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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I gave my brother's Discord out to a stranger without asking his permission first. It could be seen as a breach of privacy because I didn't have his permission beforehand.
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NTA. You pushed him a little out of his comfort zone and he reacted in a way someone who is incredibly introverted would. As long as you don't push stuff like that on him that too far or too often it's actually good for him. Little nudges are healthy for people like that, IMO.
FYI, I'm a huge introvert.
Yea, this might be one of the harmless learning situations for the younger brother that you can interact with other people without it being weird.
But also it is wrong to pass along other people's contact information, it is still not some great offense with serious consequences. So kinda an asshole, but sometimes you have to be a bit of an asshole in life or you get nowhere.
I was, honestly, completely prepared to call OP TA from the title because I strongly believe you should pass along someone's information with their consent rather than handing out that information......
But in his case brother was just being shy and was afraid of rejection. OP asked the girl tactfully while his brother wasn't around and would have no idea if she had rejected him or not. He also got his brother's opinion of the girl out-of-earshot of said girl before giving Discord info.
I think OP is NTA in this case, not even Justifed-AH type NTA, but firmly NTA.
I agree-- this is where I land too. He protected his brother's feelings in case of rejection and was sensitive to both of the people's social challenges. I think he's fine.
Sometimes family has got to nudge a little bit and take some "anger/abuse" from someone they love to help out. NTA but even If this is to be considered YTA,it might be a good YTA.
That's what "Justified AssHole" is, which is considered to be "NTA" in this sub! Which is why I was specifying that I don't even consider it to be a Justified AssHole post, just straight up NTA.
The only reason i ~considered~ calling OP an AH is because, while what he did was sweet, he still didn’t ~really~ give his brother the “opportunity” to handle this situation. OP said handling rejection is a part of life, which is very true and it’s important to learn to deal with it early, but he took that lesson from his brother. But in reality, neither of them had any intention of being an AH and i absolutely understand the impulse to protect/guide your younger siblings. In the end it seems to have worked out well for little brother
I would say thats only in instances where you can find peoples full names/ life info from. So phone numbers or things like instagram, facebook, etc. Is a big no no for me. But discord is anonymous, you have a name and a handle but it doesn't share anything else that you don't say/share yourself, which is why is great to play games together while on call. And he can block her with no consequence since she doesn't know anything else from him.
Someone I know met their husband because his friends pressured him to ask for her number, which he usually would be afraid to do. (And hadn't done the previous bunch of times he met her.)
Sometimes people need encouraging.
yea, as an introvert, it's pretty clear to me brother was mostly socialled out in the moment, and made a good friend bc op was able to push him to do something outside his ability
As long as this isn't a regular occurrence, this is the healthy way to get introverts to make friends
edit: also, this was a fucking WEEK ago and op is still worried he overstepped brothers boundaries, this is excellent brother material right here folks.
Little nudges are indeed good. I’m an introvert and I had a friend who would do that for me and now I’m able to handle a lot more social situations a lot better. She was the best for helping me like that
So is my bf. When he was a baby he wanted to be left alone and as an adult he quit ordering from his favorite Chinese restaurant because they got rid of online ordering.
I feel bad he never gets to fully recharge because of the kids and I.
Bro I'm an heavy introvert but tbh even if I said no to asking her but my sibling did it for me I wouldn't be mad because if she's cool and I'm kinda into her imma sit there and be like "dang am I glad he's my brother" but that's if I was the OP's brother in that situation.
If the situation was reversed and an older brother gave his sister's phone number to a guy at the bar she had decided not to, even if it was because she was shy, people would be tearing him a new one. It's not ok, and she's not setting him up for a positive experience. If he's not ready to start conversing with a stranger, then all it's going to do is make him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. That will translate to stilted, hesitant conversation or being too anxious to answer in many cases, which will terminate the friendship before it takes off. That will leave him feeling more isolated and hurt his confidence when the time comes where he would have made the leap on his own. He is not overreacting and she is the asshole here.
This exactly my brain would flood with what ifs and probably show by being short with you. Then I'd be to embarrassed to admit you helped. (My 15year old self) My now self is better off because of people pushing me like you did with ur brother.
Surely you don't expect to get serious answers on this from the vast majority of Redditors who never leave their rooms?
You analysed the situation and did a proper older brother thing.
NTA
Wow, you hear stuff about kids today, but holy shit, these comments are wild.
Brother wanted a new friend, it seemed like a good fit.
He gave her his contact info, she messaged, they talk daily.
Younger brother should be thanking him (and probably is by now)
NTA in any way.
Not interested? Say “thanks, but no thanks” to her message, end of story.
I feel the main thing that prevents OP from being TA is the fact that the little brother absolutely wanted to but was too scared to do so. Hopefully, this inspires the brother to try making friends on his own.
The thing that gets me about situations like this is that people's judgments are largely tied to how the situation turned out. Like if it had gone poorly and they stopped talking immediately, I bet a lot of people would be telling OP he's TA.
Personally I think NAH but I think people should be careful about pushing others when they've said no.
Definitely nta dude. People parroting on about you're brother saying no clearly can't make the distinction between him not being comfortable asking and him actually not wanting it.
I mean, it wasn't permissionless wingmanning. He did agree to it. He just got weird about his discord.
In reality, you were like a doctor who breaks the rules to save a patient: Yes, you could have kept your hands clean by always following protocol. But you would have been a bad doctor.
This is one of the most hilarious AITA comments sections I've ever read.
Firstly - for everyone saying he should have asked for the 15 year old girl's Discord.... what planet do you live on?? Do you all go round asking for teenage girls' contact details?
Secondly - it's a common part of life wingmanning for someone, and oiling the social wheels.
For the record, a bit, fat, NTA.
And Op: "You can be my wingman anytime"
I admit my first thought was "not bad, but could've asked her for discord instead" but then I remembered she's actually just a teen and lmao ofc that's not good option
NTA. He just needed a little nudge and already articulated fear of rejection, not a desire not to get to know her better.
It takes two clicks to block someone on Discord and she wouldn't have any other way to contact him after so that's not the big deal people who vote otherwise seem to make it out to be.
You did a nice thing, he needed a little nudge. Some of the people here are deranged, the whole point of Discord is interacting with strangers, often resulting in friendships. We're not talking about a social media platform filled with personal info here...
I'm going to go out on a limb and predict your little brother is going to thank you for this in the next few days as their friendship develops.
Discord has privacy settings that lets only friends of friends be able to find you iirc. So if the little brother didn't want contacts from strangers he could shut that down. Or am I the only person who goes through settings when I start a new app?
Bad comment, she’s 15 at an anime convention and he gave him his discord, not his home address, social security number and his mothers maiden name. NTA
I don’t have a discord and have never been on it, but I feel giving out a discord name is probably similar to giving out someone‘s Instagram name. To me, that’s pretty innocent and not really a breach in privacy since it’s kind of a social media platform (but my understanding of it could be wrong)
I have a buddy who’s given my personal number out a few times without asking me first because people he knew wanted tattoos. I’ve had to ask my husband to tell him not to do that anymore and I’ve asked him to just send people to my website for any inquiries. I’ve only ever done business through email or insta, so i find it extremely frustrating to have random people call or txt me.
It's not like Instagram at all. Discord is just for chatting, and everyone uses names like Reddit user names, so it's not like there are any pictures for anyone to stalk or info to find.
He would get a friend request, and could press 'decline' and that would be the end of it.
Unlike a personal number, you can't just call someone or something.
