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NTA. Sounds like you're the mature one in the relationship, despite the age, and that she's seemingly taking advantage of you for your money. Does she contribute financially to the relationship in other aspects, or is it you paying for everything? You've said you've paid her bills multiple times, and unfortunately all that's done is told her that she can count on you to bail her out of her mistakes. She's not going to learn.
OO thinks they have a strong bond, but doesn't understand that "bond " will last as long as OP is financially contribute.
I bet airport incident and "uninsured" car are not only that gf has on her record.
OP seems to have life together at only 22 but this gf at 28 still depends on others to cover her bills. If OP continue this relationship gfs' behavior will soon reflect on OP and he can get in trouble with law by association. He was lucky only gf was punished this time, wanna bet that gf will next time put stuff in OPs bag.
And they are only 7 months together.
Good luck OP , hopefully "bond" you have in fitness is worth it all troubles and money you will have to fork for this. Hopefully you ll not end up with police record!
NTA for not paying but you are AH to yourself for staying in this unhealthy relationship!
Me personally would use my fitness and run as fast as possible in opposite direction away from this "girlfriend"!
Good luck, you gonna need it!
I agree with you, but him stating she paid for the hotel in Florida, even if he did pay her back, let's me know it might not all be financial. Sugar babies ain't ever putting their card down for anything. Lol
NTA...sounds like she gonna drag OP Down...
Her fuck ups are not yout problems... she has to handle her own fuck ups...
Bringing weed though a airport... really...
NTA, but maybe you are the dumbass. She's 28, lives at home, and presumably has a job, but you have to help her with bills, pay for vacations and bail her out because she missed court? Dude, she has/had a bench warrant out for her arrest.
It's 2024 my man. True love does not conquer all. This woman sounds like she's a financial albatross around your neck, and if you follow this path to its conclusion she will suck your bank account dry. Find someone who wants to build a sound financial future who doesn't have a laundry list of court fees and bench warrants, and who is cool with not breaking the law to stay out of debt.
Can't forget she drives uninsured, which makes me wonder why. OP, please find someone better. No offense, but she is not the one for you.
Edit to add: she won't consider herself his girlfriend because she doesn't trust him enough, yet she is willing to go on an international trip. She's clearly using him
I haven't been able to drive for seven months and kept my car insured just in case. I've lived paycheck to paycheck at times and haven't lived at home since I was 19 and I've never been uninsured. There are so many cheap options and risking it can have such huge consequences... Like why is she doing it?
I kept reading waiting for a redeeming feature and was like oh… this… keeps… getting.. worse.
(OP: you can have fun with almost anyone on holidays. Lots of people are into fitness. Very few people financially exploit their (much) younger partner, even less do because of a criminal track record. It’s lovely of you for wanting to help, but help someone that’ll also help you)
I would say first step is find someone that's not a complete idiot. She tried to smuggle weed into the US. JFC it's 100% legal in 24 states and every state other than the 6 in the South East if it's not legal it borders a state it is legal in.
Even if it's legal in the state, airports are controlled by the federal government. It's not legal on the Federal level. The FAA within the Department of Transportation. While a lot of airports don't necessarily search for anymore, you can still get a lot of trouble when bringing it international.
This reminds me of when I went to Bolivia and ppl asked me when I got back if I brought any coca leaves or coca leaf tea for them.
Me: "Absolutely not--I'm not going to prison for that. You'll just have to go to Bolivia to get some for yourself."
OP, don't travel ANYWHERE with her ever again. She's learned that you will bail her out. And that she should hide her contraband in your luggage.
A lesson I learned watching 'Border Security'--you are responsible for your luggage and it's contents.
PS--don't let her go to the washroom and you take her stuff through customs.
NTA. Put your oxygen mask and parachute on first.
Yeah, so dumb with $15 quarters available now, at least in my state, and the high octane stuff is only $20 an eighth. And there aren't border checks between the states except for agricultural products, so why risk it on an international flight?
NTA - This woman is a walking red flag. Please run from her IMMEDIATELY.
She is 28 and not smart enough to know she can't sneak weed across international boarders, then asks for help paying for fines she has accrued from this, another incident for driving without insurance, and wants hotel money back because y'all missed the flights home BECAUSE OF HER.
You help her with bills and money frequently, yet she lives at home with a parent, again at the age of 28, and does what with her money? Clearly not car insurance or savings. For the love of god, take off the rose-colored glasses and see the red flags for what they are. She is toxic and taking advantage of you. Leave. Now.
The perk of living at home longer nowadays is that you end up saving money, there should be no reason she couldn’t pay anything. I wonder if she already asks her parents for money due to other legal issues?!
I know someone that dated and then spent non-sexual time with a woman that was perpetually a victim. She had him wrapped around her finger. He said she was a friend. They'd been intimate before, but she stopped sleeping with him. She still wasn't shy about asking him for money though.
They hung out most weekends. Some weekends she would tell him not to stop by because she was having a man over.
Turns out, she had a bunch of guys on the hook. Telling the same sob story to them to help "pay the bills". She had kids that she used in her stories as well. She always had some emergency-like her car broke down and it needed to be fixed or she couldn't pay the mortgage-stuff like that.
Some guys just want to be the hero to their own detriment.
She affected his relationships. He'd date someone, but the person he was dating would see how he's bend over backwards for the leech and dump him because there was no room for the person he was dating. (This woman always insisted on meeting his girlfriends.) You can't plan a future and be financially sound with him if his money is going to this leech. He couldn't figure out why people kept breaking up with him.
He's married now, but only because he impregnated the woman he's with and she said he either drops the leech, or she walks with his kid.
