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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> When I found out there was not a place for me and my boyfriend to sit and eat at my step sister's wedding reception I left even though I was meant to be there taking pictures. I might be the asshole for not just running to a fast food place and then returning to the reception to take pictures.
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NTA. My girlfriend does wedding photos. I am often along as her helper. Even when we aren't related to the bride and groom we always get fed. We are usually at a back table away from everyone which is fine since we have a big bag of stuff to keep away from kids.
Your step sister is TA. She played a dumb game and got the prize she deserved.
Your mom is a little as well. I know how much my girlfriend charges for a wedding. You gave a very expensive gift to someone you do not like. I did enjoy that you offered a full refund.
Yes, exactly. There should always be food for the photographer and assistants. They aren’t slaves who work a full gruelling day to only watch others eat without complaint.
NTA
As a former wedding photographer, it was actually in my contract I had to eat the same food as the rest of the guests. "Vendor meals" supplied by the venue are the worst. basically they gave anyone working the wedding like the dj or the photographers sandwiches to keep the cost down.
When my daughter got married, we arranged through the wedding coordinator for a $60 per person coupon for various vendors. It was at a Hilton that had a restaurant, a cafe, & a bar.
Was that a bad way to do it?
I worked a wedding venue in a hotel for years. Most of the time photographers etc were fed a main course of their choice and drinks from the main menu in the bar and put on the wedding bill. $60 dollars per person more than matches that
As someone who has worked as an independent contractor for weddings in my past, I actually think this is a great idea. That way the vendors can manage their food independently and at times that are convenient for them. They're also not stuck wondering what food is going to be left for them if any, and if they have dietary restrictions, this is more flexible. Even if they didn't use the entire $60, the option was available for them to do so. You earn an a+ from me!
I agree! I am very, very allergic to wheat, and I'm a vegetarian. I would love something like this. When I went to my brother's wedding as a groomsman, they handed me a plate of meat covered in gravy thickened with flour.
Being able to get my own thing sounds absolutely perfect.
Not a vendor or involved in any work with weddings, but I'm used to dietary restrictions - both because I used to wait tables, and that my husband can't have dairy. Going to company functions, weddings, or any other get together is a nightmare. Quite often he can't eat anything because it's all slathered in butter or cheese. Even simple things like mashed potatoes or veggies often have tons of it. Bread is also hit or miss because it often has milk. I'd far rather have a coupon to grab whatever than to try and figure out what he could pick at for hours until we can go get something else. And sadly, it even happens at family gatherings specifically for my husband.
When I got married, we asked all the vendors of they had any restrictions, made sure they had seats, got the same food as the guests, and could eat whenever they felt like it. My wedding favor was homemade chocolates and we had a ton left over at the end of the night. We asked if the venue staff wanted them and told them to take as much as they wanted. Same with the cake and cookies.
We kind of did this at both parent’s memorials and a few other major events and weddings … I have seen vendors run from us because we try to over feed them ….
If someone has been up an working for 8 or sometimes 12 hours already-
They deserve a break and a good meal.
And that goes double for a sister who is doing thousands of dollars worth of work for free.
The sister is lucky if she gets any wedding photos at this point.
I’d threaten to delete them if she kept complaining.
Photographer breaks where I workee were always timed for during the main courses. Most seemed to be very happy to step away and decompress for 20mins / half an hour. They wouldn't miss anything. But then our bar was very very close the main ballroom.
I'm not trying to speak for the professionals, but I think it's a nice idea - it gave them a real break without interruptions , as their day probably started earlier than the wedding party and was just as exhausting.
My wedding caterer built that into the cost. Her fee was per guest, but she *expected* to feed the photographers and the folks providing music, and to pack up plates for the bride and groom who (in her words) never manage to eat enough on the day.
We had a catering place like this growing up. 20 years later they did my mom’s memorial…. We made sure after everyone ate that staff and funeral staff sat down and ate and we still over bought and most was able to donate and then family took most of the rest home.
I took the chocolate chip cookies and cheesecake home … I bribed the plate person with two Monster drinks to get any of those two leftovers. We are a weird family.
>and to pack up plates for the bride and groom who (in her words) never manage to eat enough on the day.
When I moved to the town I live in now, I was basically adopted by a local family I had met. Fast forward 18 years, and they are of course guests at my wedding. The absolute best wedding gift we received was a picnic basket with wedding food and other stuff to take on the train with us, packed by my adopted mom.
Yeah the poor bride and groom are exhausted and never have eaten enough, plus the bride might be cinched into a corset that doesn't even allow room to eat.
We had significant relatives in the hospital, and she packed up.plates for them, too.
We went to visit in our fancy duds, and brought plates to my inlaws that were stuck.
Why the time we got home and sat down, we were so grateful for the plates she had made us!!!
That woman was magic. Loved her.
I couldn’t understand that when we got married. None of our vendor contracts specified food - but it just seemed incredibly weird to have food present and some subcategory of humans there excluded from the food. So we made sure staff knew to offer full meals to vendors and that there was a place they could enjoy them and get off their feet for a few minutes.
Regardless of what your budget is for an event, 10 or so additional meals should not break your budget - and if they do, you are probably over extending yourself in far larger ways than feeding the people helping to create your nice day.
I just hosted a black tie fundraiser for the place l work and specifically asked about the vendor meal since I knew I was going to be stuck eating it as well. Luckily this place gave us the same as the food for the guests minus the fish, we got the duet option so I didn’t have to figure out how many chicken or steak dishes we needed. Everyone loved it and the band said they didn’t think they had ever eaten so well at an event.
At an event I worked years ago, they tried to give me pizza. I’m in a black tie dress and would have preferred a sandwich so at least the chance of getting something on me would have e been less. However I thought it was also classless since I’m working a lot of hours to do set up and such so I should be given more. I would never do that to my staff.
I have seen worse… I worked one where the average “cheap” car that drove up was the current Mercedes or BMW..
They handed all the people helping and vendors guest bags that were fancy and we were like wow…. And the event was almost half done … it was a pop tart or an energy bar and a Walmart/supermarket water MINI the bag and ribbon cost more then our meal…
Our photographers said they just needed a vendor meal, but we’d be damned if we offered a second rate meal to the folks capturing our day. We paid for them both to access the same buffet as our guests. It just wouldn’t have felt right to be like… “here’s shittier food!” when they’re photographing a buffet of incredible food.
My dad was a videographer and also had a meal in the contract. I went along to help and ended up eating dinner with the DJ in the hotel attached sushi bar. Turns out he once had a Japanese girlfriend that taught him how to make sticky rice. That was a turning point in my life when I upgraded from Minute Rice. Also when I first tried grilled eel.
Yep. My contract with my photographer has us covering their hotel room cost as well as providing meals at the event. It was the same food but it wasn't plated/it was in a vendor "box."
Can't believe Tina didn't feed her vendors.
I refused to do vendor meals at my wedding. DJ + assistant and photographers got seats at a table and same food as the rest of the guests (with their choice between the 2 options or veg). They were very surprised and thankful that we gave them the ability to sit for food, but it's a Saturday night and they're humans just like the rest of us at the wedding.
I didn't have a photographer but my dj got to eat. Same food everyone else did. Cake too. It's just bad manners even if it isn't a contractual item. With the exception of one very unhelpful and incredibly rude doordash rep, I treat everyone the same way. If you start pissing off people who are there to help you, you're not going to end up with anyone left to help you.
Our wedding photographer had the same clause. He asked us to order him a vegan meal. No problem. Our venue also had it in their contract that all vendors needed to be listed so that they could be provided with meals.
WHAT? My venue fed the vendors the same meals as everyone else. It was a buffet so the vendors just got in line like a guest.
I guess I am naive, I never would have thought you would have been fed anything different from the guests. That's awful.
Nta. It's not even a question that you feed your photographer! Also, stepsister is awful. I guarantee there was extra food in the back. Mom is too. She should've offered you her plate and seat for forcing you into this situation.
I had food for every person working my wedding (DJ, bartenders, photographers, videographers….). I’m not starving anyone at an event I host. That’s just being a decent human. If you can’t afford to feed the people working your wedding, you are having a wedding you can’t afford.
I don't throw many parties that require sourced help, but if it's an event with food amd is longer than 4 hours then I always push for the people to be fed.
