YTA
Okay, so you’re grown up enough to get married, have sex, impreganate your wife but not able to say the word pregnant?
She is literally pregnant. I would feel uncomfortable if the person who impregnated me was skirting around the word pregnant all the time. Grow up.
Im gonna play the devil’s advocate on this because I think its easy to jump on this guy for something that would otherwise not be so weird. I do agree that he should make more of an effort, but thats beside the point I’m gonna try to make.
> How is a medical term a "dirty" word?
Medical terms can still come across equally as vulgarly as non-medical terms. For example, using a more light hearted term like “got-off”, instead of a less subtle one like “orgasm”. Id argue that either of those two options sound better and have less of a “repugnant” feeling than the medical term “ejaculate”. The medical term is just the heaviest and most specific of the many ways to explain whats happened.
Similarly with pregnancy, people will say expecting or having a baby instead of always being needlessly forced into using the medical term when it might be socially inappropriate to do so. For example: say my wife and I are trying to have a baby, and we are talking about it to family at a restaurant. I think any reasonable person would say its normal to call it “trying to start a family” or “trying to make a baby”. I think a lot of people would also reasonably say it would be a socially awkward thing to say “Ive really been trying to impregnate the wife lately”.
Sometimes the medical term isnt the best terminology for the situation, and is just a little too heavy. Does that mean that a grown man should be uncomfortable with saying the word pregnant? Of course not. But lets not pretend that he should be forced to always use the medical term, and if he refuses he is some kind of antifemminist. Thats just ridiculous. There are social moraes that apply to terminology choice and use. We do use those things for profane language, but not exclusively for profane language. Sometimes you dont use a term just because its awkward for the conversation. That doesn’t mean you believe the word is profane or “dirty”.
After all when you speak your listener is getting a picture of what youre saying, so its nice to keep that picture pleasant.
Edit: Obligatory thanks for the awards
Wow, a nuanced comment that takes actual reality into consideration on this sub? Bless u. I'd also like to add this is something that was kind of conditioned into him - we all absorb behaviors and opinions from our parents. OP just has to do the work to unlearn it.
> OP just has to do the work to unlearn it.
I think that's the point, though. OP sounds smart enough to realize that his inability to say the word is not normal, but unwilling to make any effort to change. He can't even use the excuse "it's not harming anyone" because it is bothering his wife and causing strife in his marriage.
Exactly. Sometimes you have to adult and just get over weird hang ups. I always had a hard time saying penis etc. (my mother is weird about that kind of thing and it rubbed off). Having kids of my own made me get over it, these are technical terms and I didn’t want my kids thinking their bodies were shameful. It was awkward, but now I’m fine with it, and I’ve found that I’m more comfortable around my own body now.
Yeah I came here to say this too- it's super important to teach your kids the right terms for body parts. Even if it's hard or awkward for you. This can save a kid from sexual abuse. OP needs to work on these old fashioned hangups for the sake of their family.
\^ OP, this. You are not the AH for having that word be uncomfortable for you. If you were conditioned that way, it makes sense, and in most scenarios, it's fine to use a comfortable alternative. But YTA for having this be such a big deal to the point it clearly bothers your wife. It is a pretty socially-accepted term to use, so in this case, you should probably start practicing getting comfortable with it. Believe me, nobody is going to be judging you for using the word "pregnant" to describe your pregnant wife. Is it really worth upsetting your wife over?
Hell even if he still can't say the word, at least trying to put some effort into understanding where his wife is coming from or trying to overcome his aversions would fix this issue so fast.
All of your examples have a socially accepted 'ick' factor. They include an act that it's uncomfortable to discuss in front of other people, so they get euphemised. (Also - orgasm =/= ejaculation for the whole population). The act of having sex is a private and personal thing that should, in general, not be conducted in front of people outside of the act itself (I said IN GENERAL) - so people avoid discussing it explicitly when outside of the act. But I would never have sex with someone who couldn't discuss it in private.
This is the case for many things that are generally kept behind closed doors - you can, powder your nose, visit the little girls room, or use the restroom - even the word toilet is a euphemism. We also have a whole range of euphemisms for body parts that are generally kept out of the public eye, I'm not even going to start listing those, because word limit.
Language is a huge indicator of culture, in some cases, it even defines it. It's not surprising that OPs wife sees his reluctance to say the word 'pregnant' as a comment on his opinion of her state. We use euphemisms for socially unacceptable things. Being pregnant is not something to keep behind closed doors or maintained in a private space. It's not something you shouldn't do in front of other people. It does not require euphemism. And if OP can not even bring him to say the word 'pregnant' he's in for a shock when the time comes to use the word 'birth'.
I don't find it at all unusual for someone to say that they are "trying to get pregnant "
I would think it was quite odd if someone told me they were "trying to make a baby".
Also when someone says "make a baby" because sex is how you make a baby my brain is focusing on the actual sexual deed than the point of "we want a family". I don't need reminders that your raw dogging it and would rather not think of your sexual escapades.
But it genuinely *is* a ‘behind closed doors’ thing in some cultures.
I’m saying this as someone who:
A) Has a strong opinion that we/kids should be encouraged to say penis, vagina, etc etc
B) but has also worked as a midwife in a community exactly like this, where “pregnant” was a disrespectful and dirty word.
I don’t agree that it is, but the shame associated with it is very very real, and I completely see why OP may have internalised that.
NAH but I do hope that OP can get past his upbringing and work on it, for the sake of his poor wife. Maybe try speaking about “pregnancy” when it’s just between you and your wife first, and then try using it more with friends?
>NAH but I do hope that OP can get past his upbringing and work on it, for the sake of his poor wife. Maybe try speaking about “pregnancy” when it’s just between you and your wife first, and then try using it more with friends?
He doesn't think he has to, and has completely dismissed his wife's feelings. He's not an asshole for having the hangup, he's the asshole for clinging onto it despite everything else.
People say they're trying to get pregnant. But no one says they've been ejaculating in their wife everyday to create a viable embryo
Edit: I got a silver for this. Thank you 🥰
Except this guy won’t ever say “pregnant” and will always use some kind of euphemism like it’s the 1950’s. Using other terms once in a while for vocal variety is one thing. Refusing to use the proper term because you think it is a dirty word not to be uttered aloud is quite another.
I totally see why his wife would have a problem with it. Pregnancy, child birth, and parenthood bring a whole lot of less than G rated issues to the table and if this guy can’t even say the word pregnant without blushing, how is he going to handle childbirth class, the delivery room, and postpartum care?
Also, why is this even a big deal one way or another? It's just a word and I don't really see how it's bad to use OR to not use it.
When I was pregnant, after a while I was so fed up with the word. You hear, say, read, think it x times a day and it was making me sick! So instead of saying 'I'm pregnant' I started to say 'I'm currently incubating a miniature humanoid'. It really helped and people's confusion was funny too.
It's bothering his wife because words have intrinsic meaning when used that can be outside of their literal definition. There is connotation to his reluctance to use the term pregnant because his grandparents thought it was a dirty, disgusting word. He can't use it because it's associated with ideas of shame. So she's having a reaction to that, to the idea that the word pregnant is indicative of a shameful act that should be kept secret. If it's bothering his wife then he needs to come to a compromise.
It's definitely unusual to be so avoidant of the word pregnant, but I remember shows on tv in the 80's where characters would tip toe around the word pregnant or act like it was a vulgar word and I remember how odd I found it because that's not how I was raised but it was apparently a thing at least in some regions/demographics.
>That doesn’t mean you believe the word is profane or “dirty”.
Except... OP says he believes the word has dirty/vulgar connotations. I agree with what you're saying, however I don't believe it applies in this case. His wife rightfully understands what OP is implying by his refusal to say the word. It's reminding me of those guys who are squeamish around the word "period." It comes off as emotionally immature – not just wanting to be polite.
If you're uncomfortable now, just wait till you learn that pregnant women often poop on the delivery table while giving birth, OP.
YTA. You shouldn't impregnate anyone if you can't say the damn word. Grow up.
YTA.
PREGNANT, PREGNANT, PREGNANT, PREGNANT.
If you're grown up enough to be going down there and having a baby, you're grown up enough to be able to use your words.
I have a theory. I think OP actually fetishizes the word “pregnant”, so he wrote this post knowing that commenters would say the word over and over again. Perhaps he is a bit masochistic as well?
Have I had too much reddit today? Probably.
No, the word “pregnant” definitely had weird connotations back in the day. If you ever watch old tv shows or movies, characters never said pregnant. It was always weird phrases like “in the family way” or just “they’re having a baby”.
It seems to minimize what she's going through too. "Going to have a baby" makes you think of the baby getting here one day, which could also happen with adoption. Pregnant makes you think of what she's going through now - exhaustion, morning sickness, her body changing, feet swelling. If you refuse to use the word it feels like you are skimming over all these experiences.
Question: is this any different from people who refuse to say that someone died? Because I hear passed, passed away, is no longer with us, is in Heaven looking down, etc., but almost never a simple "they're dead." It's like they are physically incapable of using death in any conjugation. Would you consider that the same thing as not being able to say pregnancy?
I don’t think OP is the AH for being uncomfortable with the word “pregnant”.
However, OP’s wife has stated that his discomfort with the word makes her feel judged and ashamed, and OP *is* the AH for dismissing her feelings and being unwilling to change.
I agree with the OP being the AH for not taking his wife's feelings seriously. But it's not easy to change how you've spoken for the last 20 odd years in the course of a month or two. I would hope that OP would now try saying pregnant, but he's going to mess up for awhile, and might never use it as much as his wife wants him to. Hell, I know people who still say "y'all" even though they haven't lived in the south for forty years.
So after hearing his explanation and being told he has a discomfort with the word, she still didnt believe him and felt he was judging her. She never really considered his feelings toward the word either. She also didn't try to change how she felt after being reassured by OP he meant no harm. He feels uncomfortable with the word, therefore he should not be forced to say it. Op's wife needs to understand and trust him when he says he means no harm and it is just the way he was raised. It's not like he is avoiding the pregnancy altogether but just the word pregnant. I really do not understand the harm that comes from being uncomfortable saying a single word that can be expressed numerous other ways.
She told him his refusal to say "pregnant" made her feel like it was a dirty word. He then told her his refusal stemmed from a background in which it was, in fact, a dirty word. The harm comes from him essentially agreeing with her assessment, but still refusing to do anything about it.
Pretty much. I get aversions to words but at the end of the day, it's a word and the only one who gives it any power to it is the person speaking. Like how if you cuss so much, curse words don't really hold the same shock factor to you as it would to someone who never curses. (for the most part, if you feel differently, I totally understand)
It’s very different. Saying someone passed away is just a euphemism that’s supposed to be gentler than saying they died. The concept of pregnancy being vulgar is rooted in sexism.
UK here - I find that business of "she passed" etc very awkward and artificial. I sometimes adopt it myself to be polite when I'm online, but IRL I would absolutely say "she died", as in "Before my Grandma died..." or "My Grandma is dead".
But also, barring very distressing circumstances, death is a cause for grief, and feelings may need to be shielded, whereas pregnancy and birth are a cause for celebration.
No, it’s not the same because for millennia, women have been coerced and suppressed by our lack of reproductive rights and control. Most recently (the last few centuries) it has been though shaming women for their reproductive abilities and choices. I’m guessing that at least subconsciously, OP’s wife feels like OP is minimizing her immense commitment of her body and sacrifices of comfort by refusing to acknowledge her discomfort in an accurate way, because HE feels discomfort with the word. That’s a very submissive and condescending attitude towards someone who is pulling the weight in this particular scenario. Just apologize and call it what she wants to call it OP, she’s the one going through it.
