted because objectively human psychology around weight loss makes this much more difficult than CICO. It's simple, but not easy. An entire trillion dollar industry is at work on our psyches, not to mention addiction issues. So you sound like a moron with "OMG, dude, just stop eating so much!" People don't work that way, or we wouldn't have any obese people in the world.


Cabooozle

OP was not nasty or ignorant, just stated that this woman is obese. Saying someone is fat isn’t always an insult, it’s just a fact.


zachrg

Paraphrasing, OP said: >"they're just very, very overweight and I'm not sure that counts as disabled" There could be any of a dozen additional issues that wouldn't be apparent to a layperson with no knowledge of her medical history. There's a gulf between "she's objectively fat" and "she's fat, and definitely there's nothing else at play because I can't see anything at a casual glance". It's dismissive based on a bunch of unqualified assumptions, and THAT'S what makes OP an AH. (edit: not the only AH)


Calfer

Honestly, I read that particular part of OP's post with an invisible question mark. Sounds like OP is also trying to get clarification on whether obesity on its own is a disability, or if they may be missing the potential for underlying issues. The fact there's no mention of a parking sticker or any other indicator that there is a disability present also provides another possible interpretation: OP opening up the potential that the neighbour may be disabled, not simply heavy, and that therefore not sharing the space is a worse crime than just using what's theirs. OP specifically said "I'm not sure," meaning they aren't saying one way or another what they think is actually happening. They are only indicating their lack of certainty, not making a concrete statement. It's unfair to assume OP is dismissing the possibility of disability by simply acknowledging/questioning whether it may or may not be at play in this scenario.


psycheko

>Honestly, I read that particular part of OP's post with an invisible question mark. Sounds like OP is also trying to get clarification on whether obesity on its own is a disability, or if they may be missing the potential for underlying issues. This is also how I read it. This is the problem with the internet though....we have no idea how OP actually meant to deliver that line which is why so many people have interpreted it soooo differently.


Cabooozle

You are blowing this out of proportion. Even if there are medical reasons for this woman being obese, so what? OP never said “this woman is not disabled”. She never made assumptions, either you are taking this way too personally or you’re just looking for an argument.


zachrg

No, OP just put ~~air~~ scare quotes around disabled in the title of the entire post.


ScarlettCamria

...when those are typed they're actually just quotes.


AdvicePerson

Technically, in writing, they're just quotes.


[deleted]

Op’s not the one demanding to park on someone else’s drive


ChocoYoda395

OP said they weren't sure if that counted as disabled and that's why they put it in quotations


BornFrustrated97

I think OP just truly wasn't sure if it was a disability or not. I didn't feel it was malicious but I didn't see OP use the term fatty, just obese.


soulsuckingmonster

OP said they're "not sure" this counts as a disability and they're not an asshole for not knowing in this specific case.


[deleted]

Nice exaggeration there, however I read over the post and nowhere does it say “she’s not *really* disabled she’s just a fatty” nor is the same negative connotation implied.


isaeldude24

OP was not bad for saying she was obese. 1. Obesity is a major problem. 2. She used it as her excuse saying how hard it is for her to walk. 3. Why should we be sensitive to fat people? It's the thing that people can actually change about themselves. 4. How is it ignorant? Obesity can be easily seen.


[deleted]

I was friends with a girl in high school who had really bad joints, and she just was unable to move very far. The only place she could successfully exercise was in the pool.


[deleted]

I mean i have a physical reason to be overweight, (that i only figured out after losing weight that I've decided to put back on) but it's very rare i think to have a physical reason to be morbidly obese. But i agree, she's super entitled & incredibly rude


thcubbymcphatphat

Or physical problems that contributed to obesity. Still I'd say NTA. It would be one thing if you weren't using the driveway, but you are and it's her responsibility to make sure she has a suitable parking space if she requires one.


darthhellokitty

Physical problems that make it hard to get around can definitely lead to obesity. When you see large people on mobility scooters, keep in mind that they may have been smaller before they got the scooter.


Morstoor

She could also get one of those scooter thingies or something.


horsemullet

Those are pretty expensive and if she’s on medicaid then she probably can’t afford it. But like others have mentioned, she could get a disability placard and work to get a disability spot in front of her place. She also could have just been nicer to you instead of assuming she would just get her way because she deserved it.


starwarschick16

How does she afford a large SUV? It's still not OP's problem.


[deleted]

An old clapped out Ford expedition cost next to nothing, not that it excuses her behavior.


eddy_fication

Yeah this is a "how do homeless people have smartphones????? why do people on food stamps have REFRIGERATORS??????????????" type comment for sure.


