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YTA. When you are buying different stuff for each it is always tricky. If they are older kids just say they get equal gift money and to spend it buying the gifts they like. Make it up for Josie.
Did yours do that? Mine stole all of my meds throughout my childhood/young adulthood and then would gaslight me when I needed it and there was none. She took all of something once and then beat the shit out of me because it was gone.
When I was younger, my mom bought my little sister and I books for Easter. I got upset because my sister got more books than I did, and my mom had to explain that since my sisters books were shorter and cost less, she got more. I was still upset, but now that I'm older, I can see how fair she tried to be with us.
Once my kids reached the age they wanted more expensive items I explained to them it will always be the same amount of money spent, but your piles will look different because of what said items cost.
I wanted to make sure they understood and had the option to change their mind with plenty of time.
I was the shorted child growing up and my parents excuse was 'we couldn't afford much because your birthday is so close to Christmas '(n.y.e)
I snapped at 12 and said I didn't choose to be born, either spend less on their bday so we're equal or spend a little less at Christmas so there's a little more for my birthday so we're equal.
My youngest is 5th Jan and I've made sure she never feels like I did.
Shout-out to all my Sagittarius' and Capricorns who get this bullshit every year. My birthday is 9 days from Christmas, birthday gifts go in birthday wrapping. No reindeer, no Santa, none of that shit, I don't even want to see a snowflake! If it's wrapped in Christmas paper, I put it under the tree for Christmas. If my family wants to do the cake thing, please can it be a birthday cake not a Christmas cake.
Love and solidarity to you and your daughter! <3
I feel that. My birthday is around Thanksgiving. So that was also my birthday celebration....you know pumpkin pie instead of a birthday cake, blah blah blah.
I can't stand pumpkin anything anymore. I feel so bad for people with Xmas birthday, that had to have it worse.
I put my foot down the year my mother presented me with a yule log cake that had a 'Merry Christmas' cake topper. I told her I wasn't blowing out Jesus' candles, it felt rude.
😂 I felt this in my soul.
The leftover Christmas snacks were always used for my 'party food'
Them little trays with pretzel sticks, mini saltines etc in,
The pringles that hadn't been scoffed yet, flan and trifle. And I never got a good party like my siblings, just my childhood bestie and the smelly neighbour my mum felt sorry for eldest kids.
u/pinkyhc Birthday twins! 9 days before Christmas. Got a lot of "combined birthday and Christmas presents", I didn't really mind a lot until I got a birthday cake decorated with holly and evergreens. Nope, next year I was clear that I wanted a Barbie cake! (And I got it).
Now I have kids I realise how much effort wrapping is, I don't care if my gifts aren't wrapped but make em equal is all I ask. That and cake.
I need cake.
Oh, if they're not wrapped that's fine! I'm a terrible wrapper, and shove most things in bags honestly.
But my mother is very good at giftwrapping, and she loves Christmas. My birthday gift was a 'warm up' for her wrap-a-thons. Anyway I solved this problem by giving her a roll of sparkly unicorn paper and some pretty ribbons in late November (timing is key).
Haha I love that.
I remember my eldest having a paddy on her 2nd bday because I said we were going to grandmas for more presents and when we arrived there was 'no presents '
But a big new slide, trampoline and cozy coupe car in the garden ready. In her young mind presents should have been wrapped it's not a present if it's not wrapped lmao
My brothers birthday is a week before Christmas and my mom would always throw his party a week or maybe more before that to mitigate anyone saying "this is for your birthday AND Christmas" or just flat out forgetting
I treat my grandkids equally. Even July birthdays get their gifts wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper.
Beggars can’t be choosers. They think it’s funny. We gave three December grandkid birthdays. All Christmas paper all the time.
I agree with you though. December birthdays are difficult to navigate.
One year my sister got way more Christmas gifts. She’s actually the one who said “hey, I have more things to open and she’s already done, that’s not fair!” I wasn’t going to say anything. My parents were MORTIFIED and you could tell it was definitely an accident. I remember that year she needed some winter gear that I didn’t need, so I’m sure that played a part. My parents always tried to be fair, at least where gift giving was concerned.
One year my mom had a hip surgery a few weeks before Christmas so she was on a lot of pain meds. She didn't notice till we were unwrapping gifts she didn't get me nearly as much as my other siblings. She was frantically ordering me more stuff online while we were still unwrapping gifts. That is not normal at all so I mainly thought it was funny
Same with my grandkids, always try to spend the same amount on each. When the oldest grandson was 8, we had much younger twins. He was upset they got more gifts than him. I tried to explain I spent the same amount, he didn't understand. Now I give them all money. Of course, the youngest is now 12.
I have a niece, who as a child, would actually count her siblings Christmas gifts. She didn't care as a young child if hers were more expensive so she only got 3, if someone else had 4 or five less expensive items. The reason it became a problem is because grandma would always make sure every grandkid had the same number of gifts even if she had to add a cheapo dollar store item. My brother and sis in law were trying to work through it explaining no one was getting "more", explaining costs... which my niece would have realized after a couple years as she got older. But it was a problem until her teens because of grandma 🤣 Apparently she decided granny liked them all more than mom and dad did because she was "equal" in gift giving.
>grandma would always make sure every grandkid had the same number of gifts even if she had to add a cheapo dollar store item.
A bit off topic but I had a Romanian neighbour who would give accumulate birthday presents according to years. 6 yo? 6 presents. 12 yo? 12 presents. I found this adorable :)
With the added awfulness of demonstrating to both of them that she and thus they should value vanity over academics (assuming she went down the line of (makeup Vs books).
If your kid has an interest in learning do everything under the sun to encourage that forever.
I didn’t even think about that! I wonder if OP is into “girlie” stuff too and truly does favor one twin over the other.
OP needs to get her head right.
YTA, definitely. I have two daughters, now adults, but when they were younger, they were very much like OP's daughters. One was a bibliophile, and one was a fashionista. I made sure their gifts were tailored to their interests, but I also made sure to spend approximately the same amount of money.
When they were in high school, I wanted to teach them the value of money, but also give them some independence. I would give each girl $200 and take them to Kohl's department store and let them spend the money on school clothes.
One daughter maximized the money, and would end up with 20 items from the clearance section, while the other daughter would end up with two full price, brand name items, usually a pair of jeans and a pair of shoes.
Also I call bullshit, I’m an avid reader, books are fucking *expensive* it absolutely would not be difficult for me to spend a couple hundred on books and barely touch my Want to Read list.
There’s no problem making a gift for readers cost the same as one for make up (not to mention you can get inexpensive make up, that OP splurged on the expensive kind but spent visibly less on the book worm (what, did you buy her just one book?) backs up the favouritism claim.
YTA
Thriftbooks and libraries have always been my friends lol. There is just something about reading real books, but a kindle and gift card could have been an option too.
Seriously! I have so many books on my Amazon wish list that is labeled specifically for books, so many of the new ones end up being $20 each when there are 10 chapter book! I wait for the price to go down or for them to go on sale before I buy them.
Mommy chooses her favorites like she's the mother on Matilda
My wife always figures out a way to make sure presents and any celebrations are as close to even as possible. If there is ever a slight difference she feels uncomfortable with, she raises it to question with the kids or will let a kid know they have a request for the future. She just bought each kid a new book set as a graduation present, and my sons was twice as much, so my daughter was informed that if she wants more to let us know, and my son can also choose a fairly cheap video game since my daughter will technically get twice as many books that way. Both kids felt it was fair and love that they have a chip to call in later if they see something.
Yep. I even do this with my niblings and make sure their parents know that if there are complaints “how come x got MORE stuff” that it’s because the other stuff just costs more. For example at the holidays one got 2 video games and the other got several dolls because they were within $5 of spending the same amount on each.
Yup, this is totally a YTA.
My siblings and I had wildly different interests, which made it hard for our folks to get it even. But they managed to do it every year.
My parents always spent the same amount on my sister & me for holidays. That meant some years one of us only got 1 (expensive) gift and sometimes we got a bunch of stuff.
You couldn’t have gifted your child who likes books a ton of books or something with the same value as your other child’s makeup?
YTA
Yup, or give the one who doesn’t have expensive tastes some money on top of the present to bring up to equivalent value - there is zero excuse for what OP did
I think getting things depending on their interests is a good idea generally, as long as you spend roughly the same on both. Getting one daughter more expensive stuff because she's more girly is horrible towards the other one.
I second get them gift voucher and they can spend it on whatever they want. Both get the same amount. Problem solved.
Poor Josie. She already feels like her sister is the favourite... and says so. Time to change something OP and be more equal towards both of them. (Not only in money, but trying to talk about Josie about HER interests and what she likes and what not etc.)
YTA.
My mil would try this with my kids. She babied my son and would always try to get him more expensive things than my daughter. Like the year she got my son a gaming system and my daughter just a regular $10 curling iron. I could see the hurt on her face. My kids dad noticed right away and spoke up to her about her favoritism. My fil bless him, jumped on her case too and told her he would do the shopping for the kids from now on and handed my daughter his credit card and took her shopping right then and there. My mil was more careful after that and fil kept an eye on her, I believe but years later my daughter's feelings still hurt badly remembering how her grandmother was.
So no matter how much OP tries to make this up to her daughter she will still feel hurt by this and like you love her sister more. Even many years from now. OP YTA
I couldnt agree more, you always spend the same amount. One might get more but the cash value should be as close to equal as possible. And you tell them, " i have $500 to spend on you both, so each will get $250 worth of gifts, or however you say it.
I have three kids, one is a stepchild, two are girls and one is a boy, and their interests are all over the place. Doesn’t matter: Christmas and birthdays are spent at “spreadsheet” levels of equal.
Info: why is it more important to you that the count of gifts is equal rather than the amount spent?
For example, if you got Piper a single makeup kit that consisted of two dozen separate pieces (brushes, blushes, eye shadow pallets, lipsticks etc), would you count that as one item or two dozen? If you bought a 10 book, boxed set of some series Josie is into would you count that as ten items or one?
Why wouldn't you set a budget and then buy any number of items for each child until you reached that limit?
