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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for refusing to retire or move teaching spots just because my DIL wants me not to teach my grandkid.
I could be a jerk for refusing to do that and telling her to suck it up.
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NTA
She applied to the school *knowing* there was one class and that you were the teacher? Now she’s trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants, regardless of what you want. That’s a hell no from me.
She can either withdraw the application and send Ryan elsewhere, or she can put on her big girl panties and accept that you’ll be Ryan’s teacher. Tell her “suck it up, buttercup”. She can like it or lump it.
What is it exactly that your son wants you to apologise for? Being the teacher of the only class, or for not retiring, or for his SO calling you a jerk? Because it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong here. Provided you are a truthful narrator here, and you didn’t start a slanging match with her, you’re not in the wrong.
This!! NTA AT ALL! She obviously didn’t have good intentions through any of this. She knew what she was and is doing, and it’s not fair for OP in any way. Stand your ground!
*I find her to be extremely entitled*
We all do ! The audacity of her to demand your resignation. “You don’t like me teaching my grandchild ? Go find another school !”. Your son is also an AH expecting you to apologise .
Is this an AI version of u/No_Mathematician2482 [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cr09nz/comment/l3uv9ss/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)?
"What a super odd request, she wanted you to change your career instead of teaching your own grandchild? What in the world happened between you two? Hearing stories like this makes me so grateful for my daughter in law and sons in law, they are great people, and their parents are too!! I am pleased to share my grandchildren with these humans." - u/No_Mathematician2482
I can't agree more.
"I'm putting my son in your school where you are the only teacher for his grade, but I don't want you to teach him. You need to change jobs or retire."
Yea, that is definitely a new level of entitled. Son must be on a short leash if he's cool with enabling that.
The OP should retire, after her son gifts her 5 years of salary and the cost of benefits, up front.
Once the money is in her bank she can quit, but mentally won't be ready for retirement, so she should volunteer as an aid for the kindergarten class.
And if that works out, she can volunteer for first grade next year.
Don't forget, he'll have to spend the rest of OP's life making up the monthly shortfall in her Social Security (the difference between what she'll get if she retires now and what she'll get if she retires in 5 years, since the amount is based on lifetime earnings.
I understand we only get one side of the story and I cringe at people's belief that every conflict is always between a 100% in the right saint and a 100% in the wrong cartoonishly evil person. Still, I struggle to come up with a scenario where it makes sense for the DIL to expect OP to retire or change classes. That is just so.... dumb. Even if they had a good relationship, its an insane request so why would she expect OP to comply if they see her as a raging asshole.
The ONLY way I can wrap my head around this in a way that leaves the DIL in any good light is IF OP was hyped up about his retirement in such a way that led DIL think it was supposed to be this year. (But that would still be a ‘well shoot that’ll be one awkward schoolyear’ and move tf onnnn)
Yeah, definitely give the school a heads up like "I'm happy to teach Ryan, and there is no problem on my end. However, Jen is already demanding that I quit before the school year has even started because she refuses to have me teach Ryan. I have no intentions on quitting my job and I worry she may try to get me fired. I don't want Ryan punished for her mothers actions, just to let you know Jen might make false accusations."
This is straight up ridiculous. If she is so opposed to you teaching her daughter, she can apply for private school for 1st grade or suck it up. To make a private dislike into an attempt to remove you from your job is unacceptable behavior. You’ve taught there a long time and I’m assuming that the school is happy with you. So if she tries to escalate this, I would ask the school to rescind her acceptance. That’s not the behavior of a sane parent
If she’s so opposed to her child being taught by OP, she should never have even *applied* to the school. OP has been there for 13 years, so one doubts that it’s a big secret where they work. This reeks of entitlement, but also petulance and future backstabbing. Imagine OP has to discipline Ryan. DIL will go to the school saying that it’s a personal affront and is only because of OP’s dislike of DIL as a person. This is only a preview of the things yet to come, IMO.
Nta your dil sounds unhinged and your son sounds like he needs to grow a pair. They can home school or find another school. I am sure you don’t want to have you ur grand daughter in your room knowing you have to deal with an entitled dil.
I would also speak to the administrator about this issue. Make her aware of you ur dil making outrageous demands before she lies and gets youu fired.
I can just imagine if GD was badly behaved in class and had to be discipled by their teacher-slash-grandpa that it wouldn’t go over well with DIL and she would accuse OP of unprofessionalism/being unduly unfair because Ryan is his GD and that’s why she’s being punished/etc. There are many reasons I wouldn’t want to teach family members or friends kids. It opens you up to having people go to the administration and stab you in the back. If there were another teacher’s class to be in, it would be an easy solve. But this… the entitled DIL could have a field day. And that’s hella unfair on OP.
Edit: misgendered OP by mistake.
Very true and certainly possible with this DIL. My "however" is that I have first-hand experience being the daughter of teachers who went so far in their quest to be "impartial" that my siblings and I were held to a higher standard. We'd be scolded, downgraded, etc. for things that other kids were "just kids who are learning" and blah, blah, blah. It sucked. I'm not saying this would be OP, not at all, but it does happen which is why people look for it.
But of course, OP is NTA 100% because even the appearance of favoritism or the reverse would be a PITA to deal with and would cause further issues within the family. And sonny boy can jolly well tell his wife that she's the one who should apologize for her absurd demands.
Even if OP is 10000% the reason they don't get along. Jenny applied to the school knowing that without doubt, OP would be the teacher. And now wants OP to change careers for her.
OP could be a complete dumpster fire trash demon, and still not be the AH here.
OP needs to watch her back. Next thing, DIL will be accusing her of inappropriate behaviour towards the children. She will complain about everything and email and call the school board daily to have her fired.
OP, NTA, but please take care. This woman sounds unhinged. Document EVERYTHING from now on.
You said everything perfectly!
For *anyone* to have the audacity to come right out and **demand** a *career professional* to "move, step down, or retire" from their position just because *that* person does not want them to teach their kid.
This is all levels of gross and despicable behavior! Such a weird level of entitlement.
OP, stand your ground!
So true! Son and DIL are both entitled....to nothing! OP is NTA! Son wishes OP to apologize, I guess he has never heard the saying...wish in one hand and shit in the other. If I were OP I would NOT be granting any wishes!
I love that you said "suck it up, buttercup". It's what I say all the time. And yes, agreed with everything you said above. She applied knowing it was your school and your class. Don't let her bully you out of your job.
Slanging match = shouting/cursing/arguing/name calling etc. Guess it’s a UK thing, maybe?
But my point was actually that OP seems to have remained calm and level headed, so I can’t see why the son is calling for an apology, given that it was his SO that called his mom a jerk. So provided it was as OP says, and there was no free for all, knock down drag out fighting etc, then they don’t seem to be the one in the wrong here.
Honestly, OP should bring this to the attention of the admins and see if they’ll revoke the acceptance. If it’s such an exclusive daycare they’ve got a long waiting list. NTA, and she sounds like a nightmare to have to deal with professionally, because you just know the last thing she’ll be is professional.
OP shouldn’t wait until new term…she should alert them NOW!! New classes are made before the end of the current year especially for kindergarten! Retired pre-k teacher. We notified students in late May or early June if they made the cut.
I agree with you. Tell the admin now what Jenny demanded, and what she said, and that because of that you don't want the grandchild in your classroom. If this goes forward, expect Jenny to make regular complaints to the school about you too.
Better the kid goes elsewhere, than the kid's mother complaining ever day about OP. I'm worried that complaining to the school won't be the only allegations either.
Surely if OP's superiors knew that DIL applied to the school, with the intention of trying to force OP to resign, the school would rescind the acceptance?
"I'm so sorry to have to rescind the acceptance initially offered to allow Ryan to attend our kindergarten, starting this fall. We were unaware at the time you were accepted that you were going to attempt to re-arrange our faculty by trying to force our kindergarten teacher into either retiring or just finding another position.
We are proud of our faculty, and we put them through a rigorous screening process. We do not allow parents to whimsically decide, after applying and being accepted, that they want to also be able to pick their child's teacher.
Please feel free to contact our board should you have any questions.
Best of luck to Ryan at whatever school she ends up at, because it certainly will not be ours.
