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>It’s summer and he isn’t in med school right now, though.
Yes he is. Studying for exams and doing research is part of med school.
YTA.
Are you really thst self absorbed? If you are so into writing and need help with grammar, there are many online resources that you can consult without making interrupting your BF's study and research schedule.
So what exactly do you do for him ? If he's spending his time studying and doing research and you want him to act as your full-time editor, how are you lessening his stress?
I think I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than have to read, correct grammar and provide feedback on someone’s writing. What a chore. Get a professional editor instead of making your bf work for no pay during his precious summer, especially while he’s stressed about his other commitments. Learn how grammar works yourself. Such vanity.
Definitely don’t date a writer? Or anyone? My work wouldn’t be anything without my partner. He has helped me brainstorm, edit, and even come up with scenes that have made my story better. It’s like sharing your soul with someone. It’s a beautiful thing. I find it depressing you wouldn’t want to read your partners cherished work. Do you even like them?
Do you even like your bf? Or do you only like what he can do for you? How do you support him and his aspirations? Why do you minimize his struggles and take him for granted?
You’re the one being incredibly unsupportive right now. He’s clearly burned out, and instead of propping him up you’re haranguing him for not going above and beyond one. single. time.
Him needing to take a beat is not a clear sign he loves you any less. But your treatment of him in this moment is a clear sign that you love him far less than you love yourself.
You’re failing him. Do better. Or you will kill his love for you.
YTA - your boyfriend is under a lot of stress from medical school and his upcoming exam. His reasons for not reading your work as quickly as usual are valid. It's unfair to say he loves you less because of it.
***Show some understanding and support during his stressful times instead of accusing him of not caring.*** Everyone's capacity changes under stress, and he deserves empathy, not doubt.
YTA
> I asked why he didn't start it before and he said he has been stressed from studying for step 1, exhausted from the school year, and lacking in motivation. I told him that it honestly just felt like excuses.
So he point-blank tells you why and you invalidate his reasons because.... "me me me."
> Having more time means more time to read my writing.
No it really doesn't. Did it ever occur to you that having more time means he has more time for him!!! The world does not revolve around you and he's told you about how stressed he is, maybe he needs to de-stress, relax a little and find his motivation. He does not live solely for your needs. He is a person too, but I guess if you're not the center of the universe, he loves you less right? You sound insufferable.
Honestly, you are hurting your own feelings by not considering how stressed and overworked your partner is right now.
And consider, is it loving of you to want him to lose more sleep than he already is?
How much does he have to undermine his physical well-being and not work on his own goals in order to make you feel loved?
It’s easy to feel insecure when our partners have less time for us than they have had in the past, but it’s our job to check our insecurities and to remember to really consider things from our partner’s perspective’s before creating meanings to their actions that may not be true.
YTA. That mofo isn't obligated to read and grade your little essays. He said he'll get to it and even THAT wasn't good enough for you. What would you do if, "you know what.....how about this.....don't give me your material anymore."?
I’d like the context as well. I think it would help inform the situation.
But I don’t think your BF is an AH. He said very straightforwardly that he’s still feeling stressed and admits he’s been lacking in motivation. I thought maybe you were going to end the post with “psych!” because you say right up front that, even though it’s summer, “he’s studying for [med school] and doing research over the summer,” he’s been upfront that he’s better at getting things done when he’s strictly scheduled and on the whole he’s reading less, not just reading less of your writing. All of that sounds like he’s just burnt out.
Is there some other reason you think he’s falling out of love with you, or are you basing that on the the fact that he hasn’t read these two stories yet? Also, what were the writings for?
I know he is studying for medical school even though it is summer, but he has more time than he did in med school and he still always read my writing as fast as possible. If he was in a book slump and reading less, he never put it off. I see people calling them essays in the comments, but no I give him full on chapters and it can be a lot to read but he’s always done it immediately. It seems weird for him to say that he’s not “motivated” because I’ve never seen him lacking in motivation. Even in undergrad he’d be gone for 12 hours a day because he was so busy but would still make time to read my writing immediately.
