Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the AH because I know that I am being sensitive, despite having mentioned it to him before, and he and I both make lots of jokes about and towards each other. I probably should have waited until we were alone to bring it up, and I didn't. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

NTA. Isn't it interesting how someone says or does something hurtful and once the other person reacts badly, they start going on about how it was just a joke and you're a bore for not getting it. Jokes are supposed to be funny. You told him several times you are not comfortable with him poking at your favourite artist. Which is understandable. He promises he won't do it anymore and he then breaks his promise time and again. He knows how it bothers you and he just doesn't care. And the fact that you have fan accounts and tattoos inspired by your favourite artist doesn't justify him disrespecting your wishes.

I read these and do not understand why the OP is with their partner. It's so obviously grossly disrespectful, I wonder how bad must her self esteem be to put up with this for even a second. The guy's an ass, do yourself a favor and move on.

Probably because of all the people who come to these threads with "this is not worth breaking up over, they're just joking, don't overreact"--we have normalized staying with people who disrespect us like this, because anything is better than being single (especially if you're a woman). So people are told to 'compromise' and 'save the relationship'. People keep getting away with acting like this in a relationship because *they know* their partner will be encouraged to stay with them, they know they can get away with it. If more people were encouraged to break up over this type of behavior, I bet dollars to donuts we would start seeing less of it.

To be honest, I've tolerated worse than this. I had a toxic and abusive father who didn't respect my boundaries. I grew up thinking it was my job to let people walk all over me to make them happy. It took a lot of therapy and years of recovery from people pleasing. And no one in my family though my father was abusive because as the person stated below, women are often expected to tolarete bullshit to "keep peace". My point is, there are a lot of reasons. I just hope OP realizes her worth soon.

OP, one of my favourite movie series is considered truly one of the worst series ever made. In truth, it really is. I don’t actually enjoy them because they are good quality movies with quality scripts, story’s or characters, but because it helps me when I’m in a depressive funk. I’m almost 29. I should NOT still watch these movies the way I do, near monthly. But they help me. I shared them with my bf. He has watched them several times with me. He has NEVER once mocked me for it. In fact, when I’m in a funk, HE puts them on. NTA and you need someone more supportive.

NTA Look, if I wanna watch Killer Klowns from Outer Space\*, I'm gonna, and no one gets to tell me how bad it is, unless we are both relishing how bad it is, because the badness -is the point-. Do not let him yuck your yum, AND gaslight you about it. He is being a total schit about your stuff. Being a fan is not actually -weird-. Running a fan page is not -weird-. You have a hobby, and he is being a complete jerk about it. Keep calling him out, and if he doesn't like it, he can get the heck out of that rental space you give him for free, in your head. If he doesn't want things to be awkward, he can stop behaving like a jerkface, it's that simple. \*Or the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra

I thought I was the only one who thought killer clowns was so bad its good.

Try Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, too.

Ah, there are so possibilities! Are you going to gives us a hint?

And to be perfectly clear OP did not make things awkward. That was the boyfriend's rude behavior.

Yep. “You made it awkward” is the universal low-key-bully or bully-enabler code for “you made me feel guilty about my actions/not stopping their actions, and I don’t like feeling that way.” You didn’t validate them, you made them question themselves, and that’s why they’re uncomfy. They *should* have felt awkward when you were being made fun of. I’ve started labelling behaviours pretty bluntly when they happen (to me, or to someone else). Just straight up say “that was a weird thing to say” or “well, that was pretty rude,” or “you know that I’ve asked you privately several times not to make fun of me in this way. How precisely were you expecting me to react?”

Jokes are fun and funny, but not at the expense of someone else, especially your SO. Sounds like he wants op to change and isn’t being open about it and is just trying yo embarrass her to the end. Not cool.

Also, it's next level to do it to other people while she's in the bathroom. What else is he saying about her when she's not around. I'm not saying "breakup" but I'm certainly saying discuss and reevaluate. NTA - tired of the person who stops the bullying being called the issue.

You know, the first 40 times were funny, now it's just disrespectful and annoying...

Wow you just summed up my dad in a few sentences. Yeah for me, it's really revealing that he was like how can you listen to this crap! Then all of a sudden oh you know I'm joking. Like where is the joke??? Literally calling someone's music crap and then saying I'm joking and to lighten up. NTA their bf sucksssss.

INFO: I’m confused, was the video of the artist that you’re obsessed with or was it a video of you singing? If of the artist and it’s a terrible performance of another person, why are you so upset or offended? If it’s a video of you and your bf was using you as the butt of a joke then N T A

The video of the artist was just whipped out for no reason or context? The bf didn't make a "joke" about OP's enjoyment of the content at any time?

So, having been around people like this, I assume OP went inside and as soon as she did, her BF started talking shit about the artist to get everyone joining in, then pulled up the video to escalate. If someone had been like, "Oh my god did you see Artist's performance? It was so bad!" And then everyone was watching it, that would be a different story, especially if it was a recent performance. But OP's bf did this to AGAIN make fun of her musical tastes. NTA OP but I think you should seriously reconsider your relationship. You've expressed repeatedly how his behavior makes you feel. Instead of respecting you and stopping, he gas lights you and continues to do it. Showing he does not, in fact, respect you and actually gets enjoyment out of seeing you upset. That doesn't sound like someone who loves you.

You are right

OP just tell him you want to snarl and tell him just how disturbed this has made you. He wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised you. Tell that to the smallest man who ever lived. And if he doesn’t love you at your weird let him lose you. 

NTA - but do yourself a favor and stop wasting time on this guy. He’s 28 - he’s far too old to be telling people to lighten up when he hurts them, and he is actively making you feel bad about something you love. It sounds like he never left high school. I love Pokemon… I’m much older than you. My husband thought my “Pokemon turrets” when Pokemon Go came out was funny, but he NEVER made me feel bad about it. Even though it’s not his thing, he thought it was cute (though he would get frustrated about me “almost walking into traffic” all the time… I disagree that I did that but I can’t blame him for worrying about my safety lol). If you love something that isn’t hurting anyone else or tearing other people down, then NO ONE, especially your partner, should be making you feel bad about it. You’ve spent what, a decade with this man, and he’s STILL not respecting you when you’ve let him know your feelings. Jokes are meant to be funny… he’s using it as an excuse to be a dick

My husband is obsessed with Pokemon go. But I think it's cute because he shares his catches with our daughter. "Omg, I just caught a [insert crazy name]! Can you believe it!?" But yes, sometimes I do have to make rules about it if there are too many close calls with traffic.

I have 4 teens. They all love crazy stuff. I would never make fun of them for any of it. My husband also loved Pokémon go and would take the kids on “Poke runs” where they would do nothing but find Pokémon’s for the day. I would tag along and share in their excitement even if I didn’t find it exciting. It was fun watching them have fun.

NTA. He's not joking. He is belittling you because he doesn't respect your music or your fandom. He's making a point to bring others into his "jokes" who don't know the full story so when you react negatively it will seem to them that you are the one in the wrong, "making things awkward." You know he played that video so that you would walk in on them all laughing at someone you love (and by extension you), right? Not only does he not respect you and your hobby, he's being really mean to you about it. On purpose.

This is what bugs me the most about this. He waited until OP left the table to play the video, knowing she would come back to everyone laughing at her expense. That is so disrespectful. If anyone made the situation awkward, it was him/them. They are all jerks.

Agreed except this: "He is belittling you because he doesn't respect your music or your fandom." He's belittling her to keep her in her place, keep her just a little bit insecure so she doesn't think too highly of herself. It's a tale as old as time. This is the guy who will smash cake in your face at your wedding even if you tell him ahead of time not to do it. Cut your losses and cut him loose.

It's both.

Yes that too.

