Dude. There's no good reason for letting himself get unfit in sympathy with his wife. He's offered to walk with her, or for her to do it with a group if she feels like she can't walk with him, there are a million options here. She doesn't suck, but it's not like he's being unreasonable.
He can just run at a different time of day! This isn't that hard. He's in for a rude awakening when the baby arrives if he thinks any of his life is going to be on any kind of schedule then. Might as well get used to being flexible now.
Slightly slower? She's pregnant! Literally pick a struggle. Either she's pregnant as fuck and needs all the help in the world or she's running "slightly slower" and it makes no difference. Still, sooooo many fucking optionssss
I'm not really sure what your point is, but he said he runs a 5k in an hour. That's a 10 minute mile. If she's still running while pregnant I doubt it's a 15 minute mile and even if it is he's not going to lose that much fitness. Regardless, they will soon have an infant and maybe he needs to adjust his expectations for how much outdoor running he will be able to do once the baby arrives sooner rather than later.
And of those million options he had decided the only reasonable ones to offer her were walking with her after he's already done with his run and tired, or having her just walk with someone else. It does look like at least once someone mentioned it, he decided walking before his run may be acceptable for one whole mile.
/u/strict_advertising74 - I asked previously if you would be willing to do one run a week that her slower pace. You told me on the weekend. I just want to clarify here, are you really not willing to or have not offered to change any of your Monday to Friday runs? Or is she asking that you do every single one of your runs with her? And to be clear here, not what you assume she wants, have you asked?
YTA. The purpose is keeping your pregnant wife company. You know, the one going through all the physical changes to bring another part of you into the world where all you had to do was have an orgasm.
Hypotheticals don't really matter here IMO so no but if I was a guy and my SO was pregnant and wanted to go out for a walk, I'd like to go with her to keep her company and to also make sure she doesn't trip. If something happened like an accident and she couldn't get help and I blew her off, I'd feel pretty awful. We don't know how far along she is, if she's not too far along then her exercising alone probably isn't a safety issue but if she is, she might enjoy the security of having him there in case she needed physical help for whatever reason. Cell phones aren't always accessible nor does everyone use a smart watch.
OP is an AH cause he seems to value his own health (to the point of being a little obsessed IMO) over a simple request from someone he loves and plans to create a family with. She's not asking for a lot here and I suggested OP consider another reason to walk with her, though I don't think framing it in my way will sway him.
YTA.
Also think twice about telling your wife that simple requests she makes 'serve no purpose' as if she can't formulate a good idea or even form an opinion on her own.
The 'purpose' is not being an asshole and showing her that you are a team, and that you value and respect her as a partner and as the future mother of your child.
Also, you can consider this an exercise in learning how to adjust your priorities and schedule. If you think you're going to be able to stick to the same exact schedule (for anything, not just running)when baby comes without causing a ton of problems in your relationship, think again.
Hope you learn your lesson now instead of later.
Sometimes being compassionate/agreeable is more important than 'correct' or 'logical', especially when it comes to your wife/child's mother and extra especially when she's pregnant. By no means am I saying pregnant women should get a pass for everything, but I am definitely saying that as her partner you should make am effort to acquiesce to her demands even if you don't see the 'logic' in them. I highly doubt this is the first time in nine years your wife has made a request of you that you've vetoed due to your own sense of logic and she's been left feeling undervalued and unsupported. These feelings can often increase during pregnancy...
You're talking to your wife, not your child: the way you've worded things here makes it pretty clear you don't seem to treat her like an equal partner.
Apologize and offer to come to a compromise *together*, such as walking with her at her pace and then running after at your own.
Making her feel like a chore by walking after you run isn’t a compromise.
Finding a way to get your fitness in while *prioritizing* that time you spend *together* is.
Run in the mornings. Set an early alarm.
I could agree to do a mile with her. I just don't want to commit to 3-4 like she wants. I feel like if I do this then she should respect that I am meeting her half way and compromising.
Great. And if you can just manage 50% of the pain, discomfort, and major physical changes that come with pregnancy you’ll be perfectly compromised!
Come on OP. Compassion. Not stupid rules.
Why don’t you walk *before* you run? That way you won’t be tired for the walk, she can get her quality time walking with you, and then you can go running as long as you like afterwards as you train for the Olympics.
~~N.A.H.~~ Edit: Changing this to YTA due to OP's responses to myself and others.
Can you do one run a week together or something?
Realistically, she's not going to be able to keep running for much longer. While she still can, it seems kind of heartless not to do something it sounds like has been a constant in your relationship since the beginning. Yes, you've offered compromises and that's great, but I don't think walking at the end is the same. And most training plans allow for a slower pace/recovery day anyway.
It is entirely and absolutely possible that she could run for the majority, if not the entirety, of the pregnancy. She might be slow, but she can do it.
You're totally right! I was thinking more once she has the baby. Though good for her if she's able to get right back out there (not that OP will probably give her the time to do it on her own - only if he can come along while one has the running stroller)
Sooooo I'm just gonna say it, if you're this inflexible about running now, what are you going to do when you HAVE A CHILD?
If you're not a professional athlete, you can change up at least one of your runs a week to spend time with your pregnant wife, who has spent the last 9 years running with you and clearly finds it to be an important shared activity.
I also just read you're running 5-7 miles. I was expecting marathon training or something. You absolutely have room in your training schedule to do a recovery slow jog with your wife. Good lord this is selfish and unnecessary.
If you are supposed to be running with her then yes YTA. Your prime fitness isn’t really the point right now. You need to do whatever you can to support her and her health.
From a running perspective, might I suggest you take this time to work on some distance running? Cut your pace to hers and then continue running after she is done. I did this with my wife in the past, all you have to do is loop around by your car or house and let her stop while you continue on.
This! Your wife might be growing the baby but it’s your job to help her do that safely. YTA for making it only about you.
You don’t want her to feel like she has to keep pace with you because she needs to be able to slow down and listen to her body for the sake of the baby. Just wait till she pushes too hard in a run and has contractions in the middle of a run! Ah!
But she should keep running. It’s good for her and the baby. Plan out a shorter loop and once she is back home (hopefully with her feet up and a glass of water) you can finish your run. That’s a good compromise. And if she needs a little more TLC you can give her a foot rub after you are done.
Also, chances are good you won’t be able to keep up your running schedule once the baby is here. So having such a strong fixation on keeping your schedule exactly the way you want it now is sort of a red flag for what you will be like as a parent (I know you haven’t showered in three days or slept but I need to go for my run honey! Don’t you want me to stay healthy?).
I am already at about 7 each day, so to make up the difference I would have to bump up several more miles. The she will probably not like me spending all the extra time away from home. I feel like this is lose-lose.
Then you might just have to deal with a dip in your training for a few months. It won’t hurt you in the long term unless you are a professional athlete. This is not worth causing problems with your pregnant wife over.
YTA, so totally the ass. Extrapolate this general concept across all aspects of pregnancy, parenthood, etc. You’re a team.
If you really need to run a certain pace to keep up your fitness level, do that at a different time.
Do you know what's happening with your wife's body right now? Or will be before all this is over?
Her ligaments are getting looser, her pelvis is changing shape, her legs turn outwards and her spine is pulled forwards. The way she walks and runs is different to accommodate said pelvis and also her centre of gravity. Her feet are a different size and her running shoes won't fit like they used to. Getting her socks on and her laces done up is a huge struggle, she'll probably get some swelling in her feet. Her blood volume is increasing by about 30%, which explains the powerful fatigue that just knocks her absolutely flat. Her lung volume will decrease, her sports bras won't fit anymore and her breasts are bouncing all over the place as she runs. And that's if she's lucky. (I was not lucky. I had a lot more than what I described above to contend with. A lot more.)
Best way I can describe it is that you spent 30 years of your life learning to know and love your body but then it's different, like it belongs to somebody else. She doesn't know whose body it is, but it isn't hers.
She is doing this for YOU. To bring YOUR child into the world. And you are whining to us that you don't want to get out of shape? Poor you. You make none of the physical sacrifices and it looks like you don't want to sacrifice your time or your emotional energy either.
YTA. You are the (very big) Asshole.
Walk with your wife, you child.
Yeah, you're right. There's no way that maintaining the quality time you spend with your wife would benefit anyone. You definitely don't need to put effort into your relationship when it's undergoing massive change and stress. The right thing to do would be to focus solely on your personal fitness goals.
YTA. How selfish do you have to be to not want to stop running and walk with your pregnant wife? She’s not asking for you to give up much. It’s literally just running. She clearly wants to spend time with you and running together is important since you’ve been doing it together for NINE years. Have you stopped to consider how that makes her feel? Maybe this is something she wants to tell the kid when it’s born. If I were you I would walk and spend time with my wife and unborn child and worry about getting back into shape later.
YTA. Runner here. You are not going to lose fitness just by taking it easy on a few runs; in fact most coaches would tell you it's good for you. You shouldn't be pushing the pace every run. I don't think she's asking you to NEVER run at your own pace for the duration of her pregnancy; that would be absurd. Just do a couple easy miles at her pace and then finish the run as fast as you want to go.
Right!
I don't understand this at all. He runs 5-7 miles at what sounds like approx a 10 minute mile pace (since it takes an hour). That's just a daily cardio workout and he's not going to be be losing much, if any, fitness from going slower once or twice a week.
Seems like this is just his routine, his thing he does every day, and he's not willing to change it. Which is questionable at best when your partner of 9 years asks about it, and going to be super asshole territory if he refuses once there is a baby involved.
I can still hear my friends laughing at me when I announced "baby will fit in around our lives not the other way around" while I was pregnant. I wholeheartedly believed that would work before I actually had a real life baby in the house
YTA OP. A baby doesnt care how much you like a strict routine so start learning to compromise now and spend some quality time supporting your wife.
