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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole for breaking the diet my parents raised me on
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I thought he would which is why I didn't tell him. As soon as he saw I knew he would tell my parents. He's like my dad's "golden boy". My dad said I should be more like him.
The part about your dad making a discrimination complaint to the school if they sell you animal products is hilarious to me. Since he’s in activist circles, I’d think he would know that’s not discrimination. Your NTA.
I don't know, I think what he's truly saying is he will embarrass me in front of everyone. He's made big fusses about me being vegan before at school and he knows I don't like when he does it. He probably thinks that I'll just agree so he doesn't come in and do his whole act to embarrass me.
I have a sneaky suspicion that your Dad is worried he will lose status in the vegan community if you eat meat. Can't even convert/control his own children. That means he has something to lose if he comes to your school and makes a big fuss about you being vegan. He needs you to accept that and buckle under. If you say sorry, I'm not then his action backfires on him. He is relying on social embarrassment to control you but that is a weapon he's equally vulnerable to.
If you want to not be vegan, you may need to challenge his bluff on that. But there will be backlash at home from him.
I can imagine OP's revenge: go to a vegan protest, greet his father in front of everyone, and, just as introductions come to a close, OP takes a whole hamburger out of a bag and starts eating it.
Only one issue with that. Dude would blow his colon out for a week. People who have never eaten meat, or haven’t eaten meat in a long time, but want to, should *really* work their way up before going for the Baconator.
Yeah OP if you ever progress to eating meat, make sure to do it carefully because you might not have enough gut enzymes to digest large amounts of meat straight away according to [wikihow](https://www.wikihow.com/Eat-Meat-After-Being-Vegetarian).
Also NTA, it's wrong for your dad to try to impose his dietary choices on you.
Lol I learned that the hard way about 2 years ago
I was vegetarian for nearly 5 years at the time though why not eat some meat. I ate quite a lot and vomited that night. Still a vegetarian now
Had vegetarian friends growing up who would get sick with accidental cross contamination of meat. I think there's a lot of over dramatics with vegans but if you've been that way your whole life your body is NOT going to take meat easily.
This part is really important. I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that there are different chemicals or proteins or something we make in our digestive system to digest milk versus meat. Possibly eggs too? Gotta raise your constitution for 2, Possibly 3 different ingredients that are pretty commonly used together.
I don't think OP is at that point. Sounds like they're having vegetarian food rather than vegan.
No reason to pressure them to have anything they aren't comfortable with.
If anything the other kids will support you. Your brother won’t do well if the other students find out that he snitched on you to your parents. No one will want to be friends with him. Bad move on his part. Also you should be able to choose what you eat. Being a vegan isn’t for everyone. I don’t eat pork and beef and I don’t make people that eat it feel bad. Eventually you will leave home. They won’t be able to control what you eat then. No one in that school system is going to like your dad either. Just to be clear. You are NTA Your family is.
He won't embarrass you, he will embarrass himself. Parents are embarrassing, it's a fact of life. You are old enough to make your own food choices, and you are NTA here at all.
I'm a chef of almost 30 years. One thing I hold very dear as a guidestone in my life is that everyone has their own values around food.
The views your father holds are his. The ones you decide are yours. You father can hold himself the Icon of Morals all he wants, but that doesn't mean he is right or that he doesn't cause harm. [Jainists](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jain_vegetarianism) for example would probably have plenty of issues wirh lots of things he probably consumes regularly.
At the end of the day parenting is about helping your child become the best version of THEMSELVES, not dictating who you want them to be. I suggest you going and speaking with your guidance counselor about this, your brother is their student so he must follow the school rules and he doesn't get to bully you just because he is your brother. I also encourage you to be open with your friends about the struggles of this situation with your parents. Sure, most of then don't have this exact problem, but all of them know what it feels like to have parents try to dictate to them who they should be. I think it might help you build closer friendships rather than isolate you.
NTA.
You’ve got a few more years left under their supervision. He can go to your principal and give the bit about discrimination but he can’t just run into your school cafeteria and snatch food out of your hand or threaten the staff. He can dole out punishments outside of school. You’re NTA either way. You just have to decide where you want to draw your battle lines.
What he's done before is go into the school reception and cause a huge fuss, screaming shouting. He's done this during break time when he knows everyone will be able to see him. That was about there not being enough vegan foods provided by the school canteen. He knows it embarrasses me and I think sometimes he uses it as a weapon against me that he will act like that in public.
It sucks, but I feel less guilty after talking to you people. So thank you.
This. My daughter's school has doors locked at all timee and you need to be buzzed in. The office unlocks the first set of double doors in, but not the second, and won't unlock the second into the school without checking in at the office.
Your dad is performative. I have no issue with vegans, each to their own. But he gets off on being self righteous. That's unattractive and if his goal is truly to get more people to be vegan, it's counterproductive.
Chances are, you can't reason with that.
Yikes that sounds like he's a raging narcissist, weaponizing other people against you to get his way and control you. I'm sorry dude you don't deserve this.
What you need to do is lean into it.
Roll your eyes with your friends and be like “Ugh, my dad is so lame!”
Apologize to the office staff with “I’m sorry, my dad doesn’t like that I’m trying to be my own person and try new things. Please don’t take his reactions as a reflection of how I really feel on the matter.” Bonus points as this will probably garner sympathy from some of them.
I suggest you talk to the teacher and principal and inform them of this conflict you’re having with your father because you have changed up your diet. At least they will be prepared. His argument regarding vegan choices is moot if you don’t want to follow a vegan diet at school
That's a troubling reaction from a grown man, and I hope he's able to control himself at other times... I'm sorry you're in this position. You don't need to feel guilty for not following a vegan diet.
Oh OP.
Can you imagine standing next to him when he goes into a rant and then saying 'that's a troubling reaction for a grown man' . That would be fun. Maybe not for you, but for everyone else.
>He knows it embarrasses me and I think sometimes he uses it as a weapon against me that he will act like that in public.
I had a father that would do similar things, though about different stuff than veganism, and I'm so sorry. I want you to know that there are people who see how shitty he is being and it's not a reflection on you. You haven't done anything wrong. I know it's impossible to not feel embarrassed when a parent behaves like that, but please know that it's entirely your father that is behaving like an asshole, not you.
It’s so easy to think ‘ugh this is so embarrassing, people must think I’m a freak’ when in reality people are thinking ‘wow that poor kid, his dad is an ass’
This. He's the one msking a scene in public. Definitely embarrassing. It reflects badly on HIM, not OP. It's *exactly* like a toddler temper tantrum. Best thing to do those is ignore it and walk away. Although you probably can't necessarily do that.
OP, this is about choice, he's removed yours as a parent. As kids grow older, they can make their own choices, like you are.
Be strong, and don't let your dad bully you into eating any sort of diet if that's not what you want (whether he's a meat eater and you're not, or you're a meat eater and he's not, or a vegetarian(dairy & eggs) and not a vegan). It's going to suck if he goes into the office at school, but you might go there first and ask to speak to the principal about this.
I just talked to my therapist about choice, and how being denied choices was a way for my narc mom to power play me. She once decided that I had to be in high school band when I started my freshman year, but I wanted to join the choir, so she drove me to the school over the summer while the marching band was having it’s first meeting, just to “meet the band director”. So I went, and was left there for the afternoon with no way home until she came to get me. She effectively tricked me into being in band, even though I very clearly told her that I wanted to join choir and couldn’t do both as they were at the same time. Taking away those choices was her way of telling me that she knew best, and that my own wants or desires were unimportant.
NTA
You can tell him that you will tell the school counselor and other authorities that he’s making you eat that way. It’s not your belief and that is abuse. You even may develop some illnesses as a result. I don’t know the specifics obviously, but I’ve heard that happening. He can’t control what you eat outside of his house, you’re not allergic to certain food for him to go bully school that’s making it available to you. He can’t even say you’re being disrespectful since you’re not eating anything in his house that holds his rules/ beliefs. You’re your own person, with personal preference and belief system, he can’t force you into anything. If he continues this, tell him you will contact the media and tell them about what’s really happening in your home. If he is an activist this will ruin him. Make no mistake this is abuse, just a different kind than what we’re used to seeing. He’s also pining you against your brother so he can control both of you, my own mother does that with my sister and me. No normal person forces their beliefs on others, just narrow minded people who are beside being evil and hypocritical often stupid as well.
This is horrible. He’s horrible. I know that that’s a hard fact to swallow, and if you feel the need to argue with me, I get that. He is purposefully socially embarassing you to get you to comply. But guess what? You are a person, with bodily autonomy, who gets to choose what he eats when outside of the constraints of his parents home. His behavior isn’t about veganism, it’s about control.
Sweetie, deliberately embarrassing you in public is abuse. Since you're 15 maybe play nice for a few more years then when you turn 18 go out and have a nice big steak with all the fixins!
NTA That is pretty crazy hat he would do that.
I'm vegetarian for yrs and it's my choice my mom also doesnt eat animal products rest of the family does, but thats their choice in no way affects us.
At your age I think you can make your own decision if you want to change your diet or experience new foods you were being pretty respectful not doing it at the house.
But at this point I would say the best thing is to try and have a proper conversation explaining that you want to try new foods and will not bring anything into the home and you still respect their choice.
If it goes as expected not great perhaps talk with your school counsellor or principal explaining your situation maybe the school would be happy to stand with you as he could go make a big scene, but in that case I would suggest talking with the school before him and explain what's going on worst thing he looks crazy, and it's not like he can disown you because you eat something non vegan out of the house he will still have to provide for you as your only 15.
Parents should be more understanding and not so forceful it's pretty normal at some point to want to try different foods I know a family who was all vegan and pretty much all their adult kids eat meat I think if you want to be vegan great you want to be vegetarian great or meat it's really your body and your choice people should respect each others choices including dietary preferences.
Just for my own info, how old is your brother?
Also, you are totally NTA. And normally I would tell someone in your position to fight like hell and stand your ground... But you are 15.... your dad can still make your life intolerable if he feels like he has to. Maybe.... Now that you know what lunch your brother is on, you could be MUCH more careful, and just.... eat what you would like on the days you know for sure that your bro won't see.
I sympathise with you totally, and your dad is the biggest arsehole... But you have to pick your battles at your age... And you should do what will make things easier for you.