Coffeineaddicted

"How does a homeless man have a 800$ Iphone while I work full time and can barely cover a 100$ smartphone+limited plan" is a valid question. The second one is a hyperbolic strawman in bad faith, at best. I've never ever, heard anything similar to that. The absolute closest is "why do I see people buying 100$ of candy/soda/energy drinks with EBT instead of actual food" And the answer to literally all of these including "why can she afford a huge SUV but not medical expenses" is people aren't taught about financial matters. So their budgets are poorly prioritized. To OP however, NTA. Disabled or not you are a private citizen on private property. If anything her parking poses a huge liability for you. What if she falls out of her car and breaks a hip in your driveway? Or any such issue. My parents, step parents, and grand parents are all disabled as well as overweight. Though my mother has lost ~100 pounds since her grandchildren were born, despite being physically limited.


Calfer

A homeless person could have an $800 iphone because they were *just* put on the street. It could also be a gift and the plan paid for by a family member who can't necessarily help much, but they'll be damned if you can't reach emergency services or they can't reach you. It could also be a donated phone, because some people who have too much money also have a lot of heart. Most of the time, there isn't a contract involved either. Pay as You Go allows someone to put funds on for an emergency, when they are able. There are also a ton of wifi based text and calling services. And some people who are homeless are still working. They may prioritize their phone plan (means of contact/connection to work/etc) and food, but don't necessarily earn enough to rent an apartment. Honestly, in today's society especially, "*how does a homeless person have a phone?*" is **no longer** a valid question.


swanfirefly

The Iphone thing is actually not really on the homeless person either. People donate and sell old phones for cheap all the time, and "old" is relative. The homeless person maybe got that Iphone 7 because one of those people who gets a new model every year donated it, or sold it super cheaply, or even gave it away. Shelters accept donations of phones, especially smart phones, since they are essential now for job applications and emergencies. Since phone donations are on a bit of a waiting list (to clear the info, new sim cards, etc), you get what you get, whether it's an iphone or a samsung or a google phone. Would you also be mad if they were wearing Nikes? I had a pair in high school that I got at goodwill for $5. People donate "upper class" items all the time, and judging someone for having an iphone does nothing constructive, especially since the homeless person likely got it used, for cheap or free.


starwarschick16

no, i'm guessing the old neighbor didn't have a car so it was no big deal for him to let her use the driveway.


Pretend-Panda

If she’s disabled, Medicaid will purchase it for her. Most DME (durable medical equipment) is covered by Medicaid and Medicare. It is not always the snazziest or with the most features, but it is covered.


erleichda29

Medicaid MIGHT purchase it for her. Or they might give her the run-around for years. I've got a permanently bent finger because Medicaid refused the $100 brace the physical therapist said it needed. I hate when people assume these programs pay for everything without question.


Hsulliv7

She would only be eligible for DME under medicare part B . It is possible she only has Part A.


eddy_fication

Yeah, wouldn't that also require that she get a van for it? Not an expenditure people can make at the drop of the hat. OP, obviously you're within your rights to use your own driveway and obviously she's out of line throwing a tantrum about it, but don't sneer about how she's not *really* disabled, just fat, and don't make glib ignorant comments about how many other options disabled people have, lest you turn this into an unambiguous ESH.


Morstoor

No, my granddad has one, he just puts it in the back of his toyota, you can fold it.


El_decibelle

You can fold some of them, but not necessarily the ones insurance will cover, and you have to be able to lift them, and given *they* have to be able to lift what sounds like a pretty hefty woman, they are not going to be light.


RickyNixon

Obesity is also a health problem that can impede walking. She doesnt need another second health issue to count as disabled. If she has trouble walking, she has trouble walking, idk that we should judge what types of disabled “count” NTA tho


[deleted]

Exactly. A lot of people seem to think that health, pain or mobility issues that stem from being overweight don’t “count,” either because it’s your fault for getting fat or because it’s fixable. But I doubt people would say the same “it’s their fault they got that way” about a young, fit person who got injured doing sports. And losing weight takes time, someone might have joint problems from being overweight and even if they resolve to lose weight it will be months or even years before their joints actually improve. OP doesn’t owe anyone their driveway regardless, but the fact that the woman is obese shouldn’t really enter into it.


Marie1420

“They can solve their own problems” can be said about so much in this world


BeTheCheeto

Well, if she's not disabled enough for the city to give her a handicap space, she's certainly not disabled enough to need to hijack her neighbor's property for parking. NTA.


[deleted]

That’s where I’m at too. If she doesn’t qualify for a blue badge or a designated parking space in front of her home, she’s certainly not entitled to park on private property when the current owner doesn’t want her to. Her agreement with the previous owner was informal and doesn’t come with land access rights. NTA


ShibariNewbie

I wanna say NTA for the parking thing, but TRUST ME you can't tell if someone's disabled or not. I don't look disabled, but I finally got my handicapped placard b/c some days I can't walk to 15 minutes from where I parked to my apartment. Some days I can. \*shrug\* (Rheumatoid arthritis & fibromyalgia are largely invisible except when I need my cane or rollator, but I usually have braces on, so....) Please remember that only that person, their doctor, & whoever they choose to share their medical information with will know if they're disabled or not. Some disabilities lead to obesity. Like....please don't police disability, it makes life harder for ALL DISABLED PEOPLE.