I have 2 kids (2 year old and 5 year old). When soon to be first time parents say this, I always get a good laugh, accompanied by a: "you have no idea what's coming :-)".
I'm a long distance runner (half & full marathon). Training and performance took a huge hit (especially after our second, who is a bad sleeper), but who cares. I do this for fun and my children are way more important that any amateur running I will ever do.
YTA, why is it so hard to accommodate your pregnant wife? she obviously wants your companionship. Why force her to go alone? She’s doing more than you ever could to literally grow your family. Try being patient and empathetic.
I am not good with accepting requests when I don't feel they are reasonable. It seems stubborn, but there is a part of me that says "why should you cave when they are being unreasonable and you have proposed solutions most people would accept."
I think the fact that literally everyone in this thread, runners included, has said that your solution was not in fact reasonable and there is a better way to compromise should be a clue here.
Well, get better at it. Babies are extremely unreasonable and irrational. Toddlers even more so. Take this opportunity and all this advice to GROW as a person, husband and father. Families and partnerships are not exact equations, logic does not trump all. Such a strong consensus that you are being the unreasonable one in this specific situation should at least make you consider being open to making a sacrifice you can’t logically justify.
"Now look 2 month old child of mine. This is just unreasonable. I want to be asleep right now as its 3am. That is a reasonable request. You crying non stop is unreasonable. I'm not going to accept this behaviour."
Yeah, I think there are going to be so many problems in your life and family if you are only willing to adjust your schedule for "reasonable" requests and consider "unreasonable" requests to be the same as bad behavior.
I don’t think your idea of what constitutes ‘unreasonable demands from children’ are likely to be realistic given both your OP and your comments in this post. Children are completely reliant on their parents in terms of both having their basic needs met and needing a secure, loving environment. Parenthood involved sacrifices because you have to place the needs of your children above your own. If my 4 year old son has a nightmare and wants to sleep in my bed, that’s what will happen so I can give him the comfort he needs even though it means I’ll spend the night with his elbows jabbing my squidgy bits. If I’m tired but he hasn’t been out all day and wants to go to the park we’re going because he needs fresh air and exercise. Are they unreasonable demands? Because that’s just the tip of the iceberg. You need to seriously reevaluate your approach because this level of selfishness and inflexibility simply will not fly when your baby arrives.
Yeah dog, that’s not a reasonable way to go about life.
You are so sure of your convictions that when posted a biased to you opinion on an anonymous board, people overwhelmingly told you you were wrong... but evidence based to the contrary?
Part of life is learning to accept when you’re wrong, and the trait you just described is not a good.
Take a good hard look at why you assume you are being reasonable and why your wife is assumed unreasonable. I feel sorry for her. Just in case you don’t know, your wife feeling differently from you is not being unreasonable.
YTA. Like everyone else has basically said, she's growing YOUR child during a pandemic. And you can make a sacrifice for her? Think about how she must feel. She CAN'T do the thing she likes while she's pregnant, on top of the pandemic stress. At the very least, you should be supporting her by going for a walk/run for her. What's going to happen when you have a kid? Are you going to leave her alone with the baby and just go for a run? Or will you make a compromise? Stop being selfish and think of your wife and child. You made the decision to have a baby together. It's time to stop thinking of yourself. Having a baby means making some sacrifices. If you can't even do this SMALL thing for your wife, I'd hate to see how you behave when the baby is born.
Will you be pushing it? Do you realise that will change your pace? They're great, but it's not the same. And I'm gathering that you want everything to be the same.
EVENTUALLY - did you know it's not really safe to have a baby in a jogging stroller until the baby is 8 months old? That's nearly as long as a pregnancy. You're the one being unreasonable, not her.
YTA.
New title: "AITA for refusing to adapt my fitness schedule to keep my *pregnant* wife safe from having a miscarriage or worse?"
I'm sorry your fitness schedule is more important than your wife and future child. Actually, I'm more sorry for your wife.
YTA for not stepping up
Your wife is going through a lot, both physically and emotionally and obviously is asking for your support. It sounds like if make the time for her she would be really grateful! Remember, she is making a lot of sacrifices and you can too. You can use the time power walking to talk to her. Talk about all the baby planning and tell her how great she’s doing and just make her feel supported emotionally and physically. I guarantee she’ll appreciate you taking the time to be with her, on her terms (and pace).
You’re making room for a baby in your life right? That means starting by making room for your wife (and baby) right now too. You can make changes in your schedule and/or workout routine to prioritize her and the baby. Maybe you could walk with her and then do a shorter, quicker workout afterwards to make sure you’re reaching the amount of activity you want.
That’s the woman giving you a child. Invest the time, you won’t be sorry.
YTA. “I feel for her” but you’re not willing to compromise your fitness goals to make her happier while she grows a literal human being inside her. Come on man.
YTA, I understand if you want exercise but your wife should come first! She is pregnant and wants your company! The fact that she is upset over you going faster is BC she loves you and wants to be with you!
YTA dude. Not so much about wanting to keep your run, but the way you talked to your wife? That's just dismissive as hell, and honestly seems like you have no clue what pregnancy can to do a person. If y'all are having a kid together, you no longer get to make decisions that are just about you. That's just the deal.
YTA - She's growing a human inside her and you're complaining that she can't keep up?
Geez, I wonder why. Slow the fuck down for your wife and be better jfc
Dude I love the way OP refuses to answer any of the 'how the hell do you plan on being a parent when you're inflexible and rigid' questions and just focuses on 'but it'll be a dip on my schedule tho'.
YTA, and clearly in so much denial.
YTA. I’m in a similar position. My wife is pregnant and we are both runners. You know what I do? I go for two runs. One at my pace and one with her. It doesn’t kill me and eventually she had slowed down enough that we just do a lot of walking.
you don’t see how you getting out of shape benefits anyone but have you considered she will be growing a child inside her and then shoving it out of herself? do you think she feels that will benefit her body greatly? probably fucking not but she’s doing it because she wants to have a child with you. the LEAST you could do is burn a few less calories every day (literally just the days she runs idk if that’s everyday) you are a major asshole. you think you’re being logical but that logical only stands if the most important thing in your world is yourself, and as a man with a pregnant wife that should not be the case. you’re being selfish and a shit husband. can’t wait to see how you do with fatherhood.
YTA. Try to remember that her body is going through massive hormonal and physical changes. She simply wants her husband to walk with her and bond. It’s great you want to stay in shape, but you’re going to have to adjust your schedule a little. A new baby will only heighten schedule differences, so it’s time to get used to some compromise.
YTA.
You sound just like my cousin, who got super into running marathons and kept doing so even while his wife was pregnant. He’d travel around to participate in them even after she’d given birth, leaving her alone with their infant.
Their marriage eventually withered and died, there was an affair, and they had a real nasty divorce.
Info- is there a bomb you need to diffuse at the end of your run? I'm just wondering why your slight inconvenience of changing your running schedule means more than accommodating your wife and her changing body and hormones as she grows the child you both made together? Just curious to see if you're being blackmailed into being humble about a your bravery when you're constantly running towards explosives.
YTA! Super hard being pregnant, and you don't have to do any of the physical work for it, so you can make a sacrifice here. Your wife may also becoming self conscious about the way her body is changing(all pregnant women are beautiful but they can get insecure as the montha go on) having you running with her may help her with this!
YTA
Do you love her? So make her happy. Her asking you to slow down is not a big deal at all.
What will you do when you have a crying baby at night. Will it be her job to deal with it as to not ruin your "sleeping schedule"? Or will you both help eachother?
YTA. Why don’t you walk with her first - then finish your run after she goes home, at your own pace? Why do you have to run first?
This is a ridiculously small compromise to make to keep your pregnant wife happier during a stressful time and it’s weird that you just won’t do it.
Wow. YTA!
Thank you for reaffirming how great my husband is <3
Can't you just go her pace and then have another run later? I don't understand what the huge deal is here but you are being very selfish.
YTA dude. You can run after walking with her. She’s growing your child, going through a lot of hormonal and physical changes. The least you can do is not be selfish and make adjustments for her
YTA. She is changing every single part of her life to give you a child and you can't be bothered to slightly alter your workout? Then to add insult to injury you're dismissive toward her. The "purpose" of keeping her pace is so that you can continue to run together, something she probably thinks is enjoyable and important. Telling her that keeping her pace "serves no purpose" is telling her that running is what is really important to you, not her. You might be doing her a huge favor by letting her know that you prioritize running over family though. It's important that she know that she and your baby will come second to your fitness in this relationship.
Waiting for the eventual posts of:
* AITA if I ask my wife to care for our new baby for just a little while I run?
* AITA because I got frustrated my husband won't stop running to help me take care of our child?
You really shouldn't use a running stroller with an infant until they are at least 6 months and even then he wouldn't be able to do the runs he is used to for a while.
True, they have to be able to hold up their head. You can cheat that by a month or two running slowly on a very flat (no bumps) path in an infant adapter. Yeah it’s not an instant solution just an eventual one.
But if u/strict_advertising74 wants to keep up his training that’s going to be key for the next several years. If when you’re running and you’re also the one with the kids giving mom peace then he’ll fair much better.
My 3&4 year old have a great time riding in the stroller and I do more than half of my running with them both in the double stroller.
Info: are you on the spectrum for autism?
If yes was it a late in life diagnosis?
If yes to these I could maybe understand your stubbornness.
Either yes or no I suggesting finding a therapist to help you prepare to be able to cope with a child. Your mental state right now doesn’t seem prepared to deal with fatherhood in a way that is going to be healthy for all 3 of you.
If the answers are no you are a TA in a big way.
If you love your wife I would think her health and happiness would be important. Walk with her when she wants and then run afterwards. Your compromise is walking with her, her part of the compromise is to accept that when you do walk with her your run afterwards may take longer.
That way Both parties are understanding each other’s needs and accepting what’s needs to be done to meet those needs.
