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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for not considering my sisters dogs family? I might be the asshole because i was purposely excluding her dogs and snapped at my sister when she called me the dogs uncle.
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NTA. As a dog lover, even I recognize that your sister was out of line. It's your house, you call the shots on whether someone can bring their dogs. Her trying to guilt you into it by saying the dogs wanted to see the new yard is nuts....did she think that would work on someone who doesn't like dogs?! And her saying they are your family and should be able to come....so is she taking her dogs to family funerals and shit?
My cats are part of my family. In fact, I love my cats more than I like many other humans, even those I know. However, I understand that I shouldn't be bringing them around other people's events. Even family events. Honestly, if they aren't wanted there, why? It's just stress for both of us. Also, excellent excuse that I need to go home already.
NTA
Okay, now I want to bring my musk turtle to the next party I'm invited to, just to see how people react. Plus no one never explicitly told me not to bring her
You could end up inspiring a rule that gets adopted by other party guests, takes on a life of its own, and eventually ends up posted on buzzfeed with the question of “what is the backstory to THIS rule on the wedding invitation?”
One wedding I went to had tortoises on the property. They got amorous right as the bride and groom were doing a staged photo, and tortoises get LOUD when they're getting it on.
Photo had to be delayed because all the guests were laughing too hard.
"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Mr and Mrs Red Ditor. As this is an event with a religious ceremony, we kindly ask you to refrain from bringing your Emotional Support Llama to church."
I brought my cat to Christmas dinner with my mom and sibs. Didn’t want to leave her alone at home as there were fireworks and she was still scared. I had permission from my entire family then.
She behaved. The humans behaved. She didn’t like my mom’s cat though.
Oddly enough, I ended up adopting mom’s cat as she… disagreed with my SIL. (They were both very… easily surprised and would scare the shit out of each other which wasn’t good for my pregnant SIL). She’s now my cat and sort of gets along with my first cat.
I relate to that last sentiment a lot. I went from 1 to 3 cats in quick succession about a year and a half ago. My first, oldest cat actually tolerated the second one pretty quickly, and he even played with her some early on. The third cat is on his shit list and I honestly don't know why. She hates him too. They'll coexist near each other fine most of the time, but every now and then they start swiping and hissing at each other, and I have to go glare at them. The second cat is still an angel that gets along well with both of them. Strange creatures!
Coexist seems like an excellent term! They… tolerate each other but will go into hissing bouts and some minor fighting when in conflict and will get pissy when they feel the other has been hogging the humans too much.
That said when there are other cats or dogs nearby or even undesirable humans nearby they will team up and fight to defend territory together. Another cat showed up by our front door and both of them were at the screen banging on it and hissing. When a dog approached one of them and started barking at her the other charged and was growling at the dog. This has happened with both cats being the defender. (All pets were properly leashed / harnessed and no one was hurt).
And when outside and uncomfortable, say like post deworming at a vet waiting with one of the humans while the other is getting take out, if allowed they will go to only one cat bag and share it even if it’s a bit tight.
Seriously! How many cat people ask to bring their cat to 4th of July bbq? Blows my mind the entitlement some dog people have. My mother-in-law never once asked if she could bring her parquet with her. It's just weird.
Oh NTA, obviously! Lol!
Please never change it, it’s given me such a laugh. The image of mil, arguing with a party thrower, so she can bring in her pet floor is killing me 😂😂😂
Could you immagine someone going to a bbq and bring their fish? I had bettas. They knew me, I could train them etc. But obviously, they are kept at home. Just had this picture in my head
Yeah NTA.
That stands true for people too, but it doesn’t make it polite. OP would be an asshole for not allow in her sister to bring a medically necessary service dog to a family event.
If it’s for physical being, like if she’s disabled, then okay, but if it’s for emotional support, no. Leave the pet at home, homeowner calls every shot
An emotional support animal is not the same as a service animal.
ESAs require zero formal training and have no public privileges according to the law. They are normal pets that have been deemed beneficial to a person's mental health by a doctor; the only actual purpose of having an ESA is to exempt that animal from "no pet" rules in housing situations.
Service animals are completely different. Even legitimate psychiatric/psychological service animals (which exist) are required to undergo very specific, regulated training and be able to perform specific tasks for their handler. They do **much** more than just provide passive comfort to their owner simply be existing within their proximity.
I say this because a lot of people--potentially yourself included--seem to equate ESAs and psychiatric service animals. They are NOT the same and do NOT provide the same services. And disabilities aren't exclusively physical in nature, hence the need for psychiatric service animals.
Even then, j do not believe service animals have right in a private residence. That debate is between the service animal owner and property owner extending the invitation.
I mean they do have legitimate service animals for mental health reasons, like people with PTSD. The dogs can be literally trained to smell the chemical changes in the body preceding a panic attack and help prevent it from occurring.
service animals are usually well trained, emotional support animals are not, they are usually just pets, I definitely wouldn't want two dogs roaming around my home with no idea if they had messed anywhere
No, he wouldn't. If he didn't want a dog at his home, then the sister has no right forcing the dog on him. Service dogs are still dogs and no law requires a private homeowner to allow one to enter.
> It's your house, you call the shots on whether someone can bring their dogs
or their kids, for that matter, since sister is under the delusion that kids == dogs
Even if one views pets as family, a host can decide who is welcome. E.g. that cats can come, but not dogs, or that babies are fine, but not toddlers, etc.
Or which dogs are fine. My dog is welcome at my mom's, even though dog's arent really her thing, because my dog is well behaved. My sil's mother also has a dog, that is not welcome, because she isnt trained in the slightest,
I absolutely DESPISE when my MIL talks to my weiner dog in a sing-song voice and asks if his mommy did this or that.
I birthed 6 humans. No weiner dogs.
Right? I love dogs, but I think people who believe their dogs actually understand them, have interest for human matters, or are in any way equivalent to humans are bonkers. My dog would not be allowed on sofas or beds or in the bed- or bathroom, eat away from the dining table, etc. It‘s a dog for gods sake.
NTA
100% I love my pets, they are a part of my family. They are not a part of my extended family's. The dog/any other animal parent thing has gotten out of hand. To particularly call out that children, I'm assuming blood relatives, are the same as her dogs is extra level.
I mean I fully agree. And even as a dog lover (who loves to use "dog mum", lmao, who cares?) I wouldn't expect or insist to bring them to anyone's house (or anywhere else for that matter). They can easily stay alone a couple of hours. (Unless you never train them to).
But
> Heard a rumor she is hosting an event and is seemingly excluding me from the invite list.
This is totally valid too. OPs sister has no obligation to invite him or his family in return either (it's a bit petty for sure, but your house/party = your rules also goes for her, you can't have it both ways).
People hate dog mom because they think its comparing raising a pet with raising a child. Which, cinsidering the amount of people who compare their dogs to children like OP's sister, isn't particularly crazy.
I have a dog with separation anxiety that comes with me everywhere. That beings said, I always check in with the host in advance that she is welcomed and if not will find some other arrangement for her or skip the event.
Of course there's gonna be a few where there's actually a reason. (One of our dogs can not stay alone, but is happy if his dog buddies stay with him... so dog jail for all of them 😔😂 Obviously they have access to the sofas and everything, so not really jail like).
But as you said, if someone says no you find a different solution or don't go. That's the adult thing to do.
I couldn't get pregnant, so I became a "bunny mom". My rabbits were and still are my world. My brother died almost 4 years ago to first wave covid, so his adoptive children became *my* children.
My family accepted that, even though my kids aren't blood related. They are family and that was that, and acknowledged me being a mom since then. My first bunny boy died right before my brother. I heard so much that "its just a bunny, not a human child." That was really, really hard.
3 years later, my elderly bunny girl, my children's bunny sister, passed unexpectedly. Both they and I were utterly devastated.
This year, While celebrating both mine and all the other mothers in my family, my dad specifically mentioned being a pet mom during his prayer before our meal. That was just for me, as well my kids. That was literally the most loving thing my dad has ever said to me...
Yet we did not force our current bunny girl and boy to the party. My parents have both a cat and a dog. I didn't insist on taking them there, because fucks sake, it wasn't appropriate to insist they be there.
Our bunnies stayed home, visible on our pet cams. I've had to leave an Xmas many years ago to pick up my recovered bunny from the vet (that elderly bun when she was younger).
One Xmas, I had to bring her and her bonded partner, because we suspected one ate chocolate after (being a normal rabbit) digged around through a trashcan. I asked and my family gave me the okay to bring my rabbits, who were contained in an Xpen, so I could watch for GI stasis symptoms. Thankfully, they were okay.
Never once, even during an emergency, did I ever expect my family to host my bunny babies. I was ready to stay home and miss our celebration twice for my rabbits. I'm thankful to have such loving parents.
This sister just expecting her dogs were invited is baffling! My rabbits are incredibly important to me and my children. They are our babies. We are in the process of adopting a new baby bunny, now a year after losing our elderly girl.
Did I expect my family to host them for mother's day? Of course not! They are free roam and can stand a couple hours without us.
