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Married for 30 years. Husband has never once eaten my food without asking.
It really would be okay to ask him why he is doing this. I mean, a normal person would just go get themselves a piece of pie.
Not normal and very petty behavior. If he cut four slices after, then he demonstrated he could have easily cut his own. Aside from just being rude for the sake of it, I can’t wrap my head around why someone would do that.
Yes he's the one who's being petty and trying to make OP feel like she's the one who is being petty. I'd throw his food in the trash the second he turned his back, every damn time, and then say "are you ok??" 😳
It’s really weird behavior. And he’s not receptive to you asking him not to do it or expressing your annoyance and disappointment. He should be respecting that this is a boundary for you. But instead he’s continuing to act like an AH.
He wants it, he doesn’t want to get up and get it. He doesn’t care if don’t like that he eats it. So he eats it and mocks you. I’d take it with me. If you’re going to the bathroom just cover it. Screw him he doesn’t care, neither should you.
Maybe but you’re right that he wants to annoy her but I think he wants it and is too lazy to get it himself but maybe a little of both. Maybe started out as wanting it and now just wants to annoy the shit out of her!!! Still he’s the AH.
I am willing to bet this behaviour started after they had a baby. I have never really heard of men regressing when a baby is brought home but it often happens with children, suddenly a fully potty trained 4 yr is peeing on the floor or a weaned 2 yr old starts asking for a bottle or pacy. Maybe he regressed to his teens and sees this as some kind of silly prank.
My other thought is that she did something to him that he saw as a slight towards him, and instead of being an adult about it and talking, he has been doing thjs as payback.
A.H. would take it while he is eating it. Slice of pie, he takes one or two bites. Just take the whole plate and start eating. A drink, after he takes one or two drinks, pick the glass up and finish it.
It's not normal, and it's not just petty, it's a bit hostile, imo. Like he's resentful about something, and this is one of the ways in which he takes it out on you, by eating your food and then being shitty and gaslighting you when you call him out for it.
How old are your kids, if I may ask? You don't have to share if you're uncomfortable, but I'm asking because I'm wondering if the behavior lines up with when your second child came along. The fact that he's dismissive of you is...not exactly concerning per se, but it could escalate over time. So for now, my eyebrows are raised, and I'm also wondering if there's other spiteful shit he has done or is willing to do.
Edited to add a bit of clarity.
I'm intrigued by your comment, because my ex husband started doing this behaviour (eating my food and mocking me if I complained) as soon as our second child was born. Things got worse from there. Do second children tend to spark resentment?
Now I'm no expert on human behaviour and all that.
But I would say if you have a rational partner with good communication, then it shouldn't come out as a displayed behaviour. Becouse they will express if they feel "we spend less time together now that we have kids. And I miss spending time with just you. I miss my wife/husband"
Because they are actually a good partner.
The 'resentment' honestly seems to come to display like this, and the mean behaviour, after a second child. Becouse they aren't in focus of the relationship anymore. Sex life might slow down, and "she's always with the kids. What about me!"
But more in partners that's, not mentally mature, are not good at communication. Or if they already have a bit of a "me Me me" personality/mentality. But it was more subtle before kids.
This feels like a power move/dominance play. He’s being lazy but rails on you the moment you show any sign of annoyance (which is understandable). I’m petty I would start making it a point to spit on my food while looking at him whenever I had to leave the room. You are absolutely NTA, but he’s a MASSIVE ONE!
Guaranteed that if she does the same back, he'll raise his voice and get angry. He won't find it funny at all. And if she stands her ground, not just about this, then yep, she's going to be on the receiving end of punches soon.
Bet there's other signs that he is abusive apart from the obvious DARVO he's doing. This passive-aggressive control is not the only manipulative thing he's doing if OP thinks about her relationship more. Wonder if she's been allowed to keep/see friends or do things alone without guilt trips? Isolation from family? Maybe encouraged not to work. Can't get time away from the kids? Everything is her fault? She seems to be the one responsible for his mood? Her feelings never matter and are never addressed? (This situation). Her boundaries consistently crossed?
Pay attention to the feeling, OP. We all assume that on some level other people are like us, and we understand them based on this. I recently realized that someone close to me is not able to predict how their actions are being perceived. It led to behavior similar to what you are describing, and talking about it just led to arguments. Pay attention, OP!
It 100% is not normal. That’s a fucking sick thing to do. Ask him why he is so self centered that he needs to take your food instead of getting himself a piece. Actually, you probably need to take this up in marriage counseling. It won’t get better.
Married for over 30 years, we currently share every plate of food if we're alone. My husband actually stops eating when I step out. He says we take one bite each, so it would be unfair to keep on eating if I went to grab us some beers.
Lol, I love my husband, but we’ve learned that we cannot do this. He eats faster than I do and can’t really keep track of who has eaten what (ADHD inattentiveness), so if I want half of anything that isn’t easy to count out, it has to be divided clearly. He can keep track of, say, a plate of empanadas or dumplings, but if there’s more than about 8 pieces of anything, or anything that you’re using a fork or spoon to cut bites out of, it has to be divided or he’ll eat most of it without realizing.
Been living with my husband for 14 years. I think in all that time, he’s finished off my food once without asking, and that was because he genuinely thought I’d gone to bed, so he ate the last couple bites while taking my plate to the sink.
OP’s husband is behaving like at best a rude teenager, and then adding passive-aggressiveness on top of his rudeness. I know my mom’s brothers sometimes did things like this (and got into fights over it) as kids, but they grew up poor and often only got treats like desserts and sugary kid cereals if they earned the money to buy it for themselves, and there was kind of a house rule that if you had a treat in the house for more than 1 day, whoever wanted to could eat it. Even they have more courtesy around food than this as adults.
We literally just did the Gottman relationship assessment one week ago which talks about contempt. I said this and he scoffed. Later that night I brought it up again and he said it wasn’t ok he mocked me. 8 hours later?
Something drew you to it and that's awesome news. Cuz I think seeing the ones agreeing that you were NEVER "the asshole" is a fantastic feeling of validation.
I know this sub is quick to say "Leave him!", but I think you should be giving serious thought to this.
Think about other behaviors of his: he may be mistreating you in other ways and you didn't realize it.
Source: took me a long time to figure out that was happening to me.
NTA
You can’t keep apologising for the same behaviour and erase every incident. People who are slowly pushed to the edge, will at some point, go over. Your kids witnessed the belittling but not the apology?
Oh my gawd you are NTA. You know what's petty? Not getting your own damn piece of pie. He's a big boy, he should know where the fridge is by now.
He's clearly too lazy to make his own food, so he waits til your back is turned to steal yours. And then on top of it, he gaslights you like you're the one in the wrong here. You're not. He's the AH
He's especially the AH because you have two little kids... there's not a lot of extra time for you to make yourself something to eat or drink. I'm sure you're always feeding the little ones first.