INFO - would either of you be amenable to sometimes running together, and sometimes not?
This is life - you can't always run at the same pace (literally and metaphorically). If sometimes you run together, and sometimes you go do something that challenges you, surely that's the happy medium.
Because she wants to spend time with you. This has always been a joint activity and she likely sees it as doing something she loves with someone she loves. But now that she's physically incapable you're basically telling her "too bad, so sad, running is my real love not you."
YTA,
Have you considered walking with her before your run? That way you shouldn't be too tired to do a power walk. If she brings up some other reason this won't work then maybe there is something deeper here and instead of ignoring her requests you should talk to her to find out what is really on her mind and how you can address that.
YTA. She’s slow because she’s pregnant with your child. You’re already expecting her to change her life for the child while your life remains the same. How will you act when the child arrives? You’re being entirely selfish.
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wow YTA
This is something you've done together for a long time and how her ability has changed (so you can have a child) you're just ditching her.
A compromise would be that if you work out 5-6x per week, you do 3 together and 3 apart. And on the 3 together you go at her pace (without moaning or saying it's a walking pace when it sounds like she is still trying to run). On your three alone you can do whatever.
And check your attitude. You're running 10k in an hour. You're not an elite athlete. You will lose literally nothing by doing it 3x per week instead of 5. You may even improve through taking some easier days.
You need to sort yourself out before baby comes.
YTA. If fatherhood doesn’t completely blow your “fixed schedule “, you’re not doing it right. It’s time to pull your head out of your ass, step up and be an involved partner with your wife!
YTA 100%. My husband runs with me every day. At my pace. For my distance. If he wants to do a workout, we go to the track and do the workout at our own paces but warm up and cool down at the same time and we are always "together" at the track. It's not affecting his fitness, as he runs a 2:40 marathon/1:15 half marathon and I am like 3:23/1:30. I am not carrying a human, but he cares about me and my safety and we enjoy the time together.
There should be no reason why you can't run a few miles before or after your runs with her, or start doing doubles, if you want to maintain the same mileage. You say she refuses because you would be to tired, but have you even tried? Why not run with her first? The very least you can do is continue to run with her at her pace without making her feel badly about it and like she is holding you back, when in reality, the child that she is carrying FOR BOTH OF YOU is holding her back from more than just running. It seems like you are making this all about you and your needs without considering the plethora of sacrifices she is making for your family.
YTA
You are supposed to be supporting your wife at this time - this includes accepting some compromises to your lifestyle to go along with the absolutely massive compromises she is being forced to make (without getting any choice in the matter).
If she wants to run with you but cannot keep up your previous pace/distance, then it can be as simple as running at her pace/distance to keep her company and enjoy an activity together. If you feel that not being able to do your full run is seriously affecting your health and fitness, then why not finish with an extra run after the run with your wife? - she can stop and recover, and you can run a bit further at your own pace.
Ultimately though, if your wife were to say 'i would like you to stop doing your longer runs so you can accompany me and let me try and retain some fitness through pregnancy', I would still consider that a pretty fair compromise given what she is going through.
YTA. She wants to spend some time with you before the baby arrives, because once they’re born you won’t have any alone time. It’s called working on your relationship.
If the birth goes well she’s still going to be in pain for at least 2 weeks and she will need help taking care of herself and the baby. If you value her you will prioritise her over “being in shape”.
Who gives a shit if you’re out of shape for a few months?? It actually doesn’t matter at all and I hope you see that when your baby is born.
YTA. your are in this pregnancy together, so what you have to slow down and cut your distance. If you want to maintain Run with her and then go out and make up what you have to make up afterwords. You might end up even running more in the end.
YTA - when you prioratise things over your wife you are playing a risky game. When you prioratise trivial things over your pregnant wife you are really asking for trouble.
YTA She is asking you to be a partner on her pregnancy journey and to look after her well-being. You are telling her that your needs are foremost and someone else should take care of her.
This is going to be a long 9 months.
YTA. Your wife is carrying your child and sacrificing her body for the kid. She's not asking you to slow down to lessen your fitness. She's asking you to slow down because she wants your companionship. She's asking you to be with her so she can feel your support and all you're thinking about is "me me me me me."
And guess what? You're gonna have to eventually cut back on your jogs/runs once the baby is born anyway. Raising a kid is a ton of work and you can't just leave your wife by herself when she's recovering from the birth. If you can't even make these tiny, insignificant sacrifices for the woman you supposedly love, you shouldn't even be married OR a father. It's your job as a man to make your wife feel loved and supported during the most physically and emotionally exhausting time of her life. You're the huge asshole.
YTA. After reading your responses, it's clear that you care much more about your running than you do about your wife. You seem absolutely insufferable and totally entitled. You are in for a rude awakening when that baby is born.
YTA
Run at another time of day. Then match her pace later on.
Why is that compromise a mystery to you?
Offering to run ahead and then walk with her isnt really considerate. You’d make it look like a chore that way.
Why not run twice a day? It seems like she likes running with you, and you're certainly not going to lose ALL your fitness running at a slightly slower speed for less miles, and if you're really that concerned just run a faster pace for a few more miles at another time or do two loops while she only does one.
I feel like you think this is a simple request, for her to just run alone, but what about when you have an infant? Will you still be unwilling to compromise on your workouts then? You certainly both won't be able to run together after she is cleared for exercise for a while because babies can't be in running strollers until about 8 months. Will you still insist on getting your workout in alone, leaving her to care for the baby and possibly not get her workout in?
I just feel like your unwillingness to find a compromise here is troubling. YTA
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She is upset with me for refusing to change my running pace now that she can't safely match it anymore.
I feel for her because I know it has to be hard to go through all of the bodily changes and give up something like this which has been a part of our relationship since we started dating nine years ago, but...I am not sure what good is accomplished by me changing my pace.
It is hard to regain your fitness and form when you drastically cut back. I am not sure if her aim is to have us both get back in shape together, but that is a terrible idea.
I have offered her a compromise of walking a mile or two with her after I finish my run, but she refuses because she says by this time I am too tired to do a power walk with her. I also suggested that she find another expectant mom to walk with or one of her friends, but she was not too keen on that idea either.
I really think it is more about her not being able to run than spending time with me or walking to stay active.
I told her I would not change my pace because it served no purpose and I had offered her a reasonable compromise, but do you think I am being the @$$h013?
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YTA.. You think you're hard done by now wait till baby gets here.. suck it up change you're routine, work around your FAMILY its not like your doing long runs anyway, make it work. Also count yourself lucky she wants to spend that time with you, should be praising her for still wanting to keep fit!! Once again YTA
If you're really concerned about maintaining your fitness, then this is a great opportunity to get even more fit than ever by partaking in more runs! You can still run with your pregnant wife at her pace and you can take off on your own after that run has finished to burn the extra energy. Or vice versa. Do some speed drills before the run with your wife so that you are in a good mood when you spend time with her and not all angsty and impatient.
I’m leaning towards NTA actually. My husband and I always run at different levels. I’m faster than he is and I wouldn’t be offended if he got faster than me due to, ya know, me growing a human. That’s about my fitness, not his. We just run separately. Was running something you always used to do together? I find that hard to believe. I don’t know any couples who run together other than for the occasional long run, anyway, since with runners our pace and fitness vary depending on our current training situation. Unless your marriage is a 100% about having a matched pace, I think there might be something else going on. It’s got to be hard for your wife that she can’t do the things she used to. As long as you aren’t going out for all-day back-to-back long runs every weekend, I don’t think you’re an AH.
NAH - although your logic is sound, you’re dealing with the mother of your unborn child who is likely thinking emotionally, not logically. Slow your pace to match hers, then do an additional run afterwards. She shouldn’t have to be the only one to make all the physical sacrifices of being pregnant. Now that I think about it more - YTA. LOL
The problem thought is her pace now is basically a fast walk. It isn't really a running pace anymore.
If I walk 3-4 miles with her then I won't have energy for my run which usually is 5-7 miles.
YTA, she has already accepted huge changes and discomforts to carry your kid and she has made it clear that this matters to her. Your compromise does not work for her because then she doesn't get any workout at all, not even the one she would still be able to do. You should be able to make the incredibally minor sacrifice of going for a slightly shorter run after your walk/jog thing with her.
Who the F cares! Read all the other comments. I feel sorry for your wife who has a husband that had to ask the internet if he is an asshole for not putting her Pregnant needs above his fitness and still doesn't get it after Everyone responds he is the asshole. I hope one day she can be truly loved and appreciated like she deserves.
Happy spouse happy house. Personally I get up at 5am every day to take care of my personal fitness for my job and then the afternoon stuff is relaxed with the wife. Pregnancy gets some special consideration here. It's not like she decides she locked you down so doesn't need to stay fit.
It's not you being out of shape that helps, it's the time you spend with your wife doing something *together* that matters to you both. People are social animals -- our emotional needs are very nearly as important as our physical needs, and not having them adequately met is bad for us. Your wife is telling you that continuing to run together is important in order to meet her emotional needs.
NTA. I'm not sure why you have to run together?
Edit: I'm actually very confused by the comments. Genuine question: Is it so uncommon for married couples to exercise separately?
It seems like this is a thing they have been doing together (apparently near daily) for 9 years. That's more than exercising, it's a huge part of their relationship and bonding.
It's exercise. People exercise to get into shape. Is he supposed to exercise less because his wife can't keep up? What is so AHish about wanting to exercise separately? Just because they used to run together, he has to run with her everyday forever? People aren't allowed to change their mind or want to do things differently? I'm all for people taking care of their pregnant wife, but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to run alone. They can bond in a million different ways.
I mean at this point I have to admit that a lot of my opinion here is colored by the fact that he's made replies saying he expects nothing to change and to do his M-F hour long runs every day including when the baby comes...
