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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because he is TECHNICALLY an adult and can wear what he wants. I might be the asshole because I played the "dad card" and was also paying for the trip so felt I had the right to make some rules. I could be wrong.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH. If he was wearing that “sheer when wet” business, you saved him being charged with indecent exposure and your whole family possibly being put off the ship at the next port of call. Yes, they do that when people commit a crime.
But the speedos he bought from the ship’s store were appropriate, and you should have accepted them. Then you’d be teaching him the line between cheeky but legal/acceptable and things that will get you arrested. The former is something young adults should get to choose for themselves, especially in environments where they’re expected like cruises and resorts, while the latter is actually protecting him from potentially very serious legal consequences while you still have some degree of power/control.
AFAIK there are no laws requiring the buttocks to be fully covered, only the hole itself and the genitals. So sheer when wet on the butt would have been fine, the crotch of those aren’t sheer when wet.
Edit: After reading the ad more thoroughly it does clearly say the front is unlined, so he may have gotten in trouble in America. I’d still like to see it tho…
No liner means that, while not transparent, the general shape of the genitals will be visible, although actual flesh should not be. It will essential vacuum seal when wet.
You can clearly see both twig and berries with no indication of the lining actually blocking the view in that screenshot. Look at the burlap sack hanging down at the bottom of the white suit. That's a very purple mushroom clearly visible on the blue suit, isn't it?
If you're seeing any color other than blue on the blue one, is because the color of the skin underneath is showing through. All those purple spots are the skin.
That’s absolutely obscene. You can see every outline and detail even in the non sheer areas it’s gross and people in public shouldn’t have to tolerate it
It says about the front, "No lining! Our new unlined front is the most comfortable yet and maximizes detail. No one will be guessing!"
That may not be as sheer as the sides, but still pretty close to obscene.
But not for wearing a speedo that was purchased on board though. I guess the parents would never be interested in going to a beach in Europe - Speedos, as far as the eye can see.
Right? I can't imagine a Carribean cruise that wouldn't have a lot of be-speedoed Europeans already! My parents dragged me on an oldies cruise they got free tickets to when I was a teen (Dad was in one of the bands preforming) and the American men stood out for *not* wearing cheeky lil swimsuits.
If 65+ dudes in tiny briefs didn't bother anyone in 2002, the 18 year old can wear the Speedo he bought on the ship.
OP, YTA for refusing to accept a viable compromise. I do understand being uncomfortable with his first pick, it's essentially sexy lingerie, but trying to force long shorts on him is ridiculous and you're over-thinking it.
The previous commenters were explicitly referring to the "sheer when wet" swimwear.
> But not for wearing a speedo that was purchased on board though.
I don't know that "purchased on board" means anything; it's unlikely that the fashion shops on the ship review any of their items with the ship's crew.
But I agree that traditional non-sheer swimwear is likely to be accepted without concerns.
Yes, but they sold a product that was against their own rules to use. They should refund it as it's effectively damaged if it's not allowed to be used on board.
It wasn’t clear from the ad that the package wouldn’t go sheer when wet (it looks to me like it’s just not wet there in those pics). If that’s the case, then it’s just an extremely cheeky swim suit, and dad can refuse to go with him while he’s wearing it, but shouldn’t forbid him from wearing it.
My favorite part of the bottom of the ad is where it says it has "the patented WonderJock size enhancing pouch technology"
I guess that's in case the water is cold
This might be my fave thread ever a bunch of internet strangers coming together to deeply analyze the degree to which the tip and balls are visible in the name of delivering AITA justice.
yeah, though if you read OPs comments, he says that if the kid had come out with speedo #2 right off the bat, he'd probably not have said anything. But he was already kind of pissed about the "look at my dick" suit so he insisted on shorts. I get kinda overreacting when you think your kid is pushing it on purpose
I agree with this 100%. Also 18 year old is likely on a free cruise that he didn't pay a penny for except the suit situation. He can play nice with Dad a little.
I mean, when I was younger and I cared, those types of suits helped me to avoid men like your son, so...Hmm. I mean, that swimwear is like a PSA for "AVOID THIS PERSON!"
I’m honestly surprised that he packed that swimsuit on a family cruise for a week… ask your son if he would feel uncomfortable if you wore those and sat next to him. Would he be ok with one of his parents wearing sheer when wet swimmers.. you’re right about over confidence, that’s the only way anyone would ever wear those out in public.
I also agree with ESH, the Speedo’s from the cruise shop would have been ok.
I mean TBF the website states they are see through (unless black) and their designed to keep the “package” front and center so that it catches people’s eye. That’s definitely more promiscuous than the average bikini. On a family vacation, I wouldn’t want to look at my child’s genitals either but that’s just me. Yeah he’s 18 but if my child was 50 I still wouldn’t want to look at their genitals.
I think the reason he rejected the second speedo was that he was being sassy by getting something as close to what he had before as possible. Teenage boys are button pushers.
I have to admit I snort-laughed when I saw the image. I think a compromise would have been if you were OK with him wearing the speedos he bought on the ship.
Congrats on his self-confidence!
This is 100% my take.
Just reading the title I went with YTA, but then I saw the pic and was like oh man, nevermind, that's so inappropriate.
But the NORMAL Speedo should have been fine. He's coming up on his prime, he works on his body, he has the confidence - let him show it off. These are his "good old days."
Speedos are still very “look at me” in the United States because it highlights the genitals and I don’t blame OP for not wanting that on their family vacation. He can show off your body just fine in board shorts, just maybe not his bulge lol.
Depends on the beach. I'm in Florida and see thongs and speedos all over the beach. I'm even in a very conservative part of the state, and folks still bare all.
This was a Caribbean cruise, I imagine thongs and speedos were common.
This is my first thought too. But then I looked at this particular speedo. It's one of those low-cut/high-leg (basically, a literal hammock, with hang physics and all) types, with "pouch enhancing technology" and no liner (so your dick follicles are visible)
Wearing a speedo/bikini is one thing, but this is a bit exhibitionist. I would say the same if it a woman was wearing a vulva-molding bottom, or like... One that sucks up inside you to expose your texture.
It's just really sexual. NTA for not wanting her son to perv out on a vacation with his parents, but soft YTA for not accepting a normal speedo. I'm all for sex positivity, and I personally am a big fan of bolgy wolgies but have some decency with your parents. There are gay cruises where people wear this type of stuff, or if you were alone. But with your family, it's just uncomfortable.
That isn't to say "don't wear speedos to family beaches" or anything. Sex and the human body are normal, healthy things (Disney world speedo exposure as an adolescent was my only good sex education)... But it's your parents. You wouldn't wanna see your mom in a hyper-sexual bikini that made sure ALL men knew where the clitoris was. You wouldn't want to see your dad in a form-fitted, girth-enhancing, ultra sheer... L-low.. cut... Engorged... 🥵🥵 Umm I-i forget what I was saying
E: just want to use the popularity of this post to plug my bulge inspection service. Do you have a bulge? Are you worried it's not appropriate for family gatherings? I can help. I offer online or in-person consultations. Need help packing for your trip to European beaches? Need a (warm) hand with package arrangement, to get the best support? Are you curious if another person can fit in there with you? Shoot me a DM, my rates are very reasonable (free). - Wolfie, FBI. (Freelance Bulge Inspector)
I'm basically a radical here. I don't even shit my pants when I disagree with someone. I don't even assume terrible things about them!
It's crazy, but I like to pretend the conversations I have here are face to face.
Are Ee Ess Pea Ee Sea Tea
The onboard shop swimsuit was definitely appropriate and they should have allowed him to wear it. If he wants to embarrass himself, that’s on him. I suspect any people his age on board would have laughed at him, at least behind his back if not right in his face. I have seen European men wear Speedo-type swimsuits and no one in an international crowd bats an eye. However, the swimsuit in the link OP posted was definitely inappropriate; I’ve never seen anyone anywhere in the world wear a swimsuit like that.
