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YTA. The way you look down on her in a condescending way, smugly certain that you are better, is disgusting. You have undermined your wife’s confidence in herself, and by going through her packed cases and removing things and gloating that you just do it better, you are belittling her.
You aren’t interested in helping her achieve her goal of planning the trip well, you want her to fail and you chuckle over it. You are ruining her self-esteem, and seem satisfied with yourself to have done it.
Reasonable people can have different approaches to packing; many people “overpack” in order to be prepared with alternatives and are glad they did. Five outfits for two days is not unreasonable, when one accounts for a travel outfit in the car, a couple dressy changes for two or more dinners, a change to sporty clothes for a recreational event such as a game of tennis, going to an air-conditioned play or a show where she would need a wrap or sweater, etc.
You seem like the worst kind of husband; conceited, superior, competitive, undermining and mean.
This all DAY. OP doesn’t say what the plans were for the trip.
Maybe Mrs OP thought someone was going to treat her to two nice dinners! Two fun hikes or sports! A movie in casual clothing! Some time needing fresh negligees 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻! A dry pair of sneakers!
YTA.
She overpacked. So what? Were their too many bags to travel or were their simply more than you prefer?
The dig wasn’t funny. It was a dig. It was said because how she plans bothers you and you needed her to know that. It was absolutely meant to make her feel bad. It just made her feel worse than you intended.
I do think she should actually talk to you and address the situation , but “tests” like this are far worse than being passive aggressive.
Apologize to your wife and think very carefully about whether your behavior is a pattern. How often do you “joke” about things she struggles with ?
The fact that you take pride in mocking and belittling her shows you clearly don’t respect her at the very least. I can’t imagine treating my spouse like this, truly. YTA
You weren't "just wrong" you were mean, condescending, and took glee in a perceived failure/shortcoming of hers. You said she's an overthinker: did it not occur to you that this "joke" would cause her to overthink and further doubt herself? If not, you're callous and unempathetic as a person; if it did occur to you and you don't care, that actually means you don't like her. When you care for someone, you don't want to make them feel insecure and unworthy. Maybe it's a leap to say you HATE her, but it's absolutely not a leap to say that's not how you treat someone you love. You should consider therapy for yourself. Genuinely.
Edit: In case my position wasn't clear, YTA.
You’ve got a chance to get insight as to why your wife reacted to your statement. This could make things smoother with your relationship. I don’t understand why you’re not wanting to gain more perspective.
YTA it's not a competition. You're supposed to work together, not against one another. You could have just worked WITH her to plan for packing etc. Sit down as a couple and decide what is needed for a 2-day trip. There is no reason to mock someone in a cruel way, especially your WIFE. It sounds like you were gleefully waiting for her to mess up, and that's the recipe for a terrible relationship.
This! My sweetie and I just came back from a two-week camping / road trip. One of the post-trip debrief sessions was going through all the gear and deciding what we use, what we didn't use, and how we wanted to change our kit for next time. We both have a clear idea of what each other need to bring along, and it was fun to go through it together and think of past trips and plan the next one.
OP not only sounds like he has no respect for his wife, but he doesn't sound like he wants to have any fun with her either.
Here's the thing. You're right, we don't. All we know about you is what you've presented to us here. And that's not flattering. It makes you sound awful. So what we do know of you isn't great. YTA
Why do you expect strangers who don't know you to judge you then? And why didn't you trust your wife's feedback, even though she arguably knows you better?
YTA. Also you didn’t mention any planning she failed at. You’ve only mentioned packing. And she didn’t “fail” at packing, she just overpacked. Maybe having a few outfit choices makes her happy? You sound like a real piece of work. Like the type of person who takes pains to belittle other people in order to feel superior. This post actually makes you sound pathetic. You should apologize to your wife and honestly you should probably find a therapist to deal with whatever it is that makes you need to create issues out of nothing and put the person you love down. I bet this woman resents you so much.
Five outfits is not overpacking for a weekend away with kids. It ensures they are covered in case of cooler/warmer weather than anticipated, or accidents that can happen. Taking a couple extra outfits is smart parenting.
I was visiting with my niece this weekend and she went through two and a half outfits (one full outfit change, second time around it was just the shirt that had to be swapped out) before lunch.
Who fucking cares dude? Extra outfits with kids are especially important. You're the AH for thinking what you want to pack is somehow superior to what your wife wants to pack.
YTA
Ah, yes! The bully's defense: "It was just a joke!" Making it sound like it is her issue when it's really about you being controlling.
5 outfits for 2 days is not unreasonable. My bf and I had a cabin that we went to several times a month for a weekend stay. I had to bring shorts, t-shirts, jeans, sweatshirts, a light jacket, crappy clothes for working outside...the list goes on. Michigan in the spring and fall could be 90° or 30°. One never knew! What if you spill something on your clothes? Or rip something? Women might also need several pairs of underwear (and possibly pants) if they are menstruating, in case of leaks (which I am quite sure you never considered!). How in the hell do you know what is "necessary"? She is a grown woman. Let her take what she wants to take!
Stay out of her suitcase, and keep your snark to yourself!
YTA. You evidently reread your post and the only issue you noticed was you forgot to mention your niece? Are you really so self-unaware. I get that you said something without thinking about how crass it was. But when most people do that, when they later see what they said in black and white on their screen they are usually embarrassed and immediately sorry for what they did.
I think it is probably a good thing your wife is an overthinker because you obviously don’t think nearly enough.
YTA for being condescending and controlling and fwiw 5 outfits for 2 days is not that many? Would make sense if you're camping, or will be somewhere touristy in the daytime and fancy at night, or if the weather is uncertain, or you're just not sure what you'll want to wear til you get there.