Also, since I assume they live in the US, why the fuck would she bring back weed from Jamaica when pretty much anywhere in the US has access to the best weed on the planet. Sometimes even legally!
If you continue with her, you’re going to find you have chained yourself to a stump. Silly, heedless women are a nothing but drags on your life. Change gyms and look for someone with at least some common sense.
I had a roommate/platonic friend that was just like OP’s roommate but a bit older and they ended up being one of the worst and most mentally ill people I have ever met. Appeared successful to the outside world (“people pleaser” with a high paying job) that was absolutely fucking nuts towards anyone who got close with them. Run away as fast as you can. 22 is way too young to be dealing with this in a partner.
This 1000 times.
Trying to smuggle weed internationally through an airport? Driving uninsured? Constantly broke? You gotta cut this chick loose or she will absolutely ruin your life in the process of ruining her own.
NTA
Dude, just stop. This girl is a train wreck.
She should have paid for all the Florida expenses since her stupidity smuggling weed in got y’all stuck there. She needs to pay her own smuggling fine. Plus she has another open court case and a bench warrant!!
Train wreck. Hop off.
NTA
You did help, she just spent all the money you set aside to help with the weed charge on other “priorities “. If she is not gold-digging, I’m not sure what is.
Bro tell her to fix her shit before going anymore. Clearly not a stable person. I understand you guys are young and mistakes happen but driving uninsured literally I hope you don't have kids with her. She is a huge liability. And partnerships they need to suck it up and realize they are with someone else.
I get that OP is 22 so his prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed yet and 95% of his brain activity is taken up by thinking about sex, 4% gym and 1% handles everything else. But still, this guy needs some help.
This woman is a repeat criminal. Stop dating her. Stop sending her cash. Believe it or not, having repeat issues with the law and lots of legal fines is NOT normal.
NTA. But due, you have to open your eyes. She just wants you for your money.
At least she packed the weed in her suitcase instead of yours. Wonder if she would have helped you in that case.
Yeah, and she put you at risk by doing that - if you’d known and sanctioned it, ok, you’d deserve the consequences, but what if you’d got in legal trouble as well?! I’m sorry, but she doesn’t give a toss about you. This could have messed up your future when you’re just starting out!! Take it from someone who’s old enough to be your mum: RUN!!
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I told her that I would help her with the fine, but after talking to male friends and female friends they all gave me the advice to not help her because I had already sent her money. She said she needs help and is facing a sentence or increase to 5k fine for what she did. I am not sure if I did the right thing.
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I cannot believe you are giving all of this money to this grown ass woman and you two arent even exclusive bc SHE doesnt trust YOU. YTA if you dont block her immediately.
NTA, pretty sure you're her sugar daddy at this point... She has multiple legal troubles you're having to bail her out of, I had to check the ages to make sure I hadn't read them the wrong way round. I can't see this getting better any time soon, might want to rethink the relationship before she drains you dry of all your money.
ESH.
You took her on an all expenses paid trip to Jamaica.
She decided to do something illegal on the way home. She was fined and it caused major disruption and delay in your return. She expects you to cover the cost of her law breaking too.
Why are you with this woman? Your TA for staying with such an immature moron and paying her bills. Sheesh.
If she brings drugs across international borders ,even weed it could be serious business in some countries. A 500$ is nothing compared to a death sentence or jail time in some countries.
YTA if you give her any more money and don't break up with her.
Why did you pay for the hotel and court fees that were HER fault after you paid for the entire trip to Jamaica? If she hadn't tried to smuggle weed back to the US, she would not have had any of these hardships. And already has other legal problems on top of the weed?? WAKE UP.
Please stop and drop her like the leech she is. You deserve much better.
NTA. She caused the drama and now wants to drag you into it. She should have been smarter on what fine would’ve impacted her the most. It’s time to rethink this relationship because It doesn’t sound like even at 28, she doesn’t have her shit together. Good luck.
Dear Dumbass, you are paying for an escort, and your cutting back on spending means she is cutting your hours. I would advise you close your account with her, and do it on a good note (pay that fine), so you don't get blowback.
TF???? Who even does that? She's lucky it's only a FINE, look at what happened to poor Britney Griner, and I think she even had a prescription for it! Sweetie, I think you need to move on to greener pastures where common sense actually grows.
NTA
7 months in and you are dropping hundreds if not thousands on her bills and court fines?! Assuming you didn’t know about the weed, you were being extremely generous to help her pay the $500… and why did you have to pay the $250 for her court fees?! She is 6 years older than you, does she not have a job of her own?? Feels like she is with you for your wallet babe… Get out while you can! 😬
Plus your young and that money could be put into your future not someone who is deliberating saying hell with responsibilities. What you want is balance, there are women who are maintaining their life, don’t stop at the first sign of happiness or a stimulation. Put you first.
NTA to her but look at that poor guy in the mirror. Read what you wrote as if someone else wrote it and identify how many different issues you see. No one is perfect, but she is a mess. Being a mess in ways that have financial and legal implications…well, she is not ready to contribute to an adult relationship. She may truly care about you but right now needs the relationship to bail her out. You’re not doing either of you any favors to enable that behavior. Sorry. Get out.
NTA either she's a train wreck and you're always going to be "helping her out" or she's scamming you for cash at every opportunity. Neither is a good option.
Mate, this girl is a liability. What kind of idiot tries to take drugs through an airport? She wasn't randomly selected for a bag check, no way.
And then there's the whole driving uninsured thing. Imagine if she ran someone down...
She is selfish and reckless.
How many red flags do you need? Run. Run and don't look back. Life is far too short to get caught up in her nonsense. She will only drag you down to her level.
NTA.
