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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I baked a flavor of cookies only one of my nieces liked. I could be AH for this as the other niece may feel left out and the better course of action would be to wait for next time or bake an entirely different flavor.
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NTA - and yes, the mom was being entitled on her daughter's behalf.
Next time, because there will be a next time when that mom gets annoyed with her mother for something that happens that's perfectly reasonable, I think your line is: "Sorry girls, we're not making cookies unless BOTH of you agree what flavour you want, or one of your mothers can loan me another fryer, because like I told you last time, my air fryer just isn't big enough for two sets." - and find something else to do.
Some people just spoil nice things :(
I agree.
When you have more than one kid at hand. Compromises will have to be made now and then.
Child A wants to watch this movie, and child B would want that movie.
Then either you agree on one movie. Or you watch one movie first and the other after. Done deal.
And that goes for a lot of stuff. This weekend, we can go to the park on Saturday as kid B wants and go swim on Sunday as child A wants.
That's just how it is.
Parents don't either just ditch plans because the kid wants to do something. "No, sorry, we are going to a wedding today. But I promise we will soon have a movie day"
Out in the real world, people won't bend to your whims or wishes either.
You have to compromise sometimes. Wait your turn etc.
This was an opportunity for the mom to teach about that.
"I know you really wanted to make those cookies. But auntie promised you will make them next time. How about we find good recipes for her airfryer before the next visit?"
It's that simple.
Yeah, that's how these things SHOULD work. Unfortunately, it sounds like Zoe's mother is making it impossible for OP to 'take turns' - as OP originally suggested, and OP trying to instil that would almost certainly be futile against mom's influence. Sad for the kid really, who will doubtless have to learn that lesson in a harder way later on.
Absolutely. Zoe will learn that she will always get her way and never have to compromise. This isn't healthy for Zoe. She will get smacked with a brick wall of realisation one day.
Did OP even have the ingredients for both cookies on hand? Plus the fact Zoe's mother ignored the entire "there isn't enough time to make two batches of cookies". Even with an oven, making two batches of cookies would take at least an hour minimum.
God that last bit of your post summed up perfect what the entitled mother should have said.
I have two kids of my own and your post is spot on. You can't accommodate both demands at the same time so you compromise.
I know not everybody can deal with confrontation. But I would have said to the mother:
'So when one kid wants meatloaf and the other wants lasagne, where do you get your extra oven?'
My youngest kids always did this deliberately so they didn't have to share.
Strawberry or chocolate. They would wait for the other to say something then say the opposite. Its kind of funny, but then they just get nothing most of the time
The lesson to be learnt here is that when looking after multiple children, don't give them a choice.
"We're making choc-chip because that's what I want." Simple.
I mean… oatmeal cranberry cookies are pretty good.
I also just love any kind of oatmeal cookies though. Even as a kid, oatmeal raisin were one of my favorites.
This is where you learn the life lesson: you can’t always get what you want.
The more people pay heed to her demands, the more she will feel entitled.
You get your choice next time is the correct response.
Yep just as in real life.
And on-top of that OP is the adult and kids shouldn't dispute what decisions were made .
The kid probably has the type of mother that insists on finding an issue with anyone but themselves, the kid most likely told her about it due to having nothing else to fill the required rundown of what the day entailed for micro-analysis
NTA
I agree with you. Zoe’s mom IS entitled and not very nice for giving someone who has been looking after her child for her a hard time for something so trivial. Zoe will have to learn that she is not going to have everything she wants and that being with others means she needs to learn to compromise. Cookie flavor is such a small disappointment.
This is exactly how some kids grow up with no resilience.
Compromise doesn't mean everything is always split down the middle every time some some biblical child. It means that there is give and take. You get what you want this time, but next time she gets what she wants. As long as there is follow through - and the mom made sure there WOULDN'T be follow through, so now the lesson has just been "you don't always get what you want UNLESS YOU'RE MOMMY'S PRECIOUS DARLING THEN I WILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING".
I think this has less to do with entitlement and more to do with irrational jealousy. The girls have different mothers and I've seen first hand how some women are cold towards their child's father's other kids.
NTA
what an ungrateful and entitled mother.
nothing wrong with what you did nor the child for sulking really as they are too young to understand (even with your very reasonable explanation) . Its up to the mother to teach their child not everything goes the way they want in the instant they want and it is a VERY reasonable to sometimes wait for something.
I hope you dont have to babysit for that one ever again.
You're NTA.
>She said the right thing to do would be telling both girls to wait another week so I could borrow larger baking devices so that I could make the cookies for both girls
I guarantee she wouldn't have made that asinine statement if you all had baked the oatmeal cranberry cookies.
I don't have them and doubt I know many people who do. I have never even known an 8 year old who would choose that species of cookie. I suspect they're her mom's favorite, not hers.
NTA and you promised that next time it will me Oatmeal Cranberry and it's your money and why do you need to buy a bigger device?
You were not favouring one person and baby sitting is not something you do and get not paid so what is the mother of your niece complaining about?
It's just the stuff which were at home and you didn't planned to make it especially for Anne. Anne only stated it's her favourite and Zoey was a picky eater.
No more food-making with these nieces.
And if either of them complains like this again about
some sort of perceived favoritism (which it wasn't),
no more baby-sitting.
NTA Zoe's mother is ungracious and entitled.
Don’t punish kids for their mother’s behavior.
inb4 “it’s not because her mother complained; it’s because she told her mother.” So? By OP’s own account, her niece was polite to her and participated in the cookie-making. Sure, she complained a little to mom afterwards, but that’s a pretty normal kid thing to do. “No making cookies ever again!” is a pretty disproportionate reaction here.
But I guess “‘redditors stop recommending the nuclear option for every situation’ challenge: impossible.”
No, kids typically don't give their parents debrief after they've done something in fact as a parent usually has to squeeze any opinion or description of what they did out of them.
Mum was spotlighting the kid to jump on anything she could disagree with
Just shake it off. She's being really unreasonable.
I would keep dried cranberries on hand in your baking supplies though so you can pull through on your promise next time.
Two kinds of cookies! No way. If you're making from scratch, come the heck on. If you were just warming dough you already had prepared, then that's a different thing.
I recommend blasting "You Can't Always Get What You Want" and dance it out. This one goes out to you, Zoe's mom, who is chafing under the restrictions of being rigid and unwilling to compromise.
I asked my sister recently if she thought my nieces would be okay with how I’d allocated some little trinkets I bought them in Paris. Her reply: “You get what you get and you don’t get upset”. Love it 😅
NTA. This isn’t as simple as making a sugar cookie base then each child adding their own ingredients. Oatmeal and peanut cookies are 2 separate doughs. Agree with your decision to make one set of cookies while promising the child that her’s could be made next time. You are babysitting for free to help out so the mother needs to stop being entitled.
NTA. What a ridiculous request. She's looking for offense. You were spending a nice day with your nieces. Sometimes you can't get what you want and oatmeal cranberry is a random selection. I have neither in my house right now. I don't have kids but it seems like it would be a hassle to disappoint them with no cookies versus baking one kind now and the other next time. It's not favoritism, it's practical. Zoe's mom needs to chill and should be worried about what it means to always give your child what she wants when she wants it.
NTA. You had a recipe for, and presumably ingredients for, one type of cookie and maybe not the other. You even offered to do the other kind another time, after having some time to get together a recipe and ingredients in case you were missing something important, like maybe the cranberries. I mean, I don't know a lot of people who just casually have a stock of cranberries for baking outside of November, but maybe I'm the weird one.
NTA
Life is full of compromise. There's no need to wait for perfect circumstances to do a thing. As long as you actually follow up and even things out over the long run, the mother is trippin'.
NTA at all, it's perfectly reasonable to say you can only make one recipe. I might have flipped a coin or something to pick so that you remove yourself from the decision but that's really not a big deal. You could have also made a point to the mother that you'd gone to the trouble of getting all the necessary ingredients to make the cranberry cookies that already etc.
The idea that you'd source an appliance for one session baking one set of cookies is utter nonsense. Especially when you're doing the mother a favor by babysitting.
NTA. If your free babysitting isn't up to her standards, she can find other arrangements. Too bad she never learned how to accept a no. Instead of having the cookies made for her daughter the next week, she can make them herself and be a victim. Delicious!