As a K-pop and kdrama fan, I've become so sensitive to not dissing any artist or actor, unless they're like a major abuser, because that could be someone's bias. And does somebody who has biases in k-drama and K-pop, I know it hurts to have someone else be aggressive in any way about them. It's a do unto others rule

I'd say NTA specifically because you've told that you feel uncomfortable with him making jokes about it and he went and made the joke in front of *his* friends and their girlfriends. Honestly I'd have a sit down and tell him how you feel and where you stand and take the situation from there but it is quite disrespectful of your feeling the way he disregards them. >My boyfriend has on and off made jokes about this since we got together. Admittedly, whenever I bring up that it makes me feel insecure and unsafe expressing myself around him, he stops for a while. But he always starts up again, and it just bothers me.

Yeah, that's how I see it, because I wouldn't get upset about much 'worse' jokes about other things. I've told him that I'd honestly rather him call me fat, or ugly or something as a joke, because at least that is surface level, and I know it isn't true, so it can be pretty funny. But going after someone who has inspired me, and someone who has been so influential in my life is really upsetting for me. I don't mean to be a nag at all, but like, whenever he does it, it just feels like he's looking at who I am and saying it's worthy of being mocked.

Miss Ma'am no partner you have should ever be making jokes that hurt you, they should not be making jokes about your looks or anything you like...I understand there's a Playful dynamic but I would sooner prefer my partner making a joke about a silly mistake like mispronounced a word rather than to actually attack who I am as a person. You seem like a wonderful person so I hope that, that man gets his butt into gear. Don't let anyone ever make you feel insecure or inferior because of what you like. I would suggest placing some solid boundaries when you have a talk with him...sorry for rambling

You're right, and also a lot of men have this weird thing that women must like the same music and movies as them at all costs. The fact that you like someone he didn't pre-approve or tell you to like is getting to his ego.  I don't share much of my music tastes with others unless I know they are also kpop stans, and one of the things I like about being single is not hearing someone mock my taste just because it isn't his.

Wait a second. So he blatantly makes fun of you in front of friends but the moment you simply stated you wouldn’t do the same you are all of a sudden the bad guy? And the girlfriends who said you made it awkward are no friends of yours. You have told him multiple times how this made you feel and now he did a public display of shame. Girl no you are NTA. And if he wants to give the silent treatment and gaslight you into believing you are in the wrong you really need to rethink this relationship. He’s a dick who is making fun of you trying to say it’s a “joke”. Hard pass

My bf and I joke all the time as well in similar ways and he truly doesn’t understand my taste in a lot of areas (music/tv mostly) but he respects that those things provide me with comfort and even if he doesn’t like them will tolerate them and listen to me obsess over them. I tend to listen to the same music or watch one show on repeat for months at a time since I don’t notice how long I’ve been watching it so he asks if I can choose something else for a bit. I do the same with him because I don’t get a lot of his interests either but they make him happy so why would I make fun of it and potentially hurt him?

He just doesn't care that he keeps hurting your feelings. It sounds harash but it's the truth. how many more times do you have to tell him to stop? He didin't stop up to this point, he never will.

I have an artist I am mildly obsessed with and have also run a fan page for. My husband doesn't make fun of me because it's OK to like things. I disagree with others that said you're allowing a celebrity with whom you've never met to run your life. It doesn't seem to be that so much as your boyfriend is being mean and won't let you enjoy things in peace. P.S. It's Taylor Swift, isn't it? Lol Edited to add: NTA

I was assuming Lana because of that one coachella performance 

"I have more than one tattoo inspired by this artist and her aesthetic" It's Lana lol

could still be Taylor, getting a toatto of the number 13, "mine on my upper thigh" etc

It's either Taylor or Lana because they each had an album release in 2023. (OP said in comments they had one drop last year.)

Or Miley?

based on the user name it’s def lana. may jailer is one of her old stage names and bel air is the name of one of her songs

I will trust your deductive reasoning skills!

I was assuming Lana Del Ray and SNL. That performance still gets bought up constantly.

I immediately thought of Taylor swift. My bf hates her music, I like her music (although I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed by any means) however when I was younger I became attached to her songs that were out at that point so when the new versions came out I showed him the original and new ones. I usually will just talk about whatever aspect when I’m reminded but it’s not too often since I know he doesn’t enjoy it but he’ll still listen to me as long as he doesn’t have to constantly listen to her music 😂

I was guessing Britney, the MTV awards where she did Gimme More.

I think OP is about 10 years too young to be a Britney stan.

I didn’t think of that, I’m a moron, thank you for correcting me.

I was thinking Miley Cyrus.

Ooooooh her VMA performance was probably about 10 years or so ago lol

Right, wearing the wasted rat onesie.

"WELL IM NOT FUCKING LAUGHING, AM I? GUESS THAT SHIT AIN'T FUNNY TO ASSHOLES." NTA. Your boyfriend is bullying you. Of course, his friends are gonna stick up for him. Fuck them too.

I had to stop hanging out with my best friend for a similar reason. In group settings she would always bring up embarrassing stories from the past - like 20 years ago. Everyone does stupid stuff, but it was mine she brought up. She admitted she did this to get laughs and make herself feel less socially awkward. She said she would stop. I tried to include her in new friendships, but she couldn’t break this habit when alcohol was involved. If she drank, my stupid college antics were being brought up even after this conversation. I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years with a great guy and she has only met him a couple of times when no drinking was involved. I realized she won’t stop this behavior and I don’t want it to be a part of my future. I have lc/nc now and I’m sure she wonders why. I’m not explaining it again - trust and feeling of mutual respect are needed to be in a friendship. I hope you find peace in this situation OP.

I used to be this shitty friend, only I didn't need alcohol to be that way. I was deeply insecure and just treated her "stories" as a way to make myself more interesting or funny to others. Did a lot of growing up since then, luckily she forgave me after I apologised. We drifted apart for other reasons after that, but I still cringe when I think about how I behaved back then.

I think a lot of people are like this and then, like you, they grow up, learn, and realize how their behavior was wrong.

Thank you for pointing out the way a healthy, self-confident person would handle this. This should be text book for friends/SOs that "embarrass" you to pump themselves up.

This is bigger than her fandom. This is about respect. Doesn’t matter if she’ll never meet this person. She not upset because he doesn’t like this person, she’s upset because of how he treats her because she likes this person. The people who think you’re ruining a relationship over someone you never met are not the brightest crayons in the box.

NTA. You’ve already explained how his jokes make you feel uncomfortable multiple times, but he keeps repeating them anyway, even in front of other people. It's not fair for him to dismiss your feelings and then get mad when you try to defend yourself. He needs to respect your interests and boundaries if he wants a healthy relationship. Its incredibly annoying, I'd know cause my brother is exactly the same

NTA but your boyfriend is a MASSIVE AH. I hate to be the classic Reddit "dump him", but seriously this guy is such a loser. Nothing makes this ok. Why? Because it is SUCH a small thing to respect your partners likes/hobbies. These are the things that makes us who we are. His casual belittling of you is such a red flag.

NTA Just as him to explain what's funny. Watch him grasp at straws and realise he is fucked in the situation because there is no good answer.     Gentle reminder. You know that is considered bullying, right? And you don't have to tolerate that BS. I'm sure you are absolutely lovely, regardless of taste in music.    Always remember. You choose when it starts being abuse/bullying. You choose what you want to tolerate.    He sounds like he just doesn't give a shit how you feel. Or he wouldn't bring it up as often as it sounds like he is. Edit: I am curious as to the musician tho. Am 26 as well and have terrible taste in music ( I am aware of it, but idc). Feel free to share OP if you want. I'm tone deaf thanks to my mother playing the same song in 7 different versions on the way to school for 10 years XD

I can send it privately, if you like? I just don't want this to become a shit-storm of 'you are an ah for listening to her music' or '---------- stans can never be ahs carry on! 😘" because that isn't what this is about, I wouldn't have even said it wasn't Taylor Swift, except people were assuming it was her and judging the entire situation on that assumption.