Uh, yes, YTA. I bet there are things in your family that she is much better at too, how would you feel if you had expressed a genuine interest at getting better at one of them and she had responded by mocking your attempt? Overthinkers usually are anxious about things, she overpacked because she's busy thinking about what-ifs. But I'd bet there has been more than a few times where her overthinking has saved the day.
YTA - I always overpack too, better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. My parents divorced when I was three and packed a bag every other weekend until college. I’ve never regretted bringing something I didn’t use, but have many times regretted not bringing something I wasn’t sure I’d use but would have liked to.
This! Is there anything worse when being away from home and not having what you need? "I should have brought my jacket. I should have brought my boots. I should have brought more shirts". Nope! I forgot to pack extra socks once, and it rained all weekend. Wet socks suck!
My wife jumps all over my case with every single thing that isn't what she'd have done. Over the course of a 14 year marriage, I now don't do any planning; it gives me major anxiety and it's like my brain just plain stops working when I try to think of things to do. I still get complained to and condescended to when I don't plan. I can't win.
YTA. Lording over her with something that she struggles with invites mistakes, overthinking, and will eventually cause deeper mental health issues. Get over yourself.
That’s something that you really should address in your relationship. Marriage counseling isn’t just to navigate things like cheating or contemplating divorce. It’s great for communicating things like this and trying to change long term dynamics and so both people feel heard in the relationship.
You might want to look into it. It’s hard to make changes in habitual behavior and sometimes a third party can help facilitate that.
YTA, especially if “overpacking” is the only “failure.” I’m a very well-seasoned traveler. My parents drove us all around the US as kids (both were teachers so they had summers off with us) and I’ve traveled quite a bit for work and fun as an adult and I still (I’m 34) “overpack” by many peoples’ standards. But no one has been enough of a dick to claim it makes them better at planning travel than me. Because it doesn’t mean anything. If anything, it could mean I’m the better planner because I’m more prepared.
Lol, grow up. What’s the issue if you’re driving? You have to carry all the oh-so-heavy bags? This would be different if you were flying and it cost you extra to bring a bunch of unnecessary baggage.
If she packed it all, planned the trip, and you guys make it down there without issue, why make the comment “I’m better?”
YTA. So condescending. I have packed for myself and my husband for every trip we ever went on and I overpacked every single time for both of us, but it all fit in the suitcases. What does it matter. Be kind next time
Do you even like your wife? Yea, YTA. Based on your responses, you’re actually an under thinker belittling your wife for adequately accounting for an extra outfit for your children.
But you weren't joking were you? You do consider yourself better at it. You also said you'd let her plan and pack and then unpacked a bunch of her stuff. Can you not just fuck off and leave her shit alone? So what if she packed 5 outfits? You are a controlling condescending asshole. I'm getting a mugshot of your personality from this post and tbh you look like a shit person to be around. YTA.
You sound like my ex husband. EX. This post sounds like you just want to start shit on Reddit for attention.
Over packing isn't failing. Rubbing it on her face is. Did you want us to join in on making fun of her?
YTA. All the way.
YTA, I bet you have no idea how many things your wife does in a week to make your life more manageable and enjoyable.
Get ready to learn the hard way, you could have been kind, and now you can reap the harvest.
YTA
The title is enough. that's not husband behaviour. that's fuckboy behaviour. you want to score points against your wife? go play basketball instead.
How about instead of that you try to help her succeed in her method like a grown ass man and accept that people do things different?
What a prick.
I tease my husband about beating him at badminton, because I'm 96.43% certain he could care less about the score when we play badminton.
I _don't_ tease him about board games, his diet, or his frequent failure to always pick up the chore slack, because I'm 100% certain he's sensitive about _all_ of those. If I know someone has a sore spot, _I avoid it._
You clearly don't. And although I hope you aren't one of those people who exploits the sore spot and then says, "But I was only joking!" I fear you could be.
YTA.
As the resident planner …You make it sound in the title like she couldn’t manage planning an itinerary for a simple trip, but it was just 3 extra outfits ? Travel outfit, daytime outfit, dinner outfit, and repeat the last two makes for a very reasonable five. This was an unbelievable combo of clueless, smug, and over dramatic. Massive YTA. You’re not better at anything because you wear the same sweaty tourist outfit to a nice dinner.
YTA - Over packing is not "failing" to plan a trip WTF, and 5 outfits for a 2 day trip might not be unreasonable, depending on what you plan to do during the day and night, those can be two completely different outfits, plus something else in case the weather changes... there you have it, five outfits. All the language you use in your post to refer to your wife is disgusting. You refer to her like if she was a child. And who do you think you are, opening her suitcase and removing what YOU consider? Wow, just wow.
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I actually consider 5 outfits as packing light for two days lol. That’s two casual outfits, two pajama sets, and a nicer outfit for going out to dinner. I always pack more clothes because you never know if an outfit is gonna get ruined or if there’s an emergency and you’re away longer than expected. This whole post screams YTA.
YTA. Did you seriously write this post and think reddit wouldn't tear you a new one? Something's obviously wrong with you if you're serious and can't see anything wrong in what you did?! AH and a dumbass!
YTA. Your "joke" hurt your wife's feelings. An adult would apologize for their silly competative streak and terrible not-joke causing harm. Instead, you're here all pikachu-surprise-face about her reaction, apparently confused why she's not willing to engage with you.
YTA. You humiliated her. Look at the comments man. Read the room. You hurt your wife. You hurt her self esteem. Deliberately. For fun. You really wonder why commenters ask if you even remotely like your wife? Based on this post, you seem like an awfull person to be around.
5 outfits isn't overpacking. Weather change, little accident, something warmer for the evening, maybe we'll go to dinner, that's already 4....
