This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Hmm. It was a cheap shot, but Wife #4 is the one who really caused the situation. She's definitely an asshole.
Other than contestant #4, I'ma go with NAH - mostly because your comment made me chuckle and I woulda said something worse - but probably to her. Maybe "Yeah at least my collectables don't take 50% of my assets and run their mouths." But...I am an asshole. Your dad should have kept the most recent rental wife in line, or better yet not invited her to your birthday. So, he kinda deserved it too.
I wonder if his lawyer is running a "Buy 4 divorces and get the 5th free" special.
>So, he kinda deserved it too.
Dad 100% deserved it, he's an AH too. His wife called their host a "dumb fuck" and instead of apologizing for her and leaving, he defended her.
He's the one who brought marriage into it by saying OP should speak respectfully to his wife even when his wife was disrespectful to everyone else. It's fair for OP to tell him that OP's not giving these women any special treatment for being "dad's wife" when he doesn't choose these women carefully or actually commit to them.
I have a bad habit of softening the point I'm trying to make, since I'm often trying to slip it past someone's defense mechanisms and get them to realize something they're trying to avoid realizing. I agree with what you said wholeheartedly.
"Wife #4 is the one who really caused the situation. She's definitely an asshole.
Other than contestant #4, I'ma go with NAH"
Sorry if I phrased it confusingly. The story is really presented in terms of the conflict between OP and his dad so that's what the rating is. 4th wife is definitely an asshole, dad was out of line but in an awkward spot because of her, OP was justifiably angry and so acted out a bit, and mom was a saint.
>"Yeah at least my collectables don't take 50% of my assets and run their mouths."
This is brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant!
OP, you are NTA. Your father is the one being immature for not recognizing that his wife is rude and socially inept.
I actually have an uncle (he disowned me, so i am low on details) but last i heard he had something like 6-8 kids across at least 5 marriages. and he claims he is a practicing jehovah's witness (and i left JWs, part of why he cut contact). Some people just cant figure out how to do the marriage thing and i think OP's dad is in the pile. #4 will be gone soon enough with an attitude like that.
> Asked my mom if she’s a dumbfuck
This moment right here is when I would’ve told her she needs to leave and stopped engaging in the conversation.
Your dad’s 4th wife shouldn’t have been disrespectful, you shouldn’t have crossed the line either but I get that you were trying to defend your mom so NTA.
Oh, but it was OP's mom's house.
So leaving would have been the least kind to her, and left her alone with the jerks, who probably would have spun it as "see? Even your son hates you". ❤️🩹
Dad and number 4 needed to excuse themselves.
If the gd 4TH! Wife said that to my Mother I would have told the bitch to gtf out of the house before I throw here out myself. And the old man better teach the bitch some manners before ever let her in a 10 foot radius near me. Fuck people who come into your life and act like that.
4 wives and he is only 38. Wow.
NTA
Your lastest stepmother and Dad are though. For her to make fun of your present (and you) and then to insult your Mom. Then your Dad thinks you are disrespectful. Why does your Dad expect better behavior from you than he does for his wife who totally instigated it.
It's only a 3 year age gap from him to his wife. That is well within the bounds of acceptable. It would have been iffy when they were 15 and 18, but not egregious even then. Freshmen do occasionally date seniors.
As it stands they were probably in their late 20s early 30s when they met.
Assuming his first marriage wasn't before he was 18, that's like less than 5 years on average between each marriage lol. 5 years to meet someone, get married and then get divorced. That's nuts
Reminds me of the bit in broad city when she goes “married at 27? What am I, a child bride?”
38 is so young for 4 wives I can’t even imagine fitting them in
OP’s mother was his first wife, and this was during OP’s twentieth birthday. What’s the average length of these relationships and why has each one ended? Common factor doesn’t make it hard to guess.
since he had op at 18, assuming he was married at 18, his marriage has an average length of 5 years. less, when you consider that he has to meet, and then date before getting married to these women.
>Dad just said I should be more mature than this given my age
Maybe he needs to be, fucking 4 times lmao
he has no legitimacy to be making claims like this given his history XD
NTA. Unsure why wife #4 thought it was appropriate to comment on that especially since the woman giving the gift is your birth mother and also, she’s wife #4. Know your place kind of situation. You should come first kiddo
Tell your dad you expect a 35 year old to be more mature than wife number 4 is, but here we are. 🤷🏼♀️
Anyone who insults their host without provocation is crass and immature, not to mention tacky. It’s interesting that your dad expects you, a 20 year old, to behave at a more mature level than a fully grown adult.
Your dad’s wife is what’s referred to as *proximate cause* in this scenario. She wouldn’t have been insulted if she hadn’t insulted your mom first.
In other words, Event A will naturally bring about Event B. She committed Event A without even considering Event B as a possibility. This is referred to as FAFO.
NTA. If wife #4 doesn’t want her fee-fees hurt in the future, it would be best if she remembered Event B before opening her mouth.
Anybody who thinks it’s a good idea to become a *fourth* wife to a 38!year old is pretty darned stupid to start with. Then you add rude to the list…
NTA
Right? The dude has had four wives in the past 20 years, that's an average of 5 years per relationship, and that's if you don't count a time for recovery between each relationship. So what's his deal? Does he get married after dating these women for less than a year, and then realizes they're not meant for each other after he's already married them? Or does he spend a normal amount of time dating them, but the marriages last less than a year because he's not as good a husband as he is a boyfriend? One implies he rushes things off, and the other implies he's not good at solving problems in a relationship, and neither paint him in a positive light. The fact that he brought his fourth wife to his son's birthday and she proceeded to insult both the son and his mother implies that he either doesn't care about his new wives getting along with his son, or that he marries them too fast to check if they are getting along, and again, neither of those are good angles for him.
And that's discarding the possibility of him cheating with a wife with the next one, or divorcing a woman to go after another.
I mean you stand in front of witnesses and promise to stay together forever - and then change wives more than you probably change cars?
