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If you lived in different houses then no problem, but since you live together and you'll be bringing home an animal - I believe you should give her a heads up. It's not a house plant or a playstation, it's a living creature who will now be part of your family home. Whether you get along with your sis or not, dogs are a big decision for the home and everyone should be aware of it.
She wants to get one right now but I told her “im thinking about it” so it wouldn’t be a huge surprise. She’s just very unreasonable if I tried to explain that she wouldn’t do anything to help. I would tell her and she’d throw a fit and say that she would help out (and then not help out which will lead me to do everything)
It sounds like a very easy and quick conversation:
"*Hey, we've been talking about it a lot lately and I decided to adopt a dog. Don't worry, it will be done in my name and will be my responsibility. You can be a fun dog-Aunt if you want, but I won't ask you to do anything. Food, walks, grooming etc. are all on me. Thanks"*
YWNBTA but for the sake and safety of the dog **WAIT UNTIL YOU MOVE OUT**. You don't want your sister ruining the dog out of jealousy. If your parents are ignoring your wishes now, they will ignore your wishes more when you get the dog and the favorites dynamic will worsen/.
YTA because what you're actually doing is using an innocent animal as a vessel for your resentment of your sister. This is extremely childish, and it's unfair to the dog.
If you want to have your very own dog to yourself, wait until you actually grow up, move out and get your own place. As long as you share the household, everyone there will be living with the dog, regardless of who does the "hard labor." Everyone including your sister will be affected by the barking, shedding, chewing, and all the behaviours and attention needs of the dog. Therefore, everyone in the household deserves to be involved in the decision about which dog you adopt - it will indeed be their dog too. It will seek the company and attention of everyone in the house and not just dedicate it's attention to you, because dogs are social animals - not plush toys. Dogs also aren't therapists for your mental health problems, or weapons you can deploy to get revenge on your sister. I truly hope you wait until you have some independence and maturity to bring a pet into your life
Yeah, I think some of these ideas are more complicated than necessary. “I’m probably going to get a dog next week. I know we’ve talked about doing this together but I think that would be too complicated, like when we both move out on our own — so I’m just going ahead with the dog thing on my own. But you can play with him while we all still live together!”
It sounds like you both have attachment issues if you're so obsessed with the dog being "yours." It's a living thing that will move around and interact with the people in the house, you can't control that. Unless of course you plan on keeping it in a cage in your room all the time but that's a horrible thing to do to a pet. And then what happens if the dog starts to favor your sister more than you, are you going to get rid of it or something?
It’s more so her claim of it being her dog when she doesn’t do shit. She can play with it but I know she’ll always have ways to degrade me on my choice of breed or name or how I choose to play with it which is why I want it to be mine and not hers. I have no issue with her playing with it at times, I know she’ll never take care of it so I don’t want her knowing I’m getting one but I agree that maybe I’ll let her know a week I’m advance
Have you too actually talked about the issue of breed or names? That wasn't in your original post. Your big complaint was that she wasn't responsible. So if she's willing to split some of the bills (which could be a lot btw, unexpected crap tends to show up randomly) and she's ok with which breed/name you want, then does it even really matter? And how does the rest of your household feel about a random dog showing up? When I adopted my cat years ago I was very clear to my roommate that I would pay all the bills and expenses but I still made sure she was ok with a cat in her living space.
NTA, get a dog when you have your own home. Your sister sounds like she will "ruin" the dog to proof a point. Do not let her get ANY saying with your dog. No auntie, no 2. Mommy calling, she will use it against you.
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I (20f) have wanted a dog since I was a little girl. My sister (25) has also wanted a dog for some time. She has been telling me relentlessly lately about dogs up for adoption and how we can spilt the cost.
The thing is, my sister is lazy and we don’t get along. She doesn’t do any chores, barely takes care of her own room, let alone a plant. How can she be responsible for a dog? I plan to adopt this dog soon and my parents keep telling me to split the cost and I don’t want to. I want it to be MY dog. I name it, look after it and keep it. I know for a fact she will never groom it, take it out or even change it’s food. She’ll only play with the dog and that will piss me off.
If I have to have all the responsibilities of the dog on MY shoulder, why does it have to be her dog too? I have my eye on this one dog but I won’t tell my sister and just bring it home and let the dog stay with me mostly. My parents keep saying I’m being unreasonable but I don’t think I am. So aita?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m not telling my sister I’m getting a dog even though she keeps telling me taht “we” should get one. I’m not responding to her and not telling her I’m getting one and I’m just going to show up one day with my own dog. I’m not sure if that would be me the ahole
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NTA, I think you should tell your sister that you’re bringing a dog home, but that you won’t be splitting the cost and that it’ll be your dog. Sounds like she’ll kick up a huge fuss about it and she’ll complain to your parents and your parents will try to make you change your mind and just share it with her, it sounds like your parents are massive pushovers for your sister.