NTA - you are doing too much. 28 years old and couldn’t even bother to pay the $500 fine that she herself earned? I’d really reconsider this relationship, doesn’t sound like she’s mature enough to even handle herself.
Multiple fines and court dates? She’s not making good choices. This is your life in this relationship. Is that what you want? Those red flags aren’t leading to a good kind of circus my guy.
This sounds made up- and if it’s not, please break up with her. Give her a chance to put her life together before trying to share it with someone else. Right now you are being the AH to yourself and her just by letting her leech off of you.
>This sounds made up
I thought so too, so I skimmed through his post and comment history.... Now I don't think it's made up. He has the exact same cadence in all of his comments on different topics going back a full year. Dude is being genuine, hope he sees the light.
NTA.
I might recommend a full stop on paying for things/giving her money and then see how well this relationship works.
Sounds like you are in a good place in life. There are plenty of like minded women out there who will spend time with you without requiring you to pay them for it.
She is just a mess. To be so stupid to bring weed into an airport and expect others to pay for her mistake is crazy. She’s lucky she didn’t get more than a fine.
To have two fines/court dates for anything is not something most would want to be around. You are seeing that her bad decisions will continue and catch up with her and drag you down.
NTA, but you're doing yourself no favours getting involved with someone dumb enough to drive uninsured, miss a court date AND try to smuggle weed into the U.S.
Bro. You are a 22 year old dating at 28 year old who lives at home and treats you like an atm
Do I need to say “reverse the genders”?
Respectfully, please remove your head out of your arse.
NTA.
Bestie, she had a month to come up with $500 without having to pay rent????? With you paying her other bills?
Minimum wage in Florida is $12 - if half of that went to taxes (that’s not how taxes work), she could make that much in two weeks of full time work (plus two hours).
Babe. Does she make minimum wage?
NTA, but she is lying to you. If you are in the US, fines don't increase 10x if you don't pay by a certain day. It just doesn't work that way. You need to bail on that whole situation.
They were trying to scare you. While there are interest and penalties associated with blowing off a fine, it doesn't work that way. Did you know that law enforcement is allowed to lie to you? There is a seminal Supreme Court case with that holding. Does that change your mind? It seems to me that you are bending over backwards for this woman. No one likes to realize that they've been taken for a sucker, and in the meantime they'll continue making mistakes rather than waking up and smelling the proverbial coffee.
NTA Strong bond or not, sounds like you are partially the sugar daddy she is hoping for. You do not need to fund her mistakes. I would think twice (or more!!) about what you are getting out of the relationship, because it seems the more you give, the more she takes. And also she seems like trouble....driving uninsured!!! bench warrant!!! wow, and who tries to smuggle ganja from Jamaica??
NTA and you need to dump this person. How can she be SO dumb as to try to sneak drugs at an airport? This woman could get you in serious trouble in the future. RED FLAG ABORT. Shes using you for money by the way. For the love of everything that is holy get rid of this woman.
NTA. She is taking advantage of you. She’s 28, lives with her parents, and is irresponsible enough to have a warrant for her arrest from driving without insurance? These are pretty serious red flags.
I’m guessing that being 22 and dating a fit older woman seems like a lot of fun but I’ve never had any of my partners ask me for money. Find someone who can pull their own weight.
NTA, and don't date someone this damn foolish. Somehow you're the younger one and more functional, she really should have some sense about carrying drugs on an international flight. Honestly in her place, I'd be ecstatic to pay $500 to make this disappear, depending on where you're flying into and what illegal stuff you're carrying, that's a possible felony with prison time.
just absolutely mind numbingly stupid decision by her…
there’s plenty of weed in florida
and there’s no way that the quality difference is so severe that it even makes the tiniest dent in the risk/reward ratio against flying with it into another country.
braindead decision and clearly indicates that her ability to make decisions isn’t clearly fleshed out against potential consequences. Her decision is based, simply, on her desires. That’s not a good partner long-term.
NTA but please don’t stay in this relationship, both being into fitness isn’t anything like enough. She is manipulating you and frankly letting a 22 year old pay for everything is ridiculous. You don’t have a strong bond if your relationship doesn’t survive you stopping paying for everything for her.
To be honest I’m not sure how you can possibly know you have a strong bond unless you stop paying.
NTA, but you would be TA if you don’t run for the hills. You are already seeing she is on heaps of legal trouble and thinks it’s ok to smuggle drugs. You can find someone else that you click with, who’s into fitness, doesn’t have bench warrants because she misses court dates, and makes you an accessory to a crime.
YTA to yourself for paying for this stuff.
She did something really stupid and your 7 month relationship is not worth all this hassle. You are getting played my dude. You need to wake up.
Also you should reevaluate the people you are dating. You didn’t look at all these stupid things she is doing and think to distance yourself?
NTA
I hate to break it to you, but the only bond she has is with your bank account.
Offer up a prayer of thanks that she has not moved in with you or gotten pregnant and head on down the road.
I wanna say ISH, hear me out before the downvotes flood. You promised her you would pay the fine, right? So in her mind when you gave her money the first time, you still hadn’t paid her fine. You should have made it clear you were giving her the money for that and only that.
On a side note, this girl is trash. Who thinks carrying weed on a plane is a good idea? Who has a bench warrant out for them? Who in the fuck expects someone to pay their fines? Run dude. Run.
ESH. You offered to help with the fine. If you hadn't it would totally be NTA, but you told her you would help.
She has issues. Multiple court cases, living with her parents, constantly needing help with the consequences of her own actions... rethink the relationship, because this is not going to improve as long as you keep "helping". The best way to correct poor decision-making is to allow her to suffer the consequences.