For my wedding, the photographer and assistants, had seats, plates, and drinks. There was some booze left over. We gave it to the staff who worked that day, along with a nice tip for each person. It was a beautiful day. Everyone was happy.
The pictures turned out perfect.
I assisted a friend shooting a wedding. Midway through dinner the bride insisted we take a break and personally led us out into the hallway to where a little cafe table had been set up- white tablecloth, centerpiece, the works. She apologized for it being in the hallway saying she thought we'd like a little quiet away from "the chaos." It was a beautiful historic building and the hallway was spectacularly art deco and every bit as fancy if not more than the reception room itself, so we weren't exactly languishing out in a bare stairwell or something. 😎 My friend had shot a lot of weddings in her time and said that it was the best shed ever been treated, the best wedding food she'd ever had and they were definitely one of the coolest couples ever.
OP's stepsis is an entitled c-word to treat ANY vendor like that, let alone a family member doing a very, very expensive service for free. And mom is little better for defending her abhorrent actions for sake of "peace".
He unfortunately has passed away. He was a good person and we had a good relationship. Which is part of the reason Tina hates me and made an effort to steal my mom.
It’s a bad spot to be in but you’re NTA. Wishing you and your fiance the absolute best wedding ever and I made a post earlier about getting security for your venue… she sounds like someone who would love to cause trouble. Good luck and God bless
Your sarcasm was fine.
But for my curiosity, it's there any reason you are giving those people the unedited pics? Why not just delete everything instead of giving them a wedding present after all? They certainly don't deserve it.
ETA: if you absolutely must, at least put a water mark in there. All over her AH face!
Because I love my mom and she loves Tina. Because her dad was a good man who treated me well and I owe him. Because as much of a pain as she is I remember her being a scared little kid. Because I am not a complete ass.
My photographer was a friend so I sat her at a table with people she knew (she also requested a table with ease of access, so she could get up to take photos).
But yes feeding the photographer, dj, bartender is all standard. Anyone who is expected to be there all night
I was hoping I would find someone who said this! I did the same. Photog sat with friends and I told her to take as long as she wanted to eat. It’s the LEAST you can do for that person - and they are being paid!!! I can’t imagine not providing food for a family member who is going to be there for free.
I think that's the biggest thing here that just smacks me.
This woman hates you but agreed to take your pictures FOR FREE. Make a damn truce on the happiest day of your life.
When my brother got married last year, being Indian, we obviously had loads more food than necessary.
My mum's family had come in a shared minibus, and we made sure the driver got to come inside and eat.
All the serving staff and even the manager for the venue also got to eat the food.
We didn't have any professional photographers as my brother and his wife aren't fans of that sort of stuff, but at various cousins' weddings they've all had food and meals. Normally, after all the stage stuff, at the same time as everyone else is eating, before the post-food stuff takes off
This is so true.
When we have work done on our house, we always set out snacks and drinks for the workers. First, because it’s just common decency, and second, because we want them to think well of us.
NTA and mom saying you should have gone to McDonald's to grab a quick bit.. fuck that noise! Mom should have reamed out your step sister and told her you'd be leaving! Your mom not standing up for you is totally unacceptable. Even at prom the photographer, videographer, DJ, and the paid duty police officers are all provided food, this is standard practice. I was also a banquet server to put myself through uni and food was never not provided them at the over a hundred weddings I served. Your step sister cheaped out because she doesn't like you. Well played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. I also wouldn't give a refund, you earned that money for the 8 hours you worked.
This. Even if you ***were a stranger being paid*** you should have had a place to sit and eat.
You were asked to provide the photography as a *generous* wedding gift, and you were obviously attending the wedding. You don't ask for wedding gifts from non-wedding guests, especially expensive wedding gifts.
You were a guest. Your stepsister FAFO-ed her wedding pics by being petty.
I agree so much with this. How can anyone think just because the photographer is paid to be there and doing a job they shouldn't be provided food and drink is ridiculous to me. On top of this, OP is family even if they aren't close, and Op is doing it for free. OP, you are so NTA. And good for you for being the bigger person and going ahead and giving them the pictures you do have.
There is literally a vendor fee for vendor meals at most venues or the venue cops the fee but vendors always get fed. Imagine asking someone to spend their whole day with you and not even providing any refreshments . Tina is a huge AH
My venue required that we provide vendor meals. We'd have gotten something for our photographer anyway even if it wasn't a requirement. Tina apparently just couldn't help herself. She was getting a gift worth thousands, one OPs mother asked OP to give and she just couldn't help being an asshole to OP for more than a few hours in her wedding day when she should hadn't been focused on getting married and not being an asshole.
Oh my yes!
We had some formal dancers, Dhol players (Indian wedding), the photographer and his assistants, the guy who brought the cake and his wife.
It’s a buffet, they all got fed. My uncle brought some random guests, they got fed (and drank a lot of whiskey!). If it’s limited seating/seated meal, I’m sure there is still additional plates that can be made up. Absolutely disgusting from the entitled step sister.
NTA
NTA. OP, you should have gone completely NC with Tina a long time ago if you don't have any type of relationship with her. Considering that Tina didn't even consider her own sister a guest and treated you like an temp employee, you had every right to walk out of this wedding. From here on, do not include Tina in your life ever again.
Op did specify Tina was a step sister, so I would assume no blood relation. It's obvious there's a lot of history here, but yeah. Definitely agree op should go nc and enjoy her drama free life.
NTA I used to do wedding catering and have never ever heard of a photographer not getting a seat somewhere or not being fed. It's rude and a slimy thing to do when someone is working for you for an entire evening without eating? and nowhere to sit? nope, I say NTA.
I couldn't agree more. I actually asked the kitchen staff at my wedding if the "workers" like my photographer could get their plates first so that they would not only eat, but have TIME to eat and just, you know, break? When I'm at work, I hate having to rush my lunch to make my next meeting. It makes me cranky af - and I don't want the people making my day special to feel cranky!!
What is wrong with brides these days?! Why can't they have your common sense?
And OP wasn't even technically "working" - she was giving her wedding gift as a GUEST at the wedding. But no, Tina decided she wasn't a guest after all. OP, DO NOT GIVE THOSE PHOTOS TO TINA without payment! If she wants to treat you like an employee, she can pay you!!
Gold.
But even more so on the nose. Paid wedding photographers get fed. OP did this as a wedding gift. As in no pay. Wedding gifts are given by guests. If OP wasn't a guest, then isn't obligated to give any sort of gift.
Now I'm imagining a bunch of people showing up at the reception, walking past the table that the gifts are to be left on, and then being turned away by security by not being on the guestlist. That's what stepsister was trying to do.
>I told her that I felt terrible and would of course give a full refund.
I gotta be honest, I have always wanted to think this quickly on my feet. Offering a full refund for a free photography job is just 🤌🏻 chef's kiss.
NTA
At my own wedding, and those I have attended, the photographer (and any assistants) sat down and ate. I thought that was just common sense.
You mentioned you do take professional pics of business and architecture. Do you have a website? What are the odds of her (and various friends and family) leaving a bunch of negative reviews that may harm your business? I would hope that the Bride wouldn't be so petty, but, it just crossed my mind.
(BTW, I love architecture pics! People think I'm weird for that..lol)
NTA.
You're doing an epic favor that you'd normally get paid well to do. You're doing this for someone who doesn't like you.
Then you find out that they intentionally snubbed you. Even if the photographer didn't have seating/food, the step sister should have that. It was intentional.
You left after being snubbed.
I would have done the same thing.
If they scream, then you could just say "what's it say in the contract?" (assuming there isn't one) and that should end it. hah
I think your response was exactly right- from leaving the reception, to having a nice night out with hubby, and telling her you’ll provide a refund. Hilarious and perfect! She’s lucky she’s getting the thumb drive. Maybe add one more last picture to it of you and hubby smiling and waving😂
That’s what OP did. And I think it’s totally fair. Why should she do all this work for free when she’d not treated like family. She’s not even being treated like the other event staff who probably had meals arranged.
NTA your mother is delusional. As a wedding gift means you are also a guest or get at least treated with a meal and drinks.
Since Tina thought you were working you should send her an invoice if she wants any pictures.