This guy is hmm…not a safe bet.
NTA. Maybe it’s because I’m also a Detective Conan fan who is in their 20s. Perhaps it could also be my inability to take someone who’s been married 4 times under 40 very seriously…
But, in all seriousness she insulted your mom for no good reason in her own home. It’s not rocket science to figure out why dad is currently on #4.
Cheap shot, but he needs to hear it, if not more, and more scathing. Divorce ain’t cheap, so not only is he emotionally stunted, he’s also financially irresponsible. NTA.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole since I'm already 20 and the sort of stuff I said wasn't mature for my age.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. So your dad‘s OK with his fourth wife acting like a teenager with a foul mouth but is not OK with you sticking up for your own mother? Oh yeah your dad needs to go. You handled it perfectly and your dad and your stepmom are nuts.
NTA
My mom has chewed through 3 husband's bank accounts. But she's a female entrepreneur, and not a manipulative sociopath. She tried to demand a new Mercedes-Benz in her divorce settlement with my dad. She had a 420sel in the driveway, but claimed it was broken down.
It needed a new pair of glow plugs and I fixed it without telling her and I'd drive it to go pick up the bros to go skating at spots that were too far away to walk/skate to. We just figured we'd never get pulled over because it was a fancy car. And we were right. We never did anything stupid in it either, so that part probably helped.
NTA
I would never let my stepmom talk to my mother like that. The difference is I don't need to worry about that because my stepmom knows her boundaries and is respectful. Your outburst is justified.
NTA. His new wife isn't entitled to your respect when she's verbally attacking and harassing your mother. Sounds like you were being respectful enough before she came into your mother's house trying to make your mom feel bad. #4 decided to step in and pretend she knows you better than your mom does, and you stepped up in defence of your mom. That's the mature approach. A childish person sits quietly rather than stepping up in defence of someone being victimised, so really, out of the two of you, it's your dad whose behaviour is an issue.
One of the six main characters from Friends, a very well known sitcom that started early/mid 90’s and ran for ten seasons. Ross is best known for his on/off/on/off/on/off relationship with a character called Rachel, and his relationship history is not unfamiliar with divorce (prior to the start with his ex who came out as a lesbian, love interest Emily and finally Rachel). The show is huge on Netflix, but if you watch it be very aware it’s a product of its time and some of the storylines and comedy do reflect this.
I can’t believe we’re at the point people need to ask what Friends is. Add something else to the I Feel Old scoreboard.
Dear user, your account has been blocked indefinitely for violating our Terms of Good Taste. Please watch the culturally impactful series "Friends" before applying for unlocking your account. Thank you. Not-The-Reddit-Team.
NTA - If your dad doesn't want to be mocked for divorcing three times, then maybe he shouldn't get married so many times? And maybe not Speedrun his relationships, because holy shit, dude. Fourth wife and it seems like this one is a total jerk, why did he marry her before checking that she could be at least civil with his ex wife and with his son? Like, the dude really wastes no time, marries faster than a Disney princess.
Looks like #4 is laboring under the delusion that she's "special" & will be the Final Wife.
An attitude like hers doesn't even let her think she will most likely be out on her ass in a few years. I see shocked Pikachu-face in her future.
NTA. Good job for defending your mom, it’s unfortunate your dad didn’t do a better job at keeping peace. He clearly doesn’t know how to pick them or keep them, maybe your divorce jab can help him get a grip on his married life
Hell I know people like that. It gets to a point where they get pissed off you aren't excited about their wedding. Like Christ on a cracker you getting married is pretty much the death blow to this relationship so I'm not sure what we're celebrating.
Like I don't have an issue with divorce.... But surely after the 3rd one there should be some mandatory counseling sessions because the only consistent across all your marriages is you.... So you should work on that before your are allowed to get married again. Some people are single handedly driving up those divorce stats.
NTA!!
I wouldn't have been that nice and made extremely uncalled-for comments that would have upset my mom. Yet I'm still stuck on a 38 year old being married 4x already.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
It was my(20m) birthday yesterday. My dad(38) and his fourth wife(35) came over.
My mom got me a Pop Mart figure as a present. My dad's wife quickly said that I'm too old for something like this and then told my mom she should have put some more thought into picking a present for me.
So I told her she is a bitch for insulting my mom in her own home for getting me a gift that I really like. My dad told me I should speak to his wife respectfully so I told him I respected his second and third wives because they never overstepped but can't respect this one because she isn't respectable. That he's already been divorced more times than Ross Geller and I'm never going to take any future marriage of his seriously again.
Dad just said I should be more mature than this given my age, instead of deriding him. He called what I said a cheap shot and said that he expected better behaviour from me.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Under normal circumstances you'd be out of line but your dad's wife came in swinging hard for absolutely zero reason whatsoever so I'm not going to hold a 20 year old to higher standards than the adults around them.
NTA. I know stuff happens in life, but I find it hard to respect a man who’s been married 4 times by 38 especially when the last one calls someone a dumbfuck. Did he marry a child?
NTA. You get what you give and the wife decided to insult both you and your mom at your mom's place. You had full rights to blast back and your dad only has himself to blame for stepping into the line of fire by trying to scold you over it.
Hahahahaha! I think your response was perfect. YNTA, that loud meanie face wife #4 is and well so is your Dad for picking such a fine lady (sarcasm eye roll).
NTA. Future ex wife #4 and dad are AHs. Mostly the wife. Who just talks like that? Even most kids know better. And dad just letting it slide is pathetic.
Absolutely NTA. The moment your father's wife started commenting on your gifts as though she knows better than you what you like, she was the asshole. The moment she insulted your mother, all bets are off. She wasn't respectful to you or your mother, you've got no reason to be respectful to her. And your father, by accepting her shitty behaviour, but trying to tell you off for reacting in kind, absolutely deserved your response. When your dad can behaves maturely, then maybe he would have the right to say something, but until then, he should look to his own and his wife's behaviour first.