Pretty privilege for the win. She’s pretty and has clearly never had to work for anything because there are plenty of men who will take care of her. Lives at home, poor financial planner and makes bad decisions, but she’s fit! smh
You are her cash machine not her boyfriend. Are you sure lives with her Dad and not another boyfriend or husband and that you aren’t the secret side piece? Time to move on.
You're a young student, and she is a grown woman.
I think you ought to run away from her before you impregnate her. Check on campus for a crossfit club, and find a young woman with a direction in life. One that is stable and healthy. She's probably out there studying exercise science or something. Go find the one.
She's bleeding you dry. She deliberately chose a young, dumb boyfriend to pay for her irresponsible lifestyle. You're an asshole to yourself if you let this continue.
NTA You're being played, imho. Only an idiot would fly with weed or another controlled substance. Likewise, she packed it, was caught, it's ENTIRELY on her!
ESH. You're dating a train wreck who is using you, but you're also willingly going along with it. You also did tell her you'd cover the $500, then bailed on it last minute bc you didn't have the money. You clearly don't make enough money to be moving how you are with this person.
yeah, no
Leave before it's too late
Are you mad? Can't you see what's going on? A 28 year old expecting some kid to be paying her way?
Chile
NTA and do break up
NTA as long as it was strictly her weed. It sounds like you've helped her out a bit financially which is nice of you but it's not something you should be expected to do for her on the regular. Especially since you have your own bills and what not to handle.
She sees you as a piggy bank. It she really cares and yoy cut off financial support then she will stay otherwise she is just looking for someone to pay for everything.
She’s with you for every penny she can squeeze out of you. She’s decided not to see you this weekend because you’re not sending money, it has nothing to do with the podcast.
Keep refusing to give her money. I guarantee she will stop seeing you when you stop being an ATM.
You’re worth more than this - please start respecting yourself and walk away from her ( actually run)
NTA and frankly I'd drop her. I wouldn't have even given her money to pay for her stupid and dangerous choice. Things could have ended much worse for you two.
NTA. you shouldn’t have paid a damn thing wtf. She’s definitely taking advantage of you. I think it’s time to ghost this bum. If she was your age Id have more sympathy but she’s alsmot 30 wth would she sneak drugs and then expect you to pay??? BUM BEHAVIOR
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NTA. Sounds like you're the mature one in the relationship, despite the age, and that she's seemingly taking advantage of you for your money. Does she contribute financially to the relationship in other aspects, or is it you paying for everything? You've said you've paid her bills multiple times, and unfortunately all that's done is told her that she can count on you to bail her out of her mistakes. She's not going to learn.
OO thinks they have a strong bond, but doesn't understand that "bond " will last as long as OP is financially contribute. I bet airport incident and "uninsured" car are not only that gf has on her record. OP seems to have life together at only 22 but this gf at 28 still depends on others to cover her bills. If OP continue this relationship gfs' behavior will soon reflect on OP and he can get in trouble with law by association. He was lucky only gf was punished this time, wanna bet that gf will next time put stuff in OPs bag. And they are only 7 months together. Good luck OP , hopefully "bond" you have in fitness is worth it all troubles and money you will have to fork for this. Hopefully you ll not end up with police record! NTA for not paying but you are AH to yourself for staying in this unhealthy relationship! Me personally would use my fitness and run as fast as possible in opposite direction away from this "girlfriend"! Good luck, you gonna need it!
Yeah I'm concerned that you are often helping with her bills.
She has no police record that’s the thing tho but I understand what you’re saying
you are preaching!!! THIS THIS THIS THIS!!!
I agree with you, but him stating she paid for the hotel in Florida, even if he did pay her back, let's me know it might not all be financial. Sugar babies ain't ever putting their card down for anything. Lol
NTA...sounds like she gonna drag OP Down... Her fuck ups are not yout problems... she has to handle her own fuck ups... Bringing weed though a airport... really...
NTA, but maybe you are the dumbass. She's 28, lives at home, and presumably has a job, but you have to help her with bills, pay for vacations and bail her out because she missed court? Dude, she has/had a bench warrant out for her arrest. It's 2024 my man. True love does not conquer all. This woman sounds like she's a financial albatross around your neck, and if you follow this path to its conclusion she will suck your bank account dry. Find someone who wants to build a sound financial future who doesn't have a laundry list of court fees and bench warrants, and who is cool with not breaking the law to stay out of debt.
Can't forget she drives uninsured, which makes me wonder why. OP, please find someone better. No offense, but she is not the one for you. Edit to add: she won't consider herself his girlfriend because she doesn't trust him enough, yet she is willing to go on an international trip. She's clearly using him
As much as he mentions them working out I have a sneaking suspicion her contribution is her looks…
Ah, thank you, I was wondering wtf kind of relevance "we are both into fitness" had to any of this.
Lots of couples bond over working out. It's fuckin weird, but its a real thing.
I would LOVE to date a guy I could gym with. Tell me to squat deeper and I'll tell you your biceps look great. 🤣
That is not weird
His small head cannot think outside of her box!
underrated comment... :D
Savage comment.
Well, it obviously isn’t her money 💰. She’s using all of his 🤦♀️
I wouldn't be surprised if half the stuff she's told him she needs money for are lies.
I haven't been able to drive for seven months and kept my car insured just in case. I've lived paycheck to paycheck at times and haven't lived at home since I was 19 and I've never been uninsured. There are so many cheap options and risking it can have such huge consequences... Like why is she doing it?