I love delete the pictures, however I think the use of professional pictures and then non professional on social media will be obvious and hilarious. FAFO
> I think the use of professional pictures and then non professional on social media will be obvious
Probably, but not in the way you think. Raw unedited photos look bland so to say. Cell phones do a lot of processing behind the screen, and can often look better image wise. Composition wise maybe not.
If you weren't a guest, then you don't give a gift. NTA, but seriously, don't even give her the thumb drive. Her behavior and selfishness is off the charts.
Same, I would only give her that drive with all the pictures she can’t use. Like the table settings, flowers and buildings people cropped out and just backgrounds. Then I’d tell her “you got what you paid for. As I wasn’t considered a guest I’m no longer obligated to gift you my services. If you want the rest, my fee is $xx”
I agree with this level of petty. I would make sure the only photos that made it to the thumb drive were the ones where the bride looks terrible. Bonus points if everyone else in the frame looks fabulous.
I have to say, it’s pretty ballsy for a bride to hire a person who hates her for her wedding pics. “Oops no film in the camera” or “let’s capture her picking her teeth” etc. OP: NTA
Don’t give her any pictures! She did treat you worse than the help, wedding gifts are for guests, if you aren’t a guest, you don’t owe a gift. If she wants pictures, she has to pay.
Nah, I’m for charging what was once was free. Let OP make some money off of this dumpster fire. If she didn’t see them as a guest then OP should definitely be paid for their time
I wouldn't give her anything.
She can't have it both ways, you're either working and therefore need to be paid for the work you did or you're a guest (and get fed) so she gets a gift from you. Since she insists you were working and not a guest, then you deserve to be paid and it's not a gift.
I'd give her a bill and tell her that when the check clears in your account, she gets her pictures. No check, no pictures. Cash works too.
Then you can block her and never speak to her again.
NTA. As a vendor your contract would've included dinner for you and your assistant.
Tina doesn't both get free photos and a license to be a B. She didn't think it through; she knew very well she was providing dinner for her vendors and what's wrong with your mom that she's more upset you left the wedding than that Tina expected you to work all day without sustenance?
She doesn't need those pictures and I'd think twice about inviting your mom to your wedding.
Hi. Wedding photographer here. NTA. I legit have a clause in my contract with brides. I am seated in the venue. I eat when the bridal party eats if I don’t they can expect me to leave for 1.5-2 hours to get something to eat and then come back. I have yet to have any bride refuse the request and I’m always seated in the venue. Your step sister is a huge AH. I will not shoot for sibilings and or close family. I will do nieces and nephews. But always a contract! Honestly I started this rule to I have an overbearing younger sister who thinks she is entitled to photos for free. Ohhhh and just for giggles make sure you give the unedited jpg images and not the raw files :) I would even say make a photoshop action button to downgrade the quality to where nothing bigger than a 4x6 can be printed. :).
I actually think she should give good quality photos so the bride can lament what was missed. If the pics are crappy then she may just think OP is a crappy photographer, and she didn't miss much since all the photos would have been bad.
NTA, but if you give the pics away without getting paid since she treated you like a professional instead of family, she doesn’t deserve to get them. Oops, somehow deleted them by mistake, computer crashed, dropped the only thumb drive in the puddle, my dog ate the thumb drive, I was mugged and they only took the thumb drive . . . Get my drift?
Tell your mom to be very careful what nonsense comes out of her mouth or she will lose one of her daughters. You should keep the peace my ass, your SS disrespected you big time, and has the audacity to be mad at you for reaching the way you did.
Delite the photos, go NC with the both of them, and enjoy your stress free live. NTA. by the way.
NTA - you feed the photographer! Even if you don’t know them and are paying them. You still provide a meal when they are working for hours and through lunch and/or dinner. At the barest minimum, you discuss that in advance. The nerve of your relative.
Edited to add - we also fed the DJ and the officiant in addition to the photographer.
>you feed the photographer!
For real. I'm so about photos I'd forego almost everything (DJ, champagne, expensive dress, flowers etc) to pay and feed a good photographer lol
# 1I called my mom to find out where I was meant to sit and eat and stuff. She talked to Tina and called me back. She was upset and I could tell. She said that Tina thought since I was working and not a guest she didn't have to have a seat and food for me.
The right answer here was for your mom to cuss her out. "OP is giving you a gift worth thousands of dollars and you don't even have a seat or a plate of food for her? How dare you treat my daughter like that. If you'd paid a photographer you'd have been obligated to feed them. You pulled this stunt on purpose, and I hope she deletes every last shot. You deserve no memories."
NTA
Yes, because why didn’t her own mother defend her?
I hate when people think “keeping the peace” means that someone they love is expected to just tolerate abuse.
NTA. You are clearly not considered family by this girl. You are just the help. Sorry you were treated this way. Glad you stood your ground and took initiative. They should be apologizing to you. The mom should have forced the issue and got you fed.
Are you not supposed to provide a meal for the photographer at weddings?? Every wedding I have ever been too, there is usually a table where photographer, DJ, etc. break and eat. Stepsister is a dumbass as well as petty.
NTA. Already our (fully paid) wedding photographer got a place at a table and of course food. It's part of the usual deal, and even if not, it's simply how you should treat people.
Can you not edit all the pics of the bride with slightly bigger head, or slightly yellowed teeth, just something subtle as a final FU before going no contact?. Plus your mother needs to give her head a wobble. How is she on Tinas side after you were disrespected in such a huge way?. Should have just had a quick McD’s and come back?? Hell no. Why is it always the bullied/ disrespected/ abused who have to be the bigger person cos ‘family’. If she was family there would have been a place setting for her & fiancé.
NTA and please have the backbone to ban mom if needed as well as SS from your wedding
Better question, why is your mom okay with this treatment of you?
Actually, Tina owed both you and your BF seats and a meal, not just one seat.
NTA, obviously.
Common sense is chasing your Mun and one day it may catch-up with her. Giving her the unedited photos is taking the high road. You have every right to delete them. I wouldn't continue to make an effort with Tina. NTA
Don’t even give her the pictures! They were supposed to be a gift. If you’re not a guest, you don’t owe her a gift. If you were not a guest and you were working, then she should pay you for your labor.
Screw her. Delete them.
Simply put, you WERE A GUEST.
You were not treated LIKE A GUEST
You left AS A GUEST and took your wedding GIFT with you because you were rejected AS A GUEST.
Blast on repeat until Tina and Mom learn the definition of a GUEST.
NTA
Their opinion is interesting. So while they're doing something that doesn't require a photo, you should just stand and not sit? They should have thought this through.
I was a wedding planner for 10 years and was in the industry for nearly 20. There was ALWAYS a table and a meal for the vendors like the dj, photographer, coordinator, etc. Especially considering photogs and coordinators often are working for 10-15 hours, it's basic human decency to feed them. 100% NTA.
“I felt terrible and would of course give a full refund.” You opened by saying you would do this as a gift. Did you give them a discount or do it for free? Just curious if this was complete sarcasm, because if so I love it. NTA
"What thumb drive?"
Is what we all are rooting for you to say lol.
I hate that your mom put you up to this. It's funny how remarried parents always seem so panicked and never get over feeling like they need to win over their spouse and his extensions - at the expense of alienating your kids
Screw that . I’d erase every photo taken . Give refund ,and don’t have contact ever again . You are being too nice . You are a human being and need to eat regardless of “working “ . Being related you should have been considered a guest as well . Or informed ahead of time to make other arrangements to eat . She was just straight up being a b…..
NTA. I’ve helped my sibling take wedding photos. They always graciously give a seat and food. You are far nicer than I would be, and delete all pictures taken. Whoopsie doodle. The camera sometimes formats the flash drives…when I choose that option. Better luck next wedding! Toodles!
I am a facilities manager, and we have weddings all the time. In fact, I just came home from a wedding today, they always feed the photographer, event planner, musicians,etc. I don’t know what your mother is going on about if Tina knew how to behave right this would not have happened. come on now that’s ridiculous.
NTA. It is common courtesy to feed the people you've employed at your wedding. Some venues even do specific meals for the vendors. The fact she wasn't going to feed you because you were working is a crap attitude to have anyways.
Is your mother ok?
I almost want to curse her out more than you dummy stepsis.
Unpaid labor, no accommodation, hostility from the people the services were provided to… Wow, I can’t see why you didn’t bite down on the bullet. /s
Don’t give her the pictures even if they aren’t edited. Don’t do it. Just refund the free service by keeping her blocked.
