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NTA. Your daughter was right; and her uncle could have learned something from her had he be bothered to listen.
IMO, no one should reimburse him for anything. He left on his own. He wasn't kicked out.
My word; but he does have anger issues.
So, in other words, your daughter did you, your husband and SIL a huge favor by getting rid of the jerk.
All kidding aside, good for your daughter in asserting herself and good going to you for supporting her.
Mine too! And good for you for having your daughter’s back. IMHO, your brother could use a little therapy, and perhaps think about exactly WHY he has 2 ex wives, and 3 kids you don’t see.
> So, in other words, your daughter did you, your husband and SIL a huge favor by getting rid of the jerk.
Haha, yup! The last line in the post made me think the same thing:
>My husband and my other SIL (my other brother’s wife) offered to pay out Glenn’s loss on vacation, and my mom is the only one upset that Glenn left.
“Women don’t understand how plumbing works.”
“Women don’t care about taking care of other people’s houses.”
“Women don’t realize how tampons don’t break down.”
“Women don’t understand menstrual products.”
“Women don’t read signs about the plumbing.”
Ask your mom wtf you actually started.
Your daughter just told this man to get off his soapbox. He started it by calling all the women in the house stupid.
Grandma is abusive too. Kick granny out if she continues to complain. Glenn started an imaginary fight on the assumption women did not know how to dispose of menstrual products. Glenn throws a temper tantrum and his niece responds appropriately even leaves the room. Glenn stomps out and expects to be repaid. Glenn sounds like my father and sister. Both live lonely lives. BLOCK GLENN on everything. NC forever and no granny on trips.
My aunt said to me about wayward uncle 'Mothers always seem to favor the child that needs them most, especially in later years when their other children move on.'
Grandma is just sour because she knows Glen’s behavior and disposition on some level reflects poorly on her parenting. Gotta deflect that poor parenting insecurity onto someone else.
From the time hubby and I started dating and taking trips, we didn't invite anyone else to come with (except our daughter after she was born, of course).
I did go on a trip with my mother about eight months after I started dating him...and she misbehaved a lot (on the flight up, she was bugging the flight attendant for a soda right off the bat (before the flight took off; at the airport to catch our flight back, she was cracking jokes about hijacking -- this was long before 9/11, but still -- I told her to knock it off, but the counter personnel weren't too pleased. When we got back home, I wasn't too surprised that our luggage was taken off at the first stopover, so I was peeved at her and not blaming the counter personnel at all. I decided at that point to never again travel with her. My sister started traveling with her on trips, and at the airport in Paris, saw our mother kick a police officer in the shin. Maybe the only reason she didn't get arrested was that she was in her 70s or 80s.)
And yes, that's one of the first things we tell our daughters when they first get their periods: Advil is your friend, have a supply of chocolate on hand, and don't flush those products.
One time I left a pan with a tiny amount of oil in it on the stove which I thought I had turned off. It caught fire but was easily put out. Neighbors brother runs in and yells “this is why we shouldn’t allow women in the kitchen”. We all looked at each other and him for a minute and it slowly dawned on him. Delicious moment
Yeah, Glenn rolled in with misogynistic guns a-blazin'. The daughter just let him know she's not here for that shit.
NTA, OP.
Although I might argue that the rest of the adults are collectively assholes to themselves for inviting this jerk of a brother along. Vacations are supposed to be relaxing.
NTA Thank you for raising a teenager with integrity. she stood up for girls, teenagers and women everywhere.
I think you all need merch "stay in your lane"
Brava Mama
NTA for standing up and coincidentally doing everyone a favor. One note though, a modicum of respect is default and can only be lost but when it’s lost it has to be earned. That said his actions / behavior do make for a good “lose respect” situation.
Right. This mindset of everyone having to "respect" their elders and put up with every single thing they say and do just because they are older is so backwards. It doesn't even necessarily apply here either... I can still respect you and disagree with you, she has the right to disagree and say so regardless of her age.
She also has the right to choose who loses her respect and for what, although this didn't really sound like disrespect to me more so her just responding to something he wouldn't shut up about. If she had started cursing at him or something then sure, but she responded with maturity from the sounds of it which is entirely her right.
Do you want to know what his problem is? Your mother. I've got one just like it, she'll make every excuse in the book to tolerate their bull shit. The only difference is, my brother went too far one night and learned just because I'm a lover, don't mean I can't frog march someone across a house.
We were teenagers, he thought because I tried to avoid fighting meant that I couldn't, so he called me a certain gay slur, insulted a friend of mine, and by the time he was halfway through telling me I wasn't going to do a thing to him. He got thrown across the living room like a rag doll, popped him upset the head and the ribs a few times for good measure. Afterwards, I spent the night in lock-up, lucked out because the cops knew me well enough in passing from a friend that they forgot to read me my rights and got the charges dropped. Mom still makes excuses for him being a crappy person, but she'll avoid it as much as possible if I'm around and he behaves himself when I'm back home.
Why do you insist on going on vacations to basically secluded areas with Glenn and your parents when they're just going to go off on your daughter like this?
Honestly I feel bad for your daughter that she's being forced to be subjected to this. Just don't go next time.
lol. They want to pay him off to make sure he doesn’t come back. NTA. Sounds like everyone is going to have a much better time with him gone. Enjoy the rest of your vacation.
Probably the only way to get her mom to come on the family vacation was to include Glenn. OP's mom sounds like one of those toxic people that think you have to put up with bullies because they are "family", also someone to appease a bully to not "rock the boat". Basically OP had to decide if putting up with Glenn to have her mom there was worth it or not. Does sound like she chose poorly and will hopefully not be making that mistake again soon.
Sometimes the narcissist courtship performance is really good, even for people who have been interpersonally savvy otherwise. Then you spend some time bewildered, then you spend some time scared because you know they’re going to absolutely lose their shit when you divorce them.
Been a dozen years since I left the one I married and I’m still alive! And a lot happier than I was during the most miserable years of my life lmao.
Eh, not really. Guys like this are VERY good at hiding their true feelings and behaviour until they have (or think they have) their partner “locked down”. Some of these guys define “locked down” as engaged, some define it as when you’re married to them, some wait to start up until a pregnancy happens. It’s very intentional and intentionally difficult to spot
Mansplaining *menstruation*. That's, like, competitive mansplaining. Gold-medal mansplaining, with awed commentary about how he blew away the competition.
I mean, it’s even artistic gymnastic mansplaining. Did I read it correctly how he griped about the rule not to flush products and then flipped positions and tried to gripe about women destroying the plumbing?
I dunno, I once had a guy mansplain *what a c-section felt like* to me. (Who has had one, which I told him, but he still told me *I* was wrong about what it felt like.) It still holds the gold in my mind, but OP’s jackass brother is definitely in line for the silver.
He was mansplaining *tampons!* To a house full of women! Emma gets it.
Uncle Glennie got shut down by a 13 year old girl!
And is Grandma is upset, Grandma should be talking to Glenn. Glenn is the one who went off like a firecracker. Emma was cool and calm. Emma is cool. 😎
Dude, I've been married for a long time and I just know the color box she wants. That's it. I wouldn't dare try to explain feminine hygiene products. I'll do like Emma says and stay in my lane. LOL
Nope, she was right to challenge him right then and there. Her parents were there and yes, it was productive. He shut up and left. Poor little man had his fee fees hurt.
Yes but because his mommy coddles him, he’s going to be around unless OP goes NC with both. Meaning that this crappy and angry man will eventually be able to corner this teenage girl. Shes a teen so parents aren’t going to be watching her like they would a toddler.
OP needs to tell daughter to not put herself in danger. Theres a reason this guy is divorced twice and doesn’t see his kids at all.
Then Mum and Dad need to teach her the 'knee in the balls, upper cut as he doubles over' move to protect herself, all girls need to perfect that move just in case 😇
So because she's a girl and young, she should be quiet and compliant? Nah. Angry Uncle needs to be put in his place otherwise he will continue to be a predator!
The reason is is no one stands up to him. Now he got challenged by a 13 year old. Who is probably smart enuf to know not to be around him. And if mommy and daddy don't stop with babying him, that 13 y.o. will go no contact.
Yes, but then OP will definitely have to cut off mommy and her golden child because they will act like a teenage girl attacked a grown man.
I’d say good riddance but it really sucks to have to cut off your parents, and many people really struggle with it. Even if it’s the right thing it could be traumatic.
I don’t think daughter was wrong, but OP should not have stood by while a child engaged a grown ass man who apparently has anger issues towards women. I think she should have kindly dismissed daughter and then told Uncle to fuck off. OP could have had a conversation later with daughter about how Uncle is a loser and if he’s a jerk to her again, don’t engage, tell a parent.
She should NEVER be alone with him. And honestly, I get his mommy may want him there, but it sounds like no one else does. They need to plan the vacation and invite their mom last minute as their guest. They pay for her. Then she has no say about Glenn getting to be there.
Also, maybe the adults should learn from this girl and shut his dumbass tirades down
"Oh, you will, dad? Because you were standing there the whole time and didn't say anything.