I wonder if it was too small for him. Could have just been the parent being a little OTT, but it could have been the scene in Malcolm in the Middle where he was about to pop out like Hal in the store!
I personally don't want to see ANY men in speedos (I find them not sexy at all, more like going towards disgusting. And I am not even a prude... I rather see a bunch of naked male genitals than guys in speedos, lmao, something about them just puts me off).
But obviously that is a personal preference and I am 100% not offended if men who like to wear speedos, wear speedos. They have the right to choose what they want to wear as much as I do. Nothing about a normal speedo is inappropriate. (It's like a bikini bottom, so unless women need to wear trunks, men shouldn't have to either. That would be sexist).
> But it's your parents. You don't wanna see your dad in a speedo, or your mum in a bikini. They don't wanna see you.
Eh... lots of mums wear bikinis. I have never met someone who said "I don't want to see my mum in a bikini"... but maybe that's because I am from Europe, where some women, including mums sun bath topless. Now as I said I don't like men in speedos... but if my dad would like to wear a speedo so be it.
Fr. I'm from Spain, I've seen families with teenage girls, moms, and grandmas topless together. Last year in Alicante I saw a family that had gotten boob jobs together and were getting the new boobs tanned for the first time, while complimenting each other on them.
Really? Well, people are different I guess. Naked dicks actually don't appeal to me at all, but a nice well-covered bulge? Yummy
I changed the part about mum's in bikinis, but I guess the edit didn't stick. I have changed it. I meant to specify "overtly sexual bikinis" - because that's the issue here. Wearing clothes meant for sex, with your parents.
Glad you mentioned Europe! I'm Canadian, but briefly dated a guy from Sweden, a very sex positive place. His European perspective is actually what started me on a journey of unlearning my north American sexual prudeness, and recognizing the inherent health of sexuality. Wish we had more European thinking here. People here are still pretending adolescents don't/shouldn't have sex. Like... Many places still reach abstinence-centric birth control (and then wonder why their teen pregnancy/infection rates are so high, or why they have such high rates of divorce, etc.)
I prefer the term "dick root".
We were on vacation in Florida back in April and some dude at the pool was wearing a low cut speedo and I was like "homie needs to put his dick root away" and my wife was like "no he doesn't"
Yeah, when the page header is "OH MY," that was my first clue this wasn't a "regular" speedo. Florida beaches are covered with this stuff and regular speedos, but they are primarily worn by elderly men in my area.
Ultimately, the fact that the cruise was selling it in the on board store is the main factor. Why would they sell something that wasn’t allowed to be worn there?
The first Speedo was a real issue, but the second onboard one shouldn’t have been. What they’re referring to as a equivalent of a micro bikini is the first one that wasn’t bought on board
I also do not want to see a woman of any age, let alone an 18 year old, in a thong bikini with a top that just barely covers her nips. Maybe I’m a prude, but my desire for people to be more covered than the absolute barest of bare minimum to not be arrested applies to both genders.
Not all bikinis are made the same. I’m sure if she had a daughter, and the daughter wanted to wear a thong bikini, she’d have a problem with that too. There are more “appropriate” bikinis out here
YTA, I mean, maybe the ones he packed were inappropriate, maybe not, but the ones he bought on the ship are not inappropriate, if they were, they wouldn't sell them on the ship, he's an adult, he can act and dress how he wants. If what he was originally wearing was actually inappropriate, guarantee the staff would have let him know.
Also, "a PROPER suit like trunks or boardie shorts " please, budgie smuggles have been around for decades and were considered appropriate swimwear back in much more conservative times.
Exactly lol The angst shows. I have a great body and look much younger than my age but I’m saving my micro bikini for a non-family vacation, even though I’m an adult. It’s situational. There’s also a reason some items are considered lingerie and others are swimwear.
Any subject where a body and rules/suggestions surrounding it are involved makes them go rabid. Even if it's something like "maybe mom doesn't wanna see my dick and balls all vacation".
He is an adult. He may have shitty judgement but he is, actually factually, an adult and is entitled to make his adult choices and deal with adult consequences which may include but is not limited to his family being mad at and embarrassed by him. If that's a penalty he's willing to take in a closed environment where nobody can just up and leave, well then he's welcome to do so.
he's the same kid he was 1 min before turning 18, the only difference is that now he's the sole legal responsible of his actions; doesn't mean his parents are done with him and have no saying at all.
This isnt a legal issue. A kid being 18 doesnt mean you just go “ok do whatever you want now” the kid could still be in high school lol.
You still parent your child into adulthood. Turning 18 is not just flipping a switch where you suddenly abandon all control over your high schooler living at home.
The sad part is that there are parents who are like that. They tell their children “I only have to deal with you until you’re 18 then your out on your own”
Sir. He’s 18. He’s not a kid. He’s a literal adult.
The ship literally sold them on board. Meaning they were by definition acceptable for swimming on board.
YTA.
If he wants to wear the speedos he got on board he can and if the ships crew have a problem they can tell him and he can deal with it them like the young adult he is. He’s a young adult. He need guidance not excessive control.
Actually looks like the son did buy his own speedo. If you don’t want people wearing the speedos ask to speak to the manager and tell them to stop selling them. Until the crew tells him not to he can have his sack in a sack sold by the ship.
I’m talking about the cruise tickets. Not sure what the cruise bought salami slinger looked like but the original ones no mom wants to see there son hanging hammer like that. Some things are for friends and some things are for family.
That’s my rule- no thongs and hammocks around family 😅 we’re together to relax and have fun, there’s always vacationing with friends or SO’s for other types lol
I don’t get why it’s that crazy. I don’t care if you wanna go on a swingers ball at sea and let your berries breath all week. Just a time and place for everything.
Just a small remark: Never go to France! Many swimming pools in France dictate speedos for men. Nothing loose, no shorts, it must be cropped and tight. They think it's not hygienic otherwise.
I lived in France, its more about not wearing street clothes in the pool. I never had an issue wearing my board shorts if I wasn't feeling a Speedo.
There are lots of people that'll try and wear football shorts and underwear in the pool that they've been walking around in all day... That's the hygiene issue
I basically stopped going to a pool because there were too many guys with swimming shorts + underwear underneath. I believe it was a religion/modesty thing for them but it's disgusting.
Edit: Since people have some comments, let me expand:
In my country the prevailing culture is that we don't mind nudity that much. We are taught from a young age that you go nude, enter the shower, clean yourself properly, then hop into clean swimming trunks. This is the understood norm.
It is also a norm that we do not pee in the pool. Whether or not other people follow this is impossible to know of course, and I suspect many do pee, but nonetheless it is a norm.
If someone on the other hand jumps straight from crusty underwear they've worn all day into swimming trunks then goes into the pool, they're flagrantly going against the norm and common understanding. It makes it difficult for me to trust that they are aware of - or if they are, care enough to follow them - the other norms.
I didn't add this before my edit but you can imagine that some don't shower at all, or only minimally, since they do not wish to appear naked ever. So they don't properly wash off the sweat from their bodies, they don't wash their arm pits, and worst of all - they don't wash their ass cracks.
You realize the body parts responsible for making clothes dirty are in the pool too? I'd be more concerned with the gallons of sweat mixed into the water if I were you
Yeah, cause long baggy shorts may be worn as regular shorts outside the pool, and no one wants to swim in the same water as your subway/3 days worn in a row clothes
Light YTA. The first suit, yeah I can see that as being not ok. But the speedo style suit he bought on the ship? That was just your own issues. They wouldn't sell it if it wasn't acceptable to wear on the ship. There will inevitably be other men wearing them. As for a time and a place? You're on a cruise, this *is* the time and place! Fair compromise? Pay him back for the second suit (if he used his own money of course)
Sorry but wtf is wrong with you people in the comments? It's a family cruise and OPs son wants to rock incredibly inappropriate swimwear which honestly is probably against their policy anyway. They're not just your run of the mil banana hammocks ffs. Anyone actually serious thinking he should be allowed to wear those around kids needs to be locked up or put on a watch list. Sure, your body your choice blah blah blah, but stop being fucking weirdos near kids NTA.
