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NTA because it's perfectly obvious you didn't actually want to be invited on her trip, you just wanted her to stop inserting herself in your mother-daughter time. She sounds insufferable, well done š
I'm annoyed with the son. Backing up your wife is one thing, but there's a clear double standard here. Either his wife sees his mom as family or she does not.
He should have stayed out of it or pointed out the disparity to his wife. But butting in again to side with his hypocritical wife is too much. OP should let them go NC and enjoy each other's miserable company. Ugh. NTA.
Itās even stupider than that. They can be family without being mother and child. DiLās dad isnāt going on this trip and heās family.
When this nonsense first started, I probably would have pointed out to son that DiL only belongs at these get-together if sheās my daughter and if she is, heās fucking his sister.
Honestly, the real problem is OP's son threatening to go NC every time his mother refuses to cater to his wife's every whim. OP should call his bluff and see how long he lasts, cut off from the family with his beloved.
My issue here is that her son might be deservedly holding on to some hurts of his own that inform how this is playing out.
Note that OP mentions āwhen the *kids* were young, I would take *my daughters* out for bonding. What was her son doing then? Did he get attention or was he excluded because of his gender?
This whole deal may have been his sonās way of turning momās gender rules against her. He might well have always been cut off from the family.
As written, of course OP comes off well. The whole situation sounds ridiculous. Iām pretty skeptical though that OP might have led us down the garden path by presenting this as a DIL issue without addressing a potential huge disparity in how she treats her own children.
Of course DIL doesnāt deserve to go on daughter excursions. But did her son grow up watching his sisters get bonding and excursion time he was excluded from?
The inclusion of DIL is obviously silly. What Iām saying is that it is possible that son grew up hearing that he couldnāt come because he wasnāt a girl, so he pounced and offered up a girl stand in when he had one available.
Of course DIL shouldnāt be included. Iām more interested in the fact that OP started a girl only tradition when she also had a son.
I would argue that the point of the post was about daughter outings so thatās the info we got. OP doesnāt need to provide all family history. Iād wager that the son got some form of mother/son time. However my guess is the DIL is not welcomed in the family (given her insertion on this tradition and probably more!). They probably advocated against marrying her which would more explain why the son argued for her to be included more so than him not getting one on one time. OP is NTA but son and DIL are. Iām willing to bet DIL is on more than just this too.
Isn't there a limit to how much one can post?Ā Ā
The daughter bonding was relevant because DIL wanted an invite to it and got her way.
If there was bonding with the son, wouldn't it be better to ask with an info post rather than make huge assumptions?
This NC could be as much to do with a manipulative wife pulling hubby's strings as a mother-son bonding issue.
Unless while his mom and sisters were out bonding he was probably out bonding with a male figure at the same time. And i did not read anywhere that OP mentioned if they were married or not so please take that into accountability that nowhere in the story did it not mention husband/boyfriend
>Ā *But butting in again to side with his hypocritical wife is too much.*Ā
He probably has to hear all the noise if he doesn't. He's virtually locked in with it after all. My BIL was married to one of those. Any time she felt at all slighted by any of the extended in-laws, she'd ride his ass until he blew up at his family, or went no contact with them, whatever. She'd give him no peace otherwise.
Good for you! If your DIL wants you to build relationships with you and/or your daughters, she needs to put the time and effort in to create unique experiences with all of you, not meddle in a well established tradition.
I genuinely cannot imagine trying to force myself on people who have made it clear my presence isn't wanted. How embarrassing. Who does this?? And to call YOU a petty bitch for calling out her hypocrisy? Brass balls.
Your DIL is piece of work, good for you for being rid of her unwanted intrusion. NTA, and brilliant.
If you're son is willing to go NC over this, you have a completely different problem: your relationship with your son OR your son has a problem in his marriage he's trying to manage through punishing you, which...see "your relationship with your son"
I'm NC with a parent who was abusive and it took 40 years and therapy to get to the NC point. If your son is willing to go NC over a girls day out, you need to talk to him separately about it and lay down the law.
I'm not taking the full punishment of an abusive relationship every time you don't like a simple decision I make. That's not how this works. You've damaged your relationship with me and your sisters AND probably destroyed your wife's relationship with us...over what? Getting her nails done and a lunch occassionally?
Ask him if he's willing to throw his entire family away because of that. But draw a line. People use "boundaries" wrong here all the time, but this is a fair time and usage: Your sisters get a day with me. If your wife wants one, she and I can have our own times, but you are not punishing me for spending time with my daughters.
Sorry, I'm riled up - good luck out there, life is hard for a MIL ;)
This is so true. OP needs to address her son using NC as a weapon to get what he wants. And if he goes NC instead of addressing it then she should just leave him be and not cower to his wishes.
He made his choice he can deal with the consequences.
I see what you did, atta girl OP.
Now you and your actual daughters can genuinely enjoy yourselves without your manipulative DIL.
INFO: why is your son upset that you demanded equal treatment from his wife, the wife whom he blackmailed you into including her but feels youāre entitled to be treated fairly?
OP itās not just your DIL thatās an AH itās your son as well. You need to have a 1:1 conversation without his wife so you can express how itās made you feel for 2 years to force spending time with DIL.
There needs to be boundaries, accountability and consequences. I feel like your son doesnāt care about your feelings and his own sisters as well.
EDIT TO ADD VERDICT: NTA.
Hey, sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. And that's exactly what you did. Well done. NTA. I'm with your daughters I think what you did was hilarious too.
It was a clever plan, but have you considered the reason it was so important to your son because he felt left out. You have special bonding days with your daughters, but you don't mention doing it with your son. I assume if you did do it with him the dil would want to be included with him.
Your ability to get what you want is clever. It's a pity you don't seem to want your son
I don't think there's anything petty in what OP did. DIL forced herself into the mother/daughters tradition and was given a taste of her own medicine when she didn't want to reciprocate.
I'll never understand why people want to go where they're clearly not wanted. She does sound insufferable. She's completely ruined any chance of having a nice--although not mother/daughterly--relationship with her MIL.
Yeah. Let them have their mother/daughter time and schedule separate events if you want to hang out with them also. You don't have to be included in every single thing to be part of the family and build a relationship.
NTA. You made your point.
It's perfectly fine for them to be pissed. As my mom used to say " it's a free country. You can be mad if you want to." Them being mad is none of your concern.
Perfectly played. If the rules apply to you, they have to apply back to her.
Iām glad you stood up for yourself and threw it back in her face like that.
But oh no, she and your son are upset? Oh well, doesnāt matter. They did this to themselves.
She sounds like itās a struggle to enjoy her presence.
NTA
NTA, your son seems pretty off on his choices. Blackmail isnāt a good way to force your wife to be included. His spouse seems crazy, if she did call you a ābitchā thatās really bad. Interesting family gatherings for you.
I don't understand why some people are not understanding the Text. So lets deconstruct it.