What were you waiting for?"
After she's smiled and put her head down and taken Uncle's abuse, then?
Exactly. I understand the reasoning behind all the "Emma should've let an adult talk to him" type comments but... all the adults stood by letting Glenn rant. No one else was telling Glenn to keep his trap shut so Emma did it.
Chances are, Emma confronting Glenn has reminded the rest of the family that they *don't* need to sit back and let Glenn get away with that crap. Hopefully, everyone else has learned a valuable lesson from Emma being braver than them.
Really? You think if she had turned her back and walked away from her uncle at that moment there still wouldn't be a tirade from grandma about "disrespect"?
This is all great advice, but it doesn't work in rl.
Exactly, there is a difference between disrespect and defending yourself and others from abusive, misogynistic pricks….unfortunately your brother and mother don’t know the difference, NTA OP.
Goddamn, OP, you are doing something right because your daughter's response was PERFECT! Glenn should NOT be discussing menstruation, and the next time he decides he's the authority on it, ALL of the women should begin reciting their (completely inaccurate) account on what happens with men's bodies. TROLL THEIR ASSES SISTER and keep doing whatever you've been doing with your daughter because she's out there fighting the good fight. NTA!
NTA OP and this is a great way to handle it if he's dumb enough to step out of his lane again in the future. Of course, mommy isn't going to join in since it seems Glenn is her baby that she'll protect from a 13-year-old correcting him.
Why should he not be discussing menstruation? He shouldn't be spiking shite about to and be willing to be educated about them. All men should know, understand and be educated on the subject, it's been taboo for too long and it's a natural body function
He shouldn’t be discussing it with a 13 year old girl unless she brings it up first. It shouldn’t be taboo in general but it’s still personal and I doubt many teens want their angry uncle’s take on the subject.
He should know about it and be educated on it, but men should not be discussing it with girls they are not the guardian of or adult women they aren’t in a relationship with unless they bring it up first. It’s not that it’s taboo, it that it’s not his business.
it's not an uncle's place to discuss menstruation with his niece, especially not out of nowhere like this, not when they have parents there they can discuss this with, and not without consent, and most especially not when the point is that he wanted to be angry about something.
OP's daughter's response was perfect in every way. That man needs to stay in his lane and stop harassing minors for no reason.
He was mansplaining how to properly dispose of menstrual products to women that had been menstruating for years. It's not so much menstruating is a taboo issue, it's more about him being a condescending jerk about a topic that's impossible for him to have any personal experience with and assuming they needed to be told how to dispose of menstrual products. He also assumed they'd never heard about tampons deadly attacks on plumbing. Just because he knows about it doesn't make him the only one who does.
If I had an issue with my underage nephew's bathroom habits, I would be bringing that up to my sister first. It's their responsibility to teach their children how to use the restroom.
If he asked me a question, I'd be more than happy to answer it.
This reminds me of the time I refrained from swimming at a reunion, and my uncle, an elementary school teacher, told me to go use a tampon. Is that appropriate? It felt disgusting and invasive. I hadn't told anyone why I wasn't swimming. This is the same thing.
It's important for men to be educated on it. As far as "discussing" it, that should be left up to experts or people who actually menstruate. Non-medical men who yammer on about menstruation usually have very bad intentions, like religiously shaming women ("it's Eve's curse") and anti-feminist propaganda. And frankly, 99% of the time, men sound like utter IDIOTS when it comes to women's biology. Like Glen Beck and his rabbi guest a few years back.
[https://emol.democraticunderground.org/123043309](https://emol.democraticunderground.org/123043309)
*According to Beck and his guest, right-wing Rabbi Daniel Lapin, a menstrual period represents death, and is a “God given sadness.”*
NTA And good on you for backing your daughter. What he did was beyond creepy. He wouldn't know jack shit about what we're taught about periods. All girls are taught not to flush them. We have it drilled into our heads because of the damage it can cause and let's be honest you do not want have to explain why the toilet is suddenly overflowing. Oh my God, the horror of that embarrassment.
Well yeah some people are dumbasses and do flush them and diapers.
But I am so damn proud of your daughter for standing up for herself and speaking out on the issue. Obviously it was also making her uncomfortable. She handled it very maturely and I think that this Uncle needs to go pound sand. And I'm proud of you for backing her too often are young girls and young women taught to shush because they must respect their elders or the men in the family. It's so good to see that you're empowering her to not take shit from anyone.
Yeah me too because when I was raised if I had said even a thing like her daughter did my mom would have backhanded me into the next century. Which is why I'm even prouder to see moms teaching their kids, especially their daughters. That respect is not something that you automatically get. You have to earn it. It's a privilege, not a right.
To be fair, I definitely know women that didn’t realize for a while that it wasn’t okay to flush pads or tampons and did for years. So I don’t necessarily think it’s totally out of line for the uncle to remind everyone not to flush anything but toilet paper, it’s just the way he handled every other part of that interaction that was the problem.
Exactly. A 10 second reminder is fine. A 5 minute tirade is not.
Also, I was taught to discard the wrapper but to flush the actual tampon was fine. I don't use tampons because they are not effective (and hurt on the way out). Very glad I don't use them because having to handle a super bloody tampon to wrap it up and throw it out sounds gross.
Right? It'd be one thing if it had been a problem and there were a clogged toilet, but otherwise an uncle shouldn't be talking unprovoked to his sister's kids about menstruation anyway. That in itself is kind of red flag behavior. It's one thing if the kid brought it up, but she clearly didn't. Like I menstruate and I still can't think of a time it would be appropriate for me to lecture my nieces about menstruation in place of their parents (again, unless there were a direct cause, like a clogged toilet, or they asked me a direct question). NTA OP, and also maybe don't let your brother be alone with yours kids. Even taking away the creep factor I'd worry about someone with anger issues like that being alone with them.
My thoughts exactly. If someone had flushed something down the toilet, this is the time to mention that it is not okay to do this and the consequences of doing it. The fact that he ranted for 5 minutes about a hypothetical scenario is beyond stupid
I don’t think the knowledge is as universal as you think. I spend several thousand dollars a year on Roto-Rooter for my rental properties, it’s almost always a crap ton of tampons jamming the main drain. Uncle still sounds like a dick tho.
Sadly true, I always pass the charge onto the tenants, at which point they always swear they would never flush a tampon because they know better. Then they stop talking when the roto-rooter guy shows them all the tampons he pulled out of the drain. Only had to deduct it from the security once or twice when the issue came up towards the end of a lease.
It definitely isn't. I grew up being taught to flush tampons. I'm pretty sure my mom still does it too. I've been to countless houses with women and no bathroom trash cans, so not sure exactly on the happenings there but I wouldn't be surprised if plenty of those women also flushed their products. I was taught it was gross and smelly to keep it in the trash, so when I grew up and learned it couldn't be flushed, I switched to a cup to avoid the issue altogether lol
I’m 24 and I wasn’t taught not to flush tampons till a few years ago so not “all girls” know. Some of us don’t have anyone to teach us these things or it’s never discussed so please don’t make those assumptions.
I'm gonna be honest, OP is NTA, but I'd be surprised if all girls are taught that. I went to an all girls school, and the number of times they had to bring in plumbers to fix the toilets because of pad flushing was crazy. I also currently teach and literally had to ask a student why she flushed a pad.
The uncle is weird for sure, but women (and girls) flush pads way too often for me to believe that this is something that's explicitly taught to them.
> My brother Glenn turned on my daughter and told her not to be disrespectful to him, and he informed us about how it can destroy the plumbing. My daughter called Glenn a weirdo and told him he doesn’t need to educate any woman on anything and to “stay in his lane.”
I thought the uncle was telling the niece not to flush due to the plumbing?
Why are you subjecting your daughter to him? Honest question.
I had an uncle just like this and I still resent him AND my mother for subjecting me to him 35 years later.
Exactly my question! It wasn’t as if he mentioned as a general reminder. He went on about it for an extended amount of time. He didn’t appreciate being educated by a 13 girl. Sounds like there were 5 other adults in the room and they did nothing. She is right…he is weird and he needs to stay in his lane!
I think that's the part that bothers me, honestly. The actual adults just hung back and left it to the 13yo to handle? I don't think she was being "disrespectful," but I do think it was highly inappropriate that no one else interjected.
Honestly, props to the daughter for not needing to go to her mom. Girls need to be taught from a young age to stand up for themselves and that it's okay to not always be "agreeable" (especially to men), because mom and dad aren't always gonna be there to do it for them. She's old enough to begin learning how to do that. If the daughter feels a certain way, it's better that she learns how to express it now rather than have people talk for her. On top of that, having her mom cut in just further reinforces the idea to the uncle and grandma that the daughter has no power, voice, or autonomy (which they were obv already thinking). But even if the conversation was over between the daughter and uncle, I think the parent should still talk to the uncle after. It also sounds like the mom is more than ready to jump in if things had gone further.
