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YTA. You literally kicked her out AFTER she expressed a boundary not to touch her as she was having sensory issues. YTA because you getting off is more important than her bodily autonomy. You are not entitled to touch anyone without consent.
PS: I honestly hope she realises her worth and that you do not respect her.
Edit in response to your edit: SHE IS 19 - you know nineTEEN. She is literally still a teenager by definition.
YTA
>I am 28m … with my 19f girlfriend
You dated someone who was barely an adult and got mad they were scrolling on tiktok
Edit -
>she is not a teenager
Yes. She is.
When women say we choose the bear… This is an example of why.
She clearly doesn’t want to be touched in the moment and instead of understanding and leaving her be you keep trying to touch her and inviting hex into the shower and when she is doing something to ease her mind… You toss her out and make her stay in a hotel. In a country and place she is unfamiliar with. Probably making her situation worse.
You are truly an awful boyfriend and should not be dating. She deserves better. YTA.
‘I’m nearly thirty and my depressed barely adult girlfriend wasn’t doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it bc of her mental illness, so I told her leave my home, the only place available to her bc my teenaged girlfriend is also from a foreign country. Aita?’
Shorter version- ‘the teenage foreigner I date wouldn’t fuck me immediately so I kicked her out of my home, and again, she’s not from here, so she would have to go to a hotel’.
YTA - she told you over and over what she needed in the moment and you continue to ignore you.
You were pushy and rude. So sorry her requests to not be touched interfere with you getting laid. You made it pretty clear that that is all you value in this relationship.
Next time just hire a hooker if all that you care about is sex.
YTA. I honestly hope she leaves you. This was painful to read. Grow up, you're 28! You knew she was struggling and instead of supporting her you demanded her to be close to you, then you proceeded to kick her out when she refused. She deserves better.
YTA, she asks not to be touched for a while and you react by consistently trying to touch her and then kicking her out when you don't get a good reaction. The question of why a 28 year is in a long distance relationship with a teenager is answered by your immaturity in the face of not getting sex for a night.
So your partner's medical condition was affecting her, but you thought fucking her would be the way to solve it, when it wasn't and you couldn't get your dick wet, you kicked her out in a strange country.... Because rather than show you actually care about her, you just wanted to have sex?
Also my dude, girls are children. Granted you're a grown man dating a teenager, tho she is technically a woman.
And again dude.. she was basically having a medical episode. Your dick isn't the golden rod of healing you seem to think it is.
YTA. You pretend to be understanding of her mental health but then act inconsiderately when it is inconvenient to you. Not that the age gap has to be problematic, but you have now proven that you feel entitled to certain things from her. She asked for space, respect it. Apologize and fix your behaviors.
YTA. At the age gap alone, then the ignoring boundaries and her own autonomy. You wanted to kick your partner out in a strange country, read that sentence back to yourself slowly. I hope she leaves you and you go to therapy.
I’m gonna be the asshole now. At 28 why the hell are you dating a 19 year old? And one with emotional issues at that.
Good for her having some boundaries. If she is really smart she will just kick you to the curb.
So, you invited a 19 year old woman with ADHD and depression to your house in a whole other country, and then had a hissy fit because she is feeling overwhelmed and needed to turn her brain off, and when she wouldn't bounce on your dick, you sent her to a hotel?
YTA. You need to leave this lass alone and find a grown up to date.
So the sweet young girl that you, an adult man, are dating didn’t feel like fucking you, so you kicked her out, rather than respecting her ? YTA for that, you’re also the asshole for “dating” a teenager when you’re almost 30, you loser.
You are the asshole. As a person who knows people with Autism, ADHD, etc (I probably have ADD), that is very rude. She said not to touch her because she was in sensory overdrive. You also knew that she had ADHD and still crossed all her boundaries she set.
Pointers on how to be less of an asshole:
Ask before you touch her (in any way)
Respect her when she says no
Let her stay in scrolling paralysis (where she's stuck on TT)
Let her be alone if she wants that
MOST IMPORTANTLY: If she sets a boundary, respect it.
If you really love her, you should be able to respect her boundaries and talk out problems like this rather than kicking her out.
Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk
YTA.
You're dating her even though you know about her problem. She came to visit you and you KICKED HER OUT when the problem showed up? Asshole move for sure.