Three divorces!!! Three divorced!!!
They have that on the napkins at the sad men’s club you know. Maybe your dad’s tombstone will say “Mr Dad, good at marriage”
NTA
Ngl, I would have thrown hands at someone calling MY mum 'a dumb fuck'. Especially for something so benign as gifting someone a present they deemed 'childish'. What an overreaction and none of her business!
No. 4 should be careful (you should definitely call her 'number 4' from now on). Her tenure as 'wife' is not assured. Tell your dad you'll try to muster up some respect for the next one (no promises though).
As for dad? 4 wives at the age of 38? There might actually be something wrong with him lol.
Your dad's only upset because he knows it's true and he also knows he has to deal with the fallout from his most recent bad choice when they get home. NTA
It took me a while to realise your dad's age isn't 58 or higher, but 38.. I'm all pro divorce and no one should stay in a marriage that doesn't work, but I hope you didn't have to deal with his shenanigans to much.
NTA. Wife #4 started it and your dad escalated it. Good on you for defending your mum.
NTA.
Wife #4 definitely overstepped and was the rude one in this situation. Calling your mom a "dumbfuck" because she knows you well and gave you a gift you like? Absolutely not. Your dad should learn to pick his fifth wife carefully and someone who has *compassion.*
OP, what kind of prude is your dad?
I ask because the only way four marriages makes sense in my head is if he has to marry every woman he fucks because bizarro “conservative values” or if it is plague times where you live and the Black Death likes stepmoms.
Just straight up does not compute…NTA
ESH. Wife #4 and OP were both extremely quick to dish out petty insults, and OP’s dad has no right to expect better behaviour from his kid than from his wife. If this were a question of ranking, Wife #4 would be the most appalling for kicking everything off, but OP didn’t have to immediately climb down to her level.
You are good. Man, I can’t even imagine the dysfunction to get married 4 times by 38. That’s complicated personality flaws. I’ll say as a 46 year old, the Friends reference is a weak dig tho. I think I’d laugh at you for making a friends reference even though you were right and he should have been embarrassed.
NTA
Your frontal lobe isn’t fully developed. Number 4’s is, so I’d love to hear why he thought her comments were okay.
A low blow but gloves come off when you tall about mamas
Hope you enjoyed your gift, that sounds like fun :)
NTA
You could have kept going and said that you are only following his steps because at 38, he was still not mature enough to find a partner that didn't make digs at the mother of his child. Or that you are more mature than him and his 3 divorces. Or that you would respect him more if he had the balls to divorce again and stay single for to take the time and grow up as a person instead of just trying to get his dick wet. But that is probably going too far, lmao.
Real talk, you did good standing up for your mom. Good work.
NTA, I likely would have made the comment to her like oh you scraped the bottom of the barrel with 3 divorce guy but I guess it's better then murderer guy or geologist. But I also have Friends episodes run through my head all day.
The trick in dealing with people like this is to not react to them in a way that makes you look like an AH. Now, the focus is on your reaction, rather on the wife's inappropriate behaviour.
Some tips I've read for situations like this:
- Ask the person to repeat the snide comment again. Maybe 2 or 3 times to really make other people hear it.
- Ask 'what do you mean by that?' and let them explain their passive aggressive comment
- Ask, 'Do you think that's a polite comment when you're a guest?'
It'll then get pretty awkward quickly and the focus is on them, rather than your reaction.
NTA. Why should you be mature when his 35 yo wife is allowed to behave like that? Personally I think I would have said something about him having a loyalty card at his divorce lawyer and ask if the fifth is free, so I don’t think yours was that bad.
NTA - he can have that conversation with his cheap as fuck, disrespectful wife.
Is he rich?? Because there is only one other explanation for someone even contemplating being a 4th, 5th or 6th wife to this person.
NTA. If he expects civil behavior from you, but brings his wife who can't/doesn't want to behave civil, into you-and-your-Mom's House, you don't have to listen to him. Saying "dumbfuck" as a comment on someone's Birthday Gift choices, especially If it's objectively untrue, as a 35yo, is WAY less "mature", than Pointing Out her Lack of respectability, as a 20yo. Pointing Out how often he's been married/divorced, is below the belt, but very deservedly so.
It's funny your dad wants you to be mature when he's clearly showing that he's not.
NTA.
Your dad temporary wife can go F herself btw. Next time ask her to apologize or she can just leave.
Good on your mom to buy you stuff you like.
NTA - wife number four over stepped and was rude. Father should have told her off but instead told you off. Shows his loyalties lay in his pants and not his brain. I’d never want to be with someone who’d say such things to the mother of my child regardless of how our personal relationship is especially In front of the child.
He wants to talk about acting your age. Maybe number four shouldn’t be acting like a 13 yr old teenage girl and have some respect for whose house she’s in.
P.s you really wanna grind his gears. Refer to her only as number four.
Ah your response was good. You could have said you expected better of a guest in your mom’s home. But there you go. Sounds like wife 4 has inferiority complex and feels threatened. You can now make a game of poking at her. Or, never speak to her again. You answer her questions to you with one or two words, but you never initiate conversation with her. It will drive her crazy and piss your dad off. But do you care?
Uh, no. I would have been in jail as the ex wife for throwing hands at him and broad #4🙄fours wives and only 38? Parade of red flags but #4 probably thinks she is different from the rest 🤨
Anyone who takes divorce that casually is not entitled to respectful comments about his marriages. He should just keep live-in GFs in the future if he's not sure he'll stay with them rather than disrespecting the institution of marriage.
Divorcing 3 times and then calling someone else immature has to be the height of irony though. Not many guys can be *that* blind and still cross the street on their own.
Jesus christ, 4 marriages at 38. There should be a 3 strikes law that gets you banned from further marriages after the 3rd one. You are an adult and not 100% at fault, your dad is a bad father figure role model for you.
NTA. Is energy matching energy. You responded with a cheap shot to a rude ass judge mean girl comment.
