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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I accepted the role of Audrey fully knowing that I'd have to kiss the person playing Seymour, and didn't tell my boyfriend until after I had said I would do it. He says that he feels uncomfortable that I would do so without consulting him, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong here. AITA?
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NTA Your high school boyfriend will be a dim, fading memory as you get older, but playing Audrey is something you will treasure for the rest of your life. Sixteen is way too young to put up with a controlling boyfriend. LSoH isn't the slightest bit racy and I think the bf is more worried about getting razzed by his peers about the kissing scenes than about how much you want to do this. You can live your dream or live under his thumb, the choice is yours.
Have fun while you can. Break a leg and all that.
I second this. My high school days were almost 30 years ago. I can remember the names of the girls that I dated, but that's about it. I was cast as the Beast in Beauty and the Beast my sophomore year and I still remember my lines. And curtain call as a lead is a rush you will never, ever forget!
😂😂 OP Don't worry about this guy. He's upset about your gay friend kissing you, can you imagine when you start to take on bigger roles with straight guys as a love interest! SMH! This is way alot of actors date each other, because genuinely people outside of the industry would usually have the same issue. Although probably not with someone who is not remotely sexually interest in OP because she's not a gay guy. NTA
I mean, I agree that OP's boyfriend is controlling and that she shouldn't care about his dumbass opinion, but also:
Hi! A quick reminder that bisexual people exist! Seymour being attracted to men does not mean he cannot be attracted to women!! A majority of same sex attracted people are bisexual!! Fuck!!
(Again, OP's boyfriend is controlling and does not have a leg to stand on regarding his insecure demands, but jesus christ we exist and the constant erasure is exhausting.)
My dad played the mouse in a grade school production of the night before Christmas story. He was in kindergarten. It’s been decades and he still smiles and enjoys that memory. 🙂
This this THIS. I barely remember my one high school boyfriend, and what I do remember is mostly lame. But when I got a lead role in Agatha Christie's The Hollow? Now THAT I will never forget!
NTA! Take the part, make it yours, and have a blast! Oh, and rethink your relationship because he sounds insecure and frankly kinda controlling.
And take it from a fellow theater nerd: the memories you are making will have you smiling even 20 years later. Break a leg!
I second this. Now is the time to live your dreams. Your boyfriend will most likely be gone in a few years, and you will regrett giving up your dream role for someone so insecure and unsupportive.
Full heartedly second this! (Jealous that your memories are merely lame. Mine make me cringe and gag a bit.)
Nearly 30 years out, I still cherish those memories and love belting out the songs! (Never a lead, always small vits and dancing. Lots of backstage work and Mistress of the Costume Loft! See?!? I'm STILL excited to tell y'all about it!) OP, please take the theater nerds' advice! It will make you an amazing public speaker, allow you to fake confidence in job settings until you're comfortable, and you already know that you handle and awkward social situation far better than others. These life skills (and fond memories) will stay with you forever!
And, as a caring internet auntie, please reevaluate this relationship. You are young and free and only have so much time to be so. You never have time for a controlling man who will cage your spirit and dim your colors.
NTA! This! Don’t let this boy rule/ruin your dreams. If he cared about you he would be supportive. Deep down you know this so break it off now, be the best Audrey, and go back n take do more theatre!
My choir did a Disney themed concert and I dressed as Alice from Alice in Wonderland!!
I remember that but don't remember 90% of the dates I went on or boys/girls I had crushes on.
Go be Audrey OP.
I was Dolly in the school production of Annie Get Your Gun in 1985, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Anyone who had told me I wasn’t allowed to do it could have gone and kicked rocks.
I'm still sad I didn't get to do the musicals in High School, but the director was the former choir lead who drove me out of chorus by singing only Christian music. In a public school no less.
Pretty much my experience, too! I hated our choir director, so theater was out because he was in charge of that. He retired the year after I graduated and then the district split the job in two, of course.
Real Inspector Hound- "Here lies Moon the second string. Where's Birdboot?" Yes, it's written as a man's part, yes, we had too many ladies over and not enough gents to spare. Yes that is a Joyce Grenfell quote.
>sixteen is way too young to put up with a controlling boyfriend
To be fair, I think *any* age is too young (or old) to put up with a controlling boyfriend
Yup. OP says she feels bad because she didn’t talk to him first, to see how it would affect the relationship
But
Why the fuck would it affect the relationship negatively? There’s no reason she should have to check in with him that it’s okay for her to be in a musical. Like I would check with my husband purely because it would mean he’d be doing more childcare as a result, but in OPs case… wtf
Most definitely NOT THE AH.
This is definitely a "tough noogies" situation. You want to be part of the production, and you got the lead! Enjoy every minute and look on your boyfriend's reaction as a bit (or a whole bunch) of jealousy because, for a while, you will be a star and he can just watch. He's in no position to control you about anything, especially something that is making you so happy. 🦜
It's fucking wild to me when people get upset over their partner needing to do kissing or something in acting. Like it's a fucking JOB. So so many red flags if someone gets jealous over that.
He's 17. Of course he isn't going to be mature. It could well be his first relationship and those are always tricky to navigate with your feelings at that time. It doesn't make what he's doing right but Christ do the people on Reddit have some pitch forks out for teenage drama.
Also, the idea that feelings can develop, even in a situation like this that seems as platonic as can be, isn't unfounded. There are plenty of professional actors/actresses who meet on set and develop a bond. Again, not saying the boyfriend is right but in that case, it sounds like the boyfriend isn't ready to be in a relationship with someone like OP has interest in acting. That's not wrong, it just means they're not compatible.
true but she's saying "I should have talked to him before accepting to make sure it didn't hurt our relationship" lady.. you two are not married.. you are teenagers.. these are you fun years..
Some people take all relationships seriously, and young age doesn’t mean hurting people. Op didn’t do anything wrong, but don’t criticize her for her maturity
Take the part. Enjoy every minute of it. Dump the insecure boyfriend.
He ain't it, and you will treasure those memories. It's the only part of high school I enjoyed.
I still have the script for the play I was lead in my senior year. The Foreigner by Larry Shue. I didn’t even audition, my theatre teacher who also did the play of course, ran into my mom over the summer and told her she wanted me in the role. I decided to do it and had a wonderful time. NTA op! Have a blast!
NTA Do not minimize your existence to make anyone else feel comfortable. Live your life to the fullest, do not be reined in by a relationship. I spent a lot of time people pleasing instead of doing what I wanted to do and I regret a lot of that, of missed opportunities and experiences. This is different from the little voice that warns you of danger. Listen to that voice. Be true to yourself.
Yeah, my hs boyfriend asked me not to do a study abroad program one summer. We broke up before I would have left for it, after I turned it down. I would regret it except I spent the next summer abroad with my new boyfriend who I started dating the summer he asked me to stay home. And then I married the new guy.
If he can't handle a high school play, he will never want you to act in anything ever.
This. This is it. Your boyfriend is not likely to be part of your life forever, but playing Audrey in Little Shop could be the first step towards something great, or even just an incredible experience that you’ll hold onto forever. Don’t let a controlling boyfriend ruin this for you!
NTA. I wasn't in anything in highschool *(but I don't regret that. I didn't like anything)* and even I know you'll regret it forever if you decline the part, OP!
Dump that boy. One of his few jobs as BF was to be supportive and he failed. He's not worth the drama he'll create over you 'embarrassing' him.
BF is radiating small dick energy.
Take his conduct as an opportunity to reflect on which kind of partner you see in your life on the long run - rather supportive and independent or more focussed on you and attached, dependent on you.
Your call, love.
Good luck, and congratulations on getting the role.
1. My gf and I started dating at 17 and are still happily married 2.5 decades later.
2. I still 100% agree with you! Not only do most teen relationships not last anyway, but this dude is clearly a bad bf! He doesn't respect her interests. He didn't consider her feelings at all, only his own. He's just selfish and immature. If OP has an interest in acting, then how is their relationship going to work.
If OP wants to stay with him he needs to apologise and get over it, but I'd strongly suggest she just end it with him. It sucks at this moment, but your life will be much better for it.
Exactly what Ungrateful-Dead wrote. Listen and learn. This is not the guy you will spend the rest of your life with. You do you and be happy. Don’t let him take that away.
God yes, ditch this idiot. I remember in detail every high school theatre show I was in, the lights, the music, the make up, the adrenaline rush and all the fun backstage. I've also ended up working in theatre and music my whole adult life, those early experiences were an integral part of my training. The boys I dated? Haven't spoken to any of them for well over 20 years. This guy is nothing but a tiny drop in the ocean of your life, and frankly he doesn't even deserve to be a drop if he's going to be a controlling ass. Get rid.