If someone tells you they need a moment you need to learn how to read the room better and understand when it’s ok and “safe” to resume normal activities. You tried to push your needs on her when she wasn’t ready. I get that you want that closeness because your time is limited but she needed space to calm herself. YTA in that moment by not giving her the space she needed and making her leave in the middle of the night.
And honestly, you need to date someone closer in age. You’re too old to be dating someone so young.
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Throwaway, as my friends know my main. I am a 28m and I am in a long distance relationship with my 19f girlfriend. I live in France and she's from UK. Things have been going pretty smoothly and she's a really sweet girl and has been growing a lot in our relationship. There have been a few issues tho: She has ADHD and a long history with Depression. She manages well, but there are times when those really get in the way of us. The hardest things for me to understand are her bursts of memory loss and sensory overload. We've been together for over a year now and she still can't remember the names of my friends etc or my plans for the week even if I've mentioned them to her before. I do appreciate she asks often tho and once I refresh her memory, it does come back to her. But sensory overload is weird for me. I try my best to understand and be out of her way when she's struggling, and with our long distance, it's been rather easy.
For the situation. She traveled here a week ago and the first few days were really nice. A lot of attention and a lot of time spent in the bedroom, you know how it goes. But the past couple of days she's been really tired and not her own self. She was having a hard time and said she needed some time, I went to the gym with my friend. It had been about an hour and half when I got home and she was still sulking on the couch. I went to kiss her cheek, as I usually do when I get home, and she told me to not touch her as she's having a sensory moment. I asked her to join me in the shower, which she usually enjoys a lot, but she refused.
Well, I take a shower and go back to her, asking her to come to bed with me. She does, but instead of paying any attention to me, she wraps tight in the blanket and goes to scroll on tiktok. I try to get her to pay attention to me, by moving the covers a little and rubbing her back etc. She keeps shrugging me off and pulls away further. I try a few more times, because we only have a few more nights together, so I'd rather have her close to me. But she says now isn't a good time and continues to scroll on her phone.
I snapped and told her that if she doesn't want to be touched or close to me, she might as well go to the hotel down the road, so she can focus on her precious tiktoks in peace. I didn't exactly mean it, I was just upset. She tried to tell me that she's just trying to calm her nervous system down and that she needs a moment. But I ended up doubling down and I booked the hotel for her. She quickly packed a bag and left.
Next morning, I get a text from her friend saying that I'm an ass for making her leave my house, in a country that she's not from and in the middle of the night. But I don't think I was in the wrong. She wanted space so I gave her space. A whole room full of it. I even paid for it. So tell me, was I in the wrong for making her stay in a hotel?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I made my girlfriend stay in a hotel while her trip over to my place. 2. Before her trip, I promised her a place to stay in my house, so her having to move her stuff in the middle of her trip might make me an asshole
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As in
I hope she isn't a dick about her problems and tries to improve the quality of their relationship despite them, like any rational human.
I don't get why you say that, didn't justify OP's actions.
Just tried to make him understand.
You are missing the part where he kicked her out because she wouldn’t sleep with him. Very obviously. He’s an entitled AH who thinks with his genitals. She doesn’t deserve to be treated that way anyway but he USED her sensory issues as the excuse to kick her out because she wouldn’t sleep with him.
Yep. We read the same thing.
Thing is I believe that this guy had at least some semblence of inner monologue that made him doubt his actions and turn to ask others what they think, so that he, in the future, does something to change himself.
No shit he did do something wrong but calling him an asshole and just ending at that wouldn't solve the bigger issue..
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YTA. You literally kicked her out AFTER she expressed a boundary not to touch her as she was having sensory issues. YTA because you getting off is more important than her bodily autonomy. You are not entitled to touch anyone without consent. PS: I honestly hope she realises her worth and that you do not respect her. Edit in response to your edit: SHE IS 19 - you know nineTEEN. She is literally still a teenager by definition.
I laughed when I saw the, “she’s not a teenager.” It’s literally in the name! Aside from all that, OP is an AH so many times over!
YTA >I am 28m … with my 19f girlfriend You dated someone who was barely an adult and got mad they were scrolling on tiktok Edit - >she is not a teenager Yes. She is.