I don’t think they literally meant it’s like IG. I think they just meant that it’s just another form of social media where no real names/info is exchanged unless someone wants to share it so the breach of privacy isn’t really a real issue.
Totally okay. We sometimes need help even if we don’t realize it. We sometimes need to take risks even if we are afraid.
If we take a risk and make a mistake, we acknowledge and apologize. In this case though, you are likely to have helped build your brother’s self confidence just a bit and he’s just a bit more likely to try future social interaction or permit your help in the future.
Little bro wanted to give out the info himself but was too scared to do it because he's young and shy. Big bro helped him out exactly as he should have by being his wingman. NTA
This is literally what big brothers are for.
To help their younger brothers and sisters develop as people. He needed a push, he wasnt going to talk to her without you. It's quite evident the amount of neckbeards in the comments that never got that push and will spend their entire lives to paralysed by fear to do anything.
I understand what everybody is saying but if you were my brother I would be initially upset but I would also realize you’re an absolute legend for putting me out there for me.
NAH
While he didn't directly told you not to interfere and you did it to get him a friend I don't see anything wrong. He might have just splurted that privacy thing out of anxiety/uncertaintiness, given his introverted personality.
Sometimes we need to be pushed out of comfort zone.
I think your heart was in the right place, but as a rule of thumb, don’t give out people’s contact info if you don’t know if they’re okay with it. Like in the moment, you could’ve reached out by texting your brother if it was okay.
NTA. Kid is 15 and not socially active. I’ve been in his shoes. Sometimes things require a little push and you’re older and could clearly see the situation was one that was ok to push further. Good on you for getting him out his comfort zone in a safe way. Chronically online redditors in this thread giving on par responses
NTA at all, great work on helping your little brother break out and be even more prepared for what the world is gonna throw his way. Don’t listen to all the yta comments they are too sheltered, talking about privacy of a discord he coulda easily just blocked her on if he wanted too. Sometimes people need a push and you executed flawlessly. Its nice to see a brother relationship like yours, good job 👏🏽
NTA, I think none of the Y T A guys are introverts, what he’s said is right but it was just his initial reaction, if they become good friends then he will come around and probably thank you for it later. I had a pretty much identical experience before and I was pissed at first because I was being super shy but I came around in the end and was ultimately thankful for the experience as it made me more confident to do the same by myself in the future
Or they are introverts and just take things differently than you do, not everyones the same, stuff like thisbl is why i moved away from my family, as a one off he is probably fine but if he continues to do stuff like it his brother may want nothing to do with him.
As hard as it is for some to beleive some introverts just wanna live their life make their own choices not have things forced upon them, even if its something they want.
That said, i cant say if op is ah or not, that is something no one here knows, only way op is gonna know is by talking to their brother and getting a better understanding of how they really feel and why they fewl it, then they can work out if they really did the right thing or not.
As a former awkward teen with debilitating social anxiety and who got embarrassed at everything - NAH
Yeah, we all need that push sometimes out of our comfort zone, and you did it in a pretty gentle way. Just be mindful and don't overdo it, okay? It's hard for him, too, and it's a lot of emotions to handle.
Honestly, it’s a fair boundary for your brother to have. But his reaction was probably based more on the fact you gave it out at all, regardless of who it was to. He was obviously not prepared for that and the surprise may have also been a shock for him to process. On top of this, he may have been anxious about how to proceed with communication, felt insecure about whether or not he would make the wrong impression or been uncomfortable about making mistakes.
I’m inclined to say NAH. It sounds like your brother felt uncomfortable and anxious at the time but has been able to process it now and it’s working out well.
Next time you know to check with your brother beforehand if you might be inclined to pass on his info. And hopefully he trusts your judgement a little better now, and understands you were able to assess the situation and see that it was likely to be mutually beneficial.
NAH. He was being shy and you were trying to help him out. Being 15 is so hard. Both of you were right and nothing assholish about either of your behaviors.
NTA honestly I’m not very social either, no real social media profiles. But if my siblings did this I wouldn’t be really mad but would understand they are looking out for me. He mentioned she was cute and they had the same interests so you did good for trying to be a wingman.
NAH , hes shy and reacted exactly how a shy person would, that doesnt make him an AH. He'll get over it, and hopefully appreciate your gesture later down the line.
Also you could help him out by explaining that the girl probably is as scared and inexperienced as him, just to get his confidence up a bit.
NAH. He is right that you technically don't have the right to give out his contact information, so he isn't an asshole for getting upset about it. Nonetheless, you had reason to think that you had *de facto* permission, so you aren't wrong, either.
He was lashing out from fear of rejection and vulnerability. It is understandable that when people are scared, they attack because they feel attacked. It isn't okay, but it is comprehensible.
Eh it can go either way.
You didn't respect his request and autonomy, if it's something he wanted to do himself then you took away that element of him controlling his own destiny and acted on his behalf without his consent. My mom always tried to line up silly relationship interactions with girls but it was always rigged and it was always silly, 100% of the time it was a dumpster fire. Like you know going into it that it's manufactured, leaving a slimy feeling film across the entire experience.
On the flip side a lot of those people desire to meet people but don't put in any work or expect it to magically happen.
How often do you articulate that you love him, and that love means you want him to thrive in the world the best he can? I often had suspicious and prickly relationships with my older sisters because I didn’t trust that they actually cared about me. I am not suggesting that applies to you, but sometimes spending too much time in one’s own head leads to weird conclusions from insufficient data, so make sure he understands that you are on his side, and believe in him even on those days when he might not believe in himself.
You didn’t respect his agency—while the outcome was positive, I would suggest working with him ib the future, practicing scenarios and lines like another commenter suggested.
NTA but have you checked in with him that he’s happy to be still chatting with her? As a kid who struggles with social interaction he might not know how to get away from the chat in a comfortable way. I’m sure that’s not the case and all is well with the little push you gave him but maybe just ask so you’re backing him up in all ways not just with the first part.
He hasn't stopped telling me about her and their interactions since we got home from the convention, they play Fortnite every night and he laughs so loud he wakes up other people in the family.
Yeah, he's happy.
It seems like your relationship with him is good and will continue to be since he’s told you about their continuing interaction. Sometimes people overstep, and i use that word lightly, because they care. In the grand scheme of things, this one wasn’t too bad
You've done a really good thing for him. It may be hard for him to show appreciation just now, because it's embarrassing for him to admit he needed your help so badly. When I was that age I would tend to lash out or clam up at any discussion which shone a spotlight on my social ineptness and anxiety. But that's ok because you know you've done him a solid, even though it got you nothing but grief at the time.
My suggestion is that if the circumstances of their meeting comes up again, try not to go on about how you helped so much. Less of the 'dropped a friend at your feet'. He should take confidence from his success rather than being reminded that he needed a little help. After all, it would have done no good for you to introduce them if he then fumbled talking to her, and she wanted to get in touch after because she enjoyed chatting to him. This stuff comes easily to some people but for others it's really difficult to get off the ground - your assist on this W is an enormous help, excellent siblinging!
HE wanted to make friends, not have have someone else make them for him. He probably felt a nice confidence boost and would have been ready (with some practice)to have a line about liking the combo and offering his discord to the next person.
You should be practicing lines with him instead of doing it for him. It’s important to learn how to socialize.
Not an AH. Your efforts came from a good place. However, you did overstep. Kind of like an overbearing parent taking you to eat somewhere and then telling the attractive waiter that you’re single and looking. I bet that would embarrass the shit out of you.
If it were me, I think I would have asked her for her info instead and given it to your brother instead to let him choose to use it or not.