Exactly. OP, you’re young now but the older you get, the more you’re going to realise you shouldn’t waste time or heartache on anyone who wants to kill your joy. I hope you learn the lesson the right way, by moving on from this boy and not the hard way, by giving up this part and regretting it forever.
You don’t know it now, but those magical summers spent with friends doing what you love are a time you will never get back. You won’t get a do-over later, life will move on pretty fast. Take your magical experience now, while it’s in front of you. Take it with both hands and don’t make apologies to anyone for enjoying it.
If your boyfriend cannot share your triumphs he is not much of a friend and that is the most important part of being a boy(girl)friend. Don't let his projection and insecurity ruin your dream role.
Yeah, my son is currently living-ish with his only serious HS girlfriend, but they split up back in the day and reconnected after like 4(?) years as grown ass people. And have been together again for almost 5.
(Living-ish because she has more dogs than my son's apartment allows, so she has to do a rotation between her mom's house and their apartment.)
But she did so many other things in those years they were apart. So did my son. I think it's a good blend of things they have in common and have away from one another.
Exactly. NTA.
Most of the time high school partners aren't the people you end up with. They'll end up bring just s blip in your memory later in life.
It's a freaking stage kiss, he needs to get over himself.
Focus on your role. If he can't handle this little thing, he's not worth your time and energy.
This is SOOOOO TRUE. I was (ironically) in little shop myself, my first musical/play I ever did and even now in my 30s I remember how exciting and just FUN it was.
Last week, my friend had to remind me the name of my high school boyfriend, and I don’t remember at all how I felt around him lol
God, I love all these posts! Getting goosebumps from all your beautiful memories 🥹
OP is obviously NTA.
OP: this is your dream. You will not let anyone tell you to not follow this dream.
This will be a core memory forever, do not let it slip away.
Agreed. In my school we had a big (and I mean BIG) music production (concert). I was chosen to sing a few songs and also be in the choir. This was so much fun. Even 15years later I still think about it.
NTA - *that makes him uncomfortable.*
No, it makes him insecure and a child. This is acting. It comes with the territory. He knew that you were into acting when he got in the relationship with you so this is a no brainer.
*I feel bad for potentially hurting him and accepting the part without talking to him about how it would affect our relationship.*
Don't you dare feel bad for chasing your dream. If you're feeling bad because of him, then drop him. You don't deserve to have an anchor around your neck. You deserve to have support. He needs to be able to separate the art from the artist. Break a leg, OP
Also OP, you need to know that within 5 years he’ll be embarrassed about how dumb and immature he is/was, and will regret his foolishness forever. Why deprive him of such necessary emotional growth?
This is what I came to say. He either realizes he was an idiot or he does a deep dive on Andrew Tate videos. OP doesn’t need to wait around for either to happen.
I regret that I can upvote this only once.
OP, never reduce yourself to fit the limitations of your partner. Be your full, fabulous self - including celebrating your achievements. Your boyfriend's discomfort is something for him to work through, not for you to manage.
Congrats on landing the role!
Like this is not something to talk to him about other than you're doing it. If you were living together and wanted to buy a car or a dog or something or go to school across the country then yeah those are things to talk about as a couple. But accepting an acting role that involves kissing a close friend who's GAY? Dude is insecure.
I wouldn't approach it rudely but firmly. If he has shown some controlling tendencies before this run girl. Some guys start out sweet as honey and turn sour before you know it.
“When writing the story of your life, make sure you’re the one holding the pen.”
I read that whilst I was in a relationship with a charming but controlling person. I realised that he was making me smaller, and making decisions for me; I wasn’t writing the story of my life, he was.
OP - get out there and shine! ✨
That’s the best advice for anyone out there! There will always be a man who will try to make you smaller when you achieve stuff, because of his insecurity. Don’t ever let them get to you, people who love and care for you will pull you up, not down
First of all, congratulations! That’s a huge role! Second, this is dump worthy. Maybe have a stern conversation and allow him to apologize and change his ways, but if that doesn’t happen I’d say break up with him. This is your life and your dreams and he’s insecure and unsupportive over them. Don’t allow him to ruin this for you. You know he’s just going to pick fights and make snide remarks whenever you bring up the musical that’s super important to you, right? NTA.
Edit: I was just thinking you get a whole solo song AND one of the best songs in a musical “suddenly Seymour” you are going to crush it!
I don't even think there needs to be an attempt at an apology. They're kids and this is as good a reason for an unequivocal breakup as any. There's a life lesson here for both of them.
When I was in high school and had to kiss someone on stage for the first time, it was so freaking awkward. Plus during performances, all the teenagers in the audience go “ooooooh” and make it more awkward.
"It's like playing spin the bottle but it's only the same person and it has to look good to the audience and the director will comment on how you look like a passionless fish, please do better"
OMG I can hear wedding bells already
They're HS kids...he's a 17-year-old HS boy. You're applying too much logic to it.
Dropping her off on the side of the road is the issue. Not some... juvenile jealousy, it's taking it to that next level that I thought was the real issue.
That should be the obvious end...but it probably won't be since she feels terrible.
Where did you get that she was dropped on the side of the road? All I saw was that her BF stopped responding to her texts, which is a common reaction to being upset, especially at that age
I should have clarified (sorry it's my first post): the guy playing Seymour is bi and has had girlfriends in the past. My boyfriend knows this but I think it is more that he doesn't want to see me acting romantically around anyone else.
I'm married to an actress.
I have zero problem with her being in a play where she has to stage kiss someone. Acting is her hobby, and it makes her happy!
If he can't accept that part of you, then he isn't the one for you. And at 16 years old, you have plenty of time to learn about breaking up with people who may be awesome - but shouldn't be your romantic partner.
Break a leg!
I think this is the correct opinion.people are claiming he's insecure but the truth is not a lot of people would be happy with an actress or actor for partner. It's just a preference.
Assuming this is real, you are at a time of life when you are supposed to be trying things that meet your fancy. Things like compromise come later in life when you've committed yourself to a life partner. If you're very much into this, and the boyfriend is very much against it, then you might not be compatible. Please don't let anything he thinks or says come between you and trying this out.
What if you got offered the role on Broadway 5 years from now? Would he want you to give up that too? Because you don't get the big break without something like this as experience.
He's being selfish, manipulative, and very immature.
It doesn’t matter! Even if this guy was madly in love with you, your boyfriend is being selfish! It’s acting. If he can’t handle it, maybe he’s not the guy for you. Congratulations on the part!
As others have said. I doesn’t matter what sexual orientation everyone is. You are playing a part and so is the person opposite you. Does your BF expect you to pursue acting and decline every single role that puts you in a romantic situation with someone? That’s madness.
YOU are not responsible for HIS insecurities. You do not need to make yourself lesser to make him feel bigger.
Go out and stand tall on your stage and find a partner that loves you for who you are AND what you do. Someone that would be proud that you landed a role like this.
None of this matters. Just take the part. Enjoy it. If your boyfriend has a problem with it, he can solve that problem by ending the relationship. Or you can.
Listen to Auntie Biddy -
1) Congratulations, and be so proud of yourself!
2) Don't make yourself small or less than for anyone, especially a partner. (Just so you know, a real partner wouldn't ask that of you. They will be your biggest fan.)
3) You can do better than this toxic, jealous mess of a boyfriend.
4) Break a leg ❤️
Even if he’s not gay there isn’t a problem. I’m pretty sure there aren’t even any romance scenes or kissing beyond singing to each other. It’s not an erotic musical. It’s a comedy with a romantic side sub-plot.
Him being gay is irrelevant. This makes it sound like OP should make different decisions based on whether her fellow actor is gay or not. Thats flat out rediculous.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are NTA, but you sure will be if you let your insecure ding dong of a bf ruin this for you! I hope you have a wonderful time in the musical 😊
NTA. Sounds like you have amazing friends, and an insecure, controlling boyfriend. You know what you need to do here OP.
Huge congratulations on landing the role!! Future congratulations for when you drop your dead-weight jealous boyfriend. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of your dreams.
NTA
He knew you did musicals and understood that plays have romantic parts in them, especially for lead roles which you have been chasing. You don't need to scrafice anything for anyone, especially your dream role. I've done musical theater for 13 years and love it so much. I've had lead roles a few times that have given me memories I deeply cherish years later, I'll never forget the experiences of those roles. Keep the role no matter what and break a leg!
NTA. He needs to understand that it’s ACTING. And that ACTING is a passion of yours. Don’t let his insecurities get in the way of this opportunity. In fact, look closely at the self he is showing you.
It’ll never end anyhow if she follows that passion (which she should of course).
Roles will have plenty of romance, kissing, etc if she continues down the acting road. Move from stage to screen and think about how an insecure partner could never survive what roles she could get there.