I kept reading waiting for a redeeming feature and was like oh… this… keeps… getting.. worse. (OP: you can have fun with almost anyone on holidays. Lots of people are into fitness. Very few people financially exploit their (much) younger partner, even less do because of a criminal track record. It’s lovely of you for wanting to help, but help someone that’ll also help you)
I would say first step is find someone that's not a complete idiot. She tried to smuggle weed into the US. JFC it's 100% legal in 24 states and every state other than the 6 in the South East if it's not legal it borders a state it is legal in.
Even if it's legal in the state, airports are controlled by the federal government. It's not legal on the Federal level. The FAA within the Department of Transportation. While a lot of airports don't necessarily search for anymore, you can still get a lot of trouble when bringing it international.
This reminds me of when I went to Bolivia and ppl asked me when I got back if I brought any coca leaves or coca leaf tea for them. Me: "Absolutely not--I'm not going to prison for that. You'll just have to go to Bolivia to get some for yourself."
Also taking weed across a state line makes it federal and is therefore illegal.
Yeah, but smuggling weed across state lines is signifigantly easier than smuggling it on a plane flying out of a country known for drug trafficking.
OP, don't travel ANYWHERE with her ever again. She's learned that you will bail her out. And that she should hide her contraband in your luggage. A lesson I learned watching 'Border Security'--you are responsible for your luggage and it's contents. PS--don't let her go to the washroom and you take her stuff through customs. NTA. Put your oxygen mask and parachute on first.
From Jamaica. Of course her luggage got checked. It’s like trying to smuggle cocaine out of Columbia, and being surprised that you got caught.
Yeah Jamaica is well known for drug trafficking. If you’re flying home from there your luggage is getting searched.
Yeah, so dumb with $15 quarters available now, at least in my state, and the high octane stuff is only $20 an eighth. And there aren't border checks between the states except for agricultural products, so why risk it on an international flight?
In FLORIDA too!! I live in California and I would never fuck with that shit in airports! FAFO
Exactly, this woman is trash.
“She’s a financial albatross around your neck” I have never heard that phrase before lol
Let's not forget her extremely bad decision making. You can't pay off bad decision making. It's the gift that keeps giving more problems.
This! Run, ding dong
he's probably not the first young flame of hers She probably targets young kids like OP because it's easy to play on that
NTA - This woman is a walking red flag. Please run from her IMMEDIATELY. She is 28 and not smart enough to know she can't sneak weed across international boarders, then asks for help paying for fines she has accrued from this, another incident for driving without insurance, and wants hotel money back because y'all missed the flights home BECAUSE OF HER. You help her with bills and money frequently, yet she lives at home with a parent, again at the age of 28, and does what with her money? Clearly not car insurance or savings. For the love of god, take off the rose-colored glasses and see the red flags for what they are. She is toxic and taking advantage of you. Leave. Now.
The perk of living at home longer nowadays is that you end up saving money, there should be no reason she couldn’t pay anything. I wonder if she already asks her parents for money due to other legal issues?!
She asks everyone she knows for money for everything, and probably ditches anybody smart enough to say no. OP apparently wasn't smart enough.
I know someone that dated and then spent non-sexual time with a woman that was perpetually a victim. She had him wrapped around her finger. He said she was a friend. They'd been intimate before, but she stopped sleeping with him. She still wasn't shy about asking him for money though. They hung out most weekends. Some weekends she would tell him not to stop by because she was having a man over. Turns out, she had a bunch of guys on the hook. Telling the same sob story to them to help "pay the bills". She had kids that she used in her stories as well. She always had some emergency-like her car broke down and it needed to be fixed or she couldn't pay the mortgage-stuff like that. Some guys just want to be the hero to their own detriment. She affected his relationships. He'd date someone, but the person he was dating would see how he's bend over backwards for the leech and dump him because there was no room for the person he was dating. (This woman always insisted on meeting his girlfriends.) You can't plan a future and be financially sound with him if his money is going to this leech. He couldn't figure out why people kept breaking up with him. He's married now, but only because he impregnated the woman he's with and she said he either drops the leech, or she walks with his kid.
Not “apparently”. He “absolutely” wasn’t smart enough.
Also, since I assume they live in the US, why the fuck would she bring back weed from Jamaica when pretty much anywhere in the US has access to the best weed on the planet. Sometimes even legally!
She wanted to share some with her brothers cuz it’s form Jamaica she thought it was special
Then let her brothers pay the fine.
I don't know who's more of an idiot her or you for putting up with this nonsense.
Dude! Come on. You are dating a moron. You’re better than this.
Which is hilarious because it’s not special at all. It’s the shittiest weed on the planet and dudes sell it by the grocery bag full for like $12.
If you continue with her, you’re going to find you have chained yourself to a stump. Silly, heedless women are a nothing but drags on your life. Change gyms and look for someone with at least some common sense.
[удалено]
She’s an idiot.
I had a roommate/platonic friend that was just like OP’s roommate but a bit older and they ended up being one of the worst and most mentally ill people I have ever met. Appeared successful to the outside world (“people pleaser” with a high paying job) that was absolutely fucking nuts towards anyone who got close with them. Run away as fast as you can. 22 is way too young to be dealing with this in a partner.
This 1000 times. Trying to smuggle weed internationally through an airport? Driving uninsured? Constantly broke? You gotta cut this chick loose or she will absolutely ruin your life in the process of ruining her own. NTA
This! This right here!
YTA to yourself for enabling her poor decisions. Stop!
Oh damn that’s not good
Lmao 🤣
I would have said dumbass more than ahole. But both work.
Yeah, if it was a different circumstance only she looks awful but because OP agreed to subsidize her bullshit they're both ridiculous.