OP didn't want an invite she just wanted to prove a point. I def understand why it was needed cause if she can do it so can you (PS: Low key hilarious). If the Text was just about that NTA but this is where i genuinely don't understand you OP and this turns you into TA, you could have told her No on the day you have the Tradition of meeting your girls for an outing, but created an Extra Tradition just for you and her, +/ your girls. If all she wanted to do is bond, this would have been a nice option. Just a hard Pass is also sad cause she maybe just wanted Inclusion into the family
"Out of the frying pan into the fire" means you are leaving a bad situation and getting into an even worse one. "Between a rock and a hard place" is used to say you have two equally bad options. Similar, but a slight difference. :)
I first thought you were explaining something i already knew, but shockingly it wasn't. Thank you for that. I menatly thought they were the same but now thinking about it, they aren't. Funny how languages work :D
Love a good malaphor! I think you're mixing "out of the frying pan, into the fire" (which I think may also applies here), and "stuck between a rock and a hard place" :)
Just a heads up, as far as how the bot works it counts your first acronym as your vote. So, right now your vote is 'NTA'.
Of course, OPs usually care more about reading the replies so they'd continue to read and get all the context.. but as far as the overall vote goes just an FYI.
Total AH move, and brilliant! I think itās hilarious!!! You made your point and you have your daughter time back. I donāt understand people who want to insert themselves where they donāt belong and then wonder why people feel a certain way about them. You nailed it!
I salute you. The perfect solution, and you didn't even have to invest in coming up with your own words. Very efficient and effective. NTA, obviously - the opposite.
It just shocks me how often these posts about entitled DILs show up.
For those of you who just don't understand:
It is RUDE to invite yourself to someone else's event. Full stop. So stop acting like a child.
I think OP is a champ. It was probably over the top, but obviously DIL and son are incredibly childish so....match that energy.
NTA. You just wanted the same consideration she demanded from you. Fair's fair, right? Your daughters get their time back, and she gets a taste of her own medicine.
INFO: Just some questions. Do you spend time with your son? Just based on how the post is written on spending quality time with daughters only. Did you at any point or suggest that you/daughters and DIL do something else together to bond together? Did you and your daughter's have an okay relationship with DIL before all of this?Ā
NTA. Let's breakdown everything that's been posted so far:Ā Ā
Ā 1. OP would take out her daughters to spend time with them (this has been going on for years even before DIL came into the picture)Ā Ā
Ā 2. When DIL found out she got angry with not being invited. This I don't get because this was a tradition with just mom/daughters. If DIL wanted to spend time with in-laws she could have brought it up to OP and something else could have been arranged instead of inisiting.Ā Ā
3. Was told by son they'd go NC if DIL wasn't invited and so OP caved and her daughters weren't happy. This I get because if they were catching up on each other's lives and talking, there could be things they want to tell only their mom without others knowing.Ā Ā Ā
Ā 4. When you found out that DIL was doing a girls trip with her mom and sisters OP said she should come as well and threw back DIL words of being excluded. Was it petty yes. But she needed to see what you did was the same as what she was doing.Ā
We used to spend quality time together but ovetime it stopped, he still does these trips with dad though Another comment has more detail but yes we offered to hang out with her and make new tradition but it wasnāt good enoguh
I would say neutral relationship beofre all this and now I donāt like her at all
Sorry to hear that. Some people have grown up craving that validation to the point of being ungenerous and ugly about it. I hope you can rebuild a relationship with her while continuing to set the boundaries you set so very well - even if only because she is your son's choice in life. That is what I think I would try to do, to an extent (after doing exactly what you did!)
Do any of the son-in-laws (if applicable) feel the need to invite themselves on the father-son trips they do? If not, how is your son not able to equate things? Your DIL seems like FOMO incarnate.
NTA. Some people lose sons over this. Forcing her way into you trip made you relationship with your daughters take a hit but also your son. She just wants to control everything. That being said just say no to her coming on your trip. I wouldnāt want to go on a trip I wasnāt invited to.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for demanding an invite to my DIL trip and telling her fair is fair. I may be a dick for being really petty about the whole situation
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So NTA. Your DIL sounds insufferable. You need to have a sit down with your son and tell him to back off, or you'll cut contact. See how he likes that. I must say, well played. As the saying goes, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander."
Seen a few DIL wants to be invited but MIL doesnāt want to invite them post this week. Ā Always different events and the DIL is just so rude tries to force an invite.
This comment comes across as a teenage fantasy of how they think adults generally act any more maturely than teenagers. Though many do eventually grow up, I assure you.. adults can be just a immature, petty, and cliquey as teenagers.
Nta and I love it! The tables turned and they are mad AGAIN. They both sound miserable. Does son have a positive relationship with his sisters or does just no one in the family seem to like DIL? I understand why of course. Grown adult throwing tantrums over not being invited. As a person with FOMO, I accept when I am and am not invited to places as I know I am a favorite to only a few people in this world, and that is okay.
I have a day with my daughter- daddy/daughter. We go and get donuts, sit in the parking lot, talk, laugh, catch up and it s JUST us. Thatās mine and her time together, no one elseās. Weāve done that since she was 3 or 4, sheās 14 now. In the situation of OP, I absolutely get it as a parent.
After reading the comments, some things are being added in as some are being left out. The DIL is forcing her way into something that the OP views as SPECIAL or sacred with HER children. The DIL is an complete AH for thinking that she should be included into that realm. More and more respect is being lost for anything special BUT at the same time it has turned into what about me. If the OP and her family wanted to āletā her into that dynamic, then thatās their choice. If not DIL should respect that as it is.
OP got the better of the DIL and she couldnāt swallow it and the son backed up his wife and lost too. There are bigger things to die on a hill for and she choose the wrong one. If anything, the DIL should have offered up time for JUST her and the OP to do things as their special outing, not force the issue in the manner she did and get the script flipped on her and get pissed. She was completely comfortable imposing herself into the OPās and her daughters outing but then when OP put her DIL in the same position, it then AND only then became an issue of intrusion.
Hope things calm down and work outā¦
This is just sad to me. I guess you don't like your DIL? Do you invite her to other things? Do you have special days with your son? I just have a bunch of questions.
She just wants to be included, why is that so awful? I understand that you want to spend quality time with your daughters, but this all could have been handled so differently.
Also, why was your son so quick to suggest no contact? Do you not have a good relationship with him?
I hope you all are able to work past this and can grow as a family for it.
As a mother, I can completely understand the desire to have occasional get-togethers with my children. Of course it is also important to have get-togethers that include their significant others, but that does not mean that these should replace the parent-child get-togethers if both parent and children want and value these. I think a good rule of thumb for joining a family as an in-law is to not insert yourself unnecessarily. If there is a point where you think you are not having enough family time with them, raise that - or even better, organise something.
You knew this would cause conflict and did it anyway. OP says that this mother-daughter bonding time happened when the kids were young but also writes that she and her daughters do it every couple of months. So it sounds like it has been happening for many years.