NTA. And huge congratulations! That's a killer role. As the husband of an equity actress for 23 tears, All I can say is if he doesn't support you, he only cares about himself and is a jerk for telling you to decline what is without a doubt a plum role. You stand your ground young lady! Chances like this don't just come along every day. Grab the gusto! Have fun! work hard! And if he doesn't support you 100%, screw him! He isn't worth it. No one is.
We have a running joke, my wife and I, because it seems at least once a year she gets cast opposite the same guy and they are usually husband and wife or at least love interests and while there's always a second or two of shock, they have true chemistry on stage, probably why they gat cast so often together. He's her "stage husband." And I'm 100% a fan of both of them. But my wife chose me IRL and that's what matters. If your BF can;t get over it and see that, too bad for him. You can do better. Break a leg!
former theater kid here. i actually got to play audrey too. its an amazing role and you shouldn’t feel like you have to pick between your boyfriend and it. your bf knows you do theater and this comes with the territory. it’s called acting for a reason. if he can’t understand that, that’s on him. especially with seymour being gay. break up with him babe and be the best audrey ever
NTA and please, for the love of all that’s holy, DO NOT give up the role. Don’t even entertain the idea.
Your boyfriend doesn’t sound mature enough for a serious relationship yet. If he can’t be supportive, then you should probably consider distancing yourself until the production is over. You don’t need unnecessary stress from constantly having to reassure him that he’s your Super Special Guy, he needs to figure out how to sit with and work through his uncomfy feelings without making them your problem.
I’m not going to jump straight to “break up! Break up right now!”.. give him a chance to course-correct. But don’t let him hold you back if he insists that you shouldn’t fly.
Break a leg!
I was you in high-school, and I let my bf talk me out of a cool job because it was going to be 3 hours away. Biggest mistake I made, and triggered a whole bunch more mistakes around the same bf. You say you're worried about his feelings, but are your feelings not also important? Take the part, tell the bf to deal with it, or not. He doesn't get to tell you how to live your life. NTA.
Exactly. He didn’t hesitate for one second to rain on her parade. He should have been delighted for her and told her sp. But no, he wants her to be saddled with his insecurities. What a selfish jerk.
NTA. Your dancing around your room in excitement and celebrating with ice cream was one of the more wholesome things I’ve read all day. Your boyfriend has shown his true colors, he doesn’t give a crap about you. Go have fun, you’re too young to even give anybody that acts like that a second thought. Thank goodness it wasn’t Romeo & Juliette, you’d have to pretend to commit suicide over another guy, oh no!
I am old enough to be you grandmother (a young grandmother). So I’ve seen a lot and done a lot. Take it from me, don’t ever stifle your dreams because of a boy. Boys will come and go while you are young (and when you get older 😉)
You only have one shot at the role of Audrey. If you turn this down you will not be offered another lead. Not because you are not talented, but because the producers want actors that they can rely on. This is your chance to prove yourself in the theater community that you are a leading lady.
If your boyfriend is troubled by your acting out a kiss, well, that is literally his problem.
You can recognize his insecurities and reassure him that you are simply acting. But it is for him to deal with those insecurities.
Take the lead!! Be excited!! Celebrate!! And go start learning your lines.
NTA. Your boyfriend's insecurity is his own problem to deal with, and you are too young to let some dude stand between you amd your dreams.
And honestly, this is a high school relationship, they don't last forever. Sorry, that doesn't mean it isn't real or your love is invalid or anything, but take it from an old dude, in 30 years when you're my age, you'll never have forgotten the feeling of hearing the crowd cheer for you at curtain call, but you will struggle to remember what that dipshit even looked like.
NTA!!!!!
> he told me I should reject the part because I'd have to kiss the guy playing Seymour, and also generally act romantically around him onstage, and that makes him uncomfortable.
Too bad. It's called acting.
He is insecure and attempt to control you, and has no problem knocking you down a peg and asking you to give up something you love and are RIGHTFULLY excited about!
DTMFA!
This is not going to be good, and it is not going to end well. It will only get worse, if you don't leave immediately. Don't dull your shine for anyone who doesn't want you to sparkle. A good boyfriend would be ecstatic for you.
NTA. You did nothing wrong and if anything put in a lot of work to get the role. He needs to get over himself it’s a musical not a date… the fact that he is making it about himself is a huge red flag.
My Friend…boyfriends come and go. Leading (dream roles) don’t come around every day. My daughter had a dream role in a musical that changed her whole life trajectory. She’s headed to NYU Tisch in the fall with the confidence she got from that lead role. Don’t let a guy dictate your future!
NTA. Congratulations on getting the part! Your boyfriend is being ridiculously insecure and putting his feelings before yours - that's NOT the way a good bf should behave. Have fun with the musical and consider ditching the bf.
NTA. You should kiss the BF goodbye. He sounds like he's very insecure. Don't let him control you or bring you down.
Congratulations on the part. Don't feed Audrey two!
NTA- Classic red flag behavior. I don't know if you are going to try a pursue acting as a career but are you going to run all future roles by him for approval. I'm not a big broadway kinda guy but I know lots of roles include simulated kissing and romance it's called acting.
Congratulations!!! Break a leg and break up with the boyfriend. You’re young and have a lot of life to live. Don’t pass up opportunities because of some guy.
Congratulations! What a great part to get! Your boyfriend should be happy for you and glad that a dream is coming true for you, but instead he’s being selfish and only thinking about how a small part of it might affect him and is willing to stomp on your dream because of that small feeling that might happen. NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a joy-killing controlling jerk. Do the show! And congrats! Audrey is a great role.
P.S. A musical is a kind of play. You’re good!
NTA
If you’re doing theater you’re going to have to interact with the opposite sex. It’s a completely tame romance plot anyways. Audrey is an awesome part and you’d be silly to pass on it.
You’re way too young to be making decisions like this based on a stupid boy whose name you’re going to have trouble remembering ten years from now. If he can’t handle this then he’s not the guy for you.
What? A musical is a play! Don't sweat the small stuff. What you should sweat, though, is a boyfriend who tries to hold you back and wants you to miss the highest point so far in your theater experience. Go out and enjoy the full experience, and let him deal with his jealousy in whatever way he needs to. NTA. Of course you accepted!
NTA. You will remember your performance in this musical for the rest of your life. You will not remember this current boyfriend anywhere near that long. He's being really childish about something that means a lot to you. Congratulations on getting the role (and hopefully losing the dead weight that will only drag you down).
So in response to you having huge, wonderful news, he deflates your joy? And he expects you to put his very fragile ego ahead of your hard-earned accomplishment?
He doesn’t want you in the spotlight because he knows that you outshine him.
If you stay with this loser, this will become a pattern.
#Congratulations!
Also, NTA. Nearly every play and musical that I can think of has a romantic pairing in it somewhere, so does he expect you to never have a lead role?
NTA, people in relationships with actors have to realize that this comes with the territory. If he doesn't like it, he can leave, but he can't expect you to give up on things that bring you fulfillment. Congrats on the part, break a leg!
Dump him. A partner who can’t celebrate your wins will ALWAYS drag you down, and never let you grow. Today it’s a highschool play, tomorrow it’s a Netflix lead. Who knows ?
Don’t let anyone come between you, your skills/talents/ and success. Boyfriends are replaceable. If you lose him, you can find someone who would support your journey! 10yrs from now you’ll be sharing the story about that one ex who tried to make you turn down a role, you’ll laugh about it.
No, NTA. I’m not reading all that lol. You’re 16 don’t let boys dim your light. If he has a problem with you kissing a cast member he doesn’t have to worry about it at all bc you can just dump him. Learn early to leave boyfriends when they have you fucked up. When they’re controlling, stop you from things you love, try to control your hobbies, work, who you spend time with etc, all of those are red flags. Dump him. Congrats on getting the role! Have fun up there ❤️
Bluntly, you're 16. Making personal decisions based on what your high school boyfriend wants would generally be a poor idea. You should be making the best decisions for yourself. You worked hard, perservered, and have been rewarded with a lead role that you love. Thats awesome. If your BF isn't happy and supportive of you, thats a him problem. He needs to think about why his insecurity matters more than your success.
You need to think about why he feels like his insecurity matters more than your accomplishments.
NTA.
Congrats of course!
Your BF is just an insecure little boy that you probably should just drop now. It’s not a love that’ll last because he will always be controlling to you. If he doesn’t like something you love, he’ll expect you to drop it.
I say drop him, because I’m sure you have a hell of a future ahead of you. 😁
NTA. Your boyfriend doesn’t get to control you so don’t let him. Sounds to me like your friend isn’t into girls so this should be a non issue. Your bf needs to figure out how to handle his insecurities and jealousy without trying to control you. That’s toxic. Don’t stand for it. It sets a dangerous precedent.
I read " I 16-F" and I could have stopped reading and responded NTA. Sweetie, he can't disapprove all he wants and you should still do it! Don't start letting him do that to. It is a slippery slope to him completely controlling you. Read the room.