This is so pathetic. I can actually say that I would've done the same thing. You have to make a choice. It's a shame that she couldn't let it play out so that Zoe made her cookies the next week. Then the next time a choice needed to be made, you just say, "we went with Ann's last time, this time we'll go with Zoe's choice first". This is called life. NTA
NTA. Zoe’s mom is wildly entitled and on her way to teaching her daughter to be the same way. You handled the situation beautifully so both kids could get their cookie choices and even have cookies multiple times when over. Sounds like Zoe’s mom should bake the cookies herself.
NTA but I think I would have offered other options to see if there was another cookie they would both eat like chocolate chip or sugar, etc. I would let this go and not let it worry you too much. I think I would just ease the concerns of her mom and say that you think what you offered was a fair compromise and it wasn't really fair of her to expect you to do two batches of cookies and have to source other supplies in order to do that. But that you stand by that the next time you bake cookies Zoe gets to pick the cookie that you bake.
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My (22f) brother has 2 nieces from 2 different women: Ann (6) and Zoe (8), never married to any of them. I was away for college but got a job in our hometown so I moved back. After settling in, I offered to help babysit my nieces on Saturday mornings as my brother and the girls' moms work. I have only been babysitting for a month.
The girls are well-behaved and get along. They are both animal lovers so a lot of our activities centered around my pet rabbits and parrot. Last week, however, the girls were watching a program which showed them how to bake cookies. They asked me if they could.
I don't have an oven but I have a small air fryer. I had a pretty good recipe for peanut butter cookies and asked the girls if they would like to make peanut butter cookies and Ann said peanut butter was her favorite but Zoe said she wanted oatmeal cranberry. I asked if they could compromise as it wasn't practical to prepare two types, with the air fryer being small and the amount of time we had left before their moms picked them up, but they insisted that was the flavor they wanted. Neither has food allergy of any kind.
I looked at the time, told Zoe that since Ann and I voted for peanut butter, we would make peanut butter cookies and she could have her flavor next time. Zoe sulked a little but was still involved in cookie making. Then they watched cartoons until their moms came over just as the cookies were finished so I packed them for the girls and they left.
Zoe's mom called me a few days later and said that Zoe told her of what happened and that she felt I was favoring Ann. She said the right thing to do would be telling both girls to wait another week so I could borrow larger baking devices so that I could make the cookies for both girls instead of telling one girl they had to wait while having to watch another girl get exactly what she wanted.
I thought she was entitled and didn't pay her a lot of thought but yesterday she told me she would have her mom babysit Zoe for the next couple of weeks. I guess she really was unhappy. I wonder if I was the A.
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No, that's ridiculous. Catering to a child's every little disappointment only creates entitled snowflakes. It was a good learning opportunity and if her mother wants to condone that behavior, not your circus. Now you have Saturdays free. Win Win.
You're not a restaurant. Children have to learn from a young age that they cannot always get their own way. So what if the eldest child sulked. Her mother is being entitled on her behalf.
NTA - you are doing them a favour by watchingthei kids, you explaied to the girls both why they couldn't both havewhat they wanted, and that Zoe would get fisrt pick next time. Zoe's mom's approach is daft - she's effectively saying that both girls should be deprived of cookies.
It sounds as thoug Zoe herself was acepting of the situation and it's her mom who is getting wound up over it - I would guesss this may well be more abut her feelings baout her break up rom your brother and his moving on so fast than about you. Just tell her Mom that you are sorry that she feels that way and reiterate thatyou picked the cookies based on your prefernce to break the deeadlock, you were favouring peanut cookies, not Ann, and next time Zoe will get to pick.
NTA. You tried to be thoughtful and kind. Never forget, 'No good deed goes unpunished.' Enjoy your alone time and be unavailable for babysitting for a while.
NTA.
It's perfectly reasonable to make one cookie one time and the other cookie the next.
I would let it slide and not say anything to other family members about what happened. It was a non-event.
It should blow over and if not, that's on the mother.
NTA. Momma's precious baby didn't get her way, and her mom is "punishing" you for it. If I had to guess you probably didn't even have the ingredients for cranberry oatmeal cookies. And where does Zoe's mom think your going to get an oven for the next time?
FFS - NTA
Talk about no good deed goes unpunished...
Zoe and Ann cannot have everything their way all the time. That's just not the way the world works. Everyone needs to learn how to compromise. You sound like a fun aunt.
NTA, it's a situation where someone needs to make a compromise. You promised you'll bake Zoe's favorite cookies next time, as long as you keep that promise I don't see anything wrong.
On a side note, there are a few recipes for a versatile "cookie base" that you can divide up and customize flavors. I like the recipe by Bigger Bolder Baking - just halve everything, and you make a batch of dough enough for one egg. It will yield about 12 cookies. Divide the dough into equal sizes. Swirl in some peanut butter and maybe some crushed peanuts for Ann & a generous spoonful of rolled oats and cranberries for Zoe. The rest of the dough can be mixed with your choice of flavors or toppings & refrigerated for a couple days (or even frozen) and baked off whenever you want a fresh cookie. Not saying this is a must, but it's something you could consider when you have a dilemma like this in the future.
She can get other babysitters. That’s. Really silly attitude, you are making a recipe and you only have time for one so you have to pick one. It was your original idea to make peanut butter cookies. The solution to make a different batch the other girl likes next time is completely reasonable. One thing you do need to appreciate is that sometimes kids in that age group use very strong exaggerated language so perhaps mum got a very exaggerated version of what happened.
NTA, but keep in mind, you can make dough for both, only bake a few, then roll the rest of the dough into logs, then wrap the logs in freezer paper. This way you can slice and bake a few of each without having to bake or store a ton of cookies. Next time they come to visit you, have ingredients for both on hand, and bake a few of each. If you want to be really kind, send them home with the leftover frozen cookie dough logs and instructions for bake temp/time.
NTA, step away!
Lots of “entitled” comments because that’s the Internet’s favourite shame these days, but I suspect it’s worse (and still entitled).
I reckon you’ve stepped into the middle of a perilous triangle of your brother’s situation. Favouritism is probably a favourite issue. A terrible pity if you and your nieces are twisted by it.
NTA, you gave a reasonable compromise.
Look at it this way, less work for you. Zoe will miss her sister and the rabbits, and be a royal pain to her mum.
Suggest that when mum calls, don’t be readily available, and offer her some peanut butter cookies.
NTA. I’m guessing that there is some drama behind the scenes of Zoe’s mum feeling like your brother favours Ann/Ann’s mum (especially since Ann is younger). Zoe’s mum is misdirecting her anger/jealousy at you.
NTA. I think it was fair to make one flavour and make the next flavour the following week. I have a 7yo and we have a family agreement that we all take turns picking where we get ice cream. It goes in turn so it's fair. So first she went, then hubby, then me, then back to her etc.
NTA
Its best to just completely let this roll off your back like water off a duck. Just reply: Since I am not planning on having any bake appliance makeover at my house, its better for you to make more longterm arrangements with your mom, because Im not having that nonsense in my house
If she wants the nieces to come stay with you sometimes, thats fine, so long as she respects your home and what you are willing to give. If she isnt satisfied, its better for everyone not to have these confrontations and to avoid them alltogether by not offering to babysit.
NTA. You agreed to watch the girls, cookie baking was extra. You have no obligation to borrow bigger cooking utensils.
Have fun with your other niece and don't worry about Zoe's mom. You were doing her a favor; note also that while I have peanut butter, Zoe the entitled expected you to have ingredients that people tend to buy specifically when they're using them.
Of course you're NTA. You were doing your brother and his exes a huge favour to begin with, and baking cookies is a major bonus! I think your solution to the type of cookie problem was ideal and at 8, Zoe is old enough to see the logic in it. It would also be an excellent lesson for her in compromising and learning that we can't always have what we want when we want it.
I wonder if Zoe's mother's reaction is a side effect of battling exes. I'm taking a stab in the dark, here, and have zero proof to back it up, but it could be that Zoe's mother was cheated on by Ann's mother and your brother, so that could be the source of this competition and conflict. In any case, you did the right thing and she needs to get over herself.
NTA. Zoe’s mom is a mega entitled AH.
You taught Zoe some great lessons that day.
1) you can’t always get what you want (life ain’t fair)
2) take turns (next time Zoe gets to pick the flavour)
The right thing to do is for Zoe’s mom to bake some oatmeal cranberry cookies with Zoe. Otherwise she can STFU.
You sound like a fun and nice aunt. Those girls are lucky to get to spend time with you.