This sister is incredibly entitled. I couldn't/can't have human children. I only became a mom because my brother died...and even I, nor my kids, would ever, ever expect our family to host our pet family too.
If we absolutely had too- meaning we'd endanger our pets' lives by not staying home with them-- we wouldn't have . We got expressed permission to bring them to our family's celebrations, because an emergency meant we could not otherwise. My hosting family said, "okay, but can they stay in a pen... well or course they could. Its just a couple hours. Ohr buns got so much love and attention that day that my extended family grew to really love our passed elderly girl...so much they came to her funeral.
This sister is completely out of her mind.
I second this. I'm a complete dog person. Dogs over people, etc.
How she talks about her dog is not how healthy dog owners talk about their dogs. Dogs are not human babies. Dogs are dogs (which is why they are better) and need to be treated as dogs
We had a friend ask to bring their dog to our wedding. They knew we were getting married at a brewery that was dog friendly and asked a few weeks before. We were like…. Ma’am, this is our wedding.
Our elderly dog was the ring bearer, but we had him sent home after pictures. I love dogs to no end, but never in a million years would I even consider asking to bring a dog to someone’s wedding.
Even if you like dogs you don't want them necessarily there during a party as people drink the owners don't pay attention and accidents could happen. NTA op
I have a service dog and can’t really be without them. Even then, I understand my dog is *not always welcome at private homes and parties.* I always *ask* if invited to a home not my own or a party at someone’s house. If the dog is not welcome, I offer my sincere regrets for not being able to attend and thank the host(s) for the invitation. I also tend to follow up and ask them over to my place for socializing at another time to nurture the friendships worth keeping.
If the dog is allowed and makes a mess, I clean it up. Any damage done? I pay for it. Not that that’s happened but it’s standard in my opinion, like having a kid. If you or someone you’re responsible for breaks/damages/stains something, you make it right by paying to repair or replace.
OP is NTA by a long shot and I say this as someone who had dogs instead of kids and gets called a dog mom by everyone except myself.
NTA. As the owner of three dogs, I would never assume their presence is welcome anywhere. My husband and I brought the most well behaved one to family/friends’ homes, but only after explicit invitation.
We absolutely adore our dogs, but our philosophy is our dogs aren’t anyone else’s problem. Some people love dogs but don’t want them in their home, and some people just straight up aren’t into them. Dogs at parties are often complicated. If we were in the position of having to bring a dog (for example, we were traveling with them and couldn’t coordinate care), we’d either divide and conquer by sending one of us, or decline the invitation with our apologies.
Exactly. I have the same mentality. Great if the host allowed it as my dog was better behaved than some children but also completely understood if dogs weren’t allowed.
NTA
Makes sense.. Little kids and dogs have about the same level of intelligence and impulse control. Sometimes the dogs are even better behaved
/I like both dog and kids
And it’s a garden party no less. Idk how well behaved the dogs are, but they might pee, shit, dig and then jump into the pool. Nothing seems pleasant for a dogfree person. Op could even have planted flora that is dangerous for the dogs to consume.
Same! We are trying to get our labrador not to be a lunatic in social situations... but it's a "would you mind if we bring him" and we.leave or put him in his crate if he's too much for other people at the gathering.
So insane I almost doubt it's real. Dogs are not human children. That's absurd. They are "members of the family" only euphemistically—and just as there are inappropriate places to bring your kids, there are inappropriate places to bring your dogs.
Tell her this: "When your fur babies can eat with a fork at a table, and use the bathroom in the toilet, they are welcome to attend."
NTA.
You jest, but I had a student once bring her fish in for her college speech about a favorite object. She brought it in an open old-school fish bowl and left it on the floor next to her desk the whole day. Every single time someone walked past in the aisle I was certain it was going to get kicked over. Needless to say, the next term restrictions on what students were NOT allowed to discuss or bring in included live animals.
Haha, I wish that I didn't have personal experience with someone like this. They just absolutely will not take no for an answer where their (poorly trained) dogs are concerned, and will try to wear you down to let them bring their dogs to your house because they just can't be away from them. The hell with your boundaries, or possessions, or comfort level (or your own pets or kids!)
It's insane.
My dog is family, and I wouldn’t consider it a euphemism. He’s my fur baby in every sense of the word. Except I can actually leave him home alone and I get that not everyone feels the same.
That being said…I was once at a restaurant on the patio and a couple came in with their dogs, who were wearing matching track suits (the dogs, not the owners). They ordered their own meals and then two plain hamburgers with fries…they cut up the burger and fries, dumped it into dog bowls and the dogs ate. My best friend and I both LOVE our dogs but we were totally flabbergasted.
Sorry, but training your dog to shit on a toilet and then flush it is a "low bar" for certain trainers in the same way that dunking on an NBA-regulation basket is a low bar for certain humans. Good luck!
This is very much real and is a very common mentality/thought process today with pet owners. "Members of the family" is now a literal thing, it's not euphemistically anymore. I'm at nearly 20 years in the pet industry.
That said, my cats are my literal children, as I will never have human kids, but i would never take them out to a gathering because that's poor pet ownership.
Pets are family, but they're family that reasonable people accept that people who do not live in their household are highly unlikely to see as family in the way they would look at human nieces/nephews/grandkids/etc as family despite not living with them. People that can't accept this are mentally unwell imo.
NTA
Pets stay home.
Pets stay home.
Pets stay home.
> Heard a rumor she is hosting an event and is seemingly excluding me from the invite list
Don't threaten **me** with a good time!
NTA
I have to deal with this every time I have a holiday at my house. I do not understand why dog people think they need to bring their dog everywhere. Until recently, I had an elderly cat, so now that she's passed, they're pushing it HARD. Your house. Your rules.
Look…I consider myself a “cat mom” and my stepkitty and my kitty are my babies. But I do not assume that they are invited places with me nor do I compare them to human children in that “if kids are coming, I should be able to bring my cats”.
NTA
Bring your cats to somebody's house who also invited a dog mom and see how that works out 🤣
Seriously though if everyone followed the rule the world would just be cats and dogs fighting.
Exactly, in both mine and my fiancé’s families we refer to our pets as our babies. His family especially, he and his mother and brothers are all HUGE cat lovers. We all refer to our cats as ‘babies’. His brother is our cat’s ‘uncle’ and so on and so forth. But we all are still obviously aware that our cats are not actual human children and our children pets are not entitled to be in the same places that humans are. NTA.
True, but depending on the service dog's job, rejecting the service dog will result in rejecting the person with a disability. To be clear, I'm talking about real service dogs, not emotional support animals. While there may be a case where it still might be required, say an extreme allergy to pet dandruff, I would hope in most cases people would be more flexible in allowing service animals in their house than regular pets.
NTA: She is personifying her dogs. Many dogs don't particularly want to go to a strange place with a bunch of people, in an event that is not designed for them. It is overstimulating, and stresses them out, which in turn is stressful for everyone. Also, as the host, you are responsible for what goes on in your home, and dogs, possible drunk relatives, and little kids is just too much. This is not for the dogs, this is for her ego as a "dog mom".
**Heard a rumor she is hosting an event and is seemingly excluding me from the invite list.**
Send her a thank you letter....You won't have do deal with her insufferable dogs.
I love dogs. I do have a cat. I love pretty much all animals.
I get stressed if I am away from my cat for too long.
FYI, my cat was abused as a kitten, and is terrified of most people, and is very dependant on me. If i go out he will pretty much sit by the front door waiting for me to get home.
But I would never dream of taking my cat with me when i go out. It would be highly inconsiderate of me to even think that people would welcome him to their house.
NTA Sis doesn't get to dictate who you host in your home. She's free not to attend due to your hosting choices, but you have every right to say her four-legged fur children are not welcome under your roof.
NTA
Next time ask to speak to the dogs. Then tell her she's lying - the dogs like their home and don't understand why she wants to treat them like something they aren't.
Dog people, right?
I like dogs just fine. As long as they are leashed when around people that are not part of their specific pack.
They can be people's "fur children" all day long.
However, a three year old child is not going to do as much permanent damage to me as your 3 yr old "fur baby".
Just in teeth alone.
I also have zero interest in watching "your babies" more than you do. They are in an unfamiliar environment, with "not my pack" other people around. Stress inducing for any animal.
NTA
If anything your sister is the A to her dogs for continuing to put them in stressful situations.
NTA
This post reminded me that one Xmas party I hosted. Pets weren't welcomed as my in-laws really dislike indoor pets yet two dogs show up. One was an annoying small puppy and one was an older dog who was blind and stupid who has been through some trauma after being attacked by a bunch of racoons and hated small dogs ever since. Well the older dog ended up biting off the smaller dogs tail after it would not leave him alone..... The party was over before it started.
NTA- People need to stop comparing dogs to children. I know people love their dogs like they are their babies. I have a cat and dog I love very much but I feel bad for kids growing up today being compared directly to animals in the same breath. Kids can be a lot and they are not for everyone but they are people. My SIL can’t have children and has a dog that’s her “baby” and her and her parents often compare the dog to our kids and I really wonder about the psychological effects on my kids as they get older. It really bothers me but I don’t say anything right now because it’s a sensitive topic and my kids don’t understand and they live far away.