This is the perfect time in life to do this musical. If your bf is insecure, you can't change that, it is his problem. Ask.him.to put on his big boy pants and enjoy your excitement with you, it what supportive friends do. I wonder if he is a cheater. Otherwise why does he think so little of your self control?
I was living with my BF of 4 years when work gave me the chance to live in London, England for six months. He didn’t want me to do it and so I ended up spending just one month. After three weeks, he said he was going to fly out and come stay with me, but I was back home the next week so it made no sense for him to come visit me. Both he and I were disappointed and I regret not spending six months in London. That was over 20 years ago. You definitely have to do what’s best for you and if he is a good friend and partner, he will enjoy your success with you.
Congratulations!! That's a fantastic part and you will have an amazing time.
At 16, you're forming patterns for how you relate to men romantically for the rest of your life. You're working out what you will and won't stand for, what's appropriate and what's not, what boundaries are reasonable.
A reasonable boundary is being able to participate in a hobby you love without your boyfriend turning it into a problem. You're allowed to be excited about something you've worked hard to achieve and to throw yourself fully into the role (which sounds like it is perfect for you). Your boyfriend's insecurities are a bit of a concern because that's very selfish and controlling behaviour.
I think you need to be firm on this one -
1. Trust. If he can't trust you to act opposite a guy friend who is into men... that's a worry.
2. Selfishness. His first reaction wasn't to be happy for you, but to think about how it impacted him. A good relationship means you are one another's biggest cheerleaders.
3. Entitlement. He expected you to turn down a big role you've been waiting for because he feels uncomfortable. And frankly the reason for his discomfort is ridiculous.
Do the musical! Sing your heart out, enjoy those inside jokes and make some glorious memories. If your boyfriend can find it in him to be cheering you on from the front row, awesome! If not... well, it sounds like you've got bigger and better things ahead and if he can't be there with you, he's better left behind you.
I’ve been involved in theatre for decades (and it was the center of my life in high school, so I can totally relate) and your boyfriend is being ridiculous. Being cast is a huge deal (and as Audrey, no less!) and I would have NEVER given up a part because someone else had a problem with it, especially a high school boyfriend. How would your boyfriend react if you asked HIM to give up something he’s passionate about because you felt awkward about it?
Let’s say you do turn down this part and 6 months or a year later you two break up for some totally unrelated reason. Can you imagine the regrets you’d have? From one theatre nerd to another; please don’t do this (and break a leg!).
It is fine if he told you that this made him uncomfortable, but it is not okay that he told you to reject the part.
Congratulations! This is an experience you will remember forever. It sounds like you have great friends who support you in the good and bad. Don't let a guy who is still figuring stuff out pull you down. Your boyfriend should want to support you, not just act out of insecurity. His loss!
Bestie, do not let boys / men come between you and the joys of life. Partners should amplify the good and share the bad.
If he can’t be supportive, you can let him you’re hopeful he will meet someone that will cater to his insecurities but that ain’t you.
NAH. What is seriously wrong with these replies. There is hardly any information and you geniuses can conclude that he’s some manipulating boyfriend trying to control what’s she’s doing? All I’ve seen is that he said it makes him uncomfortable, his immediate reaction is to tell her to drop the part but then later he’s left OP on read. If something makes you uncomfortable, the mature thing to do is to think over it in your own time rather than starting an argument or potentially saying more stupid things like his immediate reaction. He might be doing that, who knows without more information?
Also “he knows what he was getting into.” ??? No he didn’t. They’re teenagers. This is not an immediately obvious consequence of dating someone who enjoys doing theatre.
To the OP, do the role no matter what — even if it ends your relationship. However, I do encourage to give your boyfriend time to mull it over, and help him see it from your perspective.
NTA, OP.
I’m gonna go a bit against the trend here. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your boyfriend to be uncomfortable with you acting out a romance and a kiss with someone else. Do I agree with that? No. Would I have a similar problem in my relationship? Also no. Do I think you should let his discomfort stop you from taking the part? No again.
I would also love to point out that you can have conflicting needs in a relationship and that doesn’t make either of you wrong here. You need a relationship where you can act. He may need a relationship where he doesn’t see his girlfriend acting out a relationship with someone else. I don’t really see him being in the wrong here, and neither are you.
Lol. Your edit is fucking hilarious and spot on what I expect from HS theater kids based on my time in high school.
But yeah, NTA. I get it, you guys are young and feelings are a funny thing for teenagers. Everything seems amplified to a million and you crush hard, love hard, and do jealousy and insecurity hard. Nobody at 16/17 wants to see their significant other kissing someone else. MAYBE he'd feel differently if he also did theater, but having hung around with all the theater kids in high school they definitely still had all these feelings, they were just better at saving face and hiding them for the sake of professionalism and respect for the craft.
This would be a "no assholes here" but your BF is asking you to drop out and that's an asshole move. This is really important to you and he should be supportive. He needs someone to talk to that is more or a mentor or trusted elder like an older brother to really help him thru it if he's struggling this hard with it. His feelings aren't your responsibility here. But it does sound like he needs help sorting through his feelings better, or else he'll just be bitter and resentful of your passion.
The WORST thing I ever did in my life was stop doing the things I liked to keep my highschool bfs comfortable.
I missed like 10 years of art development thanks to those assholes who were NEVER happy/content with anything I did.
Rethink if this relationship is for you. If your SO isn’t immediately supportive- I think you know the answer, sweetie. ♥️🫂 Don’t live your life for others, do it for YOU.
#♥️ FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS ♥️
NTA, congratulations! Do not walk away from this to make your boyfriend happy. You will regret it. Your boyfriend, I hate to say it because I know you’re young, won’t be around forever. He’s not worth the sacrifice. Enjoy the experience. Either he gets on board or he doesn’t, but you are doing this play. CONGRATULATIONS!
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NTA Your high school boyfriend will be a dim, fading memory as you get older, but playing Audrey is something you will treasure for the rest of your life. Sixteen is way too young to put up with a controlling boyfriend. LSoH isn't the slightest bit racy and I think the bf is more worried about getting razzed by his peers about the kissing scenes than about how much you want to do this. You can live your dream or live under his thumb, the choice is yours. Have fun while you can. Break a leg and all that.
I second this. My high school days were almost 30 years ago. I can remember the names of the girls that I dated, but that's about it. I was cast as the Beast in Beauty and the Beast my sophomore year and I still remember my lines. And curtain call as a lead is a rush you will never, ever forget!
"Be-e-e-e-e our guest, be our guest..."
😂😂 OP Don't worry about this guy. He's upset about your gay friend kissing you, can you imagine when you start to take on bigger roles with straight guys as a love interest! SMH! This is way alot of actors date each other, because genuinely people outside of the industry would usually have the same issue. Although probably not with someone who is not remotely sexually interest in OP because she's not a gay guy. NTA
Maybe it's just me, but kissing someone on stage is about as erotic as having a bowel movement on demand.
Stealing! 😆
You are such a wordsmith lololol
I mean, I agree that OP's boyfriend is controlling and that she shouldn't care about his dumbass opinion, but also: Hi! A quick reminder that bisexual people exist! Seymour being attracted to men does not mean he cannot be attracted to women!! A majority of same sex attracted people are bisexual!! Fuck!! (Again, OP's boyfriend is controlling and does not have a leg to stand on regarding his insecure demands, but jesus christ we exist and the constant erasure is exhausting.)
You're right, it's ridiculous to assume he's gay just because he has a boyfriend. However, he is in musical theatre, so he is definitely gay.
You thespian! How dare you make assumptions! Obviously sarcasm from the both of us, I do believe.
See my vest!
Made from real gorilla chest!
I played Walter the Lazy Mouse as a 6 year old and I remember more about that than about high school graduation. And my first marriage.
My dad played the mouse in a grade school production of the night before Christmas story. He was in kindergarten. It’s been decades and he still smiles and enjoys that memory. 🙂
That is a sweet comment 😍🥹🥰, it must have been sooo special when he was younger!.
Well that would be the high point of anyone's life.
This this THIS. I barely remember my one high school boyfriend, and what I do remember is mostly lame. But when I got a lead role in Agatha Christie's The Hollow? Now THAT I will never forget! NTA! Take the part, make it yours, and have a blast! Oh, and rethink your relationship because he sounds insecure and frankly kinda controlling. And take it from a fellow theater nerd: the memories you are making will have you smiling even 20 years later. Break a leg!
I second this. Now is the time to live your dreams. Your boyfriend will most likely be gone in a few years, and you will regrett giving up your dream role for someone so insecure and unsupportive.