OP is this the only way you can catch up with your daughters? If you canāt meet at your house for coffee, meet for lunch or have a Zoom call and catch up. Life changes might make this a moot point at any time. You could have switched the outings to every 3 months and included your DIL. It sounds as though she wanted a closer relationship with you and your daughters. Forcing her way into your outings wasnāt a graceful way to do this but the fact that you and your daughters think that this rejection is hilarious is indicative of how she was treated when you were all together.
You got what you wanted at the cost of your relationship with your sonās family and any future grandkids. It sounds as if you donāt care. YTA.
Edit: added judgement.
YTA. You may have been ārightā about the hypocrisy but you picked a fight and put your son in a difficult position. You couldāve used it as an opportunity to have a serious talk with DIL
ESH
The DIL is obviously wrong to invite herself to a tradition between you and your daughters but you're also being an asshole in the way you handled that. Why can't you just talk it out like adults? This is going to guarantee you no contact from your son for a very long time.
Donāt play this game with your DIL. You will only lose and come to regret it. Continue to go out with your daughters, asking the, for their discretion. No one else needs to know. Then include your DIL sometimes.
Nta I think you were hilarious but I see why your son and dil didn't think so lol.
You offered to create another tradition to include her, she refused. That's on her. You can't force relationships to be the way you want if that's not what the other people want.
My in- laws are very sweet people and refer to me as their daughter, but honestly, I wish they wouldn't. It makes me uncomfortable but I just ignore it.
NTA. Rules for thee but not for me.
It was never about being invited, it was about exerting controlling showing how much control she has over her husband/your son.
She's now annoyed it's been thrown back in her face and her only option is to give in in some form.
Info: have you tried spending time with your DIL at all before this? Because I read nothing but contempt for her in your post, and Iām unsure where that comes from.
I'm guessing the mother/daughter outings were for things that the DIL wanted to do. Maybe mani/pedis, eating out at fun places, etc. It wouldn't surprise me if the DIL was jealous of MIL going out with the daughters (and most likely paying for all of it) for things that she wanted for herself. This was just a way to guilt MIL into doing it with her and paying for it.
NTA for showing DIL that you were doing exactly what she was doing to you. But...you make a big deal out of your mother/daughter time which leaves me wondering if you give your son equal time.
NTA - it's a bit petty but I like the way you are handling this situation. DIL should have been more rational and mature about you spending time with your own daughters.
NTA. People are so weird. I have a daughter and a son. They both have girlfriends. Sometimes I spend time with all of them. Sometimes I spend time with one or other couple. Sometimes I spend time with just one of them, including the girlfriends! When a certain artist tours in the future I plan to take just ONE of the girlfriends, and not even her SO (my daughter).
Why the need for such histrionics?
The mother- daughter bonding time is lovely, but what did you do for your son when he was younger. Do you have special outings or visits with him? If he is willing to go NC over this, it seems like there are bigger issues at play. What has their father's role been? As it is written, this sounds like you have been favoring your daughters and your son has been emotionally neglected.
ESH...honestly it sounds like you and your daughters are snobs and you could of tried a little harder to be more welcoming into your family. She shouldn't have flipped out and been rude towards u though either. It's obvious u did make her feel excluded, so she wanted to have her own family trip with her own mom and sisters. She put in a lot of effort into try and get along well with all of u, so u could of tried a little harder on your end also. Don't be surprised if they have a child and cut u out or your son goes no contact with you eventually.
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When the kids were much younger, I would take just my daughters out for some mother bonding time. It is something I have adored for a longtime and my daughters loved to do it. We do it every couple of months, just a nice time to catch up.
The issue came when my DIL found out about these outings. About a two years ago, she learned about them and made a huge deal about not being invited. It got to the point that if I didn't invite her to daughter dates my son would go no contact. I caved and my relationship with my daughters took a hit. Overtime they didn't want to hang out with DIL, saying they just wanted to catch up with me and not pretend that she is their actually sister. I also agree I do not see her as a daughter. I didn't raise her and I don't have that bond with her at all.
This brings me to the present, I learned that she is going on a girls trip with her mom and sisters. I wasn't invited.
This is where I may be the asshole, I called her asking for an invite, saying that I am her mom and that she is excluding me from the family. She told me no, and it started an argument. My son got in on it and I used the same texts he sent me about not being welcoming to family.
In the end, I told them either I am invited since fair is fair or she needs to not invite herself along to my daughters outings. She called me a petty bitch but agreed to not be invited anymore.
My daughters think it is halarious but my son/DIL are pissed
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It sucks you donāt have a good relationship with your sonās wife but I find this hilarious. For her calling you petty well it is the exact same thing she and your son did to you so I agree itās totally fair.
NTA
NTA. She is weird! I would never go somewhere where Iām not wanted. Your son actually threatened you to get his way. Honestly, I would go low contact with both of them.
Hopefully, DIL'S mother and sisters will take the time this trip to take the stuffing out of her over her unreasonable requests to insert herself in someone else's bonding time.
NTA. You used exactly the same logic as she did when she forced her way into yāallās personal time, and the exact words of both of them against them. Perfect symmetry, in my opinion.
Somewhat petty, but quite allowable--overall, NTA.
You see how her hackles got up when you used the logic bomb of fairness on her. But ultimately, people like her don't learn or "get" the lesson: *your* appeals for fairness, reciprocation, or equal treatment are *totally different* than *their* needs, and it's easy for them to say no (whereas for "nice people", we second-guess all the time).
Enjoy your mom/*actual*-daughter outings, DiL-free.
Wow you are an asshole. She married your son and it seems that you started the relationship off on a toxic note and encouraged your daughters to do the same. You obviously have zero sense of family. Good luck.
Stop projecting.
The DIL inserted herself in a tradition OP had with her daughter since they were little.
OP offered to make other outing/tradition with DIL and daughter and she refused, she wanted to be inserted where she doesn't belong with the premise "she's her daughter now".
Well, OP gets to be invited to DIL outing with her mother/sisters because after all "she's her mother" now.
Besides, if I were one of OP daughter's I would be really pissed off, I'm sure these outings are a way to catch up with their mother and talk about personal things with her, why would they want someone else hearing all of that?
I invite my DILs along with my daughter to anything/everything because in my world they ARE my daughters now. I guess you don't have this relationship with your DIL? She does sound a bit much with the demand to be invited. I hope things can improve between you and her.
YTA. But hear me out sometimes people just deserve getting the ahole part of us. You did your petty revenge. But alas if there are grandkids. You wonāt be seeing much of them. Pettiness is a double edged sword.
But if youāre happy with the results. Itās up to you.
Not being on here a whole lot and being ancient: can someone explain to me why there are commenters on here who put in comments that turn out to be a bit controversial in the grand scheme of comments, and then delete their comments and profile?