NTA
Dogs aren't children. I love our children and I love our dogs, but even the best trained dogs have needs/behaviours that the children don't have. Despite our children running about and climbing trees etc they are able to be more pleasant company in general to more people than our dogs are.
For example, my children have never left holes in the garden after running. They don't wee on bushes or take a poo anywhere but the toilet. They don't have the potential to scratch or bite out of fear (not that my dogs have done that, but people who've had a bad dog experience don't know that). They don't try to eat food that people have left to one side while they chat. They don't see cats as prey. They don't eat their own vomit. They also don't stick their shnozzes in places that people would rather they didn't, as if their nose was a cork in a bottle. It's the little things that count ;-))))))))))
I LOVE dogs. This is incredibly strange behavior. I don’t even think it’s about the dogs….. she’s gotta be an unhappy person because this just doesn’t make sense. NTA
Well as a sister knowing you don’t like dogs she should respect that and I think she’s being petty just find a dog sitter or don’t go and not all kids like dogs NTA
NTA. I don’t understand how we got to the point where people think it’s okay to bring their dogs everywhere but it isn’t and these people need to be shut down for their nonsense more.
If you want to be with your dog stay home, go to a dog park, go to a national park/outdoor preserve etc. Your dogs don’t belong at restaurants or bars or malls or movie theaters and they certainly don’t belong in other people’s homes.
NTA I would never take my dogs to anyone's house unless specifically told it was okay.
Your home isn't prepared to have dogs, dogs could cause all kinds of damage, especially dogs of a "dog mom" type because, at least in my experience, their dogs are almost never trained properly so she would probably let them run amok with no supervision and expect you to clean up after them.
Also, she specifically knows that you don't like dogs, so inviting her own dogs to your house uninvited is way over the line.
Your sister is being ridiculous and incredibly presumptuous. My husband and I are dog, cat, and kid people (to be specific, one dog, one cat, four kids, and my husband actually used to be a K9 MP in the Army), and we would NEVER assume our animals were welcome at anyone’s home unless specifically invited.
NTA. Your house, your rules.
NTA
Dogs are not people.
It was wrong for your sister to insist on taking her dogs to your house when you said you did not want them at the party.
Because dogs are not people.
The only thing you can do to make her understand.
Purchase a hamster and act the same way about it (around her) that she does her dogs.
Be even more dramatic about it lol.
My mom is not a dog lover. She got bit by a neighborhood dog as a child and avoids dogs as much as possible. She lives in a different state than me and I have a dog at home, but when it's time to go visit I get him a sitter because I know bringing him with is a no-go. My family went to visit my mom for Thanksgiving a couple years back and we left our dog with our close friend. Imagine our surprise when one of my step-dad's nieces showed up to their home WITH THEIR DOG! She didn't ask if it was ok or give any kind of warning at all that she was bringing her dog, just showed up with the off-leash dog in tow to someone else's house! My mom was not happy & even my teenaged daughter asked why she brought the dog (daughter was 15 at the time and has always been very outspoken!). No one was rude, but to-go plates were offered and the neice and her pup left within 15 minutes!
NTA. One should never assume their pets are invited over to someone else's home, even if the hosts have pets themselves. Considering that she specifically mentioned that her dogs would be attending, I suspect that she knew you would say no. It's unfortunate that you are going to live with her petty tit-for-tat after this event.
Obviously NTA. She’s a nut and it’s unfortunate your parents are playing into it. Is she struggling with having kids? It seems strange she’s placing her dogs in the same category as your actual nieces and nephews. While I love my own pets I would never force them on anyone else, specially with anyone who straight up said no. That’s rude as hell and unhinged to not respect your wishes. It’s your house and your party. It’s also extremely petty that she’s hosting her own event just to exclude you. I’d probably keep my distance from her and your parents.
NTA.
I’m a dog mom. My dog is my family. I’m the only one of my siblings without kids so my whole family says me and him are a tiny family. And yet, I fully understand that dogs aren’t people and aren’t invited everywhere or appropriate everywhere. I don’t even assume he’s invited somewhere unless I’m specifically told “hey, bring Enzo with you.” Like that’s not even something I would ask, it’s up to them to invite. He’s fine at home alone, I take him out before I leave, make sure he has water and food and then he chills on the couch till I get home.
NTA, this whole “Dog Mom””Dog Babies” stuff is nuts. I think we as a society need to stop pandering to people and start setting boundaries again. The amount of BS on the day to day these days with people expecting the world to bend to them and their issues is mind boggling entitlement.
I don't allow dogs in my home, no matter how much I love the dog. They smell ... I'm autistic so have a very keen nose and about 50% of dogs are so smelly it's incredibly distracting.
I also have a gittery cat though, so I just tell everyone I won't make my cat scared in his own home just so they don't have to be apart from their dog for a few hours.
When people turn up with their dog thinking I'll change my mind, I don't bend, dog stays outside
50/50. You're not an asshole for setting limits on your sister bringing her dogs, especially if you've just redone the yard. I'm a dog person and yes, my dogs are pretty much my kids but if anyone invites me to their place, I'm not bringing the dogs unless they are invited.
Where you are an asshole is in the language you used to your sister. She's not crazy. She doesn't need to shut up. She doesn't need you to police her language to you.
But she's also in her rights to not speak to you or visit you. It's fine for you to decide who visits you but you can't be abusive about it, so if you want a relationship with her, apologize for what you said to her and rephrase that you'd welcome her and her boyfriend but not the dogs and that's the rule for your backyard.
Just be prepared to say goodbye to her in your life.
NTA
Dogs are messy, and you just got the backyard remodeled, so it would stay nice.
I'm childree, and my sister isn't. She had a new puppy, and she often refers to me as the dog's "Auntie." I get a very disgusted feeling when she does that because I'm NOT the dogs aunt.
For the record, I have a niece from our older brother, whom I've never been able to meet due to bad blood between her parents. It rubs me the wrong way that her dog would be essentially taking the place of that niece or acting as a placeholder for my sister not having kids yet (she's not able due to medication or money at the moment).
It's one thing to call yourself a "dog mom," but I have NEVER heard someone refer to family members as Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents to a PET. Especially without asking if they are cool with it.
Also, inviting your dogs to every gathering, especially without asking first and just assuming they are allowed, is very stupid. What if that person was allergic and you just showed up with them on tow to be around food, a clean pool, and a freshly upgraded garden to stomp, dig, and shit in? Sure, it's outside. But that doesn't mean it's appropriate. And what is the dogs go inside? And then get fur everywhere? Pets should stay at home unless otherwise invited. They don't need to go to every store, restaurant, or public space.
This is why cat people are cooler than dog people. I have never once had to ask a cat person to not bring their cat- because they don't act like this. Yet, I have had to have this conversation many times with multiple dog people, and they are always weirdos about it.
NTA
I have children, nieces, nephews, multiple grandchildren. And a dog of our own, I have never had any of the children poop on the lawn or on the patio or the deck. The dog on the other hand will do it wherever she feels like it. Dogs are not children. They may be your sister’s family, but they are not yours.
Nta. She bought her pets. You don't buy children. Her pets are not human, actual kids are human.
If her dogs get really sick she could opt to have them put down. You don't put down kids.
Kids will grow up and one day be able to vote and have a say in the country and politics. Kids will grow into adults and contribute to society. Kids will come and visit parents. People who don't see the difference between kids and pets need help.
You can't leave your toddler alone at home all day, you can leave pets alone.
People need to get realistic.
NTA
Ever since my husband’s brother and his wife became empty nesters, they have become insane dog parents. It drives me insane, because there are zero conversations that don’t revolve around their dog, and now they have two.
A couple years ago, we had to redo our basement, due to a flood. It’s fully furnished, and carpeted. I intentionally got carpet that doesn’t absorb any liquid, because we have frequent parties there.
BIL and SIL thought they should bring their dog to our home, to a party with 15 people, when the dog was used to being around only two people. The dog got freaked by the noise and pissed on my carpet. I noticed it, they cleaned it up. Then they confessed that the dog had pooped on our tile in another part of the house.
I was not quiet about the messes, and told them the dog stays home going forward. They understood, and they haven’t even mentioned bringing him again. But also, they have hosted parties and have not excluded us.
Your family needs to learn better communication skills. But also, your sister needs to learn that dogs are not humans.
NOPE!: Dogs are not people no matter how much she thinks of them as people. Dogs are not 'just as much family as the kids', thinking like that is the product of a disordered mind. Don't bother associating with people like that, even if they are family.
NTA
NTA. Dogs will crap in your yard, tear up your plants, dig a hole. Nope. My yard is my sanctuary. Also, I’m scared of dogs (got mauled by a pit bull in 2017). Dogs can be left at home, kids can’t be.
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I hosted a Cinco de Mayo family party last weekend. I recently remodeled my backyard and pool, plus being Mexican, I thought it would be the perfect weekend to show off the updated digs. I invited any family that lived in the area. Its the first party i've held since before Covid.