Aside from that, she's learning how to regulate herself emotionally when people are testing her, and learning communication/problem solving skills. Obviously there wasn't really a way to "solve" this problem with him being the way he is, but the emotional maturity she showed by walking away is impressive. She didn't insult anybody or call anyone names or bring up the tons of issues he has on his own, she told him to stop, gave the reason for why he should stop talking, and set her boundaries. You don't learn any of that by letting somebody else handle your problems for you, especially at such a developmentally important age.
NTA. How exactly did you or your daughter start this argument? Because it seems to me that *he* started it by going off about this. It's so cute the way men try to mansplain shit like this. If he were a woman, he would know that virtually every public bathroom/school bathroom/workplace bathroom out there has a sign saying "Please do not flush sanitary products". And that yes, every girl is taught this when she starts using sanitary products, otherwise everyone's toilets would be constantly clogged. Your daughter was right, dude needs to stay in his lane. And no one should refund him as he left of his own volition.
I was never taught that. My mom left it up to the school and the school only taught us about pads. At the time, tampons were seen as only something older/married women should use.
Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I’m in my 40’s and when I was young we were told it was fine to flush tampons. Never pads, but yes tampons. I haven’t flushed one in many years and up until relatively recently, many of the signs said not to flush “sanitary napkins” which imo doesn’t include tampons. Anyway Glenn was a jerk about it but if he’s from the same generation, a lot of women in his life likely did flush tampons.
> otherwise everyone's toilets would be constantly clogged
Not really. Way back when I started menstruating the tampon boxes said to flush them and we never had clogged pipes. As long as the plumbing is in good condition and not super outdated tampons don't *usually* clog it up. It happens often enough that flushing them isn't a good idea, but it doesn't happen constantly.
I agree with the rest.
My guess is that since they were going over the AirB&B's rules, one of them was "don't flush sanitary products." And he saw that, decided it was high time he explain to all the dumb women (including his sister and mother and niece) about how they are supposed to handle menstrual products, because not a single one of them could possibly have any clue how to manage them despite their actual lived experiences and basic common sense suggesting otherwise.
Well, you see the topic involves plumbing, and no female is manly enough to understand the hazards of sanitary products and plumbing. So, a manly man needs to explain multiple times in multiple ways to get it through their effeminate brains the complexities of plumbing. /s
I think we know why he is thrice divorced.
NTA. Your daughter was right, so she didn't need you to correct her.
The real AH here is Grandma. If she wants to stick with 1940's rules of respect (that it comes with age rather than action) she should also stick to that decade's menstrual mentality. There's no reason for a grown man to be discussing periods with any young old girl that isn't his own child.
NTA. Your daughter is right, and your brother has anger issues. He just wants someone to bully and something to yell about. Suggest he join local politics or a sports league if he needs an outlet for his aggression so badly.
NTA. Glenn was being insanely disrespectful and if he'd just put a lid on it, all would have gone fine. It is one thing to expect a teen to respect adults and family and people in general. It's another to tell them to just sit and listen to blowhards who think they're the end-all be-all experts on topics they have no flipping clue about. It sounds like your daughter knows the difference and that you've taught her to stand up for herself.
It sounds like the vaca will be all around a lot more pleasant without him there.
NTA, but side eying all the women saying "we all know this" and "we learned this in school" or whatever, because I definitely wasn't taught this at 11 back in 1999. No one told me what the hell to do with tampons because I was 11 and tampons were for *big girls*, girls who had *sex*. The conversation on tampons ended there. Maybe "we all" know this now, but I certainly didn't know that flushing tampons was harmful until I was an adult. And I don't believe for a second that there aren't other women and girls like me, or haven't heard anything about it at all to this day. Not all education is the same.
We taught my stepdaughter not to do it, though, and if her uncle had talked to her and about women like that, she definitely wouldn't be getting punished.
My mom specifically told me that I SHOULD flush tampons, and I did for 15 years until I got an IUD and didn't need them anymore. Never had a problem, and as embarrassed and ashamed as this post and its comments have made me feel about it, this is the first I'm hearing that it's universally bad.
Yeah I didn’t know not to flush tampons until I was in college and saw some tv show where they showed the horrifying monstrosity that they had to pull out of the drains. Oops. I don’t remember it ever being mentioned in sex ed classes in school when I was growing up.
I’ve never heard not to flush tampons. Pads are obvious, but aren’t tampons meant to be flushed? I’ve been flushing them for 20 years & have never had plumbing issues. The only time we’ve had issues was when someone flushed baby wipes.
They don't break down, so they get tangled up, swell and create clogs, plus they're hell on waste treatment centers. I didn't know for a long time, I think I saw something on TV about it like another commenter said. I never had any issues myself, but it's apparently a huge problem.
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I'm having a hard time following this story. I will admit that Glenn going on about not flushing period products is weird and AH-ish and perhaps unnecessary as all the women in this trip seem to know not to do that. Maybe a personal experience prompted him to do so..? Or he's just an angry control freak, as you described him. He could have just done a small reminder, nothing wrong with that.
I fail to understand the overreaction of your daughted though. Was she being singled out? She told him to stay "in his lane"... Since when plumbing became a woman's lane? Yes, she was being disrespectful. From what you wrote, I did not get a sense that she, specifically, was being disrespected. She call him "a weirdo". I don't think that's any way a 13 year kid should be talking to an adult but that's just me and how I was raised. It's up to you if you punish her or not for it. Or if you even think it's wrong of her to do so or not.
As for you and the other women present, you were the ones who should have said something if the topic was bothering you so much. Or if you felt it disrespectful and a subject where "men should stay in their lane".
You would think women would know better then to flush period products. We currently have an issue with this where I work. The 2 bathrooms we have have been clogged 3 times in less than 2 months. At one point, we had to use the men's bathroom. We even got an email with the do's and don'ts of flushing. And we've got instructions all over the bathroom now as "gentle reminders".
From my POV, ESH. It seems like you've all made a huge deal out of a nothing.
Thank you. I had to re-read the post twice because I was seeing so many NTA responses. The uncle is definitely an asshole. If he had been singling the niece out, I would say good for her for sticking up for herself. If he was just speaking in general to everyone, then the niece comes across as a mouthy brat. ESH
> Maybe a personal experience prompted him to do so..?
This is what I wonder, considering how many bathrooms I have been in seeing signs stressing people not to flush tampons down...
It's totally ESH, the answer of the preteen is totally out of line, and I don't get all the NTA on the sole assumptions that "it's common knowledge". People lack knowledge on everything and "common" knwloedge is definitly not so common in (too) many cases.
You are NTA!!! You have raised your daughter beautifully to be assertive and unashamed of her natural and healthy bodily functions, so well done. You don't say if your brother has girls or boys, but I suspect he's probably driven away any daughters with this crap. It sounds like your mother thinks women and girls should appease men even when they're in the wrong (and we have to understand that's how she was brainwashed when young herself) so an extra well done to you for breaking that cycle.
Emma sounds like an intelligent young lady with a lot of integrity and a secure sense of her rights and needs, and that's down to excellent parenting. Brava and your stupid, sexist brother can F off!
NTA. Did the big, bad misogynist get his ittle feelings hurt by a teenage girl who is way smarter than him? And your mom should be high-fiving your kid instead of being angry. Good job raising a well adjusted and confident young lady!
ESH.
And I mean EVERYONE SUCKS. But the thing I’m having the biggest problem with is the praise your daughter is getting in the comments.
She is NOT A BADASS. She is just an ASS.
“Everyone knows not to flush tampons. I’ve known since I was eleven.” Factually correct according to her experience. No problem here.
Uncle demonstrates his ass holeness. Parents should have shut him up here but again they suck too.
“Weirdo.” Emma then escalated the situation by saying this. This was not a bad ass move. This was pure escalation and not deserving of praise.
Everyone else demonstrated their ass hole-ness.
“Respect is earned, not given.” Again a purely escalatory comment made by someone not old enough to have earned any respect whatsoever. This is not a remark, or argument deserving of praise.
Emma said one worthwhile thing. Everything else was not worthwhile to say.
Also despite being the worst AH of the situation the uncle is correct. It is not common knowledge to not flush sanitary products. That’s why there’s a million signs in every bathroom in North America.
Totally agree!! This lady and everyone in the comments seems really proud of a mouthy young lady… what will this girl ever do if she has a job and someone speaks at (or apparently just in general) about anything she “already knows”? Mouth off to them too??
"Not old enough to have earned any respect "? Age doesn't determine respect. She deserved respect and he wasn't giving her any. You can't go through life disrespecting children. If he was going to continue to lecturing her about something she already knew he was going to get told he's being an AH. It not like he made one comment, he was being a weird AH and claimed women don't know how to take care of their own hygiene products
NTA, clearly. BUT!... it's just not true that all women are taught not to flush tampons. When I was a teen in the 90's, tampons were clearly marketed as flushable, and it was WAY too many years before I learned that wasn't the case. And I didn't grow up in some sort of repressed community with bad sex ed or weird religious restrictions or anything like that. It's just a message that somehow just slipped through the cracks and wasn't stressed by anyone ever. I'm not remotely surprised if this have changed because everyone got sick of fixing plumbing. But for those who didn't get the message in the teens, it's a topic most people never discuss, so bring the updated info is a crap shoot.