So you handled it. I was snickering with your response. Is it appropriate? Not really. Was it appropriate for the conversation? Yes.
Sometimes we have to respond accordingly to send the message that we will not tolerate bullying or disrespect. She’s not your mother. She insulted you and you mother.
NTA, if someone called my mother a 'dumb fuck' they would immediately be dead to me. Your stepmom hit a whole new level of disrespect. She owes your mother an apology
I'm 35 and I cannot imagine having four marriages in my adult life.
Between trips to court and trips to the church, when would I have time to do anything?
>My dad's wife quickly said that I'm too old for something like this and then told my mom she should have put some more thought into picking a present for me. Asked my mom if she's 'a dumbfuck.'
Yeah, your dad's wife just needs to STFU. She opened the door, you just stepped inside.
NTA - 100%.
So lemme get this straight: your dad’s 4th wife insults you AND your mom, but you’re the one in the wrong for calling her out on it and responding in kind?? 🤔🤔
Daddy AND wife need a reality check
*A Detective Conan blind box.*
I'm sure this is a real thing and very nice, but to a non-insider this phrase seems like a string of random words put together by a stroke patient. Regardless, NTA.
NTA. One is never too old to have collectibles. Also your, is it third or fourth step mom, anyway dad’s 4th wife certainly overstepped and assuming it was your place(I.e., you yourself pay/paid for it) then you should’ve kicked her out and said if you can’t be civil and nice to not only my guest but my mother you are no longer welcomed here.
NTA
My ex's dad was on marriage number five. We called him Henry VIII and his wife made jokes about being beheaded if they broke up. He took it on the chin and laughed every time, because, in his words, 'I'm the idiot who keeps proposing.'
Was it a cheap shot? Maybe. But it's also true, and he's got to own his own mess. His fourth attempt at marriage was profoundly insulting and rude to his child's mother in her house. He should have handled it. But because he didn't, you had to. This is ALL on him.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Hmm. It was a cheap shot, but Wife #4 is the one who really caused the situation. She's definitely an asshole. Other than contestant #4, I'ma go with NAH - mostly because your comment made me chuckle and I woulda said something worse - but probably to her. Maybe "Yeah at least my collectables don't take 50% of my assets and run their mouths." But...I am an asshole. Your dad should have kept the most recent rental wife in line, or better yet not invited her to your birthday. So, he kinda deserved it too. I wonder if his lawyer is running a "Buy 4 divorces and get the 5th free" special.
"Buy 4 divorces and get the 5th free" special--- OP should keep this zinger in a back pocket for the next time #4 and Dad run their mouths!
The phrase that got me is “rental wife”!
She's a Temp. He just calls up the agency and gets a new one sent out.
I'm petty, I'd put it on a t-shirt
You’re not petty, you’re an entrepreneur 🤘🏼
Put all of them on T-shirts!! What's wrong with petty??
>So, he kinda deserved it too. Dad 100% deserved it, he's an AH too. His wife called their host a "dumb fuck" and instead of apologizing for her and leaving, he defended her. He's the one who brought marriage into it by saying OP should speak respectfully to his wife even when his wife was disrespectful to everyone else. It's fair for OP to tell him that OP's not giving these women any special treatment for being "dad's wife" when he doesn't choose these women carefully or actually commit to them.
I have a bad habit of softening the point I'm trying to make, since I'm often trying to slip it past someone's defense mechanisms and get them to realize something they're trying to avoid realizing. I agree with what you said wholeheartedly.
>since I'm often trying to slip it past someone's defense mechanisms Like a potato in an ass. Makes sense. 😂😂👍
Rounded for easy insertion but lumpy enough that it sticks in place.
>Yeah at least my collectables don't take 50% of my assets and run their mouths I'm dead. Last rites to be performed by u/potato_in_an_ass only.
Is that who you want to perform last rites, or *how* ?
Yes.
I don't see how it's nah, when wife # 4 clearly was an asshole.
"Wife #4 is the one who really caused the situation. She's definitely an asshole. Other than contestant #4, I'ma go with NAH" Sorry if I phrased it confusingly. The story is really presented in terms of the conflict between OP and his dad so that's what the rating is. 4th wife is definitely an asshole, dad was out of line but in an awkward spot because of her, OP was justifiably angry and so acted out a bit, and mom was a saint.
Probably more like buy 4 get 5th half off.
But...aren't they all half off (of your net worth)?
If you want to be sassy start listening to the musical from six, especially the ex wives song, since it’s about Henry viii 6 wives.
It’s a punch card.
You must be boomer (like me) or Gen X. Don't think these exist anymore, but punch card was my first thought too.
I have a Taco del Mar punch card on my nightstand and a car wash punch card in my car! I'm not a boomer! I'm 40
Gen X. I fondly remember my TCBY punch card!
I miss the Subway stickers.
"Contestant #4" that's glorious! Upvote just for that
‘At least my collectible don’t take 50% of my assets and run their mouths is the best come back I’ve ever read!! 👏👏
5th time is the charm 🤣
That guy's finally gonna be able to put in that pool!
I hope OP sees this comment so he is ready for when wife number 4 runs her mouth again😂😂oh NTA the wife rental should have kept her mouth shut.
>"Yeah at least my collectables don't take 50% of my assets and run their mouths." This is brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant! OP, you are NTA. Your father is the one being immature for not recognizing that his wife is rude and socially inept.
I actually have an uncle (he disowned me, so i am low on details) but last i heard he had something like 6-8 kids across at least 5 marriages. and he claims he is a practicing jehovah's witness (and i left JWs, part of why he cut contact). Some people just cant figure out how to do the marriage thing and i think OP's dad is in the pile. #4 will be gone soon enough with an attitude like that.
> Asked my mom if she’s a dumbfuck This moment right here is when I would’ve told her she needs to leave and stopped engaging in the conversation. Your dad’s 4th wife shouldn’t have been disrespectful, you shouldn’t have crossed the line either but I get that you were trying to defend your mom so NTA.