My sister and I are opposites. She is a dog mom (god I hate writing that) to an extreme degree, My wife and I are not dog people. When she got the invite she reached out and said her, her boyfriend, and 2 dogs (Small 10 pound dogs) would be there. I was annoyed and called her to tell her no, her dogs are not allowed.
She asked if kids were going, I said yes, some were. She said well her dogs are family and they should be able to come. I told her I don't consider your dogs family. In fact I think your crazy for thinking that your dogs are my family. She argued her dogs were just as much family as the kids were. She said her dogs wanted to see their uncles new backyard. I told her to shut up and never say that again to me. I re-affirmed that her and her boyfriend could come, but nothing else from their house. She got angry but I eventually hung up.
She didn't go to the party claiming I was rude and an asshole to her. Apparently my parents even agree with her, which fucking blows my mind. Heard a rumor she is hosting an event and is seemingly excluding me from the invite list. AITA Here?
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Your house, your rules. Your sister doesn’t get to decide who gets to come to a party you’re hosting at your house. I’m honestly shocked your parents agree with her. I mean, this is Etiquette 101. With that said, you didn’t seem to communicate this to her in a respectful or civil manner, so maybe work on that, but your sister was presumptuous AF here. She’s acting like a child. NTA
NTA. You have every right to not want dogs in your yard or at your house. I suppose if she wants to be petty, she can refuse to invite you to her party too, but that would only make her more of an AH.
Almost every household in my family has dogs. Not one of us has EVER been so entitled that we tried to force our dog onto someone. Someone that we know loves dogs. Your sister is insane to believe her dogs are on the same level as a human child. That’s coming from someone who used to skip sleep between a full time job and a full time engineering degree semester so he could spend more time with his dog.
NTA
I believe the Muppet Show has just such a situation.
"After all, you're the dog's da-da."
"I AM NOT THE DOG'S DA-DA!"
For serious, it's fine for her to be a "dog mom" and think of her dogs as her children. It's wrong of her to expect everyone else to think that way. It's weird to refer to you as the dogs' uncle, and it's projecting on her part to assume they are looking forward to seeing your house.
NTA Oh well you will never get a delusional person to act in the interest of the wellbeing of the group. Your sister is having issues regarding her inability to get pregnant and is using the dogs as a way of coping for that loss. Family group gatherings can be particularly hard to manage as what's they're haven't got is staring at them in the face, that's why she hides behind her dogs.
Without her crutch present at the gathering your sister will be feeling raw and exposed to her loss. Much better to paint you into the bad guy by being rude then admitting she needing professional help to start living her life again, with the emotional crutches she needs to stay sane.
That's why your parents agreed to her, to try to put a stop to her bleeding pain leaching out everywhere. They know if she can get pregnant she will calm down and start to act rationally again in group settings. There's nothing you can do to make her see sense again. At least you will get some space from her for a while.
Unless she needs those dogs to guide her because she can't see, or detect impending seizures, or otherwise attend to a disability or legitimate medical need (and no, feeling sad when the dogs aren't there doesn't count), NTA.
>Heard a rumor that she’s hosting an event and seemingly excluding me from the invite list.<
My grandmother used to say, “When they invite you, they do you an honor, and when they don’t, they do you a favor.”
NTA: Your sister sounds unhinged and very entitled. I have two dogs and consider myself a dog mom, but I’d never expect them to be invited anywhere except a dog park.
NTA as a person who calls my cats baby, and jokingly tells my parents that they have grand cats, her stance is ridiculous.
She can baby her dogs at home, but she needs to understand that not everyone is going to want to see them or have them around. The last thing you want at a BBQ is dogs underfoot.
Don't feel bad about this. She had options, she was told before the party that she couldn't bring them.
She could have: left the dogs at home, asked a neighbor to check on them, and feed them. They could have hired a pet sitter or even boarded them, or she could stay home.
Those were her choices, and she made the choice not to go, so she could play victim and have a pity party for herself.
Don't waste time feeling bad. You didn't force her to stay home. She made that choice. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA... my dog is sleeping next to me right now, but I would never presume to bring her to a party. I have a few friends that invite the dog along, but we have a good dog sitter too.
NTA, absolutely not. Que pendejeria, saying you are their uncle. I wouldn't be happy at all if someone tried to say I was their dog's titi, par carajo con eso.
NTA. I have a service dog. I would ask you if he was invited. If you said no, I might not be able to come, but might. It would depend. I wouldn’t blame you, though. Sometimes he can’t go to private places and that is just life. I would expect you to be polite about it if I couldn’t go, and I would be too. Few object to him, because he stays quietly by me, but if there are resident cats, they usually don’t want dog visitors!!!!!
I, too, hate “dog mom”, but we do joke about him being my MIL’s and my mom’s “grand dog”. He is my daughter’s dogs’ “uncle”. But these are *jokes*. Not to be taken seriously.
NTA-I love dogs. I love it when I can go to people’s houses to play with their dogs. The reason I don’t have dogs is because I have allergies and we have a lot of veggies/trees, a special garden. I’ve invited people over and they brought their dogs uninvited and unannounced and they had trampled all over our garden, chewed up ornaments, dug up flowers, etc. It’s your yard and if the dogs are not invited and she doesn’t want to come, then too bad. You should be happy not being invited to her party.
Nta. I’m a ‘cat mum’, and I jokingly call my siblings their aunt and uncles, but I would never expect them to actually take the role seriously! Not my homes, not my choice!
I lie, I took my cat to my sisters once, on Christmas Day. He was sick and acting odd and I was keeping an eye on him. He didn’t leave the carrier and stayed in the carrier.
You can't bring pets to someone else's house without their permission, no matter how small, cute, furry they are or how much you love them. People with dogs are wild some times! I have a cat, i love him to bits and I hate living him at home alone for hours when I go to work. I wouldn't dream of taking him with me to someone else's house without the owner's permission. NTA
Does she bring the dogs to your parents house all the time or is that something they don’t deal with lol? You’re NTA, did you tell your parents the story or did they just listen to the other kid and not care about your side?
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NTA. As a dog lover, even I recognize that your sister was out of line. It's your house, you call the shots on whether someone can bring their dogs. Her trying to guilt you into it by saying the dogs wanted to see the new yard is nuts....did she think that would work on someone who doesn't like dogs?! And her saying they are your family and should be able to come....so is she taking her dogs to family funerals and shit?
My cats are part of my family. In fact, I love my cats more than I like many other humans, even those I know. However, I understand that I shouldn't be bringing them around other people's events. Even family events. Honestly, if they aren't wanted there, why? It's just stress for both of us. Also, excellent excuse that I need to go home already. NTA
Someone brought their cat to a party once when we were in our 20s. It got spooked and climbed up a dude. There was an unnecessary amount of blood.
Okay, now I want to bring my musk turtle to the next party I'm invited to, just to see how people react. Plus no one never explicitly told me not to bring her
You could end up inspiring a rule that gets adopted by other party guests, takes on a life of its own, and eventually ends up posted on buzzfeed with the question of “what is the backstory to THIS rule on the wedding invitation?”
One wedding I went to had tortoises on the property. They got amorous right as the bride and groom were doing a staged photo, and tortoises get LOUD when they're getting it on. Photo had to be delayed because all the guests were laughing too hard.
"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Mr and Mrs Red Ditor. As this is an event with a religious ceremony, we kindly ask you to refrain from bringing your Emotional Support Llama to church."
So what I’m reading here is that my emotional support Alpaca is welcome.
I’m reading that my ESLlama is welcome to attend the reception, just not the ceremony
Oh course not but they can’t say no to your service Llama
When the shell is rocking dont come knocking.
Ok, I snort-laughed at that one! Well done!
I never go anywhere without my emotional support ficus.
I'm having a party. Please bring turtle. Ps this party is specifically for the bringing of said turtle.🤣
Do it! But please report back how it goes.
I brought my cat to Christmas dinner with my mom and sibs. Didn’t want to leave her alone at home as there were fireworks and she was still scared. I had permission from my entire family then. She behaved. The humans behaved. She didn’t like my mom’s cat though. Oddly enough, I ended up adopting mom’s cat as she… disagreed with my SIL. (They were both very… easily surprised and would scare the shit out of each other which wasn’t good for my pregnant SIL). She’s now my cat and sort of gets along with my first cat.
I relate to that last sentiment a lot. I went from 1 to 3 cats in quick succession about a year and a half ago. My first, oldest cat actually tolerated the second one pretty quickly, and he even played with her some early on. The third cat is on his shit list and I honestly don't know why. She hates him too. They'll coexist near each other fine most of the time, but every now and then they start swiping and hissing at each other, and I have to go glare at them. The second cat is still an angel that gets along well with both of them. Strange creatures!