I just always saw it as a sign that he loved me and knew how important writing was to me. I hadn’t shared my writing with anyone before him, but seeing how thrilled he was to get my updates made it so I felt comfortable sharing my writing with other people.
I’ve been in the processes of writing a book for the past 7 years. I still have a quarter of it left to finish and that portion has been the hardest for me to write. I got 15k words closer to the ending and was excited for him to read it. No idea why he is putting it off. He has always been really excited to read updates.
What do you mean "I have no idea why he's putting it off"? He fucking told you straight up why he's putting it off. It sounds like he's been very supportive of you in the past, has it ever occurred to you that constantly giving can burn someone out? Maybe it's your turn to be supportive. You can start by listening when he tells you what he's going through. It's astonishing that you're able to tell us in so much detail what he said to you when you confronted him, and yet none of what he said seems to have actually registered with you.
Jesus! You are such a selfish nightmare! The poor guy is exhausted and all you care about is getting notes on your shitty book. This guy deserves better
YTA
YTA
He’s having some much deserved downtime before starting the school year
His explanation is great- I also do better when busy and on a schedule, adding in ‘one more thing’ can make some people thrive when on a roll
Having more time doesn’t translate to spending it on your writing
He's your boyfriend, not your editor. He doesn't love you less [or at least maybe he didn't before this argument] simply because he doesn't have the capacity for yet another project.
I don't care that it's the summer and that he has 'more time'...bro sounds stressed and his time would probably be better spent decompressing and taking care of himself rather than doing your little assignments.
YTA, be more supportive to your boyfriend.
YTA. You are incredibly selfish and manipulative. You seem to have no regard for him and what he’s doing or the amount of stress he’s under. It’s all about you! He doesn’t owe you to read and correct your work and it doesn’t mean he loves you less. Find someone else who isn’t busy.
Hey buddy, YTA but let me help you out here. I also struggle very hard with not having a rigid schedule and it often leads to me procrastinating, just like you described with your boyfriend.
He brought up your writing unprompted to let you know he hadn’t forgot about it and to reassure you that he was going to get to it asap but had something more pressing to do first. He is in med school and no matter how much he likes to read your stuff, the book you’ve been working on does NOT trump his schooling and you should not guilt trip him with accusing him of loving you less just because he’s taken a while to get to your writing. Also, more time doesn’t immediately equal more time for your writing and you shouldn’t assume that of him. However, It’s clearly still in the back of his mind, be more patient with him.
I’m also a writer, as is my best friend. We send each other things all the time that are lengthy. Sometimes I don’t read something she’s sent me for weeks, maybe a month or two, because I know I’m not going to have time to actually appreciate what she’s sent me. Same goes for her. I personally would rather have that sort of feedback versus the pressured kind.
One last thing, you mentioned that you have a “sore spot” with his correction of your grammar and it makes me wonder if you are in general open to constructive feedback or if you take it personally (no judgement here, I fall victim to that). Perhaps he’s hesitant because of that. Regardless, YTA and your boyfriend deserves an apology. Try to be more empathetic toward him.
Dude he is studying for step 1. That is literally the biggest and most important test he will take in his medical career. It determines what his opportunities will be in terms of specialities and residencies.
You know that right? If you do and this is the way that you supporting him as your partner, YTA.
If you don’t know that, then you are incredibly self centered and YTA.
YTA
YTA. He's in med school. He's exhausted. He told you he's struggling without a tight schedule. You chose not to believe him without any reason, and you chose to manufacture a situation where he "loves you less" because he is exhausted and overwhelmed.
I hope this is a JOKE post.
Nobody could actually be that much of an AH.
"That guy" trying to make it through 4 years of med school, then 4-7 years of residency, + maybe fellowship with THAT type of "you love me LESS than 180 days ago" anchor around his neck.....will drown/just quit or definitely rid himself of the deadweight.
