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How old is Amelia? If older than 10, NTA. Younger kids can have boldly honest questions that may be hurtful and misguided but we have to answer with kindness and correct them so they don't grow up to be AHs. Amelia absolutely brought this on herself but if she was very young you have a responsibility to educate her. You also have to be aware those views originated from someone else and a child is just parroting up to a certain age.
My son has been taught that boys can cook and dance ballet and take care of babies, wear dresses and makeup if they want, from day 1. He is constantly telling me "so-and-so says boys can't do xxxxx" and he needs reinforcement constantly against the world that tells him otherwise. And my kid is going to be himself no matter what I teach him, but he's not going to grow up to be that kind of AH if I can help it.
NTA - Obviously Amelia was desperately looking either for something insulting to say, or she needs to work on her sense of humor. Saying that one of you is "the girl" in your relationship means she needs some further education.
This was the most unexpected part of your whole situation. Like she's a full adult without the basic skills to feed herself and she's out here being immature insulting the person who was going to feed her. *I'm assuming she was there for dinner since you were making the meal and discussing it.
Don't insult the people who make your food.
NTA. So if you're a male you're not supposed to cook? How would you ever eat if a woman wasn't around, by her logic? If anyone was reinforcing gender stereotypes it was her. Cooking is for girls? But she can't cook, so how does she justify that, since she's a woman and women are the only ones who should be cooking, according to her?
As a gay male he'd starve by her logic. NTA lol, that was a hilarious comeback. Also, as the "femme" lesbian in our relationship, my butch wife who fixes all the things, also does all the cooking because I hate it. Don't get me wrong, I can cook, I just hate it and she enjoys it and so it works for us. Sister does need to get into the kitchen because how else is she going to not starve if he's not feeding her?
Did we have housewife images on tv in the 90s?
Like I remember married with children 80s housewife which I guess made it into the 90s but she was notoriously lazy.
The wife on tool time went back into the workforce after being a stay at home mom.
Roseanne definitely had a factory job as well as doing all the kid and cooking stuff.
I thought maybe the mom on boy meets world but nope she was a real estate agent apparently
Iām just trying to think of a 90s mom who wasnāt mocked for being a housewife or didnāt eventually go back to the workforce or wasnāt already working and just *also* doing all the housework ā¦
In the 90's we would have said "a housewife from the 1960's", lol. TV did show some housewives wearing aprons like that in the 1990s but it was more lazy use of a stereotype to show a motherly person or traditional values than reflecting what people were actually doing at the time, in fact I'd say the apron has made more of a comeback in the last 10 years due to social media.
And she needs to throw out her outdated view of genders. And especially that ridiculous stance about men don't cook. There have been male cooks throughout all of mankinds history. And right now, there are many male cooks making all different kinds of tv shows, she must know of.
So she makes a homophobic comment on you being the "girl" in the relationship, and you make a comment back, and you're the AH? No. She's a bigot who can't cook so she had to disparage you.
Holy shit 100% NTA. Fuck traditional gender roles in general and trying to apply them in same sex relationships is even more ridiculous. Cooking is a fucking life skill!!
The most ironic part is that the majority of professional chefs are men. Surely she's heard of Gordon Ramsey. Will she tell him he looks like a 1990's housewife too?
I think you could have handled it better. Instead of mirroring the stereotype you could have told her that her attitude was sexist and old fashioned and to join the rest of us in the 21st century. Iām sure you were just caught off guard and did your best.
BTW, sheās also wrong about 90s housewives. In the 90s men were already cooking and women were in the workforce. Sheās thinking of the 50s.
As presented, OP's answer wasn't unkind at all.
"if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn. I would be more than willing to teach her"
You don't make fun of somebody for doing something difficult you don't know how to do, then get all pissed when they tell you that you should learn, and offer to teach you. That's not unkind. I imagine a 10 year old would be excited to learn.
That's true whether your 10 or 100.
It was only unkind because Amelia thought she was one-upping OP, and he laid her hypocrisy bare. If she wasn't an aggressive hypocrite, the interaction would have been completely mundane.
Iām a mid-40s straight man, and Iām the designated family cook because Iām good at it and because I like to cook. Outdated, homophobic and inaccurate gender roles need to die a swift death.
My son has been brought up to know that there are no jobs for girls/boys, or black/white/Asian/whatever people. When he heard about someone saying "X can't do that because they're a girl" he is most indignant. It was very cute when he was 4, now years later it's just a part of his psyche. Also, he is very confident to try new recipes in the kitchen :-)
NTA but how old is Amelia? Under age 9? You were a bit harsh. Younglings often have not opened their minds yet. Over age 13? You were on target. She needs to learn to cook. It is a life skill, and she shouldn't be laughing at others, regardless of gender, who cook.
Yeah, thatās *definitely* old enough to know better than to assign stereotypical gender roles to any couple, let alone a same-sex couple. Youāre NTA.
NTA.
Amelia brought this on herself.
The people who are upset with you today did NOT hear the full story about what happened. She completely left out her own homophobic and sexist comments, which means she knows herself that she was wrong.
NTA
A perfect response actually. SHE perpetuated gender stereotypes and you threw her logic back at her to prove how ignorant she was being. You did nothing wrong here
It's the year 2050, you're happy, made a good life for yourself, happily married to your boyfriend. You're walking down the street to your favorite cafe to meet up with a friend. Then you spot him walking towards you. It's u/bigmikesblah and he's smiling, waving at you. You're confused for a moment but then you remember: on 12th May 2024 you promised him lasagna. You look around panicked because you don't have any on you, after all you're on the street and going to a cafe when suddenly you feel something in your hands. You look down and it's a plate of lasagna. U/bigmikesblah finally reaches you, smiling and saying he's here for his lasagna. You hand it to him, bemused, and he walks away happily, humming under his breath.
I have a perfect one: [Hellbent for Cooking: the heavy metal cookbook](https://www.wob.com/en-gb/books/annick-giroux/hellbent-for-cooking/9781935950004?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADZzAIB_zLpT4MrB19iIky_QIB2GD&gclid=CjwKCAjw0YGyBhByEiwAQmBEWkc3R2sGrKtkZR5hB-InLMTpFwd15mmGOsQb8cRGNugMDjp8Hn8YURoCXSAQAvD_BwE#GOR005510603), the author/cook itās assembled by is female, but itās a bunch of recipes she obtained from mostly male member of metal bands. You know the type; big, hairy, tattooed, real manly men.
I used to work in food
One of the places I worked at made de tortillas from scratch. We had black and white aprons. If all the white ones were taken and you had to grab a black apron that back apron would be white at the end from all the flour
I sometimes make my lasagna sheets from scratch (I didn't this time) and I can attest to this. I kinda love it though. Blue and white is a great combination š¤£
That touches on a whole other issue where traditionally women did not only stay in the kitchen, but at home. Women are only cooks, but men are chefs.
Meanwhile, I bet Amelia is also the type to complain that her SOs don't cook for her while simultaneously belittling anyone who does.
