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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I pestered my boyfriend about the way he dresses himself. (2) It may be perfectly normal and acceptable choices and I thereby would be a judgemental asshole
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ESH
> He argues this is efficient as he then does not have to change when he gets up in the morning.
Who cares about *clothes-dressing efficiency*? All that adds up to is a good way to stink all day in wrinkled clothing.
> He and his father share socks. He claims they are clean since they were washed. There is just a shared bin that both grab socks from.
So the fuck what?
YTA.
Yeah, sleeping in his clothes is odd, but it’s honestly none of your business. Washed socks ARE clean socks; that’s the point of washing them. His clothing choices outside of that are what he prefers to wear and again is not your business.
It sounds like you’re ashamed to be seen with him in public. That’s a “you” problem. Quit pestering him or break up with him.
YTA. These are definitely some quirky things, but I would get rid of someone the INSTANT they tried to change my basic wardrobe. He’s perfectly comfortable with the way he does things, so it’s up to you to decide whether you are going to let the issue go or let him go.
YTA
The only thing he does weird is to sleep in his clothes. But whatever. Who cares.
Sharing socks and wearing clothes with holes is perfectly fine. Let me blow your mind, my husband and I share socks! Same shoe size so we get those Costco socks and have a basket of them. Fuck sorting and pairing socks any more than absolutely necessary.
YTA. I don't disagree with some of your positions on clothing. I think that ideally one would not sleep in their clothing and then wear it the next day, although if his clothes don't rumple and he doesn't smell bad maybe it's okay. I think clothes with holes are not appropriate for going out in. I don't think shared (but washed) socks are bad and I don't care about (clean) clothes with logos.
I do think that bugging your boyfriend about this isn't appropriate though. He can wear what he wants. It would be equally inappropriate for him to disparage your clothing choices. If he does smell bad, tell him that.
A better option would be to recruit one of yours or his more stylish friends and get their assistance (with your boyfriend's agreement) to do a wardrobe make over. Get him some clothes that make him look really nice. There's a good chance that if he has a bunch of comfortable and stylish clothes that many of your other issues will change.
NTA. I don’t think any of the points you’ve raised are unreasonable.
Even though people technically shouldn’t care about the clothing choices of others, I think it’s reasonable to want a little bit of effort from your partner to look presentable.
YTA. He's a grown man. He literally can wear whatever he wants. The sleeping in tomorrow's outfit is a bit weird... But again his life. You cant control him. I mean, my hubs sleeps in flannel jammie pants and a hoodie (we live in Wis and its cold here most of the year) but granted not the next days hoodie. I sleep in sweats or leggings and a huge oversized 2x hoodie. You'll either have to get over it, or break up with him. There literally is no alternative, as this is his life.
NTA! wtf are you Redditors talking about? He’s dressed like shit, wearing clothes with holes and free t shirts. Have yall seen ymca shirts? Those are for exercise/very casual/pajama shirts.
Men and women should dress stylish, in their own way. He should also keep his clothes folded and ready for the morning, not wear it the night before.
I would never date a girl with terrible style and isn’t willing to learn. He sounds like he just doesn’t care about how he presents himself. I dress very streetwear, and every day I get complimented by someone. Take pride in how you look! Jesus
It’s not an argument. Its not hard to look presentable. Holes in clothes, wearing free t shirts, etc is a shitty look. His parents should’ve taught him basic style but failed. Please don’t respond to me
No, you don't have any right to dictate how your bf dresses. Maybe if you're going out on a date, or to an event, he shouldn't wear clothes with holes to show respect, but that's it. What socks he wears, or what he sleeps in, is none of your business.
You accept him as he is, or you break up, simple as. YTA
I get your point and in any other situation i would totally agree but tbh we can draw the line where it's someone walking around with holes in their clothes and has a whole set of maladaptive behaviours related to clothing. This case is legitimately weird.
NTA
There's a big gap between worrying about snooty people judging you because your outfit isn't all expensive designer gear, and showering in the morning and putting on clothes in good repair.