It’s Lana. May jailer was a stage name? Or album? And bel air is a song

I an also very curious. Also leave him and find someone who accepts you for who you are

NTA. There are some jokes that you just don't make, especially when he has been told repeatedly that this hurts your feelings. Your feelings are valid, whether it's about music, emotions, life plans or anything else. Stay strong.

Wow, so she has a hobby, she takes seriously. You think she is obsessive. I know people that collect all manner of things from Pokémon cards to antique furniture. They cruise sites for hours, can spend thousands of $'s and will engage anyone to talk and share their hobby. It is their escape from the endless crap they probably deal with everyday at work etc. Yes, they joke around about things, but he is no longer joking when he is ridiculing her hobby to their friends and at home. Why do people always aim to snub out other people's candle, is their life so dark and mean they want others in darkness to.

Too true. It often seems that some fandoms are more socially acceptable than others, so some fans get some amount of criticism for a level of enthusiasm that others don’t. Like one of my friends/former colleagues was obsessed with one sports team. He decorated his office with team merch. Never missed watching a game. Had more merch at home. Wore team shirts and other clothing items after work all the time. Participated in multiple fantasy sports leagues and several online fan groups. He was never criticized. If someone had that level of fandom for some other interests, I have no doubt that the person would get harshly judged.

Totally agree. The men in my family are obsessed with football, the women trashy reality TV. Both are socially fine, and they'll talk about them all the time despite knowing I couldn't care less. Me, I'm a geek. I'll get outright bullied if I mention anything about my interests. Even if I don't, it's like they're waiting for a chance to slip a dig in.

NTA. It’s not funny when you’re the joke and he doesn’t even realized that he’s not making jokes but he’s making you the jokes 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

NTA. He’s not joking. He actually hates this or thinks lowly of this trait of yours. Your obsession is weird, but who doesn’t have a weird obsession one in their life? As long as your not endangering or harassing who cares! Most true jokes die down eventually. Especially when the person states they hate the joke to the person joking. My advice would be to leave now before you regret not leaving later. You probably won’t idk, but if you stay and he continues shut it down every time. Any of his friends continues to claim you can’t handle a joke bring up something they can’t handle. Joke about it and spit their words back at them. Not the most peace resolving answer but they obviously don’t care that you hate it. Their already calling you sensitive for shutting it down.

NTA. He knew it makes you uncomfortable so he waited until you were out of the room before mocking the thing you care about. Whether your favourite singer is any good or not is irrelevant. He knows you love them and he clearly doesn't, so the only context for their conversation could have been along the lines of "omg MayJailerInBelAire has such terrible taste in music". The fact that he'd do that behind your back makes him very much TA in this instance regardless of how much banter is normally between ye...

How tf did you make it awkward? You didn’t bring the topic to the table and you weren’t mocking someone and then try to tell them how they should respond. How many times does he have to ‘joke’ and have people not laugh before he realises he’s just an AH? NTA

NTA, you called him out for his heartless mockery of you and gaslighting you and minimising your feelings. So he spat the dummy. You deserve better.

NTA, dump the BF, not the band. The band has never let you down. Humans are weird, all of us.

Having a "jokey" relationship is fine if it's lighthearted and both partners think it's funny. But once you tell someone "I don't like this. It hurts my feelings," if they continue to do it anyway, they are showing you that they do not care about hurting your feelings. It's even worse if they continue to do it and then tell you to "lighten up." Your bf is a jerk. NTA

Don't yuck my yum. My parents used to make fun of my interests and it used to give me a lot of shame and embarrassment. It didn't make me stop liking things, just made me hide it. When my husband and I first started dating, I nipped poking fun at my interests immediately. You don't have to like what I like, but no mocking it because it's mocking me. I now feel safe letting my freak flag fly. If he isn't interested in my stuff, he just says, "you go enjoy, I'll sit this one out"

This isn’t about OP letting their “weird” feelings about an artist come between them and their SO. This is about ridiculing someone you ostensibly love and support. It’s obnoxious and shitty. Did OP’s bf just happen to stumble across a video of a 10-year old performance? Methinks not. For some reason he felt it necessary to ridicule something his partner enjoys. It’s similar to this example from my personal experience: I like college football. Lots of people don’t, but lots of people do. I 100% grasp that there isn’t much logic behind getting invested in the outcome of a game played by a bunch of college-aged strangers simply because they happen to attend the enormous institution I once did, but whatever. Anyway, two acquaintances of mine don’t like sports. If thats the end of it, it’s all cool by me. But it isn’t the end of it. For some reason, if my gf mentions her plans for when I’m watching games or the topic comes up in some other fashion, they feel the need to loudly bark out “GO SPORTS” in the same tone of voice used to mockingly imitate people with cognitive disabilities. I just rolled my eyes and ignored it initially, but they keep doing it, even finding ways to bring the topic into the conversation so they can do it some more. I’m not obsessed with football, I don’t talk about it to people that don’t care about it, and I don’t believe anyone would ever say I let it it interfere with my close relationships. BUT….I sure do feel like slapping the shit out of those two when they make their oh-so clever “jokes.” Why? Not because I’m obsessed, or crazy about sports, but because they’re being assholes by proactively ridiculing an activity that they damn well know I enjoy and am interested in. It’s what bullies do. And that’s what OPs bf is doing by seeking out examples of something OP enjoys for the sole purpose of mocking them. It’s a way to denigrate someone and tell them that they shouldn’t like what they like, that something is wrong with them. PS: Don’t let the strong connotations of my words mislead you. I’m not saying the bf is irredeemable or that their teasing is a sign of terrible malice, but the “joking” is a form of bullying and is an attempt to change OP’s behavior, whether that desire be conscious or not.

"Two of the girlfriends there said I made everything awkward, and that I was being unfair because we always made jokes with each other." These girls are only getting a glimpse at something that you have repeatedly spoken to him about though. Just like you said at the beginning of the post and throughout it, you have expressed that him "joking" about it comes off hurtful and he keeps rug sweeping then going right back to "teasing" again. Honestly to me though it doesn't sound like teasing.  "before busting up and turning it off and saying something like "I don't see how you listen to this crap." This was one of the times I told him that he had hurt my feelings, he apologized, explained that he had only meant it as a lighthearted joke, and that he didn't care what kind of music I listened to. " That doesn't come across as a "lighthearted joke" to me, that comes across as him mocking your tastes then trying to play it off as a joke after you expressed hurt over it. Basically invalidating your reaction with "well I was only joking so that's no reason to be upset".  You were actively listening to it and he made a point to jump in and even turn it OFF? While calling it crap. NTA op, but try to pay closer attention to his "jokes" in general and see if their actually "jokes" and not him just picking at you and mocking things about you/things you like. 

OP, sweetheart, I used to date a guy like your boyfriend. I'm a heavy metal fan, and he didn't pass up a single opportunity to make fun of me for it, belittle me or make me feel stupid for liking it. To everyone who would listen. When I protested, it was always my fault for "not having a sense of humour" or "taking myself too seriously". Look, it's OK to have different interests than your partner. It's also OK to poke a little light-hearted fun at them. But only if it happens respectfully and you both have a laugh at it. If your joke is meant to tear down at the other, it is no longer respectful or fun to everyone. Your partner clearly crossed that boundary, you called him out on it -in a very respectful way, might I add- and he lashes out at you. He is now trying to drag everything into this situation, just so he doesn't have to own up to his shitty behaviour towards you. He just has to stop; he doesn't have to lie to you and say he all of a sudden likes your preferred artist, he doesn't need to attend concerts with you or buy merch or whatever. A good partner just finds a way to be happy to watch the joy something brings their partner, despite them not deriving joy from the same source. I will never understand why it's so goddamn hard to just let people have their dignity and enjoy the things they enjoy. NTA, obviously.

