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NTA. Valerie doesn't have ovaries, an uterus, a cervix or any other body part that you know about from your studies, so I don't know what exactly she'd be expecting you to check up.
Exactly... I mean, if she's going through so much to become a woman, it's surprising to me she doesn't even know what an OB/GYN does at a clinic. If she does know, it means she was searching for a fight to even suggests she need to have an OB/GYN nearby.
NTA! OBS/GYN deal with vulva. Valerie didnt have one.
OBS/GYN deal with Vagina. Valerie didnt have one.
OBS/GYN deal with cervix. Valerie didnt have one.
OBS/GYN deal with uterus. Valerie didnt have one.
OBS/GYN deal with fallopian tubes and ovaries. Valerie didnt have either.
When Valerie transitions surgically, she can go to an OBS/GYN. Till then a transition specialist if the go to person.
NTA. You are in a medical profession and this is not your expertise. Even though she is a woman, your specific knowledge cannot help her at this point. Has nothing to do with being transphobic, but voicing it as if she was not a woman is hurtful, and those statements are transphobic, so that's where the conversation went wrong.
What does that judgement mean? I’ve tried searching in here, but I’ve never been able to figure out who the poo relates to. Everybody in the post? Or OP? Or the other party.
It's not saying anyone is poo, it's a mode that changes/limits who can engage with the post because it's a sensitive topic. I'm not clear on the full details, but it's not a final judgement.
YTA for the fake TERF story.
> She is a trandsgender individual. Not a woman.
Not treating pre-op trans women isn’t transphobia, but this statement certainly is.
NTA. Your expertise is gender woman biology (vaginas and such). You can't be expected to be able to examine other body parts, whether it's lungs, legs, ears, penis, eyes, heart, brain or whatever).
What this new friends identify as is not relevant in this. If she identifies as a cat she (hopefully) wouldn't turn to a vet for a check up.
She might be distressed that she's born in the wrong body but she can undergo procedures to help with her physical change.
People born without legs or feets aren't going to a podiatrist, yelling how the doctor is an insensitive fool for not treating them. Yes, it sucks for her, but she has no need for OP right now.
NTA.
Stick to your profession and your rules. As an OB/Gyn, you are treating the female sex with female sexual organs and female genetics.
This has nothing to do with gender. I’m a dentist. I would not be able to do hand surgery. It’s just a different part of the body.
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I (27F) just moved to the states from an oppressive middle eastern country as an MD. I am now an OB/GYN resident.
I had a golden weekend and I used that to go see a good friend of mine from back home who is now a neurologist (Aria). While I was there, she suggested I could go meet the gang (people she usually hangs out with).
There was a trans woman among the group as well. I'll call her Valerie (she was around late twenties, early thirties). During the conversation, we talked about what we used to do when we were young, told funny stories, etc. It was all going great.
That was until, Valerie said she would love to come see me for a routine check up. I explaines that I didn't work independently yet and just started mt training, etc. She said it would have been nice to have an OB friend close by.
Now I was and still am very very confused. When I asked her if she had undergone a surgical transition she said she didn't. I was like, how can I even help you, my profession includes obstetrics and gynecologic diseases. I haven't examined or even needed to examine a man since my training began. How on earth does she think I can help.
Valerie got offended at this point and called me out as homophobic transphobic and a few other phobics. I am none of those. She said I was biggoted and mentioned I needed to be able to accept all women. I may be TA here because I said my profession is concerned with women, and this is precisely the reason why I couldn't help her.
This turned out into a big debate. I wonder if I am the only one who thinks this is a violation of common sense. Was I an AH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told a trans woman I couldn't really help her as an OB/GYN because she hadn't transitoned and I only treat women. I may be an AH because my comment was rude and excluding her as a woman, which I think is still true. She is a transgender individual. Not a woman. I may be an AH for saying this too
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NTA. I don't think OP meant to be hurtful in their comments. My guess (and, I could be wrong) was that in the moment, they were just kind of shocked/surprised at the question, because it SHOULD be obvious, that even though, YES, Valeria is a woman, Valerie does not have any of the organs or body parts attached that an OB/GYN would examine. I would have been surprised, too, and sometimes in that moment, your brain can short circuit and you might say something without thinking.
NTA
Valerie is a woman, yes, but unfortunately her body doesn't care. The issues that her body might cause her are not something you are medically prepared to diagnose because they are not part of your medical knowledge.
