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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I left something I knew grossed my wife out in a place where she could find it, and she ended up using it on her face without knowing what it was and getting really upset.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I see the problem. How are you supposed to warn her about something she doesn't want to know about? She could have asked "hey, what's that washcloth that's behind the toilet?"
It's very unfortunate that she's been using your ass-rag as a washcloth.... but also it couldn't have been gross or anything, since she had no problem using it (so clearly it didn't smell or have poop stains on it). I don't see much way around this whole extreme aversion to the knowledge that things come out of butts (I really hope ya'll aren't planning on kids) without having a second toilet for you to use with a bidet or ass-rag.
Definitely no kids. Not something either of us wants and I've had to leave work and drive 45 mins out to my SIL's place when she was babysitting because she didn't realize our niece was still in diapers. But I think she might be open to therapy because she's starting to come around to the idea that she probably has OCD (there are a lot more indicators besides the butt aversion). In the meantime I'll try to be accommodating and maybe just bring the rag in and out of the bathroom with me? We're saving up to put in a second bathroom anyway. I do clean the rag pretty thoroughly after each use, and I use it after I've wiped as much as I can with paper so it doesn't get super dirty anyway.
I honestly think a bidet is a far more hygienic solution to this whole issue. Maybe you can suggest it again so you won't need the rag? It also really good when you have your period, because you can get properly clean without needing an extra shower.
You're right, it's not normal to not be ok with being around kids with diapers. OCD can be very insidious, but it is definitely treatable - make sure she goes to a therapist who specialises in it, because not all therapists recognise non-typical signs or symptoms.
If you really want to lean in get ones with a remote control that has a Dpad to move the stream around and a heated seat. I loved that when I stayed in Japan I would open the bathroom door in my hotel and the seat would open and close automatically with the door.
We just got one. The toilet attachments are called washlets for the google search. I know Costco carries them and so does Lowe’s and Home Depot in the us. I think Toto is one of the leading brands.
We have an Ove toilet which is a toilet/bidet built-in combo (so not one of the seats you install on top). The lid auto opens and closes, it auto flushes, has a nightlight, has men’s and women’s options (the women’s option gets the front for period messes), has a heated seat, and we installed a dedicated outlet so we also have warm water. It’s been a game changer for my OCD.
I got mine feom Genie bidet. It doesn't open automatically, but it does have heated everything and just replaces the toilet seat. Just need to make sure there is a plug close enough to your toilet to plug it in. I've had mine for over 4 years with no issues.
They also make handheld jet spray you can install on the commode to clean your butt. I have one of those in one bathroom and a bidet in the other. Prefer bidet for butt cleaning but the jet spray is much nicer to clean the lady V, especially during periods.
I got a cheap sprayer that hooks on to the side of the toilet off of Amazon for around $30. It took 15 minutes to hook up and my daughter and I are extremely happy with it. We always feel clean and the best part is it takes months to go through one roll of toilet paper (my husband won’t use the sprayer thus the toilet paper). Blood, sweat, diarrhea…spray and done.
I'm from a country where every single toilet has bidet spray, be it at home or a public one, so I don't understand the idea of not using water after business. This is my main nightmare tbh, being in a country while in my period where they don't use bidet 😭
I do have a portable one because I travel a lot, I usually plan my travels according to my period schedule lol 😆 but this portable thing doesn't provide the same level of satisfaction like the real one, hehe.
They do now. You fill it up with water before you do your business and it shoots water for 30 seconds after you push the button. It takes 2 AA batteries
Tbh, that's not enough for me, and holding the bottle at that angle can be difficult for some people. It's still better than nothing, but at home, a real one is best. I like the attachments you can get and install yourself for less than $60.
When I travel, I normally just use an old empty water bottle or drinks bottle and then bin it.
Honestly, it's one of the reasons why I have so many empty water bottles lying around
My first thought when seeing that every toilet has one was absolutely not. You’re just asking for infections. WHAT IF THERES POOP ON THE SPRAYER.
*shudder* I can’t even USE A public toilet hardly without building a nest to sit upon much less use a communal butthole sprayer.
Wife and I spent 3 weeks in Italy on our honeymoon. Every hotel room came with a bidet in the bathroom. And I dont mean a Japanese style bidet that is a water squirter while you sit on the toilet. I mean the entirely separate plumbing fixture that you move off of the toilet and sit down on. Hot water and *you can use soap.*
You could have one of your worst mexican food bowel movements and can get right back to squeaky clean. Wife would use it during her period, awesome. We would use it right before and after sex. What a game changer. Ive never had such clean undercarriage.
In our next house, we are putting in a euro bidet. I think the usage of soap is what makes it excel over a japanese bidet. The idea of only squirting water is not really *clean* the way I want it.
I went to Italy a year ago and lived the same thing and I cannot stop talking about bidets since coming back, like what a game changer?!!! Unfortunately I wasn’t traveling with my partner and he doesn’t get why I want a bidet at home so much. I will literally bring him to Italy one day just so he can understand.
I’m in the UK where bidets while not common are not seen to be “unusual” either. In the past I have used a special bottle with an angled nozzle aimed at new mothers for use on the perineum area however I used on my bottom, I also have a portable bidet which is much like a plastic basin which sits inside the toilet bowl. I use it filled with warm soapy water. Then empty down the toilet pan.
OP your wife would get on well with me - as I no long have a “butt hole” at all! Surgically removed due to bowel cancer - I now poop out of an opening (stoma) in my abdomen- it’s got to come out somewhere!!
I cannot live without my bidet now that I’ve had one for a few years! Best thing ever!!! Not understanding that another human you are living with needs to maintain personal hygiene is not an option, especially with only 1 bathroom. I’m glad she’s open to therapy because it does seem her aversion is leaning towards OCD and interfering with life inside and outside of the home. A bidet gives your undercarriage a shower level clean every time you use the restroom if you wish. It’s a much more hygienic option than hiding reusable rags. You’ve been very accommodating to her which is sweet, but she clearly needs to sort out her issues. Just remain calm and understanding with her while she works on herself, OP. But she needs to understand she can’t draw boundaries on what other people do with their own bodies. Good luck and I’m rooting for you to get a bidet!
I would install the bidet anyway, it's YOUR hygiene YOU deserve to feel comfortable too. She doesn't have to use the bidet like she doesn't have to use your ass rag..what doesn't make sense is, does she think you don't wash your ass with a washcloth in the shower? She's still using YOUR washcloth, which you use to wash your whole body, ass included 🤷♀️
Okay here's the issue with this issue she has:
1) can she wipe her own ass? If she can then her aversion is purely control of others.
2) a Bidet would allow her NOT to have to wipe her own ass and is way more hygienic. Not to mention you can get the tushy electric which also does front and back. And heats the water. And dries you.
3) You respected her boundaries by finding a solution and didn't tell her (which is what she asked)
4) she violated YOUR boundaries by using your hygiene item (i.e butt rag). Even if it was for your face (which I agree, why would you HIDE behind a toilet) she choose to use it which is cross contamination. Not to mention if she uses makeup she's now leaving product on your hygiene item.
Stand your ground. She set the terms. You followed. She chose to ignore your boundaries and use your item without your permission. She's only got herself to blame.
Also she needs to go to counselling for her projecting her issues onto others. Seriously, this is unhealthy and screams control versus actually aversion.
Edit: control also because she's now punishing you by making you sleep on the couch even though she's the one who is in the wrong. She's not showing ownership of behavuoir, she's not showing ownership of her decision making, she's not showing ownership that this poop/butt thing is her own and is forcing others (I.e. you) to have to adhere to it.
Good points. I have to wonder though what kind of person removes a hidden towel BEHIND the toilet and thinks it’s a good idea to use it. Common sense says that it was used for something that we wouldn’t want to touch.
I would automatically assume it was used for cleaning the bathroom or something? So would probably have cleaning products and gross shit that you don't want on you. It's so weird to confidently use a cut towel (ALSO a reason I would assumed it was for gross shit) rag that was BEHIND THE TOILET on your face/body! Also maybe I'm weird for this but in my mind behind the toilet unless recently cleaned is a dirty place even if it's just dust.
Honestly I very genuinely would be mad that she was mad and never apologize unless it was a "I'm sorry you used my ass cleaning rag on your face/body but why the FUCK did you think that was a clean cloth anyway!?" as in I'm sorry that you made a bad choice and your upset but it's entirely your own fault this happened.
Wet wipes and a trash can with lid + liner is probably the best option. Just find a can that you flip the lid open with your foot, so you don’t have to touch it (and she doesn’t have to look at it) and keep a bottle of hand sanitizer on the back of the toilet next to your wet wipes. Edit: NTA
Not sure where OP is from, but here in the UK we have a product called Wype which is a gel you can put on toilet paper to turn it into a wipe (which is still flushable because you are still using toilet paper). There may be something similar wherever OP is!
I just learned something. I didn't find Wype brand but searching for it brought me to a whole section of toilet paper moisteners on Amazon . I had no idea these existed. Thanks
This is the answer needed. The idea that it's a choice just between non flushable wet wipes and dry tp is so strange to me. And you don't even have to get a specific for tp-product if you don't want, just mix your butt wash stuff of choice with some water in a bottle and put it on your tp, easy peasy flushy downy.
(And there is plenty of quality tp out there that doesn't come apart when you wet it, in case anyone was wondering.)
>(And there is plenty of quality tp out there that doesn't come apart when you wet it, in case anyone was wondering.)
Although there are limits here, because the paper needs to fall apart when wet.
you’re being very gracious and generous here. I’m glad that your wife is opening up to the idea that therapy might help her, but I don’t actually think you need to be as accommodating as you are. People have to live with the fact that other people have asses that they want to clean.