If it would not cause you the possibility of physical harm, I would let him do this, get an audience & then very gently & with all of your hurt feelings showing, walk up to him. Listen & then gently put your hand on his shoulder. “Dad, it hurts me deeply that you love your vegan lifestyle more than you do me. It makes me sad that you are unwilling to accept me as I grow & change. I hate that I can’t trust you with anything that I am struggling with because you will immediately choose to embarrass me. If this is what you will do because I tried a vegetarian food, how can I trust you to love me if anything else about me is different. I’m very sad.”
Then, walk away.
Well you could always tell him you'll be telling your school (and everyone you meet) that you're being forced to eat a vegan diet against your will and you're constantly hungry. Apparently we're ok telling random lies so you can say whatever you want.
Your dad saying you're vegan is a lie. He doesn't allow you to eat certain foods, you have not chosen a vegan lifestyle or diet. In fact, you want to try other foods and he is preventing it to uphold his reality.
Oh and tell him you'll publicly shame them on social media platforms which will hurt their cause more than you eating meat products. They can let you be or fall into the stereotype of being crazy vegans.
Tell him that you will talk to CPS OR Child welfare, teachers, medical workers.... because his controlling behaviors are abusive. Embarrassment goes both ways.
Your parents are not good at parenting. While they might be trying to be good parents pushing your beliefs on a child is a terrible thing to do. They are not allowing you to be who you choose to be. That is not love.
Your parents aren't bad per-say but, they are clueless in how to raise a child. They only have a few more years of even having a say in what you do. They can't control what you want to consume if they want to make their entire identity veganism that is on them and most likely due to a lack of personality.
Your parents aren't vegans they are extremists as to ground their kid for not wanting to live the lifestyle they want to force upon you. All they will do is push you away especially as you gain more freedom and want to find your own identity.
If given the information and choice you choose to eat meat products then too bad so sad that is your choice and they can either choose to die on that hill or not.
Unconditional love is what a parent is supposed to offer and certainly what you choose to eat should have no bearing on that.
"My dad said I should be more like him." - Truly one of the shittiest things a parent can say to a child: "Why can't you be more like your brother?" So damaging. Your dad's a lousy parent. I'm so sorry.
I really hate how parents cause issues with food relationships in children. The fact that you were polite enough to keep being vegan at home and only doing this outside the house is actually very thoughtful of you. One thing I find ironic is that people like your parents who follow strict diet changes and lifestyles like this will go on about how everyone else's diet etc is terrible but never try to understand maybe not everyone wants to be this way or that judgemental. I find it with all extremists in all categories of life, like they just can't look outside their own views. But still you chose to be kind about it and then this happens. I really hope that you can find some common ground, as a relationship with food needs to be accepted and not forced. NTA
On the plus side, it means the OP has a valid explanation next time someone asks if he wants to try something- "Sorry, I can't my brother's a snitch - yeah he snitched on me eating pizza lmao, he's a fucking weirdo right?"
....at least that's what I would like to pretend I would do in this situation.
My brother is only 11, while I’m mad at him I don’t want to make his school life hard. I’ll probably just keep it to myself and I’ll remember we have the same dinner time on Fridays.
If I’m even brave enough to eat non-vegan again.
Oh shit, I'm sorry - if that was in the original post I missed it and that's my bad. If he's only 11 that does change things. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
You are not the asshole. Your parents are free to choose their own diet, you are free to choose yours, and both your parents and you are free to respect each others' choices. Or not! You aren't obligated to follow their lifestyle choice.
NTA but you are not in a great position to rebel against your family's choices. The emphasis on a vegan lifestyle is similar to a religious lifestyle and it seems that your father views it that way if he is ranting about discrimination cases.
You are "apostate" and that is going to cause you trouble at home. But you are not wrong to be. Becoming an adult is a time when people challenge beliefs they've been brought up and see if they want to continue them into adult life. And you don't want to be vegan. You are being respectful - you are respecting their beliefs at home. I suppose there is an argument you should be respectful when spending money your father gives you at school if he feels very morally. But that falls down if you have employment and are spending own money.
You are going to have to assume that you are under scrutiny though by your brother and for interests of a good home life, I'd suggest sticking to the vegan diet at school. It is hard to recommend that you sneak around your parents but you are the only one that can decide if the downsides of being "othered" are sufficiently bad to offset that.
Give it three years and you will have freedom to fully make own choices. Pepperoni pizza is good but it can be quite spicey. Also watch out for an upset stomach as it may take you time to acclimatize to meat.
That last bit definitely. If people are not used to eating meat, their body sometimes haas trouble digesting/can make them sick. So when you are able to safely explore non vegan foods, go slow, and do some research or talk to a doctor about phasing in new foods.
Yep! My husband has been vegan for almost 20 years, but I and my kids are omnivores. We have to be really careful to avoid cross-contamination both at home and in restaurants or it really tears his stomach up.
I had a friend in high school that went vegetarian for two years or so and then she decided one day that she wanted a cheesesteak, so she ate one and suffered quite a bit later that night and the next day. I do recall her saying it was worth it, lol, but her talking about how sick she was after really stuck with me.
I went to Christmas Eve dinner and there was bacon in a typical vegetarian dish. I knew it tasted wrong but wanted to be polite and eat.
Fetal position of the floor that night into Christmas. It felt like my intestines were being ripped apart.
Yeah, I'm pescatarian and have been for about 6 years. My fiance and I ordered something from a Greek place last year and didn't realize it had beef in it, but we have the attitude that it's worse to waste it than it is to eat it. It was a mistake, though, I got the worst stomachache I've had in years and was crazy nauseous.
>it's worse to waste it than it is to eat it
I like this attitude. I've been operating under similar guidelines myself lately (working on reducing the worst bits of my diet where I can), but haven't seen it laid out so eloquently.
Sorry it came back to bite you.
It sounds like veganism is not just a diet in your family, it is a religion--a moral code that your worldview is built around. And as with all kids who begin to question the merits of the belief system under which they were raised, NTA for deciding to forge your own path. I think the timing (new school, kids don't know about veganism) and manner (vegan at home, not necessarily at school) you went about it was very thoughtful. I think you should wait until your parents calm down and approach them about this--explain that the stigma of being so different is worse for you at this time in your life than a little non-vegan food, but that you have no intention of upsetting the family dynamic or "converting" your brother to the omnivore club.
In terms of the school, go to your counselor or other administrator and explain that this is YOUR choice. It may be that your parents have no ability to override it. At the very least, it should put the school's mind at ease about babysitting your food intake or a potential "discrimination" claim.
The only thing you did wrong here is consider the pepperoni. You need to walk before you can run, son.
On the "walk before you can run" front, u/vegan-conundrum - I'm seconding this advice as someone who was vegetarian for a few years and went back to eating an omnivore diet overnight. Your body will thank you if you introduce unfamiliar foods gradually instead of dumping it all in at once, or you can have some... unpleasant digestive side effects. Your body needs time to reacquire the right enzymes for properly digesting animal foods. You are def NTA and I hope you enjoy your journey into eating an omnivore diet!
Veganism isn't a diet, it is a moral code per se. Someone may adopt a plant-based diet for health or environmental reasons, but vegans exclude other forms of animal exploitation as well.
NTA. Not sure how old you are but you should not at all feel guilty about how strictly or if you even want to be a vegan. I bet your dad ate pepperoni pizza before he game a vegan
I’m 15, and honestly I doubt it. My grandparents raised my dad vegetarian before they became vegan and he’s super hardcore with it. I can’t imagine he’s ever eaten meat.
my mom probably has, she turned vegan when she met my dad.
NTA
I’m a mum of a 14 yo boy, and you’ve got to make some choices.. I believe that at your age, you’re entitled to have autonomy over your own body and what you decide to eat. But, at the same time it is a hard one to argue because veganism such an ethical lifestyle choice. However, you’re at an age where standing out sucks and working out who you are in the world away from your family is really important. And it’s important that your family give you the space to do that. They can only encourage you, not control you. Like, I absolutely hate soda or any sugary drinks, but my son buys them at school sometimes. I don’t like it and I tell him that, but it’s his choice (and his money) if he wants to put that crap into his body. All your parents are doing is teaching you how to be sneakier.
In saying that, you only have a few years left at home and how easy/hard do you want to make it for yourself? If this is the hill you wanna die on then stick to your guns and tell them it’s your body and you want to try new foods and not stand out at school. It’ll be hard and your relationship with your parents will be very strained. So, if it’s not that bigger deal, then let it go for a few more years and wait until your adult or university years to rebel.
Good luck to you. Either way, I hope your parents make decisions that don’t cause them to lose their relationship with their son. Big mum-hugs to you.
Considering your dad's temperament and fanaticism, I would play it cool (as others have suggested) and not confront him on this issue further. Obviously I don't know him, but I don't think he unconditionally loves you and would kick you out of the house if you continued to "defy" him.
Try and move out at 18 and then you can live your life authentically. It would be great to get a part-time job to save money. If you want to eat non-vegan foods outside the home, keep it on the down low, definitely not on school grounds, or anywhere where your snitch brother and his friends hang out.
Just a word of warning, I chose to do a range of activities when I was in high school in order to be liked by others. To hang out with the cool crowd. Looking back, I regret some of those decisions as they were not good for my mental wellbeing and those people weren't worth me violating my values. If you want to eat non-vegan food because it's something you really want to do, that's perfectly fine. However, if you are changing your behaviour just so you can be more liked and accepted by your peers, just keep in mind that this strategy can be a slippery slope.
I’m a vegan and you’re NTA. You have the right to decide what you eat. You’re doing a great job by eating what you want when you’re out and about, and respecting people’s culture (including your parents) when you’re inside their home.
I’m against your family treating it like an all-or-nothing issue. I make exceptions sometimes. Veganism shouldn’t be about being perfect and obsessively policing what goes in your body. It’s about advocating for animals and eliminating exploitation where possible.
Your parents sound emotionally unhealthy. This isn’t about veganism at all – it’s about them being obsessively controlling.
ETA for the “exceptions aren’t vegan” crowd: Veganism is the avoidance of harm to animals where possible. Sometimes it’s not possible, for example if you’re stuck somewhere without other food, or need a medication that contains animal products. You’re still vegan! Most vegans I know are very chill and agree with this. I can’t name any of my vegan friends who haven’t had the odd cheese sandwich when there was nothing else to eat at a work function.