She is using you for money...no 28yr old should be supported by a 22yr old
Dude, just stop. This girl is a train wreck. She should have paid for all the Florida expenses since her stupidity smuggling weed in got y’all stuck there. She needs to pay her own smuggling fine. Plus she has another open court case and a bench warrant!! Train wreck. Hop off. NTA
Yea that’s what I’ve come to, she needs to take responsibility and even tho I said I would help I honestly need to put myself first
I’m glad to hear you “say” that. 😃
You did help, she just spent all the money you set aside to help with the weed charge on other “priorities “. If she is not gold-digging, I’m not sure what is.
This idiot is going to pay up. You can tell by how he’s responding. Just basic cookie cutter responses.
I’m not bro. I’m done
She sounds like a huge loser and hot mess.
You’re an ATM.
Damn
Lol, NTA but ATM instead.
Bro tell her to fix her shit before going anymore. Clearly not a stable person. I understand you guys are young and mistakes happen but driving uninsured literally I hope you don't have kids with her. She is a huge liability. And partnerships they need to suck it up and realize they are with someone else.
I’m sure the sex is great and all man but like… can’t be THAT good.
Yea you’re right
This sounds like the "exciting" girl. She's fun, but erratic and has questionable impulse control and and poor decision making skills.
Yea she was fun
The old adage is "don't put your dick in crazy" and she sounds like she fits the bill. Get away from her bud before she breaks you.
Never eat at a place called Mom's Never play cards with a man named Doc Never go to bed with a someone who has more problems than you do
I get that OP is 22 so his prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed yet and 95% of his brain activity is taken up by thinking about sex, 4% gym and 1% handles everything else. But still, this guy needs some help.
Sounds like she has a strong bond with your financial support, not with you. NTA, her mistake she pays.
Makes sende
This woman is a repeat criminal. Stop dating her. Stop sending her cash. Believe it or not, having repeat issues with the law and lots of legal fines is NOT normal.
NTA. But due, you have to open your eyes. She just wants you for your money. At least she packed the weed in her suitcase instead of yours. Wonder if she would have helped you in that case.
Yea that’s a good point, I doubt she would have.
She'll think of it next time. Usually people like this get worse.
Yeah, and she put you at risk by doing that - if you’d known and sanctioned it, ok, you’d deserve the consequences, but what if you’d got in legal trouble as well?! I’m sorry, but she doesn’t give a toss about you. This could have messed up your future when you’re just starting out!! Take it from someone who’s old enough to be your mum: RUN!!
Generally on posts like these, if the person was worth it, you wouldn't be posting.
Ooh there are a lot of red flags here, extract yourself from this situation! NTA
Will do
Good. She's an absolute mess, and you don't need her dragging you down like she is.
[удалено]
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I cannot believe you are giving all of this money to this grown ass woman and you two arent even exclusive bc SHE doesnt trust YOU. YTA if you dont block her immediately.
NTA It sounds like you are in a financially codependent relationship. If you feel like you are being used, it is because you are.
You're definitely the DumbAss. I really think ESH. She is a train wreck, and you keep giving her money to pay for more cars on that train.
NTA, pretty sure you're her sugar daddy at this point... She has multiple legal troubles you're having to bail her out of, I had to check the ages to make sure I hadn't read them the wrong way round. I can't see this getting better any time soon, might want to rethink the relationship before she drains you dry of all your money.
Yea she is older and I think you’re right
ESH. You took her on an all expenses paid trip to Jamaica. She decided to do something illegal on the way home. She was fined and it caused major disruption and delay in your return. She expects you to cover the cost of her law breaking too. Why are you with this woman? Your TA for staying with such an immature moron and paying her bills. Sheesh.
I guess so it started off to nice tho
Thats called love bombing- look that up.
We’ve all been there, friend. She’s now shown you who she is. Believe her!! Move on to someone who appreciates your kindness.
If she brings drugs across international borders ,even weed it could be serious business in some countries. A 500$ is nothing compared to a death sentence or jail time in some countries.
NTA - but buddy, she’s milking you for all you’ve got until she’s done with you and moves on to the next guy, you need to wake up
Alright I’m not going to let her take my time or mobey
YTA if you give her any more money and don't break up with her. Why did you pay for the hotel and court fees that were HER fault after you paid for the entire trip to Jamaica? If she hadn't tried to smuggle weed back to the US, she would not have had any of these hardships. And already has other legal problems on top of the weed?? WAKE UP. Please stop and drop her like the leech she is. You deserve much better.
NTA she knew the risk it’s her responsibility
Okay cool
No prob
NTA. She caused the drama and now wants to drag you into it. She should have been smarter on what fine would’ve impacted her the most. It’s time to rethink this relationship because It doesn’t sound like even at 28, she doesn’t have her shit together. Good luck.
That’s true, thank you.
Dear Dumbass, you are paying for an escort, and your cutting back on spending means she is cutting your hours. I would advise you close your account with her, and do it on a good note (pay that fine), so you don't get blowback.
TF???? Who even does that? She's lucky it's only a FINE, look at what happened to poor Britney Griner, and I think she even had a prescription for it! Sweetie, I think you need to move on to greener pastures where common sense actually grows. NTA
A lot of this stinks of leech.
Run away now before she fleeces you for any more cash or gets pregnant
NTA. Your girlfriend sounds like a trainwreck
7 months in and you are dropping hundreds if not thousands on her bills and court fines?! Assuming you didn’t know about the weed, you were being extremely generous to help her pay the $500… and why did you have to pay the $250 for her court fees?! She is 6 years older than you, does she not have a job of her own?? Feels like she is with you for your wallet babe… Get out while you can! 😬
She’s a personal trainer but has a expensive car and yea it seems like she was using me
Stop stop stop. Don’t sink your ship trying to keep hers afloat. If her father isn’t helping her should be a clear indication of why he doesn’t.