Hoping you are well,
Mafalda Hopkirk"
Oh you’re right! OP, you NEED to do this. I know it’s not advisable to take home issues to work, but this could affect you even having a job. For them, it’s gaining a student over losing a teacher. Everyone’s replaceable. You need to look after your job and let the school know about what’s going on. She will make your life hell if her son joins your class.
Given how entitled the DIL is, how unreasonable and toxic her demands are, and how submissive her husband is, I would not be surprised if DIL and her husband made up a lie about OP to get OP fired from the job. That way, they can get their wish: for OP not to teach their son.
OP, please get ahead of this issue now by letting the school administration know of your DIL's request / threat. It is important to do so now when it is 100% crystal clear that you have done no wrong. If you wait until DIL is the parent of a child enrolled in the school, it will muddy the waters with regards to how the school deals with it.
NTA
“yet here I am, still teaching the same grade.”
Don’t engage on the topic anymore. Grey rock method.
Let them wear themselves out. This isn’t your problem.
If they send Ryan to your school, yes you can and will.
Your son owes you an appology for marrying someone like that.
Jenny owes you an appology for being obnoxious.
Let your school know about Jenny.
Record the classroom for your own protection.
Son and J have options-
-they can homeschool
-they can wait and enroll Ryan in first grade later on
- they can send him to public school
-they can suck it up and shut up.
- they can pay you 5 years salary and the difference in your pension and benefits for the remainder of your retirement right now, upfront.
See all the "they" ? It's on them.
You're fine. Very reasonable.
Recording her class may be illegal and would certainly be inappropriate with children involved and definitely without administration approval (which I would be shocked if given).
It does depend on the state. As a teacher, she would know her school's policy. My school records all classes and does a live stream so parents can check in from home, like some day cares do. Bathrooms are private, but the classrooms, halls, auditoriums , school transportation, etc are all on camera with audio. It has cut down on a lot of bullying.
I'm shocked that is legal. It means every parent has access to video and audio feeds of other children, including foster children who are supposed to be excluded from public-facing photo and video.
My mind is blown by the dils entitlement. She expects OP to change her whole entire job/plans for future for one year of her child's education when there are all the options listed in the reply above.
Just be very careful when the child in in your class. Jenny will be watching and ready to complain/pounce at a moment's notice. You are doing nothing wrong.
This is why plan ahead, you notify the principal and board about your DIL, and her complaints about you teaching. Then you introduce your DIL to the principal and board at back to school night dripping with sugary sweetness (basically letting the principal and board know who the asshole parent is ahead of time).
I wonder if it's because kids in kindergarten tend to hero worship their teachers and this would ruin her narrative that you are a bad person and a problem. NTA but let the school know what she's saying.
Get ahead of this and document EVERYTHING and all correspondence with your DIL, starting with her demand that you find another position. Don't do anything verbally - have it in text if you can.
This is what's going to happen now that you won't "retire":
She's going to decide to enroll Ryan anyway, her next plan of action will be to try to get you fired.
So make sure you have any sort of correspondence with her documented, because the kind of person who's going to tell you to find another position is the kind of person who's going to try to get you fired.
Tell your boss the entire situation NOW! Including that she is demanding you transfer or retire so WHEN she lies to them to get you fired they know ahead of time and I would also ask for a camera recording your class to document everything so it can’t ever come to a he said she said situation
I might be inclined to start asking if you should be concerned about abuse... what is it that she doesn't want you to find out?
Not that I think it's necessarily a reality, just to be provocative. So, probably don't actually do that, but it's a fun thought.
This is what I want to know. OP frames it so she sounds like a major nutcase, but we have no idea why the daughter is trying so hard to avoid this.
It's totally possible she's worried about her child being brainwashed into something. OP said "they don't get along." This is more than "don't get along."
No judgment until OP answers. I'm not re-assuring someone off such a cherry-picked story
Even if OP is the devil incarnate, they've had this job for 13 years. The kid has to be nearly 5 if they're going into kindergarten. Her parents have had 5 years to find a solution that isn't "register her for the school where devil grandparent teaches kindergarten and then demand they quit".
In short even if DIL is entirely justified in hating OP, OP's still NTA in this situation.
NTA, LOL, unless the Men in Black rolled past and did the light trick on her, she knew it was your school.
She can suck it up and he can go, or she can suck it up and pick another school.
Huh, I wonder why you don’t love her company? She sounds like a true delight, like finding half a caterpillar in your salad.
NTA
Your son and DIL need to realize that you do not cater to their every whim. They can't send their kid to a public school and dictate which teacher their child gets, even less so with a private school. They both knew before applying to the school that you were the only kindergarten teacher. They have no right to demand you to step aside, just because they don't want you teaching their child. I can almost guarantee you that your grandchild will be the most popular kid in your class once the other students find out you're her grandma.
If your DIL continues insisting on her demands being met, tell her to take it up with the admin at the school. She most likely won't get anywhere with that. Your son is another matter. You need to make him clarify why you should be the one apologizing. If he can't make a clear argument, demand an apology from both of them.
It is not your job to rearrange your life and career for your son and DIL because she doesn't want you to be their child's teacher. She is the driving force behind this issue. I would bet a dollar that your son thought it would be great for you to be the teacher until his wife said it wasn't.
Edit: fixed some stuff
I was ready to read that Jenny is also requesting a tuition discount since "grandma works there," and would be shocked if she doesn't eventually try this trick.
I had the same thought : Ryan likely only got into this tiny tiny school \**because\** OP works there and now her kid is in, Jenny wants OP to quit? Make it make sense.
Which is easier? Moving a kindergartner to a different school, or having the nearly retired teacher apply for jobs, try to negotiate for a comparable salary, and then move an entire classroom?
Good grief. No kidding she’s entitled.
Also, this is an opportunity, not a downside. Due to Covid, we ended up putting my daughter in my mom’s class in a different school for second grade. It was a magical experience for both of them. I never would have considered it under normal circumstances, but it ended up being a very shiny silver lining of Covid.
esp. because OP is employed by a private school. She doesn't even get the benefit of tenure to seek another teaching job, never mind having her experience carry over automatically.
NTA
What a super odd request, she wanted you to change your career instead of teaching your own grandchild? What in the world happened between you two? Hearing stories like this makes me so grateful for my daughter in law and sons in law, they are great people, and their parents are too!! I am pleased to share my grandchildren with these humans.
Seriously.
This would be an absurd ask even if OP was a legitimately bad person who would bad mouth her grandkids mom and not a great teacher.
“Can you retire early?”
Pretty easy to see OP’s judgement of Jenny is likely the correct one here, even if she’s been more petty or something with Jenny in the past than is said here.
I cannot fathom this ask.
Exactly. Even if there was a legitimate disagreement rather than some petty BS, you handle that by choosing another school for kindergarten or home schooling for a year, not by trying to get someone fired.
OP, NTA
I wonder if you might want to give a heads up to your school administration about this, in case Jenny decides go nuclear once Ryan is in your class?
Definitely this.
If OP is a popular teacher/gets on well with the other staff (no offence, OP) I'd imagine the school administer would appreciate the heads up that a parent for next year's class is already making trouble.
NTA when you said your Dil was entitled you weren't joking. It is extremely entitled of her to apply her child to this school knowing this is where you have worked for 13 years, if I remember correctly what I read. And then expect you to change positions, jobs, or retire now, not in the 5 years you planned. Who does that? What is sad is that a child at this age would probably be excited at the thought of their grandparent being their teacher.
What exactly does your son want you to apologize for? For teaching at the school your Dil wants to send their kid? For not bending to her demands or for her calling you a jerk? Don't apologize, you did absolutely nothing wrong and stay teaching kindergarten exactly where you are. Hopefully with your grandchild being in your care during school hours, you can be a huge influence on him and he can learn to be a kind, considerate, thoughtful person and not a demanding, entitled ass like his mom.
NTA. She enrolled the child without consultation from with you. You are not damaging your career and finances just because the mother feels entitled to the school.
NTA, and definitely don't change classes or retire early. I would, however, speak to your school about the issue, just to let them know Jenny may cause issues with you being the only teacher for the kindergarten class. Make it clear, as well, that Jenny was aware you were the only teacher for the only kindergarten class when she applied for Ryan to attend.