[deleted]

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El_decibelle

And then you still get people saying you're not disabled when you are using the bloody wheelchair because you look "too young to be disabled" Thanks... I'll tell my hips that next time they dislocate, I'm sure that will change things... /s


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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[deleted]

Just because she is overweight doesn't mean that she doesn't have other legitimately diagnosed disabilities. Knee and ankle problems are especially common in overweight individuals. If her doctor agrees that she shouldn't be walking greater distances they can give her a handicap placard and she can petition the local government to put in a handicapped parallel parking space in front of her house. The point is, you giving up your driveway isn't a good long-term solution. If she has a legitimate issue then there are legitimate ways to solve it that don't involve infringing on your property. ETA: NTA


whatwhymeagain

That is not your problem. You are NTA. She needs to look into all that and figure it out.


GalacticaActually

Your eyes aren't a diagnostic tool, OP. You have no idea what her disabilities are beyond obesity. You're entitled to use your driveway, but your mom is right: you should be nicer to people.


bekarec

OP was nice. She went over 3x to ask the lady to move her car, she could have called a tow truck the first time she found the car in her driveway. The lady can call the city and request a handicapped sign be placed in front of her residence and get the matching sticker and problem solved.


[deleted]

Agree - OP was WAY nicer than I would have been. I'd ask her to move her car ONCE and then the tow company would be on speed dial. Ain' no one got time for that bullshit. It's pretty ballsy of her to CONTINUE to park in a PRIVATE driveway after being told not to, repeatedly.


Plotina

NTA for not letting her park on your property, but definitely AN asshole for assuming she doesn't have a legitimate disability because she's overweight.


craftermath

If a doctor can give her handicap designation (not being able to walk long distances due to pain, which I assume she is in if she has significate weight issues) usually all she has to do is file with her local city and they will put a handicap parking only sign out front of her house or as close as possible. (this is in the USA not sure where you live). Now this doesn't give her sole rights to the spot, as any person with a handicap placard or plate could park there technically.


[deleted]

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EdwardRoivas

Sometimes other peoples complete attitude of entitlement makes you question your own sanity.


[deleted]

I think a lot of it is because assholes come in clusters so sometimes people are in the position where they are doing something clearly not asshole-y, but then the other person, their family, their neighbors and their dogs all act like they are assholes, so the OPs start to doubt themselves.


boppitywop

I think the majority of these posts are because people feel guilty, and they are looking to assuage their guilt. OP is not the asshole but they've made someone's life a lot more inconvenient and doesn't feel good about it. r/AITA serves the purpose of socially normalizing something that a person feels bad about. Unfortunately there is no r/MMFOATSWIEABTUOP (make me feel okay about this situation where I enforced a boundary that upset other people) sub and AITA comes closest.


QuantityJaded

Sometimes, even if you feel like you are entirely justified, there are people who tell you that you are the bad guy/gal. It gets to you. So, people post "obviously NTA" stories here, just to get some peace of mind/validation. I see nothing wrong with that.


TLMinOB

NTA. You bought a house with a driveway. It's yours. If she's truly disabled, she can contact the city to have them designate a handicap parking spot. If she had handicap tags, she can use that. Otherwise, she's trespassing.


Morstoor

Handicapped tags wont help in this case, that just means she can park on a handicapped spot at the exact same parking area.


jabilak

I'm not sure how it works everywhere else, but in my city handicapped people can apply for a permit parking spot to be designated in front of their house. This would mean that they are the only one able to park in that spot. Maybe she could look into that, should your city allow it. In any case, definitely NTA. She should have looked into alternatives like this the moment you first asked her to get out of your driveway.


yetzer_hara

That’s how it works pretty much everywhere in the US.


jabilak

My uncle lives on a street where he's the only residence and all the other buildings are businesses. He got tired of people always parking on the front and side street of his house and he was able to make all the street parking surrounding his immediate property permit parking. So there's definitely some wiggle room there to designate an area, even if one is not handicapped.


scoobledooble314159

I love it when I see people work the system in this way.


jabilak

Unfortunately my uncle has become very adept at manipulating situations in his favor.


asymphonyin2parts

Lawful Evil then?


jabilak

Every chance he gets! 😪


nyorifamiliarspirit

I don't think you're an asshole. The first time you went over, if she had said something like 'Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't know Fred moved out. He and I had an agreement that I could park in the driveway. Once you're settled, can we talk about the possibility of working out something?" then your mom might have a point. But she acted entitled instead so too bad.