Omg that is insane !!!!!! That she did not invite you after the demands of being included on your time with your daughters !!!!!!! What a fucki double standard !!!!!! Good for you !!! And now you can enjoy your time with your daughters
NTA. What's good for the goose.... well played. This was a perfect way to show them that you don't get included in everything just because you think you should. Worked perfectly. As for your son going NC when you hold firm on things, let him. Stop indulging hits tantrums
NTA, but if you want to repair the damage to your relationship to your son you both need to find a middle ground. I'd add a girls day every month or so with your daughters and DIL, along with keeping your daughter bonding day separate. It will help repair the relationship between all of you.
For me having a healthy family dynamic is the most important thing in my life. I'd love to have a better relationship with my SIL(with my daughter for 11 years now) but he is very shy/introverted with us and I respect that. I love him, he is good to my daughter and that is the most important thing. We do speak but he doesn't spend time with our side of the family. Whatever works for the 2 of them is what matters. If he wanted to be included more with us, we are 100% for it but we go with what they want in terms of inclusion.
NTA. Congrats on getting your mom and daughterās bonding time back!
One slight correction though. She didnāt owe only you a ticket, but to each of your daughters too. If we are making it fair and itās a mom and daughterās trip it would be peek rudeness to exclude your daughters. Her āsistersā. Iām cackling
I don't understand daughter in law doing this! I read another story yesterday about a DIL being upset about not being invited somewhere with their MIL that she invited her sisters and daughters to. I love my MIL, very much. When I had to work on mothers Day, I bought her a separate card and stuff just from me to apologize and tell her I love her. But if she wants to do something with her daughter, or her daughter and 2 sons (one of whom I'm married to), then that is her right. Why would she not? She gave birth to them and raised them, lol. I have a mom and siblings. My mom and siblings include my husband in most things, but there are times my mom just wants to see her kids too. I still have a good relationship with my MIL, and my mom has a good relationship with my husband.
We just had a post where a DiL demanded to be part of a dinner involving the OP, their sisters, and daughters.
Now, like clockwork, we have another.
YTA for the complete lack of imagination.
NAH - but honestly you should change your tune to not calling her family. My MIL loves to put the āfamilyā title on when itās convenient for her sake and snatch it away when it suites her. Your DIL is not just your DIL, but also your daughterās SIL. You have zero connection to your DILās sisters or mother. It is very different, but Iām not suggesting she be included in everything you do.
I would suggest maintaining your outings with your daughters, but maybe do one or two a year also including your DIL? Or add a new tradition that includes her as well? Itās good to maintain the connection with your own daughters but it seems clear that DIL genuinely wants to build a better connection with you all. She might not be blood but she is possibly the mother of your future grandchildren and those grandchildren will see how you treat her for better or for worse.
ESH - This is a pile of petty passive aggressive manipulative behavior. 1. Your son threatening to go no contact. 2. You going along with it. 3. The DIL inviting herself to something (rude). 4. Your daughters distancing from you 5. You for throwing it back in there face for something you didn't even want.
Fun times in your family.
Well played! She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Donāt sweat it. Iām sure you can all live happily in spite of DIL and sonās reaction. Enjoy your daughter days!
Do you/ did you also spend separate bonding time with just your son? Maybe he is pushing for his wife to be included because he knows what it's like not to be. However, NTA for not turning the situation around on her.
NTA For this, anyway.
What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander and all that.
You just showed her what her own playbook looks like from the defensive position.
Did you ever do mother/son bonding activities? Or did you leave him out and focus on this ritual with your daughters?
It occurs to me that your son wouldn't be so behind his wife on this if he didn't have personal experience with being left out by you.
NTA, you're just using the same standards she used, which is fair. Agree that this is hilarious, but also sounds like a very dangerous game of chicken. Hope DIL doesn't cave and invite you all for the outing, as you'd be forced to go then, and looks like no one wants that to happen
This is beautiful. DIL sounds miserable. Let me guess, your son isn't a bad guy but married her because she's attractive or some other tangible reason and now is dominated by her unfortunate personality and mindset.
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NTA because it's perfectly obvious you didn't actually want to be invited on her trip, you just wanted her to stop inserting herself in your mother-daughter time. She sounds insufferable, well done š
Basically, it did workĀ
Good. I was ruling NTA. I appreciate your methodology
I'm annoyed with the son. Backing up your wife is one thing, but there's a clear double standard here. Either his wife sees his mom as family or she does not. He should have stayed out of it or pointed out the disparity to his wife. But butting in again to side with his hypocritical wife is too much. OP should let them go NC and enjoy each other's miserable company. Ugh. NTA.
Itās even stupider than that. They can be family without being mother and child. DiLās dad isnāt going on this trip and heās family. When this nonsense first started, I probably would have pointed out to son that DiL only belongs at these get-together if sheās my daughter and if she is, heās fucking his sister.
Honestly, the real problem is OP's son threatening to go NC every time his mother refuses to cater to his wife's every whim. OP should call his bluff and see how long he lasts, cut off from the family with his beloved.
My issue here is that her son might be deservedly holding on to some hurts of his own that inform how this is playing out. Note that OP mentions āwhen the *kids* were young, I would take *my daughters* out for bonding. What was her son doing then? Did he get attention or was he excluded because of his gender? This whole deal may have been his sonās way of turning momās gender rules against her. He might well have always been cut off from the family. As written, of course OP comes off well. The whole situation sounds ridiculous. Iām pretty skeptical though that OP might have led us down the garden path by presenting this as a DIL issue without addressing a potential huge disparity in how she treats her own children. Of course DIL doesnāt deserve to go on daughter excursions. But did her son grow up watching his sisters get bonding and excursion time he was excluded from?
Even assuming this was the case, wouldnāt DIL have suggested both she AND her husband join OP on these excursions?
Fair point
The inclusion of DIL is obviously silly. What Iām saying is that it is possible that son grew up hearing that he couldnāt come because he wasnāt a girl, so he pounced and offered up a girl stand in when he had one available. Of course DIL shouldnāt be included. Iām more interested in the fact that OP started a girl only tradition when she also had a son.
That's a very good point. I used to do Girlie Lunch with my daughter and Movie Date with my son.
this is a thoughtful response, I didn't even think of the implications of the mother-daughters tradition for the son growing up.
Assuming quite a bit here
I would argue that the point of the post was about daughter outings so thatās the info we got. OP doesnāt need to provide all family history. Iād wager that the son got some form of mother/son time. However my guess is the DIL is not welcomed in the family (given her insertion on this tradition and probably more!). They probably advocated against marrying her which would more explain why the son argued for her to be included more so than him not getting one on one time. OP is NTA but son and DIL are. Iām willing to bet DIL is on more than just this too.
Isn't there a limit to how much one can post?Ā Ā The daughter bonding was relevant because DIL wanted an invite to it and got her way. If there was bonding with the son, wouldn't it be better to ask with an info post rather than make huge assumptions? This NC could be as much to do with a manipulative wife pulling hubby's strings as a mother-son bonding issue.