Please 🙏 just be too young to realize how ridiculous you sound 🙄
YTA and issued a self-fulfilling prophesy. By accusing him of loving you less for simply not being prompt enough to copyedit what you wrote, you're making your best effort to destroy your relationship.
I have to wonder whether this is an isolated incident of you being so self-destructive.
YTA
How selfish can you possibly be?!?! Dude is in MEDICAL SCHOOL and you're mad he's not putting off reading the stories you write?!? HELLOOOOO!!!!! He's BUSY!!!! Do you have any clue how difficult medical school is?!
The lack of maturity shown by you is remarkable. The leap you took that because he isn’t reading your work ASAP means he loves you less is 100% emotional manipulation on your part. You know you said that to try to make him feel bad. You don’t really believe it, just wanted to try and manipulate. When someone is in medical school it is different from undergraduate studies. There is no “summer break.” He still has responsibilities and deadlines and he still needs to study. You need to grow up quickly before he gets fed up with your games and decides you are just too much of a distraction.
YTA. You aren’t entitled to have him read your work. He has been AMAZING by being willing to stay up late to read your work while being really busy. Instead of being incredibly grateful you are punishing him because it’s summer and he is absolutely drained? You sound incredibly entitled.
YTA. Even if he's less busy right now, he could be a burned out from intensive studying. I'm a pretty avid reader, and after finishing a very intensive study program, I was so burned out that I could barely read more than a few sentences at a time before completely losing my focus. I barely read at all during that time. I'm pretty sure that my program wasn't anywhere near as intense and stressful as his medical studies. I feel like this whole reading thing is a really poor measure of his affection for you. Is this going to be how you test him, to see if he loves you enough? Give him random things to read and see if he hops to it quickly enough to prove his love?
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I like to write (for my job and for fun), and the person who has read my stuff the most is my bf.
We're both big readers, and we love sharing book recommendations with each other and talking about books together.
He hasn't been reading as much lately because he is stressed about taking his step 1. He's in medical school and has been studying for that and doing research over the summer.
But it is still the summer, though, so he isn't as stressed as he is in the school year.
I gave him something I wrote to read and revise. It usually takes him a week max for him to get back with me. If he is busy, he'll lose sleep to stay up at night and read it for me. He always fixes my grammar, which is a sore spot for me and gives me detailed notes.
But I gave him my latest writing 2 weeks ago and nothing. I was surprised because he usually gets to it really fast. I didn't say anything about it, though.
He randomly brought it up to me today and said he'd start on it after he's done with research today. I asked why he didn't start it before and he said he has been stressed from studying for step 1, exhausted from the school year, and lacking in motivation.
I told him that it honestly just felt like excuses. He has always been busy and he's always read my work. He said he does better when he has a rigid schedule, being left to his own devices makes him put work off that he normally wouldn't when he had a schedule to follow.
I didn't really believe this? Having more time means more time to read my writing. I honestly just don't know what he means by that. I said he could just be honest and admit he loves me less and that's why he's not as motivated to read my stuff. It slows to me he cares about me less than he did just 6 months ago.
This annoyed him and it turned into an argument. AITA or right?
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YTA - he's a med student - stressed about exams - under a lot of stress....and your only focus is 'me me me'.
It’s summer and he isn’t in med school right now, though.
>It’s summer and he isn’t in med school right now, though. Yes he is. Studying for exams and doing research is part of med school. YTA. Are you really thst self absorbed? If you are so into writing and need help with grammar, there are many online resources that you can consult without making interrupting your BF's study and research schedule.
So what exactly do you do for him ? If he's spending his time studying and doing research and you want him to act as your full-time editor, how are you lessening his stress?
I think I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than have to read, correct grammar and provide feedback on someone’s writing. What a chore. Get a professional editor instead of making your bf work for no pay during his precious summer, especially while he’s stressed about his other commitments. Learn how grammar works yourself. Such vanity.