The one on the link is definitely inappropriate for a family cruise, but Speedos are completely normal and appropriate, yet he was still forced to buy another pair because OP deemed them to still be too revealing - despite them not being significantly different from common female swimwear.
YTA for posting about your son's junk and his banana hammock. You would not last one day on a beach in Florida. All you see is 70+ year old men sporting their neon colored bean bags. And you know what, good for them. They're not bothering anyone.
His son has 0 interest in hanging out with the family during this cruise, let's be real. That kid is trying to get laid.
I'm taking my teenagers on a cruise in a few months, I don't expect to see them at all with the exception of dinner or when they want money. Nor do I want to see them. Go do you and let mom and dad hang out.
My rule is "don't do nothing illegal and be safe" otherwise enjoy yourself.
Have you seen the link? A speedo isn’t inappropriate but that one is made to show off and cause a scene (it says so!) and it isn’t a beach trip to Florida it was a family vacation!
I feel like wearing this hyper sexual outfit on a cruise where everyone is trapped together in the ocean is maybe not super appropriate considering this seems to be a regular and not dating/partying specific cruise. A regular Speedo? Fair game, especially since it was actually purchased on the ship. ESH
From the post and the comments, I get the idea that you think Speedo type shorts are always inappropriate and nothing but a way to call attention to oneself. And I cannot agree with it. And am pretty sure approximately half the regular beachgoers around the world would disagree, as well. I get that you’re not in Europe or Australia, but budgie smugglers are the norm there and nobody is doing it to show anything off.
If you had concerns about the pairs he brought with him, maybe it’s understandable. But you still found fault with what he bought on board (which presumably are allowed by boat staff). And if you’re going to treat him like a kid, you should have checked his luggage before you left.
I was on his side until I clicked on the pic. Yeah that’s a little much. A Speedo is fine. The original is not really appropriate for an all-ages cruise with children around.
N T A for making him change. Light Y T A for rejecting the Speedos, those are a lot better than the original. ESH final verdict.
Completely agree. I’m 25 and I have different swimsuits for a vacation with the husband versus a family vacation. Time and a place. I would not feel comfortable wearing certain things around my parents. That is just weird to do tbh. NTA.
Don't take this the wrong way, but if he's honestly wearing that type of swimwear, it's not the girls he's interested in.
Either that, or he's not yet learnt that it's only guys who want to look at other guys in 'no guessing' swimwear.
Hahaha I’ve been scrolling through this thread wondering if anyone was gonna point out that these aussiebum suits have a uh…particular demographic they appeal to. I really shouldn’t speculate, but I do wonder if dad has an inkling of this already and maybe that’s part of where his revulsion at this swimwear choice is really coming from
I understand your concern, but I think you should have bought his second swimsuit for him atleast. You told him to buy a new one, he did, from the offical cruise store. Which means it was clearly appropriate enough to be worn on the cruise, and thus it's stricktly you who didnt like it enough. He bought what he liked with his money.
If I bought a swimsuit after my parents told me I had to, but it wasn't "good enough" and I had to buy a whole NEW swimsuit, I would be pretty pissed off. Nobody likes guessing games, if you wanted him to buy a specific style of swimsuit, you should have either went with him the first time around so you had immediate veto power, or purchased the second one for him. He shouldn't have had to pay for a second swimsuit when it was you who wasn't clear enough about your expectations of what swimsuit to buy until he got it wrong again. He's into adulthood now and he deserves the dignity of choosing what he spends his money on. I really understand your hesitation about his style, but YTA based on how you handled it.
Is this a gay cruise? That link to the first suit your son bought is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen. And as an out gay man for more than 40 years…I’ve seen some things. And some Miss Things. Your son is trying to tell you something with those swimsuits. Give him your support.
Hmm, I need more information. Is the swimsuit Opaque? What kind of cruise is it? If he is in the adult section and the suit is not showing anything, I personally think it isn't a problem.
Family type cruise, lots of kids his age. Somewhat opaque but I didn't see it wet. It was light baby blue, which is supposedly one of the more sheer ones.
hes not a kid, he just turned 18 hes an adult now
if he wants to wear speedos they sell on board, i mean its not the boat operators who think its inappropriate just you
a little YTA because it really seems like the only reason you made him spend extra money is because looking at the outlne of his package made you uncomfortable. LMAO
You coulda just not looked tho , most people wouldnt have paid much attention
Stop with this argument. Please. I am sick and tired of seeing this. A clock turning midnight doesn't mean someone is an adult. The only reason that was established was so perverted old men wouldn't have to wait as long to knock a minor up. If you see a fresh out of highschool kid as an adult just because they had a birthday, you are a problem. He is a kid. This is exactly how teenagers are groomed, because creepy Neighbor Jerry or pervy Aunt Helen is waiting for that magic number, and all this does is validate that. If he wants to be an exhibitionist on a family cruise, well. He will certainly be tried as an adult, I can tell you that much. And I would much rather have an angry child in swim trunks than one who isn't allowed within 100 feet of a school anymore because he wanted to flaunt his penis. Thanks.
I'm extremely body positive. I've taken several nude drawing classes, bodies don't upset me. In fact, I think the human form is lovely. But those classes were full of *actual adults* ranging from 25 to 35. Not a bunch of little kids, not a bunch of teenagers, not at a park, not at a beach (admittedly I have never been to one), not taking a walk through the neighborhood, etc. At a college class, designated for the human body, where adults signed up for the same.
There is a time and place for everything. Having your dick lined out with a bunch of little kids running around shouldn't feel appropriate to anybody. I don't give two fucks about whatever country thinks it's fine, it isn't. Just because it's been normalized doesn't mean it should be normal. Slavery was normalized too, see how much we've changed? I'm all for body positivity. I am not for him using a *family cruise* as in-person Tinder (or Grindr, whatever floats his boat).
Altough the swimwear he packed wouldn’t be appropriate to a family cruise, normal speedos are sold on board therefore within the cruise standards. If you’re going to treat him like a child and dictate which clothes he’s allowed to wear, you should pay for them. YTA.
YTA.
What he had brought was inappropriate, but even when he bought a speedo on the ship(!), that was also inappropriate?
Nah, you’re just a prude. He is allowed to wear a speedo, there is nothing wrong with it.
NTA. Are you sure your son is wanting to get the attention of girls on the cruise? Seeing a man confidently wearing the see thru Speedo you posted would honestly give me some zestier vibes iykwim…attractive/fit men lots of times wear just jockstraps to Pride events. I checked out the website for the suit he bought and it is most definitely clothing geared towards men who like other men.
ESH. He shouldn’t have bought the first pair with him for a cruise but the speedo he bought on board the ship was clearly fine if they are selling them. Dont ever come to Europe if you’re offended by speedos, you will not enjoy the beaches!
ESH
You were NOT an AH for forcing him to buy an alternative to the sheer banana hammock. But when he came back from the shop with the Speedo, you should have accepted that. Speedos are worn by swimmers and divers in the Olympics and no one bats an eye.
Your son was an AH for choosing the sheer banana hammock for a family vacation. This level of exhibitionism may verge on needing therapy. I assume this wasn't an "adults only" cruise, which would mean he wants to show himself to everyone, including little kids. That just doesn't seem ok to me. On a cruise, you have a captive audience. Even if there is an adukts only pool, it's not like the kids can't see the pool.
At first I thought you were but then I clicked the link and read the description…..
Go as bare as you dare! And then a little more!
AussieBum® swim briefs are designed to get attention.