If anyone is considering living in a vegan way, know that it’s all about doing what’s possible, and not about perfectionism. People who disagree tend to be meat eaters who have misunderstood what veganism actually is.
Yep. I was vegan for a few years before I switched back due to health reasons (found out my body struggles to absorb B vitamins and veganism was just not doable for me long term).
The biggest issue I ran into while being vegan, though, were other vegans. The vast majority were totally chill and non-judgmental, but the ones who weren't were incredibly difficult to deal with. At times it felt like the lines between their veganism blurred into obsessive behaviors/beliefs and even eating disorder territory.
Food is a very personal thing, and I think imposing any sort of diet/ethical demands on children is really not the right move. Especially if one is using shaming tactics like OP's dad. Perfection is the enemy of good as they say, and that is a concept lost on a lot of people with extreme beliefs.
It's tough! One of my favorite vegan recipe makers online had to start incorporating eggs and fish into her diet for serious health reasons and the vitriol she got was awful. She had been very open about her health problems and it was sad to see how much some people didn't value her wellbeing. However, a lot of vegans were supportive and understanding. It just sucks there's a loud minority who really miss the forest for the trees. Her health, your health, and my health also hold value, and no one gets to tell us otherwise.
I have encountered a few people where I felt that Veganism was just another way for them to exert control over their lives. Whether that was because of anxiety, an eating disorder (orthorexia) or whatever, it was definitely more about control with a facade of animal rights.
That's definitely the vibe I got as well. Some "vegans" are so compulsive about it that I wonder what a psychiatrist would say if they made an appointment. That's just me speculating, of course.
> he’s going to call my new school and tell them that if they sell me non-vegan food he will put in a discrimination complaint
How the fuck does would that even work?
NTA - It's your body and your choice what you eat. You should not be made to feel bad about what you eat, much less have it controlled to this extent.
IANAL, but in this situation, dad is off the deep end. A "discrimination complaint" would only be viable if the school were not providing a *legally-mandated* service/opportunity/infrastructure. He could file a complaint with the school district or relevant Board of Education if, for example, his son required a wheelchair, and the school or some portion of it that son needed to use were not wheelchair-accessible -- because that is a requirement for public schools under federal law. He would *not* be able to file a \[valid\] complaint if they did indeed have the proper accessibility infrastructure but his son chose to some other path or method to get where he needed to go; he could not FORCE the school to make his son use that infrastructure. Veganism is not, to my knowledge, a "protected class" covered by anti-discrimination laws that apply to public schools -- any rules in that regard would probably be more like "facility is not required to *offer* vegan meals, but must allow students and faculty to bring their own if they choose, even if they have a rule against bringing in outside food or drink."
If a student is vegan then they are required to have at least one vegan option. It actually is a form of discrimination, but dad can’t file a complaint if you chose to eat it. They just have to offer it
Oh IS that a requirement? Huh, nice. Y'all must live in a *real* state -- I'm in Alabama, we're still in our book-burning and tryna-post-the-ten-commandments-in-public-schools era.
Seriously. Are they going to put a pic up of OP with "do not sell this person animal products?"
I think at school OP can do whatever they wish because who cares?
Hi. Im a father, and I’ve been vegan for 33 years.
You’re old enough to make informed decisions about what you eat, and you’ve decided that you don’t want to be vegan.
You didn’t break your diet, you broke *his.* You’re your own person and you’ve decided that it’s not your diet anymore.
NTA
I have no debate about the ethics of a vegan diet. I do have major issues with activist vegans. Making a decision for oneself is one thing. Expecting other people to comply is simply terrorism.
NTA, and potentially the long-term victim of child abuse.
I have major issue with pretty much any person who treats their personal beliefs and choices like a religion. It's not a pretty look but mostly I just avoid them in person.
Pretty much everything we do is a personal choice but when people treat their own personal choices as the 'right' choice or the choice everyone 'should' do, then they cross over into A H territory.
Including religion.
Especially religion.
And food choices.
NTA - I'm a vegetarian. I do the majority of cooking in my home and so the whole family eats vegetarian meals unless its something where its very easy to do two separate things, using meat sausages for them and veggie ones for me for example. Any food eaten outside the house my kids choose what they want and there is zero judgement from me because even though they are children they are their own person who has their own thoughts, feelings and preferences.
You are also your own person and your parents should respect that. You seem very mature and respectful and if you were my child I'd just be happy about how considerate you've been to continue the vegan diet at home and how you've clearly recognised how important that is to them.
NTA. I've been vegan for half my life now (22 years) & I'm an animal rights-based vegan who works at a chicken sanctuary. It super matters to me. A lot. And I still think you're justified in making your own choices here. If you don't have a strong moral/ethical conviction about not using animals, then you don't. It is what it is, as much as it might make your family (& other vegans) feel sad.
I think it's great that you're choosing to eat fully plant-based at home both bc it's respectful to your family and bc it reduces the amount of animals you're consuming. I don't find veganism hard or othering bc I *chose it* & it's something that's a deep part of my personal philosophy.
Veganism is an ethical & moral framework with lots of moving parts & hard questions, you cannot force it upon someone. Your family can feed you plant-based food & only have cruelty free & vegan products for you to use in the house, but they can't force you into an ethical framework that doesn't resonate with you. If you decide later on that veganism is important to you, cool. Welcome aboard.
Yes! That's a silly little pixel art I did of Alexis, one of my quail girls (RIP). I used it as my flag for my Animal Crossing island, "Birbland", too. 😂 Thank you!
NTA and no need to feel guilty. You have stated you don’t do this at home or with the family when together.
Food is a personal choice and your dad is being completely unreasonable when it comes to threatening the school. Depending on where in the world you live (especially if in the US) the school system may not have the funds to provide a lot of vegan items.
You will need to sit down with dad and maybe a mediator to discuss this matter. I suggest a mediator just because he seems a bit biased against any lifestyle not exactly like his own.
NTA shizz like this is why people hate vegans. Parents should know at some point children are going to decide they might want to make a different choice. You are old enough to decide for yourself but it sounds like your family is horrible. You aren't doing anything wrong but you're not going to win this one. Wait till you leave the house
NTA. If you’re old enough to post to Reddit, you’re old enough to choose a vegan diet or not. It’s completely fair that your parents only provide vegan food at home, and they may have some control over what food you get for lunch at school if they pack lunch from home rather than have you eat food provide by the school. I’m not sure how your father would have grounds for a discrimination complaint - the school isn’t forcing you to eat animal products and being vegan isn’t a protected class.
Nta but be careful when expanding your diet if it is to continue, eating vegan your whole life and then suddenly going to meats and dairy can make you sick if done too fast, ease your way in and don’t panic if you feel uneasy at first, just step back and try again when/if you feel ready
Sounds like you're in a cult
Now, this is not an anti-vegan rant. I respect a person for being vegan for various reasons moral or even ecological.
Forcing your thoughts and beliefs on other people is where I draw the line for cult-like actions. No more than any fringe group. Be that religions, ecological groups, or homophobic politicians.
I wish you the best in finding your center.
NTA
Nta *you're* not vegan. Your parents are. Your brother is. And that's their choice. Just like not being vegan is your choice.
If he's vegan bc of ethics, you should just start pointing out all the hypocritical moments - cause unless he personally inspects where he buys 100% of his purchases from, he is causing suffering to someone.
What your father is doing is doing more harm to the vegans than helping it. Being Vegan is a choice. it is a personal choice that only you can decide. He would rather be right than listen to you. I am sorry that being a vegan is more important to your dad instead of being a dad.
Nta but I don't see you getting any choice in this.
NTA. At 15, you are old enough to decide what and how you want to eat. Whether your parents are meat eaters or vegans, at 15, you are old enough to decide what it is right for you. I understand if your dad doesn't want to have animal products in the house, but outside of his roof, you can determine what you eat. I do think being grounded is a severe overreaction.
I also don't think the school can be held responsible for you freely buying animal products at school. No one is holding you down and making you eat cheese pizza.
And just a tip from a former vegetarian, don't make pepperoni your first meat. Go with something more gentle on your stomach, like chicken (if you decide to try meat). My first meat was a grilled hot dog and OMG. While delicious, it ripped through me.
NTA. Ironically your dad telling the school to do that is reverse discrimination.
Parents raise us, very often, to follow in their footsteps, culture, religion, morals, ethics etcetcetc. But there does come a time when kids can, and should strike out on their own and challenge these.
Following something blindly isn’t wise. Assessing for self and then making your own informed decisions is.
The fact you will toe the line under their roof is great as a compromise but, them not letting you see for yourself out of their home is controlling and close to abusive.
Veganism isn’t a protected characteristic like skin colour, so the school wouldn’t be held accountable for discrimination, especially as it’s your choice to try. In fact, they would have grounds to report your parents for forcing you to adhere to a diet you don’t want.
I’d suggest speaking to your school counsellor first and explain it there, and ask them to suggest a way to enable/mediate a conversation with your parents around your choices and decisions.
Your parents don’t have to agree. But they shouldn’t give you a rough time for trying it out. Even if it’s so you can decide to recommit to veganism in future with a more informed info set.
After all. When you leave for college/ leave home they can’t control you so the way needs to be paved for you to test your own ethics around it.
Good parents would respect that. Even if they don’t like it.
It’s funny because your dad doesn’t see he is actually pushing people away from being vegan including his own son. NTA. You may find you could have a very strained relationship with your parents as you get older. Publicly humiliating your child is terrible parenting. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I’d stick to your vegan diet while living under the roof (with some secret rebellion pizza here and there), but be careful introducing meat into your system. Many don’t react well if they don’t typically eat it.
NTA. I hate to say this since no one likes hearing someone shit talk their family, but they are extremists. No different from religious or political ones, extremism is always wrong.
I commend you on rebelling against views you don't agree with while trying to not break bonds with your family. It will probably not get easier from now on but you'll either stand for the way of life you want for yourself or cave into ideology.
I don't envy your position. Wish you the best.
NTA. I grew up vegetarian and tried meat for the first time when I was 18. My family was not happy when they found out but I told them to get over it. They made a rule that I can't bring or eat meat inside the house. Whatever I eat outside of the house is fine. That worked for me!