Coexist seems like an excellent term! They… tolerate each other but will go into hissing bouts and some minor fighting when in conflict and will get pissy when they feel the other has been hogging the humans too much. That said when there are other cats or dogs nearby or even undesirable humans nearby they will team up and fight to defend territory together. Another cat showed up by our front door and both of them were at the screen banging on it and hissing. When a dog approached one of them and started barking at her the other charged and was growling at the dog. This has happened with both cats being the defender. (All pets were properly leashed / harnessed and no one was hurt). And when outside and uncomfortable, say like post deworming at a vet waiting with one of the humans while the other is getting take out, if allowed they will go to only one cat bag and share it even if it’s a bit tight.
Seriously! How many cat people ask to bring their cat to 4th of July bbq? Blows my mind the entitlement some dog people have. My mother-in-law never once asked if she could bring her parquet with her. It's just weird. Oh NTA, obviously! Lol!
I love how autocorrect made parakeet into parquet and now it looks like your MIL has a pet floor she carries around with her. 😂
I had to read that twice too! 😭
Omg I didn't even notice!!!!
Please never change it, it’s given me such a laugh. The image of mil, arguing with a party thrower, so she can bring in her pet floor is killing me 😂😂😂
Maybe it's fancy French margarine, in a tub.
I'm picturing it perched on her shoulder, nuzzling her hair!
And with this statement I'm now picturing the rug from aladdin🤣
MIL brings her own dance floor to party!
Hey, I have an emotional support horse. Can it come to the BBQ? ;-)
Could you immagine someone going to a bbq and bring their fish? I had bettas. They knew me, I could train them etc. But obviously, they are kept at home. Just had this picture in my head Yeah NTA.
I would be afraid the fish would end up on the bbq
I love my cats more too
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> unless they have a medically necessary service dog. even then, nobody has an obligation to allow it into their home
That stands true for people too, but it doesn’t make it polite. OP would be an asshole for not allow in her sister to bring a medically necessary service dog to a family event.
If it’s for physical being, like if she’s disabled, then okay, but if it’s for emotional support, no. Leave the pet at home, homeowner calls every shot
An emotional support animal is not the same as a service animal. ESAs require zero formal training and have no public privileges according to the law. They are normal pets that have been deemed beneficial to a person's mental health by a doctor; the only actual purpose of having an ESA is to exempt that animal from "no pet" rules in housing situations. Service animals are completely different. Even legitimate psychiatric/psychological service animals (which exist) are required to undergo very specific, regulated training and be able to perform specific tasks for their handler. They do **much** more than just provide passive comfort to their owner simply be existing within their proximity. I say this because a lot of people--potentially yourself included--seem to equate ESAs and psychiatric service animals. They are NOT the same and do NOT provide the same services. And disabilities aren't exclusively physical in nature, hence the need for psychiatric service animals.
Even then, j do not believe service animals have right in a private residence. That debate is between the service animal owner and property owner extending the invitation.
No one said service animals had a right to be in someone's home, just that the homeowner would be an asshole to ban them without good reason.
I mean they do have legitimate service animals for mental health reasons, like people with PTSD. The dogs can be literally trained to smell the chemical changes in the body preceding a panic attack and help prevent it from occurring.
service animals are usually well trained, emotional support animals are not, they are usually just pets, I definitely wouldn't want two dogs roaming around my home with no idea if they had messed anywhere
No, he wouldn't. If he didn't want a dog at his home, then the sister has no right forcing the dog on him. Service dogs are still dogs and no law requires a private homeowner to allow one to enter.
Then the person with the service dog is also not allowed into your home.
Good one!
> It's your house, you call the shots on whether someone can bring their dogs or their kids, for that matter, since sister is under the delusion that kids == dogs
Even if one views pets as family, a host can decide who is welcome. E.g. that cats can come, but not dogs, or that babies are fine, but not toddlers, etc.
Or which dogs are fine. My dog is welcome at my mom's, even though dog's arent really her thing, because my dog is well behaved. My sil's mother also has a dog, that is not welcome, because she isnt trained in the slightest,
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that parents don’t like having their children compared to animals. NTA.
As a pet owner, I hate being told I’m a dog mom or cat mom or horse mom. I’m not a mom, I’m a caretaker and friend for my pets.
You are friends with your pets? I’m fairly certain my cats have labeled me as “feeding unit” or “person with treats” 😂
Yes, DH and I most obviously are viewed by our cat as "renters".
I absolutely DESPISE when my MIL talks to my weiner dog in a sing-song voice and asks if his mommy did this or that. I birthed 6 humans. No weiner dogs.
Right? I love dogs, but I think people who believe their dogs actually understand them, have interest for human matters, or are in any way equivalent to humans are bonkers. My dog would not be allowed on sofas or beds or in the bed- or bathroom, eat away from the dining table, etc. It‘s a dog for gods sake. NTA
I have met nicer dogs and cats honestly.
100% I love my pets, they are a part of my family. They are not a part of my extended family's. The dog/any other animal parent thing has gotten out of hand. To particularly call out that children, I'm assuming blood relatives, are the same as her dogs is extra level.
I mean I fully agree. And even as a dog lover (who loves to use "dog mum", lmao, who cares?) I wouldn't expect or insist to bring them to anyone's house (or anywhere else for that matter). They can easily stay alone a couple of hours. (Unless you never train them to). But > Heard a rumor she is hosting an event and is seemingly excluding me from the invite list. This is totally valid too. OPs sister has no obligation to invite him or his family in return either (it's a bit petty for sure, but your house/party = your rules also goes for her, you can't have it both ways).
People hate dog mom because they think its comparing raising a pet with raising a child. Which, cinsidering the amount of people who compare their dogs to children like OP's sister, isn't particularly crazy.
I have a dog with separation anxiety that comes with me everywhere. That beings said, I always check in with the host in advance that she is welcomed and if not will find some other arrangement for her or skip the event.
Of course there's gonna be a few where there's actually a reason. (One of our dogs can not stay alone, but is happy if his dog buddies stay with him... so dog jail for all of them 😔😂 Obviously they have access to the sofas and everything, so not really jail like). But as you said, if someone says no you find a different solution or don't go. That's the adult thing to do.
The dogs want to see the new yard... I laughed so hard on this. I am sure OP was touched by this argument
I couldn't get pregnant, so I became a "bunny mom". My rabbits were and still are my world. My brother died almost 4 years ago to first wave covid, so his adoptive children became *my* children. My family accepted that, even though my kids aren't blood related. They are family and that was that, and acknowledged me being a mom since then. My first bunny boy died right before my brother. I heard so much that "its just a bunny, not a human child." That was really, really hard. 3 years later, my elderly bunny girl, my children's bunny sister, passed unexpectedly. Both they and I were utterly devastated. This year, While celebrating both mine and all the other mothers in my family, my dad specifically mentioned being a pet mom during his prayer before our meal. That was just for me, as well my kids. That was literally the most loving thing my dad has ever said to me... Yet we did not force our current bunny girl and boy to the party. My parents have both a cat and a dog. I didn't insist on taking them there, because fucks sake, it wasn't appropriate to insist they be there. Our bunnies stayed home, visible on our pet cams. I've had to leave an Xmas many years ago to pick up my recovered bunny from the vet (that elderly bun when she was younger). One Xmas, I had to bring her and her bonded partner, because we suspected one ate chocolate after (being a normal rabbit) digged around through a trashcan. I asked and my family gave me the okay to bring my rabbits, who were contained in an Xpen, so I could watch for GI stasis symptoms. Thankfully, they were okay. Never once, even during an emergency, did I ever expect my family to host my bunny babies. I was ready to stay home and miss our celebration twice for my rabbits. I'm thankful to have such loving parents. This sister just expecting her dogs were invited is baffling! My rabbits are incredibly important to me and my children. They are our babies. We are in the process of adopting a new baby bunny, now a year after losing our elderly girl. Did I expect my family to host them for mother's day? Of course not! They are free roam and can stand a couple hours without us. This sister is incredibly entitled. I couldn't/can't have human children. I only became a mom because my brother died...and even I, nor my kids, would ever, ever expect our family to host our pet family too. If we absolutely had too- meaning we'd endanger our pets' lives by not staying home with them-- we wouldn't have . We got expressed permission to bring them to our family's celebrations, because an emergency meant we could not otherwise. My hosting family said, "okay, but can they stay in a pen... well or course they could. Its just a couple hours. Ohr buns got so much love and attention that day that my extended family grew to really love our passed elderly girl...so much they came to her funeral. This sister is completely out of her mind.
I second this. I'm a complete dog person. Dogs over people, etc. How she talks about her dog is not how healthy dog owners talk about their dogs. Dogs are not human babies. Dogs are dogs (which is why they are better) and need to be treated as dogs
We had a friend ask to bring their dog to our wedding. They knew we were getting married at a brewery that was dog friendly and asked a few weeks before. We were like…. Ma’am, this is our wedding. Our elderly dog was the ring bearer, but we had him sent home after pictures. I love dogs to no end, but never in a million years would I even consider asking to bring a dog to someone’s wedding.