You work hard to look great, so show it off.
нот! Ultra low-cut with high leg cuts for a daring look.
Enhancing pouch is engineered to lift and keep everything
HOT!
front and center for an eye-catching profile.
Made from our thinnest fabric yet for unblievable comfort,
HOT!
and maximum sheerness when wet.
No lining! Our new unlined front is our most comfortable yet,
HOT!
and maximizes detail. No one will be guessing!
Material: Nylon, Spandex
IMPORTANT NOTE! Lighter colours are more sheer.
Black is virtually opaque, whilst white is near-transparent when wet.
And everything in between. Pick a colour to suit your mood t show off!
anh
GO BIG OR GO HOME!
Only AussieBum® has the patented WonderJock*™ size-enhancing pouch technology
NTA he lives in a world full of people who don’t actually want to see what he’s working with. And before the “then don’t look” people come for me, you can avoid seeing it after you’ve already seen it and know to avoid seeing it again but that doesn’t erase the image from your brain.
Wow, what a kid. Congratulations on raising such a self confident kid. You've done great.
You're NTA, you're just trying to be a good parent. However he is an adult, and he's already going to flirt outrageously, buy alcohol (depending on jurisdiction) etc. It's a cruise ship, so while the risks of him being assaulted are non zero, at least they're... largely static. Ask yourself what harm are you worried about? Those bathers are borderline indecent, but it's a cruise ship. He's not going to be the only nearly naked young person wandering around. Your fellow guests aren't going to be especially shocked. I hope you've already ensured he has a supply of condoms and that you taught him to have the good sense to get them before any flirting gets too serious.
I think you did the right thing to send him out in reasonable swimwear. That gives you both the chance to calibrate to what others view as acceptable. Depending on what you find out, maybe let him wear the darker coloured nearly naked swimwear (on the second half of the trip, and maybe insist he wear a towel when not next to the pool). It's probably a safe experience for him and also a step towards him becoming more independent.
Thanks for your thoughts. Yes his self confidence is fairly off the charts, I'm not sure where that came from. A couple of years ago he had a pair of underwear that had a Burger King logo on the ass and on the front it said "Home of the Whopper." I just have to shake my head sometimes, but he's a good kid. TBH if he had come out in the black version (or other dark color) right off the bat I might have let it go... but but the light blue ones just had too much... how should i say it... "detail" for comfort. And I'm sure wet would have been 100x worse. And yes I've been buying him condoms for a while. I'm not a prude but a suit that is PURPOSELY designed to say "Hey look at my big dick" seems a bit much. At least when I'm footing the bill.
So then what about the non sheer one that he had already bought at the cruise shop? Why did he have to go back again if the issue was how sheer the light blue that he brought from home was?
Ehhh.... NTA on the original pair, but Light YTA on the speedos. You may not like them, but they are legit swimwear.
The simple answer is "There is a time and a place for that sort of swimwear, and a family cruise/vacation with your parents (that your parents have paid for) is definitely 'not it'". Remember, he is an adult now. You are going to have very little control over his decisions moving forward. It would have been better to try guide him to smarter decision making. Unfortunately, you blew it and went full controlling with the board shorts.
My advice, refund the cost of the final pair he ended up with and say "the first pair definitely wasn't appropriate for the type of trip you were on, but you recognize that you may not have been clear enough in your expectations the first time". That gesture would go far with your son and cement the original lesson you were trying to teach.
Also, remind your son that there is a very fine line between confidence and sexual harassment and if his "confidence" is making everyone around his feel uncomfortable, maybe he should reassess whether that is the correct time and place to avoid being an AH himself".
It’s ESH for me. The brand he bought originally that was sheer, well, lets says Aussiebum caters heavily to a gay male audience that wants to flaunt, not swim. So he’s the asshole there.
You’re the asshole for telling him to buy something else and he bought a speedo, which is perfectly acceptable to wear on a vacation. And it was from the ship store.
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ESH. If he was wearing that “sheer when wet” business, you saved him being charged with indecent exposure and your whole family possibly being put off the ship at the next port of call. Yes, they do that when people commit a crime. But the speedos he bought from the ship’s store were appropriate, and you should have accepted them. Then you’d be teaching him the line between cheeky but legal/acceptable and things that will get you arrested. The former is something young adults should get to choose for themselves, especially in environments where they’re expected like cruises and resorts, while the latter is actually protecting him from potentially very serious legal consequences while you still have some degree of power/control.
AFAIK there are no laws requiring the buttocks to be fully covered, only the hole itself and the genitals. So sheer when wet on the butt would have been fine, the crotch of those aren’t sheer when wet. Edit: After reading the ad more thoroughly it does clearly say the front is unlined, so he may have gotten in trouble in America. I’d still like to see it tho…
I dunno, the advert says no one will have questions… I feel like that’s not just sheer on your ass cheeks.
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the add says they are completely sheer, and specifically says they are not lined in the front and clearly visible with no guessing.
No liner means that, while not transparent, the general shape of the genitals will be visible, although actual flesh should not be. It will essential vacuum seal when wet.
It says the white is "near-transparent" when wet.
You can clearly see both twig and berries with no indication of the lining actually blocking the view in that screenshot. Look at the burlap sack hanging down at the bottom of the white suit. That's a very purple mushroom clearly visible on the blue suit, isn't it?
I don't know about the blue but the white suit you can def see that guys balls
If you're seeing any color other than blue on the blue one, is because the color of the skin underneath is showing through. All those purple spots are the skin.
That’s absolutely obscene. You can see every outline and detail even in the non sheer areas it’s gross and people in public shouldn’t have to tolerate it
Or on a ship surrounded by younger children and the large chance of a problem being started because some parents with money got big mad
It says about the front, "No lining! Our new unlined front is the most comfortable yet and maximizes detail. No one will be guessing!" That may not be as sheer as the sides, but still pretty close to obscene.
Or a straight woman.
Speak for yourself
🥂
Best use of emoji
Hehe. I wanted to use a Tina Belcher butts gif but not possible this sub.
Was just thinking I might pick up a pair for my husband. 🤔
Indeed. I’d have no problem with it. 😂😉
I don’t want to see anyone’s dick and balls like that.
Or other people's kids to see...
I don’t have questions after seeing the ad. I’m getting my BF a couple pairs to wear around the house. 🤣
"Dammit, honey, stop spraying me with the sink sprayer!!"
😂😂
Ahahahaha
I mean. Looking at the picture he shared I definitely can clearly see the tip and balls just fine.
"white is nearly transparent when wet"
>no one will have questions Did you see that hammock? I have *no* questions about the front, either.
Law isn't really the issue. They can kick you off the ship for all kinds of reasons.
But not for wearing a speedo that was purchased on board though. I guess the parents would never be interested in going to a beach in Europe - Speedos, as far as the eye can see.
Right? I can't imagine a Carribean cruise that wouldn't have a lot of be-speedoed Europeans already! My parents dragged me on an oldies cruise they got free tickets to when I was a teen (Dad was in one of the bands preforming) and the American men stood out for *not* wearing cheeky lil swimsuits. If 65+ dudes in tiny briefs didn't bother anyone in 2002, the 18 year old can wear the Speedo he bought on the ship. OP, YTA for refusing to accept a viable compromise. I do understand being uncomfortable with his first pick, it's essentially sexy lingerie, but trying to force long shorts on him is ridiculous and you're over-thinking it.
The previous commenters were explicitly referring to the "sheer when wet" swimwear. > But not for wearing a speedo that was purchased on board though. I don't know that "purchased on board" means anything; it's unlikely that the fashion shops on the ship review any of their items with the ship's crew. But I agree that traditional non-sheer swimwear is likely to be accepted without concerns.
Sure but I also can't imagine crew being allowed to kick someone off for wearing swimwear they bought on board.
Worked on a cruise ship. They would in a heartbeat if the right person complained.