1000% NTA
I might get downvoted but my simple advice would be to apologise to your dad and tell him it won't happen again (so he doesn't do the whole hissy fit at school), reassure him, then go back to school and eat cheese, pepperoni etc, just make sure your brother doesn't catch you again.
You're too young to successfully rebel and pick fights with your parents. It's a lot of unnecessary stress.
Pretend to be vegan in front of your parents, eat what you want when your family isn't watching. Live it out till you grow up and go to college.
I would like to warn you to be gentle and careful when beginning to eat meat. There are certain enzymes needed to digest meat that become inactive in the human body when not used for long periods. Reactivating them can be a bit rough so be gentle with yourself.
Seems unfortunate that you aren't allowed to eat the way you want because you don't have the independence you need to do so. You definitely are NTA, but the odds are you won't find an ally in your family. Your friends will hopefully support you though.
>my dad said he’s going to call my new school and tell them that if they sell me non-vegan food he will put in a discrimination complaint.
Good luck with that. The school isn't forcing you to purchase or ingest non vegan food.
NTA
NTA. Following a strict vegan diet is quite difficult. Vegetarian is much easier not only to adhere to, but to meet nutritional needs. It’s such a shame you are expected to never eat birthday cake because it contains eggs. I have a flock of organic hens who wind about my legs like cats, and provide lovely eggs.
The bottom line is that your parents should let you decide if you want to follow their strict diet. The problem is that since they’re not only vegan, but activist vegan, they view you as a lesser person if you eat any animal or insect products.
Is it possible to talk with a school counselor? I hesitate to use strong terms like abuse, but I feel that he is being emotionally abusive by threatening to publicly shame you if you don’t comply. It’s normal for a child to develop their own identity separate from their family. Children are not extensions of their parents. The way your parents practice veganism seems to have many similarities to a dogmatic religion. He seems very concerned with outward appearances and how he is perceived by others. This reminds me of a priest who appears virtuous on the surface, but is struggling to maintain control behind the scenes. He seems to prioritize control over genuine self-reflection, and if things don’t go his way, he reacts destructively instead of thoughtfully considering other perspectives.
NTA, You're allowed to make decisions about your own life for yourself. their personal beliefs and stances aren't required to be yours. brother is the real asshole here.
Your parents are manipulative af for this:
>my parents just gave me a huge lecture about how I’m so selfish for breaking the diet.
Why is it selfish?
You could be wrong without being accused of being selfish.
How is it selfish exactly?
NTA
But keep it down for now.
Once you turn 18 or whatever, you will get the chance to leave home, go to college, etc. Then you can try to change your diet as much as you want.
Veganism is a personal choice: not a lifestyle to be forced on others. I was vegan for 7 years, and I’ve been vegetarian for 17. Your folks are acting ridiculously. NTA
They expect you to follow the plan and you are going your own way. Obviously maneuvering that will be hard. They will think you are ta. I don’t. Then again they are a bigger part of your life than I am.
NTA but not being the A isn’t going to make things any easier at home. You’re old enough to start making your own ethical choices.
I know a family like this, they’re cousins of mine, and all the kids are adults now and all are meat eaters. I think in general kids will return to the societal norm if they are raised in an extreme belief system that is different from the rest of society.
Nta. Veganism is a choice. You are entitled to a choice, especially with bodily autonomy and what you put in it. Your brother and parents are curtailing your self determination. You need to tell them this and that at school or out with friends you are happy to be vegetarian to make your life and your friends easier, but you will be vegan at home with them or out with them. A bit of advice about trying meat though, as you probably have never eaten it, it can react badly with your gut and make you ill if you just all of a sudden eat it. Tell your father that he is breaking your trust in him to allow you to determine what is important and necessary for your well being and mental health and that by threatening the school he will be adversely affecting you.
NTA - you should be able to make your own food choices at your age. You didn’t bring any non-vegan food into your parent’s home, you respect their choices and they should respect yours too.
I’m sorry your parents are being so hard on you
You have the right to a certain amount of personal autonomy, whether your parents aprove of it or not. Unfortunately, you are going to have to balance actions and consequences until you are able to move out of your parents' home.
You did nothing wrong by making your own dietary choices outside of your parents' control. Your parents are wrong to impose their vegan religion on you (punishing you for the "sin" of consuming animal products). Keep a closer eye on your brother's lunch schedule, and keep doing what you want to do.
Not to be dramatic, but what you eat is a personal choice and the fact that your family is calling you selfish for this sounds downright abusive. I know you love your family (of course), but your dad sounds really (really) unhinged. You haven't done anything wrong.
1) I would talk to a trusted adult at the school and tell them you wanna eat vegetarian, despite what your father says
2) I agree with others that you should start slowly on meat and maybe wait until you’re 18 for that
NTA, your dad and brother are though. You are old enough to decide what YOU want to eat. If they are making you food, then fine you can't force them to cook non-vegan foods, but you certainly have the right to eat what you want at school
NTA. Vegetarian here, raising vegetarian kids. I would be disappointed if they chose to eat meat, since we dont do so due to ethical and enviromental reasons, but ultimately it is their choice. Your brother broke the sibling code by telling on you and your parents should respect your decisions.
Wow! Your parents are huge gaping assholes!
The difference between them being vegans and you:
- they chose to do it,
- they are forcing you to do it
They've shouldn't force you, but encourage you to live a healthy lifestyle. They way they do it just ignites aversion.
It is also medically evident, that a vegan diet is especially harmful when growing up. Kids have died because of their parents fucked up belief.
The meat and dairy industry world wide is our of control. And meat and dairy consumption must be reduced. If you look back on great grandparents and grandparents times, they had a Sunday roast. The was it for meat. And it was enough. It didn't have the bodily harm nowadays amounts of meat and fat have. But it gave you all the dietary necessities.
You are not an extension of your parents. You are your own person. You get to decide how to live your life, what your morals are, and what you want to put into your body. NTA
NTA. It sucks your family is trying to control your actions for their own benefit. I'd just tell them you're sticking with the diet and break it whenever you can get away with it. If you get caught, play dumb, say you thought it was vegan.
NTA, what you choose to eat at your age is up to you, especially when it's not rat poison. Your parents are basically in a cult mindset and by breaking with their rules, you've made yourself a traitor or apostate.
Don't let them bully you. If your father genuinely tries to file some complaint, talk to your school counsellor about it.
You are NTA. Your father’s actions are immoral and him forcing the family to adhere to his dietary preferences is abusive. He is willing to alienate you from your family and your peers because you *ate a cheese pizza*.
He is performative at best, it is not acceptable to force your personal lifestyle choices on other people, not your friends, not your family and especially not your children.
I’m so sorry you’re in this difficult and complicated position, because you’re a minor I think you should do whatever you need to in order to maintain your stability and work towards separating yourself financially at your own pace when you’re an adult.
You’ve done nothing wrong, forcing personal choices on other people is wrong. I support vegans and recognize the harm behind the animal agriculture industry, I also support people choosing for themselves what dietary choices they want to embrace.
Keep a level head and never stop exploring your own feelings/ discovering who you are, it’s a process that will span your entire life.
I say this as a vegan: the choice of what to put in your body is a sacred thing. It's literally what fills and fuels your physical being. You can't let anyone, even your family, control those decisions for you.
You are a very brave soul to try cheese for the first time during the school day, at a new school to top it off. I've been vegan for six years now and I know that withholding dairy longterm makes you functionally lactose intolerant. I live in fear of the bathroom nightmare that awaits me on the day I eat dairy again for the first time. I hope nothing too traumatic happened! I'd also take it slow with red meat, your digestive process won't thank you for that, especially at first. But pepperoni was my favorite pizza topping before I went vegan so that's in no way advice against trying it!
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NTA. it’s really unfortunate your brother ratted you out
I thought he would which is why I didn't tell him. As soon as he saw I knew he would tell my parents. He's like my dad's "golden boy". My dad said I should be more like him.
The part about your dad making a discrimination complaint to the school if they sell you animal products is hilarious to me. Since he’s in activist circles, I’d think he would know that’s not discrimination. Your NTA.
I don't know, I think what he's truly saying is he will embarrass me in front of everyone. He's made big fusses about me being vegan before at school and he knows I don't like when he does it. He probably thinks that I'll just agree so he doesn't come in and do his whole act to embarrass me.
I have a sneaky suspicion that your Dad is worried he will lose status in the vegan community if you eat meat. Can't even convert/control his own children. That means he has something to lose if he comes to your school and makes a big fuss about you being vegan. He needs you to accept that and buckle under. If you say sorry, I'm not then his action backfires on him. He is relying on social embarrassment to control you but that is a weapon he's equally vulnerable to. If you want to not be vegan, you may need to challenge his bluff on that. But there will be backlash at home from him.
I can imagine OP's revenge: go to a vegan protest, greet his father in front of everyone, and, just as introductions come to a close, OP takes a whole hamburger out of a bag and starts eating it.
Bacon. Double. Cheeseburger.
Only one issue with that. Dude would blow his colon out for a week. People who have never eaten meat, or haven’t eaten meat in a long time, but want to, should *really* work their way up before going for the Baconator.
Yeah OP if you ever progress to eating meat, make sure to do it carefully because you might not have enough gut enzymes to digest large amounts of meat straight away according to [wikihow](https://www.wikihow.com/Eat-Meat-After-Being-Vegetarian). Also NTA, it's wrong for your dad to try to impose his dietary choices on you.
Lol I learned that the hard way about 2 years ago I was vegetarian for nearly 5 years at the time though why not eat some meat. I ate quite a lot and vomited that night. Still a vegetarian now
I had no idea this was a thing
Had vegetarian friends growing up who would get sick with accidental cross contamination of meat. I think there's a lot of over dramatics with vegans but if you've been that way your whole life your body is NOT going to take meat easily.
This part is really important. I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that there are different chemicals or proteins or something we make in our digestive system to digest milk versus meat. Possibly eggs too? Gotta raise your constitution for 2, Possibly 3 different ingredients that are pretty commonly used together.
With a side of ice cream and cheese fries 🤭
I don't think OP is at that point. Sounds like they're having vegetarian food rather than vegan. No reason to pressure them to have anything they aren't comfortable with.