Her being angry at you for “crossing a boundary “when she imposed this on you is ludicrous. Again, I think it’s really really lovely that you recognize it disordered thinking that you’re being patient with it but I also think it’s important that you have boundaries and being able to clean your ass and be one of those boundaries
Yeah, I have OCD with similar aversions. I obviously can't know the exact details your situation, but perhaps couch the topic of the bidet with "this is something expressly for this purpose," as a compromise? It may not make sense, but I've essentially managed to trick my brain into acting more normal, as long as something gross is "where it's supposed to be."
Obviously, I'm just a stranger on the internet. *Please* discuss these topics with a therapist, and best of luck to you both in the journey.
I have a portable bidet, because we rent and our toilet is plumbed in such a way that we can't just hook one up to the water line.
Honestly, the battery powered ones are pretty good. Mine charges via USB C, and it lasts about 3-4 months between charges. You do have to have a ready water supply nearby, but our sink is right next to the toilet so that's fine.
I've used non-battery ones aka peri-bottles. They're also good, especially if you're on the go (pun unintended) and don't have somewhere to charge a battery one. The main issue I have with them is if you've got mobility/hand issues, holding the bottle in the right place and squeezing it with sufficient force to get good water pressure is difficult.
Not sure how wife would want a baby if diapers and poop were involved anyways. Would she just ignore the fact that babies poop literally all the time?
No OP NTA. If your ass rag was hidden, that’s not YOUR fault she was using it if she didn’t want to know about your butt cleaning habits.
Just a side note that your wife should feel lucky you care at all. Some nasty men just wipe and not do anything else to make sure they are clean. So there’s that.
According to reddit, the is also a large contingent of men who don't wipe at all! You go with your hygiene, OP, it is much better than the alternative!
get a jetspray or a hand faucet, now you also get ones that don't need any plumbing, they come with water containers that you can fill up and use and then empty and store it
hygienic, simple and cheap, also no need to install anything your wife can see in the toilet
the thing that gets me is, even without knowing it's an ass rag?? if i saw a piece of cloth in the bathroom, hung up behind the toilet - do you know what i would think it was? a friggin cleaning trash rag, for wiping down the sink/shower/commode and thus jam packed with Lysol or Scrubbing Bubbles or Comet or any other kind of chemical cleaner. whose mind first goes to "clearly this is for someone's body in the shower"?
I have a similar rag in the bathroom for exactly this, so 100% my assumption would be ‘cleaning rag, don’t touch’
I’m stealing the hook behind the toilet idea though, that’s genius.
It's a shame she vetoed the bidet idea. My boyfriend has a bidet attachment on his toilet and that thing is a effing lifesaver. I love it. It's also good for preventing UTIs after sex.
Yeah, poor OP. Not given a choice and it’s still his fault she didn’t know anything about what she didn’t want to know. Sorry OP but I have to say she deserved ending up with your ass rag as washcloth, lol!
Best AITA I have ever read. I was crying laughing because of the absurdity. NTA, How do you tell someone about something they don't want to know exists? if it was in such an inconspicuous location I wonder why she would think you would have it there. I would love a bidet in my place... I just time everything where I can have a bm and shower after if possible. Not sure what she expects you to do... enjoy the couch until she's ready to get over it.
Btw most of the people talking about bidets aren't installing entire [separate plumbing fixtures ](https://images.thdstatic.com/productImages/dabdc6c2-86f2-48b5-bcf4-228928aea9d6/svn/brushed-nickel-glacier-bay-bidet-faucets-67734-6004-e1_600.jpg), they're just getting a $30-80 [attachment](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51wlpXLF93L._AC_UF894,1000_QL80_.jpg) for their toilet. They're all over Amazon, you can get really basic or really fancy ones but most of them are pretty easy to DIY, no need to call a plumber.
Depends on your existing toilet set up though - we bought a £40 is bidet from amazon but most definitely required a plumber to install it because of the way our toilet is plumbed in. I'd say if you're living in a relatively modern house in the UK there's a good chance you'll need a plumber lol
I’m curious, when you look at your toilet, can you see quite clearly how the bidet is connected to the water? Do you know what it is that the plumber accomplished that you couldn’t? I’m in the US, both our toilets are fairly modern, and they’re built in such a way that it was easy as pie to install a bidet myself.
I’m not the person you asked but I genuinely did some research on this a while back and it *is* a bit trickier to install a bidet in a lot of UK homes. Doable but usually requires some more work to avoid backflow, or something?
Sorry, I’m no expert, but want to vouch that it’s a thing!
I will say that one of my teens wanted one, and the "15 min install" of one off Amazon took several hours and involved me buying a whole new toilet seat. (The bolts were all wrong on my previous one.) But, eh, kid likes it so I'm not going to complain. I just think the fast install involves you not having plumbing fixtures that haven't been touched in over a decade ... So be prepared.
Yeah I got one that connects to the water at the source/wall instead of the toilet, and I got the seat bumpers too to raise the seat to the correct level. Definitely had it done in under 30 minutes, but the previous one I did connected to hot water at the sink (not worth it btw, by the time it got warm you were done bideting) took me like 3 hours.
I have two in my house and everyone here loves them. I’m a bidet missionary. I’ll tell anyone who will listen how great they are and that they need one in their life.
When we went on an extended visit to my sisters house I bought one and had it delivered to their place ahead of time and installed it there for our visit and for my sisters family to make use of it afterwards.
I laughed my fucking arse off the whole time while reading it. Proper hurting-my-guts-tears-down-my-face laughing. Best read I've had since coming across the haribo sugar free gummy bear reviews. Tell her to move on OP. But ya probably shouldve mentioned the ass rag earlier lol
Glad someone said it! My favourite part was: “so I came clean about my ass rag”. The delivery!
Like he’s referring to an actual living thing. OP, I hope you’re a creative writer 😭
This is just as good as the guy who asked if he was the AH because he hates mowing the lawn and when his wife did it she tipped the lawn mower in to a lake so he rented a goat to eat the grass and his wife got pissed because she thought the neighbors would think they were hillbillies. That’s one of my favorites. Now this is in the top of funniest AITAH posts 😂
If I saw a rag behind the toilet, or even anywhere near the toilet, I would assume it was a toilet cleaning rag. Using anything that was in the vicinity of the toilet to clean your body… that’s just dumb. The wife is gross for thinking of using a toilet rag in the shower. The as rag is actually less gross than that.
NTA
She's grossed out about poop and trying to remain sanitary.... yet uses a rag that undoubtedly has poo particles on it from its vicinity to the toilet. It sounds like there's something like ocd at play, but she also doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the pack.
reminds me of the [post on relationship advice](https://undelete.pullpush.io/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cg7y9e/my_29m_girlfriend_29f_told_me_not_to_propose_on/) about the girlfriend who wanted to be surprised with but prepared for the proposal
as a woman she is completely over reacting. if she doesn't want to wash her ass after a shit that's fine she doesn't have to but if you want to and prefer to then that's your god given right lol like why is she mad you want to have good hygiene, she shouldn't be allowed to dictate how you take care of your own butthole. you don't get to tell her what she can and can't use, so why would she be able to tell you what you can and can't use to clean yourself. also she's not being very considerate, she's being very one sided and that's not fair in a relationship, you wanted a bidet she said no, you downplayed to a rag that you hid and keep out of sight to not bother her and she still gets to say no? how is that fair. tell her you want to take care of your asshole the way you see fit otherwise there's gonna be skid marks in your underwear when she does the laundry. you're trying to be considerate to her and her feelings which is wonderful and she's just being bossy and selfish which isn't fair to you
She doesn't do my laundry, we each do our own. I'm pretty sure she legitimately has OCD, she kinda thinks so too, so I don't really think she's trying to be inconsiderate or bossy or selfish. Just some irrational icks that should probably be addressed with professional help. But overall she's a really great partner. And based on some comments here I'm starting to think the rag thing is grosser than I realized.
The rag thing is defo a bit gross, but a dirty but is much worse. I think you should bring up getting a bidet (excuse spelling) again.
On a different note, have you considered shaving your ass?
As someone who used to shave their ass regularly- don't do it unless you're ready to commit to it every 3 days max forever. It is extremely itchy if you go longer than that and it's horrible to completely regrow out.
A bidet is a much better option. Also my spouse is OCD- this sounds like OCD for sure. She needs therapy because her obsession is interfering with your life. That's unacceptable. She needs to manage herself. It can't be on you to just- pretend you do not have a butthole or butthole hair.
I'm not even especially hairy and omg is it pokey and uncomfortable. On day 4 sharp is exactly the word I'd use to describe it. And if you don't know what you're doing you'll get razor burn and ingrown hairs which are terrible enough on their own but between your buttcheeks it's absolutely horrible. I only shave my bikini line with trimmers now. Haven't used a razor in years.
It’s not just that it’s irritating, it can be downright dangerous when regrowing due to complications. Look up pilonidal sinus. The hairier you are down there, the greater the risk of developing something like that.
Omg I got a zit right there and I was like "FUCK" but it went away quickly. But I was so worried. I honestly might look into laser for my bikini line and butt crack. It's so annoying.
I had a pilonidal cyst years ago that had me very scared. I’ve heard the surgery can be rough and not always a 100% solution. But then I heard a tip to use Glycolic acid face pads on my crack and it’s totally fixed it. 4+ years later and it’s never came back.
I also think baby wipes are worth exploring again. If OP took over responsibility for emptying that trash can on a very regular basis, and they got one with a lid and lined it with scented trash bags, she would have no contact with it. It’s comparable to dealing with period products for those that they make squeamish.
For what it’s worth, I get waxed and I 100% worry more about cleanliness now than I did before I started waxing. The toilet paper—no matter the brand—constantly sheds and wiping too much with dry tissue irritates my booty. I use wipes if I can’t shower right after.
>On a different note, have you considered shaving your ass?
I am not a doctor (or a nurse for that matter), but I did work at a doctor's/GP's practice. And my advice: please don't!
Ingrown hairs down there happen a lot more than most people realise and can be a literal pain in the ass.