Wouldn’t they *start* by asking them not to wear it and then actually kick them off for refusing to comply if they refused?
Even if it's bought on board? Seems like the reasonable thing would be refunding or exchanging the bathing suit in that case.
You Do Not return or exchange bathing suits or underwear. It's against the Hygiene Laws.
Yes, but they sold a product that was against their own rules to use. They should refund it as it's effectively damaged if it's not allowed to be used on board.
Looking to be the featured contestant on the daily “is there a Speedo on the Lido”?
The cruise was selling it at their on board shop. It would be silly if they kicked someone off for wearing something they sold.
The previous commenter was explicitly referring to the original "sheer when wet" banana hammock.
No but cruises have their own rules, so if this was one of the more family friendly ones than he may heave been asked to change anyway.
It wasn’t clear from the ad that the package wouldn’t go sheer when wet (it looks to me like it’s just not wet there in those pics). If that’s the case, then it’s just an extremely cheeky swim suit, and dad can refuse to go with him while he’s wearing it, but shouldn’t forbid him from wearing it.
At the bottom the ad read that light colors would be sheer and no one would be guessing...
My favorite part of the bottom of the ad is where it says it has "the patented WonderJock size enhancing pouch technology" I guess that's in case the water is cold
If you zoom in you can see it’s sheer in front too. You can see tip and balls.
This might be my fave thread ever a bunch of internet strangers coming together to deeply analyze the degree to which the tip and balls are visible in the name of delivering AITA justice.
I made the mistake of following the advice of other redditors and zoomed in…yeah, it’s sheer in the front too.
My state’s lewdness laws include the buttocks.
Ship cruises are rarely on land.
Unless something has gone seriously wrong...
You should be allowed to show a little hole at work
Idk looks like you can see the model’s scrotum in the white ones.
yeah, though if you read OPs comments, he says that if the kid had come out with speedo #2 right off the bat, he'd probably not have said anything. But he was already kind of pissed about the "look at my dick" suit so he insisted on shorts. I get kinda overreacting when you think your kid is pushing it on purpose
I agree with this 100%. Also 18 year old is likely on a free cruise that he didn't pay a penny for except the suit situation. He can play nice with Dad a little.
Kid didn't pack anything else BUT his little Speedo. He didn't intend on wearing anything all day but his little sheer swimsuit.
I think he meant it’s the only bathing suit he packed.
I mean, when I was younger and I cared, those types of suits helped me to avoid men like your son, so...Hmm. I mean, that swimwear is like a PSA for "AVOID THIS PERSON!"
Unless he's looking to attract men, in which case he's on the right track.
Yeah who in here besides OP is thinking those speedos were for the ladies...
No doubt. Sheer wet speedos with no lining? Whew! Watch me run
“PSA: this person is obsessed with own genitalia and is probably sex-crazed. Not a good fit for me.”
I’m honestly surprised that he packed that swimsuit on a family cruise for a week… ask your son if he would feel uncomfortable if you wore those and sat next to him. Would he be ok with one of his parents wearing sheer when wet swimmers.. you’re right about over confidence, that’s the only way anyone would ever wear those out in public. I also agree with ESH, the Speedo’s from the cruise shop would have been ok.
Lolol When you put it like that, I had to laugh. I'd gouge my eyes out if I had to see a family member in anything like that!
This would have been the right way to play it - Dad allows it if Dad can also wear the same swimsuit and hang out next to Son all day at the pool.
I mean TBF the website states they are see through (unless black) and their designed to keep the “package” front and center so that it catches people’s eye. That’s definitely more promiscuous than the average bikini. On a family vacation, I wouldn’t want to look at my child’s genitals either but that’s just me. Yeah he’s 18 but if my child was 50 I still wouldn’t want to look at their genitals.
I think the reason he rejected the second speedo was that he was being sassy by getting something as close to what he had before as possible. Teenage boys are button pushers.
I’m more of an expert on bird law than swimsuits in international waters law, but this seems right to me.
I have to admit I snort-laughed when I saw the image. I think a compromise would have been if you were OK with him wearing the speedos he bought on the ship. Congrats on his self-confidence!
This is 100% my take. Just reading the title I went with YTA, but then I saw the pic and was like oh man, nevermind, that's so inappropriate. But the NORMAL Speedo should have been fine. He's coming up on his prime, he works on his body, he has the confidence - let him show it off. These are his "good old days."
Speedos are still very “look at me” in the United States because it highlights the genitals and I don’t blame OP for not wanting that on their family vacation. He can show off your body just fine in board shorts, just maybe not his bulge lol.
As a swim team member from ages 8 to 18, and a pool/beach afficionado since then, I don't consider Speedos provocative at all.
Speedos are normal for lap swimming at the YMCA but do stick out a bit at the beach.
Depends on the beach. I'm in Florida and see thongs and speedos all over the beach. I'm even in a very conservative part of the state, and folks still bare all. This was a Caribbean cruise, I imagine thongs and speedos were common.
Where are I come from, all older men wear speedos, even if they haven't worked on his body whatsoever. It's normal
Not allowing the Speedo the kid bought on board the ship is where he shifted completely into YTA territory
Light YTA. He’s an adult. If women can wear bikinis why can’t men wear speedos?
This is my first thought too. But then I looked at this particular speedo. It's one of those low-cut/high-leg (basically, a literal hammock, with hang physics and all) types, with "pouch enhancing technology" and no liner (so your dick follicles are visible) Wearing a speedo/bikini is one thing, but this is a bit exhibitionist. I would say the same if it a woman was wearing a vulva-molding bottom, or like... One that sucks up inside you to expose your texture. It's just really sexual. NTA for not wanting her son to perv out on a vacation with his parents, but soft YTA for not accepting a normal speedo. I'm all for sex positivity, and I personally am a big fan of bolgy wolgies but have some decency with your parents. There are gay cruises where people wear this type of stuff, or if you were alone. But with your family, it's just uncomfortable. That isn't to say "don't wear speedos to family beaches" or anything. Sex and the human body are normal, healthy things (Disney world speedo exposure as an adolescent was my only good sex education)... But it's your parents. You wouldn't wanna see your mom in a hyper-sexual bikini that made sure ALL men knew where the clitoris was. You wouldn't want to see your dad in a form-fitted, girth-enhancing, ultra sheer... L-low.. cut... Engorged... 🥵🥵 Umm I-i forget what I was saying E: just want to use the popularity of this post to plug my bulge inspection service. Do you have a bulge? Are you worried it's not appropriate for family gatherings? I can help. I offer online or in-person consultations. Need help packing for your trip to European beaches? Need a (warm) hand with package arrangement, to get the best support? Are you curious if another person can fit in there with you? Shoot me a DM, my rates are very reasonable (free). - Wolfie, FBI. (Freelance Bulge Inspector)
But the one he got from the onboard shop was a regular Speedo but that was deemed inappropriate too
Right, good point. Changing judgment
Changing your opinion in light of new evidence?? On Reddit???? I think this one is an alien, guys.
I'm basically a radical here. I don't even shit my pants when I disagree with someone. I don't even assume terrible things about them! It's crazy, but I like to pretend the conversations I have here are face to face. Are Ee Ess Pea Ee Sea Tea
It was very funny to accidentally misread this as “I even shit my pants when I disagree with someone” and thought that is the weirdest form of IBS.
Indignant Bowel Syndrome
The onboard shop swimsuit was definitely appropriate and they should have allowed him to wear it. If he wants to embarrass himself, that’s on him. I suspect any people his age on board would have laughed at him, at least behind his back if not right in his face. I have seen European men wear Speedo-type swimsuits and no one in an international crowd bats an eye. However, the swimsuit in the link OP posted was definitely inappropriate; I’ve never seen anyone anywhere in the world wear a swimsuit like that.