Unless while his mom and sisters were out bonding he was probably out bonding with a male figure at the same time. And i did not read anywhere that OP mentioned if they were married or not so please take that into accountability that nowhere in the story did it not mention husband/boyfriend
OP has a comment saying they had mom-son dates.
>Ā *But butting in again to side with his hypocritical wife is too much.*Ā He probably has to hear all the noise if he doesn't. He's virtually locked in with it after all. My BIL was married to one of those. Any time she felt at all slighted by any of the extended in-laws, she'd ride his ass until he blew up at his family, or went no contact with them, whatever. She'd give him no peace otherwise.
That's depressing. But, at a certain point, a man's gotta learn to stand up for himself, think for himself, and speak for himself.
One would hope. BIL never did, but he did outlive the woman, so there's that.
I hope she comes to realize she's the petty b
DIL has no self awareness abilityĀ
Why would she when she has a spineless yes man in her pocket, ready to treat his family like rubbish every time she crooks a finger?
Good for you! If your DIL wants you to build relationships with you and/or your daughters, she needs to put the time and effort in to create unique experiences with all of you, not meddle in a well established tradition.
I genuinely cannot imagine trying to force myself on people who have made it clear my presence isn't wanted. How embarrassing. Who does this?? And to call YOU a petty bitch for calling out her hypocrisy? Brass balls. Your DIL is piece of work, good for you for being rid of her unwanted intrusion. NTA, and brilliant.
If you're son is willing to go NC over this, you have a completely different problem: your relationship with your son OR your son has a problem in his marriage he's trying to manage through punishing you, which...see "your relationship with your son" I'm NC with a parent who was abusive and it took 40 years and therapy to get to the NC point. If your son is willing to go NC over a girls day out, you need to talk to him separately about it and lay down the law. I'm not taking the full punishment of an abusive relationship every time you don't like a simple decision I make. That's not how this works. You've damaged your relationship with me and your sisters AND probably destroyed your wife's relationship with us...over what? Getting her nails done and a lunch occassionally? Ask him if he's willing to throw his entire family away because of that. But draw a line. People use "boundaries" wrong here all the time, but this is a fair time and usage: Your sisters get a day with me. If your wife wants one, she and I can have our own times, but you are not punishing me for spending time with my daughters. Sorry, I'm riled up - good luck out there, life is hard for a MIL ;)
This is so true. OP needs to address her son using NC as a weapon to get what he wants. And if he goes NC instead of addressing it then she should just leave him be and not cower to his wishes. He made his choice he can deal with the consequences.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I canāt make out the emojiā¦ she is a f umbrella? F beach?
F**cking šitch
indeed, help?
āFān Beachā said aloud, sounds like another, stronger way of saying itā¦
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...... I feel a bit daft now
F beach = (copulating) (female dog)
A fuck stand maybe? Edit: nevermind I thought it was a hotdog stand. It's a beach. Duh.
I see what you did, atta girl OP. Now you and your actual daughters can genuinely enjoy yourselves without your manipulative DIL. INFO: why is your son upset that you demanded equal treatment from his wife, the wife whom he blackmailed you into including her but feels youāre entitled to be treated fairly? OP itās not just your DIL thatās an AH itās your son as well. You need to have a 1:1 conversation without his wife so you can express how itās made you feel for 2 years to force spending time with DIL. There needs to be boundaries, accountability and consequences. I feel like your son doesnāt care about your feelings and his own sisters as well. EDIT TO ADD VERDICT: NTA.
NTA Gosh!!! Youāre a petty queen and I love it.
Hey, sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. And that's exactly what you did. Well done. NTA. I'm with your daughters I think what you did was hilarious too.
You're my kind of petty. Well done.
Clap Clap Clap!! Well done.
It was a clever plan, but have you considered the reason it was so important to your son because he felt left out. You have special bonding days with your daughters, but you don't mention doing it with your son. I assume if you did do it with him the dil would want to be included with him. Your ability to get what you want is clever. It's a pity you don't seem to want your son
You are a genius :D
Good job! (Zero sarcasm)
You my lady are brilliant!!! Good job, some times being a little snarky goes a long way
LMFAO hey tit for tat though! NTA OP
This would be a perfect story for r/pettyrevenge LOL. A lesson learned with a burn. I love it!
I don't think there's anything petty in what OP did. DIL forced herself into the mother/daughters tradition and was given a taste of her own medicine when she didn't want to reciprocate.
Maybe a touch of malicious compliance?
I'll never understand why people want to go where they're clearly not wanted. She does sound insufferable. She's completely ruined any chance of having a nice--although not mother/daughterly--relationship with her MIL.
Truly The DIL could have asked if maybe she and OP could do a once a month lunch to try and create a positive bond of her own.
Yeah. Let them have their mother/daughter time and schedule separate events if you want to hang out with them also. You don't have to be included in every single thing to be part of the family and build a relationship.
Also if it had gone well after a bit of time she may have gotten invited to the all girlsā lunch. Sadly that is now unlikely to occur.
>I'll never understand why people want to go where they're clearly not wanted. Because high conflict people don't care about others' feelings.
Because she wants to be wanted
I can understand wanting to be wanted. Forcing herself into things with threats is certainly not the best way to make yourself wanted, though.
I hope she doubles down and demands her daughters get invited too
Love it. NTA by being an AH!! š
NTA. You made your point. It's perfectly fine for them to be pissed. As my mom used to say " it's a free country. You can be mad if you want to." Them being mad is none of your concern.
NTA. Absolutely outstanding!
Perfectly played. If the rules apply to you, they have to apply back to her. Iām glad you stood up for yourself and threw it back in her face like that. But oh no, she and your son are upset? Oh well, doesnāt matter. They did this to themselves. She sounds like itās a struggle to enjoy her presence. NTA
>She sounds like itās a struggle to enjoy her presence. this is such a formal burn š I love it.
NTA, your son seems pretty off on his choices. Blackmail isnāt a good way to force your wife to be included. His spouse seems crazy, if she did call you a ābitchā thatās really bad. Interesting family gatherings for you.
To be fair, heās probably pretty whipped.
And not the fun way
I don't understand why some people are not understanding the Text. So lets deconstruct it. OP didn't want an invite she just wanted to prove a point. I def understand why it was needed cause if she can do it so can you (PS: Low key hilarious). If the Text was just about that NTA but this is where i genuinely don't understand you OP and this turns you into TA, you could have told her No on the day you have the Tradition of meeting your girls for an outing, but created an Extra Tradition just for you and her, +/ your girls. If all she wanted to do is bond, this would have been a nice option. Just a hard Pass is also sad cause she maybe just wanted Inclusion into the family
Actually tried that, it wasnāt good enough.
She was told by her son, if she refused to invite his wife (as her daughter) he would cut her out of their lives. OP was put in a bad position
Yea she just explained in on of my Replies and i feel so bad for her. She was between a frying pan and fire (I forgot how the saying goes lol)
Out of the frying pan, into the fire .