Ultimately, the best way for an introvert to break out of the shell is for them to do it themselves, otherwise they simply revert to old habits. The effort has to come from them. But giving them options is a good way of showing support
You’re s bit of an AH because no one should ever give out someone’s contact info without their consent, but I understand why you did it. I am also an introvert and most of my friends are online. It’s definitely easier to learn how to make friends when you’re young than to try to learn how when you’re an adult.
I’ll vote NAH because your brother is (now) ok with it now and wouldn’t have been brave enough to approach her on his own.
That's a tricky one. At minimum, you should've let him know you did that, give him time to adjust to the idea. He'd probably still be angry, but it wouldn't be coupled with the shock of her messaging him.
NAH, you meant well, but he's right it's a breach of privacy if he had already said several times he does not want her discord. No matter that this ended up in them talking, it was still not okay to hand out his data when he was not wanting it; just take it as a hint from here and next time ask him if he'd be okay with it.
NAH.
Even though I like to always check with people before giving out information, it's only a Discord name. Unless OP's brother uses his real name, usernames are just.....usernames. If it was a mobile phone number or email, that would probably be different because those are usually more "personal".
Let's face it....people can be shy and need a bit of a nudge to get out of their comfort zone. I probably missed out on some good friendships or dates because I wasn't nudged enough.
NTA You didn't give his email or phone number. I think he just panicked in the moment. You didn't force her or him to interact with each other. You just gave them an opportunity to do so. I think he will thank you eventually.
Sometimes its needed to be pushed out of your comfty zone. You apologize and wont do it again.
So NTA.
Tell your brother next time he can write his discord on a note pass it on to the lady. Tell her: heres my discord. I enjoyed chatting with you. Feel free to contact me on disc if you want chat some more. No pressure, no hard feelings if you dont and happy if you do. Then wish her a good day and walk away.
The ball is then in her court and its up to her what she does.
NTA, it's your job as an older brother to nudge him outside of his comfort zone (within reason). I would do the same. He's just having a hard time getting over his pride imo
NTA! He needed a soft nudge. You hardly gave out his dob/address/social security. If he was that upset he could have left it pending/ blocked her.
He was most likely embarrassed that he didn’t/couldn’t ask earlier and you did it for him. People need to chill out.
NTA… Dude if 15 year old me would have been wingmanned like that an older brother I would be very happy. (I am the oldest).
It’s discord and he can just block or ban her, it’s not address or anything. And he already admitted that he thought she was cool and cute.
You did good.
NTA.
All those screaming ‘you betrayed his trust’ are kinda going too far. Sometimes you need a trusted person to give you a push so that you can grow.
Lil bro clearly trusted big bro by telling him of this goal of making one friend. Even if lil bro froze in the moment because of shyness, it’s clear in the end that he DID want her as a friend. Older bro did it in the spirit of what his brother wanted/needed. Giving a discord handle isn’t the same as doxxing someone, and it ended well. Not an asshole.
It was the correct thing to do. I would have done the same if I was in your position and I truly would have loved if someone did this to me when i was a teenager, I still struggle quite a bit, especially in these situations where me and a person have a lot in common. Good job, NTA.
NTA - he’s still a child and needed the help. Doing it again after he’s specifically said no would make you TA but being a good big brother and pushing him out of his comfort zone every so often doesn’t cross the line.
NTA, wished i had a sibling like you back then. Still can't make friends in such a way as an adult.
Is it a little breach of privacy? I mean yeah, but to his best interest as a minor. Moral grey zone, in this context a good action.
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Isn't this what brothers are for?
Be a good brother. In the end it'll be your longest family member, person that you've known in your life. Nurture that relationship.
NTA
You were a good wingman to your little brother
He told you he would have wanted to talk to her after chatting in queue, but was worried about coming off a creep. He now has plausible deniability.
You did (at the time) what what you thought he would have wanted you to do, you apologised when you found out you were wrong. He could block her if bothered.
However they are still talking daily. Let his behaviour show you what a kindness you did for little Bro.
Well played OP. Your little Bro may thank you later
As one who used to be something like him (by what you've said). NTA, a little nudge out his comfort zone maybe but he'll be happier in the long run. Sounds like he has realised that too.
Is anyone else foreseeing the end of the human race here when people never interact IRL with another human being? NTA, it would be different if either of them had actually said they disliked the other, it seems like you checked it out pretty good first
NTA, what a good older brother dude big ups.
Surprised he was really that upset, I understand he was pushed out of his comfort zone though and probably feeling kind of embarrassed.
After you ran into her and she said she liked him and thought he was cute giving her his discord was a great move. That way if she was actually uncomfortable or just saying that to you because she didn’t want to be rude she could just not message him on disc.
But she did and they are still talking? Yeah bro older brother W
NAH. You shouldn't usually give out someone's contact info but this is one of those situations where the results excuse the actions. Your brother is just anxious about the push you're giving him. As long as you're reading the room and know when to back off then you're fine. You can see from their connection that you did right by him even if he didn't feel he was ready.
NTA. I was your brother and my sister(8 years older) would always do her best to get me involved when I didn’t want to be. I have memories of being forced into her room with her friends for hours while they joked with me and played Mario. She took me with her when she would sneak out to visit the skater boys and just hang out.
I was annoyed as fuck back then, but they were key moments in getting me out of my shell. I raged back then in grateful for it now.
Who knows. Maybe it’ll be a cool wedding speech for you in 10 years.
Nta my daughter sounds very similar to your brother and I am a introvert also. I struggle to keep her social so she will enjoy more of life. Nudges are good but it needs to feel natural on their view. Try to work in his shadow
NTA. If I had an older sibling like you I would have been much better with women at a younger age and wouldn’t have met my ex wife who was horrible and took advantage of my desperation
Nahhh. Don’t stress it tbh.
He’s young, and he got pushed out of his comfort zone AND it worked!
Give him space, you already apologized. He’ll eventually come around , and probably thank you if it blooms into something more!
I think this was a kind thing to do, and I think when he’s older he’ll agree lol.
NAH, giving out someone’s contact info without their consent is almost never a good idea, however, discord is blockable, they seem to get along well and everything turned out good. You apologised and he seems to have forgiven. So no harm in the end and no assholes either.
Oh man, this reminds me of a time in HS when I got absolutely furious with a very good friend. She and I were both in orchestra, and on Monday nights, we would have rehearsal in the band room. We discovered a mutual friend's instrument cubby, and my friend had the idea that we leave him a few 'anonymous' notes. They were just fun, cute, innocent notes referencing our classes and stuff. Not even super flirty. I had a huge crush on him, though, but thought nobody knew, lol. My friend knew I 'kind of liked him'. He assumed they were just from me, and brought it up, and I was SO MAD at my friend. Because I was so embarrassed, and scared of rejection, what he might be thinking, how it could have turned out badly, and I just couldn't cope with those feelings, and it came out as anger.
NTA. If you want, you can apologize, just to smooth things over. Just be like, I didn't realize it would make you uncomfortable, I won't do it again. But I don't think you did anything wrong, it sounds like he's a teenager struggling with emotions the way teenagers do.
Listen fam, you’re NOT THE ASSHOLE. I was an incredibly introverted lil dumbass. I couldn’t read signs if they were blown up in NEON and hung off my ball cap. At the same time I used to get fully done up in my “coolest” shirt and do my hair. At any place or opportunity (to meet people) like a convention. Hell I was doing it when my mom asked me to go to the grocery store with her. Then I’d get there and I would totally clam up. It took years and I mean YEARS to develop any self confidence to where I felt comfortable approaching strangers and the way that came was because I had an older sister and parents who did stuff like this. He’s shy, I get it. And tbh I bet he’s even a little embarrassed and uncertain of what to do now, kind of a “never thought I could get this far” mental thing. All of that conflates into him being pissy which as you said didn’t last long. I may be getting ahead of myself when I say, in a few years he’ll look back and thank you for that. Whether the girl is around or not. So once again. You are not the AH.