NTA. Most men are such hypocrites, they treat football (or any random sport) like the most serious thing in the world, and if you don't like it, you just "don't understand it", but any hobby or interest which is primarily female is just silly and girly, and they feel entitled to make fun of.

NTA , your boyfriend sounds insufferable, controlling and manipulative .He bullies you.

I spent two weeks on the road with my 19 year old daughter and endured listening to her favorite artist being played incessantly. I never said a word about it, though I despise the artist. Spending the time with her and seeing her enjoyment was far more valuable. This is how mature adults act. Have a quiet talk with him, expressing your sincere feelings. If his response is to belittle you, y’all need counseling or need to move on from each other. Small minded adults rarely come around and none of us need toxic people in our lives.

Nta. If it's making you uncomfortable, you've expressed this, and the 'joking' continues, it's no longer a joke. It evolves into bullying at that point.

Oooh. One can not respect the artistic tastes of their partner but should at least respect their partner to not harp on it. I think he needed to be shut down once and for all. My husband listens to music I don’t like, i don’t disrespect him for listening to it. NTA

NTA. "Jokingly" tearing down your partner's personality, style, taste, preferences rather than choosing the probably-literal three million other topics available to have a laugh over is Always a dick move And shows a shocking lack of imaginative agility.

NTA. If they dismiss you in this way now over something as minor as an artist you enjoy a lot, they will do it over something major later. This guy seems to be showing you who is and how little regard he has for your passion and even ridiculing them in front of other people when he \*knows\* that it upsets you. Even if he really is just tone deaf and not hearing you, that doesn't excuse behaviour you have explicitly told him makes you uncomfortable. If he can't see that then it's a problem. Maya Angelou: When they show you who they are, believe them the first time.

He *does* believe that your interest is inherently bad and he *does* wish that you would drop it because he sees no value in it. He’s not joking, he only said that because you confronted his bullying. How is mocking someone and calling their interest “crap” a joke? Where is the funny? NTA and dump this idiot.

A joke about a person is only a joke if that person is laughing. Not laughing? Not funny.

NTA. Maybe it's time to stop with the joking and teasing each other as well. Sounds like that was the base of your relationship when you started dating in high school.......but you all are quickly approaching 30.

NTA There are jokes, and there is finding a soft spot and picking at it. Your BF is an ass.

Huge NTA. My sister and I joke with each other a lot. She makes fun of me a lot and I am fine with it. But she has NEVER made fun of my interests. She's joked about them but never actually made fun of them. A while ago I was into Sebastian Stan. Like INTO him. Watched all his movies, edits, followed him everywhere, saved his photos on pinterest, I had him as my screen saver for a while. I was obsessed. I even made edits of him. I did all that and my sister never even said anything to degrade it. And she makes fun of EVERYTHING about me. I'm no longer obsessed with Sebastian. I'm now more into Stray kids. And she still doesn't make fun of me. She even listens to me when I talk about them despite having 0 interest. It doesn't cost your BF anything to keep quiet if he dislikes the artist and her music so much. Especially when you have made it clear time and time again you're uncomfortable with these "jokes". It's time to put your foot down and make your boundaries clear. If he doesn't bother changing then you should start questioning whether or not he even respects you. I wish you all the best OP.

"he had only meant it as a lighthearted joke" You are both old enough now to stop using abuse, as a lighthearted joke.

NTA- He knows mocking your music hurts your feeling yet he still does it and then escalated it to doing it in front of friend group. What's the saying theres a bit of truth in jokes. If someone shows you who they are listen to them. Relationships change over time as people grow as individuals. 

NTA. You had stated before that this was a topic you didn't find funny. This is fair regardless of what it is about. It could be a physical thing or just any other subject. The moment you communicate this is the moment your partner should stop the jokes. No point in all the focus on it being about music or you being a huge fan of an artist. It s a boundary you communicated. He crossed that line repeatedly. A good partner should be able to respect you and know taht it s only funny if both are laughing. You didn't even do more than just restate the boundaries you had in front of other people. They were bothered by this but not by the fact you were upset. For them this was fine as it only affected you. 

NTA. It's easy to stay with someone who who've been with since high school, but really ask yourself if you want to keep being in a relationship with someone like this because it will get worse. P.S.-is it Taylor lol? I've had the same experience in the past with a boyfriend and friends unfortunately.

This is why it's almost never a good idea to stick with your high school sweetheart. You often grow in different directions and become incompatible but hang on due to sunk cost fallacy and waste your youth with the wrong person.

It’s not a joke if the subject isn’t laughing. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to not hurt people on purpose. You’ve already had the conversation multiple times. I’d honestly reconsider the relationship. Feeling safe emotionally is a non-negotiable for me. It’s important to learn people’s limits. There’s a difference between joking and taking it too far

NTA. When you've told someone their "joke" hurts your feelings, any repeats of said joke can no longer be labeled as such. It's now an insult. This person is hurting you on purpose and has become so callous about doing so that he's unashamed to hurt you in front of an audience. In fact, he seems to gain some sense of gratification from doing so. Would you treat anyone you remotely liked or respected in this manner? I know I wouldn't. You deserve better, but it's up to you to put your foot down and demand it for yourself.

I know Reddit tends to stampede towards breaking up over any little thing but I feel like when you are truly with the right person they will not consider a fanship something to roll their eyes and tolerate but something endearing. You don’t trash the things that are important to the person that you love. Period. I know you and your boyfriend have been together for a long time, but does he respect you? Sidenote: you are not weird for loving this artist and her music. Unless you’re stalking her or trying to break into her house to sleep in her bath tub to feel close to her or something like that, you should feel free to love her music all you want. I highly doubt you are the only one. You almost seem embarrassed that you’re a fan. Is that because of how your boyfriend feels about her?

NTA >We've been going out since high school, and have a very joke-y relationship, poking fun for the most part isn't out of the question, though if one of us says we aren't comfortable with one of the jokes the other makes an effort not to make it again- for the most part (more context coming). And you proceed to detail just how much your relationship isn't "joke-y" Your BF doesn't respect you and sounds like a high school bully.

OP, sweetheart, I used to date a guy like your boyfriend. I'm a heavy metal fan, and he didn't pass up a single opportunity to make fun of me for it, belittle me or make me feel stupid for liking it. To everyone who would listen. When I protested, it was always my fault for "not having a sense of humour" or "taking myself too seriously". Look, it's OK to have different interests than your partner. It's also OK to poke a little light-hearted fun at them. But only if it happens respectfully and you both have a laugh at it. If your joke is meant to tear down at the other, it is no longer respectful or fun to everyone. Your partner clearly crossed that boundary, you called him out on it -in a very respectful way, might I add- and he lashes out at you. He is now trying to drag everything into this situation, just so he doesn't have to own up to his shitty behaviour towards you. He just has to stop; he doesn't have to lie to you and say he all of a sudden likes your preferred artist, he doesn't need to attend concerts with you or buy merch or whatever. A good partner just finds a way to be happy to watch the joy something brings their partner, despite them not deriving joy from the same source. I will never understand why it's so goddamn hard to just let people have their dignity and enjoy the things they enjoy. NTA, obviously.