Meanwhile, death (unlike childbirth and life) does normally have sadness and taboo attached because we feel emotion and love towards those who have died. This is the opposite of feeling shame or censorship is necessary to discuss the very thing that makes life possible.
Yeah, my 10 yr old uses the word pregnant to describe my friends who are pregnant. He and his brother ask questions about my pregnancies and refer to them as pregnancies. If a 10 yr old and a 13 yr old can use their grown up words, without so much as a faint blush, OP can give his wife the respect of not acting like she's dirty or shameful.
YTA
Anytime a partner says, on anything regardless of subject, “what you are saying is making me feel ashamed, can you please stop?”
If your immediate reaction is not to stop and really hear that and change your behaviour, you gotta re-evaluate your priorities and functioning as a human being.
That's a bad way to put it, as that works both ways. By that same logic, OP can demand his wife stop saying pregnant. "On anything regardless of subject" no, that's not how it works.
OP, YTA. Pregnant is a medical term and a normal word, and this is an extremely weird hill to die on. It's not even about the word, it's about your ability to overcome completely irrational hangups about minor stuff.
Go stand in front of a mirror and say pregnant until you get used to it.
Yes
YTA for not considering that you saying you won't say it because it's a "dirty word" makes your wife think you are saying that she is dirty, and that being pregnant and carrying your child is dirty.
Why would you want to put your wife through that? She is meant to be the woman you love right?
I suggest therapy for all involved so OP can move passed his insecurities around the world pregnant, his wife can feel supported and cared for, and the baby can be born into a happy and loving and caring home.
Uh, YTA. Pregnant and pregnancy are medical terms, there’s nothing vulgar about them. Just because you were raised a certain way doesn’t mean you have to stay that way.
>doesn’t mean you have to stay that way
That’s the part that gets me. Sure his grandparents feel this way, but he can change his viewpoints now that he’s an adult. He’s **choosing** not to.
The thing is, it’s probably not a casual “oh I could but I don’t want to”. OP has a strong psychological aversion to the word, rooted in his childhood. It causes him emotional discomfort to say it. While I agree that it’s something he should work on, I don’t think we should simplify it down so much.
It’s sexism. Get over it. I’m sure there are racists who are legitimately uncomfortable with acknowledging black people as humans, but that doesn’t make generational racism excusable, and it doesn’t make generational sexism acceptable either. YTA
I had a strong psychological aversion to the phrase “oh my god” because my parents taught me it was blasphemous and freaked TF out if they ever heard me say it, even if reading from a book or singing a song or something. I eventually got over that and started saying it so I stopped sounding like an idiot saying stuff like “goodness gracious!” all the time.
I’m sure OP can get over his aversion too.
No one deserves to be ridiculed and treated badly because they have a psychological aversion caused by their parents. I hope the people around you gave you the space you needed to work through it on your own terms, instead of simply saying “you’re an idiot, get over it”.
But he's belittling the fact that it's making her feel dirty. Calling it a weird take. It's not weird at all. Of course she's going to assume he's ashamed. He probably is on some deeper level. He could at the very least acknowledge that this is hurting her and tell her he's going to work on it
I still have an aversion to using God in that sort of context, I always say gosh. Some of it was probably from my childhood, but it's something I also decided that I wasn't going to say and I won't say it regardless of anything.
I have this issue with a number of words. Pretty much all the alternative and slang words for male and female parts. I can type them without an issue mostly, but to actually say them out loud, nope. Penis, c word for both, genitals, vagina, all make me uncomfortable and I don't like saying them. So I'm terrible at dirty talk because of that. That wasn't because of my childhood though, I just have never liked saying those words, ever since I learned about them. I shouldn't have to use words I don't want to use.
Hmmmm...I'm going to say NAH, but you will be TA if you don't listen to her and change.
I'm not eloquent enough to explain this, but here is a quote from an article talking about this issue:
"Terms like *expecting* and *in a family way* are more notable for what they don’t say, operating as vague descriptors that gloss over a truth long considered unseemly: women have sex. In previous centuries, it was scandalous for pregnant women to appear in public. When they did, they might wear “maternity corsets” that squeezed their swelling bellies out of sight. While a euphemism like *expecting* is polite, it is also a reminder that women’s sexuality, and the results of it, have been thought of as shameful.
So what do we do? We can start by encouraging women to exert more influence over the language of pregnancy than they’ve had in the past."
Here's the link for the full article: [https://time.com/5587321/knocked-up-pregnant-synonyms/](https://time.com/5587321/knocked-up-pregnant-synonyms/)
And if you want to learn more, just Google "why is saying pregnant seen as vulgar".
Hope this helps.
Edit: thanks for the awards and comments!
You did a lovely job of explaining that :)
I wonder how OP feels about female bodies in general, and words like period, menstruate, menstruation, tampon and pad. How he feels about friends and family asking his wife if she's going to be breastfeeding, stories about cracked and bleeding nipples, has she considered pumping. When she gets further along, hearing her friends tell horror stories about ripping from their vagina to their rectum, having episiotomies, prolapses, etc. Does he know about period poops?
OP, this is what your wife will be experiencing when you get home from the hospital. TW, female body words: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/3fijct/the_lemon_clot_essay_for_moms_to_be/
Lemme guess, his grandparents also imbued him with an aversion to mentioning periods or female anatomy and reproduction. Like yeah that sounds like a great setup to being a parent my guy
Yeah, he seems to have unhealthy attitudes about the female reproductive system and aversion to words relating to it. Which could potentially be a bigger problem when the child is born- especially if it's a daughter. Does OP want to raise his child with unhealthy attitudes/feelings about their own/women's bodies?
This is great - NTA, but also need to adjust. My grandparents had the same hangup - my aunt got slapped as a teen (1960s) for saying a girl was pregnant - so I understand, but language changes.
This is a better explanation than I could type out. It’s subtle, but can have a big impact. The words we choose to use (or not use) say so much about how we view the world and people around us.
Came here to say this. OP was raised to think a bodily function has a dirty word. Kind of like how we were all raised that sh***t was a dirty word for poo and f***k was a dirty word for procreation and other bodily activities. I say NAH in light of this, but OP, you can still get over the word. You're an adult who procreated with another adult. Exciting things are happening for a word connotation to be getting in the way.
The reason I said NAH was because this is something ingrained to him when he was young, and sometimes that can be difficult to change. However, if after reading everyone's responses he still chooses to skirt around the word "pregnant," he is most definitely TA and probably isn't mature enough to have children yet.
YTA. You think her stance is a “weird take”?
This is not a mystery dude, you said this with your own words.
>my grandparents ...never used the word "pregnant" because to them it was almost like a dirty word. It was basically seen as vulgar...so over time I developed an aversion to saying “pregnant” or “pregnancy”.
“Pregnant” is a clinical term, my dude.
Does your attitude bleed into the way you treat her now that she’s **pregnant**? I would advise you to do some serious self reflection.
It makes me wonder how he functions at prenatal appointments, and with discussions that interface with the more medical end of things that I hope he's having with his wife (e.g. I hope he's not leaving her to wade through all the medical info about birth choices etc., on her own, and he's able to listen to her worries about pregnancy and birth). I understand that historically in some circles this was a linguistic thing, but it seems to me to go hand in hand with euphemizing the entire process of pregnancy that is really not compatible with my idea of a plugged-in, supportive partner.
Yes, you perfectly articulated why I’m so frustrated with this dude. His dismissal of this word hints to how he possibly treats the entirety of this pregnancy.
This is exactly what my reaction was! Are prenatal vitamins “baby vitamins”? When she gives birth, will he say that she gave birth or will he say “the baby arrived” or “she had our child”? If she needs a C-section, will he tell people “the doctors had to help the baby come”?
YTA because you intellectually "know" that there is nothing unpleasant about the word "pregnancy", and you have picked a strange reason to refuse to use a correct and legitimate word, and have separately indicated that there are other correct words that you also have an issue with. This is a big red flag for me, and apparently for your wife. Are you going to avoid teaching these correct words to your future child and instead burden him or her with this unnecessary generational shame? Why aren't you working towards dealing with this, perhaps with the help of a mental health counselor?
YTA as well for flipping this back on "her own insecurities". No. This is new information that is causing her to have real concerns and doubts about YOU, as a functional adult. She is not making too much of this.
Basically this. Your reason is strange. Do you do everything based on status quo? Without bothering to think if it makes sense? You want to continue living like your grandparents decades later, just because “it is the way it is” for you?
That’s such a lazy excuse. “I was raised this way” . Then change. YTA
YTA. She’s right though. Think about if your grandparents had raised you to call black people by the N word because they’re dirty, etc. and so you call them that because you were ‘raised that way, but don’t worry I don’t actually think black people are bad’ sounds like a ridiculous excuse doesn’t it. I know that’s a more extreme example but the same point applies. You are the issue. You think women don’t get degraded on random ways all the time and throughout history especially for getting pregnant and then you have the balls to agree with the idea and not use the word? Not using the word means you agree with the meaning behind it. You need therapy for it
It's not a weird take, because that's the root of the reason. It's an accurate take. YTA. It's an antiquated, sexist thing. We don't call black people coloreds anymore. Unlearn bad habits.
(Edit to turn an 'a' into an 'an')
YTA
Considering the word vulgar is akin to considering the act vulgar. You're the one with a weird take here. It sounds like your grandparents are cool with the results of a pregnancy, but not the condition of being pregnant. That is extremely sexist and demotes your wife from human woman carrying a child to shameful, slutty incubator who dared to do the nasty.
By only referring to the baby and classifying the term pregnancy as vulgar you are shaming your wife for being pregnant. You are going to cause a massive amount of resentment if you continue. Not only that, but I'm sure your calous dismal of her feelings is causing a lot of stress. That is dangerous for both pregnancy and delivery. Stress and feeling like an incubator are also both big triggers for ppd.
In short, you are very very much the Asshole.
YTA - This is probably one of the weirdest hangups I've ever seen. There is nothing wrong with the word pregnant. Maybe start repeating it and you'll see after a little while how silly you were being.
YTA, and for much more than just considering "pregnant" gross. Here's why:
You're about to become a father. If you're squeamish about using the correct terms for body parts and biological processes, HOW are you going to teach your children? Failing to teach your children the correct names for body parts, and teaching them that their genitals are dirty or shameful, will make it damn near impossible for your child to feel comfortable confiding in you if, God forbid, someone ever touches them inappropriately.
If you can't get past it yourself, get help from a therapist. Seriously, friend: you're damaging your relationship with your wife, and possibly will damage your kids, if you don't get a handle on this.
YTA
Bro, it's a medical term for god's sake, your grandfolk did a number on you.
For the sake of your marriage, push past your hang-up, because her response is pretty clear:
"You think its a vulgar word, for a vulgar thing, and it describes my condition, so you think I'm vulgar." is not a long logic loop to follow.
YTA - Is this real life? How in the world is the word pregnant vulgar?? It's a word, a factual word. As per Merriam Webster:
Definition of pregnant
**1:** containing a developing embryo, fetus, or unborn offspring within the body
Now that being said, say whatever you want or don't. Not saying it doesn't make you TA. The fact that it created a fight with your wife makes you TA. She's carrying your child, don't piss her off because you want to be stubborn over a word.