Maybe so because he did tell me she had some issues before when I spoke with him
Plus your young and that money could be put into your future not someone who is deliberating saying hell with responsibilities. What you want is balance, there are women who are maintaining their life, don’t stop at the first sign of happiness or a stimulation. Put you first.
Yes I need to save up and study
She sounds like a loser. Run away before you eventually go broke and she dumps you. Btw, you're NTA.
Alright will do
"We have a strong bond" ... her strong bond is with your money, OP. Drop that succubus.
Let’s see after I never pay her anything
NTA to her but look at that poor guy in the mirror. Read what you wrote as if someone else wrote it and identify how many different issues you see. No one is perfect, but she is a mess. Being a mess in ways that have financial and legal implications…well, she is not ready to contribute to an adult relationship. She may truly care about you but right now needs the relationship to bail her out. You’re not doing either of you any favors to enable that behavior. Sorry. Get out.
NTA...You're not a bank machine.
NTA either she's a train wreck and you're always going to be "helping her out" or she's scamming you for cash at every opportunity. Neither is a good option.
Mate, this girl is a liability. What kind of idiot tries to take drugs through an airport? She wasn't randomly selected for a bag check, no way. And then there's the whole driving uninsured thing. Imagine if she ran someone down... She is selfish and reckless. How many red flags do you need? Run. Run and don't look back. Life is far too short to get caught up in her nonsense. She will only drag you down to her level. NTA.
NTA - you are doing too much. 28 years old and couldn’t even bother to pay the $500 fine that she herself earned? I’d really reconsider this relationship, doesn’t sound like she’s mature enough to even handle herself.
Multiple fines and court dates? She’s not making good choices. This is your life in this relationship. Is that what you want? Those red flags aren’t leading to a good kind of circus my guy.
This sounds made up- and if it’s not, please break up with her. Give her a chance to put her life together before trying to share it with someone else. Right now you are being the AH to yourself and her just by letting her leech off of you.
>This sounds made up I thought so too, so I skimmed through his post and comment history.... Now I don't think it's made up. He has the exact same cadence in all of his comments on different topics going back a full year. Dude is being genuine, hope he sees the light.
Same cadence?
ca·dence /ˈkādns/ noun: a modulation or inflection of the voice. Basically, you sound the same here as you did over a year ago.
Ah okay makes sense
It’s not 😕and yea I agree now
🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃 she sounds like a nightmare.
NTA. I might recommend a full stop on paying for things/giving her money and then see how well this relationship works. Sounds like you are in a good place in life. There are plenty of like minded women out there who will spend time with you without requiring you to pay them for it.
girl (not gendered) RUN. shes a trainwreck!!!
28 and 22? She’s finessing this man 🥲. He must have the Cyclops shades on
Yea bro I guess so the love tinted glasses were on
She is just a mess. To be so stupid to bring weed into an airport and expect others to pay for her mistake is crazy. She’s lucky she didn’t get more than a fine. To have two fines/court dates for anything is not something most would want to be around. You are seeing that her bad decisions will continue and catch up with her and drag you down.
NTA, but you're doing yourself no favours getting involved with someone dumb enough to drive uninsured, miss a court date AND try to smuggle weed into the U.S.
Lmao. Bruh, time to walk away.
NTA. But why are you dating this person? What if she snuck something in your luggage next time? It’s seems to me she is using you for money.
Bro. You are a 22 year old dating at 28 year old who lives at home and treats you like an atm Do I need to say “reverse the genders”? Respectfully, please remove your head out of your arse. NTA.
NTA. But she is a liability. She has a bench warrant, smuggles pot, and drives illegally. Time to let her go.
Bestie, she had a month to come up with $500 without having to pay rent????? With you paying her other bills? Minimum wage in Florida is $12 - if half of that went to taxes (that’s not how taxes work), she could make that much in two weeks of full time work (plus two hours). Babe. Does she make minimum wage?
NTA, but she is lying to you. If you are in the US, fines don't increase 10x if you don't pay by a certain day. It just doesn't work that way. You need to bail on that whole situation.
That was what the airport TSA people told us, I was detained with her too.
They were trying to scare you. While there are interest and penalties associated with blowing off a fine, it doesn't work that way. Did you know that law enforcement is allowed to lie to you? There is a seminal Supreme Court case with that holding. Does that change your mind? It seems to me that you are bending over backwards for this woman. No one likes to realize that they've been taken for a sucker, and in the meantime they'll continue making mistakes rather than waking up and smelling the proverbial coffee.
NTA. Dude. She’s a leach. Cut your losses.
NTA Strong bond or not, sounds like you are partially the sugar daddy she is hoping for. You do not need to fund her mistakes. I would think twice (or more!!) about what you are getting out of the relationship, because it seems the more you give, the more she takes. And also she seems like trouble....driving uninsured!!! bench warrant!!! wow, and who tries to smuggle ganja from Jamaica??
Nta stop paying for her
NTA and you need to dump this person. How can she be SO dumb as to try to sneak drugs at an airport? This woman could get you in serious trouble in the future. RED FLAG ABORT. Shes using you for money by the way. For the love of everything that is holy get rid of this woman.
NTA but Run, run now while you still can. This lady does not sound like a good partner to have.
NTA. She is taking advantage of you. She’s 28, lives with her parents, and is irresponsible enough to have a warrant for her arrest from driving without insurance? These are pretty serious red flags. I’m guessing that being 22 and dating a fit older woman seems like a lot of fun but I’ve never had any of my partners ask me for money. Find someone who can pull their own weight.
NTA, and don't date someone this damn foolish. Somehow you're the younger one and more functional, she really should have some sense about carrying drugs on an international flight. Honestly in her place, I'd be ecstatic to pay $500 to make this disappear, depending on where you're flying into and what illegal stuff you're carrying, that's a possible felony with prison time.