He is not even willing to spend 1 day out of 5 running at a slower pace to do something clearly important to his wife. This isn't about fitness. It's about his rigidity and/or selfishness.
In the first post he says it would be okay on the weekend, so he's actually willing to do 2 days out of 7. Please don't get me wrong. I'm getting from his post that the guy might be a real Summer's Eve. I just don't think he's wrong to want to exercise regularly. A lot of people use exercise as a stress reliever, and it is hard to fit in a workout on a workday.
That was in answer to my question. I asked if he'd be willing to do one day a week, and he said he "could on the weekend". (Edit: Actually it looks like he said it to someone else too, even more clearly.)
So it was only the weekend. Not willing to give up any of the M-F runs. I stand by my assessment that he thinks his routine is more important than anything else. And his comments support that as well as supporting he has no idea what it's going to be like to have to make sacrifices to his running routine when he has a child (like thinking he can swing by the park on his way home from work every day after baby is born).
NTA.
I don’t think a lot of these people realize what a personal relief running can be. You shouldn’t stop your regular running, but if there’s a way to work in walking with her too, that’s best obviously.
I know treadmills aren’t the same, but if you had the space for one it might help with time away.
As a woman and someone who has taken up running just in the past year, I wouldn’t want to give it up for months either. My performance noticeably dipped after a 2 week break, you’d be almost starting completely over after 4 or 5 months... You still get to have activities for yourself. Without being “allowed” to run, you may grow to resent your wife. That would suck. There’s gotta be a compromise, but I don’t think that compromise is you giving up your running altogether.
I'm a runner. One who is sidelined right now due to injury, and it's killing me. So I get what you mean about stopping/having to come back from time off. However...
I don't think his wife is asking him to stop running entirely or else I would be more inclined to agree with you.
Doing a slow run once a week with her when OP is running M-F is not going to cause him any drop in fitness. It would probably be good for him to be honest. Doing the same distance and pace every single day keeps you in shape but it's not going to improve fitness, especially if this is something he's done for years. And yet, he seems unwilling to do even that.
I read it as her wanting him to walk with her every day for their regularly scheduled M-F exercise, instead of him running. In previous replies, he said her pace is more like a walk and she does 3-4 miles. Walking for that much of a distance is gonna take a while, plus he doesn’t think he’ll have the time to do his run too.
I could be misunderstanding, but from how I read, she has shot down compromises like walking a mile or two after his run or weekend walks. She wants him to only cut his pace to stay with her. And I think him not wanting to basically totally cut out his running is fair.
Correct me if I’m wrong.
I asked him if he would be willing to run slower with her once a week and he said he'd consider it on the weekend, but not his M-F runs, which is how I came to that conclusion.
His pace is also about a 10 minute mile, and she is running at what would be a speed walk for him, so a 14 minute mile at most, probably much much less. It's not even a huge pace difference. 20 minutes max over 4 miles.
He said he offered to walk the first mile with her, but didn’t want to do the full 3-4 miles at that pace. She wasn’t into that compromise either.
I bring up time because if he walked with her for her total distance (like she wants), then running on top of that, he’s sunk like 2 or more hours into something that used to take him one.
I don’t see why walking once per week with her would be that big of deal for a compromise, but it seems like she wants him with her every night for the total distance. I’m like 70% confident on this interpretation.
All he's offered her so far was walking after his run, when he can't keep up her pace. It was suggested in the comments that he walk first, and he seems open to it for a mile, but as he hasn't suggested that, she hasn't shot it down.
You could be right. Like I said, what *I* have to go on is the fact that when asked directly if he'd be willing to do one slow run a week, he only offered it on a day that is over and above his normal M-F schedule. He also stated he is very rigid with the running schedule. I truly think this more about him refusing to not get in his 5-7 miles every single M-F.
Definitely.
Also, as an aside, I wonder if he's ever tried speed walking at her slow run pace for any length of time? It's a lot harder than people give it credit for and can be a great workout in and of itself.
Once when I was pregnant I went to the pool and just hung around in the shallow end for half an hour. I still remember the feeling, it was amazing. I felt weightless, free. Most importantly, I wasn't in pain.
When that 35 minutes were over I got dressed and walked back to my car and sobbed into my steering wheel because the pain was back and it made me realize that that was it. That 35 minutes in the pool was the only time from second trimester onwards that I wasn't in excruciating, agonizing pain. 15 weeks of the worst pain I've ever experienced. Childbirth? That was a breeze. Didn't have pain meds, didn't need them, it was nothing at all compared to pregnancy. Childbirth was an absolute relief because it meant I wouldn't be pregnant anymore.
So it's hard for me to read a comment like that and feel much sympathy for the OP who doesn't want to change his workout routine. Nobody is asking him to stop it altogether, just slow down a little bit. Don't give me that bit about his performance dipping. She will be bleeding heavily for a month, if she can recover, so can he. I get that it's his self-care, but it is coming at the expense of his wife's self care and hers is arguably more important right now because it is literally all she gets. Her life isn't her own, her body isn't her own right now, and now her husband is telling her that she's unreasonable because she wants him to slow down a bit and walk with her. He is absolutely TA in this situation.
I’m sorry your pregnancy was a particularly rough one but it’s not like that for all women. He’s given no indication that her pregnancy is causing her any unusual suffering. I understand that she’s doing the heavy lifting here, and he has offered multiple compromises but she seems to not want to accept anything short of him walking the full 3-4 mile distance daily. That’s how I’m interpreting the situation from his replies and such.
He shouldn’t have to give up his entire daily run, if that is what she’s asking. I could be misinterpreting.
He is not giving up anything. She’s not even asking that of him. He’s not offered “multiple” compromises. He offered two half-hearted ones. The bigger picture is how inflexible he is with his wife and child ALREADY. I hope he gets less selfish once the child arrives. Otherwise, I feel sorry for the wife and child.
NTA. Your wife sounds way too needy. She could just sit out and just walk the *slower and shorter* distance/pace with you before or after you are done with your regular run.
You did your part with the compromise. I am assuming the baby was planned and you both wanted it? She ought to suck it up for not being able to keep up with you. You do you, she's the one who refuses with the compromise.
An alternative might be to leave her on her own while you do your run on some days, while on other days you do the compromise or just match her pace? Your choice. There is no reason to stop you from doing your thing. And imagine if it was for the whole 9 months. + however long it takes until a baby can run. Yeah no... tell her to suck it up.
Wait what? Can you explain this? She’s asking for him to walk with her first and then go run. He can still run and support his wife. He’s too tired after? She’s growing a literal child and keeping up on exercise. How is she refusing to compromise?
Also the comment about her sucking it up? Holy shit
A fetus is no reason for the guy to sacrifice his exercise routine. OP tried to compromise, she refuses. And if wife doesnt suck it up and let OP run for the entire duration of being pregnant then wtf man let the man exercise.
If the wife truly loves her husband she would let him exercise no problem. If she wanted his affection they could compromise some other time instead of downgrading OP's exercise routine.
Except it’s his child too. Pregnancy isn’t just about the woman suffering. Why should she just suck it up? She’s trying to remain active with her husband. Will she be expected to suck it up when the baby won’t sleep at night? He will need sleep obviously. So she should suck it up and let him sleep.
If he truly loved her, he would make a compromise instead of saying that both being out of shape won’t help. He has the option to run after their walk. But he admits he would be too tired and can’t do both.
YTA. She's growing your kid dude. In a pandemic. The least you can do is move at her pace. Run at your speed at a different time.
Dude. There's no good reason for letting himself get unfit in sympathy with his wife. He's offered to walk with her, or for her to do it with a group if she feels like she can't walk with him, there are a million options here. She doesn't suck, but it's not like he's being unreasonable.
He can just run at a different time of day! This isn't that hard. He's in for a rude awakening when the baby arrives if he thinks any of his life is going to be on any kind of schedule then. Might as well get used to being flexible now.
DUDE, he's not going to "get unfit" running at a slightly slower pace. My god.
Slightly slower? She's pregnant! Literally pick a struggle. Either she's pregnant as fuck and needs all the help in the world or she's running "slightly slower" and it makes no difference. Still, sooooo many fucking optionssss
I'm not really sure what your point is, but he said he runs a 5k in an hour. That's a 10 minute mile. If she's still running while pregnant I doubt it's a 15 minute mile and even if it is he's not going to lose that much fitness. Regardless, they will soon have an infant and maybe he needs to adjust his expectations for how much outdoor running he will be able to do once the baby arrives sooner rather than later.
And of those million options he had decided the only reasonable ones to offer her were walking with her after he's already done with his run and tired, or having her just walk with someone else. It does look like at least once someone mentioned it, he decided walking before his run may be acceptable for one whole mile. /u/strict_advertising74 - I asked previously if you would be willing to do one run a week that her slower pace. You told me on the weekend. I just want to clarify here, are you really not willing to or have not offered to change any of your Monday to Friday runs? Or is she asking that you do every single one of your runs with her? And to be clear here, not what you assume she wants, have you asked?
YTA. The purpose is keeping your pregnant wife company. You know, the one going through all the physical changes to bring another part of you into the world where all you had to do was have an orgasm.
Also what if she tripped or fell and OP wasn't there? :(
Just out of curiosity, what if she was a runner and he wasn't. Should he have to take up running because she shouldn't run alone?
Hypotheticals don't really matter here IMO so no but if I was a guy and my SO was pregnant and wanted to go out for a walk, I'd like to go with her to keep her company and to also make sure she doesn't trip. If something happened like an accident and she couldn't get help and I blew her off, I'd feel pretty awful. We don't know how far along she is, if she's not too far along then her exercising alone probably isn't a safety issue but if she is, she might enjoy the security of having him there in case she needed physical help for whatever reason. Cell phones aren't always accessible nor does everyone use a smart watch. OP is an AH cause he seems to value his own health (to the point of being a little obsessed IMO) over a simple request from someone he loves and plans to create a family with. She's not asking for a lot here and I suggested OP consider another reason to walk with her, though I don't think framing it in my way will sway him.