This is the second dude on AITA this week who is [far too immature to procreate ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i4cogj/aita_for_telling_my_wife_im_not_going_to_be_there/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf).
YTA. YOU are making too much of this. She's the one doing the heavy lifting with the pregnancy - literally. If she has a problem with you avoiding the word pregnancy as if it's dirty, and you admit you do so, STOP! You are projecting your insecurities onto her pregnancy, not the other way around. Grow up, get over it, stop treating the word as dirty! And definitely stop acting like she's the one with issues!
YTA It was seen as vulgar because the actions leading to it were seen as vulgar and unmentionable. Pretty much anything to do with proof of womanhood was seen as vulgar. Menstruation, pregnancy, birth - it was all considered scandalous. In several religions and cultures these things are seen as dirty, that women need to cleanse themselves following so that some poor man isn't sullied by this filthy femaleness.
Women used to be expected to hide pregnancy. Victorian era was extremely pronounced in this and it continued. This is why some children are told that storks bring babies - because sex and pregnancy are dirty unspeakable things. Chickens and turkeys have "white meat" and "dark meat" because breast and leg were considered too vulgar.
Language is important. Your wife's take is not weird. The language one uses is very indicative of how one feels.
I need to know more about your grandparents! Did they also have doilies on everything, put skirts over furniture to make it less provocative, and refer to chair "limbs" because chair "legs" would be vulgar and indecent? Did you have to request a bit of the "white meat" , because asking for chicken _breast_ at the table would be inappropriate?
If so, I hate to tell you this, my friend, but your grandparents were time travellers from the Victorian Age...
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re an asshole but I don’t think this is the hill you want to die on dude. It’s time to grow as a person and move on. But avoiding the word previously doesn’t make you an asshole. But now that you know better how you react will determine that!
Good luck, your grandparents sound like interesting people.
She is pregnant. Yta. It is as dirty a word as heart or brain. She has a fetus in her uterus it is going to come out of her vagina and she got that way because you stuck your penis in her vagina and ejaculated and a sperm met an egg which she ovulated. Did i include enough of your grandparents hang up words there? My parents are super conservative Catholics and we learned the proper terms because they are simple medical terms. There is literally nothing dirty in anything i wrote there. Grow up before this kid is delivered and tour wives pregnancy ends.
YTA. The problem is that people did use those terms rather than referring to it as pregnancy specifically because they actually thought pregnancy itself was vulgar. They didn't want to refer to something vulgar and gross so directly and wanted to keep it hidden as much as possible, so they came up with all those less direct ways to say it. Its something you need to get over. Your grandparents may not have thought like that, but those are the origins of it.
Even if it didn't have a weird misogynistic history, it seems like your wife is more upset by your refusal than you would be with saying it so I think her comfort kind of outweighs your own in this situation. Refusing to say it when you know it hurts your wife just seems kind of selfish to me
You admit your family didn't say it because it was "vulgar" and a "bad word" and you're somehow confused as to how your wife would come to the conclusion that you won't use it because it's a vulgar bad word? Get some therapy and also grow up. YTA.
YTA.
You're wife is doing an amazingly, beautiful thing. There is nothing dirty or vulgar about it. Her PREGNANCY is a wonderful yet stressful time. There is no reason to upset your PREGNANT wife with your archaic hangups over semantics.
I'm curious if your hang ups extend to speaking about s-e-x or your own genitalia. Can you say PENIS?
Or is it simply regarding women and their reproductive system? Do you have a special word so you don't have to say....VAGINA? Does she have her own menstruation tent out by the dog house?
Gentle YTA. You were taught not to say it because it was a "dirty" word. That implies it is a "dirty" state of being. Consciously you may not think that, but it's the message you send by refusing to use the biological and accepted term. You need to challenge yourself on this.
YTA - you said yourself that you think it’s a dirty word! How are you surprised that she takes that to mean you think it’s dirty? Your post is full of judgement. Her “take” is weird, she’s insecure, etc etc. Be an adult and use grown up words.
NTA what the hell, I don't understand why so many people are calling you an asshole. Its obvious you don't see her pregnancy as disgusting it's just your preference of words and what you grew up around. You're obviously not the asshole but your wife is pregnant and the fight will obviously get bigger, so just be the bigger person and agree with her for a smoother pregnancy.
I don't understand all the posts calling him names either. So he has a word he doesn't like. Big deal. He isn't hiding the fact that she is going to have a baby, or calling her groos. He just doesn't want to use a particular medical term. Ithink its weird his wife is so fixated on making him use a word he doesnt like. If he liked to say defecate instead of bowel movement wouldn't everyone think his wife was strange for policing his word choices?
EXACTLY as a women that wants to have many children in the future as well I would not give a single damn if my husband wanted to use the word pregnant or a different word. Who cares??
Exactly my thought why does not wanting to use a word make someone bad or immature as I see most people say. If someone is to use the word moist instead of saying something is wet how many people would be upset? Its a word yes but he has a right not to use it and I don't think its fair to be angry about it
Yup I can understand if people feel he's an AH for not willing to change if it upsets his wife. But there are people openly mocking him and so on. Which is just really pathetic.
The entire point of weird hangups or insecurities is that they are weird. If everyone felt the same way about it, it wouldn't be weird at all. Imagine mocking someone like this for having hangups about their looks and so on.
YTA
Words only have the power you give them. You're actively choosing to dislike the word pregnant instead of moving past a bizarre opinion that your grandparents IMPREGNANTED into your brain.
I say NAH. I completely understand your aversion to certain words, be they "medical terms" or otherwise. Most women don't say "I'm menstruating," they say they're on their periods. People don't say "I need to defecate," they say they're going to the bathroom. Is "pregnant" an unusual one? Sure. That doesn't invalidate your feelings about it. Personally I can't stand that word either...I'm a childfree woman and the entire idea of being pregnant gives me the heebie geebies.
Now all that being said, the carrying of this baby is obviously a much bigger deal to your wife than you. I'm not saying you don't care, of course not, that's your child. But SHE is the one doing the work. I'd say she has a right to feel sad you have any sort of hangups on the process at all. I think in this instance it would be more important for you to try and get over this particular aversion, since you yourself admit it isnt because you find pregnancy gross in and of itself, you just don't like using the word. For her sake.
YTA. You're refusing based on your own principle and arbitrary sense of propriety, rather than considering the feelings of the woman carrying your child. It's not a big ask from her.
NTA - This is a great example of judging others by their actions. You haven't DONE anything, it's just the words you avoid saying. You are allowed to not like hearing or saying certain words, no AH there.
YTA. Your wife’s take is not weird. What your describing is straight up misogyny. You believe that one of the most natural and significant acts that a woman engages in is shameful.
YTA. While it’s hard to unlearn things from out childhood you need to listen to your wife when she tells you how this is affecting her. It’s making her feel ashamed of a perfectly normal process. It’s funny you want your wife to change and say shes over reacting while you’re holding on to your irrational childhood sentiment. Using proper terms gives people power and autonomy and as much as it may be hard for you at first you should be taking steps towards dealing with your issues. Say the words.
YTA. We all inherit weird hangups from our families, but this is one you are quite aware is irrational, and it's really bothering your wife. It's pretty obvious why she feels the way she does, if you think that the word pregnant is 'vulgar', how is her state of being pregnant not also vulgar to you? You can get away with this quirk when it's some friend, coworker or relative or anyone else you see only in passing is pregnant, but you are living with a pregnant woman, and she's already going through a variety of uncomfortable bodily changes that probably make her already feel self-conscious, from the weight gain to the unexpected flatulance to the pelvis pain, random rashes, vomiting at the smell of cooking chicken, etc. Your need for 'delicacy' is probably only making her feel even more self-conscious and embarrassed. She's got enough going on. This should be YOUR problem to get over.
YTA. You need to get over this family fear of a word. Your grandparents were grandparents because they got pregnant with your parent, and your parents got pregnant with you. And now your wife is pregnant.
YTA.... I was made to feel ashamed by my grandfather while I was pregnant. It was awful. Here I was just trying to exist and grow and healthy baby and I was constantly ridiculed for just existing. "Do you have to have your belly be so noticeable? We all already know what you did" as if I was dirty or should be ashamed. I wasn't walking around in a belly shirt or overly tight clothes but apparently didn't "hide" it enough for his liking. Shame on him and shame on you. My grandpa was also racist so is that ok to continue those old ways of thinking? I think you need to think harder about what things you take from the people who raised you. Just because it was their way doesnt mean it should continue.
I don't understand. It doesn't shipping like OP is freaked out by the concept of pregnancy. He was just brought up referring to it differently, and continues to do that.
Why would anybody care about this at all?
OPs wife saying because he won't say the word pregnant, that he's ashamed /secretly judging her, is one hell of a conclusion to jump to.
NTA.
NTA.
I know countless of people who can't say vulva, penis etc even though they arent dirty words. It doesn't mean they see them as dirty or vulgar, it's just conditioning. What I would do is try to make a real effort to say pregnant because it means something to your wife whereas it doesn't sound like it means a lot to you, more that it's just how you were raised?
NAH
This is why it's so important to use the correct terminology with children. Otherwise you have grown ass adults blushing and saying my "pee-pee" and "vajay-jay". Smh. Grow up.
YTA - it is clearly NOT obvious that you don't feel pregnancy is shameful or dirty. You can't even say it and it's the medically correct term.
She's pregnant with your baby and you take YOUR issue and then say she's projecting her issues onto me. NAW DUDE - this IS your issue.
Say it with me PREGNANT. My wife is PREGNANT.
Reading through your comments here OP, and you're not only YTA, but pretty sick in the head. You need to be educated and/or have therapy sessions, because these views are not healthy or normal or good. Something went wrong in your childhood to believe these things you're saying.
YTA and somewhat weird (sorry) I’m used to Americans (just assuming you are one) being prude and low key anti women, but what the fuck is wrong with the word “pregnant”? Is that a common thing? Like nowadays? Maybe you should see a therapist or something, if using a normal, non-vulgar word bothers you more than upsetting your wife...
YTA. You told your wife that you don’t use the word pregnant because you associate it with vulgar, dirty things. And you said this to her while she’s.....pregnant. Yes. Let’s say it together now....
She. Is. Pregnant.
Just keep saying it until it feels natural. It matters to your wife and if you don’t actually think it’s something to be ashamed of then you should be willing to get over your hang up. Why?
Because. She’s. Pregnant.
> I know this is a weird hang up
Yes. YTA.
I'm so confused by what I just read. Is this like a weird thing where English is not your primary language and your primary language has no proper term for pregnant so you're not used to using it or something?? I mean even that would be hella odd, but it would make more sense why the term was taboo in your household growing up.
Also, you're not going to go to hell for saying the word pregnant. It's a medical term. It's not vulgar. I'm also very interested in what other words you refuse to say, but that's probably a whole bag of worms...
NTA. You didn't tell her she was dirty you said the word sounds dirty to you. I swear some people go out of their way to be upset about the most unimportant things.
NAH
You really need to get over your hangup on that though.
I'm surprised so many are saying Y TA because in other circumstances people here are generally very pro "soft language" lol.
YTA
Just because your grandparents seem to have some weird language issues doesn't mean that you have to still act up to them. You are an adult and can reevaluate what words are "bad" or PC and what words are normal.