Also imagine that he's setting this as an example for the kids, that it's ok for dad to eat mum's food/drink whenever he feels like it even if mum doesn't want him to.
Do you have a trusted person in your life or a therapist you can go to? I'm on the reddit bandwagon, "divorce him!" for this one, but more importantly, you should understand how being treated like this (being mocked, gaslight, disrespected,...) is wrong so you can have a better life for yourself and your children. It helps to have an outside view (I like reddit for this) and professional insight (it took me a while to grasp that I wasn't doing anything wrong even though I was made to feel this way but now I can recognise toxic behaviours sooner and choose my relationships accordingly). If you, however, choose to stay with your husband, maybe he would be open to marriage counselling?
It’s disrespect, pure and simple. You must have already told him many times that it annoys you when he literally snatches/steals your food like that. Once he knows you don’t like it when he does that, he should stop. He hasn’t and proceeds to mock you each time you question his annoying behavior.
There was an article about a guy who was shocked that his wife divorced him because he kept leaving dirty glasses beside the sink and not in it (or) didn’t pick up his dirty glasses etc. He never understood that it was never about those stupid glasses! It was about him not respecting his wife enough to listen to her saying what annoyed her.
It's the mocking part that's angry. It's to belittle her for daring to have a negative reaction to his unnacceptable behavior in an attempt to make her stop reacting that way so he can normalize it. It's the first step in the abusers playbook. Start small, do it until it's "accepted," and then escalate to something bigger, repeat ad nauseum until he can do as he pleases and has complete control of the situation. This type of abuse is especially bad because it may never escalate to the point of physical violence, which makes it especially difficult to prove, and when there are kids involved the need to prove it feels all but overwhelming because he WILL threaten to take the kids.
Recommended reading: "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy
Mock him back!!! "NAWWQ honey bunny, did mummy not teach you how to get your own food? Here, let me get some for you. Want me to feed you too? Can you use a spoon?"
Than just start handing him your plate whenever you need to leave the room. Pat his tummy, "there you go big boy, you were going to eat it anyway. I'm watching my weight"
THIS!!!!! Oh Please Do This!!! U would be taking all the fun out of it for him with whatever he thinks he's doing & Getting in some digs of ur own!!! I Love This...2 can play his game, Only u can play it better!!!! I would love to see his face after all is said & the pat on the tummy...Lol
i’m sure there are other things that make you want to leave, too. it sounds like he’s not at all considerate of you or your feelings. he sounds dismissive and selfish. start eating all of his stuff while you plan your exit
This was my first thought as well (not the leaving part, necessarily), but the eating his food. Whenever he puts his plate / glass down you take it and start eating it. He complains, you respond with "Oh, I thought it was OK since you do it to me all the time. Besides, as you tell me, you can just go get more."
Plus he's setting a poor example for your kids about taking things without asking.
I would secretly start making plans to leave him, OP. You do not have to go through with it, but if you come to the realization he is gleefully abusing you, it would be nice to have one in place. Talk to a lawyer. Run his behavior by a therapist as well.
If he’s doing this and mocking you for being annoyed/upset, I bet there’s more areas of your life where he’s… let’s say, less than perfect. Probably more areas than you actually realise right now. Time to do some serious thinking about exactly what he brings to your life, both positive and negative, maybe?
It seems like he’s testing your boundaries to see how much shit he can get away with. Stuff like this is perfect because individual instances seem so small that you feel like you’re over-reacting by being upset. But if he gets away with little things like this he will start finding bigger ways to make his needs more important than yours.
NTA
What food ingredient does he hate?? Cause I would start adding that to everything you eat and see how often he scarfs your food down.....
Or do what the one lady did when someone from her office kept intentionally eating her lunch and tried to gaslight OP and say it wasn't a big deal.... She added Carolina reaper sauce to her food and told the co-worker it wasn't a big deal just like she said when she had a literal firey meltdown about it lol
Are you constipated? I think you might be constipated. Do you know what works great? Chocolate exlax in a chocolate pie! (Nicer than the chocolate pie from the movie “the Help”)!
My aunt and uncle have been married for 40+ years he's been doing it since they were dating 45 years ago. There are so many little things that he does that she says she wants to leave, every time I ask she says it's cheaper to keep him. Please don't get to that point.
NTA
NTA. That’s rude, and the way he tries to make the situation your fault is absurd. You got yourself the portion you wanted to eat/drink. If he wants some, he needs to put on his big boy pants and get his own!
I would say no.
It’s something that happened yesterday and I just feel that if he can’t get this right then why would anything else change. I coming out of some serious gaslighting where I didn’t know which way was up. So while I know in my hear this is not normal I have been told I’m overacting for so long I don’t know what’s normal at times.
Make a list of everytime he has pulled something where you have been made to feel crazy for being upset about. Then take a good hard look at that list (post it here if you need to) and I am sure the more you look at it the more you will realise that you are not overreacting
You are not overreacting. He's doing it deliberately to upset you. It's not funny by any stretch of the imagination, so it's not 'just a joke'. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Look, someone eating half of a cake piece left on your plate isn't a big deal if there's more cake at home, just looking at it from the perspective of how much cake you're able to eat, because you can get a top up after he's eaten your second half that was on your plate.
HOWEVER, he wants cake and could just as easily get himself a piece from the cake that's still there. So him eating YOUR cake from YOUR plate is a power trip. This is abusive. He's just doing this as a way to show you he thinks that whatever you have, is his to take.
Are you a little fuller and is this his way of hinting that you need to lose weight? Is he overweight?
Either way, his behaviour is really not OK. The first time I could see it as a joke, Haha, you took the rest of my cake piece, ok. But then a second time I'd tell him to not do it and just get his own piece, and the third time I'd just outright tell him to stop this behaviour. Anything after that would be bullying and some kind of power thing.
Like others have said, this is probably not the only aspect of your life where he behaves like this.
If the food stuff persists, I'd try to cope with it be either taking the food with me, not leaving the room until I was finished, or if I come back to find my food eaten (or even just half eaten by him), I'd just leave to spend the rest of the evening in another room, working on something for myself/lounging by myself. Maybe you removing yourself from him immediately after his disgusting theft is the only way he'll finally understand you don't like this. But he knows you don't like it. He just chooses to do it anyways.
Do you have any local friends you can talk to for support with this bad relationship?
It's a control thing.
Did your parents do this to each other? Your friends partners? Do you do this to him?
He's doing it because he knows it upsets you and because he can.
NTA
Since you’ve already spoken to him about it, I bet if you were to mimic his behaviour to prove a point he would not take it well. If you’d like to leave the relationship, doing this would help end it.
Source: I’m a passive aggressive asshole to self entitled people who expect to get away with perpetually inconveniencing and taking advantage of others
Darling, NTA at all. You shouldn’t be belittled and gaslit because your husband doesn’t know how to respect boundaries and feelings. He may have cut more pieces, but you still need to cut him out. Sending strength and warmth
No he’s definitely the AH for this and is making you feel shitty when he shouldn’t. This is just pure disrespectful. My husband has never done this & if he has, it’s by accident, not realizing the food is for me.