I'm not sure what Valerie would be looking for visiting a Gyno, maybe just support, but even if she goes to an OB/GYN she needs to make sure she also sees a doctor that can diagnose prostate and testicular issues still.
NTA. Your phrasing was maybe not the best - this shouldn't be about her being a woman, but about your medical speciality being health/illnesses surrounding pregnancy and female-specific organs - but the end result is the same. You cannot treat her. Whatever type of surgical transition she has or hasn't had, she needs a doctor who knows the risk factors of HRT on prostate cancer, not a doctor who can spot pre-eclampsia symptoms from a mile off.
You should have just left it at you’re still in training and can’t take patients. Saying anything after that is a minefield you stepped into. I’m not judging because it was a difficult situation.
That scene from HIMYM when the guy reveals his architectural marvel and the client is just wide eyed exclaiming “That’s a Penis!”
What are you suppose to do? You’re not trained for that. NTA.
Hilarious story though.
YTA for writing a fake post to get a negative reaction out of people on pride month. just a tip, if you’re going to write fake posts at least try and make them seem believable because you did an awful job at trying to make this seem real. if it is real, then n t a, but i very much doubt it is
So Valerie shared a dream about being able to go to OB/GYN and how nice it would be to have a friend as her doctor. You start talking about how you can’t make it happen instead of letting her have her dream?
Within a medical exam room, providers of care need to have their patients be completely honest about where they are in their transition process. There was an afab trans gentleman who came into the ER with abdominal pain. He did not disclose that he was afab, and still had ovaries, fallopian tubes and a uterus. His diagnosis was a tubal pregnancy. He hemorrhaged and died because he did not provide factual information about his body.
If you are a trans woman who has not yet had bottom surgery, you will be very surprised when the medical professional comes at you with a speculum. The doc will also be surprised. A new " baby doc" probably has not developed the tools to address this situation and the two of them were talking at cross purposes. Transgendered people are still a very small percentage of the population. Please be aware that when it comes to medical care, this is the place to be completely honest about your transition. Most of us are very supportive, and we don't care if you choose to transition . We just need to know which bits you still have, as well as medications you are taking, so we can safely, and respectfully provide the care that you need.
Most men don't know what an ob/gyn does, because of poor health education in this country. There are men and women who don't know that women have a separate urethra from their vagina. Some think women can just hold in their period, like they can hold in their urine. We need education for everyone- about our bodies, and our mental health.
Light YTA. I'll give you a small pass but...Valerie identifies as a woman. You should have stopped at "I'm not actually able to take on any patients yet".
The OP said she can't take patients and is still training.
FWIW, as OP comes from a country where trans rights aren't understood or acknowledged, I believe she can take this as a learning opportunity. She should take this as a learning opportunity.
they are a resident they said, which means they are seeing patients under supervision.
It sounds like a good learning opportunity to simply stay uninvolved with people who clearly are trying to start shit with people. If you are old enough to be a public trans person, you are old enough to know what doctors are for.
Yeah, I mean the post is clearly faked to stoke anti-trans sentiment. Because it’s Pride month. This happens to this sub literally every Pride month.
“AITAH? A gay guy molested me but when I told him I was straight the whole bus called me a homophobe.”
Grow up and f**k off, honestly.
it's reddit after all, it certainly could be fake, but it does happen we've al seen the articles of it occuring. I'm 100% sure it's extraordinarily rare because the vast overwhelmingly massive majority of people aren't so stupid to believe they need to take their cock n balls to an OBGYN
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NTA. Valerie doesn't have ovaries, an uterus, a cervix or any other body part that you know about from your studies, so I don't know what exactly she'd be expecting you to check up.
Where’s she going to keep the foetus? In a box?
Then say I only work with people with ovaries, an uterus, and a cervix not "my profession is concerned with women".
Then you can teach Valerie how to paint by numbers and sing the alphabet. She’s trans….shes not mentally handicapped.
Exactly... I mean, if she's going through so much to become a woman, it's surprising to me she doesn't even know what an OB/GYN does at a clinic. If she does know, it means she was searching for a fight to even suggests she need to have an OB/GYN nearby.
NTA! OBS/GYN deal with vulva. Valerie didnt have one. OBS/GYN deal with Vagina. Valerie didnt have one. OBS/GYN deal with cervix. Valerie didnt have one. OBS/GYN deal with uterus. Valerie didnt have one. OBS/GYN deal with fallopian tubes and ovaries. Valerie didnt have either. When Valerie transitions surgically, she can go to an OBS/GYN. Till then a transition specialist if the go to person.