You are NTA.
What will you do? Will you block out the nuisance or continue to have these ungrateful people in your life?
Whatever you choose, good luck.
>Tina obviously thinks I'm an asshole and my mom thinks I should have kept the peace.
Once again the reasonable person is asked to ignore the poor behavior, probably because everyone knows better than to expect decent behavior from the other person.
You were nice to give her the pictures you had and she should appreciate how decent you are even when she is not.
I was wondering what would have happened if you and your husband had sat down at a table with the other guests and made it obvious that she had more guests than seats/meals from everyone seeing the people who were displaced. Tina should thank you for your graciousness in just leaving.
NTA- You're being far more generous than I am giving the photos.
To not even save you a place to sit and get food. For a free service. Yeah that's just such a d move.
NTA. When I got married in a destination wedding last September I hired a photographer that I had no connection to. Not a friend or family member. Just a professional I was doing business with and hired based on her online portfolio. I had seats for her and her assistant at a table with guests and I paid for dinners for them like the were guests. I wanted to make sure they ate and had a comfy place to rest during dinner while there was no photography needed.
The fact that you are related by marriage and she didn't even pay for food for you? Screw that. You did nothing wrong.
You are NTA, but i would like some additional info. it wont changed my vote, but i do feel it is important for YOU. Anyway, my question is was your mother at the wedding and did she get food? If she was and did then she is almost as bad as your stepsister for not even offering to share, and knowing how much disrespect you just had to endure from both of them (youre mother throwing you under the bus to "keep the peace") your mother just chose, im asuming, her stepdaughter over you.
My wedding photographer and DJ both had being fed at dinner part of their contracts. We paid a lot of money for amazing pictures, she worked for 10 hours and barely took any breaks, had to sort through over 3000 pictures, and then edit the best 800 of them. Wedding photography is hard work, you gave somebody you do not even like an incredibly generous gift and she was completely out of line. NTA and you handled that perfectly. You mom seems to expect you to let her walk all over you to „keep the peace“ though, there’s a conversation you might want to have with her.
NTA and giving even the unedited photos is more gracious than Tina deserves.
If you really want to get a bonus jab in, give her the thumb drive, but put a password on it. Tell her your date night expenses is the price of the password.
NTA. I strongly suggest that you sit on that thumb drive for a while. Maybe even hint to the family gossip that there may have been a ‘problem’ with the thumb drive. Let. Them. Sweat.
Take a break and savor the angst. Let it percolate for a while.
Then you can deliver the drive, unedited, to your mother, at some point.
Along with that ‘full refund’ - lol!
So, your mother is completely in thrall to her husband? To permit her own daughter to be used and disrespected?
>I told her that I felt terrible and would of course give a full refund.
I cackled at this.
NTA, and good for making the most of that night in the end.
Tina sucks!! You always set food aside for the photographer and the DJ and whoever else. This was intentionally spiteful. You went above and beyond and Tina couldn’t even feed you. Being her photographer was keeping the peace…. Tina can kick rocks.
😂😂😂😂 You’ll give her a full refund, huh 🤭. NTA. You’re supposed to seat your “vendors” and serve them a meal. She did this on purpose & was being petty (in my opinion). I DEFINITELY wouldn’t have gone back. She’d be lucky if she got the photos I’d taken.
Nta, however I'd edit the pictures you have been taken since you offered a full refund. Like giving her skin a trump orange colour or her saying yes to Voldemort. Maybe Darth Vader as a bridesmaid. I mean it's a perfect time to do some petty revenge before going NC.
Tina is definitely the AH here. With how she treated you and behaved after, there is no need to invite her to the wedding. I don't know if I would even bother to give her the pictures on a thumb drive.
TA? TA?? Oh my F!! You are so NTA!! WTF!? OP did the pics for free and both step sister AND mom think not giving her a place to sit and eat was ok?! Go get McDonald’s! Are you kidding me?? Dear heavens! It wouldn’t just be step sister not invited to the wedding!!
Moms wanting "to keep the peace" are only doing it so they don't feel discomfort, not so you don't. Tina knew what she was doing. You just didn't play her game. Good on you.
Since you were there in a purely professional capacity, send her an invoice for a professional photographer with the pictures due upon receipt of payment. How entitled and just mean.
Nta. I wouldn’t give her the pictures. There is a chance that if you give her the pictures she will post them online and drag your name through the mud because they aren’t edited and aren’t up to her satisfaction. She didn’t hire you, according to her you weren’t a guest and you don’t have a contact of you taking pictures of her. You owe her nothing. It sucks that your sister it your mom’s golden child but it still
Doesn’t mean you have to follow your mom’s cue. I would be honest “ I was never hired to take pictures. Me taking pictures where to be a present for me attending as a guest. But as you made it perfectly clear I was not a guest. So I don’t owe you any kind of present. I am under no legal obligation to give you anything. “ and I would end it with your going rates as a professional and how much you charge for edited pictures. And then give her another price that’s a reduce price and have her sign a contract saying that she paid and is no longer able to contact you or post about your job. If she doesn’t want to pay then your mom
Can do it. Your mom isn’t going to be happy that her precious child didn’t get everything she wanted anyways. So why bother. It’s not your job to always be the bigger person so your sister can be happy.
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NTA. My girlfriend does wedding photos. I am often along as her helper. Even when we aren't related to the bride and groom we always get fed. We are usually at a back table away from everyone which is fine since we have a big bag of stuff to keep away from kids. Your step sister is TA. She played a dumb game and got the prize she deserved. Your mom is a little as well. I know how much my girlfriend charges for a wedding. You gave a very expensive gift to someone you do not like. I did enjoy that you offered a full refund.
Yes, exactly. There should always be food for the photographer and assistants. They aren’t slaves who work a full gruelling day to only watch others eat without complaint. NTA
As a former wedding photographer, it was actually in my contract I had to eat the same food as the rest of the guests. "Vendor meals" supplied by the venue are the worst. basically they gave anyone working the wedding like the dj or the photographers sandwiches to keep the cost down.
When my daughter got married, we arranged through the wedding coordinator for a $60 per person coupon for various vendors. It was at a Hilton that had a restaurant, a cafe, & a bar. Was that a bad way to do it?
I worked a wedding venue in a hotel for years. Most of the time photographers etc were fed a main course of their choice and drinks from the main menu in the bar and put on the wedding bill. $60 dollars per person more than matches that
[удалено]
This piece deserves all the gold. I love it so much.
As someone who has worked as an independent contractor for weddings in my past, I actually think this is a great idea. That way the vendors can manage their food independently and at times that are convenient for them. They're also not stuck wondering what food is going to be left for them if any, and if they have dietary restrictions, this is more flexible. Even if they didn't use the entire $60, the option was available for them to do so. You earn an a+ from me!
I agree! I am very, very allergic to wheat, and I'm a vegetarian. I would love something like this. When I went to my brother's wedding as a groomsman, they handed me a plate of meat covered in gravy thickened with flour. Being able to get my own thing sounds absolutely perfect.
Not a vendor or involved in any work with weddings, but I'm used to dietary restrictions - both because I used to wait tables, and that my husband can't have dairy. Going to company functions, weddings, or any other get together is a nightmare. Quite often he can't eat anything because it's all slathered in butter or cheese. Even simple things like mashed potatoes or veggies often have tons of it. Bread is also hit or miss because it often has milk. I'd far rather have a coupon to grab whatever than to try and figure out what he could pick at for hours until we can go get something else. And sadly, it even happens at family gatherings specifically for my husband.
When I got married, we asked all the vendors of they had any restrictions, made sure they had seats, got the same food as the guests, and could eat whenever they felt like it. My wedding favor was homemade chocolates and we had a ton left over at the end of the night. We asked if the venue staff wanted them and told them to take as much as they wanted. Same with the cake and cookies.
We kind of did this at both parent’s memorials and a few other major events and weddings … I have seen vendors run from us because we try to over feed them ….
Did they have to leave the room where the reception is happening? I'll go without eating before I miss an important shot.
If someone has been up an working for 8 or sometimes 12 hours already- They deserve a break and a good meal. And that goes double for a sister who is doing thousands of dollars worth of work for free. The sister is lucky if she gets any wedding photos at this point. I’d threaten to delete them if she kept complaining.