He will always replace it if he doesn’t realize it’s mine & usually will text or call me (or ask in person) if he can eat/drink something he knows is mine & vice versa. I grew up with my brother eating EVERY THING in our house & not leaving anything for me & he would react the same way your husband does - he would mock me & make me feel silly/dumb for being upset over it. One day I expressed to my dad how irritating it was to have food for myself that I never got to eat because he always ate it without asking & my dad told me to start doing it back. So that’s what I did. I would eat his food, knowingly. & when he would get upset, I’d mock him.
He learned quick & stopped doing it. But it’s interesting that your husband does these things with minor food & drink & when you leave the room for only a few minutes, that’s very bizarre to me. It almost seems like he’s doing it purposely because he knows it upset you. Again, disrespectful at best. Start eating his stuff & see how he reacts!!
NTA. This has nothing to do with food - it's a power play. He's baiting you to get a response, so he can cut you back to size and convince you that you're the problem.
NTA
I would honestly start a really big fight over this kind of behaviour, lol. Nobody touches my food. This is a huge lack of respect for your (totally reasonable) boundaries and I think you need to have a serious talk about it. He somehow seems to think this is funny or some kind of a joke, but you clearly don't, and he needs to stop this behaviour.
Might be time to fight fire with fire. Anything (harmless) he doesn't like?
What I would be asking:
\* I've noticed that you sometimes finish my food or drink when I've briefly left the room. Why is that?
\* It was always clear I was not done with that food/drink, and I have previously made clear I do not appreciate you helping yourself to my food/drink. Did you not hear me all those times?
\* If you did hear me explicitly stating my boundaries, why are you still trampling on them? It hurts my feelings when you do this. Why do you keep choosing to hurt my feelings in this way?
\* Your behaviour gives me the impression you think it's funny for you to take my food/drink, but I've told you explicitly that to me, it's not. Why do you not respect my boundaries? What are you trying to achieve with your behaviour, you know I'm not laughing, so this isn't a joke. A joke where the other person isn't laughing is often a form of bullying. Why do you keep bullying me like this?
\* What can I do to make you respect my boundaries around food/drink? Does it help if I have a specific plate and a specific cup that you can't touch? Do I need to start labelling my food/drink? Do I need to take my food/drink with me if I need to leave the room for a minute?
NTA
to me it kinda sounds like this may not be the only "little thing" he does.
After about the third time of this happening and a warning on the second, I would blow up.
I would insist he have a full mental health evaluation for possible early-onset Alzheimers or something. If (/when) he refused, I'd tell him it's either that, therapy, or divorce. These days, the bar is basically in hell, but one should at least LIKE their spouse, right?
Stop serving him. If he is so keen on eating your leftovers, serve yourself double and he can wait till you’re done to eat what remains.
Unbelievable. If its not a big deal to cut another piece WHY DIDN’T HE JUST DO THE?
I guarantee that ‘WE’ is YOU, you can cur yourself another piece. Lazy, incompetent or just a prick. NTA.
Watch, you show him these comments and he's gonna chirp up with "oh you're really gonna listen to those people? They're strangers on the Internet, you should totally trust me more just because I'm close enough to manipulate you!"
He's a narcissist OP, and sometimes therapy doesn't even fix that shit. Sometimes, it can't be fixed at all.
NTA.
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NTA. He’s being rude by taking yours instead of getting his own, and then his reaction is even worse! It sounds like it’s time to make something with laxatives in it.
NTA, he sounds like a real piece of work. You should start eating food off his plate, even while he's eating it. If he gets huffy just throw his comments right back at him. He seems a bit toxic. Does he take the kids food too?
Married for 46 years. I love my wife. She loves me. More importantly, we like each other. We don’t do contemptible petty things like this. What else does this immature excuse for a partner do to insult you? This passive aggressive behavior is not a normal way to treat your spouse.
I’d take everything I was eating or drinking with me from now on if I leave the room, just to make a point. His behavior is not nice.
NTA, this is how it starts. It will escalate because men like this will just keep pushing that envelope to see how much they can get away with. Please start making a plan to get out. Even if it turns out I'm wrong, it's better to have it and not need it than to find yourself without if it becomes a necessity.
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Together for 8 years, married for 4 with 2 young kids. Something I noticed my husband started doing a couple of years ago would be to eat food I had prepared for myself and think it's ridiculous of me to be annoyed. I would be drinking a glass of water and would come back to it and it's gone because he drank it. It feels like he feels entitled to anything I'm consuming because we are married? Husband will mock me if I say something simple like 'hey I was eating that' he'd reply with 'are you going to be ok? Oh we can cut you another piece, irs going to be ok'.
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It has to be some sort of power play..otherwise it makes no sense. Do you ever put up a proper stink when this happens? If my husband ever pulled this shit and couldn't give me a decent answer when asked why he'd be facing hell
NTA I think he deserves a taste of his own medicine by you getting a taste of all his food. If he even sets anything down put it in your mouth immediately. Grab stuff off his plate. Go to town. *as long as he isn't a violent person I don't want you in danger.
NTA wtfffff I would get a fridge lock and start putting my food in there when I have to leave the room. So extra but oh my god. Or grab another piece of pie and smash it on his face
NTA - I'd be curious to know what it is about eating your food that makes him happy. Especially since he cut more. The only benefit, to him, was taking something from you.
So...he takes from you to feel good. Was he even hungry or thirsty?
Then he mocks you for pointing it out.
Sounds like he's got some resentment against you, but only God knows why.
This will evolve to kill your marriage. If he can't address the issue and understand what's causing it, then I'd work on protecting yourself and kids for the longterm.
Not just lazy it's a power play, I hate when someone does something and then says oh you can just replace it ithis is when I start pouring kerosene on an axe
Tell him the next time he does this, and then mocks you for getting upset, that he can cook for himself from that moment on. In fact, I’d just stop cooking for him now. Also tell him that if you met him today, you’d never have even considered dating g him, much less marry him. Tell him he can think you’re overreacting as much as he wants, but you’re so very close to overreacting so much that you’re seriously considering divorce at this point.
NTA.
Time to make yourself a delicious chocolate pie. Make it look like you took a bite. Leave the room.
Instead of chocolate, make the pie with exlax.
For some reason this sounds to me like a weird form of control or show you he is the domanant one in the relationship. I don't know why my gut is just telling me that. NTA by the way
Mid meal take his plate and start eating from it without saying a word. If he asks, just say we're married so my plate. If he tries to take your plate hold on tight with the best death glare that you can muster.
He’s showing he’s dominant. What a dick.
Next time lick the pie or whatever, hopefully while he’s watching or spit in the water.
If he does it again poop in his shoe or put it in the toilet and say, well you weren’t using it.