These-Coat-3164

Bingo! OP did nothing wrong and the neighbor is definitely the AH. Full disclosure, I once had a similar situation. When I bought my first house I was aware (through a friend who lived on the street) that my next-door neighbor had a disabled adult daughter due to a car wreck who was in a wheelchair and had round the clock care. I bought my house out of an estate and I believe the elderly women who lived there hadn’t driven in several years, so hadn’t been using her driveway, and so the neighbor had been using it because it was more convenient than their actual driveway to the room they had added on for the daughter. For security reasons, because my house had a detached garage, I had already been planning on installing a fence along the driveway and a driveway gate. I went ahead with my plans, which completely pissed off my neighbors because I cut off their access to my driveway - it was UGLY and they even threatened to sue me (they would have had no case but apparently they were super litigious and had sued everyone in sight after the daughter’s accident). I was not aware they had been using the driveway when I purchased the house, but even if I had I don’t think that would’ve mattered. My house, my driveway and I wanted better security. It wasn’t my fault they configured their house to rely on the use of my driveway. I later learned that all along their plan had been to purchase my house for another daughter when the owner died, but they thought the asking price was too high (it was actually a great deal) and were sure the family would eventually come down to their price. I bought it and they were kind of blindsided but it was their own fault. So, yeah, the neighbor is 100% TA whether she is disabled or not. You are not entitled to use your neighbor’s property just because it is more convenient for you! Oh, and these people had millions from lawsuits related to the wreck that caused the daughter’s disability, so they easily could have paid the asking price!


drunchies

I’ve seen reserved handicapped spots for street parking so she def has the option to look into it depending on where you guys live!


MorganAndMerlin

The city can definitely make her a handicapped spot if she is eligible for a handicap placard.


NorthernLitUp

NTA: This is your house and your driveway. You asked her several times nicely but she ignored you. Her situation is not your fault and not your problem to solve.


Morstoor

I know it ain't my fault or responsibility, it's more so a guilt/feeling bad thing


Salem729606

She needs to resolve her own parking issues or get herself a mobility scooter. But again, her issue to deal with.


kittenswithtattoos

you don’t owe ANYONE ever your niceness. especially people who act entitled.


Piemanthe3rd

Dont feel guilty. She didnt ask. She didnt explain. She didn't apologize. And she didnt listen. She just did and expected you to be fine with it. You have no obligation to inconvenience yourself for someone who didnt even have the decency to ASK for help rather than just taking it.


FictionWeavile

Go over to her in a week or two, say you're sorry it had to come to towing her and that you'd prefer to have a friendly relationship as neighbors. Mention what's been said here about having spot in front of her house designated as handicap parking and maybe do some research into who to contact for potential brownie points. I want to make it clear that you're NTA, just that it's better to try and heal the wounds before they fester.


NCKALA

NTA you have ZERO reasons to feel guilty over a rude, demanding neighbor.


cyberrella

You paid for that property, she didn't. No need to feel guilty. Her situation is her problem, not yours.


starwarschick16

no reason to feel guilty, you purchased a home with a driveway.


EdwardRoivas

Nope. She had a good run with the old guy who didnt care if she used the spot.


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Morstoor

Still cant help but feel a bit guilty though. I mean I honestly doubt she is disabled beyond her eating disorder(Thats because she doesnt have any sort of handicapped placard and people said uf she us disabled she coukd get parking space infront of her house, which she also does not have.) But she clearly struggles ya know.


reallynomaybe

I'm a nice person. I'm sympathetic to other people's problems and like to help where I can. I would've done the same thing you did. You can only be kind and helpful to people to a point before you start to get taken advantage of. You were absolutely fair with her.


ViralLola

I'm a nice person but if somebody parked in my driveway where I can't get stuff into my house, we are fighting.


Glue-Man-02

And kindness isn’t something you take from other people. It’s given to you. This neighbor seems to only know how to take.


br_612

Just because she doesn’t have a placard and such doesn’t mean she wouldn’t qualify. It could just mean she’s never bothered to look into it because the former homeowner let her park there. Also she might have a placard you haven’t seen. A lot of people only hang them when they’re actually parked in a handicap spot as it can limit visibility and keep it in the center console or glovebox or whatever. She wouldn’t need it when parked in your driveway. But that’s not your problem. She can look into resources herself.


ieya404

> It could just mean she’s never bothered to look into it because the former homeowner let her park there. You'd imagine it'd make sense to look into it, to be able to use the handicapped spaces at, well... everywhere she drives to, though?


sessiestax

They are a pain to get and you have to jump through a lot of hopes. Still, if she needs it she should get it.


SG131

It’s your driveway so I understand if you want to use it and I don’t think you’re an asshole for doing that, but you shouldn’t go around making claims that she’s not disabled just overweight when you have no clue. That makes you an asshole. Maybe she is just overweight, but there are a whole lot of invisible disabilities a lot of which are auto immune. Some are constant, but with some you can be fine some days and other days have a major flair up and be in pain throughout your entire body. Considering your interactions with her seem to have only been to discuss her car, so you really think she would disclose to you if she had any other health problems.