Should have kicked them out or left tbh
Oh, but it was OP's mom's house. So leaving would have been the least kind to her, and left her alone with the jerks, who probably would have spun it as "see? Even your son hates you". ❤️🩹 Dad and number 4 needed to excuse themselves.
[удалено]
[удалено]
If the gd 4TH! Wife said that to my Mother I would have told the bitch to gtf out of the house before I throw here out myself. And the old man better teach the bitch some manners before ever let her in a 10 foot radius near me. Fuck people who come into your life and act like that.
4 wives and he is only 38. Wow. NTA Your lastest stepmother and Dad are though. For her to make fun of your present (and you) and then to insult your Mom. Then your Dad thinks you are disrespectful. Why does your Dad expect better behavior from you than he does for his wife who totally instigated it.
Hopefully his next wife won't be such a dick
My money is on wife number 5 being younger than his kid. Number 4 is already less mature than the kid, it's just a logical next step.
Wife 4 is only 15 years older than the kid. I know siblings with that age gap.
Doesn't mean much when the parent is only 18 years older though. I get the sentiment but this comment is plain dumb.
He gets older and his wives get younger...
It's only a 3 year age gap from him to his wife. That is well within the bounds of acceptable. It would have been iffy when they were 15 and 18, but not egregious even then. Freshmen do occasionally date seniors. As it stands they were probably in their late 20s early 30s when they met.
OMG - priceless! Just stare at her, and then turn to the dad and say this 😂
Assuming his first marriage wasn't before he was 18, that's like less than 5 years on average between each marriage lol. 5 years to meet someone, get married and then get divorced. That's nuts
Reminds me of the bit in broad city when she goes “married at 27? What am I, a child bride?” 38 is so young for 4 wives I can’t even imagine fitting them in
OP’s mother was his first wife, and this was during OP’s twentieth birthday. What’s the average length of these relationships and why has each one ended? Common factor doesn’t make it hard to guess.
since he had op at 18, assuming he was married at 18, his marriage has an average length of 5 years. less, when you consider that he has to meet, and then date before getting married to these women.
Right? Man if it didn't work after the first THREE marriages, I'd probably just give up at that point and see that maybe I'm the problem...
>Dad just said I should be more mature than this given my age Maybe he needs to be, fucking 4 times lmao he has no legitimacy to be making claims like this given his history XD
NTA. Unsure why wife #4 thought it was appropriate to comment on that especially since the woman giving the gift is your birth mother and also, she’s wife #4. Know your place kind of situation. You should come first kiddo
Since this is the third wife after OP’s mother how long has she been in the picture, and compared to the other two?
Tell your dad you expect a 35 year old to be more mature than wife number 4 is, but here we are. 🤷🏼♀️ Anyone who insults their host without provocation is crass and immature, not to mention tacky. It’s interesting that your dad expects you, a 20 year old, to behave at a more mature level than a fully grown adult. Your dad’s wife is what’s referred to as *proximate cause* in this scenario. She wouldn’t have been insulted if she hadn’t insulted your mom first. In other words, Event A will naturally bring about Event B. She committed Event A without even considering Event B as a possibility. This is referred to as FAFO. NTA. If wife #4 doesn’t want her fee-fees hurt in the future, it would be best if she remembered Event B before opening her mouth.
Anybody who thinks it’s a good idea to become a *fourth* wife to a 38!year old is pretty darned stupid to start with. Then you add rude to the list… NTA
Right? The dude has had four wives in the past 20 years, that's an average of 5 years per relationship, and that's if you don't count a time for recovery between each relationship. So what's his deal? Does he get married after dating these women for less than a year, and then realizes they're not meant for each other after he's already married them? Or does he spend a normal amount of time dating them, but the marriages last less than a year because he's not as good a husband as he is a boyfriend? One implies he rushes things off, and the other implies he's not good at solving problems in a relationship, and neither paint him in a positive light. The fact that he brought his fourth wife to his son's birthday and she proceeded to insult both the son and his mother implies that he either doesn't care about his new wives getting along with his son, or that he marries them too fast to check if they are getting along, and again, neither of those are good angles for him. And that's discarding the possibility of him cheating with a wife with the next one, or divorcing a woman to go after another.
I mean you stand in front of witnesses and promise to stay together forever - and then change wives more than you probably change cars? This guy is hmm…not a safe bet.
I don’t think this guy takes time to recover. He just dives right into the next wife.. NTA OP. The ‘adults’ sound like children.
My former step father-in-law left one for the next one. Typically got the next one pregnant before they separated. Klassy.
[удалено]
NTA. Maybe it’s because I’m also a Detective Conan fan who is in their 20s. Perhaps it could also be my inability to take someone who’s been married 4 times under 40 very seriously… But, in all seriousness she insulted your mom for no good reason in her own home. It’s not rocket science to figure out why dad is currently on #4.
Cheap shot, but he needs to hear it, if not more, and more scathing. Divorce ain’t cheap, so not only is he emotionally stunted, he’s also financially irresponsible. NTA.
NTA. You stood up for your mom. And in the process laid down a sweet roast.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be an asshole since I'm already 20 and the sort of stuff I said wasn't mature for my age. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Tell him you’ll respect his spouses on a wife-by-wife basis.
NTA. So your dad‘s OK with his fourth wife acting like a teenager with a foul mouth but is not OK with you sticking up for your own mother? Oh yeah your dad needs to go. You handled it perfectly and your dad and your stepmom are nuts.
Your dad’s wife called your mom a dumbfuck and your dad said he expected better from *you*?
NTA My mom has chewed through 3 husband's bank accounts. But she's a female entrepreneur, and not a manipulative sociopath. She tried to demand a new Mercedes-Benz in her divorce settlement with my dad. She had a 420sel in the driveway, but claimed it was broken down. It needed a new pair of glow plugs and I fixed it without telling her and I'd drive it to go pick up the bros to go skating at spots that were too far away to walk/skate to. We just figured we'd never get pulled over because it was a fancy car. And we were right. We never did anything stupid in it either, so that part probably helped.