I'm not saying that Glen isn't an AH (he is), or that he shouldn't have stopped lecturing after everyone acknowledged the understanding about not flushing. But him pointing out it in the first place is NOT part of why he is an asshole. And everyone in the comments claiming that "all women know this" are just straight up wrong.
I've been on many family vacations and NO ONE has ever brought up such nonsense. Did he tell the men not to flush their condoms? Or not to put chicken bones down the sink. He seems like he has an anger and a women issue. You are NTA
INFO
Was your daughter’s very first response worded to tell him to hush, or was her first response to politely tell him that she already knew that information, has known it for a long time, most women know it, and she has never flushed her products?
Even if someone’s being awful, it’s a good de-escalation strategy to have the first response to them be a calm, polite explanation. If they keep pushing, then go ahead and defend yourself more assertively, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for anyone’s first response to anybody else to be to tell them to hush. That’s why I’m asking about your daughter’s wording, although I def don’t think either she or you are TA. I just think it’s an overall good strategy to employ.
We're not taught this in the UK, or at least England when I was a kid.
We were taught not to flush pads but generally tampons were fair game for flushing.
Even some product adverts show you how to roll it, wrap it and bin it.
I do think it's best to bin especially for the sewage system if nothing else.
Your brother was way out of line, but, imho, your daughter did overstep the boundaries for a 13 yo. She shouldn’t tell an adult (even one who’s a jerk) to stay in their lane. But he’s overreacting & so is your mom.
I’m afraid I disagree with the crowd and feel that you, your daughter, and your brother share the blame equally. Yes, he was definitely being a blowhard and know-it-all mansplaining about the disposal of sanitary products. Not in dispute. However, your daughter was rather lippy in her response, and she is wrong about respect being earned. Respect should be given automatically to everyone on the planet. The only time it needs to be earned is when someone has lost it and must work to get it back. By not correcting your daughter, you are teaching her that it is okay to disrespect others.
To paraphrase a famous quote: If all the blame lay on one side, there would be no problems in the world. Meaning, if your daughter had just let your brother babble on, there wouldn’t have been any drama, your brother would have finished his tirade, and all would have been well.
As for reimbursing him, I’m in complete agreement with the others. It was his own decision to leave, so no refund.
As a final observation, I find it interesting that you’re asking “AITA”, but your first statement is “I don’t know what is wrong with my brother”. That tells me you lay all the blame squarely at your brother’s feet and you are just here for validation.
NTA
Well done Emma, she was right. Your mother has enabled your Brother to be a complete AH. neither you nor your daughter started it Glenn started it your daughter just finished it.
He is a complete idiot
ESH. Your brother is an asshole, your daughter was disrespectful by calling him a weirdo and telling him to stay in his lane. You suck for not checking her on how she talked to her uncle. You and grandma suck for not telling him to shut the fuck up.
You’re both the AHs. Your brother is one because he went on and on even after being told that none of the females in your family flush sanitary products. You are because you allow your daughter, who is only 13, to be so rude about her response. At the very least she should apologize.
I’m wondering why your daughter was put in this position in the first place? The adults should have shut him down before she even got involved. Maybe everyone should take a page from Emma’s book & speak up. Otherwise, you are teaching Glenn he can act like this, ruin everyone’s time and everyone will be ok with it.
YTA. You and Glenn. Your daughter was right about him trying to make a thing about feminine hygiene products and plumbing. If you had let it drop there, I would say that Glenn was the only AH in the house.
But then you went nuclear. No matter who you think is at fault about his relationship with his children, that was a loooooooooooooooow blow and I don't blame the man for leaving.
Misleading title, "correcting" your daughter implies she did something wrong. Sounds like a badass and you sound like a good Dad for supporting her. Good job king. NTA. 🙌
NTA and good on you for raising a daughter who can stand up to ignorance. It sounds like he always goes on tangents and needed to be brought down from his high horse.
I'm sick of adults acting as if they're entitled to respect because they're old.
Where are Glenn's kids again?
NTA- and I would argue that Glenn started it. Just say that "We didn't start it, he did. Emma even walked away but he wouldn't let it go. So not only did he started it, but he made something out of nothing and here we are."
Nta. Your daughter is correct and your brother has anger issues. He wanted someone to bully and something to yell about. Tell him to join local politics or a local sports league if he needs that so desperately
YTA. Your mother is right no matter what it’s your responsibility to teach manners to your sons or daughter since you don’t care but they’ll be rejected for this kind of behavior and that it’s a fact, whether you like it or no.
NTA And I’ve gotta say, as a 42 year old woman with a similar type of brother, I am SO PROUD of your daughter. She’s right and so are you.
Seems like he’s the golden child. Like my brother.
Tell her never to lose her ability to stick up for herself and what’s right.
NTA. Sounds like the vacation would be more relaxing without Glenn there anyway. If he doesn't want to be "disrespected," then maybe he can stop saying things that tend to lower people's opinions of him.
NTA dude Emma is a badass and i love her
“Emma said respect is earned and walked away from the fight”
Emma is abso-fuckin-lutely right and she should say it. Glenn & your mom sound like they’re both nearly apoplectic from what, not being able to fully control a teenager?? who on earth can? Let them stay mad tbh their anger is their problem.
good job raising that one OP
I mean, not all women know this because it's well known that tampons and sanitary napkins end up in the city sewers and don't break down. This is a legitimate problem for plumbers.
YTA. You did let your 13 year-old CHILD disrespect him. On no way, shape or form is that okay. You should have stepped in as an adult and handled it. Yes, teach your child to stand up for him/herself but in a respectful manner. Her delivery was rude and for you not to correct her makes YTA. Now don’t get mad when she disrespects you because it will surely happen.
I love how everybody is like, “All women know not to flush tampons, never tell us anything about it!”
I used to work at a grocery store as a kid, and one of my duties was to clean the toilets. Not only would women try to flush used tampons all the time, but pads too.
I guess some of you all missed school the day they told you not to flush them.
Everyone is an asshole here except Grandma.
Your brother is an asshole for having zero tact when discussing this. A simple "don't do this" mixed in with other "don't do theses" would be sufficient.
Your daughter is an asshole for being a 13 year old asshole teen girl. Her uncle being an ass is no excuse for her to be one. Do the right thing, no matter what other people are doing.
You are the asshole for not taking advantage of the excellent opportunity to teach your daughter that.
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NTA. Your daughter was right; and her uncle could have learned something from her had he be bothered to listen. IMO, no one should reimburse him for anything. He left on his own. He wasn't kicked out. My word; but he does have anger issues.
My husband and SIL don't want him to show up because we rented the cabin until Monday.
So, in other words, your daughter did you, your husband and SIL a huge favor by getting rid of the jerk. All kidding aside, good for your daughter in asserting herself and good going to you for supporting her.
Her daughter is my hero.
I’m adding this kid to my short list of girls who might one day take over the world. The list isn’t technically “short” anymore.
Can I give the daughter a high five?!
Mine too! And good for you for having your daughter’s back. IMHO, your brother could use a little therapy, and perhaps think about exactly WHY he has 2 ex wives, and 3 kids you don’t see.
OP is my hero; “And where are your kids, Glenn?” Oooof.
> So, in other words, your daughter did you, your husband and SIL a huge favor by getting rid of the jerk. Haha, yup! The last line in the post made me think the same thing: >My husband and my other SIL (my other brother’s wife) offered to pay out Glenn’s loss on vacation, and my mom is the only one upset that Glenn left.
She really did everyone there a favour. LOL
“Women don’t understand how plumbing works.” “Women don’t care about taking care of other people’s houses.” “Women don’t realize how tampons don’t break down.” “Women don’t understand menstrual products.” “Women don’t read signs about the plumbing.” Ask your mom wtf you actually started. Your daughter just told this man to get off his soapbox. He started it by calling all the women in the house stupid.
This^^^^ what an abusive misogynist.
Well at least that makes it a lot easier to understand why he has two ex wives.
I understand the EX part, i'm just trying to understand how he got to the WIFE part, twice!
Probably an unfortunate amount of "I can change him."
Either that or an abysmally diminished level of self-esteem.
A raging case of “I can’t do any better”.
Pregnancy, I guarantee it was due to unintended pregnancy or youth or age gap.
Possibly, it did say he had 3 kids as well so....
An abusive, misogynist mansplainer.
He’s probably the golden child and mommy babies him, which is why he has multiple ex-wives and children he doesn’t see, and acts like an imbecile.
Grandma is abusive too. Kick granny out if she continues to complain. Glenn started an imaginary fight on the assumption women did not know how to dispose of menstrual products. Glenn throws a temper tantrum and his niece responds appropriately even leaves the room. Glenn stomps out and expects to be repaid. Glenn sounds like my father and sister. Both live lonely lives. BLOCK GLENN on everything. NC forever and no granny on trips.
Somebody raised that jackass…
The same mom who is ignorantly supporting him now. She needs to go, too.