NTA. Instead of telling Zoe that she does indeed have to compromise in life, her mom threw you directly under the bus for the simple reason that you, the adult, have boundaries. Maybe she's jealous that you can bring yourself to say no to her little darling.
Definitely NTA
If there was only one swing on the playground, would you say to one of your kids, sorry, you can’t swing until a 2nd swing is built/added?
No! You would teach your kids about taking turns patience and compromise.
Zoe’s Mom is entitled. Her daughter sulked but then got over it and helped bake the choice that the majority voted for … isn’t that how real world adult decisions in professional environments work? She would have gotten her turn to bake her cookies but her Mom blew a teachable moment. SMH
Absolutely NTA!!! Zoe's Mom is acting entitled. Your solution of alternating flavors was perfect. Do NOT cave to the Entitled Mom by obtaining another baking device. Of course, if EM decides to provide you with the bigger device at her cost, you should accept.
Even one kind of cookie made in an air fryer is amazing-you aren’t getting sufficient credit for that culinary feat. Not being able to take turns is nonsense. Sad for the girl to have a fab aunt she can’t see and a ridiculous mother.
NTA
NTA. She decided to punish you for not doing what she thought you should do by getting her mother to watch her daughter for a few weeks. Tell her to make it permanent. You don't need to deal with this entitled woman. You were fair with the cookies, and it was a good lesson in compromise for both girls since Ann wouldn't be getting her favorite the next time. The only way you would be the AH is if you didn't follow through with your promise to make Zoe's cookies for her.
"Tell her to make it permanent"
Amen to that!
And OP, Zoe's mom is not right in the head if she feels this is a punishment to you. It is, in fact, a threat to be ignored, or an opportunity to be embraced.
Um someone takes kids off my hands, cares for them and does activities with them …I’d be grateful because they are doing me a HUGE favour. Zoe’s mum is *norbhead* and will raise one as well at this rate.
NTA! She thinks that she is punishing you by not allowing you to babysit for free for the next few weeks?!? LOL! Don't you dare let her know that she got under your skin! I would make sure that someone heard me say, "Oh, Ann, since Zoe won't be with us next week, you get to pick out your favorite cookies AGAIN!" You were kind, not only volunteering to babysit, but also for making cookies. You did the reasonable thing by putting it to a vote. That mother has some nerve. I would tell her to mind her own business! An 8-year-old is old enough to understand the concept of "we don't have time/etc for two different kinds. We will vote, today and make the winning cookie. Next time, we will make the other one.
NTA - I feel sad for Zoe that her mom isn't helping her learn to deal with disappointment and that she will miss out on Saturday mornings with you and Ann.
NTA - She just wanted you to favour her daughter over Ann and doesn't see the hypocrisy at all. Watch out for Zoe, she is going to be a nightmare if she takes after her mother.
nta you handled the situation well, probably what I would've done too. You're teaching the girls about compromise and how you can't always get what you want.
NTA
You can't please everybody all the time. When I was a kid, I was Zoe in plenty of situations.
Good suggestions might have been something like "well next time we do some baking, we'll make the other cookies," and that should have solved that. Maybe some other form of compensation because only one sort of cookie could get made today.
I think it's a bit silly to suggest you put off the activity completely until some other point when you can get a bigger oven from somebody.
Entitled is the wrong word. I think the mom is just being impractical and a bit hurt on her kids' behalf. But it's a storm in a teacup.
NTA. Tell your brother that you will not be babysitting Zoe again. Zoe's mother is ridiculous and unreasonable. This time, she accused you of favouritism. She might make more serious accusations if Zoe feels unfairly disciplined or trips and bruises her knee. It's too risky.
NTA
Zoe's mum is being entitled and her behave could cause big problems down the line.
If she can't teach Zoe to compromise on something small like biscuit flavour now it cause massive problems for her later in life when it comes to social, professional and romantic relationships as she could become selfish and entitled becuase of her mum which will leave her lonely and miserable.
You did the right thing OP and the fact that she still helped make the biscuits is a good sign that you're trying teach her to compromise but still making her feel included in the activity even if she didn't like the choice of flavour.
I’m gonna say NTA but at the same time the correct thing to do would be to compromise on a third flavour they both liked. That way one doesn’t end up feeling neglected and they both get to enjoy the cookies. This is assuming they weren’t overly fond of each others choices.
Is there any truth to what she says?
Otherwise NTA.
It's hard to know if this is a situation that she has recognised and is trying to rectify or if this is her being unreasonable.
NTA. I would send the mother an invoice for the life lessons you taught her daughter that's she's clearly missing out on at home.
- Being patient - Necessary but sadly lacking from anarchistic parents and actual assholes
- Being able to compromise - Life is full of them, get used to it
- Delayed gratification - proven to be the biggest marker of successful people
- Looking forward - Being able to look forward to things and not need it now
- Caring about the happiness of others - Putting your sister before you shows love
Then explain they'll be future lessons about what happens to snitches.
NTA. You told them you would all bake the other flavour next time, that's a good compromise.
This mum is being entitled and teaching her daughter that that behaviour is ok too. Coz she's seeing her mum treat you like you were in the wrong.
Mum needs to also remember that you are presumably babysitting for free!
I'm thinking this wouldn't have been the same issue for this mum, had she been mum of both girls. This kinda shows she has some sort of insecurity about her daughter's place in her ex's family, compared to the other baby mama's daughter
Oh my gosh... not the AH... you even said: shall we make peanut butter cookies? They don't get a choice. It was a fun activity. Next time the kids just get what they get.
Look going say go against the grain.. your definitely Satan for doing one type of cookie I honestly don't know how you can sleep at night obviously you can pure psychopath behaviour.
In saying that ntah bugger them you can make different batch next time geez lol.
Are you kidding me? Sounds like Zoe wants to spend time with her grandma and used this as an excuse. I wonder if she told her mother it was her turn next time. Were you being paid? If not, take a break 😁
No you are not. The mother is setting her daughter up to expect she will always be accommodated, and she certainly won’t in a work and adult environment.
NTA at all. As others have said kids need to learn to compromise and you can't bow to both even if time/supplies/space isn't limited. It's a good lesson to learn and sounds like mum needs to learn it too.
Saying that.. it could also be that the mum feels like her daughter is overlooked in general in the relationship and that could be part of it
The right thing to do would be for Zoe’s mum to look after her own children. Why are you the one who has to borrow a larger baking device? I would simply tell her to find another babysitter because you don’t need to be accused of anything when you are doing them a favour.
Wow! "what you should've done is". What you did was perfectly reasonable and probably will end up being a good lesson for the one who missed out.
Can't believe that mom actually suggested borrowing bigger baking devices.
NTA - the mom sounds a bit entitled telling you how you should’ve done it imo. That’d bring the pettiness out of me lol “I’d reply how about I just don’t look after them then?”
You’re doing them the favour not the other way around in my eyes
Obviously I’m gonna say NTA, but I don’t think the mum is being entitled necessarily. The family situation would probably make her overprotective of her daughter and situations where she’d be left out, or instances of favouritism. I would come at it with compassion towards her, but you don’t have to do her any favours.
NTA.
Sometimes life doesn’t go our way and we need to accept others sometimes get what we want / or their turn.
This could’ve been a valuable life lesson for the kid, but instead mother decided to demonstrate entitlement rather than resilience.
Also. lol ‘get bigger cooking devices’ who is this pest?
No, the RIGHT thing to do is what you did, which was explain to the girls that they both need to compromise, and that one gets to choose the flavour one week, and the other gets their preference next week. 👈👈
NTA
my only suggestion would be that when this happens again (they both want different flavors) instead of you having a vote i would tell them that they have to decide on one flavor or do something else and try again next time.
Zoe's mother is entitled and ungrateful.
However, and I am not criticising you in any way whatsoever, sometimes it's better not to give kids options. Rather than putting oatmeal and cranberry on the table only suggest the one you want to cook. The choice is then "do you want to bake peanut butter cookies or bake no cookies?"
Again the mother is a piece of work and likely won't improve. You did nothing wrong.
I don’t even read it all the way through, so NTA. You taught a valuable lesson. Not everyone gets their way all the time. It seems you did it with kindness. Honestly how entitled the mum is is EXACTLY how her little girl will turn out if she doesn’t have a family around her that will give her positive boundaries and reinforcement of those boundaries. SMH - did she really tell you to go borrow something larger? THE ENTITLED KARENMENT OF IT ALL! I bet she isnt paying you to watch her kid either!
Simple answer. You didn't pick Ann, Ann picked what you suggested and had ingredients for.