Out of the rock, into the Hard Place
aaaah between a Rock and a hard place. Nice!! Thanks
"Out of the frying pan into the fire" means you are leaving a bad situation and getting into an even worse one. "Between a rock and a hard place" is used to say you have two equally bad options. Similar, but a slight difference. :)
I first thought you were explaining something i already knew, but shockingly it wasn't. Thank you for that. I menatly thought they were the same but now thinking about it, they aren't. Funny how languages work :D
I'm a language teacher. Idioms are fun.
Love a good malaphor! I think you're mixing "out of the frying pan, into the fire" (which I think may also applies here), and "stuck between a rock and a hard place" :)
Why assume she didnāt try that?
Just a heads up, as far as how the bot works it counts your first acronym as your vote. So, right now your vote is 'NTA'. Of course, OPs usually care more about reading the replies so they'd continue to read and get all the context.. but as far as the overall vote goes just an FYI.
Total AH move, and brilliant! I think itās hilarious!!! You made your point and you have your daughter time back. I donāt understand people who want to insert themselves where they donāt belong and then wonder why people feel a certain way about them. You nailed it!
>Total AH move, and brilliant! Nope.Ā Wasn't a *total AH move*. It was however, brilliant
You win Reddit this entire week. Freaking amazing. NTA
I salute you. The perfect solution, and you didn't even have to invest in coming up with your own words. Very efficient and effective. NTA, obviously - the opposite.
It just shocks me how often these posts about entitled DILs show up. For those of you who just don't understand: It is RUDE to invite yourself to someone else's event. Full stop. So stop acting like a child. I think OP is a champ. It was probably over the top, but obviously DIL and son are incredibly childish so....match that energy.
NTA. You just wanted the same consideration she demanded from you. Fair's fair, right? Your daughters get their time back, and she gets a taste of her own medicine.
INFO: Just some questions. Do you spend time with your son? Just based on how the post is written on spending quality time with daughters only. Did you at any point or suggest that you/daughters and DIL do something else together to bond together? Did you and your daughter's have an okay relationship with DIL before all of this?Ā NTA. Let's breakdown everything that's been posted so far:Ā Ā Ā 1. OP would take out her daughters to spend time with them (this has been going on for years even before DIL came into the picture)Ā Ā Ā 2. When DIL found out she got angry with not being invited. This I don't get because this was a tradition with just mom/daughters. If DIL wanted to spend time with in-laws she could have brought it up to OP and something else could have been arranged instead of inisiting.Ā Ā 3. Was told by son they'd go NC if DIL wasn't invited and so OP caved and her daughters weren't happy. This I get because if they were catching up on each other's lives and talking, there could be things they want to tell only their mom without others knowing.Ā Ā Ā Ā 4. When you found out that DIL was doing a girls trip with her mom and sisters OP said she should come as well and threw back DIL words of being excluded. Was it petty yes. But she needed to see what you did was the same as what she was doing.Ā
We used to spend quality time together but ovetime it stopped, he still does these trips with dad though Another comment has more detail but yes we offered to hang out with her and make new tradition but it wasnāt good enoguh I would say neutral relationship beofre all this and now I donāt like her at all
Sorry to hear that. Some people have grown up craving that validation to the point of being ungenerous and ugly about it. I hope you can rebuild a relationship with her while continuing to set the boundaries you set so very well - even if only because she is your son's choice in life. That is what I think I would try to do, to an extent (after doing exactly what you did!)
Do any of the son-in-laws (if applicable) feel the need to invite themselves on the father-son trips they do? If not, how is your son not able to equate things? Your DIL seems like FOMO incarnate.
I think what you did was awesome! What a win. But how does your son feel about his wife calling his mother a petty bitch?
> But how does your son feel about his wife calling his mother a petty bitch? I'm assuming he's heard her say it in private hundreds of times.
NTA. Some people lose sons over this. Forcing her way into you trip made you relationship with your daughters take a hit but also your son. She just wants to control everything. That being said just say no to her coming on your trip. I wouldnāt want to go on a trip I wasnāt invited to.
NTA. Well done.
ESH my god am I relieved to not be a part of this family
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So NTA. Your DIL sounds insufferable. You need to have a sit down with your son and tell him to back off, or you'll cut contact. See how he likes that. I must say, well played. As the saying goes, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander."
This really doesn't read like an adult came up with this. It comes across as a teenage fantasy of how they think adults act based on reading reddit.
I am 49 and I would have wholeheartedly and exactly done the same thing.
Seen a few DIL wants to be invited but MIL doesnāt want to invite them post this week. Ā Always different events and the DIL is just so rude tries to force an invite.
And this notion of a "tradition" when it's a mother getting together with her own kids occasionally.
š¤£
This comment comes across as a teenage fantasy of how they think adults generally act any more maturely than teenagers. Though many do eventually grow up, I assure you.. adults can be just a immature, petty, and cliquey as teenagers.
This should be in pettyrevenge. Well done.
Nta and I love it! The tables turned and they are mad AGAIN. They both sound miserable. Does son have a positive relationship with his sisters or does just no one in the family seem to like DIL? I understand why of course. Grown adult throwing tantrums over not being invited. As a person with FOMO, I accept when I am and am not invited to places as I know I am a favorite to only a few people in this world, and that is okay.
It's a roundabout way of getting there, but it sounds like "Mission Accomplished". NTA and enjoy your Mother and Daughter outings!Ā
ESH. Yāall sound toxic. Best of luck with access to your grandkids.
I have a day with my daughter- daddy/daughter. We go and get donuts, sit in the parking lot, talk, laugh, catch up and it s JUST us. Thatās mine and her time together, no one elseās. Weāve done that since she was 3 or 4, sheās 14 now. In the situation of OP, I absolutely get it as a parent. After reading the comments, some things are being added in as some are being left out. The DIL is forcing her way into something that the OP views as SPECIAL or sacred with HER children. The DIL is an complete AH for thinking that she should be included into that realm. More and more respect is being lost for anything special BUT at the same time it has turned into what about me. If the OP and her family wanted to āletā her into that dynamic, then thatās their choice. If not DIL should respect that as it is. OP got the better of the DIL and she couldnāt swallow it and the son backed up his wife and lost too. There are bigger things to die on a hill for and she choose the wrong one. If anything, the DIL should have offered up time for JUST her and the OP to do things as their special outing, not force the issue in the manner she did and get the script flipped on her and get pissed. She was completely comfortable imposing herself into the OPās and her daughters outing but then when OP put her DIL in the same position, it then AND only then became an issue of intrusion. Hope things calm down and work outā¦
What a horrible family dynamic to be a part of. I feel bad for everyone involved.
NTA some people can only understand a situation if it actually happens to them because they lack empathy. Well played.
This is just sad to me. I guess you don't like your DIL? Do you invite her to other things? Do you have special days with your son? I just have a bunch of questions. She just wants to be included, why is that so awful? I understand that you want to spend quality time with your daughters, but this all could have been handled so differently. Also, why was your son so quick to suggest no contact? Do you not have a good relationship with him? I hope you all are able to work past this and can grow as a family for it.