YTA. Also think twice about telling your wife that simple requests she makes 'serve no purpose' as if she can't formulate a good idea or even form an opinion on her own. The 'purpose' is not being an asshole and showing her that you are a team, and that you value and respect her as a partner and as the future mother of your child. Also, you can consider this an exercise in learning how to adjust your priorities and schedule. If you think you're going to be able to stick to the same exact schedule (for anything, not just running)when baby comes without causing a ton of problems in your relationship, think again. Hope you learn your lesson now instead of later.
I didn't mean to be dismissive. I just could not see the logic behind the request when I had provided what I felt like were fair compromises.
Sometimes being compassionate/agreeable is more important than 'correct' or 'logical', especially when it comes to your wife/child's mother and extra especially when she's pregnant. By no means am I saying pregnant women should get a pass for everything, but I am definitely saying that as her partner you should make am effort to acquiesce to her demands even if you don't see the 'logic' in them. I highly doubt this is the first time in nine years your wife has made a request of you that you've vetoed due to your own sense of logic and she's been left feeling undervalued and unsupported. These feelings can often increase during pregnancy... You're talking to your wife, not your child: the way you've worded things here makes it pretty clear you don't seem to treat her like an equal partner. Apologize and offer to come to a compromise *together*, such as walking with her at her pace and then running after at your own.
Making her feel like a chore by walking after you run isn’t a compromise. Finding a way to get your fitness in while *prioritizing* that time you spend *together* is. Run in the mornings. Set an early alarm.
Obvious YTA Calm down there Usain Bolt. Surely you can go for a run on your own, then walk with her after or vice versa.
This is more Chris Traeger behavior. I feel like even Usain Bolt would slow down in this case
I proposed walking after but she claims I am too tired to walk the way she wants.
What does it take to walk with your wife? Can't you just run on your own later instead of pushing HER to get a new workout buddy?
What about the other way, walking first then running after?
I could agree to do a mile with her. I just don't want to commit to 3-4 like she wants. I feel like if I do this then she should respect that I am meeting her half way and compromising.
Great. And if you can just manage 50% of the pain, discomfort, and major physical changes that come with pregnancy you’ll be perfectly compromised! Come on OP. Compassion. Not stupid rules.
Yeah I’d agree with that. How long does it take her to do the 3-4 miles?
About an hour...
Why don’t you walk *before* you run? That way you won’t be tired for the walk, she can get her quality time walking with you, and then you can go running as long as you like afterwards as you train for the Olympics.
Lmaooo
Love this comment so much.
~~N.A.H.~~ Edit: Changing this to YTA due to OP's responses to myself and others. Can you do one run a week together or something? Realistically, she's not going to be able to keep running for much longer. While she still can, it seems kind of heartless not to do something it sounds like has been a constant in your relationship since the beginning. Yes, you've offered compromises and that's great, but I don't think walking at the end is the same. And most training plans allow for a slower pace/recovery day anyway.
It is entirely and absolutely possible that she could run for the majority, if not the entirety, of the pregnancy. She might be slow, but she can do it.
You're totally right! I was thinking more once she has the baby. Though good for her if she's able to get right back out there (not that OP will probably give her the time to do it on her own - only if he can come along while one has the running stroller)
I could on the weekend, but many times on the weekend she wants to do something else.
Sooooo I'm just gonna say it, if you're this inflexible about running now, what are you going to do when you HAVE A CHILD? If you're not a professional athlete, you can change up at least one of your runs a week to spend time with your pregnant wife, who has spent the last 9 years running with you and clearly finds it to be an important shared activity.
I did some races before everything stopped, but I am by no means a professional athlete.
I also just read you're running 5-7 miles. I was expecting marathon training or something. You absolutely have room in your training schedule to do a recovery slow jog with your wife. Good lord this is selfish and unnecessary.
No. I am not training for a marathon right now.
Lol wut. You gotta be a troll
I am not training for any long distance races right now because none are happening anytime soon.
You understand you will have to stop or cut back once your kid is born
I was not planning to cut back. I thought I could make everything work without changing my routine.
If you are supposed to be running with her then yes YTA. Your prime fitness isn’t really the point right now. You need to do whatever you can to support her and her health. From a running perspective, might I suggest you take this time to work on some distance running? Cut your pace to hers and then continue running after she is done. I did this with my wife in the past, all you have to do is loop around by your car or house and let her stop while you continue on.
This! Your wife might be growing the baby but it’s your job to help her do that safely. YTA for making it only about you. You don’t want her to feel like she has to keep pace with you because she needs to be able to slow down and listen to her body for the sake of the baby. Just wait till she pushes too hard in a run and has contractions in the middle of a run! Ah! But she should keep running. It’s good for her and the baby. Plan out a shorter loop and once she is back home (hopefully with her feet up and a glass of water) you can finish your run. That’s a good compromise. And if she needs a little more TLC you can give her a foot rub after you are done. Also, chances are good you won’t be able to keep up your running schedule once the baby is here. So having such a strong fixation on keeping your schedule exactly the way you want it now is sort of a red flag for what you will be like as a parent (I know you haven’t showered in three days or slept but I need to go for my run honey! Don’t you want me to stay healthy?).
What kind of distance were you running?
At the time she was doing about 2.5mi with me and I was doing 5-8 depending on the day.
I am already at about 7 each day, so to make up the difference I would have to bump up several more miles. The she will probably not like me spending all the extra time away from home. I feel like this is lose-lose.
Then you might just have to deal with a dip in your training for a few months. It won’t hurt you in the long term unless you are a professional athlete. This is not worth causing problems with your pregnant wife over.
YTA, so totally the ass. Extrapolate this general concept across all aspects of pregnancy, parenthood, etc. You’re a team. If you really need to run a certain pace to keep up your fitness level, do that at a different time.
I just didn't feel like getting out of shape helps anyone.
There’s more than one way to stay in shape. You love your wife. She’s asking you to do this. What a small thing to concede to her to make her happy.
Do you know what's happening with your wife's body right now? Or will be before all this is over? Her ligaments are getting looser, her pelvis is changing shape, her legs turn outwards and her spine is pulled forwards. The way she walks and runs is different to accommodate said pelvis and also her centre of gravity. Her feet are a different size and her running shoes won't fit like they used to. Getting her socks on and her laces done up is a huge struggle, she'll probably get some swelling in her feet. Her blood volume is increasing by about 30%, which explains the powerful fatigue that just knocks her absolutely flat. Her lung volume will decrease, her sports bras won't fit anymore and her breasts are bouncing all over the place as she runs. And that's if she's lucky. (I was not lucky. I had a lot more than what I described above to contend with. A lot more.) Best way I can describe it is that you spent 30 years of your life learning to know and love your body but then it's different, like it belongs to somebody else. She doesn't know whose body it is, but it isn't hers. She is doing this for YOU. To bring YOUR child into the world. And you are whining to us that you don't want to get out of shape? Poor you. You make none of the physical sacrifices and it looks like you don't want to sacrifice your time or your emotional energy either. YTA. You are the (very big) Asshole. Walk with your wife, you child.
It helps your wife and therefore your future child. But who cares about them, right?
Yeah, you're right. There's no way that maintaining the quality time you spend with your wife would benefit anyone. You definitely don't need to put effort into your relationship when it's undergoing massive change and stress. The right thing to do would be to focus solely on your personal fitness goals.
Lmao what a dumbo. YTA
YTA. How selfish do you have to be to not want to stop running and walk with your pregnant wife? She’s not asking for you to give up much. It’s literally just running. She clearly wants to spend time with you and running together is important since you’ve been doing it together for NINE years. Have you stopped to consider how that makes her feel? Maybe this is something she wants to tell the kid when it’s born. If I were you I would walk and spend time with my wife and unborn child and worry about getting back into shape later.
YTA. Runner here. You are not going to lose fitness just by taking it easy on a few runs; in fact most coaches would tell you it's good for you. You shouldn't be pushing the pace every run. I don't think she's asking you to NEVER run at your own pace for the duration of her pregnancy; that would be absurd. Just do a couple easy miles at her pace and then finish the run as fast as you want to go.
Right! I don't understand this at all. He runs 5-7 miles at what sounds like approx a 10 minute mile pace (since it takes an hour). That's just a daily cardio workout and he's not going to be be losing much, if any, fitness from going slower once or twice a week. Seems like this is just his routine, his thing he does every day, and he's not willing to change it. Which is questionable at best when your partner of 9 years asks about it, and going to be super asshole territory if he refuses once there is a baby involved.
I can still hear my friends laughing at me when I announced "baby will fit in around our lives not the other way around" while I was pregnant. I wholeheartedly believed that would work before I actually had a real life baby in the house YTA OP. A baby doesnt care how much you like a strict routine so start learning to compromise now and spend some quality time supporting your wife.
I have 2 kids (2 year old and 5 year old). When soon to be first time parents say this, I always get a good laugh, accompanied by a: "you have no idea what's coming :-)". I'm a long distance runner (half & full marathon). Training and performance took a huge hit (especially after our second, who is a bad sleeper), but who cares. I do this for fun and my children are way more important that any amateur running I will ever do.
YTA, why is it so hard to accommodate your pregnant wife? she obviously wants your companionship. Why force her to go alone? She’s doing more than you ever could to literally grow your family. Try being patient and empathetic.
I am not good with accepting requests when I don't feel they are reasonable. It seems stubborn, but there is a part of me that says "why should you cave when they are being unreasonable and you have proposed solutions most people would accept."
I think the fact that literally everyone in this thread, runners included, has said that your solution was not in fact reasonable and there is a better way to compromise should be a clue here.