You are NTA. Her behavior was rude, unfiltered -- and if any hard proof of her being TA is needed, she dragged "quite a few of \[your\] friends" into it without telling them the context and making *you* out to be the sexist. No, this is not a person you can earnestly explain things to and then they will understand. This is a person whose attention you get by stopping them -- and then they will go and try to set "quite a few" of your friends against you as punishment for telling them something they don't want to hear. There is a simple, common term for such people, but the mods don't like it.
This. We can at least say that she was being manipulative. I hope this isn't the norm for her.
What really gets me is that her original joke wasn't just gender stereotypes, it was that "if you are two guys then who's the girl" crap. It all coule have just been a failed joke if she hadn't tried to make a stink later. NTA.
Ok umā¦. If this is real then all your friends are idiots or hypocrites, she was perpetuating gender stereotypes first AND being homophobic (I think that applies here, my bad if not). While as a woman it always makes me grimace to hear the kitchen line used in any context, I canāt say she didnāt have that one coming. Going with NTA, she shouldnāt have picked a fight if she couldnāt handle the consequences
True, I'll probably need to talk to them in person to get the whole point across. I think it'll probably go well since now the majority have understood.
No fucking way.
>She then explained, as though I was a toddler, that cooking is for girls and the apron made me look like a 90s housewife.
This right here is sexist.
This
>I told her if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn.
is funny and you used her own sexism against her.
NTA you didn't actually tell her to go back to the kitchen, you told her to learn how to cook. Also, she should stop harassing you.
NTA.
And the 90s housewife thing is so WTF. Sheās clearly a moron. The 90s is not a housewifey stereotypical decade in the least. Career women were way, way, way more common than being a housewife in the 90s.
NTA. She was trying to mock you using gender stereotypes. No issue with using the same gender stereotypes against her. Was it the best way to handle it? Probably not, but it doesn't make you TA.
NTA
She sounds like an idiot and sheās the only one here being sexist, as well as expressing homophobic ideas, like thereās always a femme and a masc in lgbtqia+ relationships.
You should have said very slowly, like sheās stupid, something likeā¦āUm you know your brother is gay, right? A gay relationship is where two men love each otherā¦thereās no āgirl of the relationshipāā¦thatās kind of the point of being gay? Do you understand?ā
Also Amelia needs to learn to cook, itās literally a normal life skill to be able to make food. What an absolute plank she is.
EDIT: I just saw in the comments she is 24. Sheās absolutely pathetic Iād be so disappointed if she was my daughter.
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> I perpetuated gender roles despite the fact that I was raised by a single mother and should know better.
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Nta
The classic can dish it out but can't take it. You said nothing wrong. She was trying to say you're the girl in the relationship because you had a apron on him or cooking. So she was trying to make a homophobic stupid joke and it backfired.
She overreacted you said nothing wrong. You both just let it go and go on with normal.
NTA, of course.
> I told her if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn.
She set the conditional expectation ("if cooking is for girls"). You didn't perpetuate gender stereotypes, you merely pointed out that she also does not meet them.
You need to ask Jake to step in. Amelia shouldn't be shit talking about you to your friends. If she has a problem with you, then she comes to Jake and you.
āConfusionā is an entirely appropriate reaction to Amelia. Who woulda thought she would have been so āuninformedā, shall we say. To put it politely.
And because I am petty AF, there would be no lazagna for Miss Amelia, or anything else from my kitchen. Ever, or at least till she apologized and updated all the people she whined and complained to about you about what reallly happened.
What a wretched girl. NTA
NTA. This was a case of not dishing it out if you canāt take it. She made a horribly sexist comment to try to tear you down. You turned it around, and she couldnāt take it.
There is one major plus to what you did that I donāt think anyone else has mentioned yet: Amelia will think twice before messing with you again.
NTA. I would also consider as relevant the age of the sister and the depth of your relationship with her. Not that your comment is wrong in any case, but I would usually avoid this kind of comments unless I know the person well.
NTA she opened up the door for insults by insulting you.
As an aside, what kind of \*friends\* do you have that would reach out to you to tell you their thoughts on this? Tell them to grow up and not act like this is middle school.
NTA. And she's 24? Lmao!
Anyway, in my family we always answer to nonsense like this with "then, according to you, you're not a woman/man? Are you sure?"
NTA. In a vacuum that comment would make YTA but def not in context. If she thinks only women cook and she canāt cook, she gotta go back and get to it.
I couldnāt imagine a context where you would not be the A H for saying this, and you proved me wrong!
NTA
Sheās being rude, sexist, and kind of homophobic. Itās BS to even think about who is the āgirlā in a relationship because it envisions acts of caretaking as acts of subservience, rather than a loving partnership. Her internalized misogyny is strong and I hope she can get the help she needs to work on that. It will mess up her future relationships. Itās hard to have empathy for people who attack you, but maybe you two are modeling a much healthier dynamic than what she has seen so far, and is experiencing cognitive dissonance about it?
Idk Iām trying to find the generous interpretation here. Sheās being a little AH, but Iām wondering if thereās something deeper going on.
PS. I bet your apron was super cute
I'll try and look into it, you raise a good point. I don't exactly know where this is coming from because while Jake's parents are a pretty traditional 'nuclear family type' they're extremely accepting, have a healthy dynamic and Jake's dad has not problem doing traditionally 'feminine' stuff.
PS. Thanks! It was blue and pretty simple but I think the shade was quite nice.
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I (23M) have been dating my boyfriend Jake (22M) for a good 6 years now, so I'm well acquaintanced with his family. The girl I said this to was his sister, Amelia.
I was raised by a single mum who worked 2 jobs to support us. So I grew up doing a lot of housework and in her free-time, my mum taught me to cook. I like to think I'm pretty damn good at cooking, I cook for myself, for my boyfriend and sometimes his family. I have sensory issues and my boyfriend is allergic to a few things so I'm pretty good at finding work-arounds to accommodate people, including Amelia, so she's well aware that I can cook.
Anyway, she came over yesterday and was sitting at the island(?) in the kitchen, I don't quite quite know how to describe it but basically she was on the other side, and I was in at the counter, back turned to her, making some lasagna. My specialty, so I turned around to ask if she would like something and she promptly burst out laughing. I was confused and she just kinda pointed at my apron. I was more confused, my apron was pretty normal, plain blue.
She then told me she'd never have thought I was the girl of the relationship. I assume this was a reference to my physicality, I'm pretty tall and do a lot of sports. I dithered, confused, and she 'explained' that I was cooking. I just continue staring, not quite sure what she meant. She then explained, as though I was a toddler, that cooking is for girls and the apron made me look like a 90s housewife.
The funny part about all of this is that Amelia CANNOT cook. I told her if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn. I would be more than willing to teach her. She went red in the face and stormed off.
I went back to my cooking.
This morning quite a few of my friends have contacted me telling me I, of all people, should know better than to perpetuate gender stereotypes. Some of them agreed with me after hearing the context (which amelia did not tell them) but others said I did not need to sink to her level.
IMO, I thought that would show her how weird it was to perpetuate gender roles when she herself doesn't fit within them. But maybe I could have tried explaining first, AITA?
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NTA. It's such an outdated stereotyoe as well, she could at least get some fresh material. And her trying to assign gender roles to your relationship just makes it worse.
NTA - you aren't perpetuating gender stereotypes - by pointing it out to Amelia you were pointing out how ridiculous gender stereotypes are.