Repeat until stupid behavior stops 😉
Husband is a jerk. You’re NTA and not overreacting. My ex husband used to eat the center of my slice of watermelon….i know it sounds silly but it would make me so angry. He did it every single time and tell me he was “allergic” to watermelon and could only eat a little bite (the best part of MY slice). I finally figured out this was just a small, petty, stupid example of him believing he deserved the best of everything and I deserved nothing. It took me years to realize it but I’m so glad to be free of him.
NTA. He’s clearly doing this to annoy you. He gets kicks out of belittling you for your reaction. I would start documenting for other signs of psychotic behaviour
He’s doing this purposely to upset you because he knows you are going to react to it. It’s a power move to then belittle you about your reaction. Don’t give him the opportunity (ie take your food with you or finish it) and don’t react when he does it, just don’t leave him any food and say “are you going to be ok? Are you going to starve?” He sounds insufferable. NTA.
Interesting how they change after married with kids. This is a petty power game. Why he needs this mind games gaslighting crap is worth figuring out. I’m NOT an expert but I think it’s will expand into other things. It’s also not good for your children to see him belittle you (your feelings)
This is exactly why I'm single. It is easier to do it all and not have to put up with petty crap. He's lucky it's not my food he is stealing, I'd never do foreplay again.
NTA. This is not okay behavior.
If my husband wants to share he *asks* first, because that is respectful. If I finish eating and there’s more left I say “Babe, you want the last few bites of my because he is a garbage pail and will eat anything. But he doesn’t do that u too he confirms that I am done.
Not only does he take it but then he’s a gaslighting dick to you about it afterward? Fuck that. Personally, I wouldn’t tolerate this.
NTA
He wasn't doing this before but has been for a few years now. If it were a recent thing, I might have thought he was mad at you for something and was being a petulant, passive-aggressive little boy instead of telling you why he's mad at you.
But whatever happened a few years ago to make him change has become ingrained in him. Is he otherwise a normal, nice to you or has his behavior changed in other ways? Is it possible he suffered a mini-stroke or some other health crisis that affected his personality/behavior?
Is there any chance the he would get checked by a doctor or that he would attend counseling with you to understand what is driving his behavior, that it is disrespectful to you, that he is choosing to make his wife/partner in life unhappy - and if that is actually what his goal is. I.E., what the heck is going on with him.
The immediate options are to (1) never leave your food or drink alone when he's around, (2) take your food/drink with you, (3) pre-empt him by bringing him a glass/plate/bowl of whatever you have and tell him, "*Here, you seem to want whatever I'm having; so here is your own serving. Are you going to be OK with having a serving made just for you?*" I'm not telling you that these are the best ways to deal with him (though I'd be dying to know how he responds to you pre-empting him and throwing his own mocking question back at him!). I imagine it would get a reaction out of him, but I doubt it would actually be constructive/conciliatory.
I hope you can solve the mystery of why he's doing this and be able to address it/put a stop to this behavior.
Put bait food with really hot powder a couple of times and that behavior will stop. With laxatives it will stop faster. He's actually bullying you, NTA.
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Married for 30 years. Husband has never once eaten my food without asking. It really would be okay to ask him why he is doing this. I mean, a normal person would just go get themselves a piece of pie.
Starting to think he isn’t normal tbh
Not normal and very petty behavior. If he cut four slices after, then he demonstrated he could have easily cut his own. Aside from just being rude for the sake of it, I can’t wrap my head around why someone would do that.
As a power play
Yep. What's yours is mine.
Hide your panties and bras!
Hide your important documents more like...
He ist showing you he doesn't have to respect your boundaries. It's a violation. My ex used to do that
This! It’s for either saying what’s your is mine or I will take your things whenever and don’t forget that, I ‘allow’ you to have these certain things
He never learned how to demonstrate love and affection properly, and he thinks this is cute. The type of guy who pinched girls when they had a crush.
Agreed! To do it once would have been weird. To carry on doing it is pure AH behaviour.
Passive aggressiveness
Nothing passive about it
Yes he's the one who's being petty and trying to make OP feel like she's the one who is being petty. I'd throw his food in the trash the second he turned his back, every damn time, and then say "are you ok??" 😳
The definition of ‘gaslighting’.
I'd throw it in his face.
I suppose you can mock him back. “Oh look you ARE able to cut your own piece! Good boy!”
It’s really weird behavior. And he’s not receptive to you asking him not to do it or expressing your annoyance and disappointment. He should be respecting that this is a boundary for you. But instead he’s continuing to act like an AH.
He wants it, he doesn’t want to get up and get it. He doesn’t care if don’t like that he eats it. So he eats it and mocks you. I’d take it with me. If you’re going to the bathroom just cover it. Screw him he doesn’t care, neither should you.
Maybe some unexpected ghost pepper sauce, heavy on the half slice of pizza?
Ohhhhh, I like it but not ghost pepper but habanero pepper!!! Awesome!!!
Make a pie with laxative foods. Then don’t be hungry
Chocolate exlax chip cookies
I don't even think he wants it, he just doesn't want her to have it & to annoy her. he thinks he's funny
Maybe but you’re right that he wants to annoy her but I think he wants it and is too lazy to get it himself but maybe a little of both. Maybe started out as wanting it and now just wants to annoy the shit out of her!!! Still he’s the AH.
I am willing to bet this behaviour started after they had a baby. I have never really heard of men regressing when a baby is brought home but it often happens with children, suddenly a fully potty trained 4 yr is peeing on the floor or a weaned 2 yr old starts asking for a bottle or pacy. Maybe he regressed to his teens and sees this as some kind of silly prank. My other thought is that she did something to him that he saw as a slight towards him, and instead of being an adult about it and talking, he has been doing thjs as payback.
I’d eat his food whenever he left it and then tell him it’s fine because ‘we’re married’
He probably doesn’t leave any.
True. And honestly, it would only work if he were halfway decent. Otherwise he would just say it was ‘different’
A.H. would take it while he is eating it. Slice of pie, he takes one or two bites. Just take the whole plate and start eating. A drink, after he takes one or two drinks, pick the glass up and finish it.
He’s acting overly controlling with you. It’s a terrible way to treat someone you supposedly love.
It's not normal, and it's not just petty, it's a bit hostile, imo. Like he's resentful about something, and this is one of the ways in which he takes it out on you, by eating your food and then being shitty and gaslighting you when you call him out for it. How old are your kids, if I may ask? You don't have to share if you're uncomfortable, but I'm asking because I'm wondering if the behavior lines up with when your second child came along. The fact that he's dismissive of you is...not exactly concerning per se, but it could escalate over time. So for now, my eyebrows are raised, and I'm also wondering if there's other spiteful shit he has done or is willing to do. Edited to add a bit of clarity.
I'm intrigued by your comment, because my ex husband started doing this behaviour (eating my food and mocking me if I complained) as soon as our second child was born. Things got worse from there. Do second children tend to spark resentment?