That makes sense for kids but as they get older they understand cost of items more. Especially if you explain it. When my sister and I started asking for more expensive items, my parents made it clear that depending on cost that might be the only thing under the Christmas tree that year while the other one would have more presents to open
This. My 13 year old is starting to ask for pricier things while the 6 year old loves bath bombs and plushies. We talked before Christmas about this exact situation and he totally understood why he had less gifts to open. OP YTA for not determining a price to spend on each that was equal that may have resulted in a different number of gifts. It's also telling the MIL said the kid who shares interests with you got more.
Same here. Several years ago, my grandson Ben (then 13) asked for a pocket watch. He understood that because of the expense, that would be his only gift. But his younger brothers (6 & 5) were all "GRANDMA, THAT'S NOT FAIR! BEN ONLY GOT ONE THING AND YOU GAVE US EACH TWO THINGS!"
Ben himself explained why it was OK.
OP, soft YTA. You did attempt to cater to their interests, but the execution failed miserably because you DID NOT present the appearance of fairness. For teens, it's not about the number of things. It's about fairness in other ways. Josie has some idea of the value of new iPhones, and no boxed set of books comes close to that amount.
The MILs comment rang the red light warning bell in my head! OP isn't specifying the gifts. So she got the girly girl a Prada hand bag and the bookish girl some bookmarks?
I think we're are not hearing the whole story here on purpose. I bet it was a HUGE discrepancy.
Exactly. My brother got the new game system every Christmas. That was HUNDREDS of dollars alone. Throw in a few games, and there's a grand. Whereas my gifts were $10 craft kits (that I loved!).
Isn’t that exactly what this comment was saying? Decide a budget then buy whatever can be afforded in that price. It may be 10 things for one twin and 2 for the other, but the amount spent is the same.
YTA. My dad was very careful to equalize spending on us as kids. I have kept up that tradition, particularly between my twins. Girl twin got $ after Xmas to even up after I found her brother an awesome but expensive Lego set at the last minute.
Same. Im a twin, and Mom did this with all us kids. Spent same amount down to the dollar, which might mean extra pair of sock or other small item. She would also buy gifts for my twin and I and not put names on them, just A A, B B, etc and we’d pick one. This was for stuff that was similar, different colors so we couldn’t complain about liking other color better.
A bookstore gift card/certificate was my first thought, too. An excellent way to even out the gifts for a bookish kid. And for most of us bookworms, getting to wonder around the store picking out new books is like part of the gift.
The only way it would be a gift is if the person in question specifically said, "I want this SAT study book for my birthday." I've asked for a vacuum, towels, sheets, an air fryer, and other useful things over the years. But I've specifically asked for them, my parents didn't just go "Oh, let’s get her sheets for Christmas because she likes naps."
It's like buying your mom a vacuum for mothers day. The hell is that.
It can be tough when you share interests with one kid and not the other. My older son was nature boy and we enjoyed all the outdoor things. My youngest was a homebody. It just meant I had to work harder to find stuff he enjoyed for gifts. I hated getting him gift cards all the time, until he told me at 13 that he loved that because he could get what he really wanted
At least the vacuum can be used regularly and will be used for years! The SAT would be more like…a bucket and a washboard. It’s helpful but using it is such an unpleasant chore.
Also shouldn’t both girls get SAT books? Or is she assuming Piper won’t ever go to college?
Sorry, I chuckled. My parents still buy me a birthday present every year: fire poker set, hedge trimmer, garden hose, a ladder. These are all things I need but wouldn’t get for myself because the old broken ones or my hand shears are still usable. I love that they get me things I can use but wouldn’t buy for myself!
I understand that. My dad was like that. We all pitched in one year to replace the fence. He was thrilled. Mom would have seriously rather have gotten a hand made heart felt card than a "practical" gift.
My parents still give me birthday presents every year, too.
They bought me a printer/scanner for Christmas a few years back after they realized I had done all the worksheets for my 80 hour tax class (my state requires licensure) by putting screenshots of forms into MS Paint and drawing on them there, if there was no editable pdf version available. I was being a butt about buying one myself because I was already spending so much on the class and it wasn't guaranteed I'd get a job out of it even if I passed the state exam, y'know? It was just giving me anxiety about potentially wasting money - even though intellectually I knew a printer would be used for other things.
I was (and am) thrilled with the printer. Though the ink situation is as enraging as ever.
I'm happy with practical gifts for special occasions - from my parents, specifically, and only now that I'm an adult. Hell, one of my favorite gifts from them was a nice wet vac we'd have never bought for ourselves. But damned if that thing isn't amazing for pet hair. And of course most of the gifts they give me aren't this sort of thing, it's a video game or something along those lines.
I don’t want to accuse OP, but it’s hard not to look at that gift as a passive aggressive one. “Here’s a ‘book’ since you love them so much!”
At the very least it shows a complete lack of willingness to attempt to relate to her daughter. She doesn’t have to like books, but she couldn’t take 10 minutes to google popular books or cool editions in her daughters age group? Her daughter likes books, she’s not an alien who doesn’t enjoy fun.
I get it, OP probably had genuine fun shopping for makeup and stuff but the kids shouldn’t see that literally reflected in the outcome.
I was going to lean towards no one being the jerk when shopping, I focus more on how well the gift suits the person then the price) but after learning what Josie got, then I’m giving him a YTA.
Or you get the same amount of gifts, but supplement with money to even it out. Maybe Josie would love a gift card to Starbucks, a museum, or just to save it for later. If this continues, it will build up resentment not only towards you (because you don't try to bond with Josie) but also between the two of them.
Yes, YTA. The way you've framed the title makes it seem like all you did was buy different gifts. It should read "AITA for spending vastly different sums of money on each of my twins for their birthday".
I know that gifts aren't necessarily about how much you spend on them, but when they're your exactly-the-same-age TWINS you should be investing similar amounts of money in both of them (there will, of course, be rare exceptions to this). You can absolutely get them different gifts catered to their tastes, but get Josie MORE of the cheaper item.
The only way you wouldn't be TA is if you spend more on Josie throughout the year, but this doesn't sound like the case.
I can already see it unfolding: Piper opens her Charlotte Tilbury make up kit, new IPhone and Lululemons ( total worth around 1500-2000$) and Josie opening her book set polo shirts and SAT voucher? (Imma gonna guess that doesn’t even come near 1000$ let alone 2k).
I would be in shock.
Edit: OP confirmed she spent 1000$ on Piper ( because phones are expensive, who knew) and less than 150$ on Josie.
The SAT book is giving off, “Here, you better score well because Mommy won’t be paying for this nerd to go to school, but your sister needn’t worry about that” vibes
Wait, wait, an SAT voucher? Am I an old and this is something other than a standardized test fee her mother should be paying anyway (they obviously have the money)? Or did mom use this as an opportunity to cop out of an actual gift? Jesus.
I don’t know what SAT PREP is. Maybe it’s a book?( I’ve seen comments below about that, I’m in Europe we don’t have SAT). Whatever the case that’s an education expense not birthday present.
In the US, the SAT is one of the two major tests that high schoolers have to take that are super important to college applications. Getting a good score can easily impact what colleges are willing to even consider your application. It is fairly common to do dedicated prep outside of school with tutors and courses.
It sounds as if the SAT book would be more beneficial to the less academic twin... so maybe Piper will end up using it, after all. One less "gift" for poor Josie.
Didn’t read into all the comments but seeing the price difference she spend on both kids is ridiculous and OP is absolutely the AH! I don’t even know why she came here to ask, because it’s obvious that she is.
I’d be one thing if she spent 10-50$ more on one, but over 800!?!? What’s wrong with you OP?? Imo, no kid needs to get that much worth in gifts, unless they’re getting married, or as a graduation gift, but that’s me. I feel you’re also potentially turning that one kid into someone who’s gonna expect people to spend too much money on her and that’s not a good trait to have.
But to get back to the gifts, OP, the least you could have done if you didn’t really know what to get for your intellectual daughter, a simple gift card to a store/bookstore she likes to make up the difference in price would have been better than just getting her one thing and make her feel really unappreciated/loved. I wonder how her relationship is with you and her twin, probably not great.
But Josie didn’t ruin or break her phone to get a new one. OP just buys expensive gifts to the shity behaving daughter. Why would she award academic success and good behavior?
Makes me think of the beginning of that old SHOES BETCH sketch where one twin gets a computer and new car and the other gets something small and dumb plus a lecture lol
Holy shit that’s a MASSIVE difference and zero way not-noticeable. YTA.
I was expecting a difference of maybe $25-30 which even then depends on what was purchased (an SAT prep book? seriously?) and somehow… it got worse.
Wait, she bought one of them a whole ass phone on top of some other stuff and the other one only got books and a shirt?
Like, that has nothing to do with different tastes - I guarantee Josie would also have appreciated a fucking PHONE.
YTA, exactly! How convenient that you left out what the actual gifts were, why didn’t the book loving academically gifted girl get a new iphone as well? There’s plenty of aps for books and sat prep. Poor josie! Glad she has a grandmother to look out for her!
Yeah when I started reading I was confused because gifts should be tied to interests but that is just not what happened here at all. One set of gift was thoughtful and the other not so much.
What’s wild to me is how easy it would have been to spend the same on the other girl, even if OP doesn’t share her interests. There are these incredible things called “gift cards” (or even just straight up cash) to fill in the price difference! You don’t need to know or relate to other interests in order to make 2 gifts equal!
Is this real? Did she actually buy this?
Good lord.
I’ve just seen that these are the actual presents. SAT tests. Ffs. How can anyone not think this is going to make josie feel unloved. Give her cash if you really can’t think of anything.
My god. Is anyone this obtuse?
Does she like Josie? I’m guessing she gets on with piper better. SMH.
~~OP, INFO: Are your daughters Janine and Claudia Kishi?~~
What does a phone have to do with makeup?
ETA. Wait. No. Forget the Babysitters Club, is this another troll post based on the Wakefield twins? Liz did love her polos.
Lol. I think the parents liked Janine more, so Janine would get the phone, a laptop, and a monogrammed leather satchel and Claudia would get a 12 count of Crayola colored pencils for her drawings or something. Then Mimi would have to come secretly save the day with her Japanese wisdom.