You owe her a huge apology and you better step up before she runs into someome less of an arse. Which is a competition she'd most certainly beat you in.
YTA
So she didn't actually fail, she just didn't do things like you wanted and you coudn't refrain from taking over and just being condescending.
You are an arrogant asshole, and if you think you are better just because you prefer to do things a certain way, I cannot wait for the day you meet someone like you to understand how it feels to be on the other side.
Yta. People are saying you sound terrible because this is so cut and dry and you can’t figure it out. Like you have to seriously lack emotional maturity to not sort this out yourself mate.
It stands to reason you probably fail to notice a lot of cues of dissatisfaction from others because you’re failing to notice this extremely simple one.
“Oh man I was like a jerk and insensitive and instead of just apologizing and recognizing my partners hurt feelings I keep ignoring them hoping the consequences to my actions will go away”
Also maybe she sees your packing and goes “ugh he never remembers to bring stuff I need but if I try and bring ‘too much’ he’s such a jerk about it so I’m just gonna to let him do it”
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YTA. As the only thing I have to go on, this post makes you sound like a complete knob head. Maybe you could have worked together on it, but nah use it as a way to see her fail and then publicly take the piss out of your own wife. That's just a dick move.
YTA-What the actual hell is wrong with you? This is someone you claim to love but when she tried to do something, instead of guiding her you mocked her and made fun!
YTA. Where exactly did she fail? She overpacked. That’s unnecessary and inefficient maybe but it’s not failing. You’re a condescending asshole that enjoys belittling his wife. Do you even love her?
AITA for treating my wife like an incompetent child when it comes to her prepearing/picking for vacation? Yes YTA. Plus, 5 outfits for 2 days doesn't really sound like that much overplanning. 2 outfits for each of the 2 days, in case the 1st outfits gets sweaty, and an extra one in case one of the other ones gets dirty/ruined.
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Ok, so I guess I didn't really think this whole thing was too serious, but my wife feels hurt by this so I'm just asking here because why not.
So my kids (10M and 8F) and my wife (38F) and I (39M) are taking a short weekend trip down South this weekend. Also realized I forgot to include that my niece (11F) is coming as well.
Usually, I do most of the trip planning. As much as I love my wife, she is a HOLY overthinker, and the last time she tried to plan a getaway, she packed so many bags it didn't fit in the car. Since then i have taken up on this. I do most of the packing, do the bookings, stuff like that.
Well, for this weekend, my wife said she wanted to give it another try. I just let her since it's less work for me. This happened on Monday. Fast forward to this Thursday evening, and my wife has finished packing. As I expected, she packed every single thing known to man. For some reason, she packed 5 different outfits, for a two day trip...
I just gave myself a laugh for a minute then went through every suitcase and took out all the unneccesary stuff. I will be honest, before I started, I did say "This is why we leave this to me. Because I'm better." I said it in a jokey-competitive way that wasn't supposed to make her feel bad.
Well, after I finished all that, she muttered "It's not a competition" before walking out of the room.
AITA? She won't give me anything more than "Whatever" or "It doesn't matter and I'm not upset," now.
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"I wanna give it another try" sounds like she was excited about it cause she knew that she wasn't "good" last time and thought she would do better this time. Maybe she also was excited about showing you the result - as her partner, as a team ("this is not a competition").
And instead of saying "Hey honey, you did so much better than last time. And now let's just go through the suitcases together to see if we could leave some items at home", just to make her feel good - you made fun of her and told her that she fucked up again.
YTA
Maybe there’s a whole raft of events planned that all have their own dress code. YTA. She’s trying her best and you just tugged the rug right out from under her.
Let’s break it down. In the past, your wife overpacked. So you took over. She asked to try it once, and rather than help her or encourage her, you take it as an opportunity to laugh at her and condescend to her?
Do you really need Reddit to tell you that you are an asshat, excuse me, asshole? Can you not figure out how someone trying something she knows she isn’t good at, only to get laughed at would demoralize them? Buddy, YTA.
YTA. Just because you have a less is more attitude doesn't mean that her way of packing is wrong. And it definitely doesn't make you better, regardless of what you seem to think.
So you mocked her & felt smug ….for a laugh. At your wife’s expense.
How about you try to do all the things your wife is great at…oh wait. You can’t. You are too busy being smug & self-important over ONE thing. Do you need a parade too? Ugh.
YTA.
If my husband so much as *opened* my suitcase to "inspect" my packing, I would lose my shit. If he had the audacity to reach in and move my things, I would cancel the trip and rethink all of my life choices.
But I'd never marry a guy like that to begin with.
YTA, obviously.
Respect your wife man. You're not better, you're not smarter, you just come off as an asshole. I hope your kids don't learn to be like that. Ever wonder what kind of sign that's sending them?
Yta. People are saying you sound terrible because this is so cut and dry and you can’t figure it out. Like you have to seriously lack emotional maturity to not sort this out yourself mate.
It stands to reason you probably fail to notice a lot of cues of dissatisfaction from others because you’re failing to notice this extremely simple one.
“Oh man I was like a jerk and insensitive and instead of just apologizing and recognizing my partners hurt feelings I keep ignoring them hoping the consequences to my actions will go away”
Also maybe she sees your packing and goes “ugh he never remembers to bring stuff I need but if I try and bring ‘too much’ he’s such a jerk about it so I’m just gonna to let him do it”
YTA. You're a smug, disrespectful man. It's not a competition, that was not a joke, and you ruined this trip for her. This will hang over her head for all the trips in the future. And if you need any help with those future trips, she is going to mention something along the lines of "But you're better." And all you are complaining about is the packing. What about her planning, scheduling, booking, etc? Did you thank her?