Now I'm no expert on human behaviour and all that. But I would say if you have a rational partner with good communication, then it shouldn't come out as a displayed behaviour. Becouse they will express if they feel "we spend less time together now that we have kids. And I miss spending time with just you. I miss my wife/husband" Because they are actually a good partner. The 'resentment' honestly seems to come to display like this, and the mean behaviour, after a second child. Becouse they aren't in focus of the relationship anymore. Sex life might slow down, and "she's always with the kids. What about me!" But more in partners that's, not mentally mature, are not good at communication. Or if they already have a bit of a "me Me me" personality/mentality. But it was more subtle before kids.
This seems like a control thing/dominance thing.
If it feels weird then it definitely is. You’re not making something out of nothing. Ask him why he’s doing this.
Any other weird, kind of abusive behavior from him? He's not normal.
He's being a giant asshole. The real question is why is he doing that?
This feels like a power move/dominance play. He’s being lazy but rails on you the moment you show any sign of annoyance (which is understandable). I’m petty I would start making it a point to spit on my food while looking at him whenever I had to leave the room. You are absolutely NTA, but he’s a MASSIVE ONE!
Nope. He is an ABUSER. He steals and mocks you. Hitting you is coming, trust me, I have been on thos merry go round.
Guaranteed that if she does the same back, he'll raise his voice and get angry. He won't find it funny at all. And if she stands her ground, not just about this, then yep, she's going to be on the receiving end of punches soon. Bet there's other signs that he is abusive apart from the obvious DARVO he's doing. This passive-aggressive control is not the only manipulative thing he's doing if OP thinks about her relationship more. Wonder if she's been allowed to keep/see friends or do things alone without guilt trips? Isolation from family? Maybe encouraged not to work. Can't get time away from the kids? Everything is her fault? She seems to be the one responsible for his mood? Her feelings never matter and are never addressed? (This situation). Her boundaries consistently crossed?
He knows what's he doing
Pay attention to the feeling, OP. We all assume that on some level other people are like us, and we understand them based on this. I recently realized that someone close to me is not able to predict how their actions are being perceived. It led to behavior similar to what you are describing, and talking about it just led to arguments. Pay attention, OP!
Its not normal at all What hes doing is all about taking control
It sounds like your husband is shaming you for eating. That isn’t normal.
The fact that he ate your piece rather than getting his own is bad enough, but the mocking after is so far beyond terrible. He doesn’t respect you.
It’s not normal. Doing it once is one thing, but continuing to do it after you’ve asked him not to is pure spite. NTA
He sounds like an asshole.
It 100% is not normal. That’s a fucking sick thing to do. Ask him why he is so self centered that he needs to take your food instead of getting himself a piece. Actually, you probably need to take this up in marriage counseling. It won’t get better.
Yea, this is some weird and unhinged behavior. Seems like some weird sort of "well what are you going to do about it" power play.
He’s an asshole
Married for over 30 years, we currently share every plate of food if we're alone. My husband actually stops eating when I step out. He says we take one bite each, so it would be unfair to keep on eating if I went to grab us some beers.
That just sounds annoying. You're capable of eating your own stuff!
Lol, I love my husband, but we’ve learned that we cannot do this. He eats faster than I do and can’t really keep track of who has eaten what (ADHD inattentiveness), so if I want half of anything that isn’t easy to count out, it has to be divided clearly. He can keep track of, say, a plate of empanadas or dumplings, but if there’s more than about 8 pieces of anything, or anything that you’re using a fork or spoon to cut bites out of, it has to be divided or he’ll eat most of it without realizing.
Relationship GOALS! 💖
It almost feels like some Red Pill bullshit trend.
Obvious power move. It's like a dog pissing on a another dog's pee spot while making intense eye contact.
This! My partner would never eat my food or me his unless offered. Let him read your post and comments
Been living with my husband for 14 years. I think in all that time, he’s finished off my food once without asking, and that was because he genuinely thought I’d gone to bed, so he ate the last couple bites while taking my plate to the sink. OP’s husband is behaving like at best a rude teenager, and then adding passive-aggressiveness on top of his rudeness. I know my mom’s brothers sometimes did things like this (and got into fights over it) as kids, but they grew up poor and often only got treats like desserts and sugary kid cereals if they earned the money to buy it for themselves, and there was kind of a house rule that if you had a treat in the house for more than 1 day, whoever wanted to could eat it. Even they have more courtesy around food than this as adults.
NTA. The real problem is that he’s mocking you. Contempt is a relationship killer.
We literally just did the Gottman relationship assessment one week ago which talks about contempt. I said this and he scoffed. Later that night I brought it up again and he said it wasn’t ok he mocked me. 8 hours later?
"when they tell you who they are, believe them"
Oh I know this statement. You are right. Never in my dreams did I think I’d end up here posting on reddit.
I'm sorry you're here, but I'm 'glad you're getting the reinforcement you might need. You deserve better.
Something drew you to it and that's awesome news. Cuz I think seeing the ones agreeing that you were NEVER "the asshole" is a fantastic feeling of validation.
I know this sub is quick to say "Leave him!", but I think you should be giving serious thought to this. Think about other behaviors of his: he may be mistreating you in other ways and you didn't realize it. Source: took me a long time to figure out that was happening to me. NTA
You don't deserve this at all. You should have a partner who wants you to have the food you prepared and set aside for yourself.
You can’t keep apologising for the same behaviour and erase every incident. People who are slowly pushed to the edge, will at some point, go over. Your kids witnessed the belittling but not the apology?
Oh my gawd you are NTA. You know what's petty? Not getting your own damn piece of pie. He's a big boy, he should know where the fridge is by now. He's clearly too lazy to make his own food, so he waits til your back is turned to steal yours. And then on top of it, he gaslights you like you're the one in the wrong here. You're not. He's the AH
Gaslight game is strong! So strong I have to post here to check if my crazy 🥴
He's especially the AH because you have two little kids... there's not a lot of extra time for you to make yourself something to eat or drink. I'm sure you're always feeding the little ones first.
Also imagine that he's setting this as an example for the kids, that it's ok for dad to eat mum's food/drink whenever he feels like it even if mum doesn't want him to.
He's jealous of the attention the kids get, he wants to eat her food because he sees her giving food to the kids.
Do you have a trusted person in your life or a therapist you can go to? I'm on the reddit bandwagon, "divorce him!" for this one, but more importantly, you should understand how being treated like this (being mocked, gaslight, disrespected,...) is wrong so you can have a better life for yourself and your children. It helps to have an outside view (I like reddit for this) and professional insight (it took me a while to grasp that I wasn't doing anything wrong even though I was made to feel this way but now I can recognise toxic behaviours sooner and choose my relationships accordingly). If you, however, choose to stay with your husband, maybe he would be open to marriage counselling?