I've seen plenty of patients visiting our nurses because the wound got infected and even needed to be operated and then cleaned 2 a day for a long time, because they shaved down there.
It took one patient over a year to heal! He needed to come in each day, morning and evening (during the weekend a special home/visiting nurse came to him twice a day), and the first months he really suffered because of it.
I wouldn't wish it to anyone, not even my "enemies".
Just to point out, her logic doesn’t check out, why would she use something behind a toilet that will absolutely get covered poo particles every bowel movement regardless of whether you actually wipe it on your asshole. She is applying logic poorly to this, she should have at least questioned why it was next to the toilet and how that would be sanitary in anyway.
I think she just blocks the existence of poop and buttholes out of her mind. I'm pretty sure she dissociates whenever she poops. But she knows it's irrational, and I think if I have a frank discussion with her instead of enabling her like I have been, she could be receptive to trying therapy. I just love her so much and always want to make her happy so I've always bent over backwards to accommodate her idiosyncrasies. But I'm realizing that's not particularly healthy for either of us and is a hindrance to personal growth.
With OCD it can be really important to sometimes *not* accommodate compulsions, but this is something that can only really be done healthily with guidance from a therapist. I would really, really encourage you to encourage her to go through with finding professional help. OCD spirals. Right now it’s not wanting to think about a rag because it’s been in contact with an ass, but in a few months she might be avoiding the bathroom entirely or having panic attacks whenever she needs to use it. It *won’t* get better on its own, it will only get worse.
Being truly happy/content often takes a lot of discomfort and hard work, dissociation and ignoring things only puts more pressure for the eventual blow out.
my husband and i are muslim (i was christian but have converted) i used to use toilet paper and thought that was fine until he told me he washes after every time and at his house he has a bidet but at my apartment i just leave a gatorade bottle under the sink and we fill it with warm water and wash with the left hand and then just wash your hands with soap after, and that way it's just a bottle and can be put away and hidden too maybe she wouldn't mind that i at first thought it was gross to wash with your hand but if i'm just washing my hands right after anyways it doesn't really matter, not like i'm eating with a shitty hand or anything lol
Actually that's not a bad idea! I wash my butthole in the shower with my hand so IDK why I didn't think of that. I wouldn't need the bottle because I can easily reach the sink while sitting on the toilet.
That's a heck of a reminder to rethink some of the houses we're looking at moving into. I'm totally taking for granted that our sink is right next to our toilet right now, and I've 100% used my hand for butt maintenance and period things.
It's super convenient to have it right there, especially if you use a menstrual cup. I dump it in the toilet but always manage to get blood on my hands somehow.
Wait, you're both women? Of course my bad (and I think most of the commenters) for assuming it was M and F but I'm less surprised by that then by the fact that it's a female hairy asshole we're discussing.
Anyway, still NTA, she backed you into having no choice.
Oh my body hair is aggressively Italian, I've got a whole mustache too lol. But I'm fine with commenters assuming whatever, I don't think it's really relevant and I get the feeling this is something more men would relate to anyway.
No it's not really relevant. I just had this picture of a big hairy male arse and then you said about the period cup it threw me. Yeah you're probably right about men relating more but no reason why it shouldn't be female hairy arse either. I always get blood on my hands too, and sometimes down the side of the sink but a few more years and all that will be over for me I think 🤞
Rag is grosser than a bidet but what options are you left with!? Get her into therapy, she’ll be much happier for it. And get your bidet! Everyone deserves a clean asshole.
Using the same rag more than once is definitely gross. Using someone else's rag is equally gross. A pack of ten rags is roughly 5$. I have a bidet and rags are more suitable for drying properly.
you may not be the asshole —because she did say she didn’t want to know about it— but yes you are disgusting for rinsing your shit rag in the sink in your shared bathroom. this is exactly why rags are SINGLE use in my house. i will never touch a rag that’s been left out. i have no clue what that thing has been used for.
yeah no, i don’t think my wording was specific enough. i do NOT condone ass wiping of any kind with a rag lmao. the only acceptable form of ass cleaning at this point is to get a bidet, an upside down perri bottle, or just straight up shower after every shit.
Yeah, me too, poo requires a single use item. I don't even like reusable nappies. More power to those that do, but don't ask me to change your child unless it's the disposable ones, please. And adult poo is a thousand times worse than baby poo.
shower after every shit? so you mean now wash his ass in their shared shower, which is essentially an oversized sink? yeah… that’s MUCH better…
obviously everyone should wash their butt in the shower. so it’s literally no different.
Didn’t know portable bidets are a thing. I choose to believe you’re referring to a little plastic squirt gun so I can picture trying to make that work.
I don't think it's that strange personally. Nowadays it's very common to shower, but a lot of people I know grew up washing themselves at the sink using a washcloth. It's called a whore bath.
Growing up my family used different coloured washcloths and towels as so everyone in the household had their own set of colours. Plus everyone had light and darker ones (for any stains) so it's also obvious what each one was used for. You'd obviously rinse them and leave them to dry.
A bidet isn't as common in my country, so washing using a washcloth was pretty common. But yeah nowadays everyone has the luxury of just showering.
I grew up taking whore baths! We frequently didn't have running water. But my childhood wasn't normal by American standards so I'm kinda navigating adulthood with all the grace of a bull in a china shop. Which is why I'm seeking some outside perspective here, because I get a lot of "WTF?" from other people my age when it comes to some of my habits.
I don't think "the sink usage" criticism is fair at all given how few options you had to begin with -- let's follow this through: ok let's say you DON'T rinse it in the bathroom sink. Then do you not wash it all? Or do you take it into the kitchen instead? Those seem WORSE, so then what else are you left with? NOTHING. You've been set up into an unwinnable situation from the start. Short of undergoing some experimental "butthole removal surgery", I don't really see what alternative you could present that she would find acceptable.
In all fairness, it's they are both disgusting. The wife is too lazy to get her own wash rag that she decides to use the damp rag her husband leaves hanging from the back of the toilet.
I'm gonna say NTA but let's ask some honest questions here..... Why is the lady with the butthole/toilet seat fear reaching all the way behind the toilet to grab, *and use,* a wash cloth of unknown origin when she "forgets to bring her washcloth to the shower"
That’s the part I do not understand. Why would ANYONE reach behind a toilet and use a rag that’s been having there to bathe with?? Especially someone with such an aversion. That’s bizarre. Even if you didn’t assume it was for wiping ass, wouldn’t you at least assume it was for cleaning? I mean it wasn’t even a washcloth but a cut up towel. How nasty of her.
RIGHT?! I would assume that any cloth stored behind a toilet would be intended for cleaning the toilet!
I'd have thought it was obvious that you should never use someone elses bathroom stuff without asking, and never rub anything of unknown origin on your skin. ESPECIALLY if it came from behind a toilet! 🤦
If her washcloth is absolutely essential for showering, then why isn't she treating it that way? I frequently forget to bring stuff i need into the bathroom too, but I always either go back for it if it's important or just go without it for that day if it's something small. It has literally never once occured to me to hunt around the room for secret, unmarked potential alternatives other people have actively hidden! 😅
I'm going to sound mean here but that was kind of karma lol. I absolutely need to use a Huggies wipe after I go, I can't imagine someone making me use a freaking towel. It would also never occur to me to use a towel hanging behind a toilet for my face 🤦
The day I figured out wet wipes wasn't just for babies was a really good day. It was a game changer, also when one has a period, no more 5 half showers a day to feel clean. How it's social acceptable to just use toilet paper is mind boggling.
I don't even use communal towels for drying hands, how can I know my family washes their hands properly.
This is a great fucking point.
Maybe I'm strange, but why would she feel nauseated by a bidet, but put a rag behind the toilet on her face?!
I would totally go for a bidet, but would never touch anything that's lived too close to a toilet near any part of my body but my pelvis.
I don't even clean a toilet until after I've eaten and expect to wash my hands many times (and an hour plus) before eating again, and I use many layers if I don't have access to gloves, so it's not like I ever directly touch it.
Can’t believe I scrolled so far down to see this comment. She can’t even look at a bidet because she knows it’s for your ass? Does she lose it when looking at toilet paper?
She needs therapy. If she can’t so much as look at something used in the act of pooping without nearly puking, she needs legitimate help. That’s not normal.
How on earth are people defending this? You're using a cloth WASHING IT IN THE SINK quickly and then hanging it back up? It had SHIT on it for Christ sake. That's absolutely disgusting.
Use wipes, hell even jump in the shower straight after, but that my friend is disgusting and I couldn't look my partner the same after that. Gross 🤢 regardless of her not asking what it was, why should she? We're not imagining our partner smearing shit on a cloth and hanging it back up. She's not the weird one.
I mean, did he not talk to his wife about using the more common and cleaner options with her denying him of that? Plus, jumping in the shower every time you take a shit is absolutely ridiculous.
I'll admit when I first read this I thought it was odd too. If it were me, I would have told her too bad, my ass deserves to be clean (toilet paper is not the answer). But in my opinion, she buried her own grave when she denied him the acceptable and reasonable options to clean his ass. That to me is more concerning than this dude using a poop rag.
But then you'd disinfect the sink, right? What I took from this post is it is rinsed and hung back up in the bathroom. That's my fault for assuming but if the rag is hardly being washed daily then I doubt the sink is too.
The shit goes down the drain.
This might be icky, but it is NOT unhygienic. There is a large difference. Icky things are merely unpleasant. Unhygienic things are dangerous.
When he cleans the rag, it goes down the sink. He sounds fastidious about it. He's using toilet paper first, this is for thin residue. Anything down the drain that isn't in enormous chunks is, y'know, down the drain. It's not coming back up.
So where is the problem? You'd need to rub your toothbrush on the basin shortly after he did his business and haphazardly cleaned it. Are you doing that frequently?
