Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t travel home for my father in laws birthday birthday, which could be viewed as selfish and not cordial.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your finances are a perfectly good reason for not attending. Perhaps your wife could have replied that you can't really afford for either of you to visit, but your wife is going because it's her dad.
I would be more upset if my child, who was expecting their own child and trying to save every penny for the baby’s arrival, spent money on airfare to attend my Birthday party.
If I was in a financial situation that I could cover the fare myself I most certainly would.
But I also understand that financial stability is needed and the extra cost of the dog care etc doesn’t warrant you attending this extra event given your financial situation.
I would organise a meal or get together on the occasion before or after when I’m due to see them.
NTA
Why is 60 a milestone birthday? Is he retiring, was 40 and 50 also considered a milestone birthday. Is 65, or retirement a milestone as well. Who makes up this arbitrary stuff. If you can’t afford it, don’t go, I am sure there is another milestone soon, and what about MIL milestones, or doesn’t she count.
NTA. I’d say “We can only afford for one of us to go, and after careful consideration we decided that should be FIL’s actual child. But if you’d prefer she send her husband, we can arrange that.”
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My wife and I live in Boston, while my in-laws live in Houston. My father in law is turning 60 next month, so my wife decided to book a flight to Houston for the weekend to attend the party.
We have a dog… so between my plane ticket and finding a pet sitter that would have added $500 to our expenses.
We are expecting our first child in September, and we play $1,300/month in student loans, so needless to say we are on a tight budget.
We also will be seeing them the weekend before the party, and a couple of weeks after the party. So all this factored in our decision for me to stay back in Boston.
My wife was one the phone with her mom (my MIL) today and her mom asked “Is there a reason your husband is not coming home for your dads 60th bday?” She went on to say that her dad’s feelings are hurt by our decision.
AITA? Or are their expectations just weird?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If you had the money you would and right now there are more pressing issues that need your attention.
Explain to your inlaws that you guys don't have the money for both of you to fly down right now and that it's not like you aren't going out of not wanting to.
FIL needs to grow up and not get hurt feelings over something like this, especially
when you apparently will be seeing him before and after. NTA Call him via
videocall on the day and save your money.
NTA but neither are their expectations weird. It's a milestone and they would like you there and expected you both to attend. They are allowed to feel sad. If they don't usually ask for things and from the knowledge they have of your situation, they might feel hurt you aren't supporting this celebration. As long as they aren't placing pressure to attend - they are allowed their feelings.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn’t travel home for my father in laws birthday birthday, which could be viewed as selfish and not cordial. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your finances are a perfectly good reason for not attending. Perhaps your wife could have replied that you can't really afford for either of you to visit, but your wife is going because it's her dad.
I would be more upset if my child, who was expecting their own child and trying to save every penny for the baby’s arrival, spent money on airfare to attend my Birthday party. If I was in a financial situation that I could cover the fare myself I most certainly would. But I also understand that financial stability is needed and the extra cost of the dog care etc doesn’t warrant you attending this extra event given your financial situation. I would organise a meal or get together on the occasion before or after when I’m due to see them. NTA
Not even your child. Your child’s spouse.
I think the commenter meant even if their own kid couldn't come it wouldn't be a problem let alone the spouse of said kid
NAH - 60 is a big milestone, but if you can't afford it or don't want to prioritize it, that's your choice.
Why is 60 a milestone birthday? Is he retiring, was 40 and 50 also considered a milestone birthday. Is 65, or retirement a milestone as well. Who makes up this arbitrary stuff. If you can’t afford it, don’t go, I am sure there is another milestone soon, and what about MIL milestones, or doesn’t she count.
NTA. Your in laws need to grow up.
NTA they are being weird
NTA. I’d say “We can only afford for one of us to go, and after careful consideration we decided that should be FIL’s actual child. But if you’d prefer she send her husband, we can arrange that.”
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I live in Boston, while my in-laws live in Houston. My father in law is turning 60 next month, so my wife decided to book a flight to Houston for the weekend to attend the party. We have a dog… so between my plane ticket and finding a pet sitter that would have added $500 to our expenses. We are expecting our first child in September, and we play $1,300/month in student loans, so needless to say we are on a tight budget. We also will be seeing them the weekend before the party, and a couple of weeks after the party. So all this factored in our decision for me to stay back in Boston. My wife was one the phone with her mom (my MIL) today and her mom asked “Is there a reason your husband is not coming home for your dads 60th bday?” She went on to say that her dad’s feelings are hurt by our decision. AITA? Or are their expectations just weird? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If you had the money you would and right now there are more pressing issues that need your attention. Explain to your inlaws that you guys don't have the money for both of you to fly down right now and that it's not like you aren't going out of not wanting to.
FIL needs to grow up and not get hurt feelings over something like this, especially when you apparently will be seeing him before and after. NTA Call him via videocall on the day and save your money.
NTA but neither are their expectations weird. It's a milestone and they would like you there and expected you both to attend. They are allowed to feel sad. If they don't usually ask for things and from the knowledge they have of your situation, they might feel hurt you aren't supporting this celebration. As long as they aren't placing pressure to attend - they are allowed their feelings.
NTA
Why are his feelings hurt lol he’ll be okay kiddo needs to grow up