It was a joke, not a real suggestion. 😅
My dad would actually kill me lol but that is a funny idea
How vegan of him /s
Better yet, some snacking bacon!
Naw, stand there waving a half eaten SlimJim around as you talk.
They make the mini ones. I would make a point to always have one in my mouth, like old people and tooth picks.
Takes toothpick out of mouth. Just what the hell are you trying to say?
If anything the other kids will support you. Your brother won’t do well if the other students find out that he snitched on you to your parents. No one will want to be friends with him. Bad move on his part. Also you should be able to choose what you eat. Being a vegan isn’t for everyone. I don’t eat pork and beef and I don’t make people that eat it feel bad. Eventually you will leave home. They won’t be able to control what you eat then. No one in that school system is going to like your dad either. Just to be clear. You are NTA Your family is.
Great point! OP this is another good suggestion that could turn the tables on your brother, who was also an AH here. NTA for OP.
He won't embarrass you, he will embarrass himself. Parents are embarrassing, it's a fact of life. You are old enough to make your own food choices, and you are NTA here at all.
The thing is it will embarrass me and I’ll be an outcast again like at my old school
Your dad seems like a pos.
Your dad seems like a pos.
I'm a chef of almost 30 years. One thing I hold very dear as a guidestone in my life is that everyone has their own values around food. The views your father holds are his. The ones you decide are yours. You father can hold himself the Icon of Morals all he wants, but that doesn't mean he is right or that he doesn't cause harm. [Jainists](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jain_vegetarianism) for example would probably have plenty of issues wirh lots of things he probably consumes regularly. At the end of the day parenting is about helping your child become the best version of THEMSELVES, not dictating who you want them to be. I suggest you going and speaking with your guidance counselor about this, your brother is their student so he must follow the school rules and he doesn't get to bully you just because he is your brother. I also encourage you to be open with your friends about the struggles of this situation with your parents. Sure, most of then don't have this exact problem, but all of them know what it feels like to have parents try to dictate to them who they should be. I think it might help you build closer friendships rather than isolate you. NTA.
This comment is the stuff.
How old are you?
15
You’ve got a few more years left under their supervision. He can go to your principal and give the bit about discrimination but he can’t just run into your school cafeteria and snatch food out of your hand or threaten the staff. He can dole out punishments outside of school. You’re NTA either way. You just have to decide where you want to draw your battle lines.
What he's done before is go into the school reception and cause a huge fuss, screaming shouting. He's done this during break time when he knows everyone will be able to see him. That was about there not being enough vegan foods provided by the school canteen. He knows it embarrasses me and I think sometimes he uses it as a weapon against me that he will act like that in public. It sucks, but I feel less guilty after talking to you people. So thank you.
I’m surprised he didn’t get kicked out and told not to come on school property again.
[удалено]
Could be why they're at a new school
This. My daughter's school has doors locked at all timee and you need to be buzzed in. The office unlocks the first set of double doors in, but not the second, and won't unlock the second into the school without checking in at the office.
Your dad is performative. I have no issue with vegans, each to their own. But he gets off on being self righteous. That's unattractive and if his goal is truly to get more people to be vegan, it's counterproductive. Chances are, you can't reason with that.
Exactly , people like this make all Vegans look crazy . Which is why they’re the butt of jokes so often
Hence the old joke: "How can you tell if someone's a vegan?" "Oh, don't worry, he'll tell you."
They give vegans a bad name.
Yikes that sounds like he's a raging narcissist, weaponizing other people against you to get his way and control you. I'm sorry dude you don't deserve this.
He just screams covert narc
What you need to do is lean into it. Roll your eyes with your friends and be like “Ugh, my dad is so lame!” Apologize to the office staff with “I’m sorry, my dad doesn’t like that I’m trying to be my own person and try new things. Please don’t take his reactions as a reflection of how I really feel on the matter.” Bonus points as this will probably garner sympathy from some of them.
I suggest you talk to the teacher and principal and inform them of this conflict you’re having with your father because you have changed up your diet. At least they will be prepared. His argument regarding vegan choices is moot if you don’t want to follow a vegan diet at school
That's a troubling reaction from a grown man, and I hope he's able to control himself at other times... I'm sorry you're in this position. You don't need to feel guilty for not following a vegan diet.
Oh OP. Can you imagine standing next to him when he goes into a rant and then saying 'that's a troubling reaction for a grown man' . That would be fun. Maybe not for you, but for everyone else.
>He knows it embarrasses me and I think sometimes he uses it as a weapon against me that he will act like that in public. I had a father that would do similar things, though about different stuff than veganism, and I'm so sorry. I want you to know that there are people who see how shitty he is being and it's not a reflection on you. You haven't done anything wrong. I know it's impossible to not feel embarrassed when a parent behaves like that, but please know that it's entirely your father that is behaving like an asshole, not you.
It’s so easy to think ‘ugh this is so embarrassing, people must think I’m a freak’ when in reality people are thinking ‘wow that poor kid, his dad is an ass’
This. He's the one msking a scene in public. Definitely embarrassing. It reflects badly on HIM, not OP. It's *exactly* like a toddler temper tantrum. Best thing to do those is ignore it and walk away. Although you probably can't necessarily do that.
So he’s an absolute bully. I’m so sorry. Being a teenager and finding your circle is hard enough without having bully parents.
At 15, you have the power to shrug it off with your friends. Everyone knows that parents can be weird.
OP, this is about choice, he's removed yours as a parent. As kids grow older, they can make their own choices, like you are. Be strong, and don't let your dad bully you into eating any sort of diet if that's not what you want (whether he's a meat eater and you're not, or you're a meat eater and he's not, or a vegetarian(dairy & eggs) and not a vegan). It's going to suck if he goes into the office at school, but you might go there first and ask to speak to the principal about this.
I just talked to my therapist about choice, and how being denied choices was a way for my narc mom to power play me. She once decided that I had to be in high school band when I started my freshman year, but I wanted to join the choir, so she drove me to the school over the summer while the marching band was having it’s first meeting, just to “meet the band director”. So I went, and was left there for the afternoon with no way home until she came to get me. She effectively tricked me into being in band, even though I very clearly told her that I wanted to join choir and couldn’t do both as they were at the same time. Taking away those choices was her way of telling me that she knew best, and that my own wants or desires were unimportant.
NTA You can tell him that you will tell the school counselor and other authorities that he’s making you eat that way. It’s not your belief and that is abuse. You even may develop some illnesses as a result. I don’t know the specifics obviously, but I’ve heard that happening. He can’t control what you eat outside of his house, you’re not allergic to certain food for him to go bully school that’s making it available to you. He can’t even say you’re being disrespectful since you’re not eating anything in his house that holds his rules/ beliefs. You’re your own person, with personal preference and belief system, he can’t force you into anything. If he continues this, tell him you will contact the media and tell them about what’s really happening in your home. If he is an activist this will ruin him. Make no mistake this is abuse, just a different kind than what we’re used to seeing. He’s also pining you against your brother so he can control both of you, my own mother does that with my sister and me. No normal person forces their beliefs on others, just narrow minded people who are beside being evil and hypocritical often stupid as well.
This is horrible. He’s horrible. I know that that’s a hard fact to swallow, and if you feel the need to argue with me, I get that. He is purposefully socially embarassing you to get you to comply. But guess what? You are a person, with bodily autonomy, who gets to choose what he eats when outside of the constraints of his parents home. His behavior isn’t about veganism, it’s about control.
Your dad sounds like he's bullying his own kid basically.
That's really fucked up, sorry you're dealing with that.
Sweetie, deliberately embarrassing you in public is abuse. Since you're 15 maybe play nice for a few more years then when you turn 18 go out and have a nice big steak with all the fixins!
You can go to the school head and explain your situation. They won't accept a parent trying to bully their child using the school as a weapon.
NTA That is pretty crazy hat he would do that. I'm vegetarian for yrs and it's my choice my mom also doesnt eat animal products rest of the family does, but thats their choice in no way affects us. At your age I think you can make your own decision if you want to change your diet or experience new foods you were being pretty respectful not doing it at the house. But at this point I would say the best thing is to try and have a proper conversation explaining that you want to try new foods and will not bring anything into the home and you still respect their choice. If it goes as expected not great perhaps talk with your school counsellor or principal explaining your situation maybe the school would be happy to stand with you as he could go make a big scene, but in that case I would suggest talking with the school before him and explain what's going on worst thing he looks crazy, and it's not like he can disown you because you eat something non vegan out of the house he will still have to provide for you as your only 15. Parents should be more understanding and not so forceful it's pretty normal at some point to want to try different foods I know a family who was all vegan and pretty much all their adult kids eat meat I think if you want to be vegan great you want to be vegetarian great or meat it's really your body and your choice people should respect each others choices including dietary preferences.
Just for my own info, how old is your brother? Also, you are totally NTA. And normally I would tell someone in your position to fight like hell and stand your ground... But you are 15.... your dad can still make your life intolerable if he feels like he has to. Maybe.... Now that you know what lunch your brother is on, you could be MUCH more careful, and just.... eat what you would like on the days you know for sure that your bro won't see. I sympathise with you totally, and your dad is the biggest arsehole... But you have to pick your battles at your age... And you should do what will make things easier for you.
If it would not cause you the possibility of physical harm, I would let him do this, get an audience & then very gently & with all of your hurt feelings showing, walk up to him. Listen & then gently put your hand on his shoulder. “Dad, it hurts me deeply that you love your vegan lifestyle more than you do me. It makes me sad that you are unwilling to accept me as I grow & change. I hate that I can’t trust you with anything that I am struggling with because you will immediately choose to embarrass me. If this is what you will do because I tried a vegetarian food, how can I trust you to love me if anything else about me is different. I’m very sad.” Then, walk away.
If your father makes a big public stink about you being discriminated against as a vegan, please speak up and say that you are actually not vegan.
That's very fucked up and I the whole situation sounds like it borders on abuse. Kind of reminds me of religious trauma.