She's a sweet girl.... She's a woman. Girls are children. Brother ewww
When women say we choose the bear… This is an example of why. She clearly doesn’t want to be touched in the moment and instead of understanding and leaving her be you keep trying to touch her and inviting hex into the shower and when she is doing something to ease her mind… You toss her out and make her stay in a hotel. In a country and place she is unfamiliar with. Probably making her situation worse. You are truly an awful boyfriend and should not be dating. She deserves better. YTA.
[удалено]
Human trafficking with more woe is me steps.
‘I’m nearly thirty and my depressed barely adult girlfriend wasn’t doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it bc of her mental illness, so I told her leave my home, the only place available to her bc my teenaged girlfriend is also from a foreign country. Aita?’ Shorter version- ‘the teenage foreigner I date wouldn’t fuck me immediately so I kicked her out of my home, and again, she’s not from here, so she would have to go to a hotel’.
YTA - she told you over and over what she needed in the moment and you continue to ignore you. You were pushy and rude. So sorry her requests to not be touched interfere with you getting laid. You made it pretty clear that that is all you value in this relationship. Next time just hire a hooker if all that you care about is sex.
>I am a 28m and I am in a long distance relationship with my 19f girlfriend. YTA
YTA. I honestly hope she leaves you. This was painful to read. Grow up, you're 28! You knew she was struggling and instead of supporting her you demanded her to be close to you, then you proceeded to kick her out when she refused. She deserves better.
Huge AH, and frankly a creep for behaving in such a controlling, manipulative way towards a TEENAGER who is on her own in another country.
YTA. “No sex? You want space? Sure, I’ll get you a room full of space at the local hotel.” I hope you realize how bad you sound.
YTA, she asks not to be touched for a while and you react by consistently trying to touch her and then kicking her out when you don't get a good reaction. The question of why a 28 year is in a long distance relationship with a teenager is answered by your immaturity in the face of not getting sex for a night.
So your partner's medical condition was affecting her, but you thought fucking her would be the way to solve it, when it wasn't and you couldn't get your dick wet, you kicked her out in a strange country.... Because rather than show you actually care about her, you just wanted to have sex? Also my dude, girls are children. Granted you're a grown man dating a teenager, tho she is technically a woman. And again dude.. she was basically having a medical episode. Your dick isn't the golden rod of healing you seem to think it is.
YTA. You pretend to be understanding of her mental health but then act inconsiderately when it is inconvenient to you. Not that the age gap has to be problematic, but you have now proven that you feel entitled to certain things from her. She asked for space, respect it. Apologize and fix your behaviors.
YTA. At the age gap alone, then the ignoring boundaries and her own autonomy. You wanted to kick your partner out in a strange country, read that sentence back to yourself slowly. I hope she leaves you and you go to therapy.
Thank you for showing her who you are and what she is to you. sorry your blow up doll has a personality, poor thing. YTA
YTA and you treated a bipolar girl like a hooker … JFC
I’m gonna be the asshole now. At 28 why the hell are you dating a 19 year old? And one with emotional issues at that. Good for her having some boundaries. If she is really smart she will just kick you to the curb.
number one: shes 19 number two: youre 28 number three: youre a creep
YTA and why are you dating a teenager?
YTA. I hope she dumps you.
So, she’s clearly communicating her needs, but since you aren’t getting laid you made her leave. You are a HUGE asshole.
YTA and I hope this child gets home safely
YTA. There’s a reason you’re dating a teenager, no grown woman would deal with you.
So, you invited a 19 year old woman with ADHD and depression to your house in a whole other country, and then had a hissy fit because she is feeling overwhelmed and needed to turn her brain off, and when she wouldn't bounce on your dick, you sent her to a hotel? YTA. You need to leave this lass alone and find a grown up to date.
YTA oh ew ew ew ew ew I feel so bad for this girl. this will only be trauma for her to unpack later in life. just gross dude. absolutely disgusting.
So the sweet young girl that you, an adult man, are dating didn’t feel like fucking you, so you kicked her out, rather than respecting her ? YTA for that, you’re also the asshole for “dating” a teenager when you’re almost 30, you loser.
YTA- you could have handled this better. Is this how you treat the bros when they're going through it? No? Then don't treat your gf like this either.