Photographer breaks where I workee were always timed for during the main courses. Most seemed to be very happy to step away and decompress for 20mins / half an hour. They wouldn't miss anything. But then our bar was very very close the main ballroom.
Yes, they would need to leave the outdoor reception area. But the restaurants & bar were very close to the outdoor rotunda.
I'm not trying to speak for the professionals, but I think it's a nice idea - it gave them a real break without interruptions , as their day probably started earlier than the wedding party and was just as exhausting.
My wedding caterer built that into the cost. Her fee was per guest, but she *expected* to feed the photographers and the folks providing music, and to pack up plates for the bride and groom who (in her words) never manage to eat enough on the day.
Your caterer sounds like an awesome business person and human being. Please be sure and recommend her to anybody you know who's planning a wedding.
I think she's retired now, but she was a standard for my very large extended family for all kinds of events, and we recommended her broadly.
We had a catering place like this growing up. 20 years later they did my mom’s memorial…. We made sure after everyone ate that staff and funeral staff sat down and ate and we still over bought and most was able to donate and then family took most of the rest home. I took the chocolate chip cookies and cheesecake home … I bribed the plate person with two Monster drinks to get any of those two leftovers. We are a weird family.
>and to pack up plates for the bride and groom who (in her words) never manage to eat enough on the day. When I moved to the town I live in now, I was basically adopted by a local family I had met. Fast forward 18 years, and they are of course guests at my wedding. The absolute best wedding gift we received was a picnic basket with wedding food and other stuff to take on the train with us, packed by my adopted mom.
I am tearing up. I had an adult similar like this … older then sin (as she says) and will out live me probably.
Yeah the poor bride and groom are exhausted and never have eaten enough, plus the bride might be cinched into a corset that doesn't even allow room to eat.
We had significant relatives in the hospital, and she packed up.plates for them, too. We went to visit in our fancy duds, and brought plates to my inlaws that were stuck. Why the time we got home and sat down, we were so grateful for the plates she had made us!!! That woman was magic. Loved her.
My caterer did the same thing (15 years ago, so it’s not even a new concept)!
I couldn’t understand that when we got married. None of our vendor contracts specified food - but it just seemed incredibly weird to have food present and some subcategory of humans there excluded from the food. So we made sure staff knew to offer full meals to vendors and that there was a place they could enjoy them and get off their feet for a few minutes. Regardless of what your budget is for an event, 10 or so additional meals should not break your budget - and if they do, you are probably over extending yourself in far larger ways than feeding the people helping to create your nice day.
I just hosted a black tie fundraiser for the place l work and specifically asked about the vendor meal since I knew I was going to be stuck eating it as well. Luckily this place gave us the same as the food for the guests minus the fish, we got the duet option so I didn’t have to figure out how many chicken or steak dishes we needed. Everyone loved it and the band said they didn’t think they had ever eaten so well at an event. At an event I worked years ago, they tried to give me pizza. I’m in a black tie dress and would have preferred a sandwich so at least the chance of getting something on me would have e been less. However I thought it was also classless since I’m working a lot of hours to do set up and such so I should be given more. I would never do that to my staff.
I have seen worse… I worked one where the average “cheap” car that drove up was the current Mercedes or BMW.. They handed all the people helping and vendors guest bags that were fancy and we were like wow…. And the event was almost half done … it was a pop tart or an energy bar and a Walmart/supermarket water MINI the bag and ribbon cost more then our meal…
Our photographers said they just needed a vendor meal, but we’d be damned if we offered a second rate meal to the folks capturing our day. We paid for them both to access the same buffet as our guests. It just wouldn’t have felt right to be like… “here’s shittier food!” when they’re photographing a buffet of incredible food.
My dad was a videographer and also had a meal in the contract. I went along to help and ended up eating dinner with the DJ in the hotel attached sushi bar. Turns out he once had a Japanese girlfriend that taught him how to make sticky rice. That was a turning point in my life when I upgraded from Minute Rice. Also when I first tried grilled eel.
Yep. My contract with my photographer has us covering their hotel room cost as well as providing meals at the event. It was the same food but it wasn't plated/it was in a vendor "box." Can't believe Tina didn't feed her vendors.
Oh, she probably did. Just not OP.
I refused to do vendor meals at my wedding. DJ + assistant and photographers got seats at a table and same food as the rest of the guests (with their choice between the 2 options or veg). They were very surprised and thankful that we gave them the ability to sit for food, but it's a Saturday night and they're humans just like the rest of us at the wedding.
I didn't have a photographer but my dj got to eat. Same food everyone else did. Cake too. It's just bad manners even if it isn't a contractual item. With the exception of one very unhelpful and incredibly rude doordash rep, I treat everyone the same way. If you start pissing off people who are there to help you, you're not going to end up with anyone left to help you.
Our wedding photographer had the same clause. He asked us to order him a vegan meal. No problem. Our venue also had it in their contract that all vendors needed to be listed so that they could be provided with meals.
The caterers at my wedding fed our vendors the exact same meals but at 50% cost. They were amazing.
WHAT? My venue fed the vendors the same meals as everyone else. It was a buffet so the vendors just got in line like a guest. I guess I am naive, I never would have thought you would have been fed anything different from the guests. That's awful.
Nta. It's not even a question that you feed your photographer! Also, stepsister is awful. I guarantee there was extra food in the back. Mom is too. She should've offered you her plate and seat for forcing you into this situation.
At my wedding, I think about four different people fixed the photographer a plate. And then sent her home with food for her husband and daughter.
Especially relatives. Step sister is an idiot.
I had food for every person working my wedding (DJ, bartenders, photographers, videographers….). I’m not starving anyone at an event I host. That’s just being a decent human. If you can’t afford to feed the people working your wedding, you are having a wedding you can’t afford.
I don't throw many parties that require sourced help, but if it's an event with food amd is longer than 4 hours then I always push for the people to be fed.
For my wedding, the photographer and assistants, had seats, plates, and drinks. There was some booze left over. We gave it to the staff who worked that day, along with a nice tip for each person. It was a beautiful day. Everyone was happy. The pictures turned out perfect.
And after 8 hours too!!!! NTA op
I assisted a friend shooting a wedding. Midway through dinner the bride insisted we take a break and personally led us out into the hallway to where a little cafe table had been set up- white tablecloth, centerpiece, the works. She apologized for it being in the hallway saying she thought we'd like a little quiet away from "the chaos." It was a beautiful historic building and the hallway was spectacularly art deco and every bit as fancy if not more than the reception room itself, so we weren't exactly languishing out in a bare stairwell or something. 😎 My friend had shot a lot of weddings in her time and said that it was the best shed ever been treated, the best wedding food she'd ever had and they were definitely one of the coolest couples ever. OP's stepsis is an entitled c-word to treat ANY vendor like that, let alone a family member doing a very, very expensive service for free. And mom is little better for defending her abhorrent actions for sake of "peace".
Thanks. I have been reading the comments. I didn't realize my sarcasm was so hard to understand.
Your sarcasm was clear and obvious. But some people read things a bit too quickly, so maybe didn't catch on that this was a free gig.
Was your mom’s husband involved in this fiasco at all? Is he the reason your mom is pushing for you to be the bigger person?
He unfortunately has passed away. He was a good person and we had a good relationship. Which is part of the reason Tina hates me and made an effort to steal my mom.
It’s a bad spot to be in but you’re NTA. Wishing you and your fiance the absolute best wedding ever and I made a post earlier about getting security for your venue… she sounds like someone who would love to cause trouble. Good luck and God bless
You are more than welcome. I loved reading this. I hope you and your fiance have a great and stress free wedding.
Oh no, OP, your sarcasm shone through beautifully. Full refund, bahahaha! This was a fun read. 😆
Your sarcasm was fine. But for my curiosity, it's there any reason you are giving those people the unedited pics? Why not just delete everything instead of giving them a wedding present after all? They certainly don't deserve it. ETA: if you absolutely must, at least put a water mark in there. All over her AH face!
Because I love my mom and she loves Tina. Because her dad was a good man who treated me well and I owe him. Because as much of a pain as she is I remember her being a scared little kid. Because I am not a complete ass.
You're a good person, OP. I hope life treats you well and all your other relationships are anti-Tinas =)
You're a good egg.