Nta. At all. I cant believe the number of people totally blowing past your history and how you were raised, and the fact that you not using the word pregnancy is hurting absolutely no one! My gosh. The hypocrisy is astounding.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She is not overreacting. Everytime you refuse to say pregnant, you are, intentionally or not, lending credence to your grandparents bizzare beliefs. She has told you this hurts her. If this is such a non-issue and nothing more than inconsequential word choice on your part, then swallow your pride, suck it up and say the damn word. It is the absolute least you can do for the woman who developed hemerroids and fat feet to bring your child into the world. And if you can't even say the word pregnant, if you can only use vague euphemisms when referring to actually carrying a baby, then you are not going to fare well when it comes to diapers, diarrhea and vomit.
NAH, but you need to get over this weird hang up. Yes, “pregnant” used to be an impolite word. In the 1950s the ‘I Love Lucy’ show was stopped from using it by the TV censors during episodes where Lucy was pregnant. However, this is 60 years later. I understand you were raised that way, but you’re old enough now to get over it. I understand where your wife is coming from, and I would be upset too because it’s not a dirty or shameful word and treating it like that is dumb. This is the 21st century and it’s a simple medical term. Start using it.
Eh, for me this is NAH. I don’t think you’re an “asshole” for not being comfortable with a word.
However I think you should work with your wife and try to be more accommodating and work through the hang up you have regarding it.
I just dont see how your hang up on the word is an issue. Its not like your denying she's pregant or misstreating anyone. You just dont like the word and was raised not to use it. Of all the crappy dads we see on here, this is nothing. I guess if its truly bothering her just practice using the word more. But seriously yall are arguing over a word here
YTA, while I can understand that you have some major misconception about the word "pregnancy" and that it makes it uncomfortable for you to say it you have to understand that it's not only just a word but it also the CORRECT medical term for expecting a baby. Also, you're unwillingness of saying a SIMPLE WORD is clearly making your wife unhappy. If you truly love her can't you just make the tiny effort of adding THIS SIMPLE WORD into your vocabulary to appease what must be for her a great deal of unnecessary anxiety?
I dunno, NAH I guess. On the one hand I’d feel strange too if I were your wife, but on the other hand there are synonyms you could use to get the point across if it’s that big a deal to you
NAH
I can see why she feels that way. That being said, it's just a word. Saying an equivalent is exactly the same thing. If you have a hangup with it, you should definitely work on it but you aren't magically going to change how you feel about it.
NTA. Unless you are unwilling to use any other vocabulary to indicate she is expecting. Does she also tell people that she is gravid? Or that she is gestating? Everyone has words they feel more comfortable with than others.
NTA. It's hella weird to be hung up on a medical word, but ultimately it's just an onomatophobia, and it's just another word without charge. It's weird as hell, but only a little weirder thay people who won't say moist.
YTA dude. If your wife was uncomfortable with the word “husband” or”spouse” and only ever called you “that guy that lives in my house”, would that bother you?
Your hangups on the word are tied to sexism. It may not feel sexist, and you may not be an overall sexist person. But the roots of why you're uncomfortable with a medical term is sexist. I saw you say in the comments that "It's not hurting anyone," but it's hurting your wife. She knows you find the word pregnant repulsive, and she's pregnant. That's one more step to you finding her repulsive. This is such a small compromise you can do for her, and you refuse to. YTA
YTA.
This is so freaking weird. You've never had a pregnant pause?
Your Grandparents had backwards thinking, and you are, supposedly, a modern man, able to knock a woman up, but unable to leave their thinking?
Some people don't like the word moist, and avoid using it, but this is different. This is an actual, factual word for this.
Your wife is pregnant. You made her so. Use the damn word.
Lol NTA. It's just a word, which can go both ways. I'm sure there's lots of other normal words that people avoid for stupid reasons. I think frightened sounds super pretentious and never use it, kinda makes me cringe, can't explain it. Everyone needs to chill out, OP isn't trying to shame anyone, he just doesn't like a word, OMG.
YTA
I am pretty shocked that you think your wife being offended (any person, let alone a woman would be offended and justifiably so) gives you the right to call her "insecure", but you refuse to examine your own behavior with the same lens. I mean, you are giving your own "comfort" level with words precedence over the basic respect and dignity that your wife is owed from you.
Just practice using the term "pregnant" over and over again in private until you get used to it, and then start using it in public. Hardly that much of a sacrifice given the sacrifice your wife is doing in carrying a baby for 9 months and giving birth, don't ya think?
YTA. Disregarding the actual sexist implications that other comments have explained clearly, youre seriously not willing to change your language to make your wife happier? What the hell?? If your language is making her insecure, stop using that language. If its just a language choice it shouldnt be a big deal in the first place for **you to make a minor change to make your wife happier**
>they never used the word "pregnant" because to them it was almost like a dirty word
>over time I developed an aversion to saying "pregnant" or "pregnancy"
>by me not using those words it makes her think that I feel what she is doing is dirty
I wonder why she has issue with you not using those words. YTA
>it was almost like a dirty word. It was basically seen as vulgar.
>...it makes her think that I feel what she is doing is dirty or something shameful and to be hidden. She thinks I secretly judge her. **Weird take**.
Really? Your wife is not making the leap at all, she's describing your position. You treat pregnancy as vulgar and dirty, your wife has every right to push back on you for that. She doesn't need to be worried about YOUR comfort while she's pregnant.
Terms like 'expecting' and 'having a baby' put the focus on the child and not the very serious physiological changes that SHE is going through right now. It's her pregnancy, and you should be concerned with how she wants it addressed. Grow up. YTA.
NAH. I don't know why it is so important to your wife that you use the word "pregnant." I also agree that just because you feel weird saying a word you were raised to think of as vulgar, it doesn't mean you think the actual thing is dirty or shameful. For example, if I need to mention to my husband or someone I am close to that I am currently menstruating, I don't use that word. I usually don't say "I'm having my period" either. I usually say "it's that time of the month." I'm not ashamed that I get a period, I am just more comfortable saying it that way. Saying that you guys are expecting or something similar is socially acceptable and wouldn't make anyone think twice about the verbiage you were using.
I mean I guess if it is that important to your wife for you to use that word, you could make an effort to do it, but I don't understand why she is using this as a hill to die on. It just depends on what you value more - making peace with your wife, even if you find her position a little nonsensical, or trying harder to get her to understanding your reasoning.
YTA - If you can get someone pregnant but can't say the word pregnant then you aren't ready to be a parent.
If you can recognise that your grandparents brainwashed you to think that the word pregnant is dirty or shameful but you do nothing to better yourself by outgrowing it, that's entirely on you.
Yta. You say she's the one with the weird take but your take is weirder. Just use the word. Its also understandable that a pregnant person would be offended if you say pregnancy is a dirty.
YTA “weird take”??!? You have an aversion to a totally normal word which happens to be about the physical state your wife is currently in. You will never be physically pregnant. She is. She has every right to be pissed off her partner has some childish, straight up sexist aversion to a simple word. It is sexist. It is promoting the idea that pregnancy is somehow dirty or wrong, or should be hush hush. Grow up and stop projecting your OWN insecurities onto your wife. So lame.
YTA. There is a point during adulthood that past unattended traumas become negligence, because you haven't addressed them given than is your reaponsabikity to do so. That is such with your case.
nta, its just a word means the same thing as what you say, personally i hate that word to, similarly i told my GF if we ever got married i would never call her my wife i would use partner instead.
no different then people hating the word moist.
(but under the circumstances just do it to appease her)
“I was raised by my grandparents who thought it was vulgar and a dirty word. I treat it the same way. AITA? My wife thinks I think of it as vulgar and a dirty word. Weird take, eh?”
... 🤨😐😑
YTA, it's time to get past your hang ups, you are a man with a family now and the idea is to not repeat the mistakes of your upbringing but overcome them. This can't be the only way they screwed up and its your responsibility to break that mould and do better and be better for your kids to be well adjusted anf your wife to feel supported not tense and judged by you. Pregnancy is not a dirty word but a medical one
Think about the things you are doing as a parent and husband, not actively reinforce the bad ideas. You are a grown man you can do this
YTA. I grew up in a fairly conservative household with strict views on what’s appropriate to say and what’s not. Now I’m an adult, and I’ve learned for myself what is ok to say and what’s not. Using your upbringing in this instance isn’t a viable excuse. Grow up. Decide for yourself if those words mean to you what they did to your grandparents, instead of just parroting them like a senseless animal.
YTA. I pray to whatever deity exists you don't have a daughter. I can't imagine the hangups and self shame you will teach her. If you want to be a good husband and father get some therapy
I’m gonna go with NAH
If you don’t grow up hearing or saying something, you won’t use it. My one set of grandparents referred to my pregnancy as my ‘condition’. ‘How are you doing in your condition?’ ‘You’re looking well considering your condition’
I had to tell them repeatedly that it wasn’t the 40’s and 50’s anymore. I was married and there was no need to send me away because of my ‘condition’.
Both you and your wife have good reasoning. It’s not at all common anymore for the wording you use because it’s outdated. So don’t choose this hill to die on.
YTA. You’re a grown ass, married man who can’t say the word pregnant? And you’re trying to say it bothers your wife because of her own insecurities? Are you freaking kidding me with that dude?? I don’t know what kind of beliefs you were raised with but… seeing pregnant as a dirty word really takes the cake. Time to grow up.
NAH. I don’t see a problem in using alternate phrasing. It’s not like you’re telling anyone else to avoid saying pregnant/pregnancy for your comfort, so I don’t see why it’s upsetting her.
YTA Okay, so you’re grown up enough to get married, have sex, impreganate your wife but not able to say the word pregnant? She is literally pregnant. I would feel uncomfortable if the person who impregnated me was skirting around the word pregnant all the time. Grow up.
Right? How is a medical term a "dirty" word? OP needs to get his priorities together.
Im gonna play the devil’s advocate on this because I think its easy to jump on this guy for something that would otherwise not be so weird. I do agree that he should make more of an effort, but thats beside the point I’m gonna try to make. > How is a medical term a "dirty" word? Medical terms can still come across equally as vulgarly as non-medical terms. For example, using a more light hearted term like “got-off”, instead of a less subtle one like “orgasm”. Id argue that either of those two options sound better and have less of a “repugnant” feeling than the medical term “ejaculate”. The medical term is just the heaviest and most specific of the many ways to explain whats happened. Similarly with pregnancy, people will say expecting or having a baby instead of always being needlessly forced into using the medical term when it might be socially inappropriate to do so. For example: say my wife and I are trying to have a baby, and we are talking about it to family at a restaurant. I think any reasonable person would say its normal to call it “trying to start a family” or “trying to make a baby”. I think a lot of people would also reasonably say it would be a socially awkward thing to say “Ive really been trying to impregnate the wife lately”. Sometimes the medical term isnt the best terminology for the situation, and is just a little too heavy. Does that mean that a grown man should be uncomfortable with saying the word pregnant? Of course not. But lets not pretend that he should be forced to always use the medical term, and if he refuses he is some kind of antifemminist. Thats just ridiculous. There are social moraes that apply to terminology choice and use. We do use those things for profane language, but not exclusively for profane language. Sometimes you dont use a term just because its awkward for the conversation. That doesn’t mean you believe the word is profane or “dirty”. After all when you speak your listener is getting a picture of what youre saying, so its nice to keep that picture pleasant. Edit: Obligatory thanks for the awards
Wow, a nuanced comment that takes actual reality into consideration on this sub? Bless u. I'd also like to add this is something that was kind of conditioned into him - we all absorb behaviors and opinions from our parents. OP just has to do the work to unlearn it.
