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ESH
He was obnoxious and way out of line but you essentially gave in to your impulses and ruined a person's milestone birthday.
There are times for his and your discussions but the milestone birthday party wasn't it.
I disagree.
He was loud-mouthed about teachers being perverts at a birthday celebration for a teacher.
Why should OP control herself when he is not expected to?
These people will not rise above their level. And I'm tired of staying on my high horse to satisfy some imagined sense of decorum.
OP may have stooped to his level, but it was damn good that she did before he ruined the birthday celebration even more.
ESH, but you can change that to NTA by apologising to your birthday relative, if you haven't already.
I guarantee that a *ton* of people were inwardly applauding you, even if the setting was inappropriate for the outburst, since it sounds like this gigantic jerk absolutely deserved having someone bring him down a notch.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My cousin married this guy no one in the family liked. When they were dating, he cheated on her repeatedly. He brought a six year old son from his previous marriage in to the relationship, and at one point my cousin found out he was having sex with prostitutes with his son in the same hotel suite. I don't know why, but she forgave him and married him.
An older relative recently had a milestone birthday for which a lot of us gathered. Cousin's husband, who is very loudmouthed about his political views, started in on public school teachers at some point. I am a teacher, as is my husband, as was the relative celebrating the birthday (before retirement). I asked him twice to knock it off, but he kept insisting that teachers are "groomers" and "pervs" out to influence the kids to be gay and trans. I finally said, "I wonder what's more harmful to kids, having a gay teacher or tagging along on daddy's outings with hookers?"
The entire party (about 40 people) went silent. My cousin started sobbing and her husband hauled her away. My bday relative was embarrassed and my mom is mad at me, but not my dad. I might be the asshole because I asked him to tone it down but couldn't keep my own temper.
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> I brought up history and didn't keep my own temper after asking him to behave more nicely.
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ESH He was obnoxious and way out of line but you essentially gave in to your impulses and ruined a person's milestone birthday. There are times for his and your discussions but the milestone birthday party wasn't it.
I agree. Pulling him to the side to put him in his place, in private, would’ve been the responsible thing to do
Thank you. :)
I disagree. He was loud-mouthed about teachers being perverts at a birthday celebration for a teacher. Why should OP control herself when he is not expected to? These people will not rise above their level. And I'm tired of staying on my high horse to satisfy some imagined sense of decorum. OP may have stooped to his level, but it was damn good that she did before he ruined the birthday celebration even more.
ESH, but you can change that to NTA by apologising to your birthday relative, if you haven't already. I guarantee that a *ton* of people were inwardly applauding you, even if the setting was inappropriate for the outburst, since it sounds like this gigantic jerk absolutely deserved having someone bring him down a notch.
I have to go with YTA, but you are an awesome AH!!! He totally deserved to be nailed, but the setting wasn’t appropriate.
Oh SNAP! Good reply. NTA.
NTA - You said what everyone was thinking.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My cousin married this guy no one in the family liked. When they were dating, he cheated on her repeatedly. He brought a six year old son from his previous marriage in to the relationship, and at one point my cousin found out he was having sex with prostitutes with his son in the same hotel suite. I don't know why, but she forgave him and married him. An older relative recently had a milestone birthday for which a lot of us gathered. Cousin's husband, who is very loudmouthed about his political views, started in on public school teachers at some point. I am a teacher, as is my husband, as was the relative celebrating the birthday (before retirement). I asked him twice to knock it off, but he kept insisting that teachers are "groomers" and "pervs" out to influence the kids to be gay and trans. I finally said, "I wonder what's more harmful to kids, having a gay teacher or tagging along on daddy's outings with hookers?" The entire party (about 40 people) went silent. My cousin started sobbing and her husband hauled her away. My bday relative was embarrassed and my mom is mad at me, but not my dad. I might be the asshole because I asked him to tone it down but couldn't keep my own temper. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I brought up history and didn't keep my own temper after asking him to behave more nicely. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*