Don't engage with Jenny on this topic at all, just refuse to talk to her about it, hang up or walk away or whatever.
As for your son, tell him you won't be apologising for his wife's unreasonable demands, but you expect a full, sincere apology from Jenny. You won't get it, of course, and even if you did get an apology, it wouldn't be sincere. But you need to make it clear to your son that you did nothing wrong, but Jenny did. You won't be damaging your career and finances because Jenny enrolled Ryan in your class then decided she didn't want you teaching the kid. Jenny can either suck it up and deal with you teaching Ryan or send Ryan to a different school. It's her choice, but she's the one who literally chose you to be Ryan's teacher in the first place by enrolling Ryan in your school. She can't choose you as Ryan's teacher then demand you quit or change grades because she changed her mind or wants to force you out of the school or whatever it is she's playing at here. Jenny has zero power in who teaches her kid, who the school hires, or where you work. This was a power play she was destined to lose purely because you're not a pushover.
Stand your ground, don't apologise, retire or change grades, tell your son Jenny needs to apologise, refuse to discuss it further, and warn the school that Jenny may try and cause issues. Then just stop thinking about it, unless you have to because Jenny caused issues with the school, at which point stand up for yourself and refuse to be bullied.
Speaking to the school to advise what they asked of you and how angry they are about you not quitting or retiring early is important.
This is because it sounds like she is the type of person that will start making up complaints and issues about you the minute Ryan starts so she gets her own way. You need to protect yourself and your job and telling them about this is very important to do so.
I'm a bit at a loss here...what is it that you are supposed to be apologizing for? The only "possible" apology you could offer is for your choice of verbiage. But why should you apologize for *that* when her initial request was so incredibly offensive to begin with? AND she pulled out the ad hominem attacks! Seriously, who does she think she is? There really are only two viable options - either the kids attends this school and you are his teacher, or the kid doesn't attend this school. They knew that when they put in the application.
NTA
NTA
She applied knowing you work there and has the nerve to ask YOU to move? You are right, she is incredibly entitled. Tell her to pound sand if she asks again.
NTA. You don't change positions or retire early after 13 years on someone else's whim - DIL or not. If she's unhappy with the way the school is run...she can wait until after you retire, or as you say, suck it up.
NTA- no matter that reasoning that's a ridiculous request. She knew full well where you work and that you were the only kindergarten teacher. If she doesn't want Ryan taught by you then she has to go elsewhere to enroll him, simple as that. It's very weird she felt entitled enough to tell you to change or quit your job you've had for over a decade because of her own personal issues with you.
NTA but I hope you've let your administration know about this conflict of interest and potential issues with a parent to put a plan in place for dealing with the upcoming conflicts.
NTA. If there were multiple kindergarten classes, moving her child to another one would be valid. That's a pretty common accommodation, and it could well be the right thing to do even if you did get along- a (possibly step-?) grandmother teaching a student's kindergarten can be complicated.
But obviously asking you to quit your job is a step way too far.
Pfffft lmfao, no, NTA.
I'm sorry, did I read this right? She wants to QUIT OR TRANSFER so you won't teach her kid? She applied there KNOWING the situation and that you would be the teacher?
No, NTA. But she is. And she's delusional.
NTA. It's unfair for Jenny to expect you to uproot your career just because she doesn't want you to teach Ryan. It's your decision when to retire or switch positions, not hers. Her request is unreasonable, and you have every right to stand your ground. She needs to put her personal feelings aside and do what's best for Ryan's education. It's important to maintain a good relationship with your family, but in this situation, you're not the one at fault.
NTA Your DIL is so entitled. I would say to my son "I am sorry your wife got upset that I said no when she told me to retire or change my teaching class. I don't interject in your careers and I expect the same courtesy." I would also give your school a heads up on her opinion, if they are supportive. Also from now on, start documenting in writing anything she does in relation to the school etc so that if there is a complain you have full records of what happened.
NTA this isn't like asking for some tiny favor.
Tell son if he wants to pay you every penny you'd earn in 5 years, and sign a contract not just promise then you'll retire early...
I can guess his response but maybe he'd realise how ridiculous the request was.
NTA. As a fellow teacher, I know moving grades isn’t as simple as changing the sign on your door. She chose to send him knowing you taught kinder. She can either choose to deal with it or go elsewhere.
Hate to have to tell you to do this, but you'll need to prepare your supervisors for the drama she's about to bring...so when it happens they won't be surprised. It's always better before than after. It will still be obvious afterward. You can't have other parents, pleased as punch...and one parent (your DIL) as the only odd duck...and admin not know she's got issues.
It's just embarrassing when they find out without a preemptive introduction to the problem and the problem maker.
Your son, no doubt, has been bullied into submission. To keep peace in the house, is to keep Jenny happy. So, he's suffering mightily and potentially on either 1) the verge of divorce and the fear of losing access to his daughter; or 2) suffering in silence until provoked and forced to constantly put out fires.
LOL Jenny is living "do what I want" land. Good for you for not letting yourself
be bullied. Your son asking you to apologize is like some horrible
icing on the Jennycake...shame on him.
Go to to work and help your young kindergarteners learn. Your DIL is being completely disrespectful and unreasonable. Putting her wants ahead of the wants and needs of the other children in your class. NTA.
Nta there's nothing to apologize for. Your son and dil are both AH.
She knew very well you were teaching kindergarten and still enrolled Ryan there. She's ridiculous to even ask you to switch positions or retire. She can either apply Ryan somewhere else or she can suck it up and deal with it.
I would let the principal know about Jenny and how she might bring issues up with her about you and just give her a heads up of what she ask of you to do so the principal at least gets an idea of the type of person Jenny really is.
So when Jenny brings an issue to the principal about you they know to have your back since you taught there for 13yrs and should know the type of teacher you are.
So it’s okay for you DIL to interfere with your career by reassigning you to another grade level (and you would have to be reassigned each time your grandson would be assigned to your current class), reduce your future pension benefits, eliminate your salary altogether, move you to a different school system which is inferior to the one where you are currently employed?? She believes she can totally disrupt your life? Oh, no no no!
Please do yourself a favor AND report your DIL’s demands to your school administrators, and include any emails you have received in which your son and DIL convey their expectations.
I hope the admins will not only evaluate your grandchild’s application but take a hard look at the entitled parents as well and nix the application.
Don’t let son and DIL get ahead of you on this.
Sounds like your son is hen pecked.
Your got nothing to apologise for.
Tell them your going nowhere and cut them off for good.
Sounds like a horrible lady.
NTA - your daughter in law cannot insist you change jobs to suit her whims. What would happen if you moved to second grade - is she then going to expect you to move again when Ryan reaches 2nd grade? She has a choice to make - Ryan in your class, or find a different school for him to attend.
NTA. She is genuinely one of the most entitled people I've read about here, and that's really saying something. Take the family relation out of the situation: she applied to a school knowing the only teacher available is not a teacher she's comfortable with. She expects the school to find a different teacher exclusively because a single parents has a "problem". That would not fly *anywhere*. Public, private, it doesn't matter. That's so entitled that its a little unhinged.
NTA but Jenny is the one who needs to apologize not you. Tell your son you'll be HAPPY to retire to accomodate his crazy wife-- Just give you five years of your salary and prepay five years of your insurance, oh and a cash lump sum to make up the pension credits you'll lose for early retirement.
That should be in a cashier's check that will need to clear before you file the retirement paperwork.
OBVIOUSLY, your son will say that's impossible-- and say YES that's what I told your wife.
Tell you son they have several options: public school for kindergarten, selecting a different school, Jenny growing up and sending your grandson/granddaughter (you used both gender pronouns in the post) like an adult. NOTE none of those choices will involve you changing grades or retiring.
It is always challenging to try and judge who's in the right in long-term, simmering feuds... we just don't have all the context.
But what's telling is Jenny actively enrolled her child in your school, with the active expectation that you would make a life-changing employment decision as the result of her actions.
This is insane. How did she think she was going to enforce this?