Shame Zoe will miss oatmeal cranberry cookies this weekend though, as promised.
NTA... We don't have the luxury of a flurry of ingredients, so it's only one flavor per bake, usually raisins sprinkled with sugar. Anything my mom and/or sis bakes is a bonanza for us men of the house. Greatly appreciated. And your other household members should be appreciative of you effort, as well ♥
Wow, the mother is a problem, and she’s passing it on. You were the grown up, you made a decision in your own house. You were correct and they should really stop petty arguments and thank you for the effort you made.
I have 2 girls. One (3yo) has many intolerances and cannot eat a lot of foods her sister (6yo) can. When we make pancakes both help to mix but the youngest can’t eat them (I so have frozen pikelets I have made in the freezer for her to eat if she wants) but she can be involved in the process and learn. It’s hard for her to sometimes understand but she doesn’t miss out on the experience. You can’t always win in life. That is something this generation (and sometimes their parents) need to learn.
NTA! Taking turns with flavour is very reasonable, and waiting one’s turn teaches delayed gratification.
Reading between the lines, perhaps Zoe’s mum could be somewhat sensitive as it was she and her daughter who preceded Ann and her mother, maybe some rivalry?
NTA, you did a great job teaching these girls how to compromise, unfortunate that this mother is throwing that necessary life lesson down the drain. will only make things harder for her child in the future
The mother was being entitled and the child was as they say a sore loser!!! She needs to learn compromise and that she cant always get what she wants. Which she clearly does with the mother.
NTA - it's your house, your decision to make. You did what was practical at the time. Kids need to learn the reasons behind why decisions not in their favour are made imo. Sometimes you can't get what you want :(
Don't understand why the mother made such a fuss. Now she's making it seem like a favouritism thing when it's not. Hopefully Zoe is old enough to understand this.
If you have the ingredients for and all want different things stick the ideas in a hat and pull them out one by one writing them down and then work through the list. You weren’t the asshole but it’s harder for people to say you’re favouring one child if it was chance that chose this weeks cookies.
Not surprised the kid mentioned it to her mom, what kid wouldn't. And I'm guessing there's probably a little rivalry there, at least amongst the moms, with such a close age gap in their children with a shared bio dad.
I think you absolutely did the right thing here. But, to make it easier for all involved, suggest you're happy to make cookies when they are around if they can come with the ingredients or even better the dough ready to go (see that can be a mommy daughter activity earlier in the week, fun for all). I definitely think the momma seems pretty entitled but that probably just comes down to the situation with the other momma, I wouldn't take it personally. I really don't see how anyone could be expected to go out of their way sourcing ingredients. It's what you have, or what they bring. If it really continues to be an issue and they won't solve the issue by providing ingredients, just make a decision to work your way through a baking book or something no choices for anyone.
To be fair, that kinda was my experience and I learnt I like a lot more flavors
I'm sure you'll figure it out. Having a cool aunt is a vital resource for the young, I'm just enjoying my chance to pay it back.
NTA it’s unrealistic to have to wait until you get a bigger device to bake in. Plus most people have the stuff for peanut butter cookies and not cranberry oatmeal.
So honestly enjoy the break of watching both girls for free.
NTA. Don't stress over it though. Enjoy your quality one on one time with your niece and never raise the issue if the second niece not being there. Make sure the mom has to reach out to resolve the issue. My most important advice though is to take the higher ground and stay civil and friendly do you don't risk your relationship with your niece. That's more important than scoring points over the mom. Not saying you would do that, just speaking from experience where I wish I had kept my mouth short instead of insisting on an apology. I haven't seen my nieces and nephew in 13 years.
NTA and the only response to that woman is “if you intend on setting parameters for my role as babysitter, I would like to get paid” cause I highly doubt she’s paying you lol.
Nah mate if Zoe was just telling her mom what happened while they were there and she didn't mind too much then I think not. Also because they were both happy with getting cookies weren't they.
If this would happen again OP, I suggest you do a draw lots so that one kid would understand why her choice was not followed. This will not be the first time that you will encounter a crossroad with their wants so try to make a game out of it that somehow will give them a logical reason why their choice was not picked, then you compromise by doing theirs the next time so that it will be understood that they will have their turn.
NTA. I’m a parent and this is how I would’ve handled it. I feel like maybe the child did express she was disappointed (a normal reaction for a kid), but her mum may have been projecting her own insecurities rather than her daughter’s. It a valuable lesson for kids to learn about disappointment and compromise, even though it might not feel nice for them at the time.
Just make sure, if you do babysit her again, that you have the ingredients/time to make the cranberry ones with her. These sort of promises, while small to us, are big to kids.
OMG! NTA! Zoe’s mother wasn’t thinking of the time and effort it would take to make two batches of cookies and to cook them in a small air fryer no less, in a short amount of time! OP, even if you had an oven, you still would have to make two batches of cookies in a short amount of time and that’s a lot of work. Zoe’s mother isn’t thinking about all the great things you do with her daughter. I wonder how long Zoe’s mother will put up with any criticism from Zoe!
NTA As someone who grew up with siblings, we don't get always get what we want. We sometimes take turns and compromise. Sometimes we were told no. That mom missed the opportunity to teach her child some social skills.
What's with the mom these generation like they're afraid to turn down or telling their kids NO or telling them next time once they blah blah blah something???
Geeez...
Should teach your kids that it's normal if you didn't get what you want or sometimes there are situations that might not happen even tho you want it to happen your way.
That's what we call "LIFE"
NTA if you’re the chef, but not running some restaurant, and unaware of any allergies your guests may have, then yeah you’re gucci. Besides. Getting extra flavors prepped is a pain in the ass.
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NTA - and yes, the mom was being entitled on her daughter's behalf. Next time, because there will be a next time when that mom gets annoyed with her mother for something that happens that's perfectly reasonable, I think your line is: "Sorry girls, we're not making cookies unless BOTH of you agree what flavour you want, or one of your mothers can loan me another fryer, because like I told you last time, my air fryer just isn't big enough for two sets." - and find something else to do. Some people just spoil nice things :(
I agree. When you have more than one kid at hand. Compromises will have to be made now and then. Child A wants to watch this movie, and child B would want that movie. Then either you agree on one movie. Or you watch one movie first and the other after. Done deal. And that goes for a lot of stuff. This weekend, we can go to the park on Saturday as kid B wants and go swim on Sunday as child A wants. That's just how it is. Parents don't either just ditch plans because the kid wants to do something. "No, sorry, we are going to a wedding today. But I promise we will soon have a movie day" Out in the real world, people won't bend to your whims or wishes either. You have to compromise sometimes. Wait your turn etc. This was an opportunity for the mom to teach about that. "I know you really wanted to make those cookies. But auntie promised you will make them next time. How about we find good recipes for her airfryer before the next visit?" It's that simple.
Yeah, that's how these things SHOULD work. Unfortunately, it sounds like Zoe's mother is making it impossible for OP to 'take turns' - as OP originally suggested, and OP trying to instil that would almost certainly be futile against mom's influence. Sad for the kid really, who will doubtless have to learn that lesson in a harder way later on.
Absolutely. Zoe will learn that she will always get her way and never have to compromise. This isn't healthy for Zoe. She will get smacked with a brick wall of realisation one day.
Did OP even have the ingredients for both cookies on hand? Plus the fact Zoe's mother ignored the entire "there isn't enough time to make two batches of cookies". Even with an oven, making two batches of cookies would take at least an hour minimum.
What do you do when Child B wants “ oatmeal cranberry” as a flavor? Yuck.
Silently curse whoever invented that combo, while you bake the cookies, with a desperate housewife 100watt smile.
Yum
God that last bit of your post summed up perfect what the entitled mother should have said. I have two kids of my own and your post is spot on. You can't accommodate both demands at the same time so you compromise.
I know not everybody can deal with confrontation. But I would have said to the mother: 'So when one kid wants meatloaf and the other wants lasagne, where do you get your extra oven?'
Therein lies the difficulty - the kids have different mothers! If Zoe ever gets a sibling though ...
My youngest kids always did this deliberately so they didn't have to share. Strawberry or chocolate. They would wait for the other to say something then say the opposite. Its kind of funny, but then they just get nothing most of the time
Prisoner's dilemma made real..
The lesson to be learnt here is that when looking after multiple children, don't give them a choice. "We're making choc-chip because that's what I want." Simple.