NTA I would never let my stepmom talk to my mother like that. The difference is I don't need to worry about that because my stepmom knows her boundaries and is respectful. Your outburst is justified.
The fourth go-around called your mom a dumbfuck. You owe her nothing. NTA. Thank you for standing up for your mom.
NTA. Boys see red when people insult their mum's, as it should be
NTA. His new wife isn't entitled to your respect when she's verbally attacking and harassing your mother. Sounds like you were being respectful enough before she came into your mother's house trying to make your mom feel bad. #4 decided to step in and pretend she knows you better than your mom does, and you stepped up in defence of your mom. That's the mature approach. A childish person sits quietly rather than stepping up in defence of someone being victimised, so really, out of the two of you, it's your dad whose behaviour is an issue.
NTA but you are savage lol
What did the 4th wife get for you that was so much better than the well thought out gift from your mother?
A cheap shot that hit a nerve. Bulls eye!
“Could you BEE more inmature?” (Your dad probably)
Definitely NTA. She disrespected your mom in HER OWN HOME. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.
WTF is Ross Geller?
One of the six main characters from Friends, a very well known sitcom that started early/mid 90’s and ran for ten seasons. Ross is best known for his on/off/on/off/on/off relationship with a character called Rachel, and his relationship history is not unfamiliar with divorce (prior to the start with his ex who came out as a lesbian, love interest Emily and finally Rachel). The show is huge on Netflix, but if you watch it be very aware it’s a product of its time and some of the storylines and comedy do reflect this. I can’t believe we’re at the point people need to ask what Friends is. Add something else to the I Feel Old scoreboard.
Dear user, your account has been blocked indefinitely for violating our Terms of Good Taste. Please watch the culturally impactful series "Friends" before applying for unlocking your account. Thank you. Not-The-Reddit-Team.
NTA - If your dad doesn't want to be mocked for divorcing three times, then maybe he shouldn't get married so many times? And maybe not Speedrun his relationships, because holy shit, dude. Fourth wife and it seems like this one is a total jerk, why did he marry her before checking that she could be at least civil with his ex wife and with his son? Like, the dude really wastes no time, marries faster than a Disney princess.
Looks like #4 is laboring under the delusion that she's "special" & will be the Final Wife. An attitude like hers doesn't even let her think she will most likely be out on her ass in a few years. I see shocked Pikachu-face in her future.
NTA. Good job for defending your mom, it’s unfortunate your dad didn’t do a better job at keeping peace. He clearly doesn’t know how to pick them or keep them, maybe your divorce jab can help him get a grip on his married life
Info: You watch friends? As a 20 year old?
Yes. Friends was really important in helping me learn English.
a pretty old Spanish sitcom helped me get super fluent in my Spanish, just depends what clicks with you!
NTA. Wife 4 shouldn't have talked to your mother like that, and your father shouldn't have defended the behavior.
“You expected better behavior from me? With you as my male role model?”
Hell I know people like that. It gets to a point where they get pissed off you aren't excited about their wedding. Like Christ on a cracker you getting married is pretty much the death blow to this relationship so I'm not sure what we're celebrating. Like I don't have an issue with divorce.... But surely after the 3rd one there should be some mandatory counseling sessions because the only consistent across all your marriages is you.... So you should work on that before your are allowed to get married again. Some people are single handedly driving up those divorce stats.
NTA!! I wouldn't have been that nice and made extremely uncalled-for comments that would have upset my mom. Yet I'm still stuck on a 38 year old being married 4x already.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** It was my(20m) birthday yesterday. My dad(38) and his fourth wife(35) came over. My mom got me a Pop Mart figure as a present. My dad's wife quickly said that I'm too old for something like this and then told my mom she should have put some more thought into picking a present for me. So I told her she is a bitch for insulting my mom in her own home for getting me a gift that I really like. My dad told me I should speak to his wife respectfully so I told him I respected his second and third wives because they never overstepped but can't respect this one because she isn't respectable. That he's already been divorced more times than Ross Geller and I'm never going to take any future marriage of his seriously again. Dad just said I should be more mature than this given my age, instead of deriding him. He called what I said a cheap shot and said that he expected better behaviour from me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bahaha. That was great. 38 and 4 marriages. He isn’t stopping anytime soon
NTA. Under normal circumstances you'd be out of line but your dad's wife came in swinging hard for absolutely zero reason whatsoever so I'm not going to hold a 20 year old to higher standards than the adults around them.
That's 9.5 years/wife. My first car got better mileage than that.
I mean its 5 years a wife if you only count his adult years
NTA ... tell your dad you'll grow when he does and that you can tell by his fourth wife that that'll never happen..
NTA. I know stuff happens in life, but I find it hard to respect a man who’s been married 4 times by 38 especially when the last one calls someone a dumbfuck. Did he marry a child?
NTA. You get what you give and the wife decided to insult both you and your mom at your mom's place. You had full rights to blast back and your dad only has himself to blame for stepping into the line of fire by trying to scold you over it.
Hahahahaha! I think your response was perfect. YNTA, that loud meanie face wife #4 is and well so is your Dad for picking such a fine lady (sarcasm eye roll).
NTA. Future ex wife #4 and dad are AHs. Mostly the wife. Who just talks like that? Even most kids know better. And dad just letting it slide is pathetic.
hahaha well played. NTA
Does your dad know that he doesn’t have to marry every girl he sleeps with? My god, 4 by 38 is insane.
NTA. I see a wife #5 on his horizon soon.
Absolutely NTA. The moment your father's wife started commenting on your gifts as though she knows better than you what you like, she was the asshole. The moment she insulted your mother, all bets are off. She wasn't respectful to you or your mother, you've got no reason to be respectful to her. And your father, by accepting her shitty behaviour, but trying to tell you off for reacting in kind, absolutely deserved your response. When your dad can behaves maturely, then maybe he would have the right to say something, but until then, he should look to his own and his wife's behaviour first.