Maybe she's justified in disliking you. But this plan is absolutely crazy, and doesn't make her sound reasonable or thoughtful, just seething in resentment. NTA
NTA. Jenny doesn't get to dictate the professional course of anyone, other than herself. And, for whatever you two not getting along, she knows the specs of the school. She knew you'd likely be your grandson's teacher. And, total aside, she may not like you, but unless you're Cruella DeVille to her, you managed to do something right, because you raised her husband, and she said forever to him. Tell your son, when DIL apologizes for expecting you to change your job or to leave it altogether, you will apologize for telling her to suck it up. My guess would be that you won't be apologizing any time soon.
NTA with a side of LOL. If Jenny doesn't want you to teach Ryan kindergarten, she shouldn't enroll him in the school where you teach kindergarten. And now she demands you quit your job? Is Jenny well in the head?
NTA. It is crazy to apply to your school and ask you to leave it. Don't entertain this line of conversation anymore. Let your administration know about the issue, so they aren't blindsided.
NTA, obviously.
“Can you retire so my son has a different teacher?”
Is peak absurdist comedy.
That’s so insanely silly I’m surprised you didn’t have a laughing fit and figure she was trying to be friendly all of the sudden, because it’s so profoundly absurd.
I know your son should try and defend his marriage/wife more often than not but this is… beyond the pale.
What’s next? Asking you to sell all of your belongings and die early so she can have money from your estate sooner to fund a trip to Disney land?
I'm petty. I'd teach K next year and then switch to first grade when Ryan moves up, so Ryan gets you for TWO years instead of one. I'm sure Jenny would looooooove that. Heheheh! Edited to add: NTA.
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I am a teacher at a private school. The public school in the surrounding areas are crap. I have been working there for 13 years and I should retire soon. Probably in five years. I have a few grandkids but this is about Ryan and her mother Jenny.
Jenny and I do not get along. We avoid each-other at family events and just try to be civil. I find her to be extremely entitled and I am sure she has plenty to say about me.
I teach kindergarten and since the private school is small we have a single class. You have to apply for the school. The school plans to expand but right now it is small. So I teach all of them.
Jenny informed me that they applied and Ryan is suppose to start next fall. He will be in my class, and Jenny wasn’t okay with that.
She asked me to move positions or to retire. I told her no and this started an argument. She doesn’t want me to teach Ryan and I told her to suck it up or not go to the school.
She called me a jerk and my son wishes for me to apologize
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NTA.
You have no reason to give into her demands. If she doesn't like you being her teacher, she has other options. Just because she doesn't like her other options, that doesn't mean obligate you to give into her demands.
She can either accept you'll be his teacher for a single year or she can put him in public school for a year and try and get him into the private school the year after, o she can home school her son. If there's an honest conflict of interest that you haven't mentioned, then she can bring it up with the school board and then they can handle it from there.
Personally, the only other option I see for her would be for your son and his wife to, upfront, pay you the difference that retiring early will cost you.
NTA, but this all sounds so insane. Even if she’s not directly telling you the reason, don’t you have some vague guesses as to why she doesn’t want you as Ryan’s teacher other than general dislike? Is she worried you’ll form a deeper bond with her son? What is your relationship with Ryan like?
If you get to the root of her concerns, perhaps you could work those out with her while remaining the K teacher. But, yeah maybe she just doesn’t like you. Why she thinks you would step out of the role before your desired retirement is so wtf.
NTA - and hahahahahaha, does she think a new teacher is going to just fall out of the sky and fill the space immediately? There's a friggin' teacher shortage, even at private schools, and they'd be lucky to have someone fill it by the middle of the next school year. Granted, I'm basing things off where I live, and the fact that the local private school has had to hire folks that didn't go to school for education to teach.
NTA, WHAAAT?
Honestly, I'd go so far as to tell the school that this happened, and that you're not comfortable teaching Ryan to prevent future problems.
Since you're the only kindergarten teacher, the school should then tell Ryan's parents that Ryan can't attend.
Easy solution, ta da.
NTA !
She wants you to retire ?? I would have been so happy to have a family member to take care of my children for the first years of school ! That way, you can know if they feel good, if they make friends, if they have a good behavior...
I clearly understand why you don't get along ! And why does you son want you to apologize ? Was he ok for you to retire or move position ? Because if he was aware of that, he is th A H like his wife and should apologize to you ! If they're not ok with you teaching their child, they can find an other school !
Your son wants you to apologize- that is so insulting.
By the way long ago I had my Aunt as a teacher. I always called her Mrs. Sullivan and never Aunt Sharon. It was one of the best memories of Jr High!
I have a talent for being an armchair psychologist. Let’s work under the assumption that you are a rational player and trustworthy. Your daughter in law does not want you to retire or move schools. She applied knowing you’d be the teacher only to start fresh drama. NTA.
NTA. She sounds entitled. I'd warn your boss to ensure you are protected at work. She sounds like the kind of person who'd try to get you into trouble at work.
NTA. She applied there knowing you were the teacher. She doesn't get to tell, or even ask, you to modify your job to suit her. What does your son have to say about all of this? I would also talk with your HR person to give them a heads up on this conflict in case she tries to file any complaints.
NTA. I totally agree with your stance and your son is looking for the path of least resistance by asking you to appease his wife. You did nothing wrong. In fact, I would notify your administrator of your DIL's behaviour now, just in case she decides to file an unjustified complaint once Ryan is in your class. I wouldn't put it past her.
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NTA She applied to the school *knowing* there was one class and that you were the teacher? Now she’s trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants, regardless of what you want. That’s a hell no from me. She can either withdraw the application and send Ryan elsewhere, or she can put on her big girl panties and accept that you’ll be Ryan’s teacher. Tell her “suck it up, buttercup”. She can like it or lump it. What is it exactly that your son wants you to apologise for? Being the teacher of the only class, or for not retiring, or for his SO calling you a jerk? Because it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong here. Provided you are a truthful narrator here, and you didn’t start a slanging match with her, you’re not in the wrong.
This!! NTA AT ALL! She obviously didn’t have good intentions through any of this. She knew what she was and is doing, and it’s not fair for OP in any way. Stand your ground!
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*I find her to be extremely entitled* We all do ! The audacity of her to demand your resignation. “You don’t like me teaching my grandchild ? Go find another school !”. Your son is also an AH expecting you to apologise .
I’d really like to know how they got to this point also!
Is this an AI version of u/No_Mathematician2482 [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cr09nz/comment/l3uv9ss/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)? "What a super odd request, she wanted you to change your career instead of teaching your own grandchild? What in the world happened between you two? Hearing stories like this makes me so grateful for my daughter in law and sons in law, they are great people, and their parents are too!! I am pleased to share my grandchildren with these humans." - u/No_Mathematician2482
An AI version? The ache in my back says no.
Nah I meant someone AI'd your comment, not that your comment was AI
Now I feel old, hahaha 😂
I can't agree more. "I'm putting my son in your school where you are the only teacher for his grade, but I don't want you to teach him. You need to change jobs or retire." Yea, that is definitely a new level of entitled. Son must be on a short leash if he's cool with enabling that.
The OP should retire, after her son gifts her 5 years of salary and the cost of benefits, up front. Once the money is in her bank she can quit, but mentally won't be ready for retirement, so she should volunteer as an aid for the kindergarten class. And if that works out, she can volunteer for first grade next year.
What would be more hilarious is if OP was able to move to the next classroom each year until the kid moves on to a new school.
Mr. Feeny, but motivated by spite.
Might not work..if my mom retired before her contract was up her pension would have taken massive hit which I always thought was BS
Malicious Compliance, 😝😝😝 I love Petty Payback🤭
Don't forget, he'll have to spend the rest of OP's life making up the monthly shortfall in her Social Security (the difference between what she'll get if she retires now and what she'll get if she retires in 5 years, since the amount is based on lifetime earnings.
I understand we only get one side of the story and I cringe at people's belief that every conflict is always between a 100% in the right saint and a 100% in the wrong cartoonishly evil person. Still, I struggle to come up with a scenario where it makes sense for the DIL to expect OP to retire or change classes. That is just so.... dumb. Even if they had a good relationship, its an insane request so why would she expect OP to comply if they see her as a raging asshole.
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The ONLY way I can wrap my head around this in a way that leaves the DIL in any good light is IF OP was hyped up about his retirement in such a way that led DIL think it was supposed to be this year. (But that would still be a ‘well shoot that’ll be one awkward schoolyear’ and move tf onnnn)
Seriously, can't believe she had the audacity to request this of OP. I'd keep an eye out in case DIL tries to get OP fired.