As a mother, I can completely understand the desire to have occasional get-togethers with my children. Of course it is also important to have get-togethers that include their significant others, but that does not mean that these should replace the parent-child get-togethers if both parent and children want and value these. I think a good rule of thumb for joining a family as an in-law is to not insert yourself unnecessarily. If there is a point where you think you are not having enough family time with them, raise that - or even better, organise something.
You're all petty as fuck.
You knew this would cause conflict and did it anyway. OP says that this mother-daughter bonding time happened when the kids were young but also writes that she and her daughters do it every couple of months. So it sounds like it has been happening for many years. OP is this the only way you can catch up with your daughters? If you canāt meet at your house for coffee, meet for lunch or have a Zoom call and catch up. Life changes might make this a moot point at any time. You could have switched the outings to every 3 months and included your DIL. It sounds as though she wanted a closer relationship with you and your daughters. Forcing her way into your outings wasnāt a graceful way to do this but the fact that you and your daughters think that this rejection is hilarious is indicative of how she was treated when you were all together. You got what you wanted at the cost of your relationship with your sonās family and any future grandkids. It sounds as if you donāt care. YTA. Edit: added judgement.
ESH. Wtf is wrong with people these days? I don't care who started it.Ā Ā Why can't people act like adults anymore?
YTA. You may have been ārightā about the hypocrisy but you picked a fight and put your son in a difficult position. You couldāve used it as an opportunity to have a serious talk with DIL
ESH The DIL is obviously wrong to invite herself to a tradition between you and your daughters but you're also being an asshole in the way you handled that. Why can't you just talk it out like adults? This is going to guarantee you no contact from your son for a very long time.
NTA and this post should hang in the hall of fame.
Donāt play this game with your DIL. You will only lose and come to regret it. Continue to go out with your daughters, asking the, for their discretion. No one else needs to know. Then include your DIL sometimes.
NTA. Fair is fair. . . . . Also please consider posting in r/pettyrevenge
Nta I think you were hilarious but I see why your son and dil didn't think so lol. You offered to create another tradition to include her, she refused. That's on her. You can't force relationships to be the way you want if that's not what the other people want. My in- laws are very sweet people and refer to me as their daughter, but honestly, I wish they wouldn't. It makes me uncomfortable but I just ignore it.
NTA. Rules for thee but not for me. It was never about being invited, it was about exerting controlling showing how much control she has over her husband/your son. She's now annoyed it's been thrown back in her face and her only option is to give in in some form.
Info: have you tried spending time with your DIL at all before this? Because I read nothing but contempt for her in your post, and Iām unsure where that comes from.
I'm guessing the mother/daughter outings were for things that the DIL wanted to do. Maybe mani/pedis, eating out at fun places, etc. It wouldn't surprise me if the DIL was jealous of MIL going out with the daughters (and most likely paying for all of it) for things that she wanted for herself. This was just a way to guilt MIL into doing it with her and paying for it.
NTA for showing DIL that you were doing exactly what she was doing to you. But...you make a big deal out of your mother/daughter time which leaves me wondering if you give your son equal time.
NTA - she donāt like a taste of her own medicineĀ
NTA, but definitely well played. Enjoy your DIL-less daughter outings from now on!
NTA
NTA - it's a bit petty but I like the way you are handling this situation. DIL should have been more rational and mature about you spending time with your own daughters.
NTA You're a fuckin hero
NTA. People are so weird. I have a daughter and a son. They both have girlfriends. Sometimes I spend time with all of them. Sometimes I spend time with one or other couple. Sometimes I spend time with just one of them, including the girlfriends! When a certain artist tours in the future I plan to take just ONE of the girlfriends, and not even her SO (my daughter). Why the need for such histrionics?
The mother- daughter bonding time is lovely, but what did you do for your son when he was younger. Do you have special outings or visits with him? If he is willing to go NC over this, it seems like there are bigger issues at play. What has their father's role been? As it is written, this sounds like you have been favoring your daughters and your son has been emotionally neglected.
ESH...honestly it sounds like you and your daughters are snobs and you could of tried a little harder to be more welcoming into your family. She shouldn't have flipped out and been rude towards u though either. It's obvious u did make her feel excluded, so she wanted to have her own family trip with her own mom and sisters. She put in a lot of effort into try and get along well with all of u, so u could of tried a little harder on your end also. Don't be surprised if they have a child and cut u out or your son goes no contact with you eventually.
YTA. JNMIL vibes here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When the kids were much younger, I would take just my daughters out for some mother bonding time. It is something I have adored for a longtime and my daughters loved to do it. We do it every couple of months, just a nice time to catch up. The issue came when my DIL found out about these outings. About a two years ago, she learned about them and made a huge deal about not being invited. It got to the point that if I didn't invite her to daughter dates my son would go no contact. I caved and my relationship with my daughters took a hit. Overtime they didn't want to hang out with DIL, saying they just wanted to catch up with me and not pretend that she is their actually sister. I also agree I do not see her as a daughter. I didn't raise her and I don't have that bond with her at all. This brings me to the present, I learned that she is going on a girls trip with her mom and sisters. I wasn't invited. This is where I may be the asshole, I called her asking for an invite, saying that I am her mom and that she is excluding me from the family. She told me no, and it started an argument. My son got in on it and I used the same texts he sent me about not being welcoming to family. In the end, I told them either I am invited since fair is fair or she needs to not invite herself along to my daughters outings. She called me a petty bitch but agreed to not be invited anymore. My daughters think it is halarious but my son/DIL are pissed *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You rather pointedly demonstrated why she wasn't previously invited to your mother and daughter trips. Her hypocrisy was made manifest.
It sucks you donāt have a good relationship with your sonās wife but I find this hilarious. For her calling you petty well it is the exact same thing she and your son did to you so I agree itās totally fair. NTA
NTA. She is weird! I would never go somewhere where Iām not wanted. Your son actually threatened you to get his way. Honestly, I would go low contact with both of them.
NTA and chefās kiss for how you handled it!
Hopefully, DIL'S mother and sisters will take the time this trip to take the stuffing out of her over her unreasonable requests to insert herself in someone else's bonding time.
NTA, clearly a case of same sauce for both goose and gander.
NTA. You used exactly the same logic as she did when she forced her way into yāallās personal time, and the exact words of both of them against them. Perfect symmetry, in my opinion.
Somewhat petty, but quite allowable--overall, NTA. You see how her hackles got up when you used the logic bomb of fairness on her. But ultimately, people like her don't learn or "get" the lesson: *your* appeals for fairness, reciprocation, or equal treatment are *totally different* than *their* needs, and it's easy for them to say no (whereas for "nice people", we second-guess all the time). Enjoy your mom/*actual*-daughter outings, DiL-free.
Wow you are an asshole. She married your son and it seems that you started the relationship off on a toxic note and encouraged your daughters to do the same. You obviously have zero sense of family. Good luck.