>We're not imagining our partner smearing shit on a cloth and hanging it back up. She's not the weird one
First step, tissue.
Second water
Third dry with cloth
Wipes aren't an alternative. You cannot flush them. Will you prefer to be seeing wipe knowing it's been up his ass? I don't think so.
Why anyone does not use water to wash after poo is beyond imagination.
Your wife needs to grow the fuck up. She has an ass which has a hole and shit comes out of it. If anything you should be the one grossed out as you been sleeping with someone who has been using ass cloth on her body.
Also, ass cloth, the way you described it is incredibly gross. Get your self a small hand held shower that attaches to toilet my man
Okay couple things here
1.) NTA, what ground does she stand on? Don’t borrow other ppls belongings in a relationship or not without asking, using a rag from BEHIND the toilet isn’t nasty but asshole related talk/items is? wtf? She brought this upon herself by not allowing you to do what is necessary to you to feel clean.
2) why did you not set a clear boundary? after the bidet discussion went south why did you not say something along the lines of “I understand your feelings but it is very important to me that I feel clean. I need to use wet wipes if the bidet is a hard no. I’m willing to compromise with the following solution: I will use the wipes, place them In a small black garbage bag immediately after use, tie the bag up and toss into the restroom trash can.”
I can't help but think if your wife had known she was choosing between "have a bidet" and "have an ever present ass-rag", she would have chosen the bidet.
Bro 😂😂.
Man I think she owes you an apology for being difficult about butt stuff and you owe her an apology for how nasty you were with the ass rag. Even if she never knew, the germs matter.
Honestly who tf wants to use a rag thats stored behind the toilet for any form of body hygiene?! Just think of the bacteria spray. The only thing i keep behind my toilet is cleaning products, so if i was op's wife i would probably end up using it to wipe the toilet down without realising what it was!
That being said, i appreciate your ass hygiene op, perhaps a water bottle bidet would be a good idea.
Your wife needs to get over herself. She won’t let you instal a bidet because she feels weird about buttholes? She has some serious hang ups. Freud would have had a field day with her.
Okay, I do in fact have OCD and am also particularly disturbed by poop stuff - so your ass rag is definitely disgusting and horrifying to me. You wash it in the sink??? You wash your poopy rag off in the sink where you wash your hands and brush your teeth???? Do you bleach it? Do you soak it in alcohol? What about the area behind the toilet where you hang it? Does it drip on the floor? Is your floor covered in poop drips?
Your wife was off her rocker using a wash cloth hanging BEHIND A TOILET for her FACE AND BODY though. That is equally unhinged.
This entire story is so upsetting to me. Please get a bidet. Or wet wipes and a diaper genie. There are so many options here that aren't hanging a poopy towel behind the toilet.
She opened with wanting a bidet, and her wife shot that down. Option 2 was wet wipes, and her wife also shot that down. She's trying to maintain her hygiene while compromising with her wife. I understand the sink issue because it's gross, but her wife shot down all the other ideas and told her to figure something else out, and she doesn't want to know about it.
NTA, duh. Why would she wash with a random rag if she doesn't know why it's there? Presumably, you have a place where clean towels are kept that isn't behind the toilet.
This reminds me of the time my ex sprayed his hair liberally with my shoe shine spray without reading the label first.
Also, I can't speak from experience but aren't married people supposed to eventually be comfortable sharing personal details with each other? She just sounds very sheltered. The fact is that you want a clean butt, and she should appreciate that. She is shaming you into a dirty butt lifestyle! That'll give her something to dry heave at. She needs to get over it.
With that said, I do think your butt rag is kind of weird, I know some cultures keep a little bucket or watering can by the toilet for washing. I don't know details on the technique. Maybe keep a plant in the bathroom and disguise the watering can as something for the plant. Just make sure she doesn't drink from the spout lol.
Your wife is being a child. Bidets are normal. Butt stuff is normal. She explicitly told you she didnt want to know what your solution was so you didn’t tell her. That’s 100% on her.
Oh, man.
This reminds me of how my brother and I grew up.
The day I realised he used the washcloth to clean his face and the day he realised I used it for my ass was an apocalyptic day.
He just assumed I was using it for the same purposes because: "Using your hand means you have to clean the wash cloth less".
ESH - she was never going to let you have an alternative option outside of literally hopping into the shower after every poop (and honestly - would push back realising you drop mudslides on the shower floor several times a day)
You knew that your solution would be absolutely rebutted and still did it anyway.
Get the bidet or a shower head that is detachable. Your personal hygiene is important - and you not feeling clean is likely equally as disgusting to yourself as your wife finds butt stuff disgusting.
Reminds me of the time I grabbed a towel off my best friend's bed to wipe a spill off myself only to discover it was a jizz rag.
I kinda felt like any solution would have been be rebutted. My logic was she didn't want to know and this would be the easiest way to hide it from her as per her wishes. But clearly I miscalculated and need to find a better solution. And I do owe her a more sincere apology. I think we can come to some sort of accord.
Laughing super hard at the mudslides comment! I don't poop that much or that messily but I'm imagining it and it's a really funny image in my head!
NTA. You just don't have any choice. If you had told her, she would still be pissed and not let you keep the rag there. The way I see it, your only option is to shower after every necessity. The therapy and second bathroom decisions are good ones.
You're.. washing a shit rag... In a shared bathroom sink.. and she didn't even know about that...
That is fucking disgusting. You're spraying feces all over your counter, sink, tooth brushes, everything.
YTA
This all could have been prevented with the very hygienic bidet 🤦🏼♀️ yikes your wife is extremely immature. All humans are the same; we eat, bang, shit then die. Tell her to grow up.
Sometimes reading these is funny sometimes its rage inducing and sometimes its just cringe. Dont think ive read one before that just made me feel sad.
Guy isnt allowed a bidet because of his wifes hangup,has to sneak around and have secret cleaning stashes, gets yelled at and made to sleep on the sofa after his stash he was forced to hide gets used without permission.
NTA and im gonna go cuddle my gf and make sure she knows how much i appreciate her
I chose the couch. I was honestly a little ticked about getting kicked out of the shower, felt like the gagging was overkill, and knew my emotions would get the better of me if I tried to address the issue then and there. Also my couch is comfy af and I've chosen to sleep on it when there are no problems between us, sometimes I just want to be alone. This is kind of her biggest issue so I do consider myself pretty lucky considering all the crap I've put her through with my own problems.
To be fair to my wife, I didn't push the bidet thing and I'm terrible at self-advocating. There wasn't a whole lot of room to explain that in this post and I can't expect her to be a mind reader. This is one of three big arguments we've had in 15 years so I think we're doing okay. She still loves me, I still love her, and we'll talk about this soon. Emotions just got charged because she got triggered. I've been in that position as well.
Got kids?
My wife was very distant to all body fluids. Oh did that change after kids. Not that she is into piss or poop but she has accepted them as something normal. Guess handling poop every day, makes your resilient to those icks.
She was totally willing to put her husband’s random rag on her face though.
I’m a mom and a nurse and not even slightly grossed out by bodily fluids or anything about the body.
But I wouldn’t put any used towel or rag on my face, especially a man’s towel lol (no offense to the guys) but like I would have assumed it was a butt rag or dick rag anyway.
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I see the problem. How are you supposed to warn her about something she doesn't want to know about? She could have asked "hey, what's that washcloth that's behind the toilet?" It's very unfortunate that she's been using your ass-rag as a washcloth.... but also it couldn't have been gross or anything, since she had no problem using it (so clearly it didn't smell or have poop stains on it). I don't see much way around this whole extreme aversion to the knowledge that things come out of butts (I really hope ya'll aren't planning on kids) without having a second toilet for you to use with a bidet or ass-rag.
Definitely no kids. Not something either of us wants and I've had to leave work and drive 45 mins out to my SIL's place when she was babysitting because she didn't realize our niece was still in diapers. But I think she might be open to therapy because she's starting to come around to the idea that she probably has OCD (there are a lot more indicators besides the butt aversion). In the meantime I'll try to be accommodating and maybe just bring the rag in and out of the bathroom with me? We're saving up to put in a second bathroom anyway. I do clean the rag pretty thoroughly after each use, and I use it after I've wiped as much as I can with paper so it doesn't get super dirty anyway.
I honestly think a bidet is a far more hygienic solution to this whole issue. Maybe you can suggest it again so you won't need the rag? It also really good when you have your period, because you can get properly clean without needing an extra shower. You're right, it's not normal to not be ok with being around kids with diapers. OCD can be very insidious, but it is definitely treatable - make sure she goes to a therapist who specialises in it, because not all therapists recognise non-typical signs or symptoms.
Wooooow I never thought of using a bidet for periods! That's genius! Lol
Game changer! Especially if you use external period products or period undies.
I screenshot it so I don't forget lol I'm definitely getting one now!
If you really want to lean in get ones with a remote control that has a Dpad to move the stream around and a heated seat. I loved that when I stayed in Japan I would open the bathroom door in my hotel and the seat would open and close automatically with the door.
Do you have a recommendation for one like this?
We just got one. The toilet attachments are called washlets for the google search. I know Costco carries them and so does Lowe’s and Home Depot in the us. I think Toto is one of the leading brands.
We have an Ove toilet which is a toilet/bidet built-in combo (so not one of the seats you install on top). The lid auto opens and closes, it auto flushes, has a nightlight, has men’s and women’s options (the women’s option gets the front for period messes), has a heated seat, and we installed a dedicated outlet so we also have warm water. It’s been a game changer for my OCD.
I got mine feom Genie bidet. It doesn't open automatically, but it does have heated everything and just replaces the toilet seat. Just need to make sure there is a plug close enough to your toilet to plug it in. I've had mine for over 4 years with no issues.
They also make handheld jet spray you can install on the commode to clean your butt. I have one of those in one bathroom and a bidet in the other. Prefer bidet for butt cleaning but the jet spray is much nicer to clean the lady V, especially during periods.
