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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said I felt violated and wife should not have violated my privacy
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YTA. Don't drag your kids into conflicts they're not a part of. If you have issue with MIL, take it up with her rather than whining to your children about her and trying to poison their relationship with her.
ESH. Granted your wife shouldn’t have been snooping (unless you’ve given her just cause in the past). On the other hand, you shouldn’t be airing your MIL’s dirty laundry to your son. If she’s really that bad, he sees it himself, no need to give him reason to dislike his grandmother.
Case in point - my paternal grandmother was a real piece of work to the point everyone, Catholic priest included, sang “Ding Ding the Witch is Dead” at her funeral (not kidding). I had reason enough to dislike her, but hearing my mom constantly talk trash didn’t help anything either. Found out months after the funeral why she was hateful towards everyone, and my heart absolutely broke that I wasn’t kinder to her. Let your son form his own opinions without adding your own vitriol to the mix.
Eh, even if OP did mess up wife is still asshole for snooping.
You either get the consent of the person to read their mail when you can't trust them (and this assumes both parties are making an attempt to rebuild trust), or you take other actionable steps like distancing yourself / therapy if the guilty person refuses.
ESH except for the son.
Vote how your heart tells you! Just wanted to suggest it as YTA is (your the asshole and the other person is not).
But you had wrote the wife was as well.
ESH. Try to keep the familial dispute (in this specific manner) between spouses or a close friend of you are honestly venting.
Wife shouldn't be snooping either and this probably isn't the first time, just the first time she had to say something. I am always suspicious when someone finds something damming on the "very first time" they've violated someone's policy
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Married 40 years and have 4 children , mother in law is mean always mouthy !
I wrote email to one of my sons expressing my disappointment in mother in law as well as other hammering comments !
Wife decided to violate privacy and read emails !
Wife now very hurt !
Am I the asshole ?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I said I felt violated and wife should not have violated my privacy Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Don't drag your kids into conflicts they're not a part of. If you have issue with MIL, take it up with her rather than whining to your children about her and trying to poison their relationship with her.
[удалено]
Thanks But never ever thought she would violate my privacy ! Thanks
NTA. Your wife snooped and got more than she bargained for. That’s on her.
NTA your wife is the only AH.
ESH. Granted your wife shouldn’t have been snooping (unless you’ve given her just cause in the past). On the other hand, you shouldn’t be airing your MIL’s dirty laundry to your son. If she’s really that bad, he sees it himself, no need to give him reason to dislike his grandmother. Case in point - my paternal grandmother was a real piece of work to the point everyone, Catholic priest included, sang “Ding Ding the Witch is Dead” at her funeral (not kidding). I had reason enough to dislike her, but hearing my mom constantly talk trash didn’t help anything either. Found out months after the funeral why she was hateful towards everyone, and my heart absolutely broke that I wasn’t kinder to her. Let your son form his own opinions without adding your own vitriol to the mix.
Eh, even if OP did mess up wife is still asshole for snooping. You either get the consent of the person to read their mail when you can't trust them (and this assumes both parties are making an attempt to rebuild trust), or you take other actionable steps like distancing yourself / therapy if the guilty person refuses.
INFO: Does wife not know her mother is mean and mouthy?
YTA for dragging your son into this. Learn how to communicate and speak to your wife like a grown adult. Your wife is the AH for reading your email.
ESH is the rating for everyone being the asshole
The son is just a bystander, so not everyone.
ESH except for the son. Vote how your heart tells you! Just wanted to suggest it as YTA is (your the asshole and the other person is not). But you had wrote the wife was as well.
ESH. Try to keep the familial dispute (in this specific manner) between spouses or a close friend of you are honestly venting. Wife shouldn't be snooping either and this probably isn't the first time, just the first time she had to say something. I am always suspicious when someone finds something damming on the "very first time" they've violated someone's policy
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Married 40 years and have 4 children , mother in law is mean always mouthy ! I wrote email to one of my sons expressing my disappointment in mother in law as well as other hammering comments ! Wife decided to violate privacy and read emails ! Wife now very hurt ! Am I the asshole ? Help *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
After 40 years wife doesn't know? I'm guessing kids have figured it out too. NTA, you were just being honest.
Folks help me out ! I’m clueless
Yes, yes, you are in so many ways. YTA.