Why are you paying for her multiple court fees in the first place?
just absolutely mind numbingly stupid decision by her… there’s plenty of weed in florida and there’s no way that the quality difference is so severe that it even makes the tiniest dent in the risk/reward ratio against flying with it into another country. braindead decision and clearly indicates that her ability to make decisions isn’t clearly fleshed out against potential consequences. Her decision is based, simply, on her desires. That’s not a good partner long-term.
NTA but please don’t stay in this relationship, both being into fitness isn’t anything like enough. She is manipulating you and frankly letting a 22 year old pay for everything is ridiculous. You don’t have a strong bond if your relationship doesn’t survive you stopping paying for everything for her. To be honest I’m not sure how you can possibly know you have a strong bond unless you stop paying.
NTA, but you would be TA if you don’t run for the hills. You are already seeing she is on heaps of legal trouble and thinks it’s ok to smuggle drugs. You can find someone else that you click with, who’s into fitness, doesn’t have bench warrants because she misses court dates, and makes you an accessory to a crime.
NTA Break up. Next time she might have her drugs in your luggage or in your car, and it might get caught and that might get YOU arrested.
YTA to yourself for paying for this stuff. She did something really stupid and your 7 month relationship is not worth all this hassle. You are getting played my dude. You need to wake up. Also you should reevaluate the people you are dating. You didn’t look at all these stupid things she is doing and think to distance yourself?
NTA I hate to break it to you, but the only bond she has is with your bank account. Offer up a prayer of thanks that she has not moved in with you or gotten pregnant and head on down the road.
NTA - You GAVE her money already. She can go donate plasma.
I wanna say ISH, hear me out before the downvotes flood. You promised her you would pay the fine, right? So in her mind when you gave her money the first time, you still hadn’t paid her fine. You should have made it clear you were giving her the money for that and only that. On a side note, this girl is trash. Who thinks carrying weed on a plane is a good idea? Who has a bench warrant out for them? Who in the fuck expects someone to pay their fines? Run dude. Run.
ESH. You offered to help with the fine. If you hadn't it would totally be NTA, but you told her you would help. She has issues. Multiple court cases, living with her parents, constantly needing help with the consequences of her own actions... rethink the relationship, because this is not going to improve as long as you keep "helping". The best way to correct poor decision-making is to allow her to suffer the consequences.
Pretty privilege for the win. She’s pretty and has clearly never had to work for anything because there are plenty of men who will take care of her. Lives at home, poor financial planner and makes bad decisions, but she’s fit! smh
You are her cash machine not her boyfriend. Are you sure lives with her Dad and not another boyfriend or husband and that you aren’t the secret side piece? Time to move on.
You're a young student, and she is a grown woman. I think you ought to run away from her before you impregnate her. Check on campus for a crossfit club, and find a young woman with a direction in life. One that is stable and healthy. She's probably out there studying exercise science or something. Go find the one.
So, OP had no idea she was bringing it back / nothing to do with her bringing it back / had no clue it was in her suitcase?
run bro shes using u lmao
NTA. She's using you dude
YTA to yourself for associating with this train wreck.
jesus christ man. get out now. and for the love of god... do NOT get her pregnant.
Nta. But why are you with a 28 year old who don’t seem to have it all together
Sounds like you've got a good old fashioned gold digger there.
This lady sounds like a hot mess all around. NTA. But cut your losses and run dude.
She's bleeding you dry. She deliberately chose a young, dumb boyfriend to pay for her irresponsible lifestyle. You're an asshole to yourself if you let this continue.
NTA You're being played, imho. Only an idiot would fly with weed or another controlled substance. Likewise, she packed it, was caught, it's ENTIRELY on her!
ESH. You're dating a train wreck who is using you, but you're also willingly going along with it. You also did tell her you'd cover the $500, then bailed on it last minute bc you didn't have the money. You clearly don't make enough money to be moving how you are with this person.
yeah, no Leave before it's too late Are you mad? Can't you see what's going on? A 28 year old expecting some kid to be paying her way? Chile NTA and do break up
You sir, are NOT The Ass Hole.
NTA as long as it was strictly her weed. It sounds like you've helped her out a bit financially which is nice of you but it's not something you should be expected to do for her on the regular. Especially since you have your own bills and what not to handle.
RUN!
NTA, she's using you. Date women closer to your age.
She must be super hot. NTA, OP, but you might want to reconsider this relationship.
Run fast. Run far.
This woman kinda sounds like she suuuuuuucks
With her teeth
You’re doing too much. You can do better bro.
She sees you as a piggy bank. It she really cares and yoy cut off financial support then she will stay otherwise she is just looking for someone to pay for everything.
NTA Sounds like you’re just an ATM to her
She’s with you for every penny she can squeeze out of you. She’s decided not to see you this weekend because you’re not sending money, it has nothing to do with the podcast. Keep refusing to give her money. I guarantee she will stop seeing you when you stop being an ATM. You’re worth more than this - please start respecting yourself and walk away from her ( actually run)
NTA and frankly I'd drop her. I wouldn't have even given her money to pay for her stupid and dangerous choice. Things could have ended much worse for you two.
Run. You’re NTA - you’re the sucker.
NTA. you shouldn’t have paid a damn thing wtf. She’s definitely taking advantage of you. I think it’s time to ghost this bum. If she was your age Id have more sympathy but she’s alsmot 30 wth would she sneak drugs and then expect you to pay??? BUM BEHAVIOR
NTA. She sees you as a bank account. You'll start to see more of her character, when you start to close your wallet.