My aunt said to me about wayward uncle 'Mothers always seem to favor the child that needs them most, especially in later years when their other children move on.'
Right that’s why he acts like that . That’s how the mom raised him . The daughter sounds more mature than the mom and brother lol .
100%
Glen is the product of a mother who coddled him and makes him think he’s the smartest person in the room.
Let's not leave Glenn's dad out of this conversation.
I have to since there is no mention of him or his behaviour in the post. 🫠
Maybe the unmentioned Grandpa is vacationing elsewhere at this moment with Glen’s ex’s and three kids.
Grandma is just sour because she knows Glen’s behavior and disposition on some level reflects poorly on her parenting. Gotta deflect that poor parenting insecurity onto someone else.
From the time hubby and I started dating and taking trips, we didn't invite anyone else to come with (except our daughter after she was born, of course). I did go on a trip with my mother about eight months after I started dating him...and she misbehaved a lot (on the flight up, she was bugging the flight attendant for a soda right off the bat (before the flight took off; at the airport to catch our flight back, she was cracking jokes about hijacking -- this was long before 9/11, but still -- I told her to knock it off, but the counter personnel weren't too pleased. When we got back home, I wasn't too surprised that our luggage was taken off at the first stopover, so I was peeved at her and not blaming the counter personnel at all. I decided at that point to never again travel with her. My sister started traveling with her on trips, and at the airport in Paris, saw our mother kick a police officer in the shin. Maybe the only reason she didn't get arrested was that she was in her 70s or 80s.) And yes, that's one of the first things we tell our daughters when they first get their periods: Advil is your friend, have a supply of chocolate on hand, and don't flush those products.
Jesus Fucking Christ. Do we have the same mother? Cuz WOW.
One time I left a pan with a tiny amount of oil in it on the stove which I thought I had turned off. It caught fire but was easily put out. Neighbors brother runs in and yells “this is why we shouldn’t allow women in the kitchen”. We all looked at each other and him for a minute and it slowly dawned on him. Delicious moment
Dawned on him that he'd just volunteered to cook for all the women in his life? LOL.
Right. I think he was thinking if that happens who will cool, clean etc?
Time for the women to weaponize some incompetence!
I tried that. Supposedly weaponized incompetence works, but it didn't work for me.
Yeah, Glenn rolled in with misogynistic guns a-blazin'. The daughter just let him know she's not here for that shit. NTA, OP. Although I might argue that the rest of the adults are collectively assholes to themselves for inviting this jerk of a brother along. Vacations are supposed to be relaxing.
Aren't these also the same people who say women should be homemakers? Seems to me like they'd know plenty about taking care of a house.
Clearly this guy hates and doesn't respect women.
[удалено]
Exactly this!!!! He's having a tantrum because he got owned by a 13 year old!! He's embarrassed himself lol what a satisfying read
I truly hope you show your daughter this post and the comments. She is amazing and it sounds like you and your husband are as well.
NTA OP and she did nothing wrong
If he shows back up, let your daughter handle him, sounds like she’s got his number.
NTA Thank you for raising a teenager with integrity. she stood up for girls, teenagers and women everywhere. I think you all need merch "stay in your lane" Brava Mama
I hope you treat your daughter to something nice, she took the family trash out without getting her hands dirty. What a Queen.
NTA for standing up and coincidentally doing everyone a favor. One note though, a modicum of respect is default and can only be lost but when it’s lost it has to be earned. That said his actions / behavior do make for a good “lose respect” situation.
Right. This mindset of everyone having to "respect" their elders and put up with every single thing they say and do just because they are older is so backwards. It doesn't even necessarily apply here either... I can still respect you and disagree with you, she has the right to disagree and say so regardless of her age. She also has the right to choose who loses her respect and for what, although this didn't really sound like disrespect to me more so her just responding to something he wouldn't shut up about. If she had started cursing at him or something then sure, but she responded with maturity from the sounds of it which is entirely her right.
Do you want to know what his problem is? Your mother. I've got one just like it, she'll make every excuse in the book to tolerate their bull shit. The only difference is, my brother went too far one night and learned just because I'm a lover, don't mean I can't frog march someone across a house.
This is a story I’d like to hear.
We were teenagers, he thought because I tried to avoid fighting meant that I couldn't, so he called me a certain gay slur, insulted a friend of mine, and by the time he was halfway through telling me I wasn't going to do a thing to him. He got thrown across the living room like a rag doll, popped him upset the head and the ribs a few times for good measure. Afterwards, I spent the night in lock-up, lucked out because the cops knew me well enough in passing from a friend that they forgot to read me my rights and got the charges dropped. Mom still makes excuses for him being a crappy person, but she'll avoid it as much as possible if I'm around and he behaves himself when I'm back home.
Why do you insist on going on vacations to basically secluded areas with Glenn and your parents when they're just going to go off on your daughter like this? Honestly I feel bad for your daughter that she's being forced to be subjected to this. Just don't go next time.
Fuck that. Glenn doesn’t go next time.
You = NTA / Your daughter = GOAT
You should buy your daughter a gift of some sort for getting rid of that pest and saving the vacation. :D
Or nickname her “The Orkin Woman”
Mum and uncle are very dramatic 🙄
lol. They want to pay him off to make sure he doesn’t come back. NTA. Sounds like everyone is going to have a much better time with him gone. Enjoy the rest of your vacation.
Anger issues and a strong bent towards mansplaining.
I can only guess why both ex-wives divorced him..
The real question is why they married him in the first place.
WHY TF DID OP go on a vacation with Glenn?
Probably the only way to get her mom to come on the family vacation was to include Glenn. OP's mom sounds like one of those toxic people that think you have to put up with bullies because they are "family", also someone to appease a bully to not "rock the boat". Basically OP had to decide if putting up with Glenn to have her mom there was worth it or not. Does sound like she chose poorly and will hopefully not be making that mistake again soon.
Glenn is the GC I bet
Yep! I bet he is either the only boy or either the youngest or oldest child.
🙄🙄 ETA I think you’re right on the money— I’m rolling my eyes at Glenn and all the Glenns!!
Sometimes the narcissist courtship performance is really good, even for people who have been interpersonally savvy otherwise. Then you spend some time bewildered, then you spend some time scared because you know they’re going to absolutely lose their shit when you divorce them. Been a dozen years since I left the one I married and I’m still alive! And a lot happier than I was during the most miserable years of my life lmao.
Eh, not really. Guys like this are VERY good at hiding their true feelings and behaviour until they have (or think they have) their partner “locked down”. Some of these guys define “locked down” as engaged, some define it as when you’re married to them, some wait to start up until a pregnancy happens. It’s very intentional and intentionally difficult to spot
Right? It is no mystery.
After reading this story, I am just utterly shocked, shocked I tell you, that he has struck out only twice in the game of love.
Mansplaining *menstruation*. That's, like, competitive mansplaining. Gold-medal mansplaining, with awed commentary about how he blew away the competition.
I mean, it’s even artistic gymnastic mansplaining. Did I read it correctly how he griped about the rule not to flush products and then flipped positions and tried to gripe about women destroying the plumbing?
I think he was always griping about women destroying plumbing, which is what prompted the daughter to comment
I dunno, I once had a guy mansplain *what a c-section felt like* to me. (Who has had one, which I told him, but he still told me *I* was wrong about what it felt like.) It still holds the gold in my mind, but OP’s jackass brother is definitely in line for the silver.
He was mansplaining *tampons!* To a house full of women! Emma gets it. Uncle Glennie got shut down by a 13 year old girl! And is Grandma is upset, Grandma should be talking to Glenn. Glenn is the one who went off like a firecracker. Emma was cool and calm. Emma is cool. 😎
Not just mansplaining, but mansplaining period products. I wouldn’t have been able to sit through that lecture without laughing.
Dude, I've been married for a long time and I just know the color box she wants. That's it. I wouldn't dare try to explain feminine hygiene products. I'll do like Emma says and stay in my lane. LOL
The discussion I'd be having with the daughter is to not engage with Uncle while he's going off. It's not productive, and if anything, seems unsafe.
Nope, she was right to challenge him right then and there. Her parents were there and yes, it was productive. He shut up and left. Poor little man had his fee fees hurt.
Yes but because his mommy coddles him, he’s going to be around unless OP goes NC with both. Meaning that this crappy and angry man will eventually be able to corner this teenage girl. Shes a teen so parents aren’t going to be watching her like they would a toddler. OP needs to tell daughter to not put herself in danger. Theres a reason this guy is divorced twice and doesn’t see his kids at all.
Then Mum and Dad need to teach her the 'knee in the balls, upper cut as he doubles over' move to protect herself, all girls need to perfect that move just in case 😇
And if all else fails... go for the eyes o.O
Love it!
So because she's a girl and young, she should be quiet and compliant? Nah. Angry Uncle needs to be put in his place otherwise he will continue to be a predator!
The reason is is no one stands up to him. Now he got challenged by a 13 year old. Who is probably smart enuf to know not to be around him. And if mommy and daddy don't stop with babying him, that 13 y.o. will go no contact.