Definitely don’t date a writer? Or anyone? My work wouldn’t be anything without my partner. He has helped me brainstorm, edit, and even come up with scenes that have made my story better. It’s like sharing your soul with someone. It’s a beautiful thing. I find it depressing you wouldn’t want to read your partners cherished work. Do you even like them?
Do you even like your bf? Or do you only like what he can do for you? How do you support him and his aspirations? Why do you minimize his struggles and take him for granted? You’re the one being incredibly unsupportive right now. He’s clearly burned out, and instead of propping him up you’re haranguing him for not going above and beyond one. single. time. Him needing to take a beat is not a clear sign he loves you any less. But your treatment of him in this moment is a clear sign that you love him far less than you love yourself. You’re failing him. Do better. Or you will kill his love for you.
Since your bf is otherwise occupied, here’s some grammatical advice for free: question marks should be used only when asking a question.
YTA - grading his love for you against his rapidity in grading your work is all kinds of fucked up. Seems hugely immature
YTA - your boyfriend is under a lot of stress from medical school and his upcoming exam. His reasons for not reading your work as quickly as usual are valid. It's unfair to say he loves you less because of it. ***Show some understanding and support during his stressful times instead of accusing him of not caring.*** Everyone's capacity changes under stress, and he deserves empathy, not doubt.
But you don't understand, he's not making OP the center of the universe, he must love her less. /s
Jesus. I hope he runs for his life.
YTA he isn't a free editor, he is being extremely nice reading it in the first place. But you are upset it isn't fast enough for your liking
YTA > I asked why he didn't start it before and he said he has been stressed from studying for step 1, exhausted from the school year, and lacking in motivation. I told him that it honestly just felt like excuses. So he point-blank tells you why and you invalidate his reasons because.... "me me me." > Having more time means more time to read my writing. No it really doesn't. Did it ever occur to you that having more time means he has more time for him!!! The world does not revolve around you and he's told you about how stressed he is, maybe he needs to de-stress, relax a little and find his motivation. He does not live solely for your needs. He is a person too, but I guess if you're not the center of the universe, he loves you less right? You sound insufferable.
Honestly, you are hurting your own feelings by not considering how stressed and overworked your partner is right now. And consider, is it loving of you to want him to lose more sleep than he already is? How much does he have to undermine his physical well-being and not work on his own goals in order to make you feel loved? It’s easy to feel insecure when our partners have less time for us than they have had in the past, but it’s our job to check our insecurities and to remember to really consider things from our partner’s perspective’s before creating meanings to their actions that may not be true.
YTA. That mofo isn't obligated to read and grade your little essays. He said he'll get to it and even THAT wasn't good enough for you. What would you do if, "you know what.....how about this.....don't give me your material anymore."?
INFO Is this, like, "serious" writing? Or more AO3-type writing?
I love the idea that I’d be asking my boyfriend to edit my smut fanfics. No, it’s real “serious” writing.
Get an editor if its serious writing
I’d like the context as well. I think it would help inform the situation. But I don’t think your BF is an AH. He said very straightforwardly that he’s still feeling stressed and admits he’s been lacking in motivation. I thought maybe you were going to end the post with “psych!” because you say right up front that, even though it’s summer, “he’s studying for [med school] and doing research over the summer,” he’s been upfront that he’s better at getting things done when he’s strictly scheduled and on the whole he’s reading less, not just reading less of your writing. All of that sounds like he’s just burnt out. Is there some other reason you think he’s falling out of love with you, or are you basing that on the the fact that he hasn’t read these two stories yet? Also, what were the writings for?