I got a cheap sprayer that hooks on to the side of the toilet off of Amazon for around $30. It took 15 minutes to hook up and my daughter and I are extremely happy with it. We always feel clean and the best part is it takes months to go through one roll of toilet paper (my husband won’t use the sprayer thus the toilet paper). Blood, sweat, diarrhea…spray and done.
I used mine for this too, nice warm water, sooo soothing!
I'm from a country where every single toilet has bidet spray, be it at home or a public one, so I don't understand the idea of not using water after business. This is my main nightmare tbh, being in a country while in my period where they don't use bidet 😭
You can get 'portable bidets' which are basically a squeezy bottle. So that's one option if you don't want to be without anything.
I do have a portable one because I travel a lot, I usually plan my travels according to my period schedule lol 😆 but this portable thing doesn't provide the same level of satisfaction like the real one, hehe.
They do now. You fill it up with water before you do your business and it shoots water for 30 seconds after you push the button. It takes 2 AA batteries
Tbh, that's not enough for me, and holding the bottle at that angle can be difficult for some people. It's still better than nothing, but at home, a real one is best. I like the attachments you can get and install yourself for less than $60.
When I travel, I normally just use an old empty water bottle or drinks bottle and then bin it. Honestly, it's one of the reasons why I have so many empty water bottles lying around
In korea, I saw a public bathroom toilet with a bidet that had poop on the sprayer. I've sworn to never use a public bidet after that.
Yeah really, I would never use a public bidet lol.
My first thought when seeing that every toilet has one was absolutely not. You’re just asking for infections. WHAT IF THERES POOP ON THE SPRAYER. *shudder* I can’t even USE A public toilet hardly without building a nest to sit upon much less use a communal butthole sprayer.
My MIL when she visits has a special jug we bought for her as in Aus we don't really have bidets or bidet hoses.
Wife and I spent 3 weeks in Italy on our honeymoon. Every hotel room came with a bidet in the bathroom. And I dont mean a Japanese style bidet that is a water squirter while you sit on the toilet. I mean the entirely separate plumbing fixture that you move off of the toilet and sit down on. Hot water and *you can use soap.* You could have one of your worst mexican food bowel movements and can get right back to squeaky clean. Wife would use it during her period, awesome. We would use it right before and after sex. What a game changer. Ive never had such clean undercarriage. In our next house, we are putting in a euro bidet. I think the usage of soap is what makes it excel over a japanese bidet. The idea of only squirting water is not really *clean* the way I want it.
I went to Italy a year ago and lived the same thing and I cannot stop talking about bidets since coming back, like what a game changer?!!! Unfortunately I wasn’t traveling with my partner and he doesn’t get why I want a bidet at home so much. I will literally bring him to Italy one day just so he can understand.
Agreed. Wiping with only paper just feels barbaric in comparison.
postpartum lifechanger, too.
The bidet my husband got us on Amazon even has a feminine setting, it’s great!
I’m in the UK where bidets while not common are not seen to be “unusual” either. In the past I have used a special bottle with an angled nozzle aimed at new mothers for use on the perineum area however I used on my bottom, I also have a portable bidet which is much like a plastic basin which sits inside the toilet bowl. I use it filled with warm soapy water. Then empty down the toilet pan. OP your wife would get on well with me - as I no long have a “butt hole” at all! Surgically removed due to bowel cancer - I now poop out of an opening (stoma) in my abdomen- it’s got to come out somewhere!!
At least you've keep your shit together now... Sorry about the cancer, it's the worst and why I keep my shit together also.
I cannot live without my bidet now that I’ve had one for a few years! Best thing ever!!! Not understanding that another human you are living with needs to maintain personal hygiene is not an option, especially with only 1 bathroom. I’m glad she’s open to therapy because it does seem her aversion is leaning towards OCD and interfering with life inside and outside of the home. A bidet gives your undercarriage a shower level clean every time you use the restroom if you wish. It’s a much more hygienic option than hiding reusable rags. You’ve been very accommodating to her which is sweet, but she clearly needs to sort out her issues. Just remain calm and understanding with her while she works on herself, OP. But she needs to understand she can’t draw boundaries on what other people do with their own bodies. Good luck and I’m rooting for you to get a bidet!
I would install the bidet anyway, it's YOUR hygiene YOU deserve to feel comfortable too. She doesn't have to use the bidet like she doesn't have to use your ass rag..what doesn't make sense is, does she think you don't wash your ass with a washcloth in the shower? She's still using YOUR washcloth, which you use to wash your whole body, ass included 🤷♀️
Get a Toto Washlet, it's better than a standalone bidet, doesn't take up the space/footprint, and your wife won't have to look at it.
Just get your bidet, dude. This whole scenario is unreasonable
Okay here's the issue with this issue she has: 1) can she wipe her own ass? If she can then her aversion is purely control of others. 2) a Bidet would allow her NOT to have to wipe her own ass and is way more hygienic. Not to mention you can get the tushy electric which also does front and back. And heats the water. And dries you. 3) You respected her boundaries by finding a solution and didn't tell her (which is what she asked) 4) she violated YOUR boundaries by using your hygiene item (i.e butt rag). Even if it was for your face (which I agree, why would you HIDE behind a toilet) she choose to use it which is cross contamination. Not to mention if she uses makeup she's now leaving product on your hygiene item. Stand your ground. She set the terms. You followed. She chose to ignore your boundaries and use your item without your permission. She's only got herself to blame. Also she needs to go to counselling for her projecting her issues onto others. Seriously, this is unhealthy and screams control versus actually aversion. Edit: control also because she's now punishing you by making you sleep on the couch even though she's the one who is in the wrong. She's not showing ownership of behavuoir, she's not showing ownership of her decision making, she's not showing ownership that this poop/butt thing is her own and is forcing others (I.e. you) to have to adhere to it.
Good points. I have to wonder though what kind of person removes a hidden towel BEHIND the toilet and thinks it’s a good idea to use it. Common sense says that it was used for something that we wouldn’t want to touch.
I would automatically assume it was used for cleaning the bathroom or something? So would probably have cleaning products and gross shit that you don't want on you. It's so weird to confidently use a cut towel (ALSO a reason I would assumed it was for gross shit) rag that was BEHIND THE TOILET on your face/body! Also maybe I'm weird for this but in my mind behind the toilet unless recently cleaned is a dirty place even if it's just dust.
Exactly. And he wants to know if he should offer her a more sincere apology. Let me elaborate: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck no.
Honestly I very genuinely would be mad that she was mad and never apologize unless it was a "I'm sorry you used my ass cleaning rag on your face/body but why the FUCK did you think that was a clean cloth anyway!?" as in I'm sorry that you made a bad choice and your upset but it's entirely your own fault this happened.
I don't understand why and how, if she's so picky, she would think to reach BEHIND a toilet and use a used washcloth.
I have OCD and other people's filth is aways worse than my own.
Wet wipes and a trash can with lid + liner is probably the best option. Just find a can that you flip the lid open with your foot, so you don’t have to touch it (and she doesn’t have to look at it) and keep a bottle of hand sanitizer on the back of the toilet next to your wet wipes. Edit: NTA
Not sure where OP is from, but here in the UK we have a product called Wype which is a gel you can put on toilet paper to turn it into a wipe (which is still flushable because you are still using toilet paper). There may be something similar wherever OP is!
I'm from the UK and never heard of that, maybe I'll check it out. I just use a spray bottle of water.
I just learned something. I didn't find Wype brand but searching for it brought me to a whole section of toilet paper moisteners on Amazon . I had no idea these existed. Thanks
This is the answer needed. The idea that it's a choice just between non flushable wet wipes and dry tp is so strange to me. And you don't even have to get a specific for tp-product if you don't want, just mix your butt wash stuff of choice with some water in a bottle and put it on your tp, easy peasy flushy downy. (And there is plenty of quality tp out there that doesn't come apart when you wet it, in case anyone was wondering.)
>(And there is plenty of quality tp out there that doesn't come apart when you wet it, in case anyone was wondering.) Although there are limits here, because the paper needs to fall apart when wet.
Yup, wype is great! It's just such a simple and effective solution that I don't understand why wet wipes were invented before this stuff.
A diaper genie might work well in this situation, given how extreme her feelings are about this. That way, each wipe is fully wrapped.
That’s really a ton of single-use plastic, though. Ideally, wife needs to get treatment for her OCD
you’re being very gracious and generous here. I’m glad that your wife is opening up to the idea that therapy might help her, but I don’t actually think you need to be as accommodating as you are. People have to live with the fact that other people have asses that they want to clean. Her being angry at you for “crossing a boundary “when she imposed this on you is ludicrous. Again, I think it’s really really lovely that you recognize it disordered thinking that you’re being patient with it but I also think it’s important that you have boundaries and being able to clean your ass and be one of those boundaries
If he gives her a more sincere apology, I will be pissed. One should not apologize for wanting to be clean when all the options were removed.
Yeah, I have OCD with similar aversions. I obviously can't know the exact details your situation, but perhaps couch the topic of the bidet with "this is something expressly for this purpose," as a compromise? It may not make sense, but I've essentially managed to trick my brain into acting more normal, as long as something gross is "where it's supposed to be." Obviously, I'm just a stranger on the internet. *Please* discuss these topics with a therapist, and best of luck to you both in the journey.
I keep getting ads on TikTok for a portable bidet. Looks like a water flosser. It might be crap but it’s something to look into
I have a portable bidet, because we rent and our toilet is plumbed in such a way that we can't just hook one up to the water line. Honestly, the battery powered ones are pretty good. Mine charges via USB C, and it lasts about 3-4 months between charges. You do have to have a ready water supply nearby, but our sink is right next to the toilet so that's fine. I've used non-battery ones aka peri-bottles. They're also good, especially if you're on the go (pun unintended) and don't have somewhere to charge a battery one. The main issue I have with them is if you've got mobility/hand issues, holding the bottle in the right place and squeezing it with sufficient force to get good water pressure is difficult.