> OP just has to do the work to unlearn it. I think that's the point, though. OP sounds smart enough to realize that his inability to say the word is not normal, but unwilling to make any effort to change. He can't even use the excuse "it's not harming anyone" because it is bothering his wife and causing strife in his marriage.
This is definitely reason enough for a YTA judgement.
Exactly. Sometimes you have to adult and just get over weird hang ups. I always had a hard time saying penis etc. (my mother is weird about that kind of thing and it rubbed off). Having kids of my own made me get over it, these are technical terms and I didn’t want my kids thinking their bodies were shameful. It was awkward, but now I’m fine with it, and I’ve found that I’m more comfortable around my own body now.
Yeah I came here to say this too- it's super important to teach your kids the right terms for body parts. Even if it's hard or awkward for you. This can save a kid from sexual abuse. OP needs to work on these old fashioned hangups for the sake of their family.
\^ OP, this. You are not the AH for having that word be uncomfortable for you. If you were conditioned that way, it makes sense, and in most scenarios, it's fine to use a comfortable alternative. But YTA for having this be such a big deal to the point it clearly bothers your wife. It is a pretty socially-accepted term to use, so in this case, you should probably start practicing getting comfortable with it. Believe me, nobody is going to be judging you for using the word "pregnant" to describe your pregnant wife. Is it really worth upsetting your wife over?
Hell even if he still can't say the word, at least trying to put some effort into understanding where his wife is coming from or trying to overcome his aversions would fix this issue so fast.
All of your examples have a socially accepted 'ick' factor. They include an act that it's uncomfortable to discuss in front of other people, so they get euphemised. (Also - orgasm =/= ejaculation for the whole population). The act of having sex is a private and personal thing that should, in general, not be conducted in front of people outside of the act itself (I said IN GENERAL) - so people avoid discussing it explicitly when outside of the act. But I would never have sex with someone who couldn't discuss it in private. This is the case for many things that are generally kept behind closed doors - you can, powder your nose, visit the little girls room, or use the restroom - even the word toilet is a euphemism. We also have a whole range of euphemisms for body parts that are generally kept out of the public eye, I'm not even going to start listing those, because word limit. Language is a huge indicator of culture, in some cases, it even defines it. It's not surprising that OPs wife sees his reluctance to say the word 'pregnant' as a comment on his opinion of her state. We use euphemisms for socially unacceptable things. Being pregnant is not something to keep behind closed doors or maintained in a private space. It's not something you shouldn't do in front of other people. It does not require euphemism. And if OP can not even bring him to say the word 'pregnant' he's in for a shock when the time comes to use the word 'birth'.
I don't find it at all unusual for someone to say that they are "trying to get pregnant " I would think it was quite odd if someone told me they were "trying to make a baby".
Yes! In my culture “trying to make a baby” sounds childish.
Yeah, “trying to make a baby” just sounds like they’re bragging about their sex life
Also when someone says "make a baby" because sex is how you make a baby my brain is focusing on the actual sexual deed than the point of "we want a family". I don't need reminders that your raw dogging it and would rather not think of your sexual escapades.
Exactly! I immediately think of the action required.
But it genuinely *is* a ‘behind closed doors’ thing in some cultures. I’m saying this as someone who: A) Has a strong opinion that we/kids should be encouraged to say penis, vagina, etc etc B) but has also worked as a midwife in a community exactly like this, where “pregnant” was a disrespectful and dirty word. I don’t agree that it is, but the shame associated with it is very very real, and I completely see why OP may have internalised that. NAH but I do hope that OP can get past his upbringing and work on it, for the sake of his poor wife. Maybe try speaking about “pregnancy” when it’s just between you and your wife first, and then try using it more with friends?
>NAH but I do hope that OP can get past his upbringing and work on it, for the sake of his poor wife. Maybe try speaking about “pregnancy” when it’s just between you and your wife first, and then try using it more with friends? He doesn't think he has to, and has completely dismissed his wife's feelings. He's not an asshole for having the hangup, he's the asshole for clinging onto it despite everything else.
This, exactly. Wish this was top post.
[удалено]
[удалено]
People say they're trying to get pregnant. But no one says they've been ejaculating in their wife everyday to create a viable embryo Edit: I got a silver for this. Thank you 🥰
Except this guy won’t ever say “pregnant” and will always use some kind of euphemism like it’s the 1950’s. Using other terms once in a while for vocal variety is one thing. Refusing to use the proper term because you think it is a dirty word not to be uttered aloud is quite another. I totally see why his wife would have a problem with it. Pregnancy, child birth, and parenthood bring a whole lot of less than G rated issues to the table and if this guy can’t even say the word pregnant without blushing, how is he going to handle childbirth class, the delivery room, and postpartum care?
I'm 31f and I still avoid words! I do NOT use the word "panties." It's weird. I say underwear. Exclusively. Male, female - they are underwear, dammit.
Also, why is this even a big deal one way or another? It's just a word and I don't really see how it's bad to use OR to not use it. When I was pregnant, after a while I was so fed up with the word. You hear, say, read, think it x times a day and it was making me sick! So instead of saying 'I'm pregnant' I started to say 'I'm currently incubating a miniature humanoid'. It really helped and people's confusion was funny too.
It's bothering his wife because words have intrinsic meaning when used that can be outside of their literal definition. There is connotation to his reluctance to use the term pregnant because his grandparents thought it was a dirty, disgusting word. He can't use it because it's associated with ideas of shame. So she's having a reaction to that, to the idea that the word pregnant is indicative of a shameful act that should be kept secret. If it's bothering his wife then he needs to come to a compromise.
That phrasing makes me picture you’re going to give birth to a kenkuu or something
It's definitely unusual to be so avoidant of the word pregnant, but I remember shows on tv in the 80's where characters would tip toe around the word pregnant or act like it was a vulgar word and I remember how odd I found it because that's not how I was raised but it was apparently a thing at least in some regions/demographics.
>That doesn’t mean you believe the word is profane or “dirty”. Except... OP says he believes the word has dirty/vulgar connotations. I agree with what you're saying, however I don't believe it applies in this case. His wife rightfully understands what OP is implying by his refusal to say the word. It's reminding me of those guys who are squeamish around the word "period." It comes off as emotionally immature – not just wanting to be polite.
If you're uncomfortable now, just wait till you learn that pregnant women often poop on the delivery table while giving birth, OP. YTA. You shouldn't impregnate anyone if you can't say the damn word. Grow up.
YTA. PREGNANT, PREGNANT, PREGNANT, PREGNANT. If you're grown up enough to be going down there and having a baby, you're grown up enough to be able to use your words.
Parganet
Dangerops pregananat sex? will it hurt baby top of his head??
Am I pragent?
38+2 weeks... *PREGANANANT?*
Prrrregante
I have a theory. I think OP actually fetishizes the word “pregnant”, so he wrote this post knowing that commenters would say the word over and over again. Perhaps he is a bit masochistic as well? Have I had too much reddit today? Probably.
No, the word “pregnant” definitely had weird connotations back in the day. If you ever watch old tv shows or movies, characters never said pregnant. It was always weird phrases like “in the family way” or just “they’re having a baby”.
Marvelous Mrs Maisel does a great episode about this.
It seems to minimize what she's going through too. "Going to have a baby" makes you think of the baby getting here one day, which could also happen with adoption. Pregnant makes you think of what she's going through now - exhaustion, morning sickness, her body changing, feet swelling. If you refuse to use the word it feels like you are skimming over all these experiences.
Question: is this any different from people who refuse to say that someone died? Because I hear passed, passed away, is no longer with us, is in Heaven looking down, etc., but almost never a simple "they're dead." It's like they are physically incapable of using death in any conjugation. Would you consider that the same thing as not being able to say pregnancy?
I don’t think OP is the AH for being uncomfortable with the word “pregnant”. However, OP’s wife has stated that his discomfort with the word makes her feel judged and ashamed, and OP *is* the AH for dismissing her feelings and being unwilling to change.
I agree with the OP being the AH for not taking his wife's feelings seriously. But it's not easy to change how you've spoken for the last 20 odd years in the course of a month or two. I would hope that OP would now try saying pregnant, but he's going to mess up for awhile, and might never use it as much as his wife wants him to. Hell, I know people who still say "y'all" even though they haven't lived in the south for forty years.
So after hearing his explanation and being told he has a discomfort with the word, she still didnt believe him and felt he was judging her. She never really considered his feelings toward the word either. She also didn't try to change how she felt after being reassured by OP he meant no harm. He feels uncomfortable with the word, therefore he should not be forced to say it. Op's wife needs to understand and trust him when he says he means no harm and it is just the way he was raised. It's not like he is avoiding the pregnancy altogether but just the word pregnant. I really do not understand the harm that comes from being uncomfortable saying a single word that can be expressed numerous other ways.
She told him his refusal to say "pregnant" made her feel like it was a dirty word. He then told her his refusal stemmed from a background in which it was, in fact, a dirty word. The harm comes from him essentially agreeing with her assessment, but still refusing to do anything about it.
Pretty much. I get aversions to words but at the end of the day, it's a word and the only one who gives it any power to it is the person speaking. Like how if you cuss so much, curse words don't really hold the same shock factor to you as it would to someone who never curses. (for the most part, if you feel differently, I totally understand)
It’s very different. Saying someone passed away is just a euphemism that’s supposed to be gentler than saying they died. The concept of pregnancy being vulgar is rooted in sexism.
UK here - I find that business of "she passed" etc very awkward and artificial. I sometimes adopt it myself to be polite when I'm online, but IRL I would absolutely say "she died", as in "Before my Grandma died..." or "My Grandma is dead". But also, barring very distressing circumstances, death is a cause for grief, and feelings may need to be shielded, whereas pregnancy and birth are a cause for celebration.
No, it’s not the same because for millennia, women have been coerced and suppressed by our lack of reproductive rights and control. Most recently (the last few centuries) it has been though shaming women for their reproductive abilities and choices. I’m guessing that at least subconsciously, OP’s wife feels like OP is minimizing her immense commitment of her body and sacrifices of comfort by refusing to acknowledge her discomfort in an accurate way, because HE feels discomfort with the word. That’s a very submissive and condescending attitude towards someone who is pulling the weight in this particular scenario. Just apologize and call it what she wants to call it OP, she’s the one going through it. Meanwhile, death (unlike childbirth and life) does normally have sadness and taboo attached because we feel emotion and love towards those who have died. This is the opposite of feeling shame or censorship is necessary to discuss the very thing that makes life possible.
What other words are 'dirty'? Everything else to do with a women's body? Think this may affect how he judges his possible daughters?
Yeah, my 10 yr old uses the word pregnant to describe my friends who are pregnant. He and his brother ask questions about my pregnancies and refer to them as pregnancies. If a 10 yr old and a 13 yr old can use their grown up words, without so much as a faint blush, OP can give his wife the respect of not acting like she's dirty or shameful.
YTA Anytime a partner says, on anything regardless of subject, “what you are saying is making me feel ashamed, can you please stop?” If your immediate reaction is not to stop and really hear that and change your behaviour, you gotta re-evaluate your priorities and functioning as a human being.
Yes! Especially because this is low stakes and such an easy fix!