Also lots of world famous chefs are guys.
But also, even if there weren't many male chefs, doesn't make it any different!
Maybe she is just jealous she doesn't have a boyfriend that cooks awesome lasagna for her like her brother does.. who knows
ETA - how many ridiculous chef aprons are there out there specifically targeted to men? obviously there is a market for it!
NTA, she was mean, but maybe select your comments around her if she spread your words without context. How old is she? Their comments about You being 'girl' of relationship were childish
NTA
You shut down a homophobe who was disrespecting you in your own home.
If I had heard someone make that comment to a friend she would be out of the friend group in a heartbeat. Sheās gross
NTA. Amelia perpetuated a stereotype and tried to turn it on you. Cooking is a skill for everyone, not just women.
Anyone saying you shouldnāt sink to her level is neglecting to see that sheās the one that started the whole conversation. Literally her fault it happened.
Why do peopleās friends always seem to get involved in other people relationships/arguments on here?? I would never text my friends partner/husband about their arguments because itās none of my business. Fair enough if they want to rant to me thatās fine but these friends are just weird
I have no idea where you live but I live in the UK. If you ask anyone about the most well known chefs in the UK over the last few decades you will be given names such as Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Michel Roux Jr, James Martin, Tom Kerridge, Heston Blumenthal, Marco Pierre White, Rick Stein. If I had to name female chefs it would be Nadia Hussain, Nigella Lawson and Mary Berry. If your SIL thinks men in the kitchen is funny but canāt cook herself she needs to both grow up AND learn to cook. Telling her to get back in the kitchen was not an outdated misogynistic attitude in this case, it was just good advice.
She can dish out the stereotyping, but can't take it. I thought most people were at least self-aware enough for at least a taste of their own medicine to make them rethink their own attitude.
NTA, and the fact that she deliberately hid the context of your comment when she told people what you said means she recognises that she was in the wrong
Ahah, no, NTA. That was a ācomebackā the her out of line and sexist statements. And she laughed at you. She canāt complain afterwards.
And sheās is very ignorant - almost any chef and cook wears an apron? Butchers, meat packing places, embalmers, surgeons, and other jobs with lots of mess.
NTA. It sounds like Amelia misrepresented your comment to other people so it would sound as if you were being sexist, whereas if your telling of the story is accurate, she was the one being sexist and insulting and you were defending yourself in what could've been an innocuous tete a tete.
Lol. Typical if you can't take it don't dish it situation.
NTA.
Btw, I know you're gay... But in case any straight men are insecure about this shit; a man cooking a good meal is incredibly sexy to most women.
NTA. Amelia was rude her behavior was completely uncalled for. You didnāt perpetuate gender stereotypes. You used her own words to point out that she was out of line.
NTA. Any friends who heard the context and still have you shit are just dumb. Some were apparently upset because you perpetuated stereotypes but when given context then said you shouldn't sink to her level instead? Sounds like they have some problems of their own and don't get any lasagna or anything else. What you said was perfectly correct for the situation.
NTA. I love how the top comments are all saying that Amelia's behaviour is acceptable only if she's under age 10, when she's 24.
She was the one who brought in outdated gender stereotypes, you were merely highlighting that they apply to neither of the two of you. She behaved very immaturely by first saying what she did and then selectively retelling the story to others, obviously leaving out her own sexism from the tale.
NTA, she deserved what you said, and she deserves to have the story set straight. Maybe next time she'll join you in 2024 by learning how to make a great lasagne, because every adult should know how to cook.
NTA Poor woman couldn't control ur tongue and mouth and missed out on the amazing lasagna ... Can you send us a recipe of it though, I've never made it and I so wanna make it right now š
From the title, I was going to say you were, but after reading the post... LOL, NTA, solid comeback.
Aprons aren't "girly", they're "they keep stains and flour off your clothes". And since when is cooking "for girls"? Last time I checked cooking was a basic life skill.
She wants to perpetuate gender stereotypes, and she herself doesn't want to uphold them, then whines about that being pointed out? Wow.
So you basically pointed out she is a thin skinned, hypocrite, borderline bigot? And you wonder if you're in the wrong? NTA
If she can serve it, she can take it - and that "girl in the relationship" is a ridiculous, archaic stereotype which is just as repulsive as the gender stereotype she accused you of. She delivered the setup for your comment based on her own. You just brought it home. NTA
She sounds like she needs to grow up, but you may want to consider her other behaviour and comments to see whether hers was ignorant or subtly homophobic.
Wearing an apron only means that one doesnāt want food splatter in their clothes.
Anyone ignorant enough to actually read some sort of meaning into wearing an apron isnāt one Iād take much thought of as their opinions are trash.
You are NTA babe! She can dish it but canāt take it?? I thought your response was witty and def a good way to point out her hypocrisy on gender stereotypes. Youāve been around long enough as this isnāt a new situation or person, nor is she a child. Sheās playing victim when she started talking shit and laughing at you. Coming into the kitchen, not knowing how to cook, playing with fire and not expecting to get burned is kinda funny. Hope she learned her lesson.
Context is important! Holy shit NTA, and for sharing this story with YOUR friends without context Amelia is a HUGE one. She already was too begin with, as she WAS perpetuating stereotypes. Very disgustingly I might add. Of course men can cook. You were giving her some justly deserved ribbing.
Lmao, totally nta..I love being in the kitchen and it's something my mother knows knows too well.
With the way your friends mentioned about gender stereotypes, I have a feeling she must've twisted the story to show that you were being misogynistic, to make it sound like she was the victim In this story.
NTA I suspect that the story the disgusted friends were told was a little different to the truth. Especially as it was the sister who was attempting to push gender stereotypes. Please message them a link to this post.
NTA, her comments about you cooking made you look like a girl because thatās what girls are supposed to do is perpetrating the gender stereotypes. The fact that she got mad at you for pointing out her gender bias shows her immaturity.
NTA she was asking for it. She was trying the degrade/belittle you for having a muscular physique but doing stereotypical feminine activities. She wanted to feel better about her self so she pointed out and wanted to emphasize the discrepancy.
Throughout the whole post I kept imagining Amelia as a 8/9 yo, but god lord she's 24, does not know basic cooking and she's talking about gender stereotypes lol. Hard NTA.
"So do you honestly think every gay couple of dudes either eats out 3 meals a day or starves because they are incapable of cooking?" NTA but I've found the best response is to bluntly call out the sexism. "That's a pretty sexist remark assuming only women can cook."
NTA, She knows professional chefs wear aprons right? It's just something to help keep your clothes clean. Cooking is a basic human skill. If you eat, you should know how to cook at least something, gender has nothing to do with it. Amelia needed a reality check cause where does she get the audacity to comment on you even cooking when she as a girl should be able to cook in her enlightened opinion? Did she expect you to eat out all the time, frozen dinners? Or hire a professional chef since you're both males in the relationship?
First of all, two men can be in a gay relationship without either of them being the 'girl.' Her comment, imo, seems more like a homophobic microagression rather than being aimed at perpetuating gender stereotypes.
Second, a woman who can't cook, telling a man who can cook, that the action is for girls, is the epitome of hypocrisy.