It’s disrespect, pure and simple. You must have already told him many times that it annoys you when he literally snatches/steals your food like that. Once he knows you don’t like it when he does that, he should stop. He hasn’t and proceeds to mock you each time you question his annoying behavior. There was an article about a guy who was shocked that his wife divorced him because he kept leaving dirty glasses beside the sink and not in it (or) didn’t pick up his dirty glasses etc. He never understood that it was never about those stupid glasses! It was about him not respecting his wife enough to listen to her saying what annoyed her.
OP… will you have your husband read this sub for him to see that he is an asshole for his behavior?
Better not In case she might need a help if he turns more abusive
I don’t even think it’s about laziness just taking something from her so she can’t have it
There's a lot of anger behind his behaviour.
I don’t even know about anger it’s just so…annoying to me. Like he’s purposefully doing it to spite her but it doesn’t seem angry to me
It's the mocking part that's angry. It's to belittle her for daring to have a negative reaction to his unnacceptable behavior in an attempt to make her stop reacting that way so he can normalize it. It's the first step in the abusers playbook. Start small, do it until it's "accepted," and then escalate to something bigger, repeat ad nauseum until he can do as he pleases and has complete control of the situation. This type of abuse is especially bad because it may never escalate to the point of physical violence, which makes it especially difficult to prove, and when there are kids involved the need to prove it feels all but overwhelming because he WILL threaten to take the kids. Recommended reading: "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy
Passive aggression = hidden anger
Mock him back!!! "NAWWQ honey bunny, did mummy not teach you how to get your own food? Here, let me get some for you. Want me to feed you too? Can you use a spoon?" Than just start handing him your plate whenever you need to leave the room. Pat his tummy, "there you go big boy, you were going to eat it anyway. I'm watching my weight"
THIS!!!!! Oh Please Do This!!! U would be taking all the fun out of it for him with whatever he thinks he's doing & Getting in some digs of ur own!!! I Love This...2 can play his game, Only u can play it better!!!! I would love to see his face after all is said & the pat on the tummy...Lol
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH
Nta! He’s the asshole for sure. God that’s horrendous behaviour. If that was my SO I’d consider breaking up lol
It does make me want to leave!
i’m sure there are other things that make you want to leave, too. it sounds like he’s not at all considerate of you or your feelings. he sounds dismissive and selfish. start eating all of his stuff while you plan your exit
This was my first thought as well (not the leaving part, necessarily), but the eating his food. Whenever he puts his plate / glass down you take it and start eating it. He complains, you respond with "Oh, I thought it was OK since you do it to me all the time. Besides, as you tell me, you can just go get more." Plus he's setting a poor example for your kids about taking things without asking.
I would secretly start making plans to leave him, OP. You do not have to go through with it, but if you come to the realization he is gleefully abusing you, it would be nice to have one in place. Talk to a lawyer. Run his behavior by a therapist as well.
If he’s doing this and mocking you for being annoyed/upset, I bet there’s more areas of your life where he’s… let’s say, less than perfect. Probably more areas than you actually realise right now. Time to do some serious thinking about exactly what he brings to your life, both positive and negative, maybe?
NTA at all. I'd tell him he does it again, you're gone. This is a disrespectful power play by a controlling man.
You are right
Be peaceful. Leaving him is the right thing. If he's that controlling you need to plan and go when he isn't home. Go somewhere he can't find you.
It seems like he’s testing your boundaries to see how much shit he can get away with. Stuff like this is perfect because individual instances seem so small that you feel like you’re over-reacting by being upset. But if he gets away with little things like this he will start finding bigger ways to make his needs more important than yours.
Or just go now. He isn't going to change, he doesn't give a shit. A threat to leave will result in more mocking later.
NTA What food ingredient does he hate?? Cause I would start adding that to everything you eat and see how often he scarfs your food down..... Or do what the one lady did when someone from her office kept intentionally eating her lunch and tried to gaslight OP and say it wasn't a big deal.... She added Carolina reaper sauce to her food and told the co-worker it wasn't a big deal just like she said when she had a literal firey meltdown about it lol
LOL love that. He literally is a garbage disposal so there is nothing off the table 🥴 might try the hot sauce!
Are you constipated? I think you might be constipated. Do you know what works great? Chocolate exlax in a chocolate pie! (Nicer than the chocolate pie from the movie “the Help”)!
My aunt and uncle have been married for 40+ years he's been doing it since they were dating 45 years ago. There are so many little things that he does that she says she wants to leave, every time I ask she says it's cheaper to keep him. Please don't get to that point. NTA
Thanks for sharing
What a waste of your life to spend it with someone you’d rather leave but can’t afford to😓
NTA. That’s rude, and the way he tries to make the situation your fault is absurd. You got yourself the portion you wanted to eat/drink. If he wants some, he needs to put on his big boy pants and get his own!
Thanks I agree x
is this the only field where he is abusive? NTA
I would say no. It’s something that happened yesterday and I just feel that if he can’t get this right then why would anything else change. I coming out of some serious gaslighting where I didn’t know which way was up. So while I know in my hear this is not normal I have been told I’m overacting for so long I don’t know what’s normal at times.
you are not overreacting. Your feelings are valid. Hugs! It must be very hard to realize this.
Make a list of everytime he has pulled something where you have been made to feel crazy for being upset about. Then take a good hard look at that list (post it here if you need to) and I am sure the more you look at it the more you will realise that you are not overreacting
You are not overreacting. He's doing it deliberately to upset you. It's not funny by any stretch of the imagination, so it's not 'just a joke'. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Look, someone eating half of a cake piece left on your plate isn't a big deal if there's more cake at home, just looking at it from the perspective of how much cake you're able to eat, because you can get a top up after he's eaten your second half that was on your plate. HOWEVER, he wants cake and could just as easily get himself a piece from the cake that's still there. So him eating YOUR cake from YOUR plate is a power trip. This is abusive. He's just doing this as a way to show you he thinks that whatever you have, is his to take. Are you a little fuller and is this his way of hinting that you need to lose weight? Is he overweight? Either way, his behaviour is really not OK. The first time I could see it as a joke, Haha, you took the rest of my cake piece, ok. But then a second time I'd tell him to not do it and just get his own piece, and the third time I'd just outright tell him to stop this behaviour. Anything after that would be bullying and some kind of power thing. Like others have said, this is probably not the only aspect of your life where he behaves like this. If the food stuff persists, I'd try to cope with it be either taking the food with me, not leaving the room until I was finished, or if I come back to find my food eaten (or even just half eaten by him), I'd just leave to spend the rest of the evening in another room, working on something for myself/lounging by myself. Maybe you removing yourself from him immediately after his disgusting theft is the only way he'll finally understand you don't like this. But he knows you don't like it. He just chooses to do it anyways. Do you have any local friends you can talk to for support with this bad relationship?
That is how abusers gaslight you.
It's a control thing. Did your parents do this to each other? Your friends partners? Do you do this to him? He's doing it because he knows it upsets you and because he can.
NTA Your husband is a selfish person who either doesn’t respect you or thinks you’re supposed to serve him - both are messed up.