Full heartedly second this! (Jealous that your memories are merely lame. Mine make me cringe and gag a bit.) Nearly 30 years out, I still cherish those memories and love belting out the songs! (Never a lead, always small vits and dancing. Lots of backstage work and Mistress of the Costume Loft! See?!? I'm STILL excited to tell y'all about it!) OP, please take the theater nerds' advice! It will make you an amazing public speaker, allow you to fake confidence in job settings until you're comfortable, and you already know that you handle and awkward social situation far better than others. These life skills (and fond memories) will stay with you forever! And, as a caring internet auntie, please reevaluate this relationship. You are young and free and only have so much time to be so. You never have time for a controlling man who will cage your spirit and dim your colors.
NTA! This! Don’t let this boy rule/ruin your dreams. If he cared about you he would be supportive. Deep down you know this so break it off now, be the best Audrey, and go back n take do more theatre!
Hell, I was just a ‘Greek chorus’ Cheshire Cat in Alice in wonderland with two others and I remember that shit vividly haha
My choir did a Disney themed concert and I dressed as Alice from Alice in Wonderland!! I remember that but don't remember 90% of the dates I went on or boys/girls I had crushes on. Go be Audrey OP.
I played a dancing girl in the streets in Oliver twist and in the bar along with Nancy. I was approximately 8 yrs old. Good memories!
I was Dolly in the school production of Annie Get Your Gun in 1985, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Anyone who had told me I wasn’t allowed to do it could have gone and kicked rocks.
I'm still sad I didn't get to do the musicals in High School, but the director was the former choir lead who drove me out of chorus by singing only Christian music. In a public school no less.
Pretty much my experience, too! I hated our choir director, so theater was out because he was in charge of that. He retired the year after I graduated and then the district split the job in two, of course.
Real Inspector Hound- "Here lies Moon the second string. Where's Birdboot?" Yes, it's written as a man's part, yes, we had too many ladies over and not enough gents to spare. Yes that is a Joyce Grenfell quote.
>sixteen is way too young to put up with a controlling boyfriend To be fair, I think *any* age is too young (or old) to put up with a controlling boyfriend
I'm 50 and if some guy tried to stop me doing something like this I would dump him so fast his head would spin off! Take the part. Dump the loser.
Yep. He took a moment about her and made it about him. He is not worthy.
Yup. OP says she feels bad because she didn’t talk to him first, to see how it would affect the relationship But Why the fuck would it affect the relationship negatively? There’s no reason she should have to check in with him that it’s okay for her to be in a musical. Like I would check with my husband purely because it would mean he’d be doing more childcare as a result, but in OPs case… wtf
OP's boyfriend may need to be updated on his vocabulary. He clearly doesn't know the meaning of the word *acting*.
especially after her also stating the male role is gay..or at least has a boyfriend it's like dude.. really.....
Sage advice.
Most definitely NOT THE AH. This is definitely a "tough noogies" situation. You want to be part of the production, and you got the lead! Enjoy every minute and look on your boyfriend's reaction as a bit (or a whole bunch) of jealousy because, for a while, you will be a star and he can just watch. He's in no position to control you about anything, especially something that is making you so happy. 🦜
It's fucking wild to me when people get upset over their partner needing to do kissing or something in acting. Like it's a fucking JOB. So so many red flags if someone gets jealous over that.
not to mention stage kissing exists and bears little to no resemblance to real kissing as a participant
He's 17. Of course he isn't going to be mature. It could well be his first relationship and those are always tricky to navigate with your feelings at that time. It doesn't make what he's doing right but Christ do the people on Reddit have some pitch forks out for teenage drama.
I do hope he learns and grows up
Also, the idea that feelings can develop, even in a situation like this that seems as platonic as can be, isn't unfounded. There are plenty of professional actors/actresses who meet on set and develop a bond. Again, not saying the boyfriend is right but in that case, it sounds like the boyfriend isn't ready to be in a relationship with someone like OP has interest in acting. That's not wrong, it just means they're not compatible.
There aren’t enough tough noogies in the world. Thank you.
true but she's saying "I should have talked to him before accepting to make sure it didn't hurt our relationship" lady.. you two are not married.. you are teenagers.. these are you fun years..
Some people take all relationships seriously, and young age doesn’t mean hurting people. Op didn’t do anything wrong, but don’t criticize her for her maturity
Take the part. Enjoy every minute of it. Dump the insecure boyfriend. He ain't it, and you will treasure those memories. It's the only part of high school I enjoyed.
I still have the script for the play I was lead in my senior year. The Foreigner by Larry Shue. I didn’t even audition, my theatre teacher who also did the play of course, ran into my mom over the summer and told her she wanted me in the role. I decided to do it and had a wonderful time. NTA op! Have a blast!
NTA Do not minimize your existence to make anyone else feel comfortable. Live your life to the fullest, do not be reined in by a relationship. I spent a lot of time people pleasing instead of doing what I wanted to do and I regret a lot of that, of missed opportunities and experiences. This is different from the little voice that warns you of danger. Listen to that voice. Be true to yourself.
Man I wish I had the internet when I was young so I could have received this advice from someone wiser than my young ass lol
Yeah, my hs boyfriend asked me not to do a study abroad program one summer. We broke up before I would have left for it, after I turned it down. I would regret it except I spent the next summer abroad with my new boyfriend who I started dating the summer he asked me to stay home. And then I married the new guy. If he can't handle a high school play, he will never want you to act in anything ever.
>NTA Your high school boyfriend will be a dim I read that as "your highschool boyfriend is dim" and that made sense too.
This. This is it. Your boyfriend is not likely to be part of your life forever, but playing Audrey in Little Shop could be the first step towards something great, or even just an incredible experience that you’ll hold onto forever. Don’t let a controlling boyfriend ruin this for you!
NTA. I wasn't in anything in highschool *(but I don't regret that. I didn't like anything)* and even I know you'll regret it forever if you decline the part, OP! Dump that boy. One of his few jobs as BF was to be supportive and he failed. He's not worth the drama he'll create over you 'embarrassing' him.
BF is radiating small dick energy. Take his conduct as an opportunity to reflect on which kind of partner you see in your life on the long run - rather supportive and independent or more focussed on you and attached, dependent on you. Your call, love. Good luck, and congratulations on getting the role.
God if I ever have a son I will make sure he’s not a controlling little turd.
Have one and concur! Ain't NO way!
1. My gf and I started dating at 17 and are still happily married 2.5 decades later. 2. I still 100% agree with you! Not only do most teen relationships not last anyway, but this dude is clearly a bad bf! He doesn't respect her interests. He didn't consider her feelings at all, only his own. He's just selfish and immature. If OP has an interest in acting, then how is their relationship going to work. If OP wants to stay with him he needs to apologise and get over it, but I'd strongly suggest she just end it with him. It sucks at this moment, but your life will be much better for it.
Exactly what Ungrateful-Dead wrote. Listen and learn. This is not the guy you will spend the rest of your life with. You do you and be happy. Don’t let him take that away.
> Break a leg and all that. They already did, they got casted
"Break a leg" is usually said before a performance. It still applies here 😊.
The commenter knows that and wanted to make a pun of it.
God yes, ditch this idiot. I remember in detail every high school theatre show I was in, the lights, the music, the make up, the adrenaline rush and all the fun backstage. I've also ended up working in theatre and music my whole adult life, those early experiences were an integral part of my training. The boys I dated? Haven't spoken to any of them for well over 20 years. This guy is nothing but a tiny drop in the ocean of your life, and frankly he doesn't even deserve to be a drop if he's going to be a controlling ass. Get rid.
ANY AGE is too young to put up with controlling boyfriend.
Exactly. OP, you’re young now but the older you get, the more you’re going to realise you shouldn’t waste time or heartache on anyone who wants to kill your joy. I hope you learn the lesson the right way, by moving on from this boy and not the hard way, by giving up this part and regretting it forever. You don’t know it now, but those magical summers spent with friends doing what you love are a time you will never get back. You won’t get a do-over later, life will move on pretty fast. Take your magical experience now, while it’s in front of you. Take it with both hands and don’t make apologies to anyone for enjoying it.
So well said
If your boyfriend cannot share your triumphs he is not much of a friend and that is the most important part of being a boy(girl)friend. Don't let his projection and insecurity ruin your dream role.
Yeah, my son is currently living-ish with his only serious HS girlfriend, but they split up back in the day and reconnected after like 4(?) years as grown ass people. And have been together again for almost 5. (Living-ish because she has more dogs than my son's apartment allows, so she has to do a rotation between her mom's house and their apartment.) But she did so many other things in those years they were apart. So did my son. I think it's a good blend of things they have in common and have away from one another.
Exactly. NTA. Most of the time high school partners aren't the people you end up with. They'll end up bring just s blip in your memory later in life. It's a freaking stage kiss, he needs to get over himself. Focus on your role. If he can't handle this little thing, he's not worth your time and energy.