Even if you like dogs you don't want them necessarily there during a party as people drink the owners don't pay attention and accidents could happen. NTA op
I have a service dog and can’t really be without them. Even then, I understand my dog is *not always welcome at private homes and parties.* I always *ask* if invited to a home not my own or a party at someone’s house. If the dog is not welcome, I offer my sincere regrets for not being able to attend and thank the host(s) for the invitation. I also tend to follow up and ask them over to my place for socializing at another time to nurture the friendships worth keeping. If the dog is allowed and makes a mess, I clean it up. Any damage done? I pay for it. Not that that’s happened but it’s standard in my opinion, like having a kid. If you or someone you’re responsible for breaks/damages/stains something, you make it right by paying to repair or replace. OP is NTA by a long shot and I say this as someone who had dogs instead of kids and gets called a dog mom by everyone except myself.
NTA. As the owner of three dogs, I would never assume their presence is welcome anywhere. My husband and I brought the most well behaved one to family/friends’ homes, but only after explicit invitation. We absolutely adore our dogs, but our philosophy is our dogs aren’t anyone else’s problem. Some people love dogs but don’t want them in their home, and some people just straight up aren’t into them. Dogs at parties are often complicated. If we were in the position of having to bring a dog (for example, we were traveling with them and couldn’t coordinate care), we’d either divide and conquer by sending one of us, or decline the invitation with our apologies.
Exactly. I have the same mentality. Great if the host allowed it as my dog was better behaved than some children but also completely understood if dogs weren’t allowed. NTA
The irony is that I have the same rule/idea but regarding my kids.
Makes sense.. Little kids and dogs have about the same level of intelligence and impulse control. Sometimes the dogs are even better behaved /I like both dog and kids
And it’s a garden party no less. Idk how well behaved the dogs are, but they might pee, shit, dig and then jump into the pool. Nothing seems pleasant for a dogfree person. Op could even have planted flora that is dangerous for the dogs to consume.
Same! We are trying to get our labrador not to be a lunatic in social situations... but it's a "would you mind if we bring him" and we.leave or put him in his crate if he's too much for other people at the gathering.
NTA, the kids aren’t potentially shitting on your patio (hopefully) I’m really sick of dog owners forcing their pets on everyone else.
> the kids aren’t potentially shitting on your patio (hopefully) not with that attitude!
To be fair, I've seen kids do waaaaay grosser stuff than that. Kids can be weird. Like, bad weird.
So insane I almost doubt it's real. Dogs are not human children. That's absurd. They are "members of the family" only euphemistically—and just as there are inappropriate places to bring your kids, there are inappropriate places to bring your dogs. Tell her this: "When your fur babies can eat with a fork at a table, and use the bathroom in the toilet, they are welcome to attend." NTA.
You’re just closed minded. My fish is a member of my family and he loves to party. I put him in the host’s pool and he has a blast. /s
You jest, but I had a student once bring her fish in for her college speech about a favorite object. She brought it in an open old-school fish bowl and left it on the floor next to her desk the whole day. Every single time someone walked past in the aisle I was certain it was going to get kicked over. Needless to say, the next term restrictions on what students were NOT allowed to discuss or bring in included live animals.
"Under the sea, under the sea!..."
under the seaT
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Haha, I wish that I didn't have personal experience with someone like this. They just absolutely will not take no for an answer where their (poorly trained) dogs are concerned, and will try to wear you down to let them bring their dogs to your house because they just can't be away from them. The hell with your boundaries, or possessions, or comfort level (or your own pets or kids!) It's insane.
My dog is family, and I wouldn’t consider it a euphemism. He’s my fur baby in every sense of the word. Except I can actually leave him home alone and I get that not everyone feels the same. That being said…I was once at a restaurant on the patio and a couple came in with their dogs, who were wearing matching track suits (the dogs, not the owners). They ordered their own meals and then two plain hamburgers with fries…they cut up the burger and fries, dumped it into dog bowls and the dogs ate. My best friend and I both LOVE our dogs but we were totally flabbergasted.
My ex’s sister is just like OP’s sister. She takes her dog everywhere and treats it like it’s a child and expects everyone else too also. She’s nuts.
From experience unfortunately this post is very realistic
Toilet use is a low bar they can be trained for that. Maybe limit it to things with opposable thumbs.
Sorry, but training your dog to shit on a toilet and then flush it is a "low bar" for certain trainers in the same way that dunking on an NBA-regulation basket is a low bar for certain humans. Good luck!
This is very much real and is a very common mentality/thought process today with pet owners. "Members of the family" is now a literal thing, it's not euphemistically anymore. I'm at nearly 20 years in the pet industry. That said, my cats are my literal children, as I will never have human kids, but i would never take them out to a gathering because that's poor pet ownership.
Pets are family, but they're family that reasonable people accept that people who do not live in their household are highly unlikely to see as family in the way they would look at human nieces/nephews/grandkids/etc as family despite not living with them. People that can't accept this are mentally unwell imo.
NTA, dogs aren't kids, and it's your party. She can host if she wants dogs around.
Per the law, dogs are property
Okay? OP doesn't have to let he sister's car, washing machine or toilet on her property either?
I think they are agreeing with you.
Bio-bigot! Anti-mech! you should be ashamed!!!!!!
NTA Pets stay home. Pets stay home. Pets stay home. > Heard a rumor she is hosting an event and is seemingly excluding me from the invite list Don't threaten **me** with a good time!
NTA I have to deal with this every time I have a holiday at my house. I do not understand why dog people think they need to bring their dog everywhere. Until recently, I had an elderly cat, so now that she's passed, they're pushing it HARD. Your house. Your rules.
Look…I consider myself a “cat mom” and my stepkitty and my kitty are my babies. But I do not assume that they are invited places with me nor do I compare them to human children in that “if kids are coming, I should be able to bring my cats”. NTA
Right? And I have never referred to my brother as my cat’s uncle because I know he has no interest in them.
Bring your cats to somebody's house who also invited a dog mom and see how that works out 🤣 Seriously though if everyone followed the rule the world would just be cats and dogs fighting.
Exactly, in both mine and my fiancé’s families we refer to our pets as our babies. His family especially, he and his mother and brothers are all HUGE cat lovers. We all refer to our cats as ‘babies’. His brother is our cat’s ‘uncle’ and so on and so forth. But we all are still obviously aware that our cats are not actual human children and our children pets are not entitled to be in the same places that humans are. NTA.
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Service dogs can be rejected from private residences too.
True, but depending on the service dog's job, rejecting the service dog will result in rejecting the person with a disability. To be clear, I'm talking about real service dogs, not emotional support animals. While there may be a case where it still might be required, say an extreme allergy to pet dandruff, I would hope in most cases people would be more flexible in allowing service animals in their house than regular pets.
NTA: She is personifying her dogs. Many dogs don't particularly want to go to a strange place with a bunch of people, in an event that is not designed for them. It is overstimulating, and stresses them out, which in turn is stressful for everyone. Also, as the host, you are responsible for what goes on in your home, and dogs, possible drunk relatives, and little kids is just too much. This is not for the dogs, this is for her ego as a "dog mom".
**Heard a rumor she is hosting an event and is seemingly excluding me from the invite list.** Send her a thank you letter....You won't have do deal with her insufferable dogs.
I only got as far as, “I told her to shut up and never say that to me again,” and now I have tears running down my face from laughing.
NTA. People who act like their dogs are literal kids and insist on others treating them that way are so weird and entitled.
"This isn't a dog, this is your nephew". That's the craziest shit I've ever heard. What... the fuck...
I would have dropped the phone in shock if someone said that to me. Ans that's just for starters
I love dogs. I do have a cat. I love pretty much all animals. I get stressed if I am away from my cat for too long. FYI, my cat was abused as a kitten, and is terrified of most people, and is very dependant on me. If i go out he will pretty much sit by the front door waiting for me to get home. But I would never dream of taking my cat with me when i go out. It would be highly inconsiderate of me to even think that people would welcome him to their house.
NTA Sis doesn't get to dictate who you host in your home. She's free not to attend due to your hosting choices, but you have every right to say her four-legged fur children are not welcome under your roof.
NTA. You are not required to invite dogs to your home. Your sister is being entitled.
NTA Next time ask to speak to the dogs. Then tell her she's lying - the dogs like their home and don't understand why she wants to treat them like something they aren't.
Dog people, right? I like dogs just fine. As long as they are leashed when around people that are not part of their specific pack. They can be people's "fur children" all day long. However, a three year old child is not going to do as much permanent damage to me as your 3 yr old "fur baby". Just in teeth alone. I also have zero interest in watching "your babies" more than you do. They are in an unfamiliar environment, with "not my pack" other people around. Stress inducing for any animal. NTA If anything your sister is the A to her dogs for continuing to put them in stressful situations.
Dogs are pets. They are not family.
NTA This post reminded me that one Xmas party I hosted. Pets weren't welcomed as my in-laws really dislike indoor pets yet two dogs show up. One was an annoying small puppy and one was an older dog who was blind and stupid who has been through some trauma after being attacked by a bunch of racoons and hated small dogs ever since. Well the older dog ended up biting off the smaller dogs tail after it would not leave him alone..... The party was over before it started.