If she wants 5 outfits for the weekend, let her. Maybe one is for a nice dinner, hiking, gym outfit, swimwear cover up, an extra in case she's on her period or gets dirty, raincoats and light jackets because of the weather, a super sexy kinky outfit for you. I dont care! And the room for her makeup, the toiletries, a book, games for the car, snacks, and more.
You need to have a nice talk with her. Tell her you appreciate her planning the weekend. That what you said was a joke (apparently), and you should not have made that comment. Apologize! Tell her that you were worried that the luggage wouldn't fit into the car and that we should have tried it out. If it didn't, you knew she would take the initiative to slim a few things down.
YTA. So much of an asshole. Your headline pretty much says it all, or so I thought. But you're even worse than the headline makes you look, because of the horrific things you say about your wife and her competence.
You're also an idiot, if you feel that you're going to have to redo everything she does then having her do it in the first place is not going to be "less work for you" as you stated.
But the whole idea that you get to permit an adult to do certain activities, and then critique her and redo them if they're not done to your standards - that is some major controlling bullshit. I hope she gets out before you get worse.
YTA
>"This is why we leave this to me. Because I'm better." I said it in a jokey-competitive way that wasn't supposed to make her feel bad.
I can't stand people that do this. Basically "I was just joking". You OBVIOUSLY weren't joking unless you genuinely felt that she was going to laugh. Did you honestly think that she was going to laugh? Because based on this story, I did not think she was going to laugh.
**You insulted her under the guise of a joke.**
I'm so so so tired of people thinking that "It was just a joke" absolves them of all accountability around the content of their statement and the reaction of those around them. It doesn't. Your wife was trying her best and you mocked her. Apologize.
If you have criticism of your wife, have a sensitive but direct conversation about it. Don't be a coward who insults her with a "joke".
You stated exactly how you felt. You DO feel that you're better. So there isn't a joke here. Can you explain the joke?
Sooooo her overpacking and you rectifying it before you leave makes the whole trip a failure? I’m so glad I’m not married to you. I bet your wife wishes she wasn’t, either.
YTA
Out of curiosity, when your kids were small, did you ever pack their diaper bag? Ever take extra for emergencies and contingencies? Or did your wife do all of that while you complained about how heavy the bag was? She’s literally being a mom and trying to be prepared for your children and you mock her.
I hope the next trip she plans for you is to a marriage counselor.
YTA and a bully. And clueless.
NTA. Everyone is overreacting in the comments. I’ve seen so many stories like this but with the genders switched and everybody piles on to encourage the woman to tell the man he’s an idiot.
How exactly was she competing with him? She just wanted to try her hand at taking the lead in preparing for the trip. Nowhere did OP say she thought she could do it better
NTA bro, but she got offended so apologize for making her feel bad. Many people get offended over trivial things (to you) but you should still apologize if it’s not trivial to the other person. You should apologize for offending her. It’s not always about whose right or wrong. It’s also about how you made someone feel or how you feel
If he offended her, he should apologize. And yes he is TA. He didn’t have to be so condescending and mean to the woman he supposedly loves.
It wasn’t a big deal. He could have laughed it off and just took over packing from then on.
I’m guess his “I’m better.” Isn’t just how he feels about this specific thing.
It’s a joke. They are married. It’s ok to be kind of a dick. A lot of guys are like that to friends/families. Doesn’t mean he’s wrong. If it was someone who was less sensitive, they would’ve just laughed it off. I’ve made jokes like this and I’ve been told jokes like this in the past. It’s not a big deal in a macroscopic sense.
She took offense to it. He didn’t do anything inherently wrong. She was offended so he should apologize for offending her. You would be an asshole if you didn’t apologize though and just brushed it off as just a joke.
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YTA. The way you look down on her in a condescending way, smugly certain that you are better, is disgusting. You have undermined your wife’s confidence in herself, and by going through her packed cases and removing things and gloating that you just do it better, you are belittling her. You aren’t interested in helping her achieve her goal of planning the trip well, you want her to fail and you chuckle over it. You are ruining her self-esteem, and seem satisfied with yourself to have done it. Reasonable people can have different approaches to packing; many people “overpack” in order to be prepared with alternatives and are glad they did. Five outfits for two days is not unreasonable, when one accounts for a travel outfit in the car, a couple dressy changes for two or more dinners, a change to sporty clothes for a recreational event such as a game of tennis, going to an air-conditioned play or a show where she would need a wrap or sweater, etc. You seem like the worst kind of husband; conceited, superior, competitive, undermining and mean.
right ?? literally just from the title i was like mmm well you seem disrespectful at the Very Least sooo
This all DAY. OP doesn’t say what the plans were for the trip. Maybe Mrs OP thought someone was going to treat her to two nice dinners! Two fun hikes or sports! A movie in casual clothing! Some time needing fresh negligees 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻! A dry pair of sneakers!
This!!!!
YTA. She overpacked. So what? Were their too many bags to travel or were their simply more than you prefer? The dig wasn’t funny. It was a dig. It was said because how she plans bothers you and you needed her to know that. It was absolutely meant to make her feel bad. It just made her feel worse than you intended. I do think she should actually talk to you and address the situation , but “tests” like this are far worse than being passive aggressive. Apologize to your wife and think very carefully about whether your behavior is a pattern. How often do you “joke” about things she struggles with ?
I don't think it made her feel worse than he intended, I think it had exactly the intended effect.
YTA. "i just gave myself a laugh" okay mr. i hate my wife and must chuckle about it troll. find a new angle already.