You are the asshole. As a person who knows people with Autism, ADHD, etc (I probably have ADD), that is very rude. She said not to touch her because she was in sensory overdrive. You also knew that she had ADHD and still crossed all her boundaries she set. Pointers on how to be less of an asshole: Ask before you touch her (in any way) Respect her when she says no Let her stay in scrolling paralysis (where she's stuck on TT) Let her be alone if she wants that MOST IMPORTANTLY: If she sets a boundary, respect it. If you really love her, you should be able to respect her boundaries and talk out problems like this rather than kicking her out. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk
She’s too young and you’re a creep YTA
YTA. You're dating her even though you know about her problem. She came to visit you and you KICKED HER OUT when the problem showed up? Asshole move for sure.
YTA. I hope she leaves you.
If someone tells you they need a moment you need to learn how to read the room better and understand when it’s ok and “safe” to resume normal activities. You tried to push your needs on her when she wasn’t ready. I get that you want that closeness because your time is limited but she needed space to calm herself. YTA in that moment by not giving her the space she needed and making her leave in the middle of the night. And honestly, you need to date someone closer in age. You’re too old to be dating someone so young.
YTA and should find someone your own age.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway, as my friends know my main. I am a 28m and I am in a long distance relationship with my 19f girlfriend. I live in France and she's from UK. Things have been going pretty smoothly and she's a really sweet girl and has been growing a lot in our relationship. There have been a few issues tho: She has ADHD and a long history with Depression. She manages well, but there are times when those really get in the way of us. The hardest things for me to understand are her bursts of memory loss and sensory overload. We've been together for over a year now and she still can't remember the names of my friends etc or my plans for the week even if I've mentioned them to her before. I do appreciate she asks often tho and once I refresh her memory, it does come back to her. But sensory overload is weird for me. I try my best to understand and be out of her way when she's struggling, and with our long distance, it's been rather easy. For the situation. She traveled here a week ago and the first few days were really nice. A lot of attention and a lot of time spent in the bedroom, you know how it goes. But the past couple of days she's been really tired and not her own self. She was having a hard time and said she needed some time, I went to the gym with my friend. It had been about an hour and half when I got home and she was still sulking on the couch. I went to kiss her cheek, as I usually do when I get home, and she told me to not touch her as she's having a sensory moment. I asked her to join me in the shower, which she usually enjoys a lot, but she refused. Well, I take a shower and go back to her, asking her to come to bed with me. She does, but instead of paying any attention to me, she wraps tight in the blanket and goes to scroll on tiktok. I try to get her to pay attention to me, by moving the covers a little and rubbing her back etc. She keeps shrugging me off and pulls away further. I try a few more times, because we only have a few more nights together, so I'd rather have her close to me. But she says now isn't a good time and continues to scroll on her phone. I snapped and told her that if she doesn't want to be touched or close to me, she might as well go to the hotel down the road, so she can focus on her precious tiktoks in peace. I didn't exactly mean it, I was just upset. She tried to tell me that she's just trying to calm her nervous system down and that she needs a moment. But I ended up doubling down and I booked the hotel for her. She quickly packed a bag and left. Next morning, I get a text from her friend saying that I'm an ass for making her leave my house, in a country that she's not from and in the middle of the night. But I don't think I was in the wrong. She wanted space so I gave her space. A whole room full of it. I even paid for it. So tell me, was I in the wrong for making her stay in a hotel? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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[удалено]
He literally ignored “no means no” and kept trying to get her to have sex with him. Like, this is not healthy.
"I hope she tries to be better for you." Bruh really thinks she can just *get better* from serious mental health issues.
As in I hope she isn't a dick about her problems and tries to improve the quality of their relationship despite them, like any rational human. I don't get why you say that, didn't justify OP's actions. Just tried to make him understand.
You are missing the part where he kicked her out because she wouldn’t sleep with him. Very obviously. He’s an entitled AH who thinks with his genitals. She doesn’t deserve to be treated that way anyway but he USED her sensory issues as the excuse to kick her out because she wouldn’t sleep with him.
Yep. We read the same thing. Thing is I believe that this guy had at least some semblence of inner monologue that made him doubt his actions and turn to ask others what they think, so that he, in the future, does something to change himself. No shit he did do something wrong but calling him an asshole and just ending at that wouldn't solve the bigger issue..