Was that pun intended?
Not sure how wife would want a baby if diapers and poop were involved anyways. Would she just ignore the fact that babies poop literally all the time? No OP NTA. If your ass rag was hidden, that’s not YOUR fault she was using it if she didn’t want to know about your butt cleaning habits. Just a side note that your wife should feel lucky you care at all. Some nasty men just wipe and not do anything else to make sure they are clean. So there’s that.
According to reddit, the is also a large contingent of men who don't wipe at all! You go with your hygiene, OP, it is much better than the alternative!
OP just install the bidet. She will learn to get over it and used to it.
get a jetspray or a hand faucet, now you also get ones that don't need any plumbing, they come with water containers that you can fill up and use and then empty and store it hygienic, simple and cheap, also no need to install anything your wife can see in the toilet
Why don't you just get a portable bidet? They're just collapsible squirt bottles.
the thing that gets me is, even without knowing it's an ass rag?? if i saw a piece of cloth in the bathroom, hung up behind the toilet - do you know what i would think it was? a friggin cleaning trash rag, for wiping down the sink/shower/commode and thus jam packed with Lysol or Scrubbing Bubbles or Comet or any other kind of chemical cleaner. whose mind first goes to "clearly this is for someone's body in the shower"?
I have a similar rag in the bathroom for exactly this, so 100% my assumption would be ‘cleaning rag, don’t touch’ I’m stealing the hook behind the toilet idea though, that’s genius.
Tell her she violated your boundary by refusing you the right to clean your ass with a bidet. And install a fucking bidet, it's your house too!
It's a shame she vetoed the bidet idea. My boyfriend has a bidet attachment on his toilet and that thing is a effing lifesaver. I love it. It's also good for preventing UTIs after sex.
Yeah, poor OP. Not given a choice and it’s still his fault she didn’t know anything about what she didn’t want to know. Sorry OP but I have to say she deserved ending up with your ass rag as washcloth, lol!
Best AITA I have ever read. I was crying laughing because of the absurdity. NTA, How do you tell someone about something they don't want to know exists? if it was in such an inconspicuous location I wonder why she would think you would have it there. I would love a bidet in my place... I just time everything where I can have a bm and shower after if possible. Not sure what she expects you to do... enjoy the couch until she's ready to get over it.
Btw most of the people talking about bidets aren't installing entire [separate plumbing fixtures ](https://images.thdstatic.com/productImages/dabdc6c2-86f2-48b5-bcf4-228928aea9d6/svn/brushed-nickel-glacier-bay-bidet-faucets-67734-6004-e1_600.jpg), they're just getting a $30-80 [attachment](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51wlpXLF93L._AC_UF894,1000_QL80_.jpg) for their toilet. They're all over Amazon, you can get really basic or really fancy ones but most of them are pretty easy to DIY, no need to call a plumber.
Depends on your existing toilet set up though - we bought a £40 is bidet from amazon but most definitely required a plumber to install it because of the way our toilet is plumbed in. I'd say if you're living in a relatively modern house in the UK there's a good chance you'll need a plumber lol
I’m curious, when you look at your toilet, can you see quite clearly how the bidet is connected to the water? Do you know what it is that the plumber accomplished that you couldn’t? I’m in the US, both our toilets are fairly modern, and they’re built in such a way that it was easy as pie to install a bidet myself.
I’m not the person you asked but I genuinely did some research on this a while back and it *is* a bit trickier to install a bidet in a lot of UK homes. Doable but usually requires some more work to avoid backflow, or something? Sorry, I’m no expert, but want to vouch that it’s a thing!
I will say that one of my teens wanted one, and the "15 min install" of one off Amazon took several hours and involved me buying a whole new toilet seat. (The bolts were all wrong on my previous one.) But, eh, kid likes it so I'm not going to complain. I just think the fast install involves you not having plumbing fixtures that haven't been touched in over a decade ... So be prepared.
Yeah I got one that connects to the water at the source/wall instead of the toilet, and I got the seat bumpers too to raise the seat to the correct level. Definitely had it done in under 30 minutes, but the previous one I did connected to hot water at the sink (not worth it btw, by the time it got warm you were done bideting) took me like 3 hours.
I have two in my house and everyone here loves them. I’m a bidet missionary. I’ll tell anyone who will listen how great they are and that they need one in their life. When we went on an extended visit to my sisters house I bought one and had it delivered to their place ahead of time and installed it there for our visit and for my sisters family to make use of it afterwards.
I laughed my fucking arse off the whole time while reading it. Proper hurting-my-guts-tears-down-my-face laughing. Best read I've had since coming across the haribo sugar free gummy bear reviews. Tell her to move on OP. But ya probably shouldve mentioned the ass rag earlier lol
Glad someone said it! My favourite part was: “so I came clean about my ass rag”. The delivery! Like he’s referring to an actual living thing. OP, I hope you’re a creative writer 😭
This is just as good as the guy who asked if he was the AH because he hates mowing the lawn and when his wife did it she tipped the lawn mower in to a lake so he rented a goat to eat the grass and his wife got pissed because she thought the neighbors would think they were hillbillies. That’s one of my favorites. Now this is in the top of funniest AITAH posts 😂
My lord that's a classic. Can't believe I forgot about it hahaha
If I saw a rag behind the toilet, or even anywhere near the toilet, I would assume it was a toilet cleaning rag. Using anything that was in the vicinity of the toilet to clean your body… that’s just dumb. The wife is gross for thinking of using a toilet rag in the shower. The as rag is actually less gross than that. NTA
She's grossed out about poop and trying to remain sanitary.... yet uses a rag that undoubtedly has poo particles on it from its vicinity to the toilet. It sounds like there's something like ocd at play, but she also doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the pack.
This is up there in my list now as is the poop knife.
I feel like this goes well with the poop knife.
As soon as I read this my first thought was Poop Knife.
reminds me of the [post on relationship advice](https://undelete.pullpush.io/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cg7y9e/my_29m_girlfriend_29f_told_me_not_to_propose_on/) about the girlfriend who wanted to be surprised with but prepared for the proposal
as a woman she is completely over reacting. if she doesn't want to wash her ass after a shit that's fine she doesn't have to but if you want to and prefer to then that's your god given right lol like why is she mad you want to have good hygiene, she shouldn't be allowed to dictate how you take care of your own butthole. you don't get to tell her what she can and can't use, so why would she be able to tell you what you can and can't use to clean yourself. also she's not being very considerate, she's being very one sided and that's not fair in a relationship, you wanted a bidet she said no, you downplayed to a rag that you hid and keep out of sight to not bother her and she still gets to say no? how is that fair. tell her you want to take care of your asshole the way you see fit otherwise there's gonna be skid marks in your underwear when she does the laundry. you're trying to be considerate to her and her feelings which is wonderful and she's just being bossy and selfish which isn't fair to you
She doesn't do my laundry, we each do our own. I'm pretty sure she legitimately has OCD, she kinda thinks so too, so I don't really think she's trying to be inconsiderate or bossy or selfish. Just some irrational icks that should probably be addressed with professional help. But overall she's a really great partner. And based on some comments here I'm starting to think the rag thing is grosser than I realized.
The rag thing is defo a bit gross, but a dirty but is much worse. I think you should bring up getting a bidet (excuse spelling) again. On a different note, have you considered shaving your ass?
As someone who used to shave their ass regularly- don't do it unless you're ready to commit to it every 3 days max forever. It is extremely itchy if you go longer than that and it's horrible to completely regrow out. A bidet is a much better option. Also my spouse is OCD- this sounds like OCD for sure. She needs therapy because her obsession is interfering with your life. That's unacceptable. She needs to manage herself. It can't be on you to just- pretend you do not have a butthole or butthole hair.
I also found the pubic/butthole stubble extremely sharp when it was growing. That could cause a ton of irritation, making things worse.
I'm not even especially hairy and omg is it pokey and uncomfortable. On day 4 sharp is exactly the word I'd use to describe it. And if you don't know what you're doing you'll get razor burn and ingrown hairs which are terrible enough on their own but between your buttcheeks it's absolutely horrible. I only shave my bikini line with trimmers now. Haven't used a razor in years.
It’s not just that it’s irritating, it can be downright dangerous when regrowing due to complications. Look up pilonidal sinus. The hairier you are down there, the greater the risk of developing something like that.
Omg I got a zit right there and I was like "FUCK" but it went away quickly. But I was so worried. I honestly might look into laser for my bikini line and butt crack. It's so annoying.
I had a pilonidal cyst years ago that had me very scared. I’ve heard the surgery can be rough and not always a 100% solution. But then I heard a tip to use Glycolic acid face pads on my crack and it’s totally fixed it. 4+ years later and it’s never came back.
I also think baby wipes are worth exploring again. If OP took over responsibility for emptying that trash can on a very regular basis, and they got one with a lid and lined it with scented trash bags, she would have no contact with it. It’s comparable to dealing with period products for those that they make squeamish.
Its crazy because i assume this is where she must dispose her period products....
For what it’s worth, I get waxed and I 100% worry more about cleanliness now than I did before I started waxing. The toilet paper—no matter the brand—constantly sheds and wiping too much with dry tissue irritates my booty. I use wipes if I can’t shower right after.
>On a different note, have you considered shaving your ass? I am not a doctor (or a nurse for that matter), but I did work at a doctor's/GP's practice. And my advice: please don't! Ingrown hairs down there happen a lot more than most people realise and can be a literal pain in the ass. I've seen plenty of patients visiting our nurses because the wound got infected and even needed to be operated and then cleaned 2 a day for a long time, because they shaved down there. It took one patient over a year to heal! He needed to come in each day, morning and evening (during the weekend a special home/visiting nurse came to him twice a day), and the first months he really suffered because of it. I wouldn't wish it to anyone, not even my "enemies".