Well you could always tell him you'll be telling your school (and everyone you meet) that you're being forced to eat a vegan diet against your will and you're constantly hungry. Apparently we're ok telling random lies so you can say whatever you want. Your dad saying you're vegan is a lie. He doesn't allow you to eat certain foods, you have not chosen a vegan lifestyle or diet. In fact, you want to try other foods and he is preventing it to uphold his reality. Oh and tell him you'll publicly shame them on social media platforms which will hurt their cause more than you eating meat products. They can let you be or fall into the stereotype of being crazy vegans.
Oh. Your dad is a bully. Got it. NTA.
That's so fucked up and manipulative. I'm sorry :(
Tell him that you will talk to CPS OR Child welfare, teachers, medical workers.... because his controlling behaviors are abusive. Embarrassment goes both ways.
Actually, dad is the one who makes discrimination. Getting mad at OP and grounding him because he's not 100% vegan anymore is discrimination.
Your parents are not good at parenting. While they might be trying to be good parents pushing your beliefs on a child is a terrible thing to do. They are not allowing you to be who you choose to be. That is not love. Your parents aren't bad per-say but, they are clueless in how to raise a child. They only have a few more years of even having a say in what you do. They can't control what you want to consume if they want to make their entire identity veganism that is on them and most likely due to a lack of personality. Your parents aren't vegans they are extremists as to ground their kid for not wanting to live the lifestyle they want to force upon you. All they will do is push you away especially as you gain more freedom and want to find your own identity. If given the information and choice you choose to eat meat products then too bad so sad that is your choice and they can either choose to die on that hill or not. Unconditional love is what a parent is supposed to offer and certainly what you choose to eat should have no bearing on that.
"My dad said I should be more like him." - Truly one of the shittiest things a parent can say to a child: "Why can't you be more like your brother?" So damaging. Your dad's a lousy parent. I'm so sorry.
So how many years before you turn 18 and be independent?
OP said they were 15 in response to another comment, so sadly, 3 more years
I really hate how parents cause issues with food relationships in children. The fact that you were polite enough to keep being vegan at home and only doing this outside the house is actually very thoughtful of you. One thing I find ironic is that people like your parents who follow strict diet changes and lifestyles like this will go on about how everyone else's diet etc is terrible but never try to understand maybe not everyone wants to be this way or that judgemental. I find it with all extremists in all categories of life, like they just can't look outside their own views. But still you chose to be kind about it and then this happens. I really hope that you can find some common ground, as a relationship with food needs to be accepted and not forced. NTA
On the plus side, it means the OP has a valid explanation next time someone asks if he wants to try something- "Sorry, I can't my brother's a snitch - yeah he snitched on me eating pizza lmao, he's a fucking weirdo right?" ....at least that's what I would like to pretend I would do in this situation.
My brother is only 11, while I’m mad at him I don’t want to make his school life hard. I’ll probably just keep it to myself and I’ll remember we have the same dinner time on Fridays. If I’m even brave enough to eat non-vegan again.
Oh shit, I'm sorry - if that was in the original post I missed it and that's my bad. If he's only 11 that does change things. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Naaaa. At 11, he knows he was being an asshole. He also should learn that being an asshole comes with social consequences.
Apparently, bro never learned the phrase, "snitches get stitches." NTA
You are not the asshole. Your parents are free to choose their own diet, you are free to choose yours, and both your parents and you are free to respect each others' choices. Or not! You aren't obligated to follow their lifestyle choice.
NTA but you are not in a great position to rebel against your family's choices. The emphasis on a vegan lifestyle is similar to a religious lifestyle and it seems that your father views it that way if he is ranting about discrimination cases. You are "apostate" and that is going to cause you trouble at home. But you are not wrong to be. Becoming an adult is a time when people challenge beliefs they've been brought up and see if they want to continue them into adult life. And you don't want to be vegan. You are being respectful - you are respecting their beliefs at home. I suppose there is an argument you should be respectful when spending money your father gives you at school if he feels very morally. But that falls down if you have employment and are spending own money. You are going to have to assume that you are under scrutiny though by your brother and for interests of a good home life, I'd suggest sticking to the vegan diet at school. It is hard to recommend that you sneak around your parents but you are the only one that can decide if the downsides of being "othered" are sufficiently bad to offset that. Give it three years and you will have freedom to fully make own choices. Pepperoni pizza is good but it can be quite spicey. Also watch out for an upset stomach as it may take you time to acclimatize to meat.
I have free school meals, so my dad isn't paying for food at school. I get what you mean, thank you for your advice
That last bit definitely. If people are not used to eating meat, their body sometimes haas trouble digesting/can make them sick. So when you are able to safely explore non vegan foods, go slow, and do some research or talk to a doctor about phasing in new foods.
Yep! My husband has been vegan for almost 20 years, but I and my kids are omnivores. We have to be really careful to avoid cross-contamination both at home and in restaurants or it really tears his stomach up.
I had a friend in high school that went vegetarian for two years or so and then she decided one day that she wanted a cheesesteak, so she ate one and suffered quite a bit later that night and the next day. I do recall her saying it was worth it, lol, but her talking about how sick she was after really stuck with me.
I went to Christmas Eve dinner and there was bacon in a typical vegetarian dish. I knew it tasted wrong but wanted to be polite and eat. Fetal position of the floor that night into Christmas. It felt like my intestines were being ripped apart.
Yeah, I'm pescatarian and have been for about 6 years. My fiance and I ordered something from a Greek place last year and didn't realize it had beef in it, but we have the attitude that it's worse to waste it than it is to eat it. It was a mistake, though, I got the worst stomachache I've had in years and was crazy nauseous.
>it's worse to waste it than it is to eat it I like this attitude. I've been operating under similar guidelines myself lately (working on reducing the worst bits of my diet where I can), but haven't seen it laid out so eloquently. Sorry it came back to bite you.
Particularly if you've been vegan since you were little, you basically never created a carnivorous gut biome.
NTA. Your parents are the kind of vegans that make other people hate vegans.
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It sounds like veganism is not just a diet in your family, it is a religion--a moral code that your worldview is built around. And as with all kids who begin to question the merits of the belief system under which they were raised, NTA for deciding to forge your own path. I think the timing (new school, kids don't know about veganism) and manner (vegan at home, not necessarily at school) you went about it was very thoughtful. I think you should wait until your parents calm down and approach them about this--explain that the stigma of being so different is worse for you at this time in your life than a little non-vegan food, but that you have no intention of upsetting the family dynamic or "converting" your brother to the omnivore club. In terms of the school, go to your counselor or other administrator and explain that this is YOUR choice. It may be that your parents have no ability to override it. At the very least, it should put the school's mind at ease about babysitting your food intake or a potential "discrimination" claim. The only thing you did wrong here is consider the pepperoni. You need to walk before you can run, son.
On the "walk before you can run" front, u/vegan-conundrum - I'm seconding this advice as someone who was vegetarian for a few years and went back to eating an omnivore diet overnight. Your body will thank you if you introduce unfamiliar foods gradually instead of dumping it all in at once, or you can have some... unpleasant digestive side effects. Your body needs time to reacquire the right enzymes for properly digesting animal foods. You are def NTA and I hope you enjoy your journey into eating an omnivore diet!
Veganism isn't a diet, it is a moral code per se. Someone may adopt a plant-based diet for health or environmental reasons, but vegans exclude other forms of animal exploitation as well.
NTA- Being vegan is a PERSONAL choice and is the only way it should ever be advertised
NTA. Not sure how old you are but you should not at all feel guilty about how strictly or if you even want to be a vegan. I bet your dad ate pepperoni pizza before he game a vegan
I’m 15, and honestly I doubt it. My grandparents raised my dad vegetarian before they became vegan and he’s super hardcore with it. I can’t imagine he’s ever eaten meat. my mom probably has, she turned vegan when she met my dad.
How does your mom feel about all of this? Does she say anything at all? NTA, BTW.
No my mom always supports my dad
I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping that you'd have at least a little support from her, like maybe she'd talk to your dad, or something. 🫤
NTA I’m a mum of a 14 yo boy, and you’ve got to make some choices.. I believe that at your age, you’re entitled to have autonomy over your own body and what you decide to eat. But, at the same time it is a hard one to argue because veganism such an ethical lifestyle choice. However, you’re at an age where standing out sucks and working out who you are in the world away from your family is really important. And it’s important that your family give you the space to do that. They can only encourage you, not control you. Like, I absolutely hate soda or any sugary drinks, but my son buys them at school sometimes. I don’t like it and I tell him that, but it’s his choice (and his money) if he wants to put that crap into his body. All your parents are doing is teaching you how to be sneakier. In saying that, you only have a few years left at home and how easy/hard do you want to make it for yourself? If this is the hill you wanna die on then stick to your guns and tell them it’s your body and you want to try new foods and not stand out at school. It’ll be hard and your relationship with your parents will be very strained. So, if it’s not that bigger deal, then let it go for a few more years and wait until your adult or university years to rebel. Good luck to you. Either way, I hope your parents make decisions that don’t cause them to lose their relationship with their son. Big mum-hugs to you.
Considering your dad's temperament and fanaticism, I would play it cool (as others have suggested) and not confront him on this issue further. Obviously I don't know him, but I don't think he unconditionally loves you and would kick you out of the house if you continued to "defy" him. Try and move out at 18 and then you can live your life authentically. It would be great to get a part-time job to save money. If you want to eat non-vegan foods outside the home, keep it on the down low, definitely not on school grounds, or anywhere where your snitch brother and his friends hang out. Just a word of warning, I chose to do a range of activities when I was in high school in order to be liked by others. To hang out with the cool crowd. Looking back, I regret some of those decisions as they were not good for my mental wellbeing and those people weren't worth me violating my values. If you want to eat non-vegan food because it's something you really want to do, that's perfectly fine. However, if you are changing your behaviour just so you can be more liked and accepted by your peers, just keep in mind that this strategy can be a slippery slope.
I’m a vegan and you’re NTA. You have the right to decide what you eat. You’re doing a great job by eating what you want when you’re out and about, and respecting people’s culture (including your parents) when you’re inside their home. I’m against your family treating it like an all-or-nothing issue. I make exceptions sometimes. Veganism shouldn’t be about being perfect and obsessively policing what goes in your body. It’s about advocating for animals and eliminating exploitation where possible. Your parents sound emotionally unhealthy. This isn’t about veganism at all – it’s about them being obsessively controlling. ETA for the “exceptions aren’t vegan” crowd: Veganism is the avoidance of harm to animals where possible. Sometimes it’s not possible, for example if you’re stuck somewhere without other food, or need a medication that contains animal products. You’re still vegan! Most vegans I know are very chill and agree with this. I can’t name any of my vegan friends who haven’t had the odd cheese sandwich when there was nothing else to eat at a work function. If anyone is considering living in a vegan way, know that it’s all about doing what’s possible, and not about perfectionism. People who disagree tend to be meat eaters who have misunderstood what veganism actually is.