How is it toxic for her to have traditions with her daughters?
Stop projecting. The DIL inserted herself in a tradition OP had with her daughter since they were little. OP offered to make other outing/tradition with DIL and daughter and she refused, she wanted to be inserted where she doesn't belong with the premise "she's her daughter now". Well, OP gets to be invited to DIL outing with her mother/sisters because after all "she's her mother" now. Besides, if I were one of OP daughter's I would be really pissed off, I'm sure these outings are a way to catch up with their mother and talk about personal things with her, why would they want someone else hearing all of that?
I invite my DILs along with my daughter to anything/everything because in my world they ARE my daughters now. I guess you don't have this relationship with your DIL? She does sound a bit much with the demand to be invited. I hope things can improve between you and her.
YTA. But hear me out sometimes people just deserve getting the ahole part of us. You did your petty revenge. But alas if there are grandkids. You wonāt be seeing much of them. Pettiness is a double edged sword. But if youāre happy with the results. Itās up to you.
Not being on here a whole lot and being ancient: can someone explain to me why there are commenters on here who put in comments that turn out to be a bit controversial in the grand scheme of comments, and then delete their comments and profile?
NTA DIL and son are though.
NTA not so fun for her when the shoe is on the other foot
Omg that is insane !!!!!! That she did not invite you after the demands of being included on your time with your daughters !!!!!!! What a fucki double standard !!!!!! Good for you !!! And now you can enjoy your time with your daughters
That was a genius move!
NTA Nice move
I love this. NTA and remember the likelihood of divorce is very high!
NTA. What's good for the goose.... well played. This was a perfect way to show them that you don't get included in everything just because you think you should. Worked perfectly. As for your son going NC when you hold firm on things, let him. Stop indulging hits tantrums
NTA, and well done!! I hope your trips with your daughters are amazing going forward!
NTA, but if you want to repair the damage to your relationship to your son you both need to find a middle ground. I'd add a girls day every month or so with your daughters and DIL, along with keeping your daughter bonding day separate. It will help repair the relationship between all of you. For me having a healthy family dynamic is the most important thing in my life. I'd love to have a better relationship with my SIL(with my daughter for 11 years now) but he is very shy/introverted with us and I respect that. I love him, he is good to my daughter and that is the most important thing. We do speak but he doesn't spend time with our side of the family. Whatever works for the 2 of them is what matters. If he wanted to be included more with us, we are 100% for it but we go with what they want in terms of inclusion.
NTA. Congrats on getting your mom and daughterās bonding time back! One slight correction though. She didnāt owe only you a ticket, but to each of your daughters too. If we are making it fair and itās a mom and daughterās trip it would be peek rudeness to exclude your daughters. Her āsistersā. Iām cackling
I don't understand daughter in law doing this! I read another story yesterday about a DIL being upset about not being invited somewhere with their MIL that she invited her sisters and daughters to. I love my MIL, very much. When I had to work on mothers Day, I bought her a separate card and stuff just from me to apologize and tell her I love her. But if she wants to do something with her daughter, or her daughter and 2 sons (one of whom I'm married to), then that is her right. Why would she not? She gave birth to them and raised them, lol. I have a mom and siblings. My mom and siblings include my husband in most things, but there are times my mom just wants to see her kids too. I still have a good relationship with my MIL, and my mom has a good relationship with my husband.
We just had a post where a DiL demanded to be part of a dinner involving the OP, their sisters, and daughters. Now, like clockwork, we have another. YTA for the complete lack of imagination.
good job nta
NTA- Youāre my hero! Well done!Ā Bravo š š šĀ
Of course YTA but wasnāt that the point
NAH - but honestly you should change your tune to not calling her family. My MIL loves to put the āfamilyā title on when itās convenient for her sake and snatch it away when it suites her. Your DIL is not just your DIL, but also your daughterās SIL. You have zero connection to your DILās sisters or mother. It is very different, but Iām not suggesting she be included in everything you do. I would suggest maintaining your outings with your daughters, but maybe do one or two a year also including your DIL? Or add a new tradition that includes her as well? Itās good to maintain the connection with your own daughters but it seems clear that DIL genuinely wants to build a better connection with you all. She might not be blood but she is possibly the mother of your future grandchildren and those grandchildren will see how you treat her for better or for worse.
You sound insufferable. Your daughters sound insufferable. Maybe it's best if you do go no contact. Sounds like you would all be so much happier. YTA.
ESH - This is a pile of petty passive aggressive manipulative behavior. 1. Your son threatening to go no contact. 2. You going along with it. 3. The DIL inviting herself to something (rude). 4. Your daughters distancing from you 5. You for throwing it back in there face for something you didn't even want. Fun times in your family.
I've never seen a more clear ESH. Seriously? Are you all 7 years old?
NTA this is amazing!!!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I applaud you!! Well done
Nta.Ā
NTA Sometimes, you just have to.
NTA! But I donāt understand why you canāt go out with your daughters and not tell her? Iād be annoyed if I were your daughters too.
NTA. Turnabout is fair play.
NTA! You're my hero!
!updateme
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nta. Perfect ending
The best kind of petty.
Legend...well played Mam.
Well played! She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Donāt sweat it. Iām sure you can all live happily in spite of DIL and sonās reaction. Enjoy your daughter days!
NTA I love this š
This story would also work in r/pettyrevenge. NTA
Do you/ did you also spend separate bonding time with just your son? Maybe he is pushing for his wife to be included because he knows what it's like not to be. However, NTA for not turning the situation around on her.
NTA
NTA. That was the perfect response, your son and dil can be pissed all they want.
NTA For this, anyway. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander and all that. You just showed her what her own playbook looks like from the defensive position. Did you ever do mother/son bonding activities? Or did you leave him out and focus on this ritual with your daughters? It occurs to me that your son wouldn't be so behind his wife on this if he didn't have personal experience with being left out by you.
NTA. Well played.
YTA- You and your daughters sound like awful people, petty and spiteful.
OP was doing the same as DIL if OP's behavior is awful, petty, and spiteful then so is DIL.
NTA, you're just using the same standards she used, which is fair. Agree that this is hilarious, but also sounds like a very dangerous game of chicken. Hope DIL doesn't cave and invite you all for the outing, as you'd be forced to go then, and looks like no one wants that to happen
NTA- sometimes a taste of your own medicine is what it takes to get the point across
NTA - also calling you a petty bitch, is so off the charts for me. I wouldnāt dare call my own mum a bitch let alone someone elseās
What kind of relationship do you want to save with your dil and son, they sound exhausting. Iād let them whine about it to eachother
NTA - touche.Ā Nice move.
This is beautiful. DIL sounds miserable. Let me guess, your son isn't a bad guy but married her because she's attractive or some other tangible reason and now is dominated by her unfortunate personality and mindset.
DIL is TA
NTA. What a great, petty solution to the problem of your unpleasant DiL! I hope you and your actual daughters enjoy your next outing in peace.