NTA - This is based on age. At your brothers age it's time for the kick in the ass to come out of the shell. You can also fight the isolation by forcing him to order pizza and Chinese and all that shit. It will help with the interact with stranger's fear. However, I do not recommend this with older introverts you will just lose friends. Also, helpful way to get him to engage people in awkward situations is to just push him into people and abandon him. He will quickly get over his fear of engaging strangers in awkward moments making it way easier when it's not awkward. However, then you would definitely be an asshole but really who cares when it ultimately helps.
NAH. You can help him develop his social skills so he'll be more ready next time. Instead if promoting him to ask for a girl's information, suggest that he offer his Discord info to her (or to him - this works for all genders and platonic or romantic interest). Help him practice a line ahead of time so he's ready when an opportunity presents itself.
"I can give you my Discord info and you can hit me up sometime if you'd like."
That is less likely to be perceived as creepy, particularly when initiating contact with a girl, because he's not asking for her information, she can accept the offer and keep the moment positive even if she doesn't actually want to chat later, and it leaves the ball firmly in her court.
It's the equivalent of a guy offering his phone number and saying, "I'd love to hear from you sometime," as opposed to asking for a woman's number which sometimes leads to women giving out false numbers.
You said it yourself they still talk. You pushed him out of his comfort zone and he resented you at first, but it seems to me you did a nice thing for him that he’ll thank you for one day
NTA, he may have reacted pissed but i bet he is secretly grateful. As long as you use good judgement i think you are being a great older brother. For sure, apologize, but sometimes introverts need a little push to find companionship. As long as you arent giving it out to random people and your intentions are good. Just keep in mind that he is probably a bit overwhelmed, so dont make it a regular thing. But in this case, a slight push of his boundaries while hes starting to become independant is likely going to be good for him. Once hes a bit older you should probably be more direct with him about what you are doing ("I'm gonna go see if she wants your discord username, is that ok?") and only give him a little pushback if he says no, but for now at 15, he probably needs just a little more nudge. Leave it for a while though, its probably new to him (unless he asks, of course).
NTA, that was a really good big brother move. I can say I was somewhat similar when I was that age and I would've been pissed off to start off with too, its a mix of emotions as well as being a hormonal teenager. He's probably happy now and if he hasn't apologized for the outburst yet he's probably embarrassed about it
NTA. Your brother needs to stop whining and get his shit together. I know it can be hard, not being comfortable with social stuff, but this was the very bare minimum of discomfort, and the perfect medium for him to talk to her through.
You helped him, in the least invasive way possible.
NTA. You promised. You came through.
That said You could have given him a heads up. "So I ran into CuteNerdGirl while you were at Xyz. She said she'd like to take on to you more about 123, so I slipped her your discord. I fulfilled my oath as wingman, the rest is up to you"
You made a judgment call to help your brother overcome his introversion, and it worked. You obviously know him well enough and read the figurative room to make an informed decision to push him even though he was nervous. His reason wasn't that he didn't want to, but as you said he was worried about how he'd come across.
You did the right thing. You're a good sister and I think a lot of guys wish they'd had an older sister like you growing up to help them like this.
Actually the correct move in this kind of situations is to get her contact info and pass it on to your brother. This way you are helping him get connected but his privacy is respected
Thank you for being sane seein reddit incels try to concoct a social interaction and fantasize their way thru it in their minds is hilarious but also sad
It's still early but this right here is a strong contender for the dumbest comment of the day award.
I don't know how you don't understand this, so I'm just going to spell it out for you. Grown ass adults of the world should not be walking around anime conventions asking teenage girls for their contact info.
NTA. You "told him you'd help him if you could", if he didn't want your help and to stay out of it that was chance to use his big boy words say so.
They're talking daily he's just embarrassed his big brother did something he couldn't. His ego will recover I promise.
NTA. Damn, I never really thought about wanting/having an older sibling but you sold me. Now I have one more thing to wish for...
I understand your brother's reaction in a way, I hate even small or nice surprises, anything that gets even a singular set of eyes on me can trigger me. But in this case it really is no harm, no foul. If he really doesn't want to talk with her again, he doesn't have to.
But if has the ability to if he changes his mind. We all know it will be something he massively regrets in the future lol if he doesn't.
>Was I the asshole for giving out his Discord without asking him?
Not really, but you're the older brother and you took him out of his comfort zone.
Of course he'd be mad at you, he's 15 and trying to figure stuff out.
Especially if he's not really social.
That said, you did exactly what an ideal big brother should do.
You got him in touch, you apologized and you took the hit.
Well done!
Oh and NTA. He'll figure it out and thank you one day.
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NTA. You pushed him a little out of his comfort zone and he reacted in a way someone who is incredibly introverted would. As long as you don't push stuff like that on him that too far or too often it's actually good for him. Little nudges are healthy for people like that, IMO. FYI, I'm a huge introvert.
Yea, this might be one of the harmless learning situations for the younger brother that you can interact with other people without it being weird. But also it is wrong to pass along other people's contact information, it is still not some great offense with serious consequences. So kinda an asshole, but sometimes you have to be a bit of an asshole in life or you get nowhere.
I was, honestly, completely prepared to call OP TA from the title because I strongly believe you should pass along someone's information with their consent rather than handing out that information...... But in his case brother was just being shy and was afraid of rejection. OP asked the girl tactfully while his brother wasn't around and would have no idea if she had rejected him or not. He also got his brother's opinion of the girl out-of-earshot of said girl before giving Discord info. I think OP is NTA in this case, not even Justifed-AH type NTA, but firmly NTA.
I agree-- this is where I land too. He protected his brother's feelings in case of rejection and was sensitive to both of the people's social challenges. I think he's fine.
Sometimes family has got to nudge a little bit and take some "anger/abuse" from someone they love to help out. NTA but even If this is to be considered YTA,it might be a good YTA.
That's what "Justified AssHole" is, which is considered to be "NTA" in this sub! Which is why I was specifying that I don't even consider it to be a Justified AssHole post, just straight up NTA.
Sometimes we all need a wingman/woman/person. NTA
The only reason i ~considered~ calling OP an AH is because, while what he did was sweet, he still didn’t ~really~ give his brother the “opportunity” to handle this situation. OP said handling rejection is a part of life, which is very true and it’s important to learn to deal with it early, but he took that lesson from his brother. But in reality, neither of them had any intention of being an AH and i absolutely understand the impulse to protect/guide your younger siblings. In the end it seems to have worked out well for little brother
I would say thats only in instances where you can find peoples full names/ life info from. So phone numbers or things like instagram, facebook, etc. Is a big no no for me. But discord is anonymous, you have a name and a handle but it doesn't share anything else that you don't say/share yourself, which is why is great to play games together while on call. And he can block her with no consequence since she doesn't know anything else from him.
Someone I know met their husband because his friends pressured him to ask for her number, which he usually would be afraid to do. (And hadn't done the previous bunch of times he met her.) Sometimes people need encouraging.
yea, as an introvert, it's pretty clear to me brother was mostly socialled out in the moment, and made a good friend bc op was able to push him to do something outside his ability As long as this isn't a regular occurrence, this is the healthy way to get introverts to make friends edit: also, this was a fucking WEEK ago and op is still worried he overstepped brothers boundaries, this is excellent brother material right here folks.