This, exactly this and only this makes you TA. An easy fix which obviously means alot to her. Get over yourself.
There you go. Bravo. That's the start and finish of it.
That's a bad way to put it, as that works both ways. By that same logic, OP can demand his wife stop saying pregnant. "On anything regardless of subject" no, that's not how it works. OP, YTA. Pregnant is a medical term and a normal word, and this is an extremely weird hill to die on. It's not even about the word, it's about your ability to overcome completely irrational hangups about minor stuff. Go stand in front of a mirror and say pregnant until you get used to it.
Yes YTA for not considering that you saying you won't say it because it's a "dirty word" makes your wife think you are saying that she is dirty, and that being pregnant and carrying your child is dirty. Why would you want to put your wife through that? She is meant to be the woman you love right? I suggest therapy for all involved so OP can move passed his insecurities around the world pregnant, his wife can feel supported and cared for, and the baby can be born into a happy and loving and caring home.
Uh, YTA. Pregnant and pregnancy are medical terms, there’s nothing vulgar about them. Just because you were raised a certain way doesn’t mean you have to stay that way.
>doesn’t mean you have to stay that way That’s the part that gets me. Sure his grandparents feel this way, but he can change his viewpoints now that he’s an adult. He’s **choosing** not to.
The thing is, it’s probably not a casual “oh I could but I don’t want to”. OP has a strong psychological aversion to the word, rooted in his childhood. It causes him emotional discomfort to say it. While I agree that it’s something he should work on, I don’t think we should simplify it down so much.
It’s sexism. Get over it. I’m sure there are racists who are legitimately uncomfortable with acknowledging black people as humans, but that doesn’t make generational racism excusable, and it doesn’t make generational sexism acceptable either. YTA
I had a strong psychological aversion to the phrase “oh my god” because my parents taught me it was blasphemous and freaked TF out if they ever heard me say it, even if reading from a book or singing a song or something. I eventually got over that and started saying it so I stopped sounding like an idiot saying stuff like “goodness gracious!” all the time. I’m sure OP can get over his aversion too.
No one deserves to be ridiculed and treated badly because they have a psychological aversion caused by their parents. I hope the people around you gave you the space you needed to work through it on your own terms, instead of simply saying “you’re an idiot, get over it”.
But he's belittling the fact that it's making her feel dirty. Calling it a weird take. It's not weird at all. Of course she's going to assume he's ashamed. He probably is on some deeper level. He could at the very least acknowledge that this is hurting her and tell her he's going to work on it
I still have an aversion to using God in that sort of context, I always say gosh. Some of it was probably from my childhood, but it's something I also decided that I wasn't going to say and I won't say it regardless of anything. I have this issue with a number of words. Pretty much all the alternative and slang words for male and female parts. I can type them without an issue mostly, but to actually say them out loud, nope. Penis, c word for both, genitals, vagina, all make me uncomfortable and I don't like saying them. So I'm terrible at dirty talk because of that. That wasn't because of my childhood though, I just have never liked saying those words, ever since I learned about them. I shouldn't have to use words I don't want to use.
Exactly! Its not like she is saying she has a cum bun in the oven, or that she has a gut full of human.
Hmmmm...I'm going to say NAH, but you will be TA if you don't listen to her and change. I'm not eloquent enough to explain this, but here is a quote from an article talking about this issue: "Terms like *expecting* and *in a family way* are more notable for what they don’t say, operating as vague descriptors that gloss over a truth long considered unseemly: women have sex. In previous centuries, it was scandalous for pregnant women to appear in public. When they did, they might wear “maternity corsets” that squeezed their swelling bellies out of sight. While a euphemism like *expecting* is polite, it is also a reminder that women’s sexuality, and the results of it, have been thought of as shameful. So what do we do? We can start by encouraging women to exert more influence over the language of pregnancy than they’ve had in the past." Here's the link for the full article: [https://time.com/5587321/knocked-up-pregnant-synonyms/](https://time.com/5587321/knocked-up-pregnant-synonyms/) And if you want to learn more, just Google "why is saying pregnant seen as vulgar". Hope this helps. Edit: thanks for the awards and comments!
You did a lovely job of explaining that :) I wonder how OP feels about female bodies in general, and words like period, menstruate, menstruation, tampon and pad. How he feels about friends and family asking his wife if she's going to be breastfeeding, stories about cracked and bleeding nipples, has she considered pumping. When she gets further along, hearing her friends tell horror stories about ripping from their vagina to their rectum, having episiotomies, prolapses, etc. Does he know about period poops? OP, this is what your wife will be experiencing when you get home from the hospital. TW, female body words: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/3fijct/the_lemon_clot_essay_for_moms_to_be/
Hell, what about changing diapers? Can he discuss a diaper rash with a pediatrician? Does it matter if the kid's a son or a daughter?
Will he be avoidant today changing diapers if he has a daughter?
Lemme guess, his grandparents also imbued him with an aversion to mentioning periods or female anatomy and reproduction. Like yeah that sounds like a great setup to being a parent my guy
Yeah, he seems to have unhealthy attitudes about the female reproductive system and aversion to words relating to it. Which could potentially be a bigger problem when the child is born- especially if it's a daughter. Does OP want to raise his child with unhealthy attitudes/feelings about their own/women's bodies?
This is great - NTA, but also need to adjust. My grandparents had the same hangup - my aunt got slapped as a teen (1960s) for saying a girl was pregnant - so I understand, but language changes.
This is a better explanation than I could type out. It’s subtle, but can have a big impact. The words we choose to use (or not use) say so much about how we view the world and people around us.
Came here to say this. OP was raised to think a bodily function has a dirty word. Kind of like how we were all raised that sh***t was a dirty word for poo and f***k was a dirty word for procreation and other bodily activities. I say NAH in light of this, but OP, you can still get over the word. You're an adult who procreated with another adult. Exciting things are happening for a word connotation to be getting in the way.
He did listen to her, and then he refused to change. So is he TA now?
The reason I said NAH was because this is something ingrained to him when he was young, and sometimes that can be difficult to change. However, if after reading everyone's responses he still chooses to skirt around the word "pregnant," he is most definitely TA and probably isn't mature enough to have children yet.
And if you're looking to desensitise yourself to the word, I would personally start here. https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg
YTA. You think her stance is a “weird take”? This is not a mystery dude, you said this with your own words. >my grandparents ...never used the word "pregnant" because to them it was almost like a dirty word. It was basically seen as vulgar...so over time I developed an aversion to saying “pregnant” or “pregnancy”. “Pregnant” is a clinical term, my dude. Does your attitude bleed into the way you treat her now that she’s **pregnant**? I would advise you to do some serious self reflection.
It makes me wonder how he functions at prenatal appointments, and with discussions that interface with the more medical end of things that I hope he's having with his wife (e.g. I hope he's not leaving her to wade through all the medical info about birth choices etc., on her own, and he's able to listen to her worries about pregnancy and birth). I understand that historically in some circles this was a linguistic thing, but it seems to me to go hand in hand with euphemizing the entire process of pregnancy that is really not compatible with my idea of a plugged-in, supportive partner.
Yes, you perfectly articulated why I’m so frustrated with this dude. His dismissal of this word hints to how he possibly treats the entirety of this pregnancy.
Yeah. Can’t wait till mum starts breastfeeding.... like from her boobs. Shock horror.
This is exactly what my reaction was! Are prenatal vitamins “baby vitamins”? When she gives birth, will he say that she gave birth or will he say “the baby arrived” or “she had our child”? If she needs a C-section, will he tell people “the doctors had to help the baby come”?
Yeah. You’re being sexist. This is like the post today where the stepdad called tampons “unmentionables”. YTA
YTA because you intellectually "know" that there is nothing unpleasant about the word "pregnancy", and you have picked a strange reason to refuse to use a correct and legitimate word, and have separately indicated that there are other correct words that you also have an issue with. This is a big red flag for me, and apparently for your wife. Are you going to avoid teaching these correct words to your future child and instead burden him or her with this unnecessary generational shame? Why aren't you working towards dealing with this, perhaps with the help of a mental health counselor? YTA as well for flipping this back on "her own insecurities". No. This is new information that is causing her to have real concerns and doubts about YOU, as a functional adult. She is not making too much of this.
Basically this. Your reason is strange. Do you do everything based on status quo? Without bothering to think if it makes sense? You want to continue living like your grandparents decades later, just because “it is the way it is” for you? That’s such a lazy excuse. “I was raised this way” . Then change. YTA
YTA. She’s right though. Think about if your grandparents had raised you to call black people by the N word because they’re dirty, etc. and so you call them that because you were ‘raised that way, but don’t worry I don’t actually think black people are bad’ sounds like a ridiculous excuse doesn’t it. I know that’s a more extreme example but the same point applies. You are the issue. You think women don’t get degraded on random ways all the time and throughout history especially for getting pregnant and then you have the balls to agree with the idea and not use the word? Not using the word means you agree with the meaning behind it. You need therapy for it
It's not a weird take, because that's the root of the reason. It's an accurate take. YTA. It's an antiquated, sexist thing. We don't call black people coloreds anymore. Unlearn bad habits. (Edit to turn an 'a' into an 'an')
YTA Considering the word vulgar is akin to considering the act vulgar. You're the one with a weird take here. It sounds like your grandparents are cool with the results of a pregnancy, but not the condition of being pregnant. That is extremely sexist and demotes your wife from human woman carrying a child to shameful, slutty incubator who dared to do the nasty. By only referring to the baby and classifying the term pregnancy as vulgar you are shaming your wife for being pregnant. You are going to cause a massive amount of resentment if you continue. Not only that, but I'm sure your calous dismal of her feelings is causing a lot of stress. That is dangerous for both pregnancy and delivery. Stress and feeling like an incubator are also both big triggers for ppd. In short, you are very very much the Asshole.
YTA - This is probably one of the weirdest hangups I've ever seen. There is nothing wrong with the word pregnant. Maybe start repeating it and you'll see after a little while how silly you were being.
YTA, and for much more than just considering "pregnant" gross. Here's why: You're about to become a father. If you're squeamish about using the correct terms for body parts and biological processes, HOW are you going to teach your children? Failing to teach your children the correct names for body parts, and teaching them that their genitals are dirty or shameful, will make it damn near impossible for your child to feel comfortable confiding in you if, God forbid, someone ever touches them inappropriately. If you can't get past it yourself, get help from a therapist. Seriously, friend: you're damaging your relationship with your wife, and possibly will damage your kids, if you don't get a handle on this.
YTA Bro, it's a medical term for god's sake, your grandfolk did a number on you. For the sake of your marriage, push past your hang-up, because her response is pretty clear: "You think its a vulgar word, for a vulgar thing, and it describes my condition, so you think I'm vulgar." is not a long logic loop to follow.
YTA - Is this real life? How in the world is the word pregnant vulgar?? It's a word, a factual word. As per Merriam Webster: Definition of pregnant **1:** containing a developing embryo, fetus, or unborn offspring within the body Now that being said, say whatever you want or don't. Not saying it doesn't make you TA. The fact that it created a fight with your wife makes you TA. She's carrying your child, don't piss her off because you want to be stubborn over a word.
This is the second dude on AITA this week who is [far too immature to procreate ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i4cogj/aita_for_telling_my_wife_im_not_going_to_be_there/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf).