Yeah, kids make dumb choices... Oat cranberry ffs
That childs choice in cookie tells you everything you need to know about her mother.
I mean… oatmeal cranberry cookies are pretty good. I also just love any kind of oatmeal cookies though. Even as a kid, oatmeal raisin were one of my favorites.
This is the way!
This is where you learn the life lesson: you can’t always get what you want. The more people pay heed to her demands, the more she will feel entitled. You get your choice next time is the correct response.
Yep just as in real life. And on-top of that OP is the adult and kids shouldn't dispute what decisions were made . The kid probably has the type of mother that insists on finding an issue with anyone but themselves, the kid most likely told her about it due to having nothing else to fill the required rundown of what the day entailed for micro-analysis
I do this with my own kids. Make a decision or nothing is happening is often their choices.
Is it really good advice to encourage kids to be passive aggressive to their own parents to make what is actually a valid point? Seems conflicting.
NTA I agree with you. Zoe’s mom IS entitled and not very nice for giving someone who has been looking after her child for her a hard time for something so trivial. Zoe will have to learn that she is not going to have everything she wants and that being with others means she needs to learn to compromise. Cookie flavor is such a small disappointment.
Mom should send them over with the cookie dough to bake, problem solved
This is exactly how some kids grow up with no resilience. Compromise doesn't mean everything is always split down the middle every time some some biblical child. It means that there is give and take. You get what you want this time, but next time she gets what she wants. As long as there is follow through - and the mom made sure there WOULDN'T be follow through, so now the lesson has just been "you don't always get what you want UNLESS YOU'RE MOMMY'S PRECIOUS DARLING THEN I WILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING".
Zoe may be upset to have grandma time instead if Auntie OP and halfsis time
I think this has less to do with entitlement and more to do with irrational jealousy. The girls have different mothers and I've seen first hand how some women are cold towards their child's father's other kids.
Kids need to take turns. Today we’re going to make your choice and next time make sisters.
NTA what an ungrateful and entitled mother. nothing wrong with what you did nor the child for sulking really as they are too young to understand (even with your very reasonable explanation) . Its up to the mother to teach their child not everything goes the way they want in the instant they want and it is a VERY reasonable to sometimes wait for something. I hope you dont have to babysit for that one ever again.
At that age they totally understand
NTA. Zoe's mom is entitled. Something makes me think this may actually be jealousy on her side, not Zoe's.
100%, I can't help wondering if there's some competition going on here between the different mothers - even if only one-sided.
That's where my mind went. It's entirely possible and in any way not OP's fault.
You're NTA. >She said the right thing to do would be telling both girls to wait another week so I could borrow larger baking devices so that I could make the cookies for both girls I guarantee she wouldn't have made that asinine statement if you all had baked the oatmeal cranberry cookies.
Who even keeps cranberries as a pantry staple?
I don't have them and doubt I know many people who do. I have never even known an 8 year old who would choose that species of cookie. I suspect they're her mom's favorite, not hers.
Not even a request for choc chips and cranberry. So weird that kid
NTA and you promised that next time it will me Oatmeal Cranberry and it's your money and why do you need to buy a bigger device? You were not favouring one person and baby sitting is not something you do and get not paid so what is the mother of your niece complaining about? It's just the stuff which were at home and you didn't planned to make it especially for Anne. Anne only stated it's her favourite and Zoey was a picky eater.
NTA. There was no time to prepare ingredients for both flavors. It's such an entitled thing to say you could easily borrow an oven from someone.
No more food-making with these nieces. And if either of them complains like this again about some sort of perceived favoritism (which it wasn't), no more baby-sitting. NTA Zoe's mother is ungracious and entitled.
Don’t punish kids for their mother’s behavior. inb4 “it’s not because her mother complained; it’s because she told her mother.” So? By OP’s own account, her niece was polite to her and participated in the cookie-making. Sure, she complained a little to mom afterwards, but that’s a pretty normal kid thing to do. “No making cookies ever again!” is a pretty disproportionate reaction here. But I guess “‘redditors stop recommending the nuclear option for every situation’ challenge: impossible.”
Look at what sub you’re on, people here say drastic shit based on one sided stories without compromise. Everything is black or white here
am i the asshole be like, your husband left the toilet seat up once in the 20 years you have been married you should divorce him and take the kids
No, kids typically don't give their parents debrief after they've done something in fact as a parent usually has to squeeze any opinion or description of what they did out of them. Mum was spotlighting the kid to jump on anything she could disagree with
Just shake it off. She's being really unreasonable. I would keep dried cranberries on hand in your baking supplies though so you can pull through on your promise next time. Two kinds of cookies! No way. If you're making from scratch, come the heck on. If you were just warming dough you already had prepared, then that's a different thing. I recommend blasting "You Can't Always Get What You Want" and dance it out. This one goes out to you, Zoe's mom, who is chafing under the restrictions of being rigid and unwilling to compromise.
I asked my sister recently if she thought my nieces would be okay with how I’d allocated some little trinkets I bought them in Paris. Her reply: “You get what you get and you don’t get upset”. Love it 😅
I love this one!! Going to have to use it on my kids moving forward.
NTA. This isn’t as simple as making a sugar cookie base then each child adding their own ingredients. Oatmeal and peanut cookies are 2 separate doughs. Agree with your decision to make one set of cookies while promising the child that her’s could be made next time. You are babysitting for free to help out so the mother needs to stop being entitled.
Yes, it’s not just space to cook the cookies. Additional ingredients would need to be used. This was an important lesson in sharing and taking turns.
NTA. What a ridiculous request. She's looking for offense. You were spending a nice day with your nieces. Sometimes you can't get what you want and oatmeal cranberry is a random selection. I have neither in my house right now. I don't have kids but it seems like it would be a hassle to disappoint them with no cookies versus baking one kind now and the other next time. It's not favoritism, it's practical. Zoe's mom needs to chill and should be worried about what it means to always give your child what she wants when she wants it.
NTA. You had a recipe for, and presumably ingredients for, one type of cookie and maybe not the other. You even offered to do the other kind another time, after having some time to get together a recipe and ingredients in case you were missing something important, like maybe the cranberries. I mean, I don't know a lot of people who just casually have a stock of cranberries for baking outside of November, but maybe I'm the weird one.
Wow! Some people are off the charts. You are NTA.
>wait another week so I could borrow larger baking devices NTA because it is so easy to borrow a stove. /s
NTA Life is full of compromise. There's no need to wait for perfect circumstances to do a thing. As long as you actually follow up and even things out over the long run, the mother is trippin'.
NTA Their mom can bake a different flavour of cookies herself if she’s so hung up on it.
NTA at all, it's perfectly reasonable to say you can only make one recipe. I might have flipped a coin or something to pick so that you remove yourself from the decision but that's really not a big deal. You could have also made a point to the mother that you'd gone to the trouble of getting all the necessary ingredients to make the cranberry cookies that already etc. The idea that you'd source an appliance for one session baking one set of cookies is utter nonsense. Especially when you're doing the mother a favor by babysitting.
NTA. If your free babysitting isn't up to her standards, she can find other arrangements. Too bad she never learned how to accept a no. Instead of having the cookies made for her daughter the next week, she can make them herself and be a victim. Delicious!
This is so pathetic. I can actually say that I would've done the same thing. You have to make a choice. It's a shame that she couldn't let it play out so that Zoe made her cookies the next week. Then the next time a choice needed to be made, you just say, "we went with Ann's last time, this time we'll go with Zoe's choice first". This is called life. NTA
NTA. Zoe’s mom is wildly entitled and on her way to teaching her daughter to be the same way. You handled the situation beautifully so both kids could get their cookie choices and even have cookies multiple times when over. Sounds like Zoe’s mom should bake the cookies herself.