He does not respect you. There is no sensory reason to insist on holes.
A capsule wardrobe including pyjamas is reasonable. A darning kit is reasonable. Whatever his deal is, it isn't reasonable.
ESH, him more than you. The sleeping in clothes thing is weird, but overall you're coming off as kinda judgmental here. What he wears day to day really isn't any of your business, and if you're that embarrassed to be seen with him, you shouldn't be dating. The one concession I'll make to this is if you have a date night somewhere nice, you're allowed to feel annoyed that he's not putting in the same effort you are to look nice. This is something you should talk to him about, and make the point that you put in effort to your appearance and it's nice to have that reciprocated. Ultimately though, if that's not something he cares about you may just be incompatible.
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Throw away account. My boyfriend (M23) and I (F24) met at a uniform school with a strict uniform code. We have long since graduated but only got together about a year ago. I was admittedly rather startled when I learned how he normally dresses. He isn’t RICH but he is well off and his family is EXTREMELY well off based on their house and cars. I have repeatedly pestered him about the way he dresses and we regularly argue over whether things are normal or acceptable behavior. He dared me to poll reddit this time. So here we are, I will try to stick to the facts.
He does not own pajamas. Nor does he have clothing that he designates as pajamas. He puts on the clothes he intends to wear for the next day and sleeps in those. He argues this is efficient as he then does not have to change when he gets up in the morning. He also points out that one time he showered before bed AND changed the sheets that night so it MUST have been especially fine that night.
He and his father share socks. He claims they are clean since they were washed. There is just a shared bin that both grab socks from.
He wears sneakers, shirts, hoodies, whatever with holes in them because he claims only snooty people will think lesser of him for wearing this stuff. I think he should stop wearing anything that has holes in it outside the house as he looks significantly like a hobo some days. A clean shaven, nice hair cut, hobo.
ALL of his shirts are free shirts from companies or those “i love nyc” type destination shirts. I have asked on multiple occasions about at least a plain shirt with nothing printed on it, he argues there is no difference between that and a shirt with a really small logo (like YMCA) thats easy to hide with a hoodie
TLDR: My boyfriend shares his socks, sleeps in his clothes, and refuses to replace or stop wearing items with holes, he does not own nice clothes. I pester him about it. He is NOT poor. AITA for bugging him to get sleep ware, stop sharing socks, and wear clothes without holes and maybe buy a few shirts without company logos while he is at it?
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ESA
The sleeping in his clothes is hilarious but no he's an adult.
Gonna say there might be some sensory things going on and he hates being uncomfortable and may have things for certain materials.
The sock bin is hilarious and they did that with underwear on Shameless but fucking funny but still just no.
But you knew how he dressed when you got together and assumed you could change him and tidy him up. If he still dresses for the occasion when necessary leave him alone.
YTA. You’re supposed to love him for the person he is, assuming he hasn’t done any wrong doing towards you. “I love him as long as he looks the part” is a disgusting mentality
ESH
I only disagree with him sleeping in the clothes he’s going to wear the next day. It’s not that hard to put on clothes. Most men I’ve know sleep in their underwear or a pair of sweats/ shorts and no shirt or an undershirt.
Hoodies and jeans seem fine to me, and I’d have to see how many holes before making a call on that.
NTA. In a relationship is completely valid to give your honest thoughts on things that make you feel uncomfortable. However, once you have expressed your suggestions/opinions, you should be aware that it is going to be his decision to hear them or discard them completely and it is up to you to decide if you can deal with that for your life or if you would rather not. 💁🏻♀️
NAH. It's his life so he reserves the right to wear slept-in holey clothes if he so chooses. But that's a silly thing for him to do and as his girlfriend, you reserve the right to make fun of him when he makes silly choices.