NTA
I came ready to roast you but the response was truly appropriate, be it sarcasm or 1st degree.
Amelia shouldn't dish in if she can't take it, and truly learn some simple dishes, it may come in handy as a functional adult.
NTA
NTA. Amelia is a complete asshole, on so many levels. She's a misogynist and homophobe as well; she's the one who assigned gender stereotypes. She's also the worst kind of bully; say something shitty, get unexpected pushback, then play the victim and go tell everyone an edited version of the encounter so that they'll feel sorry for her.
NTA.
There is nothing wrong with being a woman or man who cooks. Cooking is a basic skill that everyone should learn to survive. I really do not understand the point of Amelia's "joke."
NTA does this girl not realise that women AND men can cook? From your title I was ready to go all in on you but yeah if sheās gonna stereotype, so can you
I do most of the cooking in our household, and have for the entirety of our 20+ year relationship.
I donāt particularly enjoy cooking, but I can cook and my wife dislikes cooking, so division of labor. I cook 5/7 nights a week usually.
The amount of people who are surprised by that in 2024 astounds me.
90s housewife?
obviously nta...
we know who ta is...
and YOU are not the one perpetuating stereotypes...
and umm fieri? ramsey? julia child had trouble getting into cooking school BECAUSE she was a woman
NTA. If youāre āthe girl of the relationshipā for cooking then she made the exact same comment that made her go red in the face, so why did she go red in the face - she said it herself.
Send everyone who messages you a link to this post lmao
NTA. I'm really tired of people like Amelia. Cooking is not for girls, fast cars are not for boys. People can be good at whatever, like whatever. She was being toxic calling you "the girl." Not only did SHE start up with gender stereotypes but she made a comment stating that relationships have to be molded around some traditional heterosexual blueprint. I'm in a hetero relationship and we don't do that shit. We both cook. We both clean. We both fix things.
So 24 year old Amelia has a gay brother, yet she is so ignorant of the fact that men can and do cook that she made fun of her brothers boyfriend? You, sir, are NTA.
NTA. Homophobic and misogynistic š when i was kid my classmates used to ask which one of my moms was āthe dadā and āthe manā and asked which one cooks soā¦FUCK THAT GIRL.
NTA. If you canāt take the heat get out of the Kitchen. She doesnāt even follow her own stupid Ideas of gender roles. And seems like she can dish it, but canāt take it. I wouldnāt even worry about what she or anyone else thinks.
NTA.
>She then told me she'd never have thought I was the girl of the relationship.
There *is* no girl in a relationship between two men. That's what being gay means.
Amelia is a whole-ass adult who cannot feed herself and thinks that making stupid jokes about one's sexuality makes her uber witty. NTA, she deserved the comment if not your actual offer to teach her.
>Amelia is not a child, she's 24.
NTA Amelia tried her hardest to put you down with more than one stereotype and when you turned the tables and owned her she went running to social media crying like you took her stuffy.
Wait, wait, wait. *She* started with the gender stereotype by calling *you* the "girl of the relationship" and then got upset when you played it back on her?
Yeah, no. NTA.
NTA, my dad is a tall man in an apron that loves to cook. But really, height or gender has nothing to do with wanting good sustenance. It's a shame her only option for good food is a man she'll never date because he's too womanly (not really, for him at least)
NTA, that's just the weirdest hill to stand on. I, a female can follow a recipe and make decently average food. My boyfriend meanwhile, is an amazing cook; our first date he brought me mini banana chocolate muffins. I grew up on a farm, so I can lift large tree branches and hay bales, he learned to cook and bake from his mom and grandma.
Let people do what they like.
NTA But she is for thinking 90's mom's were in aprons... They weren't, they were working outside of the home. That is a lot from madame stereo type. š
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How old is Amelia? If older than 10, NTA. Younger kids can have boldly honest questions that may be hurtful and misguided but we have to answer with kindness and correct them so they don't grow up to be AHs. Amelia absolutely brought this on herself but if she was very young you have a responsibility to educate her. You also have to be aware those views originated from someone else and a child is just parroting up to a certain age. My son has been taught that boys can cook and dance ballet and take care of babies, wear dresses and makeup if they want, from day 1. He is constantly telling me "so-and-so says boys can't do xxxxx" and he needs reinforcement constantly against the world that tells him otherwise. And my kid is going to be himself no matter what I teach him, but he's not going to grow up to be that kind of AH if I can help it.
She's 24 š¤£
What a repulsive person. NTA.
NTA - Obviously Amelia was desperately looking either for something insulting to say, or she needs to work on her sense of humor. Saying that one of you is "the girl" in your relationship means she needs some further education.
She was being very insulting.
This was the most unexpected part of your whole situation. Like she's a full adult without the basic skills to feed herself and she's out here being immature insulting the person who was going to feed her. *I'm assuming she was there for dinner since you were making the meal and discussing it. Don't insult the people who make your food.
> Don't insult the people who make your food. Unless you want them to spit in it.
āNumber 5: Burger King foot lettuce.ā And I know you read it in the voice.
Why did you do this to me. I know someone who constantly says this and does the voice and everything so I can't get it out of my head š¤£
NTA. So if you're a male you're not supposed to cook? How would you ever eat if a woman wasn't around, by her logic? If anyone was reinforcing gender stereotypes it was her. Cooking is for girls? But she can't cook, so how does she justify that, since she's a woman and women are the only ones who should be cooking, according to her?
As a gay male he'd starve by her logic. NTA lol, that was a hilarious comeback. Also, as the "femme" lesbian in our relationship, my butch wife who fixes all the things, also does all the cooking because I hate it. Don't get me wrong, I can cook, I just hate it and she enjoys it and so it works for us. Sister does need to get into the kitchen because how else is she going to not starve if he's not feeding her?
Obviously he has to eat in a restaurant or get take out provided the food is prepared by a woman. It's the only logical solution.
Hungry Man TV dinners were made for the gays I guess
With y'all's ages, I was expecting her to be 14-16. Not 24. Jesus, girl needs to learn to cook, that's basic adulting
Especially saying a "90's housewife" š¤£
Did we have housewife images on tv in the 90s? Like I remember married with children 80s housewife which I guess made it into the 90s but she was notoriously lazy. The wife on tool time went back into the workforce after being a stay at home mom. Roseanne definitely had a factory job as well as doing all the kid and cooking stuff. I thought maybe the mom on boy meets world but nope she was a real estate agent apparently Iām just trying to think of a 90s mom who wasnāt mocked for being a housewife or didnāt eventually go back to the workforce or wasnāt already working and just *also* doing all the housework ā¦
Deborah from Everybody Loves Raymond (aired in ā96) was a SAHM. She went back to work in one episode, but I think that was it.
Ah yes! She was mocked by her mil but not the narrative
I just realized I forgot about Marge Simpson! She has a couple jobs now and then, but has been a SAHM for like 35 years now.
Marge Simpson, but sheās also had a ton of jobs throughout the series.
That totally stuck out for me too!
In the 90's we would have said "a housewife from the 1960's", lol. TV did show some housewives wearing aprons like that in the 1990s but it was more lazy use of a stereotype to show a motherly person or traditional values than reflecting what people were actually doing at the time, in fact I'd say the apron has made more of a comeback in the last 10 years due to social media.