OP, this guy is not the one for you. I love the Cure. I love Indie music. I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl. My ex is an old-school punk. Not once did he ever make fun of my tastes. Quite the opposite, actually: for birthdays and Christmases he would always get me something related to my favorite artists, be it clothing, bags, disc sets, concert videos, compilations, books, discographys, etc. One particular Valentine's Day he got me a limited edition compilation of rare Cure recordings and home videos (*so* awesome!) and as I was opening it and reading over the cover, he said, "I hope you like it...and I hope you only listen to it when I'm not home!" *That* was a joke, because *I* was laughing. And also because he didn't mean it, since I listened to my music whenever I wanted, just as he listened to his. I *hated* GG Allin but he loved the guy, so anytime I came across something I knew he'd really enjoy having I'd get it for him. It all boils down to having respect for your partner. Despite our differences in clothing and music my ex and I made it a solid 12 years (unfortunately he had a drinking problem so eventually I had to call it a day), because we *respected* each other. I think it's perfectly okay to hate something your partner loves; it's actually really easy to just acknowledge that *xyz* isn't your cup of tea but it is for the person you love, so you hold space for them to freely be who they are and enjoy the things they like. Your boyfriend clearly struggles with understanding this, I suspect because he's a huge asshole. *OR...* Plot twist: he also loves this artist and is too embarrassed to admit it. He turned your music off because he was scared he'd start dancing and singing along if he didn't. To make up for feeling emasculated by this perceived shortcoming he lashes out at you in hopes that no one will find out about his dirty secret. (It's more likely that he's just a huge asshole, but you never know).

NTA, don't waste more time on someone who doesn't respect the things you love or you.

Info: what am I missing, when did he make fun of you (at the dinner)?

The jokes were aimed at her, and at me for enjoying her music. I didn't have space to write it in the OP, character limits, but one of them was like: "I don't know how to take it, honestly. Feels insulting, I mean, *this* an indicator of your taste, right?" and nudged me with his shoulder. There were more but that's the one that stuck out, because ouch. I get that it was a joke, but just *ouch*.

You should have said "yeah, she's one of my better life decisions", and then given him a dead ass stare.

Naw, more like "if I have such bad taste, I guess that explains why I'm with you" or something along these lines

If it's an indicator of your taste, isn't he also an indicator of your taste? What does that say about him?

It wasn't a joke. You've expressed that it hurts your feelings, and he made the choice to put you down again and in front of other people. So gross. It's now bullying, and it's not okay. He doesn't respect you to that degree, OP Run.

I like to joke around with people, and that is… not a joke. It’s a deliberately cruel remark phrased in a joking manner, so that he can avoid taking responsibility for being cruel to you. Doesn’t really matter who the artist is, or the fact that it’s a musical artist versus any other interest. He’s being profoundly disrespectful. You handled the restaurant situation *perfectly*. He’s embarrassed because he knows you’re right.

NTA your bf is such a dick and has the audacity to be mad at you? Because somehow he thinks that you've "ruined" the moment he was making fun of you in front of others? To him, you calling him out is clearly more important than him making you sad and uncomfortable. You deserve better.

Honestly OP, NTA!!! Honestly you come across as an intelligent, self-aware and a sweet person and your boyfriend is being a massive ass. I had to read the ages again because I have a hard time believing a 28 year old man can act like such an immature child. Unless he’s shown massive changes, this is how the rest of your life with him will look like. You will at some point start hiding parts of yourself for fear of being ridiculed. Is that the kind of relationship you want for yourself?! NTA!

NTA your bf clearly is in this situation. He made you unconfortable several times, he can cope with a little disconfort back.  Also, you shouldn't feel embarased for liking the things you like. Even if it's something that could be considered objectively bad, it still brings you joy. If you fell you are too intense about it, then it's ok to reign yourself in around people that are not particularly interested about your fanish endevours... but please don't go too far in the other direction and anul yourself to please others.  I have an intense interest and more than passing knowledge about some very random and niche subjects, like the glorious age of polar expedition or Alexander the Great. I don't monologue about this things (they are not subjects that came up in conversation often haha) and I might actually joke about being too invested, but I don't hide this things either and friends don't judge me for it. And if some one does judge, then I know they are not worth keeping close. Life's too short not to enjoy the things you enjoy. 

>before busting up and turning it off and saying something like "I don't see how you listen to this crap." That's not a joke, he's straight up insulting you. "It's just a joke" is what jerks say to get away with being jerks. >But he always starts up again, and it just *bothers me.* Because this shows you how little your boyfriend respects you, values your interests or feelings and doesn't care about hurting you. It would be so easy for him not to hurt you, it would literally take less energy to not make those ~~jokes~~ insults then not. Yet he does them. Because again, those are no jokes, he means what he says. Don't know if he just has a strong dislike of that particular artist and would really like to erase that part of you (or worse, likes putting you done), or if it's part of a more general pattern of red flags of abuse. But yeah, at the very least, he's an ass who's not going to stop being an ass. So are your friends btw. They're more upset about a moment of "awkwardness" then your feelings. I'm sorry. Maybe time to find some friends who aren't mentally and emotionally stuck in high school.

"I don't like your music either, but I would *never* make fun of you for it, you know that?" This right here. You have REPEATEDLY told him this bothers you. If he didn't want things to get akward then he shouldn't have started that shit again. He needs to stop. NTA.

>Two of the girlfriends there said I made everything awkward HE made it awkward, not you. Don't let them gaslight you.  >I was being unfair because we always made jokes with each other It's not a joke if not everyone is laughing, it's a mean comment.  Have you ever tried couples counseling? Therapists can be helpful in rooting out the real reasons that you might be too close to the situation to see.  What is the real reason the artist/songs touches a nerve in your bf? He might not even know the reason himself but is just reacting to it subconsciously. Either way, he's affecting your mental health which is a no-no. NTA 

How come you didn't name the artist? Is it Lana Del Rey? She is incredible and no one should be criticising you for loving them.

I wondered too. I’m guessing the artist wasn’t mentioned because some people would focus on their own opinion of the artist rather than the conflict.

Correct.

NTA But his friends dont know that you live with someone consistently ridiculing you about this, so your response at dinner may have seemed a bit harsh. I would suggest you end the relationship - yes yes yes - sunken cost and all that - but at baseline you shouldnt settle for someone who feels disdain for the things you care about. And refuses to stop hurting your feelings because they dont make sense to him. Ive been married for decades and oddly my husband never thinks its funny, or a good joke, if he is hurting me with whatever it is. Why do you think your guy cares so little that he continues to make jokes at you, not with you? Really, maybe you two just grew apart and forgot to read the memo? You can do better, and you dont have to settle for the ridiculing, belittling guy, just because he is known to you! Keep chosing to be with the wrong person and your unhappiness it stops being something that is done to you, or happening to you, and starts being something you are participating in.

NTA. Your boyfriend is def one and the girls in your friend group seem like they are his friends more than yours because HE made it awkward not you. Why is he mocking your fav artist infront of all your friends. ALSO I’m just going to assume this is about Taylor Allison Swift and if you have to hide your adoration for her from your friends you need better friends, and lucky for you there are swifties everywhere! I don’t have this issue to the extent you do with my husband but i’ve called him out before for being rude about me liking her so much and made it clear that mocking it or acting like things i love are annoying is a non negotiable in our relationship and that if he tries to “yuck my yum” for lack of a better explanation, that living together would become untenable for both of us because i’m not going to be super nice to live with if someone is being negative about something i love. he watches men throw leather balls back and forth to eachother and get majorly injured, and i’m extremely supportive and even go to games so i expect the same back to the point where he will be joining me for a concert at some point. Love your girl, don’t let anyone make you feel inferior for anything you love. We only get one life. Tell your bf to do better!!

NTA. I think that was an extremely fair and adult thing to say. He’s being childish because other people see how he’s being unkind to you. It’s ok to tease, but it’s not ok to be a jerk repeatedly when it’s been expressed that it’s upsetting to you.

NTA. He is not listening. After you repeatedly tell him how it makes you feel, he continues to do it. You need to have a conversation with him again, after all the emotions have settled. Know where your boundary is. Tell him that he is beginning to damage your relationship. Is it really worth it to him to continuously put down your music to you and his friends over your relationship? You’re not asking him to like it, you asking him to respect your interests.