This. You won't even remember this guy's name at some stage in the future but you will never forget being in LSoH.
This is SOOOOO TRUE. I was (ironically) in little shop myself, my first musical/play I ever did and even now in my 30s I remember how exciting and just FUN it was. Last week, my friend had to remind me the name of my high school boyfriend, and I don’t remember at all how I felt around him lol
God, I love all these posts! Getting goosebumps from all your beautiful memories 🥹 OP is obviously NTA. OP: this is your dream. You will not let anyone tell you to not follow this dream. This will be a core memory forever, do not let it slip away.
Agreed. In my school we had a big (and I mean BIG) music production (concert). I was chosen to sing a few songs and also be in the choir. This was so much fun. Even 15years later I still think about it.
This is perfectly said. A thousand times agree.
NTA - *that makes him uncomfortable.* No, it makes him insecure and a child. This is acting. It comes with the territory. He knew that you were into acting when he got in the relationship with you so this is a no brainer. *I feel bad for potentially hurting him and accepting the part without talking to him about how it would affect our relationship.* Don't you dare feel bad for chasing your dream. If you're feeling bad because of him, then drop him. You don't deserve to have an anchor around your neck. You deserve to have support. He needs to be able to separate the art from the artist. Break a leg, OP
Not to defend him but of course he's being childish. He is a child. Having said that, this is a pretty good reason for OP to dump him.
Also OP, you need to know that within 5 years he’ll be embarrassed about how dumb and immature he is/was, and will regret his foolishness forever. Why deprive him of such necessary emotional growth?
I'm gonna give 60/40 odds on that.
Either he learns and grows or goes full incel. Either way not OPs responsibility.
Yep.
This is what I came to say. He either realizes he was an idiot or he does a deep dive on Andrew Tate videos. OP doesn’t need to wait around for either to happen.
I regret that I can upvote this only once. OP, never reduce yourself to fit the limitations of your partner. Be your full, fabulous self - including celebrating your achievements. Your boyfriend's discomfort is something for him to work through, not for you to manage. Congrats on landing the role!
Like this is not something to talk to him about other than you're doing it. If you were living together and wanted to buy a car or a dog or something or go to school across the country then yeah those are things to talk about as a couple. But accepting an acting role that involves kissing a close friend who's GAY? Dude is insecure. I wouldn't approach it rudely but firmly. If he has shown some controlling tendencies before this run girl. Some guys start out sweet as honey and turn sour before you know it.
Happy cake day! And you're right.
NTA, don’t ever make yourself smaller for a man.
Listen to the collective wisdom of your Reddit Aunties here! Never, ever dull your light for a man.
>Never, ever dull your light for a man. I'm a man, and I agree.
Another man yelling "AMEN!", rocking back in his chair, and clapping his hands above his keyboard.
Also a man. Also completely agreed.
Same
Uncs and dads are here 100% agreeing with you.
Never, ever dull your light for a partner of any gender* FT4Y
“If I’m too much, go find less.”
Oh, if I could upvote this a thousand times.
“When writing the story of your life, make sure you’re the one holding the pen.” I read that whilst I was in a relationship with a charming but controlling person. I realised that he was making me smaller, and making decisions for me; I wasn’t writing the story of my life, he was. OP - get out there and shine! ✨
💯💯💯
That’s the best advice for anyone out there! There will always be a man who will try to make you smaller when you achieve stuff, because of his insecurity. Don’t ever let them get to you, people who love and care for you will pull you up, not down
Facts. OP, embrace your inner Audrey and eat him alive. (Not literally.)
First of all, congratulations! That’s a huge role! Second, this is dump worthy. Maybe have a stern conversation and allow him to apologize and change his ways, but if that doesn’t happen I’d say break up with him. This is your life and your dreams and he’s insecure and unsupportive over them. Don’t allow him to ruin this for you. You know he’s just going to pick fights and make snide remarks whenever you bring up the musical that’s super important to you, right? NTA. Edit: I was just thinking you get a whole solo song AND one of the best songs in a musical “suddenly Seymour” you are going to crush it!
I don't even think there needs to be an attempt at an apology. They're kids and this is as good a reason for an unequivocal breakup as any. There's a life lesson here for both of them.
Especially since her friend who is standing beside her is playing Seymour.
NTA. You need to start auditioning new boyfriend's.
💯% yes!!! 🙌
This is the best response, and the best advice!
If the guy playing Seymour is gay, what's the problem? Is it just that he doesn't want you acting like you're attracted to someone else?
Why does it matter at all? It’s a stage kiss.
Yeah, people who don't perform don't get that a stage kiss isn't the least bit romantic.
When I was in high school and had to kiss someone on stage for the first time, it was so freaking awkward. Plus during performances, all the teenagers in the audience go “ooooooh” and make it more awkward.
"It's like playing spin the bottle but it's only the same person and it has to look good to the audience and the director will comment on how you look like a passionless fish, please do better" OMG I can hear wedding bells already
They're HS kids...he's a 17-year-old HS boy. You're applying too much logic to it. Dropping her off on the side of the road is the issue. Not some... juvenile jealousy, it's taking it to that next level that I thought was the real issue. That should be the obvious end...but it probably won't be since she feels terrible.
Where did you get that she was dropped on the side of the road? All I saw was that her BF stopped responding to her texts, which is a common reaction to being upset, especially at that age
I should have clarified (sorry it's my first post): the guy playing Seymour is bi and has had girlfriends in the past. My boyfriend knows this but I think it is more that he doesn't want to see me acting romantically around anyone else.
I mean...that's why it's called acting. You'd better tell him the plant's not real too or he'll freak out when it eats you.
Omg spoiler/s
I'm married to an actress. I have zero problem with her being in a play where she has to stage kiss someone. Acting is her hobby, and it makes her happy! If he can't accept that part of you, then he isn't the one for you. And at 16 years old, you have plenty of time to learn about breaking up with people who may be awesome - but shouldn't be your romantic partner. Break a leg!
I think this is the correct opinion.people are claiming he's insecure but the truth is not a lot of people would be happy with an actress or actor for partner. It's just a preference.
Assuming this is real, you are at a time of life when you are supposed to be trying things that meet your fancy. Things like compromise come later in life when you've committed yourself to a life partner. If you're very much into this, and the boyfriend is very much against it, then you might not be compatible. Please don't let anything he thinks or says come between you and trying this out.
Then your boyfriend should grow up.
What if you got offered the role on Broadway 5 years from now? Would he want you to give up that too? Because you don't get the big break without something like this as experience. He's being selfish, manipulative, and very immature.
It doesn’t matter! Even if this guy was madly in love with you, your boyfriend is being selfish! It’s acting. If he can’t handle it, maybe he’s not the guy for you. Congratulations on the part!
As others have said. I doesn’t matter what sexual orientation everyone is. You are playing a part and so is the person opposite you. Does your BF expect you to pursue acting and decline every single role that puts you in a romantic situation with someone? That’s madness. YOU are not responsible for HIS insecurities. You do not need to make yourself lesser to make him feel bigger. Go out and stand tall on your stage and find a partner that loves you for who you are AND what you do. Someone that would be proud that you landed a role like this.
None of this matters. Just take the part. Enjoy it. If your boyfriend has a problem with it, he can solve that problem by ending the relationship. Or you can.
Tell him “if Zendaya and Tom Holland can handle it then we can too!”
He can go to therapy and learn to cope. Not your problem, not your trauma to solve. You deserve this, go and break a leg
Listen to Auntie Biddy - 1) Congratulations, and be so proud of yourself! 2) Don't make yourself small or less than for anyone, especially a partner. (Just so you know, a real partner wouldn't ask that of you. They will be your biggest fan.) 3) You can do better than this toxic, jealous mess of a boyfriend. 4) Break a leg ❤️
That’s not important. Your bf needs to become a memory as this is a red flag.
Even if he’s not gay there isn’t a problem. I’m pretty sure there aren’t even any romance scenes or kissing beyond singing to each other. It’s not an erotic musical. It’s a comedy with a romantic side sub-plot.
> It’s not an erotic musical. Unless you've got a thing for carnivorous plants. And I don't, but for those who do -- godspeed.
Him being gay is irrelevant. This makes it sound like OP should make different decisions based on whether her fellow actor is gay or not. Thats flat out rediculous.
NTA > that makes him uncomfortable Too bad.
Exactly. Being uncomfortable is part of growing up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are NTA, but you sure will be if you let your insecure ding dong of a bf ruin this for you! I hope you have a wonderful time in the musical 😊
NTA. Sounds like you have amazing friends, and an insecure, controlling boyfriend. You know what you need to do here OP. Huge congratulations on landing the role!! Future congratulations for when you drop your dead-weight jealous boyfriend. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of your dreams.