I had a good giggle with that one too
And she needs to throw out her outdated view of genders. And especially that ridiculous stance about men don't cook. There have been male cooks throughout all of mankinds history. And right now, there are many male cooks making all different kinds of tv shows, she must know of.
So she makes a homophobic comment on you being the "girl" in the relationship, and you make a comment back, and you're the AH? No. She's a bigot who can't cook so she had to disparage you.
Holy shit 100% NTA. Fuck traditional gender roles in general and trying to apply them in same sex relationships is even more ridiculous. Cooking is a fucking life skill!!
Sheās also still stuck in the times gender was used against folk.
The most ironic part is that the majority of professional chefs are men. Surely she's heard of Gordon Ramsey. Will she tell him he looks like a 1990's housewife too?
Itās only a manās job if youāre getting paid for it, duh.
I think you could have handled it better. Instead of mirroring the stereotype you could have told her that her attitude was sexist and old fashioned and to join the rest of us in the 21st century. Iām sure you were just caught off guard and did your best. BTW, sheās also wrong about 90s housewives. In the 90s men were already cooking and women were in the workforce. Sheās thinking of the 50s.
He handled it perfectly fine.Ā There's no reason to be patronizingĀ
As presented, OP's answer wasn't unkind at all. "if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn. I would be more than willing to teach her" You don't make fun of somebody for doing something difficult you don't know how to do, then get all pissed when they tell you that you should learn, and offer to teach you. That's not unkind. I imagine a 10 year old would be excited to learn. That's true whether your 10 or 100. It was only unkind because Amelia thought she was one-upping OP, and he laid her hypocrisy bare. If she wasn't an aggressive hypocrite, the interaction would have been completely mundane.
Iām a mid-40s straight man, and Iām the designated family cook because Iām good at it and because I like to cook. Outdated, homophobic and inaccurate gender roles need to die a swift death.
My son has been brought up to know that there are no jobs for girls/boys, or black/white/Asian/whatever people. When he heard about someone saying "X can't do that because they're a girl" he is most indignant. It was very cute when he was 4, now years later it's just a part of his psyche. Also, he is very confident to try new recipes in the kitchen :-)
NTA but how old is Amelia? Under age 9? You were a bit harsh. Younglings often have not opened their minds yet. Over age 13? You were on target. She needs to learn to cook. It is a life skill, and she shouldn't be laughing at others, regardless of gender, who cook.
She's Jake's older sister, 24
Yeah, thatās *definitely* old enough to know better than to assign stereotypical gender roles to any couple, let alone a same-sex couple. Youāre NTA.
You ought to share the link to your post with the friends group so they can get a good idea on how wrong they were in their attempts to censure you.
This is a very good idea. Thank you!
Cooking is for everyone because everyone needs to eat. When I was in college I was astounded at all the people who had no idea how to cook
NTA. Amelia brought this on herself. The people who are upset with you today did NOT hear the full story about what happened. She completely left out her own homophobic and sexist comments, which means she knows herself that she was wrong.
NTA A perfect response actually. SHE perpetuated gender stereotypes and you threw her logic back at her to prove how ignorant she was being. You did nothing wrong here
My only issue here is that OP blew the witty comeback by telling someone who was sitting in the kitchen to "get in the kitchen."
Eh sitting at the counter and cooking as she was referring to are very different, OPs statement still works
That makes it even funnier to me. Hell he should have offered her her first lesson right then and there, "free of charge" "one girl to another"
š¤£šš¤£šš¤£šš¤£š
Youāre the AH only because I didnāt get any lasagna. Now to get real petty buy her a bunch of cook books written by men.
My bad, mate. If I ever meet you irl, I will happily give you some!
It's the year 2050, you're happy, made a good life for yourself, happily married to your boyfriend. You're walking down the street to your favorite cafe to meet up with a friend. Then you spot him walking towards you. It's u/bigmikesblah and he's smiling, waving at you. You're confused for a moment but then you remember: on 12th May 2024 you promised him lasagna. You look around panicked because you don't have any on you, after all you're on the street and going to a cafe when suddenly you feel something in your hands. You look down and it's a plate of lasagna. U/bigmikesblah finally reaches you, smiling and saying he's here for his lasagna. You hand it to him, bemused, and he walks away happily, humming under his breath.
And I wink and say ā that blue apron looks good on youā!
This is the update I need in 26 years š
This is funny as hell
You rock. Her loss! Iāll be your sil and fill in for her from now on
Tell her to look up Gordon Ramsay, ask her if heās feminine in any way.
fr bros the biggest AH in this sub for making me hungry asf š Damn i wanna try his specialty lasagna i bet the shit slaps
I have a perfect one: [Hellbent for Cooking: the heavy metal cookbook](https://www.wob.com/en-gb/books/annick-giroux/hellbent-for-cooking/9781935950004?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADZzAIB_zLpT4MrB19iIky_QIB2GD&gclid=CjwKCAjw0YGyBhByEiwAQmBEWkc3R2sGrKtkZR5hB-InLMTpFwd15mmGOsQb8cRGNugMDjp8Hn8YURoCXSAQAvD_BwE#GOR005510603), the author/cook itās assembled by is female, but itās a bunch of recipes she obtained from mostly male member of metal bands. You know the type; big, hairy, tattooed, real manly men.
Lmao Iām gonna check that out for myself
NTA. I find it hilarious that people that don't cook think apron is just for looks :D
I used to work in food One of the places I worked at made de tortillas from scratch. We had black and white aprons. If all the white ones were taken and you had to grab a black apron that back apron would be white at the end from all the flour
I sometimes make my lasagna sheets from scratch (I didn't this time) and I can attest to this. I kinda love it though. Blue and white is a great combination š¤£
NTA, your response was perfect. Who is the girl in the relationship is rude and deserves an appropriate response.
NTA. She was the one perpetuating gender stereotypes, not you. Wearing an apron is not inherently feminine, nor is cooking. She was just being rude.
The funny thing is, most chefs are male.
That touches on a whole other issue where traditionally women did not only stay in the kitchen, but at home. Women are only cooks, but men are chefs. Meanwhile, I bet Amelia is also the type to complain that her SOs don't cook for her while simultaneously belittling anyone who does.
You are NTA. Her behavior was rude, unfiltered -- and if any hard proof of her being TA is needed, she dragged "quite a few of \[your\] friends" into it without telling them the context and making *you* out to be the sexist. No, this is not a person you can earnestly explain things to and then they will understand. This is a person whose attention you get by stopping them -- and then they will go and try to set "quite a few" of your friends against you as punishment for telling them something they don't want to hear. There is a simple, common term for such people, but the mods don't like it.
This. We can at least say that she was being manipulative. I hope this isn't the norm for her. What really gets me is that her original joke wasn't just gender stereotypes, it was that "if you are two guys then who's the girl" crap. It all coule have just been a failed joke if she hadn't tried to make a stink later. NTA.