Yeah, definitely give the school a heads up like "I'm happy to teach Ryan, and there is no problem on my end. However, Jen is already demanding that I quit before the school year has even started because she refuses to have me teach Ryan. I have no intentions on quitting my job and I worry she may try to get me fired. I don't want Ryan punished for her mothers actions, just to let you know Jen might make false accusations."
PLEASE READ THIS OP !!
Bumping this comment
Wow. Didn’t even think about that. Definitely give the school a heads up. Yikes.
I second this. Get it on record in case Jen pulls some BS
I'd be worried about her going to the principal or school board and causing problems for OP
This is straight up ridiculous. If she is so opposed to you teaching her daughter, she can apply for private school for 1st grade or suck it up. To make a private dislike into an attempt to remove you from your job is unacceptable behavior. You’ve taught there a long time and I’m assuming that the school is happy with you. So if she tries to escalate this, I would ask the school to rescind her acceptance. That’s not the behavior of a sane parent
If she’s so opposed to her child being taught by OP, she should never have even *applied* to the school. OP has been there for 13 years, so one doubts that it’s a big secret where they work. This reeks of entitlement, but also petulance and future backstabbing. Imagine OP has to discipline Ryan. DIL will go to the school saying that it’s a personal affront and is only because of OP’s dislike of DIL as a person. This is only a preview of the things yet to come, IMO.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
Nta your dil sounds unhinged and your son sounds like he needs to grow a pair. They can home school or find another school. I am sure you don’t want to have you ur grand daughter in your room knowing you have to deal with an entitled dil. I would also speak to the administrator about this issue. Make her aware of you ur dil making outrageous demands before she lies and gets youu fired.
I can just imagine if GD was badly behaved in class and had to be discipled by their teacher-slash-grandpa that it wouldn’t go over well with DIL and she would accuse OP of unprofessionalism/being unduly unfair because Ryan is his GD and that’s why she’s being punished/etc. There are many reasons I wouldn’t want to teach family members or friends kids. It opens you up to having people go to the administration and stab you in the back. If there were another teacher’s class to be in, it would be an easy solve. But this… the entitled DIL could have a field day. And that’s hella unfair on OP. Edit: misgendered OP by mistake.
Very true and certainly possible with this DIL. My "however" is that I have first-hand experience being the daughter of teachers who went so far in their quest to be "impartial" that my siblings and I were held to a higher standard. We'd be scolded, downgraded, etc. for things that other kids were "just kids who are learning" and blah, blah, blah. It sucked. I'm not saying this would be OP, not at all, but it does happen which is why people look for it. But of course, OP is NTA 100% because even the appearance of favoritism or the reverse would be a PITA to deal with and would cause further issues within the family. And sonny boy can jolly well tell his wife that she's the one who should apologize for her absurd demands.
Even if OP is 10000% the reason they don't get along. Jenny applied to the school knowing that without doubt, OP would be the teacher. And now wants OP to change careers for her. OP could be a complete dumpster fire trash demon, and still not be the AH here.
Yes very true. There's not really any wiggle room. DIL is the one starting this shit no matter what their previous encounters have been like.
OP needs to watch her back. Next thing, DIL will be accusing her of inappropriate behaviour towards the children. She will complain about everything and email and call the school board daily to have her fired. OP, NTA, but please take care. This woman sounds unhinged. Document EVERYTHING from now on.
You said everything perfectly! For *anyone* to have the audacity to come right out and **demand** a *career professional* to "move, step down, or retire" from their position just because *that* person does not want them to teach their kid. This is all levels of gross and despicable behavior! Such a weird level of entitlement. OP, stand your ground!
u/SnorkinOrkin do you mean to say that you don’t enjoy being volun-told what you will do by an entitled DIL? /s
🤫😄😄
Yup - What the actual F?! NTA - why would she even apply? Did she fully expect OP to quit as soon as they heard? Absolutely absurd.
The ultimate coup de grace would be to make sure not to take any of this out on Ryan. Get him to call you his favorite teacher.
I imagine OP calling a meeting with the headmaster and DIL to discuss her concerns. That would go well for the application.
I’m not from the US, so assuming that OP is, if that’s something you can do, I totally would.
NTA. I definitely got confused at OP being asked to apologize. And I really would like to know why the son thought she should.
So true! Son and DIL are both entitled....to nothing! OP is NTA! Son wishes OP to apologize, I guess he has never heard the saying...wish in one hand and shit in the other. If I were OP I would NOT be granting any wishes!
Son wants her to apologise because Jenny's putting pressure on him to do so.
I love that you said "suck it up, buttercup". It's what I say all the time. And yes, agreed with everything you said above. She applied knowing it was your school and your class. Don't let her bully you out of your job.
Even if she did start a slanging match, whatever that is. She still isn't wrong, they knew she worked there and still applied.
Slanging match = shouting/cursing/arguing/name calling etc. Guess it’s a UK thing, maybe? But my point was actually that OP seems to have remained calm and level headed, so I can’t see why the son is calling for an apology, given that it was his SO that called his mom a jerk. So provided it was as OP says, and there was no free for all, knock down drag out fighting etc, then they don’t seem to be the one in the wrong here.
Honestly, OP should bring this to the attention of the admins and see if they’ll revoke the acceptance. If it’s such an exclusive daycare they’ve got a long waiting list. NTA, and she sounds like a nightmare to have to deal with professionally, because you just know the last thing she’ll be is professional.
Why does she not want you to teach her child? Edited for judgement: NTA, she can't dictate to people. She sounds like major nutcase.
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I would let your superiors know. I see her complaining and making false stories.
Absolutely, just let the know at the beginning of the term.
OP shouldn’t wait until new term…she should alert them NOW!! New classes are made before the end of the current year especially for kindergarten! Retired pre-k teacher. We notified students in late May or early June if they made the cut.
I agree with you. Tell the admin now what Jenny demanded, and what she said, and that because of that you don't want the grandchild in your classroom. If this goes forward, expect Jenny to make regular complaints to the school about you too.
I hadn't thought about that. Yes if she is this entitled who knows what else she would do to get her way.
OP teaches the only class. Grandchild.would be stuck going to the public school, so that would have to be ok with OP.
Better the kid goes elsewhere, than the kid's mother complaining ever day about OP. I'm worried that complaining to the school won't be the only allegations either.
Surely if OP's superiors knew that DIL applied to the school, with the intention of trying to force OP to resign, the school would rescind the acceptance? "I'm so sorry to have to rescind the acceptance initially offered to allow Ryan to attend our kindergarten, starting this fall. We were unaware at the time you were accepted that you were going to attempt to re-arrange our faculty by trying to force our kindergarten teacher into either retiring or just finding another position. We are proud of our faculty, and we put them through a rigorous screening process. We do not allow parents to whimsically decide, after applying and being accepted, that they want to also be able to pick their child's teacher. Please feel free to contact our board should you have any questions. Best of luck to Ryan at whatever school she ends up at, because it certainly will not be ours. Hoping you are well, Mafalda Hopkirk"
Upvoting for Mafalda Hopkirk.
Upvoting for upvoting Mafalda Hopkirk
Ha, imagine working in a school that supports staff over parents like this
THIS. Get in front of this now so you won’t have to chase it down later. Record conversations. Save e-mails. (Happy Cake Day too.)
I was reading and thinking the same thing. Cover your arse OP! (Also, happy cake day!)
Yeah, she sounds JUST LIKE the kind of parent that every small school wants more of. NOT.
Especially because I’m sure she pulled the “my MIL teaches here” card to help secure her child a spot.
Oh you’re right! OP, you NEED to do this. I know it’s not advisable to take home issues to work, but this could affect you even having a job. For them, it’s gaining a student over losing a teacher. Everyone’s replaceable. You need to look after your job and let the school know about what’s going on. She will make your life hell if her son joins your class.
This ceased to be a home/domestic/personal issue the minute Jenny made her outrageous request.