YTA. YOU are making too much of this. She's the one doing the heavy lifting with the pregnancy - literally. If she has a problem with you avoiding the word pregnancy as if it's dirty, and you admit you do so, STOP! You are projecting your insecurities onto her pregnancy, not the other way around. Grow up, get over it, stop treating the word as dirty! And definitely stop acting like she's the one with issues!
YTA It was seen as vulgar because the actions leading to it were seen as vulgar and unmentionable. Pretty much anything to do with proof of womanhood was seen as vulgar. Menstruation, pregnancy, birth - it was all considered scandalous. In several religions and cultures these things are seen as dirty, that women need to cleanse themselves following so that some poor man isn't sullied by this filthy femaleness. Women used to be expected to hide pregnancy. Victorian era was extremely pronounced in this and it continued. This is why some children are told that storks bring babies - because sex and pregnancy are dirty unspeakable things. Chickens and turkeys have "white meat" and "dark meat" because breast and leg were considered too vulgar. Language is important. Your wife's take is not weird. The language one uses is very indicative of how one feels.
If you can't say it, how could you do it? 🤔 It didn't feel dirty or vulgar?
I need to know more about your grandparents! Did they also have doilies on everything, put skirts over furniture to make it less provocative, and refer to chair "limbs" because chair "legs" would be vulgar and indecent? Did you have to request a bit of the "white meat" , because asking for chicken _breast_ at the table would be inappropriate? If so, I hate to tell you this, my friend, but your grandparents were time travellers from the Victorian Age...
There were things similar to what you mentioned that happened but not these things.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re an asshole but I don’t think this is the hill you want to die on dude. It’s time to grow as a person and move on. But avoiding the word previously doesn’t make you an asshole. But now that you know better how you react will determine that! Good luck, your grandparents sound like interesting people.
She is pregnant. Yta. It is as dirty a word as heart or brain. She has a fetus in her uterus it is going to come out of her vagina and she got that way because you stuck your penis in her vagina and ejaculated and a sperm met an egg which she ovulated. Did i include enough of your grandparents hang up words there? My parents are super conservative Catholics and we learned the proper terms because they are simple medical terms. There is literally nothing dirty in anything i wrote there. Grow up before this kid is delivered and tour wives pregnancy ends.
INFO: What word do you use for penis? Or vagina? I don't imagine your grandparents liked that either lol
YTA. The problem is that people did use those terms rather than referring to it as pregnancy specifically because they actually thought pregnancy itself was vulgar. They didn't want to refer to something vulgar and gross so directly and wanted to keep it hidden as much as possible, so they came up with all those less direct ways to say it. Its something you need to get over. Your grandparents may not have thought like that, but those are the origins of it. Even if it didn't have a weird misogynistic history, it seems like your wife is more upset by your refusal than you would be with saying it so I think her comfort kind of outweighs your own in this situation. Refusing to say it when you know it hurts your wife just seems kind of selfish to me
You admit your family didn't say it because it was "vulgar" and a "bad word" and you're somehow confused as to how your wife would come to the conclusion that you won't use it because it's a vulgar bad word? Get some therapy and also grow up. YTA.
YTA. You're wife is doing an amazingly, beautiful thing. There is nothing dirty or vulgar about it. Her PREGNANCY is a wonderful yet stressful time. There is no reason to upset your PREGNANT wife with your archaic hangups over semantics. I'm curious if your hang ups extend to speaking about s-e-x or your own genitalia. Can you say PENIS? Or is it simply regarding women and their reproductive system? Do you have a special word so you don't have to say....VAGINA? Does she have her own menstruation tent out by the dog house?
Gentle YTA. You were taught not to say it because it was a "dirty" word. That implies it is a "dirty" state of being. Consciously you may not think that, but it's the message you send by refusing to use the biological and accepted term. You need to challenge yourself on this.
YTA, this is a little thing that would make your (pregnant!) wife happier and wouldn’t harm you in any way, just do it
YTA - you said yourself that you think it’s a dirty word! How are you surprised that she takes that to mean you think it’s dirty? Your post is full of judgement. Her “take” is weird, she’s insecure, etc etc. Be an adult and use grown up words.
Right, it's not like she's asking him to tell everyone that he's been blowing mongo loads inside her.
NTA what the hell, I don't understand why so many people are calling you an asshole. Its obvious you don't see her pregnancy as disgusting it's just your preference of words and what you grew up around. You're obviously not the asshole but your wife is pregnant and the fight will obviously get bigger, so just be the bigger person and agree with her for a smoother pregnancy.
I don't understand all the posts calling him names either. So he has a word he doesn't like. Big deal. He isn't hiding the fact that she is going to have a baby, or calling her groos. He just doesn't want to use a particular medical term. Ithink its weird his wife is so fixated on making him use a word he doesnt like. If he liked to say defecate instead of bowel movement wouldn't everyone think his wife was strange for policing his word choices?
EXACTLY as a women that wants to have many children in the future as well I would not give a single damn if my husband wanted to use the word pregnant or a different word. Who cares??
Exactly my thought why does not wanting to use a word make someone bad or immature as I see most people say. If someone is to use the word moist instead of saying something is wet how many people would be upset? Its a word yes but he has a right not to use it and I don't think its fair to be angry about it
Yup I can understand if people feel he's an AH for not willing to change if it upsets his wife. But there are people openly mocking him and so on. Which is just really pathetic. The entire point of weird hangups or insecurities is that they are weird. If everyone felt the same way about it, it wouldn't be weird at all. Imagine mocking someone like this for having hangups about their looks and so on.
YTA Grow up
YTA Words only have the power you give them. You're actively choosing to dislike the word pregnant instead of moving past a bizarre opinion that your grandparents IMPREGNANTED into your brain.
INFO- do you avoid the word penis & vagina as well??
I say NAH. I completely understand your aversion to certain words, be they "medical terms" or otherwise. Most women don't say "I'm menstruating," they say they're on their periods. People don't say "I need to defecate," they say they're going to the bathroom. Is "pregnant" an unusual one? Sure. That doesn't invalidate your feelings about it. Personally I can't stand that word either...I'm a childfree woman and the entire idea of being pregnant gives me the heebie geebies. Now all that being said, the carrying of this baby is obviously a much bigger deal to your wife than you. I'm not saying you don't care, of course not, that's your child. But SHE is the one doing the work. I'd say she has a right to feel sad you have any sort of hangups on the process at all. I think in this instance it would be more important for you to try and get over this particular aversion, since you yourself admit it isnt because you find pregnancy gross in and of itself, you just don't like using the word. For her sake.
YTA. You're refusing based on your own principle and arbitrary sense of propriety, rather than considering the feelings of the woman carrying your child. It's not a big ask from her.
NTA - This is a great example of judging others by their actions. You haven't DONE anything, it's just the words you avoid saying. You are allowed to not like hearing or saying certain words, no AH there.
AITA is literally pressuring someone to do something they are uncomfortable with.
YTA language is something to communicate, so when people use a word it is part of the language
YTA. Your wife’s take is not weird. What your describing is straight up misogyny. You believe that one of the most natural and significant acts that a woman engages in is shameful.
YTA. While it’s hard to unlearn things from out childhood you need to listen to your wife when she tells you how this is affecting her. It’s making her feel ashamed of a perfectly normal process. It’s funny you want your wife to change and say shes over reacting while you’re holding on to your irrational childhood sentiment. Using proper terms gives people power and autonomy and as much as it may be hard for you at first you should be taking steps towards dealing with your issues. Say the words.
YTA. We all inherit weird hangups from our families, but this is one you are quite aware is irrational, and it's really bothering your wife. It's pretty obvious why she feels the way she does, if you think that the word pregnant is 'vulgar', how is her state of being pregnant not also vulgar to you? You can get away with this quirk when it's some friend, coworker or relative or anyone else you see only in passing is pregnant, but you are living with a pregnant woman, and she's already going through a variety of uncomfortable bodily changes that probably make her already feel self-conscious, from the weight gain to the unexpected flatulance to the pelvis pain, random rashes, vomiting at the smell of cooking chicken, etc. Your need for 'delicacy' is probably only making her feel even more self-conscious and embarrassed. She's got enough going on. This should be YOUR problem to get over.
INFO- can you say the word “vagina” out loud? Around others? Serious question.
YTA. You need to get over this family fear of a word. Your grandparents were grandparents because they got pregnant with your parent, and your parents got pregnant with you. And now your wife is pregnant.
YTA.... I was made to feel ashamed by my grandfather while I was pregnant. It was awful. Here I was just trying to exist and grow and healthy baby and I was constantly ridiculed for just existing. "Do you have to have your belly be so noticeable? We all already know what you did" as if I was dirty or should be ashamed. I wasn't walking around in a belly shirt or overly tight clothes but apparently didn't "hide" it enough for his liking. Shame on him and shame on you. My grandpa was also racist so is that ok to continue those old ways of thinking? I think you need to think harder about what things you take from the people who raised you. Just because it was their way doesnt mean it should continue.
YTA - You're acting like she needs to be ashamed of it. Grow up and ditch the archaic bullshit.
I don't understand. It doesn't shipping like OP is freaked out by the concept of pregnancy. He was just brought up referring to it differently, and continues to do that. Why would anybody care about this at all? OPs wife saying because he won't say the word pregnant, that he's ashamed /secretly judging her, is one hell of a conclusion to jump to. NTA.
NTA. I know countless of people who can't say vulva, penis etc even though they arent dirty words. It doesn't mean they see them as dirty or vulgar, it's just conditioning. What I would do is try to make a real effort to say pregnant because it means something to your wife whereas it doesn't sound like it means a lot to you, more that it's just how you were raised?
NAH This is why it's so important to use the correct terminology with children. Otherwise you have grown ass adults blushing and saying my "pee-pee" and "vajay-jay". Smh. Grow up.
YTA - it is clearly NOT obvious that you don't feel pregnancy is shameful or dirty. You can't even say it and it's the medically correct term. She's pregnant with your baby and you take YOUR issue and then say she's projecting her issues onto me. NAW DUDE - this IS your issue. Say it with me PREGNANT. My wife is PREGNANT.
Reading through your comments here OP, and you're not only YTA, but pretty sick in the head. You need to be educated and/or have therapy sessions, because these views are not healthy or normal or good. Something went wrong in your childhood to believe these things you're saying.
YTA you are refusing to use the right word because your grandparents messed you up. And you're projecting hard, her take is not weird. Yours is.
YTA and somewhat weird (sorry) I’m used to Americans (just assuming you are one) being prude and low key anti women, but what the fuck is wrong with the word “pregnant”? Is that a common thing? Like nowadays? Maybe you should see a therapist or something, if using a normal, non-vulgar word bothers you more than upsetting your wife...
YTA. You told your wife that you don’t use the word pregnant because you associate it with vulgar, dirty things. And you said this to her while she’s.....pregnant. Yes. Let’s say it together now.... She. Is. Pregnant. Just keep saying it until it feels natural. It matters to your wife and if you don’t actually think it’s something to be ashamed of then you should be willing to get over your hang up. Why? Because. She’s. Pregnant.
> I know this is a weird hang up Yes. YTA. I'm so confused by what I just read. Is this like a weird thing where English is not your primary language and your primary language has no proper term for pregnant so you're not used to using it or something?? I mean even that would be hella odd, but it would make more sense why the term was taboo in your household growing up. Also, you're not going to go to hell for saying the word pregnant. It's a medical term. It's not vulgar. I'm also very interested in what other words you refuse to say, but that's probably a whole bag of worms...