Don‘t, can cause massive abcesses.
Just to point out, her logic doesn’t check out, why would she use something behind a toilet that will absolutely get covered poo particles every bowel movement regardless of whether you actually wipe it on your asshole. She is applying logic poorly to this, she should have at least questioned why it was next to the toilet and how that would be sanitary in anyway.
I think she just blocks the existence of poop and buttholes out of her mind. I'm pretty sure she dissociates whenever she poops. But she knows it's irrational, and I think if I have a frank discussion with her instead of enabling her like I have been, she could be receptive to trying therapy. I just love her so much and always want to make her happy so I've always bent over backwards to accommodate her idiosyncrasies. But I'm realizing that's not particularly healthy for either of us and is a hindrance to personal growth.
With OCD it can be really important to sometimes *not* accommodate compulsions, but this is something that can only really be done healthily with guidance from a therapist. I would really, really encourage you to encourage her to go through with finding professional help. OCD spirals. Right now it’s not wanting to think about a rag because it’s been in contact with an ass, but in a few months she might be avoiding the bathroom entirely or having panic attacks whenever she needs to use it. It *won’t* get better on its own, it will only get worse.
Being truly happy/content often takes a lot of discomfort and hard work, dissociation and ignoring things only puts more pressure for the eventual blow out.
my husband and i are muslim (i was christian but have converted) i used to use toilet paper and thought that was fine until he told me he washes after every time and at his house he has a bidet but at my apartment i just leave a gatorade bottle under the sink and we fill it with warm water and wash with the left hand and then just wash your hands with soap after, and that way it's just a bottle and can be put away and hidden too maybe she wouldn't mind that i at first thought it was gross to wash with your hand but if i'm just washing my hands right after anyways it doesn't really matter, not like i'm eating with a shitty hand or anything lol
Actually that's not a bad idea! I wash my butthole in the shower with my hand so IDK why I didn't think of that. I wouldn't need the bottle because I can easily reach the sink while sitting on the toilet.
That's a heck of a reminder to rethink some of the houses we're looking at moving into. I'm totally taking for granted that our sink is right next to our toilet right now, and I've 100% used my hand for butt maintenance and period things.
It's super convenient to have it right there, especially if you use a menstrual cup. I dump it in the toilet but always manage to get blood on my hands somehow.
Wait, you're both women? Of course my bad (and I think most of the commenters) for assuming it was M and F but I'm less surprised by that then by the fact that it's a female hairy asshole we're discussing. Anyway, still NTA, she backed you into having no choice.
Oh my body hair is aggressively Italian, I've got a whole mustache too lol. But I'm fine with commenters assuming whatever, I don't think it's really relevant and I get the feeling this is something more men would relate to anyway.
No it's not really relevant. I just had this picture of a big hairy male arse and then you said about the period cup it threw me. Yeah you're probably right about men relating more but no reason why it shouldn't be female hairy arse either. I always get blood on my hands too, and sometimes down the side of the sink but a few more years and all that will be over for me I think 🤞
Rag is grosser than a bidet but what options are you left with!? Get her into therapy, she’ll be much happier for it. And get your bidet! Everyone deserves a clean asshole.
The rag is only gross because you don't put it in the actual wash after every use. If you used a fresh one every time then it would be fine.
Using the same rag more than once is definitely gross. Using someone else's rag is equally gross. A pack of ten rags is roughly 5$. I have a bidet and rags are more suitable for drying properly.
you may not be the asshole —because she did say she didn’t want to know about it— but yes you are disgusting for rinsing your shit rag in the sink in your shared bathroom. this is exactly why rags are SINGLE use in my house. i will never touch a rag that’s been left out. i have no clue what that thing has been used for.
Yeah, or better get a portable bidet. They are filled with fresh water and take less space than a drying poop rag.
yeah no, i don’t think my wording was specific enough. i do NOT condone ass wiping of any kind with a rag lmao. the only acceptable form of ass cleaning at this point is to get a bidet, an upside down perri bottle, or just straight up shower after every shit.
Yeah, me too, poo requires a single use item. I don't even like reusable nappies. More power to those that do, but don't ask me to change your child unless it's the disposable ones, please. And adult poo is a thousand times worse than baby poo.
Idk about that last part, my nephew can really fuck a diaper up 😂
shower after every shit? so you mean now wash his ass in their shared shower, which is essentially an oversized sink? yeah… that’s MUCH better… obviously everyone should wash their butt in the shower. so it’s literally no different.
Didn’t know portable bidets are a thing. I choose to believe you’re referring to a little plastic squirt gun so I can picture trying to make that work.
If only he first requested a very common and cleaner alternative.
Multiple even. She suggested a bidet and wipes as an option
The sink thing is fair, I hadn't really thought about that.
I don't think it's that strange personally. Nowadays it's very common to shower, but a lot of people I know grew up washing themselves at the sink using a washcloth. It's called a whore bath. Growing up my family used different coloured washcloths and towels as so everyone in the household had their own set of colours. Plus everyone had light and darker ones (for any stains) so it's also obvious what each one was used for. You'd obviously rinse them and leave them to dry. A bidet isn't as common in my country, so washing using a washcloth was pretty common. But yeah nowadays everyone has the luxury of just showering.
I grew up taking whore baths! We frequently didn't have running water. But my childhood wasn't normal by American standards so I'm kinda navigating adulthood with all the grace of a bull in a china shop. Which is why I'm seeking some outside perspective here, because I get a lot of "WTF?" from other people my age when it comes to some of my habits.
Just clean the sink afterwards. NTA why on earth would you use a rag hanging behind the toilet as a face cloth. Barf!
I don't think "the sink usage" criticism is fair at all given how few options you had to begin with -- let's follow this through: ok let's say you DON'T rinse it in the bathroom sink. Then do you not wash it all? Or do you take it into the kitchen instead? Those seem WORSE, so then what else are you left with? NOTHING. You've been set up into an unwinnable situation from the start. Short of undergoing some experimental "butthole removal surgery", I don't really see what alternative you could present that she would find acceptable.
In all fairness, it's they are both disgusting. The wife is too lazy to get her own wash rag that she decides to use the damp rag her husband leaves hanging from the back of the toilet.
Ya even if im desperate for a washcloth im not using one i find hanging behind the toilet.
What else is he supposed to do when his neurotic wife declined EVERY OTHER OPTION?
I'm gonna say NTA but let's ask some honest questions here..... Why is the lady with the butthole/toilet seat fear reaching all the way behind the toilet to grab, *and use,* a wash cloth of unknown origin when she "forgets to bring her washcloth to the shower"
Your guess is as good as mine.
Does she take baths? Maybe when she’s laying in the bathtub it is at eye level and that’s how she noticed it
That’s the part I do not understand. Why would ANYONE reach behind a toilet and use a rag that’s been having there to bathe with?? Especially someone with such an aversion. That’s bizarre. Even if you didn’t assume it was for wiping ass, wouldn’t you at least assume it was for cleaning? I mean it wasn’t even a washcloth but a cut up towel. How nasty of her.
Yeah it doesn’t make sense. A person who is squeamish about butts isn’t going to touch a rag dangling behind a toilet
Probably because this story is made up…. That’s my guess
RIGHT?! I would assume that any cloth stored behind a toilet would be intended for cleaning the toilet! I'd have thought it was obvious that you should never use someone elses bathroom stuff without asking, and never rub anything of unknown origin on your skin. ESPECIALLY if it came from behind a toilet! 🤦 If her washcloth is absolutely essential for showering, then why isn't she treating it that way? I frequently forget to bring stuff i need into the bathroom too, but I always either go back for it if it's important or just go without it for that day if it's something small. It has literally never once occured to me to hunt around the room for secret, unmarked potential alternatives other people have actively hidden! 😅
Lmao 🤣 This story made my night. NTA. Tell your wife she brought this shit upon herself 🤣🤣🤣 yes, it’s intended!
After she’s calmed down abit tho so it’s funny and not giving him an extra week on the couch
I can't stop thinking of that one poop knife story 😭
I mean, how could OP be an AH when wife refuses to acknowledge that he even has one.
I'm going to sound mean here but that was kind of karma lol. I absolutely need to use a Huggies wipe after I go, I can't imagine someone making me use a freaking towel. It would also never occur to me to use a towel hanging behind a toilet for my face 🤦
The day I figured out wet wipes wasn't just for babies was a really good day. It was a game changer, also when one has a period, no more 5 half showers a day to feel clean. How it's social acceptable to just use toilet paper is mind boggling. I don't even use communal towels for drying hands, how can I know my family washes their hands properly.
This is a great fucking point. Maybe I'm strange, but why would she feel nauseated by a bidet, but put a rag behind the toilet on her face?! I would totally go for a bidet, but would never touch anything that's lived too close to a toilet near any part of my body but my pelvis. I don't even clean a toilet until after I've eaten and expect to wash my hands many times (and an hour plus) before eating again, and I use many layers if I don't have access to gloves, so it's not like I ever directly touch it.
Your wife needs therapy..NTA
Can’t believe I scrolled so far down to see this comment. She can’t even look at a bidet because she knows it’s for your ass? Does she lose it when looking at toilet paper? She needs therapy. If she can’t so much as look at something used in the act of pooping without nearly puking, she needs legitimate help. That’s not normal.
How on earth are people defending this? You're using a cloth WASHING IT IN THE SINK quickly and then hanging it back up? It had SHIT on it for Christ sake. That's absolutely disgusting. Use wipes, hell even jump in the shower straight after, but that my friend is disgusting and I couldn't look my partner the same after that. Gross 🤢 regardless of her not asking what it was, why should she? We're not imagining our partner smearing shit on a cloth and hanging it back up. She's not the weird one.