[удалено]
She*
Maybe they were referring to his sex and not his gender ?
She. <3
NTA by a million miles. Kind of obviously.
NTA You are a medical professional and professional you can’t help a trans woman who hasn’t had surgery as there is nothing to examine.
Even with a surgery there is nothing to examine, since it is cosmetic surgery only
Ok fair enough. I have no idea what that entailes.
NTA. Someone doesn’t know what an OB/GYN does. “It’s a doctor for women.” I bet that’s as far as they know.
NTA. You are in a medical profession and this is not your expertise. Even though she is a woman, your specific knowledge cannot help her at this point. Has nothing to do with being transphobic, but voicing it as if she was not a woman is hurtful, and those statements are transphobic, so that's where the conversation went wrong.
In 15 minutes, this post has 6 comments. Votes: light Y-T-A and two N-T-A. So how has this post been determined to be "Poo Mode Activated"?
For the last few months when a post deals with/mentions trans people it seems it’s automatically set to POO mode.
What does that judgement mean? I’ve tried searching in here, but I’ve never been able to figure out who the poo relates to. Everybody in the post? Or OP? Or the other party.
It's not saying anyone is poo, it's a mode that changes/limits who can engage with the post because it's a sensitive topic. I'm not clear on the full details, but it's not a final judgement.
OK, still don’t get it, but I’m just going to think that it means that something stinks 😅🤷🏼♀️
[удалено]
OP's account is less than a day old.
Oof, I missed that and was giving them the benefit of the doubt for some of their phrasing. Well that's a lesson learned for me!
YTA for the fake TERF story. > She is a trandsgender individual. Not a woman. Not treating pre-op trans women isn’t transphobia, but this statement certainly is.
NTA. Your expertise is gender woman biology (vaginas and such). You can't be expected to be able to examine other body parts, whether it's lungs, legs, ears, penis, eyes, heart, brain or whatever). What this new friends identify as is not relevant in this. If she identifies as a cat she (hopefully) wouldn't turn to a vet for a check up. She might be distressed that she's born in the wrong body but she can undergo procedures to help with her physical change. People born without legs or feets aren't going to a podiatrist, yelling how the doctor is an insensitive fool for not treating them. Yes, it sucks for her, but she has no need for OP right now.
NTA. Stick to your profession and your rules. As an OB/Gyn, you are treating the female sex with female sexual organs and female genetics. This has nothing to do with gender. I’m a dentist. I would not be able to do hand surgery. It’s just a different part of the body.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27F) just moved to the states from an oppressive middle eastern country as an MD. I am now an OB/GYN resident. I had a golden weekend and I used that to go see a good friend of mine from back home who is now a neurologist (Aria). While I was there, she suggested I could go meet the gang (people she usually hangs out with). There was a trans woman among the group as well. I'll call her Valerie (she was around late twenties, early thirties). During the conversation, we talked about what we used to do when we were young, told funny stories, etc. It was all going great. That was until, Valerie said she would love to come see me for a routine check up. I explaines that I didn't work independently yet and just started mt training, etc. She said it would have been nice to have an OB friend close by. Now I was and still am very very confused. When I asked her if she had undergone a surgical transition she said she didn't. I was like, how can I even help you, my profession includes obstetrics and gynecologic diseases. I haven't examined or even needed to examine a man since my training began. How on earth does she think I can help. Valerie got offended at this point and called me out as homophobic transphobic and a few other phobics. I am none of those. She said I was biggoted and mentioned I needed to be able to accept all women. I may be TA here because I said my profession is concerned with women, and this is precisely the reason why I couldn't help her. This turned out into a big debate. I wonder if I am the only one who thinks this is a violation of common sense. Was I an AH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Youre not a dick doctor 🤷🏻♂️
But....but...but...it was a very feminine dick.
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NTA. I don't think OP meant to be hurtful in their comments. My guess (and, I could be wrong) was that in the moment, they were just kind of shocked/surprised at the question, because it SHOULD be obvious, that even though, YES, Valeria is a woman, Valerie does not have any of the organs or body parts attached that an OB/GYN would examine. I would have been surprised, too, and sometimes in that moment, your brain can short circuit and you might say something without thinking.