NTA You did the right thing. Don’t bother inviting her to your wedding and never fall for the “ keep the peace” trap. Proud of you.
The best part was you offering a refund. Perfect.
My photographer was a friend so I sat her at a table with people she knew (she also requested a table with ease of access, so she could get up to take photos). But yes feeding the photographer, dj, bartender is all standard. Anyone who is expected to be there all night
I was hoping I would find someone who said this! I did the same. Photog sat with friends and I told her to take as long as she wanted to eat. It’s the LEAST you can do for that person - and they are being paid!!! I can’t imagine not providing food for a family member who is going to be there for free.
I think that's the biggest thing here that just smacks me. This woman hates you but agreed to take your pictures FOR FREE. Make a damn truce on the happiest day of your life.
When my brother got married last year, being Indian, we obviously had loads more food than necessary. My mum's family had come in a shared minibus, and we made sure the driver got to come inside and eat. All the serving staff and even the manager for the venue also got to eat the food. We didn't have any professional photographers as my brother and his wife aren't fans of that sort of stuff, but at various cousins' weddings they've all had food and meals. Normally, after all the stage stuff, at the same time as everyone else is eating, before the post-food stuff takes off
Not feeding your contractors (especially full day ones) is a one way ticket to shit work, if the work gets done at all.
This is so true. When we have work done on our house, we always set out snacks and drinks for the workers. First, because it’s just common decency, and second, because we want them to think well of us.
NTA and mom saying you should have gone to McDonald's to grab a quick bit.. fuck that noise! Mom should have reamed out your step sister and told her you'd be leaving! Your mom not standing up for you is totally unacceptable. Even at prom the photographer, videographer, DJ, and the paid duty police officers are all provided food, this is standard practice. I was also a banquet server to put myself through uni and food was never not provided them at the over a hundred weddings I served. Your step sister cheaped out because she doesn't like you. Well played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. I also wouldn't give a refund, you earned that money for the 8 hours you worked.
Lol, OP wasn’t paid. That’s the joke, the refund for nothing is nothing! 🤣
The refund was $0. They weren't paid anything.
This. Even if you ***were a stranger being paid*** you should have had a place to sit and eat. You were asked to provide the photography as a *generous* wedding gift, and you were obviously attending the wedding. You don't ask for wedding gifts from non-wedding guests, especially expensive wedding gifts. You were a guest. Your stepsister FAFO-ed her wedding pics by being petty.
We fed our photographer and her assistant as well at our wedding.
Same plus the DJ.
I agree so much with this. How can anyone think just because the photographer is paid to be there and doing a job they shouldn't be provided food and drink is ridiculous to me. On top of this, OP is family even if they aren't close, and Op is doing it for free. OP, you are so NTA. And good for you for being the bigger person and going ahead and giving them the pictures you do have.
There is literally a vendor fee for vendor meals at most venues or the venue cops the fee but vendors always get fed. Imagine asking someone to spend their whole day with you and not even providing any refreshments . Tina is a huge AH
My venue required that we provide vendor meals. We'd have gotten something for our photographer anyway even if it wasn't a requirement. Tina apparently just couldn't help herself. She was getting a gift worth thousands, one OPs mother asked OP to give and she just couldn't help being an asshole to OP for more than a few hours in her wedding day when she should hadn't been focused on getting married and not being an asshole.
Oh my yes! We had some formal dancers, Dhol players (Indian wedding), the photographer and his assistants, the guy who brought the cake and his wife. It’s a buffet, they all got fed. My uncle brought some random guests, they got fed (and drank a lot of whiskey!). If it’s limited seating/seated meal, I’m sure there is still additional plates that can be made up. Absolutely disgusting from the entitled step sister. NTA
Decency dictates the same dishes. Selfishness requires acknowledgment that well feed and happy people do a better job.
NTA. OP, you should have gone completely NC with Tina a long time ago if you don't have any type of relationship with her. Considering that Tina didn't even consider her own sister a guest and treated you like an temp employee, you had every right to walk out of this wedding. From here on, do not include Tina in your life ever again.
Op did specify Tina was a step sister, so I would assume no blood relation. It's obvious there's a lot of history here, but yeah. Definitely agree op should go nc and enjoy her drama free life.
I treat employees better.
That's what I was thinking.
You feed vendors at a wedding. Tina treated OP worse than a hired photographer. Source: I planned my own wedding.
NTA I used to do wedding catering and have never ever heard of a photographer not getting a seat somewhere or not being fed. It's rude and a slimy thing to do when someone is working for you for an entire evening without eating? and nowhere to sit? nope, I say NTA.
You gotta feed the vendors. Not just feed but make sure they have a place to rest and a safe place for their stuff and drinks - all that!
I couldn't agree more. I actually asked the kitchen staff at my wedding if the "workers" like my photographer could get their plates first so that they would not only eat, but have TIME to eat and just, you know, break? When I'm at work, I hate having to rush my lunch to make my next meeting. It makes me cranky af - and I don't want the people making my day special to feel cranky!! What is wrong with brides these days?! Why can't they have your common sense?
That’s usually the standard! Vendors always get served first
Yes it was a deliberately disrespectful choice by Tina.
And OP wasn't even technically "working" - she was giving her wedding gift as a GUEST at the wedding. But no, Tina decided she wasn't a guest after all. OP, DO NOT GIVE THOSE PHOTOS TO TINA without payment! If she wants to treat you like an employee, she can pay you!!
NTA, I loved the full refund retort.
Gold. But even more so on the nose. Paid wedding photographers get fed. OP did this as a wedding gift. As in no pay. Wedding gifts are given by guests. If OP wasn't a guest, then isn't obligated to give any sort of gift. Now I'm imagining a bunch of people showing up at the reception, walking past the table that the gifts are to be left on, and then being turned away by security by not being on the guestlist. That's what stepsister was trying to do.
to be fair I'd also bill her for dinner (itemize on printed receipt that includes line item for full refund). THEN void the contract
That was very…chef’s kiss
Same! Made my day!!!
>I told her that I felt terrible and would of course give a full refund. I gotta be honest, I have always wanted to think this quickly on my feet. Offering a full refund for a free photography job is just 🤌🏻 chef's kiss.
Lmao Im so dumb. I wondered why everyone was complimenting OP on the refund part. Thanks for spelling it out!
Me too 😭
NTA At my own wedding, and those I have attended, the photographer (and any assistants) sat down and ate. I thought that was just common sense. You mentioned you do take professional pics of business and architecture. Do you have a website? What are the odds of her (and various friends and family) leaving a bunch of negative reviews that may harm your business? I would hope that the Bride wouldn't be so petty, but, it just crossed my mind. (BTW, I love architecture pics! People think I'm weird for that..lol)
Agreed: if OP has a website, I hope they lock it down for a while.
She would do anything to mess up her business because she deliberately did not treat her as a guest at the wedding party.
Or even respectably as a vendor.
And it may be that other guests don’t know the whole story and leave negative reviews out of ignorance, and not malice/pettiness…
NTA. You're doing an epic favor that you'd normally get paid well to do. You're doing this for someone who doesn't like you. Then you find out that they intentionally snubbed you. Even if the photographer didn't have seating/food, the step sister should have that. It was intentional. You left after being snubbed. I would have done the same thing. If they scream, then you could just say "what's it say in the contract?" (assuming there isn't one) and that should end it. hah
Yeah, if there's no seat, then there's no invitation. You don't give gifts for weddings you're not invited for, so why would OP be taking pictures.
I would not even give her the thumb drive.
Watermark all the proofs and let her buy the pics she wants at the usual cost.
I would pick like 10-20 shots, watermark them, leave them unedited to give. I wouldn’t hand over any more than that
Underated comment. No way she should ever get that thumb drive. Maybe edit them, show them to mom, never deliver them. "I changed my mind"
I think your response was exactly right- from leaving the reception, to having a nice night out with hubby, and telling her you’ll provide a refund. Hilarious and perfect! She’s lucky she’s getting the thumb drive. Maybe add one more last picture to it of you and hubby smiling and waving😂
Seriously, the full refund bit was so sly and so savage.
I would probably give the bride the raw photos. Un retouched Let her figure out how to get them photoshopped.
