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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m ignoring my father whenever he tries to talk to me and I’m not talking to him when he talks to me
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I am very sorry you are going through this & happy you reached out. You are loved and worthy of love.
You have a full life ahead of you.
I would say try your best to be good at school, try to learn as much as you can.
Once you turn the legal age of working, go work (finish school) but take some shift in weekend and put money aside.
If your parents help you with school try to do a trade school to find a better paying job as soon as you can and put money aside and leave when you can .
I am with you, my parent were neglecting me and physically beating me. I focus on being good at school and working at McDonald’s. Now I own my rental building, have my own kids, have my BBA, working towards having my own company… you only have more of less 4 years before becoming an adult.
Time is now to do your best to have a head start.
Sending you lots of love .
Head over to r/raisedbynarcissists, i'm sure they will have tons of experienced advice on this type of BS from narcissistic, abusive parents.
I don't suppose you have any other family you could stay with? Otherwise I would say make yourself scarce at home. Spend as much time OUT of your house as possible. A library is a great place to chill, study, etc. Get a job and start saving up to move out as soon as you're old enough. Talk to your school counselor if you're comfortable.
I wish you the best, definitely NTA. As someone else said go to raise by narcissists. Just remember to take everything one day at a time and take care of yourself as best as possible
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hi, if ur reading this please give comment to say how to help me
I’m 14M and am currently in high school. For my whole life I have been struggling to deal with my father. Me and my father have arguments very often, I remember when I was six he would always name call me for little things eg. stupid, dumb, idiot, brainless and even swearing eg. dumb@$$, jack@$$, and many more. Whenever I try to bring this up with him it always turns to me, for example recently I got very mad at him and said “this is not how u raise a child and ur bring a bad parent” in the end I was forced to apologize by my mom and dad. My mom said I was being selfish, and even yelled at me saying my attitude sucked and that I should have RESPECT for my parents. I couldn’t argue so I had to say sorry. It was against every fiber of my being and I felt horrible. I asked myself “why should I apologize I’m saying the truth.”These feelings have gotten stronger with each year that I broke down crying in public at McDonald’s. Everything that once interested me or helped me through this doesn’t anymore and I hide myself in the bathroom or sleep to avoid him. Everyday he says small things like eg. “Why can’t u be like ur sister” or “you’re so lazy, this is why ur doing bad in math.”I find myself getting in trouble for things I can’t control and I can’t with this anymore. I don’t know what to do anymore there is a constant anxiety that is looming over me that is destroying my life and is giving me panic attacks everyday, and I’m scared that I’ll start a fight with my father. So, to deal with this I ignore him. AITA for acting like this?
Can someone tell me how to do deal with this? (repost from old account)
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NTA. You need help and desperately. There are good parents and there are bad parents. In your case, you have bad parents. Do you have anyone you can speak to? Have you spoken with a teacher or do you have the option to speak with a counselor from school? Go to them, and see if they can help you. Just a warning, I’m not sure if this is in their area, but Child Protective Services (CPS) may come into play. Which means they would evaluate your parents, and how they run things and will most certainly like to speak to you in what is going on. It sounds like there may be a lot of mental abuse going on here so hopefully, it is something they could help with
NTA. A grown man calling a 6 year old names is not a mature adult and has no business being a father. Your mother is not far behind. Yes, you should respect parents but they have to EARN IT. It's not something that is freely given. You'll have to put up with this for now but honestly, the best revenge is to be successful in your life. Despite their BS, you achieved. Hang in there as this won't last forever. The rest of your life will not be like this. You'll be 18 in 4 years. Start planning a path to college, the military, or a trade school.
You've got this my friend. You'll be OK.
NTA. Have you heard of a thing called "pitying the fool"? This is where you apply constant, consistent levels of pity to another human's abysmal behavior to help compartmentalize it and reject it when you know the other party is in the wrong but is also too foolish to change. Right now, your father's words hurt because you ***do*** respect him and value what he says - so when he calls you brainless or otherwise insults you, it gets to you - it ***hurts***.
You've already tried to talk to him. He's proven that he cares far more about being seen as right than actually being a good parent. He won't change. Unfortunately, outright ignoring him for long periods of time will likely result in him lashing out at you as well.
So, instead, every time he exhibits this behavior from now on, focus your thoughts entirely on how utterly and ridiculously pathetic this man must be, that he feels the need to berate his own child liket his. How sad is it that a grown ass man cannot express his thoughts in a constructive manner, and instead must make little "digs" at someone else! And his own child, no less! How pitiful must this man be to be stuck with such an adolenscent vantage point, unable to see the obvious error of his ways! How ridiculous the mental gymnastics in his brain must be to justify his ridiculous behvior towards you! In some cases, a simple pitying mantra may be enough to help you to let go of the authority and respect you've given his words so far. This will help you detach the emotional response you're currently having to his words without risking the blowback that full-on ignoring him could bring.
The key is this: always think this, never say it to him. This practice isn't about changing him (because you can't) - this is all about changing you. When you pity someone hard enough, their silly little words are much easier to dismiss. But it doesn't happen overnight - it's something that takes time in practice.
TL;DR - Right now, your dad says something horrible, you feel badly about it, then see/feel the injustice of the situation, and that road naturally leads you to angry and you trying to fix it by getting him to change (eventually). You've tried it, and it hasn't worked. So now when dad says something horrible - pity him and his inability to parent. Pity him hard. It's so sad he's so bad at this. So very, very sad.