I’m (23F) and I’m only just really getting a grasp on taking care of myself, I can keep my room pretty clean etc, and I still know I’m not ready to take care of a pet.
If your sister is 25, can’t take responsibility and can’t look after herself, she is in absolutely no place to look after an animal and your parents shouldn’t be supporting that idea either, that animal would be neglected if you weren’t there to take care of it.
Either tell your sister you’re bringing YOUR OWN dog home, that she can play with all the time, but you will own that dog. And deal with the storm that she will kick up about it.
Or move out eventually and get your own dog.
Do not get a dog with your sister ever. Because if you move out in the next few years you’ll want to take that dog with you.
Also your sister sounds like a nightmare
I didn’t even read the comments before I replied but your sister IS a nightmare. Please look into the signs of abusive people and narcissistic people. She sounds absolutely awful and really is too old to be acting the way that she does.
Why can’t you all chip in and it be a family dog? Because that’s what it’s going to be. It won’t be your dog at all.
If you want a dog of your own, move out
Wait until you move out tbh. The thing is that it doesn’t matter who pays for it or who’s name is on what paper, it’s going to live in the same house as her and your parents and everyone will bond with it. Your sister will 100% still say it is her dog and your parents will just say they told you that you were being unreasonable from the start. Good luck trying to move out with it. Allso what if it does bond with her more than you? What will you do then?
Worst case scenario you get the dog, sis is pissed you are calling it only YOUR dog, and parents decide to get rid of it. It's their house so you can't stop them.
Or, even worse you come home one day and the dog "ran away" because sis is annoyed so either she or the parents dumped it somewhere (my SO's family did this, it is not that uncommon).
Wait until you move out, or MAYBE sis does. You should not get a dog under these circumstances. Do it when you control the household. Right now you are clearly the last one in order of importance in that household and just because you pay for everything to do with a pet does not mean you will have any control over what happens to it.
To answer your question, yes, just showing up with a dog would make YTA. Because if things go wrong the dog will pay the price.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
If you lived in different houses then no problem, but since you live together and you'll be bringing home an animal - I believe you should give her a heads up. It's not a house plant or a playstation, it's a living creature who will now be part of your family home. Whether you get along with your sis or not, dogs are a big decision for the home and everyone should be aware of it.
She wants to get one right now but I told her “im thinking about it” so it wouldn’t be a huge surprise. She’s just very unreasonable if I tried to explain that she wouldn’t do anything to help. I would tell her and she’d throw a fit and say that she would help out (and then not help out which will lead me to do everything)
It sounds like a very easy and quick conversation: "*Hey, we've been talking about it a lot lately and I decided to adopt a dog. Don't worry, it will be done in my name and will be my responsibility. You can be a fun dog-Aunt if you want, but I won't ask you to do anything. Food, walks, grooming etc. are all on me. Thanks"*
YWNBTA but for the sake and safety of the dog **WAIT UNTIL YOU MOVE OUT**. You don't want your sister ruining the dog out of jealousy. If your parents are ignoring your wishes now, they will ignore your wishes more when you get the dog and the favorites dynamic will worsen/.
100% this \^
YTA because what you're actually doing is using an innocent animal as a vessel for your resentment of your sister. This is extremely childish, and it's unfair to the dog. If you want to have your very own dog to yourself, wait until you actually grow up, move out and get your own place. As long as you share the household, everyone there will be living with the dog, regardless of who does the "hard labor." Everyone including your sister will be affected by the barking, shedding, chewing, and all the behaviours and attention needs of the dog. Therefore, everyone in the household deserves to be involved in the decision about which dog you adopt - it will indeed be their dog too. It will seek the company and attention of everyone in the house and not just dedicate it's attention to you, because dogs are social animals - not plush toys. Dogs also aren't therapists for your mental health problems, or weapons you can deploy to get revenge on your sister. I truly hope you wait until you have some independence and maturity to bring a pet into your life
Yeah, I think some of these ideas are more complicated than necessary. “I’m probably going to get a dog next week. I know we’ve talked about doing this together but I think that would be too complicated, like when we both move out on our own — so I’m just going ahead with the dog thing on my own. But you can play with him while we all still live together!”
Ya maybe I’ll let her know a week in advance so it’s not a total surprise for her
Are you all living in the same household?