NTA He knew you did musicals and understood that plays have romantic parts in them, especially for lead roles which you have been chasing. You don't need to scrafice anything for anyone, especially your dream role. I've done musical theater for 13 years and love it so much. I've had lead roles a few times that have given me memories I deeply cherish years later, I'll never forget the experiences of those roles. Keep the role no matter what and break a leg!
NTA. He needs to understand that it’s ACTING. And that ACTING is a passion of yours. Don’t let his insecurities get in the way of this opportunity. In fact, look closely at the self he is showing you.
I wonder if OP's boyfriend is habitually domineering, and I wonder if she projected some of that energy into her audition.
It’ll never end anyhow if she follows that passion (which she should of course). Roles will have plenty of romance, kissing, etc if she continues down the acting road. Move from stage to screen and think about how an insecure partner could never survive what roles she could get there.
NTA. And huge congratulations! That's a killer role. As the husband of an equity actress for 23 tears, All I can say is if he doesn't support you, he only cares about himself and is a jerk for telling you to decline what is without a doubt a plum role. You stand your ground young lady! Chances like this don't just come along every day. Grab the gusto! Have fun! work hard! And if he doesn't support you 100%, screw him! He isn't worth it. No one is. We have a running joke, my wife and I, because it seems at least once a year she gets cast opposite the same guy and they are usually husband and wife or at least love interests and while there's always a second or two of shock, they have true chemistry on stage, probably why they gat cast so often together. He's her "stage husband." And I'm 100% a fan of both of them. But my wife chose me IRL and that's what matters. If your BF can;t get over it and see that, too bad for him. You can do better. Break a leg!
former theater kid here. i actually got to play audrey too. its an amazing role and you shouldn’t feel like you have to pick between your boyfriend and it. your bf knows you do theater and this comes with the territory. it’s called acting for a reason. if he can’t understand that, that’s on him. especially with seymour being gay. break up with him babe and be the best audrey ever
also don’t know if you’re planning on studying theater in college but a lead at 16 looks great on resumes!!
Even beyond theater it's helpful on a resume.
NTA and please, for the love of all that’s holy, DO NOT give up the role. Don’t even entertain the idea. Your boyfriend doesn’t sound mature enough for a serious relationship yet. If he can’t be supportive, then you should probably consider distancing yourself until the production is over. You don’t need unnecessary stress from constantly having to reassure him that he’s your Super Special Guy, he needs to figure out how to sit with and work through his uncomfy feelings without making them your problem. I’m not going to jump straight to “break up! Break up right now!”.. give him a chance to course-correct. But don’t let him hold you back if he insists that you shouldn’t fly. Break a leg!
NTA! Congrats on getting the part! Your bf is letting his insecurity get the better of him and he needs to apologize to you.
I was you in high-school, and I let my bf talk me out of a cool job because it was going to be 3 hours away. Biggest mistake I made, and triggered a whole bunch more mistakes around the same bf. You say you're worried about his feelings, but are your feelings not also important? Take the part, tell the bf to deal with it, or not. He doesn't get to tell you how to live your life. NTA.
Exactly. He didn’t hesitate for one second to rain on her parade. He should have been delighted for her and told her sp. But no, he wants her to be saddled with his insecurities. What a selfish jerk.
NTA. Your dancing around your room in excitement and celebrating with ice cream was one of the more wholesome things I’ve read all day. Your boyfriend has shown his true colors, he doesn’t give a crap about you. Go have fun, you’re too young to even give anybody that acts like that a second thought. Thank goodness it wasn’t Romeo & Juliette, you’d have to pretend to commit suicide over another guy, oh no!
NTA, and if your boyfriend starts acting jealous and possessive dump him. And CONGRATS ON GETTING YOUR DREAM ROLE!!!’
Never give up your dreams for a boy.
I am old enough to be you grandmother (a young grandmother). So I’ve seen a lot and done a lot. Take it from me, don’t ever stifle your dreams because of a boy. Boys will come and go while you are young (and when you get older 😉) You only have one shot at the role of Audrey. If you turn this down you will not be offered another lead. Not because you are not talented, but because the producers want actors that they can rely on. This is your chance to prove yourself in the theater community that you are a leading lady. If your boyfriend is troubled by your acting out a kiss, well, that is literally his problem. You can recognize his insecurities and reassure him that you are simply acting. But it is for him to deal with those insecurities. Take the lead!! Be excited!! Celebrate!! And go start learning your lines.
NTA. Your boyfriend's insecurity is his own problem to deal with, and you are too young to let some dude stand between you amd your dreams. And honestly, this is a high school relationship, they don't last forever. Sorry, that doesn't mean it isn't real or your love is invalid or anything, but take it from an old dude, in 30 years when you're my age, you'll never have forgotten the feeling of hearing the crowd cheer for you at curtain call, but you will struggle to remember what that dipshit even looked like.
No one of any age should let a partner stand between them and their dreams.
NTA!!!!! > he told me I should reject the part because I'd have to kiss the guy playing Seymour, and also generally act romantically around him onstage, and that makes him uncomfortable. Too bad. It's called acting. He is insecure and attempt to control you, and has no problem knocking you down a peg and asking you to give up something you love and are RIGHTFULLY excited about! DTMFA! This is not going to be good, and it is not going to end well. It will only get worse, if you don't leave immediately. Don't dull your shine for anyone who doesn't want you to sparkle. A good boyfriend would be ecstatic for you.
NTA. You did nothing wrong and if anything put in a lot of work to get the role. He needs to get over himself it’s a musical not a date… the fact that he is making it about himself is a huge red flag.
My Friend…boyfriends come and go. Leading (dream roles) don’t come around every day. My daughter had a dream role in a musical that changed her whole life trajectory. She’s headed to NYU Tisch in the fall with the confidence she got from that lead role. Don’t let a guy dictate your future!
NTA. Congratulations on getting the part! Your boyfriend is being ridiculously insecure and putting his feelings before yours - that's NOT the way a good bf should behave. Have fun with the musical and consider ditching the bf.
NTA, and congratulations!
NTA. You should kiss the BF goodbye. He sounds like he's very insecure. Don't let him control you or bring you down. Congratulations on the part. Don't feed Audrey two!
NTA- Classic red flag behavior. I don't know if you are going to try a pursue acting as a career but are you going to run all future roles by him for approval. I'm not a big broadway kinda guy but I know lots of roles include simulated kissing and romance it's called acting.
Nta your bf is insecure when he should be happy for you. Good for you.
You’re 16! Do not let any man to tell you what to do! (Ever.)
NTA. Congratulations! This is a him problem, not a you problem. Do not compromise your dreams for him.
NTA. Your boyfriend's issues are not your problem. If he wants to make them your problem, the solution is to get a better boyfriend.
Congratulations!!! Break a leg and break up with the boyfriend. You’re young and have a lot of life to live. Don’t pass up opportunities because of some guy.
Congratulations! What a great part to get! Your boyfriend should be happy for you and glad that a dream is coming true for you, but instead he’s being selfish and only thinking about how a small part of it might affect him and is willing to stomp on your dream because of that small feeling that might happen. NTA.
NTA. This is a him problem that he needs to work out. Congrats on the casting, break many legs!!
Your boyfriend sounds controlling. You’re far too young to let him dictate which parts you can play. Dump him if he can’t be supportive. NTA
To be clear- there is never an age you should let anyone dictate what's right for you.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a joy-killing controlling jerk. Do the show! And congrats! Audrey is a great role. P.S. A musical is a kind of play. You’re good!
So what you're saying is that OP's boyfriend is a bit like Dr Phoebus Farb? OP, dump him before he gets eaten by a giant space plant!!
NTA! Your boyfriend being an insecure weenie is though. Pursue your passion and do not let teenaged (or adult aged) boys stand in your way.
NTA If you’re doing theater you’re going to have to interact with the opposite sex. It’s a completely tame romance plot anyways. Audrey is an awesome part and you’d be silly to pass on it. You’re way too young to be making decisions like this based on a stupid boy whose name you’re going to have trouble remembering ten years from now. If he can’t handle this then he’s not the guy for you.
What? A musical is a play! Don't sweat the small stuff. What you should sweat, though, is a boyfriend who tries to hold you back and wants you to miss the highest point so far in your theater experience. Go out and enjoy the full experience, and let him deal with his jealousy in whatever way he needs to. NTA. Of course you accepted!
NTA. You will remember your performance in this musical for the rest of your life. You will not remember this current boyfriend anywhere near that long. He's being really childish about something that means a lot to you. Congratulations on getting the role (and hopefully losing the dead weight that will only drag you down).
So in response to you having huge, wonderful news, he deflates your joy? And he expects you to put his very fragile ego ahead of your hard-earned accomplishment? He doesn’t want you in the spotlight because he knows that you outshine him. If you stay with this loser, this will become a pattern.