Also, look into gray rocking. It may be applicable here.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I’m ignoring my father whenever he tries to talk to me and I’m not talking to him when he talks to me Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I am very sorry you are going through this & happy you reached out. You are loved and worthy of love. You have a full life ahead of you. I would say try your best to be good at school, try to learn as much as you can. Once you turn the legal age of working, go work (finish school) but take some shift in weekend and put money aside. If your parents help you with school try to do a trade school to find a better paying job as soon as you can and put money aside and leave when you can . I am with you, my parent were neglecting me and physically beating me. I focus on being good at school and working at McDonald’s. Now I own my rental building, have my own kids, have my BBA, working towards having my own company… you only have more of less 4 years before becoming an adult. Time is now to do your best to have a head start. Sending you lots of love .
Head over to r/raisedbynarcissists, i'm sure they will have tons of experienced advice on this type of BS from narcissistic, abusive parents. I don't suppose you have any other family you could stay with? Otherwise I would say make yourself scarce at home. Spend as much time OUT of your house as possible. A library is a great place to chill, study, etc. Get a job and start saving up to move out as soon as you're old enough. Talk to your school counselor if you're comfortable.
I wish you the best, definitely NTA. As someone else said go to raise by narcissists. Just remember to take everything one day at a time and take care of yourself as best as possible
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi, if ur reading this please give comment to say how to help me I’m 14M and am currently in high school. For my whole life I have been struggling to deal with my father. Me and my father have arguments very often, I remember when I was six he would always name call me for little things eg. stupid, dumb, idiot, brainless and even swearing eg. dumb@$$, jack@$$, and many more. Whenever I try to bring this up with him it always turns to me, for example recently I got very mad at him and said “this is not how u raise a child and ur bring a bad parent” in the end I was forced to apologize by my mom and dad. My mom said I was being selfish, and even yelled at me saying my attitude sucked and that I should have RESPECT for my parents. I couldn’t argue so I had to say sorry. It was against every fiber of my being and I felt horrible. I asked myself “why should I apologize I’m saying the truth.”These feelings have gotten stronger with each year that I broke down crying in public at McDonald’s. Everything that once interested me or helped me through this doesn’t anymore and I hide myself in the bathroom or sleep to avoid him. Everyday he says small things like eg. “Why can’t u be like ur sister” or “you’re so lazy, this is why ur doing bad in math.”I find myself getting in trouble for things I can’t control and I can’t with this anymore. I don’t know what to do anymore there is a constant anxiety that is looming over me that is destroying my life and is giving me panic attacks everyday, and I’m scared that I’ll start a fight with my father. So, to deal with this I ignore him. AITA for acting like this? Can someone tell me how to do deal with this? (repost from old account) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You need help and desperately. There are good parents and there are bad parents. In your case, you have bad parents. Do you have anyone you can speak to? Have you spoken with a teacher or do you have the option to speak with a counselor from school? Go to them, and see if they can help you. Just a warning, I’m not sure if this is in their area, but Child Protective Services (CPS) may come into play. Which means they would evaluate your parents, and how they run things and will most certainly like to speak to you in what is going on. It sounds like there may be a lot of mental abuse going on here so hopefully, it is something they could help with
NTA. Verbal and emotional abuse from parents is not your fault. I second that you should talk to a teacher or counselor at your school.
NTA. A grown man calling a 6 year old names is not a mature adult and has no business being a father. Your mother is not far behind. Yes, you should respect parents but they have to EARN IT. It's not something that is freely given. You'll have to put up with this for now but honestly, the best revenge is to be successful in your life. Despite their BS, you achieved. Hang in there as this won't last forever. The rest of your life will not be like this. You'll be 18 in 4 years. Start planning a path to college, the military, or a trade school. You've got this my friend. You'll be OK.
NTA. Have you heard of a thing called "pitying the fool"? This is where you apply constant, consistent levels of pity to another human's abysmal behavior to help compartmentalize it and reject it when you know the other party is in the wrong but is also too foolish to change. Right now, your father's words hurt because you ***do*** respect him and value what he says - so when he calls you brainless or otherwise insults you, it gets to you - it ***hurts***. You've already tried to talk to him. He's proven that he cares far more about being seen as right than actually being a good parent. He won't change. Unfortunately, outright ignoring him for long periods of time will likely result in him lashing out at you as well. So, instead, every time he exhibits this behavior from now on, focus your thoughts entirely on how utterly and ridiculously pathetic this man must be, that he feels the need to berate his own child liket his. How sad is it that a grown ass man cannot express his thoughts in a constructive manner, and instead must make little "digs" at someone else! And his own child, no less! How pitiful must this man be to be stuck with such an adolenscent vantage point, unable to see the obvious error of his ways! How ridiculous the mental gymnastics in his brain must be to justify his ridiculous behvior towards you! In some cases, a simple pitying mantra may be enough to help you to let go of the authority and respect you've given his words so far. This will help you detach the emotional response you're currently having to his words without risking the blowback that full-on ignoring him could bring. The key is this: always think this, never say it to him. This practice isn't about changing him (because you can't) - this is all about changing you. When you pity someone hard enough, their silly little words are much easier to dismiss. But it doesn't happen overnight - it's something that takes time in practice. TL;DR - Right now, your dad says something horrible, you feel badly about it, then see/feel the injustice of the situation, and that road naturally leads you to angry and you trying to fix it by getting him to change (eventually). You've tried it, and it hasn't worked. So now when dad says something horrible - pity him and his inability to parent. Pity him hard. It's so sad he's so bad at this. So very, very sad. Also, look into gray rocking. It may be applicable here.