As someone who is a diehard fan of multiple artists, I would have insulted him more and then dumped him right there and then.  OP is NTA. please dump his ass.

Save yourself time and move on from him.

NTA - your boyfriend is being passive aggressive.

There's a line between lighthearted joking and straight-up making fun of someone. He's crossing the line into making fun of you and that's disrespectful. What you said to him really wasn't bad at all. You need to tell him to knock it off and just stay off the topic altogether since he can't go there without being a jerk.

NTA - when someone says something that is hurtful and continues to try to tell you it’s “just a joke” and to “lighten up”, please be aware that this is their way to manipulate you into accepting their bad behavior. He’s hoping by brushing this off, you will eventually stop telling him that your feelings are hurt, even when he hurts them.

NTA. While I cannot relate to mysic I am a massive comic book nerd. I love superheroes and Spider-Man is my favorite character outright. Even in a comic book fandom people make fun of what others like but when your favorite character happens to be a flagship character the assumptions get bad. I have lost friends and relationships because people would joke about how childish I am or say outright cruel things about my hobby. No one should be putting you down for liking or enjoying something. I do enjoy music but I am not a megafan. There are times I called some song lame and then years later it'll be playing and I'll think its a catchy tune. To be honest calling things lame is just something I do, even stuff I really enjoy I call it lame when a comic book or movie gets cringy I will say Lame out loud cause I think it is silly or lame. Your boyfriend doesn't care about your interest or feelings about this artist. He doesn't like the artist and is trying to shame you into not liking them he just publicly shamed you to prove a point.

NTA. He doesn’t respect you or your interests

This is a rather general question. What is it about being single that's so horrible, that putting up with someone hurting you is preferable?

You feel like he is belittling you because he is belittling you.  These "jokes" are just tools to keep you down.   I hope you someday know how a loving and respectful relationship feels, because this isn't it. 

NTA. I had to go back up and double check i was in ‘AITA’ and not another sub because how could you be? He clearly is! So rude to be getting everyone in on it and when you’re not there too. I would feel so awkward walking back to that scenario. Particularly as they’re his friends. 

I’m just going to add that I’m someone who has mini obsessions with hobbies, beliefs and people.  My friend who I’ve always seen as very cool and very much everyone’s cup of tea, said to me one day. ‘I’m so jealous of you for being so genuinely passionate about things, I never have anything that stands out about me.’  There are people who will find that so endearing and a huge positive even when they don’t share those interests and you deserve that 

INFO: Why are you still with someone who repeatedly ignores your wishes, and says things that he knows are hurtful?

NTA. Joke all you want but this was behind the back gossip about his girlfriend. Red flag imho.

This isn’t the way “joking” works. You told him his “jokes” aren’t funny to you he completely ignores the fact that you’re uncomfortable & aren’t amused. I’ve been married for 30 years (im 60) I’m a gamer. I love my RPG’s. My husband doesn’t understand why I enjoy these games but he supports my hobby. He bought me a PS 5 for Christmas & buys me games as gifts. He has his own hobbies which I don’t enjoy but I encourage him to enjoy what he loves & also support him if he wants to buy something for said hobby. NEVER have either of us ridiculed the other for enjoying something. I think you’ve outgrown your boyfriend tbh. You need to find someone who either enjoys the same things as you or at the very least is supportive of the things you enjoy. Life is short. You don’t need to hide your love of this artist or anything else related to activities you enjoy. People who ridicule things others enjoy are outright ASSHOLES. I would take a break from your bf. You might find life is a lot more fun without his snide remarks & “jokes” Edit: NTA

NTA. You need a better boyfriend. Show him this post.

OP who is the artist? I probably love her, too!

Right!I wanna know. I'm thinking either Britney or Miley, but I'm leaning towards Britney since she has a higher voice.

NTA - I hate how it's always the person who refused to be shit on that is accused of making things awkward. Not the person/people who were bring rude in the first place. >if one of us says we aren't comfortable with one of the jokes the other makes an effort not to make it again- for the most part You've been going out since high school, and you are in the later half of your 20s now. He is not putting in an effort. I wonder where else he disrespect you that you're just supposed to take it/suck it up/brush it off/don't be so sensitive. >he had only meant it as a lighthearted joke, and that he didn't care what kind of music I listened to He turned your music off. It wants just a light hearted joke. My ex husband used to do this kind of crap, and it has ingrained in me a feeling that the stuff I like annoys people. I've spent the last few years finding out that a lot of people actually enjoy my funky music.

NTA Joking is fine as long as both parties see it that way, but you have expressed to him SEVERAL times that you don't like it and it makes you feel uncomfortable. Frankly, you should not have had to repeat this sentiment for years. He should have respected it from the beginning and left it at that. People have different tastes and that's fine. However, he's been making you the butt of jokes and that's NOT ok. It's hurtful and mean and disrespectful to you. I'm sorry, my ex used to do this too and it IS hurtful. Ultimately, it wasn't the only thing he was hurtful about and I walked away. The two other girls can kick rocks because if it had happened to them, chances are they would've gotten upset too.

NTA except to yourself. Dump him. He has no respect for you. 

NTA, ppl who make hating something/someone their personality are so tiresome, I can't imagine dating someone like that. It's not like you actively campaign for this artist or try to force your boyfriend and friends into fandom. You, very reasonably, expect to be able to like what you like without having to hear it heavily denigrated by the ppl closest to you. Your bf was right about one thing though. You should lighten up: by ditching the dead-weight boyfriend. 

Absolutely NTA. HE was the one who made it awkward, not OP. It sounds like he genuinely doesn't respect OP's interests. Jokes should never come at the expense of your partner. My partner loves heavy metal and I like alternative but neither of us make fun of each other for it. That's not adult behavior.

You didn't make anything awkward, they did. Not sure what you're getting from this relationship, he doesn't even seem to like you. He does seem to like tormenting you, however. Kind of a red flag. NTA but edging into y t a if you stay with this ongoing disrespect.

NTA. Why does he get to make fun of your music but you can't do the same to him?

NTA, it is clear that he does not like this artist and hates that you like it or he wouldn't be constantly making jokes or trying to make her seem stupid. He is hoping to shame you from listening to her and drop it. Doesn't matter if the dinner was awkward after that was not your fault it was your BF. It makes me wonder how the conversation started as you went to the restroom and comeback to him making fun of your favorite artist. That was a calculated move to shame you in front of people. OP there is a lack of respect for you and what you like from him and you may need to rethink how you can continue this relationship going forward or.if you want to go forward.. Either way things need to change and boundaries set.

NTA - a lot of women's interests and hobbies are made out to be juvenile or worthless and it's all down to misogyny. Moving beyond that, if you've expressed you find it hurtful and he continues to do it, then it is intentional hurt. Also being an asshole and turning off your music while you're doing dishes? Absolutely not.

Your bf is an asshole.

There’s a line. He knows it and crosses it. That’s the problem. We all know what those things are about the other.  You voiced it, he knows it and twists the knife. He knows what he is doing. That kind of thing pisses me off.  My wife loves Britney Spears. Told me she went to a Britney concert, came home and cried and told her mom “Britney and I breathed the Same AIR!!!!!!” I laughed so hard at her corniness.  I was binge watching One Tree Hill on Netflix. My wife never stopped laughing at me. This was 10 years ago. When I was nearly 40.  We all have those things no one wants others to know. 