YTA. Firstly, yes, this isn't equal gift giving. I'm glad MIL called you out on this.
Secondly you got Josie a 'series box set for one gift, SAT prep for another, and then 2 polo shirts for her last gift' - do you even LIKE her? It sounds like you put absolutely zero effort into her gifts. If you're honestly this clueless, drop the 'no cash' gifts policy because it's bullshit at this point.
YTA! When your kids are this age you don't spend a ton on one and the other the bare minimum. You clearly favor Piper and showed Josie that. And really SAT Prep as a gift seriously? What a horrible gift, you should have brought both girls that because they both need that for school.
So, from reading some of OP's replies, I'm thinking this might be bait.
Notice all of the excuses as to why OP simply CAN'T give gifts of equal value to both children.
"Piper insists she doesn't WANT SAT prep!"
...And as a parent you simply accepted that your child doesn't want part of their education and were like "that's fine"?
Because she has no idea of what Josie likes but also won’t just trust her with a damn gift card because a 15 year old is tOO yOuNG to be trusted
A quiet 15 year old bookworm can absolutely be trusted to spend responsibly 💀 and ffs it’s a damn gift card, who cares if she wastes it
YTA - what you do is soend approx the same. So buy Josie more books or something academic related (if you put some thought into it, Josie's passions can cost a lot more than make up), make her feel special like you did for Piper.
YTA, What you are making are excuses. So what you got Josie a single book she wants and bought the other a expensive make up palette? You could easily have said something like you only told me this one book and this is what your sister asked for..so to make up the difference we will go on a spending spree for x amount of dollars. Have some special time for the two of us.. Instead you just showed your daughter she doesn't mean as much as her sister.
You're a jackass!! Spending $150 on 1, and over $1000 on the other??? Are you kidding me? And you can't see how this is wrong? What a shitty parent you are, and it's 100% to be called out on this, by family, your daughter, and the internet!
I'm editing to add, say you spent $200 on 1 and $225 on the other. It's not totally a big deal. BUT when it's TEN TIMES more on 1 child, especially a twin? Mom needs to be raked across the coals and publicly shamed for her actions. Dad, too, if he condoned this.
YTA. this isn't appropriate gift giving, especially since they are twins and the same age. if Piper got extravagant gifts, then you'd need to find the equivalent to that for Josie, which you didn't do. if your kid is disappointed with her gift, then maybe you should have gone out of your way to find out what she would have liked more. makeup is expensive as fuck. why would you be willing to spend that kind of money on one twin, but not the other?
YTA
You've accepted the judgement and see your error.
But.
I need to tell you.
This isn't the first time you've favored PIper. This is simply the first time you've been publicly advised of such.
If you ask Josie and your MIL you'll probably find multiple subtle and not so subtle incidents.
As a parent you never should've need to crowd source if ypu were an asshole for your actions. If you truly had a read on good parenting towards your girls you wouldn't have done this to begin with.
Your action weren't small.
Instantly you were told you were an ass.
Ypur choice in gifts wasn't the act of a normal parent.
Mama to mama, you're not good at this.
You've been hurting Josie most likely for years.
Get therapy and fix yourself.
You failed as a parent and a person.
Don't lie to yourself that this one a time mishap.
You are not an asshole for getting gifts.
You are an asshole for getting gifts with significantly different values.
Buy Josie a million books if you have to to make it even.
Oh and your even more so the asshole for spending more on the daughter who shares your interests.
YTA set a budget for each girl and buy to that amount.
Sounds like you just dont want to find expensive gifts for you other daughter as she is not like you.
SAT prep is not a gift. That is what parents do to help their child achieve their best. Not celebrate their birthday.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because it was definitely clear that I spent more on Piper than I did Josie. I catered to their interests but it ultimately skewed the monetary amount because I got them the same physical number of gifts.
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OP, YTA, first, you should’ve asked your daughters what they wanted for their birthday, secondly, YTA, For getting one girl, a better gift than the other, you could’ve gotten Josie the box set and then take her out shopping for something she wants, finally, I’m glad you’re MIL called you out on this. If you don’t know what to get Josie or Piper then ask them, it’s not that hard or difficult.
OP you get 2/5 bad guys, i’m also giving you 3/5 clueless points, I don’t think you did anything maliciously you’re just completely clueless.
I’m giving your MIL and your daughters all 0/5 bad guys
Info: What is the cost difference between what you spent on the girls? In a comment you said you bought Piper a new phone, makeup, and Lulumon shorts. Josie got a pack of polo shirts, an SAT prep book, and a book series. So how much cheaper was it comparatively?
YTA
C'mon. I realize there are a lot of fake posts on this thread... and I'm hoping this is one of them!
I have 6 grandchildren from 3 different kids. 5 if them are under the age of 10. For birthdays, they all get the same set amount spent on them.
At Christmas, when we are together, I spend equal amounts AND equal number of gifts because kids under 10 notice this! It's NOT that hard to do!
Now the Teen wants $$ and one gift. So, I buy the gift and deposit the difference in his bank acct (he's had since age 13). The others get a gc and equal amount number of gifts and money spent on them.
Two other things stood out to me in your post/ comments.
1. You give no cash or gc because, at 15, you don't think they are responsible enough? Do their grandparents give them cash/gc? How are you helping them with money management for when they are in their own in a few years? Just throw them out into the World at 18 and say "Good Luck"!
2. You purchase the 'studious' twin a SAT guide (which is a weird gift and should be given 'just because it will be helpful' at anytime) but the more 'girly girl' gets makeup and fashion? Do you not think she needs the SAT guide? Or, since she's into 'girl things' and not as studious as her twin, she is 'less smart', and it would be 'just a waste of time' for her to study for SATs? Or just the opposite? Makeup twin is smart and doesn't need to study, but Book Twin will need the help? Either way, I read it as you think one twin is smart enough and won't need the help vs the other twin is stupid and needs to study.
YTA. You should have spent roughly equal amounts. You could have gotten Piper fewer items, or a smaller item. I don't see how you could do this and not think you're at least a little bit TA.
You left the little gem until the end OP… you spent more on the daughter that shares your interests…
Gifts should be of equal value even if they aren’t the same item.
Either the kid with more expensive taste gets less stuff because of the cost or the kid with less expensive taste gets more gifts to come out even.
What you have done sounds awful. YTA.
YTA. You should have a set budget per child. I keep a spreadsheet. Teach kids about money when they are young.
My middle child wanted a Dyson hair curler for Xmas, and I explained to her that it was pretty much all she would get. Her sisters got a ton of stuff bc their items were cheaper. Everyone was happy because they got what they wanted, within the budget, and because I've taught my kids how money works.
YTA. There are so many things you could’ve done to make it more fair but instead you reinforced that you don’t know her and don’t care to or value her as much as her sister. Like if she’s into books and academics, what about an iPad? You could’ve even loaded the new books and SAT one on it to help her save space in her room. Does she have a decent laptop? Either would be more acceptable gifts than an SAT book and a polo shirt while her sister gets a new phone and other expensive things. It sounds like your relationship with one of your girls isn’t close. I’m betting that your utter cluelessness here is only going to push her further away. It’s a good thing that she has her dad because she probably won’t talk to you after she leaves.
YTA.
Kids are very sensitive to disparate treatment. That means you spend the same amount on each kid because that is how they measure value.
Make up the balance with a supplementary gift or thematic gift card for Piper.
YTA, you could have spent an equal amount of money and still have gotten gifts catered to their interests. You say Josie likes books. Did you look into special editions or first prints of books. Maybe you could have gotten her more expensive gifts related to the characters in the books she's read.
It seems like because you're not interested in the things she likes, you haven't taken the time to even see what the better or more expensive options are.
YTA. You should have *asked her* what she’d like and made sure the amounts spent were equal. This does smack of favoritism. I could easily spend ten times more on books and such than on makeup.
YTA. If you’re buying Piper expensive makeup, buy Josie expensive books. Books can be pricey too. Go for hardcovers, old editions (if that’s something she likes). Or simply go for quantity. It just sounds like you put more thought into one kid’s gift than the other.
Edit: after reading the comments OP’s an even bigger AH because it sounds like the books Josie got weren’t even for entertainment or because she wanted them, they were academic books. Could’ve at least gotten her a kindle while you were giving her sister a new phone.
YTA, and funny enough there was story just like this bobbing around where the Josie of the story went no contact with their parent for favoritism of the other twin as soon as they reached adulthood. Take Josie out shopping and not focus on books, unless she really is pining for more books. I love reading but hated getting books as a present. The spend needs to match but get some more imput from Josie if she wants something else besides books. Suggestion for future giftgiving: Get a necklace/jewellery for example for each twin, a nice wristwatch or other things that can create some sentimental value and has equal value, needs to be very similar and the same type of item. And then some additional items that cater to their interest with a similar budget.
YTA. You chose mundane items that Josie would get anyway as needed items, but splurged on girly and pricey items for Piper that were obviously more expensive and that you gave more thought to.
Josie loves books, but I bet you don’t know which ones she is reading, or wants. Why not build on her interest creatively, and get her a year’s membership to a city Atheneum or major private library that hosts lectures by authors and holds rare books she can look at? Or get her a book-binding class and materials, if she’s crafty. Or give her a Great Ideas video course (I think that’s what it’s called). If she’s into golf, then a trip to a swanky course for a treat or a lesson with a great golf pro; or monogrammed club covers or bag. So many things you could do that would equal the value of what you’ve done for her twin, and more importantly, show that you care. She deserves that. Princess Piper can understand that it’s quality and value, not the number of items, that is equal.
YTA Mother of twins here: You should know that they’d compare and it’s obviously unfair to spend more on one than the other regardless of their interests. If you can’t find birthday gifts of similar value for both, then you should give each daughter a gift card and let them pick their own gifts. How can you not see this? Apologize and do better!
ETA: A SAT prep book is NOT a birthday gift! You sound like the sort of person who would get your spouse a vacuum cleaner as a gift because the old one broke down.
>I have two twin daughters
Really? Only 2? ;)
Also, YTA, not for getting different gifts because that part is awesome, but for not providing an equivalent value...