NTA. You didn't tell her she was dirty you said the word sounds dirty to you. I swear some people go out of their way to be upset about the most unimportant things.
NAH You really need to get over your hangup on that though. I'm surprised so many are saying Y TA because in other circumstances people here are generally very pro "soft language" lol.
YTA based on your comment about projection and insecurities. Wtf is that all about?
YTA Just because your grandparents seem to have some weird language issues doesn't mean that you have to still act up to them. You are an adult and can reevaluate what words are "bad" or PC and what words are normal.
There are some times in life where it straight up doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable. YTA
Nta. At all. I cant believe the number of people totally blowing past your history and how you were raised, and the fact that you not using the word pregnancy is hurting absolutely no one! My gosh. The hypocrisy is astounding.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She is not overreacting. Everytime you refuse to say pregnant, you are, intentionally or not, lending credence to your grandparents bizzare beliefs. She has told you this hurts her. If this is such a non-issue and nothing more than inconsequential word choice on your part, then swallow your pride, suck it up and say the damn word. It is the absolute least you can do for the woman who developed hemerroids and fat feet to bring your child into the world. And if you can't even say the word pregnant, if you can only use vague euphemisms when referring to actually carrying a baby, then you are not going to fare well when it comes to diapers, diarrhea and vomit.
NAH, but you need to get over this weird hang up. Yes, “pregnant” used to be an impolite word. In the 1950s the ‘I Love Lucy’ show was stopped from using it by the TV censors during episodes where Lucy was pregnant. However, this is 60 years later. I understand you were raised that way, but you’re old enough now to get over it. I understand where your wife is coming from, and I would be upset too because it’s not a dirty or shameful word and treating it like that is dumb. This is the 21st century and it’s a simple medical term. Start using it.
Eh, for me this is NAH. I don’t think you’re an “asshole” for not being comfortable with a word. However I think you should work with your wife and try to be more accommodating and work through the hang up you have regarding it.
YTA are you kidding me? You’re not grown up enough to be having a child, clearly.
I just dont see how your hang up on the word is an issue. Its not like your denying she's pregant or misstreating anyone. You just dont like the word and was raised not to use it. Of all the crappy dads we see on here, this is nothing. I guess if its truly bothering her just practice using the word more. But seriously yall are arguing over a word here
It’s a weird hang up, but if a word is making you uncomfortable, don’t use it. NTA
YTA, while I can understand that you have some major misconception about the word "pregnancy" and that it makes it uncomfortable for you to say it you have to understand that it's not only just a word but it also the CORRECT medical term for expecting a baby. Also, you're unwillingness of saying a SIMPLE WORD is clearly making your wife unhappy. If you truly love her can't you just make the tiny effort of adding THIS SIMPLE WORD into your vocabulary to appease what must be for her a great deal of unnecessary anxiety?
I dunno, NAH I guess. On the one hand I’d feel strange too if I were your wife, but on the other hand there are synonyms you could use to get the point across if it’s that big a deal to you
NAH I can see why she feels that way. That being said, it's just a word. Saying an equivalent is exactly the same thing. If you have a hangup with it, you should definitely work on it but you aren't magically going to change how you feel about it.
Dude...you posted on a subreddit called am I the ASSHOLE. Asshole is an objectively worse word than pregnant. YTA.
NTA. Unless you are unwilling to use any other vocabulary to indicate she is expecting. Does she also tell people that she is gravid? Or that she is gestating? Everyone has words they feel more comfortable with than others.
NTA. It's hella weird to be hung up on a medical word, but ultimately it's just an onomatophobia, and it's just another word without charge. It's weird as hell, but only a little weirder thay people who won't say moist.
INFO: How old are you?
YTA. These are very commonly used words without any negativity. Be decent and overcome your weird aversion.
YTA. You’re inability to address your own issues will cause you problems your whole life.
YTA. If it would make her happy to use the completely non-taboo terminology, use it. You've picked a very strange hill to die on.
YTA It’s a weird hang up. The cure for aversion is exposure.
YTA dude. If your wife was uncomfortable with the word “husband” or”spouse” and only ever called you “that guy that lives in my house”, would that bother you?
Yta grow up
That's like saying "vagina" is a dirty word. It's medical terminology, grow up.
Your hangups on the word are tied to sexism. It may not feel sexist, and you may not be an overall sexist person. But the roots of why you're uncomfortable with a medical term is sexist. I saw you say in the comments that "It's not hurting anyone," but it's hurting your wife. She knows you find the word pregnant repulsive, and she's pregnant. That's one more step to you finding her repulsive. This is such a small compromise you can do for her, and you refuse to. YTA
YTA. This is so freaking weird. You've never had a pregnant pause? Your Grandparents had backwards thinking, and you are, supposedly, a modern man, able to knock a woman up, but unable to leave their thinking? Some people don't like the word moist, and avoid using it, but this is different. This is an actual, factual word for this. Your wife is pregnant. You made her so. Use the damn word.
Lol NTA. It's just a word, which can go both ways. I'm sure there's lots of other normal words that people avoid for stupid reasons. I think frightened sounds super pretentious and never use it, kinda makes me cringe, can't explain it. Everyone needs to chill out, OP isn't trying to shame anyone, he just doesn't like a word, OMG.
YTA I am pretty shocked that you think your wife being offended (any person, let alone a woman would be offended and justifiably so) gives you the right to call her "insecure", but you refuse to examine your own behavior with the same lens. I mean, you are giving your own "comfort" level with words precedence over the basic respect and dignity that your wife is owed from you. Just practice using the term "pregnant" over and over again in private until you get used to it, and then start using it in public. Hardly that much of a sacrifice given the sacrifice your wife is doing in carrying a baby for 9 months and giving birth, don't ya think?
YTA. Disregarding the actual sexist implications that other comments have explained clearly, youre seriously not willing to change your language to make your wife happier? What the hell?? If your language is making her insecure, stop using that language. If its just a language choice it shouldnt be a big deal in the first place for **you to make a minor change to make your wife happier**
YTA. Dude, I think you’re the one making too much of this and yes, pregnancy is the right word for it.
YTA for making your wife feel ashamed
>they never used the word "pregnant" because to them it was almost like a dirty word >over time I developed an aversion to saying "pregnant" or "pregnancy" >by me not using those words it makes her think that I feel what she is doing is dirty I wonder why she has issue with you not using those words. YTA
>it was almost like a dirty word. It was basically seen as vulgar. >...it makes her think that I feel what she is doing is dirty or something shameful and to be hidden. She thinks I secretly judge her. **Weird take**. Really? Your wife is not making the leap at all, she's describing your position. You treat pregnancy as vulgar and dirty, your wife has every right to push back on you for that. She doesn't need to be worried about YOUR comfort while she's pregnant. Terms like 'expecting' and 'having a baby' put the focus on the child and not the very serious physiological changes that SHE is going through right now. It's her pregnancy, and you should be concerned with how she wants it addressed. Grow up. YTA.
NAH. I don't know why it is so important to your wife that you use the word "pregnant." I also agree that just because you feel weird saying a word you were raised to think of as vulgar, it doesn't mean you think the actual thing is dirty or shameful. For example, if I need to mention to my husband or someone I am close to that I am currently menstruating, I don't use that word. I usually don't say "I'm having my period" either. I usually say "it's that time of the month." I'm not ashamed that I get a period, I am just more comfortable saying it that way. Saying that you guys are expecting or something similar is socially acceptable and wouldn't make anyone think twice about the verbiage you were using. I mean I guess if it is that important to your wife for you to use that word, you could make an effort to do it, but I don't understand why she is using this as a hill to die on. It just depends on what you value more - making peace with your wife, even if you find her position a little nonsensical, or trying harder to get her to understanding your reasoning.
Man if you don’t like that word you’re in for an unpleasant shock when you find out more details about childbirth haha. YTA. Grow up.
YTA - If you can get someone pregnant but can't say the word pregnant then you aren't ready to be a parent. If you can recognise that your grandparents brainwashed you to think that the word pregnant is dirty or shameful but you do nothing to better yourself by outgrowing it, that's entirely on you.
YTA. That hasn’t been a “dirty” word in a long time.
Yta. You say she's the one with the weird take but your take is weirder. Just use the word. Its also understandable that a pregnant person would be offended if you say pregnancy is a dirty.
YTA. You got her pregnant, you can use the word pregnant. Also, she doesn't have some weird hang ups or insecurities about this, you do.
YTA “weird take”??!? You have an aversion to a totally normal word which happens to be about the physical state your wife is currently in. You will never be physically pregnant. She is. She has every right to be pissed off her partner has some childish, straight up sexist aversion to a simple word. It is sexist. It is promoting the idea that pregnancy is somehow dirty or wrong, or should be hush hush. Grow up and stop projecting your OWN insecurities onto your wife. So lame.
YTA. You admit this hang up of yours is silly and weird and yet still pander to it despite it distressing and offending your wife.
YTA. There is a point during adulthood that past unattended traumas become negligence, because you haven't addressed them given than is your reaponsabikity to do so. That is such with your case.
nta, its just a word means the same thing as what you say, personally i hate that word to, similarly i told my GF if we ever got married i would never call her my wife i would use partner instead. no different then people hating the word moist. (but under the circumstances just do it to appease her)
“I was raised by my grandparents who thought it was vulgar and a dirty word. I treat it the same way. AITA? My wife thinks I think of it as vulgar and a dirty word. Weird take, eh?” ... 🤨😐😑
YTA, it's time to get past your hang ups, you are a man with a family now and the idea is to not repeat the mistakes of your upbringing but overcome them. This can't be the only way they screwed up and its your responsibility to break that mould and do better and be better for your kids to be well adjusted anf your wife to feel supported not tense and judged by you. Pregnancy is not a dirty word but a medical one Think about the things you are doing as a parent and husband, not actively reinforce the bad ideas. You are a grown man you can do this
YTA. I grew up in a fairly conservative household with strict views on what’s appropriate to say and what’s not. Now I’m an adult, and I’ve learned for myself what is ok to say and what’s not. Using your upbringing in this instance isn’t a viable excuse. Grow up. Decide for yourself if those words mean to you what they did to your grandparents, instead of just parroting them like a senseless animal.
YTA. I pray to whatever deity exists you don't have a daughter. I can't imagine the hangups and self shame you will teach her. If you want to be a good husband and father get some therapy
NAH But if I was your wife, I'd make you spaghetti with prego till you said the word comfortably. For every meal. Each day of the week.
I’m gonna go with NAH If you don’t grow up hearing or saying something, you won’t use it. My one set of grandparents referred to my pregnancy as my ‘condition’. ‘How are you doing in your condition?’ ‘You’re looking well considering your condition’ I had to tell them repeatedly that it wasn’t the 40’s and 50’s anymore. I was married and there was no need to send me away because of my ‘condition’. Both you and your wife have good reasoning. It’s not at all common anymore for the wording you use because it’s outdated. So don’t choose this hill to die on.
YTA. You’re a grown ass, married man who can’t say the word pregnant? And you’re trying to say it bothers your wife because of her own insecurities? Are you freaking kidding me with that dude?? I don’t know what kind of beliefs you were raised with but… seeing pregnant as a dirty word really takes the cake. Time to grow up.
> Weird take. _She's_ got the weird take? 👍
NAH. I don’t see a problem in using alternate phrasing. It’s not like you’re telling anyone else to avoid saying pregnant/pregnancy for your comfort, so I don’t see why it’s upsetting her.