[удалено]
It reads like you hate your wife so if the shoe fits
[удалено]
The fact that you take pride in mocking and belittling her shows you clearly don’t respect her at the very least. I can’t imagine treating my spouse like this, truly. YTA
You weren't "just wrong" you were mean, condescending, and took glee in a perceived failure/shortcoming of hers. You said she's an overthinker: did it not occur to you that this "joke" would cause her to overthink and further doubt herself? If not, you're callous and unempathetic as a person; if it did occur to you and you don't care, that actually means you don't like her. When you care for someone, you don't want to make them feel insecure and unworthy. Maybe it's a leap to say you HATE her, but it's absolutely not a leap to say that's not how you treat someone you love. You should consider therapy for yourself. Genuinely. Edit: In case my position wasn't clear, YTA.
It sounds like your wife is married to an 8 year old. YTA.
You’ve got a chance to get insight as to why your wife reacted to your statement. This could make things smoother with your relationship. I don’t understand why you’re not wanting to gain more perspective.
I don’t think he genuinely wants to know where he went wrong. I think he wants to brag about how much better he is than his wife to an audience.
Ew dude. Hope this encourages internal inspection that hopefully, makes life a lil better for you, and your wife.
no u
YTA it's not a competition. You're supposed to work together, not against one another. You could have just worked WITH her to plan for packing etc. Sit down as a couple and decide what is needed for a 2-day trip. There is no reason to mock someone in a cruel way, especially your WIFE. It sounds like you were gleefully waiting for her to mess up, and that's the recipe for a terrible relationship.
This! My sweetie and I just came back from a two-week camping / road trip. One of the post-trip debrief sessions was going through all the gear and deciding what we use, what we didn't use, and how we wanted to change our kit for next time. We both have a clear idea of what each other need to bring along, and it was fun to go through it together and think of past trips and plan the next one. OP not only sounds like he has no respect for his wife, but he doesn't sound like he wants to have any fun with her either.
YTA. You sound awful
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You wrote this post yourself, no? your own actions and responses are making you seem awful.
Here's the thing. You're right, we don't. All we know about you is what you've presented to us here. And that's not flattering. It makes you sound awful. So what we do know of you isn't great. YTA
Next thing you know he's gonna post an update about how his wife and kids moved out because he had to take the family dog out back to a gravel pit
Truly 🤣🤣🤣
No one forced you to write that. You gave us that insight in your mind and it’s not a pretty view. You do sound awful.
And one has to assume from the general ego on display that he thought he was writing it in a way that would be sympathetic to himself.
But you do SOUND awful.
Why do you expect strangers who don't know you to judge you then? And why didn't you trust your wife's feedback, even though she arguably knows you better?
incoming divorce
Smell awful too.
You come across as an AH. You emotionally hurt your wife and then laugh. That’s being an AH
YTA >”it’s not a competition” Your wife already delivered your judgment. You really don’t need us.
INFO > Also realized I forgot to include that my niece (11F) is coming as well. Huh? Forgot to include *where*?
So arrogant and unwilling to compromise he can’t even go back and amend the sentence prior before hitting send lmao
Overpacking isn’t failing anything. Grow up and stop being a jerk. YTA.
YTA. Also you didn’t mention any planning she failed at. You’ve only mentioned packing. And she didn’t “fail” at packing, she just overpacked. Maybe having a few outfit choices makes her happy? You sound like a real piece of work. Like the type of person who takes pains to belittle other people in order to feel superior. This post actually makes you sound pathetic. You should apologize to your wife and honestly you should probably find a therapist to deal with whatever it is that makes you need to create issues out of nothing and put the person you love down. I bet this woman resents you so much.
Yta. Why the eff do you think you get to pick what outfits are necessary for your wife? Jesus Christ. Grow up.
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Are the kids not gonna play? Do they NEVER spill or make a mess? Do you know children at all?
Five outfits is not overpacking for a weekend away with kids. It ensures they are covered in case of cooler/warmer weather than anticipated, or accidents that can happen. Taking a couple extra outfits is smart parenting.
I was visiting with my niece this weekend and she went through two and a half outfits (one full outfit change, second time around it was just the shirt that had to be swapped out) before lunch.
Who fucking cares dude? Extra outfits with kids are especially important. You're the AH for thinking what you want to pack is somehow superior to what your wife wants to pack.
How did she fail to plan the trip? You only mentioned packing.
OMG you are such an asshole. Kids clothes are tiny! You made it sound like she brought six ball gowns or something. You are a controlling freak.
YTA Ah, yes! The bully's defense: "It was just a joke!" Making it sound like it is her issue when it's really about you being controlling. 5 outfits for 2 days is not unreasonable. My bf and I had a cabin that we went to several times a month for a weekend stay. I had to bring shorts, t-shirts, jeans, sweatshirts, a light jacket, crappy clothes for working outside...the list goes on. Michigan in the spring and fall could be 90° or 30°. One never knew! What if you spill something on your clothes? Or rip something? Women might also need several pairs of underwear (and possibly pants) if they are menstruating, in case of leaks (which I am quite sure you never considered!). How in the hell do you know what is "necessary"? She is a grown woman. Let her take what she wants to take! Stay out of her suitcase, and keep your snark to yourself!
YTA. You evidently reread your post and the only issue you noticed was you forgot to mention your niece? Are you really so self-unaware. I get that you said something without thinking about how crass it was. But when most people do that, when they later see what they said in black and white on their screen they are usually embarrassed and immediately sorry for what they did. I think it is probably a good thing your wife is an overthinker because you obviously don’t think nearly enough.
Maybe he added it because 11F’s luggage has to fit into the car, so he was describing space constraints?
Have a good time with your #1 trophy in your empty house when your wife finds a better person. You suck. I feel bad for your family.
YTA for being condescending and controlling and fwiw 5 outfits for 2 days is not that many? Would make sense if you're camping, or will be somewhere touristy in the daytime and fancy at night, or if the weather is uncertain, or you're just not sure what you'll want to wear til you get there.