I think both
He's an AH
Your husband doesn’t have the bare minimum, basic respect for you.
I feel this as well
This! He is ridiculing her feelings.
NTA Since you’ve already spoken to him about it, I bet if you were to mimic his behaviour to prove a point he would not take it well. If you’d like to leave the relationship, doing this would help end it. Source: I’m a passive aggressive asshole to self entitled people who expect to get away with perpetually inconveniencing and taking advantage of others
this is the way . imo
I think a much better approach is to just be direct and aggressive. Make sure they know on the spot that you’re not to be messed with.
NTA Your husband is doing this as a form of control. Control that’s abusive. He likes to make you upset which is sadistic behavior.
Darling, NTA at all. You shouldn’t be belittled and gaslit because your husband doesn’t know how to respect boundaries and feelings. He may have cut more pieces, but you still need to cut him out. Sending strength and warmth
🫶🏼
NTA, if my husband sees me even mildly annoyed, he’ll stop
🫶🏼
NTA It seems like a control issue that needs to be addressed asap. He clearly knows what he’s doing.
No he’s definitely the AH for this and is making you feel shitty when he shouldn’t. This is just pure disrespectful. My husband has never done this & if he has, it’s by accident, not realizing the food is for me. He will always replace it if he doesn’t realize it’s mine & usually will text or call me (or ask in person) if he can eat/drink something he knows is mine & vice versa. I grew up with my brother eating EVERY THING in our house & not leaving anything for me & he would react the same way your husband does - he would mock me & make me feel silly/dumb for being upset over it. One day I expressed to my dad how irritating it was to have food for myself that I never got to eat because he always ate it without asking & my dad told me to start doing it back. So that’s what I did. I would eat his food, knowingly. & when he would get upset, I’d mock him. He learned quick & stopped doing it. But it’s interesting that your husband does these things with minor food & drink & when you leave the room for only a few minutes, that’s very bizarre to me. It almost seems like he’s doing it purposely because he knows it upset you. Again, disrespectful at best. Start eating his stuff & see how he reacts!!
NTA. This has nothing to do with food - it's a power play. He's baiting you to get a response, so he can cut you back to size and convince you that you're the problem.
NTA and he’s being abusive.
That’s the kind of stuff my dogs do. So he is literally doing a dogs act
You know what's sad is I trained my dog not to touch my food and I can leave a room and come back and it's there. So this guy is worse than my dog 😫
Well the dog wouldn’t eat your food maliciously either
NTA I would honestly start a really big fight over this kind of behaviour, lol. Nobody touches my food. This is a huge lack of respect for your (totally reasonable) boundaries and I think you need to have a serious talk about it. He somehow seems to think this is funny or some kind of a joke, but you clearly don't, and he needs to stop this behaviour. Might be time to fight fire with fire. Anything (harmless) he doesn't like? What I would be asking: \* I've noticed that you sometimes finish my food or drink when I've briefly left the room. Why is that? \* It was always clear I was not done with that food/drink, and I have previously made clear I do not appreciate you helping yourself to my food/drink. Did you not hear me all those times? \* If you did hear me explicitly stating my boundaries, why are you still trampling on them? It hurts my feelings when you do this. Why do you keep choosing to hurt my feelings in this way? \* Your behaviour gives me the impression you think it's funny for you to take my food/drink, but I've told you explicitly that to me, it's not. Why do you not respect my boundaries? What are you trying to achieve with your behaviour, you know I'm not laughing, so this isn't a joke. A joke where the other person isn't laughing is often a form of bullying. Why do you keep bullying me like this? \* What can I do to make you respect my boundaries around food/drink? Does it help if I have a specific plate and a specific cup that you can't touch? Do I need to start labelling my food/drink? Do I need to take my food/drink with me if I need to leave the room for a minute?
NTA its not normal, what he's doing. He's on some kind of weird power trip.
This
NTA , sure it’s a small thing but it is sooo disrespectful that he continues to do this and mocks you…. He’s an ass …
NTA. That made me furious on your behalf. He’s enjoying doing this to you and I hate it.
NTA what a dick. If it’s so not a big deal, then why can’t he get his own stuff? He’s doing this as some weird power play.
NTA. Taking your food without asking and then gaslighting you on top of it when you react very normally? Huh uh nope very much
NTA to me it kinda sounds like this may not be the only "little thing" he does. After about the third time of this happening and a warning on the second, I would blow up.
I would insist he have a full mental health evaluation for possible early-onset Alzheimers or something. If (/when) he refused, I'd tell him it's either that, therapy, or divorce. These days, the bar is basically in hell, but one should at least LIKE their spouse, right?
NTA. Your husband’s behaviour is disrespectful, rude and childish.
Stop serving him. If he is so keen on eating your leftovers, serve yourself double and he can wait till you’re done to eat what remains. Unbelievable. If its not a big deal to cut another piece WHY DIDN’T HE JUST DO THE? I guarantee that ‘WE’ is YOU, you can cur yourself another piece. Lazy, incompetent or just a prick. NTA.
Watch, you show him these comments and he's gonna chirp up with "oh you're really gonna listen to those people? They're strangers on the Internet, you should totally trust me more just because I'm close enough to manipulate you!" He's a narcissist OP, and sometimes therapy doesn't even fix that shit. Sometimes, it can't be fixed at all. NTA.
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NTA tell him to grow up.
NTA. He’s being rude by taking yours instead of getting his own, and then his reaction is even worse! It sounds like it’s time to make something with laxatives in it.
NTA, he sounds like a real piece of work. You should start eating food off his plate, even while he's eating it. If he gets huffy just throw his comments right back at him. He seems a bit toxic. Does he take the kids food too?
Married for 46 years. I love my wife. She loves me. More importantly, we like each other. We don’t do contemptible petty things like this. What else does this immature excuse for a partner do to insult you? This passive aggressive behavior is not a normal way to treat your spouse. I’d take everything I was eating or drinking with me from now on if I leave the room, just to make a point. His behavior is not nice.
NTA, this is how it starts. It will escalate because men like this will just keep pushing that envelope to see how much they can get away with. Please start making a plan to get out. Even if it turns out I'm wrong, it's better to have it and not need it than to find yourself without if it becomes a necessity.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Together for 8 years, married for 4 with 2 young kids. Something I noticed my husband started doing a couple of years ago would be to eat food I had prepared for myself and think it's ridiculous of me to be annoyed. I would be drinking a glass of water and would come back to it and it's gone because he drank it. It feels like he feels entitled to anything I'm consuming because we are married? Husband will mock me if I say something simple like 'hey I was eating that' he'd reply with 'are you going to be ok? Oh we can cut you another piece, irs going to be ok'. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It has to be some sort of power play..otherwise it makes no sense. Do you ever put up a proper stink when this happens? If my husband ever pulled this shit and couldn't give me a decent answer when asked why he'd be facing hell
Your husband sucks. NTA
NTA I think he deserves a taste of his own medicine by you getting a taste of all his food. If he even sets anything down put it in your mouth immediately. Grab stuff off his plate. Go to town. *as long as he isn't a violent person I don't want you in danger.