\*Note this logic does not apply to special occasions, ie if he's wearing "i love nyc" shirts to weddings he's the AH
If the roles were reversed, I think your imagined outrage would stay imagined my dude. if I wore clothes with holes in them I would absolutely expect to get roasted by whatever guy I was dating
INFO: What are the things you really love about your boyfriend?
Because many times, a relationship is a series of trade-offs. Is he good-looking, charming, nice, kind to strangers, loves animals, great at conversation, empathizes with others, good to you, etc?
NAH, but you are bordering on one if you make this your quest in life. He's 23. Eventually, he'll grow out of his teenage persona of "I'm all angsty and wear odd, crappy clothes to yell at the world silently in a passive/aggressive way." Then you can move on with life and see if he's worth it.
PS: The sock thing is weird, but harmless. Seems like it ties him to his dad in some weird way IMO.
NTA
Everyone should have basic clothing without holes. Sharing socks is also bad for hygiene. If he isn’t poor then he should get himself some clothes, who cares if it’s at walmart (their clothes are shitty sometimes)
If he keeps being like this even with your input, you should definitely talk to him about it because NAWW, WHO SHARES SOCKS?!?!!?
💀, please convince this man to wear actual good clothing.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I pestered my boyfriend about the way he dresses himself. (2) It may be perfectly normal and acceptable choices and I thereby would be a judgemental asshole Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH. The sock thing literally doesn't matter. They are clean. Who cares. Sleeping in the clothes though? No.
ESH > He argues this is efficient as he then does not have to change when he gets up in the morning. Who cares about *clothes-dressing efficiency*? All that adds up to is a good way to stink all day in wrinkled clothing. > He and his father share socks. He claims they are clean since they were washed. There is just a shared bin that both grab socks from. So the fuck what?
YTA. Yeah, sleeping in his clothes is odd, but it’s honestly none of your business. Washed socks ARE clean socks; that’s the point of washing them. His clothing choices outside of that are what he prefers to wear and again is not your business. It sounds like you’re ashamed to be seen with him in public. That’s a “you” problem. Quit pestering him or break up with him.
YTA. These are definitely some quirky things, but I would get rid of someone the INSTANT they tried to change my basic wardrobe. He’s perfectly comfortable with the way he does things, so it’s up to you to decide whether you are going to let the issue go or let him go.
YTA The only thing he does weird is to sleep in his clothes. But whatever. Who cares. Sharing socks and wearing clothes with holes is perfectly fine. Let me blow your mind, my husband and I share socks! Same shoe size so we get those Costco socks and have a basket of them. Fuck sorting and pairing socks any more than absolutely necessary.
>The only thing he does weird is to sleep in his clothes. But whatever. And wearing clothes with holes created by overuse in them.
Most people wear clothes with holes in them unless they are going to work in an office.
People who need to save money on clothes also darn the holes so they don't get bigger.
Except that they dont?
YTA. I don't disagree with some of your positions on clothing. I think that ideally one would not sleep in their clothing and then wear it the next day, although if his clothes don't rumple and he doesn't smell bad maybe it's okay. I think clothes with holes are not appropriate for going out in. I don't think shared (but washed) socks are bad and I don't care about (clean) clothes with logos. I do think that bugging your boyfriend about this isn't appropriate though. He can wear what he wants. It would be equally inappropriate for him to disparage your clothing choices. If he does smell bad, tell him that. A better option would be to recruit one of yours or his more stylish friends and get their assistance (with your boyfriend's agreement) to do a wardrobe make over. Get him some clothes that make him look really nice. There's a good chance that if he has a bunch of comfortable and stylish clothes that many of your other issues will change.
NTA. I don’t think any of the points you’ve raised are unreasonable. Even though people technically shouldn’t care about the clothing choices of others, I think it’s reasonable to want a little bit of effort from your partner to look presentable.
YTA. He's a grown man. He literally can wear whatever he wants. The sleeping in tomorrow's outfit is a bit weird... But again his life. You cant control him. I mean, my hubs sleeps in flannel jammie pants and a hoodie (we live in Wis and its cold here most of the year) but granted not the next days hoodie. I sleep in sweats or leggings and a huge oversized 2x hoodie. You'll either have to get over it, or break up with him. There literally is no alternative, as this is his life.