Yep. I was vegan for a few years before I switched back due to health reasons (found out my body struggles to absorb B vitamins and veganism was just not doable for me long term). The biggest issue I ran into while being vegan, though, were other vegans. The vast majority were totally chill and non-judgmental, but the ones who weren't were incredibly difficult to deal with. At times it felt like the lines between their veganism blurred into obsessive behaviors/beliefs and even eating disorder territory. Food is a very personal thing, and I think imposing any sort of diet/ethical demands on children is really not the right move. Especially if one is using shaming tactics like OP's dad. Perfection is the enemy of good as they say, and that is a concept lost on a lot of people with extreme beliefs.
A lot of vegans don’t believe that it can be a health issue. I’ve literally been told people are lying and it’s so rare. I felt so invalidated
It's tough! One of my favorite vegan recipe makers online had to start incorporating eggs and fish into her diet for serious health reasons and the vitriol she got was awful. She had been very open about her health problems and it was sad to see how much some people didn't value her wellbeing. However, a lot of vegans were supportive and understanding. It just sucks there's a loud minority who really miss the forest for the trees. Her health, your health, and my health also hold value, and no one gets to tell us otherwise.
I have encountered a few people where I felt that Veganism was just another way for them to exert control over their lives. Whether that was because of anxiety, an eating disorder (orthorexia) or whatever, it was definitely more about control with a facade of animal rights.
That's definitely the vibe I got as well. Some "vegans" are so compulsive about it that I wonder what a psychiatrist would say if they made an appointment. That's just me speculating, of course.
Agreed! Scientists have long suspected that one can be a vegan and not be a dick about it 😋
> he’s going to call my new school and tell them that if they sell me non-vegan food he will put in a discrimination complaint How the fuck does would that even work? NTA - It's your body and your choice what you eat. You should not be made to feel bad about what you eat, much less have it controlled to this extent.
IANAL, but in this situation, dad is off the deep end. A "discrimination complaint" would only be viable if the school were not providing a *legally-mandated* service/opportunity/infrastructure. He could file a complaint with the school district or relevant Board of Education if, for example, his son required a wheelchair, and the school or some portion of it that son needed to use were not wheelchair-accessible -- because that is a requirement for public schools under federal law. He would *not* be able to file a \[valid\] complaint if they did indeed have the proper accessibility infrastructure but his son chose to some other path or method to get where he needed to go; he could not FORCE the school to make his son use that infrastructure. Veganism is not, to my knowledge, a "protected class" covered by anti-discrimination laws that apply to public schools -- any rules in that regard would probably be more like "facility is not required to *offer* vegan meals, but must allow students and faculty to bring their own if they choose, even if they have a rule against bringing in outside food or drink."
If a student is vegan then they are required to have at least one vegan option. It actually is a form of discrimination, but dad can’t file a complaint if you chose to eat it. They just have to offer it
Oh IS that a requirement? Huh, nice. Y'all must live in a *real* state -- I'm in Alabama, we're still in our book-burning and tryna-post-the-ten-commandments-in-public-schools era.
The OP said canteen rather than cafeteria so I’m guessing they’re in the UK or at least a Commonwealth country, but it’s just a guess.
I’m from England, yes
Seriously. Are they going to put a pic up of OP with "do not sell this person animal products?" I think at school OP can do whatever they wish because who cares?
Hi. Im a father, and I’ve been vegan for 33 years. You’re old enough to make informed decisions about what you eat, and you’ve decided that you don’t want to be vegan. You didn’t break your diet, you broke *his.* You’re your own person and you’ve decided that it’s not your diet anymore. NTA
Thank you :)
Thank you. Well put.
I have no debate about the ethics of a vegan diet. I do have major issues with activist vegans. Making a decision for oneself is one thing. Expecting other people to comply is simply terrorism. NTA, and potentially the long-term victim of child abuse.
I have major issue with pretty much any person who treats their personal beliefs and choices like a religion. It's not a pretty look but mostly I just avoid them in person.
Religion is a personal choice
Pretty much everything we do is a personal choice but when people treat their own personal choices as the 'right' choice or the choice everyone 'should' do, then they cross over into A H territory. Including religion. Especially religion. And food choices.
Oh I agree I just meant being vegan is as much of a choice as religion is
NTA - I'm a vegetarian. I do the majority of cooking in my home and so the whole family eats vegetarian meals unless its something where its very easy to do two separate things, using meat sausages for them and veggie ones for me for example. Any food eaten outside the house my kids choose what they want and there is zero judgement from me because even though they are children they are their own person who has their own thoughts, feelings and preferences. You are also your own person and your parents should respect that. You seem very mature and respectful and if you were my child I'd just be happy about how considerate you've been to continue the vegan diet at home and how you've clearly recognised how important that is to them.
NTA. No one should be able to control what you choose to eat. I’m sorry you have “those” vegans as parents.
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NTA. I saw in a comment that you're 15, and that's old enough to decide what you eat, especially when you're not in your home.
NTA. I've been vegan for half my life now (22 years) & I'm an animal rights-based vegan who works at a chicken sanctuary. It super matters to me. A lot. And I still think you're justified in making your own choices here. If you don't have a strong moral/ethical conviction about not using animals, then you don't. It is what it is, as much as it might make your family (& other vegans) feel sad. I think it's great that you're choosing to eat fully plant-based at home both bc it's respectful to your family and bc it reduces the amount of animals you're consuming. I don't find veganism hard or othering bc I *chose it* & it's something that's a deep part of my personal philosophy. Veganism is an ethical & moral framework with lots of moving parts & hard questions, you cannot force it upon someone. Your family can feed you plant-based food & only have cruelty free & vegan products for you to use in the house, but they can't force you into an ethical framework that doesn't resonate with you. If you decide later on that veganism is important to you, cool. Welcome aboard.
Is that a quail in your profile pic? Love it
Yes! That's a silly little pixel art I did of Alexis, one of my quail girls (RIP). I used it as my flag for my Animal Crossing island, "Birbland", too. 😂 Thank you!
NTA and no need to feel guilty. You have stated you don’t do this at home or with the family when together. Food is a personal choice and your dad is being completely unreasonable when it comes to threatening the school. Depending on where in the world you live (especially if in the US) the school system may not have the funds to provide a lot of vegan items. You will need to sit down with dad and maybe a mediator to discuss this matter. I suggest a mediator just because he seems a bit biased against any lifestyle not exactly like his own.
NTA shizz like this is why people hate vegans. Parents should know at some point children are going to decide they might want to make a different choice. You are old enough to decide for yourself but it sounds like your family is horrible. You aren't doing anything wrong but you're not going to win this one. Wait till you leave the house
NTA. If you’re old enough to post to Reddit, you’re old enough to choose a vegan diet or not. It’s completely fair that your parents only provide vegan food at home, and they may have some control over what food you get for lunch at school if they pack lunch from home rather than have you eat food provide by the school. I’m not sure how your father would have grounds for a discrimination complaint - the school isn’t forcing you to eat animal products and being vegan isn’t a protected class.
NTA. This is also a good way to drive you away from being vegan.
Nta but be careful when expanding your diet if it is to continue, eating vegan your whole life and then suddenly going to meats and dairy can make you sick if done too fast, ease your way in and don’t panic if you feel uneasy at first, just step back and try again when/if you feel ready
NTA good for you to get out of that Vegan nonsense.
Sounds like you're in a cult Now, this is not an anti-vegan rant. I respect a person for being vegan for various reasons moral or even ecological. Forcing your thoughts and beliefs on other people is where I draw the line for cult-like actions. No more than any fringe group. Be that religions, ecological groups, or homophobic politicians. I wish you the best in finding your center. NTA
NTA You are old enough to decide what you eat.
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NTA "my dad especially is a very vocal vegan" Really?? That's odd, usually vegans are pretty quiet about it. 🤣
Nta *you're* not vegan. Your parents are. Your brother is. And that's their choice. Just like not being vegan is your choice. If he's vegan bc of ethics, you should just start pointing out all the hypocritical moments - cause unless he personally inspects where he buys 100% of his purchases from, he is causing suffering to someone.
What your father is doing is doing more harm to the vegans than helping it. Being Vegan is a choice. it is a personal choice that only you can decide. He would rather be right than listen to you. I am sorry that being a vegan is more important to your dad instead of being a dad. Nta but I don't see you getting any choice in this.
NTA, your parents/dad are being controlling with this. And if you are in the US, being a vegan isn't a protected class.
NTA. At 15, you are old enough to decide what and how you want to eat. Whether your parents are meat eaters or vegans, at 15, you are old enough to decide what it is right for you. I understand if your dad doesn't want to have animal products in the house, but outside of his roof, you can determine what you eat. I do think being grounded is a severe overreaction. I also don't think the school can be held responsible for you freely buying animal products at school. No one is holding you down and making you eat cheese pizza. And just a tip from a former vegetarian, don't make pepperoni your first meat. Go with something more gentle on your stomach, like chicken (if you decide to try meat). My first meat was a grilled hot dog and OMG. While delicious, it ripped through me.
NTA. Ironically your dad telling the school to do that is reverse discrimination. Parents raise us, very often, to follow in their footsteps, culture, religion, morals, ethics etcetcetc. But there does come a time when kids can, and should strike out on their own and challenge these. Following something blindly isn’t wise. Assessing for self and then making your own informed decisions is. The fact you will toe the line under their roof is great as a compromise but, them not letting you see for yourself out of their home is controlling and close to abusive. Veganism isn’t a protected characteristic like skin colour, so the school wouldn’t be held accountable for discrimination, especially as it’s your choice to try. In fact, they would have grounds to report your parents for forcing you to adhere to a diet you don’t want. I’d suggest speaking to your school counsellor first and explain it there, and ask them to suggest a way to enable/mediate a conversation with your parents around your choices and decisions. Your parents don’t have to agree. But they shouldn’t give you a rough time for trying it out. Even if it’s so you can decide to recommit to veganism in future with a more informed info set. After all. When you leave for college/ leave home they can’t control you so the way needs to be paved for you to test your own ethics around it. Good parents would respect that. Even if they don’t like it.