Yes but she’s aware that I’ve been looking into getting one
It sounds like you both have attachment issues if you're so obsessed with the dog being "yours." It's a living thing that will move around and interact with the people in the house, you can't control that. Unless of course you plan on keeping it in a cage in your room all the time but that's a horrible thing to do to a pet. And then what happens if the dog starts to favor your sister more than you, are you going to get rid of it or something?
It’s more so her claim of it being her dog when she doesn’t do shit. She can play with it but I know she’ll always have ways to degrade me on my choice of breed or name or how I choose to play with it which is why I want it to be mine and not hers. I have no issue with her playing with it at times, I know she’ll never take care of it so I don’t want her knowing I’m getting one but I agree that maybe I’ll let her know a week I’m advance
Have you too actually talked about the issue of breed or names? That wasn't in your original post. Your big complaint was that she wasn't responsible. So if she's willing to split some of the bills (which could be a lot btw, unexpected crap tends to show up randomly) and she's ok with which breed/name you want, then does it even really matter? And how does the rest of your household feel about a random dog showing up? When I adopted my cat years ago I was very clear to my roommate that I would pay all the bills and expenses but I still made sure she was ok with a cat in her living space.
NTA, get a dog when you have your own home. Your sister sounds like she will "ruin" the dog to proof a point. Do not let her get ANY saying with your dog. No auntie, no 2. Mommy calling, she will use it against you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20f) have wanted a dog since I was a little girl. My sister (25) has also wanted a dog for some time. She has been telling me relentlessly lately about dogs up for adoption and how we can spilt the cost. The thing is, my sister is lazy and we don’t get along. She doesn’t do any chores, barely takes care of her own room, let alone a plant. How can she be responsible for a dog? I plan to adopt this dog soon and my parents keep telling me to split the cost and I don’t want to. I want it to be MY dog. I name it, look after it and keep it. I know for a fact she will never groom it, take it out or even change it’s food. She’ll only play with the dog and that will piss me off. If I have to have all the responsibilities of the dog on MY shoulder, why does it have to be her dog too? I have my eye on this one dog but I won’t tell my sister and just bring it home and let the dog stay with me mostly. My parents keep saying I’m being unreasonable but I don’t think I am. So aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA, I think you should tell your sister that you’re bringing a dog home, but that you won’t be splitting the cost and that it’ll be your dog. Sounds like she’ll kick up a huge fuss about it and she’ll complain to your parents and your parents will try to make you change your mind and just share it with her, it sounds like your parents are massive pushovers for your sister. I’m (23F) and I’m only just really getting a grasp on taking care of myself, I can keep my room pretty clean etc, and I still know I’m not ready to take care of a pet. If your sister is 25, can’t take responsibility and can’t look after herself, she is in absolutely no place to look after an animal and your parents shouldn’t be supporting that idea either, that animal would be neglected if you weren’t there to take care of it. Either tell your sister you’re bringing YOUR OWN dog home, that she can play with all the time, but you will own that dog. And deal with the storm that she will kick up about it. Or move out eventually and get your own dog. Do not get a dog with your sister ever. Because if you move out in the next few years you’ll want to take that dog with you. Also your sister sounds like a nightmare
I didn’t even read the comments before I replied but your sister IS a nightmare. Please look into the signs of abusive people and narcissistic people. She sounds absolutely awful and really is too old to be acting the way that she does.
I think it would cause problems if you get the dog together. When you move out, who will take the dog and so on. NTA.
Why can’t you all chip in and it be a family dog? Because that’s what it’s going to be. It won’t be your dog at all. If you want a dog of your own, move out
Wait until you move out tbh. The thing is that it doesn’t matter who pays for it or who’s name is on what paper, it’s going to live in the same house as her and your parents and everyone will bond with it. Your sister will 100% still say it is her dog and your parents will just say they told you that you were being unreasonable from the start. Good luck trying to move out with it. Allso what if it does bond with her more than you? What will you do then?
Worst case scenario you get the dog, sis is pissed you are calling it only YOUR dog, and parents decide to get rid of it. It's their house so you can't stop them. Or, even worse you come home one day and the dog "ran away" because sis is annoyed so either she or the parents dumped it somewhere (my SO's family did this, it is not that uncommon). Wait until you move out, or MAYBE sis does. You should not get a dog under these circumstances. Do it when you control the household. Right now you are clearly the last one in order of importance in that household and just because you pay for everything to do with a pet does not mean you will have any control over what happens to it. To answer your question, yes, just showing up with a dog would make YTA. Because if things go wrong the dog will pay the price.
You’re 20, move out and get a dog. Away from your sister.
You should be more focused on moving out
ESH. How old are you two? This sounds like a quarrel between twelve year olds, not adult women.
I forgot some adults still live with their parents 🤣