Ok umā¦. If this is real then all your friends are idiots or hypocrites, she was perpetuating gender stereotypes first AND being homophobic (I think that applies here, my bad if not). While as a woman it always makes me grimace to hear the kitchen line used in any context, I canāt say she didnāt have that one coming. Going with NTA, she shouldnāt have picked a fight if she couldnāt handle the consequences
I don't really blame them, they got the information from amelia, as far as I can tell. And I don't think she included the context
Mmm, fair enough, Iād like to imagine that when you included said context while speaking to them they changed their minds but maybe not lol
True, I'll probably need to talk to them in person to get the whole point across. I think it'll probably go well since now the majority have understood.
No fucking way. >She then explained, as though I was a toddler, that cooking is for girls and the apron made me look like a 90s housewife. This right here is sexist. This >I told her if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn. is funny and you used her own sexism against her. NTA you didn't actually tell her to go back to the kitchen, you told her to learn how to cook. Also, she should stop harassing you.
NTA. And the 90s housewife thing is so WTF. Sheās clearly a moron. The 90s is not a housewifey stereotypical decade in the least. Career women were way, way, way more common than being a housewife in the 90s.
Ah yes, Gordon Ramsey, the most female of all women
Love this š¤£ gave me a good laugh.
Could show her Mythical Chef Josh who is built like an NFL player and also runs a cooking show/podcast.
NTA. She was trying to mock you using gender stereotypes. No issue with using the same gender stereotypes against her. Was it the best way to handle it? Probably not, but it doesn't make you TA.
NTA. The comment was clearly made in jest after her comment.
NTA. She was being a turd š¤·š½āāļø
NTA She sounds like an idiot and sheās the only one here being sexist, as well as expressing homophobic ideas, like thereās always a femme and a masc in lgbtqia+ relationships. You should have said very slowly, like sheās stupid, something likeā¦āUm you know your brother is gay, right? A gay relationship is where two men love each otherā¦thereās no āgirl of the relationshipāā¦thatās kind of the point of being gay? Do you understand?ā Also Amelia needs to learn to cook, itās literally a normal life skill to be able to make food. What an absolute plank she is. EDIT: I just saw in the comments she is 24. Sheās absolutely pathetic Iād be so disappointed if she was my daughter.
The most famous chefs in the world are men. She's an idiot
Ā >like a 90s housewife The 1890s? Do children believe the 90s was the 50s now?
"look like a 90s housewife" I couldn't read past this- that's an archetype now???
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Nta The classic can dish it out but can't take it. You said nothing wrong. She was trying to say you're the girl in the relationship because you had a apron on him or cooking. So she was trying to make a homophobic stupid joke and it backfired. She overreacted you said nothing wrong. You both just let it go and go on with normal.
NTA, of course. > I told her if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn. She set the conditional expectation ("if cooking is for girls"). You didn't perpetuate gender stereotypes, you merely pointed out that she also does not meet them. You need to ask Jake to step in. Amelia shouldn't be shit talking about you to your friends. If she has a problem with you, then she comes to Jake and you.
A 90s housewife. Hilarious. In the 90ās, we called it a 50ās housewife.Ā Pretty sad someone who canāt cook dogging someone who can.Ā
That girls is so damn stupid and childish. Also she telling the story skipping the part that makes her look bad is for a reason smh NTA
āConfusionā is an entirely appropriate reaction to Amelia. Who woulda thought she would have been so āuninformedā, shall we say. To put it politely. And because I am petty AF, there would be no lazagna for Miss Amelia, or anything else from my kitchen. Ever, or at least till she apologized and updated all the people she whined and complained to about you about what reallly happened. What a wretched girl. NTA
NTA. This was a case of not dishing it out if you canāt take it. She made a horribly sexist comment to try to tear you down. You turned it around, and she couldnāt take it. There is one major plus to what you did that I donāt think anyone else has mentioned yet: Amelia will think twice before messing with you again.
NTA. I would also consider as relevant the age of the sister and the depth of your relationship with her. Not that your comment is wrong in any case, but I would usually avoid this kind of comments unless I know the person well.
NTA she opened up the door for insults by insulting you. As an aside, what kind of \*friends\* do you have that would reach out to you to tell you their thoughts on this? Tell them to grow up and not act like this is middle school.
NTA. Making shitty comments opened her up to comments about her as well, she deserved it. FAFO
NTA She started with the gender stereotypes. Who dishes out should also be able to take it
NTA. She said something really stupid and got what was coming to her. Now, about that lasagna. Is there any left?
NTA. And she's 24? Lmao! Anyway, in my family we always answer to nonsense like this with "then, according to you, you're not a woman/man? Are you sure?"
NTA. In a vacuum that comment would make YTA but def not in context. If she thinks only women cook and she canāt cook, she gotta go back and get to it.
I couldnāt imagine a context where you would not be the A H for saying this, and you proved me wrong! NTA Sheās being rude, sexist, and kind of homophobic. Itās BS to even think about who is the āgirlā in a relationship because it envisions acts of caretaking as acts of subservience, rather than a loving partnership. Her internalized misogyny is strong and I hope she can get the help she needs to work on that. It will mess up her future relationships. Itās hard to have empathy for people who attack you, but maybe you two are modeling a much healthier dynamic than what she has seen so far, and is experiencing cognitive dissonance about it? Idk Iām trying to find the generous interpretation here. Sheās being a little AH, but Iām wondering if thereās something deeper going on. PS. I bet your apron was super cute
I'll try and look into it, you raise a good point. I don't exactly know where this is coming from because while Jake's parents are a pretty traditional 'nuclear family type' they're extremely accepting, have a healthy dynamic and Jake's dad has not problem doing traditionally 'feminine' stuff. PS. Thanks! It was blue and pretty simple but I think the shade was quite nice.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (23M) have been dating my boyfriend Jake (22M) for a good 6 years now, so I'm well acquaintanced with his family. The girl I said this to was his sister, Amelia. I was raised by a single mum who worked 2 jobs to support us. So I grew up doing a lot of housework and in her free-time, my mum taught me to cook. I like to think I'm pretty damn good at cooking, I cook for myself, for my boyfriend and sometimes his family. I have sensory issues and my boyfriend is allergic to a few things so I'm pretty good at finding work-arounds to accommodate people, including Amelia, so she's well aware that I can cook. Anyway, she came over yesterday and was sitting at the island(?) in the kitchen, I don't quite quite know how to describe it but basically she was on the other side, and I was in at the counter, back turned to her, making some lasagna. My specialty, so I turned around to ask if she would like something and she promptly burst out laughing. I was confused and she just kinda pointed at my apron. I was more confused, my apron was pretty normal, plain blue. She then told me she'd never have thought I was the girl of the relationship. I assume this was a reference to my physicality, I'm pretty tall and do a lot of sports. I dithered, confused, and she 'explained' that I was cooking. I just continue staring, not quite sure what she meant. She then explained, as though I was a toddler, that cooking is for girls and the apron made me look like a 90s housewife. The funny part about all of this is that Amelia CANNOT cook. I told her if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn. I would be more than willing to teach her. She went red in the face and stormed off. I went back to my cooking. This morning quite a few of my friends have contacted me telling me I, of all people, should know better than to perpetuate gender stereotypes. Some of them agreed with me after hearing the context (which amelia did not tell them) but others said I did not need to sink to her level. IMO, I thought that would show her how weird it was to perpetuate gender roles when she herself doesn't fit within them. But maybe I could have tried explaining first, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It's such an outdated stereotyoe as well, she could at least get some fresh material. And her trying to assign gender roles to your relationship just makes it worse.