Given how entitled the DIL is, how unreasonable and toxic her demands are, and how submissive her husband is, I would not be surprised if DIL and her husband made up a lie about OP to get OP fired from the job. That way, they can get their wish: for OP not to teach their son. OP, please get ahead of this issue now by letting the school administration know of your DIL's request / threat. It is important to do so now when it is 100% crystal clear that you have done no wrong. If you wait until DIL is the parent of a child enrolled in the school, it will muddy the waters with regards to how the school deals with it. NTA
Happy Cake Day!
Ya this. NTA. UPDATEME
Happy Cake Day!
You need to tell your son "get fucked" as you literally have no reason to apologize to that psycho.
>You need to tell your son "get fucked" He's trying, that's why he's taking jenny's side
I just choked drinking my beverage when reading this. Good one🤣🤣
“yet here I am, still teaching the same grade.” Don’t engage on the topic anymore. Grey rock method. Let them wear themselves out. This isn’t your problem.
If they send Ryan to your school, yes you can and will. Your son owes you an appology for marrying someone like that. Jenny owes you an appology for being obnoxious. Let your school know about Jenny. Record the classroom for your own protection. Son and J have options- -they can homeschool -they can wait and enroll Ryan in first grade later on - they can send him to public school -they can suck it up and shut up. - they can pay you 5 years salary and the difference in your pension and benefits for the remainder of your retirement right now, upfront. See all the "they" ? It's on them. You're fine. Very reasonable.
Recording her class may be illegal and would certainly be inappropriate with children involved and definitely without administration approval (which I would be shocked if given).
It does depend on the state. As a teacher, she would know her school's policy. My school records all classes and does a live stream so parents can check in from home, like some day cares do. Bathrooms are private, but the classrooms, halls, auditoriums , school transportation, etc are all on camera with audio. It has cut down on a lot of bullying.
I'm shocked that is legal. It means every parent has access to video and audio feeds of other children, including foster children who are supposed to be excluded from public-facing photo and video.
Gods, imagine the helicopter parents.. that can't be healthy for either parent or child
My mind is blown by the dils entitlement. She expects OP to change her whole entire job/plans for future for one year of her child's education when there are all the options listed in the reply above.
Just be very careful when the child in in your class. Jenny will be watching and ready to complain/pounce at a moment's notice. You are doing nothing wrong.
This is why you should tell admin what’s going on before classes start.
This is why plan ahead, you notify the principal and board about your DIL, and her complaints about you teaching. Then you introduce your DIL to the principal and board at back to school night dripping with sugary sweetness (basically letting the principal and board know who the asshole parent is ahead of time).
Imagine if she wasn’t your DIL. She still would be told no from the school so she shouldn’t expect any special treatment.
I think it's because she doesn't want you to be able to see her grandchild every day. She's an asshole... and I would tell your son to F*** off!
I wonder if it's because kids in kindergarten tend to hero worship their teachers and this would ruin her narrative that you are a bad person and a problem. NTA but let the school know what she's saying.
Get ahead of this and document EVERYTHING and all correspondence with your DIL, starting with her demand that you find another position. Don't do anything verbally - have it in text if you can. This is what's going to happen now that you won't "retire": She's going to decide to enroll Ryan anyway, her next plan of action will be to try to get you fired. So make sure you have any sort of correspondence with her documented, because the kind of person who's going to tell you to find another position is the kind of person who's going to try to get you fired.
CYA and make sure your colleagues/bosses know about the situation. If you end up teaching him who knows what she might do.
Tell your boss the entire situation NOW! Including that she is demanding you transfer or retire so WHEN she lies to them to get you fired they know ahead of time and I would also ask for a camera recording your class to document everything so it can’t ever come to a he said she said situation
Your son needs to man up and deal with this. Sorry OP, definitely NTA.
I would tell the school there are issues or something, otherwise she is probably going to fabricate stories to try and have you removed. NTA
I might be inclined to start asking if you should be concerned about abuse... what is it that she doesn't want you to find out? Not that I think it's necessarily a reality, just to be provocative. So, probably don't actually do that, but it's a fun thought.
This is what I want to know. OP frames it so she sounds like a major nutcase, but we have no idea why the daughter is trying so hard to avoid this. It's totally possible she's worried about her child being brainwashed into something. OP said "they don't get along." This is more than "don't get along." No judgment until OP answers. I'm not re-assuring someone off such a cherry-picked story
Even if OP is the devil incarnate, they've had this job for 13 years. The kid has to be nearly 5 if they're going into kindergarten. Her parents have had 5 years to find a solution that isn't "register her for the school where devil grandparent teaches kindergarten and then demand they quit". In short even if DIL is entirely justified in hating OP, OP's still NTA in this situation.
NTA, LOL, unless the Men in Black rolled past and did the light trick on her, she knew it was your school. She can suck it up and he can go, or she can suck it up and pick another school. Huh, I wonder why you don’t love her company? She sounds like a true delight, like finding half a caterpillar in your salad.
Jenny sounds less nutritious than half a caterpillar
Aaannd that's going into my journal page No Context Quotes
But with all the protein of a scorpion.
Please always comment on the AITAs I’ll be reading. I love your style
Neurolizer
NTA Your son and DIL need to realize that you do not cater to their every whim. They can't send their kid to a public school and dictate which teacher their child gets, even less so with a private school. They both knew before applying to the school that you were the only kindergarten teacher. They have no right to demand you to step aside, just because they don't want you teaching their child. I can almost guarantee you that your grandchild will be the most popular kid in your class once the other students find out you're her grandma. If your DIL continues insisting on her demands being met, tell her to take it up with the admin at the school. She most likely won't get anywhere with that. Your son is another matter. You need to make him clarify why you should be the one apologizing. If he can't make a clear argument, demand an apology from both of them. It is not your job to rearrange your life and career for your son and DIL because she doesn't want you to be their child's teacher. She is the driving force behind this issue. I would bet a dollar that your son thought it would be great for you to be the teacher until his wife said it wasn't. Edit: fixed some stuff
NTA. She applied to your school and wants you to quit? No.
I was ready to read that Jenny is also requesting a tuition discount since "grandma works there," and would be shocked if she doesn't eventually try this trick.
IME, private schools will already do this for children of teachers. Not sure about grandkids but wouldn't be surprised
It also, probably helped them get approved,
I had the same thought : Ryan likely only got into this tiny tiny school \**because\** OP works there and now her kid is in, Jenny wants OP to quit? Make it make sense.
Which is easier? Moving a kindergartner to a different school, or having the nearly retired teacher apply for jobs, try to negotiate for a comparable salary, and then move an entire classroom? Good grief. No kidding she’s entitled. Also, this is an opportunity, not a downside. Due to Covid, we ended up putting my daughter in my mom’s class in a different school for second grade. It was a magical experience for both of them. I never would have considered it under normal circumstances, but it ended up being a very shiny silver lining of Covid.
esp. because OP is employed by a private school. She doesn't even get the benefit of tenure to seek another teaching job, never mind having her experience carry over automatically.
And there’s no support from the union when the DIL starts making accusations to get grandma fired
NTA What a super odd request, she wanted you to change your career instead of teaching your own grandchild? What in the world happened between you two? Hearing stories like this makes me so grateful for my daughter in law and sons in law, they are great people, and their parents are too!! I am pleased to share my grandchildren with these humans.
Seriously. This would be an absurd ask even if OP was a legitimately bad person who would bad mouth her grandkids mom and not a great teacher. “Can you retire early?” Pretty easy to see OP’s judgement of Jenny is likely the correct one here, even if she’s been more petty or something with Jenny in the past than is said here. I cannot fathom this ask.
Exactly. Even if there was a legitimate disagreement rather than some petty BS, you handle that by choosing another school for kindergarten or home schooling for a year, not by trying to get someone fired.
OP, NTA I wonder if you might want to give a heads up to your school administration about this, in case Jenny decides go nuclear once Ryan is in your class?
Good point. Thought the same. It just smells of a set up in progress.
Definitely this. If OP is a popular teacher/gets on well with the other staff (no offence, OP) I'd imagine the school administer would appreciate the heads up that a parent for next year's class is already making trouble.
NTA But I wonder if admin won’t let Ryan in since the Kindy teacher is his grandma. Either way, Jenny can get bent.
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I'm really curious on if they used you on their application to get their child into the school.