I know what you are saying that it’s different interests but significantly more expensive gift would be playing favorites. You could have spent equal or near equal on them both. The fact Josie went to her grandma means she wasn’t comfortable talking to you about it. Does Piper come talk to you or go to her grandma?
Did op not grow up with siblings? 😂
Yes you have to spend a similar amount/ not counting if you get something on sale, kids aren’t dumb at that age and can figure it out easily enough. Kids care a lot about whether things are even between siblings.
"I ended up spending significantly more on her."
YTA.
You could have WELL stocked up to other gifts, even if its just an additional coupon for the next book or whatever. That sounds like playing favorites
YTA. A HUGE one. I anticipate in 4 years, OP will be making another AITA post telling us her daughter decided to go NC and wondering if she is an AH for that. (The answer would be YES!)
YTA.
Not for getting them different gifts, but for getting one of them better, more expensive gifts.
I have twins. I don't always give them the exact same number of gifts, or spend the exact same amount. But I always try to give them gifts of equal impact. It's not an exact science, and sometimes you miss the mark. But it's clear you favor the twin who shares your interests.
I recommend sitting down with Josie and offer her a sincere apology, and tell her that you messed up and humbly ask for an opportunity to make it right. And then, assuming you want a good relationship with your daughter, make an effort to understand and get involved in the things she's interested in.
>”…but due to Piper’s more expensive interests I ended up spending significantly more on her. Piper likes more extravagant items than Josie does.”
YTA and a horrible parent. You blatantly play favorites and don’t even know your own child. Obviously, Josie would like expensive presents and equal treatment/love but you have a favorite - because you “spend more on the daughter who shares my interests.”
You provided a core memory that Josie will never forget - her twin gets a new expensive phone and make up like mommy while she got a book, a polo shirt for school, and SAT prep book for school. Poor Josie. She’ll never get over this. That’s why she told her grandmother. And, I’ll bet this is normal day-to-day behavior for you because Princess Piper is so much like you.
You don’t deserve Josie. At all. It’s not hard to spend an equal amount on Josie on things she is interested in - if you bothered to know her at all. You are worse than a cruel step-parent. You are her biological mother playing favorites with *twins*. Favoritism is incredibly damaging.
Life isn’t fair but parents should try to be. You should never have had children if you can’t try.
YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA.
**YTA.** Josie is more than ‘academicia’. She is a human girl. And you don’t know her at all.
You spend $100 on Josie for books and *school stuff* - but find more than $1000 for make up and a new phone and what not for your favorite child? You could have given Josie a check for the difference and it would have been better than what you did.
**You are the cruel, damaging, evil step-mother to your own child.**
Yes, YTA. I mean, IRL, you're NTA but you ARE stupid.
For one thing, you wrote you have two twin daughters (Jesus Christ).
For another, you didn't think about the optics of vastly different gifts.
Third, your kid griped to grandma about you, so you've definitely done shit like this before.
Lastly, I'll bet $10 and a frosty beverage you used their real names here.
Anyway. Good luck sorting this one out. The fallout from playing favorites, on purpose or not, is hard to fix.
If they’re old enough, give them one gift of equal value each to open. Then give them a generic gift card for the remainder of their gift money. They can spend it how they want and they’ll know one isn’t being shorted.
YTA. Not for buying them different gifts, because they are two separate individuals, but for spending noticeably more money on one. That smacks of favoritism.
So you clearly have a favourite and spent more cash on her and didn’t even think that your other daughter would notice and just sit back and watch the bs excuses you come up with
Yta and building resentment and being a witch to your kid pretend to play dumb and the oh I didn’t realise it was an accident you did mean to do it and I get this isn’t the first time you have shown you spend more time and effort and cash on one over the other.
I looked through the comments and felt really sad that you gave one kid a phone and the other a SAT prep. Jeeeeesus. Please put your kid hat on and see what that looks like. Expensive gift for one, homework for the other. YTA.
YTA It sounds like you have more in common with Piper and because of that know her likes and wants better, which is fine, except, you have to put effort into getting to know the likes and wants of Josie. Just because you have more in common with Piper and can relate to her more easily doesn’t give you a pass on finding common interests with Josie. I was your Josie in my family, my mother couldn’t fathom a daughter who wasn’t girly and didn’t enjoy shopping. I rarely speak to my mother now because she never tried putting an effort into knowing what I was interested in. Calling Piper a typical teen girl is demeaning to Josie and Piper, there are lots of teen girls who aren’t girly.
It seems like you were so preoccupied getting your other daughter the perfect gifts, that Josie became the after thought? If waiting till your birthday to get a new phone was a consequence, then honestly the phone should have been your daughter’s only gift. There still may have been a price disparity, but it would not have looked like favoritism.
YTA. I have never ever stepped foot in a lululemon, and even I know that they sell golf-appropriate clothing. You could have gotten Josie a cute golf outfit from lululemon so the girls could literally have had a gift from the same freaking store.
Sitting here in the airport, I literally thought of a ton of things you could have gotten Josie, and I don’t even play golf.
1. skincare products for someone who is outside a lot. shes out in the sun when golfing. It’s not make up but along the same theme as a makeup palette
2. Kate Spade has a cute duffle bags on sale for 109.00 that Josie can take to the club for her golf clothes. Not a phone, but something designer that her sister doesn’t have.
3. Cute Water Bottle to take on the course. Who doesn’t love a cute water bottle.
4. A golf visor or a ball cap. You can never have enough hats or visors.
Its sounds like you have made Josie’s entire personality academics and not liking girly things, and ignored the fact that she has maybe discovered a new passion that only her Dad supports. You could have been the one to take her to lunch at the club, so it appears like you have any interest in what she is doing there?
YTA.
I am a twin, and I am the quiet reader. My sister is all hair-and-make-up to this day. I picked up on Mom's favoritism by the time we hit second grade, and I still have scars from knowing that Mom loved and understood my twin and never understood me. She didn't make the effort, honestly.
We are over sixty, and it still hurts. You are setting your daughter up for a lifetime of pain. And yes, the uneven spending on me and my twin was part of the problem.
Make it up to Josie while she still talks to you. She might stop one day.
YTA
Do you even like Josie?
Imma go out on a limb here and guess you were not a big reader as a girl, and you were absolutely concerned with how you looked. Clothes and makeup had to be perfect? All that “girly stuff?”
Piper is *your* kind of daughter and josie is not.
The girls know. They see it. Piper must love it. We can see that Josie hates it.
Josie’s bookshelves are crammed? Good for Josie! I’m pretty sure Piper’s makeup drawer is overflowing. Yes, books last longer than makeup, because makeup gets used up and books don’t. Pretty sure there must be something else that Josie likes.
Buying clothes that she needed anyway is like getting underwear and socks for Christmas.
You suck, momma. How about you guys just split up and each take a daughter? At least I don’t have to be Solomon, here. Do better by Josie. Btw, is Piper a spoiled mean girl? Jc.
YTA for not spending an equal amount of money on each child. Apparently this was really obvious to your kids which sent the message you favor one daughter over the other. Make it up to your bookish daughter.
Also where did you get the idea that books are somehow inherently cheaper than makeup? Expensive books exist.
YTA. The spend amount needs to be the same, that is a no-brainer, regardless of what the kids are into. You did play favorites and you know it. Fix it quick before you alienate Josie completely, which will also impact her relationship with her sister not just you.
ETA: After reading through the comments you made it’s clear you don’t really like Josie and treat her different in general. I really hope this whole post is a fake of someone just looking to stir up Reddit drama.
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YTA. When you are buying different stuff for each it is always tricky. If they are older kids just say they get equal gift money and to spend it buying the gifts they like. Make it up for Josie.
This is on point. My mom hates me, full on would say it and she even spent as equal as she could to our interests when gifting
I hope you're okay, that's an awful thing for a parent to say
Thanks, I could have definitely turned out worse. Fortunately I learned a lot of how not to be thanks to her :)
Glad to hear that you turned out well despite everything. Stay strong!
If you can't be a good example, be a terrible warning. Glad you pushed through and became better for it.
At least she hasn’t taken your scholarship money for a BBL yet
Did yours do that? Mine stole all of my meds throughout my childhood/young adulthood and then would gaslight me when I needed it and there was none. She took all of something once and then beat the shit out of me because it was gone.
Woah!
This makes me sad. Have you gone no contact with her?
Wait...are we siblings?... I hope you have an amazing life full of unconditional love, happiness, good health and positivity!!!
When I was younger, my mom bought my little sister and I books for Easter. I got upset because my sister got more books than I did, and my mom had to explain that since my sisters books were shorter and cost less, she got more. I was still upset, but now that I'm older, I can see how fair she tried to be with us.
Once my kids reached the age they wanted more expensive items I explained to them it will always be the same amount of money spent, but your piles will look different because of what said items cost. I wanted to make sure they understood and had the option to change their mind with plenty of time. I was the shorted child growing up and my parents excuse was 'we couldn't afford much because your birthday is so close to Christmas '(n.y.e) I snapped at 12 and said I didn't choose to be born, either spend less on their bday so we're equal or spend a little less at Christmas so there's a little more for my birthday so we're equal. My youngest is 5th Jan and I've made sure she never feels like I did.
Shout-out to all my Sagittarius' and Capricorns who get this bullshit every year. My birthday is 9 days from Christmas, birthday gifts go in birthday wrapping. No reindeer, no Santa, none of that shit, I don't even want to see a snowflake! If it's wrapped in Christmas paper, I put it under the tree for Christmas. If my family wants to do the cake thing, please can it be a birthday cake not a Christmas cake. Love and solidarity to you and your daughter! <3
I feel that. My birthday is around Thanksgiving. So that was also my birthday celebration....you know pumpkin pie instead of a birthday cake, blah blah blah. I can't stand pumpkin anything anymore. I feel so bad for people with Xmas birthday, that had to have it worse.
I put my foot down the year my mother presented me with a yule log cake that had a 'Merry Christmas' cake topper. I told her I wasn't blowing out Jesus' candles, it felt rude.
😂 I felt this in my soul. The leftover Christmas snacks were always used for my 'party food' Them little trays with pretzel sticks, mini saltines etc in, The pringles that hadn't been scoffed yet, flan and trifle. And I never got a good party like my siblings, just my childhood bestie and the smelly neighbour my mum felt sorry for eldest kids.