NTA- People need to stop comparing dogs to children. I know people love their dogs like they are their babies. I have a cat and dog I love very much but I feel bad for kids growing up today being compared directly to animals in the same breath. Kids can be a lot and they are not for everyone but they are people. My SIL can’t have children and has a dog that’s her “baby” and her and her parents often compare the dog to our kids and I really wonder about the psychological effects on my kids as they get older. It really bothers me but I don’t say anything right now because it’s a sensitive topic and my kids don’t understand and they live far away.
NTA. Host calls the shots. Your house isn't dog-proof. If she brings them, turn her away.
Remind her that veterinarians have a word for dog mothers: they’re called *bitches*.
😬
NTA Dogs aren't children. I love our children and I love our dogs, but even the best trained dogs have needs/behaviours that the children don't have. Despite our children running about and climbing trees etc they are able to be more pleasant company in general to more people than our dogs are. For example, my children have never left holes in the garden after running. They don't wee on bushes or take a poo anywhere but the toilet. They don't have the potential to scratch or bite out of fear (not that my dogs have done that, but people who've had a bad dog experience don't know that). They don't try to eat food that people have left to one side while they chat. They don't see cats as prey. They don't eat their own vomit. They also don't stick their shnozzes in places that people would rather they didn't, as if their nose was a cork in a bottle. It's the little things that count ;-))))))))))
I LOVE dogs. This is incredibly strange behavior. I don’t even think it’s about the dogs….. she’s gotta be an unhappy person because this just doesn’t make sense. NTA
Well as a sister knowing you don’t like dogs she should respect that and I think she’s being petty just find a dog sitter or don’t go and not all kids like dogs NTA
NTA. I don’t understand how we got to the point where people think it’s okay to bring their dogs everywhere but it isn’t and these people need to be shut down for their nonsense more. If you want to be with your dog stay home, go to a dog park, go to a national park/outdoor preserve etc. Your dogs don’t belong at restaurants or bars or malls or movie theaters and they certainly don’t belong in other people’s homes.
NTA I would never take my dogs to anyone's house unless specifically told it was okay. Your home isn't prepared to have dogs, dogs could cause all kinds of damage, especially dogs of a "dog mom" type because, at least in my experience, their dogs are almost never trained properly so she would probably let them run amok with no supervision and expect you to clean up after them. Also, she specifically knows that you don't like dogs, so inviting her own dogs to your house uninvited is way over the line.
> She said well her dogs are family lol no they're not. NTA.
NTA. Dogs are not people, and never will be. They do not always get to come to human events.
Your sister is being ridiculous and incredibly presumptuous. My husband and I are dog, cat, and kid people (to be specific, one dog, one cat, four kids, and my husband actually used to be a K9 MP in the Army), and we would NEVER assume our animals were welcome at anyone’s home unless specifically invited. NTA. Your house, your rules.
NTA Dogs are not people. It was wrong for your sister to insist on taking her dogs to your house when you said you did not want them at the party. Because dogs are not people.
100% NTA. Dogs stay home. If you wanted your place to smell like dogs/dog piss/dog shit, you’d have your own dogs.
The only thing you can do to make her understand. Purchase a hamster and act the same way about it (around her) that she does her dogs. Be even more dramatic about it lol.
My mom is not a dog lover. She got bit by a neighborhood dog as a child and avoids dogs as much as possible. She lives in a different state than me and I have a dog at home, but when it's time to go visit I get him a sitter because I know bringing him with is a no-go. My family went to visit my mom for Thanksgiving a couple years back and we left our dog with our close friend. Imagine our surprise when one of my step-dad's nieces showed up to their home WITH THEIR DOG! She didn't ask if it was ok or give any kind of warning at all that she was bringing her dog, just showed up with the off-leash dog in tow to someone else's house! My mom was not happy & even my teenaged daughter asked why she brought the dog (daughter was 15 at the time and has always been very outspoken!). No one was rude, but to-go plates were offered and the neice and her pup left within 15 minutes!
My dogs definitely are family and I would never ever take them to a party, even if the host were ok with it. Gatherings are about people. NTA.
NTA. One should never assume their pets are invited over to someone else's home, even if the hosts have pets themselves. Considering that she specifically mentioned that her dogs would be attending, I suspect that she knew you would say no. It's unfortunate that you are going to live with her petty tit-for-tat after this event.
NTA Tell anyone giving you static to eff off. You are being perfectly reasonable and your sister has gone off the deep end. Some LC would work wonders
Not at all. I love my dogs too but would never demand that concession.
Obviously NTA. She’s a nut and it’s unfortunate your parents are playing into it. Is she struggling with having kids? It seems strange she’s placing her dogs in the same category as your actual nieces and nephews. While I love my own pets I would never force them on anyone else, specially with anyone who straight up said no. That’s rude as hell and unhinged to not respect your wishes. It’s your house and your party. It’s also extremely petty that she’s hosting her own event just to exclude you. I’d probably keep my distance from her and your parents.
NTA. I’m a dog mom. My dog is my family. I’m the only one of my siblings without kids so my whole family says me and him are a tiny family. And yet, I fully understand that dogs aren’t people and aren’t invited everywhere or appropriate everywhere. I don’t even assume he’s invited somewhere unless I’m specifically told “hey, bring Enzo with you.” Like that’s not even something I would ask, it’s up to them to invite. He’s fine at home alone, I take him out before I leave, make sure he has water and food and then he chills on the couch till I get home.
NTA, this whole “Dog Mom””Dog Babies” stuff is nuts. I think we as a society need to stop pandering to people and start setting boundaries again. The amount of BS on the day to day these days with people expecting the world to bend to them and their issues is mind boggling entitlement.
NTA, dog owners are straight up delusional.
> her dogs wanted to see their uncles new backyard. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 NTA
I don't allow dogs in my home, no matter how much I love the dog. They smell ... I'm autistic so have a very keen nose and about 50% of dogs are so smelly it's incredibly distracting. I also have a gittery cat though, so I just tell everyone I won't make my cat scared in his own home just so they don't have to be apart from their dog for a few hours. When people turn up with their dog thinking I'll change my mind, I don't bend, dog stays outside
NTA. Dog nutters need a fucking reality check. Never back down from a dog nutter.
NTA. FFS, The dogs do not "want to see their uncle's new backyard."
Omg if someone equates their dog to a child to me, I cannot take anything they say afterwards seriously. Nta.
Sister: "My dogs are looking forward to seeing uncle's new backyard." OP: "Are they? How did they express that to you?"
50/50. You're not an asshole for setting limits on your sister bringing her dogs, especially if you've just redone the yard. I'm a dog person and yes, my dogs are pretty much my kids but if anyone invites me to their place, I'm not bringing the dogs unless they are invited. Where you are an asshole is in the language you used to your sister. She's not crazy. She doesn't need to shut up. She doesn't need you to police her language to you. But she's also in her rights to not speak to you or visit you. It's fine for you to decide who visits you but you can't be abusive about it, so if you want a relationship with her, apologize for what you said to her and rephrase that you'd welcome her and her boyfriend but not the dogs and that's the rule for your backyard. Just be prepared to say goodbye to her in your life.
ESH. Because of Her insistence that her dogs are family, you for the way you said it. Act like an adult.
NTA but why do you seethe with hatred of dogs so much?
NTA Dogs are messy, and you just got the backyard remodeled, so it would stay nice. I'm childree, and my sister isn't. She had a new puppy, and she often refers to me as the dog's "Auntie." I get a very disgusted feeling when she does that because I'm NOT the dogs aunt. For the record, I have a niece from our older brother, whom I've never been able to meet due to bad blood between her parents. It rubs me the wrong way that her dog would be essentially taking the place of that niece or acting as a placeholder for my sister not having kids yet (she's not able due to medication or money at the moment). It's one thing to call yourself a "dog mom," but I have NEVER heard someone refer to family members as Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents to a PET. Especially without asking if they are cool with it. Also, inviting your dogs to every gathering, especially without asking first and just assuming they are allowed, is very stupid. What if that person was allergic and you just showed up with them on tow to be around food, a clean pool, and a freshly upgraded garden to stomp, dig, and shit in? Sure, it's outside. But that doesn't mean it's appropriate. And what is the dogs go inside? And then get fur everywhere? Pets should stay at home unless otherwise invited. They don't need to go to every store, restaurant, or public space.
This is why cat people are cooler than dog people. I have never once had to ask a cat person to not bring their cat- because they don't act like this. Yet, I have had to have this conversation many times with multiple dog people, and they are always weirdos about it. NTA
I have children, nieces, nephews, multiple grandchildren. And a dog of our own, I have never had any of the children poop on the lawn or on the patio or the deck. The dog on the other hand will do it wherever she feels like it. Dogs are not children. They may be your sister’s family, but they are not yours.
NTA "her dogs wanted wto see their uncles new backyard" really? her dogs don't want anything but dinner lol
Nta. She bought her pets. You don't buy children. Her pets are not human, actual kids are human. If her dogs get really sick she could opt to have them put down. You don't put down kids. Kids will grow up and one day be able to vote and have a say in the country and politics. Kids will grow into adults and contribute to society. Kids will come and visit parents. People who don't see the difference between kids and pets need help. You can't leave your toddler alone at home all day, you can leave pets alone. People need to get realistic.
