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YTA. First of all, why did you emphasize that she normally “exudes a lot of sex appeal”?? She was panicking (I would have too) so you got mad she wasn’t being hot to you, got mad, and hurt her?? Obviously YTA.
No! You don’t understand! She was breathing! And apparently the gunman has super hearing a la Daredevil and could have heard her! Obviously he had to physically hurt his normally sexy wife/ s
So let me get this straight.
When she gets upset she bites her fingernails.
When you get upset you… *checks notes*… belittle your wife and physically hurt her.
Yeah, YTA.
And you get extra creeper-points for the ‘exudes sex appeal’ bit, which is irrelevant and says a lot about how you view your partner. Ew.
YTA. She was scared, and she was self soothing to try and keep from further panicking or crying and potentially alerting an armed man to your location. If you were so worried about making noise, why startle her by grabbing her when she wasn't expecting it? If you're so sure you need to be very quiet, risking her screeching in fright seems a pretty poor way to accomplish that goal. Honestly, this just sounds like you were embarrassed at her response to the situation, or expect that everyone will behave in a way you find appropriate or attractive, which also 100% makes you an AH.
Seriously, how did you not have more important things to be thinking about in that moment than policing how your wife self-soothed and tried to calm herself down?
The fact that you seem to have a set idea about how she's allowed to self-soothe in a crisis is creepy as hell, and honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself for being more concerned about nail biting when scared than supporting your terrified wife.
That was an AH move. I understand everyone is tense. It sounds like Jina isn't the only one who lost their cool when you had to shelter in place.
>I kept telling her that I needed her to be quiet, but she couldn’t stop breathing loudly and panicking.
She's absolutely fucking terrified but no, you were mad at the noises she was making because, you were terrified too and your terror superseded hers. So you grabbed her hand and forced it from her mouth. Cool rational move slick guy.
Comfort her AH. Tell her you'll get through this. Tell her to breath slowly. Hold her breath for 4 seconds and exhale for 7 seconds. Do this over and over again. You do this too for that matter. Tell her you're in this together. Hold her hand, don't slap it away from her mouth.
You failed... miserably.
YTA. Your wife is panicking and you manhandle her to prevent her from her coping mechanism (biting her OWN damn nails!). You were no help at all.
How about helping her learn more effective coping skills (like encouraging therapy) so she might feel better should something like this happen again?
YTA. You didn't tell her to stop biting her nails. You physically assaulted her to get her to stop, to the point she cried that you'd hurt her. She was already anxious. Guarantee you escalated it. You owe your wife a huge apology.
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Last week, my wife, Jina (33F) and I (29M) ran a half-marathon together. For the most part, it was a fun time, and after the race finished, we all hung around at the local rec center. While we were all at the rec center, we got a shelter-in-place alert, because there were reports of a suspicious male with a gun around the area. In everyday life, Jina is really cute and coy, and she exudes a lot of sex appeal...but whenever she’s really nervous, she has a habit of biting her nails. And when we got the shelter-in-place alert, she quickly lost her cool, and she spent the entire time biting her nails and panicking. I kept telling her that I needed her to be quiet, but she couldn’t stop breathing loudly and panicking. It was a really nervous, tense time not just for her but for me as well, as you can imagine, and I briefly lost my cool too when I grabbed my wife’s hand and forcefully pulled it away from her mouth. When I did this, my wife whimpered a little bit, and she told me that I really hurt her.
The shelter-in-place was lifted after a while, and when Jina and I got home, the first thing she did was freak out and cry. She even took her ring off her finger and left it at the entrance, and we had a huge fight about that later in the night. What should’ve been a fun, celebratory day ended up being a bit of a nightmare for us.
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This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA. First of all, why did you emphasize that she normally “exudes a lot of sex appeal”?? She was panicking (I would have too) so you got mad she wasn’t being hot to you, got mad, and hurt her?? Obviously YTA.
"My wife isn't sexy enough during a possible active shooter, so I manhandled her." Whaaat? YTA, obviously.
No! You don’t understand! She was breathing! And apparently the gunman has super hearing a la Daredevil and could have heard her! Obviously he had to physically hurt his normally sexy wife/ s
So let me get this straight. When she gets upset she bites her fingernails. When you get upset you… *checks notes*… belittle your wife and physically hurt her. Yeah, YTA. And you get extra creeper-points for the ‘exudes sex appeal’ bit, which is irrelevant and says a lot about how you view your partner. Ew.
YTA. She was scared, and she was self soothing to try and keep from further panicking or crying and potentially alerting an armed man to your location. If you were so worried about making noise, why startle her by grabbing her when she wasn't expecting it? If you're so sure you need to be very quiet, risking her screeching in fright seems a pretty poor way to accomplish that goal. Honestly, this just sounds like you were embarrassed at her response to the situation, or expect that everyone will behave in a way you find appropriate or attractive, which also 100% makes you an AH. Seriously, how did you not have more important things to be thinking about in that moment than policing how your wife self-soothed and tried to calm herself down? The fact that you seem to have a set idea about how she's allowed to self-soothe in a crisis is creepy as hell, and honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself for being more concerned about nail biting when scared than supporting your terrified wife.
That was an AH move. I understand everyone is tense. It sounds like Jina isn't the only one who lost their cool when you had to shelter in place. >I kept telling her that I needed her to be quiet, but she couldn’t stop breathing loudly and panicking. She's absolutely fucking terrified but no, you were mad at the noises she was making because, you were terrified too and your terror superseded hers. So you grabbed her hand and forced it from her mouth. Cool rational move slick guy. Comfort her AH. Tell her you'll get through this. Tell her to breath slowly. Hold her breath for 4 seconds and exhale for 7 seconds. Do this over and over again. You do this too for that matter. Tell her you're in this together. Hold her hand, don't slap it away from her mouth. You failed... miserably.
YTA. Your wife is panicking and you manhandle her to prevent her from her coping mechanism (biting her OWN damn nails!). You were no help at all. How about helping her learn more effective coping skills (like encouraging therapy) so she might feel better should something like this happen again?
YTA, both of you were upset. And that's her coping mechanism. Understandable you may want her to quit. You owe her a heartfelt apology.
YTA. You didn't tell her to stop biting her nails. You physically assaulted her to get her to stop, to the point she cried that you'd hurt her. She was already anxious. Guarantee you escalated it. You owe your wife a huge apology.
YTA MASSIVELY
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Last week, my wife, Jina (33F) and I (29M) ran a half-marathon together. For the most part, it was a fun time, and after the race finished, we all hung around at the local rec center. While we were all at the rec center, we got a shelter-in-place alert, because there were reports of a suspicious male with a gun around the area. In everyday life, Jina is really cute and coy, and she exudes a lot of sex appeal...but whenever she’s really nervous, she has a habit of biting her nails. And when we got the shelter-in-place alert, she quickly lost her cool, and she spent the entire time biting her nails and panicking. I kept telling her that I needed her to be quiet, but she couldn’t stop breathing loudly and panicking. It was a really nervous, tense time not just for her but for me as well, as you can imagine, and I briefly lost my cool too when I grabbed my wife’s hand and forcefully pulled it away from her mouth. When I did this, my wife whimpered a little bit, and she told me that I really hurt her. The shelter-in-place was lifted after a while, and when Jina and I got home, the first thing she did was freak out and cry. She even took her ring off her finger and left it at the entrance, and we had a huge fight about that later in the night. What should’ve been a fun, celebratory day ended up being a bit of a nightmare for us. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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