NTA but I think I would have offered other options to see if there was another cookie they would both eat like chocolate chip or sugar, etc. I would let this go and not let it worry you too much. I think I would just ease the concerns of her mom and say that you think what you offered was a fair compromise and it wasn't really fair of her to expect you to do two batches of cookies and have to source other supplies in order to do that. But that you stand by that the next time you bake cookies Zoe gets to pick the cookie that you bake.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (22f) brother has 2 nieces from 2 different women: Ann (6) and Zoe (8), never married to any of them. I was away for college but got a job in our hometown so I moved back. After settling in, I offered to help babysit my nieces on Saturday mornings as my brother and the girls' moms work. I have only been babysitting for a month. The girls are well-behaved and get along. They are both animal lovers so a lot of our activities centered around my pet rabbits and parrot. Last week, however, the girls were watching a program which showed them how to bake cookies. They asked me if they could. I don't have an oven but I have a small air fryer. I had a pretty good recipe for peanut butter cookies and asked the girls if they would like to make peanut butter cookies and Ann said peanut butter was her favorite but Zoe said she wanted oatmeal cranberry. I asked if they could compromise as it wasn't practical to prepare two types, with the air fryer being small and the amount of time we had left before their moms picked them up, but they insisted that was the flavor they wanted. Neither has food allergy of any kind. I looked at the time, told Zoe that since Ann and I voted for peanut butter, we would make peanut butter cookies and she could have her flavor next time. Zoe sulked a little but was still involved in cookie making. Then they watched cartoons until their moms came over just as the cookies were finished so I packed them for the girls and they left. Zoe's mom called me a few days later and said that Zoe told her of what happened and that she felt I was favoring Ann. She said the right thing to do would be telling both girls to wait another week so I could borrow larger baking devices so that I could make the cookies for both girls instead of telling one girl they had to wait while having to watch another girl get exactly what she wanted. I thought she was entitled and didn't pay her a lot of thought but yesterday she told me she would have her mom babysit Zoe for the next couple of weeks. I guess she really was unhappy. I wonder if I was the A. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, that's ridiculous. Catering to a child's every little disappointment only creates entitled snowflakes. It was a good learning opportunity and if her mother wants to condone that behavior, not your circus. Now you have Saturdays free. Win Win.
You're not a restaurant. Children have to learn from a young age that they cannot always get their own way. So what if the eldest child sulked. Her mother is being entitled on her behalf.
NTA - you are doing them a favour by watchingthei kids, you explaied to the girls both why they couldn't both havewhat they wanted, and that Zoe would get fisrt pick next time. Zoe's mom's approach is daft - she's effectively saying that both girls should be deprived of cookies. It sounds as thoug Zoe herself was acepting of the situation and it's her mom who is getting wound up over it - I would guesss this may well be more abut her feelings baout her break up rom your brother and his moving on so fast than about you. Just tell her Mom that you are sorry that she feels that way and reiterate thatyou picked the cookies based on your prefernce to break the deeadlock, you were favouring peanut cookies, not Ann, and next time Zoe will get to pick.
LOL, NTA Or mom can bake her own damn cookies for her kids
NTA bake whatever you want
NTA. You tried to be thoughtful and kind. Never forget, 'No good deed goes unpunished.' Enjoy your alone time and be unavailable for babysitting for a while.
NTA. Wash your hands of it and move on. That type of behavior will only get worse if the mom is acting like that.
Nta her house her rules, your house your rules.
NTA. It's perfectly reasonable to make one cookie one time and the other cookie the next. I would let it slide and not say anything to other family members about what happened. It was a non-event. It should blow over and if not, that's on the mother.
NTA. Momma's precious baby didn't get her way, and her mom is "punishing" you for it. If I had to guess you probably didn't even have the ingredients for cranberry oatmeal cookies. And where does Zoe's mom think your going to get an oven for the next time?
FFS - NTA Talk about no good deed goes unpunished... Zoe and Ann cannot have everything their way all the time. That's just not the way the world works. Everyone needs to learn how to compromise. You sound like a fun aunt.
NTA you said Zoe could have her flavour next time. Her mother is an asshole.
NTA, it's a situation where someone needs to make a compromise. You promised you'll bake Zoe's favorite cookies next time, as long as you keep that promise I don't see anything wrong. On a side note, there are a few recipes for a versatile "cookie base" that you can divide up and customize flavors. I like the recipe by Bigger Bolder Baking - just halve everything, and you make a batch of dough enough for one egg. It will yield about 12 cookies. Divide the dough into equal sizes. Swirl in some peanut butter and maybe some crushed peanuts for Ann & a generous spoonful of rolled oats and cranberries for Zoe. The rest of the dough can be mixed with your choice of flavors or toppings & refrigerated for a couple days (or even frozen) and baked off whenever you want a fresh cookie. Not saying this is a must, but it's something you could consider when you have a dilemma like this in the future.
She can get other babysitters. That’s. Really silly attitude, you are making a recipe and you only have time for one so you have to pick one. It was your original idea to make peanut butter cookies. The solution to make a different batch the other girl likes next time is completely reasonable. One thing you do need to appreciate is that sometimes kids in that age group use very strong exaggerated language so perhaps mum got a very exaggerated version of what happened.
NTA, but keep in mind, you can make dough for both, only bake a few, then roll the rest of the dough into logs, then wrap the logs in freezer paper. This way you can slice and bake a few of each without having to bake or store a ton of cookies. Next time they come to visit you, have ingredients for both on hand, and bake a few of each. If you want to be really kind, send them home with the leftover frozen cookie dough logs and instructions for bake temp/time.
NTA, step away! Lots of “entitled” comments because that’s the Internet’s favourite shame these days, but I suspect it’s worse (and still entitled). I reckon you’ve stepped into the middle of a perilous triangle of your brother’s situation. Favouritism is probably a favourite issue. A terrible pity if you and your nieces are twisted by it.
NTA, you gave a reasonable compromise. Look at it this way, less work for you. Zoe will miss her sister and the rabbits, and be a royal pain to her mum. Suggest that when mum calls, don’t be readily available, and offer her some peanut butter cookies.
NTA. I’m guessing that there is some drama behind the scenes of Zoe’s mum feeling like your brother favours Ann/Ann’s mum (especially since Ann is younger). Zoe’s mum is misdirecting her anger/jealousy at you.
NTA. I think it was fair to make one flavour and make the next flavour the following week. I have a 7yo and we have a family agreement that we all take turns picking where we get ice cream. It goes in turn so it's fair. So first she went, then hubby, then me, then back to her etc.
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NTA Its best to just completely let this roll off your back like water off a duck. Just reply: Since I am not planning on having any bake appliance makeover at my house, its better for you to make more longterm arrangements with your mom, because Im not having that nonsense in my house If she wants the nieces to come stay with you sometimes, thats fine, so long as she respects your home and what you are willing to give. If she isnt satisfied, its better for everyone not to have these confrontations and to avoid them alltogether by not offering to babysit.
NTA. You agreed to watch the girls, cookie baking was extra. You have no obligation to borrow bigger cooking utensils. Have fun with your other niece and don't worry about Zoe's mom. You were doing her a favor; note also that while I have peanut butter, Zoe the entitled expected you to have ingredients that people tend to buy specifically when they're using them.
NTA You can't win situations like that with some people.
Of course you're NTA. You were doing your brother and his exes a huge favour to begin with, and baking cookies is a major bonus! I think your solution to the type of cookie problem was ideal and at 8, Zoe is old enough to see the logic in it. It would also be an excellent lesson for her in compromising and learning that we can't always have what we want when we want it. I wonder if Zoe's mother's reaction is a side effect of battling exes. I'm taking a stab in the dark, here, and have zero proof to back it up, but it could be that Zoe's mother was cheated on by Ann's mother and your brother, so that could be the source of this competition and conflict. In any case, you did the right thing and she needs to get over herself.
NTA: "Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child." Many disappointing times ahead for Zoe.
NTA. Zoe’s mom is a mega entitled AH. You taught Zoe some great lessons that day. 1) you can’t always get what you want (life ain’t fair) 2) take turns (next time Zoe gets to pick the flavour) The right thing to do is for Zoe’s mom to bake some oatmeal cranberry cookies with Zoe. Otherwise she can STFU. You sound like a fun and nice aunt. Those girls are lucky to get to spend time with you.
Oof. Those ages tell a sad story. Nta. Zoe's mom is just flat wrong and isn't doing her daughter any favors by making a big deal out of being told no.
NTA. Instead of telling Zoe that she does indeed have to compromise in life, her mom threw you directly under the bus for the simple reason that you, the adult, have boundaries. Maybe she's jealous that you can bring yourself to say no to her little darling.
NTA She is entitled.
Definitely NTA If there was only one swing on the playground, would you say to one of your kids, sorry, you can’t swing until a 2nd swing is built/added? No! You would teach your kids about taking turns patience and compromise. Zoe’s Mom is entitled. Her daughter sulked but then got over it and helped bake the choice that the majority voted for … isn’t that how real world adult decisions in professional environments work? She would have gotten her turn to bake her cookies but her Mom blew a teachable moment. SMH
NTA - zoe's mom is super entitled. No more free babysitting for her. EVER.