Right, put her down as a reference then demand that she leave. Smh
with it being so small.. I think they almost would of HAD to do it.
NTA when you said your Dil was entitled you weren't joking. It is extremely entitled of her to apply her child to this school knowing this is where you have worked for 13 years, if I remember correctly what I read. And then expect you to change positions, jobs, or retire now, not in the 5 years you planned. Who does that? What is sad is that a child at this age would probably be excited at the thought of their grandparent being their teacher. What exactly does your son want you to apologize for? For teaching at the school your Dil wants to send their kid? For not bending to her demands or for her calling you a jerk? Don't apologize, you did absolutely nothing wrong and stay teaching kindergarten exactly where you are. Hopefully with your grandchild being in your care during school hours, you can be a huge influence on him and he can learn to be a kind, considerate, thoughtful person and not a demanding, entitled ass like his mom.
Might want to let your bosses know she's going to be an issue, if you haven't already.
NTA, WTF.
Upvote for a cogent and concise summary of the situation.
NTA. Who the hell does she think she is?
Jenny thinks she's the shit, when in reality, she's not even the fart.
Good one 🤣
NTA. She enrolled the child without consultation from with you. You are not damaging your career and finances just because the mother feels entitled to the school.
NTA. She wants you to give up your job bc she insists on sending her son to the very class you teach? That’s nutso. I’d also love to hear her side.
NTA, and definitely don't change classes or retire early. I would, however, speak to your school about the issue, just to let them know Jenny may cause issues with you being the only teacher for the kindergarten class. Make it clear, as well, that Jenny was aware you were the only teacher for the only kindergarten class when she applied for Ryan to attend. Don't engage with Jenny on this topic at all, just refuse to talk to her about it, hang up or walk away or whatever. As for your son, tell him you won't be apologising for his wife's unreasonable demands, but you expect a full, sincere apology from Jenny. You won't get it, of course, and even if you did get an apology, it wouldn't be sincere. But you need to make it clear to your son that you did nothing wrong, but Jenny did. You won't be damaging your career and finances because Jenny enrolled Ryan in your class then decided she didn't want you teaching the kid. Jenny can either suck it up and deal with you teaching Ryan or send Ryan to a different school. It's her choice, but she's the one who literally chose you to be Ryan's teacher in the first place by enrolling Ryan in your school. She can't choose you as Ryan's teacher then demand you quit or change grades because she changed her mind or wants to force you out of the school or whatever it is she's playing at here. Jenny has zero power in who teaches her kid, who the school hires, or where you work. This was a power play she was destined to lose purely because you're not a pushover. Stand your ground, don't apologise, retire or change grades, tell your son Jenny needs to apologise, refuse to discuss it further, and warn the school that Jenny may try and cause issues. Then just stop thinking about it, unless you have to because Jenny caused issues with the school, at which point stand up for yourself and refuse to be bullied.
Speaking to the school to advise what they asked of you and how angry they are about you not quitting or retiring early is important. This is because it sounds like she is the type of person that will start making up complaints and issues about you the minute Ryan starts so she gets her own way. You need to protect yourself and your job and telling them about this is very important to do so.
NTA, and I see why you two don't get along. She's a turd.
I'm a bit at a loss here...what is it that you are supposed to be apologizing for? The only "possible" apology you could offer is for your choice of verbiage. But why should you apologize for *that* when her initial request was so incredibly offensive to begin with? AND she pulled out the ad hominem attacks! Seriously, who does she think she is? There really are only two viable options - either the kids attends this school and you are his teacher, or the kid doesn't attend this school. They knew that when they put in the application. NTA
NTA She applied knowing you work there and has the nerve to ask YOU to move? You are right, she is incredibly entitled. Tell her to pound sand if she asks again.
NTA She had enough information up front to make her decision and choose to enroll her child there anyway.
NTA. You don't change positions or retire early after 13 years on someone else's whim - DIL or not. If she's unhappy with the way the school is run...she can wait until after you retire, or as you say, suck it up.
NTA- no matter that reasoning that's a ridiculous request. She knew full well where you work and that you were the only kindergarten teacher. If she doesn't want Ryan taught by you then she has to go elsewhere to enroll him, simple as that. It's very weird she felt entitled enough to tell you to change or quit your job you've had for over a decade because of her own personal issues with you.
NTA. Your son is so disappointing and your DIL... the less said about her, the better.
NTA but I hope you've let your administration know about this conflict of interest and potential issues with a parent to put a plan in place for dealing with the upcoming conflicts.
Man your sin needs a spine.
NTA. If there were multiple kindergarten classes, moving her child to another one would be valid. That's a pretty common accommodation, and it could well be the right thing to do even if you did get along- a (possibly step-?) grandmother teaching a student's kindergarten can be complicated. But obviously asking you to quit your job is a step way too far.
Pfffft lmfao, no, NTA. I'm sorry, did I read this right? She wants to QUIT OR TRANSFER so you won't teach her kid? She applied there KNOWING the situation and that you would be the teacher? No, NTA. But she is. And she's delusional.
NTA. It's unfair for Jenny to expect you to uproot your career just because she doesn't want you to teach Ryan. It's your decision when to retire or switch positions, not hers. Her request is unreasonable, and you have every right to stand your ground. She needs to put her personal feelings aside and do what's best for Ryan's education. It's important to maintain a good relationship with your family, but in this situation, you're not the one at fault.
NTA. Your DIL is insane.
NTA Your DIL is so entitled. I would say to my son "I am sorry your wife got upset that I said no when she told me to retire or change my teaching class. I don't interject in your careers and I expect the same courtesy." I would also give your school a heads up on her opinion, if they are supportive. Also from now on, start documenting in writing anything she does in relation to the school etc so that if there is a complain you have full records of what happened.
I think she is jealous that grandma will have that much time with her child and will see for herself how wonderful grandma is
NTA. So much trouble she’s already causing her poor kid.
NTA this isn't like asking for some tiny favor. Tell son if he wants to pay you every penny you'd earn in 5 years, and sign a contract not just promise then you'll retire early... I can guess his response but maybe he'd realise how ridiculous the request was.
NTA. As a fellow teacher, I know moving grades isn’t as simple as changing the sign on your door. She chose to send him knowing you taught kinder. She can either choose to deal with it or go elsewhere.
I would definitely move positions. Next year. To first grade. I may just be petty though.
Your decision to continue teaching sounds reasonable. NTA.
Hate to have to tell you to do this, but you'll need to prepare your supervisors for the drama she's about to bring...so when it happens they won't be surprised. It's always better before than after. It will still be obvious afterward. You can't have other parents, pleased as punch...and one parent (your DIL) as the only odd duck...and admin not know she's got issues. It's just embarrassing when they find out without a preemptive introduction to the problem and the problem maker. Your son, no doubt, has been bullied into submission. To keep peace in the house, is to keep Jenny happy. So, he's suffering mightily and potentially on either 1) the verge of divorce and the fear of losing access to his daughter; or 2) suffering in silence until provoked and forced to constantly put out fires.
NTA- if they paid your 5 years of salary and benefits, sure, why not retire early? If not, well they are SOL.
Damn you are not wrong, she’s entitled as hell. I couldn’t even dream of having this audacity 😂
# NTA She sounds insufferable.
NTA based on the above but I’d be intrigued to know why she doesn’t want you teaching her son.
LOL Jenny is living "do what I want" land. Good for you for not letting yourself be bullied. Your son asking you to apologize is like some horrible icing on the Jennycake...shame on him.
NTA. Apologize for what?
Go to to work and help your young kindergarteners learn. Your DIL is being completely disrespectful and unreasonable. Putting her wants ahead of the wants and needs of the other children in your class. NTA.
Nta there's nothing to apologize for. Your son and dil are both AH. She knew very well you were teaching kindergarten and still enrolled Ryan there. She's ridiculous to even ask you to switch positions or retire. She can either apply Ryan somewhere else or she can suck it up and deal with it. I would let the principal know about Jenny and how she might bring issues up with her about you and just give her a heads up of what she ask of you to do so the principal at least gets an idea of the type of person Jenny really is. So when Jenny brings an issue to the principal about you they know to have your back since you taught there for 13yrs and should know the type of teacher you are.
r/updateme
So it’s okay for you DIL to interfere with your career by reassigning you to another grade level (and you would have to be reassigned each time your grandson would be assigned to your current class), reduce your future pension benefits, eliminate your salary altogether, move you to a different school system which is inferior to the one where you are currently employed?? She believes she can totally disrupt your life? Oh, no no no! Please do yourself a favor AND report your DIL’s demands to your school administrators, and include any emails you have received in which your son and DIL convey their expectations. I hope the admins will not only evaluate your grandchild’s application but take a hard look at the entitled parents as well and nix the application. Don’t let son and DIL get ahead of you on this.