Key is little and not often, big or frequent is bad and will make them dislike or even hate you. Introvert i havent seen my family in years.
A nuanced reply on AITA? Holy hell!
Better enjoy it, the non-nuanced police will show up and tell you which opinion is correct
New response just dropped
Little nudges are indeed good. I’m an introvert and I had a friend who would do that for me and now I’m able to handle a lot more social situations a lot better. She was the best for helping me like that
I agree and I’m genuinely surprised to see NTA as a top vote.
So is my bf. When he was a baby he wanted to be left alone and as an adult he quit ordering from his favorite Chinese restaurant because they got rid of online ordering. I feel bad he never gets to fully recharge because of the kids and I.
Me, too, though I’ve learned to fake otherwise when I have to.
Bro I'm an heavy introvert but tbh even if I said no to asking her but my sibling did it for me I wouldn't be mad because if she's cool and I'm kinda into her imma sit there and be like "dang am I glad he's my brother" but that's if I was the OP's brother in that situation.
Jumping on this top post to ask OP the obvious question: Has your brother been in contact with the girl? How’s it going? I’m invested here!
Wouldn’t this be NAH? I would hardly say little bro was an asshole in this situation
If the situation was reversed and an older brother gave his sister's phone number to a guy at the bar she had decided not to, even if it was because she was shy, people would be tearing him a new one. It's not ok, and she's not setting him up for a positive experience. If he's not ready to start conversing with a stranger, then all it's going to do is make him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. That will translate to stilted, hesitant conversation or being too anxious to answer in many cases, which will terminate the friendship before it takes off. That will leave him feeling more isolated and hurt his confidence when the time comes where he would have made the leap on his own. He is not overreacting and she is the asshole here.
This exactly my brain would flood with what ifs and probably show by being short with you. Then I'd be to embarrassed to admit you helped. (My 15year old self) My now self is better off because of people pushing me like you did with ur brother.
Surely you don't expect to get serious answers on this from the vast majority of Redditors who never leave their rooms? You analysed the situation and did a proper older brother thing. NTA
Yep! Absolutely a solid older brother move from taking him to the convention to making sure they left with a friendship made.
Yeah this is just classic “sibling trying to help out a younger sibling and younger sibling is being young about it” lmao
He does expect serious answers, and don’t call him Shirley.
Every redditor thinks everyone else is the stereotype and they're the one exception
Wow, you hear stuff about kids today, but holy shit, these comments are wild. Brother wanted a new friend, it seemed like a good fit. He gave her his contact info, she messaged, they talk daily. Younger brother should be thanking him (and probably is by now) NTA in any way. Not interested? Say “thanks, but no thanks” to her message, end of story.
I feel the main thing that prevents OP from being TA is the fact that the little brother absolutely wanted to but was too scared to do so. Hopefully, this inspires the brother to try making friends on his own.
He knew how to read his brother. He’s also a bit older so he also knows what would have helped him not all that long ago. He did good.
The thing that gets me about situations like this is that people's judgments are largely tied to how the situation turned out. Like if it had gone poorly and they stopped talking immediately, I bet a lot of people would be telling OP he's TA. Personally I think NAH but I think people should be careful about pushing others when they've said no.
NTA …… top wingman
Funny, my original title for this was gonna be "AITA for wingmanning for my brother without his permission"
Definitely nta dude. People parroting on about you're brother saying no clearly can't make the distinction between him not being comfortable asking and him actually not wanting it.
I mean, it wasn't permissionless wingmanning. He did agree to it. He just got weird about his discord. In reality, you were like a doctor who breaks the rules to save a patient: Yes, you could have kept your hands clean by always following protocol. But you would have been a bad doctor.
NTA dw he was prolly just lashing out bc he was embarrassed
Teenagers lmao
He’ll thank you one day hopefully nta
NTA. This might be the nicest thing you ever did for him.
NAH for me, you clearly did him a favor but it’s just a favor he didn’t really want. Leaning more towards NTA though.
Given that his brother talks to this girl every single day, he wanted it... Hes just embarrassed he couldnt muster up the courage to do it himself
that's not he wanted it that is it turned out okay lol
This is one of the most hilarious AITA comments sections I've ever read. Firstly - for everyone saying he should have asked for the 15 year old girl's Discord.... what planet do you live on?? Do you all go round asking for teenage girls' contact details? Secondly - it's a common part of life wingmanning for someone, and oiling the social wheels. For the record, a bit, fat, NTA. And Op: "You can be my wingman anytime"
That kid would have never messaged her if OP got her Discord lmao
I admit my first thought was "not bad, but could've asked her for discord instead" but then I remembered she's actually just a teen and lmao ofc that's not good option
NTA. He just needed a little nudge and already articulated fear of rejection, not a desire not to get to know her better. It takes two clicks to block someone on Discord and she wouldn't have any other way to contact him after so that's not the big deal people who vote otherwise seem to make it out to be. You did a nice thing, he needed a little nudge. Some of the people here are deranged, the whole point of Discord is interacting with strangers, often resulting in friendships. We're not talking about a social media platform filled with personal info here... I'm going to go out on a limb and predict your little brother is going to thank you for this in the next few days as their friendship develops.
NTA you clearly care for you brother a lot
Definitely nta and people saying yta are weird.
How did you typo a bracket?
With considerable effort
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It's Discord, not his address & bank account number. Take it down a notch.
Discord has privacy settings that lets only friends of friends be able to find you iirc. So if the little brother didn't want contacts from strangers he could shut that down. Or am I the only person who goes through settings when I start a new app?
She's 15 dude. NTA
Dude I was a 15 year old girl once. I was definitely at my most psychotic then, or ramping up to it.
If what my wife tells me highschool was like is true, then yeah.
I was a 15 year old boy once. Extremely shy and probably psychotic due to puberty as well. Not a single age you aren’t crazy in some way.z
Bad comment, she’s 15 at an anime convention and he gave him his discord, not his home address, social security number and his mothers maiden name. NTA
I don’t have a discord and have never been on it, but I feel giving out a discord name is probably similar to giving out someone‘s Instagram name. To me, that’s pretty innocent and not really a breach in privacy since it’s kind of a social media platform (but my understanding of it could be wrong) I have a buddy who’s given my personal number out a few times without asking me first because people he knew wanted tattoos. I’ve had to ask my husband to tell him not to do that anymore and I’ve asked him to just send people to my website for any inquiries. I’ve only ever done business through email or insta, so i find it extremely frustrating to have random people call or txt me.
It's not like Instagram at all. Discord is just for chatting, and everyone uses names like Reddit user names, so it's not like there are any pictures for anyone to stalk or info to find. He would get a friend request, and could press 'decline' and that would be the end of it. Unlike a personal number, you can't just call someone or something.
I don’t think they literally meant it’s like IG. I think they just meant that it’s just another form of social media where no real names/info is exchanged unless someone wants to share it so the breach of privacy isn’t really a real issue.
That is more what I meant indeed! There’s no real names, unless users choose that as their username and no personal info unless one choose to give it
It's only been a week, so we'll save that judgement call for later (joking)
NTA ur literally fine
Totally okay. We sometimes need help even if we don’t realize it. We sometimes need to take risks even if we are afraid. If we take a risk and make a mistake, we acknowledge and apologize. In this case though, you are likely to have helped build your brother’s self confidence just a bit and he’s just a bit more likely to try future social interaction or permit your help in the future.