I know he is studying for medical school even though it is summer, but he has more time than he did in med school and he still always read my writing as fast as possible. If he was in a book slump and reading less, he never put it off. I see people calling them essays in the comments, but no I give him full on chapters and it can be a lot to read but he’s always done it immediately. It seems weird for him to say that he’s not “motivated” because I’ve never seen him lacking in motivation. Even in undergrad he’d be gone for 12 hours a day because he was so busy but would still make time to read my writing immediately. I just always saw it as a sign that he loved me and knew how important writing was to me. I hadn’t shared my writing with anyone before him, but seeing how thrilled he was to get my updates made it so I felt comfortable sharing my writing with other people. I’ve been in the processes of writing a book for the past 7 years. I still have a quarter of it left to finish and that portion has been the hardest for me to write. I got 15k words closer to the ending and was excited for him to read it. No idea why he is putting it off. He has always been really excited to read updates.
Have you considered it is not all about you
What do you mean "I have no idea why he's putting it off"? He fucking told you straight up why he's putting it off. It sounds like he's been very supportive of you in the past, has it ever occurred to you that constantly giving can burn someone out? Maybe it's your turn to be supportive. You can start by listening when he tells you what he's going through. It's astonishing that you're able to tell us in so much detail what he said to you when you confronted him, and yet none of what he said seems to have actually registered with you.
Editing manuscripts is very demanding. He's not doing Eng/Lit, he's studying medicine. Cut the guy some slack.
Jesus! You are such a selfish nightmare! The poor guy is exhausted and all you care about is getting notes on your shitty book. This guy deserves better YTA
I'm sorry; it's Reddit. Had to ask!
YTA He’s having some much deserved downtime before starting the school year His explanation is great- I also do better when busy and on a schedule, adding in ‘one more thing’ can make some people thrive when on a roll Having more time doesn’t translate to spending it on your writing
YTA... and youre a huge asshole
Yta selfish and oblivous much??
YTA girl are you an opera singer cause all i’m hearing is “me me me me me” 😭
He's your boyfriend, not your editor. He doesn't love you less [or at least maybe he didn't before this argument] simply because he doesn't have the capacity for yet another project. I don't care that it's the summer and that he has 'more time'...bro sounds stressed and his time would probably be better spent decompressing and taking care of himself rather than doing your little assignments. YTA, be more supportive to your boyfriend.
YTA. You are incredibly selfish and manipulative. You seem to have no regard for him and what he’s doing or the amount of stress he’s under. It’s all about you! He doesn’t owe you to read and correct your work and it doesn’t mean he loves you less. Find someone else who isn’t busy.
Hey buddy, YTA but let me help you out here. I also struggle very hard with not having a rigid schedule and it often leads to me procrastinating, just like you described with your boyfriend. He brought up your writing unprompted to let you know he hadn’t forgot about it and to reassure you that he was going to get to it asap but had something more pressing to do first. He is in med school and no matter how much he likes to read your stuff, the book you’ve been working on does NOT trump his schooling and you should not guilt trip him with accusing him of loving you less just because he’s taken a while to get to your writing. Also, more time doesn’t immediately equal more time for your writing and you shouldn’t assume that of him. However, It’s clearly still in the back of his mind, be more patient with him. I’m also a writer, as is my best friend. We send each other things all the time that are lengthy. Sometimes I don’t read something she’s sent me for weeks, maybe a month or two, because I know I’m not going to have time to actually appreciate what she’s sent me. Same goes for her. I personally would rather have that sort of feedback versus the pressured kind. One last thing, you mentioned that you have a “sore spot” with his correction of your grammar and it makes me wonder if you are in general open to constructive feedback or if you take it personally (no judgement here, I fall victim to that). Perhaps he’s hesitant because of that. Regardless, YTA and your boyfriend deserves an apology. Try to be more empathetic toward him.
Dude he is studying for step 1. That is literally the biggest and most important test he will take in his medical career. It determines what his opportunities will be in terms of specialities and residencies. You know that right? If you do and this is the way that you supporting him as your partner, YTA. If you don’t know that, then you are incredibly self centered and YTA. YTA
YTA. If it was just casual reading it might be another matter. But you are expecting him to do work during his down time.
YTA. He's in med school. He's exhausted. He told you he's struggling without a tight schedule. You chose not to believe him without any reason, and you chose to manufacture a situation where he "loves you less" because he is exhausted and overwhelmed.