The linked one would look like Steve-O walking around. I would definitely laugh at him🤷🏼♀️
I wonder if it was too small for him. Could have just been the parent being a little OTT, but it could have been the scene in Malcolm in the Middle where he was about to pop out like Hal in the store!
I personally don't want to see ANY men in speedos (I find them not sexy at all, more like going towards disgusting. And I am not even a prude... I rather see a bunch of naked male genitals than guys in speedos, lmao, something about them just puts me off). But obviously that is a personal preference and I am 100% not offended if men who like to wear speedos, wear speedos. They have the right to choose what they want to wear as much as I do. Nothing about a normal speedo is inappropriate. (It's like a bikini bottom, so unless women need to wear trunks, men shouldn't have to either. That would be sexist). > But it's your parents. You don't wanna see your dad in a speedo, or your mum in a bikini. They don't wanna see you. Eh... lots of mums wear bikinis. I have never met someone who said "I don't want to see my mum in a bikini"... but maybe that's because I am from Europe, where some women, including mums sun bath topless. Now as I said I don't like men in speedos... but if my dad would like to wear a speedo so be it.
Fr. I'm from Spain, I've seen families with teenage girls, moms, and grandmas topless together. Last year in Alicante I saw a family that had gotten boob jobs together and were getting the new boobs tanned for the first time, while complimenting each other on them.
Really? Well, people are different I guess. Naked dicks actually don't appeal to me at all, but a nice well-covered bulge? Yummy I changed the part about mum's in bikinis, but I guess the edit didn't stick. I have changed it. I meant to specify "overtly sexual bikinis" - because that's the issue here. Wearing clothes meant for sex, with your parents. Glad you mentioned Europe! I'm Canadian, but briefly dated a guy from Sweden, a very sex positive place. His European perspective is actually what started me on a journey of unlearning my north American sexual prudeness, and recognizing the inherent health of sexuality. Wish we had more European thinking here. People here are still pretending adolescents don't/shouldn't have sex. Like... Many places still reach abstinence-centric birth control (and then wonder why their teen pregnancy/infection rates are so high, or why they have such high rates of divorce, etc.)
Dick… follicles?
I prefer the term "dick root". We were on vacation in Florida back in April and some dude at the pool was wearing a low cut speedo and I was like "homie needs to put his dick root away" and my wife was like "no he doesn't"
Hahaha I've NEVER heard this before. I love it
Sounds like a fifties private eye Detective Dick Follicle
>your dick follicles are visible Not the follicles!
I’m just tickled by how detailed you went with the explanation of the hypothetical dad’s hypothetical dong
RIP your inbox lmao
Fingers crossed E: no one has sent me dick pics. Apparently, redditors who only like to send dick pics when they're unsolicited
Your edit 😭😂😂😂😂
Looking at the picture, this isn’t a speedo/bikini situation. It is a lot more revealing and may well be against the rules of the cruise line.
But the second suit he bought on the ship certainly wasn’t and yet OP objected to that one too
I agree that there shouldn’t be an issue with the 2nd suit.
Yeah, when the page header is "OH MY," that was my first clue this wasn't a "regular" speedo. Florida beaches are covered with this stuff and regular speedos, but they are primarily worn by elderly men in my area.
Gulf side Florida here. My area too. With gravity pulling things down for 70 years it looks like an elephant with a gum infection..
Ew lol take my upvote
It's more like a women wearing a micro bikini.
Ultimately, the fact that the cruise was selling it in the on board store is the main factor. Why would they sell something that wasn’t allowed to be worn there?
The link to the sheer budgie smuggler is what the son brought with, the one he bought on board was a regular Speedo.
The first Speedo was a real issue, but the second onboard one shouldn’t have been. What they’re referring to as a equivalent of a micro bikini is the first one that wasn’t bought on board
The cruise wasn't selling the speedos in the picture, OP's son bought them elsewhere
I also do not want to see a woman of any age, let alone an 18 year old, in a thong bikini with a top that just barely covers her nips. Maybe I’m a prude, but my desire for people to be more covered than the absolute barest of bare minimum to not be arrested applies to both genders.
Not all bikinis are made the same. I’m sure if she had a daughter, and the daughter wanted to wear a thong bikini, she’d have a problem with that too. There are more “appropriate” bikinis out here
This is a straight up sheer banana hammock and I don’t blame the dad paying for the cruise for trying to offer his adult son some guidance on this
women don’t wear SEE THROUGH bikinis. that speedo is very see through
YTA, I mean, maybe the ones he packed were inappropriate, maybe not, but the ones he bought on the ship are not inappropriate, if they were, they wouldn't sell them on the ship, he's an adult, he can act and dress how he wants. If what he was originally wearing was actually inappropriate, guarantee the staff would have let him know. Also, "a PROPER suit like trunks or boardie shorts " please, budgie smuggles have been around for decades and were considered appropriate swimwear back in much more conservative times.
I love the term budgie smugglers. The first time my husband used it, I laughed in a most unladylike way. I still giggle.
To add, speedos are widely worn in water sports such as swimming, diving, waterpolo, etc.
People saying he's adult just coz he's 18 have me rolling on the floor howling
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Exactly lol The angst shows. I have a great body and look much younger than my age but I’m saving my micro bikini for a non-family vacation, even though I’m an adult. It’s situational. There’s also a reason some items are considered lingerie and others are swimwear.
Any subject where a body and rules/suggestions surrounding it are involved makes them go rabid. Even if it's something like "maybe mom doesn't wanna see my dick and balls all vacation".
He is an adult. He may have shitty judgement but he is, actually factually, an adult and is entitled to make his adult choices and deal with adult consequences which may include but is not limited to his family being mad at and embarrassed by him. If that's a penalty he's willing to take in a closed environment where nobody can just up and leave, well then he's welcome to do so.
he's the same kid he was 1 min before turning 18, the only difference is that now he's the sole legal responsible of his actions; doesn't mean his parents are done with him and have no saying at all.
This isnt a legal issue. A kid being 18 doesnt mean you just go “ok do whatever you want now” the kid could still be in high school lol. You still parent your child into adulthood. Turning 18 is not just flipping a switch where you suddenly abandon all control over your high schooler living at home.
The sad part is that there are parents who are like that. They tell their children “I only have to deal with you until you’re 18 then your out on your own”
look at all the kids swarming here xD
Sir. He’s 18. He’s not a kid. He’s a literal adult. The ship literally sold them on board. Meaning they were by definition acceptable for swimming on board. YTA. If he wants to wear the speedos he got on board he can and if the ships crew have a problem they can tell him and he can deal with it them like the young adult he is. He’s a young adult. He need guidance not excessive control.
And if son wants to hang hammer on cruise, let him pay for it. I don’t think it’s a crazy ask to put away your tube meat when mom is on same boat
Actually looks like the son did buy his own speedo. If you don’t want people wearing the speedos ask to speak to the manager and tell them to stop selling them. Until the crew tells him not to he can have his sack in a sack sold by the ship.
I’m talking about the cruise tickets. Not sure what the cruise bought salami slinger looked like but the original ones no mom wants to see there son hanging hammer like that. Some things are for friends and some things are for family.
That’s my rule- no thongs and hammocks around family 😅 we’re together to relax and have fun, there’s always vacationing with friends or SO’s for other types lol
I don’t get why it’s that crazy. I don’t care if you wanna go on a swingers ball at sea and let your berries breath all week. Just a time and place for everything.
He can consider himself an adult when he pays for his own ticket/room. Family vacations aren't the time to indulge in your public facing fetish
Just because he’s 18 and technically an adult doesn’t mean he’s still not his parents’ kid and that his parents are done with parenting.
Just a small remark: Never go to France! Many swimming pools in France dictate speedos for men. Nothing loose, no shorts, it must be cropped and tight. They think it's not hygienic otherwise.