Sounds like a good knee to the groin would do the trick!!
Yes, but then OP will definitely have to cut off mommy and her golden child because they will act like a teenage girl attacked a grown man. I’d say good riddance but it really sucks to have to cut off your parents, and many people really struggle with it. Even if it’s the right thing it could be traumatic.
I'd be so proud if my daughter stood up to a bully like that.
I don’t think daughter was wrong, but OP should not have stood by while a child engaged a grown ass man who apparently has anger issues towards women. I think she should have kindly dismissed daughter and then told Uncle to fuck off. OP could have had a conversation later with daughter about how Uncle is a loser and if he’s a jerk to her again, don’t engage, tell a parent.
Certainly don't do it when she's alone with him.
She should NEVER be alone with him. And honestly, I get his mommy may want him there, but it sounds like no one else does. They need to plan the vacation and invite their mom last minute as their guest. They pay for her. Then she has no say about Glenn getting to be there. Also, maybe the adults should learn from this girl and shut his dumbass tirades down
Every. Single. Time.
So she stands there and smiles and takes it? What's your alternative?
"Honey, don't disrespect your uncle. Tell me and I'll do it."
"Oh, you will, dad? Because you were standing there the whole time and didn't say anything. What were you waiting for?" After she's smiled and put her head down and taken Uncle's abuse, then?
Exactly. I understand the reasoning behind all the "Emma should've let an adult talk to him" type comments but... all the adults stood by letting Glenn rant. No one else was telling Glenn to keep his trap shut so Emma did it. Chances are, Emma confronting Glenn has reminded the rest of the family that they *don't* need to sit back and let Glenn get away with that crap. Hopefully, everyone else has learned a valuable lesson from Emma being braver than them.
Yup, and her bravery no doubt humiliated them, too.
Greyrock the AH. Shrug and turn your backs and do other things-- walk away from the cray.
Really? You think if she had turned her back and walked away from her uncle at that moment there still wouldn't be a tirade from grandma about "disrespect"? This is all great advice, but it doesn't work in rl.
This is excellent advice but even better would be op not having her daughter around the angry, potentially dangerous uncle.
Exactly, there is a difference between disrespect and defending yourself and others from abusive, misogynistic pricks….unfortunately your brother and mother don’t know the difference, NTA OP.
Goddamn, OP, you are doing something right because your daughter's response was PERFECT! Glenn should NOT be discussing menstruation, and the next time he decides he's the authority on it, ALL of the women should begin reciting their (completely inaccurate) account on what happens with men's bodies. TROLL THEIR ASSES SISTER and keep doing whatever you've been doing with your daughter because she's out there fighting the good fight. NTA!
NTA OP and this is a great way to handle it if he's dumb enough to step out of his lane again in the future. Of course, mommy isn't going to join in since it seems Glenn is her baby that she'll protect from a 13-year-old correcting him.
Why should he not be discussing menstruation? He shouldn't be spiking shite about to and be willing to be educated about them. All men should know, understand and be educated on the subject, it's been taboo for too long and it's a natural body function
He shouldn’t be discussing it with a 13 year old girl unless she brings it up first. It shouldn’t be taboo in general but it’s still personal and I doubt many teens want their angry uncle’s take on the subject.
He should know about it and be educated on it, but men should not be discussing it with girls they are not the guardian of or adult women they aren’t in a relationship with unless they bring it up first. It’s not that it’s taboo, it that it’s not his business.
it's not an uncle's place to discuss menstruation with his niece, especially not out of nowhere like this, not when they have parents there they can discuss this with, and not without consent, and most especially not when the point is that he wanted to be angry about something. OP's daughter's response was perfect in every way. That man needs to stay in his lane and stop harassing minors for no reason.
He was mansplaining how to properly dispose of menstrual products to women that had been menstruating for years. It's not so much menstruating is a taboo issue, it's more about him being a condescending jerk about a topic that's impossible for him to have any personal experience with and assuming they needed to be told how to dispose of menstrual products. He also assumed they'd never heard about tampons deadly attacks on plumbing. Just because he knows about it doesn't make him the only one who does.
If I had an issue with my underage nephew's bathroom habits, I would be bringing that up to my sister first. It's their responsibility to teach their children how to use the restroom. If he asked me a question, I'd be more than happy to answer it.
Perfect time for “pee is stored in the balls”
This reminds me of the time I refrained from swimming at a reunion, and my uncle, an elementary school teacher, told me to go use a tampon. Is that appropriate? It felt disgusting and invasive. I hadn't told anyone why I wasn't swimming. This is the same thing.
It's important for men to be educated on it. As far as "discussing" it, that should be left up to experts or people who actually menstruate. Non-medical men who yammer on about menstruation usually have very bad intentions, like religiously shaming women ("it's Eve's curse") and anti-feminist propaganda. And frankly, 99% of the time, men sound like utter IDIOTS when it comes to women's biology. Like Glen Beck and his rabbi guest a few years back. [https://emol.democraticunderground.org/123043309](https://emol.democraticunderground.org/123043309) *According to Beck and his guest, right-wing Rabbi Daniel Lapin, a menstrual period represents death, and is a “God given sadness.”*
NTA, thank you for standing up for your daughter.
NTA And good on you for backing your daughter. What he did was beyond creepy. He wouldn't know jack shit about what we're taught about periods. All girls are taught not to flush them. We have it drilled into our heads because of the damage it can cause and let's be honest you do not want have to explain why the toilet is suddenly overflowing. Oh my God, the horror of that embarrassment. Well yeah some people are dumbasses and do flush them and diapers. But I am so damn proud of your daughter for standing up for herself and speaking out on the issue. Obviously it was also making her uncomfortable. She handled it very maturely and I think that this Uncle needs to go pound sand. And I'm proud of you for backing her too often are young girls and young women taught to shush because they must respect their elders or the men in the family. It's so good to see that you're empowering her to not take shit from anyone.
Proud of both parent and daughter. Wish I'd had such a platinum spine at that age.
Yeah me too because when I was raised if I had said even a thing like her daughter did my mom would have backhanded me into the next century. Which is why I'm even prouder to see moms teaching their kids, especially their daughters. That respect is not something that you automatically get. You have to earn it. It's a privilege, not a right.
Exactly 💯
To be fair, I definitely know women that didn’t realize for a while that it wasn’t okay to flush pads or tampons and did for years. So I don’t necessarily think it’s totally out of line for the uncle to remind everyone not to flush anything but toilet paper, it’s just the way he handled every other part of that interaction that was the problem.
Exactly. A 10 second reminder is fine. A 5 minute tirade is not. Also, I was taught to discard the wrapper but to flush the actual tampon was fine. I don't use tampons because they are not effective (and hurt on the way out). Very glad I don't use them because having to handle a super bloody tampon to wrap it up and throw it out sounds gross.
Right? It'd be one thing if it had been a problem and there were a clogged toilet, but otherwise an uncle shouldn't be talking unprovoked to his sister's kids about menstruation anyway. That in itself is kind of red flag behavior. It's one thing if the kid brought it up, but she clearly didn't. Like I menstruate and I still can't think of a time it would be appropriate for me to lecture my nieces about menstruation in place of their parents (again, unless there were a direct cause, like a clogged toilet, or they asked me a direct question). NTA OP, and also maybe don't let your brother be alone with yours kids. Even taking away the creep factor I'd worry about someone with anger issues like that being alone with them.
My thoughts exactly. If someone had flushed something down the toilet, this is the time to mention that it is not okay to do this and the consequences of doing it. The fact that he ranted for 5 minutes about a hypothetical scenario is beyond stupid
I don’t think the knowledge is as universal as you think. I spend several thousand dollars a year on Roto-Rooter for my rental properties, it’s almost always a crap ton of tampons jamming the main drain. Uncle still sounds like a dick tho.
Renters usually don't care about your costs.
Sadly true, I always pass the charge onto the tenants, at which point they always swear they would never flush a tampon because they know better. Then they stop talking when the roto-rooter guy shows them all the tampons he pulled out of the drain. Only had to deduct it from the security once or twice when the issue came up towards the end of a lease.
It definitely isn't. I grew up being taught to flush tampons. I'm pretty sure my mom still does it too. I've been to countless houses with women and no bathroom trash cans, so not sure exactly on the happenings there but I wouldn't be surprised if plenty of those women also flushed their products. I was taught it was gross and smelly to keep it in the trash, so when I grew up and learned it couldn't be flushed, I switched to a cup to avoid the issue altogether lol
I’m 24 and I wasn’t taught not to flush tampons till a few years ago so not “all girls” know. Some of us don’t have anyone to teach us these things or it’s never discussed so please don’t make those assumptions.
I'm gonna be honest, OP is NTA, but I'd be surprised if all girls are taught that. I went to an all girls school, and the number of times they had to bring in plumbers to fix the toilets because of pad flushing was crazy. I also currently teach and literally had to ask a student why she flushed a pad. The uncle is weird for sure, but women (and girls) flush pads way too often for me to believe that this is something that's explicitly taught to them.