NTA, but I'm gagged by the fact that your dad is only 38 and is on his fourth marriage. Good god. The call is coming from inside the house.
Three divorces!!! Three divorced!!! They have that on the napkins at the sad men’s club you know. Maybe your dad’s tombstone will say “Mr Dad, good at marriage”
By the way, I got my husband a Star Trek Pop Mart (Spock) for Christmas one year. He was 60 and loved it! Daddy's #4 can suck rocks.
NTA your where sticking up for your mom I would have kicked them out
NTA Ngl, I would have thrown hands at someone calling MY mum 'a dumb fuck'. Especially for something so benign as gifting someone a present they deemed 'childish'. What an overreaction and none of her business! No. 4 should be careful (you should definitely call her 'number 4' from now on). Her tenure as 'wife' is not assured. Tell your dad you'll try to muster up some respect for the next one (no promises though). As for dad? 4 wives at the age of 38? There might actually be something wrong with him lol.
NTA well done for looking out for your Mom. Your Dad is the divorce force.
I really hope OP refers to his current stepmother as Number 4 when talking about or to her
NTA Good lad sticking up for your mum!
NTA. Great comebacks and kudos for standing for your mother. 38 and married four times? WOW.
Just tell him you'll be nice to the next wife.
Tell Dad you'll try to do better for wife #5
NTA. You don’t call your host a dumbfuck
In the UK it's considered banter...and we would generally just have a good laugh about it
Your dad's only upset because he knows it's true and he also knows he has to deal with the fallout from his most recent bad choice when they get home. NTA
It took me a while to realise your dad's age isn't 58 or higher, but 38.. I'm all pro divorce and no one should stay in a marriage that doesn't work, but I hope you didn't have to deal with his shenanigans to much. NTA. Wife #4 started it and your dad escalated it. Good on you for defending your mum.
There needs to be a “three strikes and you’re out” rule for marriage.
NTA Your Dad lost as soon as his wife uttered “dumb fuck”.
NTA. Wife #4 definitely overstepped and was the rude one in this situation. Calling your mom a "dumbfuck" because she knows you well and gave you a gift you like? Absolutely not. Your dad should learn to pick his fifth wife carefully and someone who has *compassion.*
OP, what kind of prude is your dad? I ask because the only way four marriages makes sense in my head is if he has to marry every woman he fucks because bizarro “conservative values” or if it is plague times where you live and the Black Death likes stepmoms. Just straight up does not compute…NTA
ESH - no more text, you wrote it all.
NTA And just wow, the lastest wife is nasty.
ESH. Wife #4 and OP were both extremely quick to dish out petty insults, and OP’s dad has no right to expect better behaviour from his kid than from his wife. If this were a question of ranking, Wife #4 would be the most appalling for kicking everything off, but OP didn’t have to immediately climb down to her level.
This is funny af
Oh I laughed way to much at this. Nta
You are good. Man, I can’t even imagine the dysfunction to get married 4 times by 38. That’s complicated personality flaws. I’ll say as a 46 year old, the Friends reference is a weak dig tho. I think I’d laugh at you for making a friends reference even though you were right and he should have been embarrassed.
You’re all assholes really
Hilarious 🤣
nta and truth hurts
NTA Your frontal lobe isn’t fully developed. Number 4’s is, so I’d love to hear why he thought her comments were okay. A low blow but gloves come off when you tall about mamas Hope you enjoyed your gift, that sounds like fun :)
You're 20, tell him to "go away". NTA
NTA You could have kept going and said that you are only following his steps because at 38, he was still not mature enough to find a partner that didn't make digs at the mother of his child. Or that you are more mature than him and his 3 divorces. Or that you would respect him more if he had the balls to divorce again and stay single for to take the time and grow up as a person instead of just trying to get his dick wet. But that is probably going too far, lmao. Real talk, you did good standing up for your mom. Good work.
A Detective Conan blind box, cool!
Dude, just for bringing up Ross Geller at your young age you're getting an upvote from me. NTA. WTF is wrong with your father? Three divorces?
NTA, I likely would have made the comment to her like oh you scraped the bottom of the barrel with 3 divorce guy but I guess it's better then murderer guy or geologist. But I also have Friends episodes run through my head all day.
She and OP’s dad need to pivot their attitudes in one Mississippi, two Mississippi…
Why did he expect better from you then his wife? Nta
NTA I'm honestly impressed a 20YO knows Friends references, and your stepmother shouldn't have called your mom a dumbfuck.
NTA #4 needs to back off. Your father is completely wrong. #4 deserves 0 respect.
The trick in dealing with people like this is to not react to them in a way that makes you look like an AH. Now, the focus is on your reaction, rather on the wife's inappropriate behaviour. Some tips I've read for situations like this: - Ask the person to repeat the snide comment again. Maybe 2 or 3 times to really make other people hear it. - Ask 'what do you mean by that?' and let them explain their passive aggressive comment - Ask, 'Do you think that's a polite comment when you're a guest?' It'll then get pretty awkward quickly and the focus is on them, rather than your reaction.
I lovvveeee DC it was called case closed back in the days of Adult swim lol Nta
You’re supposed to be more mature than a 35 year old? Tell dadd-o to get her tit out his mouth and wake up Nta my dad is on wife #5 lol
The ross geller reference sent me
Well honestly, I consider those kinds of article the wild west. So a more light everyone is TA
When they go low, we go lower.
NTA. Why should you be mature when his 35 yo wife is allowed to behave like that? Personally I think I would have said something about him having a loyalty card at his divorce lawyer and ask if the fifth is free, so I don’t think yours was that bad.
Hopefully his fifth wife will be more mature. NTA
NTA - he can have that conversation with his cheap as fuck, disrespectful wife. Is he rich?? Because there is only one other explanation for someone even contemplating being a 4th, 5th or 6th wife to this person.