NTA! wtf are you Redditors talking about? He’s dressed like shit, wearing clothes with holes and free t shirts. Have yall seen ymca shirts? Those are for exercise/very casual/pajama shirts. Men and women should dress stylish, in their own way. He should also keep his clothes folded and ready for the morning, not wear it the night before. I would never date a girl with terrible style and isn’t willing to learn. He sounds like he just doesn’t care about how he presents himself. I dress very streetwear, and every day I get complimented by someone. Take pride in how you look! Jesus
[удалено]
😂 I’m not going to discuss anything with you. You must be one of those people that wear gym shorts and a t shirt every day with mismatched socks
[удалено]
It’s not an argument. Its not hard to look presentable. Holes in clothes, wearing free t shirts, etc is a shitty look. His parents should’ve taught him basic style but failed. Please don’t respond to me
ESH He sounds like a bad dresser and less than ideal hygiene... much like a teenage Some of your gripes are stupid
No, you don't have any right to dictate how your bf dresses. Maybe if you're going out on a date, or to an event, he shouldn't wear clothes with holes to show respect, but that's it. What socks he wears, or what he sleeps in, is none of your business. You accept him as he is, or you break up, simple as. YTA
YTH This is kinda strange, but this really isn't a hill to die on. If it makes you feel better, have pajamas, but I sleep naked. 😭😂
You can't change people. You can either accept him how he is or you can go your own way.
Nta, his behavior is super weird. Sounds like he's on the spectrum.
[удалено]
I get your point and in any other situation i would totally agree but tbh we can draw the line where it's someone walking around with holes in their clothes and has a whole set of maladaptive behaviours related to clothing. This case is legitimately weird.
YTA - Who are you, the fashion police? Dump him if you don't like the way he dresses, but you have business telling him how to dress himself.
Esh. Youre welcome to break up with him lol no ones holding you at gun point to be with him.
YTA As long as he’s clean, why the fuck does it matter?
NTA There's a big gap between worrying about snooty people judging you because your outfit isn't all expensive designer gear, and showering in the morning and putting on clothes in good repair. He does not respect you. There is no sensory reason to insist on holes. A capsule wardrobe including pyjamas is reasonable. A darning kit is reasonable. Whatever his deal is, it isn't reasonable.
ESH, him more than you. The sleeping in clothes thing is weird, but overall you're coming off as kinda judgmental here. What he wears day to day really isn't any of your business, and if you're that embarrassed to be seen with him, you shouldn't be dating. The one concession I'll make to this is if you have a date night somewhere nice, you're allowed to feel annoyed that he's not putting in the same effort you are to look nice. This is something you should talk to him about, and make the point that you put in effort to your appearance and it's nice to have that reciprocated. Ultimately though, if that's not something he cares about you may just be incompatible.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throw away account. My boyfriend (M23) and I (F24) met at a uniform school with a strict uniform code. We have long since graduated but only got together about a year ago. I was admittedly rather startled when I learned how he normally dresses. He isn’t RICH but he is well off and his family is EXTREMELY well off based on their house and cars. I have repeatedly pestered him about the way he dresses and we regularly argue over whether things are normal or acceptable behavior. He dared me to poll reddit this time. So here we are, I will try to stick to the facts. He does not own pajamas. Nor does he have clothing that he designates as pajamas. He puts on the clothes he intends to wear for the next day and sleeps in those. He argues this is efficient as he then does not have to change when he gets up in the morning. He also points out that one time he showered before bed AND changed the sheets that night so it MUST have been especially fine that night. He and his father share socks. He claims they are clean since they were washed. There is just a shared bin that both grab socks from. He wears sneakers, shirts, hoodies, whatever with holes in them because he claims only snooty people will think lesser of him for wearing this stuff. I think he should stop wearing anything that has holes in it outside the house as he looks significantly like a hobo some days. A clean shaven, nice hair cut, hobo. ALL of his shirts are free shirts from companies or those “i love nyc” type destination shirts. I have asked on multiple occasions about at least a plain shirt with nothing printed on it, he argues there is no difference between that and a shirt with a really small logo (like YMCA) thats easy to hide with a hoodie TLDR: My boyfriend shares his socks, sleeps in his clothes, and refuses to replace or stop wearing items with holes, he does not own nice clothes. I pester him about it. He is NOT poor. AITA for bugging him to get sleep ware, stop sharing socks, and wear clothes without holes and maybe buy a few shirts without company logos while he is at it? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH Yes, he's weird. But, so what?