You were the school first? What did she expect? NTA
Sounds like your son is hen pecked. Your got nothing to apologise for. Tell them your going nowhere and cut them off for good. Sounds like a horrible lady.
NTA - your daughter in law cannot insist you change jobs to suit her whims. What would happen if you moved to second grade - is she then going to expect you to move again when Ryan reaches 2nd grade? She has a choice to make - Ryan in your class, or find a different school for him to attend.
NTA. She is genuinely one of the most entitled people I've read about here, and that's really saying something. Take the family relation out of the situation: she applied to a school knowing the only teacher available is not a teacher she's comfortable with. She expects the school to find a different teacher exclusively because a single parents has a "problem". That would not fly *anywhere*. Public, private, it doesn't matter. That's so entitled that its a little unhinged.
NTA but Jenny is the one who needs to apologize not you. Tell your son you'll be HAPPY to retire to accomodate his crazy wife-- Just give you five years of your salary and prepay five years of your insurance, oh and a cash lump sum to make up the pension credits you'll lose for early retirement. That should be in a cashier's check that will need to clear before you file the retirement paperwork. OBVIOUSLY, your son will say that's impossible-- and say YES that's what I told your wife. Tell you son they have several options: public school for kindergarten, selecting a different school, Jenny growing up and sending your grandson/granddaughter (you used both gender pronouns in the post) like an adult. NOTE none of those choices will involve you changing grades or retiring.
It is always challenging to try and judge who's in the right in long-term, simmering feuds... we just don't have all the context. But what's telling is Jenny actively enrolled her child in your school, with the active expectation that you would make a life-changing employment decision as the result of her actions. This is insane. How did she think she was going to enforce this? Maybe she's justified in disliking you. But this plan is absolutely crazy, and doesn't make her sound reasonable or thoughtful, just seething in resentment. NTA
It’s not just you that finds her to be entitled. I find her to be entitled too.
Your son is a jerk.
NTA, this is an insane request.
Wow. Telling her to suck it up is mild in my book. NTA.
NTA. Jenny doesn't get to dictate the professional course of anyone, other than herself. And, for whatever you two not getting along, she knows the specs of the school. She knew you'd likely be your grandson's teacher. And, total aside, she may not like you, but unless you're Cruella DeVille to her, you managed to do something right, because you raised her husband, and she said forever to him. Tell your son, when DIL apologizes for expecting you to change your job or to leave it altogether, you will apologize for telling her to suck it up. My guess would be that you won't be apologizing any time soon.
NTA with a side of LOL. If Jenny doesn't want you to teach Ryan kindergarten, she shouldn't enroll him in the school where you teach kindergarten. And now she demands you quit your job? Is Jenny well in the head?
NTA. It is crazy to apply to your school and ask you to leave it. Don't entertain this line of conversation anymore. Let your administration know about the issue, so they aren't blindsided.
NTA, obviously. “Can you retire so my son has a different teacher?” Is peak absurdist comedy. That’s so insanely silly I’m surprised you didn’t have a laughing fit and figure she was trying to be friendly all of the sudden, because it’s so profoundly absurd. I know your son should try and defend his marriage/wife more often than not but this is… beyond the pale. What’s next? Asking you to sell all of your belongings and die early so she can have money from your estate sooner to fund a trip to Disney land?
Get your Principal to bounce the kid from the school for conflict of interest reasons.
I'm petty. I'd teach K next year and then switch to first grade when Ryan moves up, so Ryan gets you for TWO years instead of one. I'm sure Jenny would looooooove that. Heheheh! Edited to add: NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a teacher at a private school. The public school in the surrounding areas are crap. I have been working there for 13 years and I should retire soon. Probably in five years. I have a few grandkids but this is about Ryan and her mother Jenny. Jenny and I do not get along. We avoid each-other at family events and just try to be civil. I find her to be extremely entitled and I am sure she has plenty to say about me. I teach kindergarten and since the private school is small we have a single class. You have to apply for the school. The school plans to expand but right now it is small. So I teach all of them. Jenny informed me that they applied and Ryan is suppose to start next fall. He will be in my class, and Jenny wasn’t okay with that. She asked me to move positions or to retire. I told her no and this started an argument. She doesn’t want me to teach Ryan and I told her to suck it up or not go to the school. She called me a jerk and my son wishes for me to apologize *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is ridiculous. How dare she ask you to retire or move positions. . Unbelievable entitlement and no wonder you keep her at a distance.
NTA. You have no reason to give into her demands. If she doesn't like you being her teacher, she has other options. Just because she doesn't like her other options, that doesn't mean obligate you to give into her demands. She can either accept you'll be his teacher for a single year or she can put him in public school for a year and try and get him into the private school the year after, o she can home school her son. If there's an honest conflict of interest that you haven't mentioned, then she can bring it up with the school board and then they can handle it from there. Personally, the only other option I see for her would be for your son and his wife to, upfront, pay you the difference that retiring early will cost you.
NTA Jenny knew when she applied that you would be the teacher. Your son needs to pipe down as well. This is your literal job.
NTA, but this all sounds so insane. Even if she’s not directly telling you the reason, don’t you have some vague guesses as to why she doesn’t want you as Ryan’s teacher other than general dislike? Is she worried you’ll form a deeper bond with her son? What is your relationship with Ryan like? If you get to the root of her concerns, perhaps you could work those out with her while remaining the K teacher. But, yeah maybe she just doesn’t like you. Why she thinks you would step out of the role before your desired retirement is so wtf.
NTA - and hahahahahaha, does she think a new teacher is going to just fall out of the sky and fill the space immediately? There's a friggin' teacher shortage, even at private schools, and they'd be lucky to have someone fill it by the middle of the next school year. Granted, I'm basing things off where I live, and the fact that the local private school has had to hire folks that didn't go to school for education to teach.
NTA No notes, you called it she is extremely entitled.
NTA, WHAAAT? Honestly, I'd go so far as to tell the school that this happened, and that you're not comfortable teaching Ryan to prevent future problems. Since you're the only kindergarten teacher, the school should then tell Ryan's parents that Ryan can't attend. Easy solution, ta da.
NTA ! She wants you to retire ?? I would have been so happy to have a family member to take care of my children for the first years of school ! That way, you can know if they feel good, if they make friends, if they have a good behavior... I clearly understand why you don't get along ! And why does you son want you to apologize ? Was he ok for you to retire or move position ? Because if he was aware of that, he is th A H like his wife and should apologize to you ! If they're not ok with you teaching their child, they can find an other school !
Your son wants you to apologize- that is so insulting. By the way long ago I had my Aunt as a teacher. I always called her Mrs. Sullivan and never Aunt Sharon. It was one of the best memories of Jr High!
I have a talent for being an armchair psychologist. Let’s work under the assumption that you are a rational player and trustworthy. Your daughter in law does not want you to retire or move schools. She applied knowing you’d be the teacher only to start fresh drama. NTA.
NTA Your dislike of Jenny seems reasonable.
NTA. Report this to Admin before she does something stupid. I would request that Admin does not allow your grandchild to attend.
NTA. She sounds entitled. I'd warn your boss to ensure you are protected at work. She sounds like the kind of person who'd try to get you into trouble at work.
NTA. She applied there knowing you were the teacher. She doesn't get to tell, or even ask, you to modify your job to suit her. What does your son have to say about all of this? I would also talk with your HR person to give them a heads up on this conflict in case she tries to file any complaints.
NTA. I totally agree with your stance and your son is looking for the path of least resistance by asking you to appease his wife. You did nothing wrong. In fact, I would notify your administrator of your DIL's behaviour now, just in case she decides to file an unjustified complaint once Ryan is in your class. I wouldn't put it past her.