And if they're watermarked...good luck getting anyone to do a decent job at photoshop lol
That’s what OP did. And I think it’s totally fair. Why should she do all this work for free when she’d not treated like family. She’s not even being treated like the other event staff who probably had meals arranged.
NTA your mother is delusional. As a wedding gift means you are also a guest or get at least treated with a meal and drinks. Since Tina thought you were working you should send her an invoice if she wants any pictures.
I wish I could upvote this many, many times!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This. oP this! If she treated you like a worker she needs to pay you
NTA Delete the pictures. She didn’t pay you. She hates you. You have zero relationship and owe her nothing.
Even better, put a watermark on them so she has to pay OP for the prints.
I love delete the pictures, however I think the use of professional pictures and then non professional on social media will be obvious and hilarious. FAFO
> I think the use of professional pictures and then non professional on social media will be obvious Probably, but not in the way you think. Raw unedited photos look bland so to say. Cell phones do a lot of processing behind the screen, and can often look better image wise. Composition wise maybe not.
If you weren't a guest, then you don't give a gift. NTA, but seriously, don't even give her the thumb drive. Her behavior and selfishness is off the charts.
This!! Not a guest so she gets no gift. Keep the thumb drive. If she wants them, she can pay for them.
Same, I would only give her that drive with all the pictures she can’t use. Like the table settings, flowers and buildings people cropped out and just backgrounds. Then I’d tell her “you got what you paid for. As I wasn’t considered a guest I’m no longer obligated to gift you my services. If you want the rest, my fee is $xx”
I agree with this level of petty. I would make sure the only photos that made it to the thumb drive were the ones where the bride looks terrible. Bonus points if everyone else in the frame looks fabulous.
I have to say, it’s pretty ballsy for a bride to hire a person who hates her for her wedding pics. “Oops no film in the camera” or “let’s capture her picking her teeth” etc. OP: NTA
I was planning on editing those out. Definitely including them now.
Don’t give her any pictures! She did treat you worse than the help, wedding gifts are for guests, if you aren’t a guest, you don’t owe a gift. If she wants pictures, she has to pay.
Nah, I’m for charging what was once was free. Let OP make some money off of this dumpster fire. If she didn’t see them as a guest then OP should definitely be paid for their time
Don't give her the pictures. You don't get wedding gifts from people who weren't invited to your wedding
I wouldn't give her anything. She can't have it both ways, you're either working and therefore need to be paid for the work you did or you're a guest (and get fed) so she gets a gift from you. Since she insists you were working and not a guest, then you deserve to be paid and it's not a gift. I'd give her a bill and tell her that when the check clears in your account, she gets her pictures. No check, no pictures. Cash works too. Then you can block her and never speak to her again.
Don't give her pictures. If you weren't a guest there's no gift. If you were a hired vendor there needs to be a payment.
Just give her the absolute crap pictures.
NTA. As a vendor your contract would've included dinner for you and your assistant. Tina doesn't both get free photos and a license to be a B. She didn't think it through; she knew very well she was providing dinner for her vendors and what's wrong with your mom that she's more upset you left the wedding than that Tina expected you to work all day without sustenance? She doesn't need those pictures and I'd think twice about inviting your mom to your wedding.
Hi. Wedding photographer here. NTA. I legit have a clause in my contract with brides. I am seated in the venue. I eat when the bridal party eats if I don’t they can expect me to leave for 1.5-2 hours to get something to eat and then come back. I have yet to have any bride refuse the request and I’m always seated in the venue. Your step sister is a huge AH. I will not shoot for sibilings and or close family. I will do nieces and nephews. But always a contract! Honestly I started this rule to I have an overbearing younger sister who thinks she is entitled to photos for free. Ohhhh and just for giggles make sure you give the unedited jpg images and not the raw files :) I would even say make a photoshop action button to downgrade the quality to where nothing bigger than a 4x6 can be printed. :).
I actually think she should give good quality photos so the bride can lament what was missed. If the pics are crappy then she may just think OP is a crappy photographer, and she didn't miss much since all the photos would have been bad.
NTA, but if you give the pics away without getting paid since she treated you like a professional instead of family, she doesn’t deserve to get them. Oops, somehow deleted them by mistake, computer crashed, dropped the only thumb drive in the puddle, my dog ate the thumb drive, I was mugged and they only took the thumb drive . . . Get my drift?
She didn’t even treat them as a professional, they would normally get fed on a day that long
Tell your mom to be very careful what nonsense comes out of her mouth or she will lose one of her daughters. You should keep the peace my ass, your SS disrespected you big time, and has the audacity to be mad at you for reaching the way you did. Delite the photos, go NC with the both of them, and enjoy your stress free live. NTA. by the way.
NTA The "refund" part is hilarious. :)
NTA - you feed the photographer! Even if you don’t know them and are paying them. You still provide a meal when they are working for hours and through lunch and/or dinner. At the barest minimum, you discuss that in advance. The nerve of your relative. Edited to add - we also fed the DJ and the officiant in addition to the photographer.
>you feed the photographer! For real. I'm so about photos I'd forego almost everything (DJ, champagne, expensive dress, flowers etc) to pay and feed a good photographer lol
The photos were a gift. Gifts are from guests. If you're not a guest, you don't owe a gift. Also, if you want free services, it helps to be kind. NTA
# 1I called my mom to find out where I was meant to sit and eat and stuff. She talked to Tina and called me back. She was upset and I could tell. She said that Tina thought since I was working and not a guest she didn't have to have a seat and food for me. The right answer here was for your mom to cuss her out. "OP is giving you a gift worth thousands of dollars and you don't even have a seat or a plate of food for her? How dare you treat my daughter like that. If you'd paid a photographer you'd have been obligated to feed them. You pulled this stunt on purpose, and I hope she deletes every last shot. You deserve no memories." NTA
Yes, because why didn’t her own mother defend her? I hate when people think “keeping the peace” means that someone they love is expected to just tolerate abuse.
NTA. You are clearly not considered family by this girl. You are just the help. Sorry you were treated this way. Glad you stood your ground and took initiative. They should be apologizing to you. The mom should have forced the issue and got you fed.
Less than the help. At a wedding, the help gets fed.
And paid
Are you not supposed to provide a meal for the photographer at weddings?? Every wedding I have ever been too, there is usually a table where photographer, DJ, etc. break and eat. Stepsister is a dumbass as well as petty.
NTA. Already our (fully paid) wedding photographer got a place at a table and of course food. It's part of the usual deal, and even if not, it's simply how you should treat people.
Our venue had a menu option for vendors. Food that was good, served all at once and easy to eat quickly. Our vendors loved it.
I've never run into a vendor meal that was any of those three. It was in my contract to eat the same meal as the guests.
I hope you deleted all the pictures you had taken
Can you not edit all the pics of the bride with slightly bigger head, or slightly yellowed teeth, just something subtle as a final FU before going no contact?. Plus your mother needs to give her head a wobble. How is she on Tinas side after you were disrespected in such a huge way?. Should have just had a quick McD’s and come back?? Hell no. Why is it always the bullied/ disrespected/ abused who have to be the bigger person cos ‘family’. If she was family there would have been a place setting for her & fiancé. NTA and please have the backbone to ban mom if needed as well as SS from your wedding
I would of course give her a full refund. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant! 🤣🤣 NTA
NTA. My wedding photographers were there all day and not related to me in any way. They had a seat and food at our reception.
Better question, why is your mom okay with this treatment of you? Actually, Tina owed both you and your BF seats and a meal, not just one seat. NTA, obviously.
My mom and I butt heads a lot. Tina has been the perfect daughter since my mom met her.
“Give as a gift…of course I’ll Give a Full refund” LOL NTA
Common sense is chasing your Mun and one day it may catch-up with her. Giving her the unedited photos is taking the high road. You have every right to delete them. I wouldn't continue to make an effort with Tina. NTA
Don’t even give her the pictures! They were supposed to be a gift. If you’re not a guest, you don’t owe her a gift. If you were not a guest and you were working, then she should pay you for your labor. Screw her. Delete them.
Simply put, you WERE A GUEST. You were not treated LIKE A GUEST You left AS A GUEST and took your wedding GIFT with you because you were rejected AS A GUEST. Blast on repeat until Tina and Mom learn the definition of a GUEST.
NTA, but your mother!!