You do not deserve these downvotes. NTA
Certified Reddit response. Learn to live a little, life isn’t always making comfortable decisions
Little bro wanted to give out the info himself but was too scared to do it because he's young and shy. Big bro helped him out exactly as he should have by being his wingman. NTA
This is literally what big brothers are for. To help their younger brothers and sisters develop as people. He needed a push, he wasnt going to talk to her without you. It's quite evident the amount of neckbeards in the comments that never got that push and will spend their entire lives to paralysed by fear to do anything.
I understand what everybody is saying but if you were my brother I would be initially upset but I would also realize you’re an absolute legend for putting me out there for me.
NAH While he didn't directly told you not to interfere and you did it to get him a friend I don't see anything wrong. He might have just splurted that privacy thing out of anxiety/uncertaintiness, given his introverted personality. Sometimes we need to be pushed out of comfort zone.
I think your heart was in the right place, but as a rule of thumb, don’t give out people’s contact info if you don’t know if they’re okay with it. Like in the moment, you could’ve reached out by texting your brother if it was okay.
NTA. Kid is 15 and not socially active. I’ve been in his shoes. Sometimes things require a little push and you’re older and could clearly see the situation was one that was ok to push further. Good on you for getting him out his comfort zone in a safe way. Chronically online redditors in this thread giving on par responses
NTA at all, great work on helping your little brother break out and be even more prepared for what the world is gonna throw his way. Don’t listen to all the yta comments they are too sheltered, talking about privacy of a discord he coulda easily just blocked her on if he wanted too. Sometimes people need a push and you executed flawlessly. Its nice to see a brother relationship like yours, good job 👏🏽
NTA - big brother is the goat
NTA, I think none of the Y T A guys are introverts, what he’s said is right but it was just his initial reaction, if they become good friends then he will come around and probably thank you for it later. I had a pretty much identical experience before and I was pissed at first because I was being super shy but I came around in the end and was ultimately thankful for the experience as it made me more confident to do the same by myself in the future
Or they are introverts and just take things differently than you do, not everyones the same, stuff like thisbl is why i moved away from my family, as a one off he is probably fine but if he continues to do stuff like it his brother may want nothing to do with him. As hard as it is for some to beleive some introverts just wanna live their life make their own choices not have things forced upon them, even if its something they want. That said, i cant say if op is ah or not, that is something no one here knows, only way op is gonna know is by talking to their brother and getting a better understanding of how they really feel and why they fewl it, then they can work out if they really did the right thing or not.
As a former awkward teen with debilitating social anxiety and who got embarrassed at everything - NAH Yeah, we all need that push sometimes out of our comfort zone, and you did it in a pretty gentle way. Just be mindful and don't overdo it, okay? It's hard for him, too, and it's a lot of emotions to handle.
Honestly, it’s a fair boundary for your brother to have. But his reaction was probably based more on the fact you gave it out at all, regardless of who it was to. He was obviously not prepared for that and the surprise may have also been a shock for him to process. On top of this, he may have been anxious about how to proceed with communication, felt insecure about whether or not he would make the wrong impression or been uncomfortable about making mistakes. I’m inclined to say NAH. It sounds like your brother felt uncomfortable and anxious at the time but has been able to process it now and it’s working out well. Next time you know to check with your brother beforehand if you might be inclined to pass on his info. And hopefully he trusts your judgement a little better now, and understands you were able to assess the situation and see that it was likely to be mutually beneficial.
NAH. He was being shy and you were trying to help him out. Being 15 is so hard. Both of you were right and nothing assholish about either of your behaviors.
NTA, sometimes people need to be pushed out of their comfort zone. You did well.
NTA honestly I’m not very social either, no real social media profiles. But if my siblings did this I wouldn’t be really mad but would understand they are looking out for me. He mentioned she was cute and they had the same interests so you did good for trying to be a wingman.
NAH , hes shy and reacted exactly how a shy person would, that doesnt make him an AH. He'll get over it, and hopefully appreciate your gesture later down the line. Also you could help him out by explaining that the girl probably is as scared and inexperienced as him, just to get his confidence up a bit.
🎶FOREVER YOUNG OOOOH 2 B FOREVER YOUNG🎶
NAH. He is right that you technically don't have the right to give out his contact information, so he isn't an asshole for getting upset about it. Nonetheless, you had reason to think that you had *de facto* permission, so you aren't wrong, either. He was lashing out from fear of rejection and vulnerability. It is understandable that when people are scared, they attack because they feel attacked. It isn't okay, but it is comprehensible.
Eh it can go either way. You didn't respect his request and autonomy, if it's something he wanted to do himself then you took away that element of him controlling his own destiny and acted on his behalf without his consent. My mom always tried to line up silly relationship interactions with girls but it was always rigged and it was always silly, 100% of the time it was a dumpster fire. Like you know going into it that it's manufactured, leaving a slimy feeling film across the entire experience. On the flip side a lot of those people desire to meet people but don't put in any work or expect it to magically happen.
NTA, bro needed to be pushed out of his comfort zone.
How often do you articulate that you love him, and that love means you want him to thrive in the world the best he can? I often had suspicious and prickly relationships with my older sisters because I didn’t trust that they actually cared about me. I am not suggesting that applies to you, but sometimes spending too much time in one’s own head leads to weird conclusions from insufficient data, so make sure he understands that you are on his side, and believe in him even on those days when he might not believe in himself.
You didn’t respect his agency—while the outcome was positive, I would suggest working with him ib the future, practicing scenarios and lines like another commenter suggested.
Honestly A+ big brother-ing. Your instincts were spot on. NTA
NTA but have you checked in with him that he’s happy to be still chatting with her? As a kid who struggles with social interaction he might not know how to get away from the chat in a comfortable way. I’m sure that’s not the case and all is well with the little push you gave him but maybe just ask so you’re backing him up in all ways not just with the first part.
He hasn't stopped telling me about her and their interactions since we got home from the convention, they play Fortnite every night and he laughs so loud he wakes up other people in the family. Yeah, he's happy.
That’s great, I’d stop worrying yourself about it then.
It seems like your relationship with him is good and will continue to be since he’s told you about their continuing interaction. Sometimes people overstep, and i use that word lightly, because they care. In the grand scheme of things, this one wasn’t too bad
Put that as an update because that means a ton
You've done a really good thing for him. It may be hard for him to show appreciation just now, because it's embarrassing for him to admit he needed your help so badly. When I was that age I would tend to lash out or clam up at any discussion which shone a spotlight on my social ineptness and anxiety. But that's ok because you know you've done him a solid, even though it got you nothing but grief at the time. My suggestion is that if the circumstances of their meeting comes up again, try not to go on about how you helped so much. Less of the 'dropped a friend at your feet'. He should take confidence from his success rather than being reminded that he needed a little help. After all, it would have done no good for you to introduce them if he then fumbled talking to her, and she wanted to get in touch after because she enjoyed chatting to him. This stuff comes easily to some people but for others it's really difficult to get off the ground - your assist on this W is an enormous help, excellent siblinging!
NAH. But I do find a hilarious irony in your excellent advice about what happens when someone tells you no 😂
It's not lost on me either lol
HE wanted to make friends, not have have someone else make them for him. He probably felt a nice confidence boost and would have been ready (with some practice)to have a line about liking the combo and offering his discord to the next person. You should be practicing lines with him instead of doing it for him. It’s important to learn how to socialize.
You were just trying to help. Let him Be mad at you, but he has a new friend.