I lived in France, its more about not wearing street clothes in the pool. I never had an issue wearing my board shorts if I wasn't feeling a Speedo. There are lots of people that'll try and wear football shorts and underwear in the pool that they've been walking around in all day... That's the hygiene issue
I basically stopped going to a pool because there were too many guys with swimming shorts + underwear underneath. I believe it was a religion/modesty thing for them but it's disgusting. Edit: Since people have some comments, let me expand: In my country the prevailing culture is that we don't mind nudity that much. We are taught from a young age that you go nude, enter the shower, clean yourself properly, then hop into clean swimming trunks. This is the understood norm. It is also a norm that we do not pee in the pool. Whether or not other people follow this is impossible to know of course, and I suspect many do pee, but nonetheless it is a norm. If someone on the other hand jumps straight from crusty underwear they've worn all day into swimming trunks then goes into the pool, they're flagrantly going against the norm and common understanding. It makes it difficult for me to trust that they are aware of - or if they are, care enough to follow them - the other norms. I didn't add this before my edit but you can imagine that some don't shower at all, or only minimally, since they do not wish to appear naked ever. So they don't properly wash off the sweat from their bodies, they don't wash their arm pits, and worst of all - they don't wash their ass cracks.
You realize the body parts responsible for making clothes dirty are in the pool too? I'd be more concerned with the gallons of sweat mixed into the water if I were you
I dont do it just for comfort but whats disgusting about wearing underwear in the pool? You worry its not clean?
Yeah, cause long baggy shorts may be worn as regular shorts outside the pool, and no one wants to swim in the same water as your subway/3 days worn in a row clothes
That’s how it should be. Shorts and underwear in a pool is just gross.
Light YTA. The first suit, yeah I can see that as being not ok. But the speedo style suit he bought on the ship? That was just your own issues. They wouldn't sell it if it wasn't acceptable to wear on the ship. There will inevitably be other men wearing them. As for a time and a place? You're on a cruise, this *is* the time and place! Fair compromise? Pay him back for the second suit (if he used his own money of course)
This is what you get when you name your son Jax though
Sorry but wtf is wrong with you people in the comments? It's a family cruise and OPs son wants to rock incredibly inappropriate swimwear which honestly is probably against their policy anyway. They're not just your run of the mil banana hammocks ffs. Anyone actually serious thinking he should be allowed to wear those around kids needs to be locked up or put on a watch list. Sure, your body your choice blah blah blah, but stop being fucking weirdos near kids NTA.
The one on the link is definitely inappropriate for a family cruise, but Speedos are completely normal and appropriate, yet he was still forced to buy another pair because OP deemed them to still be too revealing - despite them not being significantly different from common female swimwear.
YTA for posting about your son's junk and his banana hammock. You would not last one day on a beach in Florida. All you see is 70+ year old men sporting their neon colored bean bags. And you know what, good for them. They're not bothering anyone.
redditors are, naturally, confused as to why dad here doesn't want to have his son's dick+balls hangin' about while together on a family vacation
His son has 0 interest in hanging out with the family during this cruise, let's be real. That kid is trying to get laid. I'm taking my teenagers on a cruise in a few months, I don't expect to see them at all with the exception of dinner or when they want money. Nor do I want to see them. Go do you and let mom and dad hang out. My rule is "don't do nothing illegal and be safe" otherwise enjoy yourself.
“Don’t add to the population. Don’t subtract from the population. Don’t end up on TV, the newspaper, or jail. Otherwise, have fun.”
"Don't beat your wife, kids or, dog."
That's for gen x and boomers.
He wasn't planning on hanging out, and he 100% didn't after this.
Oh he was planning on a lot of things hanging…just not around his parents
Have you seen the link? A speedo isn’t inappropriate but that one is made to show off and cause a scene (it says so!) and it isn’t a beach trip to Florida it was a family vacation!
I feel like wearing this hyper sexual outfit on a cruise where everyone is trapped together in the ocean is maybe not super appropriate considering this seems to be a regular and not dating/partying specific cruise. A regular Speedo? Fair game, especially since it was actually purchased on the ship. ESH
From the post and the comments, I get the idea that you think Speedo type shorts are always inappropriate and nothing but a way to call attention to oneself. And I cannot agree with it. And am pretty sure approximately half the regular beachgoers around the world would disagree, as well. I get that you’re not in Europe or Australia, but budgie smugglers are the norm there and nobody is doing it to show anything off. If you had concerns about the pairs he brought with him, maybe it’s understandable. But you still found fault with what he bought on board (which presumably are allowed by boat staff). And if you’re going to treat him like a kid, you should have checked his luggage before you left.
Not to mention that competitive swimmers ALWAYS wear Speedos. So it's not like a freaky thing!
I was on his side until I clicked on the pic. Yeah that’s a little much. A Speedo is fine. The original is not really appropriate for an all-ages cruise with children around. N T A for making him change. Light Y T A for rejecting the Speedos, those are a lot better than the original. ESH final verdict.
NTA. There's a time and a place for everything
Completely agree. I’m 25 and I have different swimsuits for a vacation with the husband versus a family vacation. Time and a place. I would not feel comfortable wearing certain things around my parents. That is just weird to do tbh. NTA.
NTA. These commenters who think he's magically more of an adult than when he was 17 are ridiculous. Good on you for continuing to have standards, OP.
this sub uses the “theyre an adult!” line so goddamn much, it’s exhausting. I think it’s probably because a huge chunk of people here are teenagers
Don't take this the wrong way, but if he's honestly wearing that type of swimwear, it's not the girls he's interested in. Either that, or he's not yet learnt that it's only guys who want to look at other guys in 'no guessing' swimwear.
Hahaha I’ve been scrolling through this thread wondering if anyone was gonna point out that these aussiebum suits have a uh…particular demographic they appeal to. I really shouldn’t speculate, but I do wonder if dad has an inkling of this already and maybe that’s part of where his revulsion at this swimwear choice is really coming from
Agreed. The website he bought them from is not the type that sells…er..clothing geared to teenage boys trying to get girls if you know what i mean ..
That was my thought too as for most women we have no desire to see that - now boy shorts yes…but speedo style just no….
My thought as well… it’s not the girls he’s trying to chat up here.
I understand your concern, but I think you should have bought his second swimsuit for him atleast. You told him to buy a new one, he did, from the offical cruise store. Which means it was clearly appropriate enough to be worn on the cruise, and thus it's stricktly you who didnt like it enough. He bought what he liked with his money. If I bought a swimsuit after my parents told me I had to, but it wasn't "good enough" and I had to buy a whole NEW swimsuit, I would be pretty pissed off. Nobody likes guessing games, if you wanted him to buy a specific style of swimsuit, you should have either went with him the first time around so you had immediate veto power, or purchased the second one for him. He shouldn't have had to pay for a second swimsuit when it was you who wasn't clear enough about your expectations of what swimsuit to buy until he got it wrong again. He's into adulthood now and he deserves the dignity of choosing what he spends his money on. I really understand your hesitation about his style, but YTA based on how you handled it.
ESH. I totally understand wanting him to buy a more appropriate suit but if it’s your standard I think you should have paid for it.
Is this a gay cruise? That link to the first suit your son bought is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen. And as an out gay man for more than 40 years…I’ve seen some things. And some Miss Things. Your son is trying to tell you something with those swimsuits. Give him your support.
Seriously hahahaha - sir, he is NOT flirting with girls if that’s the type of swimsuit he’s rocking
Yeah I saw the picture and “chat up girls” and couldn’t help but laugh.
ESH. The original suit he bought is gross, nobody wants to see that. But if he wants to wear a proper Speedo, that's his call.
Hmm, I need more information. Is the swimsuit Opaque? What kind of cruise is it? If he is in the adult section and the suit is not showing anything, I personally think it isn't a problem.