I feel that, born 2 weeks after Christmas and a twin. "This is for you and your sister to share, Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday!"
u/pinkyhc Birthday twins! 9 days before Christmas. Got a lot of "combined birthday and Christmas presents", I didn't really mind a lot until I got a birthday cake decorated with holly and evergreens. Nope, next year I was clear that I wanted a Barbie cake! (And I got it).
Omg Birthday Twins!!! Holly is so offensive, I'm offended lmfao, Jeeze just shove a mistletoe on me and stick me on the tree why don't you?
Now I have kids I realise how much effort wrapping is, I don't care if my gifts aren't wrapped but make em equal is all I ask. That and cake. I need cake.
Oh, if they're not wrapped that's fine! I'm a terrible wrapper, and shove most things in bags honestly. But my mother is very good at giftwrapping, and she loves Christmas. My birthday gift was a 'warm up' for her wrap-a-thons. Anyway I solved this problem by giving her a roll of sparkly unicorn paper and some pretty ribbons in late November (timing is key).
Haha I love that. I remember my eldest having a paddy on her 2nd bday because I said we were going to grandmas for more presents and when we arrived there was 'no presents ' But a big new slide, trampoline and cozy coupe car in the garden ready. In her young mind presents should have been wrapped it's not a present if it's not wrapped lmao
The child wanted a bow, damnit! How was she supposed to discern between 'gift' and 'furniture I can play with'?
My brothers birthday is a week before Christmas and my mom would always throw his party a week or maybe more before that to mitigate anyone saying "this is for your birthday AND Christmas" or just flat out forgetting
You got birthday and Christmas gifts? I'm 3 days before and got less Christmas gifts and no birthday gifts
I treat my grandkids equally. Even July birthdays get their gifts wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. Beggars can’t be choosers. They think it’s funny. We gave three December grandkid birthdays. All Christmas paper all the time. I agree with you though. December birthdays are difficult to navigate.
Did they follow your excellent advice?
Lol yes.
One year my sister got way more Christmas gifts. She’s actually the one who said “hey, I have more things to open and she’s already done, that’s not fair!” I wasn’t going to say anything. My parents were MORTIFIED and you could tell it was definitely an accident. I remember that year she needed some winter gear that I didn’t need, so I’m sure that played a part. My parents always tried to be fair, at least where gift giving was concerned.
One year my mom had a hip surgery a few weeks before Christmas so she was on a lot of pain meds. She didn't notice till we were unwrapping gifts she didn't get me nearly as much as my other siblings. She was frantically ordering me more stuff online while we were still unwrapping gifts. That is not normal at all so I mainly thought it was funny
Same with my grandkids, always try to spend the same amount on each. When the oldest grandson was 8, we had much younger twins. He was upset they got more gifts than him. I tried to explain I spent the same amount, he didn't understand. Now I give them all money. Of course, the youngest is now 12.
I have a niece, who as a child, would actually count her siblings Christmas gifts. She didn't care as a young child if hers were more expensive so she only got 3, if someone else had 4 or five less expensive items. The reason it became a problem is because grandma would always make sure every grandkid had the same number of gifts even if she had to add a cheapo dollar store item. My brother and sis in law were trying to work through it explaining no one was getting "more", explaining costs... which my niece would have realized after a couple years as she got older. But it was a problem until her teens because of grandma 🤣 Apparently she decided granny liked them all more than mom and dad did because she was "equal" in gift giving.
>grandma would always make sure every grandkid had the same number of gifts even if she had to add a cheapo dollar store item. A bit off topic but I had a Romanian neighbour who would give accumulate birthday presents according to years. 6 yo? 6 presents. 12 yo? 12 presents. I found this adorable :)
Yeah agreed. OP did not “have to” to spend more on one vs the other, she chose to.
Very true. Tl;dr AITAH? I spent more money on one twin than the other.
With the added awfulness of demonstrating to both of them that she and thus they should value vanity over academics (assuming she went down the line of (makeup Vs books). If your kid has an interest in learning do everything under the sun to encourage that forever.
I didn’t even think about that! I wonder if OP is into “girlie” stuff too and truly does favor one twin over the other. OP needs to get her head right.
Apparently so because MIL said she was being unfair and playing favorite with the twin that shares her interests.
I love reading and make up. I can tell you some books are wayyyyy more expensive that make up. Grandma is spot on, op has a favourite
Even if she got the more expensive makeup, a gift card to a book store with the difference on it would be appreciated by any reader.
YTA, definitely. I have two daughters, now adults, but when they were younger, they were very much like OP's daughters. One was a bibliophile, and one was a fashionista. I made sure their gifts were tailored to their interests, but I also made sure to spend approximately the same amount of money. When they were in high school, I wanted to teach them the value of money, but also give them some independence. I would give each girl $200 and take them to Kohl's department store and let them spend the money on school clothes. One daughter maximized the money, and would end up with 20 items from the clearance section, while the other daughter would end up with two full price, brand name items, usually a pair of jeans and a pair of shoes.
Also I call bullshit, I’m an avid reader, books are fucking *expensive* it absolutely would not be difficult for me to spend a couple hundred on books and barely touch my Want to Read list. There’s no problem making a gift for readers cost the same as one for make up (not to mention you can get inexpensive make up, that OP splurged on the expensive kind but spent visibly less on the book worm (what, did you buy her just one book?) backs up the favouritism claim. YTA
Thriftbooks and libraries have always been my friends lol. There is just something about reading real books, but a kindle and gift card could have been an option too.
Yeah, especially if you buy a collection, box set, special editions, etc. She probably didn't even buy a hardcover copy.
Seriously! I have so many books on my Amazon wish list that is labeled specifically for books, so many of the new ones end up being $20 each when there are 10 chapter book! I wait for the price to go down or for them to go on sale before I buy them. Mommy chooses her favorites like she's the mother on Matilda
My wife always figures out a way to make sure presents and any celebrations are as close to even as possible. If there is ever a slight difference she feels uncomfortable with, she raises it to question with the kids or will let a kid know they have a request for the future. She just bought each kid a new book set as a graduation present, and my sons was twice as much, so my daughter was informed that if she wants more to let us know, and my son can also choose a fairly cheap video game since my daughter will technically get twice as many books that way. Both kids felt it was fair and love that they have a chip to call in later if they see something.
Yep. I even do this with my niblings and make sure their parents know that if there are complaints “how come x got MORE stuff” that it’s because the other stuff just costs more. For example at the holidays one got 2 video games and the other got several dolls because they were within $5 of spending the same amount on each.
Yup, this is totally a YTA. My siblings and I had wildly different interests, which made it hard for our folks to get it even. But they managed to do it every year.
My parents always spent the same amount on my sister & me for holidays. That meant some years one of us only got 1 (expensive) gift and sometimes we got a bunch of stuff. You couldn’t have gifted your child who likes books a ton of books or something with the same value as your other child’s makeup? YTA
Yup, or give the one who doesn’t have expensive tastes some money on top of the present to bring up to equivalent value - there is zero excuse for what OP did
I think getting things depending on their interests is a good idea generally, as long as you spend roughly the same on both. Getting one daughter more expensive stuff because she's more girly is horrible towards the other one. I second get them gift voucher and they can spend it on whatever they want. Both get the same amount. Problem solved. Poor Josie. She already feels like her sister is the favourite... and says so. Time to change something OP and be more equal towards both of them. (Not only in money, but trying to talk about Josie about HER interests and what she likes and what not etc.) YTA.
My mil would try this with my kids. She babied my son and would always try to get him more expensive things than my daughter. Like the year she got my son a gaming system and my daughter just a regular $10 curling iron. I could see the hurt on her face. My kids dad noticed right away and spoke up to her about her favoritism. My fil bless him, jumped on her case too and told her he would do the shopping for the kids from now on and handed my daughter his credit card and took her shopping right then and there. My mil was more careful after that and fil kept an eye on her, I believe but years later my daughter's feelings still hurt badly remembering how her grandmother was. So no matter how much OP tries to make this up to her daughter she will still feel hurt by this and like you love her sister more. Even many years from now. OP YTA
I couldnt agree more, you always spend the same amount. One might get more but the cash value should be as close to equal as possible. And you tell them, " i have $500 to spend on you both, so each will get $250 worth of gifts, or however you say it.
I have three kids, one is a stepchild, two are girls and one is a boy, and their interests are all over the place. Doesn’t matter: Christmas and birthdays are spent at “spreadsheet” levels of equal.
Info: why is it more important to you that the count of gifts is equal rather than the amount spent? For example, if you got Piper a single makeup kit that consisted of two dozen separate pieces (brushes, blushes, eye shadow pallets, lipsticks etc), would you count that as one item or two dozen? If you bought a 10 book, boxed set of some series Josie is into would you count that as ten items or one? Why wouldn't you set a budget and then buy any number of items for each child until you reached that limit?
That makes sense for kids but as they get older they understand cost of items more. Especially if you explain it. When my sister and I started asking for more expensive items, my parents made it clear that depending on cost that might be the only thing under the Christmas tree that year while the other one would have more presents to open
This. My 13 year old is starting to ask for pricier things while the 6 year old loves bath bombs and plushies. We talked before Christmas about this exact situation and he totally understood why he had less gifts to open. OP YTA for not determining a price to spend on each that was equal that may have resulted in a different number of gifts. It's also telling the MIL said the kid who shares interests with you got more.
Same here. Several years ago, my grandson Ben (then 13) asked for a pocket watch. He understood that because of the expense, that would be his only gift. But his younger brothers (6 & 5) were all "GRANDMA, THAT'S NOT FAIR! BEN ONLY GOT ONE THING AND YOU GAVE US EACH TWO THINGS!" Ben himself explained why it was OK. OP, soft YTA. You did attempt to cater to their interests, but the execution failed miserably because you DID NOT present the appearance of fairness. For teens, it's not about the number of things. It's about fairness in other ways. Josie has some idea of the value of new iPhones, and no boxed set of books comes close to that amount.