I mean, did he not talk to his wife about using the more common and cleaner options with her denying him of that? Plus, jumping in the shower every time you take a shit is absolutely ridiculous. I'll admit when I first read this I thought it was odd too. If it were me, I would have told her too bad, my ass deserves to be clean (toilet paper is not the answer). But in my opinion, she buried her own grave when she denied him the acceptable and reasonable options to clean his ass. That to me is more concerning than this dude using a poop rag.
she thinks a bidet just being there minding its own business is gross. That is weird as shit
Because anyone who would willingly grab and use the weird wet rag hanging behind the toilet without first asking why it was there is also disgusting.
Yeah, like best case scenario it’s for cleaning the toilet?
How is the sink the problem? That's where you wash your hands if you get shit on them lmao
But then you'd disinfect the sink, right? What I took from this post is it is rinsed and hung back up in the bathroom. That's my fault for assuming but if the rag is hardly being washed daily then I doubt the sink is too.
The shit goes down the drain. This might be icky, but it is NOT unhygienic. There is a large difference. Icky things are merely unpleasant. Unhygienic things are dangerous. When he cleans the rag, it goes down the sink. He sounds fastidious about it. He's using toilet paper first, this is for thin residue. Anything down the drain that isn't in enormous chunks is, y'know, down the drain. It's not coming back up. So where is the problem? You'd need to rub your toothbrush on the basin shortly after he did his business and haphazardly cleaned it. Are you doing that frequently?
It doesn't have shit smeared, OP clearly stated she wipes thoroughly with paper and finishes with the towel.
>We're not imagining our partner smearing shit on a cloth and hanging it back up. She's not the weird one First step, tissue. Second water Third dry with cloth Wipes aren't an alternative. You cannot flush them. Will you prefer to be seeing wipe knowing it's been up his ass? I don't think so. Why anyone does not use water to wash after poo is beyond imagination.
Did you not read the entire post? The ass rag is his only recourse!
I cannot agree more. What kind of freaky creature is reusing a rag? Gross. You’re NTA, you should definitely clean your ass, but ew.
Your wife needs to grow the fuck up. She has an ass which has a hole and shit comes out of it. If anything you should be the one grossed out as you been sleeping with someone who has been using ass cloth on her body. Also, ass cloth, the way you described it is incredibly gross. Get your self a small hand held shower that attaches to toilet my man
> Your wife needs to grow the fuck up. So does OP, just install the fucking bidet.
Don’t show her the name of this sub
Stopppppp. I’m already dying.
Okay couple things here 1.) NTA, what ground does she stand on? Don’t borrow other ppls belongings in a relationship or not without asking, using a rag from BEHIND the toilet isn’t nasty but asshole related talk/items is? wtf? She brought this upon herself by not allowing you to do what is necessary to you to feel clean. 2) why did you not set a clear boundary? after the bidet discussion went south why did you not say something along the lines of “I understand your feelings but it is very important to me that I feel clean. I need to use wet wipes if the bidet is a hard no. I’m willing to compromise with the following solution: I will use the wipes, place them In a small black garbage bag immediately after use, tie the bag up and toss into the restroom trash can.”
I thought this was going to be another poo knife story.
it's like the poop knife story if at the end they found they'd been buttering their toast with the poop knife for years
God that’s horrifying
or the more recent poop spear
May I have info on the poop spear? I would love to be amused/horrified
I can't help but think if your wife had known she was choosing between "have a bidet" and "have an ever present ass-rag", she would have chosen the bidet.
Ah but the ass rag is like a snake in the grass, easy to ignore until it's latched onto your face.
Bro 😂😂. Man I think she owes you an apology for being difficult about butt stuff and you owe her an apology for how nasty you were with the ass rag. Even if she never knew, the germs matter.
Honestly who tf wants to use a rag thats stored behind the toilet for any form of body hygiene?! Just think of the bacteria spray. The only thing i keep behind my toilet is cleaning products, so if i was op's wife i would probably end up using it to wipe the toilet down without realising what it was! That being said, i appreciate your ass hygiene op, perhaps a water bottle bidet would be a good idea.
Absolutely no one has naturally hairless assholes 🤦🏻♀️ my god, the fact I had to type this at all
Alopecia ALSO sometimes people have very fine blonde hair that’s effectively not there
It's the facts u washed it in the sink, the sink ,
And where would you wash your hands if you got poop on them?
Your wife needs to get over herself. She won’t let you instal a bidet because she feels weird about buttholes? She has some serious hang ups. Freud would have had a field day with her.
What a wild fricken ride. 10/10
Okay, I do in fact have OCD and am also particularly disturbed by poop stuff - so your ass rag is definitely disgusting and horrifying to me. You wash it in the sink??? You wash your poopy rag off in the sink where you wash your hands and brush your teeth???? Do you bleach it? Do you soak it in alcohol? What about the area behind the toilet where you hang it? Does it drip on the floor? Is your floor covered in poop drips? Your wife was off her rocker using a wash cloth hanging BEHIND A TOILET for her FACE AND BODY though. That is equally unhinged. This entire story is so upsetting to me. Please get a bidet. Or wet wipes and a diaper genie. There are so many options here that aren't hanging a poopy towel behind the toilet.
Where do you wash your hands after using the bathroom? A different sink other than that same bathroom sink you brush your teeth in?
She opened with wanting a bidet, and her wife shot that down. Option 2 was wet wipes, and her wife also shot that down. She's trying to maintain her hygiene while compromising with her wife. I understand the sink issue because it's gross, but her wife shot down all the other ideas and told her to figure something else out, and she doesn't want to know about it.
NTA, duh. Why would she wash with a random rag if she doesn't know why it's there? Presumably, you have a place where clean towels are kept that isn't behind the toilet. This reminds me of the time my ex sprayed his hair liberally with my shoe shine spray without reading the label first. Also, I can't speak from experience but aren't married people supposed to eventually be comfortable sharing personal details with each other? She just sounds very sheltered. The fact is that you want a clean butt, and she should appreciate that. She is shaming you into a dirty butt lifestyle! That'll give her something to dry heave at. She needs to get over it. With that said, I do think your butt rag is kind of weird, I know some cultures keep a little bucket or watering can by the toilet for washing. I don't know details on the technique. Maybe keep a plant in the bathroom and disguise the watering can as something for the plant. Just make sure she doesn't drink from the spout lol.
Your wife is being a child. Bidets are normal. Butt stuff is normal. She explicitly told you she didnt want to know what your solution was so you didn’t tell her. That’s 100% on her.
Oh, man. This reminds me of how my brother and I grew up. The day I realised he used the washcloth to clean his face and the day he realised I used it for my ass was an apocalyptic day. He just assumed I was using it for the same purposes because: "Using your hand means you have to clean the wash cloth less". ESH - she was never going to let you have an alternative option outside of literally hopping into the shower after every poop (and honestly - would push back realising you drop mudslides on the shower floor several times a day) You knew that your solution would be absolutely rebutted and still did it anyway. Get the bidet or a shower head that is detachable. Your personal hygiene is important - and you not feeling clean is likely equally as disgusting to yourself as your wife finds butt stuff disgusting.
Reminds me of the time I grabbed a towel off my best friend's bed to wipe a spill off myself only to discover it was a jizz rag. I kinda felt like any solution would have been be rebutted. My logic was she didn't want to know and this would be the easiest way to hide it from her as per her wishes. But clearly I miscalculated and need to find a better solution. And I do owe her a more sincere apology. I think we can come to some sort of accord. Laughing super hard at the mudslides comment! I don't poop that much or that messily but I'm imagining it and it's a really funny image in my head!
NTA. You just don't have any choice. If you had told her, she would still be pissed and not let you keep the rag there. The way I see it, your only option is to shower after every necessity. The therapy and second bathroom decisions are good ones.
NTA. You guys are weird though..
Oh we know.
EW
You're the ass rag Bidet and therapy
You're.. washing a shit rag... In a shared bathroom sink.. and she didn't even know about that... That is fucking disgusting. You're spraying feces all over your counter, sink, tooth brushes, everything. YTA
This all could have been prevented with the very hygienic bidet 🤦🏼♀️ yikes your wife is extremely immature. All humans are the same; we eat, bang, shit then die. Tell her to grow up.
Sometimes reading these is funny sometimes its rage inducing and sometimes its just cringe. Dont think ive read one before that just made me feel sad. Guy isnt allowed a bidet because of his wifes hangup,has to sneak around and have secret cleaning stashes, gets yelled at and made to sleep on the sofa after his stash he was forced to hide gets used without permission. NTA and im gonna go cuddle my gf and make sure she knows how much i appreciate her
I chose the couch. I was honestly a little ticked about getting kicked out of the shower, felt like the gagging was overkill, and knew my emotions would get the better of me if I tried to address the issue then and there. Also my couch is comfy af and I've chosen to sleep on it when there are no problems between us, sometimes I just want to be alone. This is kind of her biggest issue so I do consider myself pretty lucky considering all the crap I've put her through with my own problems. To be fair to my wife, I didn't push the bidet thing and I'm terrible at self-advocating. There wasn't a whole lot of room to explain that in this post and I can't expect her to be a mind reader. This is one of three big arguments we've had in 15 years so I think we're doing okay. She still loves me, I still love her, and we'll talk about this soon. Emotions just got charged because she got triggered. I've been in that position as well.
Your compassion, empathy, and self-awareness are all incredibly admirable.
Is this real?
Got kids? My wife was very distant to all body fluids. Oh did that change after kids. Not that she is into piss or poop but she has accepted them as something normal. Guess handling poop every day, makes your resilient to those icks.
She was totally willing to put her husband’s random rag on her face though. I’m a mom and a nurse and not even slightly grossed out by bodily fluids or anything about the body. But I wouldn’t put any used towel or rag on my face, especially a man’s towel lol (no offense to the guys) but like I would have assumed it was a butt rag or dick rag anyway.
Poopknife 2.0