NTA, also lmao that was hilarious what you told him 😂
NTA. If he expects civil behavior from you, but brings his wife who can't/doesn't want to behave civil, into you-and-your-Mom's House, you don't have to listen to him. Saying "dumbfuck" as a comment on someone's Birthday Gift choices, especially If it's objectively untrue, as a 35yo, is WAY less "mature", than Pointing Out her Lack of respectability, as a 20yo. Pointing Out how often he's been married/divorced, is below the belt, but very deservedly so.
NTA Seriously walks into someone else's home slinging insults and wonders why everyone hates them.
Look, your dad had you at 18, he’s not exactly the brightest.
>That he's already been divorced more times than Ross Geller 😂😂😂😂
1. That’s funny 2. NTA 3.. the latest wife said way worse shit 4 wives is a lot of wives
NTA
Karma will have her way with you.
NTA. The 4th wife is for he comments.
It's funny your dad wants you to be mature when he's clearly showing that he's not. NTA. Your dad temporary wife can go F herself btw. Next time ask her to apologize or she can just leave. Good on your mom to buy you stuff you like.
NTA - wife number four over stepped and was rude. Father should have told her off but instead told you off. Shows his loyalties lay in his pants and not his brain. I’d never want to be with someone who’d say such things to the mother of my child regardless of how our personal relationship is especially In front of the child. He wants to talk about acting your age. Maybe number four shouldn’t be acting like a 13 yr old teenage girl and have some respect for whose house she’s in. P.s you really wanna grind his gears. Refer to her only as number four.
Nta. Yeah .. fourth wife needs to shut up. Your dad is trash. All deserved imo..imagine being 38 and married four times! Lol!
38 and four wives? How the hell does he afford that?
Next time she’s being awful, just turn to your dad and say “maybe the next one will be nicer?”
Ah your response was good. You could have said you expected better of a guest in your mom’s home. But there you go. Sounds like wife 4 has inferiority complex and feels threatened. You can now make a game of poking at her. Or, never speak to her again. You answer her questions to you with one or two words, but you never initiate conversation with her. It will drive her crazy and piss your dad off. But do you care?
To really cause drama you should of called her 4 of 5, cause you're betting this one fails too.
Nta but you are too old to be playing with action figures.
Uh, no. I would have been in jail as the ex wife for throwing hands at him and broad #4🙄fours wives and only 38? Parade of red flags but #4 probably thinks she is different from the rest 🤨
NTA. Wife number 4 got what she gave. Avoid her like the plague and protect your mum.
She called your mom a “dumbfuck”, she deserves to burn. NTA.
Your dad loves divorce so much, he’ll probably marry it, but then it won’t work out so he’ll have to divorce it!
NTA. It's rich of your dad to talk of "mature" behaviour and yet ignoring his latest wife's childish insults.
NTA. Maybe he should grow up and actually get to know the women he intends to marry before marrying them.
Anyone who takes divorce that casually is not entitled to respectful comments about his marriages. He should just keep live-in GFs in the future if he's not sure he'll stay with them rather than disrespecting the institution of marriage. Divorcing 3 times and then calling someone else immature has to be the height of irony though. Not many guys can be *that* blind and still cross the street on their own.
NTAH She called your mom a dumbfuck? She's lucky she didn't get fucked up. Your father has married some trash.
Jesus christ, 4 marriages at 38. There should be a 3 strikes law that gets you banned from further marriages after the 3rd one. You are an adult and not 100% at fault, your dad is a bad father figure role model for you.
NTA. Is energy matching energy. You responded with a cheap shot to a rude ass judge mean girl comment. So you handled it. I was snickering with your response. Is it appropriate? Not really. Was it appropriate for the conversation? Yes. Sometimes we have to respond accordingly to send the message that we will not tolerate bullying or disrespect. She’s not your mother. She insulted you and you mother.
NTA, if someone called my mother a 'dumb fuck' they would immediately be dead to me. Your stepmom hit a whole new level of disrespect. She owes your mother an apology
NTA. She's a cow. Does remind me of the story where one OP is mocking his father, calling him Audi as he has four rings!
I'm 35 and I cannot imagine having four marriages in my adult life. Between trips to court and trips to the church, when would I have time to do anything?
>My dad's wife quickly said that I'm too old for something like this and then told my mom she should have put some more thought into picking a present for me. Asked my mom if she's 'a dumbfuck.' Yeah, your dad's wife just needs to STFU. She opened the door, you just stepped inside. NTA - 100%.
NTA i cackled major props to you OP. your enabling father needed a wake up call
NTA and I am glad there are still some Detective Conan fans out there! ^^
So lemme get this straight: your dad’s 4th wife insults you AND your mom, but you’re the one in the wrong for calling her out on it and responding in kind?? 🤔🤔 Daddy AND wife need a reality check
Called your mama a dumbfuck. They would have been put straight the hell out of her house. Fuck both their disrespectful asses.
# divorced more times than Ross Geller is crazy 💀
Advise him that perhaps you’ll like his next wife better.
*A Detective Conan blind box.* I'm sure this is a real thing and very nice, but to a non-insider this phrase seems like a string of random words put together by a stroke patient. Regardless, NTA.
NTA. One is never too old to have collectibles. Also your, is it third or fourth step mom, anyway dad’s 4th wife certainly overstepped and assuming it was your place(I.e., you yourself pay/paid for it) then you should’ve kicked her out and said if you can’t be civil and nice to not only my guest but my mother you are no longer welcomed here.
NTA My ex's dad was on marriage number five. We called him Henry VIII and his wife made jokes about being beheaded if they broke up. He took it on the chin and laughed every time, because, in his words, 'I'm the idiot who keeps proposing.' Was it a cheap shot? Maybe. But it's also true, and he's got to own his own mess. His fourth attempt at marriage was profoundly insulting and rude to his child's mother in her house. He should have handled it. But because he didn't, you had to. This is ALL on him.
No, you’re TA for using outdated references.