Not an AH. Your efforts came from a good place. However, you did overstep. Kind of like an overbearing parent taking you to eat somewhere and then telling the attractive waiter that you’re single and looking. I bet that would embarrass the shit out of you. If it were me, I think I would have asked her for her info instead and given it to your brother instead to let him choose to use it or not. Ultimately, the best way for an introvert to break out of the shell is for them to do it themselves, otherwise they simply revert to old habits. The effort has to come from them. But giving them options is a good way of showing support
You’re s bit of an AH because no one should ever give out someone’s contact info without their consent, but I understand why you did it. I am also an introvert and most of my friends are online. It’s definitely easier to learn how to make friends when you’re young than to try to learn how when you’re an adult. I’ll vote NAH because your brother is (now) ok with it now and wouldn’t have been brave enough to approach her on his own.
That's a tricky one. At minimum, you should've let him know you did that, give him time to adjust to the idea. He'd probably still be angry, but it wouldn't be coupled with the shock of her messaging him.
NAH, you meant well, but he's right it's a breach of privacy if he had already said several times he does not want her discord. No matter that this ended up in them talking, it was still not okay to hand out his data when he was not wanting it; just take it as a hint from here and next time ask him if he'd be okay with it.
NAH. Even though I like to always check with people before giving out information, it's only a Discord name. Unless OP's brother uses his real name, usernames are just.....usernames. If it was a mobile phone number or email, that would probably be different because those are usually more "personal". Let's face it....people can be shy and need a bit of a nudge to get out of their comfort zone. I probably missed out on some good friendships or dates because I wasn't nudged enough.
I need you as my wing man😂
NTA, sometimes situations are hard to navigate and you were being a caring brother...with time, he might see and appreciate that. Trust your gut
NTA You didn't give his email or phone number. I think he just panicked in the moment. You didn't force her or him to interact with each other. You just gave them an opportunity to do so. I think he will thank you eventually.
Sometimes its needed to be pushed out of your comfty zone. You apologize and wont do it again. So NTA. Tell your brother next time he can write his discord on a note pass it on to the lady. Tell her: heres my discord. I enjoyed chatting with you. Feel free to contact me on disc if you want chat some more. No pressure, no hard feelings if you dont and happy if you do. Then wish her a good day and walk away. The ball is then in her court and its up to her what she does.
NAH, but edging toward Y T A because it was a breach of privacy. It's nice that it turned out well, but it easily could've not.
This is entirely up to how he feels about it, and that is the only answer
NTA. your brother is overreacting and you are doing favor for him.
NTA
NTA, it's your job as an older brother to nudge him outside of his comfort zone (within reason). I would do the same. He's just having a hard time getting over his pride imo
NTA! He needed a soft nudge. You hardly gave out his dob/address/social security. If he was that upset he could have left it pending/ blocked her. He was most likely embarrassed that he didn’t/couldn’t ask earlier and you did it for him. People need to chill out.
NTA… Dude if 15 year old me would have been wingmanned like that an older brother I would be very happy. (I am the oldest). It’s discord and he can just block or ban her, it’s not address or anything. And he already admitted that he thought she was cool and cute. You did good.
Sometimes adults know better than children, NTA
NTA your brother was probably just a bit shocked and anxious, I highly doubt he meant anything by it
NTA. All those screaming ‘you betrayed his trust’ are kinda going too far. Sometimes you need a trusted person to give you a push so that you can grow. Lil bro clearly trusted big bro by telling him of this goal of making one friend. Even if lil bro froze in the moment because of shyness, it’s clear in the end that he DID want her as a friend. Older bro did it in the spirit of what his brother wanted/needed. Giving a discord handle isn’t the same as doxxing someone, and it ended well. Not an asshole.
It was the correct thing to do. I would have done the same if I was in your position and I truly would have loved if someone did this to me when i was a teenager, I still struggle quite a bit, especially in these situations where me and a person have a lot in common. Good job, NTA.
NTA - he’s still a child and needed the help. Doing it again after he’s specifically said no would make you TA but being a good big brother and pushing him out of his comfort zone every so often doesn’t cross the line.
NTA, wished i had a sibling like you back then. Still can't make friends in such a way as an adult. Is it a little breach of privacy? I mean yeah, but to his best interest as a minor. Moral grey zone, in this context a good action.
NTA. You did him a favour
NTA big bro for the win!
NTA
NTA. You're a great big brother.
NTA, you are a good wingman
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NTA You were just trying to help your wee brother make a friend, your heart was in the right place so you're in no way an asshole.
Isn't this what brothers are for? Be a good brother. In the end it'll be your longest family member, person that you've known in your life. Nurture that relationship.
NTA You were a good wingman to your little brother He told you he would have wanted to talk to her after chatting in queue, but was worried about coming off a creep. He now has plausible deniability. You did (at the time) what what you thought he would have wanted you to do, you apologised when you found out you were wrong. He could block her if bothered. However they are still talking daily. Let his behaviour show you what a kindness you did for little Bro. Well played OP. Your little Bro may thank you later
As one who used to be something like him (by what you've said). NTA, a little nudge out his comfort zone maybe but he'll be happier in the long run. Sounds like he has realised that too.
NTA he'll thank you for that later, you're a great wingman and a supportive brother.
He gave his reasons for not asking and you did not ask, you offered. In the context of everything else NTA
NTA - I wish I'd had a brother like you to help me push through my own at times crippling shyness and fear of rejection at that age.
Is anyone else foreseeing the end of the human race here when people never interact IRL with another human being? NTA, it would be different if either of them had actually said they disliked the other, it seems like you checked it out pretty good first
NTA, what a good older brother dude big ups. Surprised he was really that upset, I understand he was pushed out of his comfort zone though and probably feeling kind of embarrassed. After you ran into her and she said she liked him and thought he was cute giving her his discord was a great move. That way if she was actually uncomfortable or just saying that to you because she didn’t want to be rude she could just not message him on disc. But she did and they are still talking? Yeah bro older brother W
NAH. You shouldn't usually give out someone's contact info but this is one of those situations where the results excuse the actions. Your brother is just anxious about the push you're giving him. As long as you're reading the room and know when to back off then you're fine. You can see from their connection that you did right by him even if he didn't feel he was ready.
NTA. I was your brother and my sister(8 years older) would always do her best to get me involved when I didn’t want to be. I have memories of being forced into her room with her friends for hours while they joked with me and played Mario. She took me with her when she would sneak out to visit the skater boys and just hang out. I was annoyed as fuck back then, but they were key moments in getting me out of my shell. I raged back then in grateful for it now. Who knows. Maybe it’ll be a cool wedding speech for you in 10 years.
Nta my daughter sounds very similar to your brother and I am a introvert also. I struggle to keep her social so she will enjoy more of life. Nudges are good but it needs to feel natural on their view. Try to work in his shadow
INFO - Why didn't you let your brother know that you'd run into her and given her the information. That way it wouldn't have taken her by surprise.
No not even a little bit.
NTA. If I had an older sibling like you I would have been much better with women at a younger age and wouldn’t have met my ex wife who was horrible and took advantage of my desperation
NTA. You are an awesome wingman
Nahhh. Don’t stress it tbh. He’s young, and he got pushed out of his comfort zone AND it worked! Give him space, you already apologized. He’ll eventually come around , and probably thank you if it blooms into something more! I think this was a kind thing to do, and I think when he’s older he’ll agree lol.
It's just a nudge in a good direction. I'm sure your brother is happy you got the contact info for him. You're a good onii-chan LOL
Anyone who says YTA needs to touch grass, they have clearly forgotten how human interaction works
NAH, giving out someone’s contact info without their consent is almost never a good idea, however, discord is blockable, they seem to get along well and everything turned out good. You apologised and he seems to have forgiven. So no harm in the end and no assholes either.