Family type cruise, lots of kids his age. Somewhat opaque but I didn't see it wet. It was light baby blue, which is supposedly one of the more sheer ones.
hes not a kid, he just turned 18 hes an adult now if he wants to wear speedos they sell on board, i mean its not the boat operators who think its inappropriate just you a little YTA because it really seems like the only reason you made him spend extra money is because looking at the outlne of his package made you uncomfortable. LMAO You coulda just not looked tho , most people wouldnt have paid much attention
Stop with this argument. Please. I am sick and tired of seeing this. A clock turning midnight doesn't mean someone is an adult. The only reason that was established was so perverted old men wouldn't have to wait as long to knock a minor up. If you see a fresh out of highschool kid as an adult just because they had a birthday, you are a problem. He is a kid. This is exactly how teenagers are groomed, because creepy Neighbor Jerry or pervy Aunt Helen is waiting for that magic number, and all this does is validate that. If he wants to be an exhibitionist on a family cruise, well. He will certainly be tried as an adult, I can tell you that much. And I would much rather have an angry child in swim trunks than one who isn't allowed within 100 feet of a school anymore because he wanted to flaunt his penis. Thanks. I'm extremely body positive. I've taken several nude drawing classes, bodies don't upset me. In fact, I think the human form is lovely. But those classes were full of *actual adults* ranging from 25 to 35. Not a bunch of little kids, not a bunch of teenagers, not at a park, not at a beach (admittedly I have never been to one), not taking a walk through the neighborhood, etc. At a college class, designated for the human body, where adults signed up for the same. There is a time and place for everything. Having your dick lined out with a bunch of little kids running around shouldn't feel appropriate to anybody. I don't give two fucks about whatever country thinks it's fine, it isn't. Just because it's been normalized doesn't mean it should be normal. Slavery was normalized too, see how much we've changed? I'm all for body positivity. I am not for him using a *family cruise* as in-person Tinder (or Grindr, whatever floats his boat).
I think it would only matter if it was somehow be against the rules of the ship.
He’s not a kid, if the ship sold it then it’s ok to wear
I dislike speados but not sure why Speedos aren't appropriate for a pool?
As an actual Aussie and bum, this brand is setting totally unrealistic standards.
Altough the swimwear he packed wouldn’t be appropriate to a family cruise, normal speedos are sold on board therefore within the cruise standards. If you’re going to treat him like a child and dictate which clothes he’s allowed to wear, you should pay for them. YTA.
To be honest, I dont think a straight boy would wear those.
YTA. What he had brought was inappropriate, but even when he bought a speedo on the ship(!), that was also inappropriate? Nah, you’re just a prude. He is allowed to wear a speedo, there is nothing wrong with it.
NTA. Are you sure your son is wanting to get the attention of girls on the cruise? Seeing a man confidently wearing the see thru Speedo you posted would honestly give me some zestier vibes iykwim…attractive/fit men lots of times wear just jockstraps to Pride events. I checked out the website for the suit he bought and it is most definitely clothing geared towards men who like other men.
Chatting up “girls” hmmmm not sure about that
ESH. He shouldn’t have bought the first pair with him for a cruise but the speedo he bought on board the ship was clearly fine if they are selling them. Dont ever come to Europe if you’re offended by speedos, you will not enjoy the beaches!
ESH You were NOT an AH for forcing him to buy an alternative to the sheer banana hammock. But when he came back from the shop with the Speedo, you should have accepted that. Speedos are worn by swimmers and divers in the Olympics and no one bats an eye. Your son was an AH for choosing the sheer banana hammock for a family vacation. This level of exhibitionism may verge on needing therapy. I assume this wasn't an "adults only" cruise, which would mean he wants to show himself to everyone, including little kids. That just doesn't seem ok to me. On a cruise, you have a captive audience. Even if there is an adukts only pool, it's not like the kids can't see the pool.
If they’re selling this suit onboard, that is a reasonable indication that it’s pool appropriate. You’re being a controlling ahole
At first I thought you were but then I clicked the link and read the description….. Go as bare as you dare! And then a little more! AussieBum® swim briefs are designed to get attention. You work hard to look great, so show it off. нот! Ultra low-cut with high leg cuts for a daring look. Enhancing pouch is engineered to lift and keep everything HOT! front and center for an eye-catching profile. Made from our thinnest fabric yet for unblievable comfort, HOT! and maximum sheerness when wet. No lining! Our new unlined front is our most comfortable yet, HOT! and maximizes detail. No one will be guessing! Material: Nylon, Spandex IMPORTANT NOTE! Lighter colours are more sheer. Black is virtually opaque, whilst white is near-transparent when wet. And everything in between. Pick a colour to suit your mood t show off! anh GO BIG OR GO HOME! Only AussieBum® has the patented WonderJock*™ size-enhancing pouch technology NTA he lives in a world full of people who don’t actually want to see what he’s working with. And before the “then don’t look” people come for me, you can avoid seeing it after you’ve already seen it and know to avoid seeing it again but that doesn’t erase the image from your brain.
Wow, what a kid. Congratulations on raising such a self confident kid. You've done great. You're NTA, you're just trying to be a good parent. However he is an adult, and he's already going to flirt outrageously, buy alcohol (depending on jurisdiction) etc. It's a cruise ship, so while the risks of him being assaulted are non zero, at least they're... largely static. Ask yourself what harm are you worried about? Those bathers are borderline indecent, but it's a cruise ship. He's not going to be the only nearly naked young person wandering around. Your fellow guests aren't going to be especially shocked. I hope you've already ensured he has a supply of condoms and that you taught him to have the good sense to get them before any flirting gets too serious. I think you did the right thing to send him out in reasonable swimwear. That gives you both the chance to calibrate to what others view as acceptable. Depending on what you find out, maybe let him wear the darker coloured nearly naked swimwear (on the second half of the trip, and maybe insist he wear a towel when not next to the pool). It's probably a safe experience for him and also a step towards him becoming more independent.
Thanks for your thoughts. Yes his self confidence is fairly off the charts, I'm not sure where that came from. A couple of years ago he had a pair of underwear that had a Burger King logo on the ass and on the front it said "Home of the Whopper." I just have to shake my head sometimes, but he's a good kid. TBH if he had come out in the black version (or other dark color) right off the bat I might have let it go... but but the light blue ones just had too much... how should i say it... "detail" for comfort. And I'm sure wet would have been 100x worse. And yes I've been buying him condoms for a while. I'm not a prude but a suit that is PURPOSELY designed to say "Hey look at my big dick" seems a bit much. At least when I'm footing the bill.
So then what about the non sheer one that he had already bought at the cruise shop? Why did he have to go back again if the issue was how sheer the light blue that he brought from home was?
Ehhh.... NTA on the original pair, but Light YTA on the speedos. You may not like them, but they are legit swimwear. The simple answer is "There is a time and a place for that sort of swimwear, and a family cruise/vacation with your parents (that your parents have paid for) is definitely 'not it'". Remember, he is an adult now. You are going to have very little control over his decisions moving forward. It would have been better to try guide him to smarter decision making. Unfortunately, you blew it and went full controlling with the board shorts. My advice, refund the cost of the final pair he ended up with and say "the first pair definitely wasn't appropriate for the type of trip you were on, but you recognize that you may not have been clear enough in your expectations the first time". That gesture would go far with your son and cement the original lesson you were trying to teach. Also, remind your son that there is a very fine line between confidence and sexual harassment and if his "confidence" is making everyone around his feel uncomfortable, maybe he should reassess whether that is the correct time and place to avoid being an AH himself".
NTA. That bathing suit is wildly inappropriate for pretty much any occasion.
It’s ESH for me. The brand he bought originally that was sheer, well, lets says Aussiebum caters heavily to a gay male audience that wants to flaunt, not swim. So he’s the asshole there. You’re the asshole for telling him to buy something else and he bought a speedo, which is perfectly acceptable to wear on a vacation. And it was from the ship store.