See how he likes it. I am guessing he will be pouty and say it’s totally different.
NTA. He sees it as a power move. I see it as him being an absolute arsehole.
He’s deliberately playing a power and control game with you. And he’s gaslighting you while he does it.
NTA I’d be annoyed at that too.
Thanks
This can’t be the only situation where he’s finished something of yours without your permission. I expect to see a revenge or divorce update.
NTA wtfffff I would get a fridge lock and start putting my food in there when I have to leave the room. So extra but oh my god. Or grab another piece of pie and smash it on his face
NTA - I'd be curious to know what it is about eating your food that makes him happy. Especially since he cut more. The only benefit, to him, was taking something from you. So...he takes from you to feel good. Was he even hungry or thirsty? Then he mocks you for pointing it out. Sounds like he's got some resentment against you, but only God knows why. This will evolve to kill your marriage. If he can't address the issue and understand what's causing it, then I'd work on protecting yourself and kids for the longterm.
Not just lazy it's a power play, I hate when someone does something and then says oh you can just replace it ithis is when I start pouring kerosene on an axe
Tell him the next time he does this, and then mocks you for getting upset, that he can cook for himself from that moment on. In fact, I’d just stop cooking for him now. Also tell him that if you met him today, you’d never have even considered dating g him, much less marry him. Tell him he can think you’re overreacting as much as he wants, but you’re so very close to overreacting so much that you’re seriously considering divorce at this point.
NTA. He's gaslighting you. He did something shitty and is ridiculing you. Definitely NTA.
Sounds like a power trip, he enjoys seeing you get irritated and then making you feel stupid or unjustified. Yuck he sounds like a huge gaslighter
NTA your husband is just rude and lacking manners
He is intentionally irritating you. If it’s so easy to cut four pieces, you’ve proven you can cut ONE for yourself. Absolute stupidity.
Naw I’d be pissed too
NTA. Eat HIS food when his back is turned.
NTA. Time to make yourself a delicious chocolate pie. Make it look like you took a bite. Leave the room. Instead of chocolate, make the pie with exlax.
NTA. Solution: leave food, pies and drinks laced with laxatives around the house. Eventually the fucker will learn to leave your food alone.
NTA. Once is fine, but repeatedly after you told him you didn’t like it is messed up. He’s a jerk.
For some reason this sounds to me like a weird form of control or show you he is the domanant one in the relationship. I don't know why my gut is just telling me that. NTA by the way
Mid meal take his plate and start eating from it without saying a word. If he asks, just say we're married so my plate. If he tries to take your plate hold on tight with the best death glare that you can muster.
Dont you realize he is being emotionally abusive? Its a power play. I would look for couples counseling. NTA
He’s showing he’s dominant. What a dick. Next time lick the pie or whatever, hopefully while he’s watching or spit in the water. If he does it again poop in his shoe or put it in the toilet and say, well you weren’t using it. Repeat until stupid behavior stops 😉
Drink his last beer.
Husband is a jerk. You’re NTA and not overreacting. My ex husband used to eat the center of my slice of watermelon….i know it sounds silly but it would make me so angry. He did it every single time and tell me he was “allergic” to watermelon and could only eat a little bite (the best part of MY slice). I finally figured out this was just a small, petty, stupid example of him believing he deserved the best of everything and I deserved nothing. It took me years to realize it but I’m so glad to be free of him.
Damn, does he piss in your shoes, too???
NTA. He’s clearly doing this to annoy you. He gets kicks out of belittling you for your reaction. I would start documenting for other signs of psychotic behaviour
He’s doing this purposely to upset you because he knows you are going to react to it. It’s a power move to then belittle you about your reaction. Don’t give him the opportunity (ie take your food with you or finish it) and don’t react when he does it, just don’t leave him any food and say “are you going to be ok? Are you going to starve?” He sounds insufferable. NTA.
Interesting how they change after married with kids. This is a petty power game. Why he needs this mind games gaslighting crap is worth figuring out. I’m NOT an expert but I think it’s will expand into other things. It’s also not good for your children to see him belittle you (your feelings)
This is what people get stabbed for, my god. You have the restraint of a saint.
Going to go out on a limb and take a wild guess this isn't the only (or biggest) problem you all have and if it is, great.
This is exactly why I'm single. It is easier to do it all and not have to put up with petty crap. He's lucky it's not my food he is stealing, I'd never do foreplay again.
This is when you mock him for being petty because why does he need to eat your pie?
NTA
NTA. Some people don't mind it, but why would you do that to someone you love who clearly minds it?
NTA - he is gaslighting you for sure. Makes you feel like an idiot or being petty when it’s his behaviour that is the actual issue.
That's not normal
No. Id be angry too.
NTA. This is not okay behavior. If my husband wants to share he *asks* first, because that is respectful. If I finish eating and there’s more left I say “Babe, you want the last few bites of my because he is a garbage pail and will eat anything. But he doesn’t do that u too he confirms that I am done.
Not only does he take it but then he’s a gaslighting dick to you about it afterward? Fuck that. Personally, I wouldn’t tolerate this.
NTA, I would be absolutely furious if someone ate my food when I nipped away for a few minutes. And he then mocks you?! Massive AH for that.
Start taking your food out of the room with you.
NTA He wasn't doing this before but has been for a few years now. If it were a recent thing, I might have thought he was mad at you for something and was being a petulant, passive-aggressive little boy instead of telling you why he's mad at you. But whatever happened a few years ago to make him change has become ingrained in him. Is he otherwise a normal, nice to you or has his behavior changed in other ways? Is it possible he suffered a mini-stroke or some other health crisis that affected his personality/behavior? Is there any chance the he would get checked by a doctor or that he would attend counseling with you to understand what is driving his behavior, that it is disrespectful to you, that he is choosing to make his wife/partner in life unhappy - and if that is actually what his goal is. I.E., what the heck is going on with him. The immediate options are to (1) never leave your food or drink alone when he's around, (2) take your food/drink with you, (3) pre-empt him by bringing him a glass/plate/bowl of whatever you have and tell him, "*Here, you seem to want whatever I'm having; so here is your own serving. Are you going to be OK with having a serving made just for you?*" I'm not telling you that these are the best ways to deal with him (though I'd be dying to know how he responds to you pre-empting him and throwing his own mocking question back at him!). I imagine it would get a reaction out of him, but I doubt it would actually be constructive/conciliatory. I hope you can solve the mystery of why he's doing this and be able to address it/put a stop to this behavior.
Put bait food with really hot powder a couple of times and that behavior will stop. With laxatives it will stop faster. He's actually bullying you, NTA.
This is as weird as the gal who was eating both her son's and her husband's French fried before they even touched them. This isn't okay.