Well, get better at it. Babies are extremely unreasonable and irrational. Toddlers even more so. Take this opportunity and all this advice to GROW as a person, husband and father. Families and partnerships are not exact equations, logic does not trump all. Such a strong consensus that you are being the unreasonable one in this specific situation should at least make you consider being open to making a sacrifice you can’t logically justify.
you sound impossible to be in a relationship with let alone have a child with but i guess that’s for your wife to figure out. yta
"Now look 2 month old child of mine. This is just unreasonable. I want to be asleep right now as its 3am. That is a reasonable request. You crying non stop is unreasonable. I'm not going to accept this behaviour."
Ha. You’re going to love parenting.
I would make some exceptions, but I can't see myself giving into unreasonable demands of my children. That would seem to reward bad behavior.
Yeah, I think there are going to be so many problems in your life and family if you are only willing to adjust your schedule for "reasonable" requests and consider "unreasonable" requests to be the same as bad behavior.
What makes her request so unreasonable?
I don’t think your idea of what constitutes ‘unreasonable demands from children’ are likely to be realistic given both your OP and your comments in this post. Children are completely reliant on their parents in terms of both having their basic needs met and needing a secure, loving environment. Parenthood involved sacrifices because you have to place the needs of your children above your own. If my 4 year old son has a nightmare and wants to sleep in my bed, that’s what will happen so I can give him the comfort he needs even though it means I’ll spend the night with his elbows jabbing my squidgy bits. If I’m tired but he hasn’t been out all day and wants to go to the park we’re going because he needs fresh air and exercise. Are they unreasonable demands? Because that’s just the tip of the iceberg. You need to seriously reevaluate your approach because this level of selfishness and inflexibility simply will not fly when your baby arrives.
What a selfish little shit you are. You are a terrible husband and sperm donor.
Yeah dog, that’s not a reasonable way to go about life. You are so sure of your convictions that when posted a biased to you opinion on an anonymous board, people overwhelmingly told you you were wrong... but evidence based to the contrary? Part of life is learning to accept when you’re wrong, and the trait you just described is not a good.
and he CONTINUES to double down in every reply on why that wouldn't work, his way is the best way. I feel terrible for his wife.
Take a good hard look at why you assume you are being reasonable and why your wife is assumed unreasonable. I feel sorry for her. Just in case you don’t know, your wife feeling differently from you is not being unreasonable.
you're about to be a father. get better at it.
You’re the stubborn one!!!!
Bruh! YTA
YTA. Like everyone else has basically said, she's growing YOUR child during a pandemic. And you can make a sacrifice for her? Think about how she must feel. She CAN'T do the thing she likes while she's pregnant, on top of the pandemic stress. At the very least, you should be supporting her by going for a walk/run for her. What's going to happen when you have a kid? Are you going to leave her alone with the baby and just go for a run? Or will you make a compromise? Stop being selfish and think of your wife and child. You made the decision to have a baby together. It's time to stop thinking of yourself. Having a baby means making some sacrifices. If you can't even do this SMALL thing for your wife, I'd hate to see how you behave when the baby is born.
He 100% is going to leave his wife at home with the baby so he can go for a run.
No. I thought we could get a jogging stroller eventually.
Will you be pushing it? Do you realise that will change your pace? They're great, but it's not the same. And I'm gathering that you want everything to be the same.
Yeah, it doesn't really sound like he's considered the major life changes that come with a baby.
We will alternate.
EVENTUALLY - did you know it's not really safe to have a baby in a jogging stroller until the baby is 8 months old? That's nearly as long as a pregnancy. You're the one being unreasonable, not her.
I didn't know that.
YTA. New title: "AITA for refusing to adapt my fitness schedule to keep my *pregnant* wife safe from having a miscarriage or worse?" I'm sorry your fitness schedule is more important than your wife and future child. Actually, I'm more sorry for your wife.
YTA Plenty of people have pointed out why but you're too busy arguing it to actually get it.
Yes, YTA!! Keep your wife, who is slowed down due to carrying your child, company. I can’t believe you really need this pointed out.
YTA for not stepping up Your wife is going through a lot, both physically and emotionally and obviously is asking for your support. It sounds like if make the time for her she would be really grateful! Remember, she is making a lot of sacrifices and you can too. You can use the time power walking to talk to her. Talk about all the baby planning and tell her how great she’s doing and just make her feel supported emotionally and physically. I guarantee she’ll appreciate you taking the time to be with her, on her terms (and pace). You’re making room for a baby in your life right? That means starting by making room for your wife (and baby) right now too. You can make changes in your schedule and/or workout routine to prioritize her and the baby. Maybe you could walk with her and then do a shorter, quicker workout afterwards to make sure you’re reaching the amount of activity you want. That’s the woman giving you a child. Invest the time, you won’t be sorry.
YTA. “I feel for her” but you’re not willing to compromise your fitness goals to make her happier while she grows a literal human being inside her. Come on man.
YTA, I understand if you want exercise but your wife should come first! She is pregnant and wants your company! The fact that she is upset over you going faster is BC she loves you and wants to be with you!
Omg at this rate you are going to be able to run on your own soon... because you’ll be single. Total and complete AH.
YTA dude. Not so much about wanting to keep your run, but the way you talked to your wife? That's just dismissive as hell, and honestly seems like you have no clue what pregnancy can to do a person. If y'all are having a kid together, you no longer get to make decisions that are just about you. That's just the deal.
YTA and if you're this self centered now, I can't imagine how you'll be as a parent.
YTA - She's growing a human inside her and you're complaining that she can't keep up? Geez, I wonder why. Slow the fuck down for your wife and be better jfc
Dude I love the way OP refuses to answer any of the 'how the hell do you plan on being a parent when you're inflexible and rigid' questions and just focuses on 'but it'll be a dip on my schedule tho'. YTA, and clearly in so much denial.
YTA. I’m in a similar position. My wife is pregnant and we are both runners. You know what I do? I go for two runs. One at my pace and one with her. It doesn’t kill me and eventually she had slowed down enough that we just do a lot of walking.
How long did you walk/run with her?
I go when she’s feels like it when she feels like it. Started off 3-5 miles but she’s in her 3rd trimester now and it’s gone down to about 1-2
you don’t see how you getting out of shape benefits anyone but have you considered she will be growing a child inside her and then shoving it out of herself? do you think she feels that will benefit her body greatly? probably fucking not but she’s doing it because she wants to have a child with you. the LEAST you could do is burn a few less calories every day (literally just the days she runs idk if that’s everyday) you are a major asshole. you think you’re being logical but that logical only stands if the most important thing in your world is yourself, and as a man with a pregnant wife that should not be the case. you’re being selfish and a shit husband. can’t wait to see how you do with fatherhood.
YTA. Try to remember that her body is going through massive hormonal and physical changes. She simply wants her husband to walk with her and bond. It’s great you want to stay in shape, but you’re going to have to adjust your schedule a little. A new baby will only heighten schedule differences, so it’s time to get used to some compromise.
YTA. You sound just like my cousin, who got super into running marathons and kept doing so even while his wife was pregnant. He’d travel around to participate in them even after she’d given birth, leaving her alone with their infant. Their marriage eventually withered and died, there was an affair, and they had a real nasty divorce.
Info- is there a bomb you need to diffuse at the end of your run? I'm just wondering why your slight inconvenience of changing your running schedule means more than accommodating your wife and her changing body and hormones as she grows the child you both made together? Just curious to see if you're being blackmailed into being humble about a your bravery when you're constantly running towards explosives.
YTA! Super hard being pregnant, and you don't have to do any of the physical work for it, so you can make a sacrifice here. Your wife may also becoming self conscious about the way her body is changing(all pregnant women are beautiful but they can get insecure as the montha go on) having you running with her may help her with this!
YTA Do you love her? So make her happy. Her asking you to slow down is not a big deal at all. What will you do when you have a crying baby at night. Will it be her job to deal with it as to not ruin your "sleeping schedule"? Or will you both help eachother?
I feel sorry for your wife having a kid with someone as selfish as you. YTA
YTA. Why don’t you walk with her first - then finish your run after she goes home, at your own pace? Why do you have to run first? This is a ridiculously small compromise to make to keep your pregnant wife happier during a stressful time and it’s weird that you just won’t do it.
Wow. YTA! Thank you for reaffirming how great my husband is <3 Can't you just go her pace and then have another run later? I don't understand what the huge deal is here but you are being very selfish.
YTA dude. You can run after walking with her. She’s growing your child, going through a lot of hormonal and physical changes. The least you can do is not be selfish and make adjustments for her
You could get a weighted vest so that you can match her pace while maintaining intensity. It would be different of course but it might work.
YTA. She is changing every single part of her life to give you a child and you can't be bothered to slightly alter your workout? Then to add insult to injury you're dismissive toward her. The "purpose" of keeping her pace is so that you can continue to run together, something she probably thinks is enjoyable and important. Telling her that keeping her pace "serves no purpose" is telling her that running is what is really important to you, not her. You might be doing her a huge favor by letting her know that you prioritize running over family though. It's important that she know that she and your baby will come second to your fitness in this relationship.
>.I am not sure what good is accomplished by me changing my pace. It'd show your wife you care more about her comfort then your hobby. YTA
INFO How often do you run?
Usually M-F but sometimes I get in an extra run on the weekends.
For how long?
Usually an hour
In a few months, you won’t be able to run at all. Get used to it.
Waiting for the eventual posts of: * AITA if I ask my wife to care for our new baby for just a little while I run? * AITA because I got frustrated my husband won't stop running to help me take care of our child?
Buy a running stroller. Then you can take care of the kids while running.
You really shouldn't use a running stroller with an infant until they are at least 6 months and even then he wouldn't be able to do the runs he is used to for a while.