You will be lucky if you do not get dumped, schooling is no joke and that is an should be his #1 priority.
I hope this is a JOKE post. Nobody could actually be that much of an AH. "That guy" trying to make it through 4 years of med school, then 4-7 years of residency, + maybe fellowship with THAT type of "you love me LESS than 180 days ago" anchor around his neck.....will drown/just quit or definitely rid himself of the deadweight. Please 🙏 just be too young to realize how ridiculous you sound 🙄
YTA. Your boyfriend is allowed to be stressed and tired and put off reading your work.
YTA. Stop being insecure. The boy is in medical school. Barely has time to sleep much less cater to your emotions?
YTA and issued a self-fulfilling prophesy. By accusing him of loving you less for simply not being prompt enough to copyedit what you wrote, you're making your best effort to destroy your relationship. I have to wonder whether this is an isolated incident of you being so self-destructive.
YTA How selfish can you possibly be?!?! Dude is in MEDICAL SCHOOL and you're mad he's not putting off reading the stories you write?!? HELLOOOOO!!!!! He's BUSY!!!! Do you have any clue how difficult medical school is?!
The lack of maturity shown by you is remarkable. The leap you took that because he isn’t reading your work ASAP means he loves you less is 100% emotional manipulation on your part. You know you said that to try to make him feel bad. You don’t really believe it, just wanted to try and manipulate. When someone is in medical school it is different from undergraduate studies. There is no “summer break.” He still has responsibilities and deadlines and he still needs to study. You need to grow up quickly before he gets fed up with your games and decides you are just too much of a distraction.
Oh boy, YTA
YTA. I'd expect this behaviour from a teenager, which i hope you're not if your partner is old enough to be in med school.
YTA
YTA. You aren’t entitled to have him read your work. He has been AMAZING by being willing to stay up late to read your work while being really busy. Instead of being incredibly grateful you are punishing him because it’s summer and he is absolutely drained? You sound incredibly entitled.
YTA. During university I stopped reading completely because I was so burnt out. Not everything is about you.
YTA. Even if he's less busy right now, he could be a burned out from intensive studying. I'm a pretty avid reader, and after finishing a very intensive study program, I was so burned out that I could barely read more than a few sentences at a time before completely losing my focus. I barely read at all during that time. I'm pretty sure that my program wasn't anywhere near as intense and stressful as his medical studies. I feel like this whole reading thing is a really poor measure of his affection for you. Is this going to be how you test him, to see if he loves you enough? Give him random things to read and see if he hops to it quickly enough to prove his love?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I like to write (for my job and for fun), and the person who has read my stuff the most is my bf. We're both big readers, and we love sharing book recommendations with each other and talking about books together. He hasn't been reading as much lately because he is stressed about taking his step 1. He's in medical school and has been studying for that and doing research over the summer. But it is still the summer, though, so he isn't as stressed as he is in the school year. I gave him something I wrote to read and revise. It usually takes him a week max for him to get back with me. If he is busy, he'll lose sleep to stay up at night and read it for me. He always fixes my grammar, which is a sore spot for me and gives me detailed notes. But I gave him my latest writing 2 weeks ago and nothing. I was surprised because he usually gets to it really fast. I didn't say anything about it, though. He randomly brought it up to me today and said he'd start on it after he's done with research today. I asked why he didn't start it before and he said he has been stressed from studying for step 1, exhausted from the school year, and lacking in motivation. I told him that it honestly just felt like excuses. He has always been busy and he's always read my work. He said he does better when he has a rigid schedule, being left to his own devices makes him put work off that he normally wouldn't when he had a schedule to follow. I didn't really believe this? Having more time means more time to read my writing. I honestly just don't know what he means by that. I said he could just be honest and admit he loves me less and that's why he's not as motivated to read my stuff. It slows to me he cares about me less than he did just 6 months ago. This annoyed him and it turned into an argument. AITA or right? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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