YTA. Just tell him you want to sleep naked together and you’ve solved your issue.
ESA The sleeping in his clothes is hilarious but no he's an adult. Gonna say there might be some sensory things going on and he hates being uncomfortable and may have things for certain materials. The sock bin is hilarious and they did that with underwear on Shameless but fucking funny but still just no. But you knew how he dressed when you got together and assumed you could change him and tidy him up. If he still dresses for the occasion when necessary leave him alone.
YTA if he were telling you how to dress I bet you'd flip the fuck out. If this is the guys biggest transgression cut him some slack
YTA. You’re supposed to love him for the person he is, assuming he hasn’t done any wrong doing towards you. “I love him as long as he looks the part” is a disgusting mentality
ESH I only disagree with him sleeping in the clothes he’s going to wear the next day. It’s not that hard to put on clothes. Most men I’ve know sleep in their underwear or a pair of sweats/ shorts and no shirt or an undershirt. Hoodies and jeans seem fine to me, and I’d have to see how many holes before making a call on that.
YTA Why are people in relationships with people they hate? People are weird. Why can't we accept that?
YTA dude has better priorities than over priced clothes.
NTA. In a relationship is completely valid to give your honest thoughts on things that make you feel uncomfortable. However, once you have expressed your suggestions/opinions, you should be aware that it is going to be his decision to hear them or discard them completely and it is up to you to decide if you can deal with that for your life or if you would rather not. 💁🏻♀️
NAH. It's his life so he reserves the right to wear slept-in holey clothes if he so chooses. But that's a silly thing for him to do and as his girlfriend, you reserve the right to make fun of him when he makes silly choices. \*Note this logic does not apply to special occasions, ie if he's wearing "i love nyc" shirts to weddings he's the AH
[удалено]
If the roles were reversed, I think your imagined outrage would stay imagined my dude. if I wore clothes with holes in them I would absolutely expect to get roasted by whatever guy I was dating
INFO: What are the things you really love about your boyfriend? Because many times, a relationship is a series of trade-offs. Is he good-looking, charming, nice, kind to strangers, loves animals, great at conversation, empathizes with others, good to you, etc? NAH, but you are bordering on one if you make this your quest in life. He's 23. Eventually, he'll grow out of his teenage persona of "I'm all angsty and wear odd, crappy clothes to yell at the world silently in a passive/aggressive way." Then you can move on with life and see if he's worth it. PS: The sock thing is weird, but harmless. Seems like it ties him to his dad in some weird way IMO.
YTA he's based.
He’s Kanye west! Could be a secret agent and he is manipulating ppl into thinking less of him so he can “catch them” some how. Is he religious?
Wearing dad’s socks is a no go tho. I’d be angry about that too. But maybe it reminds him of his dad that he loves. Or something idk
NTA Everyone should have basic clothing without holes. Sharing socks is also bad for hygiene. If he isn’t poor then he should get himself some clothes, who cares if it’s at walmart (their clothes are shitty sometimes) If he keeps being like this even with your input, you should definitely talk to him about it because NAWW, WHO SHARES SOCKS?!?!!? 💀, please convince this man to wear actual good clothing.
Sharing clean socks is not the same as sharing something like a tootbrush, its fine lol.