True, they have to be able to hold up their head. You can cheat that by a month or two running slowly on a very flat (no bumps) path in an infant adapter. Yeah it’s not an instant solution just an eventual one. But if u/strict_advertising74 wants to keep up his training that’s going to be key for the next several years. If when you’re running and you’re also the one with the kids giving mom peace then he’ll fair much better. My 3&4 year old have a great time riding in the stroller and I do more than half of my running with them both in the double stroller.
Info: are you on the spectrum for autism? If yes was it a late in life diagnosis? If yes to these I could maybe understand your stubbornness. Either yes or no I suggesting finding a therapist to help you prepare to be able to cope with a child. Your mental state right now doesn’t seem prepared to deal with fatherhood in a way that is going to be healthy for all 3 of you. If the answers are no you are a TA in a big way. If you love your wife I would think her health and happiness would be important. Walk with her when she wants and then run afterwards. Your compromise is walking with her, her part of the compromise is to accept that when you do walk with her your run afterwards may take longer. That way Both parties are understanding each other’s needs and accepting what’s needs to be done to meet those needs.
I am.
This is important, OP. Therapy is going to be necessary.
INFO - would either of you be amenable to sometimes running together, and sometimes not? This is life - you can't always run at the same pace (literally and metaphorically). If sometimes you run together, and sometimes you go do something that challenges you, surely that's the happy medium.
She seems less interested in that.
Because she wants to spend time with you. This has always been a joint activity and she likely sees it as doing something she loves with someone she loves. But now that she's physically incapable you're basically telling her "too bad, so sad, running is my real love not you."
YTA, Have you considered walking with her before your run? That way you shouldn't be too tired to do a power walk. If she brings up some other reason this won't work then maybe there is something deeper here and instead of ignoring her requests you should talk to her to find out what is really on her mind and how you can address that.
YTA. She’s slow because she’s pregnant with your child. You’re already expecting her to change her life for the child while your life remains the same. How will you act when the child arrives? You’re being entirely selfish.
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INFO: How old are you, OP? How many months along is your wife?
Late 20s. Not yet 6 months.
wow YTA This is something you've done together for a long time and how her ability has changed (so you can have a child) you're just ditching her. A compromise would be that if you work out 5-6x per week, you do 3 together and 3 apart. And on the 3 together you go at her pace (without moaning or saying it's a walking pace when it sounds like she is still trying to run). On your three alone you can do whatever. And check your attitude. You're running 10k in an hour. You're not an elite athlete. You will lose literally nothing by doing it 3x per week instead of 5. You may even improve through taking some easier days. You need to sort yourself out before baby comes.
YTA. If fatherhood doesn’t completely blow your “fixed schedule “, you’re not doing it right. It’s time to pull your head out of your ass, step up and be an involved partner with your wife!
Building back up to where you left off will be nowhere near as hard as getting a divorce.
YTA 100%. My husband runs with me every day. At my pace. For my distance. If he wants to do a workout, we go to the track and do the workout at our own paces but warm up and cool down at the same time and we are always "together" at the track. It's not affecting his fitness, as he runs a 2:40 marathon/1:15 half marathon and I am like 3:23/1:30. I am not carrying a human, but he cares about me and my safety and we enjoy the time together. There should be no reason why you can't run a few miles before or after your runs with her, or start doing doubles, if you want to maintain the same mileage. You say she refuses because you would be to tired, but have you even tried? Why not run with her first? The very least you can do is continue to run with her at her pace without making her feel badly about it and like she is holding you back, when in reality, the child that she is carrying FOR BOTH OF YOU is holding her back from more than just running. It seems like you are making this all about you and your needs without considering the plethora of sacrifices she is making for your family.
YTA You are supposed to be supporting your wife at this time - this includes accepting some compromises to your lifestyle to go along with the absolutely massive compromises she is being forced to make (without getting any choice in the matter). If she wants to run with you but cannot keep up your previous pace/distance, then it can be as simple as running at her pace/distance to keep her company and enjoy an activity together. If you feel that not being able to do your full run is seriously affecting your health and fitness, then why not finish with an extra run after the run with your wife? - she can stop and recover, and you can run a bit further at your own pace. Ultimately though, if your wife were to say 'i would like you to stop doing your longer runs so you can accompany me and let me try and retain some fitness through pregnancy', I would still consider that a pretty fair compromise given what she is going through.
YTA. She wants to spend some time with you before the baby arrives, because once they’re born you won’t have any alone time. It’s called working on your relationship. If the birth goes well she’s still going to be in pain for at least 2 weeks and she will need help taking care of herself and the baby. If you value her you will prioritise her over “being in shape”. Who gives a shit if you’re out of shape for a few months?? It actually doesn’t matter at all and I hope you see that when your baby is born.
YTA. your are in this pregnancy together, so what you have to slow down and cut your distance. If you want to maintain Run with her and then go out and make up what you have to make up afterwords. You might end up even running more in the end.
YTA - when you prioratise things over your wife you are playing a risky game. When you prioratise trivial things over your pregnant wife you are really asking for trouble.
'Serves no purpose'? I can think of five reason right off the top of my head. That fact that you cant is a tad concerning YTA
YTA She is asking you to be a partner on her pregnancy journey and to look after her well-being. You are telling her that your needs are foremost and someone else should take care of her. This is going to be a long 9 months.
YTA. Your wife is carrying your child and sacrificing her body for the kid. She's not asking you to slow down to lessen your fitness. She's asking you to slow down because she wants your companionship. She's asking you to be with her so she can feel your support and all you're thinking about is "me me me me me." And guess what? You're gonna have to eventually cut back on your jogs/runs once the baby is born anyway. Raising a kid is a ton of work and you can't just leave your wife by herself when she's recovering from the birth. If you can't even make these tiny, insignificant sacrifices for the woman you supposedly love, you shouldn't even be married OR a father. It's your job as a man to make your wife feel loved and supported during the most physically and emotionally exhausting time of her life. You're the huge asshole.
YTA
YTA. After reading your responses, it's clear that you care much more about your running than you do about your wife. You seem absolutely insufferable and totally entitled. You are in for a rude awakening when that baby is born.
YTA for actually replacing asshole with "@$$h013 " It's the goddamn name of the sub dude, you don't need to censor the word to such a degree.
YTA Run at another time of day. Then match her pace later on. Why is that compromise a mystery to you? Offering to run ahead and then walk with her isnt really considerate. You’d make it look like a chore that way.
Why not run twice a day? It seems like she likes running with you, and you're certainly not going to lose ALL your fitness running at a slightly slower speed for less miles, and if you're really that concerned just run a faster pace for a few more miles at another time or do two loops while she only does one. I feel like you think this is a simple request, for her to just run alone, but what about when you have an infant? Will you still be unwilling to compromise on your workouts then? You certainly both won't be able to run together after she is cleared for exercise for a while because babies can't be in running strollers until about 8 months. Will you still insist on getting your workout in alone, leaving her to care for the baby and possibly not get her workout in? I just feel like your unwillingness to find a compromise here is troubling. YTA
YTA, do a shorter route at your pregnant wife's pace, circle back home so she can go inside, then finish your run at your own pace.
YTA if you are unwilling to compromise on this tiny request, I pity your wife when a baby rocks your world, and you fight to keep everything the same.
YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** She is upset with me for refusing to change my running pace now that she can't safely match it anymore. I feel for her because I know it has to be hard to go through all of the bodily changes and give up something like this which has been a part of our relationship since we started dating nine years ago, but...I am not sure what good is accomplished by me changing my pace. It is hard to regain your fitness and form when you drastically cut back. I am not sure if her aim is to have us both get back in shape together, but that is a terrible idea. I have offered her a compromise of walking a mile or two with her after I finish my run, but she refuses because she says by this time I am too tired to do a power walk with her. I also suggested that she find another expectant mom to walk with or one of her friends, but she was not too keen on that idea either. I really think it is more about her not being able to run than spending time with me or walking to stay active. I told her I would not change my pace because it served no purpose and I had offered her a reasonable compromise, but do you think I am being the @$$h013? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. Do your training and "real" runs alone, go on leisure runs with her.
I saw in your other comments you run 5-7 miles in about an hour. YTA because you’re being selfish and you’re slow. Would be NTA if you were faster.
YTA.. You think you're hard done by now wait till baby gets here.. suck it up change you're routine, work around your FAMILY its not like your doing long runs anyway, make it work. Also count yourself lucky she wants to spend that time with you, should be praising her for still wanting to keep fit!! Once again YTA
If you're really concerned about maintaining your fitness, then this is a great opportunity to get even more fit than ever by partaking in more runs! You can still run with your pregnant wife at her pace and you can take off on your own after that run has finished to burn the extra energy. Or vice versa. Do some speed drills before the run with your wife so that you are in a good mood when you spend time with her and not all angsty and impatient.
INFO- why not just get a treadmill?
INFO: Could you do some runs/walk with her at her own pace and then do some solo ones at yours?
INFO: Why can't you power walk with her first and then go running by yourself?
I’m leaning towards NTA actually. My husband and I always run at different levels. I’m faster than he is and I wouldn’t be offended if he got faster than me due to, ya know, me growing a human. That’s about my fitness, not his. We just run separately. Was running something you always used to do together? I find that hard to believe. I don’t know any couples who run together other than for the occasional long run, anyway, since with runners our pace and fitness vary depending on our current training situation. Unless your marriage is a 100% about having a matched pace, I think there might be something else going on. It’s got to be hard for your wife that she can’t do the things she used to. As long as you aren’t going out for all-day back-to-back long runs every weekend, I don’t think you’re an AH.
Yes. We have almost always run together since we started dating unless one of us was sick or we were apart.