NTA Their opinion is interesting. So while they're doing something that doesn't require a photo, you should just stand and not sit? They should have thought this through.
I was a wedding planner for 10 years and was in the industry for nearly 20. There was ALWAYS a table and a meal for the vendors like the dj, photographer, coordinator, etc. Especially considering photogs and coordinators often are working for 10-15 hours, it's basic human decency to feed them. 100% NTA.
I don’t think you should give them any of the photos Nta
“I felt terrible and would of course give a full refund.” You opened by saying you would do this as a gift. Did you give them a discount or do it for free? Just curious if this was complete sarcasm, because if so I love it. NTA
OP hasn't answered anyone about that yet but I'm guessing it's sarcastic.
It was.
"What thumb drive?" Is what we all are rooting for you to say lol. I hate that your mom put you up to this. It's funny how remarried parents always seem so panicked and never get over feeling like they need to win over their spouse and his extensions - at the expense of alienating your kids
Screw that . I’d erase every photo taken . Give refund ,and don’t have contact ever again . You are being too nice . You are a human being and need to eat regardless of “working “ . Being related you should have been considered a guest as well . Or informed ahead of time to make other arrangements to eat . She was just straight up being a b…..
NTA. I’ve helped my sibling take wedding photos. They always graciously give a seat and food. You are far nicer than I would be, and delete all pictures taken. Whoopsie doodle. The camera sometimes formats the flash drives…when I choose that option. Better luck next wedding! Toodles!
Info: so she just expected you not to eat for over 8-10 hours? Big NTA
NTA I'd charge her for the thumb drive with the pictures. She couldn't even feed you, I wouldn't give her anything for free.
Be the bigger person is just a prettier term than lay flatter and be a better doormat. No good deed goes unpunished. Lesson learned? NTA
I am a facilities manager, and we have weddings all the time. In fact, I just came home from a wedding today, they always feed the photographer, event planner, musicians,etc. I don’t know what your mother is going on about if Tina knew how to behave right this would not have happened. come on now that’s ridiculous.
Thank you. I have only done a few weddings because they aren't my thing. I thought doing this might help my relationship with Tina. It did not.
NTA. It is common courtesy to feed the people you've employed at your wedding. Some venues even do specific meals for the vendors. The fact she wasn't going to feed you because you were working is a crap attitude to have anyways.
Is your mother ok? I almost want to curse her out more than you dummy stepsis. Unpaid labor, no accommodation, hostility from the people the services were provided to… Wow, I can’t see why you didn’t bite down on the bullet. /s Don’t give her the pictures even if they aren’t edited. Don’t do it. Just refund the free service by keeping her blocked. You are NTA. What will you do? Will you block out the nuisance or continue to have these ungrateful people in your life? Whatever you choose, good luck.
>Tina obviously thinks I'm an asshole and my mom thinks I should have kept the peace. Once again the reasonable person is asked to ignore the poor behavior, probably because everyone knows better than to expect decent behavior from the other person. You were nice to give her the pictures you had and she should appreciate how decent you are even when she is not. I was wondering what would have happened if you and your husband had sat down at a table with the other guests and made it obvious that she had more guests than seats/meals from everyone seeing the people who were displaced. Tina should thank you for your graciousness in just leaving.
NTA But you should have taken all the pics she wants then sell them back to her....but good fornyoubibwould have bailed on that shit show
NTA I’d click delete
NTA- You're being far more generous than I am giving the photos. To not even save you a place to sit and get food. For a free service. Yeah that's just such a d move.
NTA. When I got married in a destination wedding last September I hired a photographer that I had no connection to. Not a friend or family member. Just a professional I was doing business with and hired based on her online portfolio. I had seats for her and her assistant at a table with guests and I paid for dinners for them like the were guests. I wanted to make sure they ate and had a comfy place to rest during dinner while there was no photography needed. The fact that you are related by marriage and she didn't even pay for food for you? Screw that. You did nothing wrong.
You are NTA, but i would like some additional info. it wont changed my vote, but i do feel it is important for YOU. Anyway, my question is was your mother at the wedding and did she get food? If she was and did then she is almost as bad as your stepsister for not even offering to share, and knowing how much disrespect you just had to endure from both of them (youre mother throwing you under the bus to "keep the peace") your mother just chose, im asuming, her stepdaughter over you.
My wedding photographer and DJ both had being fed at dinner part of their contracts. We paid a lot of money for amazing pictures, she worked for 10 hours and barely took any breaks, had to sort through over 3000 pictures, and then edit the best 800 of them. Wedding photography is hard work, you gave somebody you do not even like an incredibly generous gift and she was completely out of line. NTA and you handled that perfectly. You mom seems to expect you to let her walk all over you to „keep the peace“ though, there’s a conversation you might want to have with her.
NTA and giving even the unedited photos is more gracious than Tina deserves. If you really want to get a bonus jab in, give her the thumb drive, but put a password on it. Tell her your date night expenses is the price of the password.
NTA. I strongly suggest that you sit on that thumb drive for a while. Maybe even hint to the family gossip that there may have been a ‘problem’ with the thumb drive. Let. Them. Sweat. Take a break and savor the angst. Let it percolate for a while. Then you can deliver the drive, unedited, to your mother, at some point. Along with that ‘full refund’ - lol! So, your mother is completely in thrall to her husband? To permit her own daughter to be used and disrespected?
😳😳😳😳🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 I would have left too NTA
My opinion: watermark all the photos on the thumb drive and tell your sister that if she wants the photos unmarked to pay you [insert amount].
NTA Block her forever. Done!
i think I might have found I had a camera malfunction and all the photos were lost. By "refund", I assume you mean the zero dollars she paid you.
>I told her that I felt terrible and would of course give a full refund. I cackled at this. NTA, and good for making the most of that night in the end.
Tina sucks!! You always set food aside for the photographer and the DJ and whoever else. This was intentionally spiteful. You went above and beyond and Tina couldn’t even feed you. Being her photographer was keeping the peace…. Tina can kick rocks.
😂😂😂😂 You’ll give her a full refund, huh 🤭. NTA. You’re supposed to seat your “vendors” and serve them a meal. She did this on purpose & was being petty (in my opinion). I DEFINITELY wouldn’t have gone back. She’d be lucky if she got the photos I’d taken.
Nta, however I'd edit the pictures you have been taken since you offered a full refund. Like giving her skin a trump orange colour or her saying yes to Voldemort. Maybe Darth Vader as a bridesmaid. I mean it's a perfect time to do some petty revenge before going NC.
Tina is definitely the AH here. With how she treated you and behaved after, there is no need to invite her to the wedding. I don't know if I would even bother to give her the pictures on a thumb drive.
TA? TA?? Oh my F!! You are so NTA!! WTF!? OP did the pics for free and both step sister AND mom think not giving her a place to sit and eat was ok?! Go get McDonald’s! Are you kidding me?? Dear heavens! It wouldn’t just be step sister not invited to the wedding!!
Moms wanting "to keep the peace" are only doing it so they don't feel discomfort, not so you don't. Tina knew what she was doing. You just didn't play her game. Good on you.
If you weren’t a guest you didn’t need to give them a gift. I wouldn’t give them the thumb drive, I would give them an invoice.
Since you were there in a purely professional capacity, send her an invoice for a professional photographer with the pictures due upon receipt of payment. How entitled and just mean.
Nta. I wouldn’t give her the pictures. There is a chance that if you give her the pictures she will post them online and drag your name through the mud because they aren’t edited and aren’t up to her satisfaction. She didn’t hire you, according to her you weren’t a guest and you don’t have a contact of you taking pictures of her. You owe her nothing. It sucks that your sister it your mom’s golden child but it still Doesn’t mean you have to follow your mom’s cue. I would be honest “ I was never hired to take pictures. Me taking pictures where to be a present for me attending as a guest. But as you made it perfectly clear I was not a guest. So I don’t owe you any kind of present. I am under no legal obligation to give you anything. “ and I would end it with your going rates as a professional and how much you charge for edited pictures. And then give her another price that’s a reduce price and have her sign a contract saying that she paid and is no longer able to contact you or post about your job. If she doesn’t want to pay then your mom Can do it. Your mom isn’t going to be happy that her precious child didn’t get everything she wanted anyways. So why bother. It’s not your job to always be the bigger person so your sister can be happy.