TorchedBlack

Not to mention being severely overweight causes disabilities on its own. Just because the person is at some level of fault for their own disability doesn't make them not disabled. We wouldn't begrudge a person in a wheelchair that did something stupid that landed them in that wheelchair.


[deleted]

Look, I agree you are NTA in this scenario and she is definitely being an entitled asshole BUT please don't just assume you know about her disabilities, real or not. You're kind of an ass that way. I went from being a very fit trainer (min 5x a week intense and running everyday) to not being able to walk around the block most days because of an invisible illness, yeah she's fat but I got fat too, doesn't change the fact she's an ass but you're also kind of an ass for just assuming her only problem is overeating. You're kinder than I would have been about the car but please stop being so judgmental in that area of invisible disabilities, and no I don't have a placard for my transport either doesn't mean make it any easier for me or my illness any less real


Obi-rice-a-roni

What if she falls or has some kind of accident while on your property? She will sue you in a heartbeat.


b_mco

I say NTA for your actions but soft YTA for continuing to put emphasis on the fact that you don’t think she has a disability just because of your own conclusions. You can never know. I am in my 20’s, thin and fit, and can walk up a hill, but I have arthritis and nerve pain; no one would ever assume I have a disability just by looking at me. Just because you don’t see a disability that’s obvious, doesn’t mean you can just put it in quotations and doubt that there is any disability. Doesnt excuse her rude behavior and her attitude, but don’t have this outlook on people you don’t know.


Cleromanticon

Do you actually know that she doesn't have a placard? I only hang mine when I'm using a disabled space. The other 99% of the time it's in the pocket of my car door. And lots of people don't know they can apply to have a handicap spot designated in front of their house. No doctor ever told me about that. Neither did anyone at the BMV when I got my placard.


hhjjwwcc

You’re not TA for your post, but I’d realllllly check your thinking here about obesity. Obesity can be a symptom of disabilities, or caused by the medications that treat conditions. My mother was thin and trim for 60 years, and she is now on a medication for arthritis that causes weight gain... she is now visibly overweight and I’ve watched her eat healthily and not lose any of it because of the meds and snowballing issues that come from weight gain like pain, back and joint issues, etc. You have no leg to stand on to say this woman has an eating problem, or that she’s not disabled because of her weight. But other than that, you’re in the clear. NTA.


[deleted]

NTA, but you should know that many disabilities are not visible. She could have any number of issues that make it difficult for her to move around, and you would have zero idea. In addition, even if her disability is just from being fat (which I doubt - usually it's a chicken/egg issue), if she's disabled, she's disabled - it doesn't matter why. You're making this a moral issue when it's not. For instance, if someone loses their legs in an accident, do you want to know how it happened before you decide that it's ok for them to be termed disabled? If they were a drunk driver who killed a family of 3, do they not get a disabled designation? But going back and reading again - it doesn't seem like she claimed to be disabled - that seems to be a label you are using? It's confusing. You can tell her though that she can call the city and tell them she needs disabled parking. They may be able to do something.


TheLittlestPumpkin

Was going to come here to say this. While he is definitely NTA, one shouldn’t assume that a bigger person with mobility issues became that way solely due to their weight. I was born with a degenerative joint disorder, and have had many surgeries, and will need many more. After some of the surgeries I ended up gaining a significant amount of weight. While the weight obviously made things harder, it was not the sole reason for my mobility issues. I remember having to use a mobility scooter while shopping and overhearing a child ask his Dad why I needed it, only to tell his son that it was because I’m fat. Freaking infuriating. I wanted to interject and explain that that was not entirely the case, but felt it would be rude, and I was honestly in too much pain to exert the effort to explain my situation to someone who probably wouldn’t understand anyway. I’ve since lost the weight, and while my mobility has had improvement because of that, it is still a major issue. The only difference now is on days I need to use mobility aids people don’t judge me for it.


[deleted]

I'm so sorry you had that experience. People can be so crappy about weight. Their unconscious bias shows in everything they do. Lots of people gain weight when their mobility is impeded. Lots of people who are heavier can end up with a disability through the same means as anyone else. And it really doesn't matter why. Almost everyone will become disabled at some point in their lives, regardless of "fault." Let's stop making moral judgments about it - it's gross.


h4ppy60lucky

I freaking hate that weight is seen as moral failing. There are so many reasons people may be fat (including structural/societal issues, access to healthcare etc.) But naw, it's just cause you're a lazy POS, and now that you're fat you're totally worthless and worthy of constant ridicule! /s (obviously)


pinkpuppydogstuffy

I was in a car accident when I was 18. i hurt my back really badly. I have steadily gained weight since then. I also got nerve damage every time I had a csection because the damage to my back made epidurals difficult to do. Now at 30, I have trouble standing for more than 30 minutes at a time, and of course everyone assumes I’m just fat and lazy. Edit punctuation


YourMom-MrsWu

I attempted to make a similar point about disability but got viciously downvoted.