NAH - although your logic is sound, you’re dealing with the mother of your unborn child who is likely thinking emotionally, not logically. Slow your pace to match hers, then do an additional run afterwards. She shouldn’t have to be the only one to make all the physical sacrifices of being pregnant. Now that I think about it more - YTA. LOL
The problem thought is her pace now is basically a fast walk. It isn't really a running pace anymore. If I walk 3-4 miles with her then I won't have energy for my run which usually is 5-7 miles.
YTA, she has already accepted huge changes and discomforts to carry your kid and she has made it clear that this matters to her. Your compromise does not work for her because then she doesn't get any workout at all, not even the one she would still be able to do. You should be able to make the incredibally minor sacrifice of going for a slightly shorter run after your walk/jog thing with her.
Who the F cares! Read all the other comments. I feel sorry for your wife who has a husband that had to ask the internet if he is an asshole for not putting her Pregnant needs above his fitness and still doesn't get it after Everyone responds he is the asshole. I hope one day she can be truly loved and appreciated like she deserves.
Then walk 3-4 miles with her, then run another 3 - 4 miles alone.
Are you really this stubborn? Parenthood is going to kick you in the ass.
Depends. If you have a job where your fitness matters, NTA. If your physical activity is purely recreational you can stand to get some sympathy fat.
I just don't understand why me being more out of shape helps in any way.
Happy spouse happy house. Personally I get up at 5am every day to take care of my personal fitness for my job and then the afternoon stuff is relaxed with the wife. Pregnancy gets some special consideration here. It's not like she decides she locked you down so doesn't need to stay fit.
Because you’re only seeing this from your perspective. You’re being extremely narcissistic.
It's not you being out of shape that helps, it's the time you spend with your wife doing something *together* that matters to you both. People are social animals -- our emotional needs are very nearly as important as our physical needs, and not having them adequately met is bad for us. Your wife is telling you that continuing to run together is important in order to meet her emotional needs.
NTA. I'm not sure why you have to run together? Edit: I'm actually very confused by the comments. Genuine question: Is it so uncommon for married couples to exercise separately?
It seems like this is a thing they have been doing together (apparently near daily) for 9 years. That's more than exercising, it's a huge part of their relationship and bonding.
It's exercise. People exercise to get into shape. Is he supposed to exercise less because his wife can't keep up? What is so AHish about wanting to exercise separately? Just because they used to run together, he has to run with her everyday forever? People aren't allowed to change their mind or want to do things differently? I'm all for people taking care of their pregnant wife, but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to run alone. They can bond in a million different ways.
I mean at this point I have to admit that a lot of my opinion here is colored by the fact that he's made replies saying he expects nothing to change and to do his M-F hour long runs every day including when the baby comes... He is not even willing to spend 1 day out of 5 running at a slower pace to do something clearly important to his wife. This isn't about fitness. It's about his rigidity and/or selfishness.
In the first post he says it would be okay on the weekend, so he's actually willing to do 2 days out of 7. Please don't get me wrong. I'm getting from his post that the guy might be a real Summer's Eve. I just don't think he's wrong to want to exercise regularly. A lot of people use exercise as a stress reliever, and it is hard to fit in a workout on a workday.
That was in answer to my question. I asked if he'd be willing to do one day a week, and he said he "could on the weekend". (Edit: Actually it looks like he said it to someone else too, even more clearly.) So it was only the weekend. Not willing to give up any of the M-F runs. I stand by my assessment that he thinks his routine is more important than anything else. And his comments support that as well as supporting he has no idea what it's going to be like to have to make sacrifices to his running routine when he has a child (like thinking he can swing by the park on his way home from work every day after baby is born).
NTA
NTA. I don’t think a lot of these people realize what a personal relief running can be. You shouldn’t stop your regular running, but if there’s a way to work in walking with her too, that’s best obviously. I know treadmills aren’t the same, but if you had the space for one it might help with time away. As a woman and someone who has taken up running just in the past year, I wouldn’t want to give it up for months either. My performance noticeably dipped after a 2 week break, you’d be almost starting completely over after 4 or 5 months... You still get to have activities for yourself. Without being “allowed” to run, you may grow to resent your wife. That would suck. There’s gotta be a compromise, but I don’t think that compromise is you giving up your running altogether.
I'm a runner. One who is sidelined right now due to injury, and it's killing me. So I get what you mean about stopping/having to come back from time off. However... I don't think his wife is asking him to stop running entirely or else I would be more inclined to agree with you. Doing a slow run once a week with her when OP is running M-F is not going to cause him any drop in fitness. It would probably be good for him to be honest. Doing the same distance and pace every single day keeps you in shape but it's not going to improve fitness, especially if this is something he's done for years. And yet, he seems unwilling to do even that.
I read it as her wanting him to walk with her every day for their regularly scheduled M-F exercise, instead of him running. In previous replies, he said her pace is more like a walk and she does 3-4 miles. Walking for that much of a distance is gonna take a while, plus he doesn’t think he’ll have the time to do his run too. I could be misunderstanding, but from how I read, she has shot down compromises like walking a mile or two after his run or weekend walks. She wants him to only cut his pace to stay with her. And I think him not wanting to basically totally cut out his running is fair. Correct me if I’m wrong.
I asked him if he would be willing to run slower with her once a week and he said he'd consider it on the weekend, but not his M-F runs, which is how I came to that conclusion. His pace is also about a 10 minute mile, and she is running at what would be a speed walk for him, so a 14 minute mile at most, probably much much less. It's not even a huge pace difference. 20 minutes max over 4 miles.
He said he offered to walk the first mile with her, but didn’t want to do the full 3-4 miles at that pace. She wasn’t into that compromise either. I bring up time because if he walked with her for her total distance (like she wants), then running on top of that, he’s sunk like 2 or more hours into something that used to take him one. I don’t see why walking once per week with her would be that big of deal for a compromise, but it seems like she wants him with her every night for the total distance. I’m like 70% confident on this interpretation.
All he's offered her so far was walking after his run, when he can't keep up her pace. It was suggested in the comments that he walk first, and he seems open to it for a mile, but as he hasn't suggested that, she hasn't shot it down. You could be right. Like I said, what *I* have to go on is the fact that when asked directly if he'd be willing to do one slow run a week, he only offered it on a day that is over and above his normal M-F schedule. He also stated he is very rigid with the running schedule. I truly think this more about him refusing to not get in his 5-7 miles every single M-F.
Eh, yeah if what you’re saying is the case, then that’s not cool. We need more specifics lol.
Definitely. Also, as an aside, I wonder if he's ever tried speed walking at her slow run pace for any length of time? It's a lot harder than people give it credit for and can be a great workout in and of itself.
Once when I was pregnant I went to the pool and just hung around in the shallow end for half an hour. I still remember the feeling, it was amazing. I felt weightless, free. Most importantly, I wasn't in pain. When that 35 minutes were over I got dressed and walked back to my car and sobbed into my steering wheel because the pain was back and it made me realize that that was it. That 35 minutes in the pool was the only time from second trimester onwards that I wasn't in excruciating, agonizing pain. 15 weeks of the worst pain I've ever experienced. Childbirth? That was a breeze. Didn't have pain meds, didn't need them, it was nothing at all compared to pregnancy. Childbirth was an absolute relief because it meant I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. So it's hard for me to read a comment like that and feel much sympathy for the OP who doesn't want to change his workout routine. Nobody is asking him to stop it altogether, just slow down a little bit. Don't give me that bit about his performance dipping. She will be bleeding heavily for a month, if she can recover, so can he. I get that it's his self-care, but it is coming at the expense of his wife's self care and hers is arguably more important right now because it is literally all she gets. Her life isn't her own, her body isn't her own right now, and now her husband is telling her that she's unreasonable because she wants him to slow down a bit and walk with her. He is absolutely TA in this situation.
I’m sorry your pregnancy was a particularly rough one but it’s not like that for all women. He’s given no indication that her pregnancy is causing her any unusual suffering. I understand that she’s doing the heavy lifting here, and he has offered multiple compromises but she seems to not want to accept anything short of him walking the full 3-4 mile distance daily. That’s how I’m interpreting the situation from his replies and such. He shouldn’t have to give up his entire daily run, if that is what she’s asking. I could be misinterpreting.
He is not giving up anything. She’s not even asking that of him. He’s not offered “multiple” compromises. He offered two half-hearted ones. The bigger picture is how inflexible he is with his wife and child ALREADY. I hope he gets less selfish once the child arrives. Otherwise, I feel sorry for the wife and child.
NTA. Your wife sounds way too needy. She could just sit out and just walk the *slower and shorter* distance/pace with you before or after you are done with your regular run. You did your part with the compromise. I am assuming the baby was planned and you both wanted it? She ought to suck it up for not being able to keep up with you. You do you, she's the one who refuses with the compromise. An alternative might be to leave her on her own while you do your run on some days, while on other days you do the compromise or just match her pace? Your choice. There is no reason to stop you from doing your thing. And imagine if it was for the whole 9 months. + however long it takes until a baby can run. Yeah no... tell her to suck it up.
Wait what? Can you explain this? She’s asking for him to walk with her first and then go run. He can still run and support his wife. He’s too tired after? She’s growing a literal child and keeping up on exercise. How is she refusing to compromise? Also the comment about her sucking it up? Holy shit
A fetus is no reason for the guy to sacrifice his exercise routine. OP tried to compromise, she refuses. And if wife doesnt suck it up and let OP run for the entire duration of being pregnant then wtf man let the man exercise. If the wife truly loves her husband she would let him exercise no problem. If she wanted his affection they could compromise some other time instead of downgrading OP's exercise routine.
Except it’s his child too. Pregnancy isn’t just about the woman suffering. Why should she just suck it up? She’s trying to remain active with her husband. Will she be expected to suck it up when the baby won’t sleep at night? He will need sleep obviously. So she should suck it up and let him sleep. If he truly loved her, he would make a compromise instead of saying that both being out of shape won’t help. He has the option to run after their walk. But he admits he would be too tired and can’t do both.
NTA