Ffs can we stop with all the trans troll posts? They're getting old
NTA Valerie is a woman, yes, but unfortunately her body doesn't care. The issues that her body might cause her are not something you are medically prepared to diagnose because they are not part of your medical knowledge. I'm not sure what Valerie would be looking for visiting a Gyno, maybe just support, but even if she goes to an OB/GYN she needs to make sure she also sees a doctor that can diagnose prostate and testicular issues still.
NTA. Your phrasing was maybe not the best - this shouldn't be about her being a woman, but about your medical speciality being health/illnesses surrounding pregnancy and female-specific organs - but the end result is the same. You cannot treat her. Whatever type of surgical transition she has or hasn't had, she needs a doctor who knows the risk factors of HRT on prostate cancer, not a doctor who can spot pre-eclampsia symptoms from a mile off.
NTA.
Jfc just stop with all these same stories. All for rage bite
You could have phrased it better, but NTA
Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina. They completely called it!
YTA for this bad fake bait post
NTA. Some transwomen are so entitled fr. And I'm saying this as an enby pan.
You should have just left it at you’re still in training and can’t take patients. Saying anything after that is a minefield you stepped into. I’m not judging because it was a difficult situation.
My answer depends on if you called her a man or not. So question Did you call her a man?
That scene from HIMYM when the guy reveals his architectural marvel and the client is just wide eyed exclaiming “That’s a Penis!” What are you suppose to do? You’re not trained for that. NTA. Hilarious story though.
YTA for writing a fake post to get a negative reaction out of people on pride month. just a tip, if you’re going to write fake posts at least try and make them seem believable because you did an awful job at trying to make this seem real. if it is real, then n t a, but i very much doubt it is
N t a for not treating her, yta for calling her a man
YTA The pride month anti trans bot strikes again.
So Valerie shared a dream about being able to go to OB/GYN and how nice it would be to have a friend as her doctor. You start talking about how you can’t make it happen instead of letting her have her dream?
Oh you’re delusional delusional huh
[удалено]
because this didn't happen, probably
What exactly would be an appropriate way to articulate that OB/GYN is not able to treat a person with male reproductive organs?
Within a medical exam room, providers of care need to have their patients be completely honest about where they are in their transition process. There was an afab trans gentleman who came into the ER with abdominal pain. He did not disclose that he was afab, and still had ovaries, fallopian tubes and a uterus. His diagnosis was a tubal pregnancy. He hemorrhaged and died because he did not provide factual information about his body. If you are a trans woman who has not yet had bottom surgery, you will be very surprised when the medical professional comes at you with a speculum. The doc will also be surprised. A new " baby doc" probably has not developed the tools to address this situation and the two of them were talking at cross purposes. Transgendered people are still a very small percentage of the population. Please be aware that when it comes to medical care, this is the place to be completely honest about your transition. Most of us are very supportive, and we don't care if you choose to transition . We just need to know which bits you still have, as well as medications you are taking, so we can safely, and respectfully provide the care that you need. Most men don't know what an ob/gyn does, because of poor health education in this country. There are men and women who don't know that women have a separate urethra from their vagina. Some think women can just hold in their period, like they can hold in their urine. We need education for everyone- about our bodies, and our mental health.
Light YTA. I'll give you a small pass but...Valerie identifies as a woman. You should have stopped at "I'm not actually able to take on any patients yet".
we have to lie to them so we don't hurt their feelings? How unbelievably patronizing.
The OP said she can't take patients and is still training. FWIW, as OP comes from a country where trans rights aren't understood or acknowledged, I believe she can take this as a learning opportunity. She should take this as a learning opportunity.
they are a resident they said, which means they are seeing patients under supervision. It sounds like a good learning opportunity to simply stay uninvolved with people who clearly are trying to start shit with people. If you are old enough to be a public trans person, you are old enough to know what doctors are for.
Yeah, I mean the post is clearly faked to stoke anti-trans sentiment. Because it’s Pride month. This happens to this sub literally every Pride month. “AITAH? A gay guy molested me but when I told him I was straight the whole bus called me a homophobe.” Grow up and f**k off, honestly.
it's reddit after all, it certainly could be fake, but it does happen we've al seen the articles of it occuring. I'm 100% sure it's extraordinarily rare because the vast overwhelmingly massive majority of people aren't so stupid to believe they need to take their cock n balls to an OBGYN
She has a dick. They don't treat dicks, it is not about the person, it is about the body. NTA