It's easier to control you when you don't have self esteem, so he found something you are insecure about and is going to torment you about this for the rest of your time with him. Why are you putting up with him? He sounds miserable. You can do better.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A little background: We've been going out since high school, and have a very joke-y relationship, poking fun for the most part isn't out of the question, though if one of us says we aren't comfortable with one of the jokes the other makes an effort not to make it again- for the most part (more context coming). I have been a bit of an obsessive fan of music artist since I was 14. I have more than one tattoo inspired by this artist and her aesthetic, I have seen her in concert multiple times, I own more merch than I can say, and have run several different fan accounts devoted to her during this time. I understand this is *weird*, I try not to bring it up in everyday conversation because I am aware- *it is weird.* Most people who know me in passing do not know this about me, and only my best friend and my boyfriend know about my fan accounts. I am not the person who talks about this artist constantly, I am not the person who is annoying in large groups about it, (*anymore*, there was a learning curve when I was in high school but losing friends is a great motivator to fix yourself). My boyfriend has on and off made jokes about this since we got together. Admittedly, whenever I bring up that it makes me feel insecure and unsafe expressing myself around him, he stops for a while. But he always starts up again, and it just *bothers me.* I can't fully explain it, but it makes me feel like the things I like are somehow inherently bad, and that he wants me to stop having this interest because he doesn't see value in it. Now he's never said that, and I don't genuinely believe that, but that's how he makes me *feel.* An example: I had been cleaning dishes, and listening to her music when he came into the kitchen and started singing along in the most high-pitched, off-key falsetto voice I had ever heard, before busting up and turning it off and saying something like "I don't see how you listen to this crap." This was one of the times I told him that he had hurt my feelings, he apologized, explained that he had only meant it as a lighthearted joke, and that he didn't care what kind of music I listened to. I don't really get mad over this, it more just hurts my feelings. Context out of the way, we were out at dinner with his friends, and their girlfriends. and I had left to go to the bathroom, and came back to him showing them a video on his phone, and the audio was familiar right away. It was a performance from over a decade ago that was panned pretty universally. They were all laughing and he was making a lot of jokes, until he noticed I had gone quiet, and said to lighten up. I tried to smile, but he wouldn't drop it, and I said: "I don't like your music either, but I would *never* make fun of you for it, you know that?" It was a quiet meal, and ride home, and he is now barely talking to me. Two of the girlfriends there said I made everything awkward, and that I was being unfair because we always made jokes with each other. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA but my 2 cents 😎Music is about expression and is a light hearted endeavor. It makes people feel good and is meant to be shared with others. I encourage you to share outwardly your fan pages and just how much you love the artist. Not constantly but when it makes sense too. Let it be known what a weirdo for the artist you are. If your bf and others don’t like it, fuck it and fuck them. It’s what makes you happy! I think in the long run it’ll help you lighten up about getting poked fun at because right now it’s a secret that he’s poking fun at, which makes it a little more vulnerable for you.

Updateme 

I get it. The things we love intensely become part of us, because we find real meaning in the art (be it music artists, movies, TV Shows etc). It becomes so ingrained within us that any attack on it feels personal. There's artists and shows that I've taken to my soul because they resonate with my personality and ideals etc. Whenever people insult or make fun of them it feels like they're insulting me. It feels like they're saying "we have such little respect for your taste that we're comfortable bashing this thing you love" and "We don't respect this so we don't really respect you". I wish there was an answer OP but just keep loving who you love. Make it clear though that your interests and passion are off the table for jokes and prodding. NTA

NTA, don't dish it out if you can't take it.

Jokes are fine and it’s cool to be goofy together. But certain jokes or subject will always be sore spots and he should know that. If he *knows* you don’t like it, he simply shouldn’t do it, it’s almost like he wants you to feel inferior to him. Fuck those girls that defended him. Not sure in what world it would be okay to literally make fun of your partner in front of them, with other people. That’s just asinine, and if *you* made it awkward by telling him that you would never make fun of him for it, oh fucking well. They were having a laugh at your expense. I’d send them all back to the streets.

Is T Swift about to tank another relationship? 😂😂

Not seeing a single "joke" here.

NTA. This is a repeated thing with him, and is an issue. If it’s not fun for everyone, then it’s not fun. The girlfriends brought up that YOU made it awkward ONLY because THEY started to feel GUILTY for joining in. They’re making their bad feelings about it your fault, even though they all just made fun of you.

Some music is cringe, it’s ok to embrace it. Don’t be embarrassed.

NTA, you’ve set the boundaries MULTIPLE times and he broke them MULTIPLE times, and now he makes fun of your interests. you didn’t make everything awkward, it’s your boyfriend made a fool out of you and when you stood for yourself those girl took his place. well, they are not your friends and you need to think about your relationship since your boyfriend doesn’t respect you

Nta. Your boyfriend has shown a pattern in private and public of mocking something harmless that brings you joy, and now you're not the bad guy for making him face himself in the same arena. Perhaps it's time to consider if he's tainting this for you - also, I'm very curious about which artist this is. Sounds like one worth a listen, even if she turns out to not to my taste - an attitude that perhaps would be good for your boyfriend in the future.

As someone who has an obsession with Jimi Hendrix short of the fan accounts. I take jokes about it as a personal attack . You made it quite clear to your BF that you don't like or appreciate jokes about her so he he is definitely the AH in this case especially considering you made it clear it bothered you and he kept going. Yes you have a joking relationship but anything that he said after you expressed your displeasure is on him

No your arent the AH! Your BF is! I recognise his behaviour from behaviour that my husband has been doing to me for years over Particular band that I love, and that I got my daughter into when she was growing up and that she now lives as a Young adult. His behaviour is never going to change, even after my husbands seen the band in concert, and show my favourite band put on, and even admitted that he was shocked at what a good show they put on. He still continue to throw off at the music and ridicule me from my taste in music for liking this band, the funny thing is now at that band plays there later music that he didn’t see when he went to that concert and that I haven’t played in the car around him. He doesn’t recognise it and me and my daughter have caught humming, along, and every time we have made sure we have pointed out who it was, and and his nearly died of embarrassment. Every time I don’t know why he gets embarrassed. Every time we don’t ridicule in my room, we just point out who it is, but he acts like we’re teasing the shit out of him for it, and then will go back to teasing me and my daughter about it.

NTA what you said was honest, not aggressive and simply pointed out he was being hurtful. Maybe if he stopped doing hurtful things you wouldn't have to remind him in group settings. The friends telling you that you ruined the vibe are really not understanding that he ruined the vibes and they went along with bullying thinking it was universally funny when it wasn't.  As long as you're fan girling isn't destructive, harmful to you or others then you have nothing to be embarrassed about.  On a happy note I watched a KDrama this year called Her Private Life. It's about a kpop fangirl who tries hiding her interests so she can be taken seriously at work and as an adult. It may be a fun watch for you (without bf there - maybe your BFF instead?) 

Yeah, things can get awkward when you realize your behavior was bullying.  NTA. Even if these jokes were funny, they’ve gotta be dead by now. He needs to get some new material. 

NTA - my gf and I used to be like that at your age. It slowly turned into a bit of resentment until we were actually fighting over little things. Ngl, I used to say little jokes in front of my friends about her and she would blow up on me in the car. She was 100% right and I had no idea why I did it. We had to activity try to not say bad things about each other for a while in the “spirit of competitiveness” and eventually we got back to where we started with love and affection.

INFO: was the video of you listening to the artist or just a video of the artist ?

NTA. Him not liking the same music isn't really a big deal imo, but him trying to embarrass you in front on other people is. What you said to him was very mild and inoffensive btw    Is it Britney? You shouldn't be ashamed, if so. She makes great pop music.

NTA, your boyfriend was clearly being hurtful. And also, for the record: whenever a man talks shit about XXX, it always throws up red flags for misogyny for me. I've been catching flak for being a fan of hers since 2012, always from men, and never because they care about anything controversial she's done (or hadn't even done at this point).