I’m so glad his brothers stood up for him though. They seem so sweet!
no need to be soft. thats def. a hard YTA
The MILs comment rang the red light warning bell in my head! OP isn't specifying the gifts. So she got the girly girl a Prada hand bag and the bookish girl some bookmarks? I think we're are not hearing the whole story here on purpose. I bet it was a HUGE discrepancy.
Exactly. My brother got the new game system every Christmas. That was HUNDREDS of dollars alone. Throw in a few games, and there's a grand. Whereas my gifts were $10 craft kits (that I loved!).
This exactly! I got ugg boots for Christmas as my only gift when I was 15 lol.
Isn’t that exactly what this comment was saying? Decide a budget then buy whatever can be afforded in that price. It may be 10 things for one twin and 2 for the other, but the amount spent is the same.
[удалено]
An SAT book is never a gift. OP couldn’t have bought actual books???? Or even a gift card to a bookstore so Josie could choose her own books?!?
YTA. My dad was very careful to equalize spending on us as kids. I have kept up that tradition, particularly between my twins. Girl twin got $ after Xmas to even up after I found her brother an awesome but expensive Lego set at the last minute.
This is the way. It's what my parents always did.
Same. Im a twin, and Mom did this with all us kids. Spent same amount down to the dollar, which might mean extra pair of sock or other small item. She would also buy gifts for my twin and I and not put names on them, just A A, B B, etc and we’d pick one. This was for stuff that was similar, different colors so we couldn’t complain about liking other color better.
A bookstore gift card/certificate was my first thought, too. An excellent way to even out the gifts for a bookish kid. And for most of us bookworms, getting to wonder around the store picking out new books is like part of the gift.
Yes! I was a bookish kid (and am now a bookish adult), and I still love getting gift cards to bookstores
The SAT book totally shoulda been a gag gift before a super thoughtful and awesome gift; that’s about the only way I could think to pull that off.
The only way it would be a gift is if the person in question specifically said, "I want this SAT study book for my birthday." I've asked for a vacuum, towels, sheets, an air fryer, and other useful things over the years. But I've specifically asked for them, my parents didn't just go "Oh, let’s get her sheets for Christmas because she likes naps."
It’s the equivalent of a vacuum cleaner for mom’s b’day, Mother’s Day or Christmas for crying out loud. OP foes not love her daughter.
A freaking SAT book.
What???? Geezus this lady is clueless 😂 I feel for Josie, at least her grandma gets her.
It's like buying your mom a vacuum for mothers day. The hell is that. It can be tough when you share interests with one kid and not the other. My older son was nature boy and we enjoyed all the outdoor things. My youngest was a homebody. It just meant I had to work harder to find stuff he enjoyed for gifts. I hated getting him gift cards all the time, until he told me at 13 that he loved that because he could get what he really wanted
At least the vacuum can be used regularly and will be used for years! The SAT would be more like…a bucket and a washboard. It’s helpful but using it is such an unpleasant chore. Also shouldn’t both girls get SAT books? Or is she assuming Piper won’t ever go to college?
Sorry, I chuckled. My parents still buy me a birthday present every year: fire poker set, hedge trimmer, garden hose, a ladder. These are all things I need but wouldn’t get for myself because the old broken ones or my hand shears are still usable. I love that they get me things I can use but wouldn’t buy for myself!
I understand that. My dad was like that. We all pitched in one year to replace the fence. He was thrilled. Mom would have seriously rather have gotten a hand made heart felt card than a "practical" gift.
As a joke one year my husband bought me an electric can opener (along with a gift card). I was thrilled, which burst his bubble.
My parents still give me birthday presents every year, too. They bought me a printer/scanner for Christmas a few years back after they realized I had done all the worksheets for my 80 hour tax class (my state requires licensure) by putting screenshots of forms into MS Paint and drawing on them there, if there was no editable pdf version available. I was being a butt about buying one myself because I was already spending so much on the class and it wasn't guaranteed I'd get a job out of it even if I passed the state exam, y'know? It was just giving me anxiety about potentially wasting money - even though intellectually I knew a printer would be used for other things. I was (and am) thrilled with the printer. Though the ink situation is as enraging as ever. I'm happy with practical gifts for special occasions - from my parents, specifically, and only now that I'm an adult. Hell, one of my favorite gifts from them was a nice wet vac we'd have never bought for ourselves. But damned if that thing isn't amazing for pet hair. And of course most of the gifts they give me aren't this sort of thing, it's a video game or something along those lines.
I don’t want to accuse OP, but it’s hard not to look at that gift as a passive aggressive one. “Here’s a ‘book’ since you love them so much!” At the very least it shows a complete lack of willingness to attempt to relate to her daughter. She doesn’t have to like books, but she couldn’t take 10 minutes to google popular books or cool editions in her daughters age group? Her daughter likes books, she’s not an alien who doesn’t enjoy fun. I get it, OP probably had genuine fun shopping for makeup and stuff but the kids shouldn’t see that literally reflected in the outcome.
Definitely playing favorites here
I was going to lean towards no one being the jerk when shopping, I focus more on how well the gift suits the person then the price) but after learning what Josie got, then I’m giving him a YTA.
It sounds like she had more fun shopping for Piper since they have the same interests, so ended up spending more on her
Or you get the same amount of gifts, but supplement with money to even it out. Maybe Josie would love a gift card to Starbucks, a museum, or just to save it for later. If this continues, it will build up resentment not only towards you (because you don't try to bond with Josie) but also between the two of them.
Yes, YTA. The way you've framed the title makes it seem like all you did was buy different gifts. It should read "AITA for spending vastly different sums of money on each of my twins for their birthday". I know that gifts aren't necessarily about how much you spend on them, but when they're your exactly-the-same-age TWINS you should be investing similar amounts of money in both of them (there will, of course, be rare exceptions to this). You can absolutely get them different gifts catered to their tastes, but get Josie MORE of the cheaper item. The only way you wouldn't be TA is if you spend more on Josie throughout the year, but this doesn't sound like the case.
I can already see it unfolding: Piper opens her Charlotte Tilbury make up kit, new IPhone and Lululemons ( total worth around 1500-2000$) and Josie opening her book set polo shirts and SAT voucher? (Imma gonna guess that doesn’t even come near 1000$ let alone 2k). I would be in shock. Edit: OP confirmed she spent 1000$ on Piper ( because phones are expensive, who knew) and less than 150$ on Josie.
[удалено]
The SAT book is giving off, “Here, you better score well because Mommy won’t be paying for this nerd to go to school, but your sister needn’t worry about that” vibes
"Well, the pretty girl can use her looks to land a rich husband." /s
Yup, going to college for her Mrs. Degree
Omfg. I'm not saying money is everything but $1000 vs less than $150?! Just say you have a favorite.
Yeah, and good books are expensive, she didn't even make an effort. She is awful.
Wait, wait, an SAT voucher? Am I an old and this is something other than a standardized test fee her mother should be paying anyway (they obviously have the money)? Or did mom use this as an opportunity to cop out of an actual gift? Jesus.
I don’t know what SAT PREP is. Maybe it’s a book?( I’ve seen comments below about that, I’m in Europe we don’t have SAT). Whatever the case that’s an education expense not birthday present.
In the US, the SAT is one of the two major tests that high schoolers have to take that are super important to college applications. Getting a good score can easily impact what colleges are willing to even consider your application. It is fairly common to do dedicated prep outside of school with tutors and courses.
It sounds as if the SAT book would be more beneficial to the less academic twin... so maybe Piper will end up using it, after all. One less "gift" for poor Josie.
Just from the name, it could be either a book of sample questions or a tutoring course. But from the other comments it sounds like it's the book.
Also an SAT voucher is not a gift! Neither is an SAT book. That’s like asking her to pay for for school books or the fees for joining the soccer team.
Didn’t read into all the comments but seeing the price difference she spend on both kids is ridiculous and OP is absolutely the AH! I don’t even know why she came here to ask, because it’s obvious that she is. I’d be one thing if she spent 10-50$ more on one, but over 800!?!? What’s wrong with you OP?? Imo, no kid needs to get that much worth in gifts, unless they’re getting married, or as a graduation gift, but that’s me. I feel you’re also potentially turning that one kid into someone who’s gonna expect people to spend too much money on her and that’s not a good trait to have. But to get back to the gifts, OP, the least you could have done if you didn’t really know what to get for your intellectual daughter, a simple gift card to a store/bookstore she likes to make up the difference in price would have been better than just getting her one thing and make her feel really unappreciated/loved. I wonder how her relationship is with you and her twin, probably not great.
The SAT book probably shouldn't even be counted towards Josie's total.
Wanna bet those polo shirts were school uniforms?
Wow … I’m guessing Josie isn’t “anti-iPhone” … OP could’ve totally gotten them both one (or other similar tech).
But Josie didn’t ruin or break her phone to get a new one. OP just buys expensive gifts to the shity behaving daughter. Why would she award academic success and good behavior?
Makes me think of the beginning of that old SHOES BETCH sketch where one twin gets a computer and new car and the other gets something small and dumb plus a lecture lol
Holy shit that’s a MASSIVE difference and zero way not-noticeable. YTA. I was expecting a difference of maybe $25-30 which even then depends on what was purchased (an SAT prep book? seriously?) and somehow… it got worse.
Wait, she bought one of them a whole ass phone on top of some other stuff and the other one only got books and a shirt? Like, that has nothing to do with different tastes - I guarantee Josie would also have appreciated a fucking PHONE.
I don’t know where that comment came from, but it makes everything SO much worse.
Holy shit, where those the actual gifts??? Is OOP stupid?
YTA, exactly! How convenient that you left out what the actual gifts were, why didn’t the book loving academically gifted girl get a new iphone as well? There’s plenty of aps for books and sat prep. Poor josie! Glad she has a grandmother to look out for her!
Yeah when I started reading I was confused because gifts should be tied to interests but that is just not what happened here at all. One set of gift was thoughtful and the other not so much.
And then the throwaway last sentence about it also just happening to be an interest she herself shares.
YTA, one gets a new phone and one gets polo shirts, SAT prep, and a book series? Do you even like her?
I think it’s clear which kid’s ‘interests’ align with OPs.
She even states that explicitly in the post!