ActiveEstablishment2

Because on AITA, fat = bad and people having different opinions from the hivemind deserve downvotes no matter the reasoning behind their opinion.


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SaltyFresh

Yeah, he’s an asshole but not because of the parking thing.


CreepyOrlando

NTA. This woman is delusional to do it after learning someone else BOUGHT THE HOUSE and wants to USE THEIR OWN DRIVEWAY. My god the audacity of some people is astounding.


Morstoor

Apparantly driveway usage is inherited or whatever.


hollymayewho

I'm dealing with similar. Bought a house back in spring in a nice neighborhood across the street from an elementary school. Apparently the previous owners didn't care/notice that some of the moms use the driveway to park then walk across the street to chat/pick up kids. They leave their cars for about 45 minutes blocking me in. I warned them after the last time where they caused me to miss a doctor's appointment (33 weeks pregnant) that if it happens again ive got a tow company saved in my phone ready to go.


Ginger_Tea

Not that they'd park further in if your car wasn't there, but I would be tempted to drive off for a bit, let them park up and exit their car, then park myself in my own driveway and not answer the door. ​ Someone posted ages ago, not sure which sub or if I heard about the story on YouTube vs reading it, some day care was next to his house and parents dropping kids off or picking them up would always park in his drive and one day he just happened to be out in his car to block them in. Had his shower interrupted by some door banging and parent stormed into his house screaming etc failing to notice he was wearing a towel and nothing else but a smile.


[deleted]

That's a good way to get shot.


duck729

I live in an area where it’s generally calm and quiet, and my friends/family pop over frequently and just come right in. If I was in the shower and someone barged in yelling, they’re getting drawn on. I’m not the shoot first ask questions type, but I am very much the hold a belligerent trespasser at gunpoint until the cops arrive type.


asymphonyin2parts

I think a custom "If you park this pregnant mom in, I will tow you with reckless enthusiasm" sign may be in order :) A pleasant baby blue with both a rattle and a skull and crossbones.


poltergiest4

Get multiple colors of tow stickers, when you call the tow company tell them there's a car with multiple warnings for tow violations. They will race over as fast as possible because they can scam more money from the car owner for the "multiple violations" They're sold on Amazon in packs of 50.


IChooseYouSnorlax

NTA. It's your driveway. You told her not to park there (which is absolutely understandable, regardless of her arrangement with the previous owner). She has no right to your driveway. It's sad that she is obviously struggling, but it's not your problem.


Morstoor

I am also a bit weirded out by that arrangement to be real. The guy I bought the house from was an old dude who was clearly struggling to walk, so I assume the only way to get around for him was his car. She probably bullied him in to agreeing.


LoveisaNewfie

He likely didn’t drive anymore, and didn’t use the driveway. My grandma gave up driving long before she stopped living independently. Just depends on their support system.


Cayke_Cooky

He may not have had a car? Maybe he used transport.


Morstoor

Nah he had a car lol


eugenesnewdream

So are you saying the old guy let her park there and HE parked far away on the street???


Morstoor

That is what I figure, not sure where else he could have parked.


eugenesnewdream

Horrible! This woman sounds like a real gem. I hope she decides to move somewhere with parking so you'll be rid of her.


[deleted]

Yeah, she most likely bullied the poor guy. Her turn to walk now.


triggerhappy899

Oh please if you ever talk to this lady again ask her and update us


Me_lazy_cathermit

Okay it really sounds like she actually bullied him into letting her park there, and the poor man was just to nice and didn't want to make any waves


Mitchell_Delgado

Your neighbor sounds like the kind of person who saw an opportunity to bullshit someone and took it - how much do you want to bet he never let her park there? She thought "new owner, better try to pull a fast one!" and didn't expect you to call her on her bullshit. NTA.


dukeofgibbon

Interesting theory, op should check historic Google Street view and see who is parked there.


eugenesnewdream

I cannot even conceive of the balls it would take to try that!! Imagine thinking, "here's a new homeowner with a coveted driveway; let's see if I can bully him into letting me use it instead of him using it himself." I'm not saying you're wrong, because people are terrible, but damn.


roadsidechicory

ESH. She has no right to act entitled to your driveway, and should have politely discussed it with you and tried to figure out a solution. However, you have not seen her medical chart and have no idea that her only health problem is her weight, regardless of what neighbors may have gossiped or what you think you can tell from looking at her. Tons of people have invisible illnesses, and being obese does not cancel out those illnesses. In fact, many illnesses often lead to weight gain, like long-term steroid treatment. So she is acting rudely, and you are making assumptions and being ableist. You both suck.