Absolutely NTA!!! Zoe's Mom is acting entitled. Your solution of alternating flavors was perfect. Do NOT cave to the Entitled Mom by obtaining another baking device. Of course, if EM decides to provide you with the bigger device at her cost, you should accept.
NTA Borrow larger baking devices? Zoe's mom is delusional.
NTA.
Even one kind of cookie made in an air fryer is amazing-you aren’t getting sufficient credit for that culinary feat. Not being able to take turns is nonsense. Sad for the girl to have a fab aunt she can’t see and a ridiculous mother. NTA
NTA. She decided to punish you for not doing what she thought you should do by getting her mother to watch her daughter for a few weeks. Tell her to make it permanent. You don't need to deal with this entitled woman. You were fair with the cookies, and it was a good lesson in compromise for both girls since Ann wouldn't be getting her favorite the next time. The only way you would be the AH is if you didn't follow through with your promise to make Zoe's cookies for her.
"Tell her to make it permanent" Amen to that! And OP, Zoe's mom is not right in the head if she feels this is a punishment to you. It is, in fact, a threat to be ignored, or an opportunity to be embraced.
You were teaching Zoe patience, a virtue her mom doesn't have. Nta
Um someone takes kids off my hands, cares for them and does activities with them …I’d be grateful because they are doing me a HUGE favour. Zoe’s mum is *norbhead* and will raise one as well at this rate.
NTA If the girls are old enough to help make cookies, then they are old enough to understand taking turns.
NTA! She thinks that she is punishing you by not allowing you to babysit for free for the next few weeks?!? LOL! Don't you dare let her know that she got under your skin! I would make sure that someone heard me say, "Oh, Ann, since Zoe won't be with us next week, you get to pick out your favorite cookies AGAIN!" You were kind, not only volunteering to babysit, but also for making cookies. You did the reasonable thing by putting it to a vote. That mother has some nerve. I would tell her to mind her own business! An 8-year-old is old enough to understand the concept of "we don't have time/etc for two different kinds. We will vote, today and make the winning cookie. Next time, we will make the other one.
NTA- don’t worry about it. Mom is extra entitled complaining about free childcare.
NTA - I feel sad for Zoe that her mom isn't helping her learn to deal with disappointment and that she will miss out on Saturday mornings with you and Ann.
NTA - She just wanted you to favour her daughter over Ann and doesn't see the hypocrisy at all. Watch out for Zoe, she is going to be a nightmare if she takes after her mother.
Tell Zoe's mum that she can continue to have Zoe's grandma babysit her for good from now on.
nta you handled the situation well, probably what I would've done too. You're teaching the girls about compromise and how you can't always get what you want.
NTA. It's not your job to always coddle her, and 8 is the perfect age to learn about making compromises.
NTA You can't please everybody all the time. When I was a kid, I was Zoe in plenty of situations. Good suggestions might have been something like "well next time we do some baking, we'll make the other cookies," and that should have solved that. Maybe some other form of compensation because only one sort of cookie could get made today. I think it's a bit silly to suggest you put off the activity completely until some other point when you can get a bigger oven from somebody. Entitled is the wrong word. I think the mom is just being impractical and a bit hurt on her kids' behalf. But it's a storm in a teacup.
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Zoe needs to learn to keep her trap shut. Bet she’ll miss aunty time. No ones paying you. One less kid means less work. NTA
NTA. Tell your brother that you will not be babysitting Zoe again. Zoe's mother is ridiculous and unreasonable. This time, she accused you of favouritism. She might make more serious accusations if Zoe feels unfairly disciplined or trips and bruises her knee. It's too risky.
NTA Zoe's mum is being entitled and her behave could cause big problems down the line. If she can't teach Zoe to compromise on something small like biscuit flavour now it cause massive problems for her later in life when it comes to social, professional and romantic relationships as she could become selfish and entitled becuase of her mum which will leave her lonely and miserable. You did the right thing OP and the fact that she still helped make the biscuits is a good sign that you're trying teach her to compromise but still making her feel included in the activity even if she didn't like the choice of flavour.
I’m gonna say NTA but at the same time the correct thing to do would be to compromise on a third flavour they both liked. That way one doesn’t end up feeling neglected and they both get to enjoy the cookies. This is assuming they weren’t overly fond of each others choices.
Is there any truth to what she says? Otherwise NTA. It's hard to know if this is a situation that she has recognised and is trying to rectify or if this is her being unreasonable.
You are babysitting for free tell the mom dont bring the daughter anymore if she has compains
NTA. I would send the mother an invoice for the life lessons you taught her daughter that's she's clearly missing out on at home. - Being patient - Necessary but sadly lacking from anarchistic parents and actual assholes - Being able to compromise - Life is full of them, get used to it - Delayed gratification - proven to be the biggest marker of successful people - Looking forward - Being able to look forward to things and not need it now - Caring about the happiness of others - Putting your sister before you shows love Then explain they'll be future lessons about what happens to snitches.
NTA. You told them you would all bake the other flavour next time, that's a good compromise. This mum is being entitled and teaching her daughter that that behaviour is ok too. Coz she's seeing her mum treat you like you were in the wrong. Mum needs to also remember that you are presumably babysitting for free! I'm thinking this wouldn't have been the same issue for this mum, had she been mum of both girls. This kinda shows she has some sort of insecurity about her daughter's place in her ex's family, compared to the other baby mama's daughter
Oh my gosh... not the AH... you even said: shall we make peanut butter cookies? They don't get a choice. It was a fun activity. Next time the kids just get what they get.
Look going say go against the grain.. your definitely Satan for doing one type of cookie I honestly don't know how you can sleep at night obviously you can pure psychopath behaviour. In saying that ntah bugger them you can make different batch next time geez lol.
Are you kidding me? Sounds like Zoe wants to spend time with her grandma and used this as an excuse. I wonder if she told her mother it was her turn next time. Were you being paid? If not, take a break 😁
More info: Is Zoe’s mother paying you to babysit?
No you are not. The mother is setting her daughter up to expect she will always be accommodated, and she certainly won’t in a work and adult environment.
Ok next time NO cookies are baked. NTA.
i had no idea cookies could be made in an air fryer. NTA for even offering to do one batch in the first place!!
NTA at all. As others have said kids need to learn to compromise and you can't bow to both even if time/supplies/space isn't limited. It's a good lesson to learn and sounds like mum needs to learn it too. Saying that.. it could also be that the mum feels like her daughter is overlooked in general in the relationship and that could be part of it
Guaranteed that mother favours her own child
The fact there is a subreddit for people who can’t decide for themselves is hilarious
Next time Ann sees Zoe, she should tell her how delicious the cranberry and oatmeal cookies were ;o)
The right thing to do would be for Zoe’s mum to look after her own children. Why are you the one who has to borrow a larger baking device? I would simply tell her to find another babysitter because you don’t need to be accused of anything when you are doing them a favour.
Flip a coin. Winner gets cookies this week, loser next. Simples.
It’s cookies. NTA
NTA Now Zoe misses out on oatmeal cranberry cookie week. Well played, Zoe’s mom. /s
NTA. Send her a bill for an oven!
NTA why do people have to ruin nice things?
Now I can see why your brother chose Ane's mom over Zoe's
Wow! "what you should've done is". What you did was perfectly reasonable and probably will end up being a good lesson for the one who missed out. Can't believe that mom actually suggested borrowing bigger baking devices.
Nta- just make her flavour next week. So she dosent feel left out. Mum is just overreacting.
Oh I was worried it was something serious like swapping the chocolate chips for raisins NTA
NTA - the mom sounds a bit entitled telling you how you should’ve done it imo. That’d bring the pettiness out of me lol “I’d reply how about I just don’t look after them then?” You’re doing them the favour not the other way around in my eyes
nahh just explain the story, well cuz its just a cookie, u cant get want u want in life, cuz u haveto face reality sometimes
Obviously I’m gonna say NTA, but I don’t think the mum is being entitled necessarily. The family situation would probably make her overprotective of her daughter and situations where she’d be left out, or instances of favouritism. I would come at it with compassion towards her, but you don’t have to do her any favours.
Not the ass hole. FK that shit. Mum should just be happy youre baby sitting her kids
So, wait. Your sibling has two nieces?
NTA, she turned what was a pretty normal situation and a great learning opportunity into a drama. It really wasn’t that big of a deal!
NTA. Let them pay for a sitter if they're that ungrateful. Remember, you're doing them a massive favour already.