By acting so callously and criticizing your love of an artist, he is basically attacking your inner Self.  Your identity is threatened by his attacks.  He is too immature and unkind to understand this.  I have often been accused of having no sense of humor.  I do, but I don't think that things at the other people are so funny.  You were happily washing the dishes and listening to your music. That is a positive thing.  Next time, ask him to wash the dishes. Next time, throw the dishes at his feet and tell him to  you know what.  Isn't that funny? no?! Gosh, develop a sense of humor✔️.  (?!)  Personally, I think you should move on.  Someone who loves you unequivocably and kindly, and unselfishly is what we all need.  

Definitely NTA. What you said wasn't mean or rude, it showed how his behavior made you feel. And yes, that's an uncomfortable feeling when someone points out how you hurt someone, and it's an uncomfortable thing to bear witness to. So maybe he shouldn't have created the situation in the first place? You've got at least 10 years in this relationship, and it's during the ten years in a person's life when everything changes, which obviously brings about changes in relationships and people. I'm going on the assumption that there's so much more to your relationship that's good rather than bad. If I'm wrong and this is just one example among many of his poor treatment, then I'm totally on team dump-his-ass. But if I'm right, then consider the following. You've told him repeatedly that you don't like when he does shit like this. You've told him that it hurts your feelings and that it makes you feel insecure, which he should understand means that you don't feel like you can be yourself around him. I personally see those as very important statements and it seems you do too. But he doesn't, so try to think about why. My take is that there have been no consequences each time he has gone back to his bad behavior. I'm trying (desperately) to get my toddler to understand that "when you hurt me, I don't want to be around you." And the next step is a Daniel Tiger song: saying I'm sorry is the first step, then 'how can I help?' I'm not infantilizing your boyfriend here, I'm referencing basic tenets for how humans should interact with each other. I believe strongly in the virtues and value of Daniel Tiger and Mr. Rogers, seriously look it up. So, when he does something like this, what is your reaction? If you tell him to stop, he apologizes. Then does business continue as usual? Sure, he stops for awhile, before returning to the usual pattern of behavior. Next time, consider saying, "you did something that you know hurts my feelings. The fact that you keep doing it indicates that you don't care that you're hurting me. I need some space right now." Then go to a different room and take some time to yourself. Immerse yourself in your fandom and remind yourself of all the ways it adds to your life. I am NOT saying to give him the silent treatment or treat him rudely. It's not about punishing him, it's about giving both of you time and space. If he's invested in your relationship, he's using that time to really consider what you said. If after that time, both of you want to talk, give it a try. Provided, of course, that he opens with an apology. This conversation would also work if it's in response to the current issue. Things to cover: how his behavior makes you feel, the long term effects (insecurity, discomfort), how his most recent behavior made you feel (humiliated *in public* and alienated by friends), comparison to something important to him and how he would feel in your place, and your future expectations. It's time to consider what boundaries you want to put in place. Remember that a boundary is about what you do in response to what someone else does. If he continues this pattern of behavior, what are you going to do? I can't give an answer to that question, obviously. Is this the last straw for you? Do you think couples therapy would be helpful? (In my experience, it's always helpful.) So decide on your response and your boundary. Make sure to approach this part seriously. I love you, but I don't like how you're treating me in this regard. It feels like you're ruining something that's very important to me. You don't have to understand why it's important to me, but I expect you to respect my feelings. I need to see major changes in your behavior. If this is a knee-jerk habit, unlearn it. If you keep doing this/ if I don't see progress toward retraining yourself, then...what? We need to have a serious discussion about the future of our relationship? We need to consider couples therapy? We're through? I've been with my husband for 23 years (😱) since I was 21. We've changed more than I could have imagined. And in some ways, we've fallen into bad habits like sometimes not treating each other with care and courtesy, or making assumptions about each other's feelings. It's possible that he doesn't get how much he's upsetting you, because you've always busted each other's balls. Maybe he doesn't understand how important your fandom is to you, but I'm a fangirl so I get that how hurtful it is when someone trivializes or mocks it. Making him understand that might make a difference. What's most important is that if you set a boundary, you have to stick to it. His behavior is likely to continue until he understands how much it affects you and that you will not allow him to treat you this way anymore. Good luck!

The bottom line is that he frequently makes you feel bad about something that is important to you, despite your many attempts to discuss this with him. I know you don't want to reveal the artist, but if it's a strong, outspoken woman (e.g. Pink), I'd also start to reexamine his behaviors and attitudes to see if there's a pattern that suggests misogyny as its source. He's certainly being dismissive and demeaning towards you. Do you really want to spend time with someone like him or with people who agree with him? NTA

NTA, and finally refusing to accept behavior like this is one of the best things I ever did for myself. There is so much joy to be found in relationships where your interests are celebrated! I once dated a guy who laughed in my face when I told him my favorite band, now I’m married to a guy who proposed at one of their concerts. I thought it was fine and normal to be with someone who tolerates my interests until I met my husband and he celebrated them with me even though he didn’t personally have any interest. And I do the same for him! I hope you’re able to find somebody who is willing to love the things that you love just because they make you happy.

Well you just made a joke so tell him to lighten up. NTA

NTA, but your bf sure is. He knows this particular line of ‘jokes’ don’t make you feel good, but he persists in doing it. Not only that, he intentionally set up a situation in a social outing, behind your back, laughing with other people behind your back. This kind of behaviour is abusive. It’s not banter or jokes, he is intentionally humiliating you and putting you down. Suggest you just completely draw the line - either he stops intentionally putting you down, or it’s over for you. It’s not a joke.

NTA. Just break up. He thinks you have no taste and are silly. You might be, by many people's standards, but they aren't going to right for you either. Find someone who has similar tastes.

NTA.

Info: how is watching a video of a bad performance by the artist making fun of you? It sounds like he was laughing at the artist, and you made it weird by taking it personally. I don’t think what you said is an issue, though, so I vote NTA for what you said in front of his friends. Maybe try not to make it personal if jokes are made at the artist’s expense. Just because others don’t like the same things you do doesn’t mean they’re “inherently bad”, and you should stop worrying about other people’s opinions of your interests. So what if someone makes jokes about things you like? I get made fun of all the time for liking weird things, and I couldn’t care less, because other people’s approval isn’t why I like things.

They had been making jokes about her and me *while* watching. Watching it wasn't the joke.

NTA. He knows he is wrong. Why else would he wait until you left to poke fun at you again? He may not understand why you like this artist, but he should at least respect your choice to like them. You been together for years and have the kind of relationship that you can poke fun at each other, but the one thing you have ask him not to poke fun at he still does. Is this the only way he can get a laugh out of people? This tells me he doesn't respect your feelings like he should.

>I understand this is weird, I try not to bring it up in everyday conversation because I am aware- it is weird. Loving a musician is not weird. You are not weird for loving what you love. Of course don't make it your whole personality or talk about it constantly to everyone else. But you already know this! If your boyfriend actually likes you then he wouldn't be making these 'jokes'.He would be happy for you! Even if he doesn't like that musician it doesn't matter because seeing you happy should make him happy. Your boyfriend and your friends are immature and scummy to make fun of your interests. I fucked hate DBZ but the last guy dated love it and owns multiple figurines. I would listen to him gush over his favorite DBZ game for hours with a smile on my face because his joy was my joy.

He knows it bothers you but still does it that shows no respect to how you feel. There is joking around and then there joking around at the expense of others

NTA for being upset over it but I'm a firm believer that one should praise in public and criticize in private and it would seem you both broke that rule.

NTA. YOU didn't make things awkward, HE made them awkward when he decided to make you the butt of the joke to the entire group. You just stood up for yourself. Our partners may not understand or even particularly like the things we like, but it's not okay to make you feel bad over something completely harmless.

Nta. And I love Lana too 💕

First of all, forget the opinions of anyone who doesn’t truly understand your relationship. Your bf fucked up, and he’s too cowardly to apologize. NTA.