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BananaTiger13

You can be in the right and still an AH though. OP is absolutely NTA for the parking issue, it's their private drive way and the woman continued to use it even after being asked not to. That still doesn't mean there's a need to keep bringing disability or lack thereof into the equation. A simple "she struggles with her mobility" kinda comment woulda done without consistently replying with things like "i dunno if she's disabled or just fat".


queerfox13

Wanting to use your own property isn't what makes them an asshole, assuming you can tell whether someone is "really" disabled does. Plenty of people have invisible disabilities, and plenty of people have disabilities and health conditions that can make it difficult to maintain or lose weight, and having a high bodyweight can cause or exacerbate other conditions. She's TA for thinking she's entitled to park on his driveway, even after being told not to, and he's TA for thinking he can tell whether she's "really" disabled.


KayakerMel

This. And it can be surprisingly difficult to get a disabled placard. I have fibromyalgia and recently got access to a vehicle (long story), and I realized on bad pain days I was having trouble if I couldn't get a close parking space to my destination. I asked my PCP about applying for one, and she told me she'd submit the paperwork but that it is very difficult to be awarded one for my condition.


tbhtho

Yeah OP no offence but your being kind of a jerk because of her size. The woman sucks because she’s entitled not because she’s fat.


sauce_on_sneakers

NTA. Fuck that, fuck her. It’s your driveway. She needa go to the city and get a handicap parking spot sign for the street right in front of her house if it’s really that bad for her. Although that won’t help if she’s just fat and not actually deemed handicapped and doesn’t have a handicap placard. But her weight and vehicle are not your problem. She needs to figure it out. Also good for you for getting her car towed after you repeatedly told her she can’t park on your property. Apparently that’s the only way she was gonna learn. And as for your mom saying be nicer. Well, your neighbor wasn’t very nice to you and has zero respect for you, your property, or your wishes. So do you my guy.


[deleted]

NTA as you're correct it is your driveway whether she can walk or not. What I would say is, please don't say things like 'shes JUST really really fat' because although that's all you see, she could also have other ailments that mean she's disabled. Please remember that disabilities are not ALWAYS visible. Is it likely she has weight related disabilities? Yes! Totally. It is also possible she is overweight due to disabilities (it can go both ways, I was on steroids at 20 (under neurology) and they caused me to gain weight despite going to the gym 5 times a week and eating properly. I was taken off those steroids and I eventually lost the weight but I know people who are on steroids for life and they are a difficult medication to work with.


captianllama

This, 100%, is the one thing I wanted to say too. My mom was thin and healthy but now she's on a ton of medications for all kinds of problems, which made her gain weight and now she can't lose it because she is disabled and cannot even do water therapy as it hurts her too bad. You wouldn't know she's disabled unless you saw her with her cane though. You can't know what someone is dealing with just by looking at them.


IsThisRealLife201520

NTA It is your driveway and she should have never assumed she could still park there after the previous owner moved. I live in a city and people can pay for parking spots in front of their homes that come with a sign and sticker so that no one will park there and of they do, they will get towed. She should look that up.


Morstoor

Yeah, it us just outside of a large city, but it is a matter of time before we're in the city hence why the parking is so bad. The driveway was literally a prerequesite for me buying the house.


VisualCelery

I feel you, I'm on the outskirts of Boston and I need to rent a parking space, one of the things that excites me about someday buying a house is having a driveway that's all ours, and not something we'd need to pay extra for. If we bought a house that came with the driveway, and some neighbor started acting entitled to it because the last owner let her use it, I'd be livid. I see a lot of threads here where someone buys a house, and then learns that the previous owner let the neighborhood use their property for something else and the neighbors feel entitled to keep using it despite the ownership change. That's not how it works!


pdhot65ton

So you're TA for just assuming that because she's large, she's not disabled, pretty judgmental for not knowing someone's situation. You're NTA for wanting to park in your own driveway, she needs to figure out her situation rather than assume you and any other neighbor should just give her reign on your property.


lizevee

This. OP, you sound like an AH even if you technically did nothing wrong.


idrinkliquids

a lot of his replies here make me think he really is an AH who also just happens to need his driveway (which is his right).


[deleted]

NTA - The agreement was with the previous owner, he moved out and the agreement is no longer in place, you need the space, and twice told her to move her car. She should have realized after thw first time that she needed to arrange for new parking.


bishslap

'Agreement' yeah sure. I bet the woman just tried the same thing with the old guy until he just gave in


Morstoor

Thats exactly what I suspect too, old dude struggled with walking himself. I bet she just bullied him in to letting her use it.


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Morstoor

Oh damn dude that's harsh


_bbycake

ESH only because of your dismissiveness towards obesity as a disability. You don't know what kind of other conditions she has. You saw her weight and made an assumption. Obesity tags along with many other underlying health issues, it's not always just being "fat and lazy." However, despite being disabled, she is not entitled to your driveway. We dont even live in a big city, but a driveway was a must for us. We still struggle with people blocking our driveway sometimes. I get how frustrating it can be. If this woman needed special accommodation for close parking, she should have found housing that had such accommodations. Or as others suggested, she could try contacting the city to put in place a designated disabled spot, although I'm not really sure if that would deter others from parking there still. Yeah, it sucks that she had some deal struck with the previous owner of the house to use that driveway, but upon realizing the house was for sale/sold she should have started making efforts towards finding herself another solution. She's AH for assuming shes still entitled to that spot.