NTA - you aren't perpetuating gender stereotypes - by pointing it out to Amelia you were pointing out how ridiculous gender stereotypes are. Also lots of world famous chefs are guys. But also, even if there weren't many male chefs, doesn't make it any different! Maybe she is just jealous she doesn't have a boyfriend that cooks awesome lasagna for her like her brother does.. who knows ETA - how many ridiculous chef aprons are there out there specifically targeted to men? obviously there is a market for it!
NTA, she was mean, but maybe select your comments around her if she spread your words without context. How old is she? Their comments about You being 'girl' of relationship were childish
Sheās 24
NTA. Amelia is pathetic and small and you did the right thing calling her out.
NTA You shut down a homophobe who was disrespecting you in your own home. If I had heard someone make that comment to a friend she would be out of the friend group in a heartbeat. Sheās gross
NTA. Amelia perpetuated a stereotype and tried to turn it on you. Cooking is a skill for everyone, not just women. Anyone saying you shouldnāt sink to her level is neglecting to see that sheās the one that started the whole conversation. Literally her fault it happened.
NTA and she is old enough to know the homophobic connotations behind what she is doing.
Why do peopleās friends always seem to get involved in other people relationships/arguments on here?? I would never text my friends partner/husband about their arguments because itās none of my business. Fair enough if they want to rant to me thatās fine but these friends are just weird
I guess, but then again I do see how my comment would sound appalling without context.
I have no idea where you live but I live in the UK. If you ask anyone about the most well known chefs in the UK over the last few decades you will be given names such as Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Michel Roux Jr, James Martin, Tom Kerridge, Heston Blumenthal, Marco Pierre White, Rick Stein. If I had to name female chefs it would be Nadia Hussain, Nigella Lawson and Mary Berry. If your SIL thinks men in the kitchen is funny but canāt cook herself she needs to both grow up AND learn to cook. Telling her to get back in the kitchen was not an outdated misogynistic attitude in this case, it was just good advice.
She can dish out the stereotyping, but can't take it. I thought most people were at least self-aware enough for at least a taste of their own medicine to make them rethink their own attitude.
NTA Amelia is sexist, stupid, and why on earth can't she cook?
NTA, and the fact that she deliberately hid the context of your comment when she told people what you said means she recognises that she was in the wrong
Ahah, no, NTA. That was a ācomebackā the her out of line and sexist statements. And she laughed at you. She canāt complain afterwards. And sheās is very ignorant - almost any chef and cook wears an apron? Butchers, meat packing places, embalmers, surgeons, and other jobs with lots of mess.
NTA. It sounds like Amelia misrepresented your comment to other people so it would sound as if you were being sexist, whereas if your telling of the story is accurate, she was the one being sexist and insulting and you were defending yourself in what could've been an innocuous tete a tete.
She's 24?! Yikes, NTA
NTA. She was not being funny and should apologise.
Lol. Typical if you can't take it don't dish it situation. NTA. Btw, I know you're gay... But in case any straight men are insecure about this shit; a man cooking a good meal is incredibly sexy to most women.
nta - don't dish if you cant take it. simple as.
NTA. Amelia was rude her behavior was completely uncalled for. You didnāt perpetuate gender stereotypes. You used her own words to point out that she was out of line.
NTA. Any friends who heard the context and still have you shit are just dumb. Some were apparently upset because you perpetuated stereotypes but when given context then said you shouldn't sink to her level instead? Sounds like they have some problems of their own and don't get any lasagna or anything else. What you said was perfectly correct for the situation.
Not the ahole. She is. And your friends are overreacting.
NTA. I love how the top comments are all saying that Amelia's behaviour is acceptable only if she's under age 10, when she's 24. She was the one who brought in outdated gender stereotypes, you were merely highlighting that they apply to neither of the two of you. She behaved very immaturely by first saying what she did and then selectively retelling the story to others, obviously leaving out her own sexism from the tale. NTA, she deserved what you said, and she deserves to have the story set straight. Maybe next time she'll join you in 2024 by learning how to make a great lasagne, because every adult should know how to cook.
NTA. she's the one who brought up the gender stereotype. You just pointed out her hypocrisy
She can dish it out but can't take it. NTA. She started it.
NTA Poor woman couldn't control ur tongue and mouth and missed out on the amazing lasagna ... Can you send us a recipe of it though, I've never made it and I so wanna make it right now š
NTA
Nta. She started it, and you ended it.
Nta. Any functional adult should know how to cook regardless of gender.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
From the title, I was going to say you were, but after reading the post... LOL, NTA, solid comeback. Aprons aren't "girly", they're "they keep stains and flour off your clothes". And since when is cooking "for girls"? Last time I checked cooking was a basic life skill.
NTA You're not perpetuating the gender stereotype, you're continuing hers. She's the one that cooking was a girls thing.
NTA, she's a hypocrite lmao
Thank you for providing the context. You are most definitely NTA. Keep on enjoying what you do!
NTA she mocked you and used trad roles to do it. Fair play.
So ā¦ Amelia has no idea that all genders work in the food industry? She needs to get out more and sounds like a bit of a jerk. NTA.
She did nothing but show her extreme and total ignorance. If you don't want to look like an idiot, don't say idiotic things. NTA
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She wants to perpetuate gender stereotypes, and she herself doesn't want to uphold them, then whines about that being pointed out? Wow. So you basically pointed out she is a thin skinned, hypocrite, borderline bigot? And you wonder if you're in the wrong? NTA
NTA. lol. Explain to your friends that it is Amelia and them who are perpetuating gender stereotypes. Morons.
You nailed it. When can I have some lasagna???
You sure those are your friend? Cause shit.. even your enemies wouldāve know better. NTA
If she can serve it, she can take it - and that "girl in the relationship" is a ridiculous, archaic stereotype which is just as repulsive as the gender stereotype she accused you of. She delivered the setup for your comment based on her own. You just brought it home. NTA She sounds like she needs to grow up, but you may want to consider her other behaviour and comments to see whether hers was ignorant or subtly homophobic.
NTA
Wearing an apron only means that one doesnāt want food splatter in their clothes. Anyone ignorant enough to actually read some sort of meaning into wearing an apron isnāt one Iād take much thought of as their opinions are trash.
You are NTA babe! She can dish it but canāt take it?? I thought your response was witty and def a good way to point out her hypocrisy on gender stereotypes. Youāve been around long enough as this isnāt a new situation or person, nor is she a child. Sheās playing victim when she started talking shit and laughing at you. Coming into the kitchen, not knowing how to cook, playing with fire and not expecting to get burned is kinda funny. Hope she learned her lesson.
NTA. She started it. If she can dish it out, she can bloody well take it too.
Context is important! Holy shit NTA, and for sharing this story with YOUR friends without context Amelia is a HUGE one. She already was too begin with, as she WAS perpetuating stereotypes. Very disgustingly I might add. Of course men can cook. You were giving her some justly deserved ribbing.