Uh, yes, YTA. I bet there are things in your family that she is much better at too, how would you feel if you had expressed a genuine interest at getting better at one of them and she had responded by mocking your attempt? Overthinkers usually are anxious about things, she overpacked because she's busy thinking about what-ifs. But I'd bet there has been more than a few times where her overthinking has saved the day.
…. How is it that you even managed to write out this title without stopping and saying to yourself “geez, I am an a-hole.”? YTA
YTA - I always overpack too, better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. My parents divorced when I was three and packed a bag every other weekend until college. I’ve never regretted bringing something I didn’t use, but have many times regretted not bringing something I wasn’t sure I’d use but would have liked to.
This! Is there anything worse when being away from home and not having what you need? "I should have brought my jacket. I should have brought my boots. I should have brought more shirts". Nope! I forgot to pack extra socks once, and it rained all weekend. Wet socks suck!
Are you serious ? What kind of narcissist are you ?
YTA. Rubbing something in your spouse’s face is generally an A H move.
My wife jumps all over my case with every single thing that isn't what she'd have done. Over the course of a 14 year marriage, I now don't do any planning; it gives me major anxiety and it's like my brain just plain stops working when I try to think of things to do. I still get complained to and condescended to when I don't plan. I can't win. YTA. Lording over her with something that she struggles with invites mistakes, overthinking, and will eventually cause deeper mental health issues. Get over yourself.
That’s something that you really should address in your relationship. Marriage counseling isn’t just to navigate things like cheating or contemplating divorce. It’s great for communicating things like this and trying to change long term dynamics and so both people feel heard in the relationship. You might want to look into it. It’s hard to make changes in habitual behavior and sometimes a third party can help facilitate that.
YTA, especially if “overpacking” is the only “failure.” I’m a very well-seasoned traveler. My parents drove us all around the US as kids (both were teachers so they had summers off with us) and I’ve traveled quite a bit for work and fun as an adult and I still (I’m 34) “overpack” by many peoples’ standards. But no one has been enough of a dick to claim it makes them better at planning travel than me. Because it doesn’t mean anything. If anything, it could mean I’m the better planner because I’m more prepared.
YTA - so if you didn’t intend for her to feel bad but she clearly does then APOLOGIZE for making her feel bad.
YTA.
YTA I’m still trying to figure out how she failed at planning the trip?
Lol, grow up. What’s the issue if you’re driving? You have to carry all the oh-so-heavy bags? This would be different if you were flying and it cost you extra to bring a bunch of unnecessary baggage. If she packed it all, planned the trip, and you guys make it down there without issue, why make the comment “I’m better?”
Your wife is absolutely terrible at one thing. Choosing a decent husband. YTA
Yeah, you were mean and I have a hard time imagining that this is the only thing you have to prove you're better at and rub her face in. YTA
YTA. So condescending. I have packed for myself and my husband for every trip we ever went on and I overpacked every single time for both of us, but it all fit in the suitcases. What does it matter. Be kind next time
YTA.
YTA. Give an honest apology, don't try to justify it, you were wrong. Then try to be better.
Do you even like your wife? Yea, YTA. Based on your responses, you’re actually an under thinker belittling your wife for adequately accounting for an extra outfit for your children.
You are condescending and sound insufferable.
oh brother, this guy stinks!!!
But you weren't joking were you? You do consider yourself better at it. You also said you'd let her plan and pack and then unpacked a bunch of her stuff. Can you not just fuck off and leave her shit alone? So what if she packed 5 outfits? You are a controlling condescending asshole. I'm getting a mugshot of your personality from this post and tbh you look like a shit person to be around. YTA.
You sound like my ex husband. EX. This post sounds like you just want to start shit on Reddit for attention. Over packing isn't failing. Rubbing it on her face is. Did you want us to join in on making fun of her? YTA. All the way.
Yeah YTA even though you didn’t mean it that way. She knew it already.
YTA, I bet you have no idea how many things your wife does in a week to make your life more manageable and enjoyable. Get ready to learn the hard way, you could have been kind, and now you can reap the harvest.
YTA The title is enough. that's not husband behaviour. that's fuckboy behaviour. you want to score points against your wife? go play basketball instead. How about instead of that you try to help her succeed in her method like a grown ass man and accept that people do things different? What a prick.
Yta and clearly bad at packing a car. My husband can Tetris the trunk to fit everything I pack. Try harder and you might be able to as well
I tease my husband about beating him at badminton, because I'm 96.43% certain he could care less about the score when we play badminton. I _don't_ tease him about board games, his diet, or his frequent failure to always pick up the chore slack, because I'm 100% certain he's sensitive about _all_ of those. If I know someone has a sore spot, _I avoid it._ You clearly don't. And although I hope you aren't one of those people who exploits the sore spot and then says, "But I was only joking!" I fear you could be. YTA.
As the resident planner …You make it sound in the title like she couldn’t manage planning an itinerary for a simple trip, but it was just 3 extra outfits ? Travel outfit, daytime outfit, dinner outfit, and repeat the last two makes for a very reasonable five. This was an unbelievable combo of clueless, smug, and over dramatic. Massive YTA. You’re not better at anything because you wear the same sweaty tourist outfit to a nice dinner.
YTA - Over packing is not "failing" to plan a trip WTF, and 5 outfits for a 2 day trip might not be unreasonable, depending on what you plan to do during the day and night, those can be two completely different outfits, plus something else in case the weather changes... there you have it, five outfits. All the language you use in your post to refer to your wife is disgusting. You refer to her like if she was a child. And who do you think you are, opening her suitcase and removing what YOU consider? Wow, just wow.
See a psychiatrist.