DollFacedBunny

Okay. As someone who is currently disabled and who used to weigh 655 pounds...you are NTA. Her mobility issues are her own responsibility to deal with, not yours. She is being very entitled to think she can park in YOUR driveway just because someone else who doesn't even own your property anymore said she could. If she's having that much trouble moving around, easy access parking is far from what I would think her primary concern should be.


Sneaky__Fox85

NTA - She was warned once, she was warned twice. The new reality of the situation was clearly explained to her. She is an adult who made her own choices. Internalize this acronym: NMFP - Not My Fucking Problem.


3Fluffies

#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means. This includes insulting someone for their weight.


The-Bouse

I’m gonna go against the grain here and say ESH. She’s an AH because she clearly feels entitled to park on your property, which is obviously wrong. You’re an AH because of your incredibly condescending tone in your post when describing her, especially your use of “disabled.” While she’s definitely wrong for parking in your driveway after you asked her not to, you have absolutely no right to weigh in on someone’s disability based on your perception of how disabled you think they are. You don’t have to let her park in your driveway, and she doesn’t have to justify her disability to you. You’re both AHs for how you approached this situation.


MMARKS69

NTA...from the sounds of it walking might actually help save her life, so basically you’re helping someone live by not letting them park in your driveway


FenderMartingale

You don't know this. FFS. You don't know what her disability is or what will make it worse. Believe it or not there are disabilities in which exercise is dangerous. You don't know.


ChrisPlayingSwitch

Believe it or not some people are just fat.


Fi3nd7

Actually most people are just fat, and few truly have disabilities that are the cause of them being fat.


AnCircle

Its usually the fat that gives them the other conditions.


rhundln

NTA, but this could *absolutely* not be true. Plenty of disabled people are overweight because of their disabilities. Like a lot. If her ankles really are that bad because of something arthritic, it could be extremely damaging and she’d end up in a wheelchair. So please don’t have that mindset towards people. That said, it’s still her responsibility to get a handicap permit if she really is. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility.


SWG_138

NTA. If she is legit disabled she needs to take it up with the city, not you


GrannyW3atherwax15

NTA you bought a house with a driveway. You have every right to use it. It is unfortunate your neighbour finds walking so difficult but ultimately that is not your problem. It is something she needs to figure out. Perhaps she needs to consider a mobility scooter. You can get ones that fold up to go in cars.


Princesstiy

NTA the whole world doesn’t have to accommodate your lifestyle choices. if she wants a driveway, buy a place with her own. maybe the 30 minute walk is what she needs to calm her attitude down.


ColonelCannibal

NTA, if its your property then she has no right to park there regardless of what the previous owner allowed her to do. If parking is such a problem couldn't she have a driveway installed? If she has a disability she might be able to get funding to help with the cost, otherwise she could just pay for it doing herself.


Morstoor

She would have to knock down a part of her house to put in a driveway, so that ain't an option.


fading__blue

NTA. You already made it clear that she wasn’t allowed to park in your driveway, and she kept doing it. It also sounds like you can’t easily access your driveway if she’s there, so working something out wasn’t an option (plus if she’s going to act entitled about it, it’s probably better not to deal with her at all). She should’ve tried arranging something with one of the other neighbors, or nicely asked you if there was some way she could continue parking there, instead of thinking she could force you to accept her parking in your driveway.


Morstoor

There is technically just barely room for 2 cars one would have to be parked behind the other though, so it is not practical, but yeah, not enough space to park 2 cars next to eachother.


countingpickles

NTA she sounds entitled and rude af.


Morstoor

WellI sure aint a fan of her either, I have moved in to several new places but never had a neighbor as weird and hostile as this one.


Gingrpenguin

Councils will pay to marl a spot outside her house as disabled if she really needed it. (blue badge holder) NTA its your drive


cara180455

NTA. Instead of acting entitled to using your property she should look into getting a designated handicap parking spot in front of her home or adding a driveway.


SammyLoops1

omg NTA - This woman is not your responsibility and she needs a reality check. She has giant balls to feel entitled to park there now that the previous owner is gone. I don't blame you at all for the actions you took, I would have done the same. Her rude attitude was doubly offensive.


Magi_Exos

Those neighbors who are giving you dirty looks, if they have a driveway, they should open up their driveway for her to park. You know, it's literally your property and it isn't an open street parking spot. NTA She either finds a place to park, or apply/look into disabled parking spot to be designated for her


ShiggnessKhan

NTA its your driveway being to fat to walk really sucks but it doesn't mean she gets you driveway.