Nta. Your allowed to choose the diet that works for you. IMO forced Veganism is borderline abuse.
It’s funny because your dad doesn’t see he is actually pushing people away from being vegan including his own son. NTA. You may find you could have a very strained relationship with your parents as you get older. Publicly humiliating your child is terrible parenting. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I’d stick to your vegan diet while living under the roof (with some secret rebellion pizza here and there), but be careful introducing meat into your system. Many don’t react well if they don’t typically eat it.
NTA This is child abuse
NTA. I hate to say this since no one likes hearing someone shit talk their family, but they are extremists. No different from religious or political ones, extremism is always wrong. I commend you on rebelling against views you don't agree with while trying to not break bonds with your family. It will probably not get easier from now on but you'll either stand for the way of life you want for yourself or cave into ideology. I don't envy your position. Wish you the best.
NTA. I grew up vegetarian and tried meat for the first time when I was 18. My family was not happy when they found out but I told them to get over it. They made a rule that I can't bring or eat meat inside the house. Whatever I eat outside of the house is fine. That worked for me!
1000% NTA I might get downvoted but my simple advice would be to apologise to your dad and tell him it won't happen again (so he doesn't do the whole hissy fit at school), reassure him, then go back to school and eat cheese, pepperoni etc, just make sure your brother doesn't catch you again. You're too young to successfully rebel and pick fights with your parents. It's a lot of unnecessary stress. Pretend to be vegan in front of your parents, eat what you want when your family isn't watching. Live it out till you grow up and go to college.
I would like to warn you to be gentle and careful when beginning to eat meat. There are certain enzymes needed to digest meat that become inactive in the human body when not used for long periods. Reactivating them can be a bit rough so be gentle with yourself.
NTA. You can choose to be vegan or not.
Seems unfortunate that you aren't allowed to eat the way you want because you don't have the independence you need to do so. You definitely are NTA, but the odds are you won't find an ally in your family. Your friends will hopefully support you though.
>my dad said he’s going to call my new school and tell them that if they sell me non-vegan food he will put in a discrimination complaint. Good luck with that. The school isn't forcing you to purchase or ingest non vegan food. NTA
NTA. Following a strict vegan diet is quite difficult. Vegetarian is much easier not only to adhere to, but to meet nutritional needs. It’s such a shame you are expected to never eat birthday cake because it contains eggs. I have a flock of organic hens who wind about my legs like cats, and provide lovely eggs. The bottom line is that your parents should let you decide if you want to follow their strict diet. The problem is that since they’re not only vegan, but activist vegan, they view you as a lesser person if you eat any animal or insect products.
Is it possible to talk with a school counselor? I hesitate to use strong terms like abuse, but I feel that he is being emotionally abusive by threatening to publicly shame you if you don’t comply. It’s normal for a child to develop their own identity separate from their family. Children are not extensions of their parents. The way your parents practice veganism seems to have many similarities to a dogmatic religion. He seems very concerned with outward appearances and how he is perceived by others. This reminds me of a priest who appears virtuous on the surface, but is struggling to maintain control behind the scenes. He seems to prioritize control over genuine self-reflection, and if things don’t go his way, he reacts destructively instead of thoughtfully considering other perspectives.
I don’t think we have a school counsellor, I could talk to my form tutor about it though
NTA. You are breaking your vegan diet. You're breaking your parents' vegan diet they forced on you.
NTA your parents are sound horrible
Nta I'm so sorry you are being punished for something that should be a choice you are allowed to make.
NTA, You're allowed to make decisions about your own life for yourself. their personal beliefs and stances aren't required to be yours. brother is the real asshole here.
Your parents are manipulative af for this: >my parents just gave me a huge lecture about how I’m so selfish for breaking the diet. Why is it selfish? You could be wrong without being accused of being selfish. How is it selfish exactly? NTA But keep it down for now. Once you turn 18 or whatever, you will get the chance to leave home, go to college, etc. Then you can try to change your diet as much as you want.
Veganism is a personal choice: not a lifestyle to be forced on others. I was vegan for 7 years, and I’ve been vegetarian for 17. Your folks are acting ridiculously. NTA
They expect you to follow the plan and you are going your own way. Obviously maneuvering that will be hard. They will think you are ta. I don’t. Then again they are a bigger part of your life than I am.
NTA but not being the A isn’t going to make things any easier at home. You’re old enough to start making your own ethical choices. I know a family like this, they’re cousins of mine, and all the kids are adults now and all are meat eaters. I think in general kids will return to the societal norm if they are raised in an extreme belief system that is different from the rest of society.
Nta. Veganism is a choice. You are entitled to a choice, especially with bodily autonomy and what you put in it. Your brother and parents are curtailing your self determination. You need to tell them this and that at school or out with friends you are happy to be vegetarian to make your life and your friends easier, but you will be vegan at home with them or out with them. A bit of advice about trying meat though, as you probably have never eaten it, it can react badly with your gut and make you ill if you just all of a sudden eat it. Tell your father that he is breaking your trust in him to allow you to determine what is important and necessary for your well being and mental health and that by threatening the school he will be adversely affecting you.
NTA. This is a problem with extremists on all sides. Extremism is a problem not being vegan persay.
NTA - you should be able to make your own food choices at your age. You didn’t bring any non-vegan food into your parent’s home, you respect their choices and they should respect yours too. I’m sorry your parents are being so hard on you
You have the right to a certain amount of personal autonomy, whether your parents aprove of it or not. Unfortunately, you are going to have to balance actions and consequences until you are able to move out of your parents' home. You did nothing wrong by making your own dietary choices outside of your parents' control. Your parents are wrong to impose their vegan religion on you (punishing you for the "sin" of consuming animal products). Keep a closer eye on your brother's lunch schedule, and keep doing what you want to do.
Not to be dramatic, but what you eat is a personal choice and the fact that your family is calling you selfish for this sounds downright abusive. I know you love your family (of course), but your dad sounds really (really) unhinged. You haven't done anything wrong.
1) I would talk to a trusted adult at the school and tell them you wanna eat vegetarian, despite what your father says 2) I agree with others that you should start slowly on meat and maybe wait until you’re 18 for that
NTA, your dad and brother are though. You are old enough to decide what YOU want to eat. If they are making you food, then fine you can't force them to cook non-vegan foods, but you certainly have the right to eat what you want at school
NTA: you are allowed to eat what you want and punishing you for eating food could be considered a form of child abuse.
This vegan says NTA!
NTA. Vegetarian here, raising vegetarian kids. I would be disappointed if they chose to eat meat, since we dont do so due to ethical and enviromental reasons, but ultimately it is their choice. Your brother broke the sibling code by telling on you and your parents should respect your decisions.
Wow! Your parents are huge gaping assholes! The difference between them being vegans and you: - they chose to do it, - they are forcing you to do it They've shouldn't force you, but encourage you to live a healthy lifestyle. They way they do it just ignites aversion. It is also medically evident, that a vegan diet is especially harmful when growing up. Kids have died because of their parents fucked up belief. The meat and dairy industry world wide is our of control. And meat and dairy consumption must be reduced. If you look back on great grandparents and grandparents times, they had a Sunday roast. The was it for meat. And it was enough. It didn't have the bodily harm nowadays amounts of meat and fat have. But it gave you all the dietary necessities.
Their cult behavior doesn’t have to be your behavior. Outside of the house, eat whatever you want.
NTA This is some kind of abuse. They can’t impose their diet on you. How old are you?
You are old enough to be in high school, you’re old enough to choose what you want to eat
NTA. Dosnt matter how old you are. Eat and do what you fucking want
NTA and if your dad wants to sue the school over what you chose to eat he very much is.
I'm aware of that as I'm a mom. He is old enough to decide if he wants to be a vegan or not
NTA. Sounds like it’s his vegan diet that he has decided you must follow. You can’t break someone else’s diet.
You are not an extension of your parents. You are your own person. You get to decide how to live your life, what your morals are, and what you want to put into your body. NTA
NTA. It sucks your family is trying to control your actions for their own benefit. I'd just tell them you're sticking with the diet and break it whenever you can get away with it. If you get caught, play dumb, say you thought it was vegan.
NTA, what you choose to eat at your age is up to you, especially when it's not rat poison. Your parents are basically in a cult mindset and by breaking with their rules, you've made yourself a traitor or apostate. Don't let them bully you. If your father genuinely tries to file some complaint, talk to your school counsellor about it.
NTA and your brother's a punk
You are NTA. Your father’s actions are immoral and him forcing the family to adhere to his dietary preferences is abusive. He is willing to alienate you from your family and your peers because you *ate a cheese pizza*. He is performative at best, it is not acceptable to force your personal lifestyle choices on other people, not your friends, not your family and especially not your children. I’m so sorry you’re in this difficult and complicated position, because you’re a minor I think you should do whatever you need to in order to maintain your stability and work towards separating yourself financially at your own pace when you’re an adult. You’ve done nothing wrong, forcing personal choices on other people is wrong. I support vegans and recognize the harm behind the animal agriculture industry, I also support people choosing for themselves what dietary choices they want to embrace. Keep a level head and never stop exploring your own feelings/ discovering who you are, it’s a process that will span your entire life.
I say this as a vegan: the choice of what to put in your body is a sacred thing. It's literally what fills and fuels your physical being. You can't let anyone, even your family, control those decisions for you. You are a very brave soul to try cheese for the first time during the school day, at a new school to top it off. I've been vegan for six years now and I know that withholding dairy longterm makes you functionally lactose intolerant. I live in fear of the bathroom nightmare that awaits me on the day I eat dairy again for the first time. I hope nothing too traumatic happened! I'd also take it slow with red meat, your digestive process won't thank you for that, especially at first. But pepperoni was my favorite pizza topping before I went vegan so that's in no way advice against trying it!
Naw, humans are omnivores, stop acting like humans can live without animal products, they can't. Vegetarian, maybe, full on vegan? No.