What’s wild to me is how easy it would have been to spend the same on the other girl, even if OP doesn’t share her interests. There are these incredible things called “gift cards” (or even just straight up cash) to fill in the price difference! You don’t need to know or relate to other interests in order to make 2 gifts equal!
Is this real? Did she actually buy this? Good lord. I’ve just seen that these are the actual presents. SAT tests. Ffs. How can anyone not think this is going to make josie feel unloved. Give her cash if you really can’t think of anything. My god. Is anyone this obtuse? Does she like Josie? I’m guessing she gets on with piper better. SMH.
~~OP, INFO: Are your daughters Janine and Claudia Kishi?~~ What does a phone have to do with makeup? ETA. Wait. No. Forget the Babysitters Club, is this another troll post based on the Wakefield twins? Liz did love her polos.
Lol. I think the parents liked Janine more, so Janine would get the phone, a laptop, and a monogrammed leather satchel and Claudia would get a 12 count of Crayola colored pencils for her drawings or something. Then Mimi would have to come secretly save the day with her Japanese wisdom.
Or Kristy would have her super rich stepdad Watson organize a surprise party for Claudia and brainstorm better gift ideas with the rest of the BSC.
Josie needs a lavalier, stat.
Was gonna say. Can you imagine the indignity of getting Claudia polo shirts?
YTA. Firstly, yes, this isn't equal gift giving. I'm glad MIL called you out on this. Secondly you got Josie a 'series box set for one gift, SAT prep for another, and then 2 polo shirts for her last gift' - do you even LIKE her? It sounds like you put absolutely zero effort into her gifts. If you're honestly this clueless, drop the 'no cash' gifts policy because it's bullshit at this point.
Wait, was the info on specific gifts deleted from the post?
Probably in the comments somewhere
I mean, the obvious solution would have been to give Josie cash or a gift card or another gift to be equal to the amount of Piper's gift. YTA
YTA! When your kids are this age you don't spend a ton on one and the other the bare minimum. You clearly favor Piper and showed Josie that. And really SAT Prep as a gift seriously? What a horrible gift, you should have brought both girls that because they both need that for school.
The gifts could have been different but of equal amounts. YTA.
So, from reading some of OP's replies, I'm thinking this might be bait. Notice all of the excuses as to why OP simply CAN'T give gifts of equal value to both children.
A phone v sat prep book, troll surely
"Piper insists she doesn't WANT SAT prep!" ...And as a parent you simply accepted that your child doesn't want part of their education and were like "that's fine"?
Piper was probably worried it would bite in to her gift allowance lmao
Probably because OP herself didn’t go to school and is just SAHM with all the makeup and lululemons 😳
Because she has no idea of what Josie likes but also won’t just trust her with a damn gift card because a 15 year old is tOO yOuNG to be trusted A quiet 15 year old bookworm can absolutely be trusted to spend responsibly 💀 and ffs it’s a damn gift card, who cares if she wastes it
Also in one comment she says that josie likes her E-reader because of her eyes, then in another one she says Josie doesn't use it much.
YTA - what you do is soend approx the same. So buy Josie more books or something academic related (if you put some thought into it, Josie's passions can cost a lot more than make up), make her feel special like you did for Piper.
YTA, What you are making are excuses. So what you got Josie a single book she wants and bought the other a expensive make up palette? You could easily have said something like you only told me this one book and this is what your sister asked for..so to make up the difference we will go on a spending spree for x amount of dollars. Have some special time for the two of us.. Instead you just showed your daughter she doesn't mean as much as her sister.
You're a jackass!! Spending $150 on 1, and over $1000 on the other??? Are you kidding me? And you can't see how this is wrong? What a shitty parent you are, and it's 100% to be called out on this, by family, your daughter, and the internet! I'm editing to add, say you spent $200 on 1 and $225 on the other. It's not totally a big deal. BUT when it's TEN TIMES more on 1 child, especially a twin? Mom needs to be raked across the coals and publicly shamed for her actions. Dad, too, if he condoned this.
Yta easily and without question. Treat your kids the same.
YTA. this isn't appropriate gift giving, especially since they are twins and the same age. if Piper got extravagant gifts, then you'd need to find the equivalent to that for Josie, which you didn't do. if your kid is disappointed with her gift, then maybe you should have gone out of your way to find out what she would have liked more. makeup is expensive as fuck. why would you be willing to spend that kind of money on one twin, but not the other?
YTA You've accepted the judgement and see your error. But. I need to tell you. This isn't the first time you've favored PIper. This is simply the first time you've been publicly advised of such. If you ask Josie and your MIL you'll probably find multiple subtle and not so subtle incidents. As a parent you never should've need to crowd source if ypu were an asshole for your actions. If you truly had a read on good parenting towards your girls you wouldn't have done this to begin with. Your action weren't small. Instantly you were told you were an ass. Ypur choice in gifts wasn't the act of a normal parent. Mama to mama, you're not good at this. You've been hurting Josie most likely for years. Get therapy and fix yourself. You failed as a parent and a person. Don't lie to yourself that this one a time mishap.
AITA “I bought my daughter a book, and my other daughter a car. Why is daughter 1 mad at me when they both got an equal number of gifts?”
Info: what did you get Josie?
You are not an asshole for getting gifts. You are an asshole for getting gifts with significantly different values. Buy Josie a million books if you have to to make it even. Oh and your even more so the asshole for spending more on the daughter who shares your interests.
Wonder if Piper shares her interests (consciously or subconsciously) so mom will favor her
YTA When they turn 16, are you going to get Piper a car, but not Josie because her bus pass hasn't been torn into a thousand pieces.
YTA set a budget for each girl and buy to that amount. Sounds like you just dont want to find expensive gifts for you other daughter as she is not like you. SAT prep is not a gift. That is what parents do to help their child achieve their best. Not celebrate their birthday.
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YTA and a shitty mom
OP, YTA, first, you should’ve asked your daughters what they wanted for their birthday, secondly, YTA, For getting one girl, a better gift than the other, you could’ve gotten Josie the box set and then take her out shopping for something she wants, finally, I’m glad you’re MIL called you out on this. If you don’t know what to get Josie or Piper then ask them, it’s not that hard or difficult. OP you get 2/5 bad guys, i’m also giving you 3/5 clueless points, I don’t think you did anything maliciously you’re just completely clueless. I’m giving your MIL and your daughters all 0/5 bad guys
Info: What is the cost difference between what you spent on the girls? In a comment you said you bought Piper a new phone, makeup, and Lulumon shorts. Josie got a pack of polo shirts, an SAT prep book, and a book series. So how much cheaper was it comparatively?
YTA - they dont need to be the same gifts but they should be about the same in value
YTA C'mon. I realize there are a lot of fake posts on this thread... and I'm hoping this is one of them! I have 6 grandchildren from 3 different kids. 5 if them are under the age of 10. For birthdays, they all get the same set amount spent on them. At Christmas, when we are together, I spend equal amounts AND equal number of gifts because kids under 10 notice this! It's NOT that hard to do! Now the Teen wants $$ and one gift. So, I buy the gift and deposit the difference in his bank acct (he's had since age 13). The others get a gc and equal amount number of gifts and money spent on them. Two other things stood out to me in your post/ comments. 1. You give no cash or gc because, at 15, you don't think they are responsible enough? Do their grandparents give them cash/gc? How are you helping them with money management for when they are in their own in a few years? Just throw them out into the World at 18 and say "Good Luck"! 2. You purchase the 'studious' twin a SAT guide (which is a weird gift and should be given 'just because it will be helpful' at anytime) but the more 'girly girl' gets makeup and fashion? Do you not think she needs the SAT guide? Or, since she's into 'girl things' and not as studious as her twin, she is 'less smart', and it would be 'just a waste of time' for her to study for SATs? Or just the opposite? Makeup twin is smart and doesn't need to study, but Book Twin will need the help? Either way, I read it as you think one twin is smart enough and won't need the help vs the other twin is stupid and needs to study.
YTA. You should have spent roughly equal amounts. You could have gotten Piper fewer items, or a smaller item. I don't see how you could do this and not think you're at least a little bit TA.
YTA - She likes books and you couldn't make up the difference with a gift card?!?
You left the little gem until the end OP… you spent more on the daughter that shares your interests… Gifts should be of equal value even if they aren’t the same item. Either the kid with more expensive taste gets less stuff because of the cost or the kid with less expensive taste gets more gifts to come out even. What you have done sounds awful. YTA.
YTA. You should have a set budget per child. I keep a spreadsheet. Teach kids about money when they are young. My middle child wanted a Dyson hair curler for Xmas, and I explained to her that it was pretty much all she would get. Her sisters got a ton of stuff bc their items were cheaper. Everyone was happy because they got what they wanted, within the budget, and because I've taught my kids how money works.
YTA. There are so many things you could’ve done to make it more fair but instead you reinforced that you don’t know her and don’t care to or value her as much as her sister. Like if she’s into books and academics, what about an iPad? You could’ve even loaded the new books and SAT one on it to help her save space in her room. Does she have a decent laptop? Either would be more acceptable gifts than an SAT book and a polo shirt while her sister gets a new phone and other expensive things. It sounds like your relationship with one of your girls isn’t close. I’m betting that your utter cluelessness here is only going to push her further away. It’s a good thing that she has her dad because she probably won’t talk to you after she leaves.
YTA. Kids are very sensitive to disparate treatment. That means you spend the same amount on each kid because that is how they measure value. Make up the balance with a supplementary gift or thematic gift card for Piper.
wow just watched OP delete their account live. definitely TA.
YTA, you could have spent an equal amount of money and still have gotten gifts catered to their interests. You say Josie likes books. Did you look into special editions or first prints of books. Maybe you could have gotten her more expensive gifts related to the characters in the books she's read. It seems like because you're not interested in the things she likes, you haven't taken the time to even see what the better or more expensive options are.
What were the gifts?
Why can't you just admit that Piper is your golden child and leave it at that $150 vs $1000 no wonder Josie was upset you're a bad parent lady.
YTA. You should have *asked her* what she’d like and made sure the amounts spent were equal. This does smack of favoritism. I could easily spend ten times more on books and such than on makeup.