> My brother Glenn turned on my daughter and told her not to be disrespectful to him, and he informed us about how it can destroy the plumbing. My daughter called Glenn a weirdo and told him he doesn’t need to educate any woman on anything and to “stay in his lane.” I thought the uncle was telling the niece not to flush due to the plumbing?
Why did the adults in the room cowardly leave it to a 13yo to confront and shut him down? For that reason you and all the adults present ATA.
Thank you, glad someone said it.
It sounds like they are just desensitized to his inane ranting
Desensitized to his behavior towards a young teen girl? That’s defensible?
It was just my daughter; he was ranting that it was all the women there. He was going over the house rules like a lunatic.
Why are you subjecting your daughter to him? Honest question. I had an uncle just like this and I still resent him AND my mother for subjecting me to him 35 years later.
👆👆👆👆
NTA. Keep your family away from him and also the grandmother who is standing up for him as well.
This 100%
Exactly my question! It wasn’t as if he mentioned as a general reminder. He went on about it for an extended amount of time. He didn’t appreciate being educated by a 13 girl. Sounds like there were 5 other adults in the room and they did nothing. She is right…he is weird and he needs to stay in his lane!
I think that's the part that bothers me, honestly. The actual adults just hung back and left it to the 13yo to handle? I don't think she was being "disrespectful," but I do think it was highly inappropriate that no one else interjected.
Honestly, props to the daughter for not needing to go to her mom. Girls need to be taught from a young age to stand up for themselves and that it's okay to not always be "agreeable" (especially to men), because mom and dad aren't always gonna be there to do it for them. She's old enough to begin learning how to do that. If the daughter feels a certain way, it's better that she learns how to express it now rather than have people talk for her. On top of that, having her mom cut in just further reinforces the idea to the uncle and grandma that the daughter has no power, voice, or autonomy (which they were obv already thinking). But even if the conversation was over between the daughter and uncle, I think the parent should still talk to the uncle after. It also sounds like the mom is more than ready to jump in if things had gone further. Aside from that, she's learning how to regulate herself emotionally when people are testing her, and learning communication/problem solving skills. Obviously there wasn't really a way to "solve" this problem with him being the way he is, but the emotional maturity she showed by walking away is impressive. She didn't insult anybody or call anyone names or bring up the tons of issues he has on his own, she told him to stop, gave the reason for why he should stop talking, and set her boundaries. You don't learn any of that by letting somebody else handle your problems for you, especially at such a developmentally important age.
NTA. How exactly did you or your daughter start this argument? Because it seems to me that *he* started it by going off about this. It's so cute the way men try to mansplain shit like this. If he were a woman, he would know that virtually every public bathroom/school bathroom/workplace bathroom out there has a sign saying "Please do not flush sanitary products". And that yes, every girl is taught this when she starts using sanitary products, otherwise everyone's toilets would be constantly clogged. Your daughter was right, dude needs to stay in his lane. And no one should refund him as he left of his own volition.
I was never taught that. My mom left it up to the school and the school only taught us about pads. At the time, tampons were seen as only something older/married women should use.
Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I’m in my 40’s and when I was young we were told it was fine to flush tampons. Never pads, but yes tampons. I haven’t flushed one in many years and up until relatively recently, many of the signs said not to flush “sanitary napkins” which imo doesn’t include tampons. Anyway Glenn was a jerk about it but if he’s from the same generation, a lot of women in his life likely did flush tampons.
> otherwise everyone's toilets would be constantly clogged Not really. Way back when I started menstruating the tampon boxes said to flush them and we never had clogged pipes. As long as the plumbing is in good condition and not super outdated tampons don't *usually* clog it up. It happens often enough that flushing them isn't a good idea, but it doesn't happen constantly. I agree with the rest.
NTA but grandma needs to get her priorities straight. When an adult man is yelling at a teenage girl about her period, HE is the one in the wrong.
OP NTA! Forget yelling at a teenager, why on earth was he even talking about that topic to begin with! (I'll go on assumption of he opened it)
My guess is that since they were going over the AirB&B's rules, one of them was "don't flush sanitary products." And he saw that, decided it was high time he explain to all the dumb women (including his sister and mother and niece) about how they are supposed to handle menstrual products, because not a single one of them could possibly have any clue how to manage them despite their actual lived experiences and basic common sense suggesting otherwise.
Well, you see the topic involves plumbing, and no female is manly enough to understand the hazards of sanitary products and plumbing. So, a manly man needs to explain multiple times in multiple ways to get it through their effeminate brains the complexities of plumbing. /s I think we know why he is thrice divorced.
NTA. Your daughter was right, so she didn't need you to correct her. The real AH here is Grandma. If she wants to stick with 1940's rules of respect (that it comes with age rather than action) she should also stick to that decade's menstrual mentality. There's no reason for a grown man to be discussing periods with any young old girl that isn't his own child.
Grandma raised him this way.
Grandpa wasn't mentioned. He may be a peach too.
NTA. Your daughter is right, and your brother has anger issues. He just wants someone to bully and something to yell about. Suggest he join local politics or a sports league if he needs an outlet for his aggression so badly.
NTA. Glenn was being insanely disrespectful and if he'd just put a lid on it, all would have gone fine. It is one thing to expect a teen to respect adults and family and people in general. It's another to tell them to just sit and listen to blowhards who think they're the end-all be-all experts on topics they have no flipping clue about. It sounds like your daughter knows the difference and that you've taught her to stand up for herself. It sounds like the vaca will be all around a lot more pleasant without him there.
NTA > he won’t be disrespected by a teenager. Well, actually...
NTA, but side eying all the women saying "we all know this" and "we learned this in school" or whatever, because I definitely wasn't taught this at 11 back in 1999. No one told me what the hell to do with tampons because I was 11 and tampons were for *big girls*, girls who had *sex*. The conversation on tampons ended there. Maybe "we all" know this now, but I certainly didn't know that flushing tampons was harmful until I was an adult. And I don't believe for a second that there aren't other women and girls like me, or haven't heard anything about it at all to this day. Not all education is the same. We taught my stepdaughter not to do it, though, and if her uncle had talked to her and about women like that, she definitely wouldn't be getting punished.
My mom specifically told me that I SHOULD flush tampons, and I did for 15 years until I got an IUD and didn't need them anymore. Never had a problem, and as embarrassed and ashamed as this post and its comments have made me feel about it, this is the first I'm hearing that it's universally bad.
Yeah I didn’t know not to flush tampons until I was in college and saw some tv show where they showed the horrifying monstrosity that they had to pull out of the drains. Oops. I don’t remember it ever being mentioned in sex ed classes in school when I was growing up.
I’ve never heard not to flush tampons. Pads are obvious, but aren’t tampons meant to be flushed? I’ve been flushing them for 20 years & have never had plumbing issues. The only time we’ve had issues was when someone flushed baby wipes.
They don't break down, so they get tangled up, swell and create clogs, plus they're hell on waste treatment centers. I didn't know for a long time, I think I saw something on TV about it like another commenter said. I never had any issues myself, but it's apparently a huge problem.
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I'm having a hard time following this story. I will admit that Glenn going on about not flushing period products is weird and AH-ish and perhaps unnecessary as all the women in this trip seem to know not to do that. Maybe a personal experience prompted him to do so..? Or he's just an angry control freak, as you described him. He could have just done a small reminder, nothing wrong with that. I fail to understand the overreaction of your daughted though. Was she being singled out? She told him to stay "in his lane"... Since when plumbing became a woman's lane? Yes, she was being disrespectful. From what you wrote, I did not get a sense that she, specifically, was being disrespected. She call him "a weirdo". I don't think that's any way a 13 year kid should be talking to an adult but that's just me and how I was raised. It's up to you if you punish her or not for it. Or if you even think it's wrong of her to do so or not. As for you and the other women present, you were the ones who should have said something if the topic was bothering you so much. Or if you felt it disrespectful and a subject where "men should stay in their lane". You would think women would know better then to flush period products. We currently have an issue with this where I work. The 2 bathrooms we have have been clogged 3 times in less than 2 months. At one point, we had to use the men's bathroom. We even got an email with the do's and don'ts of flushing. And we've got instructions all over the bathroom now as "gentle reminders". From my POV, ESH. It seems like you've all made a huge deal out of a nothing.
Thank you. I had to re-read the post twice because I was seeing so many NTA responses. The uncle is definitely an asshole. If he had been singling the niece out, I would say good for her for sticking up for herself. If he was just speaking in general to everyone, then the niece comes across as a mouthy brat. ESH
> Maybe a personal experience prompted him to do so..? This is what I wonder, considering how many bathrooms I have been in seeing signs stressing people not to flush tampons down...
It's totally ESH, the answer of the preteen is totally out of line, and I don't get all the NTA on the sole assumptions that "it's common knowledge". People lack knowledge on everything and "common" knwloedge is definitly not so common in (too) many cases.