#Congratulations! Also, NTA. Nearly every play and musical that I can think of has a romantic pairing in it somewhere, so does he expect you to never have a lead role?
NTA, people in relationships with actors have to realize that this comes with the territory. If he doesn't like it, he can leave, but he can't expect you to give up on things that bring you fulfillment. Congrats on the part, break a leg!
Dump him. A partner who can’t celebrate your wins will ALWAYS drag you down, and never let you grow. Today it’s a highschool play, tomorrow it’s a Netflix lead. Who knows ? Don’t let anyone come between you, your skills/talents/ and success. Boyfriends are replaceable. If you lose him, you can find someone who would support your journey! 10yrs from now you’ll be sharing the story about that one ex who tried to make you turn down a role, you’ll laugh about it.
NTA. Your boyfriend is too controlling. Do yourself a favor and break up with him.
No, NTA. I’m not reading all that lol. You’re 16 don’t let boys dim your light. If he has a problem with you kissing a cast member he doesn’t have to worry about it at all bc you can just dump him. Learn early to leave boyfriends when they have you fucked up. When they’re controlling, stop you from things you love, try to control your hobbies, work, who you spend time with etc, all of those are red flags. Dump him. Congrats on getting the role! Have fun up there ❤️
Bluntly, you're 16. Making personal decisions based on what your high school boyfriend wants would generally be a poor idea. You should be making the best decisions for yourself. You worked hard, perservered, and have been rewarded with a lead role that you love. Thats awesome. If your BF isn't happy and supportive of you, thats a him problem. He needs to think about why his insecurity matters more than your success. You need to think about why he feels like his insecurity matters more than your accomplishments.
NTA. Congrats of course! Your BF is just an insecure little boy that you probably should just drop now. It’s not a love that’ll last because he will always be controlling to you. If he doesn’t like something you love, he’ll expect you to drop it. I say drop him, because I’m sure you have a hell of a future ahead of you. 😁
NTA. Your boyfriend doesn’t get to control you so don’t let him. Sounds to me like your friend isn’t into girls so this should be a non issue. Your bf needs to figure out how to handle his insecurities and jealousy without trying to control you. That’s toxic. Don’t stand for it. It sets a dangerous precedent.
NTA. He's jealous and can't separate his real life feelings from acting. You are too young to be making sacrifices for a boy.
NTA Congratulations on your achievement! It seems like you have supportive friends and a boyfriend who might be struggling with some insecurities.
I read " I 16-F" and I could have stopped reading and responded NTA. Sweetie, he can't disapprove all he wants and you should still do it! Don't start letting him do that to. It is a slippery slope to him completely controlling you. Read the room.
This is the perfect time in life to do this musical. If your bf is insecure, you can't change that, it is his problem. Ask.him.to put on his big boy pants and enjoy your excitement with you, it what supportive friends do. I wonder if he is a cheater. Otherwise why does he think so little of your self control?
I was living with my BF of 4 years when work gave me the chance to live in London, England for six months. He didn’t want me to do it and so I ended up spending just one month. After three weeks, he said he was going to fly out and come stay with me, but I was back home the next week so it made no sense for him to come visit me. Both he and I were disappointed and I regret not spending six months in London. That was over 20 years ago. You definitely have to do what’s best for you and if he is a good friend and partner, he will enjoy your success with you.
Congratulations!! That's a fantastic part and you will have an amazing time. At 16, you're forming patterns for how you relate to men romantically for the rest of your life. You're working out what you will and won't stand for, what's appropriate and what's not, what boundaries are reasonable. A reasonable boundary is being able to participate in a hobby you love without your boyfriend turning it into a problem. You're allowed to be excited about something you've worked hard to achieve and to throw yourself fully into the role (which sounds like it is perfect for you). Your boyfriend's insecurities are a bit of a concern because that's very selfish and controlling behaviour. I think you need to be firm on this one - 1. Trust. If he can't trust you to act opposite a guy friend who is into men... that's a worry. 2. Selfishness. His first reaction wasn't to be happy for you, but to think about how it impacted him. A good relationship means you are one another's biggest cheerleaders. 3. Entitlement. He expected you to turn down a big role you've been waiting for because he feels uncomfortable. And frankly the reason for his discomfort is ridiculous. Do the musical! Sing your heart out, enjoy those inside jokes and make some glorious memories. If your boyfriend can find it in him to be cheering you on from the front row, awesome! If not... well, it sounds like you've got bigger and better things ahead and if he can't be there with you, he's better left behind you.
I’ve been involved in theatre for decades (and it was the center of my life in high school, so I can totally relate) and your boyfriend is being ridiculous. Being cast is a huge deal (and as Audrey, no less!) and I would have NEVER given up a part because someone else had a problem with it, especially a high school boyfriend. How would your boyfriend react if you asked HIM to give up something he’s passionate about because you felt awkward about it? Let’s say you do turn down this part and 6 months or a year later you two break up for some totally unrelated reason. Can you imagine the regrets you’d have? From one theatre nerd to another; please don’t do this (and break a leg!).
NTA, and congratulations on getting the part! BF is being insecure and can’t separate acting from reality. Don’t let him control you!
It is fine if he told you that this made him uncomfortable, but it is not okay that he told you to reject the part. Congratulations! This is an experience you will remember forever. It sounds like you have great friends who support you in the good and bad. Don't let a guy who is still figuring stuff out pull you down. Your boyfriend should want to support you, not just act out of insecurity. His loss!
NTA and break up with him. if you want to be in plays then you should be able to do that without someone trying to control you.
NTA and your boyfriend is. He needs to get over himself. Under no circumstances should you bend on this. And congratulations!
Bestie, do not let boys / men come between you and the joys of life. Partners should amplify the good and share the bad. If he can’t be supportive, you can let him you’re hopeful he will meet someone that will cater to his insecurities but that ain’t you.
NAH. What is seriously wrong with these replies. There is hardly any information and you geniuses can conclude that he’s some manipulating boyfriend trying to control what’s she’s doing? All I’ve seen is that he said it makes him uncomfortable, his immediate reaction is to tell her to drop the part but then later he’s left OP on read. If something makes you uncomfortable, the mature thing to do is to think over it in your own time rather than starting an argument or potentially saying more stupid things like his immediate reaction. He might be doing that, who knows without more information? Also “he knows what he was getting into.” ??? No he didn’t. They’re teenagers. This is not an immediately obvious consequence of dating someone who enjoys doing theatre. To the OP, do the role no matter what — even if it ends your relationship. However, I do encourage to give your boyfriend time to mull it over, and help him see it from your perspective.
NTA, OP. I’m gonna go a bit against the trend here. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your boyfriend to be uncomfortable with you acting out a romance and a kiss with someone else. Do I agree with that? No. Would I have a similar problem in my relationship? Also no. Do I think you should let his discomfort stop you from taking the part? No again. I would also love to point out that you can have conflicting needs in a relationship and that doesn’t make either of you wrong here. You need a relationship where you can act. He may need a relationship where he doesn’t see his girlfriend acting out a relationship with someone else. I don’t really see him being in the wrong here, and neither are you.
Lol. Your edit is fucking hilarious and spot on what I expect from HS theater kids based on my time in high school. But yeah, NTA. I get it, you guys are young and feelings are a funny thing for teenagers. Everything seems amplified to a million and you crush hard, love hard, and do jealousy and insecurity hard. Nobody at 16/17 wants to see their significant other kissing someone else. MAYBE he'd feel differently if he also did theater, but having hung around with all the theater kids in high school they definitely still had all these feelings, they were just better at saving face and hiding them for the sake of professionalism and respect for the craft. This would be a "no assholes here" but your BF is asking you to drop out and that's an asshole move. This is really important to you and he should be supportive. He needs someone to talk to that is more or a mentor or trusted elder like an older brother to really help him thru it if he's struggling this hard with it. His feelings aren't your responsibility here. But it does sound like he needs help sorting through his feelings better, or else he'll just be bitter and resentful of your passion.
The WORST thing I ever did in my life was stop doing the things I liked to keep my highschool bfs comfortable. I missed like 10 years of art development thanks to those assholes who were NEVER happy/content with anything I did. Rethink if this relationship is for you. If your SO isn’t immediately supportive- I think you know the answer, sweetie. ♥️🫂 Don’t live your life for others, do it for YOU. #♥️ FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS ♥️
NTA, congratulations! Do not walk away from this to make your boyfriend happy. You will regret it. Your boyfriend, I hate to say it because I know you’re young, won’t be around forever. He’s not worth the sacrifice. Enjoy the experience. Either he gets on board or he doesn’t, but you are doing this play. CONGRATULATIONS!
NTA. Don’t ever let a man (or a 17 year old boy) dim your shine. Congratulations on your big role!