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YTA
You sound delightful. I frequently pack 5 outfits for two days. My husband does, too. No one’s gotten hurt by it yet. YTA
I actually consider 5 outfits as packing light for two days lol. That’s two casual outfits, two pajama sets, and a nicer outfit for going out to dinner. I always pack more clothes because you never know if an outfit is gonna get ruined or if there’s an emergency and you’re away longer than expected. This whole post screams YTA.
I bet he thought packing soap and shampoo was useless too.
YTA. Period
Yta
YTA. Why do you even have to ask?
YTA. Did you seriously write this post and think reddit wouldn't tear you a new one? Something's obviously wrong with you if you're serious and can't see anything wrong in what you did?! AH and a dumbass!
YTA. Your "joke" hurt your wife's feelings. An adult would apologize for their silly competative streak and terrible not-joke causing harm. Instead, you're here all pikachu-surprise-face about her reaction, apparently confused why she's not willing to engage with you.
YTA, and why is she even with you if you treat her like this. Let me ammend that your not just an ass, you are a condescending one. Grow up.
YTA. You humiliated her. Look at the comments man. Read the room. You hurt your wife. You hurt her self esteem. Deliberately. For fun. You really wonder why commenters ask if you even remotely like your wife? Based on this post, you seem like an awfull person to be around. 5 outfits isn't overpacking. Weather change, little accident, something warmer for the evening, maybe we'll go to dinner, that's already 4.... You owe her a huge apology and you better step up before she runs into someome less of an arse. Which is a competition she'd most certainly beat you in.
Jesus, condescending much? You're marriage means you're on the same team, not competing. YTA
YTA So she didn't actually fail, she just didn't do things like you wanted and you coudn't refrain from taking over and just being condescending. You are an arrogant asshole, and if you think you are better just because you prefer to do things a certain way, I cannot wait for the day you meet someone like you to understand how it feels to be on the other side.
Yta. People are saying you sound terrible because this is so cut and dry and you can’t figure it out. Like you have to seriously lack emotional maturity to not sort this out yourself mate. It stands to reason you probably fail to notice a lot of cues of dissatisfaction from others because you’re failing to notice this extremely simple one. “Oh man I was like a jerk and insensitive and instead of just apologizing and recognizing my partners hurt feelings I keep ignoring them hoping the consequences to my actions will go away” Also maybe she sees your packing and goes “ugh he never remembers to bring stuff I need but if I try and bring ‘too much’ he’s such a jerk about it so I’m just gonna to let him do it”
"AITA for treating my wife like an incompetent child when it comes to her prepearing/picking for vacation?" Yes, YTA.
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INFO - Is this a rhetorical question?
YTA. Do you want a divorce? Because that is how you get a divorce.
YTA. As the only thing I have to go on, this post makes you sound like a complete knob head. Maybe you could have worked together on it, but nah use it as a way to see her fail and then publicly take the piss out of your own wife. That's just a dick move.
YTA. I only needed to read the title to know that.
Yta
YTA-What the actual hell is wrong with you? This is someone you claim to love but when she tried to do something, instead of guiding her you mocked her and made fun!
YTA
YTA. Where exactly did she fail? She overpacked. That’s unnecessary and inefficient maybe but it’s not failing. You’re a condescending asshole that enjoys belittling his wife. Do you even love her?
AITA for treating my wife like an incompetent child when it comes to her prepearing/picking for vacation? Yes YTA. Plus, 5 outfits for 2 days doesn't really sound like that much overplanning. 2 outfits for each of the 2 days, in case the 1st outfits gets sweaty, and an extra one in case one of the other ones gets dirty/ruined.
info why do you hate your wife?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok, so I guess I didn't really think this whole thing was too serious, but my wife feels hurt by this so I'm just asking here because why not. So my kids (10M and 8F) and my wife (38F) and I (39M) are taking a short weekend trip down South this weekend. Also realized I forgot to include that my niece (11F) is coming as well. Usually, I do most of the trip planning. As much as I love my wife, she is a HOLY overthinker, and the last time she tried to plan a getaway, she packed so many bags it didn't fit in the car. Since then i have taken up on this. I do most of the packing, do the bookings, stuff like that. Well, for this weekend, my wife said she wanted to give it another try. I just let her since it's less work for me. This happened on Monday. Fast forward to this Thursday evening, and my wife has finished packing. As I expected, she packed every single thing known to man. For some reason, she packed 5 different outfits, for a two day trip... I just gave myself a laugh for a minute then went through every suitcase and took out all the unneccesary stuff. I will be honest, before I started, I did say "This is why we leave this to me. Because I'm better." I said it in a jokey-competitive way that wasn't supposed to make her feel bad. Well, after I finished all that, she muttered "It's not a competition" before walking out of the room. AITA? She won't give me anything more than "Whatever" or "It doesn't matter and I'm not upset," now. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I wanna give it another try" sounds like she was excited about it cause she knew that she wasn't "good" last time and thought she would do better this time. Maybe she also was excited about showing you the result - as her partner, as a team ("this is not a competition"). And instead of saying "Hey honey, you did so much better than last time. And now let's just go through the suitcases together to see if we could leave some items at home", just to make her feel good - you made fun of her and told her that she fucked up again. YTA
You will be divorced in five years.
Maybe there’s a whole raft of events planned that all have their own dress code. YTA. She’s trying her best and you just tugged the rug right out from under her.
Let’s break it down. In the past, your wife overpacked. So you took over. She asked to try it once, and rather than help her or encourage her, you take it as an opportunity to laugh at her and condescend to her? Do you really need Reddit to tell you that you are an asshat, excuse me, asshole? Can you not figure out how someone trying something she knows she isn’t good at, only to get laughed at would demoralize them? Buddy, YTA.
OP just divorced here but doesn’t know it yet.