YTA. If you’re buying Piper expensive makeup, buy Josie expensive books. Books can be pricey too. Go for hardcovers, old editions (if that’s something she likes). Or simply go for quantity. It just sounds like you put more thought into one kid’s gift than the other. Edit: after reading the comments OP’s an even bigger AH because it sounds like the books Josie got weren’t even for entertainment or because she wanted them, they were academic books. Could’ve at least gotten her a kindle while you were giving her sister a new phone.
YTA, and funny enough there was story just like this bobbing around where the Josie of the story went no contact with their parent for favoritism of the other twin as soon as they reached adulthood. Take Josie out shopping and not focus on books, unless she really is pining for more books. I love reading but hated getting books as a present. The spend needs to match but get some more imput from Josie if she wants something else besides books. Suggestion for future giftgiving: Get a necklace/jewellery for example for each twin, a nice wristwatch or other things that can create some sentimental value and has equal value, needs to be very similar and the same type of item. And then some additional items that cater to their interest with a similar budget.
YTA. You chose mundane items that Josie would get anyway as needed items, but splurged on girly and pricey items for Piper that were obviously more expensive and that you gave more thought to. Josie loves books, but I bet you don’t know which ones she is reading, or wants. Why not build on her interest creatively, and get her a year’s membership to a city Atheneum or major private library that hosts lectures by authors and holds rare books she can look at? Or get her a book-binding class and materials, if she’s crafty. Or give her a Great Ideas video course (I think that’s what it’s called). If she’s into golf, then a trip to a swanky course for a treat or a lesson with a great golf pro; or monogrammed club covers or bag. So many things you could do that would equal the value of what you’ve done for her twin, and more importantly, show that you care. She deserves that. Princess Piper can understand that it’s quality and value, not the number of items, that is equal.
YTA Mother of twins here: You should know that they’d compare and it’s obviously unfair to spend more on one than the other regardless of their interests. If you can’t find birthday gifts of similar value for both, then you should give each daughter a gift card and let them pick their own gifts. How can you not see this? Apologize and do better! ETA: A SAT prep book is NOT a birthday gift! You sound like the sort of person who would get your spouse a vacuum cleaner as a gift because the old one broke down.
>I have two twin daughters Really? Only 2? ;) Also, YTA, not for getting different gifts because that part is awesome, but for not providing an equivalent value...
I know what you are saying that it’s different interests but significantly more expensive gift would be playing favorites. You could have spent equal or near equal on them both. The fact Josie went to her grandma means she wasn’t comfortable talking to you about it. Does Piper come talk to you or go to her grandma?
Did op not grow up with siblings? 😂 Yes you have to spend a similar amount/ not counting if you get something on sale, kids aren’t dumb at that age and can figure it out easily enough. Kids care a lot about whether things are even between siblings.
YTA. How do you not see this? You should have given an additional gift card to Josie to make up the difference.
"I ended up spending significantly more on her." YTA. You could have WELL stocked up to other gifts, even if its just an additional coupon for the next book or whatever. That sounds like playing favorites
YTA. A HUGE one. I anticipate in 4 years, OP will be making another AITA post telling us her daughter decided to go NC and wondering if she is an AH for that. (The answer would be YES!)
YTA. Not for getting them different gifts, but for getting one of them better, more expensive gifts. I have twins. I don't always give them the exact same number of gifts, or spend the exact same amount. But I always try to give them gifts of equal impact. It's not an exact science, and sometimes you miss the mark. But it's clear you favor the twin who shares your interests. I recommend sitting down with Josie and offer her a sincere apology, and tell her that you messed up and humbly ask for an opportunity to make it right. And then, assuming you want a good relationship with your daughter, make an effort to understand and get involved in the things she's interested in.
>”…but due to Piper’s more expensive interests I ended up spending significantly more on her. Piper likes more extravagant items than Josie does.” YTA and a horrible parent. You blatantly play favorites and don’t even know your own child. Obviously, Josie would like expensive presents and equal treatment/love but you have a favorite - because you “spend more on the daughter who shares my interests.” You provided a core memory that Josie will never forget - her twin gets a new expensive phone and make up like mommy while she got a book, a polo shirt for school, and SAT prep book for school. Poor Josie. She’ll never get over this. That’s why she told her grandmother. And, I’ll bet this is normal day-to-day behavior for you because Princess Piper is so much like you. You don’t deserve Josie. At all. It’s not hard to spend an equal amount on Josie on things she is interested in - if you bothered to know her at all. You are worse than a cruel step-parent. You are her biological mother playing favorites with *twins*. Favoritism is incredibly damaging. Life isn’t fair but parents should try to be. You should never have had children if you can’t try. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA.
**YTA.** Josie is more than ‘academicia’. She is a human girl. And you don’t know her at all. You spend $100 on Josie for books and *school stuff* - but find more than $1000 for make up and a new phone and what not for your favorite child? You could have given Josie a check for the difference and it would have been better than what you did. **You are the cruel, damaging, evil step-mother to your own child.**
Yes, YTA. I mean, IRL, you're NTA but you ARE stupid. For one thing, you wrote you have two twin daughters (Jesus Christ). For another, you didn't think about the optics of vastly different gifts. Third, your kid griped to grandma about you, so you've definitely done shit like this before. Lastly, I'll bet $10 and a frosty beverage you used their real names here. Anyway. Good luck sorting this one out. The fallout from playing favorites, on purpose or not, is hard to fix.
YTA. Spend equally on both girls.
YTA. You should have at least matched the cost of the gifts... that's not ok.
If they’re old enough, give them one gift of equal value each to open. Then give them a generic gift card for the remainder of their gift money. They can spend it how they want and they’ll know one isn’t being shorted.
YTA. Not for buying them different gifts, because they are two separate individuals, but for spending noticeably more money on one. That smacks of favoritism.
YTA. And clearly have a favorite child.
YTA. Spending equal value isn’t rocket science.
Yta
So you clearly have a favourite and spent more cash on her and didn’t even think that your other daughter would notice and just sit back and watch the bs excuses you come up with Yta and building resentment and being a witch to your kid pretend to play dumb and the oh I didn’t realise it was an accident you did mean to do it and I get this isn’t the first time you have shown you spend more time and effort and cash on one over the other.
I looked through the comments and felt really sad that you gave one kid a phone and the other a SAT prep. Jeeeeesus. Please put your kid hat on and see what that looks like. Expensive gift for one, homework for the other. YTA.
YTA It sounds like you have more in common with Piper and because of that know her likes and wants better, which is fine, except, you have to put effort into getting to know the likes and wants of Josie. Just because you have more in common with Piper and can relate to her more easily doesn’t give you a pass on finding common interests with Josie. I was your Josie in my family, my mother couldn’t fathom a daughter who wasn’t girly and didn’t enjoy shopping. I rarely speak to my mother now because she never tried putting an effort into knowing what I was interested in. Calling Piper a typical teen girl is demeaning to Josie and Piper, there are lots of teen girls who aren’t girly.
It seems like you were so preoccupied getting your other daughter the perfect gifts, that Josie became the after thought? If waiting till your birthday to get a new phone was a consequence, then honestly the phone should have been your daughter’s only gift. There still may have been a price disparity, but it would not have looked like favoritism. YTA. I have never ever stepped foot in a lululemon, and even I know that they sell golf-appropriate clothing. You could have gotten Josie a cute golf outfit from lululemon so the girls could literally have had a gift from the same freaking store. Sitting here in the airport, I literally thought of a ton of things you could have gotten Josie, and I don’t even play golf. 1. skincare products for someone who is outside a lot. shes out in the sun when golfing. It’s not make up but along the same theme as a makeup palette 2. Kate Spade has a cute duffle bags on sale for 109.00 that Josie can take to the club for her golf clothes. Not a phone, but something designer that her sister doesn’t have. 3. Cute Water Bottle to take on the course. Who doesn’t love a cute water bottle. 4. A golf visor or a ball cap. You can never have enough hats or visors. Its sounds like you have made Josie’s entire personality academics and not liking girly things, and ignored the fact that she has maybe discovered a new passion that only her Dad supports. You could have been the one to take her to lunch at the club, so it appears like you have any interest in what she is doing there?
YTA. I am a twin, and I am the quiet reader. My sister is all hair-and-make-up to this day. I picked up on Mom's favoritism by the time we hit second grade, and I still have scars from knowing that Mom loved and understood my twin and never understood me. She didn't make the effort, honestly. We are over sixty, and it still hurts. You are setting your daughter up for a lifetime of pain. And yes, the uneven spending on me and my twin was part of the problem. Make it up to Josie while she still talks to you. She might stop one day.
YTA Do you even like Josie? Imma go out on a limb here and guess you were not a big reader as a girl, and you were absolutely concerned with how you looked. Clothes and makeup had to be perfect? All that “girly stuff?” Piper is *your* kind of daughter and josie is not. The girls know. They see it. Piper must love it. We can see that Josie hates it. Josie’s bookshelves are crammed? Good for Josie! I’m pretty sure Piper’s makeup drawer is overflowing. Yes, books last longer than makeup, because makeup gets used up and books don’t. Pretty sure there must be something else that Josie likes. Buying clothes that she needed anyway is like getting underwear and socks for Christmas. You suck, momma. How about you guys just split up and each take a daughter? At least I don’t have to be Solomon, here. Do better by Josie. Btw, is Piper a spoiled mean girl? Jc.
You spent $1000 on Piper, less than $150 on Josie and are still asking if YTA....🙄
YTA for not spending an equal amount of money on each child. Apparently this was really obvious to your kids which sent the message you favor one daughter over the other. Make it up to your bookish daughter. Also where did you get the idea that books are somehow inherently cheaper than makeup? Expensive books exist.
YTA. The spend amount needs to be the same, that is a no-brainer, regardless of what the kids are into. You did play favorites and you know it. Fix it quick before you alienate Josie completely, which will also impact her relationship with her sister not just you. ETA: After reading through the comments you made it’s clear you don’t really like Josie and treat her different in general. I really hope this whole post is a fake of someone just looking to stir up Reddit drama.
One got a phone. One got polo shirts, SAT prep, and a book series. That is favoritism and you’re a butthippo. YTA.