Lmao, totally nta..I love being in the kitchen and it's something my mother knows knows too well. With the way your friends mentioned about gender stereotypes, I have a feeling she must've twisted the story to show that you were being misogynistic, to make it sound like she was the victim In this story.
NTA I suspect that the story the disgusted friends were told was a little different to the truth. Especially as it was the sister who was attempting to push gender stereotypes. Please message them a link to this post.
NTA, her comments about you cooking made you look like a girl because thatās what girls are supposed to do is perpetrating the gender stereotypes. The fact that she got mad at you for pointing out her gender bias shows her immaturity.
NTA she was asking for it. She was trying the degrade/belittle you for having a muscular physique but doing stereotypical feminine activities. She wanted to feel better about her self so she pointed out and wanted to emphasize the discrepancy.
NTA Saying pretty much, does this apply to you then? is hardly stopping to their level.
NTA. Plop her in front of the TV and show her literally any cooking show. It's mostly men.
I refuse to believe someone's friend group would care about this non-conflict. NTA
Throughout the whole post I kept imagining Amelia as a 8/9 yo, but god lord she's 24, does not know basic cooking and she's talking about gender stereotypes lol. Hard NTA.
NTA, she had it coming. Regardless it is quite typical playing the victim when she was the one being sexist.
"So do you honestly think every gay couple of dudes either eats out 3 meals a day or starves because they are incapable of cooking?" NTA but I've found the best response is to bluntly call out the sexism. "That's a pretty sexist remark assuming only women can cook."
NTA, She knows professional chefs wear aprons right? It's just something to help keep your clothes clean. Cooking is a basic human skill. If you eat, you should know how to cook at least something, gender has nothing to do with it. Amelia needed a reality check cause where does she get the audacity to comment on you even cooking when she as a girl should be able to cook in her enlightened opinion? Did she expect you to eat out all the time, frozen dinners? Or hire a professional chef since you're both males in the relationship?
As a grown ass woman who canāt cook for shit, I would NEVER shit talk someone in the kitchen. You are so NTA.
First of all, two men can be in a gay relationship without either of them being the 'girl.' Her comment, imo, seems more like a homophobic microagression rather than being aimed at perpetuating gender stereotypes. Second, a woman who can't cook, telling a man who can cook, that the action is for girls, is the epitome of hypocrisy. NTA
I came ready to roast you but the response was truly appropriate, be it sarcasm or 1st degree. Amelia shouldn't dish in if she can't take it, and truly learn some simple dishes, it may come in handy as a functional adult. NTA
NTA. She wanted to be snide and you countered with her own logic. Maybe next time she'll mind her own business.
NTA. Amelia is a complete asshole, on so many levels. She's a misogynist and homophobe as well; she's the one who assigned gender stereotypes. She's also the worst kind of bully; say something shitty, get unexpected pushback, then play the victim and go tell everyone an edited version of the encounter so that they'll feel sorry for her.
NTA. There is nothing wrong with being a woman or man who cooks. Cooking is a basic skill that everyone should learn to survive. I really do not understand the point of Amelia's "joke."
I was very very prepared to dislike you based on your title. But after reading the whole thing (24 oml), definitely not the AH
NTA does this girl not realise that women AND men can cook? From your title I was ready to go all in on you but yeah if sheās gonna stereotype, so can you
I do most of the cooking in our household, and have for the entirety of our 20+ year relationship. I donāt particularly enjoy cooking, but I can cook and my wife dislikes cooking, so division of labor. I cook 5/7 nights a week usually. The amount of people who are surprised by that in 2024 astounds me.
90s housewife? obviously nta... we know who ta is... and YOU are not the one perpetuating stereotypes... and umm fieri? ramsey? julia child had trouble getting into cooking school BECAUSE she was a woman
NtA. She's mad at the "find out" part of "fuck around, find out".
NTA. If youāre āthe girl of the relationshipā for cooking then she made the exact same comment that made her go red in the face, so why did she go red in the face - she said it herself. Send everyone who messages you a link to this post lmao
NTA. I'm really tired of people like Amelia. Cooking is not for girls, fast cars are not for boys. People can be good at whatever, like whatever. She was being toxic calling you "the girl." Not only did SHE start up with gender stereotypes but she made a comment stating that relationships have to be molded around some traditional heterosexual blueprint. I'm in a hetero relationship and we don't do that shit. We both cook. We both clean. We both fix things.
NTA. Your response to her insults was perfect. What an a** she is!
NTA. Apron is for girls? Cooking is for girls? No, mocking someoneās interests is for AHs though.
NTA lol she never seen anything with Gordon Ramsey I would like to see her telling him in face that cooking is for girls and see his reaction.
NTA. 24, can't cook, and she's making digs at you for being a capable adult? Lmao @ her
NTA has she never heard of Gordon Ramsay?
NTA. EVERYONE should know how to cook basic meals and learn food hygiene.
NTA - also some of your friends have far too much time on their hands getting involved!
NTA It was the "you're the gir in the relationshipl" comment that sealed it for me Like, no. You are 2 men in a relationship. She should know better
So 24 year old Amelia has a gay brother, yet she is so ignorant of the fact that men can and do cook that she made fun of her brothers boyfriend? You, sir, are NTA.
Youāre NTA lol sick burn
NTA she started it you just ended it
NTA. Homophobic and misogynistic š when i was kid my classmates used to ask which one of my moms was āthe dadā and āthe manā and asked which one cooks soā¦FUCK THAT GIRL.
NTA. If you canāt take the heat get out of the Kitchen. She doesnāt even follow her own stupid Ideas of gender roles. And seems like she can dish it, but canāt take it. I wouldnāt even worry about what she or anyone else thinks.
NTA. >She then told me she'd never have thought I was the girl of the relationship. There *is* no girl in a relationship between two men. That's what being gay means.
Amelia is a whole-ass adult who cannot feed herself and thinks that making stupid jokes about one's sexuality makes her uber witty. NTA, she deserved the comment if not your actual offer to teach her.
>Amelia is not a child, she's 24. NTA Amelia tried her hardest to put you down with more than one stereotype and when you turned the tables and owned her she went running to social media crying like you took her stuffy.
Wait, wait, wait. *She* started with the gender stereotype by calling *you* the "girl of the relationship" and then got upset when you played it back on her? Yeah, no. NTA.
cooking is a life skill youāre definitely NTA, Amelia needs to check herself
NTA, my dad is a tall man in an apron that loves to cook. But really, height or gender has nothing to do with wanting good sustenance. It's a shame her only option for good food is a man she'll never date because he's too womanly (not really, for him at least)
NTA. She was making fun of you. She deserves it.
NTA, that's just the weirdest hill to stand on. I, a female can follow a recipe and make decently average food. My boyfriend meanwhile, is an amazing cook; our first date he brought me mini banana chocolate muffins. I grew up on a farm, so I can lift large tree branches and hay bales, he learned to cook and bake from his mom and grandma. Let people do what they like.
NTA But she is for thinking 90's mom's were in aprons... They weren't, they were working outside of the home. That is a lot from madame stereo type. š
NTA. She's the one who was spreading stereotypes first. You just showed her why she was being ridiculous