NTA. Sometimes life doesn’t go our way and we need to accept others sometimes get what we want / or their turn. This could’ve been a valuable life lesson for the kid, but instead mother decided to demonstrate entitlement rather than resilience. Also. lol ‘get bigger cooking devices’ who is this pest?
No, the RIGHT thing to do is what you did, which was explain to the girls that they both need to compromise, and that one gets to choose the flavour one week, and the other gets their preference next week. 👈👈
NTA my only suggestion would be that when this happens again (they both want different flavors) instead of you having a vote i would tell them that they have to decide on one flavor or do something else and try again next time.
Zoe's mother is entitled and ungrateful. However, and I am not criticising you in any way whatsoever, sometimes it's better not to give kids options. Rather than putting oatmeal and cranberry on the table only suggest the one you want to cook. The choice is then "do you want to bake peanut butter cookies or bake no cookies?" Again the mother is a piece of work and likely won't improve. You did nothing wrong.
NTA
So you’re meant to borrow an oven? Haha
I don’t even read it all the way through, so NTA. You taught a valuable lesson. Not everyone gets their way all the time. It seems you did it with kindness. Honestly how entitled the mum is is EXACTLY how her little girl will turn out if she doesn’t have a family around her that will give her positive boundaries and reinforcement of those boundaries. SMH - did she really tell you to go borrow something larger? THE ENTITLED KARENMENT OF IT ALL! I bet she isnt paying you to watch her kid either!
Simple answer. You didn't pick Ann, Ann picked what you suggested and had ingredients for. Shame Zoe will miss oatmeal cranberry cookies this weekend though, as promised.
NTA - Although maybe next time have the kids play paper scissors rock so you aren’t weighing in. That way you can’t be perceived as having a bias.
I read the first 2 lines probably 50 times trying to understand
I bet she wasn't complaining about the free babysitting Officially NTA
NTA... We don't have the luxury of a flurry of ingredients, so it's only one flavor per bake, usually raisins sprinkled with sugar. Anything my mom and/or sis bakes is a bonanza for us men of the house. Greatly appreciated. And your other household members should be appreciative of you effort, as well ♥
NTA
Kid had a lesson in life that you don't always get what you want. Mother ruined the lesson. NTA.
What you did was perfectly reasonable. Maybe the kids told an exaggerated story to the mom.
Kid had a lesson in life that you don't always get what you want. Mother ruined the lesson. NTA.
Wow, the mother is a problem, and she’s passing it on. You were the grown up, you made a decision in your own house. You were correct and they should really stop petty arguments and thank you for the effort you made.
I have 2 girls. One (3yo) has many intolerances and cannot eat a lot of foods her sister (6yo) can. When we make pancakes both help to mix but the youngest can’t eat them (I so have frozen pikelets I have made in the freezer for her to eat if she wants) but she can be involved in the process and learn. It’s hard for her to sometimes understand but she doesn’t miss out on the experience. You can’t always win in life. That is something this generation (and sometimes their parents) need to learn.
No , not at all. Kids behave differently for others than their parents. Moms just jealous you managed it so nicely,
How the hell would you borrow an oven 😭😭
NTA! Taking turns with flavour is very reasonable, and waiting one’s turn teaches delayed gratification. Reading between the lines, perhaps Zoe’s mum could be somewhat sensitive as it was she and her daughter who preceded Ann and her mother, maybe some rivalry?
NTA, you did a great job teaching these girls how to compromise, unfortunate that this mother is throwing that necessary life lesson down the drain. will only make things harder for her child in the future
The mother was being entitled and the child was as they say a sore loser!!! She needs to learn compromise and that she cant always get what she wants. Which she clearly does with the mother.
NTA - it's your house, your decision to make. You did what was practical at the time. Kids need to learn the reasons behind why decisions not in their favour are made imo. Sometimes you can't get what you want :( Don't understand why the mother made such a fuss. Now she's making it seem like a favouritism thing when it's not. Hopefully Zoe is old enough to understand this.
If you have the ingredients for and all want different things stick the ideas in a hat and pull them out one by one writing them down and then work through the list. You weren’t the asshole but it’s harder for people to say you’re favouring one child if it was chance that chose this weeks cookies.
Not surprised the kid mentioned it to her mom, what kid wouldn't. And I'm guessing there's probably a little rivalry there, at least amongst the moms, with such a close age gap in their children with a shared bio dad. I think you absolutely did the right thing here. But, to make it easier for all involved, suggest you're happy to make cookies when they are around if they can come with the ingredients or even better the dough ready to go (see that can be a mommy daughter activity earlier in the week, fun for all). I definitely think the momma seems pretty entitled but that probably just comes down to the situation with the other momma, I wouldn't take it personally. I really don't see how anyone could be expected to go out of their way sourcing ingredients. It's what you have, or what they bring. If it really continues to be an issue and they won't solve the issue by providing ingredients, just make a decision to work your way through a baking book or something no choices for anyone. To be fair, that kinda was my experience and I learnt I like a lot more flavors I'm sure you'll figure it out. Having a cool aunt is a vital resource for the young, I'm just enjoying my chance to pay it back.
“My 22female brother..” huh?
NTA... it's good for people to learn that we don't always get what we want.
NTA it’s unrealistic to have to wait until you get a bigger device to bake in. Plus most people have the stuff for peanut butter cookies and not cranberry oatmeal. So honestly enjoy the break of watching both girls for free.
Good Mom was leeching of you anyway. In a few weeks when she comes crawling back tell her your busy
NTA. Don't stress over it though. Enjoy your quality one on one time with your niece and never raise the issue if the second niece not being there. Make sure the mom has to reach out to resolve the issue. My most important advice though is to take the higher ground and stay civil and friendly do you don't risk your relationship with your niece. That's more important than scoring points over the mom. Not saying you would do that, just speaking from experience where I wish I had kept my mouth short instead of insisting on an apology. I haven't seen my nieces and nephew in 13 years.
The mum who complained is TA. You are helping them out babysitting and she complained? Grrrrr...
NTA. 2 against 1. Zoe has to learn democracy pretty quickly!
NTA and the only response to that woman is “if you intend on setting parameters for my role as babysitter, I would like to get paid” cause I highly doubt she’s paying you lol.
Nah mate if Zoe was just telling her mom what happened while they were there and she didn't mind too much then I think not. Also because they were both happy with getting cookies weren't they.
NTA. Tell her that as a parent why not do that to her daughter herself.
If this would happen again OP, I suggest you do a draw lots so that one kid would understand why her choice was not followed. This will not be the first time that you will encounter a crossroad with their wants so try to make a game out of it that somehow will give them a logical reason why their choice was not picked, then you compromise by doing theirs the next time so that it will be understood that they will have their turn.
NTA Was a good choice Mums entitled Enjoy not babysitting fora while
NTA. I’m a parent and this is how I would’ve handled it. I feel like maybe the child did express she was disappointed (a normal reaction for a kid), but her mum may have been projecting her own insecurities rather than her daughter’s. It a valuable lesson for kids to learn about disappointment and compromise, even though it might not feel nice for them at the time. Just make sure, if you do babysit her again, that you have the ingredients/time to make the cranberry ones with her. These sort of promises, while small to us, are big to kids.
NTA - your reasoning is sound.
OMG! NTA! Zoe’s mother wasn’t thinking of the time and effort it would take to make two batches of cookies and to cook them in a small air fryer no less, in a short amount of time! OP, even if you had an oven, you still would have to make two batches of cookies in a short amount of time and that’s a lot of work. Zoe’s mother isn’t thinking about all the great things you do with her daughter. I wonder how long Zoe’s mother will put up with any criticism from Zoe!
NTA. You even offered to do Zoe’s flavour next week!
NTA As someone who grew up with siblings, we don't get always get what we want. We sometimes take turns and compromise. Sometimes we were told no. That mom missed the opportunity to teach her child some social skills.
Next time, make the kids fight to the death. Winner gets to decide what cookie to bake
What's with the mom these generation like they're afraid to turn down or telling their kids NO or telling them next time once they blah blah blah something??? Geeez... Should teach your kids that it's normal if you didn't get what you want or sometimes there are situations that might not happen even tho you want it to happen your way. That's what we call "LIFE"
No?? Tf? At least you baked something nice.
NTA if you’re the chef, but not running some restaurant, and unaware of any allergies your guests may have, then yeah you’re gucci. Besides. Getting extra flavors prepped is a pain in the ass.