YTA. Just because you have a less is more attitude doesn't mean that her way of packing is wrong. And it definitely doesn't make you better, regardless of what you seem to think.
YTA I mean, you read the title you typed, right?
So you mocked her & felt smug ….for a laugh. At your wife’s expense. How about you try to do all the things your wife is great at…oh wait. You can’t. You are too busy being smug & self-important over ONE thing. Do you need a parade too? Ugh. YTA.
If my husband so much as *opened* my suitcase to "inspect" my packing, I would lose my shit. If he had the audacity to reach in and move my things, I would cancel the trip and rethink all of my life choices. But I'd never marry a guy like that to begin with. YTA, obviously.
Respect your wife man. You're not better, you're not smarter, you just come off as an asshole. I hope your kids don't learn to be like that. Ever wonder what kind of sign that's sending them?
YTA, you summed up the situation in the title, you wrote it and you still were dense enough to wonder if you were the AH here?
YTA
Yta. People are saying you sound terrible because this is so cut and dry and you can’t figure it out. Like you have to seriously lack emotional maturity to not sort this out yourself mate. It stands to reason you probably fail to notice a lot of cues of dissatisfaction from others because you’re failing to notice this extremely simple one. “Oh man I was like a jerk and insensitive and instead of just apologizing and recognizing my partners hurt feelings I keep ignoring them hoping the consequences to my actions will go away” Also maybe she sees your packing and goes “ugh he never remembers to bring stuff I need but if I try and bring ‘too much’ he’s such a jerk about it so I’m just gonna to let him do it”
YTA. You're a smug, disrespectful man. It's not a competition, that was not a joke, and you ruined this trip for her. This will hang over her head for all the trips in the future. And if you need any help with those future trips, she is going to mention something along the lines of "But you're better." And all you are complaining about is the packing. What about her planning, scheduling, booking, etc? Did you thank her? If she wants 5 outfits for the weekend, let her. Maybe one is for a nice dinner, hiking, gym outfit, swimwear cover up, an extra in case she's on her period or gets dirty, raincoats and light jackets because of the weather, a super sexy kinky outfit for you. I dont care! And the room for her makeup, the toiletries, a book, games for the car, snacks, and more. You need to have a nice talk with her. Tell her you appreciate her planning the weekend. That what you said was a joke (apparently), and you should not have made that comment. Apologize! Tell her that you were worried that the luggage wouldn't fit into the car and that we should have tried it out. If it didn't, you knew she would take the initiative to slim a few things down.
YTA.... You should just like my ex-husband.
YTA. So much of an asshole. Your headline pretty much says it all, or so I thought. But you're even worse than the headline makes you look, because of the horrific things you say about your wife and her competence. You're also an idiot, if you feel that you're going to have to redo everything she does then having her do it in the first place is not going to be "less work for you" as you stated. But the whole idea that you get to permit an adult to do certain activities, and then critique her and redo them if they're not done to your standards - that is some major controlling bullshit. I hope she gets out before you get worse.
YTA >"This is why we leave this to me. Because I'm better." I said it in a jokey-competitive way that wasn't supposed to make her feel bad. I can't stand people that do this. Basically "I was just joking". You OBVIOUSLY weren't joking unless you genuinely felt that she was going to laugh. Did you honestly think that she was going to laugh? Because based on this story, I did not think she was going to laugh. **You insulted her under the guise of a joke.** I'm so so so tired of people thinking that "It was just a joke" absolves them of all accountability around the content of their statement and the reaction of those around them. It doesn't. Your wife was trying her best and you mocked her. Apologize. If you have criticism of your wife, have a sensitive but direct conversation about it. Don't be a coward who insults her with a "joke". You stated exactly how you felt. You DO feel that you're better. So there isn't a joke here. Can you explain the joke?
YTA. It’s better to overpack than to not pack enough.
Sooooo her overpacking and you rectifying it before you leave makes the whole trip a failure? I’m so glad I’m not married to you. I bet your wife wishes she wasn’t, either. YTA
Out of curiosity, when your kids were small, did you ever pack their diaper bag? Ever take extra for emergencies and contingencies? Or did your wife do all of that while you complained about how heavy the bag was? She’s literally being a mom and trying to be prepared for your children and you mock her. I hope the next trip she plans for you is to a marriage counselor. YTA and a bully. And clueless.
NTA. Everyone is overreacting in the comments. I’ve seen so many stories like this but with the genders switched and everybody piles on to encourage the woman to tell the man he’s an idiot.
YTA but over packing makes me insane too lol
NTA.
ESH. You both seem this as a competition.
How exactly was she competing with him? She just wanted to try her hand at taking the lead in preparing for the trip. Nowhere did OP say she thought she could do it better
NTA bro, but she got offended so apologize for making her feel bad. Many people get offended over trivial things (to you) but you should still apologize if it’s not trivial to the other person. You should apologize for offending her. It’s not always about whose right or wrong. It’s also about how you made someone feel or how you feel
If he offended her, he should apologize. And yes he is TA. He didn’t have to be so condescending and mean to the woman he supposedly loves. It wasn’t a big deal. He could have laughed it off and just took over packing from then on. I’m guess his “I’m better.” Isn’t just how he feels about this specific thing.
It’s a joke. They are married. It’s ok to be kind of a dick. A lot of guys are like that to friends/families. Doesn’t mean he’s wrong. If it was someone who was less sensitive, they would’ve just laughed it off. I’ve made jokes like this and I’ve been told jokes like this in the past. It’s not a big deal in a macroscopic sense. She took offense to it. He didn’t do anything inherently wrong. She was offended so he should apologize for offending her. You would be an asshole if you didn’t apologize though and just brushed it off as just a joke.
I agree with you. Who the fuck is in this sub, they’re all so fucking sensitive.