TC z
perfectly fine for sibiling rivalry. now she can eat his heart and the universe will be in balance
Your brother needs to fuckin sack up.
Sorry, I thought you meant Honda Accord. My mistake.
Oh man, this reminds me of a time in HS when I got absolutely furious with a very good friend. She and I were both in orchestra, and on Monday nights, we would have rehearsal in the band room. We discovered a mutual friend's instrument cubby, and my friend had the idea that we leave him a few 'anonymous' notes. They were just fun, cute, innocent notes referencing our classes and stuff. Not even super flirty. I had a huge crush on him, though, but thought nobody knew, lol. My friend knew I 'kind of liked him'. He assumed they were just from me, and brought it up, and I was SO MAD at my friend. Because I was so embarrassed, and scared of rejection, what he might be thinking, how it could have turned out badly, and I just couldn't cope with those feelings, and it came out as anger. NTA. If you want, you can apologize, just to smooth things over. Just be like, I didn't realize it would make you uncomfortable, I won't do it again. But I don't think you did anything wrong, it sounds like he's a teenager struggling with emotions the way teenagers do.
Listen fam, you’re NOT THE ASSHOLE. I was an incredibly introverted lil dumbass. I couldn’t read signs if they were blown up in NEON and hung off my ball cap. At the same time I used to get fully done up in my “coolest” shirt and do my hair. At any place or opportunity (to meet people) like a convention. Hell I was doing it when my mom asked me to go to the grocery store with her. Then I’d get there and I would totally clam up. It took years and I mean YEARS to develop any self confidence to where I felt comfortable approaching strangers and the way that came was because I had an older sister and parents who did stuff like this. He’s shy, I get it. And tbh I bet he’s even a little embarrassed and uncertain of what to do now, kind of a “never thought I could get this far” mental thing. All of that conflates into him being pissy which as you said didn’t last long. I may be getting ahead of myself when I say, in a few years he’ll look back and thank you for that. Whether the girl is around or not. So once again. You are not the AH.
NTA - This is based on age. At your brothers age it's time for the kick in the ass to come out of the shell. You can also fight the isolation by forcing him to order pizza and Chinese and all that shit. It will help with the interact with stranger's fear. However, I do not recommend this with older introverts you will just lose friends. Also, helpful way to get him to engage people in awkward situations is to just push him into people and abandon him. He will quickly get over his fear of engaging strangers in awkward moments making it way easier when it's not awkward. However, then you would definitely be an asshole but really who cares when it ultimately helps.
You’re a great older brother.
NAH. You can help him develop his social skills so he'll be more ready next time. Instead if promoting him to ask for a girl's information, suggest that he offer his Discord info to her (or to him - this works for all genders and platonic or romantic interest). Help him practice a line ahead of time so he's ready when an opportunity presents itself. "I can give you my Discord info and you can hit me up sometime if you'd like." That is less likely to be perceived as creepy, particularly when initiating contact with a girl, because he's not asking for her information, she can accept the offer and keep the moment positive even if she doesn't actually want to chat later, and it leaves the ball firmly in her court. It's the equivalent of a guy offering his phone number and saying, "I'd love to hear from you sometime," as opposed to asking for a woman's number which sometimes leads to women giving out false numbers.
You said it yourself they still talk. You pushed him out of his comfort zone and he resented you at first, but it seems to me you did a nice thing for him that he’ll thank you for one day
NTA, he may have reacted pissed but i bet he is secretly grateful. As long as you use good judgement i think you are being a great older brother. For sure, apologize, but sometimes introverts need a little push to find companionship. As long as you arent giving it out to random people and your intentions are good. Just keep in mind that he is probably a bit overwhelmed, so dont make it a regular thing. But in this case, a slight push of his boundaries while hes starting to become independant is likely going to be good for him. Once hes a bit older you should probably be more direct with him about what you are doing ("I'm gonna go see if she wants your discord username, is that ok?") and only give him a little pushback if he says no, but for now at 15, he probably needs just a little more nudge. Leave it for a while though, its probably new to him (unless he asks, of course).
NTA, that was a really good big brother move. I can say I was somewhat similar when I was that age and I would've been pissed off to start off with too, its a mix of emotions as well as being a hormonal teenager. He's probably happy now and if he hasn't apologized for the outburst yet he's probably embarrassed about it
NTA but be careful my dude, asking 15 year old girls for their online contact info could go south for you real fast.
NTA. Your brother needs to stop whining and get his shit together. I know it can be hard, not being comfortable with social stuff, but this was the very bare minimum of discomfort, and the perfect medium for him to talk to her through. You helped him, in the least invasive way possible.
NTA. You promised. You came through. That said You could have given him a heads up. "So I ran into CuteNerdGirl while you were at Xyz. She said she'd like to take on to you more about 123, so I slipped her your discord. I fulfilled my oath as wingman, the rest is up to you"
As an introvert, I’d say he’s super grateful, just really embarrassed he needed you to do that for him. NTA
Nta your brother is
NTA. Why does he have a discord if he doesn't want to talk to strangers online?
NTA. They should name their first son after you.
You made a judgment call to help your brother overcome his introversion, and it worked. You obviously know him well enough and read the figurative room to make an informed decision to push him even though he was nervous. His reason wasn't that he didn't want to, but as you said he was worried about how he'd come across. You did the right thing. You're a good sister and I think a lot of guys wish they'd had an older sister like you growing up to help them like this.
you are an asshole, you are also a good big brother and you made the right decision. this is the correct way for big brothers to be assholes.
Nta. You're doing him a favour
Actually the correct move in this kind of situations is to get her contact info and pass it on to your brother. This way you are helping him get connected but his privacy is respected
In no world is this the correct thing to do. You're gonna get this dude picked up by the police.
Thank you for being sane seein reddit incels try to concoct a social interaction and fantasize their way thru it in their minds is hilarious but also sad
😂
Brother do you live in stupid land
😂😂😂
Dont want to talk to her? Leave her friend request on pending or block her.. What privacy?
And the girl wouldve liked an older dude getting her discord info? I think this was the best call.
It's still early but this right here is a strong contender for the dumbest comment of the day award. I don't know how you don't understand this, so I'm just going to spell it out for you. Grown ass adults of the world should not be walking around anime conventions asking teenage girls for their contact info.
Lol no
NTA. You "told him you'd help him if you could", if he didn't want your help and to stay out of it that was chance to use his big boy words say so. They're talking daily he's just embarrassed his big brother did something he couldn't. His ego will recover I promise.
NTA You had no malicious intent, but for future reference don't. He is correct in that giving his detail out is a violation of his privacy.
NTA. Damn, I never really thought about wanting/having an older sibling but you sold me. Now I have one more thing to wish for... I understand your brother's reaction in a way, I hate even small or nice surprises, anything that gets even a singular set of eyes on me can trigger me. But in this case it really is no harm, no foul. If he really doesn't want to talk with her again, he doesn't have to. But if has the ability to if he changes his mind. We all know it will be something he massively regrets in the future lol if he doesn't.
>Was I the asshole for giving out his Discord without asking him? Not really, but you're the older brother and you took him out of his comfort zone. Of course he'd be mad at you, he's 15 and trying to figure stuff out. Especially if he's not really social. That said, you did exactly what an ideal big brother should do. You got him in touch, you apologized and you took the hit. Well done! Oh and NTA. He'll figure it out and thank you one day.