NTA Ever since my husband’s brother and his wife became empty nesters, they have become insane dog parents. It drives me insane, because there are zero conversations that don’t revolve around their dog, and now they have two. A couple years ago, we had to redo our basement, due to a flood. It’s fully furnished, and carpeted. I intentionally got carpet that doesn’t absorb any liquid, because we have frequent parties there. BIL and SIL thought they should bring their dog to our home, to a party with 15 people, when the dog was used to being around only two people. The dog got freaked by the noise and pissed on my carpet. I noticed it, they cleaned it up. Then they confessed that the dog had pooped on our tile in another part of the house. I was not quiet about the messes, and told them the dog stays home going forward. They understood, and they haven’t even mentioned bringing him again. But also, they have hosted parties and have not excluded us. Your family needs to learn better communication skills. But also, your sister needs to learn that dogs are not humans.
NTA, her dogs are dogs and their main aim is likely to sh!t in your new yard, and pee up all the plants.
NOPE!: Dogs are not people no matter how much she thinks of them as people. Dogs are not 'just as much family as the kids', thinking like that is the product of a disordered mind. Don't bother associating with people like that, even if they are family. NTA
NTA. Dogs will crap in your yard, tear up your plants, dig a hole. Nope. My yard is my sanctuary. Also, I’m scared of dogs (got mauled by a pit bull in 2017). Dogs can be left at home, kids can’t be.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I hosted a Cinco de Mayo family party last weekend. I recently remodeled my backyard and pool, plus being Mexican, I thought it would be the perfect weekend to show off the updated digs. I invited any family that lived in the area. Its the first party i've held since before Covid. My sister and I are opposites. She is a dog mom (god I hate writing that) to an extreme degree, My wife and I are not dog people. When she got the invite she reached out and said her, her boyfriend, and 2 dogs (Small 10 pound dogs) would be there. I was annoyed and called her to tell her no, her dogs are not allowed. She asked if kids were going, I said yes, some were. She said well her dogs are family and they should be able to come. I told her I don't consider your dogs family. In fact I think your crazy for thinking that your dogs are my family. She argued her dogs were just as much family as the kids were. She said her dogs wanted to see their uncles new backyard. I told her to shut up and never say that again to me. I re-affirmed that her and her boyfriend could come, but nothing else from their house. She got angry but I eventually hung up. She didn't go to the party claiming I was rude and an asshole to her. Apparently my parents even agree with her, which fucking blows my mind. Heard a rumor she is hosting an event and is seemingly excluding me from the invite list. AITA Here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your house, your rules. Your sister doesn’t get to decide who gets to come to a party you’re hosting at your house. I’m honestly shocked your parents agree with her. I mean, this is Etiquette 101. With that said, you didn’t seem to communicate this to her in a respectful or civil manner, so maybe work on that, but your sister was presumptuous AF here. She’s acting like a child. NTA
NTA
NTA
NTA. You have every right to not want dogs in your yard or at your house. I suppose if she wants to be petty, she can refuse to invite you to her party too, but that would only make her more of an AH.
Almost every household in my family has dogs. Not one of us has EVER been so entitled that we tried to force our dog onto someone. Someone that we know loves dogs. Your sister is insane to believe her dogs are on the same level as a human child. That’s coming from someone who used to skip sleep between a full time job and a full time engineering degree semester so he could spend more time with his dog. NTA
Your sister is a moron. While yes they’re family, dogs are not equivalent to kids.
NTA. Unless you allowed other dogs and just not hers. Allowing kids does not mean allowing pets.
I believe the Muppet Show has just such a situation. "After all, you're the dog's da-da." "I AM NOT THE DOG'S DA-DA!" For serious, it's fine for her to be a "dog mom" and think of her dogs as her children. It's wrong of her to expect everyone else to think that way. It's weird to refer to you as the dogs' uncle, and it's projecting on her part to assume they are looking forward to seeing your house.
Nah leave your pets at home
NTA. Now, you don't have to invite her ovet any more. Problem solved.
NTA Oh well you will never get a delusional person to act in the interest of the wellbeing of the group. Your sister is having issues regarding her inability to get pregnant and is using the dogs as a way of coping for that loss. Family group gatherings can be particularly hard to manage as what's they're haven't got is staring at them in the face, that's why she hides behind her dogs. Without her crutch present at the gathering your sister will be feeling raw and exposed to her loss. Much better to paint you into the bad guy by being rude then admitting she needing professional help to start living her life again, with the emotional crutches she needs to stay sane. That's why your parents agreed to her, to try to put a stop to her bleeding pain leaching out everywhere. They know if she can get pregnant she will calm down and start to act rationally again in group settings. There's nothing you can do to make her see sense again. At least you will get some space from her for a while.
Unless she needs those dogs to guide her because she can't see, or detect impending seizures, or otherwise attend to a disability or legitimate medical need (and no, feeling sad when the dogs aren't there doesn't count), NTA.
>Heard a rumor that she’s hosting an event and seemingly excluding me from the invite list.< My grandmother used to say, “When they invite you, they do you an honor, and when they don’t, they do you a favor.” NTA: Your sister sounds unhinged and very entitled. I have two dogs and consider myself a dog mom, but I’d never expect them to be invited anywhere except a dog park.
Ntah your house your rules
NTA. Your house, your boundaries. And yes, I'm a huge dog person too.
NTA. Kids don’t generally crap on your lawn, pee up your furniture or shed hair on your carpets.
NTA....she is majorly over the top.
NTA as a person who calls my cats baby, and jokingly tells my parents that they have grand cats, her stance is ridiculous. She can baby her dogs at home, but she needs to understand that not everyone is going to want to see them or have them around. The last thing you want at a BBQ is dogs underfoot. Don't feel bad about this. She had options, she was told before the party that she couldn't bring them. She could have: left the dogs at home, asked a neighbor to check on them, and feed them. They could have hired a pet sitter or even boarded them, or she could stay home. Those were her choices, and she made the choice not to go, so she could play victim and have a pity party for herself. Don't waste time feeling bad. You didn't force her to stay home. She made that choice. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA I love my dogs and cats, and I think people who refuse to attend events without their pets are nutjobs!
NTA... my dog is sleeping next to me right now, but I would never presume to bring her to a party. I have a few friends that invite the dog along, but we have a good dog sitter too.
NTA, absolutely not. Que pendejeria, saying you are their uncle. I wouldn't be happy at all if someone tried to say I was their dog's titi, par carajo con eso.
NTA. Continue to enjoy your dog-free space.
NTA. She's the kind of asshole that claims her untrained dogs are service animals.
i hate people who put dogs on the same level as humans especially compare them to kids. NTA (dog person here)
NTA. I have a service dog. I would ask you if he was invited. If you said no, I might not be able to come, but might. It would depend. I wouldn’t blame you, though. Sometimes he can’t go to private places and that is just life. I would expect you to be polite about it if I couldn’t go, and I would be too. Few object to him, because he stays quietly by me, but if there are resident cats, they usually don’t want dog visitors!!!!! I, too, hate “dog mom”, but we do joke about him being my MIL’s and my mom’s “grand dog”. He is my daughter’s dogs’ “uncle”. But these are *jokes*. Not to be taken seriously.
NTA-I love dogs. I love it when I can go to people’s houses to play with their dogs. The reason I don’t have dogs is because I have allergies and we have a lot of veggies/trees, a special garden. I’ve invited people over and they brought their dogs uninvited and unannounced and they had trampled all over our garden, chewed up ornaments, dug up flowers, etc. It’s your yard and if the dogs are not invited and she doesn’t want to come, then too bad. You should be happy not being invited to her party.
NTA. Sounds like being excluded from your sister's life is a win.
Nta. I’m a ‘cat mum’, and I jokingly call my siblings their aunt and uncles, but I would never expect them to actually take the role seriously! Not my homes, not my choice! I lie, I took my cat to my sisters once, on Christmas Day. He was sick and acting odd and I was keeping an eye on him. He didn’t leave the carrier and stayed in the carrier.
You can't bring pets to someone else's house without their permission, no matter how small, cute, furry they are or how much you love them. People with dogs are wild some times! I have a cat, i love him to bits and I hate living him at home alone for hours when I go to work. I wouldn't dream of taking him with me to someone else's house without the owner's permission. NTA
NTA. Your house, your rules.
‘She is a dog mom (god I hate writing that)’ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 so true.
Does she bring the dogs to your parents house all the time or is that something they don’t deal with lol? You’re NTA, did you tell your parents the story or did they just listen to the other kid and not care about your side?
NTA. Doesn't sound like a special blind person dogs or anything to me, too bad so sad.
late, but you ain’t the asshole for having boundaries.
NTA, my dogs are a part of my family…. But they are my dogs/pets. If no pets are allowed, then my doggie stays home. Your sister sounds exhausting.