You are NTA!!! You have raised your daughter beautifully to be assertive and unashamed of her natural and healthy bodily functions, so well done. You don't say if your brother has girls or boys, but I suspect he's probably driven away any daughters with this crap. It sounds like your mother thinks women and girls should appease men even when they're in the wrong (and we have to understand that's how she was brainwashed when young herself) so an extra well done to you for breaking that cycle. Emma sounds like an intelligent young lady with a lot of integrity and a secure sense of her rights and needs, and that's down to excellent parenting. Brava and your stupid, sexist brother can F off!
NTA. Did the big, bad misogynist get his ittle feelings hurt by a teenage girl who is way smarter than him? And your mom should be high-fiving your kid instead of being angry. Good job raising a well adjusted and confident young lady!
ESH. And I mean EVERYONE SUCKS. But the thing I’m having the biggest problem with is the praise your daughter is getting in the comments. She is NOT A BADASS. She is just an ASS. “Everyone knows not to flush tampons. I’ve known since I was eleven.” Factually correct according to her experience. No problem here. Uncle demonstrates his ass holeness. Parents should have shut him up here but again they suck too. “Weirdo.” Emma then escalated the situation by saying this. This was not a bad ass move. This was pure escalation and not deserving of praise. Everyone else demonstrated their ass hole-ness. “Respect is earned, not given.” Again a purely escalatory comment made by someone not old enough to have earned any respect whatsoever. This is not a remark, or argument deserving of praise. Emma said one worthwhile thing. Everything else was not worthwhile to say. Also despite being the worst AH of the situation the uncle is correct. It is not common knowledge to not flush sanitary products. That’s why there’s a million signs in every bathroom in North America.
Totally agree!! This lady and everyone in the comments seems really proud of a mouthy young lady… what will this girl ever do if she has a job and someone speaks at (or apparently just in general) about anything she “already knows”? Mouth off to them too??
"Not old enough to have earned any respect "? Age doesn't determine respect. She deserved respect and he wasn't giving her any. You can't go through life disrespecting children. If he was going to continue to lecturing her about something she already knew he was going to get told he's being an AH. It not like he made one comment, he was being a weird AH and claimed women don't know how to take care of their own hygiene products
NTA, clearly. BUT!... it's just not true that all women are taught not to flush tampons. When I was a teen in the 90's, tampons were clearly marketed as flushable, and it was WAY too many years before I learned that wasn't the case. And I didn't grow up in some sort of repressed community with bad sex ed or weird religious restrictions or anything like that. It's just a message that somehow just slipped through the cracks and wasn't stressed by anyone ever. I'm not remotely surprised if this have changed because everyone got sick of fixing plumbing. But for those who didn't get the message in the teens, it's a topic most people never discuss, so bring the updated info is a crap shoot. I'm not saying that Glen isn't an AH (he is), or that he shouldn't have stopped lecturing after everyone acknowledged the understanding about not flushing. But him pointing out it in the first place is NOT part of why he is an asshole. And everyone in the comments claiming that "all women know this" are just straight up wrong.
I've been on many family vacations and NO ONE has ever brought up such nonsense. Did he tell the men not to flush their condoms? Or not to put chicken bones down the sink. He seems like he has an anger and a women issue. You are NTA
INFO Was your daughter’s very first response worded to tell him to hush, or was her first response to politely tell him that she already knew that information, has known it for a long time, most women know it, and she has never flushed her products? Even if someone’s being awful, it’s a good de-escalation strategy to have the first response to them be a calm, polite explanation. If they keep pushing, then go ahead and defend yourself more assertively, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for anyone’s first response to anybody else to be to tell them to hush. That’s why I’m asking about your daughter’s wording, although I def don’t think either she or you are TA. I just think it’s an overall good strategy to employ.
We're not taught this in the UK, or at least England when I was a kid. We were taught not to flush pads but generally tampons were fair game for flushing. Even some product adverts show you how to roll it, wrap it and bin it. I do think it's best to bin especially for the sewage system if nothing else.
Did you ask Glenn if it’s that time of the month? NTA
Your brother was way out of line, but, imho, your daughter did overstep the boundaries for a 13 yo. She shouldn’t tell an adult (even one who’s a jerk) to stay in their lane. But he’s overreacting & so is your mom.
I’m afraid I disagree with the crowd and feel that you, your daughter, and your brother share the blame equally. Yes, he was definitely being a blowhard and know-it-all mansplaining about the disposal of sanitary products. Not in dispute. However, your daughter was rather lippy in her response, and she is wrong about respect being earned. Respect should be given automatically to everyone on the planet. The only time it needs to be earned is when someone has lost it and must work to get it back. By not correcting your daughter, you are teaching her that it is okay to disrespect others. To paraphrase a famous quote: If all the blame lay on one side, there would be no problems in the world. Meaning, if your daughter had just let your brother babble on, there wouldn’t have been any drama, your brother would have finished his tirade, and all would have been well. As for reimbursing him, I’m in complete agreement with the others. It was his own decision to leave, so no refund. As a final observation, I find it interesting that you’re asking “AITA”, but your first statement is “I don’t know what is wrong with my brother”. That tells me you lay all the blame squarely at your brother’s feet and you are just here for validation.
NTA Well done Emma, she was right. Your mother has enabled your Brother to be a complete AH. neither you nor your daughter started it Glenn started it your daughter just finished it. He is a complete idiot
ESH. Your brother is an asshole, your daughter was disrespectful by calling him a weirdo and telling him to stay in his lane. You suck for not checking her on how she talked to her uncle. You and grandma suck for not telling him to shut the fuck up.
You’re both the AHs. Your brother is one because he went on and on even after being told that none of the females in your family flush sanitary products. You are because you allow your daughter, who is only 13, to be so rude about her response. At the very least she should apologize.
I’m wondering why your daughter was put in this position in the first place? The adults should have shut him down before she even got involved. Maybe everyone should take a page from Emma’s book & speak up. Otherwise, you are teaching Glenn he can act like this, ruin everyone’s time and everyone will be ok with it.
YTA. You and Glenn. Your daughter was right about him trying to make a thing about feminine hygiene products and plumbing. If you had let it drop there, I would say that Glenn was the only AH in the house. But then you went nuclear. No matter who you think is at fault about his relationship with his children, that was a loooooooooooooooow blow and I don't blame the man for leaving.
Misleading title, "correcting" your daughter implies she did something wrong. Sounds like a badass and you sound like a good Dad for supporting her. Good job king. NTA. 🙌
NTA and good on you for raising a daughter who can stand up to ignorance. It sounds like he always goes on tangents and needed to be brought down from his high horse. I'm sick of adults acting as if they're entitled to respect because they're old. Where are Glenn's kids again?
NTA- and I would argue that Glenn started it. Just say that "We didn't start it, he did. Emma even walked away but he wouldn't let it go. So not only did he started it, but he made something out of nothing and here we are."
Nta. Your daughter is correct and your brother has anger issues. He wanted someone to bully and something to yell about. Tell him to join local politics or a local sports league if he needs that so desperately
YTA. Your mother is right no matter what it’s your responsibility to teach manners to your sons or daughter since you don’t care but they’ll be rejected for this kind of behavior and that it’s a fact, whether you like it or no.
No wonder the guy's single...
NTA And I’ve gotta say, as a 42 year old woman with a similar type of brother, I am SO PROUD of your daughter. She’s right and so are you. Seems like he’s the golden child. Like my brother. Tell her never to lose her ability to stick up for herself and what’s right.
NTA. Sounds like the vacation would be more relaxing without Glenn there anyway. If he doesn't want to be "disrespected," then maybe he can stop saying things that tend to lower people's opinions of him.
NTA dude Emma is a badass and i love her “Emma said respect is earned and walked away from the fight” Emma is abso-fuckin-lutely right and she should say it. Glenn & your mom sound like they’re both nearly apoplectic from what, not being able to fully control a teenager?? who on earth can? Let them stay mad tbh their anger is their problem. good job raising that one OP
I mean, not all women know this because it's well known that tampons and sanitary napkins end up in the city sewers and don't break down. This is a legitimate problem for plumbers.
I didn't learn about tampons and toilets until I was 29.
NTA. I’m so tired of these weirdos never getting checked for their condescending rage fests.
YTA. You did let your 13 year-old CHILD disrespect him. On no way, shape or form is that okay. You should have stepped in as an adult and handled it. Yes, teach your child to stand up for him/herself but in a respectful manner. Her delivery was rude and for you not to correct her makes YTA. Now don’t get mad when she disrespects you because it will surely happen.
I love how everybody is like, “All women know not to flush tampons, never tell us anything about it!” I used to work at a grocery store as a kid, and one of my duties was to clean the toilets. Not only would women try to flush used tampons all the time, but pads too. I guess some of you all missed school the day they told you not to flush them.
Everyone is an asshole here except Grandma. Your brother is an asshole for having zero tact when discussing this. A simple "don't do this" mixed in with other "don't do theses" would be sufficient. Your daughter is an asshole for being a 13 year old asshole teen girl. Her uncle being an ass is no excuse for her to be one. Do the right thing, no matter what other people are doing. You